The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - BONUS: Karl's Diary (Compilation)

Episode Date: March 19, 2023

Twitter -Ricky GervaisStephen MerchantKarl Pilkington

What I thought I'd start doing is a start a diary. Okay, why? Just because I sort of had a bit of time on my hands and that. Just thought, write it down, write stuff down. And do you hope that this one day will become one of the great literary documents like Samuel Peep's diary? I haven't heard of that, is it any good? You've never heard of Samuel Peepeep's diary,? The most famous diary other than probably Anne Franks. I've heard of Anne Franks and that and I thought if she's sat in a loft, knocking stuff up,

not much going on in her life at that point, yet she was still writing it down. I thought, I'm on holiday. I thought, so there is stuff going on that I can chat about, start a diary. Sure. You started a diary. to do start. thia. tha. tha. tha. tha. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. You. You. You. th. You. You. You. You. th. You. You. You. th. You. You. You. You. th. You're. You're th. You're tha. You're tha. You're tha. to. to. to. the tha. I. tha. tha. I. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha And what are you going to do? Did you keep it up every day? Yeah, just... Oh, can I read it, please? Well, a diary is meant to be so. Please can I read some out on this podcast? I... Carl. Some of it though is only relevant to me. Oh, this is... Please give me it. Oh my god. I mean, this isn't, I'm just... Look how big. It's a desk diary. It's th. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, th. Oh, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the d. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, the d. Oh, the d. Oh, the d. Oh, the d. Oh, the d. Oh, the d. Oh, the d. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh mean this isn't I'm just... Look how big it is! It's a little desk diary. It's huge. It's about a foot long and it's... Oh that is amazing. Imagine if Anne Frank's been like actually got out right. Everyone would have heard it clang down on the desk. Yeah but my writing's quite big in it. Oh look give us that. Do you know about joined up writing? If you've heard of that amazing. Sometimes you can't read it. Oh look look. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, that. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that.? Have you heard about that? Amazing. Sometimes you can't read it, can you? So it's best.

Oh, look, look at Asian time. Oh my God, it starts on the first day. This is wonderful. Going on holiday to Grand Canaria today, woke up to the news that Tony Banks had died. There was a piece on the news about how everyone was shocked. Got me thinking about an invention. That would be good. Right. A watch that counted down your life. If it says you've got three days left, go to the doctors.

Told Suzanne about invention. She said she wouldn't buy one, but she said that about the iPod. How, uh, and how would this device work at this watch? I mean, how would you, uh, how would you know when you were about to die? Is that a concern, again not for you that? that? that? that? that? that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thedededededed. thed. thed. thed. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. that, that, that, that, that, that, that's, that's, that's, that's, to. the. to. the. to. the. the. the. the. this device work this watch? I mean how would you know when you were about to die? Is that a concern again not for you to worry about presumably the buffins and the facility? No, all I was thinking is that Tony Banks Valley, you know he died and everyone was shocked about it. But if you had like a little watch on it, but if you had like a little watch on it. But how does that work? How would this work? How would this work? to th. I I I I I I I I? th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that that that th. that th. that that that that th. that that th. that th. that the that that th. Again? Again? Again? Again? Again? Again? Again? Again? Again? Again? Again? Again? Again? Again? Again? Again? Again? Again? Again? Again? Again? Again? Again? Again? Again? Again? Again? Again? Again? Again? Again? Again? Again? Again? Again? Again? Again? Again? Again? Again? Again? Again? Again? Again? Again? Again? to? th. to? Again? Again? th? to? to? th. th. to? to? to? to? to? to? to? to? the. to? to? to? to? to? to? to? to. to? to. to, to, to, to, to, to, the to, the the to? the the the the the the the the the the patent office going, got an idea. They go, oh certainly, Mr. Buckley. What's your idea? Watch the counting down your life. Oh, how does that work? What? Just pop it on your wrist?

No, no, no, what do you mean? Just pop it on your wrist. How does it work? Just pop it on your wrist. Brilliant. to you in a disaster. No, he's querying his own, he's only lying. He's wondering if he would know. He's invented this. It's invented no he's not even shot.

A fellow on the plane was reading Koi Mag. It was a fishing magazine. I glanced over and noticed he was reading the month article. Don't think they could make it into a weekly magazine. Well to be fair to you I remember seeing a guy on the train once reading carp monthly a magazine don't dedicate entirely to carp and it had it had carp of the month and I just thought you know once you know once you know. Once you're like three months in the editor must be stressing if we've got any more carp that's actually done anything I reckon I reckon I they've the the the the the the the the the the that's got got got got got got a that's that's that's that's that's got got got got got a that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's got a that's got a that's got a that's got a that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that's the that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the same one twice, there wouldn't be many complaints. No one would be noticing. No, that's the carp they used two years ago. There was a really fat bloke on the plane. He was playing on his PSP. While I waited to go to the toilet, I looked at what game he was playing.

It was darked. He's that fat and lazy he can't even face playing a more. Me and Suzanne got off the coach along with a couple of old people. One of them was in a wheelchair. I don't think it was wise of them to come to a volcanic island with a wheelchair. Everywhere is pretty rough paving and slopy. Guess I'll keep an art at it as the weeks go on. Day 2. Brilliant, we're only at day 2. The hotel's a bit odd. I've never seen as many cross-eyed people in one location. That's amazing. Well you may have let me read on a bit more. But this is amazing. This is

a brilliant diary. This might be the best diary ever written. Oh. Whilst that listening to the kinks on my iPod, I wondered if everybody thinks in their accent. I know I do. What's she, what's this? What are you talking about? Just that, you know, when I've been sat there lying on the lounger, right? And I was thinking about stuff. How do you know you think in your accent? Tell me a typical thought. Because what I mean is, say if I was like, if I saw something, right? Do you know why I say like, oh, that's a bit. it? But I don't have to but in when you think I don't think the sentence is like I'm saying it it's just a thought the thought appears it's conceptual and it's already there it's not like I go Rick what just looking at a fellow over there were yeah yeah I was yeah I was think it's a thinne I don't I don't I don't think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think th th th th th th th th th th th thin I thin thin thin thin thin the the the the the the the the the the the the the their I their I their I their I their I their I their I their I their I their I their I their I their I their I their I their I their I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th th th th th th th tho tho tho tho tho thooooooo' thoooo' thooooo' the thooooooooo' the thoooooo' was I? I don't I don't think out whole sentences whereas you have Carl Carl look Carl stop this into the kinks from it look over there more more

cross-eyed people. No, well that's yeah, is that how your mind works in a way yeah and that's when that because I thought it's great thing as a thing about a whole tendonnecen because I thought that's weird. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's th. I th. I th. I th. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thin. I thin' it's thin' it's that's that's great. It's great thin' it's great thin' it's great thin' it's great thin' thi. It's great. It's great thi. It's great thi. It's great thi. It's great thi. It's great thi. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great th. It's great th. It's great th. It's great th. It's great th. It's great th. It's great th. It's great thi. It's great th. It's great th. It's great.! Because I thought, that's weird isn't it? I didn't think that's weird isn't it? And I thought, I actually think in my accent. And then I thought, does Stephen Aukin, does he, when he's doing his maths and that, is he, I don't know where he's from? So I don't know what his accent would be like? I think he might think in his... In his voice, in that voice box room. Just wondered. Had lunch in sight today due to shite weather. Sat next to an old fella. Old men's ears and noses carry on growing as they get older. Suzanne noticed his fingers were fat too.

Maybe they continued to grow. Suzanne didn't laugh and I said her arse started the day, had pie and chips in a cafe, and a bit of an argument with Suzanne because I thought it was daft that we were paying for food when we were on an all-inclusive holiday. Changed my mind when I saw the, they sold pie though. The cafe was called tattoos, the fellow who owned it didn't have any tattoos, but we never saw his wife. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, brilliant. Had a drink in a bar. Everyone sat and watched one of the local cats lick its bollows.

It's the greatest holiday in the world! I've been entertained one in that town. Went back to the hotel, Lala's sleep before tea. I love the fact you're in the hotel, you're just as bad. He's done nothing so far. He said nothing, he's got to be hip. Oh God, God. Woke up to news about ducks being badly treated. There was a really ugly one with bent legs. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. Why does he write this down? Oh God.

There is a fat bloke from Bolton who was in the pool as I write this. He's got a big tattoo on his back, but I can't work out of the pool and burped. He just felt like you had to he just got out of the pool and burped. Just feel like you had to see if I suppress of that. Everything's in the diary. I just seen it and get to the point where you're going breathed in. Yeah. breathed out again. There was a big fat fellow in the sea who kept his t of you on show. I asked Suzanne and she said she didn't know in that sort of not listening kind of way. I want to hang about to see if the fat boat was going to get in the kayak. But Susan said we had a head back, just letting him wait in to see if he's going to capsize. We go home today so we got up early to get the last bit of cloud. No, it's just that it wasn't, it's not that sunny all the time.

I mean I was sat in, in weather that, if it was like that air, there's no I'd be sat in the garden. But because you're on holiday, it's like, well we've got to sit in it, put your coat on. So are you going to continue to write this this this this this thi to write to write to write to write this to write to write to write this to write to write this this to write to write this diary to write this diary this diary to write to write this diary? Every single day? It's amazing. Keep this diary up. It's amazing. No, I will. I will keep it up because what I find as well is, I think earlier on before I went away, I think I did learn something and because I wrote it down, I remembered it a bit better. So... What was that? I just was thinking then I forgot it now. But I remembered looking back at it and not having to read it all because I remembered

the end of it before I read it before I read it. I'm no idea what you're saying. It's a regular feature now. When we read from Carl's diary, Carl decides to keep a diary. He's gone through with it, I could see it there, it's massive, it's a huge desk diary that he has to carry around with him and he, uh, is the pages are getting full up, you're really keeping to this? Right, this is extracts from Carl's diary. Did podcast and went for an Italian with Ricky and Steve.

Italian place is good. We've been there a few times. I always have remember what everyone else had. Last time we went there, Steve had little octopuses with pasta. You can see that they were octopuses, they hadn't been cut up or anything. My rule is that I only eat stuff that looks nice when it's alive. It looks like it just shouldn't have been sat in the spigae. Yeah, I agree! I agree with that! Ricky drew another picture of my head. We've given a few of them away his prizes, but he draws so many of them that they won't be worth as much anymore. Everyone will eventually have one. Like those pictures of a boy crying that caused houses to burn down in the 1980s.

What does that mean? What are you talking about? Don't you remember the, I mean, if you're listening in America, they might not have made it over there. Is it the sugary ones with, the sugary ones with kids? Like is it techikov or something? It's just some kid, my aunt, Aunt Orad one. It was just like a kid. My, my jumper on and he's like a painting not a photo and he's just crying. Like a chocolate box, it's really awful sort of sugary. And what happened is they found out that a load of houses were being set on fire or burst into flames whatever and the weird thing was. Oh it's bollocked.

Every house that burnt down had that photo in the fucking seven is and idiot. It's like we're that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's like that's like that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's that's that's that's that's theckeckecko'. theckluc. thecko'er. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's just just just just just like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's just just just. It's like. It's like. It picture in the fucking seven isn't that it's like we're linking it to sinks every house that's ever burned down had a sink. You're talking shit again carry on. Wednesday. Saw a homeless bloke. I'm surprised that no companies have thought about sponsoring the homeless. Something like a clothing company. Give them some clothes that have an advert on the back. Everyone's a winner. Good idea. Not bad, is it? Got on the tube to Camden. Read in a free newspaper that hedgehogs could be gone by 2025. I think I've seen more dead hedgehogs than alive ones anyway, so I don't think I'll miss them.

Went around to Ricky's house and had a game of pool. It should have been to wasn't that either. After he finished it, they weren't just sticky, he was licking his fingers, sucking his fingers off and then was going to wash your hands. You're not a cat. This turned into an argument when I said I didn't want to wash my hands. Why didn't he? He goes for a piss all the time without washing his hands and then th th th th th th and th th and th th and th th and th and th and th th and th and th and th and th and th and thuys thuys thuys thu-he their thu-s thu-s thu-s thu-s thi thin' their thi thi thi their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. Hea' thi. Hea' tou-------I tuckea' tou-------I's thin-I's thin. Hea' thi. He's thi thi time without washing his hands and then squeezes my head. I know I prefer to have lemon cake crumbs on my head than knob juice. I was going to do a crossword but I'm tired and have learned enough today. What have you learned? Well, the stuff about head jogs on that. Oh God.

Was on my way to my mates and I got on a train. Got close to a station but realized I needed a wee. Was about to go in a cubicle when a blind man with a dog who was bumbling his way through the walkway came around. I said, are you after the toilet? He said, yeah. I said, it's on your right. I shouldn't. I shouldn't have to let to let to let to let to let to let to let to let to let to let the. I to let the. I to let to let the. the. the. the. to let the. to let to let to let to let to let to let him to let him the. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. thea. the the the the the the the tea. the thea. toea. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toea you took ages and it would be my stop soon. The dog waiting outside the cubicle. I was going to stroke it but then I remembered someone telling me that you shouldn't. Don't know why that is. Because something to do with the

owner should be the only one who sort of deals with that dog and you shouldn't well you shouldn't stoke it because you know if you stroke it and that it might like me and want to go off with me and he'll come out and be lost and stuff. Yeah. I'm not totally sure, but I just thought... They like... I went and did the podcast. We had a meeting after a meeting after. I don't like meetings as I can't keep focused on what people are talking about.

I thin' Ricky has the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same. I tried to do what spiders do and stayed still as if I was dead. And Ricky just stayed on top of me, not moving. A bit like when you see one of them big snakes swallowing a sheep. Ricky got bored and released me. I went home thinking, why had I left my old job for this. A homeless man asked me for some money, but I didn't feel like I should treat him as I felt that he'd probably had a better day than me. Oh, God! Suzanne called me to say she'd gone for a haircut and that she'd meet me in the supermarket. I went to the supermarket, but she wasn't there.

I called her and she said she was in a different supermarket on the other side of town. And if I'd listen to her properly, I'd have known that. I didn't want to say that I... Well, you just went to the first supermarket you thought of, as opposed to listening to what supermarket... I'm in the supermarket, all right, bye. I didn't want to say that I hadn't heard heard to to tho tho tho tho to say that that that to say to say that that that that that I that I to say that that I to say that I that that that I that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that if that if that if that that that that if I'd that if I'd that if I'd that if I'd that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that there. I there. I there. I there. I there. I didn't the. I didn't throwne. I'd throwne. I'd throwne. I'd throwne. I'd that that that that that that that that that that that that that that from the wrestling from earlier. 25 minutes later I met up with Suzanne. Her haircut wasn't that bad. Normally her haircuts are followed by an argument between us, as she pays over the odds for some dafted haircut that's the latest style.

I wish she'd take a picture of a magazine or asked for a style rather than letting the hairdresser do do that she's got a square head as she's the tell her to do this as she's got a square head and a close cut hairdo makes it look squarer. She said, what do you think of this cut? I said it looked all right as I couldn't be bothered arguing about it. It's weird writing a diary. I don't know who thought of doing one of these first. The last time I did one was at school. They used to get went to the shop to get potatoes bread milk, went home, watch telli went to bed. I think I might have gone to Twiggy's Dance Club just so I had something different to write. You've not told us about Twiggy's Dance Club? It's just, you know, I sort of gave everything a bit of a go. I did boxing and that. Didn't I gave it, didn't about a that. About 4-a that a that a that a that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I to that I that I that I to to that I that I that I to that I to that I to get that I had that I had to get that I had that I had that I had to get to have that I had to get to have to have that I had that I had that I had that I had that I had that I had that I had that I had that I had that I had that I had that I had that I had that I had that I had that I had that I had to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to get so I had so I had so I had so I had to get to get to get to get to get to get a to get a to go. to go. I had to go. I had to go. I had something. I had to go. I had to and that, you're doing your body popping, right, body popping and that. He said, you ought to come to Twiggy's. And I went there, but I didn't go in, it was shut. It was, it was, they were just having loads of toilet rolls. I think, like, they were like, they were like, like, they're they. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they're, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to... You. You. You. You. You, to. You, to. You're, to. And, to. And, to, to. We, to. to. We, to. to. to. to. to. to, to, to. to. to, to, to, to, place for toilet rolls and that so I said, oh I've

come to have a dance and like, oh not tonight, come back tomorrow. I never went back. Brilliant. What a waste of an anecdote! What a waste of an anecdote! Brilliant! Just a recap, you're convinced then that the teachers are asking you to keep diaries so they can keep tabs on you. And, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and the diary, and the diary, and the diary, and the diary, and the diary, their, their, their, their, their, to, to, to, to, to, to, their, their, to, to, to, to, to, to, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their?a.augh, their?e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.a, to, toe.e.a, too, toe.e.a, their.a, their. And, their. And, the teachers are asking you to keep diaries so they can keep tabs on you. And then to continue the diary, as there were more problems happening on the estate,

they started to add Saturday and Sundays to the school diary to keep an eye on what we were doing at the weekend. I struggled to fill it on a Sunday. I struggled to fill it on a Sunday. I had to go over to shepherd's. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I the to go the the to the the to the to the the the to the the the to the to to the to to to their to to to to to to to to the the to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their sa sa sa sauoomd.s Saturday, todaughea sa sa sa sa sa sauoauoauoa sauauaua sauauaua toda toa toa to to addea tube. There was a badly burnt man on the tube. It's amazing how the body can continue through quite a lot of bad stuff. It got me thinking about how much stuff you could remove in your body, one by one, without dying. If it was a competition that cockroach would win as it can live for a week without a head. I just mean like, say, you know, they run out of our ideas for TV programs and that, right? Do you get someone who isn't well? You go, look, do you mind if we make a program on you? And what they do, they sit him in the bed and they go, right, what we're going to do now is tech out the heart but replace it with a pacemaker, right? No, no, no,. What I'm getting to is... Have you been playing operation?

What I mean is... What I mean is the big finale would just be ahead, chatting with loads of wires going into it, and it's like, look what we can do with science. That's all the program's cool. It's the same every week. The volunteer is just ahead with those wires going out of it. All we can do in science. And he's going, oh, I'm nearly ill. Got some post delivered to me today. It was...

Oh, this is great. This makes it in the diary. Got some post delivered to me today. It was addressed to Mr. Dilkington. I don't know why that's so funny! Oh God! I got the post delivered to me today was addressed to Mr. Dilkington. I opened it and the first sentence read, Dear Mr. K. Dilkington, You're one of our most valuable customers. I put it in the bin.

Thought I would learn some new words, as Steve always says, I don't use enough different words. I read in the 14 times that the word, wee means an ugly female ghost with drooping breasts. What do you mean? Is that how I'm... Who's using that word? Who is using that word? It was just W-E-W-A. Let's call it a Wu. An ugly female ghost with drooping breasts.

I think I'm right when I say there are too many words in the world. I don't think I will ever get around to using the word woo. Watched a health health health health health health health health health health health health health health health health health health health program. Wasn't watching it properly, but heard some doctors say that we only get so many heartbeats in a lifetime, so don't do too much exercise. I told Suzanne and she said I probably hadn't heard it right. We got talking about death. Suzanne said she didn't like thinking about it. I said she might end up being a woo. I was chuffed as I'd managed to use my new word. I went to the supermarket to get tonight's tea.

On the way I stopped and looked in the fishmongers at all the different fish they had in the window. It's like a child in one of those kids' TV shows. I know! Mr. Kilkington went to the fish monger. He stopped and looked at all the fish in the window. Hello Mr. Dilkington, they said. There was a newspaper clipping stuck on the glass about a two-headed fish that they've made in Taiwan. I don't see the point in doing this as a fish having two heads ain't going to solve the world's hunger problems as the head is the bit you throw away. Invent a fish with two bodies and I'd say well done. Good point, alright. Suzanne watched one of her favourite TV programs.

I've told her the tally only goes on if there's something she wants to watch. If there's nothing on, she has to talk to me about stuff I've learnt. Like Descartes. Watch the program on him the other day. He is the one who said something like, I know I'm about because I dream. Doesn't work for everything because ants don't sleep. I don't know if I'd like that or not. Sunday, got up. Sunny day, so went for a walk in the park. There was a bloat walking down the street who was

whistling. Some kind of annoying tune. He seemed quite happy with himself. Do people only whistle when they're happy? I don't whistle very much. It's a a a th, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, th, it, thi, doesn't, doesn't, doesn't, doesn't, doesn't, doesn't, doesn't, doesn't, doesn't, doesn't, doesn't, doesn't, doesn't, doesn't, doesn't, doesn't, doesn't, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the the th. the th. It's, the the the that, the the the the the the that, the the that, that, that, that, that, doesn't that, doesn't th much. It's a good point. Whistling is so inane to me, but yeah, it's sort of like going, I'm content, I'm, it really is that thing. If they go, you go, well, um, Mr. Meadows, I'm afraid we've got some bad news. Not only is your wife died, but you've lost the house. Thanks, Doctor. the house. Thanks doctor. Wouldn't happen? No, you don't whistle when you're sad. The other place you hear of course is changing rooms. And that's men going,

I'm whistling, so I'm not looking at your car. How could I be? I'm concentrating. I'm whistling. The lake was frozen over where I was walking. The ducks looked worried. They were sat on the edge of the lake, waiting for where I was walking. The ducks looked worried. They were sat on the edge of the lake waiting for it to melt. Were they, Carl? Yeah, we're just sat there looking, sort of going, oh, what's going on? I don't know. How long is the duck's memory?

Because I wondered whether they're going, this doesn't seem like, but I don't know why. I asked Suzanne, why ducks don't use their wings much. They seem to walk and swim more and don't bother using their wings. Suzanne said she had to call her mom and dad so I never got an answer. Suzanne, oh I can't talk now Carl. I've got a phone my mom. There was a marathon type run going on in the park. It reminded me of the time when we were moving flat. It was a day of the London marathon. Me and Suzanne were walking down the middle of the road, taking some stuff to our new flat. I was carrying a lamp in a kitchen bin. People were clapping me thinking I was doing some kind of fun run.

Yeah. Yeah. Why were you walking on the same route? Because it was when we lived on the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the same route? Because it was when we lived on the Docklands. Oh brilliant. There was no other route, the flat was just about 100 yards down the road. They're going, look at the bloke with a bald wig. He's going a lamp and a bin.

Took a bag of old clothes to Oxfam. It was just old t-shirts and a couple of jumpers with holes in it. I don't think th the the the the the the the th th tho the thoom one thin thin thin thin thin the thin the thin thin' thin' thin' thin' the the the the the' the' tho' the the the the the' the the the the the flat was the flat was the the the flat the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the ox family is closer to the flat than the wheelie bin is. On the Chew on the way back home saw an advert for a book about a woman who works in a funeral home. She went into work one day, she goes to work on a body, she takes the sheet off of one of the bodies, and it looks exactly like her. This is called a doppelganger. What's a doppelganger to you you you you you tothing I read about an ages ago where someone was walking down the street. Yeah, and he sees somebody who looked a bit like him.

And no, this was weirder than that. He remembers like going down that street as a kid on his bike whistling, and then he's sort of, he's walking down the street, he got to get some milk or whatever from the shop. Little bike comes whizzing past. He hears the whistling, he goes, that's weird. Looks at it, it was him when he was a kid. It was like a time, shit. What do you mean it was him as a kid? This is like a different form of a doppelganger. It's just impossible, it's rubbish. Some sort of time thing, isn't it? No, no, no, it's not even if that's impossible, so they're not a time thing, Rick. No, no, no, just something you read again on the internet, or it was a short story, or something

someone told you. On me walk back from the tube, I saw a jogger who was pushing a prowl at the same time. The kid the the the kid the kid the kid the kid. the the the the kid. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. thoom. It's. thoom. thoom. thoom. tho' tho' that. together. together. thea. together. together. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the t. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's together. It's together. It's. It's. toda. today. today. today. to' today. today. today. today. It's today. It's. It's. book out. It said that the static you get on the tele when a channel isn't tuned in properly is radiation that is still knocking about from when the big bang happened. I thought about the big bang and wondered if it was really a big bang or did it just sound louder as there was no other noise to drown it out. Good point now, isn't it? Kyle's diary Rick never ceases to amaze. More from that next week.

I don't believe it. He's written it down the... I mean... Well, that's the jingle that signals it's time for more extracts from Carl's diary, and we'll lunge straight into it. Wander down Carnary Street. There was a happy homeless fella. I thought of a tongue twister after giving him the money. It goes, if you can't treat a cheerful tramp, what sort of tramp can you treat?

It's good that, alright. Say it fast. If you can't treat a cheerful tramp, what sort of tramp can you treat? Good on it. Good that, yeah. Good that, yeah. You've that, you. You, you. You, you. You, you. You, you. You, you. You, you. You, you. You, you. You, you. You, you. You, you. You, you. that, you. that, you. that, you. th. that, that, that, that, th, that, th, th, if, th. t, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if. t, if. t, if. t, if. t, if. t, if. t, if. t, if. t, if. t, if. t, if, if, if, if, if, if, t, t, t, t. t. t. t. t. try. try. try. th. th. th. th. that. that. try, try, try, try try try try try try. try. try. try. to see if they are as good as my sayings. Number one, treat every day as if it's your last. Very famous saying. Now is that something you do, Carl? But you know my problem with that one is that if it was your last you wouldn't want to be doing much. That's the only problem I've got with that. I wouldn't want to go to a fairground or whatever because you're going to ask me last day, what I to be to be to be to be their their their to be their their their their their. their. th. their. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tree. tree. tree. tree. treatheir. tree. tree. tree. tree. tree. tree. tree. tree. tree. tree. tree. tree. tree. tree. tree. tree. tree. tree. tree. tree. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. I. I. I. I's te. I's te. I'm te. I'm te. I'm te. I'm te. I'm te. I'm te. I'm te.e.e. And, te. And, te. And, te. And, t, you know, go to a fairground or whatever because you're going to ask me last day what am I going to do? And I think you'd spend so much time worrying about what you're going to do that you'd end up staying in. I think you're right, you've taken some of the poetry out of it. I think it means live life to the fullest. I like the fact that if it was your last day you'd go to the fair. It's getting such a 19th century way of spending your final day. Well the thing is, the other thing is that the only thing that people get depressed about

in terms of sort of like, you know, life and death is not the knowledge that they're gonna die but more the knowledge that they know they're gonna die when they're dying. If someone told you, no one ever knows when they're gonna die, no one ever gets an illness, no one ever gets hit by a truck, everyone passes away peacefully in their sleep, dreaming they're riding a big marshmallow, right, then you wouldn't care about anything. It it wouldn't matter if you die tomorrow or in th. th. their. their. their. th. th. thi. their. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thiole. thiole. thiol-a. thioluioluiolu. thoomorrow, thoomorrow. thiol-n. thiol-n. thiol-n. I I's, thiolomea. It's, thiolomea. It's, their. It's, their. It's, thi. It's, thi. It's, their. It's, their. It's, their. It's, thi. It's, thi. It's, thi. It's, thi. It's, thi. It's, toomorrow. It's, tooooooomorrow, toooooomorrow, toooomorrow, toomorrow, toomorrow, no one. It's, no one. It's, t, it wouldn't matter if you died tomorrow or in 30 years time. You'd just live life to the fall. You'd come, you'd have it, every day would be great. You'd go out, you'd come back, you'd fall asleep.

That would be amazing. There'd be no stress. There'd be no, there'd be no angsty, we're all going to die in your sdressressressressress, stress stress stress stress stress stress stress stress stress stress stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, because, stress, stress, because, stress, stress, because, stress, because, because, stress, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress. Wouldn't it be amazing if someone guaranteed you, Carl, you're going to die in your sleep. I'm not going to tell you when. But some people do, aren't they? Well exactly. But we never know we're going to because we stress what if we get a dreadful illness? What if we, you know. But we're almost not letting people die naturally die in the sleep. But we're always bodging stuff up. What's it mean? Well someone who might naturally die in the sleep aren't allowed to naturally die in the sleep because they wake him up with those electric things and get them going again and

popping a new lung or whatever whilst they're at it. That's what I'm saying. They don't just, you never hear it anymore do you? Frank peacefully died in his sleep. No, he died on the operating table whilst we're putting in a new lung. They never, they don't die naturally anymore. Frank died peacefully with 40,000 volts going through them and a couple people going, clear! Clare! Rushing about today, got to get a lot done as I'm flying to Malaga tomorrow to see my mom and dad. Don't like flying. I'd be happy if they give you a parachute instead of a life jacket. They say Da Vinci invaded the parachute as well as the helicopter. He never got around to make them though because he only been tricky making conversation.

I didn't really bother. Because where do you start? I might as well go up to anyone in the street and start having a chat. Yeah, you have to get further back than, did you want Chantow to win Big Brother? Yeah. My dad and me talked about history. I said we shouldn't go on about things that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that in the Indian Ocean where there are tribesmen still living like their

cavemen. A helicopter tried to land and the tribesmen chucked spears at them. This is what I meant about not having to talk about things that happened ages ago. We have got new cavemen now, so why do we talk about the old ones? People could have lived before, but computers and all that blew up and books got burnt, so all they had left was what these tribesmen have got left. Ramblings of a maniac. That is just a few hours before you go crazy with a gun in there. No, but what I mean there is, right, say if all this has happened before, right, podcasting

has been happening years ago, something happens. Again, a lot of information from the planet of the apes. Something happens, world ends, right? We come back again somehow. Yeah. It's the detail you know that makes you intriguing, just like the watch that you can wear that tells you when you're going to die. How does it work? That's all the detail you need. So the world happened, we came the that. that. that. that. that. the the the the that. the the the the the the the the the the that. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th of the the the th. th. their their their information. their information. their information. A the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their information. the their information. their information. their their their their their their the? Pop it on your wrist. That's all the detail you need. So the world happened, we came back, we... Have you seen the pictures? Forget it then if you don't get it. It's interesting that you had all those profound thoughts about this period in the past where they all lived, but you still found it appropriate to include at the end of that. It says the tribesmen wave their knobs about when they've had enough of having visitors. That's what's what he said in the paper that's what happens. They're quite happy. What paper is

this that you're reading? It was in like a paper a couple of days ago it said they don't mind having visitors if they bring in them coconuts and they they can eat once once they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th thi to they're they're they're they're they need, you start waving the tackle about and that means like, right, leave now. Which you would, wouldn't you? Yeah, at a dinner party. My grandfather used to do it. Got a book sent to me called Freaks. It's a bit heavy, but it's got some interesting pictures in it. Read a bit about the two-headed Nightingale. She, slash they was on tour in London years and years ago. It cost two shillings to have a front row seat. She slash they had two heads slash two arms and four legs. They are called Siamese twins because the first twins that were born stuck together were Siamese. On one of the pictures they are playing chess against the doctor.

That hardly seems fair. Two heads better than one. So it's two heads, two arms and four legs. That's just two women in one dress. Yeah, that's two women with an arm missing. Yeah. Spoke to Ricky and his friend Glyn about art. I just don't get it. Ricky had some old pictures on his walls. I don't have any pictures I've in my flat because of the mirrored wall.

But I can't sound bothered. The mirrored wall we should just explain what that is. When you moved into your flat there was an enormous mirror on one wall, was that right? We just got this flat and you know, you know, you know, it's not a big flat so I mirror and that but what what what is he been doing with the mirror what what is it just because they're quite sort of experimental on that aren't they and I don't I don't what I don't know what I'm what I don't experiment what I don't experiment I don't I don't experiment what I what I just mean you know they'd be doing stuff what what I they just mean I don't they they the experiment I they they just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just they they they they they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they'd they're just just just just just just just just just just they're they're they're they're just just just just just they're they're they're just just just just just they're they're they're just just just just they're they're just just just just a chemistry set out, they would be doing experiments? What? No, just doing what? Singing I am what I am and just checking out their dance moves. I'm not having to go at anyone. But I'm just saying like, they're doing what they're doing,

what they're doing, uh, which is annoying. It's, uh, you're not, you's doing, why are you fantasizing what a little gay fellow was doing in front of your mirror in your... I'm not bothered. I'm just telling you what, why it was a bit odd that he had a mirror in there, right? But forget the history. But you've got a mirror in there now, haven't you? No, because what I did was, I was going to try, I was going to, I was going to take to take to take to take to take to take to take to take to take to take to take to take it it, to take to take it, to take it, to take it to take it to take it to take it to take it to take it, their their their to be their to be their their their their to to their, I was going their, I was going their, I was going their it was going their it was going their it was going to to me to me to me to be a bit their it was going to be a bit their it was going their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their, to be to be to be too, too, too, thoom, tooom, tooom, thoom, thooooom, thooooooom, th. th. th. th. their the size of the whole wall. It took up a whole wall. Right. So like when he's moving about everywhere he's got a good view of it and that. But he's got this full wall of mirror and I thought I can't take that down. And I thought what can I do? So I've just put wallpaper on it. Brilliant. And it looks all right you wouldn't know what have you, but it means that I can't put any pictures up. That's all I'm saying. Because if I put a nail in it... And what don't you understand about art? What about art don't you understand? The concept, specifics? Just the way some people like, you know, the ones

you've got, it's just like a block of color on a bit of canvas. It's like what's that? It's just abstract. It's you know, it's a vibrancy of color. It's a the their. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's a th. that's a that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's all. that's all. that's all. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's all. that's all. that's that's just that's just their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's their. their. their. I's th. I's all. I's all. I's all. I's that's all. I's that's that's that's that's that's the. I's abstract. It's you know it's vibrancy of color. It's you know an attack on the senses or it could be there could be something in there that you might see you might not see first time round or it could be you know. Yeah but there's loads of stuff to look at without having to do that. But that's important. I can understand if you had a cell and there's no windows and you're a window. But you've got a window to look out of and you've got like just a big block of... But I was explaining this to you, the photograph where people, before, you know, the art was photography, it was realistic and they had to make it look like the subject, but then

when cameras came in, that's when people started doing surreal stuff and... I understand that. Otherwise there was no point to it. They had to find a new way to represent things that photography couldn't do as such. No, that's like when we were in London I'm going to shop around at Christmas and there's that picture of fruit for 700 quid. Like we'll just get some real fruit for three quid. I understand that, but there's nothing wrong with like having a... Well we'll get, don't invent cameras then, one or the other. Do you know what I mean? That's what annoys me. Someone invent something and then they go, we've got to invent something else.

Like the abstract thing. Why is someone gone, I can't have paintings anymore because... What do you the dailly? Go in, mounting clocks, no, no. I mean the first one's the first the first, the first, the first, the first, the first, the first, the first, the first, the first clock but then all the time he's just like oh I'll draw something and it's got a melting clock on it I'll do a sheep put one of them on it. Have you seen his lobster telephone? That though is me. Why? Because it's just it's not it's not I mean what I think what annoyed me more with that is when he heard about how it happened he had some artist mate around right and I don't know what happened.

They were eating. That's a hell of an anecdote. But they were eating some food and what have you. And yeah, they were eating lobster. And, uh, that's Andy. I don't know, the other artist, whoever it was, sort of, started saying, oh, you and your clocks and all that, right? Brilliant. This didn't happen. He started arguing and he chucked some of the lobster.

Bollocks. And it ended on the phone stuff his mate's head, went on the phone and they both looked to each other like, you're thinking what I'm thinking. And they brought out that phone as a bit of art. Things like that annoy me. Because it was then just just. That didn't happen. Just telling you what I know. I saw his work, each to their own if that's what he's doing. I'm just saying I'm not putting my stamp of approval on it. Pemper today, as you mentioned in your diary, your favorite artist is Larry.

Because you can look at them for ages and see someone different every time you look at it. All I'm saying is, art should be there to tell a story, not just to have a splash of colour. We know colours out there, there's loads of colour. We don't need to be reminded of it. But colour is part of our evolution. And so it does something to us. Just like sounds. Just like sounds. Yeah, but I'm saying do a picture, colour it in. Still use the colours but draw something with it rather than just going, a yellow, a bit of red, like when you've got just red and black. What, what's that meant to do? Well it does something?

What? Well I like it, I enjoy it so it does something. I'm just saying I prefer it if it was something. And so you, let me just get so right, you had a mirror on one wall so you padded that wall. It's just sort of, it's just sort of a wallpaper on it. Right. Amazing. And there's no other art in there. It's just an empty cell. Was Suzanne like like some art? Just like, Suzanne's not allowed to watch tele. thi. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. to to their. to to to their. their. to their. their. their. their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. their. tad. tad. tad. the tad. the the the the the their. the the their. the their. their. their. their. their. tell you unless it's a favorite thing otherwise she's got to talk to me about stuff. There's no art, there's no point, just wallpaper. I'm just saying we've got three three windows we can look out of. Right? Right. Stop looking at the walls.

Look out the window. Do the... Ha ha ha! Ha! Some new words have been introduced into the dictionary. Too many words. We should have some system where we can get rid of words if they aren't used a certain number of times. Well, that we do. They do die out, don't they, eventually. Like what? You don't have to use them. No, but they don't, do they? They keep adding them. And I just worry about, you know, this is the problem with, like, your ed can only only only only only only only only only only only only only they they they they they they they they they they they they don't do they, they keep adding them. And I just worry about, you know, this is

the problem with like, your head can only hold so much, can't it? Yeah. It all very well when Adam and Eve was knocking about, there's no history, they don't have to remember anything. All I'm saying is fine, bring out a new word, but once you bring out a new one, bin another one. The dictionary is getting bigger and bigger, no one's keeping an eye on it. Well I think they are. They're not, they just keep adding. It doesn't grow. They don't just dig it up one day. It's got bigger. What have you know? So you're happy for them to stick in iPod, let's say. But we can pride ourselves on having more words in the English language. I think think th. th. th. th. th. thi th. thi th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi they're not thi thi they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they they they they they're not. They they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're not. I they're not. I they're not. I'm not they're not thi. I'm not thi. I'm not thi. I'll try. I'll try. I'll thoooooooooo. I'll not. I'm not. I'm not as many as the second, I think maybe Russian, I'm not sure about that, someone,

I'm sure someone emails, but... But we don't talk the most, so there's a lot of clutter there. Which do mean we don't talk the most? Well you'd have to say that... Nothing as expressive as the English language. Yeah, no, because we've got a word word the word the word the word the word the word the word the word the word the word the word, the word, their, their, their, their, th. th. th. th. th. thus, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, th. th. th. th. thus, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I's, I's, I, I's, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to.... So, to. So, I'm, I'm, I'm, to. So, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I know, because we've got a word for everything. I'm just saying that I don't use all these words that are coming out, and I just think, like I say, keep an eye on it, some sort of, I don't know how it can be controlled. But Shakespeare invented words. I think Shakespeare invented about 1,200 words. Yeah, and we're probably still using a lot of his. So why don't we keep sticking more in the pot. too. to, to, to, the word, to, the word, th. to, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin, thin, thin, thin, thi, thin, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the, the, the, the, thi, thi, thi.. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi.. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, their, their, their, their, their, the pop. Right. Stop using a load of words. People are panicking in New York about the snow they're getting. It's two foot deep. They are saying it's to do with global warming. I don't get it. Two days ago they were saying the world's getting warmer

and the ice is melting on one of the poles where the polar bears are. As long as we the snow on the world does it matter where it goes. Read on the internet that heads are bigger now than they were years ago. Brains are getting bigger apparently. This is because we're being told too much information. We are told too much stuff about things that we wouldn't have known about years ago. You've just made that leap, haven't you? Presumed maybe heads and brains are getting larger but the fact that it's because there's too much information cramming in them. Well it is as time goes on, isn't it? It's that thing of we're being taught more and more every day. As the time goes on, something's happening every

day. You've got to remember that. No you haven't. You have. It's the same, like I said, you know, with the Adam and Eve thing. They didn't have that much to remember. They come on the world to go, what happened yesterday? Oh, not much, uh... the... My man phoned has said that my anti-Nora, ah, the classic anti-Nora, wanted me to look on the internet to find out what the weather would be like in Spain at the end of November. I don't know where she gets her money from.

Two months ago she was asking me, Dad, how much it would be to get her back garden Astro turfed because she's sick and tired of the grass getting out of man. What do you want to do? Start a football team? What is she got a bandgarden astro turf? She likes the sort of green look but she doesn't like the headache that comes with it so she's just looking into getting that false grass put in the grass put in. I don't know how much it is. Went around to Rickies and had some chicken curry that Ricky's girlfriend Jane had made. Ricky and Jane were going on holiday for a few days and had arranged for Glinda come in and make sure the cat was okay while they were away, I'm sick of that cat. I'm sick of that cat. I'm surprised that they hadn't paid for the little shit to go away with them in first class. Flying again, why doesn't it's they? they? th me me me me me me thony thony thony thony thony thirty like, why doesn't thirty, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th. Why, like, like, that, th. Why, th. Why, th. Why, their, their, their, the cat, the cat, the cat, the cat, the cat, the cat, the cat, the cat, the cat, the cat, the cat, the cat, the cat, the cat, the cat, the cat, the cat, the cat, the cat, the cat, the cat, the cat, the cat, the the cat, the the the the that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, they. the cat, that, the cat, cat and I love the cat. Why why... It's just everything that else that you've got gets sort of special treatment and it's a cat and it annoys me. What do you get special treatment? You put food down for it and

sometimes it gets on our lap and we stroke it. You don't just stroke you massage it. You know you're stressed out. Well no I'm not saying you stressed out. You don't you're not saying you stressed out. You're st st st st st st st st st st st st st st st st st st st st. You're st. You're st. You're st. You're st. You're st. You're st. You're st. You're st. You're st. You're stressed. You're stressed. You're stressed. You're stressed. You're mass. You're mass. You're you're you're they. You're s. You're their it's back. You're mass. You're massed it's back. You're mass. You're mass. You're mass. You're their it's back. You're their it's. You're s. You're s. You're s. You're s. You're s. You're s. You're s. You're s. You're s. You're s. You're s. You're stressed. You're stressed. You're stressed. You're stressed. You're stressed. It's. It's stressed. It's stressed. It's stressed. I. It's stressed. I. I's stressed. I's stressed. I's stressed. I'm s. I'm s. I'm sed. I'm sed. I'm sed. I'm sed. I'm sed. It's stressed. I'm sed. It's stressed. It's stressed. It's stressed. I'm sed. It's stressed. I'm s. I'm not saying you stressed out. At no point did I say you stressed out. You said what the fault are you doing for? Is it stressed out or something? I like touching my cat. To be honest with you, I don't like Ricky's cat. Oh, I can't believe it. Because every time I go around there it goes straight from a golias. Yeah, instantly. Yeah, he'd probably seen you in the sea and thought, well if he's waving it about, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I like, I'm like, I'm like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I'm like, I'm like, I it about, I'll have a bit of that. But it's like the lizard thing you've got. It's just sat there, you've bought a big box, right, to be in. Right, well it's a salamander, so it's an amphibian. It's not a box, it's a big vivarium. But what I'm saying is it...

And as if you're going to criticize some up for just sitting was there I was looking at it and I thought is it dead right because he's just sat there. And then it was thinking exactly the same fucking thing. It's not moving right? And then on the top of the box is like a box full of crickets and stuff that's it's it's food. Yeah. But they were more active than the thing. think. thininininin. thin. thin. thin. thin. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. they's thi. they's they's thi. thi. they's they's thi. they's they's thi. they were thi. they's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's just. they's just just. they's just. they's just. they's just. they's just. they's just. they's they's their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. the. the. that. that. that. that. the lizard. Keep them in there. More entertaining. Don't understand it. A few months back a girl who was having a kid showed me one of them scans of the kid that was in her. That's science gone mad in it. I couldn't think of anything nice to say as it looked like a frog. Do you know why we've got to that point? Why? Why we' that we' we' we' that we that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that tho. that than't thatheatheatheatheatheat' that that th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. than't than't than't than't than. than. than. than. than. than. that's that's to. to. toeeea. to. tooooooooooooooooooooooooo' that point? Why have we got to see something that young? Why... Because people can keep an eye on the progress of the baby in the womb?

Yeah, but why are they printing it out and stuff? Surely that's for a doctor to see? Well, that's just an added bonus for people who are interested in so- That's like, why would you take pictures of anything? No, because normally pictures are pictures, pictures, pictures, pictures, pictures, pictures, pictures, pictures, pictures, pictures, you, pictures, you, pictures, you, pictures, you, pictures, you, their, their, their, their, in Brazil sat in the sea or whatever you'd go oh yeah remember that day it was a good day or whatever but it wasn't it's just kind of like why have you got to see something is you might as well you just just like to do it so why have you got to see something that small so why would you take a picture of Steve in the sea? No but what what I mean is why at? that the thi I thin I thin I thin is the thin is thin is that? that? that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that. th. that a that a that a that a that a that a that a that a that. that that that th. that. th. th. th. th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. th. th. that is that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that we going to start sort of x-raying the fella's testicles and saying,

well there it is that a really young age? Where are we going to stop? It's just porcettis for courses, isn't it? Some people like to have a record of their baby and the woman. They like to show the baby. They're all excited about it. they show the friends the slideshow. That's the birth. Oh that's the conception. Oh look Ron's going a bit mad there isn't he? But why do I need to see this? This is what I'm saying it was an awkward situation because she was happy with it. I was like, oh God. You know what I mean? It was an odd-looking thing. I couldn't say oh it looks like you

because that would tonight. So I called the curry house. The fellow couldn't understand me. I asked for two pop-a-doms. He kept saying how many? I kept saying two. He still can understand. I said one more than one. He understood. When we picked up the food and took it home, there were five pop-doms in the bag. There is a restaurant somewhere that sells knobs to eat. No, there's not. There is no. There is. No, there is. No, there is. It says that women can't eat

too many of them and if you want a seals nod for dinner you have to book in advance. Right, it's gobbity goop. This is the ramblings of a madman again. It's a trend he writes. It won't last long. It'll be like hummus. But humus, when do that's when that's a the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thuiii. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. thin, w. thin, wa, wa, wa, wa, wa, wa, wa, wa, wa, wa, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the theea. the the the thea. the thea. thii. thea. th going. It's a Greek traditional food. I know, but there's one down the, there's a restaurant down the road, that's all they do. That isn't a proper, that's a side order, isn't it? That's like having a restaurant just flogging tomato ketchup. Hummus isn't a meal. They don't even try to. Not in a work, we shut down within a month. Called Ricky and asked what the difference is between the mind and the brain.

Yeah, he does. That's a hell of a phone call the go. Yeah, unbelievable. Ricky did explain, but I can't remember what he said. I wondered at what age you are when the mind kicks in. Okay. Ricky changed the subject and said there was a thousand types of spider in the brain.. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the brain. the the brain. their their their their their their mind their mind. the brain. the brain. their mind. their mind mind mind mind. theirineckhiki. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. their. Yeah. their. their. their. Yeah. Yeah. their. Yeah. Yeah. their. Yeah. Yeah. their. Yeah. their. their. their. the the their. the the the the their. tiiiia. treeea. treeea. treeea. treea. treea. treebea.ea.ea.ea.ea.ea.ea.ea.ea.ea.ea.ea.ea.ea.ea. tri.ea.ea.ea. There's nothing but spiders on it. A bloat went to visit the island and said there was a thousand types of spider in one tree. Excite by it? I didn't tell you that. No, I locked it up after talking to you. Oh right, is that true? Yeah, there's just loads of them. What do youft, isn't it? What do you think they should do then?

Um, I don't know, because you need spiders. I don't know what they do, but they say a world without spiders, like wouldn't, wouldn't be good. Who says that? I don't know, someone. But, but they sort of, they do something, they do something about it, if you did get rid of them all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, their, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi of them all, it would have an effect. Well of course it would. Get rid of anything it has had an effect. Not everything though. Like I've said, you know, jellyfish and what have you? Well no, the world wouldn't change.

Well it would. No it wouldn't. Well it would. Because it's part of an ecosystem so there there's something's food, aren't they? No but the, it it's 97% water or something. Yeah so how much are they doing just give him another 3% making water? That's more useful. Give them another 3% and make them water. Oh God. The rain ain't stopped. The old woman with the bent neck. Now we're not about the old woman with the bent neck before she's old neck. It's this? Incredible. She's, um, the, the, they're they's, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they, so. So. So. So. So. So, so. So, so. So, so. So, so. So, so. So, so. So, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're the. So. So. So. So. the. their. their. their. their. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their., we're not heard about the old woman with the bent neck before. She's old neck. It's this. Incredible. She's, um, she's really old. And she's got a bent neck. Yeah, but tell us something else. I don't know what's up with her, but her head sort of comes out of her. Look, it's radio. They can't, they can't see what you're doing. It's sort sort. It's sort. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It. It's. She's. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. It's. She's. It's. It's the. It's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. She's. She's. She's. hadn't got an head. It's really weird, right? I mean, she's old and I don't know what's happened.

Just Suzanne said it's sad and the bones have sort of bent up or something or maybe she carried something, or maybe she carried something, when she was younger. On her head. And you know, I don't know, it's sad and everything. But she's just, she's as you write in the diary the old woman with a bent neck is struggling in the weather the rain must be running down her back. Don't know why she went out in this weather. My back's doing my head in today. It does this every time the weather turns a bit thgri thgri th grim th grim th grim th grim th grim th grim the th grim the the th the thin the the thin thin thin the the thin' the the the the the the thi the the the thi. It's the the thi. It's a bit the the. It's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I I I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I's thi. I's the. I's the. I's too' too' teat-I teat-I teat-I teat-I's teat-I's theat-I's theat-I's th height. I remember that we've read this before kicked me height and landed on me arse. Was going to treat Suzanne to a trip to the pictures to see Breakback Mountain but then remembered there is

a program on about two-headed kid tonight. A band from the Conger have won the best newcomers in a radio three competition. They use pots and pans for instruments. It says that the the the the the the the the the the the the the th is is is is is is is is is is th is th is th is th is th is a th. I is a th. I is a th. I is a think is a think is a thoing is a thoing thoing the the the' thigh. I thigh. I thoing thoing thigh. I thigh. I thighe thighe the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I I I th. I th. I th. I th. I the the the the the the the the the thin the thin to. I to toe toe toe toe toa toa toa toa toa the toa thean thean thean toa thea' thea the theer have won the best newcomers in a Radio 3 competition. They use pots and pans for instruments. It says that the Conger is a poor, sad place. So why do people do that happy dance at the end of parties called the Congo? Right, one is the Congo. There's no place called the Congo. They come from a place called the Congo. Where do you come from?

Uh, OK OK OK. It's a the the the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th is a th th th th th th th th is a th th is a th th the the the the. It's a the. It's the. It's tho tho tho tho tho that's that's that's that's tho. It's tho. It's th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is a th is a th is a the. It's the. It's a the. It's a the the the the the the the the the the the the tooooooooooooo the thoo tho tho the tho th-okie. It's a terrible place. We don't know whether a left leg in or a right leg in. Sometimes we shake it all about. We're not sure if we should. But um... Congo! Fucking, how you're such a... Went into the gadget shop today. It's full of stuff that we don't need. Gadget used to be a good word that made you think of James Bond with all his gadgets. The best thing I could find in the shop was a clock that ran on potatoes. We are definitely going backwards. I agree. Well, what's the... who cares about that? A little electrical impulse. So what? Add a night out with old school mate.

Find out about more of the other lads I went to school with. One is living underground. What do you mean living underground? Not like a mole. Do you mean he's got a basement? Or do you mean he's got a basement? Or do you mean he went to visit him? He went to visit him and he said it's all that it had been raining really everly and that and it's all the rains running it. What do you mean he went to

visit him? He went down here? What was that? That's an hole in the ground? Yeah come see? He just said oh come around to see us and he's living on the ground. What do you mean he's living underground? He wanted to exactly like the army, yeah, yeah, where they teach you trades and you know, engineering and flying. He's happy down there. He said it was really muddy and what have you. He said he won't be going back to visit him. What's he got down there?

Just stuff, just like a sleeping bag, a lamp. He dug himself a subterranean cave. Near my old infant school, he knocked it down because it was like, the army, the army, he, he, he, he, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's the the their, he's they. He's they. He's, he's they. He's they, he's they, he's they, he's they, he's they, he's they, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. He's thi, he said tho, he said tho, he said thoooooo, he said was thooooo, he said was the. He said thooooo, he said th You'd be in the class and you could lean on the wall. And the eye would go through it and stuff. And they knocked it all down and I think that's when he was at his most happy, this bloke. I believe this though. I believe someone he went to school with now lives in a hole. That doesn't shock me. Whether the tales I've heard of horses and houses and houses houses houses their their their their their their their their their houses and houses and houses and houses and houses and houses and houses and houses and houses and houses and houses and houses and houses and houses and houses and houses and houses their their their their thoes thoes thoes thoes. I's thoes. That's thoes. I's thoes. I's thoes. I'm thoes. I'm tho. That's thoes. I'm th. I'm th. That's th. I'm th. I's th. I's th. I's th. That's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm the tales I've heard of horses in houses and big-headed kids with web dance and feet and you know and him I believe that someone he went to school with now lives in a hole. That isn't bizarre to me. That's that's... He spent far too long with him if that now you're just happy to accept. I totally accept that. I'd be surprised if I walked around where he lived that there were more people living in holes. Is Dad wanted to throw his budgy on the fire.

True. It's Budgie died, his dad said let's throw it on the fire. I mean, is mum, what did your mum do when your budgey died? She just was worried about the other bird that was left. So she made it a the rock, putting it in the cage. So a man living in a hole is not that bizarre. All right, carry on. I read me science magazine. Some things I learned from the science magazine.

Number one, space is running out of space. We should stay out of the sea because shark attacks are up. Yeah. the sea. Yeah no need for it. Exactly. Why is there no need for going the sea? Just because there isn't now is there we've got loads of land. So it's just you know one or the other we walked out the sea now this is what I mean about going back in it. They came from the sea originally now we're going back in it. Don't go in it. in it. been a boat. The rules. The rules!

The rules are Carl Pilkington. Oh God. Did the podcast and then went for a walk around Manchester Square. Years ago a woman lived around there who had a head like a pig. She was known as the pig woman of Manchester Square. That made me think if there were other pig-headed women knocking about London. Do you know what I mean? Why was she nicknamed that? Why not just the pig-headed woman? That suggests to me like there was loads of pig-headed women and that's the one of Manchester

Square. Right. Well, no, it was more to do with the pig-headed women, it's in Manchester Square. Well, no, but I saw one on New Cavendish Street. Is that the same woman? She'll always come back if you rattled feed. Watched a film about Hitler. Didn't watch all of it, as it was subtitle I can make as much noise as I want. Yeah, she's a lucky, lucky woman.

You must be a joy to watch a subtitle film. I mean, the concentration is up there already. I mean, it is hard to concentrate. It's not as easy as when you're hearing it, because you know, you rethink it, but you know, it's possible. But, you know, it's possible, but you're, but you, but it, but it, but it, but it's a, but it's possible, but it's possible, but it's possible, but it's possible, but it's possible, but it's possible, but it's possible, you the the the the their, you their, you their, you must, you must, you must, you must, you must, you must, you must, you must their, you must their, you must, you must, you, you, you must, you must, you must, you must their, you must their, you must their, you must their, you must their, you must their, you must their, you must, you must, you must, you must, you must, you must, you must, you must, you must, but, you must, you must. You must. You must. You must. You must. You must. You must. You must, but, you must. You must. You must. You must. You must, you must the the the the the the the the th. You must, you must be a the the the the the the the the the the the the the What's the point of that? What is the point of that? I mean, it's possible, but why do you do that in a cinema? Just walk into a subtype film, go, what, everybody? Let's all do the Congo. Well, yeah, or during ballet, they're just dancing.

You don't need to listen to this morning. We weren't allowed to use the shower because it all had to be bone dry before he could use his waterproof filler. Not about waterproof then. Went for a brew with Ricky. We talked about monkeys and how they are to humans than they are to apes and how bees will drink cider to get off their heads. Now and again there is a bee that lets the drinking get in the way of the work and other bees to sting it the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to to to to to their. Wea. We'll their. We'll their. Wea. Wea. Wea. Wea. Wea. Wea. Wea. Wea. Wea. Wea. Wea. Wea. Wea. Wea. Wea. Wea. Wea. Wea. Wea. Wea. Wea. Wea. Wea. Wea. Wea. Wea. Wea. Wea. Wea. Wea. Wea. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're tape. We're tape. We're tape. We're thea. We're tape. We went tape. We went thea. We went thea. We went. We're th.. Blightly. Yeah, well, there are bees, they love a drink. And they can just, they will drink pure alcohol. They drink 100% of it, they drink ethanol. I don't know why. They love getting off it and they fall down and they're drunk. A bee can take in the equivalent of 20 liters of wine, right?

But some bees get addicted in the same sort of percentage, it's humid addiction, like 10% of bees, they can't get enough for it. They take ethanol, they take cider apples and that. And then when they get back to the hive, they go in a bit pissed and they've got guard bees and they go come on with all other treatments. And they've they've they've they've their their they've their their they've their their they've their they've their they've their they've their their they've they've their their they're their they're they're they're they're they're their. And their their they're thathea. And thathea their 10 10 10 10 10. And their 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10. And their their their their their their. And their. And their. And their. And their. And their. And their. And their. And their. And their. And their. And their, their, their, the. And the. And they're 10, they're 10, the. And they're 10, the. And they're tease tease. And tease tease tease thease thease thease 10. And thease. And the. And the. And they're sort of alright and they push them away and they push them away again. Then the next time they go, right I've had enough and they give it a good eyeing. And Carl couldn't go over this. I saw his face, but I knew that he was thinking of that B with sort of like eyes rolling around his head a little bit belligerent with his jacket on backwards, you know, and the bounce are going, come on, come on some, come their, we their, come their, we their, we their, come on, we th and we th and we th and we th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, and th, and thin, and I couldn't thin, and I couldn't, and I couldn't, and I couldn't, and I couldn't, and I couldn't, and I couldn't, and I can't, and I can, and I can, and I th, and I th, and I th, and I th, and I, and I th, and I th, and I th, and I th, and I th, and I th, and I th, and I th, and I th, and I can can't, and I can't, and I'll th, and I couldn't, and I'm thin, thin, thin, th thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, and I couldn't thin, and I couldn't thin, and I couldn't not coming in, right, you're wearing trainers. Yeah, you know you're wearing three pairs of trainers and I'm sick of it, you know. But what I did find out, because I went home and went on the computer try to find out about drunk bees knocking about, they're not actually

meant to fly. It's only because they don't know. Well no, but they're, if they're if they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they're they're they're not actually they're not actually they're not actually designed they're not actually designed they're not they they they they they're not they're not actually they're not they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not. They they don't they don't they don't they don't they're not. They're not. They're not. They're not. they're not. they're not. they're not. they're not. they're not. they're not. they're not. they're not. to to told. I. told. I. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I'm. I'm. I'm not. I'm to. I'm to. I'm they're not. I'm you're not actually designed to fly, they wouldn't bother. No, this is that thing that goes around that aerodynamically, on the face of it, looking at the size of the wings and the body proportions and everything, that it's a surprise that they can fly. It's not that no one's ever told them they can't and as soon as someone tells me not meant to fly they all fall out this guy going, oh what are we doing? Like in a cartoon.

No, but it's something about the confidence and that. At the moment nobody's saying to me. It's not the confidence. There is no such thing as confidence in bees. A bee never loses his nerve. thinks. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. tho, tho, tho, the, the, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, thr. Like, thean. Like, thean. Like, thean. Like, thean. Like, thean. thean. Like, th turned to the bottle. I can't go up there again. You're an idiot. Suzanne said today can be my day because she's been a bit of a pain with her illness and that. So she said I can do what I want to do what I want today. We went for a walk around Green Park.

Loads of tourists were about looking at the the the the the the the the the Queen's house. She was in because the flag was up. I wouldn't want to live there. Why wouldn't you want to live there just because it's right in the center of... It's just not in a good place, is it? It's got around about outside and that? Really busy. It's pretty good. I went for a pee in the toilets. When I came out, a pigeon had shout on Suzanne's coat. She was in a bit the the the their to to to their to their to their to their to their to their their to their their to their to their their th. th. th. thoombueueueueue. thoombue. thoombueue. tho' tho' th. th. th. th. th. th. tho' th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. t t t t together. It. It. It's together. It's together. It's together. It's together. together. together. together. together. together. together. together. together. together. together. together. together. t it off and in that 10 to 15 minutes it had corroded me ear. Yeah, but he's had a lot of problem with ears. He told me the other day, he got up, um, washed at a bath, had some breakfast, went to the shops, to get a newspaper and had a chat with a woman in the corner shop, got home, pouring around, looked in the mirror, he had a cotton bud sticking out of his ear.

He went, what annoyed me was, she didn't say anything. Like it's her responsibility. Yeah. No, but she knows me well enough to go, you know you got a cotton bud in his ear. I've seen worse. When you worse. When you've got a cotton bud in your ear, what interrupted you? I think Suzanne called or my dad called or something and then because I was running a little bit late because I've been talking to them, their earbud was in, I just popped my coat on and went to the shop. Carl, you got a toothpush in your mouth. C. Cthrough Covent Garden. There were five of their mimes knocking about. I don't understand why people take pictures of mimes. Everyone looks like a mime in a picture. That's so true.

That's really true. If the point is their skiing still. If that's their skill, a picture won't tell that story. That's absolutely true. My dad took the cat to be put down today because it kept bumping into things since losing its sight. My ma'am said she's not going to get another one. She said the parrot is looking worried as it's seen the budgy and the cat go in the space of three months. Your mom said the parrot's looking worried. What's the... What happened to the cat then? It gets into a lot of fights. It lost one eye and then it got into another fight and lost another. Oh no.

And it was just walking around bumping into stuff. I mean the vet sort of said, oh we can't do stuff to keep it alive and all that, but it's a bit out of order, because it cost a fortune they shouldn't tell you. Mom dad can't afford to have eyes put on it on it. No, you can't have eyes put on a cat anyway. He said, oh, we can do something here. We can have its eyes sorted out. But it... I don't think you should be allowed cats.

Why? Why not? Well, they have good lives. they have kids. Oh God Almighty. I can't believe it. The cat that kept throwing up. So his mum shaved it. Unbelievable. Dry wipe cat. A mate sent me a story on email about a bloke in China who has this weird illness that means he can't have his picture taken.

That's not the weird bit. If he tries, his body doesn't appear in the photo. Don't talk shit. He has had group pictures and everyone appeared apart from him. Don't talk shit. The story had a picture next to it of a family photo and it said he was stood at the back but you couldn't see him. Right, he wasn't in the picture. No. No. No. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. That. That. A. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's......................................................................................................................................... wasn't in the picture. He was in the picture. No he wasn't in the picture. He's done loads of tests and stuff. No, there's don't, I haven't done loads of tests. This is

bollocks. There's no way, this is scientifically possible. What's his want? Yeah, now he's wanted to a topi, toldl. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to be. to be. to. to. the toe. toe. the toe. the the toe. the toe. the the toe. toe. the the the the the the picture. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to be. to be. to. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. tell us. You're talking shit. Suzanne watched a film You've Got Mail tonight for about the 14th time. I don't think you could properly fancy someone without seeing them, unless you're blind. I think it's odd when blind people have affairs. Why is that odd? Just because most stuff is based on looks, in it. So you think once they found someone, they're happy with them, stick with them. But no, it's not true. I mean most things are based on looks. What I mean is when you first, first, like, meet someone on that. Well, then initially it's

only looks because you don't know them. So that's what I'm saying. That's a ridiculous thing to say, isn't it? that's a ridiculous. th. th. th. th. th. that's, th. th. thrue. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I's, thi. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I's, I's, I's, I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I's, th. I's, th. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm not, I'm not, th. It's, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not. It's th. It's not. It's not. It's most. I'm th. I'm th. I'm not. that that's like facts or anything, I'm just thinking if you're blind, why mess about? You're still basing on it if it's only looks that you people find what? Yeah I'm just saying so why is a blind person messing about having an affair? Because I'm saying that presumably that blind person isn't basing anything on looks. I just, all right, I mean, all right, I mean, I that, I, I, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's that's just, that's just, th. th. th. th. that, th. th. th. th. th. th. that's th. th. that, that, if it, if it, if it, if it, if it, if it, if it, if it, if it, if it, if it, if it, if it, if it, if it, if it's th. th. th. th. th, if, if, th, th, th, th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th. th. th. th. thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi. thi's thi, thi, if it's thi, if mean maybe that's not, I mean more like... Do you want to cross it out? Should I cross it out? Is it just the same way, I think I put how, you know, people, I've read something in a Sunday paper once with some bloke who was going out with some woman, he ended up going out with a sister who was a twin. If you're going to have a trips to the moon. He was up for going just to see what the world looks like.

I came up with the idea of a giant mirror on the moon that would reflect the world back. He had a few questions, but I had the answers. Yeah, he changed the subject. I won. Right. My first question was how would you get it up there? He said, bit said bit by bit. That would be a good mirror then, wasn't it? I said, how big would it be? He went, you'd still need a telescope. I said, how would you get it on the right side of the moon always facing the right, he went, what? He went, does the moon move? I went, yes.

And if we don't like the mirror on the moon we, we can can can can can can can we can the the the the th, we can can can the th, we can can the th, we can can the mirror on the moon, we can always war paper over it. It's Suzanne's birthday tomorrow, so I've got to get her something. I sometimes think it would be best if we didn't celebrate birthdays. I think people would live a bit longer if they didn't know how old they were. Age puts restrictions on things. She said something about wanting one of them posh badges to put on her coat. I will look for the fact the fact the fact the fact the fact the fact the fact the fact the fact the fact the fact the fact the fact the look for one later. I know the fact that around the time that you've got to buy Suzanne her birthday present, you think that birthday presents are a bad idea. Got up early at

Suzanne's birthday, gave her the card, present. She was well happy with her poshage. She wore it to work. It's quite nice, quite nice to hear a moment where she was actually happy for once, doing your company. They always say when you get someone a present you should buy them something they wouldn't buy themselves. Daffed rule. I want something I would buy myself if I had the money. When I was young, meanti Nora got me a present I wouldn't buy myself. It was a t-shirt with her face on. Looked at what's been going on in the world. Someone has found some people who live in an old town somewhere where they are so old-fashioned they still walk on all fours.

There is a picture of them and they use shoes on their hands. That's not old-fashioned. Why is that old-fashioned? That's some kind of regressive evolution. Yeah. It's not true is it? It is true. It's somewhere in... Well I believe they have found a group people that are living and walking around on all fours, but I don't believe they're wearing shoes on their hands. And I don't believe

it's they haven't evolved to standing up. No, they just haven't seen other people walking on too few. Don't talk shit all your life. That's. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they. they's. they's. they's. they's. they's. they're. they're. they're. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're thi. th. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they're. they're. they're. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. thee. theee. the. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're all your life. That's all it's about though, isn't it? You copy. When you're a baby, if you were stuck in a room, you'd wander about on all fours because that's the way, that's an easy way of getting about. So you only walk on two feet, because, you only walk on two feet, because as I understand it, some of the family are walking on two feet, so I don't know what the internet are. I know. I's is. I's is. I's is. I's. the internet. there's. their. their. their. their. their. thininininin' is, thin' is, thin'a's, thin'a'er's, thin'er's, thin'er's thin'er's thr-a'er's tho'er's tho'er's tho'er's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. th. That's th. That's th. That's, th. That's th. That's, th. That's th. That's way. That's way. That's way. That's way. That's way. th. That's th. th. th. thin't thin't thin't thin'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'n't that's that's the way, the way, the way, that that that that that thatea'a'a'a'a'er's that's that's coming documentary on the BBC so maybe we should watch that and then we'll all know what's going on. Instead of just leaping to conclusions because you read half of it on the internet and then skipped on to something else. But all I'm saying is though you would wear shoes on your hands if you're roaming about like that. So you just confess there that you leapt from fact to fiction did you in the space of one diary entry. It you assumed that they'd be wearing shoes on their feet? If they got shoes on the feet, they might as them on their hands because their hands are doing the same as the feet. If you're not going to wear them on your hands, don't put them on your feet, then.

I'm beginning to think some monkey news was bollocks. Treated Suzanne to her tea. While I waited for the food, I read a story in the metro newspaper about an alien gang that kept appearing in someone's garden. The bloke moved, but when he used to pass the house at night, he would still see the aliens knocking about, hiding underneath his old shed. There was other alien stuff, but I had to go as the food was ready. Brilliant. It's a bit annoying that. Yeah, load of bollocks again. Went and did some shopping for stuff as it was my turn.

Suzanne moaned a bit because I forgot orange juice and bought some cheap toilet paper. She always buys the expensive toilet paper. I don't know why they make to the toilet paper with pretty patterns on it. That made it into the diary. Up and out at nine o'clock to go to the Cotswolds. Now I think this was a gift for your girlfriend wasn't it for her birthday? Yeah it was a birthday in that so I just went for one night. It got the car and headed off we stopped at a service station to get some breakfast we had fried toast with an egg on it one sausage and beans twice. Costs us 13 pounds 85 they sell everything separate so it the to the B&B. that th th so th we th we th. th. thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu-I thu-I thu-I thu-I thu-I thu-I thu-I the the the's the-I the to to to tho-I just the to the to to the the the to just the to just the to just to just to just to just to just just to just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just to just just just just just just just just just too-soe. too-soe too-soe thu-n thu-I thu-I thu-I's thu-I's thu-I's thu-I's thu-I's thr-n't thr-a'n'er's too-a'er-a'er-s just toe-a'er-a'er-a'er-s-a'er-s just toe-a'er-s toe-B but they wouldn't let us in the room because we were early.

We went for a walk. There was not much around the B&B, so we had a quick walk around the car park. And we went back in, happy birthday. The room was now ready, it's an all right room, free biscuits so I ate them straight away. Like a child. He runs in, jumps on the bed. Get off the bed, not on the furniture. The room overlooked the car park that we'd already been right. You're staring at that window. Remember when we went there? We've always had the carpot. Oh, God. You're staring at that window. Remember when we went there? We've always had the car part? Oh, God. Oh, God. The room had poshosh c pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos pos the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to get. Get, get. Get, get. Get, get. Get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get th, get th, get th, get th, get th, th. Get to them, them, to them, them them them them the the threat the that that that that the carpath. Oh God. The room had posh coat hangers in the wardrobe with sponge on them.

So I ate the sponge. Don't think they are needed. We went and booked a table for Sunday dinner and went on another walk. There was a field that was there just for birds to live on. We couldn't see any, so for birds to live on. We couldn't see any, so we went to the pub. Headed back to where we were staying for our dinner. I had beef. It was nice enough, but there was a family of 13 behind us. I don't see the point in going out in large numbers. They annoyed me. One of the family asked for sorbet before his next course. He was only about 11. He thought he was it. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the told. I. I. I was told. I was to have. I was to to to to to told. I was. I was to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tooing. I. I. I was. I. I was. I. I was. I was. I was. I. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was to. I was. I was to. I was to. I was to. I was the the the the th. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was only about 11. He thought he was it. I said to Suzanne, I ran enough and

needed a Kip. Watch Planet Earth on BBC One. They filmed a panda for four weeks and all it did was sit in its cave. It did not. If I was fear I wouldn't name one of my cars after them as it suggests it won't work or go very far. It'd be like bringing out a Ford Sloth. No one would buy it. Oh, that's amazing. Oh, God. The new Voxel Slug. I would love the hard camphine. Oh, that's amazing. Oh, God. The new Voxel Slug. We had to look around the local village. There wasn't much to it. We did the usual thing and I had to look around the church graveyard to see how old the dead people are. So Suzanne's over there for time so far. She's gone to the cots, the room wasn't ready. She's seen the car park and empty fields and now let's go and play how old the dead people are. I like the fact that you mentioned we

did the usual thing of having a look around the church grave but do you make a that's what you do in it is I like the fact I want to know what she did for two hours when you slept did she just like she just looked out the car park just like, memories. But that's what you do though, isn't it, when you go to these places? There's nothing else, unless you want fudge. Or, uh... You know, you walk around a church graveyard and have a look. It's nothing.

We went home. It took three hours to drive back. People say they go to the country to see the wildlife. I saw rabbits rabbits rabbits rabbits rabbits rabbits rabbits rabbits rabbits rabbits rabbits rabbits rabbits rabbits rabbits rabbits rabbits rabbits rabbits they they they they they they they they they they they their they their the see the wildlife. I saw rabbits, pheasants and a fox on the way home. They were all dead in the road. I was just intrigued to know because Rob from Breton Trent has sent this in and he wants to know that because he's just started seeing someone and he wants to know what your advice Carl is on how to keep her happy. You know, he's just started a relationship with so when he wants to know what your advice will be to keep her happy because, you know, I mean he won't have heard that you took Suzanne on that wonderful trip to the Cotswolds. So what's your sort of your advice really for someone who's perhaps just started a relationship.'t think you should have to go out of your way to please them because then it's

not the right person. I think you should just do what you want and then if they like it, then they're the right ones for you. So don't go out of your way too much. I mean I got a posh badge for a birthday. That's once a year. Rest of the time it's kind of like you know I like weird stuff I like watching weird stuff and all that now and again I won't make her watch it I'll tape it I'm tap it but sometimes you just say no come on the blow with the two heads on I want to watch it live so give and take is what you're saying there. That's all this shouldn't be hard. As soon as it's hard it's not right so just go about your business see she joins in. Brilliant another quote for the book.

Woke up to the Commonwealth Games on the radio. Now what you're making in the Commonwealth Games is that something that interests you? Are you a sports fan? I'm not really I mean Suzanne's sort of been getting up up up up up up up up up up up up to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to to to the to th. I'm th. I'm to to to th. I'm to to to to to to to to to th? I'm not really, I mean Suzanne's sort of been getting up early especially to watch it. You know how I feel about a lot of it, it's just seems to be sort of wasted. If people are running fast, use it. Do you know I mean? Rather than just try to beat your own record or someone else's, do something where you do have to run. If you're a good swimmer, be a lifeguard. Don't be messing about up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up going to going to going to going to going to going to going to to to to to to to to to to to to their to to to to to their to to to to to to to to to to to thery to beat your own record or someone else's, do something where you do have to run. If you're a good swimmer, be a lifeguard. Don't be messing about going up and down. Went home and looked up Freud on the internet, didn't find him that interesting, so looked at some other philosophers instead. Socrates, Aristotle, why have you just listed some philosophers?

Just a show that I'm learning. Well, that's not learning. That's just learning their names. That's a list. You might as well write one to a hundred. Yeah, but if someone says, oh, what's your favorite philosopher? I'll go on a minute, and I've got them written down. But why are you going to go home? I'll go home, get my written down. When they say, well why do you like him, you just just run away? I wish you put Socrates first. Why is it your favourite philosopher? You throw the diary out of them and leg it. And then you've gone to say it's weird our names have changed but then there's no other point there. It's just isn't it? When you think about like Socrates, I've never heard

that on anyone who I know, is what I mean. It's just in a way... But you're not Greek, are you? But how did that go about back then? I mean, when, say if you were phoning someone up and he said, I'm booking a table for two, the girl's name? The girl's name, the girl's name, the the the thuke name, thuke, thuke, th th th th th th th th th th th that name, is thatrante that, is that, is that, is their name, is their name, is their name, is their name, is their their their name, is their name, is their, is their, is their, is their, is their, is their, is their, is their, is their, is their, is their, is their, is their, is their, is their name, is their name, is their name, is their name, is their name, is their name, is their name, is their name, is their name, is their name, is their name, is their name, is their name, is their their their their their name, is their their their their their their name, is their name, is their name, is their name, is Without going, can you spell that for me? But I don't know what else point you're making? I'm just saying it's a name that's awkward. You're always going to have to go, you spell that for me. You go, and it's not just him. Look at all the other names that are on that list. But they're from a different country. And a different era. Yeah, I know, but the names names names names names names names names names names. the names. the names. the names. the names. the names. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's, I' is. It's, I' is. It's, it's,'t changed has it Rome so it can be ancient Rome or Rome in 2006 yeah same buildings. I used to love Nero going around on his feet at Puntoo. Laosu from years ago came up with some good stuff. One he know he who knows

does not speak he who speaks does not know. Not entirely true. To lead people walk behind them. Yeah. and of course the journey of a thousand tho thous thous thous thous thous thous thous thous thous thous thous thous thous thous thousousousousousousousousousousand thousand thousand to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the their their their romeomeomeomeome their ro. Rome Rome Rome their tho. Rome their tho. their their tho. their their their their their their their their to to to people walk behind them. And of course the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. Yeah, did that. Just favorites. Maybe this is why people are at the start line, spectating at the Commonwealth games. Well I, no, it's just that I've never understood why in Olympics and stuff like that. If you're gonna watch don't stand around the start line go to the end where you see the winner but because of that saying it actually makes sense don't it? It's like well every step starts with a step or whatever. Say again. Every race you know you've got to start with a with a step.

Yeah so um... Which is to, who am I talk to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to watch to watch to watch to watch to watch to watch the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the start the start the start the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their told. told. told. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to start with a step. Yeah. So, um... Which is to, who am I talking to now? You or your brain? Well I was thinking about a bit, so I think I was in control of it a bit more. So, and what have you come up with? Just, just, if you want to stay at the start line, do. What does that mean? I'm just saying if you're into I'm not I wouldn't watch a race right okay

Is it you or your brain I'm talking to now this is me okay I wouldn't what are you using are you gonna bring the brain into it or is it there's no I don't know let's just say what happens okay all I'm saying is right if I was to watch a race yeah I wouldn't hang about the start line because I would the same a the start the start no but I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th th th th th tho tho th is th is tho tho th is th is all all th th th th is all th is all th is all th is all th th th th th th th th th th th is th is th th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th. th. that that is the that is the that is the that is the the the the the the that is the the that is the the the that's the place to start because every race starts with a step. No, but I wouldn't normally. I would watch any race. The brain definitely hasn't been used to. Is it you or your brain you're talking about now? It would... I'm just saying about me. If I was on holiday and Susan said there's a race going on down the road, I'd I'd go, well let's keep going down the road and stand the finish up up up I'd the the to to the to to to to the the to the to the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. Yeah. thoes. thoes. I'd thoes. I'd the. Yeah. I'd thease. I'd the. I'd their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. I'd their their their. I'd their their their their their their their their their their their the. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I's the. the. the. thease. theanananananeaseasease. trea. trea. trease trea. thea. theanananease. No thease. I's the finish line. Okay, but now what have you thought? But I put me to Lazu, I'd say, well, hang on a minute, every race starts with a single step.

Yeah. How many people around the start line is there more room there? She goes, yeah, I'll go, let's go there then. then. Right. And what would you the end then? If it was down to me I'd just probably stay at the finish line. Okay so you wouldn't want to see the first step then? So what do you think is Lazoo now then? It's not what, but I wrote down three of us. That one isn't my favorite. That was the third. I preferred the leading people from behind. the thrown. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. the th. the th. th. th. the the th. the. the the the the. the the the thi. thi. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the finish the finish the finish the finish the finish the finish. the finish. the finish. the finish. the finish. the finish. the finish. the finish. the the the the the the the the finish. th. the the. the the. the the. the the. the. the. the. theateateateateate. theate. the. the. the. the. their their their their the the the the. the the finish then? Um, well if you're behind, you don't have to take responsibility, do you? You can go, well, I didn't send you where you went there.

That's not really leading them, oh, is it? Yeah, because I've made them thin the hole. I've gone, uh, they won't go in a hole again. We went to the park and out of brew. Suzanne read the paper while I played with a ladybird. I mean it's like a child, isn't it? It's like what a child is like. Suzanne went to play that while I played with the ladybird. His only friend is a beetle. to play that while I play with the lady bed. His only friend is a beetle.

It climbed up my arm. It struggled on me hairs. This is in detail then. It kept stopping every now and then and was rubbing its head with its right arm. It did it about four times and always used its right arm. It rested for about five minutes then flew off. Sunday. Add a bit of a to-do with Suzanne because she wanted a lion today. I ate this. Once you're away, you should get up.

I got up and put the radio on really loud. She eventually got up. I told her insects don't have lions, so we shouldn't. I don't. What are you obsessed? I mean, you must be fucking unbearable to live with. You must be a nightmare. No, I've just started, because I've watched insects a lot, I don't want to keep going on about them because we're a bit insect heavy. But at the end of the day, if we copied insects, we wouldn't go far wrong. I don't know what you mean, no.

One minute you're saying they're great, then the next minute minute you'll slaghinker, I'll slag some of them off if I don't know what they're doing, but because I've studied them a bit longer, I just think they do it right. You haven't studied them that. He thinks he's like Darwin. But you just slagg them off and again? No, you think the insects are doing stuff. They're the insects, and the insects, and the insects, and they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're doing they're doing they're doing they're doing they're doing they're doing they're doing they're doing they're doing they're doing they're doing. They're doing. They're doing. They're doing they're they're doing they're doing they're doing they're doing they're doing they're doing they're doing they're doing they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're doing. They're doing. They're they're doing. They're they're doing. They're they're doing. They're they're doing. They're they're doing. They're they're they're doing. They're they're doing. They're they're doing. The snidy ones in everything. In every, everything in the world, you get a hierarchy. Oh, long words. Ooh. The bookshelf was dusty, so Suzanne asked me to dust it, if I get a minute. I ended up looking at every book. Just a spine. Just for a few seconds each. Yeah, didn't open them. I looked in the dictionary to see if the word dictionary would be in the dictionary. I didn't think they would bother with it being on the front page, but it was in the book as well.

It's a good point, no, it's not a good point, because you didn't tell us anything. Dictionary is in the dictionary. Well of course it is. Why? If you go out of your spell dictionary you look at the spine and you go oh there it is DIC. It's a book full of words isn't it? That's what it means. All books are full of words you idiot. How to spell them? And if you don't know what it is... No, it's not how to spell them. No, no, no, no. It's not a book for the words to tell that, it's the meaning. It's the definition of dictionary. It's a book full of words if you want to know what the meanings are. But if you didn't know that... Well, I'm sorry, what was that sentence? Yeah, but what I'm saying is, you won't be looking at the dictionary, you'd be looking at an AZ. Why leave the elbow?

Just because there's so many words in the world, I would have thought they wanted to cram as much as they can on a page and if dictionary is already on the front. Is that why you suddenly used the word hierarchy for the first time ever? Did you find that in there? Did you look, did you see hierarchy? I feel that that big word has pushed out about 26 other more useful ones. Yeah, well Suzanne's been going on about me learning another language. But I sort of think your brain has only got so much room on it. And the rest of it's filled with lard.

So if I've got to learn everything I know again, but in a different language, it's taken up space in it. You don't learn everything, oh God. It's all, it's alltaken up space and it. You don't learn everything oh god it's all storage in it but you don't have to learn it again you don't learn the concepts again you're merely learning vocabulary. Do you know how many moves there are in the human brain really you don't worry you won't use them all up I feel that he has reached his capacity though yeah well you need another sort of you need need an update, you need some more memory. Woke up to some interesting news. It's good when this happens because it sets me up for the day ahead. If it's miserable news, it affects my day. It said on the news that

they have found two new flies. Fucking out! More insects! What have you done? Is that all you've done? this summer? Bonged in the Middle East. Bongoonged, Bonged, bonged, bonged, bonged, bonged, bonged, bonged, bonged, bonged, bonged, bonged, bonged, bonged, bonged, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. their, th. th. their, th. th. th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the Middle East, Bong, two new flies found. Lady Bird climbs up arm. They were found in the UK and they were found close to each other. Maybe this happened because they were different than the other flies and weren't expected to hang about together, so that's why they knocked about with each other. That would happen, what do you mean? Does it mean they're two new flies flies flies flies flies flies flies flies flies flies flies flies flies flies flies flies flies flies flies flies flies flies flies's two new flies. Yeah, what do you mean? Does it mean they're two new flies there are different species? Yeah, two new species and they found them close to each other, right?

Yeah, but they didn't mean there was one of each. No. Yeah, yeah, they did. They found two different ones. No. No, they have. Seriously, I know that. I don't they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. thoo. they they they they they they they they they they they, that's a fact. So you've got like, I don't know the names of them, they give them odd names, don't they? But so you call it A and fly B, right? Fly A, I don't know, say that's orange. This is just... This is just... B, yeah.

This is just making it easier for you. Okay. Yeah, fine. Now they found the orange one and went, look at this over here, this is a bit weird, and they've gone, oh that's a new species, log it, whatever, and then the other one went, oh, keep your pen handy, look at this one, it's got at on. So then they found them both within the same distance. So then they found them both within the same distance. I don't know. I don't th th th th th th th th th th th th th thu thu thu thu thu thu thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. tho tho tho tho tho tho. that that that that's tho. Thea. tho. tho. tho. tho. Thea. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. T. thu. thu. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. theee. the. thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. th. the. them both within the same distance. Without interrupting him, let him finish this point. Let me just make one thing clear. Carl Pilken just said, they found them both within the same distance. Think of that!

I don't know what it means, but go on, let me finish this point. So, what I mean is, they weren't knocking about with other normal house flies, because they were probably sort of going, oh, oh,, leave it. Yet because the other one was also odd then they're hanging about with each other. Don't you understand that? Why is that such an odd concept? Because you think of it as like two little new kids in school? They find they're both new and they've got something. They're both Goths. So they're so I can't hang out together. And this was on the news was it? Yeah just on the radio yeah. I know if I looked into that

story it would be 90% wrong. A bit tired today because didn't get us to sleep as early as I wanted due to a moth getting in the bedroom. Fuck me! I got it in a glass and looked at it for a bit and then let it go because Suzanne wanted to go to sleep. Looked up some interesting news. Some people dug up an old body in Ireland. Turns out it's well old and was here when dinosaurs were here. The really weird bit is it, it the hair. Right, what is it? A fella.

Well, no, it wasn't around with dinosaurs here then. Just a bit after. Right, fine. A lot after, yeah, go on. I think any hominid, anything that could even be linked to anything that may become man, is only about a million years old. And I think Homo sapien is probably only about 150,000 years old. Dinosaurs are about 150 million to 250 million. Yeah, yeah, no, it's not the age bit, that's amazing.

It's the fact of, there's a fella, won't have even had shoes on his feet. Right. And yet he was worried about his air style. Right, well that's definitely not true either. This is unbelievable. Well, there was a man on the radio doing poetry, says Carl in his diary. I thought I'd have a go at doing a poem about today. Not really.

He hasn't really, Steve, I'm a little bit of queasy. He hasn't really written a poem. He's written a small poem. No, he hasn't really. Yes. If Moths had eyes... Fuck me! Let me read the poem. Okay.

Oh fuck. You wouldn't interrupt T.S.Liya. Okay. Okay. Okay. If moths had eyes, would they be happier? How do they know they're not dead? Cavemen hunting for food.

But not before, they style the hair on their head. What would last longer in dinosaur times? A blind man didn't stand a chance. Not with all them rocks about. I'd rather be a blind moth. Right! It might be the greatest poem. written. Just you know dissecting it briefly, you attempt to rhyme in the first four lines but abandon the rhyming system in the last three. Is there a creative decision for that? Can we have Carl read that? Sorry, just you

read it as you would like to. So this is, imagine this, right okay this is going out all over the world this this podcast and now I'm Carpilton a new poet from Manchester now living in uh... bands in England would like to read her a poem if moths had eyes would they be happier how do they know they're not dead cave men wanting for food but not before they stall the air on their head. What would last longer in dinosaur times? A blind man didn't stand a chance. Not with all them rocks about. I'd rather be a blind moth. We have bacon and egg on toast. I'm eager to get through the brown sauce as the bottle is too big to go in any covered so it has to be left on the sideboard.

So I had about four dollops of the stuff. I love the, because you know that made it into the diary. He's concerned about the fact that the brown sauce is too big so he's rushing through it. I know but I'm just saying the kitchen is big. the kitchen is the kitchen is th. And it. And it's th. It's th. It's th. It's thin thin thin thin thin thin thin's thin' is thin' is thin' thin' thin' thin' the the the the the the tho' to the the thi' their their their their their their their their their their their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the side the side the side the the the the the the the the the th. Soo-up. Soo-up. Soi thin' thin' thi thi thi thi thi. Soi. Soi's thi. Sooomobo thi. Soo toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy thi. Soo thi. Soo thi. Soo thi don't want to chuck it away because that be a waste. So you're having brainsaws and everything, your corn flakes in your tea, a wasp got in the flat you know troubles brewing. It was massive the biggest wasp ever. Suzanne asked me to get it out but I wanted to take a picture of it first. I was getting me phone ready when it flew with me. I reckon the sting on it could have killed a kitten. So specific. It ended up flying out the window on its own. Oh God. We went out for tea. You're always in a calf. That's all, this diary you're all, you spend so much time in a cafe. There were loads of flying ants. I kept kicking the table because I could feel him on my legs. I wouldn't be that jumpy normally, but I still had flashbacks of the giant wasp from the morning.

Suzanne told me to stop being stupid because I was ruining a night out. A night out in a calf? What was it? What was it? What was it? What was it? What was it? What was it? What was it? What was it? What was it? What was a the the the the the the w the w the w the w the w? What was it? What was it? What was it? What was it? What was it? What was it? What was it? What was it? What was it? What was it? What was it? What was it? What was a the w? What was a? What was a the w? What was a the the the the w. the w. the w. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the? the? thea? thea? thea? thea? thea? thea? thea? thea? the the the sort of like war veteran. What is it? It's the wasp. It could have killed a kitten. Bought some wallpaper. We got back and got on with it. The wall that we've papered before has got a big mirror under it. We've papered on top of it again. I ended up reading a phrase book while Suzanne did the rest of the tidying up. Now what's your phrase book? I don't, this is this is just you trying to master English is it? It's just a book that tells you little sayings and how they came about. An interesting phrase is pot luck. It came about when all people ate is stews. They used to chuck all sorts of stuff into the stew. You stuck your spoon in and sometimes you got something nice, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th and the th th th th like beef or you could end up with a bit of frog. It's pot luck. Good time then.

That's what you said in the book did it? A bit of frog. Got up and checked the wallpaper out. There are loads of air bumps and it's buckled on the joints. I wish we'd never done it. Suzanne said the washer was broke and it's out of his warranty. She called up the people who made it and they said it will cost 150 pounds to fix. I don't know how they know that

when they haven't even seen it. I want to smash it to bits and see what they can do for this 50. So much anger. I want to smash it to bits. It'd be great wouldn't it? 150, you sure? Come out? Yeah, yeah. And it's, it's, it. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it. It's like, it's like, it's like, it. It's like the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. tho tho tho thi. tho tho thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to smash it to this! It'd be great wouldn't it? 150, you sure, come out. And it's just like a cube that's been through one of those car crushers. 150 quid, there's 150 quid, fix it. I watched the news and calm down a bit, because there was a story about some Siamese twins who are having an operation. They've got two heads, four arms, two legs, one liver. The doctor said they will have one leg each. I felt bad worrying about the washer when people have bigger problems like the Siamese twins. Ricky and Steve asked me to do a poem about one a week so I thought I would do one today. I can't obviously do it justice, I should

let the master read it read it. You've done another poem? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the poem. the poem. the poem. the poem. the poem. the poem. I. I. the poem. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm and so did the listeners and I knew they would so if you can do that every week that would be a joy for me. You can't force a poem though. No I know. So you've got to the diary is easy to do because you're just right down. What you're doing? Yeah. You've got some really meaty subject matter to be able to write a to to to the to to the to to the to to the to the to to write the to write to write the to write the to write to write the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the list. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the list. the the list. the the the list. the the the list. the the list. the the list. the list. the list. the the list. the the list. the list. the the list. the the list. the the the the the list. the you know you've heard what problems I had that day? Go ahead. Bubbled wallpaper. What a mess. Wash a dry and knackered. What a mess? Siamese twins separated. One leg less. There was an animal in the paper today that I've never before seen. It's called an alpaca. They are gormless looking. The fellow who breeds them said they are easy to look after because they used to harsh conditions because they normally live in the mountains. The problem with this is they will turn useless eventually and then if we try to bung it back on the Andes, they they won't like it. It's like how people people people the the th people thin thi people thi thin thin, thin, thin, thi, thin, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the, the, the, the, the, they're they're they're the, the, they're the, the, the, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the, the. the. thean, thean, thean, thean, thean, thean. thean, thean. thean, thean, thean, th a week competitions. They're not good for anyone. Do you know what I mean? If something's living somewhere

but why are we going to bug it back? He's presumably breathing them for something else. Yeah but say if eventually you know the world's getting busy there's hardly any room and we go right what can we shift here? What's getting in our way that we can shift? Well those funny-looking things came from the Andes bung them back. All right, then let's put them back and they go, oh they don't like it. They're not surviving, they're dying out. Why did we bring them here? Well, it was closer. Yeah, but look, we've died out now of the... Sorry, this isn't happening. This isn't happening. They're angry about it like it just happened and you're sick of it. None of this has happened yet. I'm just looking at how it will happen. Leave them where they were. But you're getting angry about things that you're speculating on now. It's absurd.

Carl. Not once have you written about that. Not once have you written about that. Not once have we may send animals back to the Andes? I know but just because it just annoyed me that's all they brought him here some fellas getting a load of praise because they brought this weird animal into the country and yet it's like well they were they were on the and the they's for a reason leave them there they was happier there I mean I feel guilty when I open a bag I the fly flies out I the the the the the the the the th I'm th I'm I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm th th th th th th th th th th th th th to to to th th th they're to they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're I they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they they they they try try try try try to the they're the they're they they're they they're they they they're of it and I think, where has that come from? What bag are you opening with flies? What bag? What bag?

I took the computer home in. A fly flew out of it and I thought when did that get in that bag? Where ever brought that from? And it's the same thing. It doesn't want to be somewhere else. placo or whatever. Oh God, it's amazing. It really is the ramblings for a madman, isn't it? Some new sea thing has been found. Some new sea thing has been found. There's no headlines on the news.

It wasn't found by sea experts, it was found on eBay. Someone was selling it for a Fiver. I don't see the point in buying something that you don't know what it is. What do you mean? It was... Someone's found some sort of shell with a thing living in it. Right. They thought, oh I've never seen one of these before, I can flog it on eBay. Someone bought it and then wanted to look after it, went to some C....... It, the C. It, the C. It, the the the the the their, their, their, their, their, their, to, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. their. their. their, their, their. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. their. their, their, their, their. their. their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their, their, their, their. their. the it and then wanted to look after it, went to some C expert and they said, oh I don't know what that is. That's the story. It's just weird how stuff's being found on eBay. No, it wasn't found on eBay there, was it? Yeah, but that's where the specialist people sort of picked up on it. It's just weird that, I mean, all I was saying is I wouldn't want one. If you don't know, if if if if, if, if it, if it, if it, if it, if it, if it, if it, if it, if it, if it, if it, if it, if it, if it, if it, if it, if it's, if it's, if it's, if it's, if it's, if it's, if it's, if it's, if it's, if it's, if it's a stuff stuff, if it's thi, if it's thi, stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff, stuff stuff, stuff stuff stuff stuff, if it's stuff stuff stuff, if it's stuff stuff, if it's stuff stuff stuff, if it's, if it's stuff stuff, if it, if it, if it's, if it, if it, if it, if it's, if it's, if it, if it's, if it's, if it's, if it's, if it's, if it's, if it's, if it's, if it's, if it's, if it's a stuff, if it's a thi, if it's a thi, if it's a stuff, if it's a stuff, if it's a stuff, stuff, if it's a stuff, stuff, stuff, thi, stuff, stuff, stuff, if it's a stuff, if it's a stuff, if it's a to, if it's a new creature, you don't know what, what makes it happy. When you get a kitten, you go, stroke its head, loves it. And you can do that, knowing that it's liking it. If I had a little seashell and you go, does it sit in water? I don't know. Do you know what I mean? You could end up doing more damage. So that's why I wouldn't want it. It's nice to have that that to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have the to have to have to have to have to have the the the to have to have to have to have a to have a to have a to have a their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, tho, thoooomkoomorrow, toomorrow, toomorrow, toomorrow, toomorrow, toomorrow, their, their, their, their, their, their, their rules and it's nice to know what you're doing with something. Well as you're writing the diary it's like if an alien landed and wanted to live with you.

As much fun as it might sound it wouldn't be long before you got annoyed with it because it wouldn't eat the food you gave it. That's what I'm saying but I couldn't have a go at it because he might not like pasta. It might not. It might not. Got up and put the radio on the radio on the radio on the radio on the radio on the radio on the radio on the radio the radio the radio the radio. I listened to the story that the vicar read on radio too. Yeah, that could be good. He was saying how Jesus was 33 when he died. He said he was more into the idea of doing a lot in your life than living for ages.

This was linked to the news about the doctor who's come up with some stuff that he's been injecting himself and his wife with that makes you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you makes you age better. I looked it up on the internet. It wasn't worth them doing it because they are already old looking. I don't know why people want to stay looking young. You can wear a bold head better if you're old because hairs are replaced by wrinkles. It's drivel. It's not. It's not because that could be like an important bit in like world history. What? That people, that someone's trying to make people not age. Age is good, isn't it? When you see an old person... But it's been going forever? What has? People trying to age better? No, but he's talking about if you're 90, he wants people to look like the 30 and that's not

good because how would the world run when that's going on? Well I agree? Again it's, if, if, if, if the the the the th that, if that, if th that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th that that that that that's that's that's that's th, like that that, thathe thathea, like thathea, like, thathea, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi is thi is thi, thi, thi is thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that that that that, know when people... Again it's not a revelation. If I like chatting to old people because they know a lot of stuff. So if I'm sat on a train someone's old, I'm happier talking to them about... They get up and move after about 10 minutes. Well you notice about the many of the room for him and can. They have to stay there and listen to this one. But yeah, even that, even that means that they're getting more out of life in a way because they don't move about as much so they have more thinking time. It is weird how that happens to you as you get closer to death. Jesus. You know, you're not working as much because you're resting and you can think back

about their three months. Yeah, but I'm just, like I'm saying, it is a good thing for you to do to sort of think about what you've been doing with your days and your weeks. And how do you assess your life so far? With all this spare time in your hands and moping around and moaning about your illness and just sitting around right? Right? Right. thrown. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. thi. thi. Well, like. Well, like, like, like, like, like, like I th. Like I th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It. It. It. It. It is. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. I. I. I. I. I. I th. I'm. I'm th. with? I haven't come up with anything. I'm just, you know, I have an all right life and things are changing. Oh, keep saying that. No, but you don't know how much they are changing. To the point of, I don't know if I mentioned the squirrelly in Mars bars, but from that happening to monkeys opening bottles with lids on them to... It's just mental out there. It's madness what is going on.

And all I'm saying is old people need to be old people. You need oldness. You need to see old people. You need to go right. They might have a solution. They've been on the earth longer. Quick, we need an answer. How old are you? I'm 32, well you look 78. I don't know what you're saying! I don't know who that conversation was with why you got angry and I think you made the opposite point that you were made in the beginning. If you're 32 you look 78, now you were saying about it would be a problem if you were 78 and look 32. I don't know what you're saying. You came down on the wrong side then, you did that whole thing and you bollocked it up again in your brain. I'm just saying either way you need to have people who look old. Otherwise, who's in

charge? I don't know what I mean? So you say even if, so you're saying it would be all year olds look 32 as long as there were some 32 year olds that look 78 as long as you've got old looking people. Can I tear this page out? Because it's worthless. What I mean is when I went to the doctors I saw the specialist right about the kidney stones I was asking all the straight questions is it life threatening? No. You know how long am I going to be out? A couple days. Now he was turned out it As it turned out, it's his life threatening and you've been out for three months winching about the fucking thing. Strange.

Now he was quite old. He looked about 55. And that reassured me in a way. In a way it didn't, he didn't open his eyes much. In a way it didn't, because he's, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he was, I, I, I, th.. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to, he, he, he, he, to. It, to. It, to. It. It. It. to. to. to. th. to. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to eyes much one of those sort of doctors who's either that overwork that is he does that you know when he's like he's tired so he's going right what we're gonna do is and he's doing that with his eyes shut he's talking like that this this but people are meant to be listening to this but if they can't imagine he they're to the they they can't imagine they they they can't they they the the they they the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their to their to to to to to to they they to to to they can't they to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to they to they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they to to they they they to to to to to to to to to to to to to to try try try try try try try try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. to to try. he he he he he eyes shut yeah he had his eyes shut oh had he been reading this bored stupid I imagine you just trying to get a well did you know what I mean I don't know if it's because

he's tired or if he's that educated that some people know so much you don't even have to look at it I don't know what you're talking about intelligent people who is so educated they're not educated they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're to to to to to to their their th I th I to to th I th I thi to to to to thi to to to thi thi their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their he their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to to te te te. try te. te. try told told told to told to to told to to to to to to to to their to they don't need to open their eyes. Who's not looking though? Is he blind? No, he's been reading too much. He doesn't have his eyes anymore. Doesn't he? No. Old people who you see wearing tweed and what have you? And they're really posh and they talk and they're talking their eyes are shut and the open. I don't know what this observation is. I don't understand why he's thi. I don't tho. I don't tho. I don't tho. I don't tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho thu. tho tho he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he. he he he he. he he he he he he he he he he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's the. the. the. the. the. the. the. he's he's the. he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he he his fucking eyes. I don't know what you're talking about. Steve, have you seen, do you know what I mean when people don't sort of open their eyes when they look to you and it can be quite annoying? Because it can be quite annoying because it can be quite annoying because it can be quite annoying.

Because it's like he saying I'm not interested in ittrying to absorb what you're saying and think carefully about it so he doesn't misdive you. I'm not having to go at him. I'm just saying he was 50 odd and I was happy that he was there telling me I don't know why you were watching his eyes when he was telling you about your insides because you can tell a lot by people's eyes that's what I said about jellyfish but you know just lines their tell a few stories and I don't think we should get rid of them lines. Looks like the world's fatest man is having an operation to get rid of some of the fat. He has to have an iron bed because that's the only thing that can hold his weight. There's also a man who's scarle has fall out. How are

scholars in 10,000 years going to be, what are they going to decipher from that? They can sort of go. It's not enough, incident, detail. But how do this skull fall out? their skull fall out? their that. tho. But, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, their, their, their, but, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's, their. their. ta. ta. ta. togu. the. the. togu. the. the. to. the. It's, the. the. It's, their, their, their, did his skull fall out? Fall out of what? He was at home, and I don't know if he was combing his air or something, but it come off. What did? His skull. What do you mean his skull? Do you know what the skull is? It's a part of the head. Well, no, it's the structure of the head. It's the bone. Do you mean the top of the skull? This is only useful if you have all the salient facts.

Then it would be of interest to us. We could, we could, we could, well, that, I couldn't tap that on. I'm busy. I'm not going to start looking into stuff in depth. Just get the best idiot in the world! Well I don't want to be premature but that entry is followed by I injured my toe the other day by dropping the toaster. Instead of letting it hit the floor I tried to catch it with my foot.

I didn't think I'd done any harm but my nail looks like it could fall off. I might show it to the doctor when I get me kidney stones out. We could easily get by without nails on their their their their their their their their their their their their their. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You're the the the the the th. thi. tho. tho. tho. I. I. I. tho. I'm. I thoe. I thoe. I'm. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm thi. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I. I. I. I's. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I's th. I's th. I's the. I's the. I's the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm t. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to. T. T. T. T to. T. T to. T to. T to. I'm to when I get me kidney stones out. We could easily get by without nails on the feet. They are more trouble than there were. You're so wrong. I think on the days when cavemen without shoes and animals need nails. I don't think we need them now. I honestly, because you hear about ingrowing toenails, all right, so that's a problem. You've got to cut them. Stuff gets under there and gets infected. Get rid of them, you won't have any of that, as long as you wear shoes. No, you'd have unprotected toes and fingers, wouldn't you? I didn't say on the fingers, just on the toes. So why, why do you need them on the fingers and not the toes? Because you use your hands to do stuff. I've said about toe nail out, it'd be good to have it growing on the head. What?

Just having like a sheet of it, just like a nail on the forehead. You wouldn't look weird because we'd all have it. I'm not saying... What are you talking about now? I'm just saying, I don't want to go on about evolution and stuff, what do you think the skull is for. No, but I mean on the outside so that when you bang your head it's a little bit more protection. Like people, I mean you're looking at me like that, why'd you wear helmet on a bike then? Because the bike wasn't meant to be invented. We weren't meant to whizz along at 70 miles an hour with evolution. I know but because life's changing, like you've said let can't you can't go let's evolve that's re-evolve okay let's assume we've got this

nail on our head that's growing out of our forehead. So we look like one big thumb? Yeah which weirdly Carl kind of I mean you can almost imagine it looking at Carl now you can imagine a big now. Does the nail continue to grow do we have to trim the head now? Yeah in the same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same the same same the same the same the same. the same. the same. the the the the the the the th. the that. that. that the that's that's. that's. that's. Do that's. Do that's. Do that's. Do that's. Do that's. Do that's the that's the that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. that's growing the. that's growing that's growing that's growing that's that preferable in your mind to just wearing a crash helmet in instances where you might have something hit your head? Just because for a start, helmets you have to carry them around with you. That's one thing that's put me off on a motorbike. Whenever you see someone on a motorbike, it's all like the clothes we've got to wear. And it's like a big upheel in it's like a big upheal in it. It's you know if you have a car you can get him with your shorts and your flip-flops on. A motorbike it's like it's like you're an astronaut or something you're only nipping down the row for some milk. Do you know what I mean? So get rid, what I'm saying is get rid of. But does it annoy you having to put shoes on every day and underpants and a vest and I don't like a to hold off for whatever reason and walk around holding them I'd go, oh can't be bothered. I don't like holding

a bag. I don't like bags. We carry too much around with us now. I don't like carrying stuff. It's just a hassle, isn't it? It's just endless things he doesn't want to do, is like carrying bags? Who the hell has a gripe about carrying bags? Why is that a concern? Because it's stuff that's on you. I love the way that he wouldn't mind having a nail going out of his fucking hair, but he doesn't want to carry a bag. What's good with it is everybody's got one of these. And it's not going to happen. And the most important in your body, apart from the toes. So protect that, not the toes. toes, toes, toes, toes, toes, toe, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. th. their, their. th. th. th. that, that, that, that, their, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the, their, their, their, their. their. their. their. their. their. their. the. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their.a. their. their. their. the. the. that's stuff, that not the toes but the toes we can get back without the toes but your head's important in it there's a lot of stuff in your head and I know all this just after seeing the body works thing I went to see the to show on where there's load of like dead bodies and that and you can see how much stuff and in the body and it's loads of stuff. There's nothing in there that you don't need. It's all doing stuff. Everything in your body.

We've been telling you that for years but you just reckon they don't need the toenails? Yeah that's on the outside. I'm saying everything that's on the inside of your body, right? You don't need the appendix? No, it's a hangover of when we, probably a lot more cellulose and it's... Yeah, well they might come back, things are always coming back, aren't they? So if people start eating them again. What about male nipples? Uh, it sort of looks all right though, because the chest is quite plain, so with nothing on it, you'd go, oh, what's this?

It just balances it out. I Ithink it looks all right. I think it works. So leave it. But what we were talking about? But wouldn't you rather have maybe a little like a rib cage around the testicles? Because you get a whack in them and it, oh. Um, yeah, that's pretty good. Um, yeah, that's pretty good. Um... Not an invention, Carl. It's not an invention and we can't do it, but... But will you be able to sit down still? Because that's the good thing with them at the moment is movement. So it sort of works. But don't they say, um...

They said something about the testicles, the body works thing. Well, they're on the body works thing. Well they're on the outside, put yours away Carl. You're not one of the exhibits. They're on the outside because they have to be a few degrees below body temperature for the I think the Sotoni cells to. So that's an odd design that they had to go there because it is a bit of an odd place to have them. Where would you suggest? Dangling from the stroke? Sort of... I want to redesign you, right? You can possibly do this now.

This is something you can actually do probably. You could probably have your testicles anywhere. So where would you want them? You've got a giant forehead nail. Yeah. You could have that. It probably wouldn't have that, it probably wouldn't grow, but we could certainly have that... I just mean like, because if all it's about is temperature, you don't want to get them too hot. Yeah. Well, they're getting hot down there, you're wearing pants and have you? So have them nearer to the outside of the body.

Well, they are there, and polite society suggests that you don't show your testicles. That's the odd thing, isn't it? That's what's happened somehow, that we've said testicles shouldn't be seen. Well then just got a whole pair of your trousers if it's only about keeping them cool and because they're too hard, why don't you just hang them out your shorts? Because there's too many sort of seats that I th th th th th th th th th th th th th thed thed thed thed thed that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that's that's that's that's that's that I've that's that's that we've that we've that we've that we've that we've that we've that we've that we've that we've that we've that we've that we've that we've that we've that we've that we've that we've that we've that we've that we've that we've that's that we've that's that's that's that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that's that's that's that that that that's that's ta tha's tha's thaea'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a' that's that's that's that's that saying? Where would you put them? Somewhere like, um, sort of under the ears. So it sort of just looks like lobes. So you would redesign your body to have a pair of testicles hanging from your ears. And when people are sometimes talking, they do sort of mess with their ears and are always saying check for lumps. More handy. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Had a late night last night because I stayed up to watch a program about monkeys.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. It's already good. Now before I read on, I mean is this not some kind of monkey news? Is this not a late return to monkey news? Uh, well it's not, it's not that good. Whereas the other Whereas the other monkey uses... Oh, chimpanzees lights and more shit! This is what he says. This is what he'd gleaned from the program about monkeys. It sat on a bridge and wanted stuff off people to walk over the bridge. What? So it was acting as some kind of toll booth for the today. This is ridiculous. No, it was a bridge in, the bridge, the bridge, the bridge, the bridge, the bridge, the bridge, the bridge, the bridge, the bridge, the bridge, the bridge, the bridge, the bridge, the bridge, the bridge, the bridge, the bridge, the bridge, the bridge, the bridge, the bridge, the the the the, the, the the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the, the, the the the the the the the the the the th. It, th. It's thran. It's thrown. It's throwne. It's throwne. It's throwne. It's throwne. It's throwne, throwne, throwne, thean, throooooomean, thean, thean, the on a bridge and a lot of tourists go through the area. No, it's a monkey who realised that if he sits there, it gets stuff because it looks like it's a cute

little chimbegging. No, but every time. Yeah, because you give a monkey, oh I'm bad as him now. If you give a chimpanzee a banana, and he starts realizing that humans have things to give th thiiiiiii. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. Sc sc sc scrials that. And thi. thi thi. thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thri-a thi, thoes thoes thoes thoes go thoes go thoes, a thoes, a thi, a thi, a thi, a thi, a thi, a thi, a thi, a thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thrie, thrie, thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooes, thi, thi, th'm bad as him now, if you give a chimpanzee a banana and he starts realizing that humans have things to give. You have any sauceful, you learn that. If you don't go, oh you wouldn't say or went to the park the squirrels waiting at the gate, you have to give him a child to go in, they don't there are only going to give me a minute, they come up the bridge right now. It's a bit bad really because the monkey should work harder for its food. It made me remember the slug I saw yesterday that was eating bird poo. Nobody would ever help a slug with food like they do with ducks and monkeys. A slug's

life is pretty bad. The only time they come out of their den is when it's raining. Den. So even their days out are depressing. Do you know what I mean? No. It is like, it's a horrible thing to be in it. A slug. I love him talking about why is it like to be a slug. No, just because like the monkey, even though it's being quite aggressive, everyone was like, oh, give it some water. It was like, it was well like, you know chocolate bars bottled water some like you know fizzy stuff and all that and I part it was listening to monkey's he could

have had one if he wanted one it was getting away with murder on that bridge and that's just because it was furry yeah if that was like a blob like a slug there's no way people would be that friendly told they. And it just the noise you to theyl I'm the too's to to to they. It's they. to to to they. to they. they. they. they. It just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just to to to to to to to they. to to to they. to to their. It's just to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to they. I. I. I was. I'm just. I'm just. they. they. the they. I'm just. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the toe. to to to to to to to matter what creature you are, favouritism. And that slug was only eating that bird poo because it wasn't being offered stuff. If it was offered toffi or whatever. Well it's just sad, isn't it, it's come to that. That's what it's just sad, it's just, it's and it's just sad, it's just a lot, it's a lot. It's raining, and it's depressing and it'll probably get killed

in a bit and that was its last meal I just... Last meal? People don't care. But it wouldn't prefer steak and chips Carl. It doesn't have... It must have a leaf. It must like a leaf or you know at the end of day it's an gang. It's part of that. No, it's part of... They hang out together. They hang out together. Why do you think it's part of that game? It knocks about in the woods in the same place as a spider does. But all I'm saying is, they're eating boring stuff because that is what's in their area. It's not boring stuff to them. They're not. I have no opinion of it's thiiiiiiiiiiiiiop. I thiop. I thin opinion thiop. I have thin opinion thiii. I have thin thi. I have thi. I have thi. I have thi. I have thi. I have thi. I have thi. I have that that thin. I have that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that. I that. I that. I that. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thin. I thi. I thin. I thin. I thi. I have no thi. I have thi. I have thi. I have thi. I have thi. I have thi. I have thi. I have thi. I have thi. I have thi. I have thi. I have thi. I have thi. is what you eat. When I'm in London, I'll have beans on toast for lunch. On holiday? What? Tapas, go on, I'll have a bit.

So it's whatever you eat what's in that area. Suzanne went off to work and I went to the shop to buy some envelopes. The shop was empty, but the fellow behind the counter was on the phone and just kept to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. I started to count backwards from 20. When I got to 6 he hung up and served me. I won't use the shop again. Question, why count backwards from 20? So he's thinking what's going to happen at 1? If I started carrying from 1, he's going well. Let him carry on. What? Out loud? Not really loud, but like, more of a mouth action. So he could see who was doing it. You know what? Sorry, you just started miming counting backwards

to a man in a shop. He's on the phone. The shop is empty. I thought he'd like me custom. He could have served me and stay on the phone. Even though I don't like that, at least he's still doing what he needs to do in the shop. I just said, sorry, can I just get these please? Yeah. Well I stood there and I tho I their their their tho. tho. their their tho. tho. tho. tho. their their their tho. tho. tho. tho. their their their their tho. their s. their s. their s' the shop. the shop. the shop. the shop. the shop. the shop. the shop. the shop. the shop. the shop. the shop. the shop. the shop. the shop. the shop. the shop. the shop. the shop. I's. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm the the the th th th th th th tho. tho. S. S. S. S. thoooooomea. S. S. Sote. Sote. Sote. S. Sote. the the the the the the the the the the thought it's annoying me now, my kidney is aching and I started to get a bit of a sweat on. So I thought, right, I'm going to give him 20 seconds and if he hasn't got off the phone, I'm leaving. And when I got to about six, he served me. What's wrong with that? I get giving yourself a thing.

I could have been strenust a thranthi.. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, that, that, that, that, that, that, th.. th. th. th. th. thi, and if, and if, and if, and if, and if, and if, and if, and if, the, and, and, th.. And, th.. And, th. And, and, th. And, and, th. And, and, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, and, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. thi. thi. thi. that, I that, I that, that, that, that. that, thi. tha. thi. And, if, if, if's free to walk, yeah, the streets. No, I set myself a little target and I thought I don't want to waste another 30 seconds in here, I'll give him 20. It worked. He had served me at 6. It didn't work. Yeah, but did he do it because you were doing that or did he finish his phone call? I don't know, I was busy counting. I don't know, I was busy th busy counting. I was busy counting. I was busy counting. I was busy counting. I was busy counting. I was busy counting. I was busy counting. I was busy counting. I was busy counting. I was busy counting. I was busy counting. I was busy counting. I was busy counting. I was busy th. I was busy counting. I was busy counting. I was busy counting. I was busy counting. I was busy counting. I was busy counting. I was busy counting. I was busy counting. I was busy counting. I was. I was busy. I was busy. I was busy th. I was busy counting. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I was busy counting. I was busy counting. I was busy counting. I was busy counting. I was busy counting. I was busy counting. I was busy counting. I was busy counting. I was busy counting. I was busy counting. I was busy counting. I was busy counting. I was busy counting. I was busy counting. I was busy counting. I was busy counting. I was busy counting. I was busy counting in the world. There was a human head attached to a seagull's body in a jar. Is that all it says? This is the sort of weird stuff that goes on behind surgery doors. I doubt it ever flew because the head would have been too heavy. Well of course it wasn't written, it didn't happen. It wasn't live. No but they try this stuff don't they? That's like that that program I watch with a a the their their their th. W w w w w w w w w w w w w wo. W. W. W. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. th. the. the. the. the. t. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. te. te. tog. tog. tog. tog. tog. tog. tog. tog. tog. tog. tog. toge. toge. toge. toge. toge. togethey try this stuff, don't they? That's like that program I watch with a monkey... Well, who has ever tried to put a human head on a seagull's body? They've done loads of stuff like that. It's part of us moving on, isn't it? What are you talking about? I'm not going to get into arguing about it, because it's all behind close doors? How do you think we can change a heart now, thap thi.. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that, that, that, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. They' tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. They's th. They's th. They's th. They's, th. They's, th. They's, th. They' th. They' th. They' th. They' th. goes on in hospitals but we let it happen because it's to help us out in the long run.

But what are they aiming towards when they're going to find out if you can put a head on a seagull's body? What is that, what are they to want to learn and what do they, how do they want to apply that knowledge? A new to to to to to to to to to to to be, to be, to, to, to, to, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, to, th me, to, to help, thrapothea, their, their, thoge, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, help help help help us us us us us us us us us us us us us us us us us us us us us us, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, help, their, help, help, tapotrugniphapotrugniphapotrapotrapotrapotrapotrapote, tapote, tape, help, t to save money on transport? Instead of getting a bus pass you go, can I put a head on the seagulls body? I go, well it won't work. Try it. Yeah, but it is, there is odd things like that, like, uh, I saw a fish the other day, right? Honestly, it's the weirdest thing, it was just like a blob with a face. Now I would never have said yeah let that swim about I'd have killed it from day dot I would have got rid of them. Under what circumstances would you have killed that from day dot? Oh what I'm just saying looking at it I'd say that does not work and it looked sad it looked like it didn't want to be allowed. Have you got a number?

Have you got her a number? Now of course for those of you who have not been keeping abreast of Carl's medical complaints, just brings up the speed car. You had to go into hospital this week because previously you'd had... I've been in and out of that hospital just with kidney problems, really painful and what have you? And, you have kidney stones all right. No, no, but seriously. Monday. I had a bit of a lion today because I have to get up early for my operation. Not only if I got to have tubes shoved up my knob, but I also have to get up at 550.

Suzanne said I could have what I want for my last dinner. It's not your last dinner. you're going for an operation. Yeah but you can't take things for granted these days. I had Shepard's Pie and Peas. Suzanne made it from scratch. As nice as it was it was annoying because making stuff from scratch means loads of pots and it's my job to do the washing up. So much as the food was nice there was loads of pans and that. People who get their last dinner on Death Road I have to wash up. to to to to to to to to wash up up up up up. to wash up. the to to the to the to the to the to to the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. the. the. S. thi. S. thea. thea. Sea. Sea. Suu. Su. Su. Su. Su. Su. Su. S. S. S. S. S.. Got up at 5.55. You were supposed to get up at 550 on the other page? You were 5 minutes late getting up. He's often late. Off and late. No, just because I needed to have water. Before 6 o'clock they said, don't have anything after 6 o'clock? They said don't have anything after 6. Well, don't it tooks me to have water though, does it? Why do you say 550 in the first place? Because then it tricks me Ed, done it, going, oh, I had an extra five minutes.

Tricks me Ed. Because then it tricks me, Ed. It... Got to the hospital and had to wait in the waiting room. There was another nine people in their waiting to be sorted. I got woke up when they were ripping a pipe out of my throat. I felt more rough this time. The doctor came to see me and said he couldn't find a stone so I must have passed it. I said are you sure? He said yeah we filled your kidney with water and expanded it and there was

no hiding place. I sat in the recovery room for an hour while they found me that the theater. One of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. the doctor. the doctor. their. their. their. their. The doctor. The doctor. their. their. their. the doctor. the doctor. the doctor. the doctor. the doctor. the doctor. the doctor. the doctor. their. their. their. the doctor. the doctor. the doctor. the doctor. the doctor. the doctor. the doctor. the doctor. the doctor. the doctor. the doctor. the doctor. the doctor. their. their. tod. I. todd. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. It was. It couldn't wake him up. All the nurses were laughing because he didn't want to wake up. I bet they were laughing at me when I was in the theatre. Someone told me they totally strip you when they're operating. I would have looked like the alien on the Boswell incident. Boswell! Boswell! Boswell! It's a nice analogy if it weren't for the night. It's quite a 60-year-old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old the the the the the the the the for the fact that you said Boswell. The Roswell incident didn't sleep much through the night because there was a 60-year-old fellow shouting at the nearest about his pillows. I don't think I slept through a full hour with one thing or another going on. My bed was next to the toilet so I kept hearing the flush. How do they sleep in their bed? How do they sleep in there? It's always like 90 degrees. There's no air. Is that to make you drink water? I don't know

what it is. There's no air. There's an old fellow across from me who kept breaking wind. He didn't even try and cover it. It was just a that age way he didn't care. Just like That's what I do. I'm doing. I'm a little. It's that, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, to do to do, I, I, I, to do, I, I, I, to do to do told, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to to to to to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to do, to do to do to do to do to do to to to to to to to to to to to to to me, is, is their, is their, is, is their, is to me, is to me, to me, is to me, is to me, is to me, is to me, is to me, is to make to me, is to me It'll leave me alone. What'd you mean? Just I don't know what was wrong with him. I talked to him because at first I felt sorry for him. I was a little bit like, you know, he's had no visitors. No one's calling him up, so I'll talk to him. But then he got that familiar with me, that he'd just be doing it whilst I'm chatting to him. Just like, he's my granddad or he's my, he's my, he's my grand, he's my grand, that, that, that, he's my grand, that, to to to to to to be to to be to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to told, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be to to be to be to to to to to told. told. told. their the. the. the. the the. the. the the. told told to to to to to to to to that. Honestly unbelievable. He didn't even try and cover it with a cough. It was just like that. It's just like... How would you cover it with a cough?

Just non-stop. Got home and sat down. My pains are coming back, but the doctor said this would happen that me inside are still in shock so I need to take it easy. It's nine o nine nine nine nine nine nine nine nine nine nine nine nine nine nine nine nine nine nine nine nine nine nine nine. It's nine. It's nine. It's nine. It's nine. It's nine. It's nine. It's nine. It's nine. It's nine. It's nine. It's nine. It's nine. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to. to to to to to to to to to to to to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that take it easy. It's nine o'clock I'm in agony I can't do the diary for the rest of the day Jesus. So you may as waltz would just tell us then what happened? Right well yeah after that went back in. Suzanne just got frustrated with me because it was rolling about on the floor and she was trying to watch Arthur right? that was on the other night. I think it was when you lodger. So um... And she said, look, if you're in pain, do something.

She said, you know, you went and got a cold plate. Yeah. No, use an ash dry. Plates are for liver damage. She said, right, come on. Let's actually, I can't put up with this. It was like two o'clock in the the the the the the the the the flat and what have you. Got in a taxi, he filled up on the way which was annoying. He did it. He did. He was cheeky. I mean he could see it.

On the way to the hospital. Because he was not an ambulance driver. Did you explain that? I was in that sort of thing where you just can't be bothered. Do you know what I mean? I was in a sweat and he came back with a scratch card and some barbecue briquet. So. gets us there and he doesn't charge us which is pretty decent of it. So I go in and he's like I don't know if you've been in like A&E at like, you know, half two in the morning, it's just depressing. Fluorescent light doesn't help because it makes everyone look iller than they actually are. So in there there there was a woman who was just sat there crying. She wasn't holding onto any part of the body, she was just sitting winging. And when you're feeling bad, you've got that going on.

So you just want to tell her to shut up. There was a fella who was like moped over, that's someone I just chucked in. Moped over. It looked like somebody had just sort of found him in. Yes! Who's the guy the guy the guy the guy the guy the guy the guy. Nurse? Who's the guy moped over? So this gay fella came through. How's he the name is gay? Just the way he was, I'm not having a go, he was a good fella. Do you know what I mean? A doctor you mean? No, he was like a nurse. Right. And he came through and just sort of went, oh, how are you? And I was like, I've better days. So he got out of it. As you mentioned the diary, I remember the first time when I came here, they said the nurse might put a tablet up me arse, I thought the chances of that happening had just increased.

Oh God! Yeah, but I would have let him do it, honestly. I was that sort of out of it. Of course you'd let's do it. He's a qualified nurse. the nurse. He's a nurse. He's a the nurse. He's a the he. He's a he. He's a qualified. He's a qualified. He's a qualified. He's a qualified. He's a qualified. He's a qualified. He's a qualified. He's a qualified. He's a qualified. He's a qualified. He's a qualified. He's a qualified. He's a hea. He's a qualified. He's a hea. He's a hea. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He. He's. He. He. He's. He. He's a he. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He's a he. He. He. He's a the the the the the the the the the t. He's a t. He's a tap. He's a tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tablet. He's a tablet. He's a tablet. was just a tablet for sorting out my blood pressure, and I walked in there and he went, oh hello, and he said, yeah, let's pop that, I'd go, hang on a minute. But what I mean is that night, I would have just let him put three up, honestly. It's just weird, in it, how your body just goes, let him get on with it? You trust anyone, when you're that you that you're, when, whenthey're a qualified nurse yes. They gave me some morphine and we sort of had caved in again like last time and then the pain went but anyway just turns out that I had a load of like blood clots in the bit from my kidney to my bladder and that was acting as a sort of a stone again. So that's just a scave isn't it where it's a cure in it? No. No. No. No. No. the, so. the, so. the, so. the, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's a the the the the the the the the the the the the the their, and their, and the the the the the the the the the the the pain, and the pain, and the pain, and the pain, and the pain, and the pain, and the pain, and the pain, and the pain, and the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and th. And, and thin, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and's a cure in it? No, but all the work, when they blew up the kidney, they blew up the kidney, they blew up the kidney four times it's normal size, so there was no hiding place for the stone. So when they did that, it caused a lot of blood, it must have ripped the sides of

it and stuff. And then that blood that was was was was was that blood was that, that, the blood was, the blood, the blood, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thoomk.. thoomere, thoombs, their, their, thoom. And, th. And, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the, the, the, thee. to. too, too, too, tooome. It, tooome. It, tooome, toda, today, their, their, their, their, their, their sort of had problems getting through all this thick blood that they've caused. So the weirdest thing that happened when I was in there, right? The morning, like, after I'd had the morphine and what have you, right? I slept pretty well, but I woke up and the, you have like a telly for your own bed, like, you're allowed to use if you pay for it, right? So the glow from that that that that that that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I th that I th th that I th th th th the the th th the th the th th th the thi had I had I had I had the the the thoan the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. was had had I had th. I had th. I had th. I had th. I had thea. I had thea. Soane. Soane. Soane. Soane. Soane. Soa' thea' thea'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n't th. I allowed to use if you pay for it. So the glow from that woke me up because they come on at about 10 past 7. And the tel is in front of your head. So you're getting this glow and you're going, oh, what's that now? And I looked at it, and all I had written on it is Carl received bad news about your father. Right? And I was like, is this what they do now? Because it's such a big hospital

that they just text your sort of news to your bed. And I was kind of like, what's, like I say it was early, it was 10 past 7 or whatever. What's going on? I didn't have my mobile, Suzanne took that. And I was looking, I read it again and I thought it might come up with more like what's up with him. Turns out it was just a review for neighbours. It just tells you... It tells you what's on the tele, that day. And there's some fellow in neighbours who's called Carl, whose dad went bad. So that sort of woke me up with it. I had a bit of a shock then. It was kind of like, so I was wide awake at like quarter past seven in the morning morning morning art went a bit fast because I thought something that happened to me dad.

Carl of course has written a poem about the experience entitled my ward. All I've done here, I've been through a, you know, I don't know what the word is, a bad experience. Trauma. Yeah, I've been through a load of trauma. So I'm just finishing it off with a little sort of picture for people. Go on then. In my ward. I know it's called me ward. Me, a Chinese fellow and an old bloke who looked like Mr Burns from the Simpsons. Don't know what was wrong with him, but breaking wind was the symptoms. No one visited him or called him.

He seemed quite lost to me. As well as wind problems, he had a colostomy. When I to to to to to to to to to to the to to to told I I I I I to to to to to to to to to to to the the to to the the the to the the the the the the lost to me. As well as wind problems, he had a colostomy. When I left, I said, see you to the old man. Turned out the other fellow wasn't Chinese. He was from Japan. I never found out what was up with him. You've got a little picture there, haven't me sat there with that fellow who didn't talk to, the old fellow who had wind problems, and that's what a poem is, isn't it? But the detail about, you thought he's Chinese and he turned it to be Japanese, how is that evocative?

That's just a piece of misinformation. It's just like, he could have gone back back, and, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to be, to tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thei. And, thei. And, thei. And, thei, the, the, the the the, the, the the, the, the, the, the, the, the the, the, tho, tho, tho, tho. And, tho. And, too. And, too. And, too. And, too. And, too. And, too. And, too. And, tho. And, tho, tho, tho. And, like he even makes digressions within his poem. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? It's like he could have gone back and erased that, but he didn't. He left that digression in and I think that's great. It's pretty honest. Yeah. So, you know, you've done quite a few bits there from the diary. The other week you were saying a diary to sort of be famous and what have you? It's got to have a big event in it. That's a big event in my life, right?

Peeps did a diary that had big events in it. You said about the fire on pudding lane. I had a kidney stone here. You write about puddings you've had. So is that now, is that as big as, is that a proper diary thing? It's a proper diary anyway. I think personally the five or six pages you've written about your ill health are genuinely interesting and I'm sure in years to come people, it will be an interesting evocation of the NHS in this modern age and how it is what it's like to be in hospital.

What are the diaries are out there? Well a lot of them are their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. A thi. A thi. A thi. A thi. A thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I their. I their. I their. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm t. I'm t. t. te. te. te. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. What are the diaries out there? Well a lot of them are fictional of course, Bridget Jones and the like. There are lots of memoirs but to publish a whole diary I mean you can get... The two most famous diaries I'd have thought was Peeps and Anne Frank. Yeah. But Kenneth Williams diaries were published after his death. Many celebrity diaries have been published, Alec Guinness, people like that. And is that just there last year or did they do it when they were doing a lot? Because if they're old and sort of not working well, a diary doesn't, isn't that good? Well often the moments, you know, prior to their passing are some of the

most interesting. You see their final thoughts and final days. Yeah, but they just, you say different things. You say different things. You say, you say, you say different things. You say, you say, you say, you say, you say, you say, you say, you say, you say, you say, you say, you say, you say, you say, you say, you say, you say, you say, you say, you say, you say, you say, you say, you say, you say, you say, you say, you say, you say, thi, you say, you're, th, thi, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, th. And, and, and, and, and, and, th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th. th, th, th. th. th. th, th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, or, they're, they're, sort, or, or, or, they're, or, or, or, or, or, they're, or, or, or, they're to go under and you're thinking this might be it, different thoughts on the world. Do you know what I mean? Different priorities. That's the most profound thing that you thought that you know it was because of your illness? Um, just as I went under, the last thing I said to this woman was, oh, you look different with a hat on. And, oh, you look different with a hat on, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, the th. Oh, th. Oh, their, th. Oh, th. Oh, thi. Oh, their, thi, their their, their, their, the most, the most, the most the most their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their their their their their their their their their their their their th. thr-s. thro. thro. thro. th. th. thro. th. th. th. throo. th. thro. the most, gave me the injection and she'd been round to the bed before Anne sort of saying right you're allergic to this can you eat strawberries and I was a bit like why are you asking me that? She went well no a lot of people are allergic to strawberries and I was saying but is the any trace of strawberries in the stuff and he's like no it's just a lot of people and I said well no I they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're allergic to to to to to they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're are they're are they're are they're are they're are they're are they're are they're are they're are they're are they're are they're are they're are they're are they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're allergic to to to to to to try. th th th th to thi th thi are allergic to to to to they're allergic to to to they're allergic to they're they're they're then she's like what about fish and I said I like some I'm not them all and and then she turned to Sue's at that point and said it what do you know of anything he can't eat she sort of said like turning to the mother yeah when the child can answer and but she she was this woman and she

didn't have a hat on or anything and then when I went down there I didn't realize it was the same woman until I was lying there and she started to inject me and I just said oh you look different with that on and then I went out and when I woke up the woman sort of came around and just sort of said oh weird that that was the last thing like you said and that made me think that could have been my last you know like fighting on the beaches or whatever. That could have been my little thing. You look different with a hat on, Carl Porkington. Oh God. In his own way, it is quite wise.

People do look different with hats on. I think his last words would be something like, can this kill you? Yeah. Suzanne, can you drink bleach? My ma'am called me to ask me to like... Fami you're right, like, look, that should be. My ma'am called me to ask me to look in some of the magazine shops in London for a magazine that she can't find. It's called UFO data.

I said, I ain't heard of it. She said she's seen an advert for it in one of her ghost magazines. I love the fact that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she ghost magazines. I love the fact that she can't even find the magazine about unidentified flying objects. Yeah, yeah. So we get a clue there. She thinks I think I saw something but I don't want it with a magazine or not. So we get a clue there as to why you, you give any credence to this crap? Yeah, well, it's, you know, I mean... Mama Pilkington's into the same shit. There's a lot of space out there, isn't they?

She said that this magazine has got news story about how Aldrin, brackets, astronaut, has got some evidence that aliens exist. Yeah. I told her that I found out today that the days are about 36 minutes longer on Mars. We chatted about how this is how they are more advanced at us. Do you mean the Martians? Yeah, if they've got a longer day, that's more time that they're awake working on stuff. Right, yeah, we know that makes no difference at all. No it does. Think about it. Look, think about it. Six o'clock here, people are going, to see you tomorrow. They'll be going, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, their. their. their. their. their, their, their, their, their, th. th. th. th. their, their, th. th. th. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their, their going home. They'll be going on another half hour. They've got a longer day, productive. And that's why they're able to fly.

That's why they're whizzing around. Oh, Christ Almighty, what drivel! Suzanne got in from work at 1130. I told her about the UFOs in Mars. She said she's too tired to chat. I said, does it mean thi mean thi mean thi mean thi mean thi mean thi mean thi mean thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin' thin' thi thi thi thi thi tired to chat. I said does it mean aliens will be more tired than us or do they get more sleep? I got no answer. I love it with too, like I said she never indulges you. No, it scares her. Anything with ghosts and UFOs she sort of...

It doesn't scare her, it boars her. No it speaks her. Ha ha ha ha. Okay. I knack her today and the face feels dry and spotty. I'm knackered today and the face feels dry and spotty. Oh God, it starts off! It starts off moaning! The first thing he does is start moaning! He wakes up and goes, oh fuck me, I didn't die. Oh, oh god! I'm knacker today and my face feels dry and spotty. I think it's the change in water since being away. Or it could be all the Madeira cake I had yesterday. I'm gonna burst.

But what's the Madeira cake dries you out, does it? Well it's just quite fattening, isn't it? It's one of my god, I went for the the to to to the to to to the to the. I just want to be little pleas. I went for a wander about to try and find the UFO data magazine from a male. I didn't know which category to look under it there were too many magazines. I noticed how on the rude magazines the women are being pretty rude on the cover but on the gay magazines is just a fellow smiling showing a bit of arse. I don't know why gay blokes would buy it. Blokes have got their own knob to look at if they like knobs. Why were you looking at the game magazine?

No, I wasn't. It's just like... Oh, you were? You studied them. Yeah, because I was looking for UFO data. I don't know where they put it. I don't think you find evidence about the world without men's patterns. Yeah, I I don't do you want to boldly go where no man has ever gone before, Carl. I had no luck trying to find the UFO data magazine. I will try some other shops. He rather writes UFO data magazine every time. He can just put UFO maguag. No, but it reminds me. It sort of to write stuff to write stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff. remember it more. Sure. Still looking for it. Got some post from Oxfam. They're flogging animals for Africa again. They've got new animals in their catalogue now. They've got donkeys

and alpacas. Donkeys 50 quid, alpacas 20 pains. I don't know if this is a special rate or if I could get one from a ma'am. She's been saying how they've been missing having a pet Sorry, you don't get it. If you buy that for someone you don't get it. Yeah but they're not bothered where they're going. Yes they do. Of course they don't. They don't, they don't deliver them. It's not like they're in a warehouse wondering, people are thinking I hope people buy this. They're going to put them out there. They're at the endaca to Africa, and I'm saying, can you get one to London? To them, that is less hassle. Right, that don't... Carl, that's not how it works. You can't just go and say, oh I'll have one of them. They're not bothered, it's for charity. Of course they are.

You can't buy an alpacqa for 20 quid. Read about a pub that is getting some stick because they've stopped a horse going in. It's been the horse is regular for ages. But there's been some new owners who've taken over the pub and they said they're serving fresh fruit and don't want a horse in there anymore. She taught me some way to breathe that will relax me. I wasn't feeling that relaxed though because the person behind the counter was banging about making a coffee. Noise stresses me out. I wonder if less deaf people die of stress than people with working ears do. Oh, it's the theoris. It is such a noisy world though, isn't it? London is noisy, very noisy. I think just everywhere, just noise in general. They were saying now, like every noise has been used at least five times or something. What do you mean?

Because there's only so many noises in the world. I don't know what you're talking about. No, there's only so many noises. What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? Every noise has been used five times? I don't know what that times? I know what it means. I don't know. I have no idea. Every noise has been used at least five times. There's only so many noises. It's like a piano, isn't it? There's only so many notes. Yeah. And there's only so many noises. Right. But because there's so much stuff, the same noises are being used again. I don't know what that means. By whatever. the the the the the the the noise. the their. their. the. the. thea. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. tho. tho. thoom. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes those. Every those. Every. Every. thoes has has thoes has thoes has thoes. Every. Every. thea. thea. thea. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. It's the. It's thease. It's thease. It's thease. It's three. thease. thease. thease. thease. thease. three. Every noise. thease. Every noise. three. whom? Who's reusing the noise? By whatever. So a woodpecker

when it's woodpecking? Yeah, yeah, some birds make noises that would sound like a Ford escort just because there's only so many noises that people can use. What is he talking about? Noises are a byproduct. Noises are a byproduct. They don't, a machine, they don't go what should we make this noise, make this machine, it makes the noise it makes when it's doing something. Why does it make that noise? Why not pick another noise? They don't pick the noise? I know. A print in press makes the noise because it's the sound of the thing going down. Yeah, you know a hammer makes that noise because that's what it's going. I don't know what you mean. You said the byproduct is because of something that's happening, right? But it's the physical action isn't it and the way that that impacts on the surrounding air, that's what, you

know, how noises are manufactured. It's not a choice. When Stevenson Drock came and I went, they went, you make it go, ymma ma'am ma'am-amamah, yamma ma'am, ma'am, ma'am, ma'am, it's what, that's the noise it made? I know, but then, say like a new frog comes out. Oh, what do you mean a new frog comes out? They find a new type of frog, it makes a noise, and they go, oh, that sounds like a thrue, I I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, that, that, that, that, that, I, I, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that never heard that noise before they go that sounds like a chicken or it sounds like a Ford Escort or there's only so many noises. What from the phone scoats like a Ford Escort? No but they can't be many because you've used sport escort twice as an analogy here so you're running out of

noises you come up with chicken and escort so far I can't but the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th is is is is is the the thoy is is is is I I I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I'm th is I can't I can't I can't the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th is is is is I th is I th is I th is I th is th. I can't is I can't is. I can't th. I can't th. I can't threat is. I can't tho. I can't tho. I can't tho. I can't tho. I's tho. I can't the. I'm the. I'm the bit like an Austin Allegro. I know, yeah, and a chicken, you're ripping off the turkey, you're gun. I read a bit in the news about people being injured while trying to cut open avocados. It's a food that ain't worth injuring yourself for. If it's a hassle to get into, leave it to the experts. I have never bought one. I have also avoided coconuts and pineables. The amount of hassle to get into these things outweighs the joys they give. It's the same reason I never bought a pair of Dr Martin boots. Too much hassle when it's time to take them off.

Yeah, a lot of my mates used to wear them in like the 80s. You know, you can't just kick them off, can you? It's a their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. You can't just their. You can't just their. You can't just, you're their. You can't just, you're their. It's a their. It's a th. It's, you're th. It's, you're their, you. It's, you. It's, you. It's, you. It's, you. It's, you. It's, you. It's, you. It's, you. It's, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're their. their. their. their. You're their. You're their. You're their. their. their. It's, you're their. It's, you're their. It's their. It's a their. It's a their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's, you're their. It's, you're their? It's a big up evil. You've got to unlaced them. Yeah, I mean, since I found shoes with Velcroft on them, brilliant. Just the way, I don't understand why the laces... Is it because you can't tie your laces? No, I can't do it, but I can't do it, but it's wasted time. Wasted time. Wasted time, that gives don't. But this is what I mean, he's

got too much time on his hands. Sitting around at home thinking, why are we not using Valcro more? Why are we? Why are we? Why are we not using Valcro, Manufacture going, yes. At last he said what you said, whatcro toupe. Because that would be great if we could do that. If someone could invent a little hair piece for Carl, Valcro is the little bit of fluff he's got on the top of his head, his shiny orange-like head. Pop a little Valko tupay on. I would love that. I would love to get him wearing a wig.

But why necessarily reduce it to a tuk? carrying device. You know he could carry goods and things around in there sandwiches. Yeah he doesn't look like carrying a bag. Well what about that? A little thing you carried around a little vocco thing you carried a pot on your head for your sort of like keys and trinkets and money and that. Well no I've told you the idea that's out there but hasn't caught on as well the tie. The tie with loads of pockets and stuff the pockets and stuff the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tho tho thozy tie. Tie. Tie tie tie tie tie tie. tie thie. thie. thie. thie thie thie. thie. thie thie. thie's the tie the tie the tie. the tie. the tie. the tie. the tie. the tie. the tie the tie the tie the tie the the thie thie thie thie thie thie thie thie thie thie thie th th th thie thie th th th the the the the. the the an the and the and. the. the. the. the. the. the. thee an thie thien tie. Yeah but that'd be quite nice won't it? I've never wore a tie because I always think what's the point? It's just stanging there in the way. Can you imagine this image of Carl's walking around in his big the shoe's? A tie with a tie with a shirt? A tieshirt? No, wear it with a shirt, that's what I'm saying it's an invention that will smarten up the world. Now a tie, what does a tie do exactly? Yeah. What does it do? Nothing. Right. So I'm saying make it do something. But I'm saying don't wear it at the tie in the trouser pocket or tak. No because because the world is getting more and more that that that that that that that thi thi thuuuuu thu thu thu tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. What tie. What tie. What tie. What tie. What tie. What tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. What tie. What tie. What tie. What tie. What tie. what that means. When you look back at like Victorian times and everything, everyone wore a hat, they wore a tie, they wore a suit, and it was a nicer looking place

to look at. When you see it on pictures you go, what a smart world that is. Well, you can't see cholera and things on pictures, but sure. No, but I'm just saying it's better to try and cover it up with a bit of, you know, you, you, you, you nicer with more cloth. Whereas now everyone's rowing about scruffly. So what I'm saying is, if we make the tie more useful and give it a purpose, it might come back and the world will look tidier. But a tie, its purpose is to look smart really. Well originally it was because we didn't have buttons so it kept the collar up the tie and that was the invention. It was a useful invention invention. It was a invention. It was a invention. It was a tie, it, it, it, it was a tie, it, it was a tie, it was a tie, it was a tie, it was a tie, it's tie, it's tie, it, it's, it, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, tie, tie, tie, tie, tie, tie, tie, tie, tie, tie, tie, tie, tie, tie, tie, tie, tie, tie, the, tie, tie, tie, tie, the, the, the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. ttthe. the. the. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, It was called a tie, it tied together, okay? So then when we had buttons, that we didn't really need the tie, but it was a symbol of smartness, like saying I've made an effort, okay? But now, that would go away. So now you wouldn't look smart with a tie. They'd go, oh look, it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's, it's, it's, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, their. their their their. their their their their their their their their buttons, we had their buttons, we had their their their. their. their. their. their. their, we their. their. their. their. their. their, we their. their, we their. their, we their. their, we their. their, we're their their their their tie. tie. tie. tien't tien't tien't tien't tien't tien't tien't tien't tien't tien't t making a nest out of. So it would be scruffy. It would make the Thai scruffy so it would defeat the object. So now when you're carrying stuff around, I mean crawling on all fours, they'd go look at that scruffy fucker on all fours. Oh look, look at his lovely head of hair. It's a hat. That's the other problem, isn't it? I can't go back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back that's that's the other. the other. the other. the other. the other. th. the other. the other. th. the other. th. their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their their. their stuff. their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's their. It's their. It's tie. It's tie. It's tie. I. It's tie. It's tie. I. It's tie. I' tie. It's tie. I's tie. I'll. I'll. It's tie. I'll. It's tie. It's of hair. It's a rat. It's a hat. You know that's the other problem, isn't it? I can't go back to a wig now.

My theory about reading Old News is right. It's less bad when you know it's old. It was a story about a weatherman who was fired yesterday for having a nude picture himself on the internet. But that happened two days ago. by now. So old news isn't as shocking. Well, old news isn't news though, is it? It's Olds. What are you doing? Just reading the olds? No, but what I mean is if someone... Stick the video on of last week's news, I just want to catch up on the olds. Yeah, but then it's still news, if news is something that you don't know, isn't it? If someone tells you that information, Carl, not news.

But news is information. No, the key with news is the word new. No, no, no, I don't think it is, is it? It's just information, but they tell you at 10 o'clock at night. It's like, what information's gone on? BONG. That you didn't know before, because you could not, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I, is. the key. the key. th. the key is the key, is the key, is the key, is the key, is the key, is the key. the key. the key. The key. The key. The key. The key. The key. The key. The key. The key. The key. The key. The key. The key. The key. the key. the key. the key. the key. the key. the key. the key. the key. the key. the key. the key. the the the the the the the the the. key. key is. key is. key is. key is. key is. key is. key is. key is. key is. key is. key is. key is. the key, is. have, because it only happened today. Yeah, but never mind that. I'll tell you in a couple of days it doesn't matter as long as you get the same info, bong. Yeah, we can't call it news though because it's misleading. We get down.

It's called Olds. Bong. Yeah, but listen to bring the tone down but someone dies in your family. Now say if you're away on holiday and they don't call you because they don't want to ruin your holiday and you come home and they go Uncle Frank's dead and you go oh when did that happen and they go two weeks ago now because everyone else has got over it it's not as bad for you because part of bad news the news Franks dead but because everyone's tho th th th th th the th the th the th th th the th the th the the th th the the the th th th the the the th th th th the th th th th th tho tho tho tho tho their the their tho tho tho their their their their their their their their they don't they don't they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they's their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their ti ti ti to. to. their their their their their their their their their their their their their the way everyone's walking around moping going, oh have you heard the news, Franks dead. But because everyone's got over it, time is a healer. That's what I mean about old news.

It's better than new news. But yeah, but according to you, the only news that really matters is stuff that affect you. So it doesn't matter when you, there was an earthquake, when was it yesterday? Few, that's all right then. Often the aftermath is worse than the actual event. Two, you only care about things that actually happened to you, so the doctor goes, you got a kidney stone, oh when did this happen? Two weeks ago, oh it's all right then. Doesn't make sense. No, but the world is... You're not upset about dead Uncle Frank just because other people are upset you'd be upset personally would make any difference when you when they told you yeah but it is everyone else's emotions that that make it worse I think

knocking around people who are miserable what about warnings what about when they do things like smog warnings or you know there may be a I don't like it on the news when they sort of say news just in I think oh what's going on but it might be you might be useful useful useful useful useful useful useful you to be to be to be to be to to to the to the to the to to the to to the to the to the to the the the the the the to be the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th is just just just just just just just just just just to be to be to be too. th is. too. too toe. the. thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi.think, oh, what's this? You think, oh, what's going on? But it might be useful to know it. It might be important information. No, it just makes you panic. What? Yeah, but sometimes knowing stuff keeps you alive. Yeah, I don't know if I like it. Sirens, do I? I've said to you, I think it's a scary noise. Well, it's meant to be, so you to get out of the way, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I, I just, I just, I just, I just, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I th. Yeah, I th. Yeah, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, just, just, just, just, th. It's, just, just, just, just, just, just, th. It's, just, just, th. It's, just, just, th. It's, just, just, th. Yeah, the way. No, no, it's not meant to be. It's a sign to get out of the way. I prefer it if it... Like I said, hi, er! Could you just move out of the way for anything?

As long as we know, it can be a chicken noise. But as long as you know, it's not going even though someone is burning to death, there's something clucking in my way. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. That's probably a guy having a heart attack. Go into a mom and dad's today. I'll cut to the chase rake. They basically, we got about four pages while they drive to his mom and dad. Oh, the thanks, the mann, too, too, too, too, too, to to to to to their, their, their, their, tho, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their.. their. their. their. Doo, their. their. their. Doo, their. Doo, their. Doo, their, their, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do, do. Do. Do. Do. Do, do. Do, do. Do, do. Do, d. Do, d. Do, d. Do, d. Do, to. Do, tho. Do, to. Do, their. Do, their. Do, tod. Do, their. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Do, do. Do, do. I'll get past that because it takes fucking forever. Got there, mom and dad, mom made him in some dinner. The old woman next door, brackets,

whose man was a witch. Just pop out in brackets. I think we've discussed that before actually the old woman whose man was a witch. Whose man was a witch? The old woman next door has been worrying because she keeps seeing adverts on the tel about changing to digital TV. She's saying she doesn't want wires drilled into her walls because they'll make a mess. My dad told her that it doesn't matter because it'll probably won't happen until 2012 and she'll be dead by then. He didn't say that to her. He didn't say that to her, you know, she's old. It doesn't? Why is she worrying about it? Maybe that's sorted it out, put it into perspective for her. You will be dead when this happens. Don't be worrying about it. But everybody worries, don't you've got that little hole in your head that you

fill with worries. You know, everyone's got to fill that little hole with worries. the Worry hole. Everyone's got to fill the worry hole. We've never to the worry w worry about. We've the worry the worry th. We've th. We've th. We've th. We've th. We've th. We've got th. We've got th. We've got the worry th. We've got the worry th. We've got the worry th. We've got the worry. We've got the worry. We've got the worry th. We've got tho, we've got tho, we've got tho, we've tho, we're tho, we're tho, we're that's that th. We're th. We're th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, their, their their their thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, th. th in fact the doctors in a million years when they dig this up and go, humans used to have a worry hole. Went to bed around midnight. Suzanne and I decided to sleep tops and tails because it made we get a bit more room. My dad had cut a bit off the mattress to fit it between two cupboards. It's amazing how much of a difference it makes just sawing off a bit of the mattress. You sort of roll to the edge but the weight of the blanket keeps you in. This is like something from a rolled dowel book. No, it's just, you know, you think anything, you can sort of trim anything, can't you? And it normally works, but with a mattress, I mean, he only took off, I don't know how long that is, but he's sown off about that much on a much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much. I. that much. that much. that much. th. that much. thr-au. th. th. thi. thi. throwning, I th. th. th. thi. thi. I is, thi. I is, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll.... I'll, I'll... I'll, th. I'll. I'll. I'll. I. I. I. I. I. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, thrown, thrown, te. It's. It's just. It's just. It's just. It's just. It's just, tr. It's just. It's just. It's th. It's mattress and then has stapled it back together again. Amazing. And it just makes so much difference. Of course it does because our mattress is a very

carefully designed object. Yeah you won't think so though would you? Well you would have a fucking brain you know? I can't know. Someone took his brain out of his worry hole. Oh God! He's sort of matching up. So he's sort of matching up. to sleep tops and tiles. It just gets strange. It's so strange. Why? He did it to make the room nicer with the cupboards on either side. So he sawed a mattress in half. Well not in half. Can you imagine how much hard it must be to saw a mattress in half? What did he use? What, a big electric saw?

Well, it must have been, yeah, because there's a lot of springs and stuff in there. Jesus. So what happens to the springs, they just spring out the side? Well some sort of stick out a little bit, but you're not lying on top, are you? They come out of the side. So it's just got a bit of gaffer tape and a staple gun. Unbelievable! A holy man alive! It's like... Does he run it as a hotel? That's unbelievable. There are squats with better bedding arrangements. Well, we've had a the the the the the mattresses and that, because when we first bought our first flat in Salford, you know what it's like when you buy some way, you sort of, you haven't got any money have you, to buy extra stuff that you need. So we've bought a bed, right? But there's that rip off thing with beds where you buy a bed but a mattress doesn't come with it which I've never understood that because it's not a bed is it without that mattress it's a car without an engine you wouldn't go there you go that seems cheap but there's no engine in it so we bought this we bought this like you you

bought the bed and then oh I'm got a mattress so my dad got one from that Uncle Alf, because he had one in his van that he used to use now and again if he was like travelling round he'd just keep in the back on this mattress. Amazing. A broke who drove around in a van with a mattress in the back. So Uncle Alf, so tell me about Uncle Alf, tell me about Uncle Alf? Well you know about him is the one who slept in a dinghy. Because his mattress is the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the he is. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's he's he. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's just just just just just. He's just. He's just. He's just just. He's just just. He's just. He's just. He's just, where's the bed? Left it in the car again. Oh, blow up the dinghy. Blow up the dinghy. I'm not going to go out and get this time of night. So anyway, my dad got me his mattress and it just stunked a diesel.

And Suzanne was like, oh, I'm not happy with this. And I thii. th. S Suzanne was like, I was like, I was like, I'm thus, I'm thus, I'm thus, I'm thus, I'm thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. the th. th, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm the, I'm not, blow. Blo, blow. Blow. Blow, blow. Blow, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I. Blo, I'm the, I'm the. Blo, I. Blo. Blo. Blo. Bl the. Bl the. Bl the. Bl the. Bl the. Bl the. Blo. Blo. Blo. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Blo. Blo. Blo she landed on her feet when she got you. So now she's always a bit touchy about, you know, mattresses and things. Unbelievable. Uncle Half of course sadly passed away when he couldn't escape from his sinking ship. The fire engines were too late. No one got out the way because they were laughing too much. The mad woman next door me and said, Hello Clive. You live in a nursery rhyme. The old man down the road, the old woman next door who's mugs a witch, Uncle Alph who lives in a dinky.

This is like, not a real place. It's like a fucking Narnia. It's a children's TV program. Oh God. Just all of them now, this broken mattress is trying to find the golden ticket. Oh god. The old fella down the road talked to my dad a bit. He kept bees in the backguard.

Oh for fuck's sake! Here comes the bee man. His yorky dog was knocking about when he was messing him and it ended up getting stung 150 times. For a little bastard! What is he doing? It's not dead but it cost a lot to get all the stings out. I don't know why people keep dangerous pets and insects. The amount of gear he had to wear to play with them is barmy. I don't think he's playing with the beach.

What is he doing then? What thua tho tho th. I th. I tho th. th. th. th. th. tho. th. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. It's tho. tho-hea. tho-hea. It's tho-hea. It's tho. It's tho. It is. It is. It is, th. It is, th. It is, th. It is, th. It is, th. It is, th. It is, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, thi. It, thi. It's, thi. It's thi. It's the. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not tho. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It but I think you should get the dog the same protection. Yeah but but that's just it isn't it? It's like you can't mix your pets. If you've got a snake you don't have a mouse. You know what I mean? They don't get on? And it's the same with them don't have bees. I can't imagine one bit the only thing the only thing the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only only the only only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. things the things. things. things things things things the. the the. the the. the the the the that's that's that's that's not worth messing about wearing a big white suit just to get some honey. There's a shop down the road. Bees are kept for a very good reason, aren't they? What? For honey? Yeah, no, but like I say, you can buy honey for next to nothing. Where do you think, what do you mean? But where does the honey come from that you buy?

Yeah, from some proper bee farm. the pots of honey is looking after himself and the thing with honey is it doesn't go off either. So, so get 10 bees, get the honey made, kick him out. You know, but you eat the honey, that's the point. Yeah I know, but, but... It just, you can't eat it and then it's still there in the jar. It's not magical. Maybe in your word, Uncle Fred, are that never ending jar of honey. the honey, the honey, the honey, the honey, the honey, the honey, the honey, th. th. th. th. I. I. I. I, th. I, th. I, the honey, th. I, th. I, th. I, thin, thin, th. I's, th. I's, the honey, the honey, th. I's, th. I's, thunny. I's thin. It's the honey. It's, the honey. It's, the honey. It's, the honey. It's, the honey. It's, the honey. It's, the honey. It's, the honey. It's, the honey. It's, the honey. It's, the honey. It's, the honey. It's, the honey. It's, the honey. I. I. I's, the honey. I's, the honey, the the the tiny. I's tiny. I'm, today, today, today, tie. today, today, today, tha. the the today. the honey? But how much honey do you eat? What I'm saying is it's one of them things in it that you buy and you can move into a new house, buy some honey and when you leave that house that honey's still in the cupboard. You don't eat that much of it. So get ten bees, get your honey.

Imagine keeping ten bees. Imagine keeping the weight, are they because they go, well I'm not doing any, because I'll leave it to the others. If you've got 10 bees, you know that none of them are pulling the weight if there's no money. That's what I'm saying. No, it's not a workhouse. Bees don't knock around saying, oh, I got a bad back. Anyway, back to this knocked about 400 million years ago. It was 33 feet long and had a jaw strong enough to eat a shark in one go.

All the dangerous stuff seems to die out and yet things that you think wouldn't stand a chance, like worms, are still here, yet they have no legs or eyes. I saw a future human in the news article the other month about the future woman. She had three breasts. They looked all right. Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, th, well, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. Well, th. Well, tho, tho, tho, tho, thu, the thus, the their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. their, their. their. their. their, their, their. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the their, the the the the the the, the, the. I the. I thean, thean, thean, thean, thean, thean, thean, thean, thean, thean, the. We, th other month about the future woman. She had three breasts. They looked all right. Well no, there's not I can't see how that's going to ever evolve. No, well they say about our about evolving and that I read that. There's going to be ugly people. People are starting to go ugly. Yeah, they're still going to have bilateral symmetry I imagine. I don't know what that means. Wow. I'll tell you know. I'll their. their. I'll their. I'll their. I'll their. I'll their. I'll their. I'll their. I'll their. I'll. I'll. I'll the the their. I'll their. I'll their. I'll their. I'll their. I'll their. I'll their. I'll their. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll their. I'll. I'll. I'll their. I'll. I'll their. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the th. I'll. the the the the the the th. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'llthat means, but I'll tell you know, right? They're talking about like people who are just like, you know, you look at them and you go, look at the state of that, right? And it'll get to a point when we're all so ugly that no one will have it away and we're

just going to die out. Well that's not true either. That is the biggest worry. So as we evolve we we change our mindset doesn't change we're still going, oh I wish we'd I wish we looked like they did a million years ago I don't fancy anything. No but look at um look how things do change. But why are we all going to get ugly I don't understand. It's just the air and stuff in it's just the air or the hair you know the air that we breathe and stuff and the food we eat everything's changing and we're not going to look that healthy and we're

just all going to go ugly. You've only got to look at some stuff that's in the sea and you think look at the state of that and that's because they're still propagating. Yeah but they've been around longer than us. but they're deep down aren't in the in the the the the the the the they in they in they in they they they they they the they they they they they the they they they the they they the they the they they they they they they they they they they they they they their human the human their human they they they they their human human human human human human human human human. their human human human human. their human human human human. their human human human human human. their. their. their. their. their. their. the human human human human human their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. they're they're they're th. th. the. the. thean. theananananan. they're theanananananananananan. they're they're deep down, aren't they, in the dark, so they probably can't see what they're having it away with. If they were up on the outside, they'd have died out ages ago. Why? Because they wouldn't fancy the other stonefish or sea slope. Yeah, because they really are odd looking. I can't remember. I the the the name. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I can't. I can't their. I can't their. I can't remember. I can't remember. I can't remember. I can't remember. I can't they. I can't they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're. I they're they're they're. I can't they're. I they're. I they're. I they're. I they're. I they're. I they're. I they're. I. I they're. I they're. I they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're probably they're probably they're the. thea. they're probably they're probably they're probably they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're, the reason... A fish is just a head. It was well ugly. Watched a program about the twins this morning. It was filmed 16 years ago. They are mental. They did everything together, including the vacking up.

Phone calls had to happen twice so they could both have the same chat and they said the same stuff at the same time. Well, weird. The boakkedok, who I that that that that that is someone I've been sort of working with. Sure mate of yours. He said he fantasized about having it away with a pair of twins. I don't see the point in this. If you're going to have two of something, I would prefer to have two different. Have two different women. If I had two cars, I wouldn't have the same one of trainers twice in a row. No, if you're going to have something new, make it make a change.

It's like that fellow who was going out with a woman and then left her and went out of the twin sister. Not worth it. Not worth it! It's not worth the op-evil, is it? Because it's exactly the same model. I watched the final of I'm a celebrity get th th th the th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. the th. their, I, I, I, I, I, I, their, their, their, th. I, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the their, their, their, their, their, their, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th.. I'm a th. I'm a throwne. I'm a throwne. I'm a throwne. I'm a throwne. W. W. I'm thoooo singer Mylene Class, and singer Matt out of a boy band. I had my money on Donovan, but Matt won it. I think it was because of his last task. He ate a fish eye, some grubs, a big fat insect that they have on every year, a crocodile knob and a kangaroo anus.

I feel like we've come there, Rick, to where we entered. It was this time last year when we when started the podcast that we were talking about I'm a celebrity get me out of here and you coined the famous phrase I could eat another night. So it's full circle, it's just the last series finished recently. And it was astounding that he had a crocodile knob, he had a crocodile eye, he chewed up and swallowed a kangaroo's anus, which I, to be honest, I didn't know was a food stuff. Could you eat any of that? If I had to eat any of them, it would have to be the anus. What, really? Yeah, more than the other stuff.

I couldn't eat anything that's still alive. No, I agree. I couldn't eat any ofthat. I don't know under what circumstances I'd have to go, right that's it now. We're not going to survive. The ship isn't coming. There is nothing on this island I can eat. Give me the crocodile's penis. So it wouldn't bother me? I wouldn't eat anytoday. I could do almost all other challenges on the challenges challenges challenges challenges challenges challenges challenges challenges challenges the challenges challenges the challenges that that that that's that's that's that's that's thueueueueueueueueueue. I th. I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could th. I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could the the the the the the the the the the the the thi. thi, thi, tho, tho, tho. tho. thi. I could eat, I could eat, I could eat almost all other challenges on that program, but I couldn't cope in the camp. I couldn't cope with the lack of food and the uncomfortable bed. That's all that would do my head, and I drive people spare, winging and complaining. I couldn't cope with any aspect of it except the physical challenges. I couldn't cope with sleeping with people snoring, the things crawling over here, I'm not so scrimmage about that, like snakes and things, that's all right, but the eating would is ridiculous. It's out

of the question to eat a worm or a grub. It doesn't concern me, I don't know why I I don't see really what the difference in it, the text is probably the same as lots of other things. What would hunger do you though do you think, do you thi, do you thi, do you thi, do you thi, do you thi, do you thi, do you thi, do you thi, do you thi, do you thi, do you thi, do you thi, thi, thi, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin', thin' tho, tho, tho, thin'a, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thooo, thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, tha, tha, tha, th is probably the same as lots of other things. What would hunger do you though do you think? Would you think I would change? Do you think if it really was a choice, if someone said, and I knew I would die if I didn't eat worms, I think you would, yes. I think you'd complain and you'd whinge for a while and you'd try and put it off and you'd hope a ship of crocodile anus. But then where's the rest of the crocodile? Well yeah that's a good point. I say he's been eating that. How come I look at this? You know you meant to come you know work together as a team in bad time and yet I'm being handed an an anus. Forget it.

Woke up to the news about an elephant in India that had sore feet so the locals so the locals so the locals the locals. So locals the locals the locals the locals the locals have the locals have the locals the locals the locals have the locals have the locals have the locals have the locals have the locals have the locals have the locals have the locals have the locals have the locals have the locals have the locals have the locals have made the locals have the locals have the locals have made the locals have made the locals have made the locals have the locals have the locals the locals the locals the locals the locals the locals the locals the locals the locals have the locals the locals the locals the locals have the locals have the locals have the locals have the locals have the locals have the locals have the locals have the locals have the locals have the locals have the locals have the locals have the locals have the locals have made the locals have made the locals have made the locals have made the locals have made their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the locals have the locals have made the locals have made. Tried to look online for a picture, but I couldn't find anything. Sure they've made it two pairs of slippers. Well, I'm only going by the facts in the diary, Rick, and I would have thought that they were absolutely bona fide and fact checked and completely accurate. I'd be very surprised if there's any mistakes in here. I'm sure they've done this for an elephant before. I thought elephants have bad memories. No, but fair enough. I thought elephants have bad memories.

If they have, I'm guessing it's going to keep forgetting where it's left them. I mean, just to get the... If it's a myth, the myth completely wrong. Yeah. Elephants never forget. That's the saying. Not they're dying out. No I love slip. I love a pair of slippers, mate. Just wear socks. Oh, you have a sleigh on a cold, slidy on a piece of lino. I know. And what about if you, you know, maybe

opening a brand new box of thumb tacks? You drop them all over the floor. You're trying to pick them up. Rick I've got to pop across the road to get some milk but it's right opposite I'm sure not going to go in my socks though my body don't want to put on the shoes is mad. No no no no pop some slippers. Perfect yeah yeah but you shouldn't go out any slippers. Why not? Just going out any slippers you shouldn't go out to get some milk to get some milk because they're they're in the slippers. they're they're the they're the the they're the the the they're their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their they're they're they're they're they're they're they're not they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're tryn't tryn't tryn't tryn't try try try try try try try try try try try try try try tip try tip, you can pop out and get the, uh, the paper and, you know, the bottle of metal, can't you, you're in the slippers without, without any harm done? No. Huh. Apparently not. That'll make it into the diary. Try to have a shower, but there was no water. I love it when he calls him and things go wrong with a flat. But I like the fact that he tried to have a water, he tried to have a shower but there's no water. How long did it take you before you realize he's there for 20

minutes? After 20 minutes it's Suzanne should I be dry? Yeah I'm freezing cold. No no you should you should be sort of wet and warm. Right. there thi. the their. there. their. there. their. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their they they they they they they they they they they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they there. You there. You should there. You there. You there. You there. You there. You there. You they they they they they they they they're th. You try. You try. You try. You try. You should should should should should should should should try. You should should should should should should should try. try. try. try. try. You should should should should should try. You should try. Looked outside but couldn't see any work going on. Great in it. In India they can sort out elephants with shoes. In London we have no water. Hung about for a bit but still no sign of any water. Brush my teeth just using the paste and used the little bit that was in the kettle to have a wash. I was pretty chuff that I thought of using that. Suzanne was a bit annoyed because she wanted a cup of tea.

She said, go across the road and buy a big bottle of water. Not in your socks. Pop some slippers on. Go across the road and buy a big bottle, she said, I never thought of that. the throwing, the water in the bottom of the kettle? That's clean, isn't it? How much is only a little drop, isn't there? No, it's a big kettle. So when you just wash your face?

Yeah. So you didn't wash your body or anything? Your genitals were coffee. Well, you couldn't, could you? You've got a look at what you can dirty, they drink it. What do you mean? Add a look online to see what's been going on. Scientists say that Everest brackets the mountain, just in case you've confused that with any other Everest's. Maybe the double glazing people. Yeah. Scientists say that Everest has grown a bit. The way they were talking about

it, you'd have thought it's grown loads. It's only inches. No, isn't that they? They've they? They've they? They've they? They've they? They've they? They've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've their. They've their. They've their they. They've their their their their their they. they. they. they. they. their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. the. the. the. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their have thought it's grown loads. It's only inches. No, isn't that they found out that it's actually a couple of inches taller than they first thought because their methods of measuring are more accurate than they were 20 years ago. So it's bigger than they thrown. It hasn't grown. No, I just think what's happened is at the bottom. of like people keep people are always climbing up it aren't they? Right? So they're sort of wearing away the soil at the bottom rubbish So there's always push it then. It's also measured against sea level so there's also measured against sea level? So there's also a measure? It's not measured about when you get otherwise, the other. Otherwise, they're just big a big hole. It's not going to. It's. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the. the the the the the the the the the peak. the peak. the peak. the peak. the peak. the peak. the peak. the peak. the peak. the peak. the peak. the peak. the peak. the peak. the peak. the peak. the peak. the peak. the peak. the peak. the peak. the peak. the peak. the peak. the peak. the peak. the peak. the peak. the peak. the peak. the peak. the peak. the peak. the the the the the the the the the the the peak. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. It's, the peak is. People. People. It's, the peak is, the peak is, the end of the day? No, but it's just nice to know, isn't it? Yeah, but that's what I'm saying is we don't need to know that. It's not going to put anyone off. Like Brian Blessed, who's always climbing up there for fun.

He's not going to go, oh, I could handle it last year, but two more inches. Forget that. thrown tho. how big it is. Something else though that's happened since, right? They were climbing up there and someone got near the top and they were sort of climbing up like that, holding the cliff edge and that. And they'd forgotten the flag, that we go back. No, their hand it, they're a bit of rock and it went like, ding, ding, ding, piano under there. They don't know how it's got there. Right, you're talking talking takiing takiing takiing takiing tapking tapking tha' tha' tha' to thea' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' ding piano under there they don't know what it's got there. Right you're talking shit again. Someone's been tipping. Well, oh right.

Up Averist. Okay, the council won't even take away your washing machine unless you pay them. They're not gonna sneak up Everest. They're not gonna sneak up Everest. No this is the problem in it because Everest, did I take you nine days? And it may, you may die. But just pop it up on Everest. Well, I know for a fact that you've confused, you've confused a few things there, because I think the piano being found was actually somewhere in Scotland,

some kind of more in Scotland, and they found a piano up there. And it turned the the the the the the the th th th th th th th th th th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I to tho, I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th.... th. th. tho, I, I, I tho, just, I'm tho, just, I'm to, I'm just, toooooooooooooe.... toda, tooe.. tooe. and it turned out that some guy, one of these people who like tries to break world records I dragged a piano up there as some kind of feat of endurance but thought I'll be damned if I'm going to take it back machines and mangles and cookers and pets. So I'm just thinking in millions of years when they dig that up, they think that dogs used to cook and do washing up and things. I love the idea of burying utensils. I think of the hole big enough to bury a washing machine.

Or a mango. So whoever bought that house after your dad, they got a little treatin store. Yeah, lovely little one themed rockery. Yeah. The weather is weird this morning. One minute it's sunny, then it's thundering. Then it's thundering. Then it's sunny again. People will be saying it's global warming.

I don't really know what that means. Everything's changing all the sea and we walked on land upright, did people blame the weather for that? Good point, huh? No, it's so stupid. Yeah, ridiculous. We didn't come out of the sea and instantly start walking around like humans and go, oh, can you believe it? We were swimming around, we're having a wadhe of a time. Do you know what, I blame talk about it a lot right now years ago

I don't know how it happened but some whale had legs right yeah this is how it was a while yeah wild yeah wild started off with legs that's right they were running about on on the beach front right anyway it worked out that you know they didn't like it or whatever get back in now. Now say if that happened again now, right, say if someone's born and they say, they always say don't they check for lumps and stuff, right, make sure you haven't got any lumps. Now say it's like, sorry, who says this and what, what, what, like magazines and doctors and that? I always say when you're first born? Yeah, yeah. Okay. But all-

Arbitrary decision that answer. Go on. All I mean is, now, say if like our evolution thing is kind of like, the next level is for us to have three legs because we're that busy on the world now. But it doesn't be tasking. Why would it work like that? Because that's nature, in it, it deals with it. If people are getting stressed out and getting achy legs a lot, because they're going, well what you're doing there is you're using two legs like you've got three, you need another one. But the problem is, no. Say if you finish. Say if someone

grew a leg now, because it's like, well we need three legs. Yeah, but do you have to finish? People would go, oh, I've found a lump. thrown. the doctor. the doctor. the doctor. the doctor. the doctor. the doctor. the doctor. the doctor. the doctor. the doctor. the doctor. the doctor. the doctor. the doctor. the doctor. the doctor. th. the doctor. the doctor. th. the th. th. the problem, th. th. the the problem is, th. th. th. th. the problem is, the problem is, the problem is, the problem is, the problem is, the problem is, the problem is, the problem is, the problem is, the problem is, the problem. the problem. the problem. the problem. the problem. the problem. the problem. the problem, the doctor. the doctor. the doctor. the doctor. the doctor. the doctor. the doctor. the doctor, the doctor. the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor would the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, third leg, that's growing. But Carl, evolution doesn't work like that. It does work like that. Suddenly something isn't born with a perfectly formed third leg that can be passed on. I know it's a lump, it starts off like a lump and if you left it alone, it would eventually over a bit of time. No, over many, many millions of years. Yeah, but it grow as another leg, but we're not letting that happen anymore. It also wouldn't happen. The limbs don't work like that either. They do if you keep putting extra pressure on two legs. Carl, you're, you're, honestly, what you imagine the process of evolution and natural selection to be is, I, it's beyond me, it's incredible. No, but it depends what your surroundings are.

That's what you change to, isn't it? Well, you don't change to it. You're either selected or you're not. So, what happens is there's a genetic throw-up. So something's born, you know, a llama's born with a slightly longer neck. And if that gets, you know, the that gets you know the leaves that are slightly higher up and it survives it lives longer it passes on its genetic material and soon if that works now over millions and millions of years that they're

the dominant species a new species is thrown up with a slightly longer neck and so on and so on and it's gradual just a slight advantage. Sometimes it happens quicker than that. There's been animals that have had eyes and then they go, they don't need them, they go in the space of a fortnight. What, what are you talking about? There's a lizard somewhere where it's roaming about in the dark and it used to have eyes and they used to be like, why have the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they. they. they. they.. they... they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're to go, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, they were getting more tired because at the end of day if your eyes are open,

do you know what I mean? Blind people can stay up longer than a someone with eyes. Keep going, I want to follow this through to its natural conclusion. Keep going. Right, there is nothing to do. Right, the first signs of you getting tired, you go, oh, my eyes, I can how they keep them open. So a blind person, they can't their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. their, their. their, their. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. th. th. th. the. the. try. too. try. try. to. try. to. try. try. to. try. try. th. the. th hardly keep them open. So a blind person doesn't get that because they can roam about with them shut like that. So they never sleep, do they blind people? Well they sleep but not, they don't need as much because their eyes aren't stinging. All guessing, all guess work and all nonsense. I mean all nonsense. Well, hang on enough. Fair enough. Even if we accept that to be true of blind, to be to be their to be their to be their their their their their their their their their their their th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they. So, do. So, do. So, do. So, they. So, they. So, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their. their. their. their. their. their their thi. thi. So, they're thi. So, they're they're they. So, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they don't need our eyes, we're down underground, what's the point? Jeff, Bill, let's just no longer use eyes. Well, they were just like, in a way, it's better if we keep our eyes shut to keep the

soil out and stuff. And then over a time, they were like, oh, the eyes are stuck. Like the. And the other thing is, it's not the case that there's no will to evolution. What happened was that a blind one had no disadvantage. So he was selected better than one with eyes that maybe would find it irritating or getting in the way. You know, just like a snake, it's not a disadvantage for a snake to lose its legs. Because it's selected and then it's an advantage because they can get into places that their, you know, legs would get in the way. Like I've said before, right?

You see like a little fella, like a midget or a dwarf or something. Who's to say that that isn't the way we should be? Do you mean how do we know that... Well everybody looks at them and goes, oh look the little fella. But really, it doesn't matter. If we were all like that, the world would be a better place because it's bigger, so there's more to see. Whereas for us, we're getting bigger all the time, the world isn't growing, so there there there there there there there there there there there there's there's there's there's less there's less there's less there's less there's less less less less there's bigger all the time the world isn't growing so there's less to see for us. So for a midget the world is brilliant so I'd say it'd be good if we do go backwards as opposed to forwards instead of us getting bigger all the time. Steve got a cup of tea? No but I might shut off the tc-up. No. But what I mean is they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're going. I might might might might their. I'll their. I'll their. I'll their. I'll their. I'll their. I'll their. I'll their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. I' their their. I' their their. I' their their their their. I' their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their te. te. te. te. te. te. te. their the world. their the world. their their their their their their Do you know what I mean though? We haven't got any, we've only got instant coffee as well. No, but, yeah, I might pop out for something.

But what I mean is they always say like, the body's... No, thanks mate. But tell me when he's finished. I'm just saying the body's getting bigger and instead of going forward. No sugar for me thanks. Some scientists have come up with a cure for bird flu. It's somewhat to do with some stuff in horses. They gave the flu to a mouse and then injected it and it's well again. I think we should stop coming up with cures for things as the germs are just getting stronger and stronger. I reckon by 2020, germs will be so big that we will be able to see them in the air. They will no longer be little particles. You wouldn't swallow one. If you the germs the germs the germ that will kill you, you'll just choke to death.

I think that's how we'll die in the future. Choking on enormous germs. And then what, they'll be like rampaging around the cities, will they like... I'll tell you what though, right? I'm getting worried now because the stuffyfied, believes and thinks of. It I mean it could be mental. Do you know what I mean though? Like a proper paranoid sort of it when those people assume gonna live in a loft covered in tinfoil, yeah, right? And pages the Bible all the way around the, you know, and Suzanne's after to put on a some sort of spacesuit to come in and give him his beans on toast and he's gonna have to polish each bean. That's what scientists thi th. th. It th. That's th. That's th. It's th. It's th. thi. thi thi thi thi thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thoes thi's thi's thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes tho- tho- tho-a tho-a tho-a tho-a thoes thoes thoes th. th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi theeeeeeeeeanananan's thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo' the the him his beans on toast and he's going to have to polish each bean. That's what scientists do, isn't it? They just sort of think ahead of everyone else. That's what I'm doing. And the weird thing is, right, Steve, sometime last week, there was a science

piece which was close to what I'd already said, that they've got some germs that like eating sugar, right? They stick him in a lunchbox with a chocolate, right, right, right, right, right, right, th, th, th, th, th, to to to to to to th. And, to th. And, to to their, their, their, th. their, th. their, th. thi. their, thi, their, their, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th..... their, their, their, their, their, their, th... And, th. And, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi's thi's thii's thii. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And chocolate bar within an hour it was gone, right? And they're saying how these germs love chocolate and stuff. Did this scientist leave it near this fat scientist that works in the same laboratory? And he went, it's unbelievable. And he went, it's unbelievable. Ted, you went, what? to the ch-ohmaheat, the tube. Right, I put it? today. Right, I've the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the, the, the, the. that. the, the, th' th' th' th' th' th' th' their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. And, and th. And, and th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. And, the. And, the. And the. And the, the, the. And the. And the. And theeeeean. And thean, theeean. And theeean. And thea' the. And the. And th. Well, that's brilliant that. Do it again. What? Do it again? Leave another one to see if it happens again. So in the future you're running around and germs are... Eating chocolate. That's not science, that's Pac-Man. I went to bed and chatted about food to Suzanne. I said it would be best if our bodies could be run on something like coal. That way you wouldn't get fat people because you wouldn't be eating for enjoyment, you'd just be eating to give you energy. Suzanne said, why do you always take the nice things out of life? Because sometimes to think about the future, it's not going to be all good, is it? Look at the way we have to do things thin thin thin thin things things things things things things things things things things things things things things the the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, to be to be to be to be to be th. to be thi, their, to be, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the future it's not going to be all good is it?

Look at the way we have to do things now that we sort of go, well I'm sick of this. But they do it for your own good. But you try and change the laws of the universe based on arbitrary whims. No, but we're always eating stuff. That's one of the things we do now, as soon as we find a new creature like that, that's been hidden away for like millions of years, you get someone who goes, I wonder if we can eat that. Do you know what I mean? Everything that's walking on the world, they sort of see what powers it's got. What powers it's got?

No, like if it can jump far, you know, is it poisonous? Can you get anything out of it to save people? And then can we eat it? It it? It? It it? It? It? the the creature it? the creature it? They it? They their it? They their their the the they the? the? the? the? the? thi? the? the? the? It the? It the? It, thi? It, thi? It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? tho? tho? tho? tho? thoooomoomoomorrow, thooomorrow, that's, thooomorrow, is, that's, is, is, is, is, is, that's, that's, and then can we eat it? They're the three things that they do with a new frog. Can it jump fast? Is it poisonous? That you can use to get rid of illnesses. Yeah. Can you eat it? Because more more... The first three questions anyone asks do they? It seems to be the way because you look at menus and that are getting bigger and bigger now and that's only because we're finding more and more species of stuff. Is it? Yeah. Yeah. If you look at some stuff on a menu, that octopus you eat. At some point that would have gone through the list of right, what does it do? What's it got in it? What does that ink do? What does it task do? What does it task do? What does it taste taste taste taste task? task? tasks it tas? tas? tasks it tasks it tasks it tasks it tasks it tasks it tasks it tasks tasks to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to too? too? their? their? too? too? their thea? thea? thea? thea? thea? thea? thea? too. too. too. toa? Yeah? toa? to've done tests on it, haven't they, when we said about it being in a, getting in a jam jar or something. Yeah. So it's all part of it. Everything

has been tested. Everything. But I think, what the throw is that the first view here of a new fangled food, do you think that in ancient civilization they didn't, they didn't they didn't try an oyster oyster th or thoster? thoen thoen thoen thoe. thoen, thoen, thoe. thoen, thoe. thoe. thoe, thoe, thoe, thoe, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, the. thean. tho, tho, tho, tho, the. the. the. the. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th.. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the. thean, thean, toean, toean, tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, the they didn't try an oyster or spear a fish or eat a maggot. Yeah because there wasn't that much other stuff knocking about at that time. We've got loads of stuff so why are we messing about with some new frog? It's all like, people just like showing off, don't we? Leave the frogs, let them get busy and have loads of them, eat the chickens, when we run out of them, they to the frog or whatever. But why have all this on the go? Do you know what I mean?

It just makes it, I hate going out for a meal now because it's like what you're having, oh, I'm sick of it, look at it all. And then you forced into people going on, have you had the new frog on you? No I don't want it, I'm happy with chicken. that's what I mean. I'd... Yeah. Unbelievable. Have you ever been out, Rick, and someone's been trying to force frog on you? Never, I've never been forced frog in my life. Although I did go from here once with Carl. We went there and he had the Oriental hors d'oeuvres, I

recommended, right? And he was trying to get this little oyster, right, the shower right and he was stuck to its house right and I looked round and his eyes were watering and he was choking he was drinking water I said I heard that it was a big blob of wasabi oh right and I said why did you put it all in a once to end it should I thought it was a mushy pee why would they put one mushy pee was it hardcore the wasabi it felt like my head was caving in. That was just Ricky squeezing it wasn't it? Between courses. Told with that though is you know hot food? Why you get addicted to really hot food is the pain is actually your, it's killing taste buds and then endorphins are releasing the brain like you know a morphine derivative to sort of go, it's all like, oh, calm the pain. So you actually get addicted to that's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the, it. the, it. the, it. the, it. the, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's. th. th. th. th. th. th. the, it's. the, it's. the, it's. the, it's. the, it. the, it's. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the, it. the, it. the brain like you know a morphine derivative to to sort of go it's all right oh calm the pain so you actually get addicted to that sort of you know what happens why would you want to kill your taste buds but new ones come

back well yeah I think they you know I think you straight away well I don't I don't know how long it takes I don't know I'm not sure no it's just is that the chef sort of going on I'm serving the the the the the th I I I I I I I I th th th th th th th th th the th th th th th th th th the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thus th that thus thus thus thus thus to to to to to to to to to to to that's to that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the their took they. took took took took took took took to took took to that's it's just, is that the chef sort of going on, serving some right rubbish tonight? Give him some of that kusabi. Kuzabi? Oh God, I'm a tomtow. Oh, God. Back to the diary. At lunchtime, I went to a local cafe and had an omelette. An old woman who was about 70-ish was in there eating pizza. It didn't look right. No. I know what you mean there actually, old people eating pizza seems a bit weird. What about an old Italian lady eating pizza? Would that be right?

Uh, no, I'd expect to have lasagna. Ha ha ha ha! Told Suzanne that I had read that we will have spoken to aliens by the year 2025. Ricky once told me that if a lion could speak English it still couldn't have a good chat with us because it's that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi their their their their thi their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi ti ti ti ti tiiiiioliolioli tiioli thi thi thi thi thi their thi have spoken to aliens by the year 2025. Ricky once told me that if a lion could speak English it still couldn't have a good chat with us because its life is different to ours. If that's true, we've got no chance with an alien. I'd be worried it could read my mind. I had that problem once years ago when I worked in a studio making cassettes. Some mind reading woman was having some casset's made. She waited while I did theeeee. I the. I the. I the. I that I that I that thease that that th. I the. I that the' the' that the' the' that the' the' the' that the' the' the' the. the' the' the' the' the' the' the' the' the' the' the' the' the' the. I've the. I've the. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'd the. I'd the. I'd the. I'd the. I'd the. I'd the. I'd thean. I'd thean. I've thean. I've thean. I've thean. I've thean. I've thean'ean'ean't theeeeee'e' waited while I did them. She had a small dog. I knew she was trying to read my mind, so I just thought about the dog. I thought that would confuse her because she wouldn't understand why I was thinking about her dog. There's so many

elements in this. There's a woman who can read. She used to... Read that again. Read that again. Okay, we'll have an instant replay now. Any psychologist listening or psychiatrists or just, well, anyone, listen to this, what Carl was put in his diary. Okay, Steve, away you go. I'd be worried that an alien could read my mind. I had that problem once years ago. When I worked in a studio making cassettes. Some mind-reading woman was having some cassettes made.

She waited while I did them. She had a small dog. I knew she was trying to read my mind, so I just thought about the dog. I thought that would confuse her because she wouldn't understand why I was thinking about her dog. That's amazing. So firstly how did she was a mind reading woman? Everybody who came in having cassettes done, you'd find out about what the job is. So, you know, if it's a band or whatever it might be a police stationing, she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she need need need need need need need need what the job is so you know if it's a band or whatever it might be a police station needing blank cassettes to interview people yeah and she had them to sort of use during a thing where they do mind reading and stuff so you get a recording of it yeah and she was just there and she was staring at me like that just looking over

and a dog was sort of looking worried and they pick up vibes don't they? No. They do. And why was it looking worried? What do you mean by pick up vibes? Dogs pick up loads of vibes and stuff. I read the other day how they can tell if someone's got cancer and that. Well they can't, well yeah, well yeah, that's, well, yeah, that's a science behind that. There's a science behind. it's like 70 times, but no no they can't go that the dog wouldn't even know you're an idiot the dog was sort of looking weird and stuff it knew she was looking at me but you were they looking I'm not being funny were they looking at

the roundness of your head do you think just looking at me and I was just looking at me and I was sort of panicking a bit and the more that I was thinking she's that I know that I know she was thinking she was that I was thinking she was that I was that I was thinking she was that I was that I was that I was that I was thinking she was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was th th th th th th was thi thi was thi was thin thi was thi was thi was thi was thi was thi was thi thi was thi thi thi thi was thi thi thi thi that she's reading my mind so I just stopped thinking about her reading my mind thought about the dog. What were you thinking about the dog's the dog? Running about on a beach. He remembers what he was thinking? No just so she thought oh hang on a minute it's not his mind it's the dog's mind and picking up. Oh so you thought she's going oh no I'm getting all telling up, I've got a cross-line it. But why were you worried that she was reading your mind? Because you weren't thinking of anything on, you know, on saying it. Hold on, don't, don't, oh, please.

No, no, no, I'm just trying to get in his mind. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, his. What, what, what, you. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the. to. to. to. to. to. the. to. the. to. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. to. the. to. the. to. to. to. to have known that you knew that she could read minds. So if she read your mind and all you were thinking was she can read my mind she'd think what? Of course if she really could read your mind she's going there's Carl there trying to make me think that it's the dog I know he's thinking of the dog. No but when you try and try and think of you you you you you th you th you th you th you th you th you th th th th th th th th th thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thr thr thr thr thr thr thr thr- thin thr- thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the thin' thooo' thin' th of mental things don't you? So I was like... Whoa, hold on this lit. Go on, go on. No, I just mean like you're going, oh God, the best watch what I'm thinking then. What were you thinking? Tell me what the mental things that was in there. Like, it was an old woman who all the time and they

had like pictures on and that, I didn't want socks with pictures on. So, um, so I used to, I might have been sort of stood there going, oh, there she's with a socks, I'm sick thi thi. Now, if she can sense that, she'll that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, they, they, their, their, their, and they. And, and their their their their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and they. And, and they. And, and they. And, and they. And, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, they, thin, th. And, th. And, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they. they. And, they. And, they. And, and, and, watch him. Stop bringing him socks or whatever. No one can read minds. No one can contact the dead. Say like me, right, if I sometimes come in the room and that and I'm fed up, you go, oh Carl's fed up. I haven't even said anything. So it's just that in it. But it's because you look like a miserable bastard. Yeah, and we know what that means.

We know what that means that means that means that means that means bit like that. It's a level down from that. No, no, no, no, no. She should be able to read your mind if you're locked in a safe and she doesn't know who you are and she doesn't know whether there's someone in there. That's what the double blind test is. That would never work would it because that that means she'd never get a rest. That's like, they. Because, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th. th. th. th. th. the their, it, it, it, it, it, it, she's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's their, she's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their, their, th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the the the. the the the. the the the. You're making up the rules. Oh no, the thing is that's what these people do go, oh no, I have to hold your hand. Oh, I have to, you have to write it down. Well, why? Why do you? It's the same as these mediums that contact the dead they go, oh, I'm getting someone. Just ask him who he is. Just give me's your name? What's your name? Can't say my name? Might be an uncle. Just give me a fucking name. Back to Carl's diary, Friday the 31st. I read that some fellow had been having an affair. His wife found out, so when he was asleep, she superglued his knob to his stomach, one of his bollocks to his leg and glued his arse, then chucked him out. If Suzanne did that, I would that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thuuuu, that, that, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, tho, tho, they, they. too, to to to to to to to to to to to, to, to, to, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. the the too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, tooke to him out. If Suzanne did that, I would definitely not get back with her. Saying that, I would have woke up if someone was putting super glue on me ass. I'm quite a light sleeper.

Is that what she did, does it? Yeah, that's why I'm a bit cautious about wearing airbuds every night. The, uh, plunge things. Earbuds. their, like, he wakes up words. Earbuds, earbuds, plunge things. He's like he wakes up words. They taught a chimp to talk and the chimp had a better grasp of language after about a few years than Carl.

Unbelievable. Yeah, that's why I won't wear buds and plunge things. I phoned him up the other day. He went, he went, oh, just tried out those new ear plugsugs that mold your ear you can't hear a thing except your own voice I went oh well you're good aren't they went yeah he said it's weird in your own voice and it because you're hearing it as other people hear it I went no you're not he went you are he said you don't usually hear your own voice because usually when you talking over it woke up at the same as I woke up I looked at Suzzan and she looked at me I said did I tell you about...

I just think he opened his eyes and let him look at his eyes he looks at Suzanne she looks at him what question Rick do you think he immediately asks his girlfriend go on what question do you think have a quick guess um uh am I dreaming. Um um um am I dreaming I to tell you to tho to my girlfriend did I tell you tell you tho to the th I you you you you you you th I th I you th I thi thi thi the the the tho the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to he the he to he I I he I he I he I he I he I he I he I he I just I just I just I just I just I just I just I just I just just just just just just just just just just just just just he he he he I he I he I he I he I he I the the the the the the the the the the tho I the tho I tho I tho I the I the I the the the tell to tell to to tell to to tell to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to tell you think? Have a quick guess. Um, uh, um, am I dreaming? I woke up, I said to my girlfriend, did I tell you about the immune system? Did I tell you about the immune system. Suzanne started laughing. I said it's amazing. She said not now. Did I tell you about the immune system?

Oh, I'll put the cat along. Oh, God. Oh, I was thinking that. Was talking to Suzanne about how it? Did I tell you about the immune system? Oh shut up, I'll put the cut line. I was talking to Suzanne about how it's odd that Sundays are meant to be the day of rest. I thought God was meant to be born on a Sunday, or was it the seventh day that he finished making the world. Imagine how good the world could have been if he'd given it an extra day.

Sometimes it's best to give yourself a deadline though, so you don't faff about. I looked at Suzanne, she was leaning back on the bench with her eyes shut with the sun on her face. I never got an answer to my question. Pretending to be asleep. I met out with my mate Laurie. He said he was in a pub at the weekend and saw a bloke whose hands were on the wrong arms. No!

What do you mean? Well, he had his left hand on his right arm and the right hand on the left arm. I don't think this would be a problem if he's been like that from an early age. When I was in Ripley's in LA, I saw a bloke whose head was on back to front. That's more annoying, isn't it? Now then would you walk, how would you walk, would you be walking backwards, Carl, so that you could walk, so you're basically walking forwards? I reckon I'd walk sideways so nobody would sort of tell the difference. It just looked like.

Oh God, he solved it again! He's thought it through. Got home in Redmond Magazine. There was a story about a baby that was born that looked like a frog. What magazine's this? That made the news, that was in a proper newspaper in the end. The story used the description to describe it. There was a picture. I think it was a fairly decent description. It didn't really have a neck or top half of its head. It would look all all right if it always wore a scarf and a hat. The world would be a more interesting place if there were loads of different types of humans like there are creatures, then some people would be good at certain jobs, spider people, ant people, builders, cockroach people, dustbin men.

I mean, I don't know. I mean, I mean...Croach men, spider men? What you're talking about? I've had a normal conversation with you for a year. It's getting worse I think. I think it's because you've left and you've got too much time in your hands and you live in your head for sort of like maybe eight hours a day and then you offload when someone calls you or when you call me or Suzanne gets the brunt of it. But I mean, I don't know. I really would like to, and I still think he's brilliant, right? But I would like to get a little psychiatrist in. Just would you mind seeing a psychiatrist? It's just, there's nothing wrong, these are all ideas aren't they? You look at some insects, right?

They don't have machinery. Yet they get him by, aren't they? They have their lives like we do, they collect food, they tidy up, they fix stuff, they make their own house, we can't do any of that. So what I'm saying is, why don't we use them? Why don't we use them? why don't they use them? Why don't we use them? they're using them? Or whatever that was me. Why are they, if they were also men? If they were cockroach men, we could use them. them. them. them. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. they. they. they. they. their. they're. they. they. they. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. t. t. to. We. We. We. they. We. they. We're. We're. they. We. they. they. We're. t. We. We're. How. How. to. to. We. How. How men, if they were cockroach men, we could use them. You've left a big bit out but when that one inch cockroach becomes a six-foot bloke wearing a jacket. It's just that we always use insects for like a bit of fun.

You see flea circuses and all that, which is all very well, but I don't think they're getting thethe rubbish if they've got no heads? They could, couldn't they? Except if they were, because you know you want to use them as builders and dustmen, they couldn't whistle it pretty girls, could they? No, but they wouldn't be doing that job there, just doing the bins. Okay, so they're not doing madness but then it'd be finished as opposed to builders you stood about whistling doing nothing going on for months. And is this ant six foot? No, no, not three foot so how many of them are there? About 30 of them? And what do they look like? Are they just a giant ant with the... are they on? Just. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their. th. their. th. their. their their their their their their their. their their to be to be to be their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their their their their th. th. th. th. the. te. toda. te. toda. today, their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. And what do they look like? Are they just a giant ant with the... I had that on. Just get on with it. I mean it'll be weird for a bit but with anything

you get you get used to seeing things don't you? Again this isn't an idea, it isn't a theory. You can't, you can't put this into practice because it doesn't exist. I know. Just saying that. Well I mean you wishing for the the the the th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thi, thi, thin' thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It's th. It's thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. It's thi. It's thiiiiiiiiii. Just, thii. Just, thi. Just, thi. Just have to do any building and your house was just perfect or you could just wish for it. What's the difference? Why go through this elaborate... But what I'm saying is that your wish is that your wish you had a today. You're not taking, you're not taking shortcuts. You see, worry about the time travel bit and put in a do you wish you were rich? Yeah it's like so you wish you didn't have to have builders round that's what you're wishing for so this elaborate thing of getting a three-foot ant with a hard hat. Today I got an innovations catalog I thought I'd keep it because I like the stuff they sell in it brackets. selling it, brackets one big slipper. What's that one big slipper? Just if you don't

go out much. But you don't like slippers? No I know, but I think they're a good idea because they're just there to keep your feet warm. But why one big, why not two smaller ones? So you can walk around? Yeah, one big slippers just making it painful. It's more sort of roomy, in it. Why do you think that's a good invention? One big, one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one, that's a good invention? that's a good invention? that's a good invention? that's a good invention? that's a good invention? that's a good invention? that's a good, that's, that's, that's, that's, th. that's, th. that's, that's, that's, th. th. th. th. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, they. their, they. they. the. the. the. the. the, the, the, good invention? One big slipper. How is that better than two smaller slippers? Because the problem is with slippers, right? You've already said how you nip across the road in them, right? So you muck them up and you have to buy some more. There's no way you'll be nipping to the shops in that one big one. That will always stay where it should be, buy the sofa next to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the night now, where's my slipper? Can I just put my feet inside a cushion cover or something?

If you want, but it's only cheap, why not get one? You're right. They're only cheap. Why not get one big glove? But then, Carl, why not get one big glove? But then, Carl, why not get one big glove? Why not get one big glove? you don't have to do anything just one big glove pop your hands in one big glove I'm not going out with gloves you have to go out and touch stuff just one big glove well yeah why bother putting trousers on you got to put legs in both why not just wear a skirt yeah yeah the lady's skirt on yeah

the lady's dress there's one piece isn't it then yeah just pop around in a one big monocle don't I mean it's stupid I to the the the the they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they oh oh oh oh oh they oh they oh oh they oh oh they don't the they oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they's they's they's toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy they's toy two gloves, two slippers, two slippers is mental. Anyway, um, at a good sleep last night, so much so that I woke up before my legs did. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! I don't know what that means! This has happened before when I was younger. We used to have a phone in the bathroom so that if anyone called and we were on the toilet you'd still be able to be available. My bedroom was next to the bathroom, the bathroom, the bathroom, the bathroom, the bathroom, the bathroom, the bathroom, the bathroom, the the the toilet, you'd still be able to be available. My bedroom was next to the bathroom when the phone rang one morning. My ma'am and dad were at work and my brother and sister were out somewhere, and the phone woke me up. So I jumped out of bed to answer it, but the bottom half of my body was still asleep and I fell to the floor.

It's horrible. Does that ever happen to my dad for the shop. By the end of the call my legs were working again. It's a weird sensation. What shop? My mom and dad used to have a buttie shop. Do they? But the thing is, just on the floor, top half, had to sort of crawl, carrying my weight. And my legs were just like they weren't there.

It's really, really weird. You mean the the the the the the the the the th. Just, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thu. thu. thatting. thathea, thathea, thathea, thathea, thathea, thatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheathea, th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My t. My t. My, t. My t. My, t. My t. My t. My t. My t. My t. We's, tod. We's. We's. We's, toda. We's. We're. We're. We're. We're toda. We're toda. We're today. We're t pins and needles, he legs? Are you sure you weren't wearing just one big slipper? You've mentioned him before Steve, this Peeps fella? Yes. Has he done anything else apart from a diary? Because now I've done, now I've done a book and a diary. That means you're better than Peeps? Well, I'm not going to say that until I know, but what else did he do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. You. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. theea. to. You're to. You're to. You're to. You're thi. You're thi. You're thi. You're thinking is. Well, I'm not going to say that until I know, but what else did he do? Well, Peeps wasn't a writer predominantly, I believe he was, you know, like a bureaucrat or something, but he kept a diary which has since become a historical landmark. And what did he say in it? What did he say in it? Well, it's again, more because it's both well written. A social, thiiiiiii. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. Well, thi. thi. thi. tho. tho. tho. Well, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. th. the. th. the. the. th. the. the. the. the. the. th. document. Yeah, yeah. It's a social document. I mean yours a social document but it sort of revolves

around having egg and chips and a calf and seeing a ladybird which you know but that's today's living. Well his just he describes the Great Fire of London which is what it's most it's best remember. If we had one of them if we had one I'd write it down. I'm only writing what I'm only writing what th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th the the the th. th. I'm th. I'm th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's the. It's the. It's tooooooooooooe. It's toge. It's toge. It's the. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's