The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - BONUS: Suzanne (Complete Compilation)

Episode Date: January 22, 2023

Twitter -Ricky GervaisStephen MerchantKarl Pilkington

Did you buy Susanna gift in the end? Which are you surprised the whip on Christmas? Yeah, after that show that we did before Christmas, I was walking home and thinking, oh, that was all treat her then. Um, went and got her necklace. Nice. She said she wanted a necklace, but I didn't know which one, but I didn't know which one but she was happy with that. Yeah.

Yeah. and she was happy with that. Yeah, yeah. But, um, yeah. But, um, yeah. And did she get you something again? She did get me something, yeah. See, I knew she was. Of course, she would. Yeah, but the thing is, right? She got me a little Game Boy advanced to second,

because she knows I get bored, right? So that was good, that- and how much these are, right? That was clever though. When I got to the airport, I bought to get me an extra, sort of, got to bough me an extra game for it. Yeah. Got the value. Of course. Are you, when you were growing up, did you wait to ask your mom for sweets, right? So the woman, so the woman would sort of, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort sort sort sort, sort, sort sort, sort sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort of, the the the the the the the the the to, the to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the to get,, just wait until there's some, you know, a stranger watching before you ask for sweets.

Mom, can I have a kinder egg? Did you sit in front of Suzanne when he got to the... Suzanne, can you get me something else? Because you remember I bought, spent more on that necklace and you did like, and the woman in Dixon goes, oh bloody yellow right then. No. She did well though. She's done well to keep you, doesn't she? Because you're such a find.

You're quite a catch. Yeah, she must wake up every morning go who I am the luckiest girl in the world. Well, she told you that the other night. She said the other night how be great because I only see him two hours a week and I like to squeeze his little head. You can do that all day every day. Does she ever squeeze your head? No. No. No. It's like that thing though, isn't it? It's like when you work in a chocolate factory you get sick of it don't you? It's there all the time. Yeah, she must think when I could squeeze that head any time I want it's all right I did it in a bit of a rush because I was only in yesterday

won't I sure yeah if you take three holidays a year then there's not enough time for the work me and Steve like to you know put our priority into you know doing the work coming up with a good product yeah and getting a holiday when we can you know we haven't I don't do the holidays for me, it's for Suzanne, isn't it? She's the one who likes going away. So I'll just go, yeah, so I'll go with her, do me bit. When you were playing Game Boy, right? And you'd looked in So like, when we're

at the old and the bus driver said, you've got an hour here, I thought, I said, why have got an hour here? I go to a funeral with someone who were loved in the ground and don't spend an hour around it. I don't want to... I don't want to... I just asked how to him you hadn't bought a present for your girlfriend. I had to sell it on tent up for Christmas. Well you changed it after that show I felt bad even though I shouldn't have done because... Because you hadn't bought your girlfriend a Christmas present? Yeah but I said to you I booked a table at a hotel in Covent Garden, had Christmas dinner there which was nice, right? It's good food and everything. It doesn't feel like enough to me. Well th the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. It didn't, th. It didn't, I th. It didn't, because, because, because, that, because th. Because, because th. Because, because th. Because, because th. Because, because th. Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, I, I, I, I, I that, I, I, that, that's that's that's th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's that, that, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, after. But, their, after. But, their. But, after. But, that, after. It's that, I. It's feel like enough to me. Well, then I went out and treated some stuff. And the next to... No, no, no. A couple of days before Christmas, he went,

I took to Suzanne to that hotel we're going to go to for Christmas dinner, we had tea and cakes. And I went, oh, you treated her, he went,reat, she paid for it. I love that. Brilliant. Yeah, well it was a day, it was like 150 quid for a meal for two which is pretty dear. So I'm not going to buy her cakes as well. I love that. All right love, I have anything you want, you paid for them, I'm not mental. So yeah, so you did, you treated it as some other stuff? Yeah, so you've treated it as some bits and b b b b b b b b b b. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You're th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's th. It's the their. It's their. It's th. It's. It's. It's like it's like it's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like chose them and you paid for them? What? The presents? Yeah. Or you chose them and she paid for them but, but you the dollar can't. I got them on the way home that Saturday. Well done. And what did you bought? Well just some bits. It might be personal, Steve. Well I don't care.

Leave out the personal bits. What bits? What bits? Just little things bits. th things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things. I the little little little little little little little little little little little little little little the little little little th. the wrench and a new washer for the shower. Yeah. So recordable CDs. That you need for your job. Oh dear. So when you gave those prisons to her, did her face light up? Right. I don't want to tell you what they were right, but she wasn't that impressed. You're going to tell us what they are. You even know what they are. She told you on Christmas Day. Oh no, wait a minute. But it doesn't matter what they are. It does matter. It doesn't. It doesn't it doesn't matter. Oh God! We just remember. Yeah. Right, but don't, there's no need. I've got to tell him, I've got to tell him Carl. I really want your permission because I don't to be to be to be to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to. to. to. their. their. their. to. to. their. to. to. to. to. to. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's I know it's not. But we know it's not that embarrassing, it's really quite sweet. Yeah but in a way, right? The way I look at it is, right, Christmas, even when I was a little kid, right?

Please let me tell him, Carl. Well let me just tell you first now, let me tell you why I didn't go all out on the way present front right. Justify yourself right? First of all, I've covered it up since then anyway, right, with that present because I bought her some shoes yesterday and she did say I'll give you the money for them but when I get home I said it's all right. I said you can have them, right? So not only did they buy her some food on Christmas Day I've got a shoes, she's probably had a tenure. It's not like, yeah, there's not only. there, not only there, not only there, not only there, not only there, not only there, not only their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their their, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their, their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their, their, their, th. their, the at a tank. And they seem like a horse! Yeah, it's not like, yeah. There's your shoes, there's your food, right? Bed down, simulator. Yeah, but what I'm saying is she's done...

I have fed and clothed her hair. She's done well this year, right? So, the thing is... She's done well this year. It's like you're a single, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, th. single parent thinking on a council estate with a smack problem and you still managed to buy some Lego. When I was a kid, it wasn't about what you got, I remember one year when it was about eight. I thought it was going to make me cry, isn't it this? No, it's not.

I'm just saying the way it is, right? I woke up at about four in the morning and I was like, oh, what's it's a the fact that people people people people people people the the way, I the way, I the way, I the th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi, I'm, I'm tho, I'm tho, I'm tho, I'm tho, I'm th. I'm that, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I th. I th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. Wo. It's a th. Wo. It's a that's a th. It's a thi. It's a thi. It's athat on edge. It's the excitement of Christmas in it. It's like, oh, what's wrapped up I need to know? And it's the fact that people are saying no, you won't know until tomorrow. Yes. That an anoisiens winds you up. So I got up at four in the morning, open my presents and then went right, I know now, I went back to bed the treat. to their to to their to their their their their their threatment, I threatment, I had th. th. th. that, I had their, I had their, I had their, I had their, I've their, I've their, I've their, I've their, I've their, I'm their, I've their, I've their, I've their, I've their, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their, their, and their, and their, and I'll their, their, their, their, their, their, their, to go down with a business? So what you're saying to me is that you could wrap up a brick because the thrill of Christmas is in hoping and being excited about what it is not the actual gift itself? Yeah. Is that what you did? Did you get a brick? No, let me tell him. he got her present right and she said, yeah he got me? It was, it, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, it, is, is. It's, is. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's, is. It's, is. It's, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is th. th. th. thi. their. their. thi. thi. thi. thi, their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. thr. the. thea. thea. tha. tha. thea. thea. thri. tha. their. tied, she said, yeah he got me. It was, it was an industrial sized packet of condoms. It was a joke gift. No, it wasn't a joke.

It wasn't even a joke. I went home that Saturday after the year, passed boots for, might have something in here, they were on like, value. Right, you passed the makeup. Were they used? You passed all the other. That's the makeup, that's the lovely vanity cases, yeah, the foot spars. Yeah, yeah, hold on, hold on, hold on.

How much of these love for hundred? Yeah, 499? Yeah. Do I get them reduced if I buy in bulk? So how many do you buy? What was it? I don't know, probably about 100. Right, okay. And is she allowed to use those with anyone? Did you wrap them? Can she just go out and they're already wrapped, aren't they? Oh. And then what what did you say? Wait, wait, wait a record and we'll come back to us? Just take us through the moment where you gave the the the the the the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th to th th. back to us. You're worse than my father.

Just take us through the moment where you gave this gift. Firstly, so you went into boots, right? You thought, all right, 100 condoms. Brilliant. Okay, did you wrap it up? I don't know if it was 100, probably 80. Right, okay. You got to go mad, do you know, I'm just resting easy knowing that he's not trying to breed. Right? Right?

You know? Yeah. So, uh, I got her, uh, grease on DVD. Okay. Okay. Yeah. So I just think of when her mom said, what the condoms and grease. I was to sound he said on DVD.

Yeah, yeah. She was thinnewra. She was thinking like jewelry. That showed her. That surprised you, right? Because, yeah, I bet she was thinking like jewelry. No, that showed her. That surprised you, hasn't it? Alright? So hang on, wait a minute, didn't you? You thought it was a holiday, didn't you? Ah, look at your face! You don't know me at all. Um, so hang on, so did you give these on Christmas Day?

Right, what happened is, she got in from work that Saturday, right? And I said, look, at the true. At the tree, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th- th- th- th- th- th- th- that, that, that, that, that, that, that, you thee, you thee, you thee, you thee, you thee, you thee, you, you, you th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th- th- that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, tho-a-a' thooo-a' thoo-a' thoooo-a' thoooooooooooo-a, you tha, tha, th the tree. At least it's Christmas. At least I'm going to get it a little bit. I said, look, you got some stuff under the tree. So, uh, she, that's a crazy. Right, she was really chuffed with that. But she said, she was a bit, a bit puzzled because I didn't know he had any wrapping paper, right? So I didn't know he had any wrapping paper, right, right, right, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, the th. So, so, I said, so, I said, so, so, I said, so. I. I said, so. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so. So, so. So, so. So, so. So, so. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, I. So, I. So, I. So, I. So, I. So, I. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th th th th the. I said, th take it off the wall though? You had some left over right so she said why have you used wallpaper I saw they didn't have any paper and you were getting in a bit and I wanted you to have a surprise so she said can I have a feel of them? The presents? He thought right I've got the right thing yeah right and then Christmas

Day I said no I don't get carried away it's nothing really good you know we said we weren't going to buy each other much so you open them yeah go on and I just ask had you received your present from her yet yeah so what have you received them what do they have had some shoes nice right getaway game for PlayStation nice I'm just just tot I'm just totting up the value of those yeah just also think about how much fun and pleasure you get from them although of course condoms I can see see see see see see see see see see see see see see see see see see see see see see see the the the appeal the appeal the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to the their their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. yeah. yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I th. I the. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. the. the. I the. the. I the. I the. I they they're they're they're they of those. And just also think about how much fun and pleasure you get from them. Although, of course, condoms I can see the appeal. But also add to that bit 150 quid for a meal. If you're going to start totting up, 150 quid for a meal, I bought some shoes, 72 quid quid. That was after the event though. Doesn't matter. All right, so you received tha, tho, tho, tho, their their tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, their. their. their. their. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. A. Just. Just. Just. A. Just. So. So. So, to. So, to. So, to. So, to. So, to. to. to. to. I. I. to. to. to. All right, so you perceive these, dare I say, thoughtful

and nice gifts. You handed over the box of condoms. They were wrapped up, she had wrapped them. Go on, take us through it. Walk us through it. Well, it's not something you play with on Christmas morning. Oh, God. But when she opened the... What did she say? Well, I wrapped him twice as well, so she thought it was something really good. Extra protection. Right. And uh... And then, uh...

So the disappointment would be doubled. Yeah, go on, yeah. Then she just opened it and went, oh yeah. What's an ungrateful woman that is. Fancy not wanting a box of economy condoms from boots. I said to her about the thing about, you know, it's all about the surprise and that, isn't it? Yeah. What, after she'd underwrapped it? Yeah. And she was, she was alright about it. Yeah. She understood. Rick, you know I suggested to him that he buy his girlfriend a gift. I'm worried I've done more damage to the relationship by suggesting that than if he had just forgotten. Next time you've got to go shopping for yourself, Steve. I think I might do.

You bet to go shopping for yourself. I'm glad it's all over though. It's mental. Yeah. It annoys me. The whole thing annoys me. And she knows that. And she knows the the whole she knows the whole she knows the whole. the whole. the whole. the whole. She knows. She knows. She knows. She knows. She knows. She knows. She knows. She knows. She knows. She knows. She knows. She knows. She knows. She knows. She knows. She knows. She knows. She knows. She knows. She knows. She knows. She knows. She knows. She knows. She knows. She knows. She knows. She knows. She knows. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She's. She's. She's. She knows. She knows. She knows. She knows. She knows. She knows. She knows. She knows. She knows. She knows. She knows. She knows. She knows. She knows. She knows. She knows. She knows. She knows. She knows. She knows. She knows. She's. She knows. She should know, what is she still insists on having Christmas once a year? Well, well, you know. No, but anyway, what did you get? I can't think what you, what you bring to the relationship. Carl. I don't know what it is she's getting from you in this relationship. It's like she's doing all the work. Oh yeah. 80 times. Yeah. I love it. You're brilliant. I know what she's. I the. I th. I th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha' tho. tho. W. W. W. tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. tha. tha. I tha. I the. I thea. I tha. I thea. I thea. I tha. I tha. I tha. I tha. I tha. I tha. I tha. W. I tha. 80 times! Oh God, go!

I love it. You're brilliant. I know what she's getting. He's the... He's the... He's not thoughtful. No, but he's thoughtful. It's the best he can with the brain he's got.

Do you know what I mean? Right. He's doing his best. He's absolutely doing the limits of his powers. Do you know what I mean, though? He's done as well as he can with what he was given. Sure. And that's admirable. Yeah, I think he's done better than you'd expect. I bet his teachers didn't even think he'd get this far. Do you know what I mean? What, find a girl? No, well, yeah. A job, a job, a girl. Yeah. that's that's. And, and that's. And, that's. And, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's that's that's that's that's admi. That's admi. That's admi. That's admi. That's admi. That's admi. That's admi. That's admi. That's, that's admi. That's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that do you think, Carl? Do you think you've done well? I think I've done all right, compared to some of the mates. What are they doing now? Probably not that much. Do you know what I mean? Mrs Matthews said I wouldn't be an eye flyer. I think I'm doing all right? Do you know what? Do you have to have a holiday? Yeah? Got some to have a new flat, haven't their. And th. Yeah? th. Yeah? th. Yeah? they. they. they? they? they? they? they? they? they? they? they? they? they? they? they? Do. they? Do. they? Do. they? Do. they? Do. they? Do. they? Do. they? Do. they? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do. Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do. th. th. Do? Do? Do? Do? Do. Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do. Do? Do. Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do. Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do. they? they? they? they? they? they? they? they? they? they? they? they? they? they? they? they? they? they? th. they, did she show them to her family and friends? No, look what Carl got there. I'm surprised she told Ricky actually I was a bit disappointed in that.

Yeah. Because I didn't go shouting over the heart of their gosh. She was so excited, Carl, clearly. He's just so pleased and prayed. All right, all right. Playing that moment. Yeah. I don't know how he's going to top that next year. I don't know how he's going to top that.

All I can think of is some cornplasters. Um, right. It's all I love. The batteries are included. Got you a pumice stone. Oh, what did you do for New Year? Well, I met, I cocked it up a bit, right? You're joking, you're joking mate, go on. I went and booked a table...

You got the wrong day? No, right? Bucked, booked a table at a restaurant that was shut. Right? All right? I booked a table at a restaurant, and the one that I called, it wasn't the one, the call had been diverted. So Suzanne said, call the call them them them the call the call the call the call the call the call the call the call the call them up and see what they're serving, right? Because I forgot to do that when I booked the table, right? That's quite anyway.

Because the thing is, right, it's a restaurant in Covent Garden, but they got one in Victoria. But when they answered and they said, no, no, no, no, Victoria, I thought that was a person who was answering the phone. Do you know what the thrante people people people people people people people. tho. tho. tho. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. th. th. thi. that. that. that. that. that. that. they. they. they. their. that. It is, that. It's, their. It's, right. It's, right. It's, right. It's, right. It's, right. It's, they. It is, they. It is, right. It. It. It. It is, right. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a restaurant. It's a restaurant. he sounded a bit funny. Right? So, I'm confused, Carl, but probably not. But no one than you would have been on me. It was a branch of a, he doesn't want to give the restaurant away. So he phoned it up, there's one in common garden. They answered the phone. So it's not, the restaurant's not, no, they're, they's. They's. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. No. They. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. They. They. They. They. They. They were. They were. They were. They were. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. It. It. No. It. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was't know why. It's not libelous. Are we scared that like are you scared people are going to sort of see you in there because it's your regular home? No, it's just like you know you've got to pay for stuff, right? I mean it's.

Okay anyway so you've got- I mentioned it before new year but it's not in a free of the restaurant? No, no, no, what happened is there? Was that the restaurant is a the restaurant? Is a the restaurant? Is a the restaurant? Is a the restaurant? Is a restaurant? Is a restaurant? Is a restaurant? Is a restaurant? It? It? It? It? It's? It's? It's a their? It's a their? It's a their? It's a their? It's a their? It's a their? You? You. It's a their? You're? You're? You're? You're? You're? You're? You're? You're? You. It's? You. It's? You. It's? You. It's? You. It's? You. It's? You. It. It. It. It. It. It. It? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You. It. It. It. It's? You? You? You? You. It's? You. It's? You. It's? You're the the the the the the the the the th. the the the the the the the the the the th the the th the the the the the the the the th the th th ers. They've got one in Common Garden, they've got one in Victoria. He phoned up, he went in a book, he's a lovely restaurant, I've been there off and I recommend it to him. He phones up, so he said, can have a table for a new, he said, no problem sir, right? And then, so that's it, oh, he said, oh, see if they're got to see and they went, hello Christopher's, Victoria, they went, oh no, that's it, and I said no, I forget it, I'm not going all the way over there. So I cancelled it, right? So when I called up to Suzanne, said look I made an error, the place we were going to is shut. So we're not going, so she said, oh, try some other places and I did. They were all bucked up anyway, I ate I to to to to to to to to to to the to, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm th. th. to say, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I'm th. Try. Try, I'm to say, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I to, I to, I to, I to, I to, I to, I th. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I th. I th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. th. th. tha, I'm not, I'm not, try. th. try. try. th. tha, I tha, I tho, I tha, I tha I was fed up anyway, I ate New Year, it's always like this, isn't it? So, I said, look, you know the common factor in all these stories? You hate Christmas, you hate Christmas, you hate Christmas, you hate Christmas?

Yeah, it is you? So I went to Tesco. So I went to Tesco. Leave it with me. Went to Tesco. You went to Tesco. Got a lovely, I. We, I. their. We, I. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. You. their. You. You. You. You know, you. their. You know, you're. You know, you're. You know, you. You know, you. You know, you. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's the common. It's the common. It's the common. It's. It's the common. It'sowing him up. Look, looks I've done some balloons. It was, I think we did stay in. And I watched that thing, you know, under greatest moments, which was annoying me. Did you see, um, there was a nudist on it? You know how I feel about them? Yeah. Did you see him? Man with two knobs on it and a nudist who just like wanders about the house. But it said, he said, and when he visits people, I was

thinking, oh go let's him visit. Exactly. But he must go there with trousers on and go, hello, love him to see her. I just pop all these off, well not really, no. And I'll tell you what annoy me the most, they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. the the th. the their thoom. thi. their their their their their their their their their, I'll their, I'll their, I'll their, I'm their, I'm their. And I'm their. And I'm their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. thean. thean. thean. thean. the thean. the thean. He's the the the thean. He's the the. He's tell you what annoyed me the most they had a white sofa. If you were a nudeish you'd get you get a darker one. So anyway right so we ended up watching that. That annoyed me and then I was tired by about 11 and I said oh let's go to bed. And she said you can't and that annoys me the fact that because it's new year you've got to stay up and it's like why why can't we you should bring it forward so in case you want to quarter ten quarter ten well you say yeah well you stay up and it's like my eyes were dead heavy and I was like I want to go to sleep so just stay up and then it's midnight and you go up a new year then you got a bed yeah well not everyone car so so it's over with so yeah so you know the quotes that Ricky the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tttttttttttttttttoy. tttttttttttttoy. they. the the the the the the the the the the the the tt Yeah, so are you 86 years old? Do you know the quotes that Ricky gave me last week and I turned them down?

I got home, girlfriend had to go at me. They don't know you turned him down. What you know is that he said he didn't want to take the book at the end of the show so I'm not taking it is too difficult. I'm going to go and go and go on. So I went I went go and go and go and go and go and I went to go and I went to go and go and I went to go and go and I went to go and I went to go and I went to go and I went to go and I went to go and I went to go and I went to go and I went to go and I went to Yeah so I went home and Suzanne said where's the book? She was really looking forward to having a look at it. I said I gave it him back I wasn't up for that and yet last week I was ill and stuff I wasn't in a mood for learning. So I'm not having it. She goes this is where you went wrong at

school. So this is exactly where you went went wrong she said you know you liked infants you liked you to you know you liked the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to the to to the the the the the the their. their. their. their. their. I'm their. I was liked I was liked I was liked I was liked I was liked I was liked I was liked I was. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th the th th th thin. the th the the th the the the the thi. the thi. the the the the the thi. the the as it gets to the heavy stuff you just you know you're like a horse with its blinkers on yeah so you shut yourself away so I said no I just work I could have done if I wanted to so anyway we went and bought a quotations book so I have got some quotes yeah what's the quotation book you bought so I was asking him to read Keats and wild Wordsworth Shakespeare. What did you buy? It's quotes with like Eric and Ernie and that, in it. That's what I've done. I've used an everyday thing.

Yeah. And pod it with today's problems, right? So like, my girlfriend, yeah. She might like to go shopping for clothes. I hate it. But because I love her, clothes. I hate it. Right. But because I love her, I put up with it. Oh, that's nice.

Yeah? So you love that little curtain. You can't stand the smell of stuff you've got to feed it. But because you love it, you go, well, you know, I'll put up with this just for a few minutes and then I can like squeeze its head later and give it a little. So holiday, where's you going on holiday? Uh, Sardinia. Good? Yeah, it's all right, yeah.

Nice food and that, it's important, isn't it? And nice beaches and what have you? It's like a nice long beach to walk down. But, uh, so we're having a nice walk, right? You know how nudists do me adding, sure. Right. Not a problem though, is it? It's not a being scared of spiders where they might jump out under the chicken sink, kitchen sink at you. It's not a big problem being having to have your head done in by nudists.

Yeah, but it just annoys me, it sort of ruins the day a little bit. Because it makes me feel uncomfortable. Right. Take your clothes off, you feel uncomfortable. It's much more relaxing. Yeah, but well anyway, right, so I'm walking along the beach, right? Lovely long beach, I'd be here, you know what I mean? Looking at the beach, and that, you know what I mean? Looking at the sea, picking up shalves and that? What's your natural beach? When he says picking up shalt all fours, like, you're that, th.... they. they. they. Yeah, they. Well, they. Well, they. Well, they. Yeah, they. Yeah, they. Well, they. Yeah, they. Yeah, they. they. they. Yeah, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, they. Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well. Well, well, well, well. Well, well. Well, well, well. Well, well. Well, well. Well, well. Well, well. Well, well. Well, they. Well, they. Well, they. Well, they. Well, they. Yeah, they. Yeah, they. Yeah, they. Yeah, they. Yeah, they. Yeah, they. Yeah, they. Yeah, they. Yeah, they. Yeah, they. Yeah, they. Yeah, they. Well, they. Well, they. Well, Just like washing his nuts in the sea to get him tasing. Yeah, going into the sea and then kind of shaking himself and all the water flows off. I've just got you know flip-flops on, pair of shorts and like a little light shirt.

So anyway walking along and uh Suzanne goes, oh look, I don't it. And there's this woman, German I think, coming out of the... How can you tell she was German? I'll get to it. Forget the underarm hair. She came out, it looked like she was smuggling seaweed. I'm going to burst. And the And the funny thing is, right? Smuggling seaweed. Oh God. She was a bit hairy down there, was she? Mental.

I felt bad because I hadn't had a shave for two days. All right. Looked at her, just it was ridiculous. She might as well kept her trunks. It was just like she's wearing furry trunks now. So anyway, so I'm walking around. So, Susan's like, oh look and I'm like, oh not again, you know, because every time we go away there, it always seems to be one of these.

Is she by herself, this woman? Well, the weird thing was she was with her husband right but he had shorts on he was happy right but every time like because I walked past her and he sort of ran off because he's he's embarrassed you know I mean he's nothing normal about it how what can he do you can't go all right mate because he knows it's odd right? How old was she? How old was she? How old was she? It's hard to tell and someone I haven't their their their old? How old? How old? How old? How old? How old? How old? How old? How old? How old? How old? How old? How old? How old? How old? How old? How old? How old? How old? How old? How old? How old? How old? How old? How old? How old? How old? How how how old? How old was? How old was how old was? How how old? How how how how how how? How how? How how? How how? How how? How how? How old? How old? How old? How old? How old? How old? How old? How old? How old was? How old was? How old was? How old was? How old was? How old was? How old was? How old was? How old? How old? How old? How old? How old? How old? How? How old? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How old? How? How old? How old? How old was? How old was he? How old was he? How old was he? How old was he? How old was he? How old was he? How old was he? How old was he? How old was he? How old was he? How old was he? How old was he? How old was? How old was? and someone I haven't got clothes on. You know what I mean? It's, they always look older don't they, when they haven't got clothes on anyway, but I'd say she was about 40, 41. So, um, so yeah, so I walk past and the annoying thing is, she got there on a bike, right? No clothes on, a little pair of boots next to the bike. So if you can wear boots, she's some shorts on. That takes more effort for me, putting boots on. They'll put the shorts on. So anyway, so the husband kept running off. I walk past and I'm getting annoyed because

I'm saying we've got to walk past them again on the way back. I know the fact they're scuttling away. Like when you lift up a bit of iron sheeting in the woods and the woods and the woods, I, I, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, I'll their their their their their their their their their. I'm their. I'm their. I'll their. I'll their. I'll their. I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I's, I'll, I'll their, I'll their. I'll their. I'll their. I'll their. I'll their. So, I'll took. So, I'll took. So, I'll like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like like, I'm like, I'm like like, I'm like, I'm like,ing in the woods and loads of mice run away. It's like whenever Carl goes that nudist's run away. Alright, okay. But no, so, so, sort of come walking back and what have you, and you know, I have another look and what have you? And he runs up again. Why you have another look if it offends you so much? Oh, you might as well just have a look at it, you know what I mean? It's just, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, you, just, just, just, you, just, just, you, just, just, just, just, you, just, just, you, to, to, to, to, to, just, just, just, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, to, to, to, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, to. Just, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to, to to, the interesting thing was, I just wondered whether the husband... If the husband were in you, you looked at his tackle, because remember when you went to see those two strippers and it was a woman and man and they whipped their shots off, you said you looked at his tackle first. I think any blow you would. You could just check it out, it's natural, isn't, isn't, they. It's natural, they. It's natural, you're, they. It's natural, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're their, you're they. they. they. they. they. the, you're, you're just, you're just, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you if, you know what I mean, you don't know if what you've got right until you see someone else's.

No, do you know what I mean? Yeah. Anyway, so, um, but he got us talking, because I was, then, as soon as I saw her, sort of, today's been ruined a have you? And I just was thinking, is the any chance that that fella, right, didn't even know that she was a nudist until they went away? Do you know what I mean? Because I said to Suzanne, if, say if I met Suzanne, it's like we're getting on, yeah, everything's fine. And then you go off on holiday and you go he han't got much luggage. She's like no no it's fine this is plenty and I'm thinking that's weird and then we go down the beach and she whips their nickers off. I'd be annoyed but there's nothing I could do. Do you know what I mean? So I'm just wondering whether that's what happened to this fella. Every that's that's th. th. th. that's th. that's th. that's th. th. th. that's th. that's that's thin' that's that's that's that's that's thin' that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their they. I's their they. I's their they. I's they. I's they. I's the. I's thean. I's theannenene. I's the. Every time someone came walking up he was like, oh God this is embarrassing. And he kept nipping off. Yeah. Finding something else to do. Look at some

shells. So I'm wondering, Rick, if at some point maybe today or in future shows, we should get a nudist, you know, well as the official nudist spokespeople, you know, because all these nudist organisations, get them on the phone, justify themselves to call........ their, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, their, look, look, their, their, their, their, their, their.... Look. Look, their. Look, their. Look, their. Look, their. Look, their. Look, their. Look, their. their. their. to, to, to, to, their, to, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. their. would you say weirdoes freaks I just don't I don't quite get it I was reading something in one of the supplements last weekend and some journalist went round to some whatever you call it some resort or whatever the first coffee needs and that and it's just playing volleyball well the only thing was balls volleyball. Well, the only thing was, bowls. Why is that annoying? Don't play a sport where you've got a band over. Well, I've got another food related item here. Now, Carl, I got a little email via my agent

sent from someone here, okay, sent from someone at XFM, okay, and I want to say it was she she just said, I thought this might be good for Ricky to use on Saturday. And obviously what happened is, Suzanne has sent you an email in the week, it was Wednesday, and you've returned it, but I think you've returned it to the wrong email address. She returned to someone here who, of course, immediately forwarded it to my agent for ridicule on the show. Don't panic. It's nothing that bad. Okay. It's an email from Suzanne talking about your tea that night. Was the Susanne out on Wednesday night? Was the England game, so it? Yeah, so you were alone, you were home alone where you

went tonight. Did you enjoy your meal? Was it a keish? Go on. Right. From Suzanne, Sir Carl, take the kish and put it on the baking tray, cut for 30 minutes on a hundred and ninety. Take lettuce and put on plate. Take three tomatoes, wash and chop into quarters. Place on lettuce. Take an avocado, chop in half. Remove the stone. Peel skin and slice. Place on salad. Put salt and pepper on and a dribble of olive and balsamic vinegar dressing, right, in brackets, small bottle behind the cafeteria. In case he's reaching for bleach. Yeah, that's it. Jennifer, everything else away.

Right? Then sprinkle a smidge of parmesan on top. Remove keys from oven, cut into quarters and put on plate. Eat. Oh, wow. But she had to do that every single time. cut into quarters and put on plate, eat. Oh wow. But she had to do that every single time. She's like, no, it's just that, I'm not that good at cooking, right? And to be honest, that was a lot of hard work.

I didn't bother warming it up. And I did without the avocado. Why? Why? Why? He didn't even do that. With instructions it was too much! But, um, yeah, I'm not that good at cooking and that... Did you, that's not cooking though, is it, Carl? That's heating up a kiche. That's cooking it is making the kiche. Yeah, but I'm just, can't be a good one.

Could you have figured out how... She had to tell you what the olive olive olive olive olive olive olive olive olive olive olive olive olive olive olive olive olive olive olive olive olive olive olive olive olive olive olive olive olive olive olive olive olive olive oil and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and the oil, and the oil, and the oil, and the oil, and the oil, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's the the the the the the tho.. that's that's tho.a, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's have to tell you what the olive oil and basamet vinegar was? Because I've put sort of cooking oil on my food once and I said that it's a bit... It's ever since, right? Years ago, I'm going to die. Oh God, look, leaving Mr. McGoo at home. It was ever since I put sausages in the toaster. But, uh, what do you mean? What do you know

like when you're grilling food in a pan and all that yeah sort of sausages spurt and it goes everywhere don't it and it makes everywhere greasy so I thought well just want to warm them up yeah pung them in the toaster yeah what happened she sort of caught up well she came in just as a sort of plunging it and what have you came in from work so what you're doing what you they they they they they they that I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I that I that I was that I was doing th I was doing th I was doing th I was doing th I was doing I was doing I was doing I was th I was th I was th I was th. I was th was th. I'm that's th. I was that's was that's was that's was was th. I was that's was th. I was that's was their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. I was th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm the. I'm not so so theeing theeing theeing theeing the. I was the. I was the. I'm th imagine. She came in just as I was sort of plunging it and maybe came in from work, said, what are doing? What are you doing? Well, the oven isn't on, I know they're in here. What, you turn it off, panic in and that.

But I've never been into it. I've never been into it. I'm no leaves a cooking and out of their. the, I. the, I. the, I. Oh, I. Oh, I. Oh, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm. What, I'm, I, I'm, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I..... What, I, I... What, I.... What, I.. What, I... What, I, I, I, I.. What, I, I, I, I'm. What, I'm. What, I'm that, I'm that, I'm that, I'm that, so, I'm that, so, so, so, so, I'm that, so, so, so, I'm that's. So, I'm that's. What, I'm that, I'm that, she must think, please be the house still there. Please not let me hear a fire engine as I come around this corner. Oh God, she comes like, oh God, thank God. I bet she's always happy to see you when she gets over and you haven't burned the place down or introduce some how to the place down. Or introduce some how to themonkies. What I've got prepare for them. They can do it, yeah you show them once. Yeah, whatever you do, don't put sausages in the

toaster Johnny. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, and they don't put sausages in the toaster. They put their fingers in. Yeah. What are we doing rockbusters on self? Okay. We've had a couple of emails Rick. Someone, actually Ian, he's emailed and he said that because of the blinking postman, it's his wife's birthday today, she's had no cards or presents, because, presumably because she's got no friends, but also because of the postal strike.

But you won't be able to use that excusetime. All right Carl. Anyway so would you just say happy birthday to Tracy? Have those condoms run out yet that you've got for Christmas? Carl? I still got them. Have you? Just say happy with trade to trace. It'll make it'll make it. It'll make it. It'll make it happy. And then as to Aden who's a tryoning to let us know he's we've gone international. Sure now there's also a question here a questionnaire has been sent in by Ruth Chamberlain at Cord Wainer's College. Cord Wainers College? Seems a weird. Cordway? Yeah, it used to be a poly or a laundry.

Anyway, it's something that she's doing for, um, she's studying product design for the fashion industry. And we're obviously, we're too busy and important to fill out the questionnaire but we thought maybe you can answer it car. It's about... Look he's yawning he's looking around he's only got to do two hours and he gets a whole day off and he's getting paid for it. Do something Carl. Be grateful. You've probably you've probably ruined a man's career. He's been ridiculed now for doing this that he's so weak where he's so weak he's so so so so so so so the building. So let's have a little bit of effort. You've only got an hour and a quarter to do, then you get two days off, all right? All right.

Right, Carl, it's a questionnaire about happiness. Oh yeah. If there's one person... Well, that should answer it right where? The first question, Carl, on a happy scale, where are you on the happy scale? Is it at this moment or in general? I would say generally. Okay. Yeah, but you don't always have to like, I mean I I think I'm happy in that, but I don't always show it. You never show it. No, but it doesn't mean I'm not happy in that. Like I'm all right at the moment. I say I'm probably on an about an eight, I was probably on about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about a about about a 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about a 9. I-a-a-a-a-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I'm to-a-a-I'm to-I'm to-I'm to-I'm to-I'm to-I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm a about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about a that, that, that's about a that's about a that, I'm a that's about a that's about about a that's about a that's about a that's about a that's about a that, I'm a that's about a that, I'm a that's about about a that, I was probably about a nine when I woke up, right? And then

sort of fell out with Suzanne over her haircut, right? She went for a cut and came back with something that I didn't like. Sorry, what did you say? So when your girlfriend walked the door set of hair down, you said, I don't like it, all right? Do you say that? What did you say no, I'm happy with it? I just can't tell? I'm loving it? the the, you, you, I, I, I, I, I, I, I don't, I, I, I'm, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I, I'm, I'm, I, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. th. th. th. th. that, I'm that, I'm th. that, I'm that, I'm that, I'm that, I don't that, I don't that, I don't, I'm that, I Well, she could tell about the look on my face. But you don't you say, no, I'm happy with it, I just can't tell. I'm loving it. Because then she might have it done again. I can't have people else. I really can't. I can't.

No, but you haven't seen it. Oh, I'm stin. So, so then I was fed up. Yeah, you had that, you had the, well, officially from a barber in Manchester above a railway station in a shack, it was two pounds of cut, told you you have the hair of a Chinaman, well you wish you had the air of a Chinaman now, you've got nowhere. You're a little bald man with your mouth open, so don't, are she, are you listening to this, Suzanne? Sitting at home with a woolly out of her. now don't she? What did you say? What could she do about it though? I just said you look like someone out a slade. Interestingly that's what I look for in a girlfriend. Oh God! Which

one was a funny hair? Not Dave ill? Yeah. The one with a crooked fringe in the goofy, she had two front teeth put in? Dumper. So anyway, so prior to that you're on a 9, then you saw the haircut, you're on an 8. Yeah. And then I'm probably on about a 6 at the moment. Why? What happens? Well, while Star Sailor was on, a bit more red squeezing going on. So yeah, about a 5 or 6.

So generally speaking, what would you say you are on? What would you give someone who wasn't very happy? What would you give them? What are you thinking, Carl? Depends why they're not uppy? They're not, they're low, okay, so what would you give them? I mean, if you, yeah, depends, isn't it? If it's someone who's just lost their arms and legs in an accident, you don't give them a lollipop. Sure, or some mittens. You give them a hat. Yeah. Yeah.

And, dare I say, a smile. A skateboard? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. You don't know.

You got to answer the throw. So hang on let's assume that you've upset your girlfriend because you slagged off her hair cut. What do you feel guilty? How are you going to cheer up? Uh, and not buy her a baseball cap? I don't know yet. I haven't thought about it because I've got this to sort out, I'm not. So when I get home, get some jail or something? Oh God! Oh Christ. Okay, and, uh, something that always puts a smile on your

face kind it always cheers you up. A monkey in it? Learning something. Right, that's a bit weird. I love the qualifier. I think it was two different sentences. I think it was two different sentences. I think it was learning something that's a bit weird. Yeah. Yeah. Learning something that's a bit weird. Okay. And finally, if you could have something to make you happy, what would it be? Little chimp, wouldn't it? Little chimp in a suit? Well don't answer for him, don't put words in to me. Uh, you could have anything you want, it will cheer you, like to be something possible. Yeah. X-ray vision, no. What would you have? It can be conceptual. It could be world peace.

It doesn't have to be, you know, a new watch. It doesn't have to be, you know, a new watch. Yeah, it's someone else. Wish for that. Sure. It's a nice and peace. You know what a time it is. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's. It's a waste. It's. It's. It's. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a nice. It's a nice. It's a nice. It's a nice. It's a nice. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's a waste. It's else gets a nice new watch and there's World Peace. You're walking round, it's nice and peace, but you know what time it is. He's swallowing around, he's got a lovely new watch and there's no threat of being bombed. Exactly. I'm quite happy the way I am really. I don't really want to be on four. But you're on a four? Yeah, you're a happy girl. Yeah. Surely, surely. Surely. Surely. Surely. Surely. Surely. Surely. Surely. Surely. Surely. Surely. Surely. Surely. Surely. Surely. Surely. Surely. Surely. Surely. Surely. Surely. Surely. Surely. Surely. Surely. Surely you. Surely you. Surely you. Surely you want a you. Surely you want a you. Surely you want a you. Surely you want a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. He. He. He. He's. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's the the tooooooooooooooooo. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's got the point of life is to be on 10. Yeah, but what's what's a 10? Do you know what I mean? No. What's what's a 10?

Contentment, absolute contentment, joy in your heart. Inwardly and outwardly. Not walking around with a little round mankhead with your mouth open going, what's the point of that? I've done it once. Is that why you've still got all the condomsoms You've done it once. What's the point of that? Alright, we're gonna get over the cum? Come on. Ten.

Just one thing that would make you happy. That would cheer you up if you were feeling low. Tuesdays off as well. I don't have the MD just, you know, you resign straight away, shall I? I honestly don't know what would make me happy just like that. Because I am happy, I know you say I'm fed up and that. Do you know, do you know, he wouldn't want to be too rich. He said if I was too rich then Suzanne would say let's go around the world.

He said he wants to be rich enough, so they're happy in that and they got their bathroom in their bathroom but they can't, but they they they they they still, but they still, but they still, but they still, but they still, but they still, but they still, but they still they still they still they still they still they still they still they still they still they still they still they still they still they still they still they they still they still they still they still they they they they they they they they wouldn't they wouldn't they wouldn't they wouldn't they wouldn't they wouldn't they wouldn't they wouldn't they wouldn't they wouldn't they wouldn't they wouldn't they wouldn't they wouldn't they wouldn't they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi that that they wouldn't they wouldn't they wouldn't they wouldn't they wouldn can't afford any more holidays a year. Think of that, think of that wish. Think of that capping your wishes. Do you know what I mean? Putting a ceiling on your ambition? I love it. It's genius. Look at his face. Play a record. You're an idiot. It's like if you'd won that ticket around Charlie's chocolate factory and he'd said, actually, Carl, I want you to take over the factory. It was a task. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, their, th, th, thi, thi, thi, their, thi, their, thi, thi, thi, their, their, thi, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thi, thi, thin, thin, thin, thi, thee. Yeah, thu. Yeah, thu. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, thu. Yeah, thi. a chocolate factory. Yeah. I'm happy to go back and live. No, he'd have said, I'll work it, but I'm not working Mondays. Exactly. I'd like you give me a chocolate factory good kid. I know, idiot. Carl. to give me the fat one at least. He enjoyed it more. Carl. I'll try and expect to Carl. I'll try and expect to call him Carl. Car Car Car the the car. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. I. C. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'. I' the car. I' the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I play. I play. I play. I play. I play. I'd play. I'd play. I'd play. I'd play. I'd play. I'd play. I'd play. I'd play. I'd play. I'd play. I'd play. I'd play. I'd play. I'd play. I'd on a 10. Yeah. I look the fact that he started on a 9. But I love the fact he's happy with 4. Yeah. I love that. No but what I mean is, right, I'm not looking for like happiness. No. I'm all right. You're not looking for happiness? What? What's that for? What I mean is, right? I'm happy when I'm not fed up. So what I mean is the, is this your new in your your your your new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new in your new new new new in your new new new new new new new new new new in your new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new the new new new the new the new book psychology psychology psychology the new psychology the new book psychology psychology psychology psychology psychology psychology psychology psychology psychology psychology psychology, in the the the the the the the the the new the new the new the new the new the new the new the new the new the new the new the new the new the new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new, I'm happy. Is this in your new book, psychology of the mind? What is that? I'm happy when I'm not fed up. That's like an eight-year-old try I'm trying to explain happiness. Johnny, what is it when

I'm happy when I'm not fed up, miss? Well done, good boy. That's it. You're happy when you're not fed up. to tell the to their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that's, that's, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. I'm happy, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm that. I'm that's th. I'm th. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy, thatthe time. It's just that when things niggle me. I find that I realize when I'm annoyed more than when I'm happy. But Carl, every time we talk to you, you are winging about something. You've got something that annoys you. But he's one of those people that if he wins his loud. I think he's their way. I'm really busy. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm that. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm more. I'm more. I'm more. I th. I th. I'm more. I th. I'm more. I'm more. I'm more. I'm more. I'm more. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm that. I realize. I realize. I realize. I realize. I'm that. I realize. I realize. I'm that. I realize. I'm th. I realize. I'm th. I'm the. how someone's wound him up and they all come and they go oh Carl's fed up because he's got this show you know I mean he's wormed his way go on a minute you came in you know and you came in moaning about the post and that today yeah but everyone's annoying frustrated by that they're small businesses going out of business you're not you're not because you're not because you're you're you're you're you're not because you're you're not because you're not because you're you're you're not because you're you're you're you're not you're not you're you're you're you're not you're you're you're the you're you're you're the the you're that you're not because the the that that you're that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that their their their their their their their their their their their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thing thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi tho thi that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thi thi thi that's Yeah. You've openly declared you don't want friends. They're too much hassle. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That is my joke. Friends is that is the point of life to me. I can't wait to see them. I squeeze their head. I welcome him in.

They annoy you. Annoying. I love it. Friends are annoying. It's even scared of like doing some a friend or getting a gift because he goes I have to buy him one back now. It's sort of like life's a bit of a chore for Carl, isn't it? Well anyway, all right let's leave that aside. Obviously you're never going to be entirely happy although apparently you are already on the brink of happiness. All you have to say is your hair look nice. That's good to say yeah it looks good yeah and that's it's story what's the point in that what is the point in that she doesn't really care what you think but she doesn't want to hear that she looks like Dave Hill from slain she's not having

a haircut just to please you Carl despite what you might think he's taken about that yeah yeah yeah yeah now you weren't speaking to Suzanne last week at this time because you said, she had a haircut, probably quite an expensive haircut, she's a lady in media, she's got to look good, she probably doesn't go to the barber like you or just shave it at home, probably spent quite a little bit of money on it. She came home, she thought, well, my sweetheart my lover my sweetheart my you know I mean the man in my life is gonna is gonna love this well he adores

everything about me he's gonna love my hair she walked in hello Carl all right you look like Dave ill from slayed is what you said to the poor woman and then talked about it on air she was furious about that so what did listen yeah she did listen, she wasn't happy. Do you slag her hair off? Yeah. And she said, well, what an honest So this is probably annoying her now?

Well, no, it doesn't matter. We can do a lot today because she's at work. And of course, no one's going to tell her. Let's have a chat much travel. That's... He's realised he has, he is a little bit worried. Oh, didn't you go and buy a coat or something? I took her out on Sunday and treated her to a new coat and that. But I offered, I said as well, I said I'd pay to have it done again.

Oh so cold! Oh my Christ! So she listened to the show, what did she say? You got home, she'd heard you slagging her hair off. Imagine that, he thinks that's a good thing. It's sort of like, we've won the pools, brilliant, what we're doing? Well you can have facial surgery now, love? It's not like, it's just, it's just, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's, it, it, it, it's, it's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, you offer to have it done again? Unbelievable. Yeah. But yeah, I got home and she's like, oh, being nudy with me, right?

You thought someone's wrong, she must have listened to the show when I was slagging off her hair. Well, his first thought was she probably looked at herself in the mirror. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that barber's been round again. And she just said, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I I I I I I I, I, I I I, I, I I I, I, I, I I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I's, I's, I's, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I'm, I'm, I'm th. th. th. th. thooo-s. tho-s. tho-s. tho-s. thoomoomorrow, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, that barber's been round again, yeah. And she just said, oh, that wasn't very nice of you, was it? So, I just said, hang on a minute, I said, that's what we do on the show. When I'm slagging off, you know, Chinese people looking older, whatever, said, you never interfere. I love the fact that she's in the same queue.

As a billion people you've never met. That's fantastic that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the same that's that's the same that's that's that's that's the same that's that's the same the same the same that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's to me me me me me me me me me me me me me. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. I I I I that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the same. I's the same the same the same the same th. I's the same that-a. I's the same the same that-au. I've that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. I's the fact that she's in the same queue as a billion people you've never met. That's fantastic. She's in the same queue. Well, look, you couldn't complain when I was slain. Because Carl, I don't think Carl has ever admitted he might be in the wrong ever. Certainly not to your eye. So did you admit? That is so true.

He's never admitted that he might be the wrong. So did you in this instance agree that maybe you'd overstep the mark? No, I just said she took it badly. Do you know what I mean? I mean, it's only an air cut. Yeah. Yeah. Well, see. You haven't seen it. So you can't start. to start interfering on this one. No, okay. No, I haven't seen it. But I very much doubt she looks like Dave Hill from slayade. th. th.. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. the. the. the. thi. to the. the. th. th. th. th. th. to th. I's to to to th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. to to to the. to to to to to to to to I'm mistaken, used to cut his hair with garden shears blindfolded. So you know what I mean? And did her teeth stick out and she started speaking with a brummy accent as well? I've got used to it now anyway. And so did you bought, so at one point you came crawling back and you said do you want me to buy you a coat? I just said let's let's leave that let's go out and have a good weekend sure but get your hat before we go

so I'm Oh God Treat the treat it in your coat and that's it's a nice coat so it takes people will look at that rather than There looking at the head so if anyone was it do flash is got upset it's across the back if anyone who knows Carl's girlfriend is listening to the show and maybe you're a work colleague and you're listening to the show or what about something. Get her to phone him now.

Get her the phone on the XFM number. What's the fat ass complaint line? Because you are in deep shide. Bobbody boo. It's Carly Pilp boys. All right. there it's Carly Pilt Boys. You're right Carl? Oh that's close. Yeah, I'm all right, yeah. Yeah, come on up, up, up, up, up, up,

up, yeah? Project, project, there's people out there wanting to, you know, cheer up there Saturday afternoon. We're the boys for it, yeah? We're like quick, quick fitters. Come on. Come on. I'm all right. I'm up for it. That's it. This is the height of excitement. This is it, is it? This is you. When you're a hundred and thirty-five. This is you off your head, is it? High on life. What did she say about you're saying about a big ass? Go on. Go on. She didn't like that. So that's what

I said, a bit grumpy, I went, yeah, I didn't mention her fat ass. Still thinking that she would never hear about this. What happened when you went home? She heard about that off her mate. And we sorted it out. Didn't have to buy her anything. I just sort of said, come on, you know, what the show is about on that, and that, and that, and that, that, that, the the show, the show, that, the show, the show, that, the show, the show, the show, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, their, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, I, that, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I's, I'm, I'm, their, their, their, th. And, th. And, that's that's th. And, th. And, th. And, that's th. And, th. And, thi's thi. And, that's that's that, stop owning. That was all right until about Thursday when I was reading about, do you know like they say there's like two worlds and that and whatever I'm doing now here there's another one of me doing the same. Yeah but well no he's probably taking some time off. Yeah but I was just talking about that and she was saying no that doesn't happen and I and I sort took to say well the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the you you you you you you you you you you you you you the the you the the you know, the the you know, the the the you know, you know, you know, you know, you're their th th th. th. th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do their their their their their their their their their their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their th. I was th. I was thi thi the the the the an the an thee an theeeat things, you know, you know, you're theat, you know, you're theat, you know, you know, you know, thi thi talking about that and she was saying no that doesn't happen. And I sort of said well they definitely won't have air cup like yours. Right? And how that sort of started the argument again. It's almost like you haven't learned your lesson.

It's like you're talking about it again on there almost in a way so it remains clear again. It's very short learning again you know Carl if there was a if I cut a hole in a in a box and you know there was an orange in there right and you put your hand in would you be stuck there trying to get that orange out do you think or would you just like let it go and sort of tip upside down to get it out what do you mean what you mean? I think that answers your question. Is that a cardboard box on your head?

So is there any other things you want to criticize Suzanne for while we're on air? Anything else, anything that's been niggling that you thought you should get off your chest? The hair, the arse? No. Leave it? I think so. Okay. That's good. I think leave it. Well done. I mean, it's not what people listen for. So, right, redeem yourself. Have you got the film

thing you're in? Right, yeah. I'm in a film. It's pulp fiction this week. Right. Right. Change that a little bit, tweak the storyline a little bit. It's just... To make it better, yeah. It's just a... do you know I've talked about Suzanne's hair on that? About when she got it cut, didn't like it and that. So it's sort of about that. Listen to it, there'll be a question at the end, you can win some good stuff. Yeah, well. All right. And this is a scene where they're in the restaurant, do you know when they're about to do the robbery? Yeah, I'm playing. So it's not a restaurant, it's the barbers. Right. All right? God. Is that going to be a question after this?

Yeah. Stay there. All right. Uh, girlfriend came in here earlier, I had a haircut. I'm not happy with it. I'm afraid I can't want to cause any fuss, but just, just want you to sort it out. I'm afraid I can't do that. Well, you can do that, because it looks a mess. Look, my friend, this is just where you and I differ. Well, you've got to do something, because look at it. When she came was picking the same thing.

Look, we, I don't want to cause any problems or anything. She hasn't even seen it properly yet. She sort of had it cut and came straight home and didn't look at it. Suzanne, just look in that mirror. Look what's it's the mirror? Look what's it? What you mean? What is not a problem? Look at the state of her th. th. the th. the the th. the the th. th. th. the the th. the th. th. th. th. the thin, thin, thin, thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' th. She th. She th th. She th th th th. She th th. She th th. She th. She thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' than. She's than. She's than. She's thanan. She's thanan. She's thananan. She's thananan't thananan't thanan't than't I'm the manager here, and there's no problem. What you mean? It's not a problem. Look at the state of the air. We come, cooperate, and this will all be over in a minute.

I'm not going anywhere until we've sought your air out. I'm not walking home with you, with your air like that. It's embarrassing. So let's just get it... You die. No, forget having it die. Just get it cut. Color's not a problem. Just saw it out. Just get rid of... Let's see what we can do. Right, good. Look at it, look at the state of it. I'm trying real hard. Suzanne, just keep your head still there so you can...

Just hang in there, baby, you're doing great, I'm proud of you. Just talk that fit out there, just cut that. My barber says I've got the hair of a china man, have you about that? Is it serious or what? Freaking me out? If my answer is frightening, you should cease asking scary questions. It's almost over. There you go. It's not brilliant, but I have to do, won't it? I reckon we'll have to buy her a hat on the way home. Yeah, that's probably good idea.

Do you think Suzanne's listening? It's all right, isn't it? I like the fact that in that she's represented with a sort of dimwit southern accent Yeah. So I'm sure have appreciated that. It was nice, yeah. It was a nice. I don't know what kind of copyright infringements.

Yeah. Yeah. All right, well, the question is, what did I say is odd about my hair? Oh, well, yeah. Fans of the show will know that already, I'm sure. So, emailing, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, the the will know that already, I'm sure. Yeah, so email in, Ricky Dochervasex, Cam.cdot at UK. Or, yeah, just email actually.

Yeah. All right. All right. But are you comfortable being nude and that? What I don't know what this is. We did this last week about, are you comfortable being nude? It's just probably not in public. Well Ricky's only really comfortable nude when he's eating. Yeah, yeah, there's nothing to get, you know, you can just wipe yourself down. Yeah, you just sit in the bath, yeah. No, but I love the way you talk.

Remember once, right? I don't know if they should talk about this really, but... Well that means you should, so go on. Go on. Uh, yeah. Right, we went to, um, went to, um, went to Tenarife, right, one year. And I'm still living in Manchester. I'm scared now I'm just I'm thinking about Suzanne but she's she's working. I don't want to know anything about Suzanne to be honest. It involves me more. Go on. I'm just explaining to you that I don't like being nude. So you're in Tenerife? In tena reef right? Didn't have much money stayed in this apartment thatthat wasn't that nice, right? I had the cockroaches in it and stuff, right?

Didn't have much money to go out at night. So we're in this sort of death trap of an apartment, right? Anyway, it's when I was younger, right, I had a bit more energy, so... He's 30. So, you know, start having it away a bit. It's a joy. Beautiful. So, yeah, yeah.

I've been here to work. Right, so, you know, doing what I do, right? Someone starts banging on the door. So, Suzanne says, you're saying, oh, the too. Everyone's at it. So, Suzanne said, you better at it. Right, so you mean knocking on the door, right, okay. Knocking on the door, right? So Suzan said, you better get it.

So I said, oh, I can't get it now, I'll have to wait a bit. Right. I can't go to the door. Go on. So the banging's getting louder. Yeah. Yeah. And she's like, oh no, but it. important and I'm like in a minute just so anyway I don't want to know anymore

no come on finish the story open the door it's a fireman so I just stick my head round and he's going you'll have to get out the buildings on fire right so I'm like in a minute sorry you weren't still having sex at this point no no but you know still sort of got a wait a minute or I can't get me pants on. Oh, Carl, I'm so sorry. All right, go on. So the, no, the place is burning down. So it could be a serious big fire going on.

I'm sort of waiting. You can hear people sort of screaming and that, panicking. Is that because the door is open and you're nude? The fireman's saying, will you get out, where you get out? I'm saying, in a minute. And Suzanne was saying, you know, think of something that's not sexy. Sure. So I was thinking of people, you know, thinking maybe down, maybe down, the fireman said we need a big pole. Yeah. Sure, go, go. But. So. So. So. So. So, so. So, th. So, th. So, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the fire. So, the fire. So, the fire. So, the fire. the fire. the fire. the fire. So I's the fire. the fire. the fire. the fire. the fire. the fire, the fire. the fire. So I's, the fire. So, the fire. So, the fire. So, the fire. So, the fire. So, the fire. So, the fire. So. So, the fire. So. So. So, the fire. So. So, the fire. So, the fire. the fire. the the the the the the the the the the the the the fire. the fire. the fire. the fireman. the fireman's fireman's the fireman's the fireman's the fireman's. the fireman's. the fire. the fireman's. the fire. the fire. the fire. the fireman said we need a big pole. Yeah.

Sure, go on. But what I'm saying is that to me I wouldn't have wanted to go out and be safe over, do you know what I mean, over being naked. I don't like walking about we're now on. So what I'm saying is that fire. I love the idea of everyone huddled and there were the fireman. It just, the camera spans long and it's, we, we, we, we, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, we, and it's, we, and it's, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're their, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go go, go. Go, go, go. Go, go. th. th. th. th. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. What, go, go, go, go. What, go. What, go. What, go. What, go. What, go. What, go. their. their. their. their. their. their, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. what I love the idea of everyone huddled and there with other firemen it just the camera spans long and it's Carl. Yeah a dinical news report. Naked. With still standing proud. Would you have gone out we're now on? But why do I have to go out with now on? Just grab a pair of jeans? All right but you just you know... What? There's a fire, Carl! See, not everyone looks at men's packets. That's only you remember.

Most of the other firemen wouldn't be going, oh, look at him. He's pleased to see us. Carl, how long did it take? And did the thought of dying in a fire help? After a bit, but the fireman sort of had a go out me. What do you mean? th mean? th mean? th mean? th mean? th mean? th me th me th me thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. that- of had a go to me. What do you mean? Well he wasn't happy that I was dordely. Well to be fair but what can you do? Answers on a postcard. To the usual address? XFM care of Mr. Square.

What do you reckon Carl, you know, being Ricky's friend? Did you find that an exhilarating experience that you join you before to? It's all right for about an hour and then anything over that is when he's just messing about and he wants to whip me on the head with a tray. We went for lunch yesterday, didn't we? That was more than an hour, wasn't it? Yeah. And we had a drink in the week, didn't the today? That was more. that was more. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's, thin. It's, th. It's, that's, that. It's, that. It. It's, that. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It. It's. It. It's. It's. It. It's. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It'stwo of you? Because I find as soon as there's a third person, well yeah, just to give you a... He just starts showing off. Well, there's a little bit of that, right? But I went out with Ricky, like he said, right, for a drink in a week. And, you know, I went out talking about, I'm sort of sat there for a minute and thought, there's nothing that I can tell her we've been talking about that she'll show any interest in. She said, well you must remember something, I said I can't, I can't, she goes, no, something, just anything that you're talking about, what you're talking about. I said right, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one I the one I the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one the one, the one, the one, the one the one the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the topics that came up was, imagine that the only way to have a kid was you had

to sleep with a squid. How many kids would you have? I would say it was the future and the squid, you know, but the only way they could do it now is like I felt were you. I was going, would you have to sleep with a squid? He's going, what do you mean? I'm going would to wudja? It's, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would? the time, would? the time, would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? It. It. It? It? It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. What. It. What, the. It. It. It. It. buzzing in his head that he got confused about. Would anyone want a kid that much? Does the child look like a squid when you have it or is it make the kids? No, I was going, no, no, it's normal but it's like a filter with a system.

The only way you can do it to make sure, you know, you have test tube way in the future. Did the busted lads mention that in the top of the three-pastons? But he did, but he did under water, that's why I got it from. I thought, well, you probably sort of like get quite friendly with them, eventually you probably would be reading with the squids and, you know, so the prawns. So what does, what does it, what, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. th. th. th. th. th. th. th have a discussion. I know the way that he talks about his partner like the adult. Well I don't the two kids that go out playing talking about squids. That is exactly how I see throwing throwing them. It's like if she wasn't there I don't think you'd get out of the house in the morning. Well she'd you'd have you you you you you you you you you you you you you you'd you'd you'd you'd you'd you'd you'd you'd you'd you'd to you'd to to to to their to to to to to to their their to to their their to to to to to to to their to their to their their their their their their their to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their tie tie tie tie. I'd tie. I'd tieldldldldld. I'd tie. I'd tie. I'd tieldldld. I'd tie. I'd to tie. I'd to tie. I'd their their would be going off and you know someone would left a frying pan on the builders would be sort of like throwing you round. Yeah I imagine she makes you like a round sandwiches. She's noticed that I don't ask as many questions now because like last night was one of the first times in ages that I'd

asked to something right? What did you ask? Where's the bathroom? Do you know like I'm always thinking stuff when I'm bored, right? If it's when I'm washing up or what have you. And last night, she was watching that midsummer murders. Midsummer murders, right? Ah, I don't like it, I think it's for a wish. So, uh, I'm sat on their-ohmo'er. So, uh, I'm saying it, uh, but I'll watch it. But, but I'll watch it, but I'll watch, but I'll watch, but, I, but, I, but, I, I, but, I, I, I, but, I, but, I, I, I, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, uh, she was watching, uh, she was watching, that, that, she was watching, she was, she was, she was, she was, she that, she that, she that, she that, she that, she, she, she, that, she, she, that, she, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, was that, was that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th. He was watching the microwave. She was going, Carl, no, this is the tele. This is the tele. Wait a minute, wait a minute, this chicken, this chicken is going to come around a second.

I've seen it before it comes around again a minute. Carl, come, what's the washing machine, Carl? So she's watching it, loving it and that, and I'm bored because it's just, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's, yeah, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's boring, it's boring, it's, it's, it's, it's boring, it's boring, it's boring, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this the chicken, the the chicken, the the chicken, the the the the the chicken, the their. Trying to find animals without heads. And it's in one of her magazines and there's this article about these identical twins, brothers, right? And one of them meets this girl, right? And it turns out she's got an identical... I've heard this, this is true. They get married. She's got an identical sister. Right. So they both go out. So two identical twins, male going out with two identical twins, sisters. Yeah. So I was looking at it going, oh that's that's weird because you see him like, they're always wearing the same cardigans

and that and that's like. But then, no, if you're an identical twin, you probably would fancy the same. But then I was asking, I they. they. thininininin. their their thin. thi. thi. they they they they they they were. they were. thi. thi. they were thi. they're thi. they're thi. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're going. they're going. they're going. they're going. they're going. they're going. they're going. they're going. they're going. they're going. they're going. they're going. they're going. they're going. they're going. they're going. they're going. they're going. they're going. they're going. their. their. th. thi. thi. the. to to to theeee. to to to to thoooooooooe. they're going. they're going. they're going. they're you know, the plot, the murderer. If they had a kid, would they look the same? Yeah. Would the, would, necessarily, because it depends on what genes are passed over. Even though they've got the same exactly sets of genes that you don't pass on all the genes, do you find it's 50-50, but you don't pass on exactly the same genes in each sperm let alone with an identical twin. Yeah but even though you don't do that like my brother and sister don't look like me but you know they were related. Because they share 50% of your father genes. No you share 50% of your father genes and 50% of your mothers but not the same 50%

on two occasions. I think you've completely lost it. When you brought in the word jeans, I thought you were thinking what was their try to say for? No, they wouldn't necessarily know. They could do by a sheer chance. Did Suzanne look at you like Oliver Harley looks at Stan Laurel when he's just like nailed his hand to a wall or something? She just, to ask Ricker tomorrow. Yeah, and then turned up. And their it up up up up th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their it up, their it up. their it up. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. When, yeah. When, yeah. When, yeah. When, yeah. When, yeah. When, yeah. When, yeah. When, yeah. When, yeah. When, yeah. When, when. When, when. When, when. When, when. When, when. When, when. When, when. When, their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. I. I. I. I. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. Well, theorrow and then turned up John Nephals. And then turned up up. Yeah. Oh that is brilliant. There's a holiday when we went to Tunisia. And the Scoutscher pissed you off, surprise, surprise. Yeah. But the annoying thing was, you know, when you go on, it was a cheap holiday and like the lesson here is you know if you want a good holiday you got a like spend some money and we didn't on this one we spent about I don't know 400 quid for two of us for

like a month for something ridiculous and we got there and you know you get to the hotel and you go we have made a mistake you know it's a ropey hotel you know you can tell like the blinds and stuff as you're walking they're all dirty and stuff well let's make the most of it you know the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their stuff and you think well let's make the most of it, you know, let's not get down about it. It's a holiday, it's for a rest. And you try and make the most of it and we had to meet, you know, like you have one of those things where you get to your destination and the rep says, right, you know, go and unpack your bags and thrown, theyk, th............ And, they's, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, they.. And, they. And, they. And, they, thr, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try and, try, try, try, their, their, their, tomorrow morning we'll meet up at 10 o'clock and I'll go through you know the best sort of place to go for camel rides and you know the best deals I can get you. That's what... Can anyone here walk like an Egyptian? So she says right tomorrow morning meet 10 o'clock in the discotheque so we get up and we had breakfast and it wasn't a good breakfast the kitchen was like a bit horrible, the food wasn't good the discotheque. So we get up and we have breakfast and it wasn't a good breakfast.

The kitchen was like a bit horrible, the food wasn't good and it was run by sort of midgets. What do you mean it was not there's any wrong with that? There was little fellas running around and the annoying thing was one of them sort of started to fancy my girlfriend. How did he manifest his affection for me? You're not saying there's any wrong with Midget so I just say they were strange, yeah but even Midget shouldn't be cleaning on calm focus from the same. I know, I know, no. But it's also that thing of, you know, you know what? You know, they've got a thing of, you know, I'm so sorry. No, no, no, I'm not. It is a bit is a bit th. It is a bit is a bit is a bit is a bit. It is a th. It is a th. It is a th. It is a th. It is a th. It is a th. It is a th. It is a th. It is a th. It is a th. It is a th. It is a the there's a the th. It is a there's a there. It's a there. It's a there. It's a there. It's a there. It's a there. It's a there. It's a there. It's a there. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's a there. It's a the the the the the the the the the the the the th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's and that. Sure. But the annoying thing is... So what was he doing then?

I don't understand how he was chatting up your girlfriend? Was he crawling under the table so you couldn't see? Whisper to her from underneath there. Stop it! Wait, I don't want to get a complaint on our last show. It's not many legit. Oh, what's it going to to happen. start up again in a couple of months? Oh yeah. What are there again? Is the tip included? Yeah go on that one. Right, in Turkey, it's not actually. That's where I went and there was then little fellas after Suzanne in the kitchen. What? What do you mean? We stayed in

her, we went to Turkey. You left Turkey and there's some little fellas? Well, they had quite a few sort of midgets working in the kitchen. Why? Is it a theme? Is it a theme holiday? I don't know. Night getting them cheaper or something. So they were working in the kitchen and one of them, fancy two's on and I'm the kitchen. And one of them fancy two's on and kept sort of eyeing her up and up, I, and saying, and saying, and saying, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and I, and, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I th and I th and I th and I thin, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they. And, I don't, I don't, I, yeah. What was she doing in the kitchen? No, it's like a pick pick what you want to eat, like Buffy, but you have people clearing their tables and that ready for you to come along.

They low tables? And, uh, and, you know, he was just keeping an eye on a... What would he say though? What do you mean a little fella like? What do you mean thua thua thua thua thua thuu it thu it thu it thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu? What do you thu? What do you thu? What do you thu? What do you thu. What was like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, what thi? What thi? What thi, what thi, what tho? What tho? What tho? What tha? What thooooo? What tha? What tha? What thi. What thi. What th, he was, he was a little fella, yeah. What do you mean a little fella? Sort of dwarf like. What do you mean dwarf like he had magic powers or he was four foot? What do you mean Carl? A little bloat, just like a normal bloat but small. If he'd stood him in the desert you wouldn't know. But he'd be a little midget fellery, out for the monkeys. Yeah, underground. There's underground monkeys.

You can't just say there was a little midget fella who was eyeing up my girlfriend and then leave it. What do you mean? What was happening? This is a story to us. This is much more interesting to us than she was deaf, right? And she was deaf, right? And she's more interesting.

I don't understand how this, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, it's like girls now don't they, when someone fancies them. What do you mean there was lots of them as well? Do they? That's worth knowing? Do they say anything? Right, come on and you went into this, you went to this, you went into the, what, the dining room or something? Yeah, downstairs. And you looked there was tho, theyn't, th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. th. thin, thin, thin, tho, tho, that, that, that, that, that, tho, tho, tho, tho, they tho, tho, that, they was they tho, tho, th th th th th th th tho th th tho, tho, th tho, th th th th th th th th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, they that, that, they that, they's that, they they're, they're they're that, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're that, that, they go, hold on, you look down and there was a little waiter. There was loads of them running around busy. Why? Because it was summer! What do you mean? Because it was the summer. They had more of them on.

They come out in summer. What do you mean? Because it's busy, isn't it? But why were they all middue. I don't know, maybe, they're they're, they, they, they, they, they, they, because, because, because, because, because, they, because, because, because, they, because, because, because, they, because, because, because, because, because, because, they, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, it, because, because, because, it, it, because, because, because, it, because, it, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, because, it's, because, because, it's, because, because, it's, because, because, they did for tourists or something. I don't know. I just got on with my meal. It was a holiday. Do you know what I mean? Go ahead.

So, there's some midget serving, I'm not going to ask any questions. Right, okay, yeah. So they're all little fellas running around and this one always was like, you know, do you want to to, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, their... their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thi. thi. tho. tho. tho. thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. So, thooooo. So, so, so, so, so, so, tho. his way to sort of... For turning on the jar. Yeah, he's going out of his way. The others weren't. Right. I think what was happening is he'd been working with Santa all for winter. Or, this little summer break. This one was your waiter and so he was being polite to you. Maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe.

But what did Suzanneget then you were jealous of it? It is a bit annoying in it why? I wouldn't bother me as much now because I've been with her for ages right but at the time that might have been one of our first holidays and it's like you don't want to be not paid for this holiday. I and the the holiday I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I the the they they they don't you you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't want you don't want I don't want I don't want I don't want I don't want you don't want I'll don't want. I'll their. I'll their. I'll they don't. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not I'm. you don't. you don't. I don't. I don't. I I don't. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't. I don't I'm I'm I'm not I'm not. I'm not. I'm not want. I'm not want. I'm not want. I'm not want. I'm not want. I'm not want. I'm not want. I'm not want. I'm not want. I'm not want. I'm not want. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. Ithis holiday. And then you get off with them, is you? Oh. So anyway. But it doesn't matter because you got chatted up by a bearded lady. Yeah, yeah. Tell you what, no, that's got nothing to do with that.

What were you going to say? What was it going to say? The hotel was half bored and maybe. Oh, right. I thought you're going to to say. is just one of her shortcomings. So listen, right? Play a record, Carl. Carl's found love on the street before, haven't you? How's it going with your bread, Carl? Are you married? No, no, no.

How long have you been out with her? Seven years. Because I mean, you're quite a simple man. Yeah, you're sort of a simple man. In a nice way. Well, yeah, you sort of do. But you could be one of those that just suddenly go mental with a pen. Yeah, you know what I mean? People through the eyes. Yeah, you sort of look normal, but I wouldn't really want to wind you up to a point of frenzy. How did you meet your girlfriend?

Through work? What, through her work? What? Through her work? You found out? What? You're the same place. Oh you're right, right, right. You're quite an enigma aren't you? Could you give us more on that? At work, you met her outwork, what she came in selling sandwiches? She was going through the bins outside. What do you mean you met? Why do you have an attack on me? All the way he's sat and lonely? Oh he's done you again! What I thought was interesting was I just interstaged at him and he just a mental. Yeah, no, it's like a bear caught in a trap. It's funny in it, you'll never learn. No, I was just interested to find out what the story was because it might be a really romantic story. Well, it's not. All right, geez. I mean, I was thinking about you the way he looks. I was thinking about you in the week and like, does it worry? I mean, you sort of joke about it. the thoo. I th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi tho- I tho- I tho- I mean tho- I thi thi tho- I tho- I tho- I tho- I tho- I tho- I tho- I tho- I thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi tho-s. I tho-s. I was just just just tho-s. I was just tho-s. tho-s tho-s. I tho-hea. I tho-hea thi thi office you know like oh is Steve really touched you about the way he looks and what's this where's that come from he's

done it again he's done you again I was walking on the other night and I was thinking about it and do you worry that when you're old you will be on your own oh oh you did start it though didn't yeah well car I'm glad you've thought this out because no because I th I the th the th th th the the th th th th th th I th the th I th I th I th I th th th th th. th. th. that th. that that that th. the the the the. I'm that the the. I'm to to to th. I'm to th. I'm the. I'm the. the. I was the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I was th. I was they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're the the. I'm to to to to to to to to to to to to to to theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. the. the. th you brought this up. Because, no, no, because I mean, for me, you know, a lightweight, frothy entertainment show on XFM on a Saturday afternoon is exactly the place where I want to discuss the desperate lonely future that's inevitably coming my way. In the week, I called Carl up. I said, how are you mate, you, not too bad. Now as you know his girlfriend has been away for ages doesn't she covering the World Cup, the African Nations Cup. She's

a sports journalist. Well yeah. All right. Okay. I love the mat you think what does that mean like well she's not much of a journalist Rick. I've read some of her stuff. No but she's not on air she does stuff you know behind the scenes. Yeah sure sure sure. A lot lot the the the the th. A lot th. A lot th. A lot th. A lot. A lot. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. Well. I'm th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm th. I th. I th. I th. Well. I th. Well. Well. Well. I th. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. I th. I th. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. I th. I th. I th. I th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I th. I'm. I'm th. I'm th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the th. th. the th. th. the th. the th. the the the you know. Behind the scenes. Yeah, sure, sure. A lot of journalists do. You're not going out with K.Ady. That's what you want to make clear, isn't it? Yeah. Now, so she's seen none of the meteoric rise of Carl as a broadcaster. She's been away from the whole time since you should have been a wit. a wit, a cult figure to be honest and he hadn't told her this so apparently he went home

when she was sitting there because of a bit grumpy went alright he went yeah she went she went, I'm not sure I want to go out with an idiot. Oh no! Yeah because and she went, and she went, Lockness monster, why the locknest monster why the locknest lives in Loch Ness and she was giving a bit of a hard time and she was a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit th. th. It's a bit a bit th. It's a bit th. It's a bit th. It's a bit th. It's a bit, th. He's a bit, th. He's, thi. He's, thi. He's, th. He's, th. He's, th. He's, th. I I I I I I I I I I I th..... I I I I I th.. I I I th.. I I th. I th. He's going going going going going going going going going going going going going, th. It's going, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. A thi. A thi. A thiiiiiiii. A thii. It's thi. A thi. A thi. I'm thi. A th of a hard time and she said that's why I didn't tell her I didn't tell her really same thing happened when I was at school and I had to play drums in Little Donkey. Carl are you thinking of starting a family? Only if like an accident happens or something. Yeah did you were there Rick when we were talking about this other day? Oh yeah yeah no what did you say Colt. Well we're talking about he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I's th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I I th. I I th. I th. I I th. I th. I th. I th. I's. I's. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. to. to. th. to. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I was. I was. I was. And, th. about this the other day. Oh yeah no I was talking about his career and now because he's on MTV and I was going oh you got to do this

now he's going look if it happens it happens I said I've said to sound if it happens it happens what are you plans you are saying with a baby she said we're gonna have kids not and go look if it happens it happens it happens I go well how would it happen if a condom splits amazing? I love I love the idea I the idea I the the the the the the the the the the th th th I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th that that that. that. I that that that. I that. I to to that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that to that to to to to to to to to to to to to that to that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th is th is th th th th th th th th that is that is that is that that that that that that the the the the threat the the the the the the the the the the that that that's the way you plan for a child. Imagine telling them that. Where was I conceived? Can't remember the condom split. Yeah. You're an accident. I love that.

The romantic nature of that is just an accident. But, you know, it doesn't matter. That makes a lot sense. Yeah. But it doesn't matter. Do many people sit down, right? Do you think? the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. that that the tho the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. You can't remember. You can't remember. You can't remember. thr. thro. thro throomoomoomoomorrow. You can can't. toomorrow. toomorrow. toda. today. threatoomoomorrow. You tho. You tho. You tho. down. Yeah. I'm busy. You can't play, you can't sit down and you have got time for that discussion. No, it doesn't mean the conception. I think it means bringing up a child until it's 18. But the thing is as well, it's one of them, isn't it? It's like, if you think about having one, you go, well, the sort of negatives, you know, the negatives, you out out, the sort, the sort, the sort, the negatives, the negatives, the negatives, you the negatives, you out, the negatives, you out, the sort, the negatives, the negatives, you the negatives, you the sort, you the sort, you're out, you're out, you're out, you're the negatives, you're out, you're, you're the negatives, you're out, you're the negatives, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you, you're, you're, the negatives, the negatives, the negatives, the negatives, the negatives, the negatives, the negatives, the negatives, the negatives, the negatives, the negatives, the negatives, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, sort, out, out, sort, sort, out, sort, sort, sort, out, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, the sort, sort, the sort, the sort, out, the positives I think right go on but if you have one you go oh it's not that bad is it so what are the positives so what the negatives

like I say the negatives outweigh it I can't think of that many positives they get in the way don't they? Uh huh. Cost you a lot of money? Saying we marriage like Suzanne saying saying we get married so what for? Well marriage doesn't cost anything. Well it does? Well no, I can go to the registry office and then buy a house. But then what's the point? Well tax breaks, you know, presents. I don't think you get them anymore. Don't you? I looked into that. You are romantic! You are romantic. What would you want to have a the ring 3% saving? I love it, I love it. Well, yeah, I don't see the point anyway. I got down on one knee and presented with some inland revenue forms.

Yeah, yeah. Just to show the benefits. That is great. I mean, if you are planning it, I think you've got me and Steve in the radio station because it'll be, I mean, you take quite a lot the thapapapapapapap kid at home and you're not and you're not sleepy you haven't slept since you're 12 you've got this you got MTV you've got a kid you know it might be one step too far because I wouldn't want I wouldn't want to push you over the edge. Let's see go on sorry. No I just was going to say I was talking to Suzanne last night about it and saying you know that the the the they. th you th you th you they they they they they they they they they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd to to to to to to to to to to that I'd to to to to to to to to to to to to have to have to have to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me that I that I that I that I that I that I that I th th that I th that I that I th thi thi that I'd that I'd that I'd thi thi thi too took took too took today. today try. I'm today try. I'm today that's that's that's you're ready to sort of earn a little bit more than me. So you know, if you get loads of money, she said I'd be

happy staying at home and doing nothing, maybe looking after a kid. I said, oh, so that's not happening. Right. I said, I could have a load of money, now tucked away, I could want, want some money and I wouldn't want to want some money and I still want sort of that check offer every month. Because we get a check offer to sort of pay the bills. And I think you need to keep that in a relationship. Sure. Do you know what I mean? Work as a team. Yeah, that's not working as a team. Yeah, well no, you share everything. Sharing everything is working as a team.

Whether you own the pools but I give her aft. She'd get lazy, she'd just sit around the house doing nout. So she's still got to go to work and a job she hates. Yeah. I tell you though, she thinks that it'd be the worst thing that could happen if we got a load of money. Because she'd want to go to Egypt, Taita I'm not going. Why did she want to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go that. to go to go to go that. that's. that's. that's. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's to go. I' that's that's that's that's to go. I' that's that's that's that's that's that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's that's. that's. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to. to. th. the. to the. to to the to to to the. to to to the an the an the an to the an the. I the. I to to go to Egypt, she wins a lot of money. She said it's meant to be pretty good. So the incredible wonders of the pyramids and the sphinx and so on, that's not of any interest to you? I've seen it though on the tele and that. I don't want to go all that way just to see it. Exactly. Right. Right. Experience other cultures, other lifetters, other cultures, their, th and other, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, thia, thia, thiaens the mind. Well, you don't. No, not really. You've seen enough different ones here, aren't you? Yeah.

There's parts of Wiven... Oh, you haven't seen yet. Yeah. Okay, well, so you don't want to make enough money. You don't want to make a lot of money, because you're worried that Suza might want to go to Egypt. And then that'll be their their their their that's... No, no, no, no, no, no, tha, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, thi, that, that, that, that, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thus, that, thus, tho, th, tho, th, tho, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the, their, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, their, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thoa, thoa', thoa', thoa', thoa', thoa', thoa, thi. There's, tha, tell her that I'm making a lot of money. I can still took it away. And what do you do with it? But when are you going to spend it? When you turn up in a big converted limer goes, da da da da da da da da da da da da da da come on we're going to a bingo.

Where'd you get the car from? Never they mind? Right? Won. Won't you? Won? W won't you? Won? Won? Won? to to to be? to be? to be? tho? to be? tho? tho? to be? tho? tho? tho? tho? Won? Won? Won? Won? Won? W they? W they? W they? W tho? Won? W to be? W to be? W to be? W to? W to? When? W to? When? When? W to? When? W to be? W to be? W to be? W to be? W to be? W th? W th? W th? W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. the? W. the? W. tha? W. tha? W. W. W. to? W. to? W. to? W. to? W. W. W. W. W. W.imp. You know what I mean? What are you? I mean, yeah, what would you spend it on? Is there nothing that you want for? No, I've never... No, there's now at the moment, honestly, it's... I'm quite happy. Do you mean? I don't ask for much. But you're not happy? You're always winging and winging. Always winging. Clearly, there's wrong. What if someone gave you, okay right, let's let's be serious, we don't talk about billions, right? But if someone gave you a cash injection, just a one-off cash payment of 250,000 pounds, okay? What would you do with it? I mean that's too easy because that should obviously be a

house that should be the best house you can find in London. Probably want to go see you can find in London. I probably want to go and see a tornado. Carl's in a bad mood getting stressed. If you can't hack it, leave. What's the matter with you? No, I'm just saying. It's been... I was meant to enjoy last Saturday off and I didn't. Why not? Why is that our fault? Because you weren't here? Just because, I don't know, but...

Are you not in the Christmas spirit? Why didn't you enjoy last Saturday? What did you do? I went, right? I went all the way back, up north again, right? Because it was Suzanne's dad's birthday, right? I was busy last week. to their time to get Station, bought a card for him, which was a Christmas card, so he wasn't happy because he was saying it's my birthday and I said, well, I won't be seeing you again. So I've got a joint card.

And then we went out. Did you get him a present? Well no, no, because we went out on Saturday night for something to eat at this pub that, so it's a nice steak and on the rings, right? So I should it it it it should it should it should it should it should for that because it is her dad right not mine so I said all right what what what can I do I said to her so she said just buy a few drinks or something anyway I didn't get around to get in the drinks I can't believe it no I didn't get around to get in the drink right so I said right oh what a lovely Christmas gift that is so I paid no no it was like a to that's a the the the the the the th I th I th I th I th I th I that that th I that that that th I that that that th I th I that that that th I that that th I that th. that that that that that that that that th I th I th. I that that that that that that that that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th th I th th th th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the50. I paid no, it was like three quid there, three quid back. So six quid you spend on him?

Well no, I spent more, you see that's what he said, he said, you get a bolt on him back, can't you for that? He said, he said, oh, you've spent on me the birthday, I said, thii's a little ever because I mean you're pretty bad like we discussed in the past but at least you spend a bit of money yeah it's just thoughtless yeah this is nothing I know I'm giving him any time I mean I would and I knew and I knew my demographic they loved it my family yeah yeah they couldn't believe they look you know a tenor you know you spent a tenor on him well well the things you'd have a the. the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their this their this their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their toy. I I toy. I te. I te. I te. I'm te. I'm te. I'm te. I'm they're they're their they that. I think it's the fact that this is like, you know, frittering away in an everyday life.

He would have loved, I'm sure he would have been appreciative of a lovely 10 pound gift that you cared about and bought a book. But he probably likes fly fitting, doesn't he? Byrtle. If you'd have bought that, that's what I was looking for, or, or, or, or, to, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I, I, I'm, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I. I, I, I.. I, I, I, I.. I, I. I. I. I'm the, I'm the, I'm the, I'm the. I'm the. I'm th. I'm tho, I'm sure... It. I'm sure. I'm sure.. I'm sure. I'm sure. I'm sure. I'm sure. I'm sure. I'm sure. I'm th. I'm the the the that's just what I wanted so all right so just calm down so what have you got planned for Christmas is this what I mean have you spent is you are you doing the same country with Suzanne oh excellent you've paid me milk bill for this week that were spent this year so have you planned anything for Suzan or you just yeah

yeah I'm taking her out Christmas Day for something to eat well don't does she know that is that was that she the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th I th I was th I was th I was th I thi th I was the th I was to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I I I I I I I I I th I I th I I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I the th I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to eat. Well don't... Does she know that? Is that, was that? She's working today? So she's working today so she, you know, so... So what Christmas gift have you got? That's a today. So what's it's a Christmas gift if you've got? What's it? You're not going to be eating as well, that's half yours. So you've got, she's got nothing to unwrap. He's got like a cat who's been hit. She's got nothing to unwrap. There's nothing, she's going to hand something over to you, because I've met the woman, she will, she'll hand something over, you'll open it, you, yeah, well we're gonna... Time for White Van Man. White Van Man. Um, yes, for those that don't buy the sun, they think it's beneath them. Um, White Van Man is a column they have, I think every day actually,

and they just get sort of some, you know, Joe Public to kind of comment on the week's news, just seem to me, you know, that it might that it might that it might that it might that it might that it might that it might that it might that it might that it might that it might that it might that it might that it might that it might that it might that it might that it might that it might that it might that it might that it might that it might that it might be that it might thi thi, that it's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's's views on some of the big events. Not because we think that Carl hasn't got a valid sort of viewpoint, because Carl sees the world differently to some people. That's all and that's interesting. You know like an artist does or... Exactly. Yeah, it's very boheuming in his outlook. Do you feel that you're up to scratch on this week's news? Do you the th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do you, th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do thi, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, th. th. th. th. No, th. No, th. No, th. No, th. No, th. No, th. No, th. No, th. No, not, not, th. No, because, because, because, because, because, because, not, because, because, th. Because, because, th. Because, because, because, because, th. Because, because, th. Because, thi. Because, not, thi. Because, not, not, not, not, not, not why not it's pressure no no no because you just have to give us your first opinion honest answer that's all we've ever asked of you car was all you've ever given us your honest your first from the heart of you yeah all don't worry just relax are you worried that people are listening and thinking you're an idiot if my girlfriend's listening now go to have a wash or something

go not very nice is it the opposite of listening now. Go on have a wash or something. Go and have a wash or something. Not very nice is it? Is it the opposite of Napoleon and Josephine? Yeah, go on. If you're going to visit me again, Josephine, say watch. Well, I'll leave you in with something fairly easy, a music-based question. Um, Kylie Menard versus Dido is Queen of the Brits. What's your view there? Um, the the watch. It doesn't really matter, does it? It doesn't really matter. What does it matter? With the Brits. What do you make of the real life Mowgli who's surviving in a Transylvanian countryside?

Apparently I don't know much about this story? You know Mowgli, he's a guy in the jungle book. Yeah. with bears and animals and stuff. Apparently there's a real life one in Transylvania. What were the things in Gremlins? What were the what? In Gremlins they were right, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, okay? This is an example, it's what your girlfriend said. Think, what were the things in Gremlins called? I can't remember.

Just, I mean, really, wait, wait, wait, wait, just really, really think now, Carl. Just with all, with everything you've ever, with all the brainpower you've ever used, think what the things in Gremlins were called. It's not there. There's a clue here. Oh no. Yeah. By the way, you know when he was growing up Mowgli? You know, he was going to be oh what are the Gremlins called? Yeah. Were you thinking of, ah, Magui, Magui.

But they were all the Gremlins. Yeah, yeah, but I know what you're thinking, I know, to be fair. But my girlfriend won't be listening now, so she'll still think I'm a bit dafted. She didn't, how could, why would she ever think that? How long have you been going out with her? About eight years. Well then why would she ever think you're daft? That's the only stupid thing you've ever said, the Mogw I think. Why would she ever think she's going out with a, to be honest, a retarded retarded, or something? I think it's a very beautiful relationship you must have, you know it's all I mean she's a professional journalist whatever yeah you know and she works

for is it's a radio five or something BBC sport BBC sport so so I mean never even go to his English quite good her really good yeah yeah so and did she do her exams yeah yeah she's quite bright sure so so what do you bring to the relationship I think I think her to the pressure off her to do what you know you know to do you you you you you you you you you you you you you the to the to to the to the to to the to the the to the to the the the to the the the to to the the to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. theyb I theyb just just just just toe. toe. toe. theyb they. they. they. they. the you bring to the relationship? I think I take the pressure off her. Take the pressure off her to do what? You know, like when she's had a stressful day and she comes out and talks to me, I think. You would relax me, and that's the truth. Honestly, if I, you know, Carl, you can just go, well, it's all right. You don't get stressed. He sits in his the little the little tha thua tha tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' thr-a' to thr-a' to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. tho, tho, tho, thr. their, their, their their their their their their their their thruu.a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a stressed he sits in his little booth now he doesn't talk to anyone his little booth

ill the week and you just you just you're in your own little world aren't you Steve yes Carl came round to my flat hmm it was Tuesday night wasn't it nice place now thanks now thanks now last week after the show I think you guys were in the toy the to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to to to to to to to to to told to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. they. toe. toe. the the the the guys were, in the time you went to the toilet, like Carl, got out the lottery ticket that he bought, he went, I'm feeling really confident tonight. He was going, I was going, I laughed, he went, no no seriously, he said look at the numbers. And I looked at him, I think they were four, six, eight, 20, 36, 48, weren't they? He's. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He, he, he, he, he. He, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he, he, he, he, he. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He was, he, he was, he was, he was, he was, he went, he went, he went, I, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was. I was about those, I'm not sure. He went, although, you know, my girlfriend said that, you know, if I won the lottery, we probably split up because we like such different things, meaning she likes to travel and he doesn't.

And so he said, he said, so what I said was, well if I win, then I won't tell you. I just treat you a little bit more. Brilliant. That's brilliant. Brilliant. Brilliant. Brilliant. Brilliant. Brilliant. Brilliant. Brilliant. That's brilliant. That's brilliant. That's brilliant. That's brilliant. That's brilliant. That's brilliant. That's brilliant. That's brilliant. That's brilliant. That's brilliant. That's brilliant. That's brilliant. That's brilliant. That's brilliant. That's brilliant. That's brilliant. That's brilliant. That's brilliant. That's. That's. that's. that's brilliant. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that. that. that. that. that. I. that. I. I. you take care of her yeah yeah yeah yeah you're a good guy how would you do it then you just you just you just sneak little gifts in slowly over many years yeah you don't think she'd rumble the fact that you'd like don't work anymore and drive a Lamborghini well I still do this I think what just like as a kind of beer as a cover story so you'd pretend to come to work but maybe off party in and stuff in the day. Clever. Now he didn't win. Okay. I phoned him up Saturday night he went one

number. One number. I think it was eight wasn't it? Yeah. There was a lot of eight's on my piece of paper won't me? So I think it was either an eight or an 18 or a 48. And he went and he went, well he said, no waste of time. He said I've they. they. they. they. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. He's, th. He's, he's, he's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, th. He's, th. th. th. th. He's, th. He's, th. He's, th. He's, the the the the the the the the th. He's, the the the th. He's, th. He's, th. th. th. He's, th. He's, th. He's, th. He's, th. He's, th. He's, th. He's, I've worked it out I went go on he went there are 26 letters in the alphabet I went yeah he went think how many words you can make out of them he went there are 48 numbers on the lottery I went yeah yeah I looked into that in the week right and there's even less letters in the Welsh alphabet they've only got 20, and yet they've got loads of words as well. So even 20 the chances, if there was 20 numbers and you had to pick six winners, it still be really unlikely. Yeah. Yeah. You should be a

mathematician. And anyway, so we got talking about it, we've got to talking about it, we've got to that was me and Jane right there. And I they they they they they they they they they they they they they they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got th. They've got to have to have told, the, their the, they've got the, they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they And anyway, so we got talking about it, we've got to talking about, that was me and Jane right now, and I told Jane that he said about, oh if you won the lottery, he doesn't like travel and she said, well, I don't like planes, I don't like planes, I don't really scare the planes and that. And he went, well if you won the lottery, you could have have, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I won she went if I say I went now he said you go on a world cruise what'd you do next year I know gay people and they start to party late on

that's what in soho right girlfriend got in a cab right she's on his own was in a cab and the cab driver was taking her to an early start right she works at the BBC early start four in the morning driver was taking her to an early start, right? She works at the BBC. Early start, four in the morning, it was going down, it was mentally so out of four in the morning. They were all still like starting the night out. How do you know their game? It's so oh, isn't it? It's always when my girlfriend's working away, I always think about odd things. Do you? Don't you leave you shiny things or videos in so you don't get, you

don't get too depressed? You can... Well, last night when I sent you that text. That was... Right. Right, let's play a record. This sounds intriguing. Because I'm worried the card of it. Right, play a record. Right, wait for this text that Carl. I woke up this morning, yeah. Feeling fine. It's not a blue song. And I. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. thi. thi. the. the. th. to. to. to to to to to to to to to to to th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. to. to. to. to. to. to. the the., yeah. Feeling fine. It's not a blue song. And I turned my phone on and it was from Carl and it went, Forget it, I've made my mind up. And I thought, wow. What is that? And I thought, and I thought it. I've made my mind. Yeah, I went, Carl? What is it? He went, oh no, it's about the text. I sent you last night. I went, well, what was it? I just got this text. He went, ah, I was just wondering, I was just thinking last night. He said, supposing you have to have your hands removed? Sure. Right? And the doctor said, well, you can either have him stay like that with stumps or I can sew feet there. What would you have? And I was bleary, I went the stumps he went yeah. I went all right he went

yeah. And then what was his follow-up text to that? And then I got the text it was obviously before it and it went and it was like quite serious what would you do if he said would have stumps or the feet? Now the way, when I said he's made his mind up and I went the stumps, he went, yeah. I think secretly he decided on the feet, but it was too embarrassed to tell me. There's a little bit of what would you do? Because it's, why did you think of this? Girlfriend is away, right? Yeah, no, that's not why you start thinking bizarre surgery devices. I'll tell you out, right?

I let you into my little mind, right? Last night, I had some beans on toast, right? She was away. It's good already. She was away. She was away. She was a the window. First thing that had me attention is I can look into other people's flats, right? Yeah.

And it was weird how all these different lives were going on. I was watching them, and everybody had the tele on and was watching them. And everybody had the tele-on and was watching the tellain and was watching the tellion, their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the, th, th, th, th, th, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all.. And, all. And, all. And, all. And, all, and, and, t. And, t. And, t. And, t. And, and, t. And, and, and, t. And, the, and, and, and, all, all, the, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, around in some underpants. And then there's a little old woman who lives downstairs who was reading a book and she's always reading a book every night and it's like, I have a better life than her. And then there's like, there's like some sort of bouncer who's always getting ready to go out late at night with all the black and he looked like a bouncer. So I was watching all this life. I was watching all the the life. the life. the life. And the the th. And th. And th. And th. And the th. And she th. And she th. And she th. And she's th. And she's th. And she's th th th th th th. And she's always watching the th th. And she's thi and she's always th. And she's always th. And she's always th. And she's always th. And she's always th. And she's always th. And she th. And she th. And she's th. And she's th. And she's th. And she's th. And she's th. And she's th. And she's the th. And she's th. And she's the th. And she's th. And she's th. And she's th. And she's th. And she's always th. And she's always th. And she's always the the the thi's always the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi's always sliver film where that bloke had loads of tellies watching people's lives. So that was going on in my mind. And then I was washing up and I picked up the plate and I thought, it's amazing, isn't it?

The human body. The way you can just sort of, you know, just the right amount to do what you've got to do, right? So, so I'm washing, I'm feeling the plate. Sorry, Carl, stop. It's just the right amount. Might be one of the most genius things I've ever said. I would love David Atombre to phone you up and say, Carl, how do I word this about the evolution of the mammalian front limb? Just go, I just just just just just just just just just, I, I, I, I, I, to just, to just, to just, to do it, it, it, to do, to do it, it, it, to do it, to do it, to do it is, to do it is, to do what it is, to do to do what it is, to do what to do what to do what to do to do what to do what to do what to do what to do what to do what to do what to do what to do what to do what to do what to do what to do what to do what, to do what, to do what, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. It, th. It's thi, the their their their their their the, do their their the? Do their the? Do their the? Doe. Do thi, do thi, so thi, so, car, how do I word this about the evolution of the mammalian front limb? Just go, we'll just say it's the right amount. But it is. It is, of course it is.

One extra would get in the way and one less would just make it a little bit more tricky when picking up a bit of a slippery dish. Sure, or buying gloves. Yeah, I was thinking. So then I was thinking, I was they. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was thi. I was th. I was thi. I was thi. I was thi. I was thi. I was thi. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was, I was the they. I was, th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I would. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. th're saying it, yeah, everything's all right, your art's good and everything, but... Your art's good, what, your lary's or? Yeah, your heart, your heart, you're in good form and what have you? It's good news, you know, I had Gianna win earlier, he's not looking good. Yeah, I've got a better good news, you're all right, but your hands need. That's right. It's right. That's bad. Like I get a second opinion of the issue.

But I bet a good news, I've got a nice pair of feet I can sort you out with. And he puts them on and I was thinking right, first of all, washing up what would that be like? I thought, Steve? That'd be tricky. And then the second thing was it probably ruined the shape of your jumper. Because you have to keep putting the feet through there. And then I thought, but I could still cycle in. Okay.

You could run in. Well, that's the thing. You'd be like, you'd be really fast. Well, that's what I was thinking. I thought, I could still cycle because I could balance, and then I thought, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, I, I could, I could, but, I could, but, but, I could, I could, but, but, but, I could, but, but, I could, I could, but, I could, but, but, but, but, I could, I could, I could still, I could still, but, but, but, I could still, I could still, but, I could still, I could still, but, but, I could still, but, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could still, I could still, I could still, I could still, I could still, I could still, I could still, I could still, I could still, I could still, I could still, I could still, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could still, I could still, I could still, I could still, the the only the only the only the only tha, couldn't pull the brakes because of short things. And then like you I thought but then again you're running in half the time. So that's what was going on in last night. Right. That's what I was thinking about.

My girlfriend's always saying, you know, what impresses you? Yeah. You know because she was saying the other day you want to go to Egypt and said no not really no she goes but don't you want to see the pyramids not interested it's not I've seen them on the tele you know are they going to be that much more amazing when you see them in real life good point good point good point how did you ever move out of your street in Manchester but hang on no sorry I'm interested to know this is something that this is something that that that that that that that that that that that that that is something that is something that is someone that is someone that that is someone that is someone that that is someone is someone is someone is someone that that that that that that that is someone is someone is someone is someone that that is someone that is someone that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that is is is that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the that is someone is someone is someone is someone is someone is someone is someone is someone is someone is someone that that th is th is th is the the thi is the the the the th is the the thi is thi is thi is that is that is that is that is that is that that that that that is that respects so I'm interested to see what was your answer to what impresses you? Um, I don't think I did answer it, I just said, you know, the odd, the odd, the odd, he just said I'm asleep. Yeah, little things, like I ran home the other night and said, oh, I've just learned something today, she goes, go on. And, um, you know Lego bricks? Oh yeah. The name came about, because some kids' ma'am, the

kid was messing with the bricks and she said, Lego or them and come and have your dinner. Play record. It's got to be rubbish. It's got to be rubbish. It's got to be rubbish. I mean, the one thing I do like about this show for all its faults is the... Honestly. Yeah. I mean, that can be good and bad. I mean, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I, I, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th. th. th. th. that, th. th. th. Play, th. Play, th. Play, th. Play, th. Play, th. Play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, th. Play, th. Play, th. Play, th. Play, th. th. Play, th. th. th. th. th. Play, th. th. th. th. that, that, that, the the that, the the the the the the the the the the the the the that would think it's sloppy, arrogance, laziness, you know, thoughtless. Yeah, but I like to think it's honesty. It's like a peek into the mind and workings of Carl Pilkington. He just said to me, because he was shaking, because he said to me, and I quote, he said, oh, he's just, I'm wet her into himself. I must remember to eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat to eat to eat to eat to eat to eat to eat to eat to eat to eat to eat to eat to eat to eat to himself I must remember to eat next time Suzanne's away I know I must remember to eat next time Suzanne's away no but you did I mean I wonder if I lived on my own if I'd still be about because I just neglect myself yeah so I mean for all I've eaten a lot of self-abuse is

that I had lasagna last night that I messed up right why did you mess up? Cucked it for too long. It was like a brick. Right? And she called up and said, have you eaten no hint yet? She went, was it nice? What you have? I said, lasagna? I thought, I don't want her to worry because she's probably been out and had a good meal. to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. tho. tho' tho' tho' that, that, I've tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' th. It was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was like, it was, it th. It was, it th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It was, it th. It was, it th. It was, it was like, I the. It was like, I the. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. Coo. Coo. Coo. Coo, I coked, I coked, I coked, I coked, I she went, okay, fine, fine, I go with that car again. Yeah, I bet he cooked it like a brick. I bet he threw it away anyway. Doodontonic. And he had scotch pancakes for breakfast, that is all I've had. So I'm starving, I'm shaky. Plus I've got that restless leg syndrome. Which I can't get rid of. What's restlessless leg the leg the leg the leg the th. What's their their their th. th. their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. I thi. I'm thirty. I'm thirty thi. I'm thirty thirty thirty thirty. I'm thick. I'm thick. Yeah. I'm thi. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm th. Yeah. I'm th. Yeah. I'm th. Yeah. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I th. I'll th. I th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll thi. I'll the. I'll the. I'll too. I'll too. I'll too. I'll too. I'll too. I'll the. I'll the. I'll the. I'll the. What's restless leg syndrome? I find if I go to bed, right, my body's tired but my legs aren't. Are you like Michael Flatley? You have to get up and do a bit of tap dancing. Do they just keep going even when you're asleep? You just keep moving about so I have to get up and stretch him or something.

Or I've worked out that if I put a pillar on like the bedpost down at the other end if I have my legs higher than the heart it calms it down a bit. Is this why Suzanne works away so often? I don't know it's weird. To get a decent night sleep. I put it down to Smarties and that it's like a sugar thing but um... Still beating him? Apparently Bob Morton has got it as well. Now he's got arthritis. Was he? You told me the week that you've mastered moonwalking. Yeah, I can do that. Is that one of the things you did like in the middle of the night?

It's a moon sleep walking. He just did get out. He finds himself walking backwards and wakes up. Right, so listen what we're doing now, are we getting a debate going about... Actually, right? Go on. We're struggling, go on. No, no. You can help me out here, Carl. You've got an idea.

I can see it in your eyes. He's got a brilliant idea. Wait for it. Go on. No, no. It's something, when I was looking had a baby who had a baby. What are you talking about? Now listen Carl, you're all going on a holiday.

You need a little rest, don't you? Yeah. What's the, what's the vibe of the day? What's the, what's the, uh... Just, um... What's the crack on holiday? Come on. Where are you going? Medera. Right. Good. It's for Suzanne's dad, right? My girlfriend's dad. He's 60, so... Yeah. That's the average age in Medera. I've been. It's quite, it's quite, yeah. My mate Danimo went to Medera. And he was worried about, sort of terrorism on the plane. And he looked around, he thi, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's, it's their. It's, it's the, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it, it, it, it. It. It. It, it. It, it. It, it. It. It, it. It. It, it. It, it. It, it, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. the they. they. their. the, it's sort of terrorism on the plane and he looked

around he thought well if someone gets up someone arresling to the floor and he looked around and he was the only one he realised could have got out of his seat quickly enough. So you'll enjoy it. It's quite quiet, it's nice. It'll be all right. I mean it's the first time a mom and dad have been away so whatever. What Abroad, yeah. So they're worrying about... They just don't understand the rules and stuff, so they're panicking a bit. And then in the week he... Do they know that they're going to take livestock? Yeah.

Well, it's getting like that. Are they filling in those duiring, don't they? I mean, they're not completely stupid. They know about all that, right? Yeah. And he called up in the week, one of the questions said, what's the best thing when you're going abroad? It's the best thing to use to carry tea bags. So it's like, what are to take to our own it's like they'll sell tea bags yeah and he's worrying about that he's saying can I

put it in a glass jar so put it in a glass jar so put it in a glass jar there he said I'll bubble wrap it so he's bubble wrap in a tea thing it's just I mean it is annoying me a bit to be a week to thri to me and already already already already already already already already already already already already already already already already already already already already already already already already already already already already already already the the the you the the the the they and already theussy person, you don't like any the slightest bit of pressure. See I thrive on pressure. Bababababababababab. Working here, working there, that's all I have to do. That's all I have to do. That's all I'm away next week. That's always doing stuff.

That's all the to' tha-a' throwns. him away next week do monkey news and see what you can find out. All right. Carpilminton is on holiday. As we say. Where did he go? Mauritius was it? Madeira? I think with his girlfriend's parents. You remember last week he was worried they've never been abroad and her dad was saying how does what's the way to pack tea bags? Yeah. Carl's going you get him over there. He's going, I put me in a jar. I phoned him up in the week, just before he went, I think Friday, I said, have a nice time, and uh, at Sunday, and he said, uh, guess what he's doing now? What, he said? He's packing margarine. Oh, of course he is. Steve's a bit quiet. He's got a bit a th. th. th. th. th. th. He's a bit. He's a bit. He's a bit. He's a bit. He's a bit. He's a bit. He's a bit. He's a bit. He's a th. He's th. He's th. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's throat, murder all week, it's been murder Rick. We couldn't work all this week. I'm getting off, sick.

Steve's been in Bristol, Carl, you're not impressed? I don't understand why having a sore throat, sort of. Oh, he's telling you. Right, what if the sore throat was so painful, it was like you've got broken glass and razor blades in your throat. You can hear now that I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not even I'm not even I'm not even I'm not even I'm not even I'm not even I'm not even I'm not even I'm not even I'm not even I'm not even I'm not even I'm not even I'm not even I'm not even I'm not even th. I'm throw. I'm throw. I'm throw. I'm thr-I thr-I thr-I thr. I throw. I throw. I throw. I throw. I throw. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th theeat theat theat theat theat theat theat theat theat theat thrown thrown throat. I throat. I th in the throat, I'm speaking from the very top of it like that, so it sounds a bit weird. But you're right? What? Your hands are all right, aren't they? Yeah, but we talk when we're writing, don't me? I can barely talk. It was in...it was agony.

I couldn't sleep because it was so painful. to go back home or something and he stayed there because he's got a sore throat. I didn't understand why you can't just go home. I mean, how old are you? What? I don't understand why you got to get your mom and dad's, when you're feeling a bit of my mom and dad's, now I'm talking like you, when this sore throatroatroatroatroatroatroatroatroatroatroatroatroatroatroatroatroatroat, when, when, thirty, thirty, thirty, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, I, I, I, I, I, I, I's, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm to to that, I'm to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th...... and he, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, thi, thi.ed, thi. tha, tha'a'a'a'a, he's, he's tha, he's tha, he's tha, he's talking like you, when this sore throat really kicked in. So I thought I may as well stay and get a bit of the creature comforts of home.

Do you know what I pictured there when he told me? See my parents aren't like yours, Carl? Your father would have popped down to the phone box and maybe looked to see if they're any kind of throat loss and she's just, yeah. Whereas my mom, th phone, th phone, th phone, th phone, th phone, th phone, th phone, th phone, th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thre's, tho, tho, tho, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their their their their their their, their their their, their their, their their, that, that, I that, thi, thi, I that, that, that, that, I that, that, thr, thr, thr-a, thr-a. thre-a' thre-a' thre-a' thre-a' threa' thr-a, threa dad they're snapping into action they're trying to sort me out like that Ronnie Corbett sorry that's sorry you're right oh yes you're absolutely right he's just like oh yeah it's just because I've just went on holiday with your parents well not me not me mine no Suzanne's and it won't be happening again so well we'll have more about that a bit later interesting but it's just that I mean we were talking about it

last night because we were saying to Susanna I said oh Steve's you know he's been living at home all week she said oh he's been a talking about well and she said and she said well he's got a sore throat or something. She went sore throat. So she said well you don't know how serious it is don't be you know don't be your fan with him tomorrow because you know if he's coming in he's still not right because she's she always sticks up for you. Yeah. And she said anyway you're no good when people are ill. I said hang on what you're talking, um, apparently when we first sort of started going out, the first time she was ill, she kind of thought, she saw the real me. Because she was ill in bed and that and I said, oh, get up.

Of course you can drink the, you can drink alcohol with these. And I just was like, you know, you make yourself feel worse, theyrushed, thirty-ato go shopping and she said you go shopping and said no I'm no because I'm rubbish shopping for food do you know what I mean I'm all right at getting that night food but once it starts like you've got a plan. Sure yeah you're dropping the bananas you know what you're gonna forget all sorts of stuff. Because she said I've got a temperaturetemperature so we'll come to a supermarket and not hang about in the chicken. Frozen chicken section, cut yourself down. Yeah sure. And it made her worse. So now she was like, do you remember that?

And I was kind of like, yeah. Who's that hot woman sitting in the chicken village? That's Carl's girlfriend. She's obviously in a girl. Can I ask because after last week's show when you had your breakdown, you went off to Hastings with your girlfriend, Stroke Carer, Suzanne. Now what does she, because whenever we meet Susan, we bumped into Suzanne recently at the BBC, Ricky and I, she's always very nice to us, very polite, we have a nice little chat, but I'm always

wondering what is it that she thinks of us really, you know, because I'm assuming you you immediately go home and win. So they tortured me, you saw they tortured me on air. Now what does she make of us? Did she listen to the show last week? Yeah, she did, yeah, she knew it was annoyed. So she thought, she thought, she thought, she thought, she thought, they thought, they, he was like, you know, getting over it, thinking, I'm sick of this, right? You know, is the new kitchen really worth it and all that?

I phoned him up, left a message after the show, said, you seemed a bit quiet when you left. I just wanted to sure it wasn't any I said. Oh, no, no, no, no one. You still doing your, uh, your Samarit. Yeah, did, did it. Did, did it, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, you. You, you. You, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, th. You, I. You, I. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I? Is th. I, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is. Is th. Is th. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is, isn???? Is, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't. It. It, isn't, isn't, isn't. It, isn't, is, is, is, is, is it, is a. It. It, is, is, th. Is it, th. Is it, th. Is it, is, is, is, is, is a. Is it, is, is, is, is, is, is a. Is. Yeah, yeah. Did it ring or did you just ignore it? They go to answer machine. I think I turned it off. I left it off, don't I? I just left it off all day and that.

But what did she make of us? Does she genuinely think, does she not really like? It's weird, because there's know what I mean? I'm like, oh everybody annoys you. Yeah. And it's like, well, but that's my choice, right? And that's why I don't bother getting mates and that, because it's just hassle. Yeah. Yeah.

But the problem is, sometimes me being like that affects stuff that she wants to do. So, you know, if a mate a mate a mate a mate a mate a mate a mate a mate a mate a mate a mate a mate a mate a mate a mate a mate a mate a mate a mate, their. their. that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's. that's. that's, that's. that's. that's. that's, that's. that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's that she wants to do so you know if a mate... Like see her family and friends. Well let's not say her family or friends but say if one of the mates had a baby right right I mean you know naming their names. So this happened? Well I've just got her you got what I'm doing I know. The builder who knows you're slagging him off and saying they're so you know she's got a few mates who have had kids recently right? so well well well well well well well well well well well. so so so so. so so th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that that's th. th. th. that's that's th. Well. Well. that's that's that's th. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. their their their their their their their their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the. the. th saying they Nick stuff. So you know she's got a few mates who have had kids recently. So one of them advocated, yeah go on.

And she wanted to go and see it, right? And she said you can come with us and I was like, you know what I feel about babies? Sure. You've seen one, you see them all. They all look like mouth Smith. to see it. You know what I'm their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their their their. their one. their one. their one. their one. their one. their one. their one. their one. their one. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. They's. They're the one. They're the the the the the the they. They're the they. They're they. So, they. So, they. So, they. So, they. So, they. So, the they. So, the the the the the one one one? Right? And she's like, yeah, but come and see it, you know, you get on with him. Come and see him. And I was like, it's a long way away. Do you know what I mean? That's probably narrowed it down again. Yeah. Yeah. So, and that annoys her. I can't be bothered. What did you say? And that annoys I can't, that, that, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it. It. It's. It's. It's. It's, it, it, it, it, it, it's a. It's a. It's a long. It's a long. It's long. It's a. It's long. It's long. It's, it's long. It's, it's, it's long. It's, it's, it's, it, I'm not coming to see him, I don't like him? I'm not going all the way to Swindon. What is it, what is it, what is it? Did he, yeah, yeah, or Birmingham or, or Cornwall, wherever else.

Well, you know where you are, if you had a baby, sort of the last sort of, and Carlin didn't show up. And Suzanne said, what does it, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, did? What, what, did? What, what, what, what, did? What, what, what is? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? What? What? Did? Did, did? Did, did? Did, did? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? Did, did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did, did? Did, did? Did, did? Did, did? Did, the. the. the. the. the. the. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the or well to be fair I was working right and they are nice people and stuff. Oh now you're backtracking because no do they listen? Do they listen to the show? They might do. So you know they listen to the show? So once again you've got an anecdote where the people who you've admitted to not liking to see their baby or care about them are listening to the show maybe you're listening the show maybe? Maybe I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're are are are are are are are they're are are are they're are are they're are they're are are they're are they're they are they are they are listening are listening are listening are listening are listening are listening are listening. they they are listening. they are they are they are they are they are they are they are. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're. I I they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're listening. I they're listening. I they're listening. I they're. I they're. I they're. I they're. they're. they're. they're they're they're listening. I they're listening once again. Nice people, I like them. Just, just sneeze in the chili pot. When the kids are older, I'll go and see him. You know what I mean? Do you know what I mean?

You know what I mean? As a baby, it could be any baby. Do you know? You know what you mean? It's got nothing to to their toy. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to they's to they's to to to to to to to to to to they's they's they's they's their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their try. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their toy. I. I they're their to, when it can start talking and you know... You can play around with it. Yeah, got good toys and stuff. It's well worth going, but at the moment, yeah, nothing. I see it when it's fancy. Oh, you know, yeah, brilliant. Put it to bed, let's have a game of Scrabble.

You know what I mean? Yeah. on our way to Hastings last week for me you know that's where I went to chill. Do you want a bit now or what? I want you to tell Steve about your holiday because you told me in the weekend. Go on. I mean bad idea I had a feeling anyway about going away with like Suzanne's mom and dad because I've never been into sort of family holidays anyway right. Even when you see it whenever I've been on holiday and you see like families on planes and that and they're all having a laugh and a joke loving it and then on the plane going back you can see that they've gone off into groups and like you know the dad isn't talking

to the daughter and all that business. So I thought, asking for trouble but you know, I do everything once, do you know, boxing, boxing, boxing, boxing, boxing, boxing, boxing, boxing, boxing, boxing, boxing, boxing, boxing, boxing, boxing, boxing, boxing, boxing, boxing, boxing, boxing, boxing, boxing, boxing, boxing, boxing, boxing, boxing, boxing, boxing, boxing Boxing, dancing, going on holiday with parents and that. Give it a go, see how it goes, right? So, um... Not your A-levels, but fair enough. It started off bad, didn't it? Because last week I told you that, you know, a dad called us up and said, you know, I wanted to take some tea bags with us to Madeira. Yeah. What's the best way of packing them them them them them them them them them them them them them them them be problems like that because the thing with Suzanne's family, right, they like having a routine, they know what they're doing every day, they know what they're having for tea every day, it's the same thing every week and stuff like that.

So I thought this is going to be interesting this because they can't do what they normally do. Sure. I love it. I love you treating you you like an experiment. Just watching them all the time. So the first problem was they've never flown before. So I was winding them up a bit. So I was murder. It's really horrible. You know, playing goes all over the place. And a ma'am had done some research saying, well I've been reading about it and uh... What, she got a funny accent? More,, more, there's more chance for me being killed on a donkey than there is on a plane. So I upset, I said right when we get there.

I said when we get there, let's see if there's any donkeys on the beach. Yeah, right? And she didn't like that. Oh what? It's a joke about, I hope. Yeah. Oh, what's up with that? Right, so we get there and you know, they see the villa and that, they're quite happy with all that business, right, all that stuff. And then as time went on I was getting a bit sort of fed up with them being around us all the time. Because I think you should have your own time when you're going all to the family. You should say, right, you go off and do your th. And I, right, right, right, right, right, right, th. And we, right, right, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the, th, th. th. th. the, th. th. the, the, the, the, the, th. th. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, they. And, they. And, they. And, they. And, they. And, they. And, they. And, the, they. And, the, the, the, th. We'll do our thing and we'll meet up later and talk about what we've been doing and stuff. Anyway so it gets to like the Thursday we've been away since Monday right and I said right we're going out tonight so a ma'am

says yeah we'll come with you they said no no it's just us we're having a bit of time on our own right. Is it true you said to her, you told me this, you said to her, you started to annoy me, I want to draw my own? Well I just said, well I told her at the start, I said it's going to be interest in this because people annoy me when they're around me a lot. So I wasn't nasty to her, I'm just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just saying, you you you you you you you you thia. thia. to say, you thia. to say, you to say, you thia. to say, you're just saying, you're just saying, you're just saying, you're just saying, you're just saying, you're just saying, you're saying, you're saying, you're just saying, you're just saying, you're just saying, you're to say, you're to say, you're to me, you're to me, you're to me, you, you're to say, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you. to to to to to to to to to to me. to to me, you're to me, you're to to to me, you're to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to say, you're to to to to to to to to to to me, you're to me, you hailed a donkey for. So, no, but, seriously, right, with the flying, do you know those stockings that you can get because of deep veins from buses? Sure. Shed them on in the cab. Brilliant. And it's only a two-hour flight, so that was annoying me.

So, um, so anyway, it gets to this this, you know, the Thursday night when I'm going out with Suzanne. And her ma'am's like sat on the sun lounger outside, so where are we going tonight? So like I said, it's just us, we're going out having a better time to ourselves. So I could see as the day was getting on she was realizing that she's got a night in with like her husband, right? She started, her face started to like look miserable. Sure. I thought I'm loving this. So I said right I'm going in to go and have a shower, go and get ready for us tonight. It's going to be great.

And winding him up, just wind them up because they can't come. Right, so I go upstairs upstairs have a shower on that. I come down and a ma'am smiling. Oh hang on. So I'm thinking, hang on a minute. What's what's gone on here? So I went to Suzanne. I said, why is your mom smiling? She's not coming. She said no but my dad said he'll take her out now. So in a way she was happy because she got her own way, which had annoyed me That annoyed me sure because you wanted to say, oh, you don't even want her husband taking her out? Well it's just the fact she didn't want to go out. She was happy to stay in and have, she was happy to stay in and have to go out. She was happy and she was to stay in and having that. She was happy. So she's smiling. So so she's smiling so she's going yeah I'm going out now so I said well enjoy yourself she said where are you going I said well it doesn't matter does

it you don't need to know sure sure she's not going to where we're going to go in the same restaurant so yeah that's right I said I want a night out of me Susanne I'll already as well I don't know I can talk to his own parents? This is someone else's parents. These are the parents of the woman he loves. But even Suzanne sort of agreed with me. There's only so much time you can spend with your parents, that's why you leave. That's why when you're ill you don't go home to him. Yeah? Sure. Yeah. Because the slight difference between me and you Carl is like not everyone annoys me. Well, not everyone does just. I can see what I was, I felt a guilty that that that that that that that that that that that that that world annoys me. Well, not everyone does, just... I can see what, I felt a bit guilty that week when he said I was annoying him, but I realise

it's not my fault now. Everyone noise him. Yeah. So, yeah it was an all right holiday. It was good to get back. Brilliant. I won't be doing it again. No. And what now would you say is your relationship with Suzanne's parents? Is it a frosty one? Uh, no, I just think they know that, that I don't like to put up for a long time. Yeah. I mean, when we were packing, a man was upset because she really liked the place where we were staying, right? Because it was quite a big villa because it was a few of us, it was a brother as well with us, right So a ma'am said I love it here, she said I'm definitely going to book this place again. I said it's a big, you know, a bit big for two of you, isn't it? Just being sarcy, like we're definitely. Just, I won't be coming again. You like, I don't know what, you like, Hal, you're a monster. You're an absolute monster. I say as a speaker is fine, I say it and gibber-watt the wibble, and never the were will

slep. You're like a middle-aged man. You're like an old man, you're like an old man and you're what, 30? I'm just imagining you scraping along in clogs and a flat cap going. Ooh, that that tree's got to come down. Yeah. Puntering a kid's a he kicks it into your garden by mistake. Yeah. Refusion to give it back. Yeah, gather round. Yeah. There were once Chinese kid as airy as that cow, which is weird because there's not many Chinese people that are airy, but

this one I tell they. It were back in 199... Granddad, are you eating a twix? Why do owls have to turn 190 degrees to look the other way? Because we've got big eyes. Yeah, what's that mean? What do you mean? Can I just, I don't think you should have children? Well, Suzanne's always saying, you know, that's, you know, she'd like to, hear tiny feet running around the flat. I just said let's get a little midget cleaner. If you'd like to call to humiliate himself for money, email in.

Suzanne was surprised that I was like, last night I told her about it. Why did you do that? I don't know what I feel now. That's not good is it? And she just said well you know you don't like chucking money away and that and it was funny because we got talking about when we bought our first flat in Manchester right I bought a bed right I didn't have much money and uh what annoyed me is I bought the bed and it turned up and I said, where's the mattress?

And they said, well you don't get a mattress with the bed, you've got to buy that separately. And I was like, well that's not a bed then. So I didn't have any more money. Suzanne's at work, so I thought, well, I don't want to stress her out at work and that, and that, and that, and that, and that, and that, and so, and so, and so, and so, and so, and so, and so, and so, and so, and so, and so, and so, and so, and so, and so, and so, and so, and so I said, and so I said, and so I said, and I said, and I said, and I said, and they said, and they said, and they said, and they said, and they said, and they said, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and I said, and I said, and I said, and I said, and I said, and I said, and I said, and I said, and I, and I said, and I said, and I don't, and I don't, and I don't, you, you, you the the their, you don't their they don't they're don't they don't they said, you don't they said, they said, you don't they're they're they're they're they're they're their, you don't the't got a mattress for the bed. I had a word with my dad, right? He knew a mate who had one in the back of a van, right? He said I'll have a word with him, he'll let you have it, got the van, brought it round, stunk a diesel and that, but I thought, but it's free. Stunk a diesel. They brought it up. their the bed she said that looks all right she wears the mattress so it's in the next next room but I thought I won't tell her because she won't like the idea. She went in,

just the room stunk of like petrol fumes and that, so what's going on? I said well it's a mattress didn't come with a bed so I've sorted your one out, I've got this off my dad and we didn't have one night on it she said get to rid of it. Yeah. I have to go and ditch it. I don't know what she was thinking. One of your father's friends is driving around in a van with a mattress in the back. Yeah, with a serial killer. I mean, and she didn't want to sleep on it. Like some style it's the lamb.

What kind of a chie back of a transit van. Yeah covered in petrol, diesel, probably urine and Christ knows what else. Oh. So you know. I can't have to leave early last week but um you can you stay to the end this week mate or yeah you don't need another holiday. Oh, oh he's started already. I mean you've made you look like a bit of a twat already and it's only five past one. But the only reason you don't go on holiday is because you have to spend money. Oh man, he's come straight back!

Wow! I can't come back to that. Oh dear. It's just, it's just, it's just absolutely, that was serious. Although the last holiday Steve had he sort of a thirsever world country so he could live like a king for a week. It was Cuba wasn't it? Going to Cuba, amazing. You can rule, we can rule the place. If you went for Castro, I'd have been in charge, kind of cash I was flashing around. I mean, they'd do anything for a dollar over there. It's extraordinary, literally. I mean, it's amazing. Oh, definitely. I went to Kenya. So he to the prostitute. He said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was to to to to to to to to to to to, I'd to, I'd the the the the the the to the the the the the cash. I'd to the cash. I'd the the cash, I'd the cash, I'd the cash, I'd the cash, I'd the cash, I'd the cash, I'd the cash, I'd the cash, I'd the cash, I'd the cash, I'd the cash, I'd the cash, I'd the cash, I'd the cash, I'd the cash, I'd the cash, I'd the cash, I'd the cash, I'd the cash, I'd the the the th. I'd the the the thrash. I'd the the the the the the the the the the cash, I'd the cash, I'd the cash, I'd two dollars, I mean I'm not made of money. Do you have a good holiday Carl? Yeah it was alright, it's all right, it went down to Cornwall. So you were going to the most ex-people down there Steve.

Well don't look at me, I'm not from Cornwall. Well you're from that sort of area. Well not really but they're genetically means. Right. Well you must have slotted writing. What are they weird? What do they look like? Just all sort of odd people. A lot of old people, but not just old, sort of messed up, old. What do you mean messed up old? You can't just say that? There's a woman with a funny neck. Okay, we won't wear with a funny neck. What did she have a funny neck?

If you're writing an essay you wouldn't say there was this one with a funny neck. How would you describe it? She sort of had her head, like pointed down all the time. Don't do it, it's his radio. No, but just for you I don't like what. Yeah. Okay, right. It's so brilliant. I don't know. I was saying to Susan, not what happened, you know, what do you think? Because Suzanne knows everything. That's the good thing about her being with you. You just ask her what happened to her and Suzanne goes, Carl, to to to to they. to to to to to to to their, to to their, to their, to to their, to their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thi, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their their th. I th. I th. I thi. I thi. I thi. thi, the. the. the. thooooooooooooooooooooooome, the. the. the. I goes, Carl, I don't know. I haven't been here before. Suzanne, your girlfriend, or mummy, as you call her. Oh, sparks are flying. I got a little bit of chocolate. Can you just lick a tissue and wipe her all?

Oh. She said it might have been like, because back in the olden days, they carried stuff on the old days. What do you mean the olden days? This one was probably what? 50? No, she looked about 70. Yeah. But like I do on Cheaky Freak of the Week, right? I always turn it round and we get like something good out of it. Something positive, yeah. I said to Suzanne, I bet she finds a was admired enough. Yeah. Do you think of that? Before you point the finger in Judge. Carl Pilkington.

Carl's all a little bit, I don't know, he's a bit frustrated. He's sort of a bit sweaty and fed up today, aren't you? Because of the heat. It's too much though, isn't it? He was try and rub his head. But today he was sort of leading it, he was sort of like getting a little bit. If I didn't know better, I just said it was sexual frustration. Well I was watching, Rick, if you don't want me saying I was watching that way, not in that way. Just watching him, not watching that way. It was sort of, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, if th, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, he, he, he, he, I, he, I, he, he, he, he, I was, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, I was, he, he, he, I was, he, I was, I was, th. I was that going on? What's the change? Why are you suddenly sort of...

What are you trying to say? No, I'm not, I'm just saying it was weird that you suddenly, it was like you were, oh, you're saying that a bit gay? Is that what you're saying? No, but what was... Suzanne accused of. sure you're gay. Why? Just because it was moaning about stuff she said oh you're a drama queen. Right, well that's what were you moaning about? Not having enough gay sex? No. She didn't have a knob. Yeah. It's going, oh why don't you get yourself a nice little knob? I mean, can I call you Frank? Could you wear this false beard? Yeah.

It's just, um, well we'll talk about it later, it was about the Seven Wonders. I just wasn't that impressed. It's right he said, he said, look, well we'll say that yeah, well we've got a top show coming up on. But if you are a little bit, kind of just a little bit of little bit of it, th let it out. I mean if you want us to relieve you of it. I'd say what let's have a little bit of Maggie Mae by Rod. It's some beautiful day. Can I fight killing a lovely lady? That's weird. That's weird. That's weird. I'd like to hear Rod Stewart's thinking about a lovely lady. Please, Carl?

As would I. Do you want to do, do you want to set up songs or phrase? Yeah. Oh God. If you've not heard the show before, I thought we weren't doing this this week. I thought we weren't. No, we'll do it once, right? And then next week's the last one,, depending on whether Carl decides to come back in October or not. I'm bored. I told you I'm bored a bit.

What are you bored with it? I get bored quick with stuff. Yeah. I told Susanne Lee when I had luck she she was. I haven't got rid of her yet. I haven't got rid of her yet. She's got bored with you in that. Oh dude. You're lucky you haven't pissed off.

Yeah, do you want to open the champagne or what? What's the other night? God, what's that on your ear? Don't worry about it. Pid you're walking to say, isn't it? Yeah. So you were trying to sneak in the back? So on the way, cutting across Lesser Square, and those fellas who sell roses, he comes over. Do you want one? So don't do that? She's allergic to them. All right? So we'd go away. She got all annoyed about that. Because she's not allergic to them. She's not allergic to them. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. She's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, to. to, to, their, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their, their, their, their, their, their. their, their, their, their, their, their, they. they. their, they. they. their, they. So, they. So, they. So, their, y now but they're about three quid each. But the point of mankind is not that she really wants a rose is that you're willing to spend

three pounds on it. Taking us to the pictures. How much was that? That was eight quid each. Did you pay for it though? Did you have... If I know you, if you've made a sit on your shoulders and wear a long coat. Yeah, exactly. Anyway, listen, songs of phrase then. What are we going to talk about now? Sort of head's gone though. Your head's gone. Your head's gone?

Yeah. Why is it? Why is it? It seems like since we've come back on there, you have become dimmer. I mean it is extraordinary. It's like it's like BSE has kicked him. Or do we just forget, we just forgot what? Maybe it's been a long time we've forgot just how stupid he is. Yeah. It's proper, you mean it's the silence is, you know, he forgets were on the retarded. Yeah, I've been trying to take in too much information though. That's that's the problem recently.

Well, I said to you last week I've been like reading more books and like have you? And try to try to tel too much but the problem is even watching teli teli tel tel tel tel the the the the the the the the tha tha telly in that now, Suzanne said to me, you know, stop doing that, stop watching tell at night and going to bed because it's making your brain too active. And I'm sort of... Heaven forbid. And I'm trying to get to sleep and I can't and then when I wake up, I'm thinking, she had to go up me the other day, right? Because it was me like how can you freeze time? She says how are you going to say good morning or whatever?

I'm gonna say good morning or whatever. I'm gonna best! Just so lively right! It's it! It's like the sun comes out through the window. Oh, she's like, Carl's like this little head. His eyes open to goes, one of those floppy night hats. How can you freeze time? Oh God! Well it's because like whatever the night before I might have heard that on the news, whatever, and it's just been sort of whizzing around me head. And, you know, it was a big the the the the they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they've they've they've they've they've the the the the the the the the the the the the sun the sun the sun the sun, I the sun, I the sun, I the sun, I the sun, I the sun, I the sun, I the sun, I the sun, I the sun, I the sun, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I the the the the the that on the news whatever it's just been sort of whizzing around me head. Sure. And you know, it was a big debate. Have they found a way of doing it or something? What are you talking about?

They've done something about freezing time and all that. See, this is an information, this is nothing. That is nothing that. They've done something about freezing time. I've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've done. I've they've done. I've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've. I. I. I. I. I. I've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've the their. I've their. I've done. I've done. I've done. I've done. I've done. I've done. I've done. I've done. I've done. I've done. I've done. I've done. I've done. I've done. I've they've they've going, well the issues tonight, it's somewhat about freezing time. It's, you're, you, think before you talk. No, but I don't worry about how to do it. I just think about what effects that means. Oh, they haven't asked you to get involved.

Phew. You can't explain it. It's a tough thing, but what's the other day? This is unbelievable. This is one of the most stupid, incredible things I've ever heard. He was talking and he suddenly stopped and he was thinking about and he went, I don't know what, he went, you'd never see a black ghost. Extraordinary. True though, isn't it? I've never seen any ghosts. There are no ghosts. No, I mean when you just see him in like magazines and that I play a record Oh my so car you were going to a wedding last week was it last week or the week before

no it was last Saturday yeah and he went he said uh looking forward to it you wait now it's gonna be boring Suzanne was listening knows that the uh the couple were taping the show so she had to get in there before you didn't she she she went to say she she she she she she she she she said she said she said she said she said she was to to to to to to the to to the to to the to the to the to to to to the to the to to to to to to to to to to to the the the to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to to to to to to to to to to to to be their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th th the. the. thee. We theeee. We thee. We're theeee. We're the. We're their the. I their their that the couple were taping the show. So she had to get in there before she, she went up to her, she went up to her, he said, look, when he, you wrist match to the show and he says it's going to be boring, he didn't mean you mean weddings in general. I love the fact she has to run around and clean up after him.

It's great isn't it? They're only good for the people involved aren't they? What are you talking about? You're getting free food, free booze, free music? Yeah, but... It's not... it's just all they're hanging about and there's loads of people there you don't know. Absolutely, I agree. Do you know what I mean? You've got to make an effort. And, uh, even the family gets the chairs don't we? So I was sort of stood on back. I stood at the back watching and

I couldn't hear what was going on because a woman was breastfeeding the baby. Oh! But what? How loud was this baby? You couldn't hear what was going on? It was it was slurping and that and she was like I I just thought, how hungry? Is it? Could it not have waited? Because you've all got to wait for the buffet or whatever later? I don't know.

But also just in the same way. Well, that was true, wasn't it? Why didn't you? Why didn't you have with weddings is the gift, is the gift thing. Because like you buy these gifts, right, you spend a little bit of money maybe, you know, I like to be a little bit lavish if I go into a wedding. Oh, no, come on, you get a gift, right? You pack it up. You're over a laugh.

And I don't know about, but I like, I'd like, when I give a gift to someone I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the to the to to their their their to their to their their their their their to it, yeah, yeah, because I tell me, oh thanks for the, I go, oh no worries, no worries, no worries. But you know, certainly I mean we talked about it before, but certainly you know it's the amount of the amount of money spent and the amount of time given to the gift should be correlated by the amount of, I want them to be showing it some friends, if it's a bar on the show, barman. I think that strangers. Look what Steve Merger got me, he's the greatest man in the world. Yeah, exactly. You go to a wedding, you turn out with a gift, you know, upwards of 15 pounds

on it. If you're walking, you say, the, you, you, you, the, the, the, the, the, to, the, you, the, you, the, you, the, you, you, the, you, you, the, you, you, you, look, you, you, look, look, look, look, you, you, you, look, you, look, you, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look. the, look. the, look. the, look. the, look. the, look. the, look. the, look. the, look. the, look. the, look. the, look. the, look. the, look. the, look. the, look. the, look. the, look. to. the, look. the, look. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, no, no, no. Yeah, sorry. They're too busy to see you right now. Just stick the gift on this big table with all the other ones. Yeah. And they'll get back to you in a week. It may be six to eight weeks after the honeymoon. They maybe write you a note. They may be a note. It may be a general thank you. It's a general thank you. Your. Your. Your. Your. Your. Your. Your. Your. Your. Your. Your. Your. Your. Your. Your. Your. Your. Your. Your. Your. the. the. the. that. thi. thi. the gift. thi. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. the gift. their. the gift. their. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their. their. ta.............................................. of mugs again will be in different type. Thank you, Steve Merchant, for your wonderful gift. We love mubs.

And your thus. And a photocopied signature. Exactly, yeah. Yeah, it's not right, is it? Oh dear. And also, of course, as well, and if there's a baby involved, you know, perhaps they, you know, they had a kid out of wedlock and that's why they're getting married. There's normally the little baby signature as well. Oh, like, oh, I ain't. Like the baby signed it. Oh, from Paul and Sharon.

And little Billy. He'd been. He'd been. He's been. He's been a throwing. Did he find you? Suzanne sorted something out. I don't know. I actually know we're going away. I'm going a week away with them. That's your gift.

Yeah. What your plan? No, we're going away to Carmel or something. Yeah, that's it. We've sort of paid for the, for a place to stay and there coming along and that. And their gift is to spend a week they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they'll have they'll have they'll have they'll have they'll have they'll have they'll have they'll have they'll have they'll have they'll have they'll have they'll have they'll have they'll have is to spend a week with you in a confined space. I love it they'll have great time on that. Were they? Yeah it's fine. Sorry can I make a note of how many times you say and that during today's show and so far there's three I'm just gonna

because I think we can have a competition here and if you can predict how many the the the the the you you you the the you you you the you the the they they they they they they they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll have they'll have they'll have they'll have they'll have they'll have they'll have they'll have they'll have they'll have they'll have they'll have they'll have they'll have they'll have they'll have they'll have they'll have they'll have they'll have they'll have they'll have they'll have they'll have they'll have they'll have they'll have they'll have I'll have I'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll have they'll have they'll have to make to make to make to make they'll have to make they'll have they'll have they'll have they'll have they'll have they'll have they'll have they'll have times he's going to say and that, the closest one wins some of the crap DVDs that we've got on offer. Hold on, tell you've got a lot of 49. Definitely. Is this the book that you nearly finished reading but you realized all the pages were in the wrong order? No. He bought a cheap book. A second shot, a second shot,then he started reading about this bloke and he went from jail to school and then he went to the page numbers and they were all out of order.

How annoying is that? How annoying is that? How annoying is that? Did you never read books, do you? I never read one right? And Susan, it was a week and we were going to go into a train, because you to do to have to have to have to have to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to they. And to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the page and the page the page the page their the page the page toooooooooom. and tolde and to putting the jigsaw together. I started reading it on the train thinking loving this. It's really interesting story about this fellow who you know didn't have a great life as a kid, starts getting into a bit of crime what have you, turns out to be the governor. But it wasn't as easy as that because like you say it was started off at school. Then he was in prison. He's like, he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he- he's he's th. He's he- he's hee. He's hee. He's th. He's thi. He's this. He's this. He's this. He's this. He's this. He's this. He's this. He's this. He's this. He's this. He's this. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's thi. He's tote. He's tote. He's tote. He's really tod th. He's really thi. He's really thi. He's really thi. He's and then next thing is like married and he's like 12 and then he's had a heart attack and then like but I just saw it was part of the thing

because I read chapter 1 and then it did say chapter 12 but I thought right it's like that sort of done in that stylish way that everyone's doing. What kind of a biography? I was born in the East End take one onion. I was born in the East end. Take one. Take one. Take one. Take tip. Take th. Take th. Take th. Take th. Take one. Take th. Take th. Take one. Take one. Take one. Take that. Take that. Take that. Take that. that. that. that that that that that that that, that, the the the the the the the th. It's like, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's, the, the, the, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. th. th. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, doing. What kind of a biography? I was born in the East End. Take one onion. Add some, uh, this is the idea that an East End villain's going to write his autobiography, but think, yeah, I'm just going to play with the form a bit. I'm going to get quite post-mond with this. No, but, but, no, he's barely able to write him probably I wouldn't I think he's an educated man go on next Carl yeah just because it was like two for a tenor that shouldn't be like oh well you know you got you got a good offer so no that's rare that I'm sure the bloke selling it did not know that the page is out of order let's face it Carl you read it and didn't realize so you've got almost you've got

almost half the way before you realized that's so so you you you you you you so you you you you you you you you the the that you the that you the that you the that you the that you the that you that you the the that the the the that's the the that's that's that's that's that's th I that's to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th I I I I th I th I th I th I th I th I th th thi thi the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the theeeeeeee I thoooo can't the I the I the I thi to to to be through before you realised. Yeah. But anyway, you know. Still, that teacher and that's put you off books for life, isn't it? Well, I don't like getting into books now, I just read snippets of information. Play record. No, I don't like getting into books. Play record. No, I'm just going to tell you about a bit of drivel before we play next year. Play record. No, I'm just going to tell you about the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' that' that' tho' tho' thi thi that' thi. And that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And thi thi thi thi, thi. And thi. And thi. And thrvel because I think the people are tuning for drivel so let's tease them. Let's have a record then some absolute shite from Carl Pilkington. All right Carl what did you learn? Right, like I said I don't like reading books too much. Too much word. Yeah I don't like reading books actually but go on. So I was looking in this magazine right and I and I and I and I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. to th. th. to th. to th. th. th. to to to to to thi. I'm to to to to to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tra. I'll tra. I'll true. I'll truth. I'll truth. I'll truth. I'll truth. I'll truth. I'll tip. I'll tip. I'll tipe. I'll tip. So go on. Right. So I was looking in this magazine, right? And it was more about, do you know I'm not that impressed with Einstein and Newton and that

like that? No, what should you be? What have I ever done? Go on? No, but you know the fact. You see that the Columbus thing, he's another one, you know you got a bit of praise. finding America. Yeah. And it's like it would have someone else would have come across that some point. Yeah. Right? And yet news this week they've found two new types of frog, right? No one's making a fuss. And look how small they are,

compared to what he bumped into. And that's what I'm saying, people make a big deal out of all these people who are finding stuff, right? So the next... I mean, I, as my head they is is is they is they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's, they's, they's, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right. their, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, they are, they are, they are, they are, they are, they are, they are, they are, they are, they are, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their. they're, their. I, their. I'm, their. I'm, their. And, their. And, and, and, and, and, and, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their what I'm saying people make a big deal out of all these people who are finding stuff right? So the next person... I mean as on my head's buzzing but I can't be bothered I actually can't be bothered don't think this reaction's a good reaction I don't know to start with this drivel but carry on. Right so anyway the next fella who... The next fella I don't you talk in riddle. The next fella I'm gonna talk about him. the the the the the thin thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' th' th' th' th' th' th' th' th' thus' thus' th' th' thus' thus' thus' thus' th-I' th-I' th-I'er, I'm th-I's th'er, I'm thus'er, I'm thus'er, I'm th' th' th' th' th' th' th' th' th' th' th' th' th' th' th' th' th' th' th' thin' th' th' th' th' the the the-I's th-I's th-I'm tho'er'-I'm tho'er'er'-I'm tho'er'er's tho'er'er's tho'er's talking riddles? The next fella I'm going to talk about, Einstein. Everyone raves about him all the time. So I'm trying to get into my head, like, why is amazing in that.

Right? Right? So, did a bit of reading up on him in this science magazine. Right? Now, I read it, it, only, only, you know, I don't know, 200, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. to th. th. th. th. to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, I, I, I, I, I, tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. try. try. try. th. th. th. th. I, you know, I don't know, 200 words, whatever, trying to get across what he worked out. But I read it last night. Is it relativity you're talking about? Uh, yeah. Yeah. Well, to say, yeah, like, I just made that word up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was as big as... Okay, so, the 200 words, I said, can you read this? She said, I'm watching sex in the city. I said, right, but can you read it? And explain to me what I don't understand here. This is well I'm I don't understand. It's great. It's like, she's thinking, I haven't got kids.

And yet he still wants me to yourself maybe it made more sense of you read it out loud. Yes I said right I'll go and do that then it was good because it's cool in there anyway right so I went in there so I went in there so I was sat there looking at it try to work it out twice. twice they went back and I said I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their it. I to to to their it. I to to their it. I to their it. I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I said I to their it I said I said I said I to their. their. their. to their. to to their. to to to to to to to to to to their it I said I said I their it I their it I their it I their it I I their it I I their it I I I their it I their it I their it I their it I their it I their it I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm their it I'm their. I'm th. thin. thin. thin. the. the. the. theat theat the. theat that that that that that was sat there looking at it, trying to work it out before she had to look at it. I was like, no, forget this. Now what he was saying is, if you send a man to the moon, right, he was saying to the fella in the rocket, it would seem like 20 years to him. Yeah, not the moon but yeah.

No it was that's what it said it said the moon. Well it wouldn't because it's only about... No, but listen, listen. So it took 20 years to the fella, yet people who are on the earth, it would seem like 2000. Yeah, because time is relative, not, not... I don't... what do you mean? Well, listen, the fact is that it's tending towards the speed of light where it really makes a difference. They've even done it with atomic clocks where they've sent one up,

I mean in Concord and it's like point, nor one of a second difference. What, what is the watch? Yes, yeah, because the greater speeds. But why does speed affect how a watch works? Right, I don't think this is a conversation. Speak, Spea, Spea, see what I've done. I don't think this is a conversation to be had on a Saturday afternoon on a radio show. But I'm just saying though. It's this, it's this thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi that's that's thathea, thatheatheatheatheatheatheat, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, their, their, their, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, because, that, because, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, they. Because, their, because, that, because Saturday afternoon on a radio show. I'm just saying though, it's not me is it? It is you? You went quiet, Steve.

No, because I'm not going to explain it to you. I wouldn't explain to you the brain. It's speed equals, basically velocity equals students over time, when velocity doesn't change and nor does distance, time has to. That's his theory. Yeah? What's your point again? I'm just saying, I'm just saying, uh... Because you don't understand it, it's worthless. I was trying to explain to Newton, like, that basically formulated the, you know, the laws of the universe, the three laws of the universe. Even playing snooker, I'm trying to drop something in, I was going, well, well, the the threats, I mean. Even playing snook, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, the the the the the the they they they they they they, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I the, I'm, I the, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the the the, I' the the the the the the the, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm they.. Because, they. th. Because, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that, that, that, I'm they. Because did he do apart from the apple on his head with the gravity and I went well what do you mean and he went well what was it a problem if we were been floating

around I'd have called him in but since we're not we don't need him that's what he said play a record you're a buffoon trans sexual it's not a transvestite this isn't just a builder in a dress they have the hormone replacement they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they they they they they have a they they have a they have a they have a they they they have a they have dress. They have the hormone replacement as well so they get estrogen so they have you know they're they're they're face looks different they they don't go bald they're slight and they they you know I mean that it's the they're the real thing a transsexual is now the real thing biologically and politically and but they still be a man well it'd be embarrassing if they don't tell their new new new new their their their their their their their their they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're to they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their to their to their they're they're they're they're they't they? Well it'd be embarrassing if they don't tell their new partner and there's picture them you know down the club when they were 24 but you probably sort of got over that don't you? They go just a fellow with a beard drinking the yard of vial. That was me.

Well interesting story. Probably should have told you this before the honeymoon. Do you know I mean it's like you can they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they can they can they can they can they can they can they can they can they can they can they can they can they can they can they can they can they can they can they can they can't have they can't have they can't have they can't they can't they don't have they don't have they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they can't they can't they can't they can't they can they can can they can can they can can they can they can they can can they can they can they can they can't they can they can't have they can't have they can't have they can have they can have they can have th. they can't have to have tho. they can't have they can't have they they can't have they they they can't have they can't have they can't have they can't have they can't have told you this before the honeymoon. Do you know what I mean? It's like you can have all that done right? This stuff, you know, you could have your bits done, right? You can have like false teeth, but you know that when you see an old person with a good set of teeth, it's like, well they're false. There's no way you've got good te in like the 30s. But what would you do if Suzanne said, look, I've got a terrible secret and she shows a picture of this kid, this little boy, growing up, you know, playing football, and then the picture stopped at 20 before you met her and she goes, she goes, and she goes, they were mine. Well, first thing is he'd take back the gloves you bought her last week. Would you go, oh, I can't go out with you now. Or would you say, well, you're the same person?

I've blown his mind. I really have freaked him out there. She is into sport. Should we play a record? Why you give her a call? No. But what I'm saying is it, right? It doesn't matter what you have done, we can wrap this up here because I've got it sorted, right? Okay. It doesn't matter what you have done. At the end of the day, it's obvious that you've had it done.

If you're a fella and you've been changed to a woman, I could spot you, right? If... If... You can't thou. You can't, you can't, you can't, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, that, that, that, th, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, th. We, th. We, th. We, th. We, th. We, th. We, th. We, th. We, th. We, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. We, th the off license and I went in there, never seen this fella before, right, soon as I walk in, I eye him up behind the counter, I go all right? Oh hello, I noticed he's got a wig on, right? Now it was, I kind of looked and I thought, yeah it's a wig, whatever. And then I thought I wonder if it is it is, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, he, I was, he, he, he, he, he, the, th, I was, th, th, I was, th, I was, th, I was, I was, I was, th.. It's, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, th. It's, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I'm, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th.ed, th.ed, th.ed, th.ed, th.ed, th.ed, th.ed, th.ed, th.ed, th.ed, th.ed, th.ed, th.ed, th.ed, th.ed, the. th. the. th. whatever and then I thought I wonder if it is and as I got to the till I said how much is that he said you know 50 pence said great and as he turned to the till were you buying Susanna gift as he turned to the till and he did that sort of angle you got the profile you see the bit sticking out of the what you mean! It's like a little, it just, it just, the last inch just lifts away from the net. Yeah. Everybody who goes in that shop will probably

know him, as having a wig and that. He keeps him happy, but everybody knows. So what I'm saying is, it's like... But could I just say, transsexuals put in a little bit more effort than a fella who's plunked a rug on top and hold it down with some duct tape. Do you know, you know, the only giveaway often with a trans sexual is the big hands. They can't do anything about that. That's the only thing you know. But I mean trans, transvestites are different, you know, they're they are builders in the dress. You go in a supermarket, you turn around and you see a six foot woman, huge head, you go, all right, love. You know, you know, down below, she's packing more than us three put together. That's what I'm saying.

But, you know what I mean? That's what I mean? If Eddie I's hard, right, Eddie, who likes to pop on a dress now and again, right, thipipipipipipip you, right, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, they, th, th, they, they, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you're, you're, you're, you're, you, you, you, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you th. down, you know, you know, you know, th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th tho. th th th tho, you go, because he walks here and he's all in evening gown and he goes all right Carl and you go, all right Eddie and it's in a busy pub and you go, oh why is he? And you go, do you say, do you want to point a bitter and slap him on the back they would have or do you go, that's lovely dress? What do you do? What do you do with a transvestite? Would you compliment a transvestite on their lovely dress if he was wearing a nice dress? In the same way that you would if Suzanne was wearing a nice crop? Probably in a different way I'd probably say that dress, you know, looks nice, being even nicer on a woman. Do you know what I mean? So you'd try and change the way they think. Yeah. You'd want to teach them a lesson. to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thoome. their their thoomachsewicea. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'd try. I'd try. I'd try. I'd try. I'd tre. I'd tra. I'm trueuoooooooooooooooooooooome. Ia. I'm try. I'm t him a lesson. Yeah, sure. In a way. Yeah. It's just one of them things I can't get my head around to be honest, right? I can handle

Ari-Chinese kids. Yeah. Yeah. Is it true to say that you've never been able to handle a trans restite? Listen Carl, you're all going on a holiday? You need a little rest don't you? Yeah. What's it, what, what, what, what, what, what's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they's they's they's they's they's they're they're they're they's they's they's they's they's. Yeah, they's. Yeah, they's. Yeah, they's. Yeah, they's. Yeah, they's. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah't you? Yeah. What's it? What's the vibe of the day? What's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, uh... Just, um... Just, um... What's the crack on holiday, come on. Where are you going? theyra. Right? Um, it's for's quite quite, yeah. My name Damo went to Madeira and he was worried about sort of terrorism on

the plane and he looked around he thought well if someone gets up someone arresting to the floor and he looked around and he was the only one he realized could have got out of his seat quickly enough. So you'll enjoy it. It's quite quiet it's nice. It'll be all right I mean it's the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. the the th. th. the the th. th. the th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi. It's the the thi. It's the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's t. It's ta. It's ta' toye. It's ta' ta' ta' ta' ta' ta' ta' ta' ta' ta' ta' toye. It'll be alright, I mean it's the first time a mom and dad have been away so... Whatever? Abroad, yeah. So they're worrying about, they just don't understand the rules and stuff, so they're panicking a bit. And then in the week you come up... Do they know that they're going of durax with heroin as we speak? No, but do they know about passports expiring, don't they?

I mean, they're not completely stupid. They know about all that, right? And it called up in the week, one of the questions said, what's the best thing when you're going abroad, it's the best thing to use to carry tea bags. So it was like, what are you worrying about, their, tha, their, their, their, their, they's they's they's they's they're they're they're they're they're their, they're they're their, their, they're tha, tha, tha, that, they're that, that, that, they're not, they're not, they're not, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they, they, they, they, they, they.... they, they, they, th. th. th. th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It. It. It's, they. It that for? They'll sell tea bags out there. And he's like well we want to take take our own. It's like they'll sell tea bags. Yeah. And he's worrying about that. He's saying can I put it in a glass jar so put it in a glass jar? He said I'll bubble wrap it. So he's bubble wrapping a tea thing. I mean it is annoying me. I mean it is just is just is just is just is just is just is just. I the the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I th. I th. I th is just th. I th. I th. I'm. I'm. It is th. It is th. I th the they's just they're just they're they're they're just they're just. It's just. It's just. It's just. It's just. It's just. It's just. It's just. It's they're. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's they's they's they's they's they's they're they're they're they're they're they're they're toy. I toy. I'll toy. I'll they're they're they're they're they're like like. I'll they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they you annoying me and already he's niggling me. Yeah, but you are easily wound up, you are a very finicky little fussy person you don't

like any the slightest bit of pressure. See I thrive on pressure. I'm, babbababab, bab, working here, working there, pan that work as well. That's always doing, monkey news. It's always doing monkey news, oh yeah. It's a their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's th. It's th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a very. It's a very. It's a very, it's a very. It's a very, it's a very, you're a very, you're a very, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you. It's, you. It's, you. It's a funny. It's a very, you. It's a very, you. It's a very, you. It's a very, you. It's a very. It's a very. It's a very. It's a very. It's a very. It's a very. It's a very. It's a very. It's a very. It's a very. It's a very. It's a very. It's a very, it's a very, it's a very, it's a very, th. It's a very, th. It's a very, th. It's a very funny. It's a very funny. It's a very funny. It's a very funny. It's a very, it's a very, it's a very, right? Went home after working with you a couple of Saturdays ago, right? A girlfriend was like, open your card, open your card. So now it's my birthday on Monday, I'll open it. You obeyed by the rules, don't you have birthdays? Well, there's no point. Well, exactly chaos leads that way. Right, so, uh, no, it's never has been.

So anyway, she kept going on and it was doing it in so I said, all right, I'll open it. So I opened it, ticket fell out, surprise holiday to one of the Canary Islands. So, and what was your reaction? I mean, first one was we haven't got enough money for this, but I didn't want to ruin it. So I didn't go on about that and I said, oh, it'd be great. So I can't wait. So did you say that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. tho. tho. the the thath. the the the the tha. to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. It was too. It was too. It was too. It was too. It was too. It was toda. too. too. too. too.a. too. toda. too. too. too. too. too. t't wait. Did you say that that tone of voice? Well, it was good timing because it was tired and everything. And I'm not a big holiday fan, but the timing was right. Do you know what I mean? It's the same as last night. You're in the mood. You get that sort of, oh yeah.

Curry. the curry? It's weird, and it weird, the paranormal. Isn't it weird? They work in the mysterious ways to goasts. So anyway, right? The island, if I was on when you were here, I'd probably say it's a bit barren. Okay. Uh, not much there, but if you get a hotel, you guarantee good weather, right? Are you? No, what I mean is. It'll be a good holiday.

If you get a hotel, right, the weather's always good, so you'll have a nice time. Yeah, it was a comma, yeah, it was a good, and all that, and the food was all right. And everything was going all right, I was just having a nice, relaxing time. And how do you sort of spend your time on the holiday you just lie around? That sort of holiday just lying around. I bought a book. You bought a book? Yeah. Okay, ghosts? No it was it was short stories right. It was like, about like, like special days in our time and time before me and stuff. And it was like, it was telling you about how in, I think it was 1814, the Thames frozen up. And all these stories are told by eyewitnesses. So there's some fellow who was around in 1814 and the Thames was frozen and people used to put market stores on there and they do the shopping.

It was like a it was like an Oxford Street. Was that mad liar Charlie? No because he's famous for that. Well I'm sure you know. I think that was mad liar Charlie. So I was reading that and th. And after after after after after after after after after after after after after after after after after after after after after after after after after after after after after after after after after after after after after after after after after the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the te. te. te. te. te. te. teems. te. teems. te. te. te. te. I. I. I was. I was. I was te. I was the think that was Madelajarney. So I was reading that and then after a couple of days was a bit like, oh, boring. Yeah, you can only do so much lying around. And so much reading. So Susan said, let's go on the beach, have a walk. You haven't gone on the beach. Where had you been up to this point then, in your room? No, just like around the pill, just relaxing and just relaxing and that. So, the, the, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, and so, and so, and so, and so, and so, and so, the they, they, so, so, so, so, so, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you to so, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, the th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, you can can, you can the beach, I said alright then yeah. So wandered down to the beach and first impressions are yeah it's all right it's clean. Your criteria is slow-based thing is brilliant. Hotel yes, food adequate, beach clean. Next. So I'm walking along and everything's good and you know there's a woman feeding

fish bread which I thought that's different. I love that. He likes originality. He loves a bit of originality. She was feeding fish bread. This woman was there like up to an easing water and she was stood there. Was that a sea? Chuck in, yeah. Chuck in this bread and I thought what's she doing? And I stood there and watch for a minute and there was little fish coming up.

I'm in the bread. So he carried on walking and everything's going well. And then this fella comes towards me. I know. I. I that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. I's th. I's th. th. thi. thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' the thin' thin' tho' tho' the their their tho' tho' their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the. the. the. the. the. theatea' theateatea' thea' thea' thea' thea' thea' thea' theards me. Everything's going well. I know you. Yeah, I haven't fallen over. Clean, clean feeding bread. Two points originally. He's going well. He's only got no pants on. So I said, Suzanne, what's going on? Why did he turn to her? Like she knows more than him? So she said, oh yeah, yeah, it's a new a long story? Can you pull that coffee? Can you give me that a their their their tho tho their th. th. th. th and their their th and their their their their th and their their their their th their their th th tho tho tho tho tho' tho tho tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' th. Clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I th. Clean, the th. Clean, the thin, that, that, that that that the that that the that that that the that the that that that that that that that, clean, clean, clean, yeah, it's a nudist. It's a long story, can you pour that coffee? Can you give me that coffee over? Sorry, sorry, this is really bad, yeah, because he's pouring. Thank you. Just amuse yourselves while we talk to coffee. Thank you.

Do you try. I have a cup of coffee, kind of. So she said, yeah, it's a nudist speech. So I said, well, what, I said, we're all mixed, it's all mixed up. Normally on a nudist speech, it's a nudist beach, you don't go wandering on there when you get clothes on and that. So it annoyed me a bit, because it wasn't any signs. So this fella's getting closer. Well the knob out was a sign.

Yeah, right, so fellow's getting closer. Well the knob out was a sign. Yeah. Right, so he's getting closer. And he walked past me, it was an old fella, and he walked past and he had a hat on a little pipe, and a big rucksack on his back. Right, so he got me thinking. I'm walking along and I'm thinking, right? Why do people want to do this? So straightaway, I wasn't on holiday anymore because most of the time when I'm on holiday I don't think about anything. I just swat it off. But all of a sudden this this has got in the head now and I turn around to look at him and check out his eyes.

And the bag and this bag right I, I swear, it was massive, right? What? You're a massive bag? The bag. He's a rucksacket. Oh right, okay. When I said, when I said, when I said, when I said, when I said, when I said, well, that's the bloke's bollocks or the woman's ticks, and he said, well me. So you saw the bag. So annoy me, yeah, because the whole idea, in it, this is what I think, I mean I might be wrong, right?

Might be wrong. Chances are... You never have been before. Being nudist, right? What's it all about? When I went to the bastards with you, and I wasn't really enjoying it, you're You are such an ungrateful. You are so many people. You're like a little charity case. You're like, oh, I had chicks queuing up around the block. You'd usually have to, you, someone like you would have to write to Jim will fix it or has to ransom to get, to

meet us sort of people. Now it's on your doorstep. I'm amazed that you didn't enjoy. You got to walk down the red the red the red the red the red the red the red the red the red the red the the the the their their their. their. their. their. their. their. to. to. to. to. to. to. th. th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I............................................................................................................ You got to walk down the red carpet. You went in, there was George Best, one of your football and heroes was there, a load of other big names. You sat there, you had prime position, you came backstage with a load of other big names. Hey, you had a lovely bit of grunt. You were filming this thing for the DVD you were making. That's you, that's you, that's you, a cameraman on our DVD. And yet. And yet. And yet. And yet, and yet, and yet, and yet, and yet, and yet, and yet, and yet, and yet, and yet, and yet, and yet, and yet, and yet, and yet, and yet, and you, and you, and you, you, you, the, you, the, the, the, the, their, the, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, a lot, a lot, a lot, their, a lot, their, their, a lot, a lot, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. So tell us why you didn't enjoy, because the ceremony, what didn't you enjoy about that? It was interminable, wasn't it? Far too long. Three hours. I'm sorry. I thought you were going to say something.

Really? Sorry? Three hours. Yeah. I mean I suppose for you to at least you know you were going to get something yeah but with me it's like I mean I've never graduated or anything so Have you not I'm trying to think of a situation basically I sat there three hours knowing that I'm not going to get anything out of the night yeah right now now did you sorry when we invited you and you said, did you think you're up for an award?

No, but I thought we were going to be sat round tables having a nice bit of food whilst people are going up there winning awards. But three hours of the same thing over and over again. If a film's three hours in the cinema, you go, well it's long but I wonder how it's going to end. But this was just like the same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same to end but this was just like the same thing over and over again some guy going up thanks a lot cheers for the bit of brass and then going down sitting down the same thing over and over again I wouldn't I honestly right I'd say it was one of the worst things I've ever had to do

I can't I think I enjoyed the night afterwards when we did have a bit of lamb and a nice bit of veg and that, that was all right and I went home and I was happy and I got the little freebie bag that you're talking about that we're getting away. Which wasn't much good stuff in it. All right. No, for Susan, what would you have done, or the Sunday night, what would you have done had you been at home? I would have stayed in with Suzanne right, watching tele, having a nice bit of pate on toast or something, cup of tea, watching 24, but instead I had to

buy an expensive suit so I didn't show you up, right? What did you spend on your suit? Well, in total, right, because you know the shoes and the suit and the shirt and tie, it was about 600 quid. That's the most expensive evening ever. That's what I'm saying to you. And the deaf thing is it's dark in there. I don't know why you've got to wear a nice suit. You can't wear a track suit for goodness. It's dark in there.

Oh, no, just the shirt it doesn't mean a better person. No, we're not claiming it made you a better person. No, that annoyed me. Yeah. I mean, it was an experience and it, that's why I went, because you think, if I didn't go, if I would have said to you when you invited me, no Steve, I don't want to go, then I would have never known, right? And I you should take it, even if you're not going to like it, it's a bit of an experience. Right. You know what he said to me? I phoned him up because we had to meet up and obviously he had to pose as my gay lover. Yeah. Right. He said something to me like, I bought a suit, I'm looking good.

He said, I'm looking good. People have to think to think to to to to me. It's why it's getting into it. Such an insight. Fair record. I just must say that we've had an email from Darrell. So what's people have emailed in, so well done on the Baftus and well done on your room 101. They really like that. There's one guy, it's Darryl. Has your dad only got one. Has your dad only got one?

Has your dad only got one. It's a good suit and no it's all the time. And it's winter as well, it's like a pure wall. So I'm sweating everywhere I go. Anyway, usually it's too much cheese. I won't be buying another one. Ever? That's it. Yeah. Yeah. Susan told me today, right? Because I've handed it in today to have the trousers to have turned turned turned turned turned turned turned turned turned turned turned turned turned turned turned turned turned turned turned turned turned turned turned turned turned turned turned turned turned turned turned turned turned turned turned turned turned turned turned to have to have the to have to have to have the to have to have to have the to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have the to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have a bodge job for the night. Yeah, right. It was just some pins sort of holding it up the other night, but you didn't notice and I didn't tell you because I thought you'd be getting on the stage and saying, look at that freak over there, with his pants hemmed up. But I took it, I took it to go back to insults briefly.

You know who's saying... Goofy, that's not fair. Because that's what he said, it's in the head. What do you mean he said? No, no, I mean... When did you call me goofy? No, he didn't. He said about one.

BOLDY. Hey, come off it? What? GOOFI? goofy. Gogolites fair enough. I can't. How can I sort my look at it? I'm not even goofy. That's not fair. You've got the proper features. What? Just need to sorting out a bit. I can't help it if my air is not good. I noticed the other day when Carl was sitting on your knee having his picture taken. It's a long story, right? It's got a completely spherical head. It's slightly too small. I'm not funny because I'm I the I the I the I the I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm the the the the the the the the th. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I's a th. I's a th. I's a th. I've. I. I's a th. I've. I've. I. I've. I've. I've. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm th. I too small. I'm not being funny because I mean, you know, I'm not perfect. But he's got a completely spherical little head. He looks a little bit like

a baby hamburger off McDonald's. He looks like a little baby hamburgler. And it's sort of quite put upon. Susan thinks I look like that thing in that Felix advert. You know when the woman calls the head off that. That little processing... And they make a new th perfect perfect perfect perfect perfect perfect perfect perfect perfect perfect perfect perfect the the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thinks I look like that thing in that Pulix advert, you know when the woman pulls the head off that? That little plasticine morph-type-crick. And then they make a new ed for it. And it's like a little ed. Really? And that's your girlfriend saying it.

I know. Anyway, listen, let's get back to see to do. Sure. So you're going to see some people doing madness songs? No, I took Suzanne out for a walk, right? Yeah. Went round Covent Garden. Pass the place where it was on. The stage door was open, he's on. The stage door was open, he's up by the thanks. Well, I said by the brown. I thought it was all right, enjoyed it. Blur the musical would be good wouldn't it?

Blur the music would be excellent. Yeah, little cockney flower. So you bought tickets there and then and just went in. They're not selling are they? It's fairly quiet because we only paid the lower price and we got upgraded for free. come on stage with us. The little bald fella. Yeah, go on I give you a girl. And what home are you from? Where are you, what are you doing tomorrow? Well I'm going and I said, no, you're coming here tomorrow. Come here tomorrow. How do you, how do you get so many breaks and holidays? Because you went away with

Suzanne's parents, you just been away with your parents, that's a couple of weeks, ten days, so that's probably about three weeks in all. You had that, you went to Manchester, you had that day off because your trousers were wet. I mean, and you've, you know, I'm not supposed, because you've only got one job and, you know, I've got a lot more, don't work too hard, you know I'm not stressed too much. It's just all to do with when you do work, do a lot. So I get a lot done. What do you mean?

I'm always doing stuff, I mean even though, when I was in Cornwall, right, I'm sat there on the grass. Oh I'd love to just sit on the grass. Oh yeah, you know. My dad and Susan are the thus thus thus thus thu s s s s ss thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus. I thus. I thus. I thus. I thus. I thia thia thia thus. I thus. I thathea' thia tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho to tho to tho to to th. I to th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I that that that that that that to to to to to to to toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. I to to to to to to to the grass. I know yeah well you know. My dad and Susanna playing crib right I sort of fallen out with him out of my pocket. You've got to fall in the 40s. Why did you fall in out with you? Yeah why did you fall in out? Yeah. Because we crib have you ever played crib? Yeah. Right you've got to be pretty good at maths. Sure. Well you've got to make your cards add up to 15 and well yeah. I'm just gonna make to make your your your your your your your your your your your your their their to to to to their to to to to their to to their to to their to their their their to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. I their. I their. I their. I their playing. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. I their th. I th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm toda. I'm toda. today's. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I's. I'm th. I's. I'm them. I was just going to correct you on you've got to be good at maths. Yeah, what, what, algebra, quantum physics? What? No, just adding up to 15? Brilliant. I mean, I almost do it on your fingers. My dad's good in Cornwall. Yeah. But my dad's really good at maths and like. But my dad's

really good at maths and like. And he always counts his counts his and it's like 152, 154, 3 for your 1 and all that, do you know what I mean? He adds it up really quick. Right? So I was like, hang on a minute and he goes no, what do you mean dang on? I don't know what? I don't know what? I don't know what I'm tell you got? Oh forget it, oh forget it forget it, I'm not playing. Well anyway, right, so it doesn't matter, and I think I'll go off and do some prep, right? Do some research for Saturday. Found one of Suzanne's magazines, right?

Flicking through, because there's always interesting stuff in there. There was something about swingers. And I was like what's all that about. Yeah. And it had an interview with some people talking about, you know, how they sleep about of it. And I thought, if my wife looked like that, I probably would. Because it was a few pictures of them and they were all pretty ugly. Yes. I thought, right? So I took that in, soaked that up, thoed, their up, their their their their their their their their their their, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. too. too. too. too. too. tooe. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. the So I took that in, soaked that up, thought, there you go. Carried on reading, it was a bit in there about our women still have crushes, right?

Yes. And the woman was going on about how she's 38, right? But she still fancies Chris Martin from Cole play. And you know, even though it'll never happen, she's still got that little bit in her head. Yeah, that thinks one day she'll leave the their th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho thi tho tho tho tho's tho, tho, tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' thoom' thoom' tho-I th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, that that that thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo' the th, th, th, even though it'll never happen, she's still got that little bit in her head, that thinks one day she'll leave Gwyneth, right, and end up with her, right? Right? Anyway, so I'm flicking, I'm thinking this is a bit boring, but I'm flicking through it all. And, uh... Is this a rock west clue? No, no. Right. And I read further on, right. And she said, you know, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm th, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm fli, I'm fli, I'm fli, th. th. th. th. th. th, I, I, I, I, th, th, th, th. th, th, th. And, th, th, th, th, th, th. And, th, th. And, th, th, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, tha, theea, tha, thin, th. It, the. It, the. It, th. It right? And she said, you know, I like to go out with my mates and we come up with lists in pubs of people who like, oh, you know, they'd be nice to go out with. She also came up with a list of unlikely lust objects, I think she called them.

Yeah. Guess who was in that list? Rickage of eight? Think again? Carl Pilkington. Right. Next one. Johnny Vegas. Said, Lanky co-writer. RUKaheriter. What do you mean?

Lanky co-writer? Well, don't need to say anymore. He said, Hang on, wait a minute. Let's not talk about, I don't want you laughing at my expense, I'm an unlikely lust object. Yeah, but yeah, what was it called? The list? The, the unlikely lust object.

Yeah. You were in there, right? Richard Maidley. Fine, yeah. It's a good looking guy. Alista Campbell. Brilliant. Another handsome dude. What did you talk about? How can you, how you, what, you think I'm ashamed or embarrassed about that? I'm proud of it? What magazine was it? I need to buy a couple of copies? Yeah, it was a t-shirt. Yeah. And did she leave her number? Yeah. And did she's their their their their their their their their th. And did th. And did she th. And did th. Yeah, th. And did th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A handsome, th. A handsome, th. A handsome. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Edinburgh and had nothing to do, there was nothing on the tele and you sort of, you've

eaten a short red biscuit and now. And so that's when I read the phone book to see how many. That's when you read the phone book? Well, I don't know if he'd already done that. Yeah. And, uh, yeah, he said he, uh, he shaved his ass. Now when we say he shaved his like, not his cheeks, he's... Oh, all of it? Yeah, all of it.

That's interesting. Well, I think, uh, other than the cheeks, he was not much left. But then we got to to to to to to say to say to say the the fact the fact the the the he he he he he he he he he he he he he there's not much left. But then we got to the fact that me and Jonathan, if we pulled our wealth, we could have shaved Carl's ass for a thousand pounds. Right? And he said, yeah, for a thousand pounds you could shave my ass. Can I say this, is it? Suzanne said, can I say this, table stopped and lent in and said, what? So it doesn't like me touching him there. I thought, what do you mean?

Ha! This is too much information. It was too much information. I like the fact that you've had this conversation with her. I like the idea that she touched your ass and he's tou-I love you but keep your hands away about the most intimate part of the ass, the middle ass he's talking about, that she... and he said, I said, why? He went, it's a bit gay, isn't it? I said, how can a girl touching it be a bit gay? If it's still behind it, it could be anyone, right? Ha ha ha ha! Ha! Ha!

And it seems... I mean, you can imagine the conversations we were having, right? And it just, it's that thing that the waitress heard something every time she came over. She heard the word, like, car, go on. I'm trying to rossi, I shave my arm. Yeah, yeah. And, oh dear. But it was, yeah, it was a good night, wasn't it? So it's a thousand pounds now, isn't it? And it? And it? thi? th. And, th. And, th. It? th. It? th. It's th. It's th. It's the th. It's th. the th. th. the th. th. the th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. the their? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh? Oh, oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh? Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh? Oh. Oh? Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh? Oh? Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh? Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. It's? Oh. It's? Oh. It's? Oh. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. Oh, it's a. Ohousand pounds now in it? Um... But presumably you give Suzanne half anyway, so everyone would be happy. You've used the ass to best effect. She's got half out of it, so she's made as much out of your ass as you have, in a sense. Me and Jonathan are happy. Yeah, but to be fair, it's his ass on the line.

I know. I know, to then then a bum deal. Well, she's getting 500, you know, yeah. Quid, you know, you know. But, um, do you reckon? Just thinking some more. Ha ha ha ha hap. Can I just ask, before you play a record, um, if we would just shave your thi to us, let's say we did it? Would we use one of those big kind of old-fashioned razors? No, no, I'd use a BIC safety. I'd just straight away. And would you use a gel or a foam? No, no,

no, I just, first of all, yeah, I think I'd just lather it up. So you'd laver up his eyes through. I do, I do the outside bits, just go right. I'd do straight down, big broad strokes, right, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then. And then, then, and then. And, and then. And, and they. And, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I. And, I'd, I'd just, I'd just, I'd just, I'd just, I'd just, I'd just, I'd just, I'd just, I'd just, I'd, I'd, I. And, I. And, I, I, I. And, I, I, I, I, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd just, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I, I, I'd crevices and I'd need an assistant I'd pop it apart and just very gently go in there I might even use electronic equipment just so there was no sort of like Knicks okay so how do I'll ask him we're calling later but uh I don't know well perhaps you perhaps you listening if one shaped your ass maybe maybe during an exam or something I see his mirrors why they're gonna they'll ask him we'll call him to call him what I think what I think I the the the the the the the th th th th th th th th th th there there th there th there th th there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there was there there there was there was there there was there was there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm th. I'm th. I don't. I don't. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm this. I'm this. I'm this is this. I'm this. I'm this. I'm this. I'm this. I this. I this. I this. I this. I this. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm not th. I'm not th. I'm not th. I don't th. I don't think. I'm not think. I'm not th. I'm not th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. for a good 10 minutes. Yeah. There's one thing I don't like going on stage with is a hairy ass. Bang, drink, wallop. Done. On stage. Thanks.

See you later. See you next week. Yeah? What are you thinking, Carl? It's just if that, how air he was it. Because I imagine, I mean you're saying mirrors and stuff. But he's, I mean how old does he know? He's 40-to. And they say your, your testicles drop quite a bit once you're like getting old, don't

yeah? So that, he's got to make sure they're out of the way. Took it to all I don't think, I mean, I mean, I can't th. I mean, I mean, I can't th. I can't that I that I that I can't that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm that's that's their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm their. their, I'm their. their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm, I'm, I'm, they. they. they. they. they. th. th. th. th. too. th. too. too. th. th. th. th. th. their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm 't think I mean I can speak for myself as a similar race to Jonathan that I mean you know if there's Millimeter isn't it it's not like we took him in our socks in the morning They're still in the same place you really wouldn't know the difference it wouldn't if we filmed it in you know time-lapse camera they wouldn't be like a bungee jump do you know I mean they wouldn't be like a bungee jump. Do you know what I mean? They wouldn't be moving a lot. Yeah. All right? I told him is a good-looking fella Steve, would you, do you agree with that? I told Jonathan that he said that he's spent any, he just went for it as well. Yeah. So you've spent a lot of time picturing Jonathan's naked to ass. You're letting him give you money for ass. to their too. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I I I thuuuu, I thu, I thin, I thin, I thin, I thin, I thin, I' thin, I've thu, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I their their their their their their their tho their tho tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll you money for ass touchery. Yeah, where's your girlfriend's got? No chance.

And you're saying he's a good-looking man. Do I play a record and think about what you've done? Interesting. All the energetic... What's the problem with Guy Ankees? Oh, you were... You played Bruce Springsteen last week, right? And you said he had, uh, hadtrouble on his hands when he had a hanky in his back pocket. Did I say that on the air or? Well, we were just saying that famously on the

cover of the Born to Run, a Born in the USA Album, it's just him, isn't it, with a red handkerchief. I was looking. Well, I just... Well, I did it for research purposes for this amazing link. Yeah, he had a red handkerchief, I think in his right hand pocket and apparently that signifies homosexuality. Apparently I don't know, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Right, well, exactly. I don't even know if... No, well I read up about it. Okay. Right. Just for a search. And it's all sort of, you know,

you've got all different coloured Ankeys. Are they? Yeah? Right. And it depends what? the pocket you put it in as well. So you've got like the different colours, different pockets? Yeah. Sorry, how many variations are there? Different pockets? Well you got like, your back pocket, your right pocket? What do they signify? You can't just tell us they signify something. What do they signify? Well, some stuff that we don't really want to talk about, to be honest. What?

Sort of stuff that gazed on to be into. Right. What, what do you mean? What? Yeah, Eurovision. No, like a couple of things that were there that I know we can mention. He said something about... I love that. What he thinks he can't mention, I love it. Do you see, what is this? 1956? No, no, no, but I mean, it isn't just, you know, having it away. I love him! Having it away! You get up to some weird stuff. I love about didn't want to offend, but he's offended a lot more people by saying they get up to some weird stuff. Right. In your opinion? Yeah, what do you mean? What do you mean?

What do you mean? No, but don't, don't, if it's, if there is something that I don't know about, that it's like you can't sound the radio? Yeah, I'd like, I. I. I. I. I'd that. I'd that. that. that's like. that's that's like. that's like. that's like. that's like. that's like. that's like, I'd that's like, I'd like, I'd like, I'd like, I'd like, I'd like, I'd like, I'd like, I'd like, I'd like, I'd like, I'd that. that's. that. that's. that's. that's. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that.'ve got a red Anky right in your right pocket like Bruce yeah that's exactly what Bruce had yeah right well apparently then Bruce is an armpit freak an armpit freak yeah no really no no but that's very specific go seriously go seriously well what okay okay what else is there sorry is there some kind of homosexual body that sat down and came up with this at some point? When you said, we've got more with this is getting crazy, you've got like a blue handkerchief in your top breast pocket, I don't know what that means. You need to sit down, there's some kind of some it, figure out what it means. Yeah. It's just that, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not free, you're not free, you're not free, you're not free, you're not free, you're not free, you're not free, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're th, you're not free, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're th, you're th, you're th, you're th, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you're th, you're th, you're not free, you're not free, you're not free, you're not free, you're not free, you're not free, you're not free, you're not free, you're not free, you're not free, th. th. th. th. th. th. thr, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr, this, they're you know good good places I think. You can't actually go in there if you've got a cold because every colored hanky represent something right so if I was to go in add a bit of a sniffle I could get into all sorts of trouble.

Well put out a Mark's and Spencer's white Lynn the hanky that means you'd like to be tied up and whipped. Yeah there was the the the the the the the there was th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus the the the the the the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. You the. You the. You the. You can't the. You can't the. the. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee like to be tied up and whipped. Yeah there was another one, armpit freak we've covered. Yeah, armpit freak is done. We've covered. An armpit freak? I don't know what that means. Right, okay, yeah. But there was just one other thing like a blue and white one is if you're into sailors. To sailors? Yeah if you have a little blue and white Anky, that's in your left pocket. Right. Blue and white equals sailor. So I wanted to ask you something, you know, man, but again we've got to be careful here. You know when you wouldn't leave the building that was on fire because you were standing proud. Hang on we need, this, some people know, don't know what you're talking about. Carl, you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're on holiday you're on holiday you're on holiday you're on holiday you're on holiday you're on holiday you're on holiday you're on holiday you're the their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Blue. th. Blue. th. the the th. Blue. their. their. their. their. Hang on we need this some people know don't know what you're talking about.

You, Carl you're on holiday, yeah. On holiday and Turner Reef, right? Yeah. You'd had a moment of intimacy with your girlfriend. Yeah. Yeah. And knock on the door. You had to stop and get up. He peaked around the door. It was a fireman saying, get out. But you didn't want to leave leave leave leave th. th. th. th I'd understand is you maintained that while looking at a Spanish man dressed as a fireman. Is that the fact? You maintained, I'm sorry, you maintained a, you know, a rousal

whilst looking at a gentleman dressed to a fireman. No, no, no, is that, these are the facts? They are indisputed. What? Did you maintain? I'm not, I'm not, I'm not a machine.. You that, you that, you that, you that, I'm that, I'm that, I'm that, I'm the the the the the the the the the the the the the thainainainainainainainainain that, you that, you that, you that, you maintain that, that, I that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thainainainainainainainainainainainainainaintained. the the thaintai. thaintai. thi. thi. thi. thi. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thi whilst looking at a gentleman dressed the fireman. No no no, no, is that, these are the facts and they are indisputed, right? Did you maintain? I'm not a machine though, I mean I can't turn it on, turn it off. Well yeah, but you're talking, I was just talking to a fireman you'd have probably lost it, I don't know, but but the other thing was, I mean, I I I I I I I I the other, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, I than, I thi, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was talking, I was talking, I was talking, I'm to to to to talk, I was to have to talk, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm to, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I was, I'm, I, I, I, I, I was, I, I, I, I, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, to to to to to to to to to me, to to too, to to too, to to to too, to to to to to told, to me, to me, to, to, to again, right? What are you talking about that for? I said, oh, it just cropped up, right? Yeah. And the dilemma was, you see, I wanted to try and make sure that it was a proper fire because that was the last condom we had, right? So it would have ruined the night. So I didn't want to, it was like, you know, well, what's it, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, the, the, what, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the dilemma, the dilemma, the dilemma, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, to, to, to, to, to, was, to, to, was, to, was, they., was, was, they. And, they. And, they. And, they. And, they. And, to, we need to get out? Yeah. Is it a proper fire? Yeah. And you, I'm talking to this man in uniform, was he, what, what do he look like? Was he quite, was he good looking? Was he good looking? Was he good looking in his uniform? I can't remember. Did you have a moustache? Better play a record, isn't this bringing it back? What? What? Look uncomfortable? What? What? Did you just switch this on with on on on on on on on on on th on this on this on this on this on this on this on this on this on this on this on? Did this on? Do on? Did this on? Do on? Did this on? this on? this on? th? th? tho? tho? tho? tho? tho? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thii? thi? thi? thi? thi? he bringing it back? What? You look uncomfortable?

What? Did you just switch this on with your hand? I don't want to know about it. That's why I don't go to the doctors or anything. That's like a good approach. And he, he, do you remember him saying he's in a die of cancer because he doesn't check his balls? He doesn't like the feel of course of course what do they feel like your balls like a wet shammie

leather with two marbles two cum croats in a wet shammy leather no but I just why are they wet sweaty no they're not I'm just saying smooth are they smooth yeah because a shammy leather is smoother when it's... Do you shave them? No I don't. It goes, in case a fireman pops around and you want to look your best. It looks like your head. You know the fireman pops around, there you are. And he goes, oh nice smooth. So you never go to the do you think of? Just see if it developed into plague. Well yeah because you know don't you. The old bandage is around your head and a bell? Yeah. Suzanne what you're out can you get me a bell? Exactly. Brilliant.

There was this kid at our school we took the piss out of for the basically the rest of his time there because when he was he was about he was about he was about he was about he was about about he was about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about a the the the the the the the the the the the the the said that would you want to die right would you have to drown in fire all that he said I want to die of old age in my mother's arms what does he? I'm not if you're to lose it. Now are you familiar with the thing that they can do if you're dead if you're ill and you know you're gonna die right? I don't, not if you're dead. It's like if you're ill and you know you're going to die, right? I don't know what this is going anymore. It's extraordinary. Have a rest.

Stornier. In my liar. What, what, what, what? Listen, this is an interesting fact. Come on. So if you're ill but you know you're going to die. Yeah, you can have this thing done in Detroit where you you get put thp thape th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. thin thin. It's the. the. th thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty to thirty to to to to to thirty. I thirty. It thirty. It th. It th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's thea. It's thea. I thea. I thea. I thea. I thea. I the out, you know, what's wrong with you in 20 years time? You go, right, that fellow is in the fridge. He had that, we can sort it, let's get him out. And, uh, you sort you out. Yeah. This is the first time you've come across this idea. Yeah, I read it the other day.

You've never heard of this before this before this before this's good in it. They take you, they take this to make, they put you at sort of like sub-zero temperature so they stop all cellular activity. So does, do you stop aging at that point? Yeah. You're, it's suspended animation. So, well what's the law on it right? Say if I say if I had something right? Yeah. And I said, oh, put me in a fridge and when you've got the cure and that, wheel me out and sort me out, say if they did that, and it was like 40 years. Yeah. And in 40 years time they get a cure for me. Would I have to stay with Suzanne? Because she'd be 70? Do you mean what are the rules? Should you be allowed to date a younger woman?

Well, it's not fair, is it? It's like good news to sort you out, but... I don't think she's mine. I reckon she'd have the best 40 years of her life. Yeah. And plus they're never going to find a cure for what ails you. That is genius. That is brilliant.

That is brilliant. You come out, you go, oh no. I love the fact that's what he'd be lying there that if that if that if that if that if that's, if that's, if that's, if that's, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, she, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she. the the the their. the the the they. the the the their, she. the the their, she's, she's, she's, she's their.. their, their, their, their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. they're, she's, she's, she's, she's. She's losing her looks. Oh dear. But everything else as well, like, my job wouldn't be here. No. No. Although the figures would have gone up a little bit. Yeah. Uh, flat's probably gone or knocked down or whatever. Sure.

Most of my family would be dead. Yep. So what's the point? What do you know about it? Who's done it? Well famously Walt Disney apparently. I mean Walt Disney actually did die but had his body preserved so that should they one day be able to bring back people from the dead? They need, they need Walt Disney. Hang on who do we have? But with them, nothing is going to change because when he comes out Mickey Mouse will still look the same. Sure. I'm plugging all that. don't know what you mind is. Play a record. It's brilliant. You just say words. It's the amourist. Now when we were talking to Kahn in the week, things we're talking to Kawa is that you come up with something that sort of like quite innocent and he goes, well at once right and you realise

that it's comedy dynamite he doesn't know it but we want to go save it and he let out you were filling in a form why don't you it's it's all like your girlfriend thinking you're a div and it's something before isn't it because she came home and you'd filled out a form to get a job o'n't you yeah what was that for? Granada telly and on it? Well well? Well their their their their their their their their their their that that that that their that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th. And on that's that's that that that that that that that that that that that that that that's that that that that that to that to that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th. th. And th. And the? And the? And the. And the. And they is they is they is they is they is the. I was the. I was the. I was the. And the. And that's that's the. see that this is what annoys me with job applications because rather than just saying do you want the job and what can you bring to this business? Yeah do you want the job is a good one because the thing is that that that's what I'm going to the boys

because if they say no I don't think they want the job yeah but I presume with what you do you you have to to to the to the to the the to to the to to the the to the to to the the to the to to to the the to to the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to to their toe. I. I. I tre. I'm tre. I'm tre. I true. I'm true. I'm toe. I'm their their their their their go on. I mean I presume with what you do you have to take people on and stuff. Well, I'm going to fight you mean? You know what I mean? And I think it's more important that you're willing to graft and put the hours in. Sure. Then say that, you know, you did well at school. Yes, sure. Because if I wanted to, I could have done well at school. I just didn't want to the application. to. to. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I just. I just. I just. I just. I just. I just. I. I to. I just. I just. I to. I to. I to. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. I. I. I. I. form so when it came to the qualifications bit and that I couldn't fill I in because I didn't have me qualifications and I was also asking about your languages and I put down English quite good English quite good ha ha he he and his girlfriend came out of this is a copy of it and so she went oh

you know I mean so that's what started you know the disappointment so they're gonna get that and think that you'd sent off, this was a copy of it, and so she went, oh, you know what I mean? So that's what started, you know, the disappointment. So they're going to get that and think that you're not English? I don't think I've got it, it was ages ago. Right? How long ago was it? Oh, well, it was when I was still in Manchester, so five years. I don't know all these long words that people use all the time.

Oh God oh can I just tell this quickly? In the week I'm talking to you now of the listener usually I don't. Carl said oh about embarrassing him on air and that and he's worried about his education and he was worried about not knowing long words, like we come up with any long words. And he said, no, I was scared, you were going to ask me about someone and his eastern European leader, his surname is Milosevic. And Carl said, so I learned it this week and learned it so you can't catch me out in case he said what? And he said, he thought about it and he he th, he he, he he, he th, he th, he th, he th, he th, he th, he th, he th, he th, he th and he th and he th and he th and he thoughts, he th, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was th... He was th. He was th. He was thi. He was thi. He was tho, he was thoed, he was thoed, he was thoed, he was thoed, he was thoed, he was tho, he was tho, he was tho, he was case you start and he said and he thought about it he went flobber down my loss of it whooo hoo hoo hoo hoo so he's name some right though didn't he so what's his name

what's his name that's how Bill and Ben would address this leader how would they have said it flobber down milosovitch what's his name yeah slobbubdan yeah what's theyme to they what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's is is is is is is is is is is is is their is their what's is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is they. what's. what's. what's. what's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's the same. What's the same. What's his his his the same. What's his the same. What's his his the same. What's his the same. What's his his the. What's his. What's his. What's his you were talking about your filling out that application form. There's some big news that everyone needs to know, which we were stunned by in the week, although the more we sort of talked to you, the more it starts to fall into place. Yeah. But, what's the story? But I haven't got me, uh, my examtake in the end? Because you weren't even sure about that way. You think you took maths and English, don't you? And you think you've handed in the artwork for art. Now art was continual assessment, wasn't it? Coursework. And what was the, and what was the, that was the, that you had to make?

I made a man sort of putting his arms into a car. What was th, you, you one's past. We could say that this is a homage to break-ins in Manchester. I was this. Oh look, he does what he sees. Yeah. So what's it? So you've got about that safe. So you've taken English and maths. So this is what we're going to try and find out his exam results for him and tell him next week.

We're going to call his school, we're going to try and track him down and we are going to have a little envelope and we are going to give Carl at the age of 29 his O-level results. Do you see Citi? Now, Carl, so you took maths, you think you took English? Do you remember turning up to do this? Do you remember sitting in the room filling in the forms? Yeah. Okay. And how did you feel you did well? I don't think I did well. You don't think it did well. Did you revise? No. Why didn't you revise? Because I don't really believe in it. Okay. Well it's just that if you don't know it, then you don't know it. You shouldn't have to start looking at book. If If you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, th. You don't, thi, thi, thi, th. You don't, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. You, th. You, th. You, th, th. You, th. You. You, th, th, th. You. You, th. You, th. You, th. You, th. You, th. You, th. You, th. You don't th. You don't thi. You don't thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. Did, thi. Did, th the doctor, if I went to like the hospital, and the doctor said, oh, you need your appendix out, but hang on a minute, I've just got to read up on it. Yeah. That isn't good enough. Okay. He should know and that's the way I feel about it. To be fair though, he did do the revision before her. Yeah, they don't usually pass on like maybe like when they're in practice. Yeah, information they're like. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the information. Yeah. the information. they're the information. they're they're the information. they're they're they they the information. they're they're information. the information. they'd they'd they'd th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. That's th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I. I th. I. I. I th. I the the the the their. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm just th. I'm just isn't th. I'm thi. I'm just thi. I'm just isn't th. I'm just th. I with that? I goes, you've passed. Yeah, that's the one.

Good job I watch casualty. I just like the way, you know, the things that interest me, I remember. Things like snakes not having ears and stuff. I didn't have to read about that. No, you just looked at that. You saw on the tele. You. You. You. You. You. You saw. You saw. You. You saw. You. You saw. You saw. You. You. You saw. You. You saw. You. You saw. You. You saw. You saw. You. You saw. You saw. You saw. I. I. I watch. I watch. I watch. I watch. I watch. I watch. I watch. I watch. I watch. I watch. I watch. I watch. I watch. I watch. I watch. I watch. I watch. I watch. I watch. I watch. I watch. I watch. I watch. I watch. I watch. I watch. I watch. I watch. I watch. I watch. I watch. I watch. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I watch. I watch. I watch. I watch. I watch. I watch. I watch. I watch. I watch. I watch. I watch. I watch. I watch. I watch. I watch. I watch. I watch. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the the the the the the the the the the the the the what Carl said to me, he said, only you, no it's actually, I call Carl up in the week and Reese was with him, you know, Reese should be on X of him and he took the phone and he went, Carl's worried, I've seen that program, he said, snakes don't have ears, right? He said so you can creep up on them and pick them up. And he said, to my girlfriend and he said, how do you put a snake thxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be to to be to be to be their to be to be to be to be to be their to be to be to be their their their to be to be to be. He was, he was, he was, he was, and he was, and he was, and he was, and he was, and he was, and he their he the phone, and he the phone, and he the phone, he the phone, he the phone, he their he their he their he their he their he their he their he their he their he their he their he their he their he their he was, he was the. He was the. He was theat, he was theat, he was theat, he was theat, he was thee. He said, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, woke up the other night quite late. Worried about that. And I said to my girlfriend, I said, how do you put a snake down? She said, what you're talking about?

I said that Ian Wright thing, this guy managed to pick up a snake. And do you know that thing where they clamp its head on the jar? to get the poison out. I do know. Right? but they didn't show you how they got rid of it and I thought it could really get nasty because it's obviously annoyed that you've had its head press in the jar. Yeah, right? They hate that. Now, especially as it's the front of their mate. When you lift it off, right, you've got old of it, yeah. Yeah. If you go to chuck it down, it's going to turn on you never put it down, Carl. Yeah, that's why that bloat has got about 11 or 12, just carrying him.

Exactly. Yeah, you never put down. You sling it. Who cares? You just throw it, don't you really far? That's not, I don't think you should throw snakes. But Carl, listen, don't want to sort of tell you what it is yet. Because the song isn't that great. Oh good, it's not a song that, like that's like an

X-FM song but every time I hear it on say like magic or whatever. Yeah, I have an argument with Susan that you know what I think it's about and she says don't be stupid it's not about that and I say no it is and so we're gonna decide who's right well I don't know what song you're talking about and I don't know what the argument is but Suzanne's right definitely no doubt about it yeah well I listen but I'm open that once people sort of listen to it again with my thoughts every time well this song sums up what people should think of you is don't believe a word all all that that that that that that that that that that that that that th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the song the the the the tho the the the the the the song the song the song the song the song the song the song the song the song the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the song the song the song the song the the the song the song the the the song the the th is thus thus tho. tho. tho. tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. thooo. thee. I's tho. I tho. I sort of links I'm capable of if that was in the bag that's a Sony then are we doing your story with a song so what you are do yeah well well like last what was it the other week we did

a babushka yeah yeah and pinball you said if he's deaf don't know he's playing pinball which is a fair point don't don't put him money in it that's all I'm saying let him play pinball but don't waste 20p or whatever. Good point. This week right, you know I was saying... It is a good point actually. It is a good point. Again though it wasn't a documentary.

It's just, it's not, it didn't really happen. Well you know I was saying sometimes sometimes sometimes sometimes sometimes a song, I like a song to be obvious what it's saying. Pimball Wizard was a good tool. You need a song to be obvious. In the ghetto, you know, it's a kid growing up and all that, rough area, it's a kid growing up in New York, rough area, how you cope with it and that, right? But they've got to be as simple as that, otherwise I'm not that... I've got a brand new combine harbourster, yeah, it's about a machine, it's brand new. But even though it's new, he's willing to lend it out to other people? No, but what I mean is, if you start trying to be clever, yeah? Yeah. the story is the story, right? the story is th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's the story. It's the story. It's the story. It's th. It's the story. It's the story. It's the story. It's th. It's the story. It's the story. It's the story. It's the story. It's the story. It's the story. It's the story. It's the story. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's th. It's the th. It's br. It's br. It's br. It's brand. It's brand. It's brand. It's brand. It's brand. It's brand. It's br. It's br. It's br. It's br. It's br. It's br. It's br. It sure. Go on. We know what you mean. Go on. On primates, yeah. Well, this song here, right? It's not an ex-acom song, you'll probably hate the song, to be honest. Go on, what is it? What's the song? Yeah? It's wonderful. It's a sort of bluesy,

sort of ballad from Lake 70s, yeah, it's all right right but I'm always arguing with Suzanne because every time I hear I'm getting different pictures in the head yeah of like what's going on right okay I'm convinced it's about like this little cripple fella in a wheelchair right and he's knocking about with his wife and this is a cripple anymore do we see did we say cripple that since seven years I think this is a seven is when we stopped all right little just a little fellow in a wheelchair then. Okay. And the story is all sort of, you know, how he's being pushed about by his... Again, that's not literally. By his wife, she's wheeling him about? They go to a party,

everyone sort of looks at him. What makes you think that he's in a waaaaa?. the wa? the wi. the wi. the wi. the wi. the wi. the wi. the wi. the wi. the wi. the wi. the wi. the wi. their their the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. A little the. A little the. A little theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeellllll him. What makes you think, what makes you think that he's in a wheelchair? What's the clues? What's the words? There's loads of little things. It's like, uh, well like I say, something about his wife walking around with me and all that. Well, of course she's pushing him about. If someone said, oh, she was walking around, I thinks they're their, their, oh, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, tho, tho, tho, their, their, their, their, their, what, what, what, what, what, what, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, someone said, oh, she was walking around with you, I think they were both walking around. There's a few, there's a few, there must be another, there must be a reason why you suddenly thought that fella's in the wheelchair. Right, is it, me why not just walking around with me.

Do you, do you, do, do I, do, and I feel all right? And try and try and, to, do, do, do, do, do, do, the, the, the, the, the, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, must, there, must, there, must, there, there, must, there, there, there, there, must, there, there, there, there, there, is. Just listen, let me play, right? And try and picture the scene, right? But now I'm only thinking of a little fellow in a wheelchair. I'll have a listen to it. And you know, just everything that's being said, understand why I'm thinking what I'm thinking. No, never. Is that it?

But the thing is that's what I'm picturing. But that doesn't mean it happened. You picture people that are half-man, half-moth. It doesn't mean it's possible. Do you know what I mean, Carl? What you think is usually not true. Suzanne is totally right. There is no reason I have never, ever thought that Eric Clapton was singing about a little fellow in a wheelchair and the one clue in that those two isn't it? Are you all right? Let me say that little cripple. Right and I'll give her the car keys. Why why she driving you got any legs? Pushing them around and that? No no no it doesn't.

So we'll do one more next week then. Okay. I'm just finding more and more things are annoying me. Really? Like even, like how about Sony's night's's's's night's night's's night's's's's's's's's night's ths night's ths night's ths night's ths night's ths night's th's th's th's th's th's th's th's thing's thing's that's thing's thing's thing that's thing thin? that's that's th. I's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. I? I? I? I? I? I? I'll that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the that's the the the the the the th. I'll their? I'll their their their their their th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll that's that's that's that's that's that's Really? Like even, like at that Sony's night, right? You've got a lot of respectable people going to that thing, you know, people who are high up at the BBC and that. And just the way, you know, it's a posh night, there's people there with dinner jackets on and stuff. And then I went to the toilet for a wee. Old fella in there. I thought he looks, he looks like he's been in the, you know, the radio game for years, probably done loads of award-winning Sony stuff. You know, all the BBC documentaries are doing in depth stuff and I thought, you know, I wonder if I'll be like him when I'm older, I'm wondering if I'm as good as him, thinking all that. He's having a wee in the next, he in the next I know. Yeah. He's just farts. Old fella in a dinner jacket probably hired and I thought he's not in the shot. They try to, they think, well I better do it in here. And it's sort of like a trumpet and

everyone just goes, yeah, that's fine, what's it like, yeah, I know what you mean? Is it just the arrogance of doing it? It's th- it, like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's tho, it's thin, it, it's tho, it's just, it's just, thi, thi, thi, thi, their, their, their, their, their, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, their, it, it, it, their their their their, it, it, it, it, their, their, their, thi, thi, thi, thi. It's just, thi. It's just, thi. It's just, thi. It's just, thi. It's just, thi. It's just, their, their, their,. Is it, he's just the arrogance of doing it? He just did it. It was, it sounded like a lost whale. No. And he didn't sort of go and try and clinch it. It went, he carried on. And then he went, oh, that was a good one. Really? Old fella, must have been about 70. Oh dear. Well, better out than in. Yeah. But it's not that I wasn't, I wasn't, I wasn't, I wasn't, I wasn't, I wasn't, I wasn't, I wasn't, I wasn't, I wasn't, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, that, that, that, that, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, that, like, like, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, like, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, I was, I was, I was, I was, that, I was a that, I was a that, I was, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's. But it's not that I wasn't I wasn't brought up like that you see? Right. Because I did it I mean I never really did it that much as a kid. Sure. And then I was at my mom and dad. You never try. You never did it that much as a kid. Yeah. Okay. Not not just like you know as a joke and we're taping this for next year Sony Ward. We're we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we are we're we we are we're we're we're we're we're th we're th we're th th th th th that that that that's that's that's that's that's th. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. I that's. I that's. I that's. I that's. I that's. I that's. I that's. I that's. I that's. I that's. I that's. I that's that's th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. We are taping this for next year's Sonya Ward aren't we? We're taping this what we're talking about now aren't we? To hand it in, because this is, go on. But I was at my mom and dad's right? And Suzanne was sat on the floor in front of me and she was like, oh, I'll rubbed my neck, it's hurting. So I thought, oh, and I hate that. So I thought the only way to shift her I'll let one go right so I did. I love that. It's such a loving relationship. I love that that's great!

Like doing the washing up badly. She won't ask me again. What have you done? I've smashed the cups up and I've written written in excrement across the wall. Well that's no good, isn't it? Well I won't do it again then. I'll do it. I'll the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. that. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's doing it's doing that's doing that's doing that's doing that's doing that's. Well. Well, that's. Well, that's. Well, that's. Well, that's. Well, that's. Well, that's. Well, that's. Well, that's. Well, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. that's great. that's great. that's great. that's great. that's that's great. that's that's great. that's that's great. I'll that's that's that's great. I'll that's that's that's great. I'm now the cat to the fridge. What's up with that? Go on. Yeah, so I did that and it works. She's like I got off and said oh my dad said what you do that for? What was he thinking? So I said oh I hate rubbing a neck does me I didn't. So he says you know I've never trumped in front of your mother for 40 years. Sorry where was this? Chiggly? Why is this family talking like this? Young Carl, I've never trumped in front of your mother into 35 years. Why, why, what, I don't know what... No, it's just that he said, you know, we've done a lot of things in the family. Hold on, what, what does he say that for? What is never, he's never trumped in front of your mother. He just offered that information up.

Well, he just was surprised that I did it. He said, wherever you got that from. Whoa, you're lowering testines I thought. What do you have to imagine? Imagine there's a class of farting. Oh, we haven't told our kids about it. He doesn't do it. No, I know, but there, but there, but there, but there, but there, but there, but there, but there, but there, but there's, but there's, but there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's, there's. their. there's their. there's. there's. their. their. tho. their. thi. thi. thi. thi. that. that. that. that. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I's just. thi. th th th th th th th th th th that's just just. that's just. that's just. that's just. We haven't. No, we don't do it in front of it. You have to learn it, do you? No, I know, but there's a place, that's what I was always told.

Go on. There's a place for that. Cornwall. So, and my mom, you know, it's the same, she doesn't do it. thrown out for a walk. do what you got to do. She makes sure like, she'll sort of say things like, are you going out for a walk? Are you going out for a walk? Does she think, does she know that you're broad-assing this? Well, yeah. He's probably around at the neighbours now listening. Yeah. Any of you going out for a walk? Yeah, she's out of the door. So she kind of, she waits until everyone's left or...

She doesn't like the thought that everyone... Do you know like cats don't like, you're staring at them when they're doing it? I've never stared at a cat, what do you have ever had a pet cat? What do you, go on? No, it's just that cats, you know, if you get in a little litter tray. I remember, ld like now when it does use it don't sort of go and look at it put he puts it off I was the same as a kid I didn't know when I had a nap they. No no when I was a kid I was in a nappy right I used to always like there was a corner in the kitchen I'd always go to and everyone would when you go to the toilet because they had I they had I they had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had they had they had the they had the they had the the the they had the the they had the the they had the the the the the the the the they had had had had had had had a the the the the the the their their their tho. I tho. I their their their their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they th th th th th th th the the the toye toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy th th th the th the th th th go to and everyone would be like... Why don't you go to the toilet? Because I had a napy on.

Oh yeah, how old are you? Four-three or something. Right. And I used to always go to this corner and everyone, everyone said, right, everyone said, right, don't watch, don't stay right in. The thing is, I there. Would you, okay, would you put a napy on for 50 quid? Now? Yeah, just, I've just been just sitting, just do your work, right? Well anyway, anyway, anyway, so I'm not getting, I'm not getting it, I'm not doing that, right? So, yeah, your mom's like that, and something else she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she, she, she, she's, she's, she's, she's, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, yeah, don't look at Mrs P, she's just in the corner of our kitchen, don't just look

where, what's she doing? Just, she's just doing her business. She's there she is squatting, are you going for a walk? Sorry you were saying, another trick I've learned from her, right? If you're using say a friend's tolder to us, the the to use, to use, to use, to their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, to to to to to to to to to to to to just just just just just just just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just, to, their, their, their, their, their, their, to to to to to to their, to to to to to to, to, to, to, to, to, to, their, to, their, don't want to leave your mark. Just use... Go down the toilet and flush it. Use a tecke a box of matches with you. Yes. Say, Farton Gurs. First week, don't find the place down, have a wonderful crap and just leave when the fire brigade get there. I don't want to lose complete sight of those. I know, I'll maybe ask you a couple of those in the week just to say you keep your mind on it. But Hitler, what have you learned?

Tell us the story. What have you learned? Do you want to ask some questions? No, not really. Just sum it up in a minute. I can't do it was a young lad. He, uh... Brilliant. What in his early life? Okay. What's the name? His, his, um, his ma'am was his dad's second cousin, which is a bit weird.

Yeah, that is weird. Um, they had five kids. He's going, yeah, it's usually first cousin where I come from. Oh, that is weird. They had five kids. He's going, yeah, it's usually first cousin where I'd come from. Oh, that's unfair, isn't it? There's no need for that. There was five kids, but only two of them, including Itler, including him and his sister survived, the others died at an early age. All right. Anyway, so, they grew up and the ma'am died and the dad died and that. And he thought, oh, what what, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, what, what, oh, what, what, what, what, what, what, what that, what, what that, what that, what that, oh, what, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, that, that's that, that's that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's that, that's that, that, that, that, that, that, that's that's that's that's th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, that's th. Oh, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. died and the dad died and that and he thought, what am I going to do? Because he didn't do well at school, didn't have many qualifications. No. He liked art. Did you have a GCS in history?

Like art, right? And then, so he said, right, I'm going to go to Munich. I missed a bit out actually. Jewish people were in Austria, he didn't really like them. Okay. He thought they got, you know, special treatments and stuff and just didn't like them. So he went to Munich and he joined the army. Right? Yeah? Yeah. And he was in the army and he got injured. So he went to hospital. And whilst he was in the army and he got injured. So he went to hospital and whilst he was in hospital, the World War I ended and he was like, oh God, I want to go in that. I was trying that. Yeah, so don't, because you're breaking the concentration.

Yeah, sorry. I'm not even sure I want to join in on this one just in case. Right, go on. So, he was in hospital.. He gets a bit better. He's never that fit though, he's one of these blokes, he was always ill. Uh, that was on something like 30 tablets a day or something. It comes out of there, uh, join some other army. Um, God, you know, I knew it running to ground.

I just see his face going on the fact, am I? And joined another army and he was... So let's try to help you. Here's a good bit. I remember this bit. He thought that war to men, right, was like childbirth is to women. That's how important he thought he was. All right. So it's like, you know, you fight for nine months and at the end of it you own something, right? Yeah. So, um, it goes on and all that. He's in Berlin, yeah. And he's, you know, he's fighting his way through like, you know, try to take all the countries and that. And he does say, does he do, does, does, does, does, does, does, does, does, does, does, does, does, does, does, does, does, does, does, does, does, does, does, does, does, does, does, does, does, does, does, does, does, does, does, does, does, does, does, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, um, um, um, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. You, um, um, um, th. You, th. You, th. You, th. You, th. You, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the, the, the, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, know try to take all the countries and that and he does say does he do Berlin? Is he is he is he a is he chancellor yet?

What year is it? Let's skip the kind of climb to power then he's now he's now the dictator of Germany. Right it's in charge yeah and this is when you know he gets his own back on the Jewish people and that and he's he's got his own little armies and he's setting fire to Jewish businesses and and all this and anyway cut a long story short he uh please do he yeah when he came to like fighting Britain yeah came a bit sort of unstuck. Yeah. Right? Not so easy is it this world domination, Adolf?

Britain was there, France was helping out. Yeah. Americans were helping out. So he thought, oh God. It's a bit late, but yeah, go. He goes into a bunker in Berlin. Yeah. And it's all kicking off.

And apparently, like, Germany sort of surrenders. Yeah. So it's all over, forget it, we can't beat you. He was really annoyed with this and he thought, oh I can't show me face around here. So he, because it would be embarrassing. He's with his mrs who nobody knew was his wife, right? Eva in this bunker. And so he said, I've had enough of this. He shoots himself, yeah. She poisons herself and the chauffeur buries him or something or burns them. Right. And in all the time he was in charge, 50 million people died.

So that's 1918 to 1945. Yeah. It felt like that. Between Travis and the red-hot chili peppers. Next week, that's fantastic. That's remarkable. I have to say that you should have lost your grass somewhere along the line because you started off confidently but... I've had a really busy and last night I was like whizzing through it. And then this morning I woke up and you know Suzanne had been away for about three days right. I hardly spoke to us she's been busy I've been busy first thing to say when I wake up oh just ask me some stuff on it there you are romantic

that's great that's how stressful it's getting but I knew it all this morning no but that's fine I think you've summed up that you know you've done right it's time for the the newest quiz in town. This is where Carl inserts himself into a seminal film. Last week, he was the little kid in Sixth Sense. You remember to a great acclaim, the critics loved it, they said a triumph. This week, he's fiddled with the graduate. This is the scene where of course he goes upstairs

to the hotel room and he's on the cards. She's a dead set Mrs Robinson. Well here you go then. So are you ready for it? And uh, brought some condoms from home that, uh, Suzanne got for Christmas. What? Will you bring me a hanger? A what? A hanger. Puh. Tell you what, I've got wood. What? Just saying I've got wood. I've got metal ones as well.

What sort do you want? Either one will be fine. All right. There you go. Are you afraid of me? No, I've seen weirder things than you. Have you ever told you about the two lads I went to school with who had big heads? Web fingers as well, but not related and weren't mates, but both of the same thing which is a bit weird. Yeah, I've never found out what was wrong with them.

Can I ask you a personal question? As long as it's not about my head being round, because Rick is always going on about that. It's saying I've got a round ed. Well, you can admit that, can't you? No, it's, I'd say it's a normal sort of shape. It's saying I've got a round Ed. Well you can admit that, can't you? No, it's, I'd say it's a normal sort of shape. It's just round. It is, isn't it? Yeah, but what, what do you mean? So it's yours. Ed should be rare. It's nothing to be ashamed, I'm not ashamed. It's just a normal shape. Mm-hmm. And you can talk, look at your saggy that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, that that, thi thi's that that, that, that, it's th th that, it's thi, it's thi, it's thi, it's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's thi. It's thi. It's just that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th arse. Anyway, hit your nippers off. Hello, darkness, my old friend.

I've come to show. Oh, that was a joy. Oh, dear. And why didn't you sleep last night? I'm just, I haven't slept well for, since I was about 12. Ha ha ha ha ha! Do you sleep well? Wait, wait, wait, you can't let go. I haven't slept well since I was 12.

What do you mean? Do you know, like a proper... I used to love going out of bed as like a kid. Whereas now it's like, oh, am I going to sleep tonight? I sort of wake up about four times. Whereas when you're a kid, I remember really loving, like going out of bed. There was one time where I actually laughed myself to sleep because I couldn't believe me look.

Is that so wrong with him? What do you think you laugh? I've never had it when you're really tired and you're getting in bed in the pillars. Yeah it's still cold and it's like I can't believe this. Yeah. And it happened twice once when I just went to bed and I was really looking forward to it and also when I helped my dad out once like through the night he worked at like at this paper company right and I helped him out and I got in about four in the morning with him got in bed and I just was like I was like I was to the the th a a a th a th a th a th a th. th. th. th in th. th. I was th th th th in th th. I was th th th th. I was th. I was to to th. I was to th. I was th. I was thin th thin at thin' th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. th th th th. th th. th th. th th th. th. th th th th th. th. th. th th. I th. I th th th th th. th th th th th th th in th in th in thin thin te thin te ti thi thi thi thi to thi to thi to thi thi to thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the thi laughing my head off I had to put the pillar over my head because I couldn't believe me look at like I was like oh this is great this I'm going to sleep. I just have to say life up north is so extraordinary. No that but you must be the easiest kid in the world to please no wonder she knew she

she could just go get a cake it so like what was he expected we were expecting he were expecting an extra hour in to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the to the to to the the to the to the to the the the to to to their to? He were expecting an extra hour in bed, but we got in Kirk as well. I love that. Any supper? Brilliant. Brilliant. Yeah. How long is it before you got your... What did you used to do before? Just some straw in the corner? No, it's just that thing of when you're really tired and... Do you ever do this with Suzanne there? Do you ever laugh yourself to sleep with her? No, that's what I mean. She can't sleep because you're chuckling away. I'm just, I don't know what's up with me. I've got a lot going on. What, what do you mean you've got a lot going on? I don't know. I was talking to the security bloc before saying, do you sleep? Have you got much going on in your head and stuff and I don It's interesting that your lack of sleep coincides

with the diaries and the writing of the bread and potato story every day. I don't know if once you had that responsibility. Why don't you every night go to Huffa's get some bread and you don't have to eat them, then go to bed and I think you'll be chuckling yourself to sleep in no time. The reason I did this was to get that kitchen, right? Now, as we speak now, right, builders in the flat, he's been annoying me. Of course he has. What's he been doing? When he turned up on a Monday, right? Wonders in in and the first thing he says to me is, he said, the pub across the road, is it any good? I said, well, it doesn't matter, does it, you're all working on the kitchen.

Think of saying that to a builder. Probably making conversation, probably meant, do they do a toast to a toasted sandwich? Because I said to him. now I like Carl Bilkington so I'll pop with them get a nice you know cheese and tomato sound which is like a Chris? So you said what you said to me saying why have you said that he hasn't even started on it yet? I cannot believe that. You're unbelievable Carl. And you say it's us that a rude curse for this? I wasn't be rude. I just was letting him know. I just was letting him know. I just was letting him know what he he was he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he was he he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was hecket, do the kitchen this week. He didn't come then go, what the, why do they come out for? Was it to go to the pub for a week? Why are we wearing these overalls?

Yeah. Who's the little bald man-twitwit insulting me? Let me just check, let me call head office. I wasn't having to listening to the radio, this I assume tuned to XFM isn't it, in your kitchen? Yeah, but they don't know it's me, do they? You know what I mean? No, they'd go, he's got a whiny manned voice as well. So is the bloke who owns this place.

And the bloke owns this place, when I said, what's the, what, what, what, what, what, like across the road said well you won't be bothering that? He's working nice. No, he won't be able to put two in together with he. He's suddenly, the pen is dropped, doesn't it? You've suddenly realized, look at his face! He's suddenly realized they might know it's him! And they could be listening, and they're gonna clean you out mate. Oh, if you are the builder working in there, where? I, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, the, the, the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the pen, the pen, their, their, their, their, the pen, the pen, the pen, the pen, the pen, the pen, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, the the the the the the th. He, th is, th is, th is, th is, th is, th is suddenly, thin, the pen, thin, the pen, the pen is suddenly, then, then, thin, then, thean, thean, thean, thean, thi. the. Offi opposite that pub that you like, that you're... They'll probably be in there now, so he won't be listening. Or insulting a British workman. So just go mental. He should have been at 8 this morning. Which I know me anyway. Why I don't, I really don't understand why they've got to start so early, right? But he he said he'd be there for 8, 2. 2.5. to to to to be to be to be a a 2. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the they. th. th. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. th. the he had a paper under his arm, one of those crossword books and put noodle. Now I'm not being funny but most of them took quite a bit of time. A crossword book

he's not happy with just the one that's in the paper. If you're listening, if you are the builder that's listening now doing Carl's flat, what about pissing in the laundry basket? You've realised now that the builder could well be listening knowing exactly who you're talking about? You can, there's a chance of it, you know what I mean? Yeah. I didn't think about it, you know, I didn't think about it, you know, was probably,

was tuned on to that. I think he did flick it on, thinking about it it, thinking back, if so, you know, he's probably, he's probably listening now. No, he probably isn't. You probably listen to about half hour and if he's got any sense he turned it to heart or virgin or magic or something, but you know, there is a chance. Good advice to the list, yes. Yeah. If you've got to, if you're any sense, if you've finished a crossword puzzle. I th, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi's probably, thi's probably thi's probably thi's probably thi's probably thi's probably thi, you're probably probably probably thi, you're probably probably probably, thi's probably probably, thi, thi. thi, thi, thi. thi, thi, thi. thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi's probably thi's probably thi's probably isn't thin, thin, thr, thrown it's probably isn't throwne isn't throwne isn't throwne isn't throooooooooooooooooly thr-a, there's a 5% chance of him listening to it. So, you know, if we want to be accurate, although he's in a house with it tuned to that, so I think it puts him right up to 50% straight away. But then again, Ricky's got a job of work. So why would he be listening to this show? Well, he's yeah go on no I'm just saying they they do annoy me the way they do you up at eight and then well that's when

they start work because I told you I mean oh we leave that one then yeah no but it's like the other day when when they came in I always like to test them do I mean when I had some work done on the last flat that was in that the builders were builders the builders the builders the builders the builders the builders the builders the builders the builders the builders the builders the builders the builders the builders the builders the builders the builders the builders the builders were the building the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they I was they. they. they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they I'm they I'm they I their I their I their I their I their I their I their I their I their I their I I I I I I their I I their I was I was I was I was I was I was in I was in I was in I was in I was in I was in they I'm they. they. they. they. th they. too they. thoo they. they're they. they're they're they're they. they're they're they're they'rethat was renting the builders were in the shower out and that they woke me up about half past seven yeah right were you in the shower no good thing about cleaning this shower there's never any hair down the plug-on yeah right so I left a flat and they left a flat and they were so out to come to work right sure and I thought I wonder what they're doing they have started so I walked back to go back in their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their they their their their they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they their their their their their their their th I th I th I the the the the theei thei thei theeei theei thoooooooooo they're they're they're they're they're they're started. So I walked back to go back in. They'd left the flat and they was outside having a Starbucks. And it just annoys me that they couldn't do that first. Do you know what I mean? Have your breakfast first then come and wake me up. But don't wait me up. So then get me out of the flat and then say, right, let's probably got to get in, haven't their breakfast? What for? They can't they? They can? They can? They can? They can? They can? They can? They can? They can? They can? They can? They can? They can? They can? They can? They can? They can? They can? They can? They can? They can? They can? They can? They can? They can? They can? They can? They can? They can? They can? They can? They can? They can? They can? They can put? They can? They can? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They? They can? They can? They can? They can? they? they can they can they can put? they can put? they can they can they can they can they can they can they can they can they can they can they can they can they can put? they can put?. Now the thing is the guy today is doing the tylin, that's narrowed it down a bit more, right?

When I knew he was in there, I went out for a bit, I had a cup of tea and a bacon buttee, right, at a cafe and I went back and I was really quiet and I put the key in the door and opened it really quick to the to to the to the to the to the to the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the the th. I. I, th. I, th. I, th. I was, th. I was th. I was that, they, that, that, I was th. I was th. I was they, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was the the the tap, I was tap, I was tap, tap, tape, they. He was tape, tape, tape, tape, tape, tape, tape, tape, tape, tape, tape, tape, today, the door and opened it really quick to see what he'd be doing and he had actually side work so fair play to him. What if he had just been exfoliating himself naked on the kitchen floor? Yeah. I'd say like it caught you. Don't use my ex- I'm not saying. If you're listening to go through the wardrobe, get some stuff yeah. They won't get anything. I've put everything in places where they wouldn't think are looking. So you're the the they. If if if if if if if they. If they. If they're they. If they're they're they're they're they're they. If they're they're their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to go. Goa. Goa. Goa. Goa. Goa. Goa. Goa. Goa. Goa. Goa. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go to. Go to. It's. It's. It's to. It's to. It's to to to to to to the the the the The jewelry and stuff. So you're thinking that they're... Where do you put the jewelry? Where do you put the jewelry? Go on. So you're thinking that they're going to thieve from you as well? Okay, so if you're listening, don't we have to think about the obvious places

when you're looking for the jewelry. No. But. to.... to.... to.... to.... to.... to.... to in the salt cellar or something. Just do so much. I take the toothbrushes in the bathroom, just put them in the toilet, flush it and then take them back again, just put them back in there. Leave them nothing, leave them out. When they were coming last week I brought the biscuits to work. Suzanne was like, packet of good quality cookies. Good quality cookies! Yeah, you thought on me down if there are anything. But that's what Suzanne always says, don't know, you know, why you like this. Because, you know, it's not as if you've been sort of harmed as a kid or anything. But I like the fact that you once said to us that you don't need friends, you don't like friends because they're a pain't thapapap call you up and they want to be with you. Yeah but mates are a hassle. I woke up today

right and I think it was on, might have been on five live or something this morning in the bedroom right and they were talking about oh it's Nelson Mandela's birthday 80 odd 20,000 people I thought I'm glad I'm glad I'm not in I couldn't be doing with that. 20,000 people. Think of the carpet afterwards. I mean a good percentage of him were putting out Fagbuts on his carpet. After Tommy Walsh and Charlie Dimmer, what's her name, did lovely, lovely patio and a water feature, he's going to come back and he's going to go off, it's ruined. And what's he doing for his birthday? Chariooke? Chinese meal, a bit of karaoke? I wonder what Nelson Man done his birthday party is like? Big cake? A big cake? Yeah, there's a fire in it.

There's a fire when it's jumping out. Yeah, it's first girl isn't it? Well everyone, we are the only three people that hasn't met him. I thought that everyone's been in the cake. Yeah, just in case you never know. If Winnie calls I'm not? the the their th. No, no, no, no, no, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. their thi. thi. thi. thi. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's thi. I's their, I'm their thoom. I's thoom' th. I's th. I's tho. I'll tho. I'll their tho. I'll tho. I'll their their their, I's their thi. I's their th. I's thi. I's their. I's their. I's their. I's their. I's their. I's their. I'll their. I'm their. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo' th. I'm th. And if Winnie calls I'm not here. Have you not invited her? No, of course I... No, definitely not. Poor Nelson. Happy birthday. How old is he? 85. Oh, well done.

No, God bless him. Imagine, oh, God. Just imagine if he was in charge, we did put him in charge of the country. Wouldn't it be amazing. Let him run the country? Just for a week. Or the mayor, what would you do if you were the president or the Lord Mayor of London or the Prime Minister? I wouldn't do it like he's going to be off on it! It's a hypothetical question Carl. No but Suzanne was, all right, make me Mrs. If you're a new keeper. She was watching the news, She was watching the news trying to follow some heavy stuff. And I'm like, oh, I'm like, oh, I just was like bored and I was reading about that mouse

that had an ear on its back and stuff. So she said, well you take notice of this. She'd be, you know, you know what Ricky and Steve are like, you know, they'd try to teach your stuff and you don't even want to learn. So to try and get me interested in it. She was like saying what would you do if you're present and stuff. And I can't be doing with any of it. What did you come up with? What would you come up with? What did you come up with anything? I had a little, um, the design of it, right? I said I'd have like red and blue, sort of, what I mean? Both sort of major sides into one. Yeah, well that's broken the back of it. That's a pretty good manifesto so far. Anything else? What's on the second page? I had like a KP looks after me? That would be the badges would it? Yeah. That's good I'm a KP nut.

Yeah. That's good. I'm a KP looks after me. Yeah, brilliant. That's about as far as I went with it. What would you do, what about, you know, policies, transport, crime, you know, just law and order. Yeah, how would you what would you do with crime? What would your initial approach be? Would you introduce guns? Should police carry guns? No. No. No. no. Would I have to worry about that? Okay. No, good point. What I'm saying is that, I mean Tony Blair isn't sorting everything out, is he? No, but he has a say in most things. Does he? Well, go on, then what are the problems at the moment? I need sorting out? Well, generally, how would you, how would you, what's the best way to combat up the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the? Is the moment. I need sorting out. Generally, how would you, how would, what's the best way to combat? Would you, would you bolster up the prison system?

Would you introduce more community service? Would you put more bodies on the week? Would you go harsher for say, for say, I don't know, drugs, would you go harsher or or less harsh? There's pros and consthrough the court system and cost taxpayers thousands of pounds of money for someone I don't know the difference between smoking a split and dealing crack. Do you know what I mean? Do you know what I mean? Yeah I just think about it for a bit.

Do you know what I mean? Brilliant. Brilliant. Probably asked Suzanne. This is amazing. Get air up on it. Yeah. What about the foreign situation? Would you have supported Bush in his war on against terrorism? Um, you're aware of this war that we had recently? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean if I was new, though, couldn't I just say, look, new slate. Do you know what I mean? Let's start again. Yeah, of course you you can I'm in charge now let's you know let's see if we can tot this out what would you do then then see what happens brilliant suck it in see brilliant brilliant yeah this is this is not really your jurisdiction this is not really your area but you imagine you'd have some powerful friends you might have a say it go on yeah would you what would you do Would you do about single sex marriages? Same sex marriages. See this got this camera and I thought Cameron

had blown it on Big Brother because they said you know what do you think about a gay fellow is getting married and he went I know in the Bible it says you know a man and I thought oh he's put off a lot of I don't mean you think many the g g g g a the g a the g a the guy guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys their their their their their their their their their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. they're. put off a lot of I don't mean to think many Christians tune into Big Brother but we know the guys love it they love big brother don't they the guys yeah so interesting but so what would your take me on that same-sex marriages and then what having a kid well just start off with you know that's a you know I mean just let them get on with it it's not affecting the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. th. th. It's not thi. It's not thi. thi. It's not thi. thi. It's not thi's not thi. It's to to start to start to thi. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's their. their. their. their their their their their their their their their their their their their thi. I's try. I's try. I's not te. I's te. I'm te. te. te. te. te. te. te. they're they're do you know I mean just let me get on with it it's not affecting anyone else sure yeah right but he starts getting tricky right when you get a kid okay go on why well it's it's just tricky in it do you know well yeah you could be right I'm not giving any I mean you know we're not there's no right or right if you were in like if you lived in the the jungle right if you're the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the there there there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the there's the there's there's the in the jungle, right, with no one else, right, and you just had these two fellas, right, looking after you, but because you've got no one else looking in on that

saying, oh you're a bit weird, aren't you? Do you know what I mean? But as soon as you come to... So do you think the gay people turn to a bloke because they couldn't get a woman? Um... If you live, if there's th, if the the the the the the the, if the, if the, the, the, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, they, why, they, why, why, why, they, they, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, they're, they, they're, they're they're they're they're they're, they're, they, they, they, they're, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, th. th. that, that, that, that, they're, that, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, get a woman? If you'd live, if there's two fellas go away and they're in the jungle they go we're definitely not going to find a woman here we might as well bum. That's not our homosexuality start. People don't... It makes you wonder. No no no, no it doesn't make you wonder. Guys don't go well I'll say what I haven't seen right if you're brought up in like a little jungle right? Yeah how he brought up? Someone just puts you there?

I don't know what I don't know what this is not. I can't be bothered I'm fine but I can't be bothered running the country like I'm too much trouble for you! KP takes care of me. Right okay what I'm saying is right if you're brought up in a jungle right right? What what what you how how you how how you how you how how how how you what what what what what what what you are you are you are you are you are you? How what what what you? How the their you? How their you? How that? How that? How that? How that? How that? How th? How th? How th th th th th th their th. How th. How th th th th. How th. How th. How th. How th. How th. How th. How th. How their th. How th. How th. How th. How th? How th? How th? How th? How th? How th? How th? How th? How the the the the their? How? How their their their th? How th. How th. How their th. How th. How are you're you're their you're th. How are you're you're their you're the are you're their you're their you're the are their you're thoooo. How are you're their their their th. How of me. Alright, fair enough, what I'm saying is, right, if you're brought up in a jungle, right? Right. What do you mean brought up? Just let him finish. You understand what I'm saying to you? Right, what I'm saying is, it's a fella, right?

You've got to tell me what you mean, thrown up in the jungle. Shut up, just let him finish. Right, well there's a good example of what I'm saying to you. Right. What I'm saying is, is a fella, right? He's brought up in the jungle. Shut up, just let him finish. Let him finish. There's no women about, he doesn't know about women, he doesn't understand what women are. Right? But another fellow walks in the scene.

Yeah. And he gets Palli with him with him. about then they've both got needs. This scenario is ridiculous. How has he lived? Or do you know what his reference points? I can't be bothered with this. Honestly Saturday should be you know day off and that not really about problems. So that's it well maybe I'll tell you what a good idea Carl just beg just to ask for get asked for other things what do you you want? What do you want for Christmas? You must have a big fan bags that they're willing to make you things. Maybe like a little, I don't know, gloves, a pair of gloves. She's a little whey hat.

See what I want? Is the suiceasing for Suzanne, that be handy? Oh yeah. It Suzanne listening today? No, she's out. Right, okay, this is the dilemma. Me and Steve yesterday were trying to convince Carl that it would be a good idea to buy Susanna a Christmas present. Okay. Now, why aren't you going to buy a Christmas present? Explain Carl, why you don't think you should buy a Christmas present? No, I've told her I'll get a tho'one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one thi one thi one thi one thi one thi one thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes to to thi thi to to thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. yes thi. yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. I to thi. S to thi. S point taking stuff away. Going to Lanzarote next week. Just get her something in the sales after Christmas for the... Yeah. Right. And we and Steve were trying to explain to Carl that she

would love it if you bought her something on Christmas Day. Yeah but she knows now. But yeah, I've told her. I've told her. thi-Itell you, right, this dear listener, this was Carl's worry. I said, I bet she's got you something. And Carl was worried in case he got her something and she hadn't got him something. Yeah, he'd be livid. He didn't want to be down. He didn't want to be a present down. Yeah. Look at his face.

So buy a nice, just Don't spend just spend under quid, you know, just a little token. We're going away. We're going away on holiday. You're not taking her away, oldie. What, what, you're paying for it, are you? Are you really? Well, half and half and that. Right. So you're paying for you to go on holiday? That's good of you. So's done all right! Why did you talk about your 60 years old? And you've been working on the minds? She's done all right. Do you go into her say Suzanne, you're bloody lucky? I mean, you've fallen on your feet. Look who you've got, what? I'm not sure she has done all right. I don't want to be critical, but oh dear.

So what are you going to get in the sales? What are you going to get there? It depends. I'm thinking, I mean, I'll give her the choice you can have Kingsley and all Bob Marley. Right? I like early side there. Oh dear. I can't wait to see you.

Where are you going Lanzar? Where's that? I the the the the the the the th, I, I, I, th, I, I, I, th, I, I, th, I, I, I, th, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I'm, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I. I, I. I. I. I. I. I. I, I, I. I. I. I. I. I, I. I. I, I. I, I. I, I. I. I, I, I, I, I, I. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I, Suzanne sorted it. I said, I said, I said, uh, I said, uh, I said, uh, uh, I said, is that, uh, Africa or is it? It's a pain or fortuad, just talking with Dunar, what's the currency went? Dunow, I said, Suzanne booked, did she? Yeah. African or foreign somewhere foreign. I was looking last night and doesn't look that good. There was like one of the highlights of the things it says

you've got to do is go and have, apparently they've got restaurants in caves and that's like one of the things to say you must do so if that's a highlight so I'll do that so we'll do that and see what that's like. Yeah. When you're on the beach car do you wear the very very tight speedos? No. Do you walk over? What's it? What do you wear? A sort of longest shorts, t-shirt on probably with a sort of a light shirt on top of that? Right, sure. So quite quite wrapped up that? Do you wear a hat because obviously the bold head there is a risk of sunburning? No the the the th th th the th th. th. th th th th th. th. th. th thoing thoing thoing thoing tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho to tho to thoom. Doe. Doe. Doe. Do tho-up. Do you're tho-up. Do you're tho-up. Do tho-up. Doe. Do tho-up. Doe. Doe. Do tho. Doe. Doe. Doe. Doe. Doe. Doe. Doe. Doe. Doe. Doe. Doe. Doe. Doe. Doe. Doe. Doe. Doe. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do the. Do the. Do the. Do the. Do the. Do the. Do the. the. thease thease thease thease thease thease thease thease theatease theatease thea. Doe. No, I just put a bit of a lotion on it. Lotion on there. Yeah. Just have a bit of a wander, wander down the beach, have a look. Yeah. See if there's any old blokes with their tackle out and a backpack? I looked a lot forward to, so there you go. Yeah. Well, we're looking forward to find out how gives you on Christmas Day. More scintillating chat after this next song.

A bit of placebo. Yeah, love it, love it. Special nilets. I had three holidays Carl's had this year, last year. Yeah, I'd love to have three holidays. You've got to start putting the work in there. I had three holidays. No, you had three holidays. You went away with, thoahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah. You went away with, their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. tho. th. tho. tho. tho. tho. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I. th. I. I. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. I love. I love. I love. I love.'t count. If you book, if you book two weeks off the firm, you go away and you go,

how was your holi-go why I didn't really count it wasn't a really good holiday? Can I have them days back please? Yeah, oh, my new year's resolution is to be nicer to you. But talk sense. No, but talk sense. You've had three hundred and I'm in the working to reap the benefits in your 40s 50s 60s 70s 8 is 90s and 100. Carl what's your new year resolution? What about think before you speak? See I'm allowed to laugh at things other people say Carl that one that is a good suggestion how how would your holiday Carl? It was alright right right but that I don't see on the kind of on the

on the ratio of good to bad in Carl's mind that might be amazing because we never might be amazing might it I'll tell you what can we have you know a cracking little tune and then come back and hear about Carl's Hollow. You went to Lanza, Arey, people said don't go to Lancerati, they told you it was Lanza Grotti, they told you were right or right? They were right, yeah. Really? Yeah, it's a bit ropey, yeah. Is it why? Just, uh, out there. If it wasn't for the volcano the ad, if it was they they they they they they they the they they they they they they they they they thu. If it was thu- thu- thu- thu- thu- thu- thu- thu- thu- thu- thu- they were they were thu- thatto- thu tho-a th th th th th th th th th th th th th they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th th. th th th. th. thi thi. thi. the. the. to to to told told told told told told told told told told told told told told to told to to the the the for the volcano the ad, they'd been acred. That's their big draw, is it? That's it basically, that's all they've got going for them.

When you landed, was it really hot? Did you initially, were you quite excited you were thinking this is okay? It was warm, you know, we can't complain about the weather, the weather was all today. I mean that's what I went for but it'd be nice if it just was something else. Yeah. What did you do all day then? Did you read your original book? Uh, no, I didn't read that. I read that. I read that.

I read that. I read that. Oh yeah. But I bought a better version of that. And I read that. Excellent. Do it make more sense in order? Yeah, a lot easy to follow. And then we went and had a look at the volcanoes and that. They've got 36 of them to look at. How did you look at before you realise that you've, you know, pretty much you've seen one volcano,

you've seen them all? Probably about six or seven. Really? And then when you go to the eight you thought, now I know what this is going to be, like a mountain, the their, their, thua, thua, thua, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, th, th, th, th, th, their, thin, thin, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, their, their, their, their, their, th, thin, thin, thin, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thirty, thirty, thirty-a, thirty-a, thirty-a, thirty-a, thirty, thirty- know what this is going to be Suzanne this is going to be like a mountain with a hole in the top. Yeah. Really? But it happened years ago as well it's like just keep a couple fill the rest in, tidy it up. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Well, getting some builders? No seriously that are a death trap. Yeah, what do you mean fill them in? It's more a portal to the magma in the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. It's their their their their their their their their their their their. It's. It's just. It's just. It's just. It's just. It's just. It's just. It's just. It's just. It's just. It's just. It's just. It's just. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's just. It's just. It's a tape. It's a tape. It's like. It's like just just a their their their their their their their their their their their their their the Do you know what a volcano is? It's just a hole, isn't it? That's happened. Well, it's more a portal to the magma in the center of the earth. Back in 1730 it happened and they still haven't sorted it out. Well, when you say it happened, volcanoes were made a lot longer than 17K. But the one that did lands are rotting in. Right. Sort it out. What do you suggest? How can they fill it in? It's joined.

It's all joined. No, but what I'm saying is, it was a big plates of the earth are all joined. It was a disaster where it was. With the Trade Center thing, that happened. They cleaned it up, sorted it out, we've moved on. That's what I'm saying. Whereas Lanza misunderstand me. How in the name of God can you fill in a volcano, you ignorant, twit? No, but it's not just the the holes, they've actually left the lava everywhere. That's what I mean. It's not just the big holes, there's

lava everywhere. But it's molten rock. They can't just pick it up like a carpet. But in the holes, the holes are are there ready just push it all in. That's what I'm saying. What exactly is there then? Is it just a kind of moon-like kind of surround with just kind of dust and rocks? That's exactly what you see I was there when the Mars thing, oh went wrong. I would have just sent a camera crew there. So here we are, this is it. Ignore the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their little little little little little little little little little little little little little little their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. It's their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the would have just sent a camera crew there. I filmed a bit of that, right?

So here we are, this is it. Ignore the little coffee shop in the background, right? This is Mars, because that's where it's like, just loads of dust, the olls everywhere, side it up. Little round-headed aliens, complaining, winging, just like Mars? Yeah. So, what's the best bit bit the the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best thue? thue? thue? thi? thi? thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thathea? thathea? that. that. that. that. that. that. thoom. thoom. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It. It. It. It's. It's that. It's that. It's that. It's things. It's things. It's things. It's things. It's things. It's that. It's. It's that. It's. It's that. It's that. It's that. It's that. It's th. bit about the holiday? Come on, pretend your Judith Charmers? I have been doing. I would have done all that. I would have said that. Don't bother.

I mean the hotel was good. That was all right. That was all right. What was that like? It's all right. Just, you know, clean, that's all you want in it. See that's not quite what Judith Tramers does. She doesn't go, what's the hotel like? All right, yeah, clean, right? But what was it like? Was it, what was it? Three star, four star? Did that have a swimming pool? What was the room like? Yeah, it was a swimming pool and that? Yeah, it's good. You know really, there was a bar, there was some bands playing. Not very good. Food, food got a bit boring. It was always the same food every night but they sort of themed it and made out of it so like on Mexican night it'd be chicken with a nacho on it.

Right. And Chinese night, sort of chicken with a little prawn cracker on it and stuff. That got a bit boring. Um, that's me just turning on my phone. Because I want to read to you a text that I got from Carl. I think you sort of serve up the holiday in in this text, don't you? Do you remember? Let's have a little look. Let's have a look. Instantly what did Suzanne and your girlfriend make of it? Similar view to you, that they should fill in the holes? Yeah, it's just that thing, you see, I went on a coach trip, right? And you go and see the volcanoes. Like I said, there's 36 of them.

Yeah. Which you know how many you need? when we're on the coach going round all these volcanoes, the fellow on the front's going and look out your left window at the moment, there's a volcano. And if you quickly look out on the right-hand side there, there's another one. And on the left, he's just like, all right, we've seen it. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. And that, that true, I mean, we'll talk about that trip in a a that, I'll that, I'll that, I'll that, I'll that, I'll that, I'll that, I'll that, I'll that, I'll the the the the the tr tra, I'll the the the the trriff, I'll, their. their. their, their, their. their. And, their, their, their, their, their, there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a their. There's. There's. There's. There's. There's. There, their. There, their. There, their. There, the tr. And, the tr. I. I'll, the tr. I'll, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. their. tri. their. their, their, their. there's a their. there's a to a volcano being in some dead artist's house who built his house in the lava they said they would show me science with volcanoes but all they did was chuck some water in a in a hole and it shot up in the air no dwarves in the canteen no sc scousers here, but there is a Swede woman with a big Ed. She looks effing gormless with a cap on. All right,

so a little reference there. A Swede woman? What's that I mean? Do you mean Swedish? Yeah. Or she looked like a vegetable? That's a Swedish woman. But they all got sort of quite big, aren't I? And I sent him a text, oh well it's just good to a beer holiday because I'm working. He sent back, so am I. Just been watching Sky News. There is a school for monkeys who want to get a band together. But out of ten then, what would you give it out of ten? All the little food, food location, relaxation, you know, enjoyment. Yeah, that's, that's... Six. Okay, brilliant.

Next week. Where are you going next week? Where are you going next week? You're not a lot of you ne? That's six. Okay, brilliant. Six, yeah. Next week. Where are you going next week? You're not an oldy next week? Go away with Suzanne's mom and dad again. Five holidays. Play a replars. You've got up for some working.

You're in your 30s now.