The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Sky1 S1E2- India (October 1, 2010)

Episode Date: August 13, 2024

Karl is sent to India to see the Taj Mahal but he gets an unexpected surprise when it turns out he's visiting during the Hindu festival of Holi, and he struggles to adapt to the Indian lifestyle.

The seven wonders of the world, Christ the Redeemer, the Redeemer, the Taj Mahal, the great pyramids, truly man's greatest achievements, but there's one man who sees him differently. Like a pylon. Carl Pilkington. I don't know the political correct term. Moor, I think. He is a round, empty-headed, chimp-like, mank, Moor. Bafoon, idiot.

Is that normal? And he's a typical little Englander, and he doesn't like going out of his comforts. Bolots are squashed. I just think that it would be amazing the to be amazing to be amazing to be amazing to be amazing to be amazing to be amazing to be amazing to be amazing to be amazing to to to to send to send to send to send to send to send to send to to to the to the to to to their to their their their their their their their their their. I their. I the pae the pa their. I their. I their. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their the thea tooleating. I trea trea'ea'eatingeating. Ia'economiceconomic treconomic tre. Ia. Ia. Ia. I going out of his comfort too. Bolots are squashed. I just think that it'd be amazing to send him around the world. What we'd like to see is him experience other cultures, other peoples, and see if in any way we can change his outlook on the world. I've been to many exotic places. I've genuinely think travel broadens the mind. I want him to hate it. I want him to hate every minute of it for my own amusement. Nothing is funnier than Carl in a corner being poked by a stick. I am that stick. And now I have the mic of Sky behind me.

Shit. Shit! This is one of the funniest, most expensive, practical jokes I've ever done, and it's going to be great. Just let me go home! Jesus Christ! Now this you must be excited about seeing surely. This truly, without question is one of the seven wonders of the world. The extraordinary Taj Mahal. Yeah?

Yeah. Bill, in the 17th century, it took them 22 years to construct it. Well that's not good, is it? Is that what happened? Now you go, what are they doing? It's the 17th century! A man who builds a mausoleum for his dead wife? So heartbroken is he? Guilty. He's a the result I'll just's like, you know, giving someone flowers, isn't it? I've never had to do that. I've never felt guilty. He's never... I'll just give Suzanne some flowers. No, because she'd be going, oh I, what's been going on? If I built her that, she'd be going on.

Why he he he felt her so much? He loved her so much. It was a shrine the shrine the shrine. Just a little elephant going down the street there. I can't imagine them being that good as a way of getting about. To me, that's like how people moan in London about people having four befores. You don't need an animal of that size to get about. I can't imagine them being that good as a way of getting about. To me, that's like how people moan in London about people having four befores. You don't need an animal of that size to get about. It's way too big. Getting ill is my biggest worry about being here. I hate being ill. You know, Suzanne isn't

around. I'm on my own. If I get ill, I'll just have to mope without on my own. I mean, it's definitely the poorest place I've ever been to, you know, without a doubt, and I don't know if I'll be out to get used to that. Ficking runaway horse! This is doing me ad in this. I mean, I'm meant to be meeting a local fellow who rides one of these rickshaw things for a living. Um, Ricking Steve thought it'd be a good idea for some reason. I can't work out what that reason is though. This is madness. It's like standing in the middle of a motorway. I mean, what a place to meet a fellow who's got a rickshaw.

The eyes have never been so busy. There's always something there going, look at me. And then you go, look at that. And as you turn that way, you see something over there. So you like that. By the end of today, my neck will be well and truly worn out, because it doesn't normally move that fast. There's layers of madness. What is that? Where is he so much that you just kind of think, get a van.

Is there any distinguishing features in this fellow's rickshaw? Hello, come here, come here. Yeah, I know you better. I know you better. Come here. I'm Mr. Ashake. Yeah, yeah. I'm a rickshire driver. Do you? Mr Ricky has sent me. Okay. It's a bit of a mad place to say and have a discussion.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Oncoming traffic. Oh. Oh. What the fucking things going on? Look at this bus up my ass here. Whoa.

That's no way of getting around. Oh. Going through someone's cricket game. How long have I been there? I haven't even been there in a full day yet. I thought the day was going to end that I at least have a good night's kip. That's not going to happen now. Ashik's just invited me to stay within.

He lives in the back of his shop. You've got a shop, you're living it as well. Yeah, I handle two jobs The rickshaw. Yeah, I make kebabs This is my top made my coffee Oh, yeah Fox today These are my friends. Would you like here to stay or here? Um, I'll just sit down there if that's all right.

As you like. So how would you sleep here? Yeah. What, just flat out there? Yeah. Tonight, how many will be sleeping here? Two, three, four? Can you understand why this is a little bit of a

shock to me? This is the real life of a person who is poor. When I found out that he ran a shop from where he lived I kind of thought it be, you know how you see chip is and they sort of got a living room in the back and when you walk in the bell goes and they run out from watching Emodale Farm or whatever and they say what do you want I I I I I I I I this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this is a little this is a little this is a little this is a little th. I this is a little th. I th. I th. I th. I'll th is a little th is a little th is a little th is a little th is a little th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their th. their th. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I the is a little is a little is a little the is a little the is a little the is a little thee is a little the is a little the is a little the is a little the is a little the is back. And when you walk in, the bell goes and they run out from watching Emmerdale Farm or whatever and they say, what do you want to have codn chips? That's what was expecting. Not sort of, uh... I mean, what is this?

It isn't a living space, is it? What's it lacking? I mean, there isn't even a toilet actually that's just only just hit me. I was worrying about having to use a traditional toilet. There isn't one, so that's that worry gone, but then what do we do? We are Indians and we respect our guests. I have already taken room from my friend for you. Special. Okay? So we're not staying here tonight. What makes you think I will be happier in this other place? Have they got a toilet?

Yeah? Let's go then. Yeah. Let's go. Good. You've sold it to me. This is more like it. This will do. Here is your belt. This is try in it. This is try in it. Toilet. Brilliant. How do you go? I don't understand the... Go, go, go. Turn, turn. I've got a minute, I'm just getting my badge. Yeah. Now sit.

No paper. I don't think I'll be able to go like this. When? Me, body's just not used to this. All Indian also used these to the the the the the these types. I know, but do you understand how difficult it is for me? I've come from London. Yeah. Less than 24 hours ago, I was sat in one, newspaper. Quite happy.

Not even 24 hours ago. And now you're saying, come in here, give it that, you'll be all right. It's not as easy as that for me. My insides won't allow it to happen. It is better. It can't thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to to to thi. to to to to thi. to too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to the. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. tooo. tooo. too. too. to allow it to happen. It is better. It can't possibly be better. Why not? Splashback. I didn't want to get into detail. No, no, no. Seriously, this is better. Well, you'll see tomorrow if it's better. And you'll see tomorrow if it's better. And you'll come in here and you'll go, good good God who's been in here. Let's see how good it is. You're laughing you know I'm right. Right. Hopefully I won't need to go. Well they didn't sleep well last night did I'm still shattered from yesterday. I mean that was a

mental first day. It doesn't look like it's going to end either. I mean Ashik's just give me some pajamas to wear the next surprise. I don't know what it is is the th is they's th. I th. I'm th. It's th. It's th. I'm th. It's th. I'm th. It's th. I'm th. It's th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm thi. It's thi. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll the th. I'll the the the the thi. I'm thi. I'm the the thi. I'm thi. I'm the to the the to the the the the theeee. I'll the the thoooo' the the. I'll the.jamas to wear. He said, oh you'll be needing these for your next surprise. I don't know what it is. I mean, surprises are meant to be nice things, aren't me? What's that, Carl? It's got a text from Steve. Hi, Carl. India's not all poverty and urban chaos, mate. Well, obviously he hasn't been here because it is. So that straight away, that's annoyed me. Time to get your ass up north for some exposure to the spiritual side of India. The biggest religious festival on the planet, only 20 million pilgrims expected. He knows they're eight crowds. Just one hurdle to get there, it's an eight hour overnight bus ride. Excuse me, what's all this? Why are they covered in...

Jesus. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes. I want to go to the bus station now, bus station. You know, the big bus. Big... Mm-hmm. I don't know what's going on. Everybody just looks like their painter and decorators. Everyone is just caked in colours.

Happy Ollie! I just thought we don't stop at any more traffic lights, because every time we stop, someone slaps my face with a load of colour. The buses coming up. Buses. Is this the bus station? Bus station. Try to get a bus.

You come with me. Busies down here, yeah? This is Canada, this kind of. This is green, just yellow, the day. Today's school day. Come, come with me. Come, my family is there. Your family? This is my family. Happy Holly. Gennetio.

Happy Holly! Happy Holly! What are we doing here? Happy Holly. I mean, normally, if I'm messing about with pain, I'm quite a tidy worker, this wouldn't happen. But I didn't have time to not do it, did her? He said, come and meet my family, I'm like, all right, the next thing you know, it's

like... I mean it is paintball, basically, without the safety. There's no goggles involved. It was just... It was just... Puh. He was good that, you know, Ashok was concerned about my clothing and he gave me something to wear today. He could have told me about the shoes, you know. I mean it's all very well telling me to worry about a t-shirt that I think was like 12

quid from top man. I've got 70 quid trainers on. He didn't tell me to them off. So, um, they, they, they're, they're, they're, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're told told told told told told told told told told told told told told told, told, told, told, told, toell me to that demo. So, they're knackered. Yesterday, I thought I'd got used to it. I thought, right, I'll be okay tomorrow. Just when you think, right, I know what India means, and I know what it's all about. This happens.

Anyway, where's this bus stop? I'm not well, honestly. I feel really sick. A fever. I can't tell if I'm a bad fever. I can't tell if I'm sort of got a bad fever, I can't tell if I'm sort of got a bad fever, because, you know, I can't tell what colour I am with all the with all the diet white. But, um, I don't care anymore.

I just sort of feel like if I'm going to shit myself, I will. Because I just feel that sort of ill. That's never been used. That's never been used. Is that it? Is that the... Is that the... No, it's a queue here? He's helping me out. Yeah? Is it all right? It's all right? Just a quick one? Just a ticket to Agribar. Kick it off. I knew that would happen.

You know what's going to queue. They're getting very irate. Yeah, I know. I'm happy. I mean, at the end of the day, are these all for the same bus? You know, I don't want to be sat on a bus for eight hours for some people who, you know, pissed off with me. Hello. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me?

I tell you what, it doesn't matter how amazing that Taj Mahal is, it's not worth all this. I haven't even seen it yet. So I'm telling you that now, and that isn't good. Going with that attitude. Alan Wicker, he did all these travel shows years ago. A smart fellow with a suit on. Never saw him covered in shit. Never saw him knackered, winging. People will be watching it going, no, what's wrong with you?

You're not here, are you? Received 458pm All right, mate. How are we going? Just catching up. Just got back from New York. Just got back from New York. It was overnight. First time. Yeah, I didn't get better than that.

He slept all the way, after if you were, crossed a certain thing. It's flatbed's amazing, aren't they? Yeah, speak you later, boy. I don't know what's going. I don't know anything about the festival. Just, you know, other than what Steve told me about it being a massive religious thing, and it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's a, it's a, it's a the right, it's a nice, it's a nice, it's a nice, it's a nice, it's a nice, it's a nice, it's a nice, it's a nice, it's a nice, it's a nice, it's a nice, it's a nice, it's a nice, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the theya, theya, theya, theya, theya, theymea, they-a, they-a, their, their the anything about the festival. Other than what Steve told me about it being a massive religious thing and it's by a famous river, you know the Ganges which have heard of.

But other than that, I don't know why I'm going. And on top of all that, you know, Ricky's told me that I'm staying at a place called Lahore house. Sounds good, tent. Your tent is ready. A tent? Yes. A tent? Brilliant. I haven't slept. I've been put in a tent. Can you see? This is all right. Yes. Badroom. This is well smart. I'm not expecting this. Brilliant. A bit of a stretch there for the toilet paper. If I'm being picky, that distance. But I tell you what, I am really chuffed. Yeah, I've been camping, I've done tents before, but nothing like this.

I've got a normal toilet, which is Andy because the way I've been feeling. Nice comfy bed, view of that, you know, famous river. Can't ask for more. A lot of people say, that, that, that, th a that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thi thi that, thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, I'm a thi, I'm a thi, I'm a thi, I'm a thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I've thi, I've thi, I've thi, I've thi, I've thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, thi, thi, thi, thi.a thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.a' thi. I'm thi, I'm thi, th river. I can't ask for more. A lot of people say, going to India to find myself. The colour of that. But what happens if I change? And they go home and they're all different Suzanne's going, what's happened to you? And then she doesn't like the new me that I've found. And then I'll start to wait myself because I'm not the person who I thought I was. I know who I am. I'm getting bills bills bills bills bills bills bills bills bills bills bills bills bills bills bills bills bills bills bills bills bills bills bills bills bills bills bills bills bills the bills the bills the bills the bills the bills the bills the bills the bills the bills their their their their their their their their their their their their their to to to their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the person who I thought I was. I know I am. Bloody hell. I'm getting bills for Carl Pilkington left-right and census, so I hope I'm him. Because if they're not, I'm happy. I can stay here now for the rest of the time here. If I'm listening to him doing that, isn't that me getting involved? Isn't that enough?

Just saying, let's just have a few days, here. That's the Ganges. I'll look at that. Isn't that a big part of India? Let's focus on that for a bit. It's not very interesting Telly to just stay here all day, Carl. I don't know why Steve wants me to go to this religious festival because he knows I'm not into it. The only things that's making me sort of interested a little bit is a bloke who's had his arm in the air for 12 years and the elephant babber. Other than that, I don't know what's down there for me. All right, mate. How are you going on, man? Well, I've had better holidays. It's not a holiday. I have to keep reminding you, it's not a holiday, my friend.

You are making a travel program for the television. Now, the Cumberlestival is the largest spiritual festival in the world. All this spiritual stuff you keep harping on about. It's not me. Why do you think I'm interested in... Oh, you don't have to find spirituality, you're God, you don't have to become Hindu. Just go. But that's like going to a brothel and saying, don't mind me, I'm just going to stand over here and watch. Either you get involved or you shouldn't be there. I thought you'd start to see how things are different around the world. Your eyes are opened. I don't know if I'll find it in London. I don't want to watch you eating currants on the tele.

In HD? Even in HD. This is a bit weird, isn't it? Are these the Baber people? I mean, they meant to have special powers aren't they? But look at them. I mean, I thought they'd be sort of more religious looking, do you know what I mean? All Pran' proper.

That's one of them haven't even got pants on. We are now in an area which is all different Babas. Yeah, welcome. You should take his place. First Baba, he reminded me of Bill Oddy. He's feet of backwards. Only yoga. Yoga, big power. Big power?

Yeah. And even though he's meant to be this mystical sort of man, different life and everything, I just was looking at him thinking, I haven't seen the other babber looked like Jim Morrison. There he was, start bolic naked, shades on. He was concerned about hurting his eyes and the sun, but wasn't worried about, you know, sunburning, his arse cheeks. He's showing you some, you're cautious. He's showing a lot. Yeah. If you want to see more you don't want to see more.

I didn't know where to look. I tell him that's enough. Sticking his legs around the back of his head and everything. I've got a right eye full. Can I try? I just wondered how bending my legs are. That's all I'm ticking off. Just do something crack. Right, you ready. Right, you ready? Hang on. Hang on. What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? A dollar? A dollar? Dollar? the dollar. Very good. Yeah, it is. Yeah.

He has that babble out of the paper. So could he explain the reason why he's decided to do this? He has chosen this as a part of his way of communicating and his way of reaching to the God. That to me is ridiculous. It's sort of, most of the time my left hand is only helping out the right hand. It's if I'm washing up, I pass it something. That's it, or it just all, something, it's all, it's just all, it's this one most of the time, my left hand is only helping out the right hand. It's if I'm washing up, I pass it something, that's it, or it just all, something, whilst this one does all the work. I understand that one arm is better than the other, but I'd never say, oh, but I don't need it.

All right? Has anybody ever took it further, and done both arms? Both arms. There are others also who do it with one leg up, both hands up, both the legs up, so they never stand on their feet. That's no existence, is it? We all dedicate our lives to something, don't we? Been with Suzanne for 16 years, that's dedication for you. And I've got me two arms to do things for her. Is he married? How does he help around the house? Albert, windows need cleaning., you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you' to to to have, you'll have, you'll have to have to have to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to have to have to do to do to have to have to have to to to to to to to to to to to to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do them, you, you, you, you'll have them, you'll have them, you'll have them, them, both them, both them them them, both them them both to do them both to do to do them both to do to do to do to do them, both to do to do them, both to do to do things for her. Is he married? How does he help around the house? Albert, windows need cleaning. You'll have to do them. You know, I mean it's just a great excuse, isn't it?

It was better than I thought it was, you know, quite interesting. And I'm going back tomorrow, aren't I, to see the elephant babber. It's got head like elephant. It should be good. I'm going to go down to the Cumbermower Festival again, which is weird, in it, because I didn't want to go initially, but, I find it quite interesting. And the translator's called, and he's told me that he's found the elephant babber Oh, yeah, I can see him yeah, I can see him again. Yeah, yeah, we dig off One they down there. Oh How is he feeling today is he well? Okay. Okay. He doesn't mind me looking at at all. This is fine. Yeah.

And does it have any sort of health issues with him? Does he struggle doing anything? Your their their sahet, tha'eroub, toguahs, everything. He's quite healthy. He does his yoga every day. Could you get him to explain what effect it has had on living here and looking like this? It's a time for me, the most of them are the most sownhara every day. The main god for them is Ganesh, the elephant god, and so they consider to be kind of an incarnation of Lord Ganesh. It was how I thought it would be, you know, meeting Elephant Baba. He seems quite happy, you know, he's doing what he can do with the way he's been born. He was his mate that surprised me more.

Whips his walking stick out. Oh God, I don't I don't understand what what does that show. He can do it just because he does yoga every day. I've never heard of that sort of yoga. Oh, what was that? There was a crack. When you're doing that every day, that's something you need, isn't it, the walking stick? It's handy that it's a two-in-one tool in a way. I don't understand this need here to let everyone know what you believe in. Vandalizing his own sort of knob and bollocks. Yeah, that was an added bonus. I didn't know who was going to be getting that today. I've got a text message this morning.

And Steve, he said, all right, Carl, I was worried that you would not be able to understand spirituality. So I've asked the local saint to take you to his ash ramp for the night, for the night, for some one-to-one discussions on the nature of life and higher levels of consciousness. And apparently I'm going to meet one of his disciples, a fella called Davram. Are you Davram? America. America.

Are you Davram? Americ? What? Are you Davram? Yes, I am. What do you, America? What do from? America. What? Are you Dove Rum? Yes, I am. What do you mean, America? Oh, I thought you said, where did I come from?

Yes, and my name is Dave Ram. Yeah, brilliant. Yeah. Okay, brilliant. You're going to meet really one of the great saints of India. And Swamajis reached the height of spiritual development. Just being in the presence of a master of that caliber elevates one's awareness. And will he keep asking me if I'm feeling that? No. No. No. No. I'm trying to think of times in my life where I felt a bit

different. Right. And I remember years ago I nearly choked to death on an ice pop. I mean mom had to give me do you know the thing where you squeeze around the waist and sort of cough it up. Right. I got my breath back and after after that, I felt quite alive. Okay, well take that experience, magnify it many-fold, and let it be uninterrupted. Hey, how are you, Swami Gee? Absolutely fine, absolutely fine. It's good. You are keeping good health. I've been better. I've been better.

You as an individual, you must be analyzing yourself whether you are body oriented or mind oriented or soul oriented. I'd say mind. Once you know how to channelize and systematize and synchronize systematically, then ultimately you could be the source of inspiration for millions. Hmm. Ultimately, he could be the source of inspiration for millions. Anyway, next thing you know, Swami Gee says, I want to take you across the Ganges in a boat, because he wanted to cleanse my soul or something.

Never had it cleansed before. Yeah, look, look, it's coming down. It's having a tip. So you will have to dip or I have to dip. I will take you there. I'm not not the dip. I'm not th. I'm not thi. I'm not th. I'm not. I'm not. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to thi. to to to thi. thi. to to to. too. too. too. too. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. th. to. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. to. thi. to. to. ta. ta. ta. te. te. te. te. te. te. tea. tea. tea. too. too. too. tea. te. t you will have to dip there. I'm not dipping there. I don't know. No chance. Not a chance. Hang on a seat than I sit.

Sit. You're alright, Swami. Oh, shit, I know. Hang on. What's going on? I'm just in the ganges at the moment. Just on a rubber dinghy with a 77-year-old man. Oh, God. It's not a great...

I'm sat on the front here of a rubber dinghy. Can I call you back in a bit? Don't you'll try to to t it. But you like to have the bath in the Ganges. You know, isn't it wrong though? For me to get in there, it doesn't mean anything to me, does it? It doesn't count, surely. He said, do you want to go in the Ganges? I said, no.

It is the best medicine on the earth. Yeah? It can heal you and it can help you and can inspire you. And he left it out that, which I thought was quite good. He didn't force it on me to go any further. And then he started stripping off. So I had to. It's madness. It is a kind of divine madness. Come on.

Come on. Hey. So sweet up here. Never around you come. Have a pip. Help him. And I said, well, if you go in, I'll go in. And he did. So I had to.

Oh, oh. Oh. Oh. Good hale. And I thought that was it, and then suddenly it's like, oh, let's dunk your head. Yeah, one stunk. You know, not once either. You have to do it three times, eh? Three dunks. You don't do that with a ginger nut and a cup of tea.

That's a two dunk. Yeah, I think. Yeah, one small. Fine. Fine. So, do that. He's happy. And he was saying, oh, look what it's done to you. You look full of life. And it did wake me up a bit, but it is like minus five. After having the bath and the gains, you have the new dress, Indian dress. Back for a cup of tea? A cup of tea and biscuit. Have you got some biscuits? Yes. I love a biscuit. I feel like I didn't take a biscuit off you now. I did that for you that. It's funny, isn't it? Funny how things change. I said I wouldn't th th th they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they for you that. It's funny, isn't it? It's funny how things change. I said I wouldn't get in there. I don't feel like I'm round some sort of special power,

but he seems like a nice bloke, and that's all you want, really. Nice bloke, makes you feel welcome in his gaff. He's fed us, he's let me have a bed, messed about on his rubber dinghy. You know, if that's what spirituality is about, and that's just being mates, really. That's basic, isn't it? Just about getting on with people. He's a transform man, look at this guy. Very airy. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Suverantim, suvara thing. See you in the morning. Okay.

Laughing centre. Very. Makes you again. Please not yourself. All right, Carl. Now I know you've got a long drive today to the Taj Mahal. So, Ricky and I thought you might like a little stop-off. The cow, there's obviously very important and profound creature in India. So we've arranged for you to call in a lovely little

cow sanctuary. All right, now I know you think that sometimes Rick and I do stuff just to annoy you, but this place is run by Harry Krishna's, all right? And when have they ever annoyed anyone? I don't know why Steve said me to look at a cow. We've got them at home. Anyway, as soon as I got in there, they had me on cow worship duty. I'm giving it a sense of pausing. Here we are going to be making some cakes. Cow Dung cake. Is that fresh?

Yeah, this is fresh. Anyway, these cow dung cakes, you know, it's a type of fuel. You know, it shouldn't really have the word cake in it. That's very good. It is as well, isn't it? I thought it might have just been mud, but it is proper cow shit. I mean, I was worried about the local thing about, you know, using your hand when you've been to the toilet. I'm getting neck-eyeing cow shit. Oh, God. I've never thought I'd be doing that.

I've been ill twice already, so this isn't going to help the situation isn't it? I thought it was on the way to the Taj Mahal today. He said, oh let's stop over here. No problem. I see some cows. What can go wrong? And then like just as I'm leaving, you know I'm thinking I'm getting out of there, they dragged me into some sort of souvenir shop. Soap? Yeah. Here we use cow dung juice. Kowdong juice. Know what I know what ever been rushing around going into body shops and you haven't got any cow shit have you? Cow shit soap. It's not needed. So not necessary in life. This is the tooth powder.

Like tooth paste? And what, what's this made from? What's this made from? Cowurden, golden, black paper. You can still like the with the shit and the piss. This he can drink and over my arm then. Oh God! It was just like old man piss sort of when your granddad's bin hasn't flushed. And you drink that? Yeah. This is for all kind of hair problems.

The cure's baldness. Yeah. Come all the way to windier. Sticking cow shit on my head. If I said get stuff out of your head they'd go don't, oh, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to windier, sticking cow shit on my head. If I said get stuff out of chicken and rub it over your head, they'd go, don't be stupid. But because it's a cow and it's this sort of religious animal. It's just, yeah, drink it, direct, get the tail at. It's just too much. I think it's, it annoyed me a bit. I still got bits on my nails. I started to do me heading again. Just, you know, even like that travelling today.

Normally, I like travelling around, sat in a car, looking out of a windy, looking at life going on, but it's not a nice thing to do in India. Honestly, I just want to go home. Oh, Jesus, stinks. The eyes are burning. All right, Carl, it's Steve. It's is is is is Steve. It's is Steve. It's is Steve. It's is Steve. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's thi. It's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. too tooing. too tooing. to to to thi. thi. Oh, Jesus. The stink. The eyes are burning. All right, Carl. It's Steve, mate. Rick and I thought, you know, as it's approaching the end of your time in India, we thought

we would treat you. So we put you into the honeymoon suite of a hotel with a view of the Taj Mahal to give you give you a little bit of a morale boost. So, enjoy it, the the. This is the hotel. This is the hotel. This is the hotel. This is the main the this hotel's, Honeymoon suite. Good, isn't it? It's good. It's good. Honeymoon sweet, this isn't a honeymoon sweet. Who'd have a honeymoon here? What's that there?

What's the cupboard tool? All right. Sort of an unsweet shed, which is quite handy. Oh, God, he stinks. Fuck me, what a shit all. Sandpaper. It's this one a dark board. I thought that was going to be the fridge to the room. Turps, paint brushes, good. I mean that's what you want on your honeymoon, really? Every time you have

a smell of Ron seal, oh that that takes me back to our special night. I can't see the Taj. He said you look straight out there. That's what you can see that. It's madness, that their body's staying in some half decent like that. I mean, here. I ate it like that. I'm in here. I ate it, honestly. I really ate it here.

Fog this, I'm not staying here. Can't be half with this. Carl, where you going? Carl, what are you going, mate? I'm not staying in that room. What's it about? Well, I don't think anyone not staying in that room. What's it about? Well, I don't think anyone near it is quite as bad. I mean, it's not, your room's not that bad, compared to art.

He stinks of shit. What you mean it's not that bad? It fucking stinks! It's just that I've been here for like ages, I'm knackered, I haven't slept, it's another noisy road, I've been ill, you know what I mean? It's not your fault. It's not your fault. I bet many of us spent a night in here on their own, even though it's a honeymoon suite. The other woman says that's it, it's over. This way you bring me for my wedding night, forget it. Six in the morning. I've been awake all night, throwing up, it's been coming out the other end. I'm not feeling me best, to be honest.

So it's your first proper glimpse of the Charles Mahal. Carl, how's it the feel? It's all right, of the Charles Mahal. How does it feel? It's all right, isn't it? It's not bad. It took 20 years to build. He built it for his dead wife. I just think it was a case of keeping himself busy. They say that, don't they? When someone dies,

It's a loss in your life, so give yourself a little project to do. It's quite a big project there, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their, thi, their, their, their, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, that. It, that, that, that, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's that's that's thi. It's that's that's that's that's that's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's a loss in your life, so give yourself a little project to do. It's quite a big project there, isn't it? Yeah. I mean, did he treat her well when she was knocking around? Well, she was one of four wives. No, I mean? One of four wives. No, I had three other wives. I shouldn't have done that, really.

They stick her in something nice. No, she's dead. It's too late, it's too late mate. Come crawling back once she's dead. Ramish. Hi, I'm Carl. Nice to meet you, sir. And welcome to the Taj Mahal. Thank you very much. When you look the Taj Mahal from the next arch like a Tajmalina frame, beautiful like the postcard view. It works well, hasn't it? Nicely, nicely fits in, isn't it? Yes. Your dream come to you. You're in front of this beautiful building, majestic. Is this part of your tour? Yeah.

There you can see a beautiful reflection view of Taj Mahal. Like a buy one, get one free. Buy one, get one free. Good offer. Next step. So, you can see,the Princess Diana chair. When it was her 1992, she came here, she took the pose from here. Daph, now the tourists all love the Princess Diana chair, queuing up to sit down on the chair that Princess Diana sat on.

Load a nonsense. We're after these two, right? Yes, sir, that's your turn. Just a sausage factory. Sit down, look miserable. Next. Yes, hands on the knees. That's the style. Very nice.

Is that good? You have a photogenic face. Touchman, it's beautiful, you are more handsome. You got any feelings coming up? Stomics better now. It's fine. I met more of an emotional nature of being here. Um, how can you have an emotional feeling here?

It's like 40 people stood around. Princess Diana had it closed off, didn't she? She could sit here and think about stuff. But compared to out there, this is peaceful. And I think that's why Diana came here. That's why she looked fed up. She probably had the shit for two days. Sick of the racket, a crap hotel, she's like, God, when am I going home?

Nothing to do with a marriage breakup. It's India. The main white structure, four sides symmetrical. Look from all sides, same view. All right. So by the center, Tajmal divide like a mirror image. Half this side, half other side. It isn't it, exactly? Yes sir.

I find it odd, to be honest. He's built for a dead person, yet he was doing all that symmetrical stuff. It's like, hang on a minute. It's almost like having a gravestone with a saducco on it. What is it? Is it a place to sort of remember someone have a special moment? Or is it a place to go and have a puzzle? It's like that thing. Have you ever done that thing where you have a mirror?

And you go like that in the mirror? And it looks like both sides are going right. It's the same way to see it for me this. It's not the best river I've ever been down. I think I've just seen a fish with three heads. But I just like the peacefulness. All right, boy. All right. What's going on?

Yeah, I've just been to see the targe. Oh yeah, any good. Yeah, it's all right, I. All right. What's going on? Yeah, I've just been to see the Taj. Oh yeah, any good? Yeah, it's all right, you know. I was pretty impressed. What's your impression of India in general? I ate it. Well, Steve said he had a lovely time in India, so I don't know who to believe. I stayed at a place that had an on-the-street shed.

And this is like the final view of it, isn't it, before I go home. See, have a quick live to the car. Hello? All right, mate. How's it going? Yeah, so it's fine here, mate. How's you going there, more importantly? It's been interesting, Steve, I've learned a lot, I've seen a lot, I've done a lot, I've shat a lot. I mean just over there, we cremate bodies over there, so you're never that far away from

a bit of weirdness in India. Even here, probably on the tele you're going, that looks lovely. Wildlife going on there, the sun going down, the Taj Mahal. Hang on, what's that? There's a load of dead bodies at the back. Hang on, Ricky, what's another word? Queen has said, you're going to go into a nice building, but before that, you're going to possibly shich yourself to death for a 10 days that has a bit of normality to it. So maybe that's why it's a wonder. Yeah, I can't see anything matching this one to be honest. Pretty serious for me, that, isn't it? La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-a-lala.

Billa-la-a-la-a-la-a-la-a-a-la-a-a-la-a-a-a-la-a-a-a-t-a-a-t-a-t-a-t.