The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Xfm S0E6 (Tape 3B, 1998)

Episode Date: September 2, 2022

Gervais and Merchant first worked together in radio on the London-based alternative radio station Xfm London. Their show was broadcast from January to August 1998 from 4–6pm on Sundays, and only featured Gervais and Merchant (before their collaboration on The Office). The show's original format was more interactive, with features, guests, phone-ins, and audience interaction through listeners' letters.

I actually weed in one of the back of the speakers. Yeah. But it's mine, I've got to get that fixed. And then, you know, I thought somewhat. Go on. When the attrition comes around, right, to fix my stereo, okay? And he goes, what happened to it? I said, oh, I'll piss down it in the shop and that's why it's mine. Oh, fair you. Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, th. that, fair, that's. that's, fair, fair, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's. that's. that's 40 quid. As I hand over the money, just a little

dribble, it's mine again. That cash is yours. Yeah, fantastic. Oh, it's so easy. You'll never have to pay another penny. I know. It's a shame we don't live in Ricky World. The Manic Street Creatures on XFM, 104. 9, and that's if you tolerate this then your kids are going to get it too. The spider in the horse. Oh, that was great. Yeah, I don't want to go into it. No, though we had this idea last week, right for Czechoslovakian sort of short. Checkers-Ivockian animation. Yeah, with eh, with eh, that would be the music of his stuff. It's called the Spider-Norse and it's obviously a satire against the government and the bloke quite right it's been put in jail for the rest of his life. Yes. Yeah, and Jesset coming around opening our wounds. They're just healing. And the

horse, sweetest that reason is a wicker horse. A little sombrero. It's probably sort of thing you buy if you're away in the way in a mortory. And the sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort the sort the sort the sort of of the sort of of of of of the sort of of of of of of of the sort of of of to to to to to to to to to the sort of to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to of of of to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th of the the music music. their their their their the of their toe of toe of toe of toe of to to to to to to to their the spider is just a blacked-up crab. That's it, it's a crab playing a spider. Yeah. It's a wonderful cartoon. It's called something like the inhumanity of the eyes of March. Yeah, the unbearable deafness of seeing. Yeah, something like that. And it's made by Ivanovich Garrow. Yeah, we're going to make it. Oh are we? Yeah, we might as well do it now. Actually, talking of ideas, we've had quite a few people just phoning in ideas for game shows and TV for things. And we never asked for any ideas, but people have just been offering. No, we like it, we'll have them. They're ours now.

Oh, one seven, one there, Gervais. Well, contestants? Yeah, blindfolded, you know, your sort of celebrity panel. I think so. I think they've got to be celebrities, I think so. I think so. Ted Moultson. Ted Moulson. Obviously. Julie Cooper isn't it? Because I mean he did beat him, he beat him by like three quarters of points, so he might never watch him. It'd be great if it was if it was like, yeah, the bloke that used to play Rene in L&O, yeah, okay, a celebrity. Whose idea is this? This is Nigel in Tottenham.

Yeah. So you've got your blindfolded panel there. A celebrity comes on, maybe, Nigel suggests Jeremy Beedle, right? And they have to have to have their most deformed body part sucked, thau, their, thau, thau, thured, thi, okay, okay, okay, thi, okay, okay, to be, to bea, to bea, to bea, told, told, to be, told, told, told, to to to to to to told, told, to to to to to to to to to to to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their their their, their their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, to to to their, deformed body part sucked by the panel of celebrities. Obviously I assume in the case of Bedle that's his weird deformed like childlike hand. And so they would suck that until... Or is goatie? Or is goate? And then they have to sort of suck.

Oh, they have to suck Jeremy until they identified him. Oh, that would be like a little doll's hand down the back of your throat yeah and I imagine he doesn't although though no he's probably perfectly manicured that side. The other one's a mess though yeah he can't do that one. So that's that's any other deforming celebrities I'm gonna think if there are any others I got feeling it might be be beetle the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I I that. I the I the the the I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th I th I'm I'm I'm not I'm not feeling I'm not feeling I'm not feeling I'm not feeling I'm not feeling I'm feeling I'm feeling I'm feeling I'm feeling I'm feeling I'm feeling I'm feeling I'm feeling I'm feeling I'm feeling I'm feeling I'm feeling I'm feeling I'm feeling I'm feeling I'm I'm feeling I'm not feeling I'm every week. Is it, um, Muhammad Ali? Who is it? No, I'm that. Don't dis, Mohammed Ali, man. Well, no, I won't have that.

No, I won't have that. Anyway, um, other deforms, I don't know. Stephen Arkin. He's not deformed. Um, not compared to you, no. Michael Jackson? No, that's libelous. Is it? It's got to be. Who's deformed? Who's deformed? Which celebrities are deformed? A list of deformed celebrities? 0171, 5802. If you've done, we've done funny phone calls, have we done some phone calls?

Did that one like Penke, when we phoned, phone up Safeway and said have you got some cheese? And they said yes. And we showed them, didn't we? That showed them? Yeah. Oh, we've done some crank calls. Yeah. Do you want some beer? Do you want some beer? Brilliant. Brilliant, brilliant game. Five o'clock far enough. What else have we done? There's been just too much, hath there? The alarm frog.

The alarm frog? I've never got off the ground. They got going. Um, great ideas. Tip the balance, that's the last one I've got. Tip the balance? Yeah, I'm explained it. It's my last, I think it's a little bit much. Really? Is it too much? Is it the most outrageous thing you've ever?

Well, okay, well, no, this is an idea, right? It's a board game. It's a board game. I'll send it off to Waddington's when, you know, get, you know, it's four of those, just like fulcrum weights, you know, like scales. right, the other end is like a kilogram weight, right? And there's four of those, so four of your sit-round and you've got us quite simply tip the balance, right? So you've got to fill the bowl? Yeah. What with rice or? No, no, no. Bodily secretions. Right. So it's the first, you know... Maybe you shouldn't tell us about this. Well no, because there's simple rules. Anything that that comes that comes that comes that comes that comes that comes that comes that comes that comes that comes that comes that comes that that that that that that that that that that that that that the body the body the body the body the body the body the body their of their of their of their of their of their of their of their of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of their of of their of their of their of their of their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the the the thooooooo. the. thooooo. th. thooo. th. th. th. th. th. Well no because there's simple rules. Anything that comes out your body is all right, okay, in every form. Right. Well,

you know, anything that comes out of your body, if you put that into the bones, yeah. So, I'll just think, if I said it quieter, it wasn't so bad, I was going to go, why don't it, why don't? Yeah, doesn't work right. It's not sick. Well I was going to say come because then I could be spending it COME therefore getting by some of the radio thought it was rather sneakily. And Spunk as you said it's like courage isn't it? Exactly. Exactly. And the Walton's they go oh I love your new girlfriend. John Boy, she's full of spunk. Yeah, sorry about that. I've been carried away, Dad.

Good night, John Boy. Good night. That is the cure. We'll come back to this. Twenty to six, Ricky Jovey's show. And Steve, what have we offered today? Well, we've offered tip the balance. The new board game from Waddington's which involves secreting various

bodily fluid into a bowl in order to tip the balance. Yeah, and the way you go, tip the balance. I just imagine the front cover with sort of granny, she's stooped. Yeah, she's just, no, she's she's got trods us down. She's just, and they missed it. She's missed it. She's missed it. She's missed it completely. They're all laughing. She's the family of there behind up, they're clapping and cheering. The mother just laughing doing a dustman's low. Yeah, right. And the 14 year old boy. Well he's enjoyed it the most. He's enjoyed it the most. It's gonna. But what about if, you know that bingo bingo. Bingo palaces. Yeah, that's good because they were all playing tip the balance the balance the balance the balance. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. Yeah. B. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That. That. That. That. They. That. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They're. They're. That. That. That. That. It. That. That. That. Yeah. That. Yeah. That. Yeah. That. Yeah. Yeah. That. Yeah. That. That. That. That. That. That. That's. That's. They're. They're. They're they. They're they're they're the the most popular evening pastime in the country and there are these huge bingo palaces with like a bunch of seats. Imagine if they were all playing tip the balance. I can't regret the smell. It would be incredible. Oh god. That would be fantastic.

You could have a winner stays on. Yeah, because you'd have a disadvantage then, wouldn't you? Well, I'm just, I mean. I imagine, in Japan they've already got a TV show like th. I'd thap. I'd thap. I'd thapapapapapapapap. I'd th. I'd their. I'd their. I'd their. I'd their. I'd their. I'd their. I'd their. I'd their. I'd their their their their their. I'd their their their their their. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'd just they'd just they're all. I'd just they're all. I'd just their. I'd just their. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'd. I'd their. Yeah. Yeah. I'd their. I'd their. I'd their. I'd their. I'd their. I'd their. Yeah. Yeah. I'd tape. Yeah. Yeah. I'd tip. Yeah. Yeah. I'd tip. Yeah. Yeah. I'd tip. I'd the the the their. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah like that I'd imagine. A kilogram's a lot though to get rid of. Yeah you've got a lot of sputum. I know everything yeah. But I think it's a great idea. Can you could you give birth into the bowl? Yeah well no well you put it but anything you put in there you lose. Oh right. limb in right because you win it there because that you know that's sort of cheating but there is a thing called the fish card where if you're all out of it right you're all strained out and you've vomited and everyone's got to the the. You know point eight kilograms and there's you can go to throw in a their. You can go fish card right and you can't you you can't you you you you can't you you you you you you you th and you can't th and you can th and you can th and you can th and you can th and you can th and you can th and you can th and th and th and th. th. th. that that that that that that tho. tho. tho. tho. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th is th is the. But the. But the. the are theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. the. to pour it via your mouth. Right. So you take a big log of that and you do it and you win. You've thought this through

haven't you? Yeah. Yeah. You've just played this haven't played it I haven't got the the equipment. Wow nearly end of the year the nearly of the show with it. I can't even bother to criticize your usage. It's not where it is your usage language anymore. I know. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. th. I th. I'm th. Wow. Wow. I'm th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I'll to th. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. Yeah. Yeah. I'm. It. Yeah. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. I'm. Yeah. Yeah. I'm. I'm. Yeah. Yeah. I'm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm. Yeah. I'm. I. Ito criticize your list. It's not where that is your usage language anymore. So late in the day, I mean you're not going to master it at the age of 45, I ever old old you are. You know I mentioned, I guess we could call it freak show or something like that? Yeah. Where celebrities with deformities come on. That was Nigel from Tottenham.

Yeah, suck the most deformed bit? Well, luckily, sucking my most deformed bit would be curiously enjoyable for me. Anyway, I asked for a few more celebrities who have got deformities and various people have called in. Jez in East Barnet mentioned John Thor, who of course... What's it in? Well, John's left leg, I think is shorter than his right. He always sort of hobbles a bit as he walks. You have to suck the hole of the left of of of of of of of the left of of of of the left of the left of of of the left of the left of the left of th of th of th of th and th and th and th and th and tho shorter than his right. He always sort of hobbles a bit as he walks. You have to suck the hole of the left leg. Yeah, all right. So that's... Say that again, Louis. What I was just saying size, like the fat bird in the opera, yes, I know it is now. What? Because I said, no, and then do it with it. I just saw him do do it. I just got an arm. Yeah, go on. the th. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say, say. Say. Say. Say, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say, say. Say, say. Say, say. Say, say. Say, say. Say. Say, say. Say, say. Say, say. Say, th. Say, the fat. Say. Say, the fat. Say. Say. Say, the the the the head. Sure enough. Yeah, Debbie McGee could come on and just bring Paul.

As no deformed... Under her arm. Yeah. That's from Tony Namersham. We've also had Ian Jury. Someone's mentioned there. That says that Ian Jury... his left side. Really? Could you have a stroke or something? Polio? Yeah. So Luke is left. And Anthea Turner, apparently she lost the middle three of her toes or something in a sort of horrible accident. I don't know if that's true. Anyway, Anthea Turner, it'd be great. Just get her on anyway. She lost, no, I don't know if that's true. So it's when you used to go to school and say some, oh, I had a fight with the lawnmower. Yeah, she did. Yeah, yeah. No, I meant your hair love. No, look at me toes. Oh, yeah.

Exactly. Would you suck the gap or would you suck the toes that flow off in the garden? I really really really really really really really. You want, why not? I haven't really given it much thought to me to this. Oh I just got time for one more song, then the news. I'm not going to do this for any one computer. If we've got any news, over last week, over last week, over the week. Oh, there's no news. Oh, there's no news. Oh, no, no, no, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, the the the the news. Oh, the news. Oh, no, no. Oh, the news. Oh, the news. Oh, the news. Oh, the news. Oh, the news. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I. Oh, I. Oh, I. Oh, I. Oh, I. Oh, I's. Oh, I's. Oh, I's anything. You usually do. Right, it's Lloyd Cole and are you ready to be heartbroken? I've got Sandy Shaw's version of this. Cheers. It's not interested in. No, not in the slightest. X, F, F, L04. That's it then. Sorry, I'll have. Put your headphones on. Sorry, I've got a toilet roll holding down the microphone because it's broken and fling. I've. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. the. th. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's not, it's not, it's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's broken and fling it. I've got I've been working on one computer. I just don't... The whole show's been a debacle. Yeah. You know why? Because we're no good and we don't kind of thing and that's got to be stopped. I mean, someone should stamp that out. I'm getting sick of it. Yeah. Do you think I like just turning up, often inebriated with nothing to say abusing people, do you think I like that? No, I know. Well, I want to play Bogdalen, it's a...

But at the same time, Rick, in our defense, yeah, we don't care. Not only that, you know, we're not... We're getting paid for it. We're not, we're not, we're not the monkeys, all right? We're not performing monkeys. No. the to need, if people. to need. to need. to need. to.... to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to.... to.... to.... to.... to.... to.... to.... to.... to.... to.... to.... to.... to.... to.... to.... to.... to.... to.... to.... to.... to.... to.... the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. And...a. And...a. And...a. And...a. And...a. the. the.. the.............................................. And, to.... And, to do with ourselves than having that on the radio, try to entertain people. You've got lots of things, better things to do with yourself and you often do what I'm trying to present, which is what puts me off more than anything, and I never tip the balance.

You know what I mean? You need some, I need a is uh, what's it then? Pete from Three Colors Red. Brilliant, excellent. Okay, we better get out of it. Yeah, I could. Bob Dylan, it's all over now. Thank you.

Thank you. All right, see. Cheers. It's all the track is Celebrity Skin. Ricky J your face. It's a joy. It's fantastic to be back. See if we can boost those ratings for another hour. Yeah, now listen, you brought a ginger wig with you this evening. As I say, I'm not entirely certain what part of anatomy it's for? Uh, well, it's not from a cock. Um, no, we're gonna be kind of like, uh... Oh, charming! John Peel can say the F word. That's entirely subjective. That's the name of a band. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi entirely subjective. That's the name of a band, Ricky. Oh right.

So if I go out tonight and see a band called Sucker Dog's Cock, I can rave about that. Just because he's a grown-up you can say the F-Word still, he can't say it. Look, shut it. You're here to play radio game shows and that's what we're going the million. They won a BBC Pen though. We gave three BBC pens too. I actually meant on the game show on television. Keep up the handhubs. But we're going to play a sort of a version of Blind Date. I got my mate and as you can see he's not the best looking broke in the world. Shut up in it. Don't embarrass me. thathehe. I was just describing to to to to describe to describe to describe to describe to describe to describe to describe to describe to describe to describe to describe to describe to describe to describe to you to describe to describe to you to you to describe to you their to describe him to you. I'm their to you. I'm their their. I their him him their. I'm their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I'm their. I their him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi. I'm just describing him. I'm just describing him. I'm just describing him. I'm just describing him. I'm just describing him. I'm just describing to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thi. I th reasons. He's 6 foot 7. He's sort of got a pew sort of translucent skin about him. He's got boldy eyes on the stuff.

It's hideous, you're a freak. He's an ugly man. Don't push me outside the market. No, but we're going to see if we can get a national platform to get a woman stupid lucky to work maybe. I I I I I I have a name Steve okay yeah Steve is it all right to ask you a couple of questions just to get the girls kind of you know who she used to ask Ann Hobbs yeah and Hobbs okay Steve from how big she's in all the magazines all the

magazines I've got stacks magazine I'm gonna say Steve I don't know though actually in this line have you ever have you ever been on the back of any sort of Portuguese playing cards? That's their. On the back of a bush I've been many times but not Portuguese playing cards. Steve I need to ask you a few questions as I say because we need to sort of ginger the girls up the listeners. What's that mean? Ginger them up? You got a playing things going, you're bastard. Then she's saying gingering you up, that's got to be illegal. Right. She's smoking something. What is it? Steve? The girls need 't know. How big's

your appendage? My what? She's getting so dirty. She's just disgusting. I think coming here to be insulted with this kind of thing. Come on. I got things to be doing. She's the best they've got now. Now, they've lost to Edmonds. to the same. their best. What's the same? What's their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. She th. She th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's the th. She's getting the the the the the their their thi. She's getting their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She. She. She's th. She's th. She's g g g g ggia. She's gg. She's gg. She's getting. She's getting. She's getting. She's getting. She's getting. She's getting. She's getting. She's getting. She's getting. She's getting. She's getting. She's getting. She's getting. She's getting. She's getting. She's getting. She's getting. She's getting. She's getting. She's getting. She's getting. She's getting. She's getting. She's getting what happens he was doing a really good bit, a particularly good job at tantalising the female, let's say. Okay, right. He's ugly, he's pig ugly, he's gimp, he's embarrassing to be with, um, the number, he's, um, 10, 100, that's the number you need if you want to blind date with Ricky Jue Javais's, um, desperate, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, uh, uh, th, th, th, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, th-in, th-in, th-a, th-a, th-in, th-a, th-a, th-in, th-a, th-a, th-intell about my own particular lovely game show to go on telly. It's got a big star in it. It's called Celebrity Foxy Boxing. It's not Scantley Card Women.

It's celebrities beating up Dr. Fox for charity. Just even do a link. You get the crankies coming and kick shit out. Oh 500, that's the number you need if you'd like to, well, well, well, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the, the the the the the the the the, the the the the the, the the, the, the the the, the, the, the, the, the, the the, the, the, the, the the the the the thethat's the number you need if you'd like to well if you'd like a blind date with Ricky Chavez his best mate and it's Hobbes and Javais this evening or playing blind date with Steve aren't we? Javais and Hobbs really well I suppose we better ask Steve what sort of woman he's looking for I I really must I can't stress enough that he really is I've seen women

laugh when I've introduced her and some sort of like get a bit scared he's hideous looking I want to let people know that so there's no con in the tellain he's a mmm salamander what's all you're looking for Steve hey what's it all you don't need all this like do you know ho mean I don't mind well come with it what's how many you kind of woman celebrity women famous women like who I don't know Louise Woodward she's a good looking girl yeah yeah I see you're thinking there you're thinking that well that trouble with the you know child killing yeah that there won't be a lot of people in the queue. On the contrary,

I just think you're aiming a bit high there to be honest. Really? Yeah. You're aiming a little bit high. We're not thinking celebrity here. Oh we're thinking about the average radio on listen that might appeal to you. I don't know. It's got to be celebrity. Mo'a. Moe moll. Oh, good looking girl. She's like a good. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the me to say that I saw her on the tele and she had like a little bit of lip gloss and big earrings and that big headband and she looked like Simon Leban. Oh, he's a good looking feather, Joran, Jou-l-Dohan. Actually, Louise looks a little. L'Ary L'Obb's, actually. the lead singer at ZZ Top. So Ann Hobbs is out of it. She's out of it all together. Look at Ann Hobbs. What is that? What is she wearing? What is that? A smock? When is that fashion? She takes, look at Anne Hobbs, she takes fashion tips from last the summer wine. I know, all the haze, I know, the haze of her. I mean, she's a waddler. I mean, that's, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's. I. I's, she's. I. I. I. I. I, she's. I. I. I. I, she's. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She, she, she, she, she. She. She. She. She. She. She, she, she, she, she. She. She's, she, she, she, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, I mean, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's. I mean, she's, she's, I mean, she's. I mean, she's. I mean, she's. I. I. She's. She's. She's. She's no Louise Woodward, is she? Yeah, oh Louise, oh, she's, I mean, she, Louisa Woodward's pudgy, but she's not, it's just baby fat.

She's got a beautiful, beautiful hairstyle though, isn't she? It's not baby fat. It's puppy fat. What did I say? It's baby fat? Puppie fat? No, she's gorgeous. She didn't kill any puppies. She didn't. If Louise Woodward's been

touching puppets I'm not interested. I'll be honest, forget it. I'm not going out with a puppy killer, that's just sick. You're not going out with anybody other than a standard radio one listener this evening because that's all we have to you what can I say we cannot lay out celebrities on a silver plastic you that's completely insane. He's looking for anyone who's stupid enough to one call up and be full for it and C go out with him and D, D's out of the question. He's never got the tea. Yeah, but listen, we've got a prize here. Skagness, river boat trip, chicken in a basket. No, I can't afford that. It'll be what all night. No, no no. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. It's it's is is is is free. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. It's. No. No. It's free. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. to. No. to. to. to is is is. to is. to is to is to is to is to is. Dee is. Dee. Dee. Dee. Dee. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. D. D. D. D. date. It's not bad I thought he's gonna be wine and dine 25 quid. If you can't pay 25 quid to someone to go out with you

what 50? 50 will be better yeah. Yeah well okay one more record and then we'll stick a caller on. Oh 5001 did if you feel that you can contend with these sick men and they are sick and if they've said anything to offend you I retract it immediately. Yeah. Melby. Ricky Chavises with us is mate Steve is absolutely desperate. You're getting pan-dead desperate for a date. And happily we've got Laura on the phone from Worcester. Hello? Laura, you've not been put off by all this kind of chat about, you know, the aesthetics here. No, no, not at all, mate. You can just go up for a laugh, don't you? Yeah, well, the good thing is we know you can't have any standards or you'd be listening

to Ann Hobbs really, so that's, that's a plus, isn't it? What do you mean? Where are you from Worcester? Yeah, that's the cool. That's the only one thing about Worcester, isn't it? Yeah, that's that's that's that steady there. Right, I got a couple of questions for you to see if you're eligible for Steve. All right then. Okay, start off. Um, you've had a little work. Hicks. You, you, you, you, you pen these questions. I thought this was Steve's gig. Well, I'm looking out for him. Because he can't. Because he can get her out. Look to to get to get to get to get right? You can see him, they can't. Do you think he's a good-looking feller? Come on then, Anne-Hobbs. Oh yeah, it's all lots of gibbilly, gabbily, gobbly, isn't it? She's talking all the time. But suddenly, it's a good gabbly, hey, they're so lucky. thin. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he! he! he! he! She he! She he! She he! She he! She he he he he's he he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's a he, he's a good he's a good, he's a good, he's a good he's a good he's a good he's a good he's a good he's a good he's a good he's a good he's a good he's a good he's a good he's a good he's a good he's a good he's a good he's a good he's a good he's a good he's a good he's a good he's a good he's a good. He's a good. He's a good. He's a good. He's a good. He's a good. He's a good, he's a good, he's a good, he's a good th. He's a good th. He's a good th. He's a good gna. He's a good gobo' gobo-he' gobbler. He's a good gobbler. He's a good You'd still do that one do you? Is the old Alan Obs here? Yeah, he's not going to talk to Steve like that? What's what's going on here? I don't know? I didn't come in here to be insulted. What kind of woman's he? Ricky questions? I take that off at Chris Moyles. Yeah. Yeah, um, Laura, yeah. From Worcester. Have you got a bit of a West

Country acting this one, haven't you? No? Just get on with it, Rick. Okay, what's your favorite band? My favorite band? Yeah. Uh, all the songs. I know the news. Yeah. What is that I hate radio, her t-shirt? You can. No, no, shut up, Ann Hobbs. She comes here. She comes here. I know. She's got it in for me. Alan Hobbs. She's so. Let's try another question. Let me ask. If you're not careful, Ann Hobbes. If you're not, let's, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, the the they, they, they. they. the they. they. they. the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that, what is, what is, what is, what is, what is, what is, what is, what is, what is, what is, what is, what is, what is, what is, what is, what is, what is, what is, what is, what is, what is. the th. that, what is, th. that. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. What is. th. th. th. What is. th. th. th. th. the th. the the the the the the the the the that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that, what is, what is, what is. I ask a question here alright no seriously what's her name Laura Laura do you like Aswodd? Aswod? Aswod? I don't think I was there I don't think I was around when they were around. Well she doesn't like Aswads. Well good make no excellent you love you love Aswad. Shut up you right I don't know any of those songs. Okay you got one more question all right I, I'll ask you a question then.

What's her name? Laura. Yeah. It's simple things like that I need to master, isn't it? Yeah. Write it down. Do you, do you ever, do you like, do you like, do you like those people, Laura? to talk to her monkey. Yeah, last summer wine again. Oh, Nora that is? Anyway, listen, shut up. I've got to ask this girl a question. She might be my prospective wife.

Who knows? Yeah. Right now, listen, Laura, do you like those people who like torture monkeys, you know, and do you know, and do I do, you know, and do I, and do that? No, she's an anti-baby sexist. I I can't. I can't. I. I. I. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. th. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. th sorry, I don't think you're matched, Laura. I'm sorry about that. We're send you a... No, I still, seriously, Rick, it should be alright. Can we send her a blue Peter pen?

We can't. Can't, we can't. Laura, stay on the line. to get you a dress. Are you really going to blow? out. You can't do it. No you can't. No she'll do it. He's fine. And astonishing as it may seem, we actually have another contestant on the phone. Can you believe that? Is this?

This is Charlie in Oxford. Hello? Don't do it. Don't do it. Be afraid. Honestly, I wish I could send you a photograph. I'm not exaggerating. and this isn't a joke, he is hideous. It can't be that bad, can it really? Well, they always say that, and then they scream when they start quarrying, and I'm after they're saying I'm really sorry, I did warn you.

So I'm just, okay. Tolly, where are you calling from? You sound like you're in a pothoal. No, we're in Oxford's the real Oxford you get put an in-block? We're the bad ones, yep. What do you say? We're stupid, mate. Hilarious, brilliant.

Yeah, well done, student humour. I'm not going to have a student, Rick. Oh, come on, go on. I'm not touching a student with a student. never have no. But students. They're all the cheap cider. What am I going to say to the student? Don't know anything about anything. Oh dear, right I'll ask you some questions. Come on Ricky. Well hang on, let me out. Are you still there? We are still here? We are still here. We? Listen, it's not an orgy love. I don't know what you think you're after it. All right. It's a meal and 25 qui then. then. All then. All then. All then. All then. All then. All then. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. th. All. All. th. th. th. th. All. All, I, I, I, I'll. I, I, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I. I. I, I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I I. I I. I. I I. I. I. I. I, I, I, I, line, they're cheeky. Okay, right, let's just do a favourite band first. All right, yeah, favourite band. What's your favorite band?

My favorite band is Ash. Ash. Yeah. Ash, what's it? What's the name? Ash, what's it? their today. What's her name? What's her name? Charlie. Ridiculous name. Thanks. When you go to a club, do you like dress up?

Yes. Well, let me be most of it. When you go out, do you like dressing up a Steve's mother? No. Right, you see you're not wife? You're not, you're not really matched then, are you? Okay, this is cut through the bullshit, right? Do you think looks are as important as personality? Well no, no, no we don't think so, no. Right, well it doesn't matter because his personality is rubbish as well. He's spoken to him, he's

got no personality, he's basically a crap person, all rasty, idiot and he's ugly. So I'm sorry, I'm gonna save you from a fake, Charlie. I'm gonna have th lo th lo th lo th lo th lo th lo th lo th lo th lo th lo th lo th lot, th lot, th th th th th th th th th th th th th th tho tho tho tho that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that, that, that, that, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, th. Well, th. Well, th, th, th. Well, I'm going to have to say no. It looks like the blocks in my bloke, really? Really? The blocks in your bloke? Hey, that'll be that. You're trying to get clever. Now he's, he's, he's, he's tried that once, block, he's a block. Can we send her a bank check, thrown. the book. the book. the book. the book. the the book. the th. th. the th. th. th. the th. th. th. the the the th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the block. the block. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the block. the block. the block. the block. the block. the block. the block. the block. the block. the block. the block. the block. the block. the block. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. th. th. the. th. th. th. th. th. t. He. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's Hobbs, she'll do. Seriously, you know, because it's getting late. And you may as well. And she may as well. I mean, what do you think, Rick? No.

No, she seems really nice and it's no. We've got some. to be no. Hold on though. I just. Fair place. 0500, 110100, that's the number you need tonight if you want a blind date with Ricky Shevays' best mate, Steve. You like that one, don't you? What's my name?

Well, I'll be honest, you probably saw him. Well, I'll tell you what, yeah, I mean, that's a very, very strong point in his favorite think. He can dance. You should see that wrist action. I? Yeah, I know. I've seen it. I've had a lot of practice. But listen, it's not just a grooving, Rick. Come on. Oh, it's so easy.

It was a beautiful interpretation of the Snoopie. Yeah. What about, you must be some other selling points, Rick. Right, OK, th me down the river a bit, yeah? Right, okay, some good points. Are you young? Yeah? You're not in prison? Go on? Well, I've only known you a year. Come on, there must be something. You're not in prison? Well, I'm quite a catch. Eighth quid. Eight minutes we have to do this before the new, so... Eight minutes is more than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their. You're their. You're their. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You're th. You're th. You're th. You're not. You're not th. Yeah. the. the. the. the. You're not the. You're not th theat the. You're not the. You're not the. You're Yeah, I'm not made a money Rick. Go on, thirty quid. Nine minutes we have to do this before the news so nine minutes is more than enough for Steve, I'll tell you what. So Steve, it's looking grave isn't it really? It's looking grave. It's looking great. Yeah, we've got one last chance. We have one last chance. Yeah, and it's Wayne. And it's Wayne, he's on th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th is more th is more th. Nine. Nine. Nine. th is more th. Nine. th is more th. Nine. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Nine. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin. thi. thi. thi. thi. to to to thi. Nine minutes. thi. Nine minutes. thi. it going? Wait a minute, I'll stop you there, Gerrace. What? No, you're up for this, Wayne, up for a blind date with Steve? Yeah, excellent, brilliant.

I'll stop you there, what? He's a fella? Yeah, you're all right, Wayne. He might just fancy a pint. Yeah, you know what, he won't want to drink anything, eat anything. I'll only have one thing on his mind. Yeah. Yeah. No, no, he's up for it. So, uh, he sounds keen to me. Yeah. Right, okay. You know, I'm heterosexual, Rick. He's sad. Steve, you've got no chance with either sex, so it won't make a difference. Why restrict yourself. to why restrict yourself? their their their their their their he himself. he himself. he himself. he se. he himself. he himself. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. heat. heat. he. he. he's he's heat. he's heat. He's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's he. He's he. He's he. He's he. He's he. He's he. He's he. He's. He. He. He. He. He. He's. He. He. He's. He. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's he. He's he. He's he's he's he's he's he's up. He's up. He's up. He's up. He's up. He's up. He's up. He's he's up. He's he's up. He's he's up. He restrict yourself to the human race. And if Wayne's up for it, he's warm-blooded, he's human, he's from Manchester, he's obviously got a sense of humour. He's obviously, yeah, wait till he sees him, he'll lose that straight away. Well I'll have to ask you a few, a few questions, Wayne. Go on then. Do you like walking on the beach? Maybe in the rain? Do you, do you, do you, do you, do you, do you, do to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the to the the the the to the the the the, to to to to be, to be, to be wa, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their wa, wait their wa, wait their wa, he wa, he wa, he wa, he wa, he, he wa, he wa, he, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their their their their thoome, their thoanananananananananananananananan, waughan, wa, wa, wa, wa, wa, wa, wa, wa, their wa, their maybe in the sunshine maybe in the rain you look do like poetry for example yeah yeah do you I mean what's your favorite band

do you like a poet now what's your favorite band yeah oh the oaces oh yeah oh Steve loves oasis don't yeah oh I've never heard him no I know he loves oasis I don't know what your favorite food do you look to like Aswad yeah yeah shine shine how I. I don't, you know, what's your favorite food? Do you like Aswad? Aswod? Yeah. Shine, shine, shine like a thing. Oh he does. Oh, he knows. I bet you could even sing the chorus for us.

Can you wait? Come on, can you sing a course? Come on and shine. Shine like a star. Oh, this is a match ready. No, I've never liked that as well. I've always thought they're a bit weak, sort of kind of called reggae. I've never liked to. Oh, fantastic. Oh, so you're quite open-minded, are you, Wayne? At the moment, I am, yeah? Yeah, you mean, you'll try anything, yeah? Yeah, excellent. Do you like to experiment? You know, sort of like, to experiment, you know, sort sort like, sort like, to like, you, to like, do, do, do, do, do, do, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th. Oh, to, th. Oh, fantastic. Oh, fantastic. Oh, fantastic. Oh, fantastic. Oh, fantastic. Oh, fantastic. Oh, fantastic. Oh, fantastic. Oh, fantastic. Oh, fantastic. Oh, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, tha. Oh, tha. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh. Yeah. Fantastic. Right. Looks like we've got a winner. Right. Okay. Well it's... Forget the BBC pen. We've ran out anyway. You'll have to come down to London though. It's nice. I thought to be safe. Maybe you could meet somewhere, you know. Well Ricky, we've got this Gagnets River boat trip all set up, chicken and a basket laid on. Well, will you come back next week and tell you to to to to to to to to come to come to to come to to to come to to come to to to come to come to to come to to to to to to to to to come to to to come to come to come to come to come to come to come to to come to come to come to come down to to come to come to come to come to come to come to come to come to come to come to come to come to come to come to come to come to come to come to come to come to to to come to to to come to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the to the to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the London to the to to to the to the the went. Yeah. Fantastic way there is.

I don't think it'll work out. I don't think I don't think it'll work out. I don't know. I don't think it'll work out. So Ricky we made it. I knew it. No, I never let him down. That is actually looking for.

Looking at it? When is yeah? No I can. I'm done. It's not what I was looking for. I was looking for sort of you know a kind of Monica Lewinsky type you know. Yeah, sort of person that you know what you're going to get before you've been start. There'd be no embarrassing. There's notick. I've got some cigars. Well actually, you know, I've got a packet of camels. Yeah. I've got some of a packet. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm a packet. I'm a packet. I'm a packet. I'm a packet. I'm a packet. I'm a packet. I'm a p. I'm a the th. I'm a th. I'm a th. I'm a kind a kind. I'm a kind a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind. I th. I kind a kind a kind a kind a kind a kind a kind a kind a kind a kind a kind a kind a kind a kind a kind a kind a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I. I. I. I. I'm a kind. I'm a kind. I'm a kind. I'm a kind. I'm a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of. kind of a th. kind of. kind of. kind of. kind of. kind of. kind of. kind of a th. kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of a kind of radio on knee pads though, couldn't we think to take away with him too much? Stephen Wayne, it's a beautiful barnes. Have you still got those plane cards?

There's playing cards? Yeah, it's Wiley. Yeah. Oh dearly? Oh dear, you mean. I'll tell you, I tell you, Wiley, the poor man's Anne Hobbs, really, that you think? Well, that's very nice. Isn't that, that's a touching compliment. We can't come back, can we? He can't, ever again. It's going after 12. I know, yeah. So this is it, a fond and final farewell.

It's short-lived. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'll see you all, thanks for listening. See you later then. Cheers. Bye. It's Merri and Hobson Radio till midnight. Right now it's for the news with Phil Williams. Well, I'm the falcher. Never mind, felting. It's 1130. 97 to 99 FM.

Radio 1 Newsbeat. Well, in that case, Slade it is then. No, Black Sabbath. Slide, I'll get lost. I don't know. I don't know. If we're counting Led Zeppelin, if we're counting, if we're counting Led Zeppelin, obviously Led Zeppelin. No. Black Sabbath are better than Zeppelin. Oh, no, no.

Oh, come on. Oh, come on. Oh, come on. Oh, come on. . Go on give an example. Well there's a fantastic story. Just the ludicrous is ludicrous is that right? That's the word now. Ludacrosity. That'll do, yeah.

Tony Iomey was asked when they hit big in America what it was like for black subs and he said, oh it was mad. We went back to the hotel and there was like ten satin' sat and we sitting outside outside outside outside outside outside outside outside outside outside outside outside outside outside outside outside outside outside outside outside outside outside outside outside outside outside outside outside outside outside outside outside outside outside outside outside outside outside the the hotel and there was like 10 states and we sitting outside a hotel room all dressed in black with black candles so he blew the candles out and sung happy birthday to them. Oh yeah so that is true. But Led Zeppelin said, been a long time to the rock and the toy and I think that sums it up. Are you squeezing your lemon? I'm putting my little cocktail, chipplea on the table with two pickled onions and see if that's right right, right, right? Yeah, and the juice is running down my leg, indeed.

Well, we've embarrassed ourselves. Yes. I think in a way we might have embarrassed XFM. And I know. Certainly, we've embarrassed London. So who have you just had someone on the phone or on the fact saying? I was going to the sneaker pimps they're from Birmingham. I didn't know if they were or not. I don't know if sneaker pimps are from Birmingham. Yeah, exactly. Them small potatoes compared to the Sabbath. Yeah, the Sabblet. What is this? What is this

obsession with Sabbath? I always thought Sabbath were Zeppelin is that like the mold of the first rock gods, the greatest British band of what? Yeah, and who have Led Zeppelin go around to influence? You know what they've influenced? That's what they've influenced? That's what they've influenced. That's not their fault. That's not the fault.

Where as the best thing to come out of Birmingham Ricky. Without any shape. Okay, let's do it up to Thursday. I want proper votes, right? I'm faxes, right? Who is the best, the most influential, the best, the best band out of Led Zeppelin and Black Sabbath? You're playing with fire. It's like comparing Bobby Davo to Tommy Cooper. Oh, it's honesty. I don't think so. I think. I th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's th let's th let's th let's th let's tho, let's th, let's tho, let's th, let's th, let's th, let's th, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let th. Let's, th. Let th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. Let's thi. Let's thi. Let's thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo- thoo' tho'. I don't think so. I believe it is. I think it's like comparing, let's see, go on. Europe with Bernard Butler, Bernard Butler being led

Zeppelin. Wow, that's a bit abstract. But they're both completely corrupt. Oh, whereas Bobby Dabro is brilliant. I think you since tomorrow we're going to have a debate. It's like comparing something I don't like very much with something I like a lot more. Yeah, well that's the myth, so you're airing on the side of soft, aren't you? Where a Sabbath are hard. Yeah, well I like hard stuff as well. So you're like Europe and heat be on your part? No! Is that what you're saying? You hate Tommy Cooper but you love Bobby Davaro? How's that word? No! They're twisting it, Claire. Please vote for me! I'll find the self in the studio. Oh 175,5802. We've got 10 more minutes to leave Campfield. Oh 1, 7,000.58, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the to to the to the the to to to to to to to to to to to the the the to to to be to be to be to be the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. theyopoo. they. they. they. they. toe, toe, the the the the the the the the the the the the South in the studio. 0175802. Led Zeppelin's better than Black Sabbath.

Oh, 1, 71, 5802, we've got 10 more minutes to leave Campfield. Let's ask Camfield. Campfield. Canfield. Go and get him. He's just going to get him. Anyway, Matt, let's a bit small talk here. So you've enjoyed yourself today. Yeah, he's wrong. He's wrong, isn't he? He's having an aberration. Oh, he's here.

Right. Have you heard what we've just been doing? I've got no. Okay, right. Ian Canfield? Completely impartial. Seriously, you two look away, right? Right. I'm going to ask you, don't know what we think or who thinks. Just answer the question, right? In your opinion, who is the most influential band on the on the world rock scene right don't give me a clue No, we're not saying anything who in your opinion is the most influential band it's a better band for you and who influence war people out of Led Zeppelin and Black Sabbath

and what on what scene the rock scene there are all rock songs yeah most influential you know in them you know rock and top yeah best band yeah. Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Rock and Top. The best band. The best band. It's got to be Led Zeppelin. Yes! Yes! No! Yes! You're a scum.

That is it. You're a scum! That is it! Because! Because, because, the Led Zeppelin were, when they were, they went crap. You didn't stipulate the black the Ozzy Osbourne. You said if we ask Countfield that I'd be different. You said it you laid it on the line we didn't

give any clues. Campbell said Led Zeppelin that's it I'm happy with that player record. Right this is incredible. Why? What? What happens? They're clothed here. They're cluttied. They they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they said. they said. they said. they said. They said. They they. They they. They they they said. They said. They said. They said. They that. They that. They that. They said. They that. They that. They that. They that. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They said. They said. They. They said. They said. They said. They they. They said. They they. They they. They they. They they. They they. They they. They they. They they. They they. They they. They they they they took. They said. They said. They said. They said. They said. They said. They said. They said. They said. They said. They said. They said. They said. They said. They said. They said. They said. They said. They said. They said. They said. They took. They took. They they they they took. They said. They Led Zeppelin got every vote except one. Every single person was for Led Zeppelin except one and that wasn't a Black Sabbath, that was for Dave Keenan. That was for Dave Keenan. That was for Dave Keenan, that was for Dave Keenan, that was for the vote Dave Keenan, give him his own show. So Zeppelin got all the vote, Sabbath got none. Dave Keenan got more than Black Sabbath. Thank you. It's official. For the discerning punter of course Black Sabbath will always be there. But for people that just say, you know. For people who haven't got phones. People who can't use the phone. I'm not the phone. But I can't use modern technology. It's led

Zeppley. Excuse me a minute. Who did you say, Sturges? I was going for Sabbath. Right, Sabbath, and did you do the Friday Rock Show on Radio 1? Yeah. Exactly. I rest my case. Well, yes, and so do I. And so do I. I think I do. Well, I think I laid my case before you and I rested there and it was loung so similar to that of a human being that if they were

found at the scene of a crime, the police would not be able to tell the difference. Is that, well that is the fact that I remember the fact. And is it true? Well, it depends what sort of crime it was really. You got this from a reliable source? Of course, the internet. So let me get this right. The fingerprints of a koala bear are so similar to those of a human being that if they were found at a scene of a crime, the police would think that a human had committed that crime.

Yeah. Or vice versa, maybe. What kind of a crime is that? The great koala bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear bear that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the the the the that the the the the that that that that that the the that the that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the robbery. Right, yeah. So they've come in right, all the police have come in, the detectives, right? Quince's come strolling in about half hour later and I go, it's all right, Quince, we've solved this one. This is obviously a human being. He goes, oh is it? Oh is it? They're wolf. Yeah, of course it is. There's a bloke here. He's been bludgeoned to death with a lead pipe in the conservatory. He's a big lad, it's probably a six foot bloke and he's hitting with the right hand by the window. Quince he goes, oh yeah, it's a six foot bloke was it? Oh yeah, it's oh right, no, it's just that, you know, you've ruled out the possibility of five coale bears, have you? And the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the throwe, is throwease, is thoombeaer, is throwe, is probably, is probably, is probably, thoom, thogeauleaer, it's probably, it's probably, it's probably, it's probably, it's probably, it's probably, it's probably, it's probably, it's probably, you're the possibility, you're the possibility, you're the possibility, you're the possibility, you're the possibility, you're thoes, you're thoan, you're thin, you're thin, you're thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thoes, thoan, thoananan, thoananan't thoan't thoanan't thoan't thoananan't thoanan't thoan's probably, thoan's probably, th In a long coat. Yeah with the Trilby on. Obviously. The bottom one's the fat one going, oh we're doing. And the top one's going right,

left and they've snucked past the security guy. Yeah, and they've got. They've snuck past. Yeah. And they've got it. He's just said, go on they've got a false and starched obviously like you're growing yeah and they go all right the top one's got d'uff and the bottom one's holding it all up then they just scatter they just scatter leave a coat like an empty coat with a hat on it right and the thing is I think Quincy knows because he's already rounded them up and he's got a confession out and so they. And so he's just being really smoke and they're going, oh yeah, yeah, it's a human being, yeah. Well look Quincy, the fingerprints, yeah, let's have a look at these and they go, do you? They're just, they're just like, oh, yeah. But the's counting his cash. He's just up there hanging loose catching it, he's a congue's he's fingerprinted he's got an alibi and these pawns they're not going to

pin anything on Mr. Big. He couldn't be used those koala pawns and he's a devilish fiend. Yeah and they tall one's got the little head with the trilby, he was at the top because he can wield like a lead pipe the end or the hat fitted in. The hat, have you got that letter? Ah yes no I have no I'm gonna I'm gonna wait till later about this. There's a great letter I'll wait till listening if you're currently investigating a crime think got fingerprints you think you've sewn it up think again just think just just have you looked at the koala angle expect the unexpected so I just can't understand it I don't think it's my kind of humor the competition is this Steve you know I think you're a

a bit wacky you're frightened aren't you just you're frightened you're frightened and these people and the people th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th they th they they they th th th they th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th I th I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi a little bit wacky. You're frightened aren't you? You're frightened. And these people, not your phone up, but come into the studio. I know. He was scared last week, right? He came in the week as well. I'm kind of like Barrymore, that sort of thing. I think he's really funny. Yeah, I mean Barrymore, no. Sort of funny? I'm kind of like Barrymore? No. Sort of still black. Steve, you're funny. But nowhere near as funny as me. I just with the calls and the competitions. I think it just sort of goes over my head. The competition is this. Oh, sorry to Mark Adams as well.

Nick cut you off and he's a regular listener. The competition is this. Someone phones up for no reason at all. Don't give the reason away. Send me a CD is the winner. It's the way you don't even use grammar. You just use words. Do you take the words that you say out of these back? Is that how you form your sentences and your competition private? I don't think of it as forming sentences. I think of it as when my head gets hot I have to call it down. And speech is the best thing. It's sort of like, do, do, do, do, do, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, th, the th, the th, the th, th, the the the the the the the the the way, the way, the way, the way, the way, is, is, is, the way, is, is, is, is, is, is the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way you the way you the way you the way you the way, is, is the way, is the way, is the way, is the way, is the way the way, is the way, is the way the way the way the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi, thi, thi, is the thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi my head gets hot I have to call it down and speech is the best thing. It's sort of like, do you know what I mean? I'm walking on the street and I don't know, I don't know I have to talk and it sort of calls it down. I've got some people

who've called. John has called from North Harrow, Paul from Maida Vale. I don't know why they called. No reason. I don't know who they are. Going back to the competition that you set, we've had a fellow Carl from Catford. Now he phoned up to try and offer us a suggestion as to how we can receive money for free by begging for it without breaking the law. Oh he's the winner then. And is he? Yeah. Well, right. So the fellow on the phones, the fellow's man in the phones even managed to get a CD out of him, persuaded him to send it to CD?

Yeah, it needs to be the winner anyway, even if you hadn't sent the CD. Yeah. I don't... I'm just trying to pick a song here. I haven't worked out my next song. I... I don't know that for a while. Javais, what? I don't want to work here anymore. It's... Is that all right?

Do you mind if I... No, no, no, it'd be plenty people wanting to fill your shoes. And think of all the new the tube earlier, Javais. Now I know that you walk into work, but I do have to take the tube. There's a guy on, there's a kid on there, sat opposite me, 10, 11 maybe, all right. And he looks quite normal. 12 at the most. I know, just got the sort of, you know, just got a the street, you, you, you, you, the street, the, the, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the too, too, to to to to to going to get bullied at school, you're just a normal looking kid, except, Jervais, he was wearing a dear stalker hat. Now, what's happening there?

Oh, I love that. Do you know what I mean? When he goes to school on Monday morning, if he's wearing the hat, they're just going to kick the get hold of power, do it via us. He doesn't want to give out his address obviously, might attract mad people. Now I read in the paper years ago there was this guy and he was from Sheffield and he was at the birth of Christ he lived before as a cow. But that's not all. Another bloke who also lived in Sheffield saw this up and said,

I don't believe it, so was I. Right? So what's the chance of that? I was a cow as well. And they started, they started this cult called cattle for Christ. It's just two of them. But I just imagined people can say, I was a donkey. there was a doggy. Good, did you see it? Now there was a beam in. I was a beam. I was a bean. I was a bean. I was a bean. I was a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was a the the the the the the the the the their, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was a thin. I was a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the too. Hea. I was, I was, I was, I was, see I know I was well I was being milked couldn't see a thing where were you I was a chicken so you saw everything now I was out was no I was so close poultry for the prodigal son yeah yeah yeah I mean I'm sure they're all kind of societies like this and perhaps if you're a member of one then we'd to you know find out all about you two idiot to talking nonsense on the radio it's a a a a a the the the to a to the the to to the the the the the the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to they. to they. they. I'm the. I'm th. I'm they. I'm they. I'm they. I'm they. I'm they. I'm they. I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I I I I I I was I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I thol I tho. the. I thin. I'm thin. I'm thin. I'm thin. I'm the. I'm te. I'm not toon't te. I'm not toon't toon't toon't tooe. tooe. te. I'm try. I'm the the. I'm all about you. Two idiot talking nonsense on the radio. It's a cult.

Of course it is. Well I am. Challenge has been set. Yeah. Yeah. Matt didn't know this but I'm a bit of a Subutio buff myself. He comes in here all with his sheepskin on, right? With his little team under his hand and his rolled out.

I'll play a subpoena. I said I do yeah so where the Gorton it was low down it was yeah we've got a chilly against England but unfortunately I haven't got I haven't got chilly so I brought in Morocco in so not Colombia Colombia yeah so if any the defenders mess up I can always shoot one of them yeah yeah of course and that's going to be live it's 10 minutes each way at 20 to 3 in the expan in the expan now we are actually doing a proper football match yeah on x-f this after this this this this this this this th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th at th th th th th th th th th the their their th th th th th to to to to the the to to the to the to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the to to the to the to the they. theeeee. to to to to to to to to to to to their their th is their to 3 in the X-P round. We are actually doing a proper football match, a football match on XFM this afternoon, kick off at 20 to 3 so it's 10 minutes each way. Yeah, and we'll be dipping in occasionally to see. A little board phrase is gonna be the referee. Marbleous. Because the only one that can fit on the pitch and run around. Of course. Without without disturbing any any of the players. It's a work work. It's the work. It's the work. It's a work. I I I I I in? No, I've got this, look at him. Look at it, look at his face, Gus Coyne here, he's so pleased, look at him there, he's only

an inch high, but look at it, I've got Gus, Incie, Batty, there's semen there. I've got this all over Nigel Martin who's in gold. I'm going to put in it in. thirty that's that's that's that's list of that. But not mine, Matt brought it in, you're filthy. So anyway, we're going to... Apparently for goldkeeper's choice though, most women prefer flowers to seaman. Really? Yeah. Oh, Matt! Oh, there's some the crowd. It's off.

It's off. We're away. It's a £50, £30. England, oh, the Croix don't like that much. And he's just right up there. There he is. He's a flicked to plastic man. Barry Spinnaker there and little Tommy Tomkinson from the end of his thoo'

their 11 there and he's running all the goal kick. It's a goal kick. There's a little boy Fraser there on his horn. Right? On its final. Half time. Half time? That's it. Now we'll be back in a minute. That's ridiculous.

Really? That's stupid. We can have a penalty shoot out though. I nearly sprained myself. I'd had a stop in mid- thuuice, thuice, thuice, thuice, thuice, thuice, thuice, thuice, thuice, thuice, thuice, thuice, thuice, thuice, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thathea, tho, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there. There, there. There, there. There, there. There, there. There, there. There, th. There, th. There, th. There, th. There, tho, tho, thaten, thaten, thaten, thaten, that's that's that's a little that's a little thate. There's a little there's a little there's a little there's a little there's a little there, there, there, though. I nearly sprained myself and I had to stop in mid-swing. That's happened before though. We will be back at the exit. Mum, I don't want any tea. I'm busy. You're very good with your fingers on. Right after this. Well, Claire, I'm in England down to 10 men. I had to pull one of my players off at half-time. It's very kind of you. My boys would they they they they they they they they they they they would would would would would would would wouldn't they would they would they wouldn't they wouldn't they wouldn't they wouldn't they wouldn't they wouldn't they would they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they their they they their their their I had to pull one of my players off at half time. That's very kind of you. My boys only get oranges. I used to do that to mine, but they wouldn't put the tights on and have the bag over their head. Here we go.

And it's our, oh, look that lovely ball there. A huddled tie ball into nowhere in particular. Oh, it's chilly again. They're chilly. Oh, it's their their their their their their their they're th. It's th. It's th. It's chilly. It's chilly. It's ch ch ch ch ch cha. It's cha. It's cha. th. th. th. th. th. thirty. thirty. thirty. thirty. thirty. It's thirty. thigh. thight. thight. thight. thight. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're th. T. T. T. They. tied. tied. tied. tied. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, tied. Oh, tied. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, too. too. too. too. tied. too. tied. tied. Oh. Oh. Oh, too. Oh, they found his own player, they missed it completely. England move up there, and it's a dirty foul, it's a dirty foul. I'll take it. Quite a dangerous area. He's moving two. There's not, oh, one, two, three. Oh, here there's a foul. I've never been in such close proximity to you, Ricky. England in possession again. Oh, look at this move here.