The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Xfm S1E19 (April 6, 2002)

Episode Date: September 2, 2022

The show ran between September 2001 and May 2002 before Gervais and Merchant went on hiatus to film the second series of ‘’The Office’’. Initially, Pilkington’s on-air presence was relatively minimal compared to what it would become. Gervais and Merchant only occasionally called for Karl to weigh in with his thoughts, while the two mostly talked to each other, with the “links” between songs comprising only about 30 minutes of the show’s 2-hour run time.As Pilkington’s personality moved to the forefront, the talk portion of the show expanded to roughly an hour per 2-hour broadcast. While the show relied largely upon a stream-of-consciousness format, Pilkington made attempts to keep things more conventional by insisting on running contests and airing pre-recorded segments and regular “features”.

That was the Travis and some flowers through my window. This is an XFM 104.9 of a Saturday afternoon just gone six minutes past one. I'm Ricky Jovey is with me Steve Merchant. Hi. Hi, could I talk with you. Carl Pilkington is over there. All right. Hey.

Hey, yeah. Keeps it real. Yeah. Rick, I just think, you know, we want to lift off the show straight away into the stratosphere. Yeah. And the best way to do that, it seemed to me, was to resurrect a game we used to play when we first began the show in old XFM days.

Do you remember the game, do you remember the game, make Ricky Javais laugh? Rub me hard? Rub. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. the. R. the the the the the the the the the the the the best. The. The the the best. the best. the best. The best. The best. The best. The best. The best. The best. The best. The best. The best. The best. The best.............................................................. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The................................................................................. Gervais Laugh. Oh I remember. We used to get people, Carl, you probably didn't hear it. We used to get people to sort of send in pictures and jokes and stuff. And if I could make Ricky laugh on air with those. You want a toffee. Then they want to the gift of some kind. Anyway, anyway, um, a lot of emails. in today's copy of the sun so if you're listening at home and you want to know what the picture looks like rush out and buy a copy only 40 P and uh... and we sponsor it by the sun. We do white van man.

Exactly. It means straight away this because bear in mind it is one of the world's biggest rock stars. Okay just check out the face. Oh that's fantastic! Look at that. That is Michael Stipe. Oh dear, we're sort of looking like, I don't know, some sort of Nazi officer. That's not libelous. In your opinion, Michael Stype, he's outside there during the press conference for Peter Bucks. It's not a good picture.

I love, I think, I love Ariem and I love Michael Starrant. But that's not a bad picture, isn't it it's thiaiaiaiaia, thiiiiii, that's not, thi, th, th, th, thi, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that's not, that's not, that's not, that's not, thi, thi, that's not, that's not, that's not, that's not, that's not, that's not, that's not, that's not, that's not, that's not, that's, that's, that's, that's, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, I's, I's, I's, I's thi, I's thi, I's thi, I's thi, I's thi, I's thi, I's thi, I's not thi, I's not thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thiii, thii, thii, that's a bad picture isn't it? He's got big glasses on and stubble obviously he doesn't appear to be looking at anything he's looking right beyond everyone else. Can you see that? I tell you what looks like he looks like Zig I think from Zig and Zag. It looks like he's a muffled. It looks like he's a muffled. It's a mutoy. Oh Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh he's a mope. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. It's a moped. It's a moped. It's a moped. It's a moped. It's a moped. It's a moped. It's a moped. It's a moped. It's a moped. It's a moped. It's a moped. It's a moped the game the game the game the game the game the game the game the game the game the game the game the game the mup. He's a mup. He's a mup. He's a mup. He's a mup. He's a mup. He's a mup. He's a m. He's a m. He's a m. He's a m. He's a m. He's a m. He's a m. He's a m. He's a m. He's a m. He's a muc. He's a muc. He's a muc. He's a muc. He's a muc. He's a th. He's a th. He's a th. He's a th. He's a th. He's a th. He's a th. He's a th. He's a th. He's a Ah, what a good picture that is. I hope you enjoyed it. Coming up soon we've got Sir David of Bowie, Nicholas Cave and Travis Flowers in the window again. Play a song. Aerodynamic on XFM, 104. It's all right.

Uneventful, wasn't it? Really? So I left a secret to going a while. Popped out for a coffee. Yeah. I don't want to diss the funny little French lads. Sure. But, you know.

Try harder. Are they French? Yeah, oh God, yeah. Sorry. Do you. Do you speak much French, Rick? I speak unper. I can ask, where is the tourist information bureau and I can express my preference in music tastes and I can order an Orangina and that's all I can do. I know.

Um Pierre, blonde, press the on I think. That means draft your French. To em lemle music folk? Oh, that's filthy. So what that means, Carl? No, go on. Really dirty. Really dirty. To emblemuicic folk. Yeah, you dirty. You, you filthy, little, Frenchy. Why? Do you know, do you know much French Carl? Um? Have you got any fromage? Ha ha ha ha ha? That would work? That's cheese old fish.

It's cheese. Would you not care which one you were given? You like both. I think that's a whole different kettle of psalis on. Yeah. I just think when you're in, in a country, should have a little go. Well, you mean like football hoodigans have a little go? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. their. their. their their their th. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. that's that's that's th. that's. that's. that's that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. th. th. th. th. th. th. their. their. their. their. their their their their their their their their their their their their their the their their their th. their th. their th. I. th. th. th. It worked well. That's a very little go. Yeah. You mean like football hooligans have a little go? What do you mean?

You know, try and have a go out there. Yeah. Well what I do is I go in there and I point and talk a bit louder than usual in perfect English and if they don't get it, I go mental. Exactly. Securing the fact that is the prerogative of all Englishmen. Oh just point. Point and shout. Don't forget, you know, because you can never be foreign if you're English anywhere. No, they're speaking funny. Just remember that? Yeah? God save. Sorry, go on then. You were going to say something else. Yeah. That's picture you're showing me. Yeah. I wish we could post one on the award ages ago. What was it called???? the British? the British? the British? the British? the British? the British? the British the British the British the British the British the British the British the British the British the British the British the British the British the British the British? You the British? You the British? You were the the to to to the British the British to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Point. Pointing. Pointing. Pointing. th. Pointe. th. thi. thoing. thoing. thoing. thoing. thoing. thoing. thoing. to. thoing. tho. post one of the website of Carl. You remember we won that we won an award ages ago, what is it called the British

Radio Authority Award? Yeah. And we've made Carl get in the picture and he was a bit coerce and he was a bit coerced, but he was a today. But his head is perfectly circular. I put a coin on it and only the ears popped out from behind the coin. Isn't it perfectly round? I mean when you've been saying I've got around Ed I was a bit like yeah everyone has stop having to go. And I saw this picture last week I thought God he's right. Can we get it? Can't we just pop it on the X-ON website? I'd rather not. I'll go on to get someone. Have you seen that man in a jar without a brain? that's that a product you can buy? Is it a dream you had yesterday? Is it a dream you had yesterday? Can I, yes, hello, um, could you make my dream into reality please?

Oh, we can't actually, sir. In plastic would be good? Sorry, what do you mean? In the future, you have to download your dreams and then just like act them out again probably in the year 2000 or something. Sooth say it? No, there's some museum somewhere. That's got this little fella who was born without a brain and he's in a jar and it's just that he's got a really round ed. Right. And when I saw this picture I thought, God, it just reminded me of this little fella.

Yeah, but what do you mean he's born without a brain? So it's a baby. It's not a little feller. Do you know the different, do you have conversations with like people in Prams thinking that the fellow's little and he doesn't talk much? Yeah. You know babies aren't like little people? Well maybe? Well they are little people but I mean they're not very small adults. They're not like midget. They don't do a job of work is what we're saying? They're not like mid. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. their. their. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do, do. Do, do. Do, do. Do, do. Do, do. Do, do. Do, do. Do, do. Do, do. Do, do. Do, picture. This is where you're going wrong, Carl. This is always your mistake. You see the picture. You don't read the little cat. But what do you mean? How do you guess what you think the meaning? But how did you know it didn't have a brain? He said something like the brainless man. Yeah, but people say that. People say that. People say. thi. the the you. the they. they. they. People say, literally. they. the picture. the picture. the picture. the picture. the picture. the picture. the picture. the picture. the picture. the picture. the picture. the picture. the picture. the picture. the picture. the picture. the picture. the picture. the picture. the picture. the picture. the picture. the picture. the picture. the picture. the picture. the picture. the picture. the picture. the picture. the picture. the picture. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. famous picture. All right calling 0870, 800, 800, 1234. Once again, you win a prize if you can tell us what Carl is talking about. Just in general, it's an ongoing competition. We're try and find some CDs to anyone who

knows what Carl is talking about. Stereophonics, Vegas two times. Well we've had calls confirming that there was indeed a fetus or a stillborn child. A pickled baby. No wonder it died. Born without a brain. But everyone has, you know, pointed out that it wasn't a little fella. It certainly wasn't a little feller. No, no. Because it had been in the jar for a long time I think it had aged a bit. What are you basing that on? You do carry on growing, yeah. You're ears and your nose. Your eyes don't grow so you could probably, yeah. I'll dig it out for you. Imagine if like there was an experiment where they were raising a child just based on the information that we said on the radio. What kind of a person that they made?

Yeah, yeah. What kind of information would they have? And it took everything literally? Exactly. And I think yeah there was no there's no irony or yeah it was just. Everything we said they assumed was fact. And it was just, no, this worries me because without they they they they their their they their they they their their their they they their their their their they their their their they their their they they their they their their they they they they they they're thi. they said, thi. they're they're just, they're just, they're just, they're just, they're just, they're just, they're, they they're, they they they they they they they they they they they they're, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. the. thi. thi. theat. theat. thi. thea. thea. thea. theat. thi. thea. thi. the. thi. thi. that had about the world, it could only ask Carl. Exactly. And it would be... Now, this worries me because without wishing to be disrespectful in any way, Carl, you know I think you're the best man on earth, when you have a child, we could be in a situation a bit like that.

Do you know, is it a concern for you, do you think that when have a sphere of knowledge which you are an expert on. Ask your mother. You say ask your mother. That's good. That's great, fair enough. That's good. And I'd play with it. I think I'd be a good dad. Yeah, I think you would be the one who's shouting at it.

No. No. It would, I think you are the rights and wrong. You don't have to be a really bright person to know the rights and wrong in the world. No. I think you are bright, Carl. You are. And at what point in their life would you tell them about the evolution of the begett. Or the story of the bee? Yes. Or the story once.

Or the you had it school, the webbed hands. Big heads and webbed hands. That weren't friends. I wish we could try them, don't they? I imagine they're in a zoo. Oh wow. Oh, two big jars. Two big jars. Industrial strength jars.

Oh dear. Guess what? Go on. This is one of our last shows. We're going away, I'm afraid, on the 4th of May, isn't it? I can't remember. That's our last show, the 4th of May. Yeah, not forever. I brought a down on the whole thing then, didn't I? There's people cheering. Guess who's taken over from us? And I found this out. I was watching Liquid. Right. No one that's thi. th. th. th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. th. th. I. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was th. th. thi. th. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thooooooo. thi. tho. thi. their. the but is this confirmed? I don't know how should I have said that? Is this true? Yeah I think so. Oh yeah you've done it

now. She was in the other day you watched it on the tele, so. Yeah what annoys me is this is rather like when we got according to last week's media guardian we got wrapped for saying the word cock on the radio and what we never did we that was we'd have to read that on the internet we'd never told that that just slipped out your mouth didn't it? What's that? Cog? Yeah. Yeah yeah so anyway and now we don't even get told face-to-face that Zoe Ball's gonna take over. Yeah but it was only like sorted out the other day and then I saw you we're not allowed to say, no, no, I'm not going to say the word and we're not going to say the, we are allowed to say the male bird is a cock, we're not allowed to say the other one, but we are allowed to say ball.

Yeah. What if her in her dad, Bobby, would they be able to say a pair of balls? We'll be able to say that and I don't think he's part of the deal. So you don't need to. In fact, if she's listening, call in and confirm it. We're later on the air, won't we? As long as she doesn't swear. Yeah, don't be rude, sorry. Lou. Yeah. Better warn us not to leave too much, nothing lying around

because it'll be gone, especially if it's Skag. Echo and the Bunnymen, killing Moon, good to hear that again. Yes. On XFM, 104. Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Who's that funny, round-headed fellow over there?

Carl Pilkington. Pilky. Pilke, Pilkers. Well, she's not called, so, thin. I didn't think we were being disrespectful to her because we both think she's a fine presenter and I think she'd do very well on it and I think it's a good move as well. Yeah, but can you just say it's not not forever? Isn't it? No, she's not.

I think she'll become more popular than us. I think that'll be the end of us to be honest. She can spring a sentence together. thinks you get lots of PR and she goes out with Big Boy Slim. Big Boy Slim. It's a good DJ. He's a good DJ. And uh... Is her name Zoe Slim now? Yeah. Right. Um. And you know there will be nothing. Three months in it, she's taken over for? Is she getting paid the same as us? I don't know. We'll find out. I bet it's a hell of a lot more. I'll go mental. I bet it's good money. It's good. I'll go mental. Well, there you go. What are you going to do? I'm uh... For three months. I'm gonna have sat this off. Is she, are you gonna present with her? Are you gonna come on and press the buttons? He's not allowed? No, I don't. I don't. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the th. Are th. Are th. Are th. Are th. Are th. Are th. Are th. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are th. Are. Are th. Are th. Are th. Are th. Are th. Are th. Are th. Are th. Are th. Are th. Are. I. Are th. Are th. Are th. Are th. Are present, co-presenter. Yeah. Yeah, you're like our little fellow in a jar. Yeah, it's like that's what we should do with you over the three months. Keep in a jar, then we can have it,

alternate weeks, like, like step parents or whatever. Yeah, that'd be great, wouldn't it? We'll see the fight for custody. Yeah, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin, thin, th. thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, that, th. th. th. th. th. th. that, that, that, that, tho, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, the. Yeah, the. Yeah, the. Yeah, the. Yeah, the. Yeah, the. Yeah, the. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, yeah, that would be great wouldn't it? Brilliant, just you can be... We'll see the fight for custody. Yeah, it'll be a big jar though, you can put stuff in there. You can, oh you can have, it won't be, it won't be like, like, um, it'll be like, and it'll, you're a big try thrown, you'd be like a little, what would you try and it be like, you know, it's a little, you'd be, you'd be, you'd be, you'd be, you'd be, you'd be, you'd be, you'd be, you'd be, you'd be, you'd be a big, you'd be a big, you'd be a big, you'll, you'll, you'll, you'll, you'll, you'll, you'll be a big, you'll be a big, you'll be a big, you'll, you'll be a big, you'll, you'll, you'll be a big, you'll be a big, you'll, you th. You'll, you, you, you, you, you, you thin, you'll, you'll, you'll, you'll, you'll, you'll, you'll, you'll, you'll, you, you, you, you'll, you'll, you'll, you'll, you, you'll, you, you'll, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you'll, you'll, you'll, you'll, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it'll, th. th. It'll, it'll, it'll, it'll, it'll, it'll, it'll, it'll, it'll a week and she'd go, and we'd put a blanket over the top so we wouldn't, you know, see anything. But like the Big Brother household. Exactly. Now that's a hell of a documentary. Oh, that'll be amazing, wouldn't it? Carl in a jar.

But anyway, so, so we're going to, so. I'm afraid. And Zoe Ball is standing in for us. And... That can't be right. She's not... I don't think you can say. Isn't that right? Taking over the show, I think it would be fair to say. I don't know. I can't say anything now, can you. I'm worried about it.

Just because he goes out with big boys slim. You've got think that we're getting melancholy now that you're just going to sit at home. What are you going to do every Saturday? Let's sort out a jar. You've got to do the balloons before then as well. You've got to send you up in a balloon. Maybe you can send you up in a balloon and you come up. Maybe you can't up in a big jarr and to an uninhabited island or summer tell you something that learned in the week just reminded me there about going up in the air go on right if

cars could drive up it only took an hour to get into space which is great going how fast about 50 miles an hour you just made that up, didn't you? You just guessed that. You just guessed it. You just said about 50. See, this is what worries me. If you have a son or a daughter, age 50, you can be out in the street with a ramp, pointing into the sky. Dad, how long does elephants live? About a thousand years? A thousand or something? Dad, how much can an ant lift? About a quarter of a quarter of a kilogram, probably, about two bags of sugar. If you guess it's not fact. Yeah, just because you thought it, that doesn't make it fact.

Does anyone know how long it to take a car going 50 miles now? Let's not know. People are phoning about anything. Yeah. We asked some to phone in about the jar I think. Switchboard lit up! It's crazy! You ask them to phone in about like you know something sensible like Che Guevara or you know the life of Mr. Christian. There's nothing. That is really a demographic sort of snapshot of our fans. Ask him about a dead baby without a brain. And they're reaching with their phones they don't mind what their their tho their their th is th is th is th is th is tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho that's tho tho- tho- tho- they're to to the. Yeah to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. I I the the. I the. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I the. Yeah, I theate. I theate. I'm theat-I theat-I theat-I theat-I'm theattry. Yeah, you they're reaching with their phones, they don't mind what their bin is that much. We ask them for, you know, I don't know, great quotes or something great philosopher is nothing. They're just looking at a phone. Yeah, meths. Straight on the phone. Do you know the quotes that Ricky gave me last week and I turned down. Yeah, I got home. I got home. Girlfriend had a girlfriend. Yeah. I. I. G-a. G-a. G-a. G-a-a-a-a-a-a-in. Yeah. G-in. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. G-a-in-in-in-in-in-in'-a-in'-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-in'-in'-in'-a-a-a-in'-in'-in' the-in' their-in' their their their their their the of the show he said I'm not taking it is too difficult. I'm going to go and get a nice one

and go on. Yeah so I went home and Suzanne said where's the book she was really looking forward to having a look at it. I said oh I gave it him back infants, you like you colouring in and you paint in stuff. So but as soon as it gets to the heavy stuff, you just, you know, you like a horse with its blinkers on. So you just shut yourself away. So I said, no, I just, I could have done it if I wanted to. So anyway, we went and bought a quotation book so I have got some quotes. So I was asking him to read the So I was asking him to read Keats and Wild Wordsworth Shakespeare. What did you buy? It's quotes with like Eric and Ernie and that in it? No but it's still quotes. They're still quotes. The Sesame Street book of quotes.

Brilliant. No that's they're still valid. No it's a starting point., it's a starting point. Okay. Well, we'll have some quotes from about after the... We've got a bit of new order. That new order. Excellent. New order? Here to stay. On XFM, 104.9.

Someone, I love our listeners. I really do, right. Someone just called in and said, he about putting, he went, hello, Carl answers the phones. But I said hello, he said, yeah, about putting Carl in a big jar and Carl thin. Carl went, go on. And the bloke went, well then you could call him Carl Pickleton. And he went, thanks. I love them bothering. I like Carl Pickleton.

That's lovely, that's so sweet. He spent 50P to tell you that and you were worried. You just saw you going up in a balloon and landing in a jar again, didn't you? What have you gone through yet? You've had nothing but good feedback from this show now and now you're just getting all worried, aren't you? Heat magazine say you're a genius. You've got your picture in that extracts magazine with a little round head. You have Jaffa cakes. I gave him a five their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their f f f f f f f f f f f. I've their f. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got th. I've got th. I've got th. I've got th. I've got th. I've got th. I've got th. I've got th. I've got th. I've got th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I th. I th. I th. I've got th. I've got th. I've got th. I've got th. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got t. I've got t. I've got to t. I've got to t. I've got. He's got ttwo hours of the week. I enjoy it, yeah. It's all right, sometimes. Yeah? What's better regular than this for you? What's a better two hours a week? Sleep doesn't count? Actually probably right, it might be this. Yeah? Or, um, that 24 things good. Probably was mentioning your girlfriend. Yeah well that goes without saying don't I? Oh he's done it he's pulled it around. He's a charmer. If you could come in and sit in the corner

then yeah it would be the best time ever. That's pretty sweet that. Oh she's not even in London at the moment. Oh we'll say what you have to say it. And you did anyway. Yeah that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's a that's the that's the the that's the th. th. the th. that's the th. the the that's the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. ttttttttttell. tttell. tttttell. tttttttttell. ttttttell. I that's th what you want to have to say that. You have to say it and you did anyway. Yeah, that's lovely. She might be listening. Yeah, it's got my digital, it's always that. It's always that danger. Anyway, Steve, over to you. I just was, because I've been doing some acting this week as you know. I know. I know. And I don't normally act, but I, basically there's some people at the

BBC who were making a comedy pilot, kind of comedy TV show, and you know, and I auditioned for it, and the role was to play a sort of freaky-looking, sort of lanky geek, you know. and I don't want to say how did you beat off I don't want to say an arrogant Rick but they gave me a job on the spot you know so it's like you know I'm not a bad actor I'm not as good as Rick but I'm you know I'm what is it it's a it's a I play a really tall guy like a sort of that's the part that's the part that's a part of a about you've got a character I'm a character I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I'm a character I'm a character I'm a character I'm a character I'm a character I'm a character I'm a character I'm a character who's a character who's a character who's a character I'm a character I'm a character I'm a character I'm a character I'm a try I'm a character I'm a character I'm a character I'm a try I'm a try I'm a try I'm a try I'm a try I'm a try I'm a try I'm a th I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I'm I'm a try I'm a try I'm a try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try th th I'm a th I'm a th I'm man. That's it, yeah. But there's always a man that beats me every year because he's slightly taller, but this year I think for some reason because I've been training I can beat him. That's the percent. And Sally Phillips, I don't know if you know Sally Phillips, she's very good comedy writer and actress and she's written. So it was good and had me dancing. Now as you know I think I'm a pretty groovy dancer. I'm a bit of a mover. And I have to tell you this Rick. Do you have anyone's eye out with your album? I have come to some serious realizations about my dancing. Really?

I was moving around like a shire horse dancing. It was terrible. It was terrible. I was just they were just like quick and they say this choreographer they were they were trying they were trying they were trying they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were c. They were c. They were c. They were c. They were c. They were c. They were c. They were just c. They were just c. They were just c. They were just c. They were just c. They were just c. They were they were they were they were they were they were they were they. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do, the. Do, they. Do, they. Do, they. Do, they. Do, they. Do, they. Do, they. Do, they. Do, they, do, do, do, do. Yeah. It was so bad. But the worst thing about it is, today my whole body is ravaged with pain and agony. I'm utterly devastated by the agony of it. Trying to get down the stairs this morning, I swear to God, I looked like Thorough. Trying to hobble that. It was mad. I was like, I'd had to go down in an angle, going down down got to go down at an angle going down the stairs, it was ludicrous and I was really worried, suddenly I'm thinking because I thought I was pretty fit and pretty groovy and everything. And I had been discussing with this mate and my housemate that we should maybe start doing some exercise because I'm being a little bit away, right? He's quite a tall guy. He has a belly, I don't know how to summarize. I. I. I. I've. I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've th. I've thin, I've thin, I've thin, I've thin, I've thin, I've thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I th. I th, because, because, because, because I th. I th. I th. I th, because I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thin, I thin' thin' thin' thin' thin, I thin, I the, I the, I the, I the an the an the an theateat, I theeat, I theeeat, I theat, because I theeat, because I the. I summarize it. Have you ever seen the film Junior with Arnold Schwarzenegger? Yeah. It looks like that. Really? It's like grotesque. So the two of us, right? So we suggested, we decided that we were going to do some exercise together. Right, this is what we're going to do.

Each morning we were going to get up, we're going to exercise together. That don't know they might have an aerobics thing or a sort of hour long workout I said to get one of the ones that's hosted by like Pauling Quirk Elm Macpherson or Cindy Crawford you know you know someone like that someone's sexy right so I swear to God we went down this morning we put it on right just want you to picture the scene right it's me and my mate in our shorts right to the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the their I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I the the the the the the the the they. the they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. the they. the... He didn't actually do it. To Helen from Big Brothers video, right? That was, it was the cheapest one, Steve, he told me. Thanks very much, mate. We saw that advertised as well. Working out, right?

And the two of us in our shorts, she's there, like, you know, she's the closest there there to their the closest, their, the closest, their, their, the closest, their, their, their, their, their, their, thi, thi, thi, thi, their, their, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the cheapest, the, the, the cheapest, the, thi.................. It was, is, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, they.e.e......... their. their. It was. It was. It was, it was, it was, it. There's nothing gay about that is there? There's nothing a tou-touch kind of fruity about that image? No, I mean the ones you do avoid would be Eliza Manelli, Roya Cal. Graham, Gail Norton, obviously. Yeah, Dale Winton. Gai Berne. Right, sure. He's not gay. But I mean the name's a little bit gay isn't it? So I think I think Helen from my brother you're probably safe. Who else? Who else? I don't know what else to tell you really. But I mean because I know you've got a personal trainer I'm obviously not in that kind of state there's kind of states at the moment I don't have that kind of cash. No you know I'm bit. But what I'm saying is do you go through a pain barrier? No, no, no, I stopped way before that and I sit down and have a beer. Right. There's no point in going through pain because it just put you off. So if you, you know, start

feeding any sort of pain or any breathlessness or any aches sit down immediately. Is it like that he's worked out a special routine for you where you don't have to get up? Yeah, when he actually said, I remember the food diary and he was looking at it and I could see he was, he sort of feared it, he feared taking on this challenge and this true quote at one point he said right, okay cut cheese down to five times a week then. I must have haggled from four. Cheese down to five times a week. And it's sort of like, I'm my own worst enemy.

Because if I cut out cheese and beer, I would just lose weight like it, it would drop off me in a month. So what I'm doing, I'm just, I'm fighting it all the time. I haven't changed me, I sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. th. to. th. th. C. C. C. t. C. t. tased. toge. toge. toge. toge. toge, toge, toge, together, I'm, together, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, the time. I haven't changed me sort of eating and drinking habits, but I now work out three times a week. And it's an outfield, it was just, so you're just keeping it an even cute. I know, well yeah, so I can live longer to eat more cheese and beer. Do you do any exercise whatsoever? I used to go to a gym in town but it wasn't the sort of the hard work of doing the stuff, you thu. you thu, you thu, you thu, you thu, you thu, you thu, you thu, you thu, you thu, you thu, you thi, you thi, you thi, you thi, you thi, you're just just just just so you're just so you're just so you're just just, you're just, you're just so you're just so you're just so you're just so you're just so you're just so you're just so you're just so you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you you you you you you you you you you you you you th-so, you you th-so, you th-so, you thi, you thi, you thi, you thi, you thin, you the thi, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you're just just just just, you're just, so you're just, so you're just, so you're just so you're just, so you're just, so you're just so you're just, so you're just, so you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just like 60 quid a month. Yeah. I thought well, crazy isn't it? That's not good. So I just got me away to sort of walk everywhere. Do you know, sort of jumping on a bus, like a nice day like today, walking to work or, you know, run up the stairs. You're really skinny though? What? You're really skinny though? No, but I do eat a lot of like, crappy food. So I reckon, I mean, I th. I they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I th. th. th. th. I th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. So, I th. So, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, so, I just, I just, so, I just, I just, so, I just, I th. So, I th. So, I th. So, I th. So, I th. So, I th. So, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th th th th th. I that, I that, I just, I just, I just, I just, I that, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I food so I reckon, I mean what did he say when you

get to 30 at all just you go mental don't you? Yeah they say that play record. That's the philosophers isn't it? When you get to 30 you go mental. Oh, they can't. Yeah, I think so. Play record. Better Bowie. Yeah, I brought this I think, I'm sure. This is a great bow track off Aladdin Tame, one of my favourite albums and this is Lady Grinning Soul. It's beautiful.

I'm Bertie John Boy, Silent Sigh on XFM, 104. I'm Rickard to Vase, you can do your own. Oh right, okay, my name's Steve Merchant. Yeah, I'm Carl. Yeah, exactly. you've not lost lost interest have you Rick? No, of course I haven't. Okay. Go on. It's silly to, I've said it once, I was a bit bored with just saying your names. I don't mind saying mine because I'm sort of interested in that. Yeah. Sure. But the other ones are sort of more of a chore. I mean, there's nothing in it for me. Yes. There's no actual. I'd rather not mention. I'd that. I'd that. I'd that. I'd that. I'd that. I'd that. I'd th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've that I've th. I've th. I've that's that's that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that I've that. I've that. I've that. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've said th. I've said the. I've said the the the the the the. I've said the the the the. I've said I've said it's that that, yeah. Okay? Okay. Well listen, obviously still got plenty to come. We've obviously got some great music Rick. I've got a bit of Nick Cave in the Bad Seeds. Actually, an album you introduced

me to and I'm going to play Into My Arms. And you know how beautiful that song is. That's true enough. Yeah. But obviously I was talking about this little bit of acting I was doing yesterday and not wishing to be disrespectful to anyone that was involved but there was obviously some extras or supporting artists as I believe they know and you know lovely people really putting the effort in doing good work and everything but it's just one guy I stood next to him. He's quite a tall guy, not quite a good looking like artist and he he he he. And he. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, the, th. And, th. th. th. there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. there, th. there, there, thi, thi, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, tall as me, but tall guy, you know, quite a good looking like whatever and I was just out there and he obviously gets quite boring because there's a lot of just hanging around people waiting and stuff fixing lights. I just stood next to him and he just, oh he was looking for something to say to me obviously he was looking for me obviously, he's a new guns and roses album and I went, I didn't realize there was one of the thinks, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I, I was, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I just, I just, I'm, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I'm, I was, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'mthey, uh, slash won't be in it, because obviously slash is no longer with them, but, uh, bloody, I'll switch out of mine, one of my favorites, just started singing some of the songs.

I went, okay, great. Without irony, yeah, absolutely, without irony. He's just wanted to get on to the discussion of Guns, which is, but I tell you this, he did not look like a rocker in any way. He. He look like, he look like, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he's, he's, he's just, th. to just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just, just just just just just just just, just, just just just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, to, to, to, just, to, to, just, to, just, to, to, to, just. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to to to to to just, to just, just, to just well scrubbed, well groomed. So there's nothing wrong with Barclays or the people who work there in. That's true though. Okay. So he goes yeah I mean I got into them with the appetite for destruction the classic first album but I even you know I enjoyed the spaghetti incident as well. I mean I like all of them and I'm like Rock, and Slash's Snake Pit was playing, which was Slash's solo effort. Yeah, yeah.

And he went, I never been to those live gigs before. And I was down in the Mosh Pit. Oh, man, I was down there. I don't tell you this, have you been in the Mosh Pit? I went, oh, I'm not. to go back, he went, no, I won't, because once you've done something like that, you can never repeat the experience, you know, I mean, I was, everyone there was dressed in black. I think I was the only guy wearing a white t-shirt. I was like, okay, I was like, okay, that's why, that's why, th. That's why, the, the, the, the, the, everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, the, everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, the, everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, the, everyone, the, everyone, everyone, the, everyone, everyone, the, everyone, the, everyone, everyone, everyone, they. the, everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, the, everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, the. That, everyone. That, everyone. That, everyone. That, everyone. That, everyone. That, everyone. That, everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, they??? They. They. They, everyone, they, the, they, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they, everyone, song got like it so do you go to gigs often he went no I don't think

I'm ever going to go to another rock gig and I said to him why and he went I don't think any gig I go to will be able to top the experience of seeing you be 40 live. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Do you know what I mean? Do you know what I mean? And I almost do I almost do I almost I th. And I almost I th. And I almost I th. And I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm think I'm think I'm think I'm think I'm think I'm thi I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm going I'm going I'm going I'm going I'm going th. I'm going th. I'm going thin. I don't th. I don't think. I don't think. I'm think. I'm think. I'm thi. I don't I've never seen them live because I don't want to end my life. But I almost laughed. I thought it was a joke. I thought he was making a joke and I was about to laugh and I realized he was deadly serious. And I went, you've been, I went, oh good were there. He went, oh, I'm absolutely. Sure. the most incredibleell me which of his favourite. He went, I don't know if, I said, have they done anything recently or put anything out? He went, I don't think they're going to be able to top those classic albums, Bagaridim and Rat in the Kitchen.

I remember once when I went to sign on, okay? And I don't know what year it was, like, 1979, and at the the the the th and I, and I'm, and I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I'm, I'm, I'm, I...... I'm, I. I. I. I'm, I. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm going, I'm going, I'm going. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. th. than, I don't, Iell me if I'm wrong if it wasn't out then but this bloke was at the back with sort of like Gator Blaster and he was playing one in ten. Obviously making a point he was in the doll office everyone ignored him and when it finished playing he turned it down. Oh wow. It took a number and cue. The days when they were a protest when was that? What year did I, someone can pinpoint that for me, phone in, oh eight, seven hundred, one, two, three, four, I know it just come out. But, um, but what it was amazing is when he said that, when he said that, about UB40, I thought it was the best, low experience, I've, it was one those moments where you thought, I th........ I was, I was, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, at that moment there was such a chasm between that is there anyone out there whose favorite band is UB40 red wine maybe you'll be 40 yeah anyway they're a great bunch of folks though you see they're

they're crack me up when I see him interview they're really funny but once you've heard one that's pretty much it isn't I imagine I'm I imagine I don't know I'm a I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I don't the the the th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th I'm thin I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm thin I'm thi thin I'm that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thin I'm thin I'm thi thi thi thi thi thi they. their their they. their the the the the that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thatis dying. Maybe there's some hidden depths to them that we don't understand. Maybe some great tracks that you could if you're a big fan. Well I'm never going to go and see him because why, no no, why sort of like the top your experiences? Exactly. Because you never get a better it. When I know I'm definitely dying. Yeah. You'll summon them. You'll summon them. the the boy the boy the boy the boy the boy the boy. the boy the to the the the the to the the the to the to the the the the to the to the the the the the to the to the tho. I tho. I tho. I'll tho. I'll tho. Yeah. I'll tho. Yeah. Yeah. thoomf. I'll tho. I'll tho. I'll tho. I'll thi. I'll thi. Yeah. I'll th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'll to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. Yeah. I'll to tho. Yeah. I'll toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooe. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I th. with that. Get me Labour of Love Live. Do right in the kitchen. Now. This is a little bit of a treat that I thought I would to tell me with Rick. From the Cure's Greatest Hits

This was this double CD that they brought out recently, including 18 acoustic versions of their greatest hits. Yeah. This is the you passed, just like heaven. Wise choice. XFM, 104. Lovy that one. Brilliant, isn't it? The acoustic version of Just Like Heaven from the Cures, Double CD. I'm loving it, loving it, loving it. Now, again, I broke the rules in the week. I met up with Carl. I had lunch with him. And we were chatting, having a cup of tea. And it got on to one the the the the the the the the the cch, the ca. the c. the c. the c. the c. the the the c. the the their their, their, the a ta. I, ta. I, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, acoustic acoustic, ta, ta, acoustic, ta, ta, acoustic, ta, acoustic, ta, acoustic, ta, acoustic, acoustic, acoustic ta, acoustic ta.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a, acoustic ta, acoustic ta, acoustic ta, acoustic ta, acoustic ta and it got on to one of Carl's favourite programmes was the tales of the unexpected. Oh of course. And all I can think is that he's probably the only person in Britain where they were unexpected. I mean to him when that that twist came and then he go gee I can't yeah oh god so it was the tree that did it I mean it was probably the only

and we were telling all these stories of horror and he liked horror tourism. And I told him this story and I don't know if this had come across the radio but I told him this story. It was a short, it was a horror short. This was a film you saw it was a film you saw it's horrendous wreck and you saw it from the point of view of the person in the car and he was calling for his mate and he was going, Dave, and he sort of looked over and saw a body without a head that had been thrown it. He goes, oh no Dave, Dave, and then into the field of view came Dave, his mate and looked at him with a look of horror and then it sort of went black and you realise that he was just a head and it had been his body. Right? And I said, then it came up at the end at the executions and the French Revolution, people experienced consciousness for, you know, and he went, oh, no, he said, you wouldn't, it

wouldn't be for that long. And then he went, if it was a chicken it would work. Imagine remaking that film when it's two chickens in horrendous car crash. It would work. It would work. No, no, he wasn't having that. No, it was too long. I think he said how long was this film, went, oh no, a five minutes, he went, no, he wasn't having that. No, it was too long. I think he said how long was this film? Went, I don't know, five minutes, he went, no. It would work if it was a chick. I like the way that Carlin is something like, when you relate an incident like that, he's appalled

and annoyed by the people that you remember particularly that shook you up? Yeah, we were talking about the one where there's some woman in prison. Have you seen that one? I can't remember them all. Right? This woman's in prison. Yeah.

And she gets a bit friendly with the guy. When you hear the bow to that means there's a been a dead body. Yeah there's been a dead body so what you've got to do is go into like the place where all the dead bodies are. Got on the getting the first coffin on the right and then I'll come along and carry you out and you can run away and escape, right? So she goes, yeah, alright then, so she is the bell girl. Now I'll bury you, right? And then I'll come back later and dig you up. Right, that's the point. That doesn't matter.

It does matter. Trust me, can't it, I don't know if I'm going to the end? I would imagine that she gets buried and he doesn't come back and she has to get buried. Better than that. Okay. She does it. She gets into the coffin. Yes. Go on. Right. So she's lying there for a coffin.

And she's lying there for ages. She's buried. She's buried. You know, she's being carried somewhere. to thi. the. and lifting the lid off this? Do you know what I mean? Let me get out. So she's really bored. She gets a lighter out, right? Lights it, so have a look at who she's lying on. It's only the fella who said she'd help escape.

Oh. How bad is that? How bad is that? So it is quite important that she's she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she that she's buried alive then isn't it, in retrospect? You realise that the jeopardy is that she's buried alive and can't get out. Yeah. Yeah. It makes it so much worse, isn't it, than just like lying in the morgue and going, actually I'm getting out of here? Yeah. This isn't going to work.

Look at Carl's face. He's see if anyone knows what the finger is. When that bloke was under the ground, wiggling his finger. We're talking about one with some feller who's stuck in the ground or something. This is a motif I noticed in your particular favorite ones. Yeah, people stuck in the ground. Right, so she's... Yeah, so she's... just being his foot to be honest being stuck in a hole. No he was under the ground and he got a little thing out of the pavement and he put his finger up and wiggled it to try and take attention. Then you see a woman come along and there just knocks his finger off.

You see I'm wondering when it's the same one as I saw. Yeah it could be too like that couldn't they? They were running out of ideas by the last series. It's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's a they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they're they're they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're told me about with the with the porn? That was a good one. Oh this was fantastic right? Right. There was this there was this. Sorry can I just check now? We're just remembering classic episodes of the television episode now. No this is this is important but I saw one I saw one on Tows and Inspector right and it was these two gents um the two gents. What they used they they they. T. T. T. T. their. their. to do. to do. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. I. their. I. I. their. I. I. I was. I'm. T. I was. te. te. te. tha. tha. tha. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So, t. So, t. I. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. gents, what they used to do, they looked down the obituaries and they'd blackmail the wife or the son of a dead eminent person like might be a priest or a doctor and they'd go and they'd say, he bought some erotic stuff from us before he died and he owes a hundred guineas and all this sort of stuff and they'd pay up because it would be so embarrassing they just didn't want to say just pay him, right?

And this one bloke said, who are these people? I'll meet with them and he goes around and he goes, they go your father, he goes, my father could not have bought any their material from you. They did it because he couldn't have, he's blind. Right, and that was the twist and car went, I swear it was magazines not videos then. Yeah, now think about it Steve, is that so stupid? Well, presumably it was set in olden times because people, professional pornographers don't tend to call it, you know, erotic material. Yeah, they tend to call it, you know, juicy jugs or whatever. But more than that, I don't understand how a video is going to be any use to a blind person either.

I know that you can hear the sound Carl. Yeah, what's it nodded like what's the sound were you hear? Do, do, do, do, do, do you meet a need, looking at? Yes. Cut. What's then? What's then? What's th. What, what? What, what? the the the sound? the sound? the sound? the sound? the sound? the sound? the sound. the sound. the sound? the sound. the sound? the sound. the sound. the sound. the sound? the sound. the sound? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do. Do? Do. Do? Do. Do? Do. Do? Do? Do. Do? Do? Do? Do? Do. Do? Do? Do? Do? Do. Do? Do? Do? Do. Do? Do? Do? Do? Do. Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. It. Yes. Yes. It. It. It. Yes. It's. It's. the the the the the the the the the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the th's that? Then it's just noises. Occasional groans. Yeah. Right. You could listen to the wall at your neighbors. He does. I mean that's why I save a lot of money. But I thought you were going to make point out, Carl that they could have had a Braille porno. Now I haven't thought of that. Feel the lumps on that. Exactly. Think about it, Carl. Think about it. You're excited now. Yeah. Your girlfriend's away, Carl.

Yeah, the cheese grate is only under the cupboard. No, she's a good-looking lady. Yeah. Oh! We've got White Van Carl. Oh, excellent. Darceilor, poor misguided, fool. Well, it's time, well. Go on. That time, isn't it? Play the jingle. Yeah.

White Van Man, Carl. Brilliant. Recorded it great expense that, yeah. Yeah, this is where we just hijack an idea from the Sun, which is White Van Man, where the Sun asks, in this instance, a cabbie by the look of it, oh no, a fruit and veg shop owner. Ours is slightly different because the son sort of like pick on a perfectly normal member of the public. Exactly. So that's where we've got the upper hand. Yeah. And they ask him about the hot potatoes. This week Carl, my first question to you, will just your thoughts please on the

criticism of the BBC over their coverage of the Queen Mum's death? What do you make of this? You're aware of all the criticism that Peter Sissons asked some proven questions? No, I thought it was just, yeah I thought it was just, yeah it didn't show respect, it was a a a a a burgter, it, it, it, it, or a, it, it, it, or a, it, or a b, it, it, it, or a b, the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their th. th. tho, thi. thi. thoooooo. the. thoooooooooo. the. the. thooooooo. their, just, just, just, just, just, it didn't show respect, it's sort of a burgundy tie on. See that, that's not really not showing respect is it? No, it's not. You know, you show your respect by sort of doing the news on it, giving a bit of coverage and showing, you know, what a good woman she was or whatever. And then you move on to sport news or whatever. Do you know, the way in birthday caving it. I don't, you you, you th, you th, you th, you th, you th, you th, you th, you th, you th, you th, you th, you th, you th, you th, you thu, you thu, you thu, you th, you that, you that, you that, you that, you that, you know, you know, you know, you know, you the their, you their, you their, you their, you their, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. thr, that, that, that, that, tho, tho.. tho. tho. tho. thooo. their, their, their, their, their, don't like the way everything's morbid, I was thinking about it.

It's like, you know, the way in birthday cards and that, people always put funny things in them. I think you should save things like that for funerals for like funeral cards and that, and try and cheer people up at times when they're low. Do you know, because on your birthday you're quite happy anyway so you don't need someone putting a funny comment in a card. I think you know when you say... What would you suggest? Well you know... Whoopi cushioned but on the vicar's chair? What would you lie? Just little things in the car crash? Just just little little things in the card I mean you just writing stuff like well you know at least you're still So that would be good. So when, so suppose someone's husband's killed in a car crash, you go around with some flowers and a little card and it says, at least you're still

alive. Well, maybe something funnier than that. Well, maybe like if you got up to give the eulogy during a funeral, just wear a pair of comedy tits. Yeah, or those glasses that are eyes on sort of springs. But why has everyone got to be so sad about the one dying? Now what noise me is that when you see the people on television they sort of members of the public and they're crying about the Queen Mother who was sad when anyone dies, saw when anyone dies, she was 102 and what you know I mean it's sort of like I think they think they should cry. Well there's a picture in the paper today. There's a paper in the paper in the paper today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today the paper the paper the paper the paper the paper the paper the paper of the paper the paper the paper today. I. I. I was a the paper today. I was a paper the paper paper the paper today. I was a paper today. I was a paper today. I was a paper today. I was a paper today. I was a paper today. I was a paper, I was a paper, I was a paper, I was a paper, I was a paper, I was, I was, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of the paper, the paper, the paper, the paper, the paper, the paper, the paper, the paper, the paper, the paper, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the paper, the paper, the paper, the paper, the paper day, were lining the funeral kind of route yesterday and there's a picture of a very young child, maybe sort of five or six, on the arms of her dad and her head bowed,

and it says a young girl there weeps for the Queen Mother and I was looking at it and I was looking at it and you can't tryer and why she's just tired and why would be so try and why would be so so true the Queen Mothers it's so they so they so they so they are so they are so they are so they are so they are so they are so th so they're so th so th so thian.. It's so thian. It's so thian. It's so thi. It's so thi. It's so thi. It's so thi. It's so thi. It's so thi. It's so thi. It's so thi. It's so th so their so their so their so their so their so their so their so their so their so their so their so their so th th th thi.. It's so th thi. It's so thi. It's so thi. It's so thi. It's so thi. It's so thi. It's so thi. It's so thi. It's so thi. It's so thi. It's so try. It's so try. It's so try. It's so try. It's so try. It's so try thiiiii. It's so their so dies? You know, it's sort of like... But what is a five-year-old girl going to be... Why is she going to be crying? The Queen Mum said, Ah, come with me the Queen's. Yeah. Tell you tubbies? No, the Queen's.

Oh, not the Tweeneys. No, it's not that there was a lot of tourists in that long line of people that are now queuing from hours upon hours to see her lying in state because it's clearly just people who want to be a part of history. That's big gut and if you're over from Sweden and you find out that you know the Queen Moms I mean. You must be devastated. You probably don't to carry on with your visit? to the to you. th. the the th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their thoes. thoes. thoes. the. the. their their thoooooooooooe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. to to to to to toe of the first genetically modified baby? Oh. Are you worried about this? Do you know what did they do? Let me see what it says here.

It says, well isn't it just choosing the, you know, eye colour or the eye colour? Well this is the, this is the concern isn't it, in the future you'll be able to so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so it means that you know where will it lead where will it end Carl are you concerned? I've thought about this lot because what will us three look like in the future if they're being you know genetically modified beautiful people what will be we be like the too. But we've talked about throwne th th we've th we've thin thin they about they about thin they. they. thin thin thin they. thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, the, the, the, the, the the th the, thrown, the, tho, their their will tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th, th, th, th, they, they, they, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, the, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, tho, tho, tho, tho, the, the, thing. Yeah. That's a bit weird. But I don't think it matters because at the end of the day right you might look like some other kid but it's the way you've brought up that will change your features and the way you are, you know your personality. If you lie you get a long nose don't you? Well no but listen right because I remember when when we you know I was growing up on this estate. This is going to be good. No, no it's. their. their. their. their. their. their. this. their. this. their. their. their. their. I their. I's going. I's going. I's going. I's going. I's going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going the their going their going the the th. I was going th. I was going that's going that's going that's going that's going that's going that's going that's going that's going that's going that's going that's going that's going that's going that's going that's going the the the their. It. It. It is going their. It is going. It's going. It's going. It's going. It's going. It's going. It's going. It's going. It's going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going to. I was growing. I was growing. I was growing. I was growing. I was growing up. I was growing. I was growing up. I was going that I was going that I was going going this doesn't work. So we don't need to worry sort of thing.

Sure. So growing up on this estate and there was a, there's this woman about four houses down right who's a bit rough, all right? All right? to tell me about it. Why? Why? Well, tell me about it? It was a very... I mean I didn't grow up in a posh house or anything and I'm not saying that if you live in a bit of a rough house, you're a bad person.

What does you look like? But anyone can... Tattoos? Looked like theen up with a fag on. They didn't. They didn't. Oh, they. Which even if you've not got a lot of money, you horse into the house. Sorry. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, yeah.

Whoa, nettie. What do you mean a kid used to take a horse into the house? When they get a horse? Must have it from somewhere. Must have it on. Must have it? You see, you see the horse with it? What was that's great.

Big Jake, I'm looking for it. I don't know. I didn't know. This was before the lynching stopped or after. I don't get out of the house from. What do you mean you must have nicked it? Where did you get that from? I bought it, all right then. But keep it out the kitchen. I don't want you going Catlin, Rustling.

Ah, where did they get a horse from, Carl? And how long did they have it for? Was he leading it or riding it? Ma'am open the door, I can't stop it. I can't stop it. Looks like we got us a runaway. What do you mean? . He looks like we got us a runaway. What do you mean? I don't know but the thing is they couldn't afford to buy one because they're not cheap. So I'm just guessing maybe that's wrong with me.

But I think... He had a horse? Yeah, right. That's why the family didn't have any money they'd spend it on the horse. Exactly. That's keeping it as well. So I was like in the car with my dad coming into the avenue and you used to have to drive down it to turn round and you know sort of go back to our house. You had the traditional method of transport. And the horse was in the lounge. Reading of paper.

Just like walking around. Oh God! What? And when I was doing, I tried to earn myself some money once by flogging little flowers in plastic cups. What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? I'll try to flog little flowers? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait a record. Let's play a record and unravel. It's going to go up for hours. It's deep and deeper. It's like like like like like like like like like like like it's like like it's like like like it's like like like it's like like like it's like like like like like the the th. It's like th. It's like th. It's like th. It's like th. It's like th. It's like th. It's like th. It's like th. It's like thi. It's like tho. It's like tho. thoom. What thoom. What thoom. What tho. What tho. What tho. What th. What th. What th. What tho. th. tho. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's like th. It's like th. It's like th. It's like th. It's like th. It's like th. It's like th. It's like th. It's like thi. It's like thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooto it because it's going to unravel and unravel. It's going to go for hours. Let's play a track, Carl.

It's like an onion, isn't it? We've created a whole world here where there's a man living with a horse. Just walking around the lounge. But I come from the West Country and never heard, play a record. Let's have Velvet Underground. We've got that line done on. The classic from the first album, I'm waiting for the man. Let's come back to the horse and a second. Little Flowers in Pot.

What do you mean? Classic first album, Velvet, Underground and waiting for the man. Yeah, great track. So we were talking, we were doing white van man, and we got on to, we got on to genetically, genetically modified babies, but somehow he... And then Paul started in a story about someone with a horse and then he got on to, he was trying to make money selling flowers. Just do the flowersthe mother, the mother was a right pig, apparently. I don't know where that's relevant. You don't need to go that far. But what I'm trying to do is like make a picture for you so you understand. What did she look like? Who did she look like? Um, bit of her, I know this respect to her. A bit like Pauline Quirk. Quirkey, yeah. I knew you were going th. th. th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th th the th th th th th th the th th th th th th th thin the that that the that. that. that. that. that. What I was that. What I was that, thi thi. What I was to to to to to to go to to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go that that that that that that thi. that's that's thi. thi. thi. that's thi. that's that's that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that. I knew it was going to be poor. Did you have any tats? Do you have any tats? I've never got that close to it. Okay, oh what? And so who had the horse?

Was this her son or her husband? No, her daughter? Her daughter had stolen a horse? Yeah, from I don't know where. There was, I thin, I thin. They kept the horse, they? And they were, they were, their, their, their, their, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I've th. I've th. I've, I've th. I've th. I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've th. I've that, I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've. I've. I've. I've. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I've. I, I've. I've. I've. I've, I've, I've, I've t. I've t. I've never, I've never, I've never got, I've never got, I've never got, I've never got, I've never got, I've never got, I've got, I've never got, I've tot. I've tode. I've. I've. them. They kept it in the house. Did they get caught? No. So and you said you were in the house one day and you saw the horse and I know what happened was I was I was um, they did this thing at school about raising money for charity right for some local charity. And they said you can do anything to raise money and they came out with all these ideas and I thought that's good. What was the charity? Well forget well I don't forget. Well I don't forget the the charity. Well I don't forget the charity. Well I don't forget the charity. Well I don't forget the charity. I don't forget, I don't forget, I don't forget, I don't forget, I don't forget, I don't forget, I don't forget, I don't forget, I don't forget, I don't know, I don't forget, I don't forget, I don't, I don't know, I don't the charity, I don't the charity, I don't, I don't, I the charity, I the charity. I the charity, I the charity, I the charity, I the charity, I the charity, I the charity, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't their their their their their their th th. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, they they they they they they they did they they did their they they they did their their way you make an eye on it. So, you're a charity. So, um, so I asked me, ma'am for some, because she used to have a lot of flowers around the house. So can I just take some snippings off them? And I'll go in by some plastic cups and got some soil out of the garden, planted the, the bits of plants in them, got a tray,them for 25 pence each. Excellent. Did so any? Yeah, sold loads.

Did you just cut, he didn't just cut them and stick him in the soil? They wouldn't survive. But I think people sort of thought well good on him for trying. But anyway, so I went round to theirs because I thought their house could do with a bit of color and stuff. As I went, the horse went, thank God for that breakfast. They were feeding me kitty cat. So I got up to the door and they opened the door and it was one of them houses where no carpet. Yeah. Or horse in the living room.

You know. We all been there. And the horse was walking around the living room. I look quite happy and everything because I always say that about it right if you were a horse where would you rather be in a little wooden hut with a load of hay or in like a house with a three-piece suite and a telly in that no but I was saying this here the day I had an Atari right I was walking through London called 64 rubbish exactly walking through London with Suzanne right and do you know like homeless people always have dogs?

And she said, oh, I hope she looks after it. I said, they've got, that dog is happier than most dogs. Right. Because people always walk past and give it a pat on the head. It's with its owner all the time. Yeah, it's out in the open. It's not lockedtheir own house. Exactly. But anyway that's that's by the buy. Yeah so anyway this family who's a bit

what we were talking about it was about clothing. There's usually modified kids spent all that stuff yeah right now what I'm saying is you could say you know right you could say you know right that thi thii that th. th. that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that thi that that that that thi that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that thi thi thi thi thi thi thi they they they they. thi they. thi thi thi thi thi thi thou- the. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's I want one that looks like that. Yeah. Right? It could happen Rick. So come on work with him. So you take it to your doctors and I don't know what they do that they inject it with something or whatever. Yeah. That's it's done. Yeah. And get a little baby and there is it looks the same. Now the thing is you separate you both go off and do your own things. Right? Now you look at Stephen, this is, you look after your baby, you treat it well, you give it good food and all the vitamins and stuff. Yeah. Ricky just gives it cheese, right? So

then it changed its looks because it goes a bit fat, you know, it gets tired easily and that sort thing. Now when this family... Why am I just feeding a baby cheese? Right? This family this th th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, their th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, their, their, th, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, you, their, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you their, you, you, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. You th. You th. You're, th. You're th. You're th. You're th. th. You're th. th. You're their, their, their, their, their, th. Now when this family... Why am I just feeding a baby cheese? Right? This family had a horse in their house, they had a little baby. And my man went round and said, you're not going to believe this, but it's a beautiful looking baby, right? Yeah. And I was like, well, you know. And the weird thing is it was a good looking kid. But as time went on, they didn't really look after it, and I'm not saying like abusing it, but it used to run around, it used to play out to like 10 at night. Yeah.

It used to chase cars. Right. It was a bit... Did it have hooves? Yeah, no. Yeah, no. He used to chase. He's just cusses cars! Oh God, was it called Rover? Did he catch sticks? Leon it was cool, right?

Right. Now, the weird thing is, it was a good-looking kid, but as time went on and all that like not eating properly and its hair was all patchy. It's not Liam Gallagher, is it? And chasing cars on that, and it became an ugly kid. It's definitely him going. And that's what I'm saying, right? You can clone all you like, but at the end of the day, is that you brought up.

Brilliant. Wow! That was a hell of a point. Oh, God! But am I right? You're always right, Carl. Finally, white van man. What did you make of the fact that Sainsainsainsainsainsainsainsainsainsainsainsainsainsains Sains Sains Sains Sains that Sains that Sains that Sains that Sains that Sains that Sains are that Sains are that Sains are that Sains are that Sains are that Sains are that Sains are that Sains are that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that of the fact that Sainsbury's are bringing in square tins?

Is that true? Is that true? Apparently so. Why? Because it's easier to stack. This is what the guy in the son has said. That should be interesting for... That should be...

His comment on Sains are bringing in square tins. It's no... Is that should be interesting for meatballs? Rikah! Ricky's just collapsed on the floor. Let's just play a song, Carl. I don't think even you can top that. Black level mites out of the world, whatever happened to my rock and roll.

Well, near the end of the show, it's time for the re-education of Carl, revisited. Still got Nick Cave to come, haven't we? Absolutely. Now, Carl, you read a quote book. What did you learn from it? What does some pearls of wisdom? Just keep it down to one or two your favorite things and why you like them? Right, well you said, like you said, just pick a couple. Yeah, right? So I've wrote a couple down.

Yeah, so I've wrote a couple down. Yeah, that's a couple down. So they weren't boring, right? I've done, I've took like different ones, so I've took a good one that I think, yeah, that's a good quote, that was worth putting in a book. I've put one that isn't really a quote so I don't understand it. Oh, yeah. One that isn't clever. And a funny one one. And a funny one, and a funny, and a No, just in the lounge with the tell he turned down. Oh right. Just to give a bit of light to the room just add it on but turned down. Have you figured out lights yet? So, uh, so the first one, never heard of him. This guy called Dean Axon. Right. And this is a good one. And this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is th th th th th th to to to to to to to to give. Just just just just just just just to to to give to give to to give to to give to to give to give to give to give to to give to give to to give to give to give to give to give a to give a to give a to give a to give a to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give. to give. to to to to to to to to to the the light the light the light the light the light the light the light the light of a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to to the light of a to to to to the light is written not to inform the reader but to protect the writer. That's good yeah stuff that's very good. That's it relates a lot to you know office life and so yeah modern world and that right so then thought yeah

right so I wrote that down so I liked it and that's what you said to do second one isn't really a quote it's more of a poem okay so how does that work well that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the the the the the the that the the the the the that the that that that that that that that that that that's that's that's that the the the that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they.a they. Ia. Ia. I's that's that's they. I's that's they Well I want, it's about suicide. Okay. Razers pain you, rivers are damp, acid stain you, drugs cause cramp. Guns aren't lawful. Nuses give. Gas smells awful, so you might as well live. Lovely. Except from Dorothy Parker? I tell you what. It, I hate it. I hate that. that. that's nothing to me that. I tell you what, it, I hate it. I hate that. Why? I just, it's nothing to me that. I think that. What, it's just a weak, shallow piece of mock comedy. This is why I did it in that order because that's what I thought. It's sort of like a, it's like a zany vicar would write from living in Frum when he's about 55 and get it published in the, I hate it. All right, so you're saying you're not a fan of Dorothy Parker's work, right? Now the next one, Oscar Wilde, right? He's known, isn't he?

Yes. Look what he comes up with. All art is quite useless. Well that's, what's up with that? Well it isn't added art. No, no, but it's... how has art helped you? How has it been useful to you? It was a bit of a, it's one of the only things I like doing that school. Right. Do you know what I mean? When I made that little clay man, getting it fixing a car. Yeah. You made a clay man fixing a car, I forgot about that. How can he, I think's easy to diss things. Yeah, it's hard to agree. I don't think art is useless by the way. But you don't have to agree or disagree with some of these things. Some of them are, you know, that someone, sometimes it's just their thoughts put eloquently

or poetically isn't it? And it's just, you know. Just to provoke a reaction. Osborne. I mean, sorry, but let's go back there. The irony is that that is art. That he was an artist, wasn't he? So. But you, you don't, okay, so you don't like Oscar Wild, but you prefer Ozzy Osbourne. Yeah, go on. Ozzy Osbourne, crack him on this, funny and educational. A bit her head off a bat the other night, it was like in a crunch she wrapped in a shammy leather. Genius. Genius. It was like the the the the the the the the th. It was like th. It was like th. It was like th. It was like th. It was like th. It was like th. It was like th. It was like th. It was like the the the th. It was like th. It was like th. It was like th. Okay. It was like th. Okay, th. Okay, th. Okay, th. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Okay, th. Okay. Okay, th. Okay. Okay, th. Okay. Okay, th. Okay, th. It was. It was like, th. It was like, th. It was like, th. It was like, th. It was like th. It was like th. It was like th. It was like th. It was like th. It was like th. It was like th. It was like thi thi thi thi thi thi. I was thooo. I was thi. I was like thi. Okay, thi. Okay, thi. Okay, thi. It was like th. It was like in a crunchie wrapped in a shami leather. Genius. Oh, you're right. You're right, well.

Yeah. So there's a... What do you like about that? The way he's described what it is like. I think, yeah, if someone, I mean, you can imagine what it's like, because I like crunches. I mean that's like the crunching it is like the bones and that. Yeah, and that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It, I, that, that, that, that, that, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, that, th, that, that, that, oh, oh, oh, that, oh, oh, oh, that, oh, oh, oh, oh, th, th, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, you're, oh, you're, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, oh, oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, tha. Oh, tha. Oh, th. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, th. Oh, the. Oh, th. Oh, the. Oh, th. Oh, the. can imagine that's like the skin. So you like his descriptive writing. The crunch of it is like the bones and that. Yeah, perfect.

But you know Carl it's interesting because you've analyzed Ozzy there and in a way that is the first step on maybe doing a new English GCSEC. Yeah you've said you said why you said what it describes what about what you've never eaten about yourself. Yeah but my to the the the the they. they. they. they. they. they. they. th. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. that's, that's, th. C. C. C. C. that's, the c. the c. the c. the c. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. It is, the c. It is, the c. It is, the c. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the c. the yourself. Yeah, but my teacher Mrs. Kane, if I would have come into school with, you know, a quote by Ozzy Osbourne, she wouldn't have been happy. Surely? Do you know what I mean? And that's the difference between my name? She'd go, right? Carl, get your horse and go home. Well, listen though, we were talking about all the quotes. Yeah. Do you know it's one giant leap for mankind? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. to, to, to, to, to, to, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's, that's, thi, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the difference. I the the the the difference. I's the the the the the difference. I's throoooo' th. th? You know it says it's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind, right? It was meant to be, this is one small step for a man, right? Right. I eat me the individual on a microcosmic level, one giantly for mankind. And he mucked it up because if you say this is one small step for man, one giant for mankind, man, man, man, I know, I know, it's embarrassing. So he he's man. So he's man, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so he's a. So, so, so, so, so, he's a. So, he's a he's a he's a he's a man, he's a man, he's a man, he's mean, he's mean, he's mean, he's mean, th. th. th. th. thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's, th. It's, th. It's th. It's th. It's, it's, it's mean, it's mean, it's mean, it's mean, it's mean, it's mean, it's mean, it's mean, it's mean, it's mean, it's mean, it's mean, it's mean, it's mean, it's mean, it's mean, it's mean, it's mean, it's mean, it's mean, it's mean, it's mean, it's mean, it's mean, it's mean, it's mean, it's mean, it's mean, it's mean, it's mean, it's mean, it's mean, it's mean, it's mean, it's mean, it's mean, he's, I know, it's embarrassing. So he, oh, see, you shouldn't give people, he's not a trained actor. He's more of an astronaut to be on this?

Has he won any awards, Rick? No, there are no awards. Does he have to nominate it? Don't think so! But listen, right? He said another quote, as he got back into the rocket? As he got back into the rocket? Yeah. Is it going to be something like, that was boring wouldn't it? The mic's not still on is it? Yeah. They're not still listening. Well that's what I was saying to you, they could have said that and it's not. That's We'll squeeze it in before the end of the show because Ricky, you've got to play your song for the lovers. Oh, yes.

I'll play this. I don't think we'll fit in. We might have to save it. Don't worry. We'll see what we can't try. You cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself. It's lovely that, isn't it? You can't be happy with that. This is Nick Cave and the Bad Seed from the Boatman's Call. It's a beautiful song, any song that starts off, I don't believe in the interventionist

God is all right by me, and this is into my arms. Nick Cave and the bad seeds into my arms. Well that's the than, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, th. Well, th. Well, thu, thu, thu, thu, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus is thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, th, th, th, th, the, the, the, the, is the, is just just just just just just is just is just is just, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th, th, th, th, th is th is th, th is just is just is just is just is just is just is just is just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just is thrown. Well, that's that, that, that, is just is just the that, the that, that, is just is just that, the the that, is just the the the that, is just is just the that, that, that, is just just, that's it, we've run out of time. We have indeed. So no time for Carl's quote, that'll have to come next week. Yeah, we'll say that for next time. Well, I hope you enjoyed it. Goodbye. All right, Rick. Come on, I've found a bit of chirp here. It's not that depressing. Well, yeah. Sports next? You know how excited you are? You love the sport, do you?