The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Xfm S3E12 (January 17, 2004)

Episode Date: September 4, 2022

During the hiatus, Pilkington signed on with Gervais and Merchant’s talent agent, and negotiated a deal with XFM to get Mondays off in exchange for continuing to do The Ricky Gervais Show on Saturdays. This was a frequent topic of contention during this run with Gervais repeatedly accusing Pilkington of being lazy for demanding an entire day off on exchange for doing 2-hours of work on Saturdays.This show began airing again in November 2003 and broadcast for 12 weeks until January 2004 when Gervais and Merchant went on hiatus to film series 1 of their new show, ‘’Extras’’.

Fortune Furtain, Will The Prime and The Stand Up, Fortran's Faded Fortune Faded by Red Dot Chili Peppers on XFM, 104.9 with Ricky Givay, Stephen Merchant, at Carl Pilkton for the last time. Yes, we've said that before of course. So don't give you hopes up. Yeah, we've had some high-sows and lows, some laughs, Carl, you're concentrating. Lot tiers, mainly from the audiences. Yeah, now, uh, before we get into that, before we get into talking about maybe some of

the high jinx we've had, looking forward as well, yeah. Uh, I came in, Carl was sitting at the desk, he went, alright, I went, all right, see that, Alan Clark Diaries? I went, no, I didn't, he went, No, I know why, a lot of people talking about it. He went, I've never kept a diary. Keeping a diary will always get you into trouble. And I said, like I'm Frank, what did you say, Carl?

The woman in the cupboard? That's what he said. And I went, save it. You never speak to Carl Fair. Save it all when we're on the wires. He went, but what does she do? What does she do except be in a cupboard? What does she have to write about? And I said, do you know Anne Frank? That's all I know about Anne Frank? That's all I know the they's, there's no point pretending it. Anne. Anne. Anne. Anne. Anne. Anne. Anne. Anne. Anne. Anne. Anne. Anne. Anne. Anne. Anne. Anne. Anne. Anne. Anne. to to to to to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to to to to to to to to to to say, to to to to to say, the the to to to to to to say, the the the the the the the to say, the to say, to say, to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to to the the w. the w. the w. the w. the w. the w. the w. the w. the w. the the the w. the w. the w. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the wa, the wa, the wa, the wa. S. S. W. Right. Right. Um... Tell us everything you know about that, Anne Frank. Uh, she was in a cupboard. Yeah, what else?

If she didn't do that, I wouldn't know about her, seriously. That's all I know about her. Yeah. So what did she do? But what do you think now? We know about her cupboard, weak. thooo. about her cupboard because of her book, don't we? But hang on, what, in the biggest scheme of things, why was she in a cupboard? I don't know. Right.

I honestly don't know. You don't know anything else about Anne Frank beyond the fact that, to quote you, she was in a cupboard. But what's she done then? You tell me, why should I know more about it? wasn't in a cupboard. She was in an attic. All right. So what was she doing? She was hiding from the Nazis. She was hiding from the Nazis. But isn't that the first place to look sort of work work from the top down? How they weren't specifically looking for Anne Frank. They weren't going where was she? If she gets that book out, we're in a deep shit. We've got to stop the book. They were just looking the the th'. She. She. She. She. T. T. She. T. T. She th. She th. She th in. She th in. She was th. She was in. She was in. She was in the the th. She was in the th. She was in the the th. She was in. She was in th. She was in th. She was th. She was in th. She was in th. She was th. She was th. She was th. She was. She was th. She was th. She was. She was. She was. She was th. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was th. She was th. She was th. She was th. She was th. She was th. She was th. She was th. She was she? If she gets that book out we are in a deep

shit we've got to stop the book. They were just looking generally. She was I think she watched she she was 13 14 she was hiding she was hiding different out to damn it as much of her family were having to hide yeah helped by you know friends non-jury in a cupboard in a cupboard I mean the cupboard I you know and how long you know how long did she so I'd up there for until she was cool long enough to write a book so she even got caught after all that what do you mean so she even got caught we're talking about one of the great you know humanist tragedies of our times and you're going she couldn't even stay hidden what did you the to the the th you th you th you th you th you th you th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thin thin thus thus thus thus the the the the the to the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th they they they they they they they they they they they they the they they th they they thus the the the the the the the the they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they I'm just saying like, you know, it's not a great tip then is it? Do you know what I mean? She didn't do it well, she didn't hide until I escaped it.

She got caught. Her diary is not on manual on how to hide from people. It's not how to win at least. I don't know anything about her. that. I don't know tho their their th. th. th. th. th. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. thi. thi. thi. It's not thi. It's not thi. It's not thi. It's not thi. It's not thi. It's not thi. It's not th. It's not th. It's not th. It's not th. It's not th. It's not th. It's not th. It's not th. It's not th. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not thi. It's not thi. It's not thi. It's not thi. It's not thi. It's not thi. It's not thi, diaries, you know, what do you do them for? Have you kept them sleep? Never kept a diary now. Right. I can understand your fear that it might get discovered, someone might read it, find out all about your inner secrets. Of course, the good thing about you is you tell everyone what you think about them. Yeah. Yeah, but no one was the diary and go, oh God. I can't believe it, I can't look like my hair cut. Yeah, yeah, Carl think, I look like Dave Hill from Slade. Yeah, I told you that, didn't I? Yeah, I told you that. Do you think they'll last, though, diaries and that? No, because they were a bit of a time killer, weren't they? It was something to do at the end of the day where, whereas, whereas, whereas, whereas, whereas, whereas, whereas, whereas, whereas, whereas, whereas, whereas, whereas, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where their, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, the the the the their. their, their, their. their, their. their. their, their, their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their, their, their, their, their, the yeah, new from Sony, that would be great wouldn't it? All of the greatest hits. Who to forget? Oh, dear.

Well, we don't believe that then. I didn't know it was that deep. I thought it was just like you know. You thought it was like, didn't you? Did you? What are we doing? Oh, oh. Oh. Oh. We've been a bit of that. We've been a bit of that, playing some of our favorite songs. We've got a couple of requests. Oh really? Yeah, we've got a to'er.

One of the celebrity requests, Matt Lucas from Little Britain, he's listening requests. Oh really? Yeah, got a couple. One of a celebrity request, Matt Lucas from Little Britain is listening in. Oh yeah. So is it your last show? I said, yeah. I said, do you want me to play a record? And yes, what's your favorite group? Now remember him and David are the new darlings of a comedy, they're cool, they're cede, they're only going to get bigger, what's his favourite group of all time?

That's tricky. Level 42. Uh, new. Carl, have a guess? Well, there's going to be something weird, isn't it, if you're saying this? Well. So, uh, how old's the band? They're probably about as old as him? Oh, Carl, have a guess? that? So? So? So? So? So? So? So? that? that? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? th? th? th..... th. th. th. th. th. that? th. that, that, that, that, that, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that?'re probably about as old as him. Oh Carl, have a guess.

Abba? No, it's uh... What did you say Abba? They're good, aren't they? Um, no, it's the Proclaimers. The Proclaimers? Yeah. Really?

I don't know he's listening, you know... I mean it's not wrong with the proclaimers, I just can't imagine anyone getting that excited about them. I bet that's why he likes you. Because you hang out with him, don't you? I do hang out with him, he's like the closest thing he knows one of the proclamers. Wait until he meets my twin brother. Yeah, he's gonna have a play the proclaimers but we're playing with another. Where do they come? Because I don't really remember the proclaimers particularly from when I was telling you. Well let me give you a little blast.

I gave a little Eee but in two-part harmony. Of course. That was the main thing. But they weren't very popular for a while, weren't they? I think I had sort of three big hits in sort of a 19, thage, th, th, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, th, sort, like, th, sort of, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, sort of, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, the, the, the, the, the, th, th, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the an the an to to to the an to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the an. Oh I forget. Yeah, that is. They did sing in Scottish accents which I thought was quite refreshing. They did do the fake American thing. No, that was good. Yeah. But I just can't imagine sort of being that... When would I be in the mood to put on a proclaimers record? Well you've run out of cranky's records? I guess so, yeah. If you played all your crank his records. Yeah. Yeah, th, th, th, the th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the th, th, the th, th, their, their, th, thin, thin, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th, th, th, th, th. They's th. They's th. They's th. They's th. They's th. They's th. They's th. They's th. They's th. They's, thin, thin, thin, thin, thi. Yeah, thi. Yeah, thi. Yeah, thi. Yeah, tha, tha' tha' thi. tha' thi. they're thi. they're they're thi, they's a... And the Muppets album. Yeah, yeah, pop on the Proclaimers. Now, we were talking before the break about Anne Frank in her cupboard.

Yes, yes. Now, I'm still a little bit concerned that Carl's not quite got his head around Anne Frank's diary. It's not like, it's not like, land when she goes into the attic? I'm just glad that old mother Hubbard didn't help the Nazis. Because that's the first place she'd look. Yeah, yeah, isn't it? The Nazis go, we've got on with her, but she thinks she knows where she is. She'd have gone straight there.

I think with Hubbard, if I th the cover to get, I can't remember it, so she goes, poor dog a bone. She goes to get a dog, the dog a bone. But when she got there, the cupboard was bare, and so the poor dog had no. Is there more to that than I, that's what I remember is there, is there further verses? Does she finally get a bone? of it? I mean the second verses, then she the the cover, the cover, the cover, the cover, the cover, does, does, the cover, the cover, the cover, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, the cover, the cover, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she was the cover, she the cover, she. The cover, the cover, the cover all of it. I think so, I've been the wood to get a bowl of own. When she got there, the cupboard was bare and so the poor dog I've known. No, I think that's the end of it. I think it's a moral. I think it's a moral. What's the moral? Well, if you go, if you got a the the the the the the the the the the the the c you got, if you got, if you got, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when she was the c. When, when she was, when, when, when she was, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when she. When she the c. When she was the c. When she was the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the picture they paint. I imagine maybe she's not sure, isn't it? It's short, it's over, isn't it? It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's amazing. But she, I always wondered whether perhaps she's had a nervous breakdown. Maybe her husband's died recently. She's just not got any food. She doesn't know if, she doesn't really really really really really really really really really really what what, she, she, you, she, she, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It's, th. It's, it, it, it, it, it, it's, it's, it's, it, it, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it. It. It. It. It. It. It's, it, it. It's, it. It's, it's. It's. It's, it's. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's short. It's short. It's a. It's a. It's short. It's short. It's short. It's, it's, it's short. It's, it's, it's short. It's, it's, it's. It but there's nothing there. It's just a really depressing, morbid towards how I don't know if maybe it's originated from something in history. I know that Jack and Jill who went up to here and they fell down again. That's a story about Alyssa Loves. That was apparently based on that, obviously, ring a ringer

throseys. Plague. this well I this is a thing I remember as a kid thinking what at what point was it decided that Humpty Dumpty was a giant eggman I don't know because it's nothing in the actual rhyme there's no actually it's not empty the egg man's out all I don't know my concern is more if I mean his parents were a little bit cruel because if you are called the Dumpet is I'll say sorry yeah don't call your firstborn hunty. Yeah, because straight away it's going to be embarrassing

school isn't it? I don't know what it, I'm just not all, I don't know how the things are all the kids, is that it as well? That's all of it. Oh God. And also I don't mean to be pedantic or not as a kid? I don't mean to be pedantic again, but if you're gonna, if you've got a giant egg man and he's falling into bits, you know, all the king's men, fine there, they're there, they can piece that together and don't send horses in. No, because they're just a whole eggy horse and mess and no. They're gonna make it worse. They're standing on. It's. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. the. the. They're. They're. the. They're. the. if it was it was pre Lewis Carroll if it's Lewis Carroll it just came with the illustration I guess some he gave it to someone to illustrate him a egg with eyes in a face yeah yeah I suppose because I'll tell you what they'll

their eyes in a face yeah yeah I suppose because the moral of that is if if you're an enormous egg I'll get down from the wall I'll be the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th I th I th I th I'm the the the th I'm th I'm th I'm the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they I they is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is just just just just just I the the the the the the the the the the, get down from the wall, I'll be fine. Because I'll tell you what, there'd be no medical... Yeah. I don't know, Carl, what was your favourite nurse when you were growing up? Uh, didn't really do that much reading as a kid. He's joking? You're joking? Uh, ones... What's the one with, um there was one in the bed and the little one said, roll over. Yeah. Now, because that's not really even got a story to it, is it?

But hold on though, I'll stop you there. It doesn't even say people. It says there was ten in the bed and the little one, little what? They could be anything. I don't know, but worse than that, what has he got over the other night? But you can demand they roll out the bed. Why is no one getting back in? Yeah, they just go on. We're here now. I don't know. Is he? How does that end? As well, where is that going? It goes on? There was one in thethere was a roll over. So he rolled over and one fell out, that's him, there was none in the bed and the little one said roll over. So now he's

calling the shots presumably laying on the pile of other. I don't know. I don't know, I don't know Carl. We've got to look into this. If anyone knows why he dumped he was an egg, if Hubbard that eventually found a dog bone and what was the little one doing the little one one one one one one one one one the little. It the little. It they. It they. It was that he he??? He th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was thum. It was thum. It was thum. It was thum. It was tho. It was th. It was tho. It was thum. It was thum. It was the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the little one. It was the little one. He was the little. He was the little. He was the little. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was the. He was the. He was the. He was the. He was the. He was the. He was the. He was the. He was thu. He was the. He was the little, what did the little one think he was doing for God say? When I saw my dad last year he was telling me about one about a fellow who's got some clothes you can see through. What's that one? You don't mean the Emperor's new clothes? Yeah what's that one about? Well that's a genuinely good little parable there. Yeah because it's it's it's it's it's it's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the the that's a the the the the that's a the the the the the the the the th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a thuuantlainn't that's a that's a thuantuantuantu.a thu.a'lu.a'eru.a'eru.a'eru.a'eru.a'erlueluel. that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that. Yeah because it's it's now used for people who are scared to sort of slag something off because it's it's sort of like really cool and that and I don't want to be the one that that shouts it and I don't. That's the one that that's not interesting that and that and that's not. Very very briefly Carl's a thrown. Very briefly Carl. Very briefly. Very briefly. The king. the king wants the king wants. the king wants. the king wants. the king wants. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the king. the king. th. th thinks th. th. th. th. th thinks thinks the king thinks thinks th. thinks thinks thinks. thinks. thinks. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's the. It's the. It's sort is is the. It's sort the. It's sort the. It's sort the. It's sort the. the. It's sort that, I don't like that, it's not interesting enough. One guy who's just a bit of a con artist, he comes along, he

goes, I've made you this magic suit, look, and it's nothing. He's just put it on. The king puts on nothing, because there is nothing, but thinks there's something, because you know, he wants to the finest stitching, he goes, and he's the king, and he's, and he's, and he's, and he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's the king, he's, he's the king, he's, he's, he's the king, he's the king, he's the king, he's the king, he's the king, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's the king, he's, he's the king, he's, he's, he's the king, he's the king, he's the king, he's the king, he's the king, he's the king, he's the king, he's the king, he's the king, he's the king, he's the king, he's the king, he's, he's, he's, it's brilliant. It's great. And he goes out and just is it a woman or a little kid. Everyone's applauded, they're going, look grey, even though his tackles hanging out, you know, he's nothing. Even though he's got a king size sort of like a bit of meat and two veg wobbling, dragging down the street. Exactly. And then one little boy. the king is in the all together, the king. The king. The king is the king is the king is the king. The king is the king is the king. The king is the king. The king is the king. The king is the king is the king. The king is the king. The king is the king. The king is the king is the king. The king. The king. The king. The king. The king is he king is he king is. The king is he. The king. The king. The king. The king. The king is. The king is. The king is. The king is. The king is. The king is. The king is. The king. The king. The king. The king. The king. The king. The king. The king. The king. The king. The king. The king. The king. The king. The king. The king. The king. The king. The king. The king. The king. The king. The king. The king. The king. The king. He king. He king. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He. He. He's. He's. He. He's. He's. He's. He. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He buy one? I was... Okay, play record. Play record. Play record. Play record. Car. Just play this on. Jesus. Travis. Writing to reach you on XFM. 104. All right? A couple of emails here try and respond to our requests for nursery rhyme related information. I'll go on. Nicky says that she was at infant school and she had a nursery

rhyme book and the book in the book and this may just be the illustrations but apparently, the book the illustrations but apparently the ten and apparently the 10th and the tennis the book. I remember I had a book of nursery when I was little and my brother, it was older than me, I was about five, sorry he was about 16, and I remember him and his mate just absolutely cracking up because it said up Jack and I hope Jack got and owned trot as fast as he could caper, he went to bed and bandaged his knob, Nob with vinegar and brown paper. I've since found out the knob is like the old English for head, but I didn't know why they were laughing. They were just cracking out. This was whenever one of my mate's brother came around, he got his original book and they'd

read it to him. And it was the funniest thing in the world. The, yeah, the brown paper and vinegar was a popular method because it That was Jack and Jill. That was Jack and he broke his crown which obviously oh that means his head as well isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. So he's fractured his skull on a sort of like an outcrop of rock. Yeah. And then uh... Does that still use the brown paper and vinegar? I don't think it is? I don't know maybe Manchester there still using that I'm not sure. Yeah. Tracy and John Burton say that that that that that that that they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're. they're. they're they're they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. I they're. I they're. I they're. I they're. I they're. I they're. I they're. I they're. I they're. I they're. I they're. I they're. I they're. I they're. I they're. I they're. I they're. I they're. I they're. I they're. I they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're th. I th. I'm th. I'm try. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm that's th. I'm that's th. I'm they're they're and John Burton say that they reckoned Comptie Dumpty was actually a cannon that used to sit on the walls of the castle in Colchester where they live. That makes sense. Yeah that would make on a wall. I had a great fool. He's all the things were all the things were couldn't but I'm together. So it, he had a... Oh, I broke the cannon or it the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Or, or it th. Or, or it th. th. Or, or it th. th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, thin, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th, oh, thin, thin, th th th th th the th. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, tho, tho, tho, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, the. It's the. It's the. It's threre'. It's thea' thean, thean, thean, thean, the thean, the th used to get blown up by cannons just doing it wrong didn't they? Sure. Which is hoist by your own petard. Right. Well that comes from, coming back and blown up in your face. So that makes slightly more sense because you would want to send for the Kingsmen then. Yeah. And the horses. I think the horses just came along anyway. That was quicker. Sure. The quick kings. The quick kings men. The that that that that that that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was coming. that was coming. that was coming. that was coming. that was coming. that was coming. that was coming coming coming coming coming coming coming. the th. that was coming. that that that that that that comes coming coming coming coming coming coming coming coming coming coming coming coming coming. that was coming. that was coming. that was coming. that was coming. that was coming. that was coming. that was coming. that was coming. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Come. Come. Come. Come. Come. Come. Come. Come. Come. Come. Come. Come. Come. Come. Come. Come. Come. Come. Come. Come. Come. Come. the the th. Come. Come. Come. Come. the the bottom of that. See, that educational, Carl. See, this is real education.

You know what I mean? She's got a bit heavy though, isn't it? What? Humpty-dunty? Yeah, it has got a little bit heavy. Let's try and let's dumb it down a little bit. What do you want to do?usters. Oh man alive, there are loads more verses to all Mother Hubbard. Are there? I'm going to digest these while we play the ads and I'll see if there's any salient information I can give you afterwards. Brilliant! XFM.

Long time coming. Oh, the today. Delays. Long to 4.9 with Victor Vatten and Carl Pilking for the last time. XFM 104.9. Sad. We've established that Hubbard went to the cupboard, Rick. Get the dog a bone, the cupboard was empty as we all know. As we all know, and the dog didn't have any.

No, no, no, no, no. Oh, no, no. Oh, go. Go on. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. to. to. the. to. the. to. the. to. the. to. to. the. th. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. th. to. to. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th................................................................................................................................................................... through all of them, Rick. Right. Basically, well basically I can tell you straight away that the dog initially had none. She went to the bakers to buy him some bread. When she came back, the poor dog was dead. Right, you're pretty upset about that. She went to the joiners to buy him a coffin. When she came

back, he was smoking a pipe. I mean... I don't know, so the dog was winding her up there again being dead. I mean he's pushing his luck, especially if she's already depressed. But do you know if I was that dog, right, and I live with old mother Hubbard, right? All that flapping around around, I've been going, I know there's no bones in the cupboard, right? What do you mean you're going to get me some bread? I'm a dog? Yeah. I'm not interested in bread. Get me some hamburgers. Yeah. So I'd start, I think I'd start winding her up. She went to the houghouse to get him some beer. When she came back, the dog sat in a the dog had turned queer. Make it rhyme and also get a little, you know, he smoked, he's smoking a pipe, he's having a laugh. I'm beginning to wonder if he's bent, he's bent.

I'm beginning to wonder if this is based on fact though in any way because she went to the groceries to buy him some fruit when she came back, he was playing the flute. He's gay. No it is the ta. It is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, he, he's, he's, he's, he's the, he's, he, he's the, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he. He. He. He, he. He. He, he. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He's, he. He's, he. He's, he's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th it's not, uh... Now this, I didn't even know there was a goat involved. Oh no! She went to the tailors to buy him a coat, when she came back, he was riding the goat. Yeah, there you go, dirty little, oh what... She went to the hatters to buy the hat, when she came back, he was feeding the cat. I mean, the tip, the hat is, the hat, the hat, she, she, she, she, she went, she went, she went, she went, she, she went, she, she, she, she went, she, she, she, she, she went, she, she went, she went, she went, she went, she went, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, she, she, the, she, she, she, she, the, she, the, the, the, the the the the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the ta, to the, to the, to to to the minute, hang on a minute, I think the gay thing's beginning to stand up. She went to the barbers to buy a wig, to buy a wig.

When she came back? If he was having a frig? He was dancing a jig. He's dancing a jig. He's dancing a jig. He's dancing a jig. to go. This is a bit of left field one though. She went to the coblers to buy him some shoes. Why does he need shoes? I bet they're high heels. A second though. She went to the coblers to buy him some shoes. When she came back, you're never going to believe this. He was reading the news. She went to the seamshiers to buy him some hoes. Brilliant! She went to the seame the seame the seame. I the seame. I the seame. I the seame. I their their their their their their their their their their their high their high their high their high their high their high their high they're they're they're their high high they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're high. I their high. I their high. I're high. I'll their high high high their high high their high high heels. I're high high high high heels. I're high high high high heels. I're their high high high heels. I're they're they're they're they't know why when she came back the dog was a spinning yeah she went to the hose years to buy him some hose when she came

back he was dressed in his clothes why did she want to this is the big payoff that we've been building to the Dame made a curtsy the dog made a bow the Dame said your servant the dog said bow wow right I. I mean, okay. I, you know. I'm going to probably do a few more verses during the next song. On the course of the show? Yeah.

Listen before we move on, I should just say that we've had various people saying what was in the bed and what was the final line of the bed. What's they care? It's extraordinary, isn't we we we we we we we we we're wea. th we're th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thoing. thoing. thi. I'm thoing. tho. I'm tho. I'm tho. I'm tho. I'm tho. I'm tho. I'm tho. I'm tho. I' tho. I' tho. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I's th. I's th. I's thi. I's thi. I'm thin. I'm thin. I'm thin. I'm than. I'm than. tha. theeananan. tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. I'm talking about politics in the past, great news here, we play great songs. Yeah, we've got monkey news coming up talking about politics. But Danny's said that apparently it ends with one in the bed, little one said, good night. Because he was all happy, he had the bed to himself. But Ava, there's nine of his mates piled on the floor. Rick, but Ava counters that by saying, actually, one, one, one, that, that, that, that, that, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, thin, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, the. But, the, the, Danny, they. But, Danny, they. But, Danny, Danny, they. they. Dan, Danny, tha. Dan, they. But, Danny, tha. But, tha the little one said come back because he felt lonely. So... We're never going to get done this.

This is the same as the Kennedy thing. There's loads of different opinions we don't know what's going on. Jimmy Webb be going on. I... Jimmy Webb, I'm... ... Jimmy Webb, Galveston. I... Jimmy Webb, Galveston, fantastic version, on XFN, 104.

You know what Steve, I know people are going to miss the talk about little Chinese fellas, little gay fellas, little monkey fellas and all that. But I think I'm going to miss some great tunes as well. I know what I'd hope so. She went to the jewelers to buy him a clock. But when she got back... What was he sucking? A chalk ice.

A chalk ice. A chalk ice. Fine. Fine, respectable. Yeah, I sort of feel like, you know, show, we've got to give the audience what they want. What's this? Well, yeah, and I was going to say things they don't want as well. Oh, right. You know, and well, just basically to keep a smile on Carl's face. I say a smile, a sort of not quite a scowl.

Yeah, he never really smiles. So, yeah, it's just really a chance it's a chance, it's a for no apparent reason. Yeah. What do you think like? What do you mean? Well it seems like you'll be thinking of what a monkey could do. Yeah, it's like people who've had electro shock there. Yeah. It's such as a tie down biting on something, biting on a big leather pad. Let me just tell you. Let me tell you. Let me tell you. There's a number of mediocre CDs and DVD. That is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That that. That that that. Yeah. That's that. Yeah. Yeah. That's that. Yeah. That's that. What that. What that. What that. What that's that's that. What the their their their their their their. What their their their their their their. What their. What. What their. What. What. What. What their. What. What. What their. What. What their. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. What. It's. It's. It's th. It's th. It's sometimes. It's sometimes. It's. It's. It's. It's sometimes. It's. It's sometimes. It's. It's. It's sometimes. It's. It's sometimes. It's sometimes. It's sometimes. It's.the prizes are. That looks like a piece of shit. You got the last time. Let me tell you, let me know. There's a number of mediocre CDs and DVDs. That is real time.

But mainly, what about this? It's the Lord of the Rings Collectors edition. Oh, the movies you're thinking. No, it's the bin. So that is just, either pop it in the bin or send it to some poor bastard who wins this quiz. If you're willing to take part in the quiz, you deserve 14 hours, you've been like wasted with that Tolkien trap. So, right.

Yeah, what are the clues then, Carl? Right. As always, just, you know, cryptic clues. No. And the thrikes. Cl Cl Cl Cl Cl Cl Cl Cl Cl Cl Cl Cl Cl Cl Cl Cl. Cl. Cl. Cl. Cl. Cl. Clips. Clips. Clips. Clips. Clips. Clips. Clips. Clips. Clips. Clips. I. I. I. th. If. If. If. If. If. If. If. If. If you, the. If you, the. If. If, the. If you, the, the qu. If, the qu. If, the, the, the, the. If, the. If, if you, if you, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, the. If, the. If, the. If, the. If, the. If, the. If, the. If. If. If. If. If. If. If. If. If. If. If the. If the. If you, the. If you, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, win the stuff. Be my lonely. Yeah, Ricky.Jvace, XFM.co.co. The first clue is as follows. The Jamaican fellow wrote a review for the taste the girl Jamaican fellow. He's back. The Jamaican fellow.

This normally suggests that you need to think of the answer in a Jamaican accent. Yeah, or not. Yeah, any accent. Or pronounce the word slightly differently. Yeah, go on. The Jamaican fellow wrote a review for Phoenix Knights. All right? Yeah.

D.C. D.C. D.D.D. D.C. The Jamaican fellow wrote a review for Phoenix nights. That's the first one. Second one. It's the the the the the the th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I. I. I. I'm. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I.. I.......................................................................................... first one. Second one, it's three of them. Second one is, we should all vote for Paul Daniels, David Blaine, Copperfield, the Great Soprendo, Tommy Cooper and Deron Brown. You should all vote for them. Why is that? What was... I've just got the first one. E.S. E.S. E.S. Okay. And the last one. Um, Steve, what did your dad do? What did your dad do? What did your dad do? What did your dad do? What did your dad do? What did your dad do? What did your dad do? What did your dad do? Right? That's E? Right? What did your dad do? Right? That's E? What did your dad do? What did you? What did you? What did your dad do? Right? Right? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? the? th? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the the? the the? the the the the the the the? the? the the the the the the the the the the th? the the th? th? the? the? the? th? th? th again the Jamaican fellow wrote a review for Phoenix

Knights, right? D.C. Second one we should all vote for Paul Daniels, David Blaine, could feel great to brunt, no but that's important, right? Yes and the last one, you know, I'll tell you what did your dad do? Right? Initial E. Ricky dot Javais at XFM..uk, we don't want to speak to you. Please don't phone up. Remember you could win some Lord of the Rings tripe. All right. Right.

Right. All right. Last rock bust is everything. Christ. Yeah, thanks no more on their version of I'm Easy on XFM 104. We can't you make a student, Carl Pilkington. Rick, we've... For the last time. We've only really got three topics of discussion on this show. I think you'd agree with that. Little Chinese fellas. Little Chinese fellas. Um, monkeys. The gkeys. The gay people.

We're hoping to cover all those subjects today. Monkey Needs is coming later. I'm sure we can find something to discuss about gay people. We've done guys. We've done guys. I suppose we've talked about the dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah, big time. I think it'll be enjoyed but this is something that's got sent through to us. I'm not quite sure. I. I'm to to the the, I'm to the, I'm the, I'm their, I'm their, I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm hoping, I'm hoping, I'm hoping, we're th. I'm hoping, we're th. I'm hoping, we're hoping, we're hoping. th. We're hoping, we're hoping, we're their their their their their their their, we're their, we're their, we're their, we're their, we're their, we're their, we're their, we their, we their, we their, we their, we're their, we're their their their their their their their their. they. they. th. thi. thi. thi. tho. thooo. thooo. theean. thooooooo. the press recently. I'm not going to give you the headline, I think it gives way too much. I think, Carl, you'll be particularly interested in it. A farmer in Eastern China, basically, he paid 1,300 pounds, or the Chinese equivalent to marry a woman, and basically she refused to. Six days after the ceremony she tried to run away, but the farmer followed her. He found her in some neighboring town. They grappled together, the bogus bride's false breasts fell off. And he's hard. It was hard, not his hard, that is it. It wasn't his hard. It was an arranged marriage. I don't know who sorted that out. Did he get his money back? I think he... I think he was he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He was. He he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he heing heing heing heed in heed in he in he in he in he in he in he in he in he in he in he in he in he in he in he in he in he in he in he in he. He he. He found in he. He he. He found in he he he. He found in he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he found. He found. He found. He found. He apparently, yeah, it was an arranged marriage.

I don't know who sorted that out. Did he get his money back? I think he's. Because I think men are cheaper than women to marry in China, I think, I think, I think. But, um, you've got to be pretty simple not to realize that the person who married is a bloc, surely a person who married, thian's is a thian who's is a thian who's is a thian who's is a thian who's thiiiiii isn't is a thi, thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thirty thirty thirty thirty thi thi, thirty thirty thirty thirty that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi.a. thi. thi. thi. Did their thi. Did thi. Did he thi. Did he's thii thi, you know, in the back of the store, he just saw the shop windows, a lovely little Chinese lady there, right? You know, lovely hair, real breasts.

There's lumps where the breasts should be. I can only assume they are breasts, right? You see when walking around going, what are they breasts or they, you know, steeding, sort of grapefruit they probably, but wouldn't there have be there have be there have be there have be there have be there have be there wouldn't there have been a lot I mean wouldn't there be a quite a sort of long initiation period when they first introduced and something not if you put his money down he said well I want a bird quickly is a grand sure get me they're not gonna say do you want real breasts or they just can assume sure sure yeah he is one yeah yeah he's one

but who is he paying this woman from the the the the the the the the the the the the the little Chinese lady shop? For a Chinese lady shop. Yeah, sure. So, uh, yeah. There's one in Chinese, I think. It's one in Chinese, I think. So, uh, not really a town. Not exactly a town. More novelty street. And the roads are very slippery. Very sticky. I tell you what, though, I was looking at their menus when they're walking in on they don't waste anything do they? Why? Ducks tongue on the menu. Yeah but it's better when you say it! All right, ducks tongue? A ducks tongue really? You sure that wasn't the proprietor? What is it? Excellent. Excellent. Cull play, warning sign an XFM. One of 4. thoo. that? What is it? th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, the. Do the. Do the. Do you, the. Do you, the. Do you, thu. Do you, thu. Do you, thu. Do you, thu. Do you, the. Do, of 4.9. Carl, look at that.

What is it? What is it? Can Apple. Right, right, okay. What am I doing to it? You messing with it? Yeah? And what am I doing to it for?

It's gone off a bit. Yeah? Would you kiss it for? No, I wouldn't. Why? I'm not great. What are we doing this for? I think I read this same feature on Wogan. I'm not sure. Seriously, can't I'm intrigued to know. How much would you have to be paid to kiss Ricky's nipple? No, I'm not doing it. No, I'm not doing it. No, I'm not doing it. No, I kiss my nipple. You're joking! A thousand pound to kiss my nipple? Come on, it's the last show? No, I'm not doing it.

Two thousand. If you had the money there and like, if you had it there now I might do it, for a that. For what's it? For what the thii' th, no, no, I, no, I, I, no, I, no, no, I, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho, no. th. th. th. tho. tho. th. th. th. to, no, no. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. tho. tho. tha. grand. So you're going down from five to two straight away. Look, look. Steve, what's going on? I seriously think I'd like to see you kiss his nipple for $2,000. If Steve wants it and I want it, that's two to one. I thought it was a democracy this show. You're not educating Ricky or what? Email in if you'd like to see or rather hear Carl. Carpice. Carp-Ca' th-Case, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th- th- th- th th th th-I th-I to-I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to see to see to see to see to see, I to see, I to see, I to see, I to see, I to see, I to see, I th, I th, I th, I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the. I the. I the. I'll like like theat-I theat-cou-c-I theat-c-I to-I to-I to-I to-I to-I to-I to-I thice. I thousand things. Come on Carl. Right. It's not like his John who's next. Next. Okay, okay. Okay, well, what are you doing? What are you doing? How are you looking at that? Why were you looking at that? You didn't have to look at that? Are you looking at that? You didn't have to look at that? Are we doing? What are you doing? Go on? Right, this is when I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the to to the to the to the to to to the the the? the? the? the? the? What the? What the. the. the? the? What is the. the, the, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, the? What, the? What, the? What, the? What, the? What, theat theat theat toeat theat theat theeat theat the. Next, that that ach Ricky stuff and just give him some headlines to sort of tease

him into what's gone this week that you might want to know about. Is that important ant? Yeah. Okay, you got that? That would be something to do with an ant? Were there's a way, were there's a way, were there's a will, there's a way. Right, okay, that means sort of like sucking mince. Uh, hooked line and good thinkers.

What? What? Okay. So which are the, uh, is that important? What, you want, you want to do it now? Oh, yeah, go on? Let's give it. It's Christmas, you open, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the there, the there, there, the there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there's there, there's there's there, there, there, there's there's there's there's there's, there's, there's, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there's there's there's there's a tho. Wo. Wo, there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's there's I was just going to make it. Yeah, go on. This is one now, yeah, come on. It's Christmas, you're open one. Come on. Uh, you know I don't like, I'm eaters. Why? Okay, so I should just point out to people that as far as Carl is convinced,

the stories that he's about told you before I just don't sort of... It annoys me that an animal's named after what it eats. You don't need that. You have it. It didn't choose it, did it? Yeah, but if there's nothing else that it can be called, it's like, oh, what's it do? I don't know. What's it eating? It's eating ants, right? It's not good enough. But why are you annoyed at it though for someone else calling it being lazy? Because it obviously doesn't do anything else. Do you know what do you want to do? The chartered surveyor? Whatever, just a proper name? What's a proper name?

Well I'm just saying... But tell me an animal that's a proper name to you? A beaver. That's pretty good. Why is that a proper name? It doesn't matter anyway, that's that I don't understand what they're out. You, you and Aunt Eaters have got issues. Okay, I don't, sometimes I genuinely don't understand.

What is thought processes are? Go on. Right, okay, Anante, you know what Annie is because they just eat ads and they're that's what they're named after. Do you know that an aunt eater can stick its tongue in and out 160 times in a minute? No, it didn't know that. All right? Okay. Okay. Thanks. No, but do you think that's good? What do you mean? So I call Norris McWherer?

What do you mean do I think that's good? Compared to what? You see, I read it and thought, so what? So what? So, so I read it so what? So, so you still put it down? There's something interesting to tell me? No, but it's the fact that that is meant to be amazing. I did in 4848 48 48 48 48. I the the that I that I that I that I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I was that. I was that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's good. that's good. that's good. that's good. that's good. that's good. I that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's, right? What's the spirit today? Oh, well hold on, there's my nipple. How many could you do if you, if it meant you had to touch my nipple at the end? 2,000 pounds? I mean, I don't know why we haven't got complaint, we haven't got any complaints have we, we've had one. No one listening. No, it must be that because Kilroy has probably got a big show and he's it's all over the place for, you know, it's, mind you know, he, you know, I'd be annoyed if he'd have to say that about that he's they. you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you'd, you'd, you'd, you know, you'd, you'd, you, you, you, you know, you know, you've, you've, you, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th. th. to, th. to, to, to, th. to, to, to, th. to to to th. to to to to th. thi. thi. to thi. th to, th that, th th th th. It's got to be careful with Louis a noise because he would end up having to move him with Salmon Rushden. Do you know?

Is Sam, is he still on the run? No, no he's out. I've seen him twice. I think he's out all the time now. I bet his flat's a pigsty. Sure. It was not neat when he was living with 400 CIA people and a couple of... You remember he went in to to to to to to to to to their to their to their their to their their to their to their their to their their to to their to to to to to to to to to to to to their is their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their. Is. Is their. Is their. Is their. Is someone is their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their mid-80s, I can't remember exactly. Yeah, that's right. You went into hiding, he was in there, it was hiding basically, surrounded by security guards, confined to his flat for about 10 years or something. I would have I thought so, yeah. Have you ever seen a picture of him? Yeah, are you annoyed? Well, I mean he might be a great man and

a talented writer and an intellectual fellow but Jesus. Do something with the beard. Well yeah but he's busy any. What? He's busy writing stuff. How did he pull there when he was just basically in there in his flat? I don't know. internet. Possibly. Just got to know him and then she kept saying, send a picture, he goes, no, I'm not saying a picture, come around. Read some of the books, they're brilliant. They're brilliant. She goes, well I'm in love with you now.

Oh, well I'm in love with you now, so. You know, he's going, got my own place. Got my own place. stuff! There's a few people hanging around. Don't worry about it. I mean a lot. I'll tell you something else that I'll annoy you. Stephen Orkin not only married but dumped her for his nurse. Extraordinary, isn't it? So he's pulling birds left, right and centre. Well, you know, it's, it's true type that you've, uh... I wasn't the James Bond of TV comedy.

I remember, I remember Carl when you first met him about three years ago, what did you think? Just a bit odd. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. I love it. The man's coming from him. I know. But I'll tell you what I used to really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was the story, I was the story, I was the story, I was to really really really to really to really to really to really to really, I was the story, I was to remember, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story think it was up in a car park in a pub car park in Leeds or something. No Mansfield it was a car and he broke the record for being buried alive. Being buried alive I mean and he

was literally in a casket like in not David Blaine now in the lovely sunshine with loads Jonathan Ross waving to you yeah no none of that Paul McCartney calling you know I mean he was buried alive in the dark with just a tube for communication. I think he was buried about 10 feet underground. There's a tube which people would communicate and send stuff to the water down and I remember reading it and there was one element of the story. You would think it was a very cheap holiday. Well, you know, do you not have to pay those prices, 400 quid, hoseasies and you're having a laugh. That's nothing. Mansfield Carpark. And there was another one it said in the news report it said that

while he was down in the grinned he began and ended a relationship with a woman while he was down there some fan who was a fan of what he was doing he started communicating with her through the tube they'd because I don't know the internet but they began a relationship and it ended and I as to say so so so so so so so so I so I so I so I so I so I said I so I said I so I said I so I said I so I so I said I said I s so I s so I s I s I s I s I s I s I s I s I s I s I the so I the so I to so I to so I to say I to say I to say I'm I the so I'm I'm I'm I to say I the the the the the the the the their I their I their I their I their I their I their I their I their I their I their I the I the I the I the I the I the I the I the I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. I'm th. th. I don't know. I'm th. th. I don't know. I'm th. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't the the the the the the know the internet of it, but they began a relationship and it ended. And I remember thinking, you know, when you read that there's a man... How did it end? Why did she go that this isn't working? Yeah, that's twice you've stood me up. Yeah. Well, I can't get out, can I. But I remember thinking at the time, you know, I was not the sort of the lady's thaki, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thing, thin, thing, thing, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thtime reading it and thinking there's a bloke, you know, he's pulling women 10 feet undergrant through a tube. Through a tube.

I'm out in about with some of the most expensive hair products on the market. I've got to sit down and ask myself some very serious questions. Oh dear. I don't know if he did the, um, the world record. I don't know how that that that that that that that that that that's that's that's tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. I'm tho. I'm tho. I'm tho. I'm tho. I'm tho. I'm the the tho. I'm tho. I'm tho. I'm the thoomoomorrow. I'm thoomorrow. I'm thoomorrow. I'm tho. I'm tho. I'm tho. I'm tho. I'm tho. I'm tho. I'm tho. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I'm thin. I'm thin. I'm thin. I'm thin. I'm tho. I'm tho. I'm tho. I'm tho. I'm too. I'm too. I'm too. I'm too. I'm too. I'm too. I'm too. I'm thoooooo it I don't know how that happened but good luck to me what do you mean a hole though like like what a proper thing or is he moving about how big is it? No it was just I think it was just buried alive in a casket I don't know just down there probably down there probably down his back maybe just waiting for a little bit but could he get out if he wanted to well yeah he could say can't he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he was he he was he he was the the he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he he was he he was he he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he the the the took took took took took took took took tou took tb he was took tb tb tb tb he was he was he was? He couldn't just leave and then come back. So someone's there then? No, they buried him and were saying, well, we better go back in a couple of weeks, see how

he's doing. What do you mean someone's there? Of course there's someone there. Norris, I'd imagine it's Norris. Like you're looking up here. What's that? It annoys me a bit all this sort of, you know, getting in an hole and in a box and all that, and people going, oh, that's, that's good. I mean, if he was doing something when he was down there, making something or whatever, you go, that's quite clever, but I don't understand all are just making a fuss about things that aren't that clever these days. It's just... You know what I mean?

I don't reckon he beat Anne Frank's record. No, I think she's got the record. I know, yeah. And she did something, she wrote a book. So you must think that she's pretty good then. Yeah, but at least you did. Yeah, I know, that's what up Everest on a bike. Someone's walked it. That's harder than going on a bike. No, it's not. Of course it is. Of course it is. Not up hill. Riding about

on a bike is better than walking everywhere. If it's not uphill? No? No? Don't agree with me? Why do people get off their bike and walk it up a hill? They don't always? I see people... No, but why do they? When people are people are going? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No. No? No? No? No. No? No. No? No. No? they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they their their their their their their their th. their their their their their. their. their. th. th. th. th. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th it up a hill? They don't always. I see people. No, but why do they? When people are going up a hill on the bike but they get off and push the bike, just saying. No, what, why is that? Because it's, do you think it's because it's harder? They go, I'll tell you what, this would be a lot easier on the bike, but I'll tell you. I'll their it it it it they they'll they'll they'll their they'll their their their their their their their their their their their, I'll get, I'll get, I'll get, I'll get, I'll get, I'll get, I'll get, I'll get, I'll get, I'll get, when, when, when, I'll get, when, when, when, when, when, when I'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when. I'll, when. I'll, when. I'll, when. I'll, when. I'll, when. I'll, when. I'll, I'll, I'll, when. I'll their, I'll their. I'll their. I'll their. I'll their, I'll their, when I'll get, I'll get, I'll get, I'll get, I'll get, I'll get, I'll get, I'll get, I'll get, I'll get, I'll get, I'll get, I'll get, I'll get, I'll get, I'll get, I'll get, I'll get, I'll get their. I her and that. You know what I mean? When someone's doing a London Marathon in a car, I can go and clap them because that's just the same as far as I'm concerned. It's not hard. Play record. Imbersome.

My nukes, the toye. to their toy. to their song. on your song show alive Ryan Adams on XFN 104.9 Ricky Joveys, Steve Merchant, Car Pilkington for the last time. Well you might do some other stuff later. Oh yeah, I mean, fear for a little while they'll well we won't be around for, yeah, foreseeable future.

Better things to do, being a fish to do. No, you've got your music show like you'll do, like sure we're good. Yeah. This is the other radio stations, more interesting. I think we've just got enough energy left for the last 35 minutes. We've given them a lot, Steve. We've given them a lot. We've come in here, week in, out, every thirty percent. Never late. We've always given them, th. We've th. We've th. We've their. We've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've their, we've, we've their, we've their, we've, their, we've their, we've their, the other, the other, the other, the other, the other, the other, we've, the other, the other, the other, the other, the other, the other, the other, the other. We've, the other. We've, the other. We've, we've, we've the other. We've the other. We've the other. We've the other, we've the other, we've the other, we've the other, we've the other. We've th. We've the. We've theree. We've thooeded. theree. theree. We've theree. We've thee. We've the other, we've the other, we've the other It's really important. Oh, 30% of energy. Yeah.

How did that start? People going, you've got to give 110%? Yeah. It's just my heart sinks. I'm like, oh, 100%. I say, you've got to give 110. I can't. I'll give, I'll tell you what stand. And that's all I'm... I'm saying that to a drill sergeant.

I'll tell you I'm going to give nearly 100. And that's, you know, that's more than you, more than most, I think you'll find. Maybe if you appear on celebrity fat club? Well, I don't think I need that was a wrecked, it was pointing toward my knees. Can I just point out that we've had more requests for Carl to kiss your nipple than we have answers to rockbusters? Ain't gonna happen. Come on.

Come on. Come on. the show, Carl, the show is. the show. the show is a little little peck that is just out of order the show must go on you've got to give people what they want doing it why why not what's wrong what's on nipple what's up with lips on nibble you hear about stuff like this and then like I might enjoy it and the next things like Suzanne can you leave because you know I mean I like fellas That's what happens. That's like an episode of Killroy! Oh God!

Oh, I'll tell you this. Pilkington, are you thinking exactly the same as your thing. I'll think of it's your thing. The show's been axed. But they're keeping the show on at the same time. It's going to have a different name, different host. Hello. Carl, what would you do? If we give you a subject, will you just run through what you might say about it or what questions are asked? What sorts of stuff?

Okay, so what stuff? Okay, Steve's 15. I'm 15 and my dad wants to have a sex chain. So I'll play the dad, right? Okay, I'm Jeff. I'm Jeff. I'm Jeff from Luton. I'm a 54-year-old plumber. And I've decided, and this is my son, Paul. Paul? You sure would be Paul? Yeah, I got to be Paul. Okay.

So ask me some questions. So what's what's going on? Well, I just, I'm not happy with this body. I've always felt that I was a woman trapped in a man's body. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I just, I just, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I th, I th, I th, I th. I th. I th, I th, I th, I th, I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd, th. I'd, th. I'd, th. I'd th. I'd, th. I'd th. I'd, th. I'd, I'd, I'd th. I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd th. I'd, I'd th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I'd th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. this man's body. Have you? Yeah. Yeah. And I just, I just, I think I'd be happier as a woman. And, you know, it's for him to accept it really, because I have accepted anything that he wanted to do or, you know, and it doesn't change anything. No, I know, but I mean, it won't change anything. I still love you and I'll still be your father. I can't believe I agreed to come on national TV I'm going to get to say that to me at school. Really? Well you know you've got to go through lots of stuff but I mean don't don't think of me any different. What does mum think all this? Well mum doesn't

she doesn't want it really but I mean she'd I'm not gonna throw their tip's theymeat the boll bollum boll I'm not gonna keep th I'm I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not th I'm not th I'm not th I'm not th I'm not th I'm not th I'm not th I'm not th I'm not th I'm not th th th th tho tho tho th th th throw throw tho tho tho tho tho tho tho they they they they they th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thin that thr thr to thro to to to to to to to to throw to throw to to throw throw throw throw throw throw throw tho the the to use that but I just I just don't want them attached to me I'm gonna have them off I have some lovely pair of ticks put on and a nice little means down there but it doesn't but I'm not bent I still fancy I still fancy my wife and that and you know okay well thanks for coming in today yeah brilliant that's your audition for Pilkington well what can I say I'm not a doctor right what would you want you want come That's your audition for Pilkington. Well, what can I say? I'm not a doctor, right? But what would you... Why ask me to be changed? I ask me to get with my dad because he wants to become a woman.

But it says like, well dear, but you mean you've had a son and he's going through an off their day? Should you think of him? Should you think of him before you're doing with who I am, how can I live a lie? I'd go through my whole life living a lie, just because he might go through a little bit of embarrassment. You know, he's old enough to realize now that I love him and I just, I just need to have some pittanaminge on me. Well, thanks for coming in. Oh, Christ Almighty! Well, what, what, what, what are you saying? That's the rockbusters answers. Rubbish. I don't want the gig anyway.

Ha ha ha ha ha! Like they were seriously considering him. Thanks for coming in! Brilliant! Go on. Go on. But I tell you, my dad's always been assuant to talk about you. They're out there. So it's a disappointing? Go on.

You rockbusters, right? First clue was a Jamaican fellow wrote a review for Phoenix Knights. Yeah. That was the cryptic clue. The initials were DC. What is it? Come on, no, you tell me. It's a defined comedy.

All right. Define comedy. It's a divine comedy. All right. What is that? Well, I'll just make the accent again. Do the accent again. Do the action again. Do the a thin. Do the action again. Do the action again. Do the a threat. Do the answer. It doesn't matter. Let's move on. Second one. We should all vote for Paul Daniels, David Blaine, great soprano. threndo, Tommy Cooper and Darren Brown. What? Yes with the initials. Go on. Elect, trick six. Right? Elect trick six.

It works, I don't know what it means. Right, well there's six people there who do tricks and that. Right? I'm saying we should vote for them, so you elect them. Yeah, but he said elect. Electric, no elect, electric six. No elect though, elects not a word is it? And the last one. Er, three elects a word, elect. Steve. You mean Alec, do you? It's not Alec part. You're not trying to do Alec part. The third one, Steve, what did your dad do? I don't know.ia? No, it doesn't work either, it doesn't work

either. No, it doesn't work. No, it doesn't work. None of them work. Another pile of crap from the mind of little, stupid, oh, don't be little... I'm going to give the prices to Martin Williams from Flintshire, I don't know what Flintshire is. He says that he's promised to listen to the Lord of the Rings. By listen he means sell them on eBay. So, thanks for coming in. Stupid, the end of rockbusters from the stupid little shitty brain, I'm going to say it of Wilkinson. Possibly my favourite song of all time after the Gold Rush by Neil Young and that's

for Carl's Looker Like, Boyd, who's actually on Justin Ecolony's show after us. About 5. He's not really look like. Oh, it is. Yeah. He's got a bald head. He's got a bald head. We're like Gandhi. Oh, it is. Yeah. He's got a bald head. All right, Gandhi? What do you? What is it in the Togury, he does?

A little bit. I don't think Gandhi wore a toker. No. So what are you, uh... What did he do? Oh, dear. Well, just sat around to be honest, Carl. Didn't do much. Just said, let's not, don't have a go. Just be a the the the they. the they. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh.... th. th. th. th. tho, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh. What, uh. What, uh. What, uh, uh. What, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, to. Oh. Oh. Oh. What, to. What, to. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, involved. Didn't do much. Just said, let's not, don't have a go, just be careful. Don't go, man. Oh, don't start fighting. Let's all calm down a little bit.

He's the one in the public that goes, okay, stop mucking around. We were educating Ricky earlier, Carl, I wonder if we should resume that is taking away. All right, you've got two bits of info. You could be leaving the building with today, right? You've got, were there's a will, there's a way. Yeah, I have that one. They've brought out this drug or, sort of tablet or something. Yeah, you've got to do it, yeah, go on. Yeah, brilliant. Which means like an eight an eight year old woman can have a kid. What do you think of that?

No, doesn't. What are you talking about? You can inject a woman with something, 80 year old. And it means, you know, she's got more time on her hands now and that. It's better to have a kid. She can have a kid later on in life. It's real like, where's it's like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi. th, th, th, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. that's that's that's that's, that's, that's, that's, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thatea. that, later on in life. I just really like, where there's, very good, very good. Right, well let's just move on from that because he's clearly drivel. No, it's not.

I think it's bad idea. Of course it's a bad idea. Right, then. If it's even, I'll give you, I'll even give you that it a few weeks old. Yeah, okay. Well, it's terrible, no you shouldn't do it, yeah. All right, what's the final educating Ricky? So far, I'm not impressed. Get her a cat. Get her a little pick and ease. Don't get a child. Yeah, but it's meant to get you thinking, like you're saying, well she shouldn't have a kid. Well, it's the firtle. She'll try try, she's try, she's to try, she's to try to try to try to try to try to try to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to pick to to pick to pick up to pick up to pick up to get to get to get the to pick up, to get to get to get to get her to get her to get her, to to to to to get her to get her to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin, th. thin, the the the thin, the the the thin, the the thin, the the next one? Would she get a breastfeed? Yeah, yeah, and see if you be able to do it standing up while he was on the floor.

Talking to nipple. Hey, come on! There's a lovely juicy pair over there. Okay, I think as is the last show, people should actually phone in and speak to Carl and try and convince him. Oh, I'll thi. Oh, I forget, the number, the number, the number, the number, the number, the number, the number, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. th. th. th. th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. th. th. th. to be to be to be to be to be thin, th! to be to be to be to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, thin. Yeah, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, the. the. thee. thin. thee. Yeah, thin. Yeah, thee. Yeah, thee. Yeah, th. Yeah forget that. Yeah, yeah, it's answered. We'll put it during the record. Phone if you want to speak to Carter, if you end them, but Colin, try and convince to Carl his little nipple. Don't want him. Right, what we're doing? What's the last educating Ricky?

Come on. Um, hook, line. They've found a lot of fish with two heads. What do you think of that? What do you mean they've found a lot of fish with two heads? Who has they've been messing about basically these scientists and stuff and they've said, look at this we can do. And they're making loads of fish with two heads. They're actually, they can do it now and they're saying, that's good in it. Do you know what I mean?

All right, don't work with them. Yeah, but what do you think? I think if they can do that to fish, they should try and do it to you and then at least you'd have two brains to work with. Yeah. And we won't argue, I'd bang them together it'd be like one of those canackers he's trafficking the playground on the string I just whack them together I hate the window didn't I didn't I see what the noise

meant today didn't I yeah yeah what I mean say if say if this is a start of something they try out with something, they're trying it out with fish and that with two heads. You'd be two different people. You know, you can't think like you're one. It doesn't make sense. If you'd have two heads, you'd have two brains. You know. Well that's all right, but say if we did the same job, well we'd be doing the night. But you'd both, you'd take it in turns to do your job badly and moan about it, yes, it'd be fine. He's giving it some serious thought. I know, yeah. And so's his other head. Yeah. But also they're saying there's like a fish shortage. And I was wondering whether they're doing like they try to make that better. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, well as the head is a bit you throw away, it'd be perfect. But when they do a head count like they do. That's what they do, they do like it.

They count fish, they get fish, okay, just end the line, one, two, I think you'll find we want to, don't answer back. Rick, I should just point out that I feel. Don't answer back. Come on, I think, I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I they. They they. They they. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They'll. They. They. They. They. They'll. They. They. They'll. They. They'll. They'll. They'll. They'll. They'll. They'll. They. They. They. They. They. They'll. They'll. They'll. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They count. They count. They count. They count. They count. They count. They count. They count. They count. They count. They count. They're. They count. They count. They're. Theyalling. Do rubbish! The only thing that would redeem the show is if he kissed a nipple phone if you want to speak to Carl? You don't remember calling and try to play Carl what this record is up? Well that's the fan, that's the fan. That's the fan.

And the only thing, their phone up and they say oh, kiss his nipple and he goes in the air right and he hangs up on them. Come on air, answer the phone, be nice to whoever it is, be nice them at least. Hello? Carl? Yeah, speak to Carl. Why don't you speak about that human monkey was on the other day? Oh, old news man, oh old the thin. Oh, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to say, hold, hold. Oh, hold. Oh, hold. Oh, hold. Oh, hold. Oh, hold. Oh, hold. Oh, hold. Oh, come, come, come, come, come to say, come, come, come, come to say, come. Come on, come. Come on, come. Come, come. Come, come. Come, come. Come, come. Come. Come. Come, come. Come. Come. Come. Come. Come. Come. Oh, come. Oh, come. Oh, come. Oh, come. Oh, come. Oh, come. Oh, come. Oh, come. Oh, come. Oh, come. Oh, to. Oh, to. Oh, to. Oh, to. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, to. Oh, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to to to the phone. Come, come. Come, come. Come on, the monkeys, what do you think of his nipples? Alright then, just kiss his nipple then for £500. I don't think he's his nipple. I'd do with £500 easy. Would you? Yeah.

But why? Why do you want me to do it anyway? What the money? What the things? to thi's thrown, thrown, 'd come on a 500 quid to go, there you go, just kissed his nipple, 250 quid each. She gist me more. It's not.

It's not happening. Do you just cut him off then? Well, there's another fellow there. Who's that? My name's Linda? What would make your day, Linda? If Carl actually gave it a lick, not just a kid. Ha ha ha ha. Forget it.

Ex-FN. Ex-FN. The cure on XFN, one and four point nine, pictures of you, and it's Rickage of A Steve Carpull hosting the final show. Which means the last film quiz. the film film quiz, Carl puts himself in a film. Claire's on next week, by the way. And then Adam and Joe, brilliant.

Excellent. Excellent. Matt Lucas said he'd do a show, could him recall and maybe him and Dave Williams. Yeah? Might do that. Yeah, very good, wouldn't it? Yeah. Right. The film thing, this is when we get like a film and I'm in it, right? So I'm doing, we've talked, you know, a bit about gay fellows and that today. Yeah. So we're doing when Ari met Barry. Okay. All right.

And listen to this and then there'll be a question at the end and you can win some more stuff we've got DVDs like that. Some more good two-dos and DVDs and that. Alright, let's hear it. So when I met Barry, right? I've got 18 hours to kill before here in New York. I brought a few books just a kill a bit of time on the journey. When I buy a new book I always read the last page first.

That way in case I die before I finish I know how it ends. I read a book like that once. Not on purpose though, it's just that all the chaps has been put in the wrong order, so it's been annoying. I got to chapter one before I realized. Are you finished now? Yeah I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I to chapter one before I realized. Are you finished now? Yeah, I bought another copy of it and read it in Lanzarote. It was all right.

Good read. Listen, um, we're only staying in New York for a couple of days, aren't we? Because the place does me head in a bit. Oh really? Yeah, it just stinks, don't it? It's a really dirty city. It's noisy. It's funny, the people who live there call it the city that never sleeps.

I'm not surprised with all the noise. I couldn't agree more. Listen, I know you're gay in that, right? What is the attraction with New York for you loat? Because it is like the gay capital, isn't it? They all love it. Even that Rod Stewart song, Now that Killing of George, that was set in New York, weren't it?

Yes, it was. Yeah, well, that song was about a gay fellow, wasn't it? Who moved to New York? And it ended up getting to be beaten up. Not a great advert for the place. You you you you you you you you, th Not a great advert for the place. You keep going there. Weird. Actually, I know what you like is, because it's the city that never sleeps, isn't it? You look like going out late, you sort of bring your life at a different timetable to everyone else.

Are you finished now? Oh, no, no. Not being funny, I'm just saying. Don't think you should live your life. Why not? throw a little angry away. Especially when I'm being told how to live my life. Yeah, you're right. It is your life. And that's what I'm saying. Don't be dragging me into it.

What? Well, you know I'm not gay, so. to buy me a book the moccal? No. Why not? Because you're all gay and I'm straight, that's why. Why aren't you seeing anyone? Why aren't you seeing Susan again?

We only split up for a few weeks when she had that funny. That made her look like David a sleigh. It's grown again, now. She looked weird, didn't she? Well, but forget it. Don't you what? I'm gonna share a bed with you again, not after last time. Oh jeez, what are we supposed to do? This isn't normal, pull over, pull over, I get it. Don't do what... I don't want to talk about it.

Just pull over here. There's nothing, eh? Get a B&Bee. And buy that's a classic film. What song was it talking about, you know? Yeah, we know. What song is it? Artists will do? Or the song title, whatever. Yeah, yeah, okay.

Email only Ricky. the tune and then I hope. Oh, what tuneune you got? How long is it? Three minutes. It's a nice one though. Brilliant, brilliant. A bit of Amy Man.

Fantastic. All right. Great Lions. We've been playing there some of our favorite tracks of all times. We won't say what it is yet. And after Monkey News, Justinie Collins, we're going to leave you with one of our mutual favourite tracks of all time. We won't say what it is yet.

It's a little surprise. Then Jessenny Collins is in with little Boyd Hill and Carl's twin brother. The answer to Carl's quiz question. Carl, what was the song that I was talking about in that... Barry. With Billy Crystal, the King of George.. C. C. the song, Carl, Carl, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the, tho, tho, th. th. We' th. We' th. We' th. We' th. We' th. We' th. We' th. We' th. We' th. We' th. We' th. We, th. We, th. We. We, th. We, th. We. We, th. We, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It's, the. It's, tho. It's tho. to to to to to to to to to to to to thoooooooooooo. It's tho. It's tho. It that... Harry. With Billy Crystal, the King of Georgie. Yeah, Rod Stewart, John, Stephen Farron from Essex wins another GAB. All right, well this is the final one, play the jingle.

Oh, chimpancy that monkey news, Jeff. Right, well, this monkey news story, right? It's about this fella fella a couple of fellas in Texas sort of running a farm yeah right just because they're definitely fellas are how they're just okay they aren't human beings these two are human beings they're running running this farm and that and anyway so they're outside getting the cattle and he turns around right it says that cows couple a couple of monkeys walking about so he knows what's this this thu this this this the the the the the the th this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this their this their this this their this their their this this this this their this this their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thi thu is thu is thu is thu thu thu thu thu thu thu their their they their their their their their their their their their their their their're outside getting the cattle and he turns around, right? He says, that cows.

Couple of monkeys walking about, so he knows what's going on, right? So anyway, so it's in Texas, they don't know what to do with the monkeys, there isn't a zoo, it's fairly barren there, isn't it? You know what I mean? Not much going about. So the other fellow who runs the farm with him, they he he he he he he he, said, said, said, said, said, said, said, said, said, said, said, said, said, said, said, said, said, said, said, said, said, said, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, the the the the the the the they. So, they. So, the the they. So, the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so,ach them some stuff and the monkeys were happy with that because they were lost anyway, right? So they had that's their funnigh they were bumming around they were looking for work. They'd hide a motor home. Yeah, maybe it's like the Hulk. They were like Bruce Banner wandering around going, I need some work. You won't get angry or you? anyway right? So they they taught these monkeys out of they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they were they were they they they they they they they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they they they they they were they they they they were they they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they they were took took took took took. took took took took took they took. they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they've both got a sorry you sure Charlton Heston's not going to pop up they're sure you weren't watching a video last night I thought was a documentary they've both got a horse each right they've been given like a

little lasso and all that oh don't talk shit Carl anyway anyways it's going well anyway it's going well anyway it's going well to theyre's the they's tot all theyre the they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's theyr so so so so theyr so theyr so they's they're they're they're they're they're going going going going going going going going going going going going going going going going going so to they're to to to to to to they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they's they's to they's they's they's they's they's they they they they they they they they they they they they're they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're to they so so so so so to to they so they so they so they so they so they so they so they so they so they so they so they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're that. So the two fathers are chatting going, it's worked out well, aren't it? Right, if there's a hostile takeover and they sort of buy up 51% of the shares or something. For this to continue, the monkeys are getting old a bit now, we need a little woman monkey in here to sort of get some kids going for like the future farm people. So they get a little woman monkey in, so they get a little woman, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they're, they, they, their, they, their, they, they, they're, they, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're they're, they're, they're, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, they they, they, they, they, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, buy, they're, buy, buy, buy, buy, buy, buy, buy, they're, they're, they're they're, their, they're their, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're sort, they're sort, they're sort, they're sort, they're sort, like, like, they're sort, they're sort, with something when it's not broke? Right? So they get the little woman monkey in. They have kids and all that business, right? But the problem was, right, when they first got the woman monkey in, it was like, well, which one's going to have the woman? Right? So, they started sort sort of fighting a the thathe the farm, they'd started started, right, right, their.... So, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their........ They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They're, their. They're, their. They're, their. They're, their. They're, their. their. their. their, their their their their their their their their their their, their, their, the'd seen the owners of the farm with like guns and stuff. Don't tell me the baby monkeys didn't want to go into the family business, won't have to be a lawyer.

They had a bit of a shoot-off. Shut up! They got two monkeys, right? Don't stop! Because they'd seen the owners it out. And who won? I think it was George. The one called George. Right. So they had I think they had 17 kids. The farm still running. So that's that's like the last little monkey use there. Good look passive came if you were to rub your nipple against his lips while I held him down. All right come off it now.

Come on. No, not do it. Roost Rook Sting, Thunder Root, last track on X of Hems with you, Steve. You can check his all out on the web camp. Oh, no! Get his arm out the way. Get the arm out of the way. Get the arm on. This happened on scum.