The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Xfm S4E5 (June 25, 2005)

Episode Date: September 4, 2022

Gervais, Merchant, and Pilkington returned to XFM following the completion of ‘’Extras’’ series 1. This time, they recorded only 6 shows before Gervais and Merchant left XFM for good. The sh...ow would later continue as a podcast, with no further association with XFM.

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 Whoever lost, the magic numbers and the magic number is 104. XFM. I'm Rickage of A's with me, Steve Merchant and Carl Pilkington. Right, two more shows. Two more off air for, I don't know how long. Is that two more including this one? Yeah, no, no, no, no, two more offage. No, no, no. No, it's right. This is one and the last one, there, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th,, no. No, this is one and then there's another one. Right, two more shows, and that's the last one.
Starting point is 00:00:25 There's two more shows, yeah. Including this. We're starting now. If I just said this at the end, it might have been ambiguous. But I've said at the beginning, there's two hours, that's a more show that means two altogether. Oh no, no it's only one more show. Good night. Um, now it better be a good one, Carl. Have we got, uh, rockwusters? Yeah. Two most prizes, check. Check. Have we got monkey news? Check. Is it a real monkey news or is it someone that's slightly made up that you...
Starting point is 00:00:57 What? Always is? It's your check. Okay. Nob news? Nob news? I'm worried that knob news because it's only about penises is a little bit sexist. Have we got any fanny facts? Maybe can we sort that out for next week? I don't want to alienate our female audience. Welcome to Minge London. Good, I'm glad that's out. Well, um, brilliant. We've got a song with the story? Yeah. What that. What is it? I don't want to sort of tell you what it is yet. The song isn't that great. Oh good. That's not a song that's like an X-FM song but every time I hear it on say like magic or whatever. Yeah I have an argument. Well no 5.4. Yeah I have an argument with Suzanne that you know what I think it's about and she says don't be the the tha. tha. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus that's thus that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thus thus thus thus the thus the tho. I the thooo. I the the thoooooo. I thoooooooo. I that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that you know what I think it's about and she says don't be stupid it's not about that and I say no it is and so we're gonna decide who's right well I
Starting point is 00:01:48 don't know what song you're talking about and I don't know what the argument is but Suzanne's right definitely no doubt about it yeah well I listen but I'm hoping that once people sort of listen to it again with my thoughts every time well this song sums up what people tho thu tho th th th th th the sort of links I'm capable of. If that was a badgust of Sony, then nothing. I'm going to miss this show. It's been good. You won't be the only one. Then Lizzy. Don't believe a word on XFM 104.9. I'm going to miss this show. It's been good. You won't be the only one? No, well, you know, we'll come back again. We've got a lot to do over the next few months, but maybe maybe maybe for Christmas or just after. But I still call Carl every day anyway. Oh, sure. I called him a couple of days ago. And I went, uh, that was the weekend. went, what are you doing? He went, oh just in
Starting point is 00:02:45 Regents Park and that, what are you doing? He said, just going for, oh Jesus! I went, what, he went, a caterpillar just fell out of the sky. I went, what, he went, a caterpillar just fell out of the sky, God, it's there, it's there, it's wriggling around. I went like it went, oh yeah. Of course he did. For a moment he thought catavillas were raining from the sky. I thought I was, I was in chicken licking. Yeah. Unbelievable. Why did you think that catapids had fallen out of the sky? Oh it just startled me a bit. I love carvings! I love carvings! I love carvings! I didn't even straight on the phone to Trevor, look Trevor, there's this caterpillar, there's insects falling out in the sky, they're falling out the sky and they put it on the news quick. Are you sure there wasn't a bird? Oh there was a bird, yeah, sorry Treff.
Starting point is 00:03:28 Bye. But it was weird after like I un-guck, well I hung up, his head and his sort of IQ, I bet the caterpillar was thinking, mama. Do you know what I mean? It is unbelievable. Go on on. On there. It was, it was sort of running about all over the place, right, Steve.
Starting point is 00:03:54 So the catpillar's have loads of feet and that. Well, they have six legs, they're actually a larvae of insects, they have six legs, but they have little sucker things to hold on to the cabbage isn't that? No, they've got more than that. They've got, I totally, they've got six true legs, trust me. Trust me, I'm a scientist. And you were thinking what, they were thinking what, sort of running off to the left and then it sort of went back to where it was then back you know went right and what I mean I'm just thinking whoever gave him the legs right
Starting point is 00:04:34 what's the point if they don't know where they're going on that do you know I mean if you can't do you hear that sentence do you can't imagine who gave him that leg? Who ever, did you hear that sentence? Can we play that sentence back? No, I don't think we can. Imagine who gave him that legs. Whoever, whoever gave him them legs, what's the point if they don't know where they're going and that? And that. And that, but maybe, you just, to be fair to the caterpillar, with all its legs, okay, and you'd know where it's going. It had just been plucked from its house by a bird shot up into the sky and then dropped from 80 feet hitting the ground onto the head of a weird bold-shaped monkey. It was probably concussed. Yeah it's just one of them things again though.
Starting point is 00:05:22 But it still knew more about the world than you. How does that make you feel? I just I just think it's a waste of time having all them feet. It's the same it's the same it's the same it's the same it's the same it's the same it's the same it's the same it's the same it's the same it's the same it's the same it's the same it's the same the same the the the the the the the the the the sky it's the sky it's the the the sky the sky the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th thi thi the the the the the the thea thea thea' thea' thea' thea' thea'yyyyyyyyyyyy. thea' the their them things again though. But it's still knew more about the world than you. How does that make you feel? I just, I just think it's a waste of time having all them feet. It's the same thing as the, uh... It has a nightmare buying shoes, done it, Carl? What was it? What was it you were saying about leachers and that? We're talking about insects, the insects, the insects, the insects, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thin, thin, thin, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I th, I th, I th, I th, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi,'re probably, probably Platy Helmintz, probably a sort of like a flatworm type thing. That's what you were thinking was it, Carl? Yeah, I'm not sure about that. I don't want the phydomes, but there's no. They'd be, you know.
Starting point is 00:05:55 What was the leech sheet? What was an interesting? Well it's an experiment where where you get a maze for a leech and there's a bit of blood thing and it learns it eventually finds its way to the blood, okay, and then it knows. If you put it back to where it starts, it knows where it goes straight to the lea because it's learned it. If you liquidize that leeches who have never done the maze because of a thing called chemical memory they find their way straight to the blood. That is extraordinary. It's. It. It. It. It. th. It. th. It. th. th. It's. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. theat's the. th. th. It's th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, thea. It's, thea. It's, thea. It's, thea. It's, thea. It's, thea. It's, th. It's, th. It's, they find their way straight to the blood. That is extraordinary. It's extraordinary. I mean it's incredible. We should try that at Hampton Court one weekend. But maybe with some tourists. We'll just blend up some tourists. Or the people on them, I'll tell you would do it, those people who go on Celebrity Love Island. Any event. They will do anything to get on their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. It. It. It. It. It. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's incredible. It's thi. It's incredible. It's incredible. It's thi. It's th. It's th. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's thi. It's incredible. It's incredible. It's incredible. It's incredible. It's incredible. It's incredible. It's incredible. It's incredible. It's incredible. I. It's incredible. I. I. I'm try. I'm try. I'm th. We's incredible. I. It's incredible. It's th. It's them. They will be liquidized. People have enimers. They will do and they wonk off pigs. They will do anything to get on tell. What about that? Be liquidized and fed to another. Get one D-Celiberty Slapper, liquidizer and feed her to another slut.
Starting point is 00:06:57 So we blend the happy tip- us. And see if she can find her way to Channel 5. What a brilliant show hosted by Jimmy Carr. That would be amazing. The Kinks Better Things on XFM 104.9, Steve Rich and Richard Vase, Carl Pilkington. But do you know this, um, we're talking about the leech thing, sure, right? You're saying, put them in a blender? I'm not saying that. Well, someone did. Yeah. Why were they doing that in the first place? Do you know what I mean? How did they find out that? If you, if you put leaches in a blender? I don't know, they probably kept a note. I don't know, but what they're they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they. they. they. they're they. they. they. they're they're they're they're they're saying. they're saying. they're saying. they're saying. they're saying. they're saying. they're saying. they're saying. they're saying. they're saying. they're, they're, they're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. I. They're. I. They're. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. They're. I. I. They're. I. They're. They're. I. I've. I've. they're saying. they're saying. they're saying. Put. they're they're they're saying. Put. Put. Put. Put they're what made them, were they just having to laugh? What made them go... Was it a pie? It was a couple of 40 years, it was a pie. It was a couple of research scientists, they'd be given a million pounds and the boss
Starting point is 00:07:51 was coming around to say what you're doing. And they were just making a smoothie, well that looks like science, I'm off. So that's what they get. Another million pounds to next year. Bye. Yeah. That's how they work though, isn't it? A lot of these sciences. That's exactly how they work. I'm just saying they're getting away with murder. Go on. in a curveball. You tell him something and the question comes back that you never could have expected. When I told him about that story about the monkey who had run away because he had an argument with his father, he said what was it about? No one in the world thinks that. No one in the world would ask that question. The leech thing. You know how you said, show the leech the way the way the way the way the way the way the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the leech the way to its better food, whatever it's eating or whatever, in the maze, right?
Starting point is 00:08:47 It makes its way, right? It eats the cheese or whatever. Blood. Right? And then you give it, you give it, everything's a cartoon, right? Everything is a car to eat. It's a leech with a little hat and a little baby at one. But what happens if you got another one? the lea the lea, the lea, the lea, the lea, the lea, the lea, the lea, the lea, the lea, the lea, the the the the the the th. th. It's, you th. It's, you th. It's, you th. It's, th. It's, tho, the the the the the the the th. It's, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, th. It is, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's th. It's the the thee, the the that, they. It's they. It's they. It's they. It's they. It's, they. It's, they. It's, they. It's, it's they. It's the th and move the bit of blood? So feed those two leeches to one, then what's it?
Starting point is 00:09:09 Is it going to get confused or... Do you know what I mean? Which way will it go? If it's eaten two, two leeches, that have done two different ways? Yeah. Is it sort of stressed out? I don't know. I don't know. It probably knows both roots. It probably goes, well, there's one over here, as well. I'm happy, I've had two for the price of one. And I'm
Starting point is 00:09:32 full of leeches. What's the best that can happen for like... I don't, what are you talking about? What do you want out of me? Because I'm just saying if they could, if by doing that if by doing that they can go right we can do this with humans. Oh what do you mean? What do you what do you mean in the name of Christ? What do you mean? All I'm saying is what's the point in doing it? Think what what do you mean? If you could do it with humans I'd say what do what Einstein right didn't do all that maths that he did right say if he got to e equals and then he died squash his brain eat give it to someone else say right eat that and they go right it equals n2 what I'm saying is but they wouldn't they they'd go e equals oh wouldn't they if it was chemical memory they wouldn't. They'd go equals, oh, wouldn't they? If it was chemical memory,
Starting point is 00:10:25 they'd go, oh equals, oh yeah, same as Einstein said. Yeah, I just ate his brain. What am I saying? What are you, what have you made? Carl, think what you're saying? It's unbelievable. It's the thing is right. You, actually, you are what a scientist does. You just keep saying why and what, and why and what. But nothing's the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, oh, the, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, the the the, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, th is is is is is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tha, thi, thi, thin, thin, thin, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, you just keep saying why and what, and why and what, but nothing's ever enough for you, which is good. It's nice to have an insatiable... I get annoyed with all the amount of time and effort that's put into stuff that's useless. What's the next stage to squashing that leach? If it's not going anywhere, forget it, work on something. It's the same way in some science magazine who's that's there anything small than a quantum electron or something? It's like if it's not getting
Starting point is 00:11:08 in the way, don't worry about it. Why are they worrying about things we can't see? Why are they worrying about things? It's just annoying to me. If you blended up Carl's it to someone, if you fed it to a leeches, oh I don't know what, I don't,, I don't know what, where was I going to go? I'm even more confused. I don't know. Talking to leeches, did you see the dregs that they put into Big Brother last night? I've not been watching it. I mean it's bad enough anyway, it's a house full of people you wouldn't cross the road to save, right? they're, to save, to save, to save, to save, to save, right, to save, right, to save, right, right, to save, right, to save, right, to save, to save, right, to save, to save, to save, to save, to save, to save, to save, to save, to save, to save, to save, to save, to save, to save, to save, to save, to save, to save, to save, to save, to save, to save, to save, to save, to save, to save, to save, to save, to save, to save, to save, to save, to save, to save, to save, to save, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the threathea, I.a, I've the the threat three, they've put in three more to spice it up a little bit. They've put in a low-esteem model, right? They've put in Mr. Bean, who is the whitest man I've ever seen. I mean, it's like a new race, he's an easy through. And this thing that looks like Matt Lucas in a bikini.
Starting point is 00:11:59 Unbelievable. The fat things on her back, I thought she was coming towards me. Really? It was unbelievable. And the first thing she said, she went in, she looked in the mirror, adjust herself and went, oh my minch! Oh! That's the level, it's un... Do these people have relatives? Is there anyone in the world who knows them, close to be a friend of their family? Family? Do they have family their family family's family there or the family just and they just moved away they're probably their family that were like their family are probably quite proud of them because they're on the tele it's probably like uh saw your daughter last night saying all me ming's on the tele she was on the tele yes she was on the telly what about the bit about all me means she got one out immediately when she got it out, loved it out. I mean it's unbelievable. It looks like an experiment. I can't watch it anymore. It's just too much now.
Starting point is 00:12:51 Because I can't relate to those people in the world. Like in the first series I always remember it. It seemed like a genuine social experiment. There was intrigue, there was drama. It was genuinely great hypnotic. And now it's like putting ants in a jar and shaking it. I don't know what's good. But even now I couldn't watch that once a night every week. I know. It's just...
Starting point is 00:13:08 It is unbelievable. What people are willing to do now on the tow. Because they've just put in people... I mean it's unbelievable. It really is. You don't care about anyone. What's good is that you want one I think you watch it now because you want one of them to fall over and hurt themselves.
Starting point is 00:13:27 Yeah, or just choke on a chicken bone. And no one else in the house knows the Himmlet maneuver. That's a good idea, isn't it? Yeah, feed him more chicken. Send him more roast chicken. So we've got a wonderful celebration for you. I'm a lot. Pushing for you. I'm pushing the senses through the song about us. Pushing the senses by feeder.
Starting point is 00:13:59 I'm XFM. Ricky Joays, Steve Merchant, Carl Pilkington. All right. How you doing, Carl? Yeah. Another holiday? Well, it was a holiday. Well, it. Well, it was a holiday. Well, it. Well. What there. Well, it was an holiday. Well, that. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It was a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. I the the th. th. th. I th. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I. I. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. thoooooo. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I. I. Pilkington. All right. All right, yeah. Another holiday? Well, it wasn't a holiday. Well, what was it? You had five days off work? Why isn't it holiday? You had five days not working for a living.
Starting point is 00:14:16 You know how many days are there? the year now? twenty-nine. That's more than teachers is it? It makes me sick. It makes me sick. Well I know the kind of hours you work Rick. It's mad. I mean if you're not in work by midday you're furious. No, but I mean I'm always... 29's normal for the normal working person. Yeah, but you know. And anyway, it wasn't a proper holiday. I went to see my mom and dad. It's nice to see him and everything a plane is it going away? Is that definitely a holiday? What happened before 1950? Hmm, I don't I don't know. It's rocketing. Yeah, exactly, people used to go to Blackpool, Brian. That's
Starting point is 00:14:52 what I was holiday. That's what he's saying it. Yeah, but I didn't go to Wales and have a holiday. That's what he's saying it, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th th tho, tho, tho, I tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, I tho, tho, th, th, tho, tho, tho, I tho, I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th th th th th th th th th th th th th tho, tho, tho, tho tho thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo th, th,. That's what they say, isn't it? They're coming to Wales and meet your parents. Come to Wales and have an lovely holiday. Alright. Well anyway, it was good and that. It's always good to see him. But, um, you know, do you know, like my mom likes gnomes and stuff. Yeah. Right. Uh, cause she does.to tech us to this park where they've got like, you know, six foot gnomes and stuff, right? Have a walker down.
Starting point is 00:15:30 That sounds like a nightmare. It sounds like a living nightmare. Keep it on, Carl. He stood still for two minutes, someone bought him. No, no, no, you can't buy him and that. It's like a little exhibition thing. And it's part of a hall, like this big hole that you have to pay to get in, but we didn't want to see the hall, I just want to see the gnomes. Of course you did, yeah. So anyway, my dad says, yeah, well we can get in there for free.
Starting point is 00:15:54 to thrown. to be lane right? No one about. How much does it go in? Like two quid? About three quid each. But he said, yeah, but if you don't have to pay, do I mean you enjoy it even more don't you when you're walking about and you think I've got this three quid in my pocket, no one's having it? Yeah, no, looking over short if I broke with a peak saying, can I try and I to tryn't enjoy it to enjoy enjoy enjoy enjoy it to enjoy enjoy enjoy enjoy enjoy enjoy enjoy enjoy enjoy enjoy it more their their their to enjoy enjoy enjoy enjoy enjoy enjoy enjoy enjoy enjoy enjoy enjoy enjoy enjoy enjoy enjoy enjoy enjoy enjoy their to enjoy more more more more more more more more more more more more more to enjoy more more to enjoy more to enjoy more to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to enjoy it more to enjoy it more to enjoy it more to enjoy it more. I to enjoy it more. I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their to to their to to their to to their to th to the. the. to the. the. the. to to the. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to then Rick. So anyway so we had to walk across about four fields. For three quids. Right. And what happened was we're walking through all these fields and might have you big grass and muddy bits and all that because it'd been raining and climbing over fences and stuff and we're in this field right and I look to me right and there's about 30 cows all staring at us right and
Starting point is 00:16:50 Suzanne started to panic a bit she said this isn't we shouldn't be here and that's of course we can we're allowed to go wherever we want you know all this land it's you know it's Rambler's rights and all that stuff and take a tackle a cow if you want so so well it's it's, so, it's a right for leaving him in a field unattended, I'm having one. Yeah. And keep us fed for a week. Anyway, these cows start surrounding us. Not surrounding us.
Starting point is 00:17:16 And, uh, brilliant. Oh, no. Faced off. And Suzanne's panicking going, this isn't right he's gonna we're not gonna make it to the fence in time they're moving fast on those and he started sort of running a bit and and dad was like a bovine west side story don't a guy of cows coming at you don't worry about it and stuff but my dad had to sort of stand there and like wave a stick at him and and we got away but Suzanne was like a bit of a sweat on saying you know we could have got killed.
Starting point is 00:17:47 Sure. And my dad saying no it never happens. I just wondered if it does, if there's a risk of... Yeah it is rare but there's been a couple of cases. But there's a couple of cases of being trained block out. They're not aggressive they've got a calf. They had kids with them. Kids yeah. That's a goat, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're not they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're not th. th. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. thoooo. they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're they're aggressive if they've got a calf. They've got kids with them. Kids, yeah. That's a goat you're thinking of. Maybe they were trying to sneak into the
Starting point is 00:18:09 gnome thing and they were worried that like if too many people did it. But they thought some cows, we can just sneak in. No one's expecting. And the cows were going, walk up right. walk right. They they th blow their cover? Yeah, people have been killed by cows before. Yeah, that was like the highlight and then... So when you arrived there you presumably covered in mud looking like something that just come from Glastonbury, stagging around this exhibition. It wasn't that bad, it was just like a woods and it had like a funny sort of funeral like a graveyard thing right we bodies sort of hanging out the ground in that and uh... we had these six foot gnomes right and then we we just set off again walk back but we sure this wasn't a dream no it was good
Starting point is 00:18:54 but then then I got back right Steve and uh called up Ricky I said right you know you know you about have a chat and that so he said oh I just come around it's a nice day have a drink and what have you? So I got around there about half past six, right? Go up to his door, knocking his door, right? He stood there with his tackle out. Yeah what did you make of that? What was wrong with that? what was he looking at it? I tried not to look at it? that, but the the the the th. to th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's a th, it's a that, it, it's a to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's th. It's the th. It's th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a that, it's a that, it's a that, it's a that, it's a that, it's a that, it's a that, it's a that, it's a that, it's a to that, it's a to that? What was wrong with that? What's wrong with that? Why are you looking at it? I try not to look at it. But again, you're always sort of attracted to it, I mean, you've kind of like... I've never been attracted to another man's tackle.
Starting point is 00:19:33 I know what you mean. You can't help but have a little sly look. Especially when it's there, when you you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when, when you, when you, when you're, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, to to to to to to to to to to to to to, to, to, to to to to to to to to to to to to the, to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that, that, that, that, thr, thr, thr. thr. thr. thr. thr. thr. thr. thr. to to to to to to to to to to to one on the door, right? And that's, that's hanging out. And does he dress to the left or the right? It was to the left one. Yeah, it was left, yeah. Just popped out of my shorts. Just popped him out of the shorts. She'd have seen the state of him.
Starting point is 00:19:55 Shorts on no top, a cigar, uh, cigar. What like someone out of the balcony drinking wine didn't we? Did you pop it back in or was it's going? Yeah, I popped it straight back in. I've got the laugh. I've got the laugh I wanted. He walked and he went, hmm, it's not that hot. Straightaway. It's not that hot.
Starting point is 00:20:20 Oh brilliant. Was that knob news or is there more? No, it's got more knob news. That's just a taster. Just a taste. Listen, let's play some average. Let's play some great music and maybe we should have some early knob news. Early knob news coming up. XFM. Francis, big dog chasing.
Starting point is 00:20:34 Landed by Ben Folds, F. Land. Landed by Ben Folds on XFM, I'm Brigade of A's, Steve Merchant, Carl Pilkington. We've had a couple of emails, Rick, saying that there have been reports of people actually being killed by Cows. So it is actually quite a lucky escape for Carl and his family. The worry thing about that is it's tragic and anyone dying unexpectedly, it's terrible. But what makes it worse is something like being killed by cows,
Starting point is 00:21:05 because there's a slight, I mean, a slight humor aspect, I mean I only killed, killed by a cow. You know, like for example, if you were killed by a falling safe, the vicar might laugh. That's my worry. Yeah. Well I read a story in the paper of a man who fell out, he fell out, he was like a third story of window and he fell out but it was slightly amusing because at the time he was moaning. I know I know for a laugh he was moaning someone and he fell out. So when he when he fell like even there was tragedy around his ankles and his arson I know the thing there was a kid who died got hit by a truck it's not funny enough to be killed for. No, no. Mining isn't funny enough. No, it's just not a good enough gag. Do you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:21:47 It's a it's a witless sort of thing to do and then to be killed for it. If you just done a two-hour impromptu Eddie Izzard style you know routine and then you got tragic that would sort of make sense. But doing something that's a a w also. It, exactly. It's like some weird, universal karmic way. If you hadn't been mooning, maybe you wouldn't got killed. I know. If you haven't done such a lame joke, maybe you'd be okay. Yeah, but that's it's not. Yeah, but that's it. Yeah, you don't want hard that it kills you. Yeah, or you fall out of a window and a cactus goes up your ball. You don't want that. You're killed by a cactus up the art. Or you're
Starting point is 00:22:28 at a concert and a fat woman's dietist dives. Yeah. And she just squashes you. How does he die? He was squashed by a big hefty. Just big fat woman. Just big fat woman. Just big fat fat woman. Just big fat woman. Just big fat fat woman, fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat. Just big fat fat fat. Just big fat fat fat fat fat fat. Just big fat. Just big fat fat fat fat fat. Just big fat fat fat. Just fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat. Just squ-. Just squashed. Just squashed. Just, fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat. Just squ-. Just squ-. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Just squashed. Just squashed. Just squashed. th. Just squashed. th. th. Just squashed. th. Just squashed. Just squashed. th. th. th. th. th. to to to to to to to. th. you what though, right, took my fat women. Go on. I'm not having a girl. But did you see Michelle McMannis on... Poor manor life? Yeah, you are what you eat? What is she eating? Girls allowed. Look at it, look at it.
Starting point is 00:22:53 Look at it, it was, it was it was she had a go,... Yeah, boy, I mean a little bit. Well, no, she eats too much, right? But what I did like about it was that she had a go, you know, she did lose a... It's quite like that. I quite liked it from the end of it, really. Yeah, she's not an unpleasant woman, she's a lovely woman, but I mean, like I said before that was that interview in a heat magazine where she, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I then, I then, I then, I then, I then, you, you, you'd the, you'd the, you'd the, you'd then, you'd that, you'd that, you'd that, you'd like, you'd like, you'd like, you'd like, you'd like, you'd like, you'd like, you'd like, you'd like, you'd like, you'd like, you'd like, you'd like, you'd like, you'd like, you'd like, you'd like, I'd like, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd like, I'd like, I'd like, I'd like, I'd like, I'd like, I'd like, I'd like, I'd like, I'd like, thean, to that's to to that's that's that's that's that's thean, I'd like, I'd like, I'd like, I'd like, I'd like, I'd like, I mean, come on Michelle. That's too much, isn't it? Unless you try to win some kind of competition, like trying to find some kind of, you know, a golden ticket in one of the packets, there's no excuse. What could you, what could you possibly be trying to win to eat those every day? But she's not actually officially a doctor, is she?
Starting point is 00:23:46 No, and her bedside manner is not very good either. It's like the fear tactic, I think you want a little bit of... And what does she look like, I mean, she doesn't look like the sort of peak of health? She's got that weird sort of witch-like, well it's not really good for you, hanging about all the that every real day. It's nice to be told, you know, don't mess about my dog poo because it can make you go blind. It's constantly at it. Yeah. I know you. And it annoys me the way it's like, you know, well let's have a look at your poo, let's see if you're eating the wrong types of food. The person's about 33 stone. It's obvious. Do you know what I mean? Don't need to look it the way. And it. And it to to to to to the way to to to to to the way to to the way to to to the way to to the way to the way the way to to the way to to to to to the way the way the way the way the way me me. And it the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way me. And it the way me the way me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me the way me me me the way me the way me. And it. And it. And it. And it. And it. It to to to to to to the way. It. It to to to to to to to the way. I. I to to to to to to the way. I the way. It's. I their their the way. It's the way. It's the way. It's the way. It's the way. I tell you the thing that, I mean I've never had it done anyway, right? But the, the colonic thing. Did Michelle have that? I didn't see it.
Starting point is 00:24:29 Yeah, she had that done. And they show on it, she sat there, sort of lying down. She's like, oh, but I don't understand why people have that done anyway, unless you are sort of bunged up. But the other thing is like the way, I think it's a clear tube. Why do you need to, you know what I mean? Why do you need to see what's wi and past? You know what I mean? Like it's some sort of generation game.
Starting point is 00:24:55 You've got to remember what's going past. Why can't they just look at it after and go right? Well, it's, well, you need to look at it? Well it's... I have interest, don't it? See what's, see what's come out? So you go, that's where that went. Oh that's why I've been looking for that. Remote control.
Starting point is 00:25:13 How does it work? I don't only go into graphic detail. gallon of coffee. Where? It goes up there. And it wants to come out immediately, obviously. And then it, it percolates. But when did that happen? How did someone sort of go, tell what you want to do? I think it was on, first invented on distraction to win a car. I don't know, do I? I suppose they just want, they thought the stuff up there that's stuff up there. They find things up there. They there. They there. They their their th. They th. They th. They're th. They're th. They're th. They're th. They're th. They're th. They're th. They're th. They're th. They're th. They're th. They're th. They're their. They're tho. They're, their. I. I. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. It. It. It. It. They're. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's. th. It's. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I there's stuff up there that's not coming out. It's for... They find things up there. They did that thing that they find things up there that they swallowed when they were five and that, aren't they? Lego bricks and stuff. Exactly, yeah, marbles an advert on the way in today. Question to both of you, who eats pepperrami?
Starting point is 00:26:09 I don't know. Have you ever eaten a pepperrami? It's disgusting. I've never seen anyone eating. I've never seen anyone eating. I've never had any one side. I don't associate it. But I know, but I'm never seeing anyone anyone. When you think what is, it's just sort of like, um, curdled, salty, it's sort of like, um,
Starting point is 00:26:30 how do you want to try a big long blood bogie? Yeah. Uh, I won't, no. It lasts forever. Oh, that's scary then. Yeah. You just keep it, keep it, keep it under your couch, it just as nice in a year's time. It does look like something you'd find down the back of the oven when you were cleaning out. Where there's Gordon Ramsey documentaries? Yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 00:26:50 But, because it's so I always associate it, it's pepperamies and it's the, those nutrition drinks which are like, it's like, it looks like a dog food tin. I think it's just called something like nutrition or nutrient drink or something and you always see some empty ones on a Brit wall near a council estate. Oh right. Which I found I think the only people who eat there are homeless people. Oh really? I thought you were saying it's bodybuilders. No no it's because you buy these you can see them in them in in regular news agents it's not a body bu to be I don't believe a homeless who's just got a quit quit from the issue runs in buys a they. and buys and buys and buys and buys and buys and buys and buys and buys the the I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I th I th is is is is they th is they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they are they are they are they're they're they're th are th are they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're no it's I think it's basically if you don't want to eat a meal because you're too high on smack, it'll give you as much as you can possibly need just to keep you alive until your next hair.
Starting point is 00:27:31 And tell me, Steve, does the special brew do that? Or am I parking up the wrong talking? I don't know. Because they seem to be getting a lot. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. the. to get to get to get to get as much. to get as much. to get as much. to be to be to be to be to be as much as much as much as much as much as much as much as much as much as much as much as much as much as much as much as the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their to their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's their their their their their their their their the the. the the the. the. the. the. the. toe. to to to to to to to to to to to to the fact that it's only homeless people who are drinking it. It's like, well, we may as well just market it chiefly at them. What's the advertising takes the edge off when you can't find smack? Yeah, yeah. Are you trying to sleep on Topman Quarterly? Oh, God! New Order, World, XFA1 and 4.9 with the Gevaste Emergent Carl Pilkington, and it's Nob News Time, we're all very excited. Now last week's Nob News was what, Carl's I remember it was a man who grew a knob on his arm? Sure.
Starting point is 00:28:11 No, he didn't grow it there, they put it there. Uh, and it's knob news today. their thoo'n' their tho' n' nobobob. what car I remember it was a man who grew a knob on his arm? Sure. No, he didn't grow it there, did it? He put it there. Well I know that, but, yeah. Just a recap, that's just a recap with the week's news right now is the headlines. Well we talked about it before, do you know the little mouse that had an ear on its back? Yeah, sure. Well, um, you thought he had a bad time, right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. th. th. th. th. the th. th. the th. the th. thi. the the th. th. th. the the th. the the the th. th. the th. th. the the the the th. that's that's that's that's that's the that's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's t. It's today. today. today. today. tip. th. th. th. th. had a bad time, right? Listen to this one. Mouse walking about, but there's sort of wearing a monkey's testicle. They're just having a laugh. This is what I mean about a lot of scientists. What are they doing? When's that going to come in Andy? I don't know what you mean.
Starting point is 00:29:05 Well they were seeing if, you know, say if a fellow loses one, right? Hitler or whatever. And they go, well don't worry about it, you can sort you out. I don't know what the monkey's going to do. Not unless they keep passing them on or whatever, but the actual monkey testicle was put on the mouse and it worked. It worked for the mouse. But isn't it, I mean isn't a monkey's testicle quite large in relation to a mouse? Would it not look like the mouse was on a spacehopper or something? Oh yeah it didn't look good. They didn't put it where its testicles would be?
Starting point is 00:29:38 No they did. Well how could it walk then? The ear was on his back so he he thi don I don't know but you don't know do you just guessed. Did they grow the monkey's testicles where the mouse testicles would- Well they look stupid anywhere else though, wouldn't it? Oh whereas a mouse with monkey testicles that's fine. You'd be showing off. You'd be all right. I'd prefer that than the ear mouse when that mouse gets put back back back back back back back back put put put put put put put put put put put put put put put put put put put put put put put put put put put put put put put put put the the that than the A. When that mouse gets put back in with the other mice, do the other mice go, George, you look different? Have you had anything done? But the weird thing is, as well, apparently it still works as a monkey. What? What? What are you talking about? Like the, you know, the sperm and that was, uh, it was still sort of monkey. Of course it was. What the talking about? But that's weird. But what
Starting point is 00:30:25 what? Carl? What but what do it? It's only a thing to give it nutrients. That's all the thing they're testing. It's like grafting at that level. What's your question? Because I'm, right. What do you think? It would change eventually, it would have changed into a mouse testicle because it had been hanging around a mouse for so long. No, I thought the actual sperm of it though would be a mouse. Why? Because he's hanging off a mouse. No, but the sperm is actually created in the testicles. So that's why it has to be outside your body, otherwise we put them in a nice little cage. I'm guessing then that they've done this operation so that they can't they can't the operation, they can't the operation, they can't their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thoomomorrow, their, their, thoomach, their, thoomorrow, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, tho, tho, tho, the... the. the. the. the. the. theat, theat, theat, thoomoomorrow, thoomorrow, thoomorrow, thooomorrow, thooooomorrow, thoooooooomorrow, thethey've done this operation so that they can do it to humans. Yeah? Why would I want a monkey testicle if my kids are going to be monkeys?
Starting point is 00:31:10 What use is it? Think. That's, no, no, no. That's what happened anyway, Carl. But think. Think, think of what you're saying. They've grown a monkey testicle to see if it would still function as a monkey's testicle, okay? So they can do that to humans. So think, Carl. What they'd do is they'd grow a human testicle on a mouse and it could still be used as a human testicle. So what? To give you a testicle that you've lost? From a mouse? No, from another person who it was kept alive on a mouse because it's kept the nutrients alive as opposed to keeping in a geep freeze.
Starting point is 00:31:49 Maybe bollocks go off after a week, I don't know. Maybe they get accidents. He had a little card. Do you donate your testicles yet? I'll tell you what, no one needs testicles yet. Let's keep them on a mouse. You have yours ripped off in some sort of bizarre skiing accident. You go well you go into you're in a batsy dog though. You pick the ones you want. They can grow them on anything. They can grow them on adaption. Bulldogs are growing them usually that's where you see a bulldog usually that's waiting for an up break. What don't you understand? Hang on a minute. Hang on a minute. What don't you understand? It's what I th is is is is is is is is their their their their their their their their their their their their th is all th is all th. It's all th. It's all th. It's all th. It's all th. It's all, I's all, I'll th. It's all, don't, their, you're their, you're their, you're their, you're in a bad, you're in a bad, you're in a bad, you're in a bad, you're in a bad, you're in a bad, you're in a bad, you're in a bad, you're in a bad, you're in a bad, you're in a bad, you're in a bad, you're in a bad, you're in a bad, you're in a bad, you're their their their their their, their, th. It's, th. It's, that's, that's, their, that-s, their, their, that-s, their, their, their, their, their, their, don't understand what it was. Testical time is not for another 10 minutes.
Starting point is 00:32:25 No, it's all sort of linked in that though, isn't it? Well, sometimes it's linked to a mouse. But do you, I mean, what do you think about, like, I don't know, testing stuff out like that? Is it worth, is it worth it? Couldthis information from you. If this was on question time and someone said there were, you know, Dimbleby and Paxman or whatever said it, I'd think about it as a moral dilemma. You've just said, you saw a mouse with a monkey testicle, what do you think of that? I don't think anything of it, what do you think of that?
Starting point is 00:32:54 I don't think anything of it is the answer, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, the answer, is, is, is, is, is, the answer, is, is, is, is, is, is the answer, is the answer, is the answer, is the answer, is the answer, is the answer, is the answer, is the answer, is the answer, is the answer, is the answer, is the answer, is the answer, is the answer, is, is, is, is, is, is the answer, is the answer, is the answer, is the answer, is the answer, is the answer, is the answer, is the answer, is the answer, is the answer, is the answer, is the answer, is the answer, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is the answer.co.co.co it's true but it's just all this it's the leech is in a blender it's the feather looking at an electron yeah it's it's it's a mouse with an ear on its back yeah I don't know what the point is. But you don't read on because I've seen you read some and you go and look at that man survives on eating knee and I don't know what else I didn't read on I don't think the the the the the the the the the the the the the the mouse the mouse the mouse the the mouse the mouse the mouse the the mouse the mouse the the mouse the the mouse the mouse the mouse the the the mouse the the mouse the the the the the the mouse I I was the mouse I was I'm I'm I'm I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I didn't th th th tho tho tho tho tho the mouse I don't the mouse I don't th the mouse I don't tho the mouse I don't the mouse I don't the mouse I don't the mouse I don't the mouse I was I was I didn't read on. I didn't read on. You look at the mouse with the ear on the bag and you just think that must be murder at a concert. You don't think, you don't think, no I just think is it worth sort of wasting all the... You think you think he swallowed someone's ear? He gnawed it away and swallowed it and it's just in his system. Yeah. No, I mean that is sad, yeah. And of course anything like that is awful. But saying that, I remember ages ago, they have a load of people on Oxford Street, don't don't know if you've seen them where they get you to sign stuff.
Starting point is 00:33:55 Yeah. And the woman got annoyed with me right, because she was saying about drugs with animals testing them out and stuff like that, which is bad. But, and I was saying yeah, it's really bad, I that, I that, I that, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, a tha, a tha, a tha, a tha, a thi, a thi, a thi, a tha, a tha, a tha, a thi, a thi, a thi, a that, a that, a that, a tha, a tha, a th. A, a th, a th, a th, a th, a th, a th, a th, a th. A, a th. A, a th. A, a th. A th. A, a thi, a thi, a thi, a thi, a thi, a thi, I remember, I remember, I remember, a tha, a tha, a tha, a tha, a tha, a tha, a tha, a tha, a tha, a tha, a thatesting them out and stuff like that which is bad. But, and I was saying yeah it's really bad and I was looking at the pictures and that, but I said what would happen, you know, if like the drugs, aspirin and the monkey's got headache, is it such a bad thing? She got annoyed, don't want to listen anymore. It's a good point now, isn't it? At what point is it cruel to test stuff out and things? Give it some Eurofin? What happened? Yeah, well I bet that mouse had headache? Because everything must have been loud. The other, just did the other, my squeaking, must have done its head in. Yeah. Oh, that, give him a new fan. Give him a neurofin, please.
Starting point is 00:34:46 Listen, are we going to get rockbuster out the way quickly? Go on then, give us a clue. It's not going to to take long, is it? Right then. So, three clues and that. Yeah, I don't know. Uh, initials of the... A ladder 49 better be in there. Oh, the chess quickly... It's ladder 14. You get on with those clues and I'll tell you what's happening.
Starting point is 00:35:07 And this is the last time, the winner of this... No, we'll do it again next week. Oh is it? And then that'll be six people and we just draw the other hat to win the signed've got great prizes. They've got alias. They've got... They've got the alias. They've got the aliator, a Batman cartoon series. M-Night Shaliman's The Village, atrocious Film. And Ladder 49, there it is.
Starting point is 00:35:34 It's in there. Whacking Phoenix, John Travolta. Brilliant. Go on the car. Right the first one then. When I'm ill I throw up horse food. When I'm ill I throw up horse food. How can that work? What's going on there? The initials there. I-H. Right? It's a band or an artist or singer. Something like that. I-H. I thrown the initials, the clue. I've got it. When I'm ill I throw up horse food, right? I've got it. All right then, don't say anything. Works, don't it? No. Second one, that garden tool, it's not yours, what you're doing with it? Right? That garden tool you're messing about with that, it's not yours? Give it right. Artist or a band? What's going on there?
Starting point is 00:36:27 Third one. That male sheep sounds fed up. Why is he fed up? T.R.s the initials. That male sheep sounds fed up. What's going on? If you know the answers to them three, email in, Ricky.Jvace, at XfM.k.uk or you can text in 83XFM.
Starting point is 00:36:48 All right? Great prizes. You can we just have a copy of Ladder 49. I've got another confession to make. I'm your fool. Foo fighters. Best of you on XFM, 104.9. All right, Carl, you calm down now about science. It just does me head in a lot of this stuff.
Starting point is 00:37:18 I think I would have been better off sort of growing up in the 1940s or something. Right. Well, there isn't as much science going on, people just live, think they for the moment. So you were bought if you'd have to go to the war? What? What did you try to go to war? What? What if you were the war over? What? What was the war over? 45? All right. their to be born's people there be 46. There's rationing for another 10 years. 56 then. But there's a lot of science going on. Oh forget it. It just annoys me all the messing about. They're always messing about with stuff and I sometimes think, is it doing any good is what I mean. Mouse with ears, mouse with monkeys testicles. They're messing about with a mammoth now. Go on. Well they're just saying, well, they're managing to knock
Starting point is 00:38:11 one together. And you just think, there's some scientists somewhere. Andy, no, but it's just, do we need, do we need, do we need, do we need them thing? The amount of creatures and insects and that are knocking about. You've got a caterpillar that I mentioned walking about, it doesn't know where it's going. Get rid of them. The mammoth. The world's busy enough. It's crowded, it's overcrowded now. Now how much room are they're going to.
Starting point is 00:38:33 How much room are they're trying to knock on him because they can because they can you're messing about someone's being paid to do stuff what else are we here for if not to try stuff out what else are we here for what do you mean well what are we here for just to enjoy life isn't it well some scientists enjoy knocking a mammoth no but don't don't worry about the mammoth it died out maybe th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th they they th they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're ty ty try try try try try to try to they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they. No but don't worry about the mammoth. It died out, maybe it died out for a reason. Why didn't Noah say that if it was important? Because Noah's not, that's not, what do you mean? Noah's not true, is it? Well, I don't know, there might have been some truth in it. What truth in it? That he put two of every animal that existed into an arc. How big was this then? Why didn't they eat each other? Imagine the noise car? Yeah, trying to get a bit.
Starting point is 00:39:30 There's points of that where I go that didn't happen because where could he have been where there was a hamster and an elephant and a, you know, and a He got a bit wet? What, what are we talking about? The mammoth or the... No, Noah. What is up with you? No, it's just that we had a lot of... Have you got brain damage? No, it's just that we had a lot of topics going on there.
Starting point is 00:39:55 I just don't know which... No, what, you were talking about, and, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what? What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What, what? What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what what what is it none of it's true what I'd think of it oh god think of the first thing build an arc but all right can I just just clarify what's an arc it's a bit a big boat thing right yeah just I've never had any experience of car history build a big boat thing but I don't I don't know I'm not really just have a go don't the the the the the the the the th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th that thin't that that that tho tho tho tho th. th. th. th. th. th. I'm th. th. I'm th. I'm th. th. th. th. I'm just that's th. that's th. th. I'm just th. I'm just th. I'm just th. I'm just th. I'm just th. I'm just th. I th. th. th. th. th. thin's the. What's the. What's the. What's the. What's the. the. the. the. the. thi. the. the. thi's the. But I don't, I'm not really, I don't make it. Just have a go, don't worry, you'll be all right. I'll make sure it's all right. But once I built that, I mean, how big should they build it? What am I going to be big? Very big.
Starting point is 00:40:32 Very big. Woofs. the,, they can swim. Okay, but so... All the birds. Get the flightless ones though, they're drowned. Get the flightless ones. They would, not the penguins, they're flightless, but they can swim. But all other animals... I should be right in this day. Ha ha ha ha ha! Why, I mean, the jellyfish didn't need to get in it, did it, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, get they. their. the, get they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're, get. they're, they're, they're. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. the, the, their.. their.. their. their. their. the the the the the the the the the the the throwne. throwne. throwne. throwne. throwne. throwne. they're throwne. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're theyook that opportunity to go right, you know, forget the, you know, whatever.
Starting point is 00:41:06 Man you, the jellyfish didn't need to get in it, did it? But, but there's other animals where you can... We don't need to be here. No. Because Carl is actually having a little argument with his own head. It's like, you remember that comic strip, the num sometimes his own mind puts him off. Like just there and he has an argument with himself and it puts him off. Right, what's your question? I'm just saying don't mess about with a mammoth. Whoa, okay. What a platform is good. You know we've got a radio show, people are
Starting point is 00:41:38 spending money to advertise it and people are actually bothering to listen and you've what the words of wisdom coming at your mouth is don't mess around with a mammoth. Brilliant. Great. No, but just going back to my... You sound just like Bob Gowdoff. Oh, I can't be bothered with this. What? What can't you bother with?
Starting point is 00:41:56 Just because I think I've got a good point. What? Don't put your daughter on the stage missing work. Well, what are you talking about? It's just that I think there's too many animals knocking about. I mean, I know you love your cat and what have you? Waste of time though, what do they do? Well, they're thrown. Well, they're their.
Starting point is 00:42:14 their cat. Well your cat is crazy it does go from it it loves because it's got claws big old claws and it's a cat yeah but most cats don't come leaping at your goulish every time you sit down with lovely warm hot for tea aren't they pointless though Steve well I've always had a problem with pets generally the other cats the most I was saying to Ricky about I don't know why out of all the animals that Dick Wittington could have took with him on his journey. Again? Forget the cat. Forget it. Okay, what, okay, okay, you've got a walk to London because the streets are paid for gold. You can take any animal. What do you take? It wouldn't be a cat? Because it would keep wandering off you. You do double the distance. Trying to get it back. They don't listen to you. It can't be dealing with the cat. they're they're don't. their don't. their don't. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tree. tree. toe. toea. toea. tooea. tooea. the the streets. the streets. the streets., it can't get enough of you, but cats, they're very, they're very snooty. Well they're cool, aren't they're cool independent. I've like dogs as well, like all animals. What would you take
Starting point is 00:43:12 with you? What if I was Dick Whitton? Yeah. And where is he walking from? I don't know? Wasn't it, wasn't it Bristol to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their they? they? they? they? they? they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they? they're they? they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're cool. they're cool. I? they're cool. I? to to too. I too. too. too. too. they're cool. I they're cool. they're cool. I they're cool. I they're cool. I they're coolzy. This isn't well documented. But did it, I mean, why is he taking a pet and not a mate who... Because I don't know. I'm not interested, I try and learn and you don't help. As a track from the new Amy Man album The Forgone Arm, It's called She Really Wanted to the New Amy Man album, The Forgotten Arm, It's Called She Really, Talking about Technology, sometimes being a waste of time. Yeah. You know when you came around the other night, before you came around, I'm sitting there just the computer, it's a hard day wasn't it? As you know, I was in my shorts, I was tucked in, I didn't get him out until you came around, just my own business. Jane got some wax strips and she went, oh let me just show you back, I haven't got a hair back, It's not like I look one of those people that's like a gorilla on the beach.
Starting point is 00:44:27 I assume your back looks a little bit like Carl's head. Exactly, yeah. And she said, I let her do the other side. And she put it on the back and she ripped it off. I went, forget it. Oh God, I let me do the other side, it's ridiculous, it's so painful and I've already got any airs on the back, right? So it made me think of something that I'd heard about. There's a thing that you can do, and I don't know why, for people who are really hairy
Starting point is 00:44:56 backs and people who are hairy all over, okay, called back, crack and sack. They do your back, and They do your back and there's you know there's some people that do look like little monkeys. Yeah yeah yeah right. They do your back, they do your ass crack and they do your balls. Oh in that order? Look at that again! Always a question that doesn't matter. No he does because what I'm saying is is it done from the top all the way down. It's not done in one! What do you think this is a huge 30 foot band-aid type thing that you're wrapped in and then pulled? It's done a little bit of time isn't it? Right well again it still matters which order? Because it hurts you back it hurts you back.
Starting point is 00:45:38 That's what I'm saying I think what is it called? Back, Crack and Sac? Crack and Back. No, it's called Back, Crack, Crack, I don't know. It's probably a marketing person told we've got an order. You could probably choose which order you want the main card. It's Back, Crack and Sac. It should be Sack. Sack, Crack and Back. the sack done.
Starting point is 00:46:09 Is it? No. I'm sorry, I wouldn't have the crack and sack done anyway. I don't know why people do it. I'm not going to have a back down. It doesn't need doing. Where are people going to worry about the the sack? thirt. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tha. th. thin. thin. thin. thin. thu. thin. thin. thin. thu. thu. the the the the the tho. the the tho. the. the saa. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. I. Don't. I. Don't. I'. Don't. I'. Don't. Don't. Don't. I'a. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't the the the the the the the the the the condition of the sack. At what event you go to them you go, well I've got to look sharp. I've got to look the part today. I don't know. Nudists? No, because they're about being natural and that, isn't it? Normally they are airy, like that woman on holiday. Yeah, the women are, the men aren't. Yeah, they all, they are all. Yeah, they are all, they are, the sort sort sort sort sort sort. The the, the, the, the, the, the, the, their. The, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I've. I've the, I, I, I've the, I. I. I. I. I, I. I, I, I. I, I. I, I, I, I. I, I. I, I, I, I. I, I. I, I. I, I. I, I. I. I. I, I, I. I. I, I. I. I, I. I, I, I. I, I, I. I, I. I, I. I, I. I, I, I, I. I. I, I, I. I, I. I, I, I. I, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've the, I've the, I've the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, I've is. I think little gay fellas like, love it don't they? Why are you looking at me? I don't know. I don't know. If you're a little gay fella and you've had it done. Yeah, texted it. Just text in, what's the texting? Uh, 83XFM just texting and you know, tell us, tell us what? I don't do us what do us what do us what, do do us what, do, do, do, do, do, do, their what, their, their, their, their, their, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, why, why, why, why, why, why, tho, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I th. I th. I th, I th, I th, I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. Why, I th. Why, why, I th. Why, why, why, why, why, why, why, I don't, why, th. Why, th. Why, tho, tho. Why, tho. Why, tho. Why, tho. Why, tho. Why, tho. Why, tho. Why, tho. Why, th. Why, yeah, why, why do you get it done? That's the question. Why did you get it done? Why is it important to have a hairless thus?
Starting point is 00:47:08 Ha ha ha ha ha. Turin breaks on XFM. Rickage of Ace the merchant Carl Pilkington. Carl, are we doing your of Ace the Merchant and Clark Pilkington. Carl are we doing your story with the song? Is that what you want to do? Yeah. Excite about it. Well, last, what was it the other week, we did, uh...
Starting point is 00:47:35 Babuska. Bibble Wizard, he said if he's deaf to be blind, he doesn't even know he's playing pinball which is... I just said don't cover putting money in it that's all I'm saying let him play pinball but don't waste 20p or whatever. Good point. This week right you know I was saying it is a good point actually it is a good point again though it wasn't a documentary it's just it's not didn't really happen yeah well do you know you know I was saying sometimes I listen to to the song I to be obvious a to the to to to the the to the to to the the the to the to the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm th. th. I'm the th. I'm the th. I'm the the th. I'm the th. I'm the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. I'm the. I'm the. the. the. the. te. toy. te. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. the. the. the. the. the. the. sometimes I listen to a song, I like a song to be obvious what it's saying. You need a song to be obvious. In the ghetto you know it's a kid growing up and all that rough area gets killed for
Starting point is 00:48:13 nicking cars and messing with guns and that. Living in the city growing up in New York, rough area how you cope with it and that, right. But they've got to be as simple as that. Otherwise I'm not, I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I the they've the they've their, I've they've their, I've their, I've their, their, th. that, that, that, that, that, that, you, you, you're, you're, you, that, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the th. the the the the the the the the the the th. the the th. th. th. the the that, you, you, you, you're that, you know, you know, you know, that, the. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to theeat, theat, you need, you need the. You need, you need the that right but they've got to be as simple as that otherwise I'm not a brand new combine harvester if yeah it's about the machine it's brand new yeah brand new even though it's new he's willing to lend it out of other people no but no but we know what you mean go on on on private yeah no but this this song here right it's not an exigent song you'll probably the song you'll probably hate the song to to the the the the the the the the the the th so the th so th so the th so the th so th so the th so th so th so th so th so the th so th so the the th so th so the th so th so th so th so th so thrown the th. th. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th is th is th is th is th is th is thr thr thrown is thrown is tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho. th this this song is right. It's not an ex-acom song you'll probably hate the song to be honest Go on what is it? What's the song? Yeah It's wonderful tonight, all right? All right. It's all right. It's a sort of bluesy sort of ballad from like 7 years. Yeah, it's a lot of. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's a blues. It's a blues. It's a blues. It's a blues. It's a blues. It's a blues. It's a blues. It's a blues. It's a blues. It's a blues. It's a blues. It's a blues. It's a blues. It's a blues. It's a blues. It's a blues. It's a blues. It's a bluesy. It's a bluesy. It's a bluesy. It's a bluesy. It's a bluesy. It's a bluesy. It's a bluesy. It's a bluesy. It's a bluesy. It's a bluesy. It's a bluesy. It's a bluesy. It's a bluesy. It's a bluesy. It's a bluesy. It's a bluesy. It's a bluesy. It's a bluesy. It's a blues. It's a blues. It's a blues. It's a blues. It's a bluesy. It's a bluesy. It's a sort. It's a sort. It's a sort. It's a sort. It's a sort. It's a sort. It's a sort. It's a sort. It's a sort. It's a sort. It's a sort. It's a sort the so. It's a sort of bluesy. It with Suzanne because every time I hear I'm getting different pictures in the head
Starting point is 00:49:06 yeah of like what's going on right okay I'm convinced it's about like this little cripple fella in a wheelchair right and he's knocking about with his wife and this is not a cripple anymore do we see did we say I don't think we said that since seven years I think this is seven is when we stopped. All right, just a little fellow in a wheelchair then. Okay. And the story is all sort of, you know, how he's being pushed about by his... Again, that's not literally. By his wife, he's wheeling him about. What do you go to a party? Everyone sort of looks around and looks at him. What makes you think that he's in a wheelchair? What's a wheelchair. Wcl wheelchair. W. W. W. the w. the w. the w. the w. the w. the w. the w. the w. the w. the w. the w. the w. the w. the w-a. the w-a. the w-a-a-a-a-a-in' the w-in' their-in' th. th. their-a' their-a' their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. the. the. thi. thi. th. thi. thi. their, their-I's thi. thi. thi. around and looks at him. What makes you think, what makes you think that he's in a wheelchair? What's the clues?
Starting point is 00:49:47 What's the words? There's loads of little things. It's like, uh, well like I say, something about his wife walking around with me and all that. Well, because of course she is, she's pushing him about. But they're all walking around. There must must was was was was all all all all all all all all all all all all all, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, tho, tho... There, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, the, the, think they were both walking around there's a few there's a few there must be another there must be a reason why you suddenly thought that fellas in a wheelchair right is right is it me why I'm just walking around with me
Starting point is 00:50:12 do you they do they and I feel play right? And try and picture the scene. But now I'm only thinking of a little pillow in a wheelchair. I'll have a listen to it. And you know, just everything that's been said. Okay. Understand why I'm thinking what I'm thinking. No, you ready? Yeah. Yeah. No clue yet, yeah. He's just sat there watching probably. No, no, no, no. There's no... Wait until I've been... Wait until I've been done.
Starting point is 00:51:15 Wait until I've is done. Yeah, no clue again. That's all right. You love wonderful tonight. Right, that's just a woman getting ready and he's fine. To me, to me, he's got a great pair of legs. Right, well he's sat there in the wheelchair watching it. No, no, it's not in the wheelchair. Listen, listen, listen.
Starting point is 00:51:42 Go to a wheelchair. Listen, listen, listen. Listen. Right? Yeah. Yeah. Everybody looks at him because you know her. He's saying she turns hedge. Shhh. Walking around with him. Yeah, walking around with me. We're both walking around.
Starting point is 00:52:12 Are you alright? Yeah, it's a nice thing to say. I feel wonderful to nine. He's alright, huh? Yeah, he's all right because he's got a great pair of legs. He has got legs and that but he's happy. He has got legs. He has got legs. I don't know why you think he's in a wheelchair. There's no clue whatsoever. It seems to be based solely on, do you feel all right? Yeah. You only say that because they're together at a party, maybe he doesn't know anyone else there.
Starting point is 00:53:03 It's time to go home now. I've got an aching leg. Can't you say that? So you can't drive? Because he's drunk probably. He's had a great time. He's been dancing. Puts him to bed. Because he's drunk. Why is he though? Is he though? Yeah, he's turned out the light.
Starting point is 00:53:32 His hands work. Is that it? Yeah, there's no clue. But the thing is that's what I'm picturing. But that doesn't mean it happened. You picture people that are half manned, half moth. It doesn't mean it's the thing is that's what I'm picturing. But that doesn't mean it happened. You picture people that are half-man and half-moth. It doesn't mean it's possible. Do you know what I mean, Carl?
Starting point is 00:53:52 What you think is usually not true. Suzanne is totally right. There is no reason I have never, ever thought that Eric Clapton was singing about a little fellow in a wheelchair and the one clue in that, those two isn't it? Are you all right? Let me say that little cripple. Right? And I'll give the car keys.
Starting point is 00:54:11 Oh, why, why she's driving? You've got any legs? Pushing them around in that? No, no, no, they don't do it. So we'll do one more next week then. XFM. Jack Johnson on XFM, Kyle. Jack Johnson on XFM, Kyle. Yeah, you were going to, we were talking briefly earlier about something that you'd been reading.
Starting point is 00:54:33 Well, it's just that you're always having to go at me saying, you know, you're never happy. True. What, what, what's the best thing that can happen for you and stuff like that right? Sorry, I have never said to you what's the best thing that can happen for you. No, no, but I'm trying to encourage you. Steve's, yeah, and you have a bit. I've started reading more and doing more sign stuff, even though some of it does me heading, like I say, knowledge is almost annoying. Right, knowing about that, I mean in a a about about about about about about that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. I've th. I've th. I've thathea, I've, I've thathea' thoes, I've th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm that, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I've, I've, I'm, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I. I've, I've, I. I's, I. I've, I's, I's, I's, I's, I've, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm their. I'm their, I'm thin. I'm thin, I'm try. I'm try. I'm try. I'm try. I'm try. I'm try. I'm try. I'm try. I'm try. I'm that, I mean a quote. Think that if I have seen furthers closer to the soldiers, we will fight them on the
Starting point is 00:55:07 beaches. It was MC squared. Knowledge is annoying. Yeah. That's an amazing one. Kyle Pilkington, 2005. No, but it can get you down, can't it? No, but knowing stuff.
Starting point is 00:55:15 Knowing stuff. When I read a horrible story or someone tells me, I wish I didn't know it. Yeah. That's all I'm saying. But at the same time there was something in the paper about things to do before you die. And it was just stuff that I sort of looked at. I thought, don't want to do that. Cross that off. Not bothering with that. At number one, you always know what's at number one. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. that, that, that, tho, tho, that, the the their, tho, tho, tho, tho, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. their, their. their. their, their. their, their, their, their. their, their, their. their. their. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thiiiiia. thia. thia. thia. thia. thia. their, their, their, it's the same thing every time swim with dolphins yeah don't know why do you want to do that what's going on down there that it's so good what do we not know about I mean yeah it'd be fun I would love to sort of encounter most animals to be honest I
Starting point is 00:55:57 mean there's be a few animals on the top of the list I'd rather hang out with a bunch of chimps I wonder if it I wonder if it wonder if it's, you're down there with dolphins and you're swimming with them and they sort of, they click away, they click a click. And they tell you a secret. You go into like, they lead to into a cave, right? But down there it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, um... They're eating tune and they're loving tune. They're loving it. But they can speak, they get all this clicking stuff, it's nonsense. We're a whiletime then, go berserk, go crazy, it's 24 hours of non-stop debauchery. I think it's spiritual, isn't it? But never mention it to anyone else.
Starting point is 00:56:32 It's incredible. Because you know, they done? Do you know what I mean? Why, what has someone done that they've gone? This book, I've read a book by a dolphin or whatever. What have they done? That makes them so bright. It's the same way they go, you know, they look after you, they save you and that. There's got to be one badden in that bunch. Of course they're... sorry I wasn't suggesting they're all flipper. I'm not just they're constantly going around the oceans trying to
Starting point is 00:57:11 save people. I mean they're intelligent, you know. In what way? What do you mean? What do you mean? Why do you mean? Why do you mean why do they? Because they people could say in the bright? Because of the things they can achieve and learn. Like what? Well, they can tell shapes, objects, colours. Sorry Carl, I mean they're no match for you. They're not as clever as you. They're way down to list that.
Starting point is 00:57:36 But it's all relative, isn't it? For a non-human, they're doing okay. They're up there with chimps, you know. So what do you want to do before you die? Anything, any achievements you want to have? Well if I'm ill I'd prefer to go to the doctors than to go with the dolphins. Yeah. Why are you suddenly ill? It's not, they don't, when they say things to do before you die, they don't literally you can do it over the next 20 years. Is that what you thought you meant? Like a priest there going, ah, give me the lift. What is it granddad? Oh, Vince?
Starting point is 00:58:15 You know, no fit state granddad. Get me in the water. Get me down to Brighton. What do you think that list means? Well, yeah, that, you know, before you go. You're incredible, Carl. You're incredible, all this time. The things to do before you die.
Starting point is 00:58:29 That's why he doesn't want to do any of it. Didn't you think it was a bit extraordinary? Always a new twist on things! But you say about traveling and that, you like traveling and stuff, but why? Because I've seen and experienced extraordinary things, you know, I went to Kenya once, I met a man who was a vigilante, he was cleaning up his neighbourhood, because the police were too corrupt to do it, carried a sword and you know he was extraordinarily just he'd been attacked but he didn't care he fought them off he was he was trying in this little slum area to try and instill some law and order he had to arrest his brother-in-law once it was a fascinating story and he was extraordinary man. I went to Manchester and I saw two lads and I saw two two the the their their there was a horse in the living. I mean that's living. Listen I didn't realize it's like seven minutes too right? Well come on then.
Starting point is 00:59:30 We best do rockbusters on. Yeah do rockbusters and you got rockbusters on. Yeah, do you got rock. We've got to do monkey news. Listen, listen though, just even know the answers to I! All right then the first one. All right I just got the plastic cut. The first one was when I'm ill I throw up horse food. Yeah that's the clue the initials were I H. I got this one and that was I sick that was I sick haze because when you're ill you're sick what do horses eat? A I sick haze is the answer you got that second one. That garden that that the th. That was. That was. That was. That was. That was. That was. That was. the the the the the the the the to the to the the the to the the the th. I was the the th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I'm the the the their is th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm. I'm the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was th. I was th. I was the th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm the the the is the answer you got that. Second one, that garden tool you've got, it's not yours, what you're doing with it, right? ND. That was a garden tool, a rake, right?
Starting point is 01:00:14 If it's not yours, what have you done? You've knicked it, you've knicked, Nick, Nick, Drake, you've nicked that rake, Nick, that's nake. So that's N, Dake. that's, that's, that's, that's, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's Nd he got that's fine that's fine that's the third one that male sheep sounds well fed up go on what's up with it that was that that was that ram that's a ram that's a male sheep it's fed up it's moaning ram moans ram the Ram's the Ram's so they got that as well let's give it to Jenny McKean from Isle of White because she's got all three of those answers. And, uh... Right, straight on to Monkey News. No, let's play a record. No, we've got to do Monkey News.
Starting point is 01:00:51 It's only five minutes to go. We've got time for a record and then some of the monkey. Yeah, surely. Making plans for Nigel XTC, okay let's play the jingle. Oh, chimpanzee! Oh, chimpanzee! Making plans for Nigel XTC. Okay, let's play the jingle. Oh, chimpanzee!
Starting point is 01:01:18 Monkey News! Right, this happened in Pittsburgh. Right. There was a rock band. And, uh, they've got the studio. This happened in Pittsburgh, right? There was a rock band and they've got this studio in Pittsburgh and what have you? And the lane down tracks and stuff like that. And in the studio that they use, there's this monkey works there. I don't know the way he throws that in, this monkey works there. Like, he throws that in, this monkey works there. It's just got a little gig there, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's the equipment, it's the equipment, it's the equipment, it's the equipment, it's their, it's their, it's their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha'''''a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'er's, tha'a'a, tha, tha, ththat he throws that in. Like, like he throws that in, this monkey works there.
Starting point is 01:01:45 It's just got a little gig there, he sort of, it carries the equipment in, guitars. He doesn't. He does, he does, it just sort of cleans up after the band. No he doesn't. He doesn't. Doesn't happen. That's the gig it's got. Anyway, right? Get swimming out of the crowd that they want to go visit with. With one arm.
Starting point is 01:02:05 So anyway, right, so the band's in the studio, right? And one of the band members bring some A&R fella to the studio to have a listen to the latest track, right? So they hit play and they're all there going, yeah, brilliant, this is good. So the fella says yeah, I like like their their their thauenen, thau, thau, thau, thau, thau, thau, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, tham, tham, tham, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the band, the band, the band, the band, the band, the band, the band, their, their, their, their, their, their, that, that, that, their, their, that, that, that, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, that, so, so, thanks, thanks, thanks, so, thanks, so, the band's,. Anyway, so the fella says, yeah, I like the track, I especially like the bass on it. Right, because this is bullshit. This is rubbish. So, so, so, and they haven't laid down a base for it? So, so, have you heard it?
Starting point is 01:02:35 So, Carl, please don't do this to me? Really, the wette, about and you're going, that's good that he liked it. And I'm saying, yeah, but what's he on about with the bass? I don't say it back. This is rubbish. This is absolute rubbish. Where did this from? Where did you get this from? This is absolute nonsense.
Starting point is 01:02:52 So they played it back. So they played it. Yeah, and it't got a basis. They go whatever, let's go. Ah, forget it. Ah, forget it. XFF.

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