The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Episode 335: A Goose Needs A Maid

Episode Date: July 22, 2017

The gang learns about a new Daddy Dating sim game that features a character that looks remarkably like Henry, tries to fix the Canada Goose overpopulation problem, and attempts to solve the mystery surrounding the arrival of lots of frozen meats.

The round table. Gentlemen, let's broaden our minds. Lay out, gentlemen, and let them go watch what? Fire at will. It's time for action, gentlemen. Gentlemen, what's the topic of discussion? Civility, gentlemen. Always civility. Civility.

Gentlemen, always civility. Hotel life. Living the hotel life. Hotel life. And you're going to California soon. Man, they all come in. They just clean up right after you, don't they? I love it. Yeah.

They go, tap, tap, tap, tap. Jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump. Clean, clean, clean, clean, clean. Go, go, go, go, go. I come home drunk. I lay in a bed. It's all clean. I know it's like magic, the hotel room.

But it is kind of creepy to know there's little mice in there cleaning up your sheets. I do pretend they're not people. I pretend that they are like little birds and mice. I hide everything. In fact, what I do. The lotion? Well, this isn't a girl thing. But if you have any self-worth whatsoever, do not leave the lotion open on the side of the bed with Kleenex.

No. That is embarrassing. No, I never do that. But that's a boy problem. the side of the bed with Kleenex. No. That is embarrassing. No. And it happens to everyone. But that's a boy problem. That's a boy thing. I don't do that. No, but what I do do, do, do, do, what you got to do when you're in a hotel is you got

to leave, I left a dollar and some change on the bedside table. See if they take it? To see if they take it. What did they do? They didn't. No. Really? That's how you see.

That's how you see if they're trustworthy or not. Yeah. They didn't take it. Yeah, that's the thing is that they don't take like dollar and change. If you leave a big wad out, they just take like a 20 or two. Of course. I never have a wad of money. Yeah, they're smart.

They're sneaky. They're like goblins in Lord of the Rings. Hotel maids? Yes. Yeah, but I thought the goblins were good. I thought you wanted to get away from the orcs. Hotel maids are amazing. They've got a bridge troll.

Is it the bridge trolls that clean up my sheets? Bridge trolls are bad. Oh, they're bad. Ant. What's your favorite? Are we doing the show? Is this beginning? This is beginning.

Oh, this is the round table. Okay, this is the round table, gentlemen. Ed Larson is going to be coming in here halfway through the episode. I got to get out of here halfway through the episode. It's like a tag team. I know. So he'll be back here. I like it because we all thought we were just talking.

I know. We are just talking. You're like Bret Hart and British Bulldog. British Bulldog? Bret Hart, British Bulldog, Bret Hart, Owen Hart. They were a tag team for a little while. He's the greatest tag team fucking duo, dynamo, legion of doom. Paul Hollywood and Mary Berry. Rock'em Sock'em Network.

What about the Bushwhackers? Rock'em Sock'em. Bushwhackers is awesome. Bushwhackers. Technically not good wrestlers. They were so fun. That was when you didn't have to be a good wrestler. We should have said the same thing pretty much. You don't got to be good, man. If you guys can walk the fucking walk,

if you pull out that big old cock, you're going to have a wrestling time up in here. Come at me, Bob. Wrestle time We got Uh oh We got gators We got boars

You get on that gator in the mud Throw a gator in the ring See who's virgin Gets fucking slammed By that gator I bet it's all the virgins That will get slammed I'm pretty sure

Oh my god It's a gator Reminds me of my When I The millionth time I'll talk about losing my virginity Ugh Are we gonna do this again

We just did this No we don't have to do that We just did it I don't wanna do that at all It's been. I don't want to do that at all. It's been done. I don't want to do anything. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today, boys and girls.

You know what? I did too. What? Nothing's wrong. What is that? No, nothing's wrong at all. I had like a shitty mood just to...

I don't get it. What's the difference between the sides of the bed? Well, there's a wrong side and there's a right side. You guys should move into a hotel. I know. Jackie. That's my name. That's always me. Every day is a right side. You guys should move into a hotel. I know. Jackie.

That's my name. That's always me. Every day is the right side of the bed in a hotel. Oh, man. I even got to make the bed. It was so pathetic. I think I tried to start a fight with Lexi. And she's just like, there's not, literally not.

And I'm just like, I know, I know. She just like started, like she just held me. And I'm just like, but I want to fight. You're being a fussy baby. Yeah. She's like a baby. She's like a baby. And I fell apart. You know, it's crazy. Jackie Zebrowski, you're here. Yeah. Can we talk about anything that's going on in your life?

I'm living in a hotel. Alright, that's good. You got a song for it? Living in a hotel. Go to hell! Go to hell! Go to hell! You motherfucking bastard! Go to hell! And there's not a bigger enabler in this room than myself, Holder McNeely. I have been just having Jackie over and we have just been getting slammed

playing Jack and his dating sims. Man, our Jack and his dating sims, I don't, I was seeing all these screenshots from last week and Henry was there. I don't remember. You don't remember your brother being there. I was seeing all these screenshots from last week, and Henry was there. I don't remember. You don't remember your brother being there. I remember he was there, and I don't remember anything else.

I remember going on a mid-show rosé run. By the way, I got one extra bottle of rosé for the show than normal. I got three bottles of rosé. We cleared them out in an hour. Poor Henry shows up an hour into the show, and we are already just blasted out of our minds. Now, how long does this live on the internet? Is this forever?

I mean, I exported it to YouTube. I can take it down if you want. I don't give a fuck. I mean, I keep looking. Lord knows what I said. I'm not going to watch it. I was horrified to watch it. I was mortified to watch it, and then I went back and watched it, and it's really just us just like,

Yeah, I'm sad. We're not saying anything't say anything horrible. Everyone has those experiences. We're good blackout drunks. Yeah, that's the time. You guys have a lot of practice with that. I know how to not say fucked shit. I read at one point

I watched one point where it was like I guess Kellen made a comment and you were just like I was like oh, is that Kellen? Is that Kellen? And it was just like I guess Kellen made a comment. And you were just like, oh, is that Kellen? Is that Kellen? And it was just like this evil look in your eyes. I'm like, Jackie was in flames. We were playing this North Korea game. And this North Korean woman had giant breasts.

I remember that. And that was fun. She was engorged. We had Dating Sims just came out, didn't it? Don't. What? Marcus. What happened? The reason why that we are twitching tonight is because it comes out again today after

it was postponed after last week when we weren't able to do it. And then we're going to do it today. But you know what? It's not 8 p.m. Eastern Standard Time like most people fucking put. It should have come out at 8 in the morning. It's Pacific Time. It should have come out at 8 in the fucking morning. Why is it coming out at 8 p.m. Pacific Time?

That's stupid. It should just drop in the morning time. I don't know. When they fucked up. They announced, very rarely this happens, they announced day of release that it was postponed. What are you talking about? What the fuck? Daddy dating sims.

Daddy dating sims? Dream daddies. Dream daddies. How dare you? Are they real? No. Cartoon men, but we'll have them. Why do you know nothing about our lives?

I do know a lot about your lives. I didn't know. This is a new part of your life. I know you're running for- The simulated sex with fathers portion of your life. This is new to me. Simulated sex with simulated fathers. Yes, thank you.

And one of them looks a lot like Henry. I will not be having sex with that daddy, even though a lot of people are clamoring for me too. I'm not having sex with that daddy. I though a lot of people are clamoring for me, too. I'm not having sex with that daddy. I hope not. I'm going for the black one. I don't know why they would even be clamoring for you to have sex with a simulated version of someone that looks like Henry. If you saw the picture, the men in it are very... I think I did see it on Holden's Twitter.

Yeah, yeah, Dream Daddy. Yes, and someone said I would look like the guy on the right in high school, but actually I look just like the guy on the left in high school. And that's the one that looks like Henry, yeah. Yes, okay. That's the one I can't fuck. Definitely not. Don't do it. You don't want to open up that can of mental worms.

No, I don't need it. He's even wearing the Hawaiian. He's not living in a hotel. He's living in a Hawaiian. Oh, God, living in a hotel. He's got the Hawaiian shirt and everything. Just like old school classic Henry. Old school Henry.

Oh, yeah. I love that. I miss Komodo Henry. Komodo, not Komodo. That's a dragon. It's a sheiky Henry. Jeez, yes, the sheiky. Yeah, Komodo is a dragon. I miss Komodo Henry. Komodo, not Komodo. That's a dragon. It's a Shiki. Jeez, yes, the Shiki. Yeah, Komodo is a dragon.

I know. Good Lord. You're thinking of Komodo. Komodo. A Japanese robe. Ooh. I think we have shout-outs. No shout-outs?

I blew it. I'm so sorry to the community. I'm so sorry to the fans. You said you had them all. You were just looking at them. No, that was old, and I didn't want to the community. I'm so sorry to the fans. You said you had them all. You were just looking at them. No, that was old, and I didn't want to repeat old shout-outs. Okay, this is what happens. Can I please?

How? Okay. I got a new phone, which I do not like. Which I'm not a fan of, by the way, because that headphone jack is jack. Jack. Oh, yeah, it's awful. The one you have to use. Yeah.

What is the fucking point? It's the one, one of the only universal things I have in my life. You got the iPhone 7. Yeah. Yeah. Why would you get that?

You have to, well I got it and then you just have to buy an adapter. Yeah. They're making money on top of money. Apple knows how to make money.

No, they don't. They know, well this new Apple's different. It died with Steve Jobs. You know what, he would have never done this to us. We should start releasing this podcast only is different. It died with Steve Jobs. You know what we should start doing? He would have never done this to us. We should start releasing this podcast only on CD. Yeah.

That's it. That's what Apple basically does. And now it's a cassette tape. Essentially, it's just like I can't use my headphones for any other device but my fucking phone. How stupid is that shit? And I have to put headphones in when I play the PlayStation. It's like they can't stand the noise. Is this called the round table of gripes hour?

Wow. It sounds like the round table of bitching. Pissing and moaning. I'll take it. I like the first half of that sentence. Pissing and moaning. There's nothing better than when you have to pee and you actually do it. I thought you meant just pissing. Just in general. Yeah. No one ever has had a bad time

when they pee. A lot of people have had a bad time when they pee. You pee, unless it's... No. Oh, yeah, a lot of people have had a bad time when they pee. You pee yourself. That's a bad time. Oh, yeah, that's true. Oh, yeah, that's true. Bladderstone? Gallstones?

There it is. Yeah, gallstones. Yeah, not kidney stones. Anybody get the... Hours ago, you came. You're at the movie theater. You're in a public place. You're at the coffee shop.

I know it's not going to apply to you as much, Jackie. I know where this is going. And you go to pee. Why? Because it's not about me. Just eight streams out shooting in different directions. Like the super soaker. Nightmare.

It's fine at home, whatever. Oh, you clean it up. You laugh. You point at your own pee. You laugh at your pee. You laugh at your pee? Absolutely. I don't know.

Sure. If I woke up on the right side of the bed, today I ain't laughing at my pee. Today I'm cursing my own Johnson and all of it. Kissel, did you wake up on the right side of the bed, today I ain't laughing at my bae. Today I'm cursing my own Johnson and all of it. Kissel, did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed as well? No, I woke up fine. You seem great. I'm fine. I'm always fine.

This half of the table is great. The other half is. It's the right side of the bed. Yeah. You guys got that. We're in the same reality. I mean, got off on the wrong side of the bed, got off on the wrong foot. No reason for it.

A housekeeper. That's what you need. That's what I need. Just a constant layer of sort of stress and exhaustion. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't know if that's bad. It just is. I always feel bad for the housekeeper though. We had a house, a lady come by once a man. It was just you and Lexi.

Yeah, it was in the studio too but we had him come by. It was even lazier than you think it is. It was even lazier. Wow. It was one room and a bathroom

and they'd come by And feel bad Because they'd be like Ugh Ugh Like they'd lift it They'd reach out And be like

Can you please pick up Dust the remote Because I need my remotes Dusted Ugh Wait You had a maid At some point

We had a A seniorina A car Maids for kids What percentage Of your income Was spent on this maid? Half, nearly half.

I would say half to half plus. Creating jobs, though. Good for the economy. Good for the economy. Yeah. A Brooklyn borough president with nothing more than the economy to explode. Yep, just more maids for lazy couples who live in a studio apartment the size of a closet. Can't keep it clean.

I'll vote for him. Hell. My mother got us a maid one time but she was a stay-at-home mom. I thought that was kind of interesting. I think she wanted a friend.

Yeah. That's what I deduced later on because the house was always fine. Paid a woman to be her friend. I think so, yeah. Linda had one.

What's that? My mom had one. That's what they do. But all she did was clean with her and talk to her. I'll tell you what, though. My buddy actually through Twitch, BuckMurphy420, he had a maid come over and he just got her a bunch of bong rips.

Oh, good. She just got out of her mind. But then she was just mortified. So he drugged the maid. That's actually kind of scary. If you are the maid and you just got drugged. She came over. He just got her ripped out of her mind.

She freaked out. And then she totally flipped. I can imagine, man. I can't do. That's a myth. Getting stoned and cleaning. It's awful. I do not.

I don't clean when I'm stoned. I get lost. I can see it because I've gone to do one thing and gotten lost in it. And that's what it works for people. So you it because I've gone to do one thing and gotten lost in it, and that's what it works for people. So you clean one foot. You'll clean one thing, but then you'll be like, oh, but then you'll kind of move to another thing, and before you know it, you're cleaning your whole apartment, and you don't

even realize. There's about 1% of the population who can get stoned and do a good job at anything. And Ed Larson will be here soon to explain that side of the population. Yes, he will be here to explain that the rest of you are bad at everything you do when you're stoned. Absolutely. Even though you think you're so good at it, you're really bad at your job when you're stoned. If you ever see Ed before he's hit weed, it is like a small sloth slowly dying. And then as soon as he hits the weed, he's like, I think I can fly.

I'm pretty sure I can do anything. And then he kind of does. Yeah, he does fly. Metaphorically. Metaphorically, yes. Worst song of all time, though. And I love Neil Young, but worst song of all time is Man Needs a Maid. Why?

It's just him bitching about needing a maid because his life is too good. And he like screams about it and it's just like, a maid. And it's like, go to the phone book. Go to the yellow pages. Oh, right. You get some metaphor. Half of Neil Young's songs Once you get older You realize he's just

A wealthy 24 year old dickhead No that's not I love Neil Young Old man Basically old man He just bought this guy's farm from him Buying this giant farmland And the guy's like

How'd you do it He's like just lucky I guess Yeah It's like no your parents are rich There you go But I still We all love But we love Neil Young I mean we love Neil Young. I mean, we love Neil Young, though.

I love Neil Young. I love Neil Young and G&R, Guns N' Roses. Are they coming back? They're crossing over with Neil Young. Dude, that's crazy. I had a dream about Duff last night. Really? Duff McKagan?

Yes. Basis for Guns N' Roses? So weird. Yeah. That's right. Just Duff, though. It was not sexual. Just Duff. Was he hanging out? Just hanging Guns N' Roses? So weird, yeah. That's right. Just Duff, though. It was not sexual. Just Duff.

Was he hanging out? Just hanging out. I forget what we were. Nothing. We were just like talking, real kind of weird clothes. And that was the long blonde hair. I love Duff. You say weird clothes?

Like you guys were like sitting? We were close. Yeah, but I don't really remember what we were doing. I don't know what the event was. I just remember hanging out with Duff. HJs. HJ McNeelys, I bet. Uh-oh.

Squirties. I bet it was Squirties. I bet you got Duff. That's. HJ McNeely's, I bet. Uh-oh. Squirties. I bet it was Squirties. That's why I woke up on the right side of the bed. Yeah! Cha-ching! Actually, there is no side of my bed. It is like when, what was it? It's just perfectly shaped as your body.

It's just the mattress. It's just the middle. So Brooke and I, we just end up in the middle because I've managed to break the bed. I forget the pro wrestling match where maybe the Undertaker went through the ring. They broke the ring. I forget. I remember which one you talked about. Big person. I think Kane.

Maybe it was Kane and the Undertaker. But it happened on accident the first time. And then the second time they kind of recreated it. But that's my bet. My bet is just in the middle. It's completely broken. So that's where we're going to end up. How did you already do that with that Casper?

It's the box spring I've had for decades. Oh, the box spring. I need a new box spring. Oh. You're right. It was hard enough for me to get rid of that bed, Jackie. Big mistake, Jackie. You're right.

It was big. I have an emotional attachment to things. I'm sorry. I can't believe you'd ever bring up acquiring a new piece of furniture for the bed. I'm wrong. We also make a pretty good point.

Like Ben is a, you know, a man who does not love easily loves too much. And Ben does not attach himself to objects very easily. He has very few possessions.

His GameCube. We were set. I love the GameCube. One of the few, yeah. Honestly, Holden, the couch, remember we had a leather couch?

That is now sort of breaking. That's kind of getting the Kissel treatment. And that made me sad the other day. I was like, because we've had it for what? Eight years we've had that couch? A long time, that couch. We got that couch ourselves. I have slammed so many just fucking horrible women on that thing.

I don't think that that's true. Just glassy-eyed. It's funny that you would even lie about it, because you could just make it beautiful women. Yeah. Either of it is true. I've got to make it believable for my fans. I thought you were going to say beers, because we've definitely slid a lot of beers on that couch. I sat on that couch and fucking talked about nothing.

We wore out. I remember that Dr. Dog album that we wore out. That's right. Yep. That was great. I love Dr. Dog, Ava Brothers. Yeah, that was a good summer. Yeah, I remember it too.

Very good. Thank you. Well, I'll tell you what, dude. I got an L-shaped couch. I could not recommend higher getting an L-shaped couch. Are we 75? Yes! Might as well be, Jackie.

We've got news stories. We don't have to talk about our... I want to hear about his L-shaped couch. Are we 75 years old? Yes! Might as well be, Jackie. We've got news stories. We don't have to talk about our news. I want to hear about an L-shaped couch. You can talk about it off air. I crowdsourced it. You know, you can talk about it off air. I crowdsourced it. I crowdsourced it.

You can talk about it off air. An L-shaped couch. I'm so upset. That's what I'm saying. You can talk about it off air. You know, not me and Jackie are on the wrong side of the table. No, we're on the wrong side of the bed. Get me back to the hotel.

I'm feeling great. I'm feeling great now. In the hotel, it is 60 degrees every second of the day. Even when I'm not there, I keep it on. Oh, I love to do that. What do you think the maids are doing in your hotel right now? I hope they're jumping on the bed. Yeah, kind of fun.

I bet they are. Living that hotel life. Boys, how was L.A.? L.A. was great. Not a guy. Yeah, hotel life. Yeah, we just did nothing. We just did nothing but work the entire time.

I keep my room. Nice. Good for you. You despise it out there. Jesus. It's like cliche, but the traffic is horrible. But that's not a fun conversation. But I leave my room at 90 degrees, as opposed to this conversation, which I'm about to start.

I leave my hotel room at 90 degrees, and then I come back, and it's very nice and warm, like you're in the Himalayas. And then you turn it down to 60 degrees, and as it cools, then you fall asleep. And then you wake up, and it's nicealayas. And then you turn it down to 60 degrees and as it cools, then you fall asleep. And then you wake up and it's nice and cold. And then you turn it back to 90 degrees after your shower. This is how you're going to give yourself a heart attack doing this. That's how you're going to give the maid a heart attack. That's for sure.

She has to clean in a 90 degree room. Yeah. Get the sweats. It really does. The walls start to form condensation. I love it. Some don't let you go all the way to 90 degrees. Some stop you at 86.

Boring. I know. Lazy hotels. That's fine, though. Anyway. We got to do a news story. We got to do a news story. Jessica Steer came to Witt Park with her niece on Saturday to place flowers and a photo of

a goose at a makeshift memorial. Oh, no. The day before. What happened? of a goose at a makeshift memorial. Oh, no. The day... What happened? Were there goose? Well, Steer joined a group of about 75 people on Saturday afternoon for a memorial walk in memory of 103 Canadian geese that were rounded up and recently euthanized.

The Canadian geese are the ones taken down the plains at JFK. Yeah. That was what caused the Sully-Sullerberg crash. Sully-Suller. Sully Sulliver? Several small paper grave markers were fashioned on popsicle sticks in King's Grant neighborhood park. So there's a R.I.P. Gil Goose, Grace Goose, R.I.P. Garth Goose. Garth Goose?

Garth Goose. Garth Goose. R.I.P. Golden Goose. So it's all G's. Is that what this is? R.I.P. What is that? There's one in's. Is that what this is? R.I.P. What is that? There's one in the back.

Gooters goose. Gooters goose. God's goose. God's goose. Gamey goose. God wanted. Grundle goose. Grundle goose.

I don't think it says grundle. There's a grundle goose. Is this a carousel goose? Grundleba. So why do people care so much about Canadian geese? And I'm an animal lover. I'm a goose lover in a lot of ways. They're majestic.

I mean, there's so many atrocities going on in the world. 120 geese just died. Like 100 people just died in a shooting somewhere. Are there really that many atrocities? Every day. Every day. Something horrible happens to somebody. There's got to be a day off.

They should walk to Sudan and make this memorial with the geese. Yeah, but what about the geese? Can you imagine talking to a Syrian refugee about like,

what did you do to that helped humanity? Like, oh, makeshift memorial for geese. Meanwhile, they have no hands. Well,

the pilot previously reported that the U.S. Department of Agriculture disposed of the animals after 33 waterfront property owners in the neighborhood petitioned for their removal citing the massive amount of goose droppings. So it's just the droppings?

So they're just shitting all over the place. They need a mate. Keep the geese alive and get a goose mate. A goose needs a mate. A town needs a mate. A town needs a mate. And they're actually required to try other methods first. They post up no feeding signs so people won't feed the geese so they won't shit everywhere.

But that didn't work. What about goose diapers? Just get a goose diaper. It would be adorable. Gipers gapers. Oh, my goodness. Oh, yeah, goopers. No, it's for their poopers.

Shit just starts flooding out of the diaper. Come on, guys. Goose poopers. I love goopers. Come on, it's a goopers. I love goopers poopers. Goof poopers. I love goopers. Come on, goopers. I love goopers poopers. Poopers poopers. How long did it take?

Why did it take us so long to go with goopers poopers? Goopers poopers, man. Getting out of there. That's crap. So these rich people just didn't like bird poop around them? Well, it's just a bunch of rich people fighting each other. Because another rich person put up a sign that said, choose coexistence over human entitlement.

Oh, but they're all horrible. They're all horrible people. They're all terrible. Wait, what? Is this goop? I just believe there are humane ways to coexist. It may not be convenient or easy to do, but it's the right thing to do. Spray the shit with a hose.

This is not like a coexist moment. It's just spray the dog bird pooping with a hose. Yeah. It's just poop. It's just poop. It's just poop. Don't we all do it? I think. You know what?

I wish they had had like the heads. Like I imagine all these geese were beheaded, right? I would think so. I think they just poison them. Oh, do they? That's even worse. I think they poison them and throw them in a landfill. What if they put them in a little goose electric chair?

That would be cute. I'll make you never honk again. What are your final honks? Oh. Oh. Hunk, hunk, hunk, hunk. I didn't do it. I'm not the pooper.

Oh, my God. They're all the pooper. Oh, that's horrible. This is actually pretty sad. A little bit. The memorial is dumb, though. But this is what rich people do instead of focusing on real problems

that happen on a regular basis here in our wonderful country such as the lack of drinking water in multiple municipalities. They are focusing on goose droppings. They got the money. They have to start focusing on the people, not the people. Well, I have a new focus in my life and that is to

go out there, get the word out there. There are far less atrocities than people claim. That's also true. Day to day, people are way there. There are far less atrocities than people claim. That's also true. Day to day, people are way over-exaggerating the amount of atrocities. Let's go out there. Let's find it. Let's tally them up, and let's really get a hard number on there

because everyone's like, oh, you shouldn't complain about needing to go grocery shopping in New York, says Lexi or whatever to me earlier today when I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. And I say maybe I should because maybe it's just as bad as anything else that's happened out there because what if today there wasn't really that many atrocities? You're going to a fully stocked supermarket

with money in your pocket to buy a bunch of food to fill your... Heaven forbid. There are people on your block that are having a much harder day. But he has to walk four blocks to get to the grocery store. Oh my God.

I gotta go all the way into Manhattan. When did you start getting on Holden's side? I don't know. You've been hanging out. Trader Joe's. You mentioned TJ's. You got Stockholm Syndrome. Oh, my God.

Are you Swedish now? Oh, my God. I think I am. Oh, I'm a little girl and I like chocolates. Oh, she's got it, Marcus. You got it, Stockholm Syndrome. Oh, my shoes hurt because they are made out of food. No, what do you think about the band ABBA?

Oh, it is everything to me. Oh, no. Is that how they sound? Oh, I'm getting, I go into Mexican the way Henry goes into Jamaican. You know. I actually found a government manual on how to euthanize geese with your own two hands. Hell yeah. It's called cervical dislocation.

Wait, cervical? Cervical spine. Oh, I just pointed at my squirty bird. You go up through their pussy. Why would they do that? If it's a boy, you go through their butt. Yeah, you pull their beak back into their body. Inside out bird. And you turn them inside out. do that? If it's a boy, you go through their butt. Yeah, you pull their beak back into their body. Inside out bird.

And you turn them inside out. See, that makes sense. That would be an atrocity. The dislocation must take place at the base of the brain or within the upper one-third of the neck, the cervical spine. Grasp the base of the bird's skull in one hand and its body, usually at the base of the neck, in your other hand. Pulling rapidly and firmly in opposite directions, will separate the spinal cord. It can be used for larger birds, like geese, by separating the upper cervical spine with an emasculatone, which is available from Veterinary Supply.

I don't know. It just seems so much more cruel than just stabbing it or shooting it. Shooting it. Or driving it. You can actually use a cone that goes over their nose, put the cone over their beak with a euthanasia agent inside, and then that kills them as well.

So you pretty much chloroform them. Do you remember that video? There's a lot of ways. If they just go to sleep, that's okay. Or the government also recommends just shooting it in the head. There you go. That's good.

Although small heads, difficult to shoot. I would say the body, shooting the heart, right? Yeah. Or you just beat it to death. Any which way possible, basically, is what the website should say. However you can do it.

Yeah, they call it stunning and exsanguination. Don't be so, oh my God. It's a fancy way of saying just beat it to death. Beat it to death, yeah. Or decapitation, that's also one. There it is. See, there we go, chicken it. The guillotine.

Yeah, I want to see chicken. Do you remember that when Sarah Palin gave that speech in front of all the turkeys that were getting slaughtered in Alaska? That was funny. It says, use a knife, machete, hatchet, or bolt cutters. Oh, not yet. Bolt cutters. Bolt cutters.

Not bolt cutters. They had me up to bolt cutters. Oh, my God. I mean, I am on the side of keeping them alive, unless they're taking down plants. Yeah, and you shouldn't just use a knife. Because a knife, you have to saw through the spinal cord. Jesus Christ. Use a hatchet. I mean, really, the bolt cutters a knife because a knife you have to saw through the spinal cord. Jesus Christ. Use a hatchet.

I mean, really, the bolt cutters is better than a knife. This just seems like there's an eight-year-old kid out there who just felt like he got the go-ahead from the U.S. government to become a future serial killer and just start chopping off the heads with bolt cutters. I mean, if it's shitting somewhere, apparently you can just cut their heads off. What are they supposed to do? Keep it in. Goopers poopers. Goopers poopers. Goopers poopers. Pour the potty for geese.

You can also make your very own homemade gas chamber. This is way too... Is this a federal document? This is a federal document that I'm showing you. So they have... What is that? A gas tank? A helium tank or something?

It's pretty much putting a bird in a box. In a bag? Put a bird in a box. put the box in the bag, and then attach a CO2 tank into the bag. There's also dry ice that's involved. Yeah, you can also use dry ice to kill it. Yeah, you can do CO2, you can use dry ice, because dry ice is going to create a lot of CO2.

It's going to create a lot of carbon dioxide, which will kill you. This is nwhc.usgs.gov. Check this out because it's also an image of a beautiful, cute duck. That's chapter five. Would the duck ever do it to anybody? I think it's a great idea. There's a lake over by my mom's house.

There's these ducks. That's where they belong. No, no, no. They stand on top of the turtles. And I bet those turtles are pissed. And I'm going to go and I'm going to put those ducks in a. And I'm gonna go and I'm gonna put those ducks in a box. I'm gonna put that box in a bag. And I'm gonna

fucking gas them. I'm gonna gas them for the turtles. The turtles like it. That's what I'm gonna do. That's what I'm doing in Florida, guys. Oh, man. I'll take pictures. I can't wait. Yeah. Oh, man. I'm gonna gas them.

You're very excited about this. Don't take it out of the ducks. Duck goes in the box. Box goes into the bag. Shucks in the bag. I shuck. Oh, my goodness. Brutal.

Sad stuff. No one else is excited about this. I agree with Joe. I wholeheartedly agree with Jackie. I mean, you need to do better. You're a human and you need to get emotionally fun. Yeah, I need to get emotionally fun. You can do whatever that takes.

You should start writing poetry. That's a great idea. I thought there was words coming out of my vagina for a second. Just now? Yeah. Did you hear a wop, wop, wop, wop, wop? That was stupid fucking... Oh, it was on...

I just looked down because it sounded like it came from my bottom. I was checking out another news story about how Marilyn had euthanized 300 geese and then donated all the meat to charity. No, I'm pretty sure that a different voice also spoke out of Jackie's vagina just now. I did hear that. Yeah. What kind of a grassy knoll moment going on over here? I'm not sure where it was coming from.

It's kind of a grassy gnoll moment going on over here. I'm not sure where it was coming from. Definitely someone is trying to say something out of Jackie's vagina right now. Help me. Let me free. What else happened on Friday night that I don't know? Maybe something got trapped up there. Oh, man.

Did I put something up there? Is there like a gnome or something in there? I don't know. Maybe. Uh-oh. Got to go in. But geese meat is difficult to prepare. And you shouldn't have a gassed geese meat.

Well, they're still giving it to a homeless shelter. That's awful. Yeah, the euthanized geese will be, no, a fine fat goose. Yeah, but it's not like a fairy tale. It's a bunch of people, you know. It's an atrocity. It's perfect. It's like, you know, remember, it's a, what is it? Did they gas these geese?

You can't eat a gassed goose. No, you can't eat a gassed goose, but they're probably just cutting the heads off. De-gas the goose. How do you get the gas out of a goose? And gas is the problem. That's why they're being killed in the first place. If you use CO2 to gas a goose, that goose is still good to cook. Absolutely not. You can't eat a balloon.

What? CO2 wasn't balloon. Why would you eat a balloon? You can't eat a balloon because it's rubber. It's not going to digest. It's also CO2. CO would you eat a balloon? You can't eat a balloon Because it's rubber It's not gonna digest It's also CO2 CO2 is not a toxic chemical Yeah You suck it in

To make your voice all funny That's helium Same thing Isn't that the same thing? What's the difference? Between helium and CO2? Yeah The chemical makeup

Huh So different entirely Yeah Different The atoms are all different and shit. You know what I'd write on the goose's box? Having a gas. Oh yeah.

And the goose will get it. You know the reason why they got rid of these geese in Maryland is because according to one park visitor, the goose poop makes it difficult for strollers. Oh my god. You need to bring a baby to a park. No.

How about that? No, you take babies to parks all the time. You hitch them onto your back then. Like they used to do. Make it a fun adult park. How much goose poop are we talking here? Enough to encumber a stroller. I see these strollers they make nowadays.

They're like RV tires. They're huge. They don't, these, that's, I don't buy it. No. I ain't buying it. 300. That's a lot of geese. A lot of dead geese. That's. I don't buy it. No. I ain't buying it. 300. It's a lot of geese. A lot of dead geese.

That's a lot of geese. The whole thing is that if you don't. If you really don't feed the geese. Geese are fine. The geese don't poop. They don't come around. The reason why they come around and come in these populated areas. Is people are feeding the geese.

Nice. Yeah. It seems like you've been fed a little bit too. I ate a lot of pepperoni pizza earlier. You did? What kind of pizza? Pepperoni from Franklin. Franklin Pizza.

It's the best pizza place in the neighborhood. Is it Domino's or Papa John's? I got it. It's local. I have not had Papa John's in two months.

Yeah, but you just had $60 worth of Domino's. But I told people I wasn't going to have Papa John's. This is the thing though too with these fucking pizza places. If we want to talk about waking up on the wrong side of the bed, you going to have Papa John's. This is the thing, though, too, with these fucking pizza places, all right?

If we want to talk about waking up on the wrong side of the bed, you've got to say not too hot. It's 90 degrees outside. You always have to say not too hot. Keep it in the damn oven. You just let it cool off, though. No. Put it in the freezer. It's dead.

It's burned my mouth. I'm starving over here. Oh, my God. I'm starving Marvin over here, and they're putting it in for a fucking year and a day, and they're sitting there just like, you can pull it out, pull it out. She's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Look at that. They just like, you can pull it out, pull it out. Just like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Look at that through the watch. Pull it out, pull it out.

Just like, okay. And then they go talk to the fucking cook boy in the back rolling up the dough. They're probably getting BJs blasting off in the fucking restrooms in the back. We don't know. We don't know. He's in every fucking which way direction

every time he goes. That's true. We don't know. And be sure to check out our new show, Waking Up on the Wrong Side of the Bed with Old McNeil. When they heat up

the pizza too high, it is an atrocity. I feel like this is like a Bernie Sanders speech. This is like the first line of every speech and his aides were just like, we got to mark that off again,

Bernie. If you feed a starving Ethiopian boy pizza and it burns his whole fucking bullshit up. And you'll have to go to the hospital for eighth degree fucking burns. Very inside baseball. But Holden, I want to let you know about your former neighborhood.

San Marco has been bought by Carmines because the guy who owned San Marco drank himself out of a job. Oh, yeah. I bet he did. But Carmines is better pizza anyway. It was. And this was the guy for the listeners. San Marco is really good though. This guy, he was the legacy.

His father owned this place, San Marco. And every time he would go in after he started running up, he would try to give you a Dixie cup full of wine and his teeth were just pitch, I guess, red.

Yep. Or like that purple. No, I've smoked joints with him too. Really? Yeah. I was about to say he rolled up joints

and we'd smoke And he would lock the door and be like, no, we smoked, we smoked. That's right. No, no, I'm going to go eat this pizza.

Yeah, this is weird. I believe Eddie told me a story where he put it in the pizza oven to warm it up. It was definitely a mess. The Mexican dude that was working there for years was the only one keeping that place in business and you could tell he was physically exhausted. He would make wonderful pizza. God damn.

It was great pizza, but you're right. Carmine's kind of did what San Margo did, but just with so much more variation. Sober. So much more- Totally sober. And completely clean and sober in that restaurant. Better ingredients, better pizza.

Papa John's. That's what I'm saying. Nope. Papa John's. I'm using that with Carmine's. But Papa John's is just- Papa John's is doing that in comparison to Little Caesars. Pizza.

And we could say Pizza Hut or Little Caesars. I would say Papa John's is better. Pizza, pizza. Although I love that pizza, pizza. God. That's so funny. Little Caesars. And we could say Pizza Hut or Little Caesars. I would say Papa John's is better. Pizza, pizza. Although I love that pizza, pizza. That's so funny. Little Caesars. You walk in, the door says pizza, pizza. Does it?

Oh, yeah. And then when you call them and they answer, they have to say pizza, pizza instead of hello. And they have to end it with pizza, pizza. And I had a friend that worked at Little Caesars, and if I called and he didn't say pizza, pizza, I would say, I'm sorry sorry can I talk to your manager and we would all do that

and he would always get in trouble for not starting the phone call with pizza pizza I would have my mom do it a few times you would just have to euthanize your favorite dog and then you gotta go into Little Caesars and be like pizza pizza what would you like to eat oh my god that is horrible

oh shit I gotta get out of here already is Eddie around I thought you guys were tag teaming I don't think you should What would you like to eat? Oh my god That is horrible Oh shit I gotta get out of here already Okay Is Eddie around? I thought you guys Were tag teaming Yeah I thought It was a tag team

Now it's gonna turn Into fucking mayhem Well we can pause it We can deal with mayhem Should we pause the episode And then Eddie will come back And maybe no one Will even notice

Yeah we can pause And come back Yeah And then we can turn The air conditioner on Or we can just keep going I mean Yeah. And then we can turn the air conditioner on. Or we can just keep going. I mean, either way. Either way.

I like this conversation, though. I mean, it's a pretty good conversation. I do like it. Pizza, pizza, huh? Pizza, pizza. Pizza, pizza. My back is killing me. Can you give me the segment really quick

so I can participate in it? Oh, I don't know. You don't know it. Okay. If you... Ben, you own a pizza restaurant and when you answer the phone, what do you say?

Pizza, pizza. No. I got a good segment. Oh, a different one. If you were to have to be forced by gunpoint to suck a character from the Street Fighter legacy male character's dick. Hands up. I don't know what that is.

I don't know what that is. Street Fighter characters. Ryu, Ken. Oh, my goodness. You don't even know them. Sagat, M. Bison. You play video games. No, I know all of them.

I'm going for Galil. Galil. Dhalsim. Dhalsim. That two immediately came to my mind. Dhalsim? Yeah. Dhalsim's the Indian because he would kind of wrap you up, keep you nice.

Well, he just seems like he'd be nicest. You know, usually I don't answer hypotheticals, but in this case, I would have to say Guile because he's the American hero. Okay, there you go. That is true. Yeah. But he seems aggressive, though.

It's Street Fighter. You know who'd be the worst? Zangief. Holy hell. Well, Zangief is the only one that's actually gay. Is he? Yeah. The Russian?

Yeah, Zangief's totally gay. How did that, when did that happen? I watched the Street Fighter movie. There was a whole thing about it. I mean, I have to go with my main, I guess, Ryu. But if I weren't going to go Ryu, probably my original main, back when I was a child, which is creepy, Blanka. Blanka. The green monster.

Blanka's going to hurt you. The big green monster man. And I wouldn't want to do Vega either because Vega, he's going to take too long. Vega's going to take way too long. Yeah. He's going to be a bit of a pon monster man. And I wouldn't want to do Vega either because Vega's going to take too long. Vega's going to take way too long. Yeah. He's going to be a bit of a ponce. Yeah. I don't know, Jackie.

That's video game talk. You play video games all the time now. You're like Ken. He's blonde. He's attractive. Just go Ken. That's what I want. You'd like Ken.

Yeah. I don't like blondes. I don't know. Actually, let's give her Balrog. Balrog. No, Balrog doesn't sound like someone who wants to talk about it. Balrog Sounds exactly like You think he would

He's modeled after Mike Tyson He's a big black guy With big boxing gloves He rips off my ear Yeah stuff like that Sports Video games

I'm a man So does he talk like this No he doesn't talk at all Yeah they don't talk How are you supposed to know Who you're going to be You just hear him go like Who's Ball Rock in the movie?

Balrog wasn't in the movie. Why wasn't he in the movie? They didn't have everyone in the movie. He's the only black character, isn't he? They were racist in the film. I guess so. They must have been. Why wouldn't they?

Yeah. Balrog. Balrog. And you said yours. You said... I'm going with Dhalsim. Dhalsim. Dhalsim. Yeah, yeah.

Interesting. Well, he's a yoga Hindu type of guy. Right. Well, no, actually. No, I bet he's in a tantra. So that's going to take... Oh, take forever. He's in a tantra, so that's going to take...

Take longer in Vega. Days. Yeah. Yeah. There you go. Oh, man. All right. I wonder how similar this conversation is to the thing you're doing in just a little bit.

I wonder how close it'll be. Very similar. I'll mention, I'll work it in. I always do. Yeah. Awesome. Yep.

All right, guys. I love you. We'll be back. I'll be going in. Bye, Kissel. Actually, I might go for Ken because Ken seems like it's just gonna...

He's mine. Well, it's... I thought you were Balrog. Yeah, you're going for Balrog. All right. Yeah, we're giving you Balrog. I'm guessing because I think with Ken it would just be a straight up regular all American

blow job. Yeah. Like he's just going to enjoy it. And he'll come in 30 seconds. He'll enjoy it. He'll come. And then we all go home. And we'll go home.

And we won't talk about it. He won't get emotionally involved or anything like that. Not at all. He'll just cinch up his pants and say like, cool, see you later, dude. And be like, all right. Totally. Just gonna go home and think about this.

And then there were three. How does this happen now? Do we keep going or do we wait for Eddie Bear? I mean, I guess we can keep going. I mean, I'm gonna text him and see where he is. Just text him, find out.

We're getting live coverage on Ed's cab ride into the studio. First time Ed visiting the new studio. And might I say, I'm loving what you him and see where he is. Just text him, find out. We're getting live coverage on Ed's cab ride into the studio. First time Ed visiting the new studio. And might I say, I'm loving what you've done with the place, Marcus. It's absolutely wonderful here. Thank you very much. Yeah, I made, we're going to post pictures of it soon. I built the new studio to look just like the Black Lodge in Twin Peaks.

Great, yeah. The Velvet Room. Yeah. Absolutely, absolutely. Velvet Room, which also makes an appearance in the Persona series, the Shin Megami Tensei Persona series. I don't like it. Edward is three minutes away.

If you'd like to know more about the Shin Megami Tensei Persona series, you can listen to Wizard and the Bruiser here on whatever this network's called anymore. Podcast. Place. Podcast place. The podcast place. The podcast place is what what it's gonna be called How about the podcast pals

No wait I'm texting Ed Do not fucking name this room While I'm trying to get our buddy here Podcast palace No it's not Where you go to talk That's great

Where you go to walk It's not the podcast Where you go to sing To sing Songs about roses And familiar faces Songs about places you know in your spaces

you cannot get out of my good disgraces at the podcast palace alright I kinda love it podcast palace podcast palace

yeah we got the loosest slots in town yeah and you can come to my apartment afterwards called the horny dream ranch yeah It's Podcast Palace. Podcast Palace. Yeah. Come play. We got the loosest slots in town. Yeah. And you can come to my apartment afterwards called the Horny Dream Ranch. Yeah. The Horny Dream Ranch is going to break your, you're going to get ball blasted by somebody's balls.

It won't even be mine. Oh, but you'll get blasted. Oh, you'll get blasted right out of your fucking whole dome right now, man. And I have never been better at vamping in my entire life because at this point in my life, I talk for four to six hours a day completely straight and I know how to never stop talking now. This is getting sad.

This is sad for you. So we can do it. Well, I have a really good news story, but I'm waiting on Ed because it's very Ed specific. We got three minutes. Why don't we Really good news story, but I'm waiting on Ed because it's very Ed-specific. Okay, we got to wait for Ed then. Well, we got three minutes.

Why don't we hold it here, we'll get Ed back, we'll get Ed in, and we'll finish it. Sound good? Okay. Okay, great. And we're back, and Ed is with us now. Hey, everybody. Hey. How you doing?

What's going on? I miss everybody. The new studio is beautiful. Thank you doing? What's going on? I miss everybody. The new studio is beautiful. Thank you very much. Podcast Palace is what it's called. Podcast Palace? Yeah.

That's beautiful. Loose as slots in the podcast world. Oh, man. And we're the Podcast Palace. Now we just need some slaves. Whoa, daddy. It's a palace.

Wait. If we are going Arabian Nights Palace then yes that would be it. Oh yeah we should have people holding us up

on our chairs as we do the podcast. Yeah we'll get a bunch of pickpockets to sit outside. Yeah throw apples at people. So where do you get

these Asian women to give you a massage for smalls? Strip malls? Strip malls? Strip malls. Not here. In New York City, they're just everywhere. Chinatown?

Yeah. Do you go to Chinatown? They're in our neighborhood, man. Have you ever been offered a happy ending? No. Okay. Never been offered. But they very strongly suggest you keep your underwear on.

They're very, like, I think that's how they- Not in LA, man. They get in there. You know what? I did have one when I was out in LA.A., man. They get in there. You know what? I did have one when I was out in L.A. Oh, she got in there. But here in New York, I was like, please. And every time.

Yeah, I think they're trying to change the reputation. It's being hand-jobbed. Oh, come on. That's your job. I got lost in this. They're indentured servants. I think I've talked about this before, but I got lost on. There's, like, a Yelp-style website for massage parlors,

and I just got lost on that thing. And it was all about, I don't know what, I forget what it was called. I don't know if it still exists because it seems like it would be highly illegal because it was all about like the places you could go, what kind of happy ending you could get, you know, that kind of stuff. And Marcus, I've never seen Marcus type more furiously before in my entire fucking life.

He's actually beating off. He's literally masturbating on the keyboard using his penis to type the button. That's what it sounds like when I beat off. I don't know if this was years ago,

but man, I spent an afternoon just reading user reviews on these websites about all the different fun, erotic, happy ending massages they were getting.

Man, there's this one, there's a happy ending place right next to a place I used to cook at. And you used to always tell who came in who just had a happy ending because they always had a tiny water bottle. Oh. So if you had a tiny water bottle, you just got your dicks up. Yeah. Why do you get a tiny water bottle?

Because that's just what they give away. Wait, they suck it? I thought they just hand it. I think that there is a price for everything. Truths. I thought it was normally just they got you all lotioned up anyways. Are you talking about rubmaps.com? Maybe.

Dude, maybe. That sounds familiar as fuck. It's just a palm in America. Hey, New Sunny Spa, 2852 42nd Street Astoria Ooh Guys let's go after this Let's go after this Astoria

Let's see what user He is He was Let's see what user Bang Violin says He's a premium user Okay Oh you gotta pay

To get the reviews You gotta go premium Did I pay That's cause cops You know they won't pay To go premium They'll never catch these guys Ooh bingo spa Oh yeah That's a bingo That's because cops won't pay to go premium. They'll never catch these guys. Ooh, bingo

spa. Oh, yeah. Whoa, that's not a spa. Doesn't look like a spa at all. Those were cops, but they had big boobies. One guy, Willie LaRock. It looks like he is, okay, one, two, three, four, five,

six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13. He has, what's 13 times 4? 62. He is. Woo, doctor. Is that true? Yeah, wow.

I'll give it to you. Who cares if it's wrong? It's close enough. 52. No, no, 62. We're sticking with it. I think it's, no, I think it's 40 plus 12. 52.

It is 52. Anyway, this guy has reviewed 52 handjob places in New York City. Wow. That's pretty good. What a maniac. Yeah. That's amazing. I wonder.

I hope he did it in one year. Zuby Spa, Rose Spa, Kelly Spa, Queens Relaxation Center. One a week? That's not that crazy. One a week. Ooh, not that crazy. One a week. Girls Day Spa. Is there an equivalent for women? Do they have a little finger vibrate?

Oh, they get in there. They push the lips together and then make the middle flower out and then they get in there. I had an ex that had an experience. I've had people that have had unwanted experiences. I will say that. Well, I've had people that have had unwanted experiences. I've heard about that. Yeah.

But, like, if you're, like, slip them a fiver and then you're like, yeah, why didn't you keep needing? I mean, absolutely. It's America. Everything has a price. Wait, you had a, so tell the story of the. She just, I think he was just kind of like, ooh. This is a long time ago.

I'm trying to remember. And she was just like, maybe. And then he just went like And I think she thought It was good Yeah Good But yeah that was

Kind of a gray area A little bit Where he was just Kind of like Oh he tried it out You'll get me You want me But he gave her the go

But she gave the go ahead And I believe she gave A solid go ahead I believe I think that's fine I wouldn't be upset Go ahead for a go behind For a go in front.

Go in front. Wow. There's a whole, there's a glossary on rubmaps.com. Oh yeah. This is the whole country, right? This is everywhere. This is just, ooh, okay. Ant flow.

We know that one. We know. Taiwan would be a fucking year today. A baby back is a petite, young, attractive Asian. A BBB JTC. That's bareback blowjob to completion in the mouth. That's too many letters.

Bareback blowjob. What is a bareback? No condom. It just sucks your dick. It's the back. And a BBB JTC in Q&S. That's bareback blowjob to completion. No quit, no spit. Wow.

When does a quit happen? When you like stop Yeah, when it takes a half hour Blue jay, that's slang for blowjob Blue jay? Yeah, BJ I know, but just call it a blowjob I know, but you say a pretty little blue jay landed on my finger That means, you know, I got four blowjobs from eight different women last night.

Let's rock, you feathered little lady. Huh. A cup of coffee is all, that's slang for like orgasm. It's like, would you like a cup of coffee? See, I would think

that would be like, you know, milk me from the behind. Yeah. Or just, or milk milk. Yeah. Lemonade,

which would be, you know, two cums and then you pee. Yeah. Then you get a finger in your butt. Yeah. Yeah. Actually, yeah.

F-I-R. Finger in rear. Yeah. Fur. Get that fur. Get that fur. See, that just doesn't seem like that would be helpful to the back. If you're laying on your back and you're getting a finger up underneath and you're getting

a blow job, I just think that'd take your whole spine out of alignment. Well, some of them have have little middle bottoms that are open so someone can get under there and just yank on it. Right. This is an interpreter as a condom. May I have an interpreter? Oh. Oh.

That's very cool. That makes sense. A cup of coffee makes a lot of sense to me. It's like, when are you drinking coffee at a massage parlor? The whole point is to relax. So no human in their right mind would actually want a cup of coffee at a massage parlor so a cup of coffee is finger in the butt wake you up cup of coffee is just

initiating coffee is just coming would you like an order would you like a cup of coffee that means like you want to yeah yeah what i said i would ask i would say yes and expect coffee would you not be pleasantly surprised i And I actually have a friend who... No, no, no. I have a friend who regularly enjoys a happy ending, you know, and swears by it, says it's great. Never done it. Had a lot of friends that swear by it as well.

Yeah, I mean, I get it. There's something different to me between getting like a full-on intercourse with a prostitute or even a blowjob and going in and getting a nice sturdy massage and then i think if the massage wasn't good i'd feel cheap about it right yeah but if the massage is good and then at the end you're also just getting your fucking bone ripped off i mean what's the what's the complaint just it feels a little different feels a little more

clinical more acceptable yeah i mean i was thinking about this today like what's the difference honestly like not to belittle massage artists because they have a very hard job and they go more acceptable. Yeah. I mean, I was thinking about this today. Like, what's the difference, honestly, like, not to belittle massage artists because they have a very hard job and they go through a lot of school, but... Massage artists. Are they called artists? I'm calling them that right now.

I think it's nice. I think it's a nice term. I've been to an artist or two in my life. But, like, what is the difference, honestly, between that and a prostitute? They're just, like, making you feel good with their hands. Years of... So much...

Why are you allowed to touch someone there, but you're not allowed to touch someone there and you go to jail and get money for it? To me, that's crazy. Ed Larson for Queensborough president. Ed Larson for Queensborough president. That's actually... You know what?

I can't even... I would lose the debate if I tried to keep going. I don't know what to tell you. I feel bad for these girls. I mean, there's a weird emotional connection, I guess, when it comes to sex. I get very emotional during a massage. Oh, oh. Oh, yeah? Like, how emotional? It's emotional

as I could possibly muster. Yeah, but they go to school for what they do, though. Yeah. And they are certified to touch you in those places. Just like a man's like, oh, no, I'm a doctor. I'm a doctor. And he starts putting clamps up my pussy. And I'm like, wait a second. Where are your credentials a man's like, oh, no, I'm a doctor. I'm a doctor. And he starts putting clamps up my pussy. I'm like, wait a second.

Where are your credentials? He's like, I made them up. And they're made out of clay. And I'm like, oh, yeah. No, you're not a doctor. How much better would you feel about prostitution if we sent them to school for it? Oh, I would love it. I would definitely go to prostitutes all the time.

Prostitute school. Prostitute school? It's like going to the NYU dentist school. It's a lot cheaper while they're training. Yeah. Oh, that's a great idea. Yeah, but they fuck up a lot more. I know.

But really, how bad are they going to fuck up during prostitution training? I mean, unless they came in there with some kind of, you know, vagina tentata, I think we're okay. Yeah, or with an STD up front. Like, you'd have to be clean. Oh, you get tested. If we all put it through the government, it would be amazing. It'd be like porn stars, you know?

They all get tested. It's all completely regulated. Yeah. And they can do that, but you can't, you know, this is the age-old debate. Oh, you can pay as long as there's a camera pointed on you. You can get paid to fuck. But as soon as there's not a camera there and there's just some weird little bald-headed guy sitting in the corner fucking rubbing his beanbags while he's watching you and fucking chow down on him. Well, then it's still an art piece if someone's watching.

There you go. So there you go. Yeah, if someone watches maybe. You know what? I don't know what the laws are. I'm not running for borough president. I just think that it is a little aggressive. I promise the world will not run for a borough presidency anywhere on this country.

Thank you. Legal prostitution. I think it's great. Regulate it. I think you'd win on that platform right there. I think you'd win on that platform right there. And you know what you should get? The regulators all together.

Like the hip hop. Nate Dogg's dead. Well, do the hologram. No one sings like Nate. Do the hologram. Just do the hologram. Hologram Nate. That's a big hologram.

They did it with Tupac. I know, but it's different. No one has like real. Do the hologram. Just do the hologram. Hologram Nate. That's a big hologram. They did it with Tupac. I know, but it's different. No one has real footage of Nate talking. He did just do the one video. So yeah, get the regulators together and be like, regulate it. And they'll do songs about... I mean, rap is big right now, I've heard. It's pretty popular.

It's pretty big. I'll tell you what, though. I haven't seen you guys in a while. I saw the Tupac movie. What garbage. Yeah. What complete garbage. I did. Looks bad. I'll tell you what though I haven't seen you guys in a while I saw the Tupac movie what garbage yeah what complete garbage I did

looks bad he's just like I love you mama I love you oh Tupac you go out there and you do your rapping you know

you gotta watch the Defiant Ones I hear it's great I will check it out it's the best shit ever everyone's been telling me I know it's weird you haven't seen me in a while

my long white beard must be destroying you yeah must be destroying you right now. It must be confusing you right now. Well, it's good that it covers your neck. Yes, my incredibly long fingernails. It would be so weird if you came in all of a sudden and you're like, just a fake, long, white beard that this is you now.

This is new Holden. It's a nice staff. We're all making changes. Yes, I am now in a school of wizardry and witchcraft. Changes. Things have changed. The biggest thing that's changed about me since you've left, I am very upset I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. You know, and I am also very upset that I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today.

They both woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. I like all sides of my bed. There you go. Jag is living that hotel life. I'm living that hotel life. In the hotel life? And Kissel, his whole room is a bed, so he never wakes up on the wrong side of the bed. Yeah, because you can't get off the bed unless you absolutely exit the room through the foot of it.

Oh, yeah. I mean, that's impossible. I mean, Kissel's bed, I imagine, is the size of his entire room. Now, Ed Larson, we've told you what's changed the most about us since you've been away. I know you're big. I know Ed Larson, we've told you what's changed the most about us since you've been away. I know that you're big. I know you're dumb. Okay? What has changed in your look deep inside yourself and

find what's changed about you? Is it the hat? Because he is wearing a fun hat. It's a boat and hat. It's a $40 hat. What? $40? That's the biggest thing that's changed by a $40 hat. The Gordon Brothers. That looks like something you'd buy for $10 at a bait shop. I went to a fancy hat store.

It's got a leather strap in the back, Marcus. Don't judge it. That's a bait shop hat. That is absolutely a bait shop hat. It's classy. I get lots of compliments on it, and I wore it in Mexico, and they tried to take it from me. Why? No, they didn't try to take it from me.

They just said, nice hat, bro. You just threw it at them as a distraction you went back you bought another $40 hat yeah you know it's been chilling been you know roasting these uh rich people gotta gotta do it someone has to do it someone really has to step up and be the roast hero yes and i i guess that's me i'm involved in it nothing Nothing's really changed, I guess. You know, I've been, you know, I've been living a good life, to be honest with you. A big fancy house. I don't know if Marcus didn't get a chance to see it.

It's beautiful. You guys would have. Some of us have to work for a living. You would never come home. I work at the fancy house, which is unbelievable. Whenever I make someone come write jokes at me, they're like, oh, they can't. Like for the first hour, they can't really write because they're so blown away by the place. By the big crazy house. Oh, my God.

Do you write jokes in the pool? In the hot tub. We have meetings in the hot tub. The infinity hot tub. Do you sit on the side and watch other dudes just fucking slam ladies and stuff? I've never watched anyone slam ladies But ladies have been slammed Have you ever watched dudes slam another dudes You know it would be allowed

If they wanted it But no it hasn't happened yet Have you seen a 69 No I've not seen a 69 I've seen straight up naked Naked broads walking around the pool That's fine Cause a body to body

It doesn't make you hard We have two windows in the pool and stuff. That's fine. It's normal. Yeah, that's fine. Yeah, because a body's a body. Yeah, it doesn't make you hard. We have a window in the... We have two windows in the pool. Two windows in the pool? Two windows into the pool. Oh, so you can see people out there doing pool stuff. Yeah, we have like this artist dude comes by and does photo shoots in there.

It's a different life. Yeah, it's a whole other world. Like artist guy or like porno guy? Artist guy. But is it like hot pictures? It's hot pictures for like ladies on concert posters and stuff. Okay. Yeah, it's pretty cool.

Nice. Well, I got a sausage story for you. I love sausage! Yeah! I've been saving it for you. Piggy Piggy likes his meat. A South Florida family is perplexed after recently waking up to a loud thud, only to find that the mysterious sound

was several packages of frozen Italian sausage. I'm from Deerfield Beach. I lived there for years. My grandparents lived there. Are they still alive? Uh, grandmother, and now she lives in North Carolina. Oh, okay. Mm-hmm.

For resident Travis Adair said, it was like thunder. It awakened me out of my sleep. Would it fall from an airplane? They don't know. He said he and his family were awakened Saturday morning by a loud thud on the roof of their Deerfield Beach home. He said, we got up, found two packages of sausage on our side yard. And then we were like, okay, well, we got to go on the roof, check and see if we found more of the stuff.

Sure enough, there were three more packages of Italian pork sausage. And if they're still frozen, those are good to go. I'm calling bird. 15 pounds of Italian sausage. Wow. What a great day. That's some kind of Amazon drone barbecue

that was happening. Oh, yeah. They belong to William Land Service, a land clearing company in Alabama. And they think it might have fallen from a plane,

but they don't really know. Why'd they eat all that sausage on a plane? Man, if they had to like, there was so much sausage on that plane, they're like jamming it in the wheel shafts and shit. Well, Austin Adair's mother, Jenny, said, I thought possibly it was something to do with a drug deal or something. Coming from an airplane. Absolutely. A low flying plane. Did they cut open the sausages?

What was inside? They eat them? I think it was pork sausage. Man, you got to eat that. That's a gift from the heavens. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Technically, yes.

If I was walking around and a bunch of sausage fell in my hands, I mean, what a day. What if it was cooked, though? Would you still eat it? No. If it's cooked, you got to be careful eat it? No, if it's cooked, you've got to be careful. Because it'll probably bounce on the ground. I remember one time I was riding my bike around Deerfield Beach when I was younger in high school. And Frank Walensky was with me. I know Holden knows Frank Walensky.

We called him the Bird Man. And we're riding around on our bicycles. And out of nowhere, a fish falls from the sky and hits him right in the face. It's pretty great. You must have laughed your fucking ass off. I mean, after I stopped being curious of why it happened, but it was

pretty hilarious. It was from a bird. Birds holding a fish. Absolutely. Holding a fish, drops it out of his mouth. You sure no one threw it at him? No, there was no one around. I mean, if someone threw it at him, that'd be incredibly impressive. Although he is a bird. It'd have to be like a retired Marlin or something.

The baseball player. The fish. I'm sick of being a Marlin. That's the whole story. Absolutely. That's great. That's awesome. I love a good hometown.

I don't know if we ever had a story from Deerfield Beach. I don't think we have either. That's a great place. They got this place in Deerfield Beach. I don't think we have either. That's a great place. They got this place in Deerfield Beach called Deanie's Hideaway. It's like a swingers joint, you know, where you just go. Couples go to fuck other couples. Yeah. And it's like a members only kind of place.

How'd you get in there? We didn't get in. We'd always knock on the door and run away. Oh, okay. Yeah, and go hide back in our car. And dress as the waitstaff. Yeah, it's like, hey, how's it going? Would you like some bagels?

Dresses a box of bagels. It's closed. Deanie's closed. Deanie's closed. Oh, no. It was very popular. Oh, it was on Coconut Creek. Yeah, that's just on the other side of Turnpike is Coconut Creek.

Oh, man. Deanie's closed. What a good... That place is open for a while. Long run in the establishment. Where are these people going to go fuck each other now? This is a good outlet for these people. You have key parties.

God, key parties sound great. I guess, but then I got to get a car. Yeah, but I mean, you live in LA. Start the key parties. Seems like Jeff's house is the perfect place to have key parties. Can I have an Uber party? Yeah, sure. We just changed your Uber information.

Uber information, yeah. And you just like put in a spinny wheel. Like a roulette wheel. I'm into that. I feel like I'd always get the wife I didn't want. You know what I'm saying? You'd always end up getting the stinker. I have that kind of luck with everything like that.

You know, she'd have all of her old bean bags be flopped up behind her back. She'd be all screaming. If she's coming raring to go, man, she ain't the stinker. I'll tell you that much. I mean, I know. Again, I said it once and said it again. Tail is all this time. The gremlin woman always uses the gremlin men.

She's the beast. Hey, we're not talking about me over here. I'm talking about the women as compared to the other women. If you want to compare me to the whole situation, we're going to have a completely different tale to tell. Tales as old as time. Yeah, you keep – you've said tales as old as time. The tales I have told today alone could spin a ball of yarn into the ozone layer. That's not true.

You woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I ate everything right now. I cannot stand the world right now. I can't believe Mrs. Pot only had one cup. What happened to the rest of the kids? They all broke. They all broke and died. Of course, even Chip was the last one. He's all fucked up.

When he became a human, he'd probably have a big fucking dent in his fucking head. His brain's coming out. Turn it back into a teacup. Turn it back into a teacup. I found out what happened to Dini's Hideaway. What happened? I pieced it together from the Yelp reviews,

but it looks like in 2015, they did a big remodel. Uh-huh. It cost a lot of money. It cost a lot of money, and a year later, they started cutting down on their hours, and then they slowly went out of business. That's what happens. They did their new remodel, and it just fucked them over.

You can't, man. You got to keep it nasty. I keep wanting to talk to Ed about shit we talked about in the bin portion of the show with San Marcos closing down in a similar fashion. Oh, is it really? Oh, yeah, baby. Oh, I love San Marcos. Well, it's fucked and it's over.

I bet. I mean, that place is run by the mob. Right, so there you go. I remember one time I went in there by myself and the guy's like, hey, what's going on you motherfucker? You want some goddamn pizza? I'm like, yeah, I'll take some pizza. He's like, oh, look what we got on the TV.

Changes the TV. He's like, we got pornos. Oh, they fucking each other. They fucking each other on the porno TV. So inappropriate. And he's just laughing. He's like, that's great. He's like, you want some wine? You want some fucking wine? He pours me a giant wine, and he mixes it with Diet Cokes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He mixes it with Diet Coke. That's right. That's right. He mixes the wine with the Diet Coke. It's fucking Italian style, you cocksucker motherfucker. Is that Italian style? No. It's like, you ever have roasted joints?

And I was like, no, I never had a roasted joint. He's like, hold on right here. You hold on. He left me in there all by myself, and he went upstairs, and he got a joint, and he rolled a roasted joint he's like hold on right here you hold on he like left me in there all by myself and he went upstairs and he got a joint and he rolled it up

he's like I'm rolling this fucking joint he talks about everything he does I'm rolling this fucking joint up and he tosses it

in the oven oh it's roasting you know you'd be great on radio because he says everything he's doing dude it's amazing I remember one time

one last story about this guy I love this guy he I love this guy. He's one of my favorite members of society. Well, he's fucked. His whole life's fucked now. I'm sure he's... Life was fucked a long time ago.

And I remember one time I was in there with some other people. I used to just go hang out and eat my pizza there because he's always fucking hilarious. This guy would do something. It's like, he's talking to this guy who's with these two black girls and he's being horribly inappropriate. And they're all laughing about it. And then he's like, I'll show you guys I've been playing he's being horribly inappropriate and they're all laughing about it and then he's like i'll show you you guys ever played a napkin game and he's like what he's like the napkin game you know you got come on come on i'll take you outside i'll take you outside and he goes outside with him and he brings a bunch of napkins and he goes outside

he takes the napkins and he throws them in the air he goes happy fucking birthday oh the napkins in the air throw Throw on napkins. And then the girls are all laughing and shit. She's like, I've seen you do this once. And I remember I got pissed at you for wasting all the napkins. And he's like, sometimes people get mad at me. I looked it up. Coke and red wine. It's a thing.

It's a Spanish thing. It's a Spanish thing. Yeah, it's called a Cuba Libre Del Pobre. Oh man, if he heard you call it a Spanish thing, I think he'd be very upset. Yeah, it started in the Basque region where there was a group of friends who had a bunch of shitty red wine and they decided to cut it with

Coca-Cola and it's been a big thing in Spain since the 70s. I kind of liked it, to be honest with you. I was, I mean, it went down the hatchet. It's called a Cali Moco. Cali Moco and some pornos and pizza pies and roasted joints playing the napkin game. That place is a shit show. I had walked in there and had the same experience you had, man.

Just crazy. They were great when we first moved here. They were delicious. They were the best pizza in town. I mean, the pizza was always pretty great, right? And the subs. Yeah. It was Chicken Parm Heroes.

Oh, the Chicken Parm Heroes. Fucking bananas. Yeah, it was definitely just clearly a management changeover from father to son, you know? Yeah. And that's what happens when you're just a party animal like he was. I just loved it.

Like, he had, like, you know, like his daughter's picture on the Coke machine, you know, and stuff like that. He's like, that's my daughter. I love her so much. There was also the weird bar that you couldn't actually go into. Junior & Sons. Junior & Sons right next to it, and I think he was always partying in there.

He was going there if you're women. I've been in there. Well, they're all Donnie Brasco leftovers. Yeah. Oh, okay. Legitimately. Because that's right down the street there. So, Jackie, you went into Junior & Sons. Oh, yeah. What was that like? I didn't pay for a damn thing. Went in with Madeline. We satimately. Yeah. Because that's like right down the street there. So, Jackie, you went into Junior and Sons.

Oh, yeah. What was that like? I didn't pay for a damn thing. Went in with Madeline. We sat at the bar. We're like, let's check out this bar. This looks like a bar no one ever goes to. We sat in and it was just like everyone looked over at us.

And then like the guy, the bartender, he's like, come, sit over here. And we're like, okay. We like sit up at the bar. And he's like, what do you want? And then just pours us wine. We're like, sure. Yeah. No, that sounds crazy. And he's like, what do you want? And then just pours us wine. We're like, sure. Yeah, no, that sounds great. He's like, put something on the jukebox.

We ripped it out so you don't have to put any money in it. And I was like, okay. So we just like put on some Seeger. And he was like, I like this. I'm more Sinatra guy. But maybe, is that a stereotype? Boys, is that a stereotype? And they all went, ha, ha, ha.

No, Johnny. No, Johnny. Oh, shit. One of them dropped their guns. Oh, shit, my fucking guns still work. Hey, has anyone seen my raviolis? We had a good time. They treated us like princesses. We didn't pay for a thing. That's amazing. And they didn't put you back you in a corner.

No, but it was in the afternoon. We got out of there once it started getting shady. Yeah. Oh, man, so I saw the Eagles last week in LA at Dodger Stadium. I went to the classic. Eagles, Steely Dan, the Doobie Brothers. Great fucking time. That sounds fun.

The Eagles were doing a Glenn Frey tribute. Out comes Bob Seger, sings Heartache Tonight. It was the most beautiful thing I ever saw. Oh, my God. Did you cry through it? I was very high. I would have cried. Heartache Tonight's more of a rocker, you know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. I think I've cried while having sex to heartache tonight. That's probably true. Yeah, I think so. That's rough. Man, I like how sweaty it is in here. Yeah, you dig it?

I'm into it. The sweat actually cools you down. I think I'm actually getting used to it. Yeah, you get used to it. Yeah, and it used to it. Yeah. And it's only good. It's going to be real. The podcast pilot's going to be real hot for about a month every year.

So we might as well just accept it. It's always hot. It's always been. Two and a half months. It's 92 out there, boys and girls. Man, I just came from beautiful LA, 70-something every day. Yeah, but it's a weird 70-something. Yeah, it is.

It doesn't feel right. It doesn't matter when you got a heated pool. That's it for segment four. I'm in that pool every day. It's time to make it up one more time. Because we already did a segment

before Ben left. If you had to give a male character in Street Fighter a blowjob, which one would you give it to? E. Honda. Wow, wasn't even mentioned. Interesting. E. Honda didn't even come up.

None of us even thought about E. Honda. Imagine he's so fat that his penis is so small and then he comes real fast. Okay. Yeah, but you're gonna have to reach for it, though. You're gonna have to look for it.

You're gonna have to touch him a little. Yeah, but it's in that nice little ice palace so it won't sweat too much. All right. Live a day. No one said Dhalsim, right? Because that could kill you ice palace, so it won't sweat too much. All right. Live a day. No one said dalsim, right? Because that could kill you.

See, I thought about dalsim. I thought about dalsim, and then I realized that he's Hindu, so it's probably going to be a lot of tantric stuff, and it's going to take forever. You saw what his arms and legs do. Yeah. It would extend way far. Yeah, that is true. But that actually might be good, because it would kind of go right down.

It would probably get all the way into your stomach Who guiled? Ben guiled I went for Ken because it would be the most normal one Where you'd just give it to him And he'd leave Rio or Blanca But those are my mains Blanca was my first Main man when I was playing back in the day

I play with Blanca all the time I would never blow him. I have to say thanks. You were my main guy. That's ridiculous. You'd electrocute. You'd laugh about it. It's a blow job.

You get out of there as fast as possible. I mean, I don't know. Maybe I want to stick around, you know? That's why we didn't pick Vega, because Vega would take forever. Yeah. He's all romantic about it. Super particular. He'd go on the other side of the fence.

Blow me through the fence. Who'd you pick, Jackie? I don't know. I don't play this game. You never played? Ball wrong. Give me it. We gave her ball wrong.

Ball wrong. He's a boxer. It sounds like ball wrong is the one I would choose. We gave her ball wrong. I don't know. I think you'd be a good Zangief lady. Zangief's gay. Zangief's gay?

Well, even better. Yeah, that's perfect for me. Yeah. But he's not going to enjoy it. You think Zangief's gay? Yeah, Zangief's gay. Zangief's gay. Well, even better. Yeah, that's perfect for me. But he's not going to enjoy it. Yeah, Zangief's gay. They never enjoy it. Really? Yeah.

How do you know that? It was a whole thing. What do you mean it was a whole thing? I feel like this second half of this podcast is just a complete redo of the first half of the podcast. I love it. But instead of with Kissel, it is with Ed. We've had the same conversation.

I got different opinions. That big fucker. You do have different opinions. I don't know. Take a look at that picture. Is Zangief gay? Oh, he's just relaxing. Oh, he's open-legged relaxing.

Oh, shit, it's a different, it's a Russian lifestyle. They don't wear as much clothes, you know? Zangief, I always like using Zangief as an adjective, you know, like, you know, for a big person. It's like, oh, I walked over here all Zangief-like. Get the Zangief. What's your new like for a big person it's like oh they walked over here all Zangief like. Get the Zangief. What's your new what's your new thing?

New segment? Yeah what Mortal Kombat member would be blown? What male Mortal Kombat figure would you give a blowjob to? Certainly not Johnny Cage that piece of shit.

Why not Johnny Cage? He's too popular he gets all the girls. Alright well obviously I'm going to go with Reptile for my own Obviously Of course

La la la la But Marcus What are you gonna go with I'm gonna go Liu Kang Okay Cause again Liu Kang's the most normal one With the bicycle kick

It's just You're gonna be In and out of there Yeah I would pick Shang Tsung Cause he could be Anyone I want him to be So at the end

He can be anyone That he wants to be I don't think he's not going to take your feelings into account. He might turn into Goro or something. How many dicks do you think Goro has? By the way, that's Jackie all the way, Goro. Yeah, you get Goro. He got a lot of dicks.

He's got six arms. He's got at least two dicks. Yeah, at least two dicks. I had a big thing for Shiva when I was a teenager because Mortal Kombat, what, three? She was in three, right? Katana was very awesome. Yeah, Mortal Kombat 3 came out right when I was jerking off

like three times a day. So Shiva made her way in there quite often. Man, you know Kano fucking reeks down there. Yeah, I know. He's brutal. Jackie just mystified by the whole situation. I don't know. Okay.

Maybe I should go down and smoke a cigarette. Well, there's Scorpion. There's Sub-Zero. I'm picking Raiden. Raiden. Yeah, that's going to be dangerous. And also, Raiden's a god, so there's a whole different set of rules there. I mean, I could get a good job blowing him.

Yeah. A god job? A god job. No, you get a job as like a cloud. Dem blowing him. Yeah. A god job? A god job. No, you get a job as like a cloud. Demi-god. Yeah, whatever he wants. Raiden.

Raiden, I think, yeah, I'm going Raiden. Okay. I'm going Raiden. Sonic the Hedgehog or Super Mario, you got to give a blowjob to one, Jackie. Sonic the Hedgehog. Okay, there you go. Really? Yeah.

They got little pointers on them. He's fast. Yeah, but he's fast. It'd be in and out, and then he'd just run right out the door and be like, Bye, never gonna see you again, bitch. And for her, it's Goro. Tails is cute. Tails is fun, but a boy. Tails the boy? Yes, Tails the child.

Sally, is Sally the female hedgehog? Tails is a girl. No, Tails is a boy. Tails is a boy, and you're disgusting me. And even if Tails was a girl, it'd still be a little girl. It'd just sound like the hedgehog's a little guy. It would still be a child head.

Yeah, child is what... Way over the line. What about Toad? Is Toad a child or is he just a little person? Toad's just a little person. And it's a whole race. The Toads are a race. I don't even know if they have penises, to be honest with you, because you've seen them with their little, like, they kind of wear little tighty-whities and you don't see any bulges or anything. Yeah, there's no bulge whatsoever.

I think he's a fun guy. You fuckers. That's good. That's good. I'll fill out on that. All right. Bye. Bye, you fucks.

So, is this the end? Yeah. I guess so, yeah. Do you have anything to say? Do you have anything to pump, other than your fucking loads out? It's one year today since my mom died oh

yeah so let's go ahead let's end it on that there you go Marcus hit the end button today's the year it's really depressing it's hard to deal with

I cried in the airport today yeah go ahead end it whenever you like for more shows like the one you just listened to