The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Episode 343: Pizza and Monsters

Episode Date: September 22, 2017

The gang learns about an under-qualified sign language interpreter, debate the phrasing of multiple bigfoots, and decide which monsters would be the best three-way partners.

The round table. Gentlemen, let's broaden our minds. Ladies and gentlemen, a little more watch. Fire at will. It's time for action, gentlemen. Gentlemen, what's the topic of discussion? Civility, gentlemen. Always civility.

Jackie, you civility. Jackie, you're praying. Oh, Jackie, you have to pray. Fuck, man. Don't hate it as much. Don't complain about it. Just fucking say words. Call it a prayer. It's your microphone.

Dear fucking Christ that doesn't exist or whatever, I hope you take care of my mom when she goes to Jerusalem to walk your path. Is she going to Jerusalem? She's going to Jerusalem to walk the path that Jesus took. Why does she have a bunch of breadcrumbs behind? I don't know. I don't know what

she's fucking doing. She's like, you should come with me. And I was like, to follow a path of, she's like, Jesus Christ exists. I was like,

I'm not getting into this conversation with you right now, Mom. Is she going to wear shoes? She has to. There's too many rocks. I would love to see the meal that your mother

would make Jesus Christ. Could you imagine that meal? Could you imagine the meal that she would make? I think that might be a segment right there. I think that's a good segment. And make sure she doesn't get mowed down by an AK. Love, Jackie. Oh, there it is.

Amen. Welcome to the round table. Jackie, you had four days with your parents. Wow. I didn't. Oh, you didn't? Just Henry? It was just Henry?

Wow. We already told the story. Can we tell the story about the, oh my God, what was it? Is it too personal? I don't know. Are you talking about the Chick-fil-A? Yes. Oh my goodness.

Well, now we know we won't want to get people in trouble here. That's some pretty big secrets right there. That's big secrets? I didn't even know about all this. Let's just say that some very intense secrets were aired quite loudly at a Chick-fil-A. Really? Like all the ingredients for the sauces.

Wow. I don't want to know what's all in that. They actually keep the vinegar, the chicken, in a little bit of vinegar. How do they give it that taste? Did not know that. My only thing about Chick-fil-A that I know is Marcus wanted it so bad after we toured for like

multiple days and we found out we were mine. Marcus was remembered. Remembered? Reminded that it was Sunday. Yeah, it was because it was closed in the airport. Yeah, because we were we were touring through and we came into an airport and I saw Chick-fil-A was like, God damn it. On the way back, we're going to get some of that motherfucker.

He was so happy. I was so happy. I was looking forward to it, and then I woke up Sunday morning and realized what day it was. Oh, yeah. The Lord. I didn't know that that was a thing. I guess good for them to actually stay into their principles. It's the only fast food restaurant that gives their employees a day off.

There you go. That's kind of nice. All right. I'd rather it be Monday than Sunday. Yeah. Well, they have to have some sort of justification. There you go. Monday, though, it's great. I get everything done now.

When a working person is away, I get to go out and hit the streets and do all my errands, all my chores. It's the Moo Moo Mondays. You put on a big dress and you just sit around and you fucking hit your belly against shit. Shit where you want. You put plastic everywhere. You shit wherever.

And then you screw the shit. Yeah. What? You fuck your shit? I don't know if that's... You get your old bing bong big and hard and you put it on and that's fucking poopy. I don't know. Eddie's been out in the sun a little bit too long.

I'm dirtier than I want to be. I retract that. I retract my last day. Wow. First shame. Now, let's say something nice. Something nice? Yeah, something pleasant.

Flowers can be yellow or they can be blue. It depends on the flower's thoughts. And it depends. Is that right? That is a nice statement. Is that nice? I don't know. That's very nice.

Sometimes they spray paint them. It's giving flowers agency. They do whatever the fuck they want. How you doing, Eddie? I'm doing good. You're on your farewell tour. I'm on my farewell tour. How's the farewell tour going?

Farewell tour is going all right. Just got back from the Museum of the Moving Image for the second time. That was pretty cool. What did you see there? The big Muffet exhibit. The first time I went, I was just in and out, so I wanted to go back. I realized I'd get them for free because I'm SAG. Oh.

Yeah, so if you're SAG, you get in for free. Look at that. I could get in for free, too. I SAG, too. Yeah, no, get in, dude. I SAG, too. Me SAG, too. You could bring a friend for free, so markers could come.

Yeah. Oh, okay, yeah. So that's how I get in. I'm not actually SAG. Great date for you and the lady. Yeah, I'm going to get so much pussy if I do that. Yeah, man, you get stoned as fuck, and then you go play with the puppets and shit.

You can make your own puppet movies. It's a lot of fun. Hell yeah. Yeah, and then they have a movie theater that just plays The Muppet Show over and over, all the episodes. It just runs through. It's unbelievable.

I love it. I watched the Lena Horne episode. The Elton John episode's really good. They're all good. All good. Well, there's some stinkers in there. As long as you're not forced to watch it with a wire keeping your eyes open for 24 hours or something. No, but they have some Clockwork Orange stuff in there, too.

They also had De Niro's boxing gloves from Raging Bull. Jake LaMotta died today. What happened? We just got a bunch of information all at once. I thought he was dead 95 years old. No way. That grouchy bastard held on until 95. So he had boxer brain for like 50 years.

Yeah. Oh, my goodness. I can't even. What's the speech in Raging Bull? What's the speech? It's actually the Brando speech from On the Waterfront. I could have been somebody. I could have been a contender.

You know, that shit. So good. But he was a contender. Jake LaMotta? Yeah, he on the waterfront. I could have been somebody. I could have been a contender. You know, that shit. So good. But he was a contender. Jake LaMotta, yeah, he won the championship once. Wow. You never knocked me down. Yeah, Ray.

You never knocked me down, Ray. You never knocked me down. I love that shit. Just pouring down his fucking head. Yeah. That one, it just lays into him. Yeah. And this is the steepest.

Scorsese's the best. Scorsese's the best. Every boxing match made to look and feel completely different. There's the one where they had open flames underneath the camera to give it a smoky feel because it was the bowels of hell. Man, let's watch Raging Bull right now. Let's watch Raging Bull. I'd have it at the house.

I'd watch that shit. Hell yeah. Good barbecue. And other Jekyll Laws. Yeah. He's, you know, a bad person that we all love. Apparently Scorsese very particular about his Kleenex. He has a closet full of Kleenex.

I'll tell you what, though. You get the ones with the aloe in it. They're a lot nicer than the other ones. It has to be off-white Kleenex in a white box. Is he on the paper or does he do a rag? I'm not quite sure. No, no, it's paper. He would seem like a rag kind of guy. No, it's paper. It's paper. He would seem like a rag kind of guy.

No, it's paper. It's paper, yeah. I feel like you get the rag once you start coughing up blood like Levon did. Oh, yeah. You gotta have a blood rag. Well, it's gotta be thick. You throw all that paper. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, the old snot rag, huh? We don't see that enough. I guess, do we see it enough? My grandfather had a snot rag. Yeah. A handkerchief that you take home and you wash. Yeah, he had a handkerchief. Yeah, he'd just constantly be fucking disgusting.

He'd keep it in his pocket all the time. What do you do? One thing you know about that handkerchief is that no one else wants it. No one wants it. Nobody wants it. You have to hide that under the mattress. Absolutely. Do you carry your snots around for a while?

No. Or do you just throw it when you have like a... You throw it, you throw it. Put it in the hand, wash it in the sink. No, you don. Put it in the hand, wash it in the sink. No, you don't put it in your hand and wash it in the sink. One in the hand. Depends on if you're home or not. Yeah, depends on if you're home.

And if you're beaten off, forget about it. Oh, yeah. It's just a whole mess in there. Dick snots. I don't even. Yeah. We have a whole room in the house now for me. A little tiny room.

I sneeze in my hand and get snot all over me on the train a lot. Oh, yeah. The worst thing, you got to take it all the way home. It's like having bird poop in your head. Oh, no. I mean, this is going to be nasty. I'll put that shit in my pocket. What?

Yeah. Okay. You wash your pants. See, I'll rub it on the pole or something. No, rub it on the pole. That's evil. Rub it on the pole. Well, there's a series of different things that people do.

You know, we're all animals. Tell your children sick. Jackie, how do you feel? I use tissues until they're crusty Yeah I'll just like keep reusing them No I use the same one I'll flip it over

My pockets are filled yeah with tissues I'm awful with that tissue You can't flip it over There's no other side to the Kleenex There's other parts of it though There's other parts of it Conservation Ben the world's gonna end Oh my god Kleenex are not the problem

They're biodegradable Use that fucking tissue twice No but the Kleenex are not the issue You can't put the Kleenex in the toilet They don't break up Kleenex are not the problem. They're biodegradable. Use that fucking tissue twice. No, but the Kleenex are not the issue. You can't put the Kleenex in the toilet. They don't break up. Kleenex do break up. They're biodegradable. No, no, no.

Toilet tissue breaks up. Oh, Kleenex and toilet tissue are 99.9% the exact same. No, they're not. TP turns into a liquid. It does. TP degrades into a liquid. My science teacher showed me. We talked about the shit birds on here a month ago or years ago.

The science teacher showed us in the class. How did she do that? She put the TP in the glass of water and then taught the class and at the end it was just this

milky white substance. Milky white. You, yeah, you actually should not break that. You shouldn't, like paper towels,

definitely not. Yeah. And facial tissues, absolutely not. You have to buy special flushable wipes. Why not just make everything flushable then? No. You can't because it would all fall apart.

I want my paper towel to not be a bunch of mush when I'm trying to fucking mop up some shit. Yeah, I understand that. And you definitely don't flush your tampons. No. Why not? You keep them in a shoebox. There's a shitberg in London. Yeah, you keep them for months.

Oh, I see. That's healthy. The shitberg underneath London or whatever. It's here. Oh, it's here? Yeah. It's a massive, in the pipes under the city. We talked about it on our roundtable years ago.

Yeah, we talked about it. It's disgusting. And it's all those things. All the wipes. Yeah, the wipes. It feels good on their butts. Oh, my. It was disgusting. And it's all those all the wipes. Yeah. It feels good on their butt. Oh, my. It was in London, actually. It was a 15 ton fatberg. Fatberg.

Fatberg. And it's all the tampons and the fat from all your shit. Yeah. It all collects, congeals in this big fucking impossible thing to break down. Took sanitation workers three weeks dismantling it with high pressure hoses. What a job.

What a job. Right? We're going to recycle here, ladies and gentlemen. My goodness. Conservation is key to the future. Are there images? Don't have kids. Or do it.

Kids are fine. Kids are great. They're going to watch the end. They're not going to. Every generation thinks it's all going to end with them. It's a part of it. It's not going to end with us. We're not part of it. It's not going to end with us. We're not going to see it.

The kids are going to see it. They all say that. They all say it. And this time it's going to happen. Honestly, I've been thinking a lot about it. The next big job 20 years from now, mark my words, retrieving plastic from the ocean,

recycling it, making it. It'll be fine. There's going to be a whole new job. You think that's going to be a good job? Oh, bank money, man. It's going to be easy to get all that plastic out of the ocean, recycling it, making it. It'll be fine. There's going to be a whole new job. You think that's going to be a good job? Oh, bank money, man. It's going to be easy to get all that plastic out of the ocean because there won't be any of those nasty fish in the way. Oh, that's a good point.

No, that'll be a big paying job because it'll be manual labor and a little bit dangerous. But yeah, that will be a good possession. Super dangerous. Yeah, there was that plastic island that's the size of Texas. Well, did you see that whale they made? They took, I think it's all the plastic that's thrown away every 90 seconds. They made a whole whale size of Texas. Well, did you see that whale they made? They took, I think it's all the plastic that's thrown away every 90 seconds. They made a whole

whale out of it. Anyway, we got to watch our plastic consumption as I used already four plastic bottles today. I watched this video of a sea turtle getting a full-size straw getting pulled out of its nose and it was just screaming. Sad. You know who's really winning?

The, uh, not the Jews. Well, yes. Everyone wins. Bacteria. Not bacteria. Bacteria is doing fine. Jews? No. God damn it. No. That is untrue. The shellfish.

They got a lot of homes there. Actually, no. They're doing pretty bad. They're doing bad. I read a story last week that a bunch of oysters are coming up with herpes. What? there. Actually, no. They're doing pretty bad. They're doing bad. I read a story last week that a bunch of oysters are coming up with herpes. What? Yeah. That's cool.

It's killing them. It's killing them. Yeah, because the oysters get you horny. Oysters can get herpes? Yeah, because they're so horny. So if you eat an oyster that has a herpes,

can you get a herpes? In which case, do you get that herpes and then you tell your girlfriend or boyfriend or wife or husband that that's how you got it? There's no way they're going to believe you.

Horny seabuggers, we call them. Oh, my goodness. I hate big oysters, by the way. Big oysters. Yeah. The deadly herpes virus, Austrian herpes virus 1, or OSHV1, is threatening Pacific oysters, the world's most popular and valuable oyster species. Can you get herpes from an oyster?

I don't think you can get herpes. But they can get it from us. It's oysterized herpes. Oh, I see. Wow. It's oyster-specific herpes. Wow, I didn't know there was animal-specific herpes for the world around. I didn't know that either. So we can kiss these oysters and not get herpes. I'm not sure. No, I mean, I wouldn't eat

one. I wouldn't eat it. I wouldn't do it. Jackie, you're going to tempt that fate? I'm not an oyster fan, so it doesn't really matter to me. I'm not either. Come on. You're doing a bunch of coke. You're up late one night. The oyster's like, hey, let's, you know, I told you about the thing, you know.

That's how I got oral heartbeats. Exactly. What are you going to do? Doing a bunch of coke and eating oysters? Yeah. No, no, no. Doing a bunch of coke and, you know, the girl's like, oh, I'm just getting over a cold sore and I'm doing a lot of coke.

So I'm like, I don't worry about it. Right. It's all good. We went over that too. We went over that, too. We went over that. Oh, that's been over. Holdenators, ho! Hold on.

I didn't even say hi yet. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter, Eddie. Ed Larson's here. Did Eddie say hi? How you doing, everybody? What's going on? Nice to see everybody.

Wow. All right. Wow. Look at that. Holdenators, ho! Welcome to the Big Boy Show. It's time for your PlayStation Networks. Did you hear or do you know? I'm sorry. Welcome to the Big Boy Show. It's time for your PlayStation Networks.

Did you hear or do you know? I'm sorry. I didn't fucking mean it. Now it's the first PlayStation Network shout out of the day. Ben, how excited for the first one? I'm excited. How many did you get today, Marcus? Five. Five?

Yeah, you're getting way too cocky. I put eight. You are getting so cocky. You're getting way too cocky. Your cockiness has lost you three shout outs. I'm better than anyone in this room at baseball. I'm better than you. I'm better than you.

I'll catch him. I'll hit him better. You might be better than me, actually. I'll hit him better. I'm pretty good at baseball. I can run the bases. Let's play some fucking baseball. Jackie, you have baseball bodies.

I got a huge strike zone. Six foot seven for crying out loud. Yeah, they don't make them that tall. No, never. Big strike zone on you. Exactly. Good for pitching though, but I got a bad rotator cuff. There you go. There you go. The base rod says

Holden, that is hold! LPN is the best podcast network ever. Much love to everyone from Guam. Wow. Guam, honestly. We're watching out for your Guam. We're not going to let Kim Jong-un and the North Koreans wipe you off the face of the planet. Absolutely not.

Ben Kissel, as borough president, his first course of action. I'm taking on the North Koreans. Now is that bubble Guam or chewing Guam? Oh, right. Get out of here, Ed. Eddie, you have lost your privileges for 14 seconds. You can't talk for 14 seconds.

Bird Luger, come over and we'll get you a threesome. Jackie, I want to motorboat your brain curves. Ed, you sound like you have the perfect amount of body hair. Marcus, you can have my bones when I die. Thank you. Holden, congrats on the engagement. And ask Ben if I can go to a WrestleMania party. If I'm ever in New York, I'll bring

$100 of Papa John's and Taco Bell. Love y'all. Hopefully NK doesn't nuke Guam before I hear this. Rod from Guam. There it is. And Rob from Guam. Yeah, you are invited. As a matter of fact, Sunday, there's another WWE pay-per-view.

You're welcome. I have been asking people to come over to my house. Should we give the address? No. You know the address. I'll give Rob the address if he is in town, but he's not in town. He's in Guam. But yes, come over Sunday.

I've never been invited. What's the name of the pay-per-view? I forget the name of it. I have no idea. There's a pay-per-view every three weeks. Every month, Marcus. It feels like it's every month. Linda from HR says, RE, which is like regards at the beginning of an email.

Roundtable. It's not RHR, is it? RE Roundtable. Jackie is better than all of you. That's all it says. Linda from HR. Well, that's true. Okay, so there we go.

We got a truth bomb coming through, Jackie. Do we have an HR department? I don't know. We should. I feel like we could have a- We don't have any parties for, you know, we need little luncheon parties and stuff. I'll work in HR. Yeah.

I'll do HR work. Yeah. I'll do HR work. Yeah. You can be head of HR in our LA office. Oh, that's a great idea. Oh, man. Make sure Henry's not bossing everyone around too much. Yeah, you better get a big HR department. I just thought of this since you did put a post out about hiring a paid intern.

Can we please do like a group interview with this fucking poor- It's difficult enough having Henry in for this interview process. I'm sweating bullets over here. We're already doing four people on this interview. It's me, Ben, Henry, Travis, and we're also going to Skype in Henry, so they're going to do an interview with like this large

overlord on a television. Marcus will be able to turn down that microphone if he starts going in and discussing things. Can we get a Jew? What is your obsession today? This is why you're a Jew. You can't even ask that question, Eddie. Can we get one?

They won't work for free. I will say this. Most of the people we are interviewing are all named Rachel, so maybe. Oh, that's good. But you can't ask that question in a job interview. That's why I'm asking it here. Ask if they're celebrating

or Shoshanna this week. I'm going to die. Isaac Blevins says, Holdenators, oh, love the round table, but I'm putting a curse on shout outs. For every shout out read, Holden O's been $5 BK for BK. Let's do eight. Let's do eight.

Let's do eight shoutouts today. Marcus, you're always taking money away from me. $25 towards the campaign today. There we go. Thank you. A Hall 77 says, oh, hey, guys. Just wanted to let y'all know that your shows consistently make my shitty, soul-crushing, mind-numbing workday a little brighter.

Love you all. Thank you very much. Cubex Group 7 says, Holdenators, oh, Jackie. Hope you like the Dream Daddy poster. He's the one who got you that. I fucking love it. He got the Jabs to sign a Dream Daddy poster to Jackie. You know anything about our fucking lives, Kissel? I don't know about your video game, like

really bizarre, like, D-side to your life right now where you're playing video games and he's drunk on camera. It just seems like you're cutting out a whole quotient or whatever you want to call it, of the community. You're busting up your numbers, Ben. I'm not busting up the numbers. You have to love everything now.

I support everyone in doing everything. Ben, you're so good at getting drunk, too. Yeah, but not playing video games. Come over and get drunk with us and help me fuck daddies. Sometimes I get drunk and just linger in the background and then come in and it's like, yeah, these guys suck and I leave and it's fun. Yeah, that's it.

Good lord. And that's it. Good lord. And that's five. All right. Oh, I'm not done with the fifth one yet though. Oh, Kevin.

Oh, watch out. He might bleed into a sixth one. Let's listen. I might bleed in. Kevin, you've got the best delivery

I've ever heard in comedy, which is the worst delivery of a shout out I've ever done. Ed, your positivity is infectious. Marcus, the amount of work you've ever done. Ed, your positivity is infectious. Marcus, the amount of work you do is inspirational.

Ben, crush those weak politicians and show them what's what. Holden, remember when we played Broforce on your stream and I had to carry you for most of it? That was embarrassing. Thank you. That's been your PlayStation Network shout-out. That was a good shout-out. Okay, well, there we go.

We got a bunch of shout outs there. Good job, Holden. You're welcome. And now we begin the show. Now we begin it. You don't think the show has been happening? Now the show may commence. Welcome to the Roundtable of Gentlemen.

I'm Ben Kissel, your hostess with the mostess. Boing, boing, boing. What does that sound mean? Oh, no, it's time for big cock hour. My name's Rod, and I got one longer than your whole fucking brain. Oh, I see. It's not just a clever name. That's what it's about.

No, it's banging up my knees. Okay. I thought it might be about chicken fighting or something. No, no, no. I'm wearing this big skirt, and my dick's hitting my knees. No, that'll happen. I'm wearing this big skirt and my dick's hitting my knees. No, that'll happen. That'll happen. And I got a load sharper than your fucking...

Your name is what? Yeah. Big Chuck. Big Chuck. And I'll shoot a load, cover a woman, make her look like a ghost. It's like a javelin.

It's how Chuck shoots the gavelin. I see. And it would be a sheet of white that would cover the woman to make her look like one of those ghosts. Cluck's clan. If you want to hear more of these highly intellectual, extremely creative borderline outbursts, September 29th, the Pitt Murderfish Show, 11 p.m.

Check it out. Please come. Dolphins, dolphins, dolphins, dolphins, dolphins. By the way, they're undefeated, by the way. They're doing great. I're playing on the first. They're undefeated, by the way. Yes. They're doing great. This past Sunday. I'm playing a game on Sunday. I might get on the field.

Yeah. They'll suit you up, too, because they're so damn bad. We went to the game on Sunday. We went to American Whiskey. The great sports bar. 30th between 8th and 9th right there in Manhattan. I went to the wrong time, and I got really drunk. Yes.

You were there at 1 p.m. I went to 1. They played at 4. It was an accident. It did become quite. It was controversial when I walked in. Yeah. He and Chris. Thank God They played at four. It was an accident. It did become quite... It was controversial when I walked in. Yeah. He and Chris...

Thank God they started at four. I asked Ben to come watch the game with me at one, and he showed up at 320. It's the Dolphins. But they won because the opposing team missed a very easy field goal. Two field goals. But the Dolphins, you would have thought that they just did the most unbelievable feat of athleticism. We haven't been undefeated in a while. You're 1-0. We're undefeated. Yeah. Dolphins, you would have thought that they just did, like, the most unbelievable feat of athleticism.

We haven't been undefeated in a while. You're 1-0. We're undefeated. Yeah. Hey, you know who else is undefeated? Fucking Texas Tech. Texas Tech. Now, that was a good game.

We're doing football hours. Saturday, the Saturday before, Texas Tech, 54-48 was that game decided? Yeah, yeah, I think it was 54-48. Unbelievable. It was amazing. Whole round table crew came out. We all watched Texas Tech. Red Raiders, get your guns up. Fucking guns got got up.

They did get got up indeed. So fucking great. Oh, man, I love Texas Tech. It's good again, at least for now. They're 1-0. They're undefeated, Marcus. 2-0. That's truly undefeated.

Yeah, yeah. That's truly undefeated. Yes. But you'll be 2-0. You're playing the Jets on Sunday. We're playing the stinky, dirty fucker Jets. It'll be funated. Yeah, yeah. That's truly undefeated? Yes. But you'll be 2-0. You're playing the Jets on Sunday. We're playing the stinky, dirty fucker Jets. It'll be fun. All right, please.

And then we're playing the Saints in London at 9.30. I got to get up at 9.30 in the morning to watch a fucking game. I'm so mad about it. Oh, Eddie, that'll just be traumatizing to roll out of bed and then have to roll onto a couch and get drunk by 10. Well, I know. I got to go to a bar in order to get one. Why?

It's only playing at one place in the city. What? It's not going to one place in the city. What? It's not going to be on TV. It'll be on TV. No, and it's just a man with little puppets and he's just going to show what the people are doing. He recreates them.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like watching that little screen on ESPN except it's puppets now. Oh, not ESPN. My name is Gigantic Dick Phil. I'm here to give you my fucking balls. Why do they call you that, Phil? Because I got a big asshole.

Oh, I see. It takes a gigantic dick to fill it. Oh, I see. Keep it classy. Ten years in. That was the best alley-oop. It was just like, I just tossed the ball

just with a flick of a finger and Ed just fucking was like, I'll piss on it and just fucking shot him. Uh-huh. You almost forget we're all nearly 40, huh? Look at that. Isn't that wild? My birthday's in a couple weeks.

Happy birthday. I'm going to be 36. No kidding, huh? Wow. Powerful. Powerful. Are you the oldest among us? No, I am.

But he's turning 36. You're 36. Oh, yeah, that's right. Oh, yeah, rhymes with dirty dicks. It does. You know what he says turning 36. I'm 36. Oh, yeah, that's right. It rhymes with dirty dicks. It does. You know what he says. Please clean my dick. Please.

My fucking penis. It's so dirty. My penis gets covered in scratches. And the rocks are all on it. And the dust. I got 9-11 dust on my dick. I got the falafel cut. And I ordered the falafel.

And I drop it on my dick. I got the falafel cut and I ordered the falafel and I drop it on my head. And the sauce somehow. Oh, it's spicy. Fucking penis itches. It is just, you know, how did Murder Fist get every TV tale that was ever presented in front of it? I love Big Cock Hour. I'm really enjoying it. It's fun.

All right. Okay, Marcus, we better do a story now. We got a story. What kind of story? It's a news story. That's good. A real news story. Officials in Manatee County, Florida, are under fire after an interpreter for the deaf

warned about pizza and monsters during an emergency briefing related to hurricane irma was this on purpose or on accident because it's actually i took sign language uh for my foreign language in college and it's tough the interpreter marshall green a lifeguard for the county has a brother who is deaf according to the daily moth a video news site that provides information via american Sign Language. Green was used as the interpreter for a September 8th press conference regarding the incoming storm and possible evacuations. Members of the deaf community said Green's mostly signed gibberish, referencing pizza, monsters, and using the phrase,

help you at that time to use bear big. Dude, this happens all the time. How exciting is that to think about pizza and monsters when discussing Hurricane Irma? Well, a flying manatee is kind of like a monster that turns into pizza when it hits something. Oh, that's true. Do you remember that? It was at Nelson Mandela's funeral, the fake hand signalist interpreter. Remember that?

Yeah, didn't know what he was doing. Didn't know what he was doing. Totally made it up. and he was on stage with some of the most powerful world leaders of the time. Obama was there. What's the story here? Is this really a guy that just faked his way into getting the job? Totally faked it. Jerry, you could do sign language, right?

Yeah. Sure. Well, his brother was deaf and he was like, yeah, you know, I can do, I guess I can do sign language because usually this county usually this county uses interpreters from Viscom, which is a professional sign language interpreting service. And Viscom owner, Charlene McCarthy, told local media she was not contacted. So pretty much they didn't want to pay the company.

So some guys say, hey, my brother's deaf. I could probably do it. Well, look at that there. Subtitles are also helpful, I think. I mean, they also probably didn't want to send them down during a hurricane, scared they're going to lose these interpreters. Oh, maybe. You know, with these new TVs, you can paint them on the wall and stuff. I wouldn't be surprised if you could do a Braille type thing with the TV raising out

and stuff. That'd be kind of fun. What, you just touch the television? Yeah, why not? Like poltergeist. You can be really cool. Like an iPad kind of thing. Yeah, like an iPad type thing.

So TV for the blind is what you're pitching. A liquid screen is what I'm talking about, Marcus. Those exist, don't they? Liquid TV screens? Yeah. That you can just, what, spray on the wall out of a bottle? You can paint on TV screens right now. Can you now?

Yes, you can already do that. Yeah. That'll be awesome. How does that, that doesn't make any sense to me. I have no idea how it works, but it does work. There's this new one too too, where you just... Do you need a projector? No.

Well, you might. No. That's just paint, then. Yeah. No, but no. You don't need a projector, I don't believe. But if it's a black wall, white paint... But where do wires at?

That's a good question, Jackie. Wireless. The feature's wireless. I heard that. Absolutely. All right. I don't have a remote control. I still stand up to change the volume and the channel. It must take forever. Yeah. It's hard to get there. Yeah. Absolutely. All right. I don't have a remote control. I still stand up to change the volume and the channel.

That must take forever. Yeah. It's hard to get there. Yep. Yep. I do vocal commands. Oh, yeah? Television on.

Television on. Change channel. Change channel. Change it to two. Not three. Two, four, eight. So on. There it is.

Tape it. The most annoyed television in Queens. I hate this channel. Change it. So the interpreter, is this guy in any trouble? I mean, they hired him. No, he's not. I mean, he didn't do anything wrong, really.

I mean, I'm watching the video right now that actually interprets the words that he was, you know, what he was actually saying in ASL. It starts with hope remain heavy. Okay. Oh, he's close. Yeah, that's kind of close. Who low settle? And then if you're settling low, be careful.

Want flood. Nice. Water for flood. RPP stay. Want? What? You need need bed that's true pizza want you are yes need be bear monster oh watch out always shelters open always thank god there's a bear monster on the loose son's gotta stop that hurricane i loved i wish that this was real i wish that that was the reality that we're actually fighting bear monsters and everyone was tired and needed a bed

yeah bear monsters instead of the the hurricane and all of the devastation yeah and the new hurricane that's devastating everybody oh my gosh we mentioned this on abling and stop pad everyone's forgetting about texas we're with you, Texas. Everyone forgets about these media. They pick up and they leave. Two earthquakes in Mexico. 200.2. 225 dead. Oh, my goodness.

I think it's more than that. I think they're in the triple digits now. Oh, Jesus. Last I saw, it was 100 and something. Oh, no. 225 is what I said. Oh, 225. Yes, yes, yes.

We got Texas. We got Florida. We got Mexico. We got Puerto Rico. Puerto Rico's getting hit hard. St. Thomas, all those places. Yeah, whole damn island is out of power right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Things are getting bad. This is serious talk right here. I hate all these earthquakes. Round table of gentlemen, I hate it all. I like the big dish there. Oh, my goodness, yeah. I mean, LA just had a small 3.2, didn't they? Yeah, right where I'm moving.

Don't say that. Well, you know what, Eddie? I wouldn't be surprised if L.A. falls into the ocean, as Warren Zevon talks about. I'm a floater. You're going to stand. It'll be you and Warren Zevon standing. Of course, Warren has passed away.

He'll be fine right here in New York City. Ain't that right, boys? Nothing bad happens in New York City. Nothing bad at all. I guess the Lord must be in New York City. That bad at all. I guess the Lord must be in New York City. That's right. Have fun with the earthquakes. There it is.

No, you will not be. But yes, we're with you there, everyone in those devastation. You're going to be fine, Jackie. I would die. I would immediately kill myself. You're going to kill yourself? Yeah, I was going to make a mess. What?

No, but that's not how it works. The crowd starts shaking. Just pick someone up. She's like, ah, ah, ah. That's not how you survive an earthquake. No, I can't survive anything. I'm weak. I have no real skills.

You're not weak. What are you talking about? What am I going to laugh at it? You can boss people around. Literally, the Zebrowskis and the Larsens are built for earthquakes. You don't fall over. I've never seen either of you fall over. I'm pretty good.

And if I do fall over, I just fall right asleep. Yep. That's true. Peaceful death. My thoughts are with the people of Pennsylvania. That's such a garbage state. They wish a hurricane would come through. Give me an excuse to get the hell out of there. I agree with that, actually.

We'll be in Pennsylvania on Saturday. It'll be very fun. Pittsburgh? Is Pennsylvania a landlocked state? Oh, yes. Locked in a shitty fucking situation. Saturday. It'll be very fun. Pittsburgh? Is Pennsylvania a landlocked state? Yes. Oh, yes. Locked in a shitty fucking situation. Pittsburgh's got a bunch of fucker rivers. Great people there. Salt of the earth.

It's pretty. Yeah, Pittsburgh? Never been. I'm excited to go see. No, you'll like Pittsburgh. You're going to Permani Brothers, right? Permani Brothers? Permani Brothers? I have no idea what that is. Oh my god, some fucking good ass sandwiches. I went there for two days, I went three times.

Really? It's fucking good. That's a lot of times to go there, Ed. Talk to Cena, he'll let you know where Permani's is. Cena John. Hot sandwiches?

It's kind of like a hot sandwich and they put fries in it. It's fucking good. Wow, alright, Cena John. And the chicken wings there are really good too,

at Permani Brothers. There it is. That cheesesteak place we kept going back to in Philly. We went there like- Gyms. We went there three times, I think, when we were there for a couple days. Yes.

Yeah, we went twice. Twice. Well, this is more of a conversation about your horrible diet, I think, but that's good. I go and eat the sandwiches in the places I go to. Sandwiches of the world. You should do a book. You should have a travel book. I went to a Chicago place. What was it do a book. You should have a travel book.

What is it called? Al's Beefs. Oh, big Al's. Yeah. God, that place. Al's Beefs. Al's Italian sandwiches. I could never do Chicago with these people again. Jackie and Leonette.

I felt like I was going to die. I thought I was going to die the whole time. We would literally go to a place, eat, just gorge ourselves. Start sweating out. Yeah. And then I couldn't move for three, four hours. I'd go back to the hotel, lay in bed for four hours until it was time to go to the next

place. Deep dish pizza. Deep dish pizza, these sandwiches. It was literally eat, feel horrible, go back to the hotel because you couldn't move. The hot dogs were so good. And then, yeah, and just repeat the cycle over and over again. I was either in the bathroom, laying in bed, or eating something disgusting. That was the whole Chicago bathroom, laying in bed, or eating something disgusting.

That was the whole Chicago experience. We did some shows in there. We did some more shows. Farting up the whole place. All the other sketch teams were very upset with us because we'd just walk in and we'd just be farting and shit. We were so disgusting. Like, we just reeked of disgusting food and booze.

And shit. Yeah. We were farting the entire time. The audience liked it. Shitting and farting all up in the green room. And there's 12 of you. How many people per hotel room?

I always get my own bed. I always get my own bed. I usually get my own bed because I snore so loud. Yeah. It's awful. So nobody wants to be around me, which is nice.

But they're all in the same room, so you're still keeping them awake No but I go to a different room I have my own room I'm pretty sure Or I have one person in my room Yeah I never want to be In the Eddie room

Just in case I never want you in my room Never We know that We agree on that Last thing I want to see When I wake up Yeah

Ah Morning to ya Saturday September 29th Isn't it Saturday Friday Friday night September 29th 11pm The it Saturday? Friday. Friday night. September 29th, 11 p.m.

The Pit. Go check out Murder First. Please come check us out. That's it. So the guy is fine. He's fine. Everyone's okay. Everyone's okay.

People with sign language understood that this guy didn't know what he was doing. They got it. Yeah. The hurricane's coming. You can still see the graft of a hurricane. Yeah, you know it's going to be bad. You know what's going on. You can always turn on the weather channel and just turn on the closed captioning, or

many of them read lips. Now, if she was blind and being told lies, that's much different. Especially talking about the bear monsters. That would be terrifying. Bear monsters? What are you fucking talking about? Are they in the room? Are they coming after me right now?

Hmm. We got another story. We could do another story. Oat, oat. The nation's endless search for proof of Bigfoot's existence may soon come to an end. Wow. Everyone's going to finally give up? That's the bear monster. A North Carolina-based wife and mother has home-brewed a spray that she says can attract any Bigfoot within a mile and a half. Really?

Sold at $7 a bottle, the environmentally friendly Bigfoot juice also doubles as a bug spray, said creator Allie Megan Webb, who runs Happy Body Care out of Marion, right outside of Charlotte. This is a brilliant marketing ploy for a bug spray company. She said,

how do you know it works? I guess I could ask you, how do you know it works? I guess I could ask you, how do you know it doesn't work? This rocks my blood. Stop. You're telling me there's Bigfoot smell. It's going to attract Bigfoot, but they're going to keep bugs away. If Bigfoot does exist, it's covered in bugs.

You know he's definitely covered in bugs. But if Bigfoot comes, then that just means that the bugs are going to hop off Bigfoot before exist, it's covered in bugs. You know he's definitely covered in bugs. Oh, who knows? If Bigfoot comes, then that just means that the bugs are going to hop off Bigfoot before he gets there. So, in fact, Bigfoot's probably going to thank you because he's not covered in bugs anymore. That's possible. Grab a cup of cold beers. Yeah, sure. Why not?

I'd shave him. You'd shave him? You'd shave a Bigfoot. So he just looks like Ben? Yeah. Louie Anderson. Louie Anderson. Louie Anderson. Louie Anderson.

Why Louie Anderson? Oh, my God. Louie Anderson's a shaved Bigfoot? It's possible. Louie Anderson. It's possible. Is that tall enough? Isn't he pretty short?

I don't think the Bigfeet have to be that tall. They just have to... What do you think the going rate is for a Bigfoot? Six-five. Six-five. Not that tall. By the way, I never thought... On the low end. I never thought about the plural of Bigfoot. Six-five. Six-five. Not that tall. By the way, on the low end.

I never thought about the plural of Bigfoot being Bigfeet. Well, that's actually extremely controversial. It's Bigfoots. It's Bigfoots, right? Yeah, it's Bigfeet.

It's out of doubt Bigfoots. Well, I think Bigfeet is more appropriate. No, Bigfeet is absolutely not more appropriate. What do you call a school of fish? Species.

Bigfoot? Or is there a bunch of Bigfoots? It could be like moose, you know? That's good. You could also say a group of Bigfoot. Yeah, it's like a moose and a shit ton of moose. That's a third option there. Yeah, there's a lot of options. What are you laughing about?

I missed it. Fishes. You don't call a group of fish fishes. I would like to start though. Yeah. Oh, look at all that fishes. I think I'm sure someone says it like that. It just sounds like you're shitting in the fucking water. Well, sadly, yeah.

Is it fishes? Or it's a bunch of fish? It's always fish. It's just fish. Look at all that fish. You could be looking at a fish and that's a fish or you can be looking at a bunch of fish and it's a bunch of fish. 5'7". Tiny guy. Average. No. 5'10 is average. No, is it? Yes, 5'10 is the average. Average. No, 5'10 is average.

No, is it? Yes, 5'10 is the average height for men. In this country, it might even be a little bit higher. I don't know about that. It is 5'10". I think it's 5'9". I'm going to go 5'8". Oh, it's 5'10".

Without a doubt. It'll be bad in here. Stick with America, though. Marcus, how's Google? 5'10". 5'10". I know height. Wait, wait. 5'10". 5'10". I know height. Wait, wait.

5'10 for a big foot? No, for every average American man. Oh. And 5'6", I believe, for the woman. Yes, you're a tall guy. You're a tall guy. There you go. You got that going for you.

Got that going. Yep, there it is. There it is. It's all coming together now. All coming back to me. All coming back to me. All coming back. Why do we stop singing right at that point?

I don't know anymore. I don't know how to keep going. All coming back to me. There were moments of gold and there were flashes of light. There were things I'd never do again, but then they always seemed right. Big Dick Charles. I'm not going to keep going. Hey, how you doing?

Does anyone need to borrow my dick belt? Yeah, I can use a dick belt to keep my fucking rod hard. All right, let me see what I can do for you. Big cock hour, you see. Oh, is it still on? I taught it how to tie my shoes. Oh, well, look at that. That's useful, I suppose.

I taught mine how to sell fucking car insurance. Yeah, mine's a big butt Q-tip. Hey, you want to buy some fucking car insurance? I'll fucking piss on you. Absolutely, you one-eyed piece of shit. Oh, my goodness. Tallest country in the world, Bosnia and Herzegovina. No kidding.

Herzegovina, yeah. What's the murder rate? Six and a half inches average. Wow. What is the murder rate in Bosnia? I need a big dick belt to match my big dick bolo tie. That's the biggest dick country? Yeah, you're a murderer.

No, that's the biggest height country. Yeah, biggest dick, I think, is... Who knows what that is? Can you Google that? I don't know. Yeah, oh, absolutely. You think you can? I'm going to say, like, hungry.

I don't know. It might surprise you. It's got to be Africa. I don't know. Who knows? to be Africa. I don't know. Who knows? There was the one really sad guy who had like the crazy biggest dick. Well, I know not the biggest dick in the world. Like I'm saying like what country has the biggest dick?

Well, how would a country even get the census data to fill this out? I don't know, but I got it. Well, how is it possible to get the data? Oh, number one, Bolivia. Oh, okay. All those jungles. Well, how is it possible to get the data? Ooh, number one, Bolivia. Oh, okay. All those jungles. Well, I don't know about that, but... Ooh, no, wait.

I take that back. Damn. Ecuador. Really? Ecuador, number one, averaged 6.9 inches. Wow. Did they get that misinformation? That should be...

They should give that information to all the travel agents. Actually, it's mostly South American countries. It's South America with a couple of African countries put in there. Good to know. Number one is Ecuador. Number two is Ghana. Number three is Venezuela. It's going to fuck you in the butt.

Number four is Colombia. Wait, how are they getting this data? I don't know. They go down there, they send some prostitutes, and they start measuring a bunch of dicks. Going to Ghana because my name's Ria. I'm going to fucking spread my filth all over the damn place. America, we are in the orange zone. Is that good?

There's the green zone. That's all the big ones. That's yellow zone. That's actually most of them. Most of the world is in the green zone. That's all the big ones. That's yellow zone. That's actually most of them. Most of the world is in the yellow zone. Then there's the orange zone, and then there's the red zone. Okay, so the red zone is the bottom. That's 3.8 to 4.6.

Okay, so what are we talking there? Who's that? Norway? Wait, wait. Guesses first. Guesses. Do we get guesses? Oh, my goodness.

Is that racist? Yeah, it's going to be racist. It's what you expect it to be. There we go. So we're going to have to go down that road. Vietnam. India. Absolutely.

India is actually right at the bottom. India and Thailand tied for last. No, wait. Korea is last. North Korea. Oh, my goodness. Is North Korea last? Well, you know, this might explain some of the anger issues here.

Wow, North Korea actually is last. Wow. Wow. This is a political chart, though, Brad. Yeah, it's North Korea is last, and then it looks like India is right behind it. Who do we got in our zone? Who's with the U.S.? We got Afghanistan, Canada, Australia, Finland, Ireland.

The whites. UK. The whites. Yeah, yeah. Russia. Spain, Turkey, New Zealand, Pakistan. We're not doing that great here. We're fine.

We have like a 5.1 average. 5.1. Okay. 6.9 is the best. It must be some more than Mongolia, but less than Ethiopia. I'd love to see this data in perspective of political parties. Yeah. I'd love to see which affiliate.

It would explain a lot. I bet you it's pretty even across the board there. Yeah. Yeah, this is very unique stuff. Well, interesting study. I guess you do case studies, and you can figure this stuff out. No, wait. I take that back.

The biggest penises in the world is the Democratic Republic of Congo. 7.1. Well, good for them. I'll tell you what. Jaggi's been working on the data for Brooklyn. Am I right? What are we talking about? Oh, my goodness.

She is filthy and disgusting. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. All right. Well, let's not. They're hard to measure when they're all in azer. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. All right. Well, let's not. They're hard to measure when they're all in a row. Oh, my. That's ridiculous.

It's all the rainbow parties. You would think that. It says rainbow parties. She's been hosting her own rainbow parties, which is very exciting. Well, I don't even want to hear about someone I consider a sister. Oh, my goodness. My friend, Big Loads Berkowitz. Yeah.

He was blue. It's a Jew. He just got back out of prison. Yeah. He was blue. It's a Jew. He just got back out of prison. Yeah. For drowning girls. He was the color blue. Yeah. All right.

Let's move on here. Pretty lady slaughter they got him with. Thank you, Eddie. That's why he's with you, Jackie. Yeah. Jackie, you're pretty. Can you go to Congo? Yeah, you can go anywhere

You shouldn't go To Democratic Republic of Congo It is a war torn You choose a side And hope for the best If you want to murder you definitely can Go anywhere I wonder if the warring

And the big penises Is some sort of correlation That if you have a big fucking fun Johnson I wonder if the warring and the big penises is some sort of correlation. That if you have a big fucking fun Johnson, it somehow makes you more of a warring person. But see, that doesn't make any sense because North Korea has the smallest and they are quite a warring people. Maybe it's either end of the spectrum. Either if it's tiny, tiny, you're a warrior. If it's big, big, big, big, big, big, big, you're a warrior. You know what? Let's move on.

We're orange. We're like in the middle. Move on to what? There's only this. This is what we did to the show. What are we moving on from? This is Big Cock Hour. What's wrong with you? We talked about it at the top of the show. We did talk about it. Not at the top of the show.

My name's Pubic Hair Pete, and I gotta wear a fucking trash bag in my pants to collect all. My name's pubic hair Pete, and I got to wear a fucking trash bag in my pants to collect all the bushels of pubic hair. I got to fucking run it out. My fucking pant left. Well, that's not the same show. What do you mean it's not the same show? That's pubic hair hour.

Yeah, that is actually, that is going more to pubic hair. Because you've referenced nothing. Well, the pubic hair definitely hides the monster. My name's Oily Ass Frederick. I'm slipping and sliding down this mountain. I don't think that's the same hour either. That's different. Well, if you guys want to change hours, you could announce a change of hours.

Because now you're in like anal time. I'm slipping in my ass down a ski slope. It's big and sad. Uh-oh, here comes Big Dick Charles. The fuck? It's the clown in the sewers. See, there we go.

This is what we're talking about. It is, actually. I think that was, Stephen King did write that scene into It, but they stopped it. Is It the name of the clown or the clown?

Pennywise. Pennywise. But the kids call it It. Yeah. Oh, okay. Because they don't know what It is. Oh, Pennywise only... Oh, that's right.

He only says his name is Pennywise to the little boy Georgie. Yeah. Well, Pennywise in the lore is Pennywise. Pennywise the laughing clown. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, when they're like looking back through all the stuff. The dancing clown. Pennywise the dancing clown.

Yeah. But you know, no, he didn't actually... He did dance more in the new one. I don't want to give any spoilers here because it's still freshly out and out. It's still fresh. Oh, yeah, yeah. But you know, no, he didn't actually, he did dance more in the new one. I don't want to give any spoilers here because it's still, it's still freshly out enough. Oh yeah,

yeah. But there is more dancing. I don't think it's spoiling to say there's more dancing. It's a clown. It's more dancing. Yeah. It's a great movie.

I wanted to see more of a clown show. talking about with the hour, if you go to the Alamo Draft House in Brooklyn, check out the back room of the House of Wax bar. It is full of, it is penises. It's a wax. All out the back room of the House of Wax bar. It is full of, it is penises.

It's a wax. All over the wall. It is wax casts of diseased genitals. It is these. Not just penises, vaginas too. And the whole thing, the whole House of Wax, all those wax. The whole ball of wax. It's horrifying.

Well, it's not that much wax. It's like a medical oddities museum that they imported from somewhere else. It's horrifying. It's like a medical oddities museum that they imported from somewhere else. It's crazy. They serve food and drinks there and you go to this back room. Vaginas are all over the place. Well, they put it in the back next to the DJ booth. But it's there. The DJ booth was also, wasn't there a corpse in the DJ

booth? I think you saw that. No, that was kid play. But that was not there. Cool. Every day. Alright, sound for there. Cool. Every day. All right, sound for sound from Manila. Man,

you got segments, bro. That's so cool. I think we should do what Jackie's mother would feed Jesus. Okay. What were you going to do? You have to have a,

yeah, you pick. Ménage à trois with any two classic monsters. Ooh. Bigfoots would make me think of it.

I like that one. Fully shaven Bigfoot. Wow. Male or female? Male. Okay. And creature from the Black Lagoon. That's what I would have picked.

Oh. Not Bigfoot, but the creature. I just think the Black Lagoon is unencrypted. No, no, no. We're talking monster. Any monster. What are you saying? Any monster. It's not a cryptid because cryptids could

theoretically be real. I was going to say cryptid, but that narrows things a bit, and I think I wanted to make it a little easier for our non-cryptid specialists, Eddie and Jackie, so I'm just saying classic monsters. Oh, man. Cryptids, vampires, all of it. It all goes.

The mom for Mommy Dearest. She's a monster. Is that not a monster enough? I think that's pretty close. It's close. She's a fucking monster. Is Carrie a monster? Carrie's not really a monster.

Oh, I thought Harry from Harry and the Hendersons, though. He's not a monster. He's a wonderful Sasquatch. He's a friendly monster. He's not a monster. Oh, I thought Harry from Harry and the Hendersons, though. He's not a monster. He's a wonderful Sasquatch. He's a friendly monster. He's not a monster. Don't say that about him. They always say that about him. That's mean.

That all depends on what your definition of monster is. What about Cookie Monster? Cookie Monster. He does bring in a real good point on that. Well, if you're a cookie, he's a monster.

If you've got monster in your name, then you're a monster. But if you don't have monster in your name and you have a normal person's name. What about the cast of Where the Wild Things Are? Can we gang bang them? That would be so nice. You can suck and fuck and lick and dick any fucking one of those wild things monsters. All right, I'll think about it.

It's not my turn. Okay, so monsters, just overall monsters. Oh, my goodness uh well i'll do when uh in space jam i'm a big nix fan oh the monster so we gotta go when they turn ewing patrick or maybe mugsy boggs maybe mugsy boggs i don't want to be yeah so mugsy boggs when he's a monster yeah but he's thrasher what's that he'll be a thrasher well it's a monster and Yeah, but he's a thrasher. What's that? He'll be a thrasher. Well, he's a monster. And then maybe, oh, another. I'm telling you, this Goosebumps is so great.

I think that the name of the episode is Monster in the Library, but that's too abstract. No one's going to see what I'm talking about there. I'm surprised you're not going with Lady Frankenstein. Is she a monster? How is she a monster? She's married. You can't break up that relationship. You could go with that. She's never legally married.

Oh, really? She's the bride of Frankenstein. Yeah, not the wife. Thank God. Oh, my goodness. I never saw the end of the movie. Oh, they don't get married. Let's see.

What's another good monster? I mean, obviously, you got your Jason. I don't want to do that. Michael, there's no reason there. With that leather face, obviously you got your Jason. I don't want to do that. Michael, there's no reason there. With that leather face it's all too sad. I'm going to do for the final monster, Dick Cheney. That's kind of a funny joke.

Okay. A good... A perfect monster. I'll go with the Montauk monster. Cool. Montauk monster Cool Montauk monster So you're just gonna have Like a slimy Rat thing

So who is it It's Montauk monster And who And the monster And the monster And the Montauk monster Probably just sit in the corner And kind of watch the whole thing

Yeah He'll play basketball with him I mean obviously I'm gonna fuck Dracula Because I bet he's really good at it But then I wanna get Like I don't know if this counts But like The Grimm's fairy Tales version of mermaids.

Like, those just, like, they were just like, ah! But they still were just, like, very weird sexual siren beings. And I think that would be a time. I feel like that would be, like, days of fucking. But you'd fuck Pumpkinhead? I'm sorry. I want Pumpkinhead. That's better than Monster Hunter.

Pumpkinhead's actually very nice. Yeah. Yeah. He would be a nice lover want Pumpkinhead. That's better than Monster Hunter. Pumpkinhead's actually very nice. He would be a nice lover. Pumpkinhead, the whole theory. I apologize for interrupting you, Jackie. That's okay. When gold strikes you, you have to yell for it. Because Pumpkinhead's actually nice. Yeah, Pumpkinhead is very nice.

That's me. I did it. Yeah. Philadelphia Fanatic. Counts And uh I don't know if we can go mascots here This is a hard one Wicked Witch of the West

She's a witch not a monster Marcus you have to answer this Just a couple of Dracula ladies Lady Dracula's The Wicked Witch of the West is not a monster. You don't think so? No, she's totally a monster. She's a monster.

Absolutely a monster. She has magical powers, and she's green with a fucking hook nose and flies on a broom. She's a monster. Yeah. She's like a... A witch is like a stereotypical Halloween monster. Yeah. Tough to say.

Wow. Tough to say. Wow. All right. You can't really get more of a problem with the witch than the Philadelphia Fanatic. Wow. Tough to say. Wow. All right. You could probably get more of a problem with the witch than the Philadelphia fanatic. Yeah. Well, Marcus already said that was fine. Yeah, yeah.

I'd put the stamp on Philadelphia. Yeah, because I would have a problem with that, too. It's a monster. He's a monster. Well, he's representative of monsters. He's got a big honking nose and the hair. Yeah, but that doesn't make a person a monster. He's a friendly monster.

Yeah, that snout. You put your fucking bra in that snout. A pagoda, by your opinion, is then a monster. Get a nose job. Vamp You're that snout. You put your fucking bra in that snout. by your opinion is then a monster. Get a nose job. Vampires? Or what are the comic books?

Vampires? Vampires. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm just saying Vampira. What about Elvira? Yeah, I'll go Vampira and Elvira. Elvira.

Fuck you guys. Don't chose really shitty answers. You know, bang a couple of hot Dracula ladies. Congratulations. Thank you.

So does Marcus, do you? Marcus gave himself the win. I obviously win. Everyone else throws stupid answers. I don't know. I'm going to have a pretty great time as well. You're going to have a pretty good time too, yeah. Yeah, I'm going to be able to go down a water slide with the Philadelphia Fanatic or something.

No, you can't. He's got a suit on. I'm definitely going to get a free t-shirt. I'll tell you that much. I'm going to get shot right at your face. All right, this ends another career-ending episode of The Roundtable. Big Cock Hour. Thank you so much, everybody, for joining us.

The Big Cock Hour. We'll be handing out big inflatable cocks outside of the show. Yeah, or just a bunch of load. Yeah, out of lube. Jesus Christ. All right, everyone. Talk to you later.