The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Episode 98: Commodore York

Episode Date: May 4, 2015

This week on the Round Table: a Wisconsin man protests an unjust all-you-can-eat policy, a grandmother shoots her grandson to death, and Marcus recounts a story involving a bi-plane mounted with a sawed-off shotgun and coyotes, plus Joe List and James Adomian join us for a bit of the old chucklin'.

The round table. Gentlemen! Aye? Let's broaden our minds! Lay out, gentlemen, and let them go watch what? Fire at will! Yes! It's time for action, gentlemen.

Gentlemen of the round table, what's the topic of discussion? Civility, gentlemen. Always civility. Alright, Joe List, you are on prayer. All right. I'm nervous. Did I just say a prayer? Yeah. Oh, okay. Oh, great. Do we... All right.

Let us pray. Let us pray that our penises continue to get hard and our vaginas continue to get wet. Or vice versa. Should that be a preference? Wet dick.

We all get hard vaginas and wet dicks and appreciate how much talent is in this room right now as we speak. I love all of you. Amen. Amen. How fucked up it would be if the dick got wet and hard. No, if the dick got wet and then the pussy got hard.

Like, that would be a weird way to fuck. The pussy got wet. Click and hard. Technically, the clit gets hard and the dick gets wet. Does the clit get hard? Summer of 2012, all the pussies went hard. Oh, man. That's when I started drinking old style.

Summer of 012. All right. Welcome to the Round Oh, man. That's when I started drinking old style. Summer of 012. All right, welcome to the Roundtable, gentlemen. Who is everybody with their big old dicks? Jackie Zebrowski. I am both wet and hard. Thank you, Joe. Oh, that's so nice. Ed Larson, hardly wet.

Holder McNeely, I'm the go man. That's ridiculous. It's the go man. I'm a go. I'm a go I'm a go Where do you go Holden? Stop Okay

Sitting in for Kevin Barnett The Blacker Joe List How are you buddy? Hello I'm soft and dry Happy to be here That is very very good And James Adomian is here as well Thanks for being here James

Thank you Thank you I'm clean and happy You look good That's nice God damn it Neither of those two things James was talking about for being here, James. Thank you. I'm clean and happy. You look good. God damn it. James was talking about what he had for breakfast earlier today. It sounded really wonderful. I actually had peanut butter Captain Crunch.

You did? Had it in years? Lucky man! It was an impulse buy. Oh, I love the impulse. It also required milk, orange juice, and strawberry impulse buy. So it's like a $20 breakfast? Yeah. But I'm going to have it like three or four times.

That's the thing. I do all my impulse buys together, though. So I'll get Captain Crunch and then a five-hour energy drink and then a Starbucks coffee and then just mix them all together. It's very disgusting. Do you go out on impulse errands too intentionally? Yeah. Masturbate in public.

I just do it all the time. I just impossibly jack off in public. What's your best way to masturbate in public. I just do it all the time. I just impossibly jack off in public. What's your best way to masturbate in public and get away with it? Oh, never get away with it. The thrill is being caught. Yeah, but the best way, is it into a pillow or is it with your hand?

Whatever hair you're next to. Who's ever sitting down. I like to get all over door handles myself. There was a retarded kid who used to splunk all over door handles myself. There was a retarded kid who used to splunk all over door handles when I was in like fourth grade. What do you mean? I think it was more piss.

How do you get it up there though? That's the nice thing about the flaccid male penis. It's a gun. You can have a distance to it. Anyways, speaking of flaccid cocks, Marcus Parks, welcome back from Texas. How are you, buddy? I'm fucking great, man.

It was one hell of a trip. Any stories from back home you want to regale us with? I did find out something about an ancestor of mine, or I guess my great-great-uncle. Oh, is this the guy who fucked the horses? No, no, no. Different guy. This is on the other side.

He found out he was yellow. His name was C.C. York. Okay. And I don't know what 1C stands for, but I do know that 1C stands for Commodore. God give a name, Commodore York. That's awesome. And what this man did is he had a small airplane, and he mounted a sawed-off shotgun onto the airplane,

and he would fly into canyons and shoot cowards with his sawed-off shotgun. That's fucking incredible. And not only that, what he would also do is, because he bought the plane for herding cattle and shit like that. And so what he would do is he also attached a loudspeaker to it, so he would fly around all the cowboys on horses trying to hurt the cattle and yell at them and tell them that they were fucking up because he had the aerial

like, God damn it, the cattle are behind you! They're behind you! You have to get them! And what he would also do is he would fly just high enough and shoot the shotgun at the cows just to pepper them and then he would hurt them in the right direction with a shotgun.

I feel like that's what Sheriff Joe Arpaio does to all the Arizona inmates. He constantly circles them and shoots them with a shotgun, screaming random racist thoughts. What year was this? This was happening. This was the 40s? 30s or 40s?

This is like a character out of the Rocketeer universe. It really is. Planes were invented when? 1913? Wow, man. So this was a primitive-ass plane this year. He was able to mount a Sardar shotgun on it in a way that he could just fucking fly. I can't imagine those are accurate shots.

What's that? I can't imagine that's an accurate shot. Well, that's why it doesn't matter. Yeah, it doesn't. Well, if you fly down low enough, and I mean, I'm talking, these are narrow canyons. Wow. Like, these are really narrow, but he'd just fly around looking for coyotes and then just fly down and fucking blast them away with a sawdust.

So they knew it was... I'm sorry, does sawdust shotgun, does that spray bullets out? Oh, yeah. Like a shotgun does then? Yeah, definitely. Like just with more force? Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. Buckshot. Buckshot. Buckshot. Highly illegal. So you knew it was, like, one of his stakes when you were, like, constantly pulling out bullets with, like, every bite. Oh, I have definitely, I have eaten meat, mostly dove meat, in which I have chomped down on a shotgun pellet.

Oh, wow. That's so funny. Yeah. And they're hot. It's like eating popcorn. Yeah, they're not good. They remain hot? Yeah, well, after, because it's a little ball of metal

and you have to grill the dub brass oh shit didn't even think about it so you all of a sudden have this hot ball of metal in your mouth you start giving up government secrets it's a good form of torture I had a fucking awesome time I love it man welcome back

I want to think what's his name C.C. C, man. Welcome back. I want to think, what's his name, CC? CC York. Commodore. Commodore York. I want to believe that Commodore York lived only on shotgun and shot meat. Like the reverse of free range. Yeah. The only vegetable he had was cactus, as long as it was shot.

It's still in there. The only vegetable he had was cactus and he shot that too. I also I thought of a pork chop as the slug. It's weird, man. It's a weird part of the meat. It's the juices. I also found out that the crazy in my family

is not Parks Crazy. It is Preer Crazy. The Preer family, that was my grandmother's family. So you can see where crazy grafts in on a family tree? Yeah. Wow. Everybody looks close enough.

You can actually, well, if you look, I just posted a bunch of pictures on my Facebook page, and you can look at a picture of my grandma in, like, the 40s, and you can see the crazy eyes. Yeah. Was she hot, though? Yeah. Yeah, that's the thing. Beautiful people always get the crazy eyes. Was she hot, though? Yeah. That's the thing. Beautiful people always get the crazy, Gene. It's really bizarre. I only fuck uglies. Well, we have a trade-off.

It's like, yeah, we're good-looking, but we're also very, very unstable. Yeah, good. I like it. I think there's some stories about some unstable folks as well. Glad I'm sitting next to you. I know. Hey, hey! This is so scary.

So scary. You want to hang out later? Yeah. That's a good answer, Ed. Always yes. He does. That's a vibe he always does. He always wants to hang out later.

Apparently, when Chuck's Place advertises an all-you-can-eat fish fry, it doesn't literally mean all-you-can-eat, as Bill Wist discovered to his dismay Friday. The Wisconsin restaurant refused to give him any more fish after he ate 12 pieces, and eventually sent him off with 8 additional pieces. Not satisfied, Wist called the police,

then returned two days later with a picket sign, and says he plans to picket every Sunday until the restaurant revises its policy. That's such a great plan. I'm so happy that's what he plans to pick it every Sunday until the restaurant revises its policy. That's such a great plan. I'm so happy that's what he decided to do. Not even make a statement. Call the police and then pick it every Sunday.

Well, you know, everybody has their breaking point when they're going to go in the streets and protest what's happening in this country. The main difference between Wisconsin and Illinois. Chicago was having the NATO riots and this was just a lone, fat, obese fellow outside of a... What was it? He was 6'6", 350 pounds.

That's a healthy man. Just picketing for more fish. Always picketing. He just likes to make three-year-old kids laugh. Oh, they love him. I'm sure it was a good... He should hire C.C. York to fuck that place up. Fuck yeah hire C.C. York to fuck that place up.

Fuck yeah. Well, C.C. York got his shotgun shell a bullet in his mouth. C.C. York died in 1996. Oh, yeah. We're talking about the ghost of the man.

I thought you were hanging out with him. No, no, no. I went and checked out his grave. He's still there. Oh, his grave. I spent a lot of time

in the graveyard. Anything written on his stone? No, not really. Just said C&C. Shot a bunch. Yeah, that's the thing. I feel like every time you see his grave, you have to shoot it. That's so awesome.

Did this guy in Wisconsin, he ended up winning, right? The restaurant allows him back in? Well, no, because the restaurant says that they were running out of fish. And this guy, he has a tab that still isn't paid off, and according to the police report, he had initially refused to pay his bill, but he paid after being given additional fish. I love it. Like, you know, it was...

Sounds fishy. It was. It is fishy. It's a good joke. But this is funny, because it was a Good Friday fish fry, right, which is based on, like, Jesus's, when Jesus turned, like, all the fish... Wasn't Good Friday in fish fry, right? Which is based on like Jesus's when Jesus turned like all the fish. Wasn't Good Friday in like April? Yeah, whatever.

It's a Catholic thing. This guy. Wasn't it for? Good Friday is kind of whatever. Whatever. It was a Good Friday. But it's weird. It's just like a totally different time now.

This guy's just a big good Catholic. He's just a big good Catholic. And Jesus, you know, times have changed. He used to turn a lot of fish. I'm glad I didn't pay. A lot of loaves are there. I forget where I'm talking here Jesus turned a lot of different edible items Into different edible items

We're fatter now He just experimented in the kitchen And figured he could change things into things You should have seen him turn corn flour Into corn starch You shoot it enough I think that was his biggest miracle It's like the most boring thing Jesus has ever done.

Jesus turned a tablecloth into a place setting. This is a quote from Wist. Well, we asked for more fish and they refused to give us any more fish. That's it. Simple words for a simple man. I like it. This guy's 100% right though They shouldn't say all you can eat fish If they're going to kick him out

It's blatant false advertising But he doesn't pay for anything He didn't pay because they wouldn't give him the fish He has a tab, they always give him the fish Was there any fine print? Did they close the kitchen down Because they did not have any more fish They have rules like that sometimes.

They said that they were running out of fish, but if they gave him eight additional pieces of fish, they could have given him ten. A big old fat guy like that yelling, you've got to get him out of the restaurant. He should be allowed to get the last piece of fish if it's the last piece of fish. Maybe he wasn't tipping. I'm sure he wasn't tipping. He was tipping over. Yeah, tipping the scales at 400 pounds. Scales?

Hey, nice. Yo, you're in it 400 pounds. Scales? Hey, nice. You're in it. You're in it to win it tonight. And he did have one nice thing to say about the restaurant. He said, they do have, like, some of the best pizza in town, if you like deep dish pizza. Wait a second. That might be a haiku. Pizza and fish?

Yeah, pizza and fish. Is that the name of the restaurant? You just got to combo that pizza fish. His skin must just smell like... wonderfully. Cheesy, fishy bullshit. I love it. I'd sleep with him.

So, Ben, in a Wisconsin accent, if a man would say, I think that people have to stand up for the consumers, how would they say it? I think that people have to stand up for the consumers. How would they say it? I think that it's like, I think they gotta stand up for the consumers here. I mean, this is bullshit. It would sound like Russ Feingold.

He's a Jewish fella in Wisconsin. More power to him. Very rare breed. This guy, morbidly obese, not at all rare. Very common bird. Very common. He's up and picketing. At least he's standing up, man. He's getting out there.

It's a form of exercise. I feel like he would actually say it more like, hey, uh... And then he'd just fall asleep at some point. During the odds from fatness. And he's occupying. Trying to put a thought together. Could he poke the picket sign down into his fat? That would be amazing. Kind of rest there with it.

Well, why do you think he only does it on Sundays? Oh, this was a Sunday fish fry? Well, he only pickets every Sunday. Oh, I see. Because it's a day of rest. What else has he got to do? He's trying to drag the Lord into it. Yeah, I feel like he's just doing it to get away from his wife.

You know, it's like, just to get out of the house. Oh, he doesn't have a wife. Do you think he has a wife? Absolutely. Most people have wives. Maybe they're closed on Sunday. He doesn't really want to upset them. Well, he is 6'6", 350 pounds. For some reason in Wisconsin,

those guys generally tend to be married. Yeah, and also closeted homosexuals. It's very, very possible. A lot of people eat themselves out of being sexually active. The town is called Mequon. Do you know this town? Oh, Mequon. I know it very, very well. Very fat town.

Very fat town. It really is. Everything is so unbelievably fat. Does he win, though? What's that? You've got to eat a lot of fish to get fat off of fish. It's deep-fried fish. Nothing is healthy in Wisconsin. I'm a bad listener.

It's all covered in butter and tartar sauce. These guys do it fine. When they're alive, they swim around in little butter farms. They fish them straight out of the butter. Right. They shoot them. In Wisconsin, we ate butter burgers that were cooked and buttered.

Also had butter all over not only the bun, like you touch it it literally slipped out of your hand. It was the most delicious thing I'd ever had. You wouldn't eat it with a straw. Fried cheese curds as a side. Oh, fried cheese curds. That's the thing is when the sides

are still in the animal kingdom. I went to this pork restaurant in Atlanta when I was there. He went to a pork restaurant. Yeah, but it was like, right, but it's like, I was like, I'll get like greens, like collard greens and beans, but like half of

them are just pork. They cover pork fat. Yeah. It's full of pig stuff. Should have tried their fish fry. Real good. Yeah, you get pork chops with a side of sausage. It's wonderful. It's fucking great. I think it's great.

I mean, these restaurants need to exist. I'm telling you, in 50 years, there's going to be a big campaign by the government to get rid of all these fatty restaurants. In Vegas, they're already thinking about closing that Heart Attack Grill. Do you hear about this place? After a guy had a heart attack. It's called Heart Attack Grill attack at the heart attack grill. Three people in the past five months

have had heart attacks while eating at the heart attack grill. What? And they very well may close it. They had a spokesperson who was 6'6", 720 pounds, who was 28 years old. He's the spokesperson?

He was the spokesperson. And they would do a reverse weight loss campaign and they would be like, these were my pants before heart attack grill and these are my pants now. And they were like loss campaign, and they would be like, these were my pants before Heart Attack Rail, and these are my pants now. And they were, like, huge and massive, and they just were, like, exploiting obesity so hardcore. I love the Heart Attack Rail.

It sounds so good. What are some of the menu items? The Heart Attack Burger, which literally the last chick was eating while she had a heart attack. Well, you know, it's delicious. It's fried. It's got thelicky mayonnaise butter. It crossed the list. I had a little figgy.

What does the heart attack burger entail? Oh, it's like five patties, cheese on each patty, mayonnaise, the whole fucking night. I'll soak the onions around there and then fucking fry it. The motto of the heart attack grill, fight anorexia. It's really unbelievable. Oh my god, they have this graphic on there that has a Muslim guy praying on his prayer rug, and it says

turn your prayer rugs to latitude 36.169399 longitude negative 115.140742 That could only be more offensive if the Muslim dude's rug was made of a raw bacon slab. Yeah. And they have a policy at the Heart Attack Grill, which I'm not sure about this Wisconsin restaurant.

If you die, you eat free. If you die, you eat free. That's number one. But if you're over three... Your widow. What's that? I was just going to say your widow. I was going to step all over it.

Ez laugh and your point. No, I have no point. There's never been a point made on this program. I wanted to fuck the whole show up. I love it. Nailed it. You can never fuck this up. You're beautiful, Joe.

Thanks, everybody. I love you. If you're over 350 pounds or at the Heart Attack Grill, you do eat for free. Really? Yeah, it's so fucking weird. That's so weird. I'm going to finish it, god damn it. I should get on your shoulder to get a trench coat and we'll walk in.

Definitely. It's also a great way to rob a bank. It's a hospital-themed restaurant as well. Waitresses, which are called nurses, take orders, prescriptions from the customers, patients. A tag is wrapped on the patient's wrist showing which foods they order. And a doctor examines the patients with a stethoscope. The menu includes single, double, triple, and quadruple bypass burgers. Yeah!

Ranging from 8 to 32 ounces of beef. All you can eat, flatliner fries. It sounds like a supervillain that's luring people in here to kill them. I know! I know! They had the CEO on. What's the meat made of? What is the meat made of?

All shotgun shot. I think we should do a round table field trip. Oh, dude. I want to vomit just thinking of it. It's so awesome. Yeah, hospitals are gross. Yeah, hospitals are the worst.

Can you get like a STD test? Can you get staff? That would make it the perfect restaurant. You can sleep with a doctor, though. It would be great. I'm sure. Can they put, like, staph infections all over everything in the restaurant?

They've also got butterfat shakes. Oh, man. What does that mean? That are hooked up to an IV that just goes right in your fucking face. So it's that other half of half and half? Yeah, exactly. The all-fat half. What do you mean butterfat?

I think it's butter drippings from the meat, probably. place Oh and they also serve malt liquor I love this place Is it in a casino No It's just there There is a big campaign to shut that place down It has to stay We have to pick it

We have to pick it You said it's in Vegas It has to stay. We have to pick it. We have to pick it. We've got to pick it to keep this place alive. Every Sunday. No, Sunday. You said it's in Vegas? Yeah. I'm saying let it stay open. It's got to. That's a black hole in the heart of the universe that deserves to kill who goes there.

Absolutely. Oh, totally. And the last heart attack was on April 21st of this year. It was an elderly woman. Friday. One month ago. And a day after 420, dude, that dude was stoned. It was a woman.

That chick was blazed. She was blazed over. She had been eating, drinking alcohol, and smoking. Smoker's the real killer there. I bet you could smoke inside. Of course you can. It's Vegas.

They're smoking, drinking, and shoving butter down their faces. You could drink in the street there. Really? I bet you can do heroin in that place. Nobody would even give a fuck. It's the Heart Attack Grill. You can't do heroin, but you can do a speedball. What's a speedball again?

Heroin and cocaine. Bruce Springsteen song. Joe, have you ever been out to Vegas? You can do that I've been out there many times I love it I think Vegas is everything right And everything wrong with America At the exact same time

Yeah It's just horrible Pieces of shit Drinking in the street And gambling What's something What's something right Other than Carrot Top's

Amazing performance I really What's right about it Is that you can Get a beer to go. You can gamble. You're free to do whatever you want. You can fuck girls.

You can dress crazy. You can act crazy. That's the way America portrays itself. You can get a, they call it a Go Cup. Yeah. You can get it all over the American West. Go Cup. I love it.

There's nothing good about Las Vegas that you can't also do in New Orleans. Yeah. Yeah, that's true, too. There's no reason to act. It's can't also do in New Orleans. Yeah. Yeah, that's true, too. There's no reason to have... It's a little richer, though, in Vegas. They treat you like a king. Yeah, the whores are legal in Vegas. That's right. In New Orleans, they treat you like a guy with a credit card.

Yeah, but the whores... That's perfect! I got a credit card! Are the whores legal in Vegas? I thought they were only legal in Reno. Oh, they're... I think they're predominant. I think you can fuck whores.

I'm telling you, the whores are legal in Vegas, better in New Orleans. You think so? They're New Orleans Creole girls. New Orleans is the best town in the world. I've never been. I don't know about the whores. I've been thinking about moving there. Really?

You want to go? I mean, I can't move there right now. I want to start a houseboat restaurant down there. Can we do that? The heart attack houseboat restaurant. Yeah, Jackie's heart attack restaurant. Jackie's shrimp and heart attack houseboat restaurant. Yeah, Jackie's heart attack restaurant. Jackie's shrimp and heart attack. And if we die,

we make you walk the plank. I got my son flying around in a biplane herding the line to be seated with a shotgun. Liz, do you ever lick any prostitute's ass or anything like that? Why was that directed directly at me? You're the only one

that's been in Vegas. Oh. Have you ever licked a prostitute's ass? All right. Has anybody licked a prostitute's ass? No, you don't lick

prostitutes' ass. You don't have to. They're prostitutes. Right, right, right. I've had a prostitute lick my ass. Oh, you did? Yeah, and I said

eat my pussy. It was really, it was sexy. Really? That's hot stuff. It was pretty good, but that was in New York. I was a kid.

You don't have to leave home for that. All right. Second story. Eat my pussy. That's disgusting. A Michigan grandmother who said she was afraid of her grandson has been charged with murder after shooting the teenager eight times. The 17-year-old

boy called 911 to tell an emergency dispatcher that he had been shot in the chest by his grandmother and was going to die. Sandra Lane, 74, shot her grandson at least four more times with her Glock semi-automatic after he made the call. Lane exclaimed that

she had just murdered her grandson after officers arrived at her home in a Detroit suburb. Her lawyer says Lane was afraid of her grandson and used her new handgun because she felt she had no choice. She hasn't told investigators why she was afraid or why she didn't send the teen to his parents who recently moved to Arizona but left their son in Michigan to finish his senior year in high school.

I believe her. Yeah, man. Yeah, why not? He in Michigan to finish his senior year in high school. I believe her. Yeah, man. He's gotta be evil. I think that there are a lot of teens nowadays especially that have these freedoms and they are evil. Nip it in the bud. Kill him. Get rid of him. I'm glad she killed this little fuck. Typically when your parents get up and move during your senior year

and say you're not welcome to come, that's gonna fuck you up a little bit. You're a sociopath. Yeah, this kid's been tossed around from house to house. He's trying to take advantage of a little old lady. She wouldn't have it. Shot him in the chest eight times. Yeah, that's it. That's the logic.

Next story. Here's what I say. I say we go through every town in America and find these kids. And root them out and start shooting them with blocks. We'll dress up like old ladies. I say it's about time that if you're either on their side or the old lady's side.

The old lady gang got him again. It's Cincinnati last night. We ain't no ladies at all. Eddie, give me a mugshot description here of the old lady. She's an old ass lady. She looks lost in the eyes. You feel really bad for her.

She looks like an old lady who just shot her grandson. Alright, everybody. Here's the old lady. Her hair's like that reddish gray. That's the same hair color

my grandma dyes her hair. I think it's great. I think that if you're 60 or 13, you should be allowed to get away with murder. Under 13 or over 60. I think murder's allowed, right? I think over 70. Over 70?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just over 70? Let me ask you this. Under 13. I agree. Actually, I'd say under 12, over 75. I think you should have six months when you turn 60 that you get to murder twice. But it's just a six-month period.

Sure. And then you can't just keep doing it. And it has to be a Klansman. You have to go with Klansman. Where do you find him these days? All underground. You get to have your reckoning. If you get to be 60, it's called your reckoning.

I got a very similar one. It's just one person. I think when you turn 90, you get to be 60, it's called your reckoning. I got a very similar one. It's just one person. When you turn 90, you get to legally do heroin once. Oh, yeah. You get to legally do it once. I mean, I think at 90, you're already on prescription drugs far more powerful than heroin. Yeah. Do you think?

Oh, yeah, man. You're so fucking flying high. I feel like pure, pure heroin is like the best, though. It's hard to find pure, pure heroin, especially if you're over 90. No, no, no. I can... No, you want pure heroin? I'm trying to take some of it. I can find you some. I's hard to find pure heroin, especially if you're over 90. No, no, no. You want pure heroin? I can get you some pure heroin. I'm not over 90, Marcus.

I mean, give me a week. I don't want to give you a week. I don't want you to fuck me. Heroin is an impulse buy like Captain Crutch. Cut to Marcus uptown like in the Velvet Underground song. Hey, white boy, what you doing uptown? As ever, it's, hey, motherfucker!

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom! Get shot. No, no, no. Jim Polk. I'm glad the race thing kind of came in naturally. Was I the only one? I gotta be honest. I heard the gun play in Detroit.

I was visualizing African-American. Black. No. Is that maybe a bad. I was visualizing an African-American. Black. Is that maybe a bad person? That's right. They're all black kids. Go out and find them. Shoot him in the face. What do you mean he was white? It was Detroit and shooting. I gotta be honest. I visualized.

I don't assume. I didn't try to. That's a misconception among racist people. Yeah, but his grandmother does have that look on her face like, oh, no. Yeah, she's a wigger. Grandma wigger.

She ain't no wigger. She looks pretty ghetto. I think both of them casually using wigger is more racist than me assuming they're black. Is wigger? You can say wigger.

Totally say wigger. Can you say wigger? Everyone loves wigger. I don't know. Can you say wigger? Everyone loves wigger. I don't know. I don't think it's as controversial. That's our word. Yeah. That's our word.

We're taking it back. Yeah, wiggers are weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but the sad thing is it only made the news because it was a white person. So, you know, it's like it happens.

People are so comfortable with black people killing black people but as soon as a white person does it, it's all over the newser. You know, it's a wild time. No happens. People are so comfortable with black people killing black people, but as soon as a white person does it, it's all over the newser. It's a wild time. I say we should sweep everything under the rug. We're all races equally. You die, nobody knows about it. No one cares.

What about an Asian killing an Indian? That's making news. I'm telling you. Puerto Rican killing a Puerto Rican. Asian killing an Indian? That makes news. I'm telling you. Puerto Rican killing a Puerto Rican is no way. Is he killing an Indian? That sounds like a comic book. That makes news. Definitely.

Which Indian? Well, technically, India is Asian. India is in Asia. Well, I mean, Chinese. I'm not going to do Jackie Chinese. No. You know what you're talking about. No.

What is it? I want to address this very quickly. Pretty good for China right now. Pretty good for China. What is it about the Zebrowski family and making fun of the Chinese? I want to address pretty good for China right now. Pretty good for China. What is it about the Zebrowski family and making fun of the Chinese? It's just like... We just didn't have a lot of them.

We really didn't know a lot and it's just so funny. It's just like something about chopsticks. What? And like eating rice. What are you talking about? Rice is a good food. Give me some pasta. Give me some pasta.

Give me some steak. He's like the opposite kind of person from what he is. It really is. They totally have pasta and steak. I think they invented pasta. What are you talking about? No, you mean noodles? They have noodles,

but like they don't have pasta. That's very different. It's just so much fun. Well, I'm off the hook. No, no, Joe. I mean. That's very different. It's just so much fun. I'm off the hook. No, no, Joe. That's the thing. You had a nice rational thought. I want to say hello to the very first Asian member of the Roundtable of Gentlemen Facebook group.

Who is that? I can't remember his name, but we have... Damn it, Marcus. Well, now he's gone, so he's also the first to leave. Let's go around the table's also the first to leave. Let's go around the table and I'll try to guess what it is. Jesus Christ. Throw some pots and pans down the stairs. Oh, my God.

Thank you, Mama Kathleen. Good Christ. Well, yeah, that's very nice. Such a diverse group of fans we have. That's good. No, they're all very smart and very thin, unlike Henry and I. That's good. No, they're all very smart and very thin, unlike Henry and I. That's why. We're just jealous.

Yeah, right. You're such a fucking bully. We're all jealous. Stone cold bully. Yeah, right. We're fucking real jealous of these guys. And such a queen's bully at that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. They're nice people.

Welcome. Welcome to the group. That's actually how we welcome people into every club. Well, I did welcome him personally. Yeah, that's good. Yeah personally to the group welcome brother you forgot his name though of course I fucking forgot his name

there's a lot of people that listen to this show we love each and every one of you you mean blother alright I think we got another story alright tits All right. Tits. Tits.

Tits. Tits. All right. Out of upstate New York, authorities say a man shot his friend in the leg with a rifle because said friend wanted to know what it feels like to be shot. That doesn't happen downstate. Definitely not. State police.

Everyone downstate knows what it feels like to be shot. State police say the shooting occurred around 5pm Sunday in the rural town of Stockholm when 25-year-old Sean Mossow I'll do it! I'll do it! Relented to his friend's

repeated request and shot him once in the right leg with a.22 caliber rifle. The unnamed 24-year-old is expected to make a full recovery. Masai was charged with reckless endangerment and is being held in the county jail on $10,000 bail. He's fine. He's fine. He is fine.

Okay, first of all, do y'all know what a.22 is? Yeah, it's the smallest gun. It's the smallest gun. It's a tiny little fucking bullet. You shoot your friend in the leg with a.22. Upon his request. Upon his request. It's a squirrel gun.

Yeah, a squirrel gun. Exactly. They could have easily coordinated a story so that you just take out that part and go, I accidentally shot him. Exactly. No charges done. None whatsoever. You had to be careful shooting in the leg, though.

You should have took it in the ass. Yeah. I've been accidentally shot three times. Why is the ass better than the leg? Because the leg... No, no. I'm just saying the leg's got that one vein. If it pops, you're done.

Oh, yeah. Well, what? Where were you shot accidentally? Marcus, when you get shot accidentally, where do you prefer to be? As a connoisseur of bullet wounds. I got shot in the chest. Why are you hanging out with the canyon? Why are you hanging out in the canyon with all the cows?

No, I got shot. I've told this story on Roundtable before. Yeah, when the squirrel got the little gun and shot you. What did you get shot with? 12 gauge. You got shot with a 12 gauge? I was peppered. You were peppered?

How far away were you from the gun? I was pretty far. I don't know. I was nine. He was rounding up some steer and a guy on a plane flew by. Enough to... Ghost grandpa. I was

riding in the bed of a truck. And my brother was out... A plane flew by and... No. And actually, this is Charlie, who's actually kind of pissed because he's like, yeah, I'm always known as the brother that shot you.

How many brothers do you have? Two. One shot him. Charlie shot him. The other one didn't. Charlie, did you know wrong? I don't even believe in this story. Charlie's a good-looking, strapping man.

Charlie, you wicked pig. His older brother, Thomas, wants to beat me up, though. Why? It doesn't matter. Because Ben called him a faggot. I did not call him a faggot. Yeah, he did. I didn't call him a faggot.

You always have that horrible impulse. My tough friend, the rebel, he told him he was going to have a faggot as a child. I didn't say that. I said she was going to be gay. What is wrong with you? I just got back from Texas. I'm back home, and Ben sends me a text. And my oldest brother's name is Thomas.

Ben sends me a text that says, tell Thomas I said he's a faggot. And I told Thomas, I was like, yeah, Ben just said you're a faggot. That's right. And first of all, he just looked at me for a while. And then he just smiled. And then he said, don't mess with these country people like this, Ben. He needs rage in his life. He's a father right now.

Irony is too expensive for rural areas. They don't get lots of shit in this irony. And then he said, Tell Ben that I can't wait to see him. I feel like my ass, kids. It's comedy gold.

Oh, man. That's the sound. And Thomas is smaller than me. Thomas will destroy me. Yeah, he will kill you. No, no, no. He'll just fucking immediately destroy me. Well, we just got to get it on camera.

We'll put gloves on you all. We'll make it legal. Oh, no, no. I just want to sit there. Yeah, it'll just be very painful and awful. And the thing is, I don't have older brothers that I can razz and make fun of. If I called my older brothers a faggot, they'd be like, absolutely, I am. Because they are.

And that's why I'm living vicariously through Marcus' life. So I love you, Thomas. Don't hurt me too bad. Hurt him, Thomas. Hurt him bad. It will be brutal. Now it is the time for a segment from Holden McNeely.

This segment is bucket list. Bucket list. Like that bad movie. In that movie, Jack Nicholson did a lot of things. Banked some whore bags, stuff like that. Is that really what happened in that movie? Oh, no way.

That was Whore Bags 4. Whore Bags 4. I forgot about that. Also starring Jack Nicholson. Jack Nicholson. Yeah. The subtitle was, oh, in this one, Jack Nicholson's in it. All right. So, three bucket list items, and Marcus is going to use his psychic powers to tell you

whether or not these things come true for you. I can see the future. He can. We'll go one at a time. Marcus will give you the lowdown after each one. I say we start with Ed, not to put our guests on the spot. Well, they actually thought of answers. I guess the first thing on my bucket

list would be to live at least one year like Jack Nicholson lived the last 20. Which would be that means you would have had to have been in the movie bucket list i mean oh man it would be that's all right who knows what happens with that i'd say after that i'd like to uh i'd like to die by the time i'm 50 oh that's a good nice yes yeah that's not something to do on your bucket list though you're supposed to do it before your death It's a cause of a bucket list

I like to Drive a plane into the Grand Canyon I think that's technically on the bucket list The impact is the death And the last one Would be to I guess wrestle an alligator Nice

Marcus, what are you sensing? He's tapping into it It's painful It's difficult for him to do Two out of three What is he going to do? He's going to wrestle an alligator Actually he's going to wrestle an alligator While he's flying a plane into the Grand Canyon.

So everybody wins. Is that how the Commodore died? He died of cancer. Did he? I don't know. I have no idea. I have no idea how he died. I got it.

I adventured so much I got cancer in the adventure part of my brain. Living life too awesome. There is. You could be too great. Adventure gland. Catch that cancer. It'll take you right off the side of a cliff. Jackie?

Definitely now, number one, I want to go to the heart attack grill. That's definitely on my bucket list. Yeah, for sure. Number two, I would love to strangle a person to death. Ooh. Okay. Like someone that I really didn't like. I forgot to say kill somebody.

Yeah. Well, yourself, twice. Especially specifically, I would love to strangle someone so that I feel their life leave their body. Yeah, look at me when you die type of shit. Exactly. Look at me. And I would love to sink a sailboat that I was commanding and live. Like, do it on purpose.

Wow. You've got to be the last one off the boat or you'll be put to death. Exactly. No, you're a bad captain. I want to be the last one off the boat. I don't care if any of the people die. They'll die while we're going down. Marcus is channeling.

Two out of three. Wow. You are going to strangle a person to death. Definitely. Good. And heart attack grill, that's easy. You're going to do that.

Yeah, that's an easy one. But no one will ever shot. Yeah, that's a little silly. But nobody is letting you on a boat. Oh, come on. Put me in a boat. What's in the boat? What's in the boat?

What's in the boat? What's in the boat? What's in the boat? James Doman. Big James. I want to do DMT and communicate with the elders from the other side. Okay. Nice.

Wait, what is DMT? DMT is a drug. It's a hallucinogenic drug. Juggalos do it. Straight up. Yeah. Juggalos do it? Juggalos do it.

A lot of- Well, how do you take this drug? Is it a liquid or is it- You have to listen to- It's a hallucinogenic drug. Juggalos do it. Juggalos do it a lot. How do you take this drug? Is it a liquid? You have to listen to the Great Malenko over and over again. It's like a ceremonial thing you do. I don't know what DMT or Juggalo is. What DMT is, is that your perception of reality like right now, I am focused

on you, Holden. But, if I were to be looking at you and I was taking DMT, I would be absorbing everything that is in my field of vision. Look at this world that created you. It's weird. I'm scared of it. So that's one thing. It would be, yeah, do DMT.

Another one would be get to do a sketch comedy show on television. There you go. Good one. That's a solid one. And then the third one is going to be to go down to the bottom of the Marianas Trench in the Pacific and get laid there so I can fuck the earth in its asshole. Very nice. That's a good one.

I really should have gone first. You get a two. A two? Two out of three? You're never going to be in a sketch comedy group. I just get a two. Whoa! Why?

I thought that was the most reasonable one. Are you the Oracle of Delphi? Hey, look. I'll shout back at the fucking prophet then. Look at all the sketch comedy I'm doing without it. I don't need fucking TV. Whatever I want, whatever I want. Yeah, you tell it, Jay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You prophets go around predicting shit. You all die. We got to get these bullies off of the round table. Ben, what do you got? But I do get to fuck the Marianas Trench. You totally get to do that. Like three times. I want to experience true love.

That'd be nice. Okay. No, I don't know. I never know about these things. If you experience true love, you're just going to kill yourself. Oh, I want to die every second. I mean, that's the thing. Half of mine are just eddies.

I just want to hang myself a bunch of times. Just want to hang yourself three times. Yeah, just three times. I mean, that's very practical because I imagine the first two, the rope will break. My feet are just going to hit the ground. How fucking high does this goddamn ceiling have to be? You've got to do it in a cathedral. You've got to hang yourself in a cathedral.

That's right. That'll show God. That'll show them all. So yeah, I guess a triple hanging. So I think that that's my bucket list. Is it boring? Do you want me to do something different? It's true love, triple hanging something different? Love a fish. It's true love,

triple hanging, and love a fish. I want to be, I want, alright. Give me a third one. So bad at games. What's that?

What's the third one? To get better at games? To get better at games? I know you're good at games. You want to be bad at games. No. You want to be bad

at everything. You're born trash. Here's my thing. My bucket list. I just want to walk into a place and there's a pre-packaged bucket and there's some nice shit in there that I didn't think of. It wasn't my idea. It's just there.

Nice thing. You're going to steal my idea? Sure. I want to steal James' ideas. Okay. Steal James' ideas for number three. I'm already one out of three for sure. That's good. Well, I have to be the only one that's three out of three.

You know, I gotta say now, Joe? Yes? It's between you and Ben. Interesting. Interesting. What does that mean? Joe, you better bring the pan. That means, because Ben, you did get three out of...

He can't make himself three times! Ben, you get three out of He can't hang himself three times Ben you got three out of three I'm hanging myself once I'm fucking experiencing true love And I'm fucking stealing James' ideas Yeah Those are all You set the bar really low

Yeah Those are all easy to do Yeah He set the bar really low But He still got three out of three Yeah Thereby set the bar very high.

But if the bar's not too low, he won't die when he hangs himself. Hello. Hello. Alright, Joe. Boy, I wrote down three sincere things. I guess I'll just bail on those. Right now, after everyone else's list,

one of them is to get out of here without crying or dying with the strangling and the sad stuff. Who was the sad? Mine was the sad stuff? I do honestly want to strangle someone. The love thing was sad. It'll never happen. And the strangling thing.

I'm scared to death. I want to get out of here alive and to slash without crying. That's on my bucket list. My other item, I'd like to, well, I want to learn how to fly a plane but now I've kind of updated that.

I want to fly a plane with a shotgun mounted on it. Commodore list! Side quick story. Once I told that to my ex-girlfriend and she thought I meant fly. That was on my bucket list was to actually fly. My third thing

on my bucket list is to get over a aforementioned girl who I used to be in love with. Marcus knows about that. I know about that. I just realized, if you have a retarded kid, you can name them Bucket, and then their name will be Bucket List. Which is kind of fun.

And my fourth thing, and for that kid. And for that awful joke. No, that was a good joke. Ben, you win. Yeah. James, you fucking thank you, James. I still want to know how many things I'm getting.

Yeah. How many things did Joe get? Joe, you get two. Oh, yeah. Because you're never going to get over that girl. No, certainly not. This is exciting. She's the ghost of the future.

I think that also makes him only get one because now he's sad leaving here crying. That's true. Oh, yeah. Sorry, Joe. The second one is, I'm going to have a retarded kid named Bucket. Yeah!

I like that. That's a funny idea. All right, Bucket. Bucket. Bucket. Bucket. Bucket. That's making guys idea. All right. Bucket. Bucket. Bucket. Bucket. Bucket.

Bucket. Bucket. Bucket. Bucket. Bucket. That's making guys and you're making Bucket cry. Bucket loves noises

and hitting a spoon against his head. Don't say my name. Don't say my name. My name is Brad Christopher. All right. Everybody knows your guys' names.

We'll just end it there. All right, guys. Goodbye.