The Royals of Malibu - LATTES WITH LUCY E11 - "Asking for a Raise and Moving in with a Partner" with Ashton Carter

Episode Date: October 14, 2024

Welcome to Lattes with Lucy, a special bonus series of The Royals of Malibu hosted by Stephanie Sherry (Lucy in The Royals of Malibu). Today, Steph, Emma, and Ashton Carter discuss when to move in with a partner, how to ask for a raise, and what it's like working on a television set. This show is different because we want to hear from you! Let us be the Lucy to your Ella Sinclair - and write to us your questions on life. Let us know what you’re going through, nothing is too big or too small, too scandalous or too cringe - whatever you may be going through, we want to hear it. You can write/upload your questions at https://www.emeraldaudio.co/latteswithlucy for a chance to be featured in the show. • Follow The Royals of Malibu on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/theroyalsofmalibu/) • Follow Stephanie Sherry on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/itsstephsherry/?hl=en) • Follow Emerald Audio on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/emeraldaudionetwork/?hl=en) • Follow The Royals of Malibu on TikTok (https://www.tiktok.com/@theroyalsofmalibu) • Explore more: https://www.emeraldaudio.co Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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agreement with iGaming Ontario. The content of this podcast is intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. We are not licensed therapists, though I think I am, counselors or mental health professionals. And while we aim to provide insightful and helpful discussions, our views and advice are based on our own personal experiences and general knowledge. Definitely not professional expertise. If you are seeking professional mental health support, we encourage you to consult a qualified therapist or counselor. I see all these young ladies in person. They look so young and they just look normal, basic.

As soon as I see the camera on them. Yeah. Oh, my God. The camera. Soap opera, you know, a filter. All of a sudden, they look so gorgeous. I'm like, wow, they look. I'm looking at them at the same time and like on camera, you look amazing. Yeah.

No, that's so I know. Like I Sabrina Carpenter came to my restaurant the other day and I can get to serve her and I was so sad. But like, again, not saying she was, she was like gorgeous, like, but she looks like how you see, oh, like that's a pretty, you know what I mean? Like people in real life just look like people, like she had no makeup on, it was her and Joey King. And it was just like, they were just, they looked just like normal pretty girls. And you're just like, and then they

be, everyone becomes like blown up so much. And she was so pretty and so nice, but it's just like, oh, wow. Like it's it's very even when I serve Jennifer Lawrence again was pretty. But like these people look like people in real life. And then they are blown up in this other way. I was I was a stand in for one of the people and just literally I could see myself on camera and I immediately looked like that when I was on the subway. Wait, are there other things you have to do today? Like, had you not had this, would you have been able to sleep all day?

Yes. Oh my God. Ashden! You're the best. Thank you so much. I'm in a mental warfare. I was in bed like, what the fuck are you doing with your life? Shut up. Drink your coffee. You know what's funny? This is actually a great place to start the episode at exactly this point. For those of you not knowing what we're talking about,

Ashton was on a shoot last night that ended at five in the fucking morning, and now he is here with us at 10 in the morning, which by the way, was that because of you Emma? Why are we here this early? We're normally at noon? I can't remember. Right, it's okay.

I'm just like, oh is that why? Yeah, I'm in San Francisco right now. Yeah, and I tell you specifically. Oh my God, Emma's not even home. I'm starting my vacation after this. Wait, incredible. I feel like this is a perfect, perfect time to discuss. So one of my best friends is like, arising, how do I say this? One of my best friends is a musician and I feel like I've learned so much from her on the reality of working in entertainment.

I feel so much solace in knowing that all of your favorite, all of the people you look up to as actors, as musicians, in whatever capacity are so tired and doing everything on two hours of sleep. Literally. and doing everything on two hours of sleep. Literally. Yeah, I have friends that have done the Today Show with two hours of sleep and just had to pull it off. And it makes me feel better because Ashton was saying before we hopped on,

you're like, oh, part of it was like, oh, am I leading my life wrong, making everything so stacked? No, no, no, honestly, the upleveling of your life comes after these periods where you're getting two hours of sleep. It's not an indication of a failure of like time management or a lack of Like proper planning. It's just like oh when everything's like starting to happen The sleep's not gonna happen. No, I believe this in my core. I'm reading a book right now because I'm really trying to uplevel my life

I'm going through so many changes and the the book is called Think and Grow Rich. And it's about money specifically. But there's just so many ideas. It's all about your mindset. And the biggest question is, what are you willing to sacrifice for the things that you want? So I want to work in entertainment. I want to be in TV film.

So I'm choosing. First, I've got to start off with being a PA. So I've got to go to the base level. After I've already worked a really good job. By the way, I can't believe you even got that job. It was a friend of a friend and that's another thing in this business and we live in LA, it's so much networking and I didn't know that a year ago. I heard about it and I was like, sure, but it really is.

What even is networking? You know what I mean? What does that even mean? All that really means is like, oh, people trust people that the people they trust trust. Oh, yes. Put that that the people they trust trust. Ooh, yes. Put that in a, in a, in a. I love this show, cause I want the captions from Stephanie Sherry. And I was like, that was one, that was it.

I love those little, what do we call those? Quotes. Think that'd be accurate. What do we call those quotes though? Pull quotes, pull quotes. Pull quote, that's it. Pull that, pull this out of your ass. To what you're saying about entertainment, that's so real. I think what we never see is everything behind the scenes that, whether you said musician,

actors, they are doing 12 hour days. Now, don't get me wrong, of course, your best celebrity has a stand-in and has someone, an assistant, has all these things around it. But no matter what, they're gonna be on set for 12 hours, whether they're in their trailer, but when it's time, they have to go be there for however many hours.

And so, and then get, like I said, two hours of sleep, do the next thing. Now you got interviews, now you got everything else. So we rarely see that side, but it's daunting sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. A good friend of mine is going to be on my upcoming pod.

He's the drummer for Billie Eilish and we were literally neighbors growing up. My girl. I'm sorry. I love you, Billie Eilish. Have you ever seen this? We love you too. Yeah. She's great.

She's great. I have like literally no tea because, you know, they're very respectful. But I feel like, you know, he was talking they're very respectful. But I feel like, you know, he was talking about he's like, yeah, like, because I was just saying it was how that like, because it's such an it's such an unbelievably specific, meteoric rise from like just indie to like literally like ubiquitous and culture. I can't really think of anyone else even like Chapel Rome, like Sabrina, like other people that have risen really what feels like quickly, even though we know it's not. Like, Billy, I think is specific in that she went from like kind of indie to like what feels like everything except the Super Bowl, like every awards, you know what I mean? And anyway, he just said something great on my pod

where he was like, you can't like no amount of like nicer and nicer accommodations, like nothing can, nothing prevents jet lag, like you know what I mean? And like, it's not to say that like no amount of like nicer and nicer accommodations. Like nothing can nothing prevents jet lag. Like, you know what I mean? And like, it's not to say that like no one's grateful or what, but you know what I mean? It just it makes me feel better. It's like no one. I mean, it's like what Taylor Swift says on the football field,

like jet lag is a choice. You know, it's like I just feel like Taylor Swift. I'm in my can I just show I'm in my brand new Taylor Swift pants, which I got because I am a super fan. And they were like, Spotify was like, you're a super fan. Here are these exclusive pants. And I was like, take my money.

Taylor Swift is only in my world because I watched the NFL. And so her dating Travis Kelsey, it's like she pops up so much now. And I was like, oh, there she is again. No hate. I love Taylor Swift's music. I just don't listen to her as often, but I know she's a love. Billie Eilish is my girl.

And so you brought Billie Eilish up. And I'm late to the party, so I didn't even know the jump between she was more indie and more quiet. I got in there, her first big album, when it came out with the black background and her and the white and all that. And then ever since then, I was like,

she's always been super famous. I don't know why, but she was super famous. But to know that she had that jump, oh my God, was not prepared. Of course she gets jet lagged and tired and like Phineas, leave me alone. Like, you know. No, totally.

Welcome to Lotties at Lucy, a special bonus series of the Royals of Malibu. And please remember, if you want to be on this incredibly chaotic but beloved show, you can write or upload your questions at everworldaudio.co slash Lattes with Lucy for a chance to be featured here on the show. Check out at the Royals of Malibu to learn more. We are so lucky Emma, because we are joined today by Ashton. And I don't think anyone understands that Ashton is the God to which we pray in the Tram universe. And we're just very honored to have you here. Next to read.

Next to read. Ashton, nothing makes me happier than your random cameos in the series. But please do tell everyone what you do on Tron. All right. So yeah, Ashton Carter here. I was the production manager and a little bit like a little assistant direction on the in there. Oh, for sure. Yeah, for sure.

And a little acting, like I said, a little background acting. Yeah, it was a lot. I mean, what was it? Were you like them? So you were some teacher at some point and I was just gagged. Just the lawyer too. The lawyer was great. I was a lawyer in season one.

I remember in season two, I'm like one of Reed's boys, like Reed and Easton at one point are at the beach. And I'm like, yo bro, you know. I was like, okay, give me direction. How do I be a bro? And like, it was like, just go for it. No, but you were like a teacher once or like a, like a. I was a lawyer.

It was a teacher even maybe. Were you like in like the yoga studio or something? Yeah, oh yeah. That's what it is. Yes, I was in the meditation. You're like, oh, do you oppose? I was like, oh my God. And then home girl Brooke tries to like get out of something

and I was like, no, no, like, well, you must stay here. No excuses kind of thing. So. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I'm talking about. Oh, man, memories. And then I even got to do a scene with Emma. I remember me, Emma and the director, Matt, we got in the booth at one point and it was awesome. Wait, for what?

Was the photo shoot or something? It was I think we just we just needed a ton of what we call walla, which is like, you know, background actors or just actors that we didn't, you know, have a role. It's like small. And I remember Emma got in there and killed it. Emma, do you remember us being reactive? You killed it. What are you talking about?

I think we were like the hair and makeup team. Oh, that's right. And the staff. That's what I'm talking about, the photo shoot. Yeah. That was so fun. That was so much fun. Wow.

More to come, fingers crossed. But yeah. More to come for us all, who knows? Thank you for having me. Yeah, it's been a pleasure. I've gotten to work with Stephanie for both two seasons and same with Emma. And I work a lot behind the scenes. So again, I'm the production manager.

So pretty much from development to distribution, I was there seeing how all the sausage gets made, as they say. Unreal, unreal. He really just kept the entire production running so smoothly. And, you know, kept a great energy and attitude with the cast. Like you guys were a fantastic cast. So just from emailing your agents to actually working with you guys. Oh, that was you. You're like, here's the production schedule.

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So, yeah. Wow. You know, Ashen is the perfect combination of like production and like type A brain and like spiritual type B brain. You're just a full human and I'm jealous. That's me. That's me. So, you know, I know Matt was on the show and also Lindsay and so many people. Yeah. So we work together and they tell me that same thing all the time. And I really value that about myself. I love to, I'm a people person. So the first thing is, you know, I gotta make sure you feel good.

Cause I really believe when you feel good, it's when you're gonna bring your best performance. It's when you're gonna feel the safest. And so it's really important for me and my work and my line of work to make sure that anybody I'm working with, whether it's talent or crew, that you feel comfortable and great. But then also let's be logical. Let's make sure that your acting is good. Let's make sure that you feel comfortable and great. But then also, let's be logical.

Let's make sure that your acting is good. Let's make sure that you're delivering the lines, you know, we're going to take multiple takes. Let's make sure we're really getting the performance that the audience is going to love. So it is, oh my God, I never think about myself like that. But it's like kind of thinking in the now and then also thinking in the future. It's like, you know, let's all feel great now, but let's also make work that's going to sound good later kind of thing. Yeah. Yeah. You're just like orchestrator

of vibes and orchestrator of production. Hey, he does it all. Put it on my resume. Hello. Are you ready Ashen to orchestrate some advice for these fans? Oh, wow. Yes, I'm ready. I got my latte, if you will. Pumpkin spice. Oh my God. So? Oh my God, so here's what I'm doing. I've been learning to lift, and by lift I mean like five, 10, and 25 pounds, but listen, I got working with a personal trainer. We're starting small, and she was encouraging me as wherever possible to add protein wherever possible,

so I added a protein powder to my latte this morning. Ooh, how is it? It's not horrible. Okay. Is it great? Is the texture what I want? No. I gym, so I love me some protein powder. So I'm jealous. I'm like, what kind you got?

What flavor you got? Let me know if you need recommendations. Oh, I definitely need recommendations. My problem too is that I'm lactose intolerant and my body doesn't like the pea protein and all that. So it's just a problem always. So you need a specific one. You need like always like almost like vegan. My problem too is that I'm lactose intolerant and my body doesn't like the pea protein and all that so It's just a problem always. So you need a specific one you need like always like almost like vegan.

I just need, I don't know it's like vegan but also just but also not anyway this is fun facts Let's jump in and we ready for question one Today's questions are good one the first one has to do with work and the second one has to do with a boyfriend Today's questions are good. One, the first one has to do with work and the second one has to do with a boyfriend. So I thought we'd start with work. And this one's written and this is from Kayla

and she's from California. You ready? Yeah. Ready? It's a bit long. Okay. I've been in my current role for a little over two and a half years. In that time, I've received one promotion with a pay bump.

I recently found out that a person that was hired seven months ago is making about $15,000 more than me. This has been incredibly frustrating as she was hired at a lower title and despite her having been here for several months, I am still having to teach her how to do several aspects of her job. She says that when she negotiated with the company, they told her that she came in with more experience, but without getting into too many details.

The experience she has was not actually relevant to her current function, whereas mine was. I strongly feel that given I have two years in this actual job, it's not actually sufficient for me to just be matched to what she's making, as I still have a higher title and I'm still effectively training her. What should I do?" I know that's so good.

And I, oh, what a hard one. Stephanie, do you start or? No, no. Take it away. It's a really good question though, because I'm in that same space of life where Professional I haven't been in this professional space for a long time I serve tables for a long time and then all of a sudden I was plucked out and put into a company and Company politics are real, you know where you're yeah sometimes you do know of other people's salaries, you know of other people's experience and background and so

the first thing I thought was the importance of advocating for self. It's like your issue isn't really with the woman who got the job and who's, you know, your training and you're helping. The issue is more so with the company. So whoever your higher up is, I, if you know, go to a person that you can really connect with and be honest with. If your company is that kind of space. If your company creates a safe space, I hope that you have someone that maybe you could discuss.

You never want to reveal that you know someone else's salary or kind of use that as leverage, but you could say, hey, I say lead with your story. I've been here for two plus years. I've been doing this much work. What is the process for promotions? What's the process look like for raises? Because I feel like I'm really bringing my best self, I'm bringing my best work.

And now, ooh, I love being, what you can say about that person is that, and now I'm helping this person who's come learn X, Y, Z things. I'm training, training is always a big thing. It's like, wait, they got you doing things that sometimes upper management does. So I think it's really good to maybe lead with a lot of the things that you do, that you've done, things that you're currently doing and your goals. I've been in a position of leadership and we love hearing what your goals are and

just coming with asking for transparency. There's nothing wrong with that. Wow. That's it. Yeah. No, no. Ashen, that was great. I mean, anyone who's listened to this pod knows that I have like literally no corporate experience and even the corporate jobs I have worked have been like in wildly creative fields. And so I really this is not in my wheelhouse, though I do understand emotionally what is happening here.

And I think it's hard. It's like the one, like one half of this is like, you know, where is there room to abdicate for yourself and where is there room to demand more? And the other like less fun part of this is like, where sometimes are things just so unfair? And how do you also navigate that?

And so it's like, I absolutely think you need to be very clear and ask for a raise. And who knows? You either are going to decide to stay with this company and hopefully you get proper compensation and that's great. And she was the catalyst for this amazing upleveling in your life. But there's also a world in which they won't say yes. And then you have to really rethink

if you wanna be at a company that doesn't value you. I think either way, this is like the precipice of something new. I think what can't happen is staying in this exact position that she's in, obviously. Obviously, cause it sounds like there's a certain resentment, a level of resentment that's starting to be built up. And again, you don't want to be anywhere that's causing you

to become resentful and bitter. I love this quote in my job searching, I heard, if you don't like where you are, you have to change where you are, not who you are. So you don't start to alter yourself and be angry at the new hire, angry at the company. No, and Stephanie, incredible advice on the emotional side because there is a level where it won't be fair.

And what if you're bossy, what if you do all these steps and your boss is like, uh, no, we don't have a plan for you, not yet. I love the thought you're on the precipice of a change. And so embracing the change, which change is scary. I know it more than as so many other people do. Change is scary. But that's where some of the most exciting adventures begin. And you know, with a little scare, you know?

Yeah, it's like some things are this is like, I'm in a constant, constant battle working at my restaurant. I love it. I also deeply hate it. And, you know, like my podcast. Oh, I think this episode, it's really hard for me on this podcast to remember when these are coming out. But theoretically, like for instance, like my podcast is going to be out by the time this is out. And theoretically, my episode with my boss, Chef Nancy Silverton, Chef Nancy Silverton is also going to be out by the time this is out. And theoretically, my episode with my boss, Chef Nancy Silverton, is also going to be out. And she's amazing. I love working for Nancy. I think she is one of the most iconic people on the planet, one of the most decorated chefs in the world. And on top of that,

do I love serving? Do I love working until one in the morning sometimes. Do I love like working all day and working all night? No, but like I know, but I, you know, I know what it's for and I know what it's serving. It's allowing me to live in Los Angeles. It's allowing me to have my own place in West Hollywood. It's allowing me to have my days free to work on creative things like this podcast and my podcast and acting auditions and you know physical health and all of that and I Lead a lot of the time when I'm working on pods and when I'm just auditioning on my own or I'm just doing my own Thing like it's a very social job And so my point is like there are so it's so easy for me to explain to you why like serving at a restaurant sucks

It's like the most obvious argument ever. I have like a hundred reasons why it's horrible and you all can imagine them if you've worked in hospitality or not. But I think, but my point is, is I've been in a really interesting, like reframing period right now. And by the way, it's not all the time. I call my friends all the time being like,

I come out freaking out about it. And they're like, you're doing this for me. So I think there's a certain threshold of bullshit that you can put up with. If the re if the why, if your why is greater than like the bullshit you're putting up with, it's worth it to stay. If it's starting to feel like the opposite, it's time to go. Yeah, I think just a good analyzation of life. Again, man, if we talk about a story,

like in the past year, I went freelance. I was working full-time for a company, making salary, getting insurance, all those wonderful benefits of a full-time job. And you said, bye. And I said, bye. I'm like, what? And so to this listener, oh my God, it was crazy.

I just reached a place where the content that I was working on, don't get me wrong, some of the shows were fantastic, but some of them I was like, I just don't have interest. And I learned about myself that if I don't have interest in what I'm working on, I'm gonna be the slowest sloth you've ever seen getting it done. But if I love something, I'm fired up, I'm passionate,

I'm getting it done twice as fast. So had to make a decision I had to come to Jesus not to get like allowed to be religious on the show do whatever you want okay go go you know as they say come to Jesus I had to stop and weigh all of my options and I really encourage you to get down a pad if you're old school like me get down some a notepad or if you wanna type anything up, but really list out what are your goals, whether that be your job, whether that be your duties,

whether that be your salary, write down all of your literal goals, make it visible so you can literally stare at it and go, okay, this is what I want to be happy, this is what I need for, like Stephanie said, for the why to be able to overcome whatever it is. So if you want that, if you think this place is gonna eventually give you the salary you want,

then it's worth doing this time, like literally paying your dues in order to get what you want. But if you think that there's no future with this place to cover those goals once you've written them out, then what's the next step? Where do we need to go? What do we need to do?

That's such a good point, because right, like maybe she does want to stay with this company because it is completely a lie and she's just feeling mistreated. So it's like, I don't know, Emma, you need to talk on this because you work in a corporate place. No, I think if you have the evidence, what do you have to lose?

Like worst case scenario, they say no. They're not gonna judge you because you literally have proof that someone is making more money than you that is doing the same job. So by no means is it crazy for you to ask what you want. As long as you have like the data and evidence to back yourself up, you should always ask for what you want. Yeah, sounds like a good cup of courage. I love what Emma said always ask for what you want. Yeah, sounds like a good cup of courage.

I love what Emma said, ask for what you want. A good cup of courage. You know? Yeah, and I think you're right. It's like, unfortunately, I feel like I'm always the one that's like, well, being like really practical, but it's like, unfortunately, people are going to take advantage of you until you stop them.

And I don't mean that in like some cynical way. I just think like companies are companies and like they're gonna take advantage until they're told they can't. It's just how it works. The goal is for them to protect themselves. They're not gonna protect you. So your goal has to be to protect yourself

just the same way. So it's business. Everything you discuss, anytime you go to them with a question or an ask, it's because you're protecting yourself the same way that business protects themselves. On that note, let's jump to a quick break. And when we're back, we're going to answer a question about moving in with a boyfriend. Ooh! This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. What's something that scares you? Ghosts, vampires.

For me, it's usually not the type of stuff we see around Halloween, but my own anxiety at times. You know what's great for facing your fears? Therapy. Yep, sometimes the scariest thing isn't facing our fears, but letting our fears hold us back. I love therapy. I always like to say in Lattes with Lucy that every single

person can benefit from therapy. No problem is too big or too small to benefit from it. If you keep holding your problems in, they will manifest in unhelpful ways. You should give BetterHelp a try. Like you, I was once listening to a BetterHelp podcast ad and decided to use that amazing code to get affordable therapy and I'm so happy I did. Overcome your fears with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash lattes today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash lattes. I'm Erica, one third of the podcast Books and Betches, a comedy book podcast where we swear, spoil, and we talk about... Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You cannot say that in this.

What do you mean? That's like our slogan. It's our gimmick. It is, but just say we're a very funny adult book podcast. How about we just give some examples of things we talk about? Well, there's a lot of chaos. I'm Christian and with me I have... Wildflower! No! We talk about books, but we're not your AP Lit class.

I definitely hit on the major points. You absolutely did not. She did. You talked about- Just not in the order you thought she would. You talked so slowly about one thing. A lot of sidebar conversations. I just-

Are you denying the existence of Chewbacabras? You know what, Erica? Yes, I am. And we don't always get the facts right. Epilogues don't belong in books. Call it chapter one. That's a prologue. The second I see it.

Oh, I'm talking about prologue. You can listen to new episodes of the Books and Betches podcast every Tuesday morning, anywhere you get your podcasts. Bye bye. And we are back. We have another voice question and it's from the same girl who asked a question last week. She sent us a lot of different ones and they're all really interesting. Wait, so we've answered her before? Yeah, last week she was the one that she asked about approaching 30 and losing your inner child.

Remember that question? Of course I do. That was my excited, like first time plugging the pod. I was like, let's go, let's go, let's go. I'm gonna start writing again. This is free therapy. I know that's right, girl. Ask all your questions.

We're ready. Okay, here we go. Hello, hello, Lattes with Lucy, Emma and Steph. I'm such a big fan and thank you for creating this podcast for the girlies and others like me who are just looking for an open ear on all things life and love. Today I'm coming to you with one question about love. My boyfriend and I have been together for a couple years now and it just feels like the right time for us to move in together. Wondering what to know before you move in with someone, when is it the right time, how to know if you're moving in the right direction or if you're moving too fast or too slow.

Any advice on that is super welcome. Okay, love you. So I feel like, do any of us live with our partners? Have a partner? Literally, as everyone knows on this pod, yeah no, don't live with a partner and never have. So anyone else? Take it away.

I do not, but I've been close to. Okay, yes. And I read a lot about this subject. Emma, go ahead, Emma. Oh, I mean, it was like part of the reason we broke up, but I have, yeah, he wanted me to move in with him and I said no, and then he broke up with me. For saying no.

Okay. Was that way more surrounding that though? Like, was that the deal breaker that's like, cause if you say no. There was definitely way more surrounding it, but I think he like was really offended by it. It kind of put the nail in the coffin for him. Yeah. And we were only dating a year. I go back and forth on this topic. For a while, I kind of thought that I don't want to live with someone until I'm married or whatever the equivalent. Sometimes I'm like, do I ever even want to get married?

Some kind of long-term commitment I think needs to be set before I move in with someone. And the reason is, and like, there's a lot of data that backs this up, is a lot of people do not leave relationships that are not working if they're living with someone, because it's a lot harder to, you know, like if you're sharing the cats, if you're relying on them for half the rent, if you don't want, you love where you live, like it's really hard for you to leave a relationship that don't want, you love where you live.

Like it's really hard for you to leave a relationship that isn't serving you if you're stuck with them and you rely on them for that. So that's why like I do think moving in with someone, it's a commitment to, it's a long-term commitment. It's not, it should never be done out of convenience. It should be done out of mutually feeling ready for it. Yeah, feeling ready for it.

See, this is what me and Stephanie were talking about, Emma. Your youth and your knowledge, like there are 60 year olds who can't even decipher that the way you just did. I'm like, oh my God, that's so good. There are like 60 year old moms listening being like, fuck. Looking at Harry in the kitchen for the 80th time and was like, God damn it, I want to leave. Yeah, I think, you know, the pandemic was such an indication of this.

I feel like so many of my friends because of a global disaster, like either jumped into living together or like were, you know, forced to live, whatever. And it was a make or break moment, I feel like. And not everyone. I mean, there are plenty of them that made the decision around that time. And then the pandemic just, whatever, this is irrelevant. But the point is, I feel like the pandemic made or break, made or broke. Made or broke. Past tense. The pandemic made or broke many, many, many couples around the planet.

And I think it was a great indication of exactly what Emma's saying, which is living together is a massive step. And I don't know what the deal is, but I do feel like in recent history, it's felt like less of a big deal. It's very strange because in the past, you would only move in together once you were married. Then I think a very important shift happened where it's like, how the fuck can I marry someone I haven't even lived with?

Like, how do I even know if we're compatible? That's at least my perspective is like, how the fuck am I going to marry someone if I've never lived with them? To me, that's like crazy because I feel like that to me is like the truest version of self, meeting the truest version of the other person's self. But I think that I just agree with what you said Emma, I think it needs to be a choice that feels like the right thing for the relationship

and not what I think it can be for a lot of people, which is just like a desperation to feel like you're moving forward in life. And I think like, it needs to be something that feels right, not because it's like a symbol of something more. 1000% Stephanie. So many people- Says me, who has no fucking idea what she's talking about.

No, but that's real. So many people end up in a terrible situation because of status or what they believe is supposed to be. Like they've grown up and been conditioned to, oh, we're supposed to be in a relationship by this point. We're supposed to be living together at this point. We're supposed to be married by this point. And it's like, that doesn't work for everybody.

You have to know what works best for your relationship. I'm in a relationship. My partner, we've been together two years to celebrate our two year anniversary. And to the listener, it is my very first relationship too. So all of this has been so much learning overload. It's like, wow, okay, I had no idea of these things. And so my perspective on this question is

me and my guy, we don't live together yet, but we talk about it. We talk about future things. We know that's something that both of us want down the line. For now, it's a matter of like, our finances are in the best place. Like that we wanna move in, we want us to like have the best version of that. So we want to be in a great apartment, we want to be able to get anything we need, we want to be able to like not struggle while living in that apartment together. So that's one part. And then I will say the other one, naturally, what I'm feeling is that y'all guys, like after two years, there was a part of me for a long time I had just gotten my first apartment a little bit before we got together so I had to let go of self so much I was like

this is my apartment I've never had this before but then I love you but also this is my space but now after two years I came home the other night from work we mentioned that I've been on this shoot that's like went going to 5 a.m. in the morning. I came home at 5 a.m. and my house never felt so lonely and quiet. I was just like, I looked at my bed and I was like, I wish baby was in there with me, you know? And I told him that too. Like I really do feel that.

It was like, oh, see, but there you go. Not to interrupt you, but like that's the moment. It's there you go not to interrupt you but like that's the moment It's like you are a right. It's like that's what we're talking about. Like you didn't think yourself Oh, like I'm 33 34 like it's damn near time that I have like a partner that I live with I better do this You literally came home Delusional and in your delusional exhausted mindset. We're like I would love to have him here And that's that's what we're fucking talking about. That was arriving at it naturally Stephanie.

Exactly. And each step surprises me. I'm like, I had no idea I was going to feel that way. And then it's the most lovely discovery. I can't wait to feel that way. Yeah. You know? Yeah. So that would be some advice there from my end. That was really good.

No, you guys are great. I mean, because I think we, I love that the three of us kind of have all these three different perspectives from where we're standing. So I loved each one of those. And I was like, oh, let me come in cause like, I think we, I love that the three of us kind of have all these three different perspectives from where we're standing. So I loved each one of those. And I was like, oh, let me come in with like, I actually do have a relationship and you know, this is where I'm at so far, you know, but it's about communication.

If we talk about relationships, the number one thing, I can't say this enough is communication, communication. I think those couples that we're talking about that force it or feel like they have to do something they're not openly talking about hey I kind of feel nervous about this or hey like Emma said you have to be able to be your authentic self with this person so if marriage or moving in with you is not even on your radar or something that you aspire with by yourself you have to be able to say that you have to be able to have a hard conversation with your partner.

I have a friend, I always use him as example, him and his partner, they have been together nine years, do not live together. My friend came in at the very early stages of the relationship and said that was a nonnegotiable. That friend has a kind of a will and grace situation. So they have like, they live with their best friend and they're like, that's the person I wanna live with. Living with my best friend is perfect. Me and you are great together.

I wanna be with you, but I also just wanna live with my best friend. And that's working. That part, his partner accepted that, you know? Yeah, it's like, this is kind of a weird way to put it, but it's like, in a way it's like, I'm so thrilled that Laura asked this question, but I don't know if I wanna say this,

but part of me is like, I think it's a really fun topic to discuss, but it's not a question that we could possibly answer for you. And I'm so thrilled you brought it up. Like, hello, like, please don't misunderstand me. Part of me is just like, we can't be seeking

outside ourselves for answers to these kinds of questions. The only one who's going to know is you. Yeah, because the two people who have to live in that house are you two. It's like how, you know, the question is like, when do you know if it's the right time? Like, when your body says it is. And by the way, and your partner too. And your partner too.. Yeah, like it's a two way street. Yeah, I feel like it doesn't have to be a full body yes, but like, I've been learning more and more lately with like, I know I mentioned my podcast a lot. It's just because it kind of is my relationship of this year. And in terms of just like, it's the thing that I that's like challenged me the most. And I feel like it's really required me to know that not everything's going to be a full body

yes, and that's okay. But it can be like a, a whisper of a yes. And I feel like if there's like a really, really small voice inside of you that's like, I'm scared, but I think I'm ready for this, like, go for it. Not everything has to be like, yes, I am ready. Because like, by the time you wait for that, yes, I'm ready, It could be too late. I don't know. Does that make any sense? Yes, but also I'm like, on the flip side of that, if there is something inside of you and that little voice is saying, no, I'm not ready,

listen to that as well. Don't ignore that voice. Yep, 100%. Where both things are true. It's like the yes could be soft or loud and a no can be soft or loud. Mm, deep. Deep.

I think, I was like, I wanna make sure I say, it's almost like the first question, a relationship is a partnership. It's almost like a business at the end of the day. So you have to be the key, transparent, be transparent. Go to that partner, you deserve a really wonderful sit down. Hopefully it's not an awkward conversation. That's telling on itself.

If you feel like you can go to your partner and bring up the fact that, just even asking, hey, what are our thoughts on living together? As long as you feel comfortable asking that and you know your partner's gonna meet you in a pleasant way, that's a good sign. If you get a little nervous and you're like, oh God, he hates when I bring up living together.

Oh, let's dig deeper. Let's talk a little bit more, you know, about something. That's so true. But good luck. I hope you, I hope the conversation or that decision goes well. But no, there, there is no rule to when it has to happen. And I think that's the most outdated version of life. I, in my opinion is when you feel like there's certain, a timeline for every single thing of the relationship. Throw it out the window, let it go.

It's your relationship. Let it go. You make the rules. Wow, you guys, this has been quite the journey with the collective amount of sleep totaling zero. I really, I adore you both so much. I think we've reached the end, I'm sad. Oh my God, I wanna, thank you so much.

I just wanna say both of you, like the listener said, you two are so wonderful. This show is so lovely, such a companion. I didn't even, I feel like, I didn't say anything about Reed, Ella, everybody. But just know, like, yeah, like, don't use any of their relationships as an example. Yes, some like I've been watching. I've been watching obsessively Tommy Lies, as everyone has.

And I feel like, yes, we just like start talking about that instead. Um, you know, I think this is obvious, but for anyone listening, especially like our really young fans, like the things that are for entertainment or for entertainment and to like shed light on like what can be fucked up in relationships and not do not seek to emulate that. Please. Thank you. Yeah. If anything, like what we've talked about, I feel like if I can pull anything out my butt right now is the transparency factor. Let's all remember that moment where Ella and Reed were like not being honest.

They were keeping stuff from each other. They were holding stuff in. And you notice as soon as they both decided to share their most authentic self, they were their most honest truths. That's when the relationship got so much better. So the importance of transparency is key. Yeah, yeah, it's importance of transparency is key. Yeah. It's key.

It's key. Now we can end the show because I acknowledge the roles of Malibu. Well, thank you both for having me. Oh my God, we're thrilled to have you and we just can't wait to have you back in some way. Emma, have a wonderful vacation. You deserve it.

Thank you. Stephanie, you may not plug your other show, but I'ma plug it. Y'all, Stephanie's got a new podcast coming out. I cannot wait to listen. Let's get together. Let's get a Reddit thread started. Let's get together.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Never too late to the party and never too late to go back to bed. We're gonna let Ashton and Emma go off with their lives and we love you all so much. As a reminder, we want your questions. Head to emeraldaudio.co slash Lottie's Lucy to submit your voice memo which you know we love or write in your questions. If you're shy, check out our Instagram at the Royals of Malibu to learn more. All questions can remain anonymous. No topic is too gringe or too embarrassing.

Believe me, I'm 33 without a partner in my house. We are here for you to be the Lucy to your Ella, the Ella to your Val, anytime, anywhere. And please, hello, come back next Monday for more and follow the show at the Royals of Malibu. Follow Emerald Audio at Emerald Audio Network. Follow me, Stephanie Sherry at It's Steph Sherry. Follow Emma at Emma Bobemma and follow Ashton at? The Ashton Show. Yes, because life is a show and Ashton's a star. I love it.

You're amazing, thank you. I'm obsessed with all of you. Dasvidanya, we'll see you next week.