The Royals of Malibu - LATTES WITH LUCY E2 - Splitting the Bill with Nick Cafero (Easton)

Episode Date: August 12, 2024

Welcome to Lattes with Lucy, a special bonus series of The Royals of Malibu hosted by Stephanie Sherry (Lucy in The Royals of Malibu). Today, Nick Cafero (Easton, The Royal Boys) joins Emma and Steph to discuss fan questions. This show is different because we want to hear from you! Let us be the Lucy to your Ella Sinclair - and write to us your questions on life. Let us know what you’re going through, nothing is too big or too small, too scandalous or too cringe - whatever you may be going through, we want to hear it. You can write/upload your questions at emeraldaudio.co/latteswithlucy for a chance to be featured in the show  • Follow [The Royals of Malibu on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/theroyalsofmalibu/) • Follow [Stephanie Sherry on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/itsstephsherry/?hl=en) • Follow [Emerald Audio on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/emeraldaudionetwork/?hl=en) • Follow [The Royals of Malibu on TikTok](https://www.tiktok.com/@theroyalsofmalibu) • Explore more: https://www.emeraldaudio.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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created to give players of all ages, including kids and families, a safe, digital space to play in. Download Fortnite on consoles, PC, cloud services, or Android, and play Lego Fortnite for free, rated ESRB E10+. Welcome to Lattes with Lucy, a special bonus series of the Royals of Malibu. You can write or upload your questions at emeraldaudio.co slash Lattes with Lucy for a chance to be featured in the show or check out our Instagram at the Royals of Malibu to learn how you can submit a question of your own. Oh my god Emma, we are so lucky today because today we are joined by the one, the only,

Nick Caffero everybody. Hey, that was so sweet. I'm so happy to be here. I'm the lucky one. Thanks for being here, Nick. Yeah, I can't believe you even get up this early. It's 1115am. I know. And I've been up for a half hour. Are you drinking coffee? You sleep till 730 every day?

I actually have been up since eight. It's usually when I wake up, although I do need my sleep. And yes, I am drinking coffee. I have two cups every morning and then one in the afternoon, which, according to my dad is not good. So I do need my sleep and yes, I am drinking coffee. I have two cups every morning and then one in the afternoon, which according to my dad is not good. So. I do too. We gotta get Nick a latte to Lucy mug. I would love the mug, but I'm not a latte guy.

I'm just black drip coffee. Really? Yep. That's all I like. Wait, that's so surprising. Really, why, what'd you think? What would you think I like? Okay, so I like a vanilla ice latte with oat milk, personally.

This is a caramel latte that I made from home. But I will say, I feel like, whoa, I love coffee. I think all New Yorkers, we come out of the womb being like, where is the caffeine? But I feel like I would imagine not that you'd have a very sweet drink, but I do imagine that like a Nick Ferro like yourself wakes up and has like, like a touch of like a non dairy milk. Just a touch. Yeah, black coffee. Wow. Yeah, I'm just straight up black coffee. And you know what? I just with coffee, it's more the ritual. I just like the ritual of it. I like making it. I like I have a little bean grinder. Do that. I grind my beans. I love it. He grinds

his own beans. Do you feel like you're you're open and ready to give advice to the fans? Are you ready for this? I think I am ready to give it my best shot. I don't know if I would ever tell somebody to take my advice. I don't. You know, but I'm willing to I'm willing to give it a shot. You know, I'm always open. But I'm willing to I'm willing to give it a shot. You know I'm always open All we can do is try Yeah, all we could do is try and then they could try taking my advice and applying it and if they fail Wasn't me Yeah, that was actually something I said

I'm trying to find a natural transition here. Yes good. Let's see. It's not easy Yeah transition here. Yes, good luck. See, it's not easy. You know, it's not easy to find. Yeah, yeah. You're the king of transitions. Ready to snipe me down every time I try. I think actually, Emma, don't even try to transition. Just make Nick do it. Because you know what, it'd be fun to watch him try. It's actually funny because every time I tried to make a transition on that show Chris would immediately be like you idiot you That was terrible and my mom would get so upset. She's like you're being so mean to him

He's just trying to keep it moving Siblings man Well, then can you find me so our first fan question has to do with a cousin? Can you find a transition there? This above my pay grade I clocked out a transition leave it to you guys I'm off the clock. I'm a go ahead. Thank you for being here for free. We appreciate it Anyway, our first fan question has to do about a cousin's fiance. You guys ready to hear it? Let's do it. Never been more. My cousin's fiance is constantly saying questionable things around my family, making slightly rude comments, asking us odd

personal questions. My cousin and this guy met less than two years ago and got engaged pretty quickly after meeting so none of us really know him that well. She seems happy around him and from what we can tell he's nice, but they fight a lot when around friends and family. Should we say something to my cousin or respect her decision to marry this guy? Okay. Okay. Okay. Do we have the name of this holler? There's a lot to unpack here. We don't, it's anonymous. We can give her a name. It's okay.

I like anonymous, that's very eclectic. Well, I have a lot of thoughts. Yeah, go ahead. Go for it, Nick. I think that she said, should we tell our cousin what we think or allow her to marry this guy? I believe that's how she ended that. And I would say they're not mutually exclusive. You could do both.

You can respect her decision to be with this person, but also be upfront and honest with your cousin. I think that's the best way to do it. The thing about, the one thing that popped out to me the most was they fight in front of friends and family. So that's an interesting thing because if they're fighting in front of friends and family, it's probably happening behind closed doors as well,

probably more so. And listen, everybody fights. It's normal, It's natural. But my advice would be when it comes to family members and their significant others, it's always hard because you know your family member in a very certain way. And when a significant other is brought in, the whole dynamic shifts, whether it's for the better or for the worse or whatever, it's just different and it takes adapting no matter what.

And you are not dating that person, your cousin is. So that's the important thing to remember, but also it's important to remember that that person is your cousin, and if you love them and have a relationship that it's appropriate to share your opinions, you absolutely should. If maybe you aren't as close as one of your other family members, allow them to.

Cousin could be a little bit of a stretch. I would say if it's, you know, depending on your relationship. But for me, I think it's more of a sibling's role or a close friend's role to say what they feel about that person and be open and honest. And then after that, you're out. Like it's their decision.

You tell them, you know, what they need to hear, what you think they need to hear. And then you drop it and you let them decide what to do because they're an adult and they could choose who they want to be with. But at least you feel like you've come clean and gotten it off your chest. That's my advice. Do both things. Tell them how you feel and then allow them to do what they want to do and respect that and support them however you can. Nick, I think that was a very well crafted response. Oh, thank you so much.

Yeah, I think you're so what? No, real. There was, there's a lot going on here. I think there's two things going on. There's like, you know, I think I really like how this question was presented because it's, there is the giving of the option of respecting your cousin, respecting her agency, respecting her choices. But I think there's two things going on here.

There's, I'm concerned that my cousin is maybe marrying not the best guy, but I think the first concern, which we can talk a little more about, is that he's making nasty comments or uncomfortable comments in front of everyone. So I think that's where, to me, the line is drawn. It's like, if you're just witnessing things or you're suspecting things, that's one thing and we'll get to that. But I think the first thing to talk about is they're actually like actively making maybe comments towards you or towards other members of your family in front of you. And how do you handle that? And what's the course of action? Like, do is the right thing to say in the moment, like, hey, like, I don't know how I feel, you know, try to address it in like a nice, non-aggressive way.

You know, what's the right move? Do you go to your cousin first and tell her, like, hey, I wasn't loving the kinds of comments, you know, your fiance was making, et cetera, et cetera? Or do you go to him and try to like bridge the gap there? That's what I would kind of struggle with is because it's I think maybe if you go directly to him it might feel like way too aggressive but then if you're going to her it's almost like you're going behind his back so that's what I would want to kind of address that first. Yeah well if the if it's directed

towards you which it sounds like if he makes these comments towards you and the guy's been there for two years it's not like he's just you know coming in for the first time at least that's what it sounds like I think I would hope that that person is comfortable enough to address the person head-on but you're right like it that's if it's directed towards you if you're witnessing them arguing as a couple, yeah, it might not be appropriate to step in and say something. Maybe it's more appropriate to say something to your cousin after, be like, hey, are you

all right? Like, what was that about? Bah bah bah. But if it's directly towards you, you're, you have full, uh, you, you, you have like every right to say something right back to that person. You have to go through your cousin. I mean, obviously there's a respectful and appropriate way to do everything. Yeah, it just, it sounds like some of the bad behaviors just need to be addressed.

And then if there's a larger conversation of like, is this person right for your cousin, that's, I think where it gets a little tricky. I don't know. for your cousin, that's I think where it gets a little tricky. I don't know. I think it's really difficult because I think if you really think that someone is not seeing something in regards to the relationship, like it can be really helpful to give your two cents, but if they're really not interested in your two cents, it could really create a rift. So it's a risk that you're gonna take. I mean, I think you gotta give someone a chance to change and a chance to amend their behavior. And I'm sure that a lot of these comments and weird moments are gonna be brushed off as jokes or not that serious.

And I think the first step is definitely like in a really nice way, like addressing certain things, calling certain things out. But then if it doesn't change, I think you, I don't know, maybe this is controversial. I think you are allowed to make your feelings known, but if they, if your cousin like doesn't agree with them, then at a certain point you do have to back down and that's really difficult. Yeah. This is a hard one.

In my experience, I mean, I feel like I've had friends kind of in similar situations and it is a balancing act, right? Like I do think you should say something once just so they're aware of what you're seeing from a third party perspective. But I've witnessed so many times friends shutting down once they realize that you don't like their partner, like they won't talk to you about it and then they become very isolated and they don't have friends that they can share things with because they don't want their friends to hate their partner

and then that can become really bad. And I do think at the end of the day, even in my experience, like I've dated people that friends say, why are you dating this person? That never, people telling me that never really helps me make a decision. It's something I had to make on my own to finally realize that. And I do think ultimately, it's something that she has to figure out by herself in order to, to walk away from it. But I do think saying your opinion once

is fine. Just know that it's very possible she stays with this man and marries him and he's in your life forever. So it's just about walking that fine line. Yeah, it's also like, I agree with you. It is their decision and they do need to come to it on their own. So a lot of times I feel like when I've been in situations like this, the person is defensive as they should be, it's their significant other. They're going to be defensive.

But it's still in their mind and they're going to think about it. And that's when you kind of got to, you know, you've done your part already. You relinquish control. And I think that if you don't say something, then it's just going to, you know, it's just going to bottle up and it's going to be there and you're going to be resentful. So it's better to just get it off your chest. I don't know. That's easier said than done. And the other thing is, it's not, it's not your job to say who's right or wrong for someone else. That's their decision to make.

Totally. It's your job to say how you feel and then let them do with that as as they choose as they will yes I mean if someone's in danger abusive physically or emotionally then yeah step in of course obviously there's degrees of severity you know some people really need help some people are blind to that stuff but you know if it's just like I don't like you know I don't like the way that guy dresses I don't like the way that guy dresses. I don't like the way that guy's sense of humor or what, you know, I don't know. I don't like the movies he likes, blah, blah, blah. Then, all right, no one's perfect.

Our next question has to do with Hinge, I believe. You guys ready for it? Yeah, I'm ready for it. So I recently started seeing this guy that I met on Hinge and we've been on three dates and I really like him so far. There's definitely chemistry and I want to keep seeing him. The only thing that's weirding me out is that on all three dates he's asked to split the bill and I don't want to be an anti-feminist but I feel like I'd like to be taken out. Do you think I should keep splitting the bill with him or should I bring it up? Interesting.

That's a tough one. This is a hot topic. This is really hard. This is a hot topic. I have so many thoughts. May I begin? I'm going to begin. Okay, so this is really tricky. Because I understand this. And it is it is nice as a woman to feel like you are being taken out. However, I do feel like, and Nick, you can comment on this as the resident dude, I do feel like in an effort to perhaps, like, make things equitable or like not make a woman feel like she has to do X, Y, Z. Like I think there's been kind of a movement in a really nice direction of splitting the bill as a way to make things feel equitable and not like pressured in any way.

I for one can absolutely admit that like, especially early on in dating, when a guy would pay for the whole thing, I did feel like a little bit of just like an expectation or a pressure, whether it was imposed actually or not, it can be implied sometimes. And so, like, in a way, like splitting, it makes you feel like you're on an even footing. But I think it's really hard because if you bring it up, it sometimes can be like making a mountain out of a molehill and like bringing attention to something that, like, perhaps doesn't need like an entire discussion.

Ooh, I don't know. I don't know. Cause I also like, I, I sometimes I really enjoy splitting it for the reasons I just mentioned, like, especially if it's early on, I really, I, I sometimes feel a lot more in control and a lot more safe if it's like it's split. But obviously if a guy's like, no, no, no, like it's on me, that's like really nice. I'm also about to like venture into the dating women sphere and like who knows what happens then. Like that's all out the window. So

you know, I think, I don't think it's a deal, my point is I don't think it's a deal breaker that he's not paying. I don't think it's an indication of cheapness or or nickel and diming. I think it's, I think it's an indication of cheapness or, or nickel and diming. I think it's I think it's actually like a good sign and it's indicative of someone that is trying to make things fair. I think it'd be one thing of every time he was like expecting you to pay. I think that would be a different story. But I don't know, I, I struggled to think that this needs to be brought up. What do we think?

to think that this needs to be brought up? What do we think? I, I agree. This is very fascinating. I have a lot of thoughts as well. My initial thought is, okay, it's been three dates, and you seem to really like this guy. So just follow that. Don't let this is not a deal breaker. I also would like more information on how he goes about splitting the bill. Is he like, let's split this? Or is it more of like a the bill comes in, he puts his card down and then you put yours down, you know, just out of reflex or because there's that instinct that I feel when when a check comes like everyone reaches for their wallet, you

know, and maybe he's just, he's not saying no, put it back. He's just like, okay, whatever. And that I feel when a check comes, like everyone reaches for their wallet, you know? And maybe he's just, he's not saying no, put it back. He's just like, okay, whatever. Or is he deliberately asking you to split the bill? There's a big difference there. I would just also say from my perspective, and I don't even think this is like, it's not like coming from like a male, like dominant thing or anything like that, masculinity thing. I just feel like, even if I went with a friend, I feel like I have to pay for it.

I don't know why. It's crazy because I don't have the means to do that. But I do always feel like I need to be the host. He's masquerading as a rich man. Yes, I guess so. But I have I've been on several dates with this one girl recently and at the first couple dates I like paid and she always offered she always does and I'm like no no no no this is on me this is on me I don't know why it's just my instinct but then I noticed I can't do that because she started to get upset

It started to make her uncomfortable and I was like, oh my gosh Is this is this making you uncomfortable and she was like a little bit. Yeah, I would like to pay so I was like Okay, like I'm sorry. I didn't I didn't mean that I don't mean anything by this like it's just And and then I was like, yeah sure go ahead to pay I just feel uncomfortable when people buy me stuff or give me stuff in general It's just, and then I was like, yeah, sure, go ahead and pay. I just feel uncomfortable when people buy me stuff or give me stuff in general. I mean, it's always nice, but I do feel a little uncomfortable by it. So it's like, if I could get ahead of that.

But yeah, then I realized that she didn't really love it. And then it kind of came out in the wash, you know, after she was buying stuff and then I get the next one, blah, blah, blah. So I would say three dates is a little soon. It's not a deal breaker. It's not like he's asking you to pay, which is also great. Yeah. And there is like, I do feel a little like bit like I didn't, I don't know if you call

it a feminist movement or whatever. Like I do feel like it is on my mind. Like is it disrespectful for me to to to just want to pay for this So that is a thought that goes through my head. So it could be what's kind of dominating his thought process Yeah, I think a lot of guys like you said they just don't know what to do nowadays Because sometimes some girls will get offended if they don't pay and then some girls might feel uncomfortable if they do pay. So it's kind of, it kind of just depends on the girl. Like I do think like it is the nice thing to do for a guy to pay at least just for the first date, like me personally. I like that. But after that, I think splitting the bill is the way to go. But everyone's

different. Like I said, like I do have friends that like you stuff like it. They don't always enjoy that. And then I have, I have some friends that don't ever want to pay to like, it's just, right now is such a weird time because everyone has totally different, has a totally different perspective on this. And there's no right answer. But I agree. Like, I don't think this should be a deal breaker. It seems like you really like this guy. Otherwise, you're only three dates in so I wouldn't bring it up. I'm also a big fan. I really like I feel like when I've gotten into the rhythm of like dating in the past, like I feel like I really like the like, oh, I got this and then they get the next and you know, there's something about splitting everything that feels so like old married couple to me and there is something kind of like fun and exciting especially if like, you know, you go on a date and it's like, oh, like you grab, you know, apps and drinks one place and then you go to like a different place and like then that rounds on you and then you go to

the other one. And like, I just feel like it adds like a fun element to everything. And I'm sure as I like start to date women more and then like we should really revisit this once I've gone on some dates of women and then we're gonna have Nick back and we'll like crack this wide open Yeah, you know, I think yeah. Yeah, I do prefer that Yeah, I just think there's something about Feels like home Anytime somebody has like a public Venmo and it's you see them like

Yes, that knowing their spouse like I've married couples, friends that are married like and I see them like that. I'm like, don't you guys just like have a joint thing like, where's the romance? Yeah, I will say I will tell an anecdote about like one situation where I, I was kind of turned off by this guy. I went on like a hinge day like two months ago. And on my first day, it's I what I like to do to go on a walk, or like to get coffee, maybe a drink if I feel like I might really like

the person but I like things that are very inexpensive and easy exit if it's not going well. Yeah, and he asked me love an easy restaurant. Yeah, and I was like, OK, this looks like really good food. And he's insisting we go there. I'll go. But I would never suggest that. And after, so he put his card down. And then afterwards, he asked me to Venmo him.

No. That's an instance. And I was no Venmo at all. He was nice, but I was not attracted to him. And I was like, Okay, no, no, no. I like I always offer I'm like, I'm happy you know, like, pay, like, oh, no. And then I forget exactly what happened. But he he basically gave the card to the waitress like before I could even like sense what was happening. And I think that's also weird too, because he wanted to look like he was. No, that's what I'm saying. You don't get to do the, you don't get to be the guy. You don't get to be the guy that does the suave thing, which is like, here babe, give

the card, ba ba ba ba, and then like take it back later. That's disgusting. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Immediately. No immediately no okay I was really nice like obviously I was not feeling it either like I was like I do not want to go another date with you and obviously he was feeling the same way but that's why you don't go to nice restaurants on your first date and if

you do if you want to split the bill you have to you can't do it retroactively you have to do it there you there but my advice to if this girl wants to get taken out this caller or questioner I don't know do even call them callers anymore I would say this reader be the next time the bill comes just be like do you want the points or something like that that That's good. Do you want the points or should I? Yeah, exactly. Or you're like, you're doing you're doing him a favor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See what happens.

Yeah, maybe I'm old fashioned. Maybe like it's inappropriate. But I do there's a part of me that feels like the guy should pay for the first date. Yeah, I don't think that's inappropriate. Well, I think I'm like I'm like 60-40, right? It's like close to the middle, but guys should pay a little bit more. And why you can, there's an economical reason for this. Like girls have to get their nails done.

They have to get, they spend so much more money to look presentable than men. And I think that's just like the world balancing itself out. Right, we're paid less by the dollar, you know? Yeah, I feel like, mm-hmm. Part of it's okay. I think that's why a guy should pay the first time. I do think as we've discussed, it gets like more complicated and nuanced as we go on.

But yeah. Yeah. Hey guys, it's Emma from the Royals of Malibu and Emerald Audio. I don't know about you, but everything seems to be getting more and more expensive these days. That's why I absolutely love saving money on my online shopping with Rakuten. Rakuten is the smartest way to save money when you shop because you can earn cash back at over 35,500 stores. We're talking fashion, beauty, electronics, home essentials, travel, dining, concert tickets, and more. Your favorite stores

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When your celebration of life is prepaid in advance, it becomes a gift from you to your family later because no one should have to plan for a loss while they're experiencing one. Paying in advance protects your loved ones and gives you the peace of mind you deserve. Let us help you plan every detail with professionalism and compassion. We are your local Dignity Memorial provider. Find us at DignityMemorial.ca. All right guys, you ready for the last question of today? Hit me. Wow, that went so fast. Hey Lucy, I have a friend who I thought we were close,

but realizing she's not as good of a friend as I thought It's something I thought I could have a conversation with her about but I think her actions are just who she is I can't break up this friendship because we run in the same circle and I'll run into her and I don't want it to be Awkward but don't want to spend as much time with her. What should I do? I Have I have a lot of experience with this. Oh really? Then you take it away. Take it away. Okay, so it's a little difficult

because we didn't get a ton of information. So I'll have to just go off of what we know, which is I'm feeling the need to have a friend breakup with someone I'm in a friend group with. And that's really hard. And I don't know how old this caller, reader, listener, what do we call them? We'll suss that out over time. But I don't know how old this person is. But I think something that happens a lot in your 20s is that friendships that once really worked like as you start to grow and learn your own boundaries and learn your values,

like certain friendships just don't hold up and certain ways of being treated that you used to put up with you just can't anymore or certain aspects of your friends that you used to like be fine with now are like really offensive to you or your values become a lot clearer throughout your 20s and then your friendships kind of have to fall into place and some people have the same values as you and some people don't and that's really really hard and I think what's really difficult is when a friendship is no longer serving you, there

is a fallout that happens within a group. Groups fall apart because of certain friendships splintering. There's always, I feel like, a core friendship to every group that kind of keeps it together. And I've gone through this and it is really hard. I think there's two different ways it can go. I think there is kind of the short-term solution, which is consciously creating space and distancing, but trying to preserve the integrity of the group. And then sometimes the fissure is – I just dropped my crystal very Los Angeles. Sometimes the like fissure of the group is inevitable

and like needs to happen and it's actually going to make room for healthier, more expansive, more mature friendship. So you're in a really tough spot. And I think it is going to be important for your own sanity to just at least start with the safer option, which is the creating space, because anyone can sit here and be like, cut her out, like move on. Like that's really difficult to feel like the breakup of a friendship is impending

and then to have attached to it a breakup of a friend group feeling like a potential consequence is like a lot for someone to go through. And so I think it is important to take these things in steps. So I would say I do think step one is like, it's kind of like when you're not sure if you're supposed to break up with someone you're dating and you're like, all right, let's just try all of these different solutions first before because then once you arrive at like, there is nothing left to be done, like this has to be over, at least you know.

So it sounds like you're kind of in that unsure place. And sometimes like you take space and like both people, both parties kind of get it and are on the same page about the space and you can co-exist. And so I would say try that. But if it's just not working, like if it's a friend, for instance, that you feel like is constantly cutting you down or throwing you under the bus or making comments or just kind of there's like a palpable tension with them in a group setting that does need to be addressed. And

if it's, you know, interpersonally things that are going on that are kind of just unable to be reconciled. It's like, I've done that. It was hard, but I did take a step back from the group because I just needed to heal. And it's also okay to do that. And it can be sad and it can be lonely, but it's not forever. And things, I really do believe that things ultimately shake out how they're supposed to because I think friends can come for your whole life or they can come for a season. I think people come into your life and really teach you how to be a more realized version

of yourself. Some people are meant to stay with you chapter. Yeah. Yeah. It was well said. It is a first my first thought was I wonder how old this person is where they are in their life. And then I realized this is like kind of a never ending journey, if you will, because people are constant no matter how old you are, where you are in life people are constantly changing people are constantly Developing and growing in different ways whether that's together or apart I do think it's more common or and happens more often when you're younger just because you're in more situations where you're around

People and also there are a lot more changes happening more rapidly when you're younger, but it is not exclusive to younger audience. And like you said, there are a lot of variables. I mean, if this is somebody that is bringing you down or just being toxic to you in your life or, you know, actively reaching out to you or undermining your own growth, then yes, you need to say something. If this is just somebody that is in your friend group that you're realizing you don't really agree with or enjoy being around or whatnot, then I think there is a world where you could just coexist or just maybe not reach out to them as much or not rely on them for things as much.

And you just continue, you know, getting, being close with who you are. And then I think a lot of times we feel like there's a black or white decision that we need to make. And sometimes you don't really need to make a decision. You could just continue to grow and live your life. And you're naturally just not going to be as close with this person or part of their life as you once were and nothing really needs to be said or determined or no decisions or choices need to be made. It just kind of happens that way and it's natural.

Sometimes it's tough because it's weird. You feel like there's this void in your life and other times it's just, you know, okay, onto the next or not even onto the next, they're still there, but they're just kind of take a little backseat and that's all right. And I think the biggest thing to overcome in situations like this is like a personal guilt. I know for my own experience, you feel like guilty, like, oh, you know, and I think in some ways you have to be a little bit maybe

selfish or inward thinking and just how especially when you're young of like you're on your own growth journey and you need to make sure that people that serve that are with you and the people that aren't kind of you put them to the side That's not to say you don't you do that just with everyone you disagree with because sometimes people that disagree You disagree with are very important and they open your eyes and whatnot But if it's somebody that's you know, you're just not as close to them more It's sad, but it happens happens all the time and it will happen more and more as you grow up. Yeah I'm curious what that she said some of her actions she disagrees with, so I feel like it's something she did.

But I agree, Nick, if it's someone that is just runs in your friend group and you don't necessarily enjoy being around, I don't really think you really need to completely cut it off. You can kind of do a conscious uncoupling, if you will, and let it eventually fizzle out. But if it's someone that is really doing actions that are hurting you or other people, then I think it is worth a conversation.

It's also very possible that they are completely naive and don't know that they're doing that. But if it's someone you're not interested in being friends with, sometimes it's not even worth going there. Yeah. It's like pick your battles. Yeah, it's like pick your battles. I know it's so hard. It's so hard. I also feel like in my life lately what's been coming up is like, I feel like we all have our trauma, we all have our like wounds that kind of like rear their ugly head. And I think a lot of the time, to your point Emma, like we can misinterpret people's intentions.

Sometimes people are ill intentioned and that's just really unfortunate. But a lot of the time they're not. And I feel like a lot of the time things are misconstrued. And like I'm someone for instance that takes things so personally, like so personally, like to the point that it's ridiculous. And it can, but it can feel like,

oh, what I think is so clearly what's going on because, you know, you take what you think as fact and like this is what this meant. It's like, I just, yeah, I think it's a group, it's really important to remember that like, we aren't in each other's minds. We don't know what's intended.

And even though something might feel like it was meant to hurt your feelings or slight you or XYZ uncomfortable feeling, it's very possible that wasn't the intention. And I think it is. I'm really loving lately giving people the benefit of the doubt, something my therapist always reminds me to say to myself is like, but what else could be true? And that's like a really incredible question to ask yourself when you catch yourself kind of like immediately spiraling down whatever your unique brand of spiral is. I feel like

it's a really good thing to be like, okay, yeah, it feels like in this moment, like this friend was putting me down. But like, what else could be true? And like, maybe, maybe it's not at all. Maybe they really were joking, you know? And listen, it's not a way to, like, gaslight yourself or try to, like, excuse poor behavior. But, you know, like, if somebody doesn't reply back to you right away, it doesn't always necessarily mean they're upset and they're, like, avoiding you. They, like, we're at work, you know? It's like, that's a really simple example, but it's, like, it's so easy in this day and age to misconstrue everything. And I think if it's, I think if it's a close friend of yours who's like goodness and love of you,

you trust to like get people the benefit of the doubt. But it's hard. Absolutely, absolutely. There's, when you're younger, there's this like, I don't know, I'll speak for myself, but it was like, I have my best friend. This is my universal best friend and I need to pick the one person.

And then as you grow older, you realize like realize like oh no like different friends serve different purposes. Especially where I'm in my life some of my friends are married, some of my friends are single, some of my friends are doing really well financially. Like there's different people I go to for different issues. If I have a girl issue or relationship issue I might go to somebody. If I have a work issue I might go to somebody else. There's some weeks where I'm like, I don't really feel like that energy, having that energy in my life. And I kind of lean into another friend group. Like you'll find that everyone's growing and everyone's changing. And by the way, sometimes that person might need a break from you. You might be the person that like, you know, and there's nothing wrong

with that. So yeah. Different friends for different things has been a major lesson for me too. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes people are just in your life for a season and that could be just as beautiful as someone you're friends with your whole life. Yeah. It might be someone that you needed during that period of your life and people grow apart, they move away. This is a question but I, I went to the Broad the other day that museum downtown where it's just rich, these rich people bought all the art. And they they had in the bookstore, this like anxiety workbook and I was with like two family friends that were like, haha, who would buy this? And in my head was like me, me, I would, but I didn't buy it.

Not because I was embarrassed, but because, you know, we're poor. And so, but I'm not joking. When I was flipping through it, kind of being like I secretly really want this, there was a page that was like for you to doodle on. And it was like, relationships can have mixed feelings, and that's okay.

And like, it had all of these different, like diametrically opposed feelings on the page. And it was like, oh, wow, like I've never actually heard it stated that it's also okay to have mixed feelings in your friendships and in your relationships. And I know that sounds like, what? But it's like, that's okay too, because I think we think sometimes if there's like the presence of an uncomfortable feeling In a dynamic that that means that like it has to go I also just think in like honest relationships like just like how there are different friends for different things There are gonna be kind of different flaws or issues or kind of like just like sticky shit That varies from friend to friend.

And that's just like human experience. And that's like, okay too. You know, it's unfortunate that we don't get to like see what happens with our sage advice, but. Let's hope it goes well. Maybe we do. Maybe people call back in. Yeah. Yeah, they should.

Anyone listening? And if we answer one of your questions, feel free to keep us posted. Give us updates. Give us updates. We wanna hear. Yeah. let's know how this. Yeah. I want to go to the wedding. Speak now or forever hold your peace.

I don't like him. We know the truth. Nick, we would really love for you not to lose all your teeth. So thank you so much for being here. Please get to the dentist on time. And wow, you were an incredible, incredible cohost. And I really hope that we, we touched some lives today.

I hope so too. Cause I needed that. I was actually on my to-do list today. It was dentist and touch some lives. And by an air conditioner and by an AC AC, because boy oh boy are we sweating. Yes. No, this was lovely. I love what you're doing.

I love your characters. You play multiple characters, but I especially love Lucy on The Royals of Malibu, and I'm so happy that you guys decided to do this, because I think it it's wonderful And it's something that it's like a throwback It's like this used to be a huge part of culture like whether it was people writing in the newspapers or calling in the radio stations like So I love I love that you're doing this for a new age Good on you, and thank you so much for having me. It's so fun And I'm I'm pretty sure if I did have any cavities, they're gone now.

Yeah, they've been healed by our time here today. Are my teeth stained by the latte? A little bit. Thanks, Nick. This was awesome. Thanks, guys. It was great to be here. We want your questions.

We really do. We seriously want your questions. Head to emeraldaudio.co. Lattes with Lucy to submit your voice memo or to write in your question or check out our Instagram at theroyalsofmalibu to learn how you can submit a question of your own. All questions can remain anonymous.

No topic is too cringe, too embarrassing. Truly, we are here for you. To be the Lucy to your Ella, the Ella to your Val anytime, anywhere. Come back next Monday for more and be sure to follow the show at The Royals of Malibu, Emerald Audio at Emerald Audio Network, and of course, me, not Lucy, Stephanie Sherry at It's Steph Sherry.