The Royals of Malibu - LATTES WITH LUCY E7 - Letting Toxic People Go

Episode Date: September 16, 2024

Welcome to Lattes with Lucy, a special bonus series of The Royals of Malibu hosted by Stephanie Sherry (Lucy in The Royals of Malibu). Today, Steph and Emma discuss everything from letting toxic friends go to motivating yourself to work out. This show is different because we want to hear from you! Let us be the Lucy to your Ella Sinclair - and write to us your questions on life. Let us know what you’re going through, nothing is too big or too small, too scandalous or too cringe - whatever you may be going through, we want to hear it. You can write/upload your questions at https://www.emeraldaudio.co/latteswithlucy for a chance to be featured in the show. • Follow The Royals of Malibu on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/theroyalsofmalibu/) • Follow Stephanie Sherry on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/itsstephsherry/?hl=en) • Follow Emerald Audio on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/emeraldaudionetwork/?hl=en) • Follow The Royals of Malibu on TikTok (https://www.tiktok.com/@theroyalsofmalibu) • Explore more: https://www.emeraldaudio.co Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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is intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. We are not licensed therapists, counselors, or mental health professionals. While we aim to provide insightful and helpful discussions, our views and advice are based on personal experiences and general knowledge, not professional expertise. If you are seeking professional mental health support, we encourage you to consult a qualified therapist or counselor.

And with that out of the way, welcome back everybody to Lattes with Lucy, a special bonus series of The Royals of Malibu. As a reminder, you can always write or upload your questions at emeraldaudio.co slash Lattes with Lucy for a chance to be featured here on our show or check out our Instagram at The Royals of Malibu to learn how you can submit a question of your very own. Emma, I'm delighted to announce that it's just you and me today. It's just you and me. Which I love. It's back to the OG crew. Not that I don't love our guests, but this is, it's like returning home, you know? It's a homecoming really. Like we did in our first episode. Gosh, it feels like forever ago. It really does.

And I've been so moved by just everyone sending in their questions and like trusting us to guide their lives. I mean, that's a big honor. Absolutely. What are you up to this weekend for Labor Day? Anything fun? Oh, wow. You know, when you work at a restaurant,

like holiday weekends have like no meaning because it just feels like another weekend. But yeah, I'm just working. I wish I had a more exciting answer, but I'm kind of in my hustle era right now. How about you? It's busy time. Gotta get those tips. Yeah, get that money. I don't have too much planned. On Sunday though, my friends and I are all pitching in and we're renting a sailboat in Marina Del Rey. Have you ever done this? So cool! No! Is it expensive or is it like not that bad?

It's like 70 bucks. That's so decent. It's like a nice dinner. It's like a nice dinner. We got 12 people to do it. That's the only way we could afford it. But yeah, we're just gonna like cruise around and like watch the sunset. Oh my God. Do they have someone to like sail it for you? Yeah, there's a captain. Wait, that's such a cool idea.

And we're gonna make our own boat and maybe bring a bottle of wine. Bring multiple. I mean, one bottle amongst 12 is not gonna be enough. I know, maybe get some inspiration for Royal Season Three. I could see Ellen Reed going on a sailing day. I know well in Season One they went on the boat and that's when they had that whole scene when Ella teased Reed but maybe there could be a part two. Scandalous. Get some inspo. The in public of it all. Yeah that was a fun episode.

Oh my god. All right well we got some good questions today two different ones. Let's hop right in. Joy and Gabriella. This one is from Joy. So basically I have this friend and we go to school together, but lately she's been acting very toxic and talking shit about all of our other friends and just lots of people in general. She's also made a statement to our entire friend group about how she had a crush on my ex-boyfriend,

who I am dating now again but she doesn't know that. Anyways, she's just been very toxic lately and I don't know if I should drop her or how to deal with the situation because I don't like getting involved with all of her drama. What should I do? Ugh. The drama. I just, listen, I have literally no patience for toxic people. I have no patience for like the people that stir the pot. I just think it's just such a representation of them. And by the way, I feel like there's totally been times in the past that I've been that person, you know, and I feel like it comes from a place of being just like, unhappy and it has nothing to do with you and and that

doesn't mean to put up with it. It's just like I feel like this person's clearly in a phase where they just like they thrive on the drama. They thrive on causing conflict and just like tearing people down and it's like no fucking thank you. I feel like yeah honestly drop her. I feel like she sounds awful and you know we've said in the past like to give people the benefit of the doubt which I do stand by in general but it sounds like this is just you know yeah reoccurring and you know maybe there's a world in which, again, it's kind of like we've said this before, but it's like, definitely try and have a conversation, like pointed out.

But my gut is just telling me that this is someone that loves this kind of behavior and probably is not very open to letting it go. You know, not to be a brat, but it's like, there are plenty of people out there that love to live in this like judgmental, caddy, petty, causing drama place. Like, let them find you. One of my friends told me once their therapist said to them like, go and grow. Like, tell this girl go and grow. Like, them, like, go and grow. Like, tell this girl, go and grow. Like, please, like, fare thee well, go and grow. Like, go, but grow up separate from me. And like, maybe you'll come together later. But like, yeah, I mean, I think it's really hard

when you're in school together to navigate this because sometimes it's not so easy. But yeah, honestly, I feel like a lot of these episodes I've been very understanding and I'm in quite a mood today and my response is let her go. Yeah. It is hard when you're in high school too because you're kind of like for you have that forced proximity that you have to be around them all the time.

So you're going to have to deal with them. You're going to have to see them all the time. So I agree. Like obviously, like do not let her into your close circle of friends, especially if she's trying to go after your ex. That's just not girl code. Yes. Oh my God, we need to talk about that. Especially, it seems like she just brought it up nonchalantly, acting like she wouldn't expect you to be upset by that, which just seems like she's very emotionally unintelligent. I mean, you're not going to keep friends

around if you're talking shit about all of them. No one is going to want to be your friends and friend and odds are your other friends are feeling this way too. So in a way, like I kind of feel bad for this girl because she's just seemingly, she's not aware. Yeah. Yeah. And she's going to get caught. And it's like, if you're going to be talking a ton of shit, you're going to get caught.

And I think there's, you know, I think in the past when I've done this, it's been just like a true, like when I was really like, when I was younger, like it was just like an inability to have like honest conversations, like the kinds of conversations that we encourage people to have on this podcast, I could never have had at 17. And I do, but I do think that the 17 year olds today can,

because there's like a language for this and there's like a culture which I fucking love of like open communication, of therapy, of like expressing when things hurt your feelings and that being accepted and you know, it's like we talk about this a lot how like I'm, you know, in my 30s and pretty far from high school. And again, who knows?

She said they're in school together, it could obviously be college or later than high school. But in general, I think that it's just, it's a hard conversation to have. But also maybe in this case, maybe this is the first time I'm suggesting that a conversation doesn't have to be had. It can just be like, you know what? It's just clear that she doesn't have anyone's interest

at heart and she's just one of those toxic people. And I hope she grows out of it one day I hope that she finds like the inner the inner love that she needs to not just like cause shit and Yeah, girl, bye Yeah, I want to see her reaction when she finds out you're dating you're exing it. I know oh And again, it's like all of these things in isolation are not necessarily like a deal breaker, but all of these things together, it's just like, isn't it Oprah who said like,

when people show you who they are, believe them. And I feel like that's this is this. It's like, there have been a lot of different questions on the pod that felt like they had some nuance that had some room for nuance, and this doesn't feel like one. It feels like this is just someone who is showing you their true colors, and you either vibe with those colors or you don't.

And yeah, it just sounds like, it's like, yes, of course, if somebody admits to the group kind of embarrassingly, kind of like, ashamedly that they actually have a crush on one of the people's exes. You know, like that's one thing, but this, it just sounds like that that's not what this is. This isn't, for instance, like the question that we got with Kiana where it's like, I like him and so does my friend.

You know, that's like an earnest, honest situation. This just feels like bad news bears. Yeah, it seems like she has total disregard for your feelings and will put hers above anyone and everyone else's, which we don't have time for. We don't have time and I think honestly, maybe this will be a wake up call. I think when these people start to lose a lot of friends, obviously there's a very clear way to go where they're like, well, fuck them and I'm right and everyone's too

sensitive or whatever. They'll maybe not put the blame on themselves. But deep, deep down, there will be a reflection on this kind of behavior. Absolutely. I think if you can compartmentalize this relationship, as much as possible, that would be great. But if it's coming to a point where it's really affecting your own mental health, I think you should stand up for yourself. But don't just don't let this take so much energy from you because it's not worth it. She has a lot of growing to do. She has a lot of growing up to do it seems like and it's all gonna bite her in the butt eventually. Completely agreed. Whenever I go to the grocery store I am shocked by how expensive everything is getting.

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feel like every time it gets a bit hard, I just give up when I know I can do so much more. Oh, okay. I personally I can do so much more. Okay. I personally can relate a lot to this. Yes. Oh, me too. I feel like I am someone. It's so funny. I'm actually like, I'm struggling with this a lot right now in like I'm working on my other podcast. And a lot of it has required a lot of self direction. And the other day, I had like such a

stacked day. Like I had likection. And the other day I had like such a stacked day. Like I had like three voiceover auditions. I had a meeting for my podcast. I had another reading for my podcast. I recorded this podcast. I then recorded my podcast. And then I like went out with my friend and like had a great night.

And it was just like, that was exhausting and chaotic and like actually insane. Oh no, I had a commercial audition too that day. Like a hundred things stacked. And honestly, like though difficult and stressful, that is like easy for me. Like I, there is nothing, like sometimes I long to go back to school

so that I can have like structure again in my life. Like I'm such a nerd. Like I kind of loved like the structure of school. And so I have a point, which is that for me, when things are really like laid out for me, and it's like, really laid out for me and I am ushered through my day, it is though difficult, very easy. And I really, really struggle with self-direction. And I feel like this comes up for me in working out. And I understand this completely. I feel like I honestly, my advice, and at least what I've discovered is I need to do classes.

Like, I actually can't self-direct to the gym. I feel like when I'm alone and doing a solo workout, I kind of accept that it's going to be maybe a less intense version of that. And then if I'm wanting a more intense workout, I elect in that moment to go to a class. I think if you're asking like, no, I like this gym routine, how do I like hold myself to it? I think A, it's your first week and like, you know, I think you gotta go slow. I would argue if you went like insanely hard

your first week, what would likely happen is you'd either get injured or get really burnt out and then like not go the next week. So I think the fact that you're kind of like letting yourself down maybe to you, that's how it feels in this first week is actually okay. And I think it's, you're building a habit and I think that's fine.

And you know, maybe if you have the financial flexibility, maybe you hire a trainer and you, you know, you learn over the course of a month, how to like safely and effectively get through a gym workout. I feel like so many gyms have personal trainers available. I think that's a great solution. Then you can obviously wean yourself off of them and then decide if you're able to maintain. I think you're letting yourself down because you don't really know necessarily what to do. If it's that you do know what you should

do but you're feeling like you can't get yourself to do it, I think you got to just be patient with yourself and realize that you're going to get through. And yes, there's a certain degree of pushing yourself, but it's also okay for that process to be slow. And I think you're doing this hopefully to get a sense of mental clarity and to feel physically well. For me, I've been really on my fitness journey lately because I feel like when you turn 30, your whole body changes and you're like, I'm sorry, what? It's really, really disorienting, genuinely. My whole life, my body was a certain way and now my body's a different way. That's just growing up and womanhood and et cetera. But I think really, it's become working out for me has

become something that I do for my mental clarity more than for physical results. And I think that's made me a lot happier too. Yeah, I agree with that. I've like, I've gone through so many different phases in terms of working out and body image and all of that, like I'm someone who was an athlete my whole life and never really had to work out and could always eat pretty much whatever I wanted. And then when college hit, it hit me like a train.

Like I gained a lot of weight. I did not understand how it was happening. So every, and then I forced myself to go to the gym with the only, the sole purpose of losing a certain amount of weight every single week. I became so obsessed with it to the point that I hated the gym. Like I, I dreaded it every single day. I did not want to be there.

I saw it as a punishment, not as a reward for myself. And it wasn't until recently that I'm like, okay, I'm not even going to weigh myself. I'm just going to focus on feeling good mentally. Like you said stuff. And that's when I became addicted to going to the gym. Like now I'm at a place where I have to go

in order to feel better, to release stress. And then your body getting in better shape is also a great added effect to it. But I think you got to figure out what your motivation is and also finding the right kind of exercise for you. I mean, not everyone is a runner. Not everyone enjoys lifting weights. There's so many other ways that you can be active and exercise that don't necessarily require you going to the traditional gym. For instance, maybe you really

enjoy pickleball. I recently, I'm one of those girls now that's obsessed with pickleball. Wait, I've always wanted to try now that's like obsessed with pickleball. Like. I've always wanted to try it. I need to get out there. Oh, you should play. It's so fun. It's a great way to exercise. Wait, you can teach me.

I'm so obsessed. And you don't even realize you're working out. Going on a bike ride, walking your dog, join a kickball league. Like there's so many different ways, like experiment, try lots of different kinds of workouts and see what's fun for you. Cause then you're more likely to consistently do it. And the other thing I've noticed is, experiment, try lots of different kinds of workouts and see what's fun for you because then

you're more likely to consistently do it. And the other thing I've noticed is, I don't know where I read this, but there when it comes to transitions into working on something new, there's the three day, three week and three month rule. If you make it to three days, it's going to be easier. If you make it to three weeks, it's gonna be easier. If you make it to three weeks, it's gonna be even a lot more easier. If you make it to three months, then you've got a routine right there. So I would really focus three at a time. So if it's your first day at the gym,

okay, let's do three days. Okay, if it's your second week, let's focus on that third week. And it's just gonna become easier and easier to a point where it becomes part of your routine, and then you're not going to want to go without it. I do really encourage you to focus on exercise from a mental place and not necessarily a physical place because it should be a reward, not a punishment.

I completely agree. I think if you are like me and someone who can beat themselves up and it sounds, someone that is down on themselves. Instead of celebrating that you got to the gym and you moved that day, you're focusing on that. You didn't push yourself to the absolute max. I don't know where you live, Gabriella, but if you are in a city, I really recommend ClassPass. Do you know ClassPass stuff?

Yes. Have you heard of it? Sponsor us ClassPass. Oh, I'vePass stuff? Have you heard of it? Yes. Sponsor us ClassPass. Oh, I've done it so many times. I'm currently – my routine right now is I either jog, slash run, slash walk at the reservoir. It's like 10 minutes from my house and that's what I do. Or I go to Club Pilates in West Hollywood and it's been great.

Literally two seconds from my house. But anyway, I just wanted to bring up ClassPass because I think it's a great way to experiment and try things. So it's basically like a monthly subscription and you get to try, you can try Pilates, you can try a HIIT class, you can try a boxing class, which I also like boxing too. It's a great way to get out some anger.

I should try Boxout, yeah. Yeah, it's so fun. But you can try all these different things and see what's the most fun for you. The hardest part is just showing up. Yeah. Yeah, the hardest part is just putting something out there. And it's also like, I think we've said it here.

It's like, don't let perfect be the end of me I've done. And it's like, you know, yeah, maybe your gym workout wasn't like the most perfect example of like pushing yourself that anyone's ever had, but you went. Yeah. I forget what health podcast I heard this from, but I remember he worked with a lot of clients that like had not worked out in a very long time, aren't really familiar with exercise, was very daunting to them.

And what he would encourage them to do for the first month is drive to the gym and sit in the parking lot for 10 minutes and leave for a month straight. Don't even take a step into the gym. And then the next month, go in for five minutes. The next month, go in for 10 minutes. It's just one step at a time is a huge difference and kind of like the three day, three week, three month rule, eventually you'll get used to it

and then it'll just become a routine to you. It's just that first step is the hardest and if you can get past that, you're miles above everyone else. That's been such a big lesson for me too, is like time blocking. I've like literally learned it. So funny, I'm listening back to these podcasts, I see myself like have a train of thought and then interrupt it and I never finish it. And one of them was that

I was trying to explain on one of our episodes that Lindsay, who works on Royals of Malibu, is the one that taught me time blocking. It was when we were talking to Kiana about getting things done. I mentioned Lindsay and then like never finished the thought, I'm gonna finish it here, which is that Lindsay's like the most unbelievable time blocker I've ever met. And she was explaining, it's actually like a really good story.

She was explaining to me how, you know, she's been a runner, I mean, wow, everything's actually like really coming back to theme. She's been a runner her whole life and has never ever found it like astronomically difficult not running but just like getting herself to do it. And she's like, she's like, I've just never ever struggled with like running every day. And I think it's because like I know for me to function, I need like a 20 minute workout every single day. And I just that's all I

force myself to do. It's like I can always fit in a 20 minute run. And if I, then she's, what ends up normally happening is she's like, I go on this 20 minute run. And then I'm like, you know what? I can totally do 20 more. I can totally do 20 more. And then she's worked her way up to these longer runs. But even though she's now capable of doing like very long runs, the goal always every single day,

or however many times a week is just 20 minutes. And that is why. And she's like, yeah, sometimes I show up and in like 20 minutes, it's like, that's absolutely all I can do. And like, that's it. But it's really helped me because as someone who works at a restaurant, has like a corporate job as well that I do like once a week, and then also has auditions and also has these two podcasts. Like I don't really most of the time have like a full day off because unless it's on a weekend, which it's not because I work at the restaurant, then there's just like something that's demanding my attention. And so I get really overwhelmed being like, okay, well, this is my one day off.

So this has to be like podcast day all day. And then I flip out and feel like my time is not mine. And it's been like revolutionary, realizing like, oh, like it can just be 20 minutes on each thing every day. Like if I am a human being who wants to somehow balance like my physical health, my mental health, and my like creative health, let's say,

it's like I can make a pact to work on those things 20 minutes a day, even for me 10 minutes a day. And that is, and then yeah, if it ends up being longer, because I'm in flow and I have the time, great. And if not, that's okay. And I'm realizing like, oh, how things get done is not just like in a cabin with six endless hours to like write. It's like, how will things really get done in real life are in these like smaller pockets of time, and that's totally okay. Thank you, Gabriella. Hopefully that was helpful and keep us posted how it goes.

Okay, wow. This was great, unconventional, but also wildly helpful, and I had such a nice time with you, Emma. Yeah, as always, everyone, we want your questions, so please head to emeraldaudio.co slash Lattes with Lucy to submit your voice memo or write in your question. And as always, you can check out our Instagram at the Royals of Malibu to learn more. All questions can definitely remain anonymous and no topic is too cringe or too embarrassing. We are seriously here for you and we're here for each other like today to be the Lucy to your Ella, the Ella to your Val,

anytime, anywhere. Ah, you guys come back next Monday for more and be sure to follow the show at the Royals of Malibu, follow Emerald Audio at Emerald Audio Network, and of course, me, Stephanie Sherry at It's Steph Sherry. Thank you guys so much!