The Royals of Malibu - LATTES WITH LUCY E9 - Crushing on a Co-worker with Franchesca Agramonte (Val)

Episode Date: September 30, 2024

Welcome to Lattes with Lucy, a special bonus series of The Royals of Malibu hosted by Stephanie Sherry (Lucy in The Royals of Malibu). Today, Steph, Emma, and Frachesca Agramonte (Val) discuss what to do when you're crushing on a co-worker, how to draw boundaries with family, and Emma's boy dilemma. This show is different because we want to hear from you! Let us be the Lucy to your Ella Sinclair - and write to us your questions on life. Let us know what you’re going through, nothing is too big or too small, too scandalous or too cringe - whatever you may be going through, we want to hear it. You can write/upload your questions at https://www.emeraldaudio.co/latteswithlucy for a chance to be featured in the show. • Follow The Royals of Malibu on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/theroyalsofmalibu/) • Follow Stephanie Sherry on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/itsstephsherry/?hl=en) • Follow Emerald Audio on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/emeraldaudionetwork/?hl=en) • Follow The Royals of Malibu on TikTok (https://www.tiktok.com/@theroyalsofmalibu) • Explore more: https://www.emeraldaudio.co Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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therapist or counselor. Welcome back to Lottes at Lucy, a special bonus series of the Royals of Malibu. Remember you can write or upload your questions at emeraldaudio.co slash Lattes with Lucy for a chance to be featured on the show or check us out at the Royals of Malibu and you will also see many more posts like about the show. Check out her Instagram at theRoyalzamalibu to learn more. Ladies, ladies, we have one of the most iconic humans of all time. She's a queer icon whether she likes it or not.

Francesca Agremonte, AKA The Voice of Val, thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for having me. I'm so happy to be here. And I love that I'm an iconic Lezzy. Yeah, how does it feel? It feels great. It feels fun on this side.

I only got to meet a few people when I was recording. And by a few, I mean like basically just Ella. And so, AKA Alyssa. So you are one of the many people I did not get to meet, which was so annoying because I've only ever met you on our previous Zoom together for the like royalty of it all. And then we figured out we have the same agent,

but that's a conversation for another day. But anyway. Okay, can I, because I don't know you insanely well, and I think some of the fans would like to know too, like the whole kind of premise of this show is like based on the fact that like, I am basically the same as Lucy, and I would love to know how similar are you to Val? I am so similar to Val. I am really like the voice of reason in my world, just because I have way too many opinions and I don't know how to hold them in.

I'm trying really hard. I'm learning to be like, do you just want to vent or do you want my opinion? I'm learning to do that now. But I think we're really similar in that sense. I think she's much bolder than I am. You know, sometimes I'll overthink before I say something. But even when she was going through her breakup and kind of holding everything into herself, I'm very similar in that way where I will

hold things in and then one minute I just like pop. And everyone's like, why were you so quiet? You don't have to hold it together all the time. La la la la la. So I feel very connected to her. Yeah, 100%. Also Emma, we're really also thrilled that you're back from your bout with illness. Oh, thank you. I'm a survivor. How does it feel to be back?

It feels good. I ate some bad sushi. Honestly, it's kind of my fault because I got a Poke Bowl on Monday night for dinner. I didn't finish it, I put in the fridge, and then I decided to eat it for lunch, which was probably where I erred. And then I spent the next 24 hours basically being sick. So, but then I woke up first.

Did it taste funky? It tasted great, it tasted fine. I don't know, I don't know what it was. I've never really gotten food poisoning before, but the next day after I slept, I woke up a brand new woman and I was perfectly fine. Thank you for holding down the fort with Lindsay. I think that was a fun episode.

Oh my God. That was, it was honestly great. I feel like Lindsay, Lindsay was like a casting, she did casting for the pod. She also wrote some of the pod. She's like an amazing producer and she's producing my podcast,

which theoretically will come out. And all we do is talk about like my podcast. And so it was, and like, we just never like have time to schedule just like fun time. And so it was actually really nice to just be like, oh, we're two gals, gabbing away. Okay, before we get into the hot topics of today, Francesca, what's your favorite moment

from recording Royals? Do you have one? I think the fight scenes are always so fun because you never really get to do these things with everyone in the room with you. So those are always really exciting. I also really loved when like Savannah took a turn and we all became besties. I think that was

really fun too. Even like when you're just watching everyone do it, there was a moment where Ella got really emotional. I can't remember what happened but everyone was crying. Like it was just it's just a beautiful group. The whole process it's so it moves so quickly and we just get in there and get to work and finish and I'm like, no, I'm awake. I know, I know. I feel like I get, I like, I kept begging them

to like have me anyway and I kept being like, if you like want me to like come, like I'm literally, I might, I think I spent a collective like four hours total recording this show. And I was like really mad about it, but like not really, but also sort of, but not in a way that like actual, because it's like, that's just scheduling.

But I was like, oh, I wish there was like a really inconvenient way for me to come every day for 10 minutes. You know, cause I just like. Yeah. I just keep showing up. They're like, Lucy's done, like get out of here. Yeah.

Anyway, all right, should we like dive right in and give advice? Yeah, Francesca, are you ready to take on this honor and this privilege and this burden, which is guiding the fans? It does feel like all of those things, an honor, a privilege, and a burden. A burden in a good way, but like, it's a weighty request.

Yeah, I am a girl's girl, so I'm always ready. You love that. For the story, for the chisme, for the tea, and I have my latte. Oh my God, look at that. All right, Emma, take it away. All right, let's do this. So our first question is anonymous.

It's a short one that we'd start out short and sweet. All right, Emma, take it away. All right, let's do this. So our first question is anonymous. It's a short one that we'd start out short and sweet. All right, here we go. I have a big crush on my coworker. We are at the same level slash not each other's bosses or anything like that. Should I act on it? Ooh. It's really fun when they give us no context.

I know. Every episode, I'm like, can I ask questions? I have a few questions. We have some follow-ups. I know. It's okay. It's okay. Wait, sorry, before we dive in, one of my friends told me the other day that when she listens, she listens with her friend and they pause after we read the question and decide what they would say. And then they hit play and then they just thought they wasn't doing what we said. Do they usually agree? Honestly, I love when I realize that people listen to this because the pod is like in such a vacuum sometimes.

It's so weird. Anyway, Francesca, crush on the coworker. What do we think? I think in nowadays dating is the bar is in H-E double hockey sticks. So it's like if you connect with someone, you definitely have to go for it. But I do believe that because you work together, you should take your time and focus on a friendship first,

because if it is your person, then you are only gonna win if you work on the friendship first. And I feel like I personally have met people and what instantly connected with them and thought like, oh, this is gonna be great. But then I realized later on down the line, like, I actually don't like you.

And if I would have just took my time, I could have figured that out sooner and avoided like the hard conversations, the awkward moments. So I say go for it, but focus on a friendship first because if it's the one, it's the one and forever is a long time. If that's what you're into, if that's what you want.

Yeah, I completely agree. You know, I like to not as they say, shit where you eat. That's the phrase that comes up, which I think is disgusting. But I think, okay, so I did have like a summer romance at one of my jobs at what a restaurant in the Hamptons. And it was like very out of a movie. And it was like, I was in the Hamptons for the summer, trying to make money to move to LA, to the big city. And you know, and I did get like carried away in a relationship that summer.

And I feel like it was messy at times, but it like absolutely changed my life. But like huge asterisk, like it had an end date and I was moving to LA. And so I think there's a difference between dating someone in a seasonal job and dating someone in your current job. Now, like for the seasonal of it all,

yes, get swept up in it, do it. There's gonna be like stupid nights where you're like mad at each other. But then also it makes like, especially someone who's like been perpetually in the service industry, like it really does make those jobs tolerable. And, but then, but, but, but, but, but, but,

I feel like for instance, right now, the restaurant that I'm at now, there isn't anyone specific, but it's like, I've like thought about different things. And it's like, my life is so chaotic. We were just talking about this before we have done like my life is so chaotic with so many different things demanding my attention and stressing me out in various ways that it is really nice for your job and your workplace to just be like neutral. So I think you have to protect your peace

and kind of like what Francesca is saying, like if this is your person and the way you met was at work, amazing. Just be like really, really sure because then if anything goes wrong or awry or gets messy, you're making the place where you unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, spend most of your time like a battlefield. So just make it a conscious decision. Work crushes are fun, they're exciting, but just

tread carefully. Yes, that is definitely it. I agree with everything you guys said. I think establishing that friendship is so important first. I think the other advice I would give is prepare yourself for if it doesn't work out that you guys break up. Like, is this someone that you're working on the same team with every single day? Or is this like a coworker that's like in a different department

that you see in the elevator like every morning? You know, like if it's really gonna affect your career and I'm assuming you like your job, I would be careful about that. Because if it's really gonna affect your career and I'm assuming you like your job, I would I would be careful about that. Because if it's like a seasonal job, right, great. Yeah, if you're working at your like corporate nine to five career that you're seeing long term, it could get so tricky. It's so hard though because at the same time like this is what I fucking struggle with is like

how are people meeting people except where they fucking are? Which is work and it's like we're not giving the fun answer which I which I like I rarely give the fun answer and all The guests come on and give like the fun answer and I'm always like well realistically I do feel like it is hard though because like that's what I'm struggling with It's like all you the other thing too Just like brief kind of like aside to this like the adjacent topic to this is that like, sometimes it's like a relationship of convenience. Like it's like, do you like this person?

Are they even that great? Are you just around them enough and you're wanting something and there they fucking are. Like that's the question too with work stuff is like, you come to get really close with people that you might not normally because you're, I don't know. It's again, I wish we had more context for what kind of job.

I don't have any corporate experience basically. I'm like, I work in restaurants which like are the fucking wild west of bullshit. And like you can like flirt with someone and like fully on the clock and then completely do your job completely fine. Like I can like, like I dated the bartender at my restaurant and like I can be like at the past, like getting a martini, like, and then completely do your job, completely fine. Like I can like, like I dated the bartender at my restaurant and like I can be like at the pass,

like getting a martini and then go back to my table and like no time has been, you know, I don't know. Is there working in a restaurant, like is it like Vanderpump rules? Like, is there a lot of incest within the restaurant? Not in my experience. It's kind of like when you ask doctors if it's like Grey's Anatomy, It's like no one has time for that.

The Hamptons got messy. I could meet my Stephanie in the Hamptons was very royal. I was 25 and it was very like I lived in a mansion with like all dudes, which sounds horrible because it was. And it was literally you guys, I wouldn't step foot in the kitchen because it was like sticky it was so, literally you guys, I wouldn't step foot in the kitchen because it was like sticky in the floor of beer and I was like, I'm just not.

It wasn't like a girl's dream. I'm also like bisexual and like don't like most men anyway. But so, you know, I think I didn't know that at the time, but yeah, I feel like maybe they confirmed it. But I feel like, yeah, like there wasn't a lot of incest, but that was because there were like two girls, like two women at my restaurant. And like one of them was already dating someone else.

When I worked in the service industry, it felt like there was a lot of like work bae, like work husband, work wife, work, and there was like a weird hierarchy where like, the bartender always thinks they're the best thing that's ever happened to this world. And then the chef also thinks he's the greatest thing that the earth has ever seen.

And when you're around them, it feels like you're in this bubble. And when you leave the restaurant, for me in my experience, I just didn't hang out with anyone really. So it was like, I would see them at work, we're connecting, we're blah, blah, blah. And when I would leave, it was like, out of there.

Out of the vortex that was that restaurant. Where was this? Here in LA. That's what I was gonna say. So LA is very different from New York. In New York, there is such a culture of like we work until midnight, we go get drinks until two. And that's where it can get messy and tricky.

And yeah, I think unlike Vander, I've never actually watched Vanderpump Girls, but unlike reality shows, for instance, the reason everyone's fucking each other in reality shows in general, I would imagine, as a generalization, is because they're sort of similar in age. In a real restaurant, everyone's in wildly different ages

and wildly different phases of life. You have the 40s and 50ysomethings that are like lifers, like they are like hospitality people like through and through. You have people that are like 20 and like figuring, you know, it's like they're in order for like the incestuous thing to happen that requires like multiple people to be like screwing each other literally and figuratively. And like, I feel like that's just not the actual makeup of like a real restaurant staff. It's just not. Yeah.

They're also kind of like trauma bonding, you know? When you're on a reality show, the only people that understand what you're experiencing is the people you're experiencing it with. So it makes sense that they're all hooking up because it's, they're all, I don't know, it's a lot of life, new life things that they're experiencing together and they're connecting on that way. In my office job, I feel like when I meet people, my brain is not in the same place as when I'm out. And I'm like, cause I'm single and I'm like,

I'm looking to date. So sometimes when I meet someone that's attractive, I'm like, ooh, like, let me, you know, let me straighten up a little bit. At work, I'm just like, that's off. Like my brain's not thinking that. I work at a casting office. I didn't know that.

Wait, that's so cool. You can tell us later which one. That's amazing. Oh my God, you must like feel like you get such an insight on like the industry. Oh, it changed the game. All right guys, let's move on to the next question after this quick commercial break. It's

about some drama with a cousin. Whenever I go to the grocery store, I am shocked by how expensive everything is getting. Luckily, I found a great solution that saves me money and time, and that's EveryPlate. EveryPlate delivers dependable, affordable, and delicious recipes right to your door. And forget that sticker shock, Every Plate meals started only $2.99 per meal. Makes sense why they are America's best value meal kit with thousands of great reviews. Each box already comes with portioned ingredients and recipes that are ready in about 30 minutes. I love only paying for what I need! Honestly, EveryPlate is less expensive than fast food nowadays, plus I get to learn more

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we do money differently. Visit edwardjones.ca slash different. And we are back with question two. So this one is from M and she is from Mississippi. It's a bit of a long one, so stay with me. Here's my situation. I have this cousin, she's known to be dramatic and such, but I love her. She's my family. We got really close near the end of the pandemic and she got me out of my house and introduced me to my ex, who's the sweetest boy ever. She really brought me out of my shell. However, she was often destructive.

She would nitpick my friends, spread rumors about people, talk badly about my boyfriend at the time to my family, talk about my embarrassing secrets to other people. And eventually my boyfriend and I broke up. And after that, her and I got into a big fight. She said something that changed my brain chemistry. Quote, you do deserve to be treated like trash. Now I understand why your parents treat you the way they do. She said it in a moment of anger,

but when she said that I was trapped at my house, no car, no friends to hang out with, I was literally alone for months stuck at my house. And those words played in my head over and over. Eventually I ended up at a mental health facility. After getting out, Royals of Malibu actually helped me with so much motivation. I lost weight, started exercising and eating healthy.

I distanced myself from her after that. But since doing it, I feel miserable. I miss her all the time. I love her, she's my family. She just recently got engaged and asked me to come with her to a play to catch up. I told her I couldn't. My issue is I physically can't be around her. I start having panic attacks and shaking. Just the idea overwhelms me with anxiety. My family says that I shouldn't be scared of her. It's not that I'm afraid of her. it's that her being around reminds me of the time in my life where I was trapped, hating myself because of what she said.

I want to be there for her. I do miss hanging out with her. We always did new things together, but if I went back, I might destroy everything I've worked on, and my friends and family would resent me. I can't even go to any theater productions out of fear of running into her. How do I not let this fear rule my life? How do I face her? That's a lot. It's a lot. I mean, I feel for her because like the trauma gets like stored in the body and until you really like face it, it's going to stay there.

And I hope you feel validated in your feelings because they really are valid and what you went through is really crazy when like the person that's the closest to you says something so nasty and just mean, just downright mean. I think, I mean, there's a few ways you can do it or a few things I suggest.

I think journaling, everything you're feeling that you would say without any fear, that way you have a clear kind of map of what you want to say. I think also, I don't know if you believe in a higher power or the universe or whatever, but like ask for strength, you know, and you'll surprise yourself and then just do it scared.

I feel like sometimes we are our own worst enemy and we will stop ourselves when we have the courage and the strength to do it all. These are the situations that kind of birth that out of us. You know, as much as heartbreaks sucked for Val on the show, it introduced another side to her, to the people closest to her, and it was out of a moment of bravery and fear and hurt and pain and I think just leading with your vulnerability. You can't lose if you're living in your truth.

I don't think you can ever let in again someone that ever at any point thought it was okay to say what she said to you. And I think, I really wonder, do you truly miss her or do you miss the idea of her? Because while all of those times were fun, and it's not like you're imagining the positive times that were there, like they were there, but they came at such a terrible cost, and there is no way to disentangle those two things. Like I think, I understand that you love her and she's your family and there is a certain amount of reconciling that might be just like logistically required for like the sake of the family, but I think it is absolutely right that you've been not willing to reconcile because the reality is

like, there is in my opinion, there is no chance that this person wouldn't do this again. But the moment she feels triggered or activated in some way, she clearly when angry defaults to saying incredibly hurtful, incredibly toxic things that are completely unacceptable and unforgivable. And I think what I would urge you to do is to work on, like you were saying, how do I, like I, you know, I think it's appropriate to be scared of her because you're scared

of being treated like shit. And I don't think you should have to interact with her any more than you do, or you are required to. And I would think it's more productive and more healthy to work on how do you not be scared at the idea of running into her in public? Like I want you to still be able to go to the theater and not feel like you're gonna run into her.

And I understand feeling that way. Like none of us are gonna sit here and be like, no, you won't run into her, you'll be fine. Like, how do we know? You might, maybe you will. Who knows where you're running in from? But I think it's funny, I feel like I have very few enemies in my life,

but I do have a couple. And I so understand that like pang of panic where you're like, like I could run into this person at any time. And I think A, the reality is you usually don't. And B, when you do, yes, maybe, of course, there's the potential for someone to be like, to cause a scene and be like blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, but most of the time people just kind of like avoid each other and like walk away.

And I think, like, for instance, the fear, the fear that if we talk in like therapy terms, like there's a lot of catastrophizing going on right now where it's like, I can't go to the theater because if I do, then I'll see her and it's like, yes, that is a reality. But there's also like 900 other realities that are equally as possible. And I think you need to accept the uncertainty of that. But I just, she's in a good phase of life right now. So she's probably like, you know, extending a hand, extending an olive branch. And yeah, I don't know, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe you really should like kind of like Francesca saying,

like have a conversation, do it scared, like know that you can handle it. And you know, if you do really want her in your life and you want this to be okay, you have a conversation and you really, really let her know that, I mean, it doesn't sound incorrect for me to say that her emotional and psychological warfare like sent you into having to deal with it at a facility, which is completely like so glad you did that, but like she arguably sent you there. And I don't know, like obviously maybe there's a ton of context we're missing and there's other things in your life that, you know, sent you there. And I don't know, obviously maybe there's a ton of

contacts we're missing and there's other things in your life that made you feel like you had to go and really take the time to work on your mental health, but no. If this was an abusive boyfriend, everyone will be saying, like, boy, bye. And I think sometimes with the warfare between women, it's somehow like, well, maybe it can be a reason. No, like abusive behavior is abusive behavior. And not that anyone here is like saying anything problematic. I'm just saying it's okay to be like, no, I'm done. And I hate how your family is belittling your feelings of being scared of her because like she is scary.

She has the ability in your mind to undo your mental stability. But I think what we're all trying to tell you is that the only person that can give her the power to do that mental stability. But I think what we're all trying to tell you is that the only person that can give her the power to do that is you. It's hard and we're here for you and we get it. Yeah, I mean, feeling unlovable is a feeling that comes on its own in life through insecurities.

But then to have someone you love say it to you and make you feel like that's who you are, especially for someone that's not even your family, you know, like over my ex, what? Tell him to kick rocks, you know, like, I just empathize with you and I hope that you're actively telling yourself that you are lovable because you literally are. And your cousin is clearly going through some dark stuff that

she, I mean, she said it early in the, in what she shared with us where like, she's always kind of chaotic and she's always, there's always something with her. Right. Spreading rumors, nitpicking, like, yeah. It sounds like she's got her own inner battle. And I think she also has to consider that, like what you're saying, like, you can also not. At the end of the day, your family, no matter what, that's the beautiful thing about family.

You're gonna be my family, whether I want you to be or not. But that doesn't mean you have to let her back in. And also you have to just set firm boundaries because it doesn't have to look the way it looked before. She doesn't have to have full access to you. She has to earn that now. Yeah. I also, another detail of this that I think is interesting, it seems like she kind of like preyed on you in a very vulnerable time in your life during COVID when she knew that you didn't have access to friends. You didn't have access to a car, you're kind of just stuck with her as your social life. And I think she knew that. And I also maybe

being a relative too, like she, she maybe she thinks she can get away with treating you badly. And I think now like, you deserve to find a friend that you can have fun with, like you've had fun with her, but also won't say that kind of stuff to you. You know, like she I think she just prayed on you on a very vulnerable time in your life. And I also want to say kudos to you for getting the mental health help that you you need. I think that is super important. Yeah, I mean, she's you're really brave for sharing this and for actually like facing your feelings, especially in a time

like COVID where we were left with nothing but our feelings, time and feelings to just sit with them. So I wish we can please write in and let us know what happens. I know me too. Yeah. Yeah. she has to protect herself and all of the fun things and all the positive things that she used to offer you, you can find in a much healthier package. Yeah, I think that's what I was saying.

You deserve the good parts in your cousin, but someone that can also treat you with respect and make you feel good about yourself, not tear you down. I will say I've experienced something similar to this with my sister and it was really, it was a thing that she, it was like a recurring thing that she would do. Like she would get angry and then just try to belittle me

and just being really mean. And one year I just sat there and before I would like fight back and then one year I just sat there and I just let her say it all and I just sat there and I didn't respond and then the following day she was crying and apologizing and I just I in the moment I remember telling myself like these, that's not my truth. You know, like if I'm saying it back to myself, that's not true. That's not true. That's not true.

And then having I, that's why I do feel like she should have the conversation just because the next day my sister and I had a real conversation and she was like, I don't, I'm really sorry. Like that. And I was like, honestly, I don't accept your apology. We can move forward, but it's gonna take time. And in having that conversation, it completely changed our dynamic. Like it's never been that ever again. She's super apologetic, she's super supportive now.

And it was really beautiful to have it kind of go full circle because it felt like it was gonna be this thing that me and my sister are gonna be fighting forever over nothing. Over her not being able to handle her own anger. Cause I just never understood where it came from. Yeah. And now I want to say that was like three years ago. This never happened again.

I think there's something about families where some people just assume like love is unconditional no matter what you do, which I think there's something beautiful about that, but to an extent, like you should, you still deserve boundaries with family members. Like I think that's why familial abuse is so prevalent because people think they can get away with anything because your blood, but that's not okay.

That doesn't make it okay. Heavy shit today. Heavy topics, damn. I feel like I want more more combos. I know do you guys have any advice? Well it's like do either of us need advice or like Francesca is there anything like you would you want to like unpack here? I feel like all the heavy stuff in my life right now is so heavy that sharing it would just be too much. I have a light one if we want to talk about something light. Oh, Emma has one.

Okay. Okay. So I met this guy a few months ago. I go to Soho house a lot just cause I work from home and I like to work from there. And he messaged me on the Soho house app, asking me about like work related stuff. And then he asked me to get drinks.

So I got drinks with him and I wasn't sure like, usually it's like networking stuff at Soho house. And it totally turned into like a date like the drinks turned into like dinner like he paid for everything It was like kind of flirty, but not like I went into it like it with like my professional brain on but I'm like, this is definitely a date like this is not he asked me if I was had a boyfriend like all these things, um, and He asked me if I had a boyfriend, like all these things. And then like he texted me afterwards and then we hung out again. And then I didn't really hear from him for a while.

And then we hung out again, like in a group setting for the third time. This is all over the course of the month. Like this, I didn't see, I saw him like every other week. Nothing happened. I was like, okay, he never made a move on me. We've hung out three times. So like, maybe this is like a friend vibe,

but then he's texting me, hey, how are you on random days? Which I don't really text. Yeah, like why? Yeah, it's just a little- What is the motive? What is the motive? And then after the third time we hung out,

he, so he works in music and he texted me. He was like, hey, do you, is there a way that we could work together somehow? And I'm like, oh, okay. So that's what this was the whole time. Like this was like a networking thing. Like I wish you were just like upfront with that because this, you totally gave me like date vibes.

And I was- Did you say that? You were just saying that to us. No, no, okay. So I was thinking that I was talking to my girlfriends about it. And then I was like, you know what? I'm gonna ask him.

Like I don't, I'm at a point in dating now where like, I don't wanna waste my time, and also like professionally too. Like, I don't wanna like explore anything, like any kind of collaboration if like that is still, if it's vague like that, like I just like to keep, like you said Steph, I don't like to eat, I don't like to eat where I shit, I'll say that.

Shit where you eat. Is that what you said Steph, I don't like to eat where I shit. I'll say that. Shit where you eat. Is that what you said? What did you say? I don't remember. What is the say? It's the other way around. I don't like to shit where I eat. Eat where I shit. Same thing.

Definitely don't eat where you shit ever. Definitely don't eat where you shit. Okay, so I was like, you know what? I'm just gonna send. You said something. Yeah, so I was like, you know what? I'm just gonna send him a long message. Hey, we'd totally love to explore that if it makes sense. I'm happy to send me information. I didn't promise anything, but I'll look into it. But I want to be clear, I totally thought the first two times we hung out gave me date vibes.

Totally fine if not. either answer is totally fine. I just want to be upfront and clear about it. And his response is, yeah, honestly, that was kind of my intention, like a date. And I was like, okay, great. What are you doing this weekend? Let's go get a drink or something. He said, yeah, I got to do this,

but then I should be done at this time and I'll text you. I'm like, okay, great. So I hung around my Friday night, like waiting for him to text me because we had like loose, we have plans to hang out, not like a direct time. And he doesn't text me. I was like, so do you want to like go here at 830?

And he just doesn't respond to me. And I like, he didn't respond to me. And then Monday, he texted me asking if I had a chance to review his like email about- No! Yeah! No! I just blew out everyone's eardrums.

No! Yes! And I'm like, what? I'm so confused. Like, I gave you the opportunity to say that this is just a networking thing. But then he owned it, he was like, yeah, I wanted, those were dates.

And I was like, no hard feelings either way, just let me know, so I'm, cause I'm very confused. Well, this guy just shot himself in the foot cause he's not gonna get to date with you or collaborate with you. Or no. And then he's texted me like two times since, and I, yeah, I didn't respond.

He just didn't respond. No. Yeah. No. Anyway, I didn't respond. You just didn't respond. Yeah. No, no. Anyway, I guess my question is, should, do you think I should explain to him why I'm not responding or just like, don't even bother? Do you think I should help him out a little bit and be like, dude, like, this is not how

you should treat dating or business? Yeah. I think a lot of people listening would be like, you don't owe him an explanation. I don't, I don't. And I don't think you do, but it is annoying when you're like, is it my place? Because clearly you're going about thinking

this is like, it's just, I actually don't think you need to say anything unless you feel like it will help you get closure to be like, by the way, this was really shitty of you. You do not need to, because he's gonna figure it out when no one wants to work with him or date him. Yeah.

I also agree. I don't think you need to say anything to him. It's hard because he was a really nice guy. He was, yeah, in person he was nice. It's just like very confusing. I'm just really of the belief that if a guy likes you, confusion will never be in the picture. Absolutely. You will never doubt in the picture. Absolutely.

Like you will never doubt it. You know, you'll just know. No, I know I'm not gonna date him for sure. It's just more so like, I don't know. But it sucks. And you're like grieving the loss of like something that could, and it was a meet-cute, and it was like, oh, we like respect each other professionally.

Like this could be great. And it's a huge bummer and such a Los Angeles story. And it's like people need to realize that like, you can't like use people and just for per, it's just so. That's the problem with dating right now where everyone is almost like tippy towing through it because we're just like, waiting for the other shoe to drop. And then it's, once you get a second of hope of like, oh, this is cute. This is going to work out that all of a sudden it falls apart. And it's just, it's things like that where the people are not clear on what they want,

what their intentions are and then they are, and then their actions and their words are not aligning. It's just, that's my thing. Actions and words, not aligning. I hate that. Well, I was going to say how old is he ish, if you could guess. I was going to say this is like Greeks of like mid 20s to me, where it's people. People like I agree with you. Like, I do trust Emma's instinct on who's good and bad. Like, yes, I'm sure at his core, he's not a bad person.

He's just inexperienced and like jazzed and like on this like ego high of like being a go getter and being ambitious and thinking he can have it all. And then you realize like, oh, I have to treat people well along the way. And like you said, it's like, it's not like he, it wasn't like, you know, but in person, he did treat me well. Like he was very sweet. That's why I was right. I think people are blinded by their own aspirations and it's, it's just like, yes, is he a horrible person? No. Is this like, unfortunately, very common? Yes. Is it right for you, someone who Is this like, unfortunately, very common? Yes. Is it right for you, someone who is like incredibly capable, as most adults are, of like keeping

professional lines clear and personal lines clear and communicating that? If he would have said something about missing the text on Friday, then I can totally get over it. But because he didn't acknowledge it, that's what's weird to me. So weird. And so self-serving and so gross. And it makes me question his dating intentions at all. Are you saying that? Cause you think that gets me more in with you

for this professional reason or did you mean that? I don't know, but it makes you doubt that. And that's where I understand you're like, by the way, like, you know, if you want my two cents, like, you know, you need to be really clear because of what, but it's like, no, like, fuck it, don't, no. Don't move it. No.

That's why I sent that long text being just like, I wanna know what your intentions are because I have no idea. And I gave him the opportunity, no hard feelings, just tell me. Anyway, gals, we do have to get back to our lives. But this has been so fun. This has been so fun.

I know, I love it here. Thanks for joining us, Francesca. Francesca. Thank you for having me. I know, I love it here. Thanks for joining us Francesca. Francesca. Thank you for having me. As always, everyone listening to this incredibly ADHD, but wildly fucking fabulous conversation, we want your questions. Head to emeraldaudio.co slash lattes with Lucy

to submit your voice memo or write in your question and check out our Instagram at the Royals of Malibu to learn more. All questions can of course remain anonymous, though it is fun when we know your name. I like saying people's names. No topic is too cringe, too embarrassing. We are here for you to be the Lucy to your Ella,

the Ella to your Val, Francesca. Anytime, anywhere. Come back next Monday for more and be sure to follow the show at the Royals of Malibu. Follow Emerald Audio at Emerald Audio Network. Follow me, Stephanie Sherry at It's Steph Sherry. Follow Francesca at Francesca underscore underscore a. Underscore A. It's really hard to find a name for my name. Sorry. No, no, it's perfect. And Emma, follow Emma at EmmaBobemma. That's so cute. So cute.

Love you all.