The Royals of Malibu - THE ROYAL BOYS E10 - Love Triangles and Ethical Clout Chasing w/ Connor Wood

Episode Date: January 22, 2024

Connor Wood (aka @fibula) joins the brothers to discuss that love triangle, ethical clout chasing, and their experiences telling people they love them. Every Monday, brothers Chris and Nick Cafero (who play Reed and Easton respectively) will sit down and chat all things Royals season 2, starting with episode 1.  Listen along as they rehash each episode, tell stories, and even bring on guests to discuss the Royal tea.   **LISTEN TO EACH NEW EPISODE OF THE ROYAL BOYS ONE WEEK EARLY ON PATREON**     • Follow [The Royals of Malibu on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/theroyalsofmalibu/) • Follow [The Royals of Malibu on TikTok](https://www.tiktok.com/@theroyalsofmalibu) • Explore more: [diversionaudio.com](https://diversionaudio.com)See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

the the the the the the the the

the the the Oh, you might want to check this one. They canceled us. Well, shoot, dude. What am I supposed to do? All right, see you later. Okay, bye. No, we're still here. Speaking of canceling, can I tell you, as we record this, it's toward the end of the year.

And this is the time of year that I like to go through all my subscriptions, and I like to cancel the ones that I have forgotten about that I no longer use, or I pretend to cancel them and most of the time, especially with like The New York Times or Wall Street Journal or something like that, they'll be like, wait, don't go, what if we offered it for the next year for $4 instead of the $20 a month we were gonna offer you?

And I always take that. So, it is the season. God, they're so needy. I know. Like Isaac. God, dude, not everything has to be a transition. Well, speaking of, we have a really great guest today. Should we just get right to that?

I think we should. I'm so excited. I mean, we're in the presence of social media royalty. Yeah, the royals of social media. Oh, and you know what? He lives on the west side in Venice, so he's the royal of Venice. He must have been in Malibu. Yeah, he does. Is this our first male guest? It is our first male guest, but gender is a construct, so I don't think it matters. Nick, I'm so excited about our guest today. Are you? Yeah, I'm a little shocked. Shocked that he would slum it with the royal boys.

That's true. So our guest today is a TikTok social media sensation. He's a hilarious stand-up comedian who just announced a national tour that is selling like hotcakes You might know him as Fibula across social media platforms. Please welcome our guest Connor wood Thanks for having me I'm stoked to be here the Royal Boys. It's been a dream of mine for a long time Royal Boys. It's been a dream of mine for a long time. We're about an hour. No, I told you guys I'm addicted to these young Royal Boys in a big way after, you know, started listening fairly recently

and I'm hooked. I'm hooked. You're very sweet to say that. Well, we are hooked on your comedy videos and your stand up. You're very, very funny, man. Thank you. You've really tapped into something. You're very funny, man. I watch your stuff and I laugh out loud quite a bit. Thank you. Seriously, thanks so much.

So, Connor, how did you get started in the comedy scene, particularly with your videos? It was like they keep telling me not to say this because Like it's a bad look like act like you did it on purpose I didn't I got fired from both of my jobs and then I just like was like I'll just like talk about getting fired for like I cannot hold down a job and then COVID hit and I was like sitting at home Everyone started to go back to work except me because I was fired. And so I was like interviewing and then I would go on TikTok

and just like talk about all these like nuance things that happened and like me screwing up every interview I have. Like I think there was one where this one went kind of viral online where I had emailed like the most professional email and I don't know why I had to excuse my delay or something, but I said, excuse me. And so then like there were a lot of things like that where it was like, what, like, am I at build a bear?

You know, like things like that, like people related to, I guess. And then it went from like me finding a job to then just like doing this as my job, which is cool. At some point being able to do that, it still feels like I'm gonna wake up tomorrow and get like a response finally to one of my link, 400 LinkedIn, easy apply resume things. And they're gonna be like,

we actually wanna bring you into the office and it'll all be over, but we'll see. But right now we're doing, we're doing stand up right now. So that was not your plan? No, God, no. No, I went to college for engineering. So, no, that was not the original.

We're doing school. We're doing school. UT Austin in Texas. Oh, Hook'em Horns. Hook'em, baby. A lot of people can be like, like well I kind of use my degree this is like not anything that I can I can't even by any stretch. Connor let me ask you so this was all kind of a I guess a detour that you took when you decide it when you realize like this was going

to happen did you like how did you dive into it? Did you just kind of keep rolling? Is it all intuitive? I saw in an article you said that you read Sick in the Mind or the Judd Apatow book. Yeah. And like you learned about, I have a crafty joke from that. Is that like, Sick in the Head, yeah. Is that something like you like, had read previously?

You always like kind of had an interest in it? No. Like it was weird because when you start doing the videos online, you start having people that like there's no degree of separation once you start posting videos online. Kylie Jenner is scrolling on TikTok. She sees people's videos and saying with these comedians that I was following forever, then you get one of them following you're like, oh, am I doing kind of like an elementary version of doing this on stage? Um, and I started talking to Tim Dillon, right?

Like online. And I'm like, yeah, I like wanted you to stand up. You like, go do it then. And I was like, well, I got to finish Joe Dabada's book first on like how to do stand up. He's like, stop reading that fucking book and like go onto the stage and do it. Yeah. And then like, I'll never forget that because

then I was like, oh, okay, let's go. So go do five minutes. I was so scared to do like five minutes. But Judd's book helped me. I'm not going to knock Judd's book because he taught me that I don't know what article you were talking about, but I don't remember saying that. I think that I, anytime I talk about the book, I talk about how, especially with TikTok, you like have the punchline and then you kind of like work backwards and then get the like joke after you have the punchline. And then with the TikToks, there's 60 seconds, so you kind of like make those two minutes and then three minutes and then five minutes and then make a set out of it. I can't remember the question. No, you're nailing it. We're going to get into the episode real quick, but Connor, I have to ask,

you were recently shared by Dua Lipa on her Instagram. Yeah. That I think that's Nick's like one of his top like dream dream women of all time. So can you tell me what that was like? Yeah, I I think I had a show the night before, and so it was like a later wake up for me than normal. So like I was, I checked my phone and it was like,

I don't know, sometime in the morning and I'm like, it's 12 30, just say it. It was sometimes in the morning. I think it was still single digits. I actually think it was like 940 or something. And, uh, I never do that. I never do that because I have too much anxiety. Like I feel like when my friends that work at JP Morgan are up,

like I legally have to be awake and at work. And I, so I like check my phone. I'm already feeling kind of bad because I got like sleep and guilt. I'm not even Catholic. I don't know why I have that, but I'm sitting there in my bed and I like check my phone. I've got text, text, text, call, call, call, call, call. I'm like, oh my God, my dad died. Like are my dog, sorry, not to jump right to my dad and I.

But I'm like, there's been a death in the family. And then all the messages were like check Instagram. And I'm like, oh no, I'm finally, can't so finally coast. Finally got canceled. Like it happened. And then it was, it was the opposite. Do a leap. I had done a photo dump, which like I felt, you know, I feel like do a leap is a little bit above a dump, you know, do a leap. It doesn't take them. She's, she's, she's above everything. Yeah. Do a leap. Itua Lipa doesn't dump ever. But so the last slide was like a text or a Twitter thread of me and my buddy who was like, I feel like Dua Lipa, getting posted on a Dua Lipa photo dump would change my career

and I commented. I was like, I literally think about this every single day. And then he commented back. I was like, if I go up, I'm taking you with me, buddy. And then she screen shot of that and like threw it in her dump. So technically like wasn't my- That's so funny.

Give me like fully claimed it is my own. Sure. And so do we. I tweeted that same sentence in different, you know, vernacular like 20 times. I said like, if I met Dua Lipa, I feel like it would be like when Toby McGuire was bit by the spider

Like I feel like something like that would happen to me if I met if I was just like yeah room with her You're your uncle would die There's been a death in the family after all the city would be destroyed by Arch villains Yeah, that's not that's out of my control. I just need to meet this this woman So what happened afterwards? Did you end up speaking to her? Oh, no, I didn't enough. No, not at all. You know, I felt like and then right after that, she did like a Willy Wonka style private pop up for LA.

And I was like, I am going to get a DM at any second from Mrs. Leipa and he's point by me to her home and I'm gonna get on a helicopter probably with her and no, that's radio silence. I thought my phone was broken. It's funny, at one point you're here, phone is blowing up and then another point you're just like, no DM from Dua Lipa and that's fine.

That's so funny. It's tough, that's tough. That's so funny. It's tough. That's tough. Yeah. I can relate to so much of that. You can't, you know, beggars can't be choosers. I'm, I'm, I'm cool with what, what went down. Page six though, did post that. Um, yeah.

And I think that's the article I was reading. No, maybe it was the other one. I think it was the one that was, uh, talking about your tour. Yeah. Well, I mean, I think it was supposed to be a tour announcement, but they moved forward with the headline being exclusive comedian and TikTok star Connor would admits to page six that he was terrified someone in his family died.

Like that's the, and then this is the image they went with. Everyone's dating because it's exclusive. And I'm like, oh my God, am I dating her? That's great. Do not confirm or deny. That's what you just have to be like. If they ask me, I cannot confirm nor deny that. Yeah, no one reads captions anymore.

Don't read the caption at all, please. No. That's how people get their news. Are you happy with the picture they picked? So stoked. But it is something to think about because it's from a year and a half ago. And I've posted so many times since then.

So someone from the Page Six team had to actually get carpal tunnel scrolling so far to find a good picture of me. Well, it looks like they searched for one where it was like you in the wild. Because they probably wanted it to look like pop out like right Art is looks like you have a little beanie on and you're out walking. Oh, yeah Yeah, yeah, I'm standing still and I asked someone to take that of me

but Do uh, we know we know you're listening, please please Reach out to Connor and me if you can. You can leave Chris out. Yeah, Dua is a huge fan of the pod. So we know she's listening. She's a big listener. Hey, what do you say we hop into this episode? I would love to do that. I would love to do that. Episode 10 Dancing Around a Love Triangle, which obviously leads us to our first question. Connor. How, how good are you at geometry? How good you are at geometry?

Um, I suck. I like had to change. I actually failed calculus three times. And I think the, the professor felt bad. Dude, you majored in it. And weren't you an engineer? Yeah. Yeah.

Thank God I couldn't. Like if I built a bridge, just bloodshed. Connor, you ever been in a love triangle? Not that I know of, maybe, behind the scenes. Maybe I was the acute angle there that I just aren't aware. That's called cheating. That's not a triangle. That's infidelity. There were two

people that were interested in me and I wasn't aware and I was just kind of hanging out hanging around. Yeah, I don't know if this if this counts but I like there's been couples that I like watch from the window and like monitor and does that count as a triangle if I'm like but they don't know I'm there. No because it's my window. Does everybody have to be aware that there's a triangle being formed? I think so, because otherwise it's just cheating. No, but I don't know. I disagree. I might just a big all prude.

One person has to know that there's a triangle, but I don't think all three have to know. Yeah, it kind of seems like one could be on the outside looking in on the outside always looking in Conor sing it. I don't know that one. Sorry. You heard it here. Conor hates Dear Evan Hansen. Oh, no, I do actually. Yeah, actually, that makes sense.

I've never been in a in a love triangle. Nick, have you known? We're having a hard time getting into a love line. Yeah. Yeah. So. From A to B. That's the hardest part. The third is easy. So we open this episode. Ella's at school. She's in the parking lot.

She's waiting for a ride because Isaac is coming to pick her up and take her on a surprise date. But Reed pulls up and he's like, hey, you need a ride? And she says no because she's going on a date and Reed is like very butt hurt about it. Yeah, Chris gets a little angry, boy upset, boy Chris. I was upset. Well, it's hard to have sympathy for Reed in this situation

because this was his idea. He was like, Ella, I want you to explore your options with Isaac and if you choose him, I'm cool with that. And if not, like if you choose me, that's great. And he was super chill about it in a very bizarre way in my opinion. But now he's like, oh, this fucking sucks. Yeah, it was good on paper.

Was he being? What's the new word everybody uses? clandestine. Fuck boy. Like, I don't know something like that. Yeah, like, I'm cool with it until it actually happens. Now I'm like, not actually cool with it. Yeah, I think, yeah, read is like, I don't know, he's, he's always trying to like, do the right thing. And I know it

reminds me of like like when you see in rom-coms when someone breaks up and it's like hey you know you dump me but I just want you to be happy and it's like that's bullshit like no I don't want you to be happy in fact I'd get pleasure thinking that you're home alone on weekends crying because you missed me that is what I want that would make me happy but that's why this is a good scene because it finally shows the truth of him. I mean, the one from the other episode that you've been referring to, he's like, yeah, take your time. Go out with this other guy. He's like, no, nobody's like that. I mean, unless you are like the George Clooney and the most

confident man ever. Like some George Clooney is actually very insecure. Well, we went to a pool party and he refused to take a shirt off in the pool. He was he's so with a swim with a with an actual cashmere sweater. It was very uncomfortable. And he was holding his Nespresso machine. It was bizarre. I can't tell. By the way, like, I know that this is my first time really chatting to you guys. So it takes me a second to read to see if you're like buddies with George.

At one. That's why I didn't. Okay. Until then, I was like, Oh, I get it. Okay, so Connor, that that is more of a reflection a on how sweet you are. But B, how different our lives are because I the only celebrity I know is like the guy from the dry cleaning who I see like on the street and I'm like, hey, I know that fucking guy. No, we don't know celebrities. Okay. Speaking of that long winded story you just told Chris, this is the longest wait for an Uber I've ever heard. In waiting for an Uber Ella has time to and rating because this is a long, long wait. That's very true. And that's my takeaway from this opening scene.

That's very funny, Nick. In this, in that little montage, Easton refers to Easton offers to involve himself in a threesome with Ella and Isaac and something he coins ethical non monogamy. I like that ethical, I don't know if it's real. Is there a code of ethics involved in threesomes and hire? I don't know.

I always, I have the term actually have merch from our podcast that says ethical cloud chaser, which is something that I take pride in because the way I go about my cloud chasing, and the way that you should too, if you ever wanna see George Clooney in a shirt and a pool, is you just like kind of go up and fake it, and I know what I'm doing, I'm not trying to be,

I'm just doing it for a picture, I'm cloud chasing them. But it's a good interaction for both of us. And I think that in know sense of the word if everybody leaves that threesome Happy and fulfilled and with more than they came with Dude gross fulfilled Filled more than they can win Show dude. Yeah. Okay. Wait, Connor, can you give me an example of this ethical cloud chasing?

Like, what would that interaction look like? Also, what is the goal? Is it to get a picture with somebody to get? The ideal situation would be like, Oh, I actually really enjoyed talking to this person that clearly just wanted a photo. Like, I'm not doing it. I don't think that like, KJ Appa wants to be friends friends with me and I just need him for the likes. But I'll give him a good conversation. A conversation him up really well. And then like for I actually did that with him. I went up to him and was like, oh my God, like I haven't seen you since Thanksgiving last year.

And then he started talking. And I was like, I did not know you're Australian. I should have come up with a better thing. Cause I don't even know if you guys do Thanksgiving. They do know they don't. We boxing. They, they're very unthankful people. Yeah.

Yeah. They just went straight ahead with whatever they did. But, but he started talking to me and like kind of playing along with it. And I don't know if he got that I was like lying or what, but like he played with it. And he was like, oh, okay. Like, let's, I don't know, I was like, let's get a photo so we can send everybody

like check in, like say that we're together. And he's like, okay, totally. I was like, that's gone on my Instagram right now. Had he, had you actually met him? No, I've never met the man. I'll never see him again. And that's why it's going around. Cause I know I'm not trying to get his

phone number and docs him. But I did this also with Sean Mendez, when he was getting bullied, kind of online for his do you guys remember when he did? It's giving share remember that at all? I don't know. No, he had this close and old man alarm. You're so fucking old. He had this quote. It was an old man alarm. You're so fucking old. He had this quote. Do you guys know when people are like, it's giving?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Giving, whatever. So he said it's giving share. And I don't know to what. But he just got dragged by his hair on the internet. And I saw him at ACL in Austin, the music festival. And I was like, dude, you need to reclaim that. You need to go on the internet and like joke about it

so that it's your joke now. And then like, and so I was like, let's do this. Like, I'm gonna come up. I'm gonna ask you for a sip of your beer. I'm like, it's giving chair. Like, give me a, you know, give me a sip of it. And he's like, okay, let's do that. And we didn't post it.

I got three million views. I don't know what he got. But, you know, and he felt's do that. And we didn't post it. I got three million views. I don't know what he got it, but you know, and he felt good about that. He had so that was ethical cloud chasing. I got to pretend like I'm friends with Shawn Mendes for a second. And then at that point, he got the joke about this thing that was like weighing on him, poor guy. And yeah, we both came out on top. That's really cool. So KJ Apa, Shawn Mendes, you have a type man. Oh, yeah, who's next? Um See I guess George Clooney now and I got my sight set Hey guys, it's Emma, you know, we're all about immersive fiction podcasts here at Diversion,

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Cosmo contributor Gabby Gonti alongside her friends at Emerald Audio Network. It's the perfect binge show, it's only nine episodes total, so go follow Bad Influencer right now and take a listen when you're all caught up with your episodes of the Royals of Malibu. So we, Nick, Ella, Ella gets in, gets in the cab and she goes on a date. And this is one of my favorite parts of this whole series. You know why? Why's that, Nikki?

Because they finally come to our part of town. They come to the east side of LA. Yeah. Which Connor, I know you don't love this because you're a West side, Venice boy, Malibu boy, but Chris and I live in Los Filos, which is right next to Echo Park, which is where they go for Korean barbecue.

And I never had Korean barbecue. What? I know. Is that true? Oh! Yeah. You guys, we're so close to like- Connor, should we go? I'm down.

But we gotta, is that in on the east side? It's everywhere, but yes. I think there's a bunch of them. Korea town is like sort of near downtown Echo Park area. And there's, so there's a bunch of them Korea town is like sort of near downtown Echo Park area and there's so there's a ton of Korean barbecue restaurants. It's so good It's like you grill your own meat and food right in front of you and they bring all the accoutrements and the sauces and It's well. Yeah, I would love to do that. That sounds right on my alley. All right, so Connor It's gonna be me, you, KJ,

Dua, George, and Sean. We're going to go Korean. That'll be perfect paparazzi pictures. They're just going to name them and be like, and they were followed closely by two young men from the whole family. They're going to post the same picture of you and a beanie from six years ago that they did,

but they'll just post two of them and say left to right Nick Caferro and Connor Wood. Basically this guy. I've been debating whether or not to admit this, but I don't know who the f**k this KJ person is that you're talking about. You're Riverdale. He was the lead in Riverdale. Why? Yeah. Redhead.

Old man alarm, dude. Old man alarm. Yeah, that's an old man alarm, dude. Old man alarm. Yeah. You're so fucking old. That's tough. I'm gonna edit that out because that's almost embarrassing. I'm not, we're not editing that out. We're keeping that in. You have to be held accountable. The best part about this scene though is that it's a surprise date. I love a surprise date. Conor, you ever done a surprise date for someone? I haven't planned a surprise date. I love a surprise date. Conor, you ever done a surprise date for someone? I haven't planned a surprise date, no. I've had surprises happen while I'm on,

like I'm thinking of like one specific date, but this happens like a lot where I'll be, let's go get coffee or lunch or something. And then it's like, but also do, there's a bar across, like should we just go drink instead of pretend like we don't want to have a cocktail at this coffee shop. That would be also a surprise to me. It's a surprise in the sense of like I didn't we didn't know what was next there. Yeah. Surprise date sounds great but I don't know

if I'd be able to do it because like I would really have to budget it out. Well, you know, I don't want to like be have like do a surprise day and then be like, oh, shit, I spent so much. Yeah, that's not a person that's never going to talk to me again. Yeah, but she's already married to George. But dude, you just that's part of the planning. Like you can do stuff that's cheap or free. You know, you do like, oh, we're going to walk in this park or go to this museum and

then I'm gonna take you to dinner and then, oh, there's one more surprise. We're going dancing at this bar or club or whatever. Think outside the box, dude. Yeah. These make me nervous because it feels like like a surprise date, especially when you're like, let's go on a walk. It's like when you show someone a song you really like and you're just checking to see if they like it the whole time.

Do you even like walking? Like you walking? Yeah. You don't know. Like. I got it. I'm gonna even like walking? Are you walking? Yeah. No, like, I got I'm gonna have to call some bullshit on both of you. You get women or men or whoever. People love to be surprised even if it's even if it's like a bullshit thing because it's like you you thought about this. You put some thought into it, not just like, Oh, yeah, let's go get a bar or let's go to a bar I like where do you want to go?

I but no it's like there's something nice about being pampered and treated and be like hey I'm picking you up at eight. Don't worry about it. I've got it all situated and it's like oh, this is fun Yeah, hey, I'm sending an Uber it'll be there in three hours Just wait there the whole time and talk to every single person you go to high school with. They do salsa classing, they dance in the street, it's very cute. She says it's a hundred thousand out of ten when she rates it, which I have to question that rate. That's a really high number. I also like, what if she had a little blood sugar? She can do salsa dancing and then another activity. I got to go home, actually, or you

have to give me a bag of Skittles. Which are about to be banned. Yeah, they are banned. You hear about this? Isn't that crazy? Yeah. Oh, they are. Is it Red Forty?

Is that nationwide or just California? It's just here. Just California. We got to move. That's tough. I know. I love Red Forty. Moving to Florida.

Chase the rainbow. Ironically, every other part of what the rainbow represents is illegal in most states someone take that joke someone someone Someone verbal trademark that joke because that's good Thanks, and I'll go ahead and verbally trademark and I will steal it take my reproductive rights, but not my candy That's what I say She says during this writes, but not my candy. That's what I say.

She says during this date, she says, Isaac is incredible. And he makes her decision when she's choosing between him and read so hard. She's like, it would be so much easier if Isaac was just like jealous or mean or chewed with his mouth full. It got me to think in what are the red flags or dealbreakers on a date for you guys that would that would be like, No, I can't be with this person. Mean to like the waiters or waitresses, that would be like, nah, I can't be with this person. Mean to like the waiters or waiters says, that would, I'm just like, oh, I don't know.

I might leave in the bathroom window. That would suck. Yeah. It's actually, I make it worse when someone's like rude to a waiter because I overcompensate to where the waiters like, this is gonna be around. Yeah. Like, it would just be like, be a dick to me

because it feels like you're like trying to follow me home. Thanks for watching every time that they pour me a glass of water. No, seriously, thank you for your service. Yeah. Look at me. Look at me. Do you have health insurance because we could get married and you could share mine.

Yeah. Move in. 90 Day Fiance Waiter Edition. Yeah. And then the mouth, chewing with your mouth, chewing with your mouth full? Was that her issue? Yes, that's the issue she would it she wish she did it so that she like chewing with your mouthful is chewing Is eating you mean talking with your mouthful? I don't know. Maybe I heard chewing with your mouthful is how you eat How the fuck else do you eat?

You you just you just swallow it like a joke like a pelican swollen a fish I think that chewing with your mouth open, I think would be a huge issue for me. I need, I think that's probably what you said and I miss, no, no, no, no. Cause I thought I heard that too when I was listening and then you said it again and I was, huh? Oh, maybe it's, uh, maybe we found something wrong. I love that. I'm going to call the producers. We found a flaw. Let's call the producers right now. Connor, call the producers love that. I'm gonna call the producers. We found a flaw

Let's call the producers or in a con or call the producer. I'll get on the line. Hold on I've got a couple red flags that I've experienced in real life When you're when you're on your phone too much Yeah, that drives me fucking insane I like I'm a believer that like when you're at dinner with somebody, unless there's something going on or you're talking about something and like, oh, let's look it up, you put your phone down until someone's like,

I have to go to the bathroom. And then everybody checks their phone. What about putting your phone face down on the table? Yes. I don't, because I don't even like that. I think keeping it in your pocket or your purse. As soon as you break eye contact, like we know what you're doing.

Saying something to someone and then having like a 14 second delay, it's like, let's just move on from this whole conversation. Cause it's not very interesting, obviously. From this whole relationship. Oof, that's tough. This is actually kind of making my heart rate go up. I feel it.

I could see it. But I'm glad you brought up the phone on a date thing, because that's exactly how this date gets interrupted. Her phone is blowing up, Ella, so she has to leave. And there's a fight happening between Val and Sav. So she goes to take care of that. And she learns that they're both not in a great place. I'm going to say that that portion of this episode was really confusing because I was listening

on headphones like going around my house and I was like what the am I I wasn't getting any texts actually but it sounded like I thought I was getting those notifications Yes, yeah shout out to our sound our sound designers. Yeah, it's four times. They did a great job with the phones. They did a great job with the Korean barbecue is seeing the background. So you know what? I'm going to give our lasagna the week to our sound editors. La la la lasagna. Yeah, good for them. Also speaking of phones, they get this Ella shows up there in this huge fight and then Savannah throws Valerie's phone in the pool.

Like if someone did that to me, that would be the end of our relationship. Like that's it. Have either of you ever, cause this is also a recurring dream I have of like getting wet or jumping into a pool with my phone in my pocket. Have you ever had a phone thrown or damaged or lost in this way?

There was that one time I was swimming with George Clooney. Oh, enough with the George Clooney reference. It's over. That was tough. I can't stop picturing it. I might have to hop on like chat GBT after this and get a visual made business spread showmaker and a cashmere sweater floating.

I was at a Fourth of July thing and I was like looking in the pool and I was like who's the dumb ass with their phone at the bottom of the pool? Who's the drunk loser with their phone? My phone. Oh no. Had to get in.

What was weird is I was fully close. So I hadn't even been in the pool and there were people swimming in the pool and I'm in jeans You know and I was like I have to get in now And I had to get in with my jeans on and dunk my hat and grab my phone. It works. It works. No Yeah, it's we how did it get there? I still don't know I was drinking a lot So that was yeah, probably just put it in there. Honestly, that wouldn't even just placed it gently on top.

Connor, do you have your own alcohol brand? I did a collab with Flying Embers, the kombucha, the hard kombucha company. It's really good. Did you find embers? Oh, they're so good. I love them because you don't have to actually drink that much. And then all of a sudden you like have to go home. Yeah. Really strong. And what's your, what's your?

Spicy lime margarita. It's pretty dank. It's actually like not totally out yet. It's announced, but then we had to work on licensing to get it anywhere else besides California. So. May I ask what it's called? The drink? Yeah. So it's going to be the Spicy Lime Margarita. Oh, you guys really got clever with the title there. I thought it was going to be like fibula. I didn't ever think of that. I didn't think that. I told

you I had not like a thinker. So it was just the flying embers by Connor Wood, Spicy Lime Line Margarita, and then it just says like Fibula. I'll get you guys some. I'll get you guys some. I'll bring it to you side. Oh, thanks, buddy. For our Korean barbecue date. You know, throw our phones into the lake at Echo Park. In solidarity. But anyway, Nick, where are we in the episode, you silly bitch? Well, so. Well, so

Ella Ella goes to save the fight beach Between Val and Savannah and she ends up leaving she goes home But she gets caught sneaking back into the house by Callum who was such a sweet man it but just doesn't know how to be a dad. And he's like, I caught ya coming in and she like has to, he's like, I don't know how to ground kids. So he has to like teach Callum how to ground a kid. But he says like, I'm not gonna do it because he, yeah, I don't know.

He doesn't end up grounding her. But I don't know, have you ever been grounded Connor? Yeah, yeah, I miss being grounded so much I want to get grounded now. Why? I would just like to like not have to fake a car accident or COVID or my dog missing like all the time I wish I just like I'm grounded I can't come. Yeah.

Yes. That's for that's for that reason I do miss it. I feel like not knowing how to ground someone it's like the easiest fucking thing in the world you just say you're grounded you're not allowed to, you know, use the car or your phone or the internet. Like it's pretty simple. I don't know.

How far apart are you guys in age? Three and a half years. Okay. Who's older? Who do you think's older Connor? Who acts older? I don't know what to say. Who looks older?

I don't know, I don't know, I don't wanna say. I'm older, I'm older. Okay, I was gonna say that. So for you guys, was it like, Chris did you have like a hard 11 PM curfew and then when Nick was like your age at that time, was it like come on by midnight? Kinda, yeah.

Yes. More with my sister, we have an older sister. I think it was more strict with her and it progressively got less and less so I have a younger sister She's four years younger. You'd think that it would have been like more strict for her But it was like do not give a shit It was really yeah, it was bizarre. I actually was helped to like a much higher standard even Post like call it like coming home from college for summer or whatever. I still had my say, I don't need this bullshit.

Yeah. Where are you from? Texas. Okay. Yeah. Why did I think you were from Canada? I have no idea. This is so nice. So I have syrup all over my shirt. You know what I love though about getting older and looking back on high school is like, you know, when we talk about like curfews and coming home and like all those times you thought you were being super clever and like they'll never know I was drinking or they'll

never know I had a cigarette like they absolutely knew. Like you stunk like a burnt newspaper. You you reek of gin or like vanilla rum or whatever bullshit you're drinking. Like it's you're not tricking your your parents. That was just not tough not to swallow being like what they feel like knew everything the whole time being like and it's so cringy to think back how my parents thought I was going camping every weekend. Where were you actually going? To someone, whoever's parents weren't home,

but if you're camping, it's like nice, they're getting outside and they're doing whatever. No, I was to the face holding a bottle of pinnacle whipped until I couldn't drink anymore and then I would Pinnacle Whipped! Pinnacle Whipped! I had to change. It was a year when I had to change my cologne because of Pinnacle Whipped.

What do you mean? I just like had like a tinge of the same smell as Pinnacle Whipped. It was my first cologne. I had it for like six years, like same smell. It was my Christmas present every year, like stocking suffer. Had it, tell my mom, I'm not a man now, so I can't use air postal, maximum, anymore. Maybe gold.

So now you're an Abercrombie Fierceman. Don't dog on any of those like elementary school colognes. They're really good and they're very appropriately priced. Were you an axe body spray fella? No, I was not. No, but there's something about that. I don't know if it's like a nostalgic or like it reminds me of like high school. Like that's what you put on and you go and then like talk to your crush in the hallway.

Right. Yeah. I don't know. It does something to my, to my lines still. Yeah. Well, it's because it's burning a hole in your cerebral cortex. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

It's just anerosone, acid burn in your brain. Throws me back, makes me want to go to a homecoming dance and grind. Oh, yeah. Do you remember learning how to grind? I never learned. I was self-taught. Wow. A self-made man.

You know who taught me how to grind? Walker Flock of Flame. He taught me how to grind? Walk a flock of flame. He taught me how to grind. How did that? Just by watching his music. His music kind of spoke to my body and then. Why walk a flock when you can grind a flock? He walk a flock so you can run a flock. I'm gonna work on that. I'll be back. Be sure to not let me know how it goes. Connor, was your house in high school ever like the party house? Yeah, at the end. I did throw a party. I went through like a weed phase that was really short lived. And like when my parents would leave with smoke weed in like the garage. And then I guess everybody would just go to sleep. I

don't really know how those went, but by the end my parents were like, we'd rather you drink here than somewhere else. So that was fun for the tail end of senior year. And then when we got home from college, everyone would just come to mine. But no, not in high school. It was very much I was leaving my house and not telling anyone where I was going. Well, I was going camping, you know, like Bear Grills. My parents thought I was Bear Grills, I thought. Camping all the time. We were not a party house. We there were a couple kids that was like the party house. Like their parents were just never there. Yeah. And then you swing by or they were there. Or they were like, how much like they sort of got off on it. Like, you guys behave. and Four even scarier is to think that we're not that far away age wise from what they were. Oh, no, you can't say that

Please don't say that. That's yeah, we're closer to that than the other way at least I am yeah, I think my mom was pregnant with me Right now. Oh Yeah, and my age Did she have her own? Alcoholic beverage brand at your age. No, no, she didn't. Thank you for putting things in perspective. And did she know, did she know KJ Arlo? Hell no.

Is that his name? Apa. Speaking of putting things into perspective. Yeah, things are, yeah, things are all relative. Especially in this podcast where they're all related. Hey guys, it's Emma. where they're all related. glamorous and sometimes downright scandalous world of social media influencers. It follows Sarah Sawyer, a wannabe nobody that makes a wish and wakes up a famous influencer in a penthouse in New York only to find herself caught up in nonstop scandals and drama. It features an amazing cast of actors plus appearances by real life celebrities and influencers

like Damois, Kristen Dodoty from Vanderpump, Perez Hilton, and Christy Carlson-Romano. It's all set in New York City and the entire 9-episode series is available right now on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, or wherever you listen. Bad Influencer is written by author and Cosmo contributor Gabby Gonsi, alongside her friends at Emerald Audio Network. It's the perfect binge show, it's only nine episodes total, so go follow a bad influencer right now and take a listen when you're all caught up with your episodes of The Royals of Malibu. Wait, what else happens, Nick, in this, this, this?

Ella and Reed have a big talk towards the end of this episode where Reed admits that he's not fine with the whole love triangle thing. It kind of was putting up a front when he was like, go with Isaac and choose who you want. He's showing a little bit more insecurity here and saying he's trying hard and it just doesn't seem to be good enough. And if he's not good enough for her, just to let him go.

Cause I think this is way not him, which is a big reversal from where he was earlier when he gave that like almost Zen-like talk to her that you need to do what you need to do and I'll be waiting and make the right choice. Full of shit. It's all full of shit. But also the biggest thing is he says, I'm in love with you.

It's a big moment. Yeah. I really drove the point home, I think. Connor, have you ever told someone you're in love with him or that you love them? Yeah, that like a not a family member. Yeah How to get like every every everybody updated since 6th grade. Oh, so you're a lover you're including do a leap up. Yeah. Yeah, you're you heard it here Fabulous lover ladies. I'm a love bomber

Yeah, yeah, you're you heard it here fabulous lover ladies. I'm a love bomber Just kidding. Have you ever had an unreciprocated? I love you because this one is he has said it and Ella does not say it back No, I would kill myself on the spot How romantic very Shakespearean of you Nick have you have an unreciprocated love you. Yeah No, no other than our from our parents. I'm kidding. They're very, very loving. I've been on both sides of the I love you coin. I've I've said it without getting it back. And I've been had it said to me without saying it back. I could totally see you not saying it back I could totally see that. Oh, yeah, you being like, okay. Um, you're so you think everything okay? You know, I I think that's

That's that's very touching and I have to think about it. That's actually very similar to what happened I said she said I love you and And I was like, that is so special. And then like, thank you so much. And like immediately, she was like, oh, no. And I was like, I am committed to this relationship and I care about you very much. I'm just not there yet. And it's, you know what, not to give myself the lasagna of the week but that is a very hard thing to do because it's just so easy to say three words and then and have it all be over it's so easy to just be like oh yeah I love you too whether you mean it or not and then you don't have to deal with all that bullshit but I wanted to be honest. Wow I would. Learning learning when the lie is like the most important skill, I think, in the world. Yeah, it can get you elected president.

Yeah. All the time. Every single time. Yeah, learning when to lie is a great skill to have, especially for convenience sake. And? Yeah, of course. Grand share its reasons. If need be. And yeah, of course, rancher and reasons.

If need be. And I mean this wouldn't make sense to you, but for job application reasons. Sometimes you got to bend the truth. Yeah. Yeah. I heard this great story from this guy. So there's this big festival called the Just for Laughs Festival. And it's really hard to get a showcase unless you have representation. But this guy, he had submitted year after year, but he didn't have a management company. And so they wouldn't respond or give him a thing. And so he created a fake manager, a fake name, a fake email, and submitted through this made up

manager, and he got an audition and made it all the way to find the manager's name was like Robert E. Caff was the name he created because he kept his fake spell backwards. Yeah. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. And he ended up getting an audition. It worked. So this episode ends with Brooke, Ella. Brooke obviously is really stepping into the evil step mom role right now. And she says, look, I know you stole all my devices, but don't worry, you can't delete the deep fake video

that I've made because I've copied it on all these hard drives. And I'm smart. Everyone thinks I'm dumb, but I'm smart and you all have what's coming for you. So she's really foreshadowing some bad little happenings and she threatens that she will release the deep fake sex tape after her lifestyle brand launches. And that's how we end the episode with that threat. A death threat. Is it a death threat?

She doesn't say it's a death threat. It's implied. Well, that's up to interpretation, Conor. Did you think it was a death threat? There's levels that would make that a death threat, I think. For sure, because there's also so much money on the line. I mean, she's in line to inherit hundreds of millions of dollars. And people have been killed for less.

There's no doubt about it. So a death threat by proxy DTBP I killed a man for a target gift card. Yeah, people have killed for less. You're right That man had a target on his back. Thank you so much. Thank you Thank you so much you guys Wait, wait, wait, you can't leave yet. No, I know, because you know why? We have royal decrees. Royal decrees. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Royal decrees. All right, it's time for our royal decrees where we name or we say our hot take of the week. Connor, you want to

start us off? Yeah, I'll kick it off. I don't think whales are beautiful. And I think that like we have this whole thing going where it's like, oh, whales are magnificent beautiful creatures. They actually like are just a like they're kind of just like really not a lot of that went into that at all. So I may not see eye to eye with people on whales, but that's where I stand. Have you had experience with whales? Like did you go whale watching and see one and were like, this was a waste of time? I've gone whale watching. I hate fucks you. You know, I hate fucks you world, me and my homies hates you world, but I have been to see a world

and I had an interaction with a beluga that I'll never forget. I cherish it. Kiss me on the cheek and we have a photo of it. But that was, I mean, that had nothing, maybe it shaped this thought, you know, the final thought, but the conclusion came was like a week ago, I was coming back from Malibu

to like Venice, and I was like stuck in traffic and I was like looking out, I was like, oh, there's kind of nice, oh, there's a whale out there. And I was looking at it, I was like, yeah. Have you seen Free Willy? Yeah, yeah. You didn't think that was beautiful? I think orcas at least have like a little bit of design to them.

That helps a little bit. What about the whales and avatar? Oh, those whales are gorgeous. Well, yeah. If James Cameron was redesigning all the whales, I might have a different stance, but right now, they're just getting great. I love him doing all that. He's working on it. James Cameron doing a launch like an Apple, like it's an apple product being like unveiling the eye whale 2.0.

That would change my mind. I respectfully disagree. I think, I think maybe like aesthetically at first, you know, they're lumpy and barnacle, but like when you get up close, like I think of like the Natural History Museum in New York They're so massive that there's something incredibly majestic and awe-inspiring About them and I think there's some beauty in that well. We're big proponents on this podcast that sizes and everything I think I think that's a great row of decree and I appreciate it and I don't agree with it But because I like the shine of their skin. They're under, it's, they're wet.

They're just wet, it's not shiny, they're just wet. I was in the water, would you like the shine of my skin? Yes. Okay. The answer is yes, on a critical note. Only if you're wearing a cashmere sweater. My Royal Decree is do not shop at Trader Joe's when you're hungry.

Yeah. Probably not creative, but that place, man, is just chock full of great snacks, and it is dangerous. Yeah, I agree. Especially because they have pictures of all the food on the package, and it's not like, oh, you gotta get ingredients to make this. It's like, we already did it you got to get ingredients to make this.

We already did it. So you just have to like pop this. You only, it's going to take two minutes. You'll forget that you even made this whole thing and it's going to look just like this too. They nailed it. What's your favorite, what's your favorite Trader Joe's snack or guilty pleasure? Right now it's the almond butter filled pretzels. I

cannot get a bag of those without eating them entirely in one sitting. They also have pumpkin, pumpkin gnocchi. Yeah. Dude, they're pumpkin everything is awesome. Yeah, thank you. Just awesome. Speaking of dessert and food, here's my royal decree pie is better than cake yeah pie is better than cake and I think cake is overrated I think it's good but uh pie is so much more interesting there's more going on there's more variety cake is like why is cake getting front billing on the birthday tradition because it takes the cake cake is all fluff. All right. Cake is all fluff. But also now when they're doing with all these like decorative cakes that are like they look like a computer printer but you cut into it and it's a fucking fun fatty. They taste like shit because they have to be so. Yeah, they have to be so dense.

So much fondant. So much fondant. The cake itself has to be dense so it doesn't collapse because it's eight feet tall because it's like an Ikea dresser made out of chocolate, dental food. Like, I don't want that. I want a light, fluffy, yeah, well, don't get the right cake. That's on you, man. You can't have a cake that big and have it be good cake.

It's impossible. Yeah. Well, look at this cake. That's a big fat ass. Listeners, Nick has shown his bare ass to the camera and it's covered in icing, which is weird. Oh, and now Mikey Day is coming over with a knife to see if it's cake. Is it cake? Mike, good to see you. Actually, can we get a picture for some clout chasing? Yeah, there you go. That see if it's cake. Hey Mike. Is it cake? Mike, good to see you.

Actually, can we get a picture for some clout chasing? Yeah, there you go. That's how it's done. But he's already in next room about to, I guess, eat his ass. So I feel like we already need to. This has been so much fun. Connor, for our viewers who love you the cities, I'll spare you. But I'm adding a couple more shows, a couple places,

but it's exciting. I'm excited to see you. I'm excited to see you. I'm excited to see you. I'm excited to see you. I'm excited to see you. I'm excited to see you. I'm excited to see you.

I'm excited to see you. I'm excited to see you. I'm excited to see you. I'm excited to see you. I'm excited to see you. I'm excited to, I posted it on Instagram, so I won't go through the cities, I'll spare you. But I'm adding a couple more shows, a couple of places, but it's exciting. I think that's all I have. Oh, my podcast, Brook and Connor make a podcast. If you want to listen to us talk about actually nothing. It's very funny.

Yeah, check out his podcast. Every listeners keep an eye out. This guy's a star. Not one would. You already are one, but it's going to go higher and higher and higher so it's a pleasure to have you and get those tickets now because they are selling out fast so if you want to see him on his 11 city 11 city tour buy your ticket now thank you guys awesome Conor thanks so much buddy thanks for having me that

was too much fun I gotta get back into the episode, actually. I got to catch up, so I'm up to date on the other ones. Please do. Thank you. Please leave comments. Subscribe, like.