The Royals of Malibu - THE ROYAL BOYS E2 - Teen Angst w/ Alyssa Limperis

Episode Date: November 13, 2023

On this episode, TROM newbie and the wildly funny Alyssa Limperis (https://www.instagram.com/alyssalimp/?hl=en) reacts to Season 2, Episode 2.Every Monday, brothers Chris and Nick Cafero (who play Reed and Easton, respectively) will sit down and chat all things Royals season 2. Listen along as they rehash each episode, tell stories, and even bring on guests to discuss the Royal tea.  **LISTEN TO EACH NEW EPISODE OF THE ROYAL BOYS ONE WEEK EARLY ON PATREON**  • Follow [The Royals of Malibu on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/theroyalsofmalibu/)• Follow [The Royals of Malibu on TikTok](https://www.tiktok.com/@theroyalsofmalibu)• Explore more: [diversionaudio.com](https://diversionaudio.com)See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Nobody goes on vacation for the moments that are just... Okay. That's why sunwing vacationers go all in like it's a buffet of fun. Whether you're skimming the tree tops like Tarzan's long-lost twin, or deep-end swimming with your flippers and fins. Or maybe you're just perfecting the art of doing absolutely nothing. Whatever vacationer you are, with sunwing, you save more, so you can do more. Book with your local travel agent, or... Hey, I'm Chris Cafferro.

And I'm Nick Cafferro. We are real-life brothers who play fake-life brothers, read and east and royal on the hit podcast The Royals Amalibu. On this companion podcast, we'll be doing a deep dive in each episode, given behind the scenes, insights, talking to some special guests, and maybe even having some laughs along the way. Welcome to The Royal Boys. Hey, Nick.

What's up, Chris? How are you, buddy? I'm doing all right, how are you? I'm so good, I'm glad to be back. What's new? What's going on? You know, busy week. I went to two weddings this weekend. Did you really? Two weddings, one on Friday night, one on Saturday night.

How were they? They were great, a lot of fun. I went solo, no plus ones. Although for two weddings, plus one, plus one, that would be two. I mean, you could conceivably invite the same person. No. That would be crazy.

So you went alone. I went alone. I went to catch feelings, caught a cold. Nice. But I'm doing all right. How are you doing? By the way, the myth that weddings are breeding ground for meeting people and hooking up is the biggest fallacy

that has ever been perpetuated. It's a myth. It's like you said, by the wedding industrial complex. Yeah, like what am I gonna hit on a bridesmaid while her grandmother is staring at me? Yeah, their families are all there. And then first of all, bridesmaids always get a plus one.

And if they don't, it's probably because they're insane. So you don't want to be associated with them. That's true. Same with groomsman. Equal opportunity. I was at one of those weddings with you. Oh, that's true. And I forgot, honestly, forgot. Yeah, I was at one of the weddings. It was about an hour away from where we live. And I booked the hotel room for us to share. And when we got there, it wasn't part of the wedding block. It was like next door, because I thought I would like, get a deal and be thrifty. You sure got a deal.

I did get a deal. It was the most disgusting hotel room. It smelled like animal urine our room. We walked in and there was first of all there was an oven in the hotel room. Yeah, it was an extended stay suite, which sounds nice. I don't know who would stay there in any extended circumstance. But the oven was on when we walked in and it wasn't like we're making you fresh cookies for your steak. No, it was just on wreaking propane into the room. Yeah.

And the bed looked like it had been made by me, which is to say not well. I make a really good bed. But it makes a, Nick makes like a military style bed. I make like a, let's just throw the duvet up in the air and wherever it lands now it's made. So what did we do Nick? I drove us home at 3 a.m. because I was not going to stay in that room. Yes. All right our options were to get a really bad night's sleep and possibly most definitely

bed bugs or just suck it up, drive home late at night, sleep in your own bed, and I think we made the right choice. So I spent all that money for nothing. But hey, it was your birthday that week. It was my birthday. Last week spoke, it was the day before your birthday. Now we are about a week removed. How do you feel older? Wiser? I feel, I feel the same, man. Age is a number, you know what I mean? You're only as old as you feel and I feel young and spray and energized. And it's because you, man, you keep me young. I don't believe one word you just said. That's true. You age me. Infinity and beyond. That would be a nice card.

You age me infinity and beyond. Toy Story 3. Five. They have a three and a four. Do they already? Yeah. Well, does Andy have his own kids? And...

Andy's dead. It was the natural causes. That's how old Andy was. He died of natural causes. If Andy from Toy Story was going to die, it would be, he would be murdered by Sid, the crazy neighbor. Yeah. In a, in a really graphic and probably publicized way, like he would stream it. There's no world where Sid doesn't grow up to be a serial killer, right? I mean, that's like the surest sign,

like as a child you're mutilating toys and animals. And piecing them back together. Yeah, like Jeffrey Dahmer, that's how he got his start. So Sid is like currently eating somebody's bones. Andies. Andies bones. And the bone of this... I want Andy.

Do we have the rights of that song? We do know. What if Andy's foot bone had Andy written on it? What if Sid used all of Andy's bones and made a toy and that toy came to life and got in a fight with Woody and Buzz Toy Story 6. I love that. I love that and needs to be written and directed by Tim Burton, but I love it. Tim? I know you're listening. Of course he is. You have my permission. Tim, I know you're listening. Of course he is. You have my permission.

Green light. You have my permission and Pixar and Disney is also okay with it. Yeah, we spoke to Tim Cook and Bob Eiger. And Tim Cook said, I have nothing to do with this. So then we called Bob Eiger. We said, Hey, man, we just spoke to Timmy. He said to talk to you. All right, Nick. What do you say we bring on our guest?

I would love that Chris. It's our first guest in Royal Boy's history. Our favorite guest in Royal Boy's history. So far, that's right. She is a dear friend. She is wildly popular on an internet app called TikTok. She does lots of very funny videos on Instagram. Her mom videos are hilarious.

She also has a special on peacock called No Bad Days. A very, very funny woman. We're so lucky to have her. Please welcome Alyssa Limpierras. Hello! Wow, these are my favorite Cafferro boys and also my favorite Royal boys. Wow.

Wow. Yeah, it's very exciting to be here. I know you guys very well outside of the royals and then here I am listening last night and I hear you boys up to no, you're such good boys, the Caffirah boys, but I don't know the royals are up to no good. They are. They will. These royals will ruin you. Yeah, these royals are kind of your guys is like, Anta, they're like the devil on your shoulder sort of thing. Would you have believed that I don't do drugs in real life? No, exactly. I would have never and Chris, I could hear you at a certain point, you sounded very drunk in it. Not only do I not do drugs, people don't even offer me drugs.

I've been to parties where people are doing drugs and they'll see me and they won't even offer it to me. It's a waste of money. It's just, I guess I give off that face, that pure face, that they don't want to. Yeah, and I feel it's because I think this is what you played in the office, but your face is very like, I'm in an acapella group. Your face is very like, I'm in an adult acapella group still. After college, yeah. Wait, what about my face? Do my face? after college, yeah. Wait, what about my face? Do my face. Well, your face is more like,

I used to play football and I was the best guy on the goddamn field. Oh man, don't judge a book by its face. But yeah, that's what my face says, but the rest of my five, nine frame does not support that. Yeah, but yeah, wow, wow. Real quickly, at time of recording, it is Halloween. Happy Halloween, everyone. Thank you very much too, as well. Are you going, are you going out? Are you dressing up?

What are your plans? Well, you know, Chris, we've talked about this ever so briefly, but I threw my bag, I woke up Saturday and I was going about my day and then I was turned point I sat down and then I couldn't get up. I'm like they joke about that when you enter your life the life alert commercial Literally, it's like a life alert commercial. I sat down I was like, oh my back hurts a little bit at a certain and I went to get up and I was like I Can't get up and anyway. I've basically been sort of bed bound or couch bound So I can't really trick or treat if If someone comes to my door, I'll gladly give them candy, but historically speaking no one comes to this door

You'll just throw candy at them It's funny you say that because the first year we ever moved here I was like this feels like a Halloween place because our old department wasn't And I bought so much candy and no one came and there was like this little girl walking with her dad and I'm on the second floor and I was screaming, hey, hey, do you want candy? And I chased her to go on with candy. My boyfriend was like, you could have,

that's, you could be on list. That's a salt, yeah. That's a salt, yeah. Well, I hate to do this, but I feel like we got to throw out an old man alarm for oh yeah back out Don't your back out doing nothing but sitting down. Yeah fire the alarm fire the alarm You're so fucking old. I will say there's no there's no like limit on when you're not allowed to trick or treat anymore

But I think throwing your back out is Is God's way of saying it's time. Stay in. Stay in. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. I'm going trick or treating. I'm going as an ocapella singer.

Nah. Nah, I'm just kidding. I don't go trick or treating. I just went to the store and bought Twix bars and threw them in my freezer and I'm going to enjoy those by myself after this. Twix? That's the candy we're going to. A frozen twix. A frozen twix. Booh.

Malibu, dude. Yeah, that's a Malibu for me, too. Okay, it's personal preference. So, Chris, if you're gonna freeze any candy, what are you freezing? Well, the best candy to freeze is the Charleston chew. But- That is true.

That's kind of an old man. Oh, man. Geez. You're so fucking old. That's like what they came out in the war. Yeah, they were rations. Yeah, it came out with both your limbs. He's a Charleston chew. Yes, yes. That's that's a I don't like to judge, but that's a stupid answer Chris All right, Twix loser Twix are fantastic. They have a left. They have a right But do they have a moderate because that's what the world Jesus That's also kind of what your face screams are you guys gonna? Are you gonna get trick or treaters? Because this is

Chris your first Halloween in that apartment? It is well Today is the one year anniversary of me moving to Los Angeles. Oh my God! Look at that! Yeah, it's my anniversary, LA anniversary. This is one-year anniversary of being in this apartment, and this is my nine-year to the day anniversary of being in my apartment, which is, as you know, right outside of Chris's. And nine years, I've never gotten a trick-or-treater. Is that true? It could be because I close all the shades,

the pros and twigs alone, but I don't know. Yeah, I think that, you know what it is, we're in LA, so it's like, there's got to be streets that have such nice houses that peak, like, if I were a kid here, I'd be like, no, take me to rodeo drive or whatever. Yeah, you're handling it wherever the. You're handling it wherever the. It's the acting. I want to go to the card. Chanel bags.

I want to get Chanel exactly. They're not wasting time at our apartment doors for a fun-sized twix. That's a little cool. Hey, Nick, what do you say we jump into a recap of this episode? I would love to do that. You got a listen?

Oh, I can't wait. So, Alyssa, you are joining us today. That's right. As somewhat of an Attic Context contributor, you have listened to this episode and I just want to get your thoughts immediate thoughts after listening to this thing. Well, I really, I mean, it's sort of old man button, but I felt very like your guys is like, aunt, because I was like, that's Chris, that's Nick, I can hear them, I can hear them. I was just mostly very excited to hear you guys

in these saucy rolls. And I feel like I had a super power because I'm like, I know their voices. So I can pin them, I can pick them out even without seeing them. Yes. That's where a lot of my attention was going. And then I'd say I got a little overwhelmed because I didn't know anything that was going

on. So I backed up. I backed up. I went to season two episode one and then I rolled into it. Oh wow. And then I got a little bit more of the context still. Like, I don't exactly know which of you is is which even though I heard which was which. Yes. So there's some things I'm and someone left and now she's coming back. Exactly. And she might be staying because of you Nick. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. And then Chris, you got very drunk

and said and you said you were a failure. You're like, you had a big dark night of the soul. And then you come back, all everything's good, but then, uh, oh, you get a little nervous because someone walked in on you. I think the person who loves Nick walked in on you earlier with someone. You're, you're very close. You're very close. And this is also very wrong. Yeah.

Listen, in Malibu, everybody's fucking everybody. Yeah. Does this remind you of your high school experience? This was a little bit different from my high school experience. Yeah, this one was a little different. I called my parents from an after prom to pick me up because I couldn't sleep and didn't want to drink. I didn't, yeah. And they said, no, you're going to be a cool kid. That's right. You stay and learn how to fit in and stay. Exactly.

Yeah, I was not familiar with a sexual side of myself in high school or drugs or alcohol, but I ran very fast. So you can't have it all. And no friends could keep up with you. And now my back gives out at a moment's notice, life happens fast. Listen, sometimes you sit down the wrong way and it's just, okay, so season two episode two big house big problems is the name of the episode Ella returns she's back in Malibu But there are some there's some strings attached right Nick. Yeah, there are so she's coming back into a lot of drama

First stop she makes is her friend Savannah's house and I just want to I just want to you know This is at the very beginning, but I would like to make a little pit stop here and talk about this. Savannah opens a door thinking that it's a non-contact delivery for Starbucks. Yes. Wild.

Does anybody do that? Does, like, wouldn't the ice melt? Like, if there's one thing I'm not ordering to my door, it's coffee. No, but we're not. Interesting, see, what I thought you were saying, I thought your craziness was being like, one thing I'm not ordering to my door, it's coffee. No, but we're not. Interesting. What I thought you were saying, I thought your craziness was being like, why would she ever open the door?

And that's where I was like, I agree. But in terms of that, I thought he ordered to my house. Oh, yeah, no, I do that. I do that. Isn't it cold or hot or like if you get a, it's not always more. It's an opposite of whatever you want. Exactly. It's warm, but it's convenient.

I mean, sometimes I think we live in such a terrible time, but then I think I can just walk, like if I'm in bed and I'm like, I don't feel like make coffee, I can press a button and then by the time I get up to my door there's coffee, that's very cool. It's a special time. I didn't know people ordered coffee online. That's unbelievable to me.

Oh, I think we might need an old man button for that one. Yeah, yeah, okay. Okay. Hit it. You're so fucking old. It is funny though that like, we're just so spoiled because like, I've gotten non-contact delivery before.

And even that, I'm like, I have to get off the couch. Ha ha ha ha. We're not far off off from a service where they just feed you. Our children will 100% be fed by... Drone Delivered. Drone Delivered. Uber feeds. Uber feeds.

When I was waiting tables, speaking of Uber feeds, there was a very big celebrity, a diva singer whose name I will not mention. A diva Mendele? No. But she came in, the restaurant was about to close, they lock off the back after the restaurant, I served them, and she had her assistant cut her steak and feed it to her while she held her hands up in the air. No, no, why the hand is absolutely crazy, Rihanna.

No, it's not Rihanna, but I'm not going to say who it was, but all she wants for Christmas is you. That's all I'll say. Wow, that is wild. We're kind of all just trying to return to being a baby. That's kind of the call. How much comfort can we add back into our life? And then if you're ultra famous,

it's like, yeah, fuck it, feed me. But when I try to breastfeed in public, everyone gets weird. I like it. Thanks, man. Okay, so Ella and Valerie and Savannah, all reunite, Valerie's going through this breakup, right? And we find out.

Right, I think she got cheated on. Is that right? She got cheated on you. Now here's the thing. She's describing how she discovered that her girlfriend was cheating on her. And she said that she was face timing with her and heard the person in the background.

And that's how she figured it out. And my first thought was, if you're cheating on your partner, which I do not condone, why would you answer the FaceTime when the person you're cheating with is there? I don't answer FaceTime unless I have fair warning that it is coming. If I get a random FaceTime, I will not answer it.

I scream that shit. So, that is insane to me. Insane behavior, but I will say this has happened. A friend of mine found out that they were being cheated on because their partner accidentally FaceTime them, pocket dial, FaceTime them, while they were having sex with someone. Oh!

That's what I just made on the line the whole time. Wait, was pocket dial was he wearing pants? I, that's what I said. I said having sex with this person. I mean, listen, I've never had sex before, but I assume that it wouldn't involve pants. I don't know man, your face says acapella and uses the zipper hole. When I was telling my comedy partner that I was moving to LA, I called him and told him and he was like, you know, that makes me sad, but I'm really proud of you. And then we hung up.

And then he, I went and took a shower and he had pocket-diled me and left me a three-minute voicemail. And he texted me before I listened to it. I was like, oh my God, I just sent you an email. I'm so sorry, or a voicemail. I'm so sorry. That's voice mail. I'm so sorry. That's so embarrassing and so I listened to it. No. And it was him telling his wife He walked into his house and he and he was crying. He was like Chris is moving out like and I'm so sad and it was the sweetest

Thing I still have it because it was so heartwarming and it was, but it's just funny because of all the ways that could have gone. It went in the really tender, sweet way. Totally. It's also so funny how much life is just masking. The fact that your friends, of course, good, good, and then- Well, that's a very masculine thing, right? Yeah, maybe that's it.

Maybe that's- This is what they do a feminine thing because like they're having like this girls night they're burning letters they're drinking orange wine which by the way I love I love I love a small batch orange wine so kudos to these ladies for drinking I know very very sophisticated for very sophisticated high schoolers yes should not be drinking by the way well well, man, I'm should not be drinking, but you should be drinking four dollar bottles of wine. Yeah, it shouldn't even be in a bottle. It should be it should be in like a bag box or bag box bag, exactly. That's so true. Yeah. So they're they have a bonfire with all her exes stuff. They're burning everything,

which is, I mean, that's a pretty outrageous behavior. Especially in Malibu, like where there are four fires. True. That's true. Very irresponsible. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Hey guys, it's Emma. You know we're all about a Mercifixion podcast here at Diversion.

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From something else, the Sony Music Entertainment, listen to fierce rivalries on Apple podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. I have either of you done anything like post break up crazy. I would say I'm a little bit of a different type of crazy. I'm a clinger so I don't think I would burn anything. I think I'd like bury it somewhere. You know, I think I would have a, the fact that someone could be like, I'm done and then burn all their stuff. I'm like, oh, we have very different brains.

So I could never burn it. I would like- Build a shrine that you visit, yeah, like an altar in your closet. Yeah. Yeah, what about you guys? No, I've never done that. I mean, I think one time my ex-girlfriend,

like right after we broke up, was like, come pick up all this stuff. And she gave me like all the keepsakes she had kept from me and gave them back to me, which was very painful. But I didn't have the heart to throw it out for a long time. So it was kind of a power move because she was like, here's your shit

that you gave me back, your move. And so then I just had pictures of us and ticket stubs and all these notes I'd written to her in my closet. And I clung to those for a while. And then, you know, eventually got rid of them. My ex girlfriend's family gave me so much wonderful stuff that I can't give it away like I need to keep it. It's the best stuff I own by far. It's like the best quality clothing I'll ever have. It's true, every time he was wearing something,

I'm like, where'd you get that? And he's like, well, yeah, you know. And I'm like, damn, that's a really nice cashmere. Yeah, well good, yeah. So none of us are burners. Yeah, I'm not burning that. But I do what, I wanna know what the hell a squishmolo is, and I know I'm probably

an old man alarmier, but. You're so fucking old. I think it's old man alarm for all of us, but I think it's like, there are just this. Don't speak for me, I know what it is. All right, go ahead, all you. Yeah, what is it? It's really just those bands playing for us of us, but I think it's like, they're just good for me. I know what it is. All right, go ahead, all you. Yeah, what is it? It's really just those big,

man-spline animals. Yeah, let me tell you something. All right, first of all, smile more. Second of all, just get man-spline a squish-mallow. Yeah, they're just like stuffed animals. They're the round ones. You see them in the windows of the stores. And they're super soft to plush.

It's a stuffed animal. That's the round, yeah. Well, we super soft to plush. It's a stuff that I want. Yeah. But we could all be wrong. But that's my, I thought that, but I didn't think they were that big. I thought they were like small like this. I your thinking of the Tomagachi.

Which I will say I was on set of a SegWaver project, which is a book she's both. She's on. It's exactly right. And a very cool costume designer, Jen Z, was not only preoccupied with her, like the life of her Tomagotchi, but wearing one on her neck, so they're back.

They're back. They're back. She couldn't be cooler. Was her name Jennifer Z, or like she was in Jen Z? Oh, I'm serious. Even though. Malibu. Malibu. Malibu.

No, her name was Claire and she's an incredible costume designer who happens to be in the age bracket of Gen Z. I see. And currently single parent to a Tomagotchi around her neck. I have some respect. Yeah, that's true. Full time job. Single Tomagotchi, mom.

What she can do at all? Yep. I do love that those things are coming back. I do love that these girls are having girls nights, you know, especially in high school. Feels very mature. They're watching Bad Reality TV, which honestly, I'm into it. Small Badger Orange Wine, Reality TV, Sign Me.

What's your favorite reality show, Nick? I mean, I was into Vanderpump for quite a while. Wow. How about survivor and the survivor heads here? Oh, wow. No, so it's the show that I'm afraid of because... Yeah, that's right to be. Yeah, I know that if I watch one episode, I will have to watch all 97 seasons in one sitting,

and I just simply can't do that to myself. That's literally my relationship with it is it's like, I hate starting it because I know once I start That's literally my relationship with it. It's like, I hate starting it because I know once I start, like there goes my life for a little bit. Truly. Are you up to date on this news? Oh, because I've heard this new season is like,

incredible so far. Really? Okay, I gotta watch, but I don't, maybe it was the last one. You should just watch whatever is on like a streamer. Yeah, I can't do that. If I'm doing it, I need to start from the beginning. I need to read it like a book.

I don't like this about myself, I'll admit, but that is the way I am. Yeah, you're not built for the streaming world, man. Nope. That's why I'm on strike. Yeah, that's why speaking of a real quick going back old man alarm on Savannah. You're so fucking old. Reference is animal house, and I would venture to bet that she didn't know what Animal House was. Yeah. That movie was old for us.

Us when we were young. But maybe it's retro. Maybe it's like old school. Maybe it's like the Beatles. Or maybe. It's like, oh, I watched the oldies like Animal House. As long as it's not like Anchor Man, if that was already considered to be like our guide.

And we would have to be close to dead. That would be the end of our time. That would be like us pulling our backs out. And well, I do remember that there was a day when we were recording and we were talking to Alyssa McCay who plays Ella. And we were like, so what kind of music do you listen to?

She's like, oh, I like old school hip hop. Like, you know, not Nas and Usher. And I was like, old school? Usher is old school. Usher singing this Super Bowl. I know, but I was like, that's not old school. Wow, yeah, it happens fast. It literally looks younger than me.

Yeah, I know that guy looks great. But yeah, I was listening to a radio station called The Blend the other day and I was like, I love this. The blend, it was just, it was just such like old sort of calm music and I was like, this is nice. This is nice. Yeah, rock is my pump-up music. Really? Yeah, rock is great. Yeah, Michael McDonald. You kidding me? You don't know me or you're my... Do we have the rights of that song? We do now. I think that was so indistinguishable from the original.

You're in music court. You're winning court, I suppose. Yeah. That's very funny. Thank you. Okay, so the gals are having a gals night. They're having their orange wine. And then this is my

entrance into season two. I'm an intruder. That's right. Intruder and the house. They hear, well, they don't know it's me yet. Right. So let me ask you a question. A list up mostly to you. You're in the house with your with your ladies, you're watching your little, you know, tipsy. You hear an intruder. What are you doing because? There's a lot of different reactions going on here. Val starts freaking out Savannah says she wants to go to a panic room and Ella screams to the guy that she has a gun and he needs to leave Okay, well if I had a panic room I'd be in there all the time I would have already been in there when the guy came in and I just just living in the panic room.

I have. I have in your coffee or in your rice. That's so funny. Now one time I was it was early in the pandemic and we were getting an attempted robbery and so we were like we heard the door jangling and I we had a bat and I just grabbed the bat and held the bat and so that's I guess I would My fight or flight would would tell me to to fight which is I think the Boston in me. It's like yeah Fuck it. You know you're gonna get in the fight if you got a good hot going down without swinging Yeah, we tell you something about petty Williams. Oh, Gano. I'm

You can't go down without swinging. Yeah. We thought you saw something about petty Williams. Oh, man, alarm. You're so fucking old. What happened? It was just rattling, like running, it was in a back, you sort of lived up a back alley, so we heard like running up the stairs

and then just like jangling, jangling, jangling, and like trying to get in. But I ain't gonna be close. Yeah. I think it was Christmas Eve and it was so cookies. There was clumping, clumping on the stairs All of our cookies were gone. Yeah, and Santa had to unfortunately retire after that He was head, but good for you for grabbing the bat

I have a bat under my bed for all you listeners So that would be my first line of defense It doesn't really feel like it would ever be helpful, but you just sort of like, you have something to clutch. You're like, booh. But anyway, it ends up being that it's not an intruder, it's actually Easton who was very, very drunk. And I, that could be true.

Well, he said she asked, what'd you do? And he's like a little bit of this, a little bit of that. Yeah, well. I also feel like a little bit of this, a little bit of that. Yeah, well. I also feel like a little bit of this, a little bit of that, if said in a real like long Island accent, becomes a very different thing, becomes Christ family. What do you want to do for work? A little bit of this, a little bit of that.

You know that? Yeah. And what about a voice management construction? A verse. Yeah, exactly. What's the drunkest you've ever been? Oh, well, I will say there was a time I was visiting my sister in college. That'll get you.

And I got very drunk and I made sick on myself on the walk home. And then she brought me inside and she like knelt me down near the toilet and made me pray to like to vomit in the toilet. But what I did and I don't have any recollection of this is I proceeded to cleanse my face in the toilet. No. No. No.

It's a royal flash. That is a royal flash. It's nice, thank you. But you know the, you know the Nutrogena commercials where they like, cup the water and splash it over their face. Oh, that's what I was doing at the toilet wall. Ah!

I think that's the worst thing I've ever heard in my life. Like I think there's like the amount of money you'd have to pay me to do that is so, so high. Well, I have a little side story here if I may. A friend of mine was dating this man for like many years. They're now married, but she discovered that like she walked in on him, you know, in the bathroom months. She discovered that after he's done going number two, he'll flush.

And then he will cup the water with his hand and splash it to like rinse his bottom and using the toilet water. And she was like, what are you doing? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, time out. And he was like, that's, that's what I was taught. That's, and like a bidet, like a human bidet. He was doing that in the room with her? In the bathroom. Yeah, just like it was like, that's what you do. That's how you clean your ass. The things we could teach our children,

because it's like someone taught him that, it was like, this is what everyone does, and this man has walked around for close to three decades doing this. With a filthy hand. Yeah. That is so cute. Remind me not to thumb wrestle him.

Yeah, that's tough to beat. Mine's just like, yeah, I got very drunk in college. Whoa, slow down, Alyssa. It was so sick. It was so sick. Did somebody have to throw you in the shower? No, no. But also, I think I should have, like maybe someone should have, but I was, yeah.

But you didn't have any friends as we learned earlier. I have. Wait, Nick, you were thrown into a shower? Yeah. I almost don't even want to tell this story, but I feel like I have to. No, you don't have to.

You don't have to, this is a safe space, but does that even work is my question? It didn't work. It was senior skip day in high school. And I had a baseball scrimmage that afternoon in our, which was absolutely a jerk move by the coach to schedule a scrimmage on senior skip day. But he was like, you guys could still do senior skip day, but you got to be at the scrimmage. So it was like the first time like I ever drank and it was at a friend's house in a hot tub for probably eight hours In the sun drinking gin out of a Poland spring bottle

and And I'm gonna throw up. I got so probably dehydrated drunk son Poison all of it Then they we had to get ready for the game and my friends realized like, oh shoot Nick's not gonna make it So they threw me into a shower and put my uniform on in the shower. No after they just soaking wet on the bus Anyway, Nick went five for five Best game I ever had Wow five. Best game I ever had. Wow. No, absolutely. But that's such classic you, though. Like you're the goody-goody boy. And then like when you make the one mistake or like you

like when you go for it, you go big. Speaking of Speaking of, actually, that's a great transition because at this moment, Savannah reveals to the girls that Easton has not been good lately. He's been really bad, having a lot of drugs. Him and Reed have been going hard lately with drinking, Reed, and drugs, Easton. And that's very sad. It's very sad for high schoolers

to be going through that. That made me sad. Maybe it's because I'm a good very sad for high schoolers to be going through that. That made me sad. Maybe it's because I'm a goody-two shoes. I don't know. But, um, no, no, no, I mean, it feels like, oh, to have to deal with that in high school, along with all the other stuff you have to deal with in high school, that just sounds like a lot. Yeah, but it also pisses me off because like, Reed is drinking a lot, but he's also just shredded up. And like, I could go three months of that drinking and drinking and I will never see an app on my body. I've tried so hard. I went four months without eating sugar.

I stopped drinking. I work out six times a week. And you gain, I'm gaining weight. It is so upsetting. I think I'm like, yeah, maybe it's the Italian in me. I think I'm like half-genoa salami. It is so upsetting. You might be pregnant. Yeah, maybe it's the Italian and me. I think I'm like half-general salami. Well, I think, I mean, these boys have, the royal boys have had the real ones.

I mean, Eastern and Reed, you know, they lost their mother. They have a sort of absent father and they have access to lots of money and lots of privilege. And I think that's a bad combination. And their mother also had addiction problems. And so yeah, it is scary and sad. And it's a, they're on tenuous ground. But Easton makes a concerted effort and an agreement with Ella and he's like, listen, for you, if you stay, I'll get clean.

He also admits his love while he's very drunk to Savannah. He says, have I ever told you you're the love of my life, which I thought was a very funny line to say when you are completely drunk. And you're okay. Can I tell you something? No. The first time I said, I love you to my girlfriend, I was drunk. And she does not let me forget it. But the thing was, and I've tried to explain this to her, it was I had been planning to say it all, like for like a week. True, it wasn't, he wrote it in his journal.

Well, I had been planning to say it, like that was the plan. And then it seemed to your head, and it was in your head, and so then when you were drunk, you were like, I'm just gonna say, it's up there in my head, why not just get ya? Yeah, it was my birthday and I was gonna say that night,

but we had a day party and I drank a little too much. So she's like, well, that doesn't count. Like, well, that counts. But you were gonna tell your drunk. You love her on your birthday? Yeah, I don't know why. There's something that feels selfish about that. Why?

I may be because I hate you, but I don't know. That feels, Elizabeth, does that not feel selfish about that. Why? I may be because I hate you, but I don't know. That feels, Elizabeth, does that not feel selfish? Don't aren't you supposed to say I love you on someone else's birthday? Or it's like a data isn't about you? Well, I guess in my head I would say, well, I get why you would have the sort of, it's your birthday, it's your day of birth,

and you're like, oh, but you're the only person I want to spend it. It is reiterating up like, oh, I must really love you. But he was around so many people. I did do it. I did into a PA microphone at a safe way. He brought her to an elementary school. It made an announcement.

And I was drunk. So I guess I see why she doesn't say that. Okay, fair enough, fair enough. But listen, what's the line? The drunken mind speaks the sober heart. Listen. I think that was Shakespeare. It was Dan Shakespeare, from Wisconsin.

Speaking of love though, tell me. Isaac calls Ella during all this chaos is happening. In this guy, I tell you you this guy is my nemesis because he's just so nice and he sets the bar way too high. He's like, you know, things are harder than I expect. I might have to stay and he said, take as long as you need. I understand. Nobody does that.

I know. Nobody understands. What a guy. But do you think though, like, analysts all ask from a woman's perspective, like, because isn't there something to be said about? Like, well, no, I want you to care. I want you to fight for me.

I don't know. Well, I think that they'd succumb both. You want someone to fight for you, but also you want someone to give you, you're, if you're saying, I need space to do this thing right now, then I think if someone was like, of course, take that space, then it would feel would feel like oh you're not making me feel you know tied suffocated

so that I can still exist in this relationship. It's very again very mature. Fight for you and that feels kind of movie. I don't really want someone like knocking on my door. Throwing rocks. Yeah. It does feel kind of movie. But what I will say and this comes up a lot in this episode with like they're saying like I'm not ready to talk about it when they don't want to talk about something or protecting her piece or, you know, I'm an empath that all this stuff like there's a lot of really high level emotional maturity that I'm wondering that was not present when I was in high school. You're right. No, I don't know if that is like a new thing today. Maybe that's something that like we should be proud of for our new upcoming generation. I don't know. I think so. It does feel that way based on TikTok and just I don't know the way people talk about emotions online and mental health online. It does feel like a very different landscape than when we were in high school. Absolutely. Which is good. I think I'm seeing.

I feel like mine's the opposite. We're all look back and be like, wow, I was, I was really going through it. I was really depressed and my mom and my parents would be like, no, no one was happier than you. Yeah. Happy is maybe the happiest kid. No.

Why do you think that that that's because she believes that or because she doesn't want to maybe admit that she missed some sign? Right, I mean, I don't know. I think even growing up, it was just very like, don't talk about like, there was a real separation of like what you felt and what you like presented. Like I remember even when I first started talking

about like depression and whatever, when my dad was still alive, he was like, don't do it. Why are you doing that? So I think that there was just a bit of a, I don't know, protection of what was said outside of the home. And I think our generation likely went in the opposite direction because probably a lot of people had that at home. And so now the newer generation is experiencing probably more openness. Which I think is very healthy more openness. Yeah, which I think is very

healthy. Totally, totally. Were you so sad when Chris left Nick like as a high schooler? Oh yeah, that was really hard. Oh, him and my sister left. I was very very sad and very quiet. I was having a hard time. for sure. And now you're reunited. And no one apologized. I'm sorry, I'm sorry for going to college, Nick. I promise you, I won't do it again. And I mean that. It was tough when you went too, because I had just graduated college when you were going in.

And I moved back home with my parents and he was gone. And so that was a tough, I was only there for a few months, but that was a tough sort of switch. Like, oh, Nick's going to have this great adventure that I'm just leaving. And I'm living in home waiting tables at a fondue restaurant. And, you know, auditioning for anything they'll throw my way.

So you auditioned right after school. You were in high school. Yeah, I started auditioning. Yeah, when I they'll throw my way. So you auditioned right after school. You went back. Yeah, I started auditioning, yeah, when I was 15, I started auditioning. With you? No, no, no, no, just him. Wow, and your parents, like how did, how did your parents just knew about, like,

you were like, I won audition and they just helped you. Yeah, well, it was, my sister signed me up for a talent show without my knowledge. I did it. There was like someone in the audience who was like, hey, I want to connect you with this agency in New York City and I went in with my mom and we met with them and they signed me and I'm still with that commercial agent. No way. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God. It's pretty cool. But yeah, so they would, you know, they sent me out and I think I just sort of, you know, there's something about this business where it's like,

if you just stick around long enough, people will let you throw you out of the lane. It's a result of a tradition. Yeah, absolutely. Wow. Hey guys, it's Emma, you know we're all about a Mercifixion podcast here at Diversion, so I want to tell you about a brand new scripted pod that just dropped called Bad Influencer. Bad Influencer takes you deep into the glitzy, glamorous, and sometimes downright scandalous world of social media influencers.

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over trivial things to bizarre fights that span generations, uncovering the petty and dramatic sides of people who will stop at nothing to beat their opponents. From something else, the Sony Music Entertainment listen to Fear's rivalries on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. So anyway, Nick, then what happens?

Well then we get the big reveal, right? Calum invites calls the family together for real. Well, no, actually, before that, Ella decides, so after that Ella decides to stay, she stays the night, she's making a latte in the morning, Eastern wakes up, he talks to her, there's actually one thing that I did wanna say, she's like, wow, you look like shit. And he's like, oh, damn, I thought I had a sexy,

strung out Pete Davidson thing going on. Yes. I don't understand it, I never will understand it. I don't understand why people think this man is sexy. Viewers, listen listeners, you can't see this but Alissa is collaborative, or gassed it. Yeah, that's kind of crazy to me because I'm like, I can't see how anyone doesn't see it. I'm like, of course, of course. What? I don't even know where to start, but it's enough course for me I'm like he's just like he's very like emotionally in touch. He's very like

Sensitive he's got a lot of tattoos. He's I gotta get tattoos No, you look great in a in a tattoo Nick. I just I thought about anyone. Everyone yelled at me, but that's also like, I think there's a, if you like that type, then that that feel like I'm like, yeah, that he's just the king of that type. So if you like that type, then it's like, well, yeah, he's the top of the chain. Yeah, well, you know, he's funny.

He came up when he was like a kid, you know, a young kid, and it was like the like sort of like, yeah, I don't know, I'm no one kind of thing. And then he started dating all these smoking hot celebrities who are objectively attractive, and then that gives that a lure, and then he becomes something bigger than himself, and then, you know, then he gets

to stay in like red ashy. And now it's because, you know, he has become something greater than what he really is. Yeah. Well, anyway, that was just one thing I needed to, I needed to get off my chest. And apparently I'm in the wrong way. So he doesn't look like that.

He looks terrible and that's why LN's abstain. He begs her to stay. He says, I'll quit all my habits. And so she does and she goes back to the royal house and she sees Reed for the first time coming out with his ripped body out of the pools So hot It's got to be a revenge body, right?

Like these are my favorite moments my favorite moments of the podcast are when it gets real like erotic nobily It's like his glistening pecs and his muscles. And it's like, yeah. It's so funny. Because Alyssa, early on, we have a really great social media team behind the podcast. And then like every week we'll post, you know, pictures leading up to the episode. And one of them was like team read or team easton. And it was just a picture of two guys, like lifting up their shirt with like their six pack abs glistening. And Chris sent it to me and was like,

should we post one of our actual abs? Just like our dating starts. Yeah. Just disgusting. So you know, I'll kind of go ahead and I'll go ahead and say the Pete David said thing. You said about bodies. Like to me, I'm like of go ahead and I'll go ahead and say the Pete David said thing. You said about bodies. Like to me, I'm like, there's that does not like, I don't see like a ripped chest and I'm

like, oh, like that's not really a big thing for me. Oh, really? Yeah. So like when I could stop trying. So yeah, I to me, I'm like, what, yeah, ripped ripped abs or whatever. Like I'm like, yeah, that's, that, or whatever, like I'm like, yeah, that's not really, and that doesn't really interest me. I like if it's there, that's fine,

but it's not something where I'm like, yeah. Which I think would put me, that's like a different bucket of peat David. Like I bet those types don't interact. We go down, Pat, different, yeah, Pat. But have you ever been in a breakup situation where afterward you tried to get that revenge body? Cause I think that's what Reed's doing here, peckin' on muscle.

I'll tell you what, one time I tried to do like a, I want to get rid of all my hair because of this breakup and it was like revenge on self. You know, it was not, it was not, it was like I handed him the win. You know, I just certainly, yeah, that's, you know, that's a close. Like why did Alyssa shave her hair? I was just about to get back with her Yeah, that's you know, that's a close. Why did Alyssa shave her hair? Wow, I was just about to get back with her, but. That's not what I meant.

Yeah. Oh gosh. What about you guys, have you guys ever gone into like, okay, it's time? Yeah, I'm like every other week I try, but now I know the formula, I'm just gonna keep eating candy and get a few tattoos. For me, it's like,, when you go through a breakup, it's about the routine, right? So getting back into a routine is helpful.

Because it's like, okay, now I'm exercising and eating well and I'm in control of my life. Right, right, right. So it's less about like, I gotta look hot for now that I'm back on the market. And it's more like, I gotta look hot for now that I'm back on the market. And it's more like, I gotta get like, control of my life together. I went through a breakup right at the beginning of COVID.

So between that and COVID and a bunch of other stuff, I needed like a routine and that's what I turned to. And it did show to a certain extent. I definitely, my bodies started changing but I just can't quite get over that peak. You're crazy. You guys are like both so fit. You're just comparing yourselves to these, the real, the real royal brothers who seem to be some sort of true. Maybe this isn't healthy for us. Yeah. No, but dude, it's all about how you feel, not about how you look.

Literally 100 percent. It's most important. And clearly, the Kafferra boys feel great and the Royal boys don't. Even though they're big muscle boys. And they're about to feel a lot worse because of the news they're about to get at dinner at Masros. And yes, Callum brings them there with Brooke, who, last we had seen Brooke,

had, was sitting on, reads lap on his birthday with no shirt on and had stormed out of the royal house screaming because Calum bailed on it. And now what do we learn? What do we learn folks? We learn that they're back together, they're engaged and there is a bun in the oven. Yeah, there is a bun in the oven, folks. And this is probably the single biggest reveal of the series up until now.

I mean, because for all we know, and Ella quickly is like, wait, what's the math? How many weeks? How long are you? And she does the math and she realizes, oh shit, this is Reed's base. Shout out to the math department at Coral Canyon, high school, because she gets to get a pretty quick math there. That's common core math right there.

Mm-hmm. Common core. Yeah, it's no child left behind, including the one in Brooks Tum Tum. We leave this episode, Reeling, Reed is stormed out. He's like, I've got to go see where they parked my car. It's such a funny line because the valedict we are left. We are left to wonder. And we're just going to have to keep listening to find out. Well, we know what happens. Alyssa, what do you what do you think happens? Who's baby? Do you think it is?

What do you think happens? Who's baby? Do you think it is? I? Think it's reads baby And I think there will be twins and read will get one and Easton will get the other and then in the royal grand children We will see these two meeting up years down the road and discover each give them a piece of a locket Yes, yes The color of the locket? Blue. Yes.

That will be season 29. Yeah. Oh, I can't wait. It's a little funny. Well, since we're wrapping up, I think it's Nick. What time is it? It is time for royal decrees. Here, here, here, a royal decree. Royal decree. All right, he, a royal decree. Royal decree.

All right Nick, you wanna go first? Sure. I will go first. Not to bring the mood down, but you know, this week we had a big loss. Matthew Perry passed away tragically. And I just, my royal decree is that I think he is perhaps the best television actor of all time. And shout out to him. He is one of the reasons I got into comedy. I feel like from him and his

performance and friends, I learned what sarcasm was. I learned quick wit and I just think we are so lucky to have gotten to see that performance. It's one of the best comedic performances I believe you'll ever see, Chandler Bing. So, Rest in Peace, Matthew Perry, my royal decree goes out to you. That's very nice. And I won't even combat it or joke about it, because yeah, very sad. All right, Alyssa. Well, I guess what's your role of the crew? I guess I'm just going to kind of piggyback off of Nick's

and say that because of this news this week, I've been watching a lot of friends. I've been rewatching a lot of friends. And I guess my royal decree is like, I want more shows about nothing in particular. I think it's so cozy to watch a show and know that no matter what, like the structure of the show is not going to really change much. It's sort of like Chris, what you were saying about like working out and getting in a routine.

I think there's something so cozy and safe about knowing like no matter what hijinks happen in this show. By the end of it, I'm still going to see these characters in this cozy space and they're gonna be here tomorrow or on the next episode. I want more of that because there's- I love that. Yeah, less premise- I totally agree. I totally agree. For more character just like let's see them live life. Right and I think that's why we were so drawn to Chandler and Matthew Perry because it's like he was a character. We weren't, I can't even tell you many of his story lines. I'm more just like, no, him as a person, as a character, the blending of Matthew Perry and Chandler being is what we're all like.

The fact that you could like hear a line and be like, oh, that's such a Chandler line or that's, yeah. Is such a testament to how strong that character was. Totally. Yeah. Chris, what about you? I'm going to go in a different direction. Please. In honor of Halloween, which is when we're recording this, you know, I've seen a lot of takes online that are like mocking people who celebrate Halloween or Halloween's not for adults, blah, blah, blah, blah. And not only do I strongly disagree about adults not being able to

participate in Halloween, I think and I decree adults should have more than one day a year where they can dress up and be silly. Because I went to a party this weekend, everyone was dressed up, it was this big party at this big club. Very cool. Everyone was having a great time. And like, yeah, I'm very cool.

I go to clubs. It was like, oh yeah, these are people and as actors, specifically like sketch comedians, like we are, like we get to be goofy and dress up and have fun all the time. So I think like, especially amongst the comedic community, there's sort of like a snark about like, oh, you're SpongeBob. And it's like, yeah, most people don't have an outlet to like, be silly and cut loose. And this is why I'm also a big proponent of Sanachon, which I know is an insane thing to say publicly.

But like, as long as you're not being obnoxious and like destroying property and like being gross. Like, yeah, people need an outlet. People need to dress up and have an excuse to just be silly. And I think it goes to what you're saying, and it's about like shows that are just fun. Like we need more fun. We need more excitement.

So like, yeah, make fun of people all you want, but you know what, they're having fun and you're not. And I hereby decree, dress up more. I love it. I agree, I agree. And I'll go ahead and add one to that, Chris. We should be knocking on doors, asking for candy more often too.

Well, that shouldn't be, it wouldn't be so cool if that was just something you could always do. If you had, like, whenever you wanted, you could just knock on door and they'd be like, hey, how can I help you? Like, oh, trick or treat. And oh, and they gave you a piece of candy. And that was just sort of an all year round kind of thing.

I would love that. If you ever, I mean, and that was just sort of an all year round kind of thing. I would love that. If you ever want to do it. We need more community. We need more neighborly love. But also the thought of having to store candy in my house year round. That's right. That's the bigger problem. Well, any final words?

I love what you boys are doing. I can't wait to see what happens next. And please, please get some help. Both of you in this show, you both need help. And I hope you find it. Well, lucky for you, there are more episodes to be revealed. And I think you might be pleasantly surprised. OK, I can't wait to listen.

Alyssa, you are so, so wonderful. I just love you so much. You're so funny. I adore everything you do. And you're just a perfect person. Thank you so much. You're so funny. I adore everything you do and you're just you're just a perfect person. Thank you so much for doing this. I'm really going to say my about you guys. So thank you so much for having me. It was a treat. Oh, it was so great having you. Alyssa, for our listeners, A, do you have anything coming up and B, where can they follow you? They can follow me at Alyssa

Limp on all of my platforms. And yeah, follow me there. I got some live shows coming up. We got stuff coming out. So if you follow me, you'll see what's happening. Amazing. Alyssa, we love you so much. Thank you for being our guest. Thank you for having me. This has been season two, episode two of The Royal Boys.

And I guess we'll see you next week. See you guys. Bye. Bye. Trick or treat. Trick or treat. Smell my feet.