The Royals of Malibu - THE ROYAL BOYS E7 - Crazy Dates w/ Caitlin Reilly

Episode Date: December 18, 2023

Social media star, actress, and comedian Caitlin Reilly (@hicaitlinreilly) sits down with the boys to discuss Nick's discomfort with Chris' intimate scenes, #Scandavol, The Golden Bachelor, and sleeping alone. Every Monday, brothers Chris and Nick Cafero (who play Reed and Easton respectively) will sit down and chat all things Royals season 2, starting with episode 1. Listen along as they rehash each episode, tell stories, and even bring on guests to discuss the Royal tea.     **LISTEN TO EACH NEW EPISODE OF THE ROYAL BOYS ONE WEEK EARLY ON PATREON**    • Follow [The Royals of Malibu on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/theroyalsofmalibu/) • Follow [The Royals of Malibu on TikTok](https://www.tiktok.com/@theroyalsofmalibu) • Explore more: [diversionaudio.com](https://diversionaudio.com)See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Real quick, and then I'll shut up so you can listen to the episode, but I wanted to tell you guys about an exciting new update this season, and I promise you you're going to want to hear of this one. The Royal's of Malibu is now on Patreon. Can't wait for the next episode? Well, if you subscribe to our Patreon for only $5 a month, you get access to the newest episodes one week before everyone else. We'll also have a lot of fun behind the scenes bonus episodes, polls like our U-Team Read or Team Isaac, Q&A's, discussion rooms, and much, much more.

Scripts to future unreleased episodes will also be available for purchase. Go to patreon.com slash the royals of Malibu for early access to new episodes and much more. That's patreon.com slash the royals of Malibu. I'll see you there. Hey I'm Chris Cafferro and I'm Nick Cafferro. We are real-life brothers who play fake life brothers read and eastern royal on the hit podcast The Royals of Malibu. On this companion podcast we'll be doing a deep dive in each episode, given behind the scenes, insights, talking to some special guests, and maybe even having some laughs along the way. Welcome to The Royal Boys. Hey Niki, you're so fine, you're so fine, you blame my my, Niki. Hey Niki. Hey Niki, I know they need you, don't understand, you take my mother home. You take my mother home. Okay.

You got the right sense, huh? We do now. Hey, man. Hey, Chrissy. Hey, Chrissy. How are you? I'm a little upset I don't get a song. Yeah, you know.

I'm good. I'm a little grumpy today because they've been doing construction on my living room wall, the outside of it, for since July, on and off. And so every morning I wake up to banging hammers and I can't do any work in my house and it's very, very frustrating. Every morning there's a banging hammer beneath the floor of my apartment, yeah. Feeling like a susson? Yeah, because I just made it. That's good. Well, I'm not grumpy.

That's good. Why not? Because I had a great week. Tell us about it. Well, this week was Thanksgiving, and I spent it with you in Los Angeles, and with two special guests, our parents came all the way from Connecticut to join us. And it was wonderful. In fact, it was so great. And they were so great that I would like to reward them my lasagna of the week. Wow! What did we decide the themes of las? That. That's good. Yeah. Yeah. It was so fun having them. We did some touristy stuff.

We went on some hikes. We went to the Huntington Botanical Garden. Had a high tea service, which was fantastic. We went to great restaurants. For those of you who don't know, that is when you get really high and drink tea. That's not true. No. You just drink tea and have little sandwiches, finger sandwiches and delights. It was wonderful. But high tea is the new game show starring Pete Davidson, where you get really high and spill that tea and Terry Cruz hosted by Terry Cruz. Yeah, that was great. What a great thanksgiving much to be thankful for. I so that we don't repeat, obviously thankful for the family. I'm going to give my lasagna of the week to our producer, Emma de Muth. La la la la la la, yeah. That's right.

We are right after we're done recording this, we are going to meet her for lunch, along with some of the diversion team. We're very excited, but they've been so great in helping us get this podcast off the ground and promoting it and giving us all the resources we need. Listeners, you might know Emma. She's the one who does all the commercial reads who's like, I have Hello, Fresh or Etsy. And she always says, I'm going to just get through this quick so the eagerness of the episode and it's like, no, Emma, take your time. We want to hear from you. Yes, own your space and don't apologize for your presence, Emma. It's too late to apologize.

Yeah, I said so. No. Hey, you know what, we got a really special guest. And I think we should just hop right into it. And we have a hot steamy, sexy episode. Yep. So should we, uh, should we bring her on? Yes.

I think we should do it. Do it, and I can do it. Introduce her. Okay, okay. This is extremely exciting. We have an amazing guest today. She is absolutely hysterical. I've known her for several years.

We met doing comedy through the ground leans. Is it Nancy Pelosi? No, it's not Nancy. She's on next week. Sorry, sorry, go, go, go. But very similar, very similar in demeanor and in comedic timing. She is a huge TikTok celebrity, huge on social media.

She is extremely funny. You might know her from her videos of Wasmomm or her very funny critiques of all things reality TV. She has blown up on your television screen. She's in Max's hack from loop on Apple TV. Plus, have you seen Luke Chris? It's good. And one of my personal favorites I started to geek out about and I can't wait to ask her about this. She has a huge part in high school musical, the musical, the series, and several other things coming up.

Ladies and gentlemen, you know her, you love her, you laughed with her and at her, Caitlin Riley. Woo! Hello! First of all, I have to tell you, it's HBO Max's Hacks. What did I say? You said Hacks.

No, I only watched the one. Oh. And you're a hack, Nick. Well, I lost the ass because I auditioned for it and I didn't get it. Oh, I'm sorry. It's okay. I think I got the part that you auditioned for.

No, it went to Gene Smart. But Nick was like, right there. He was right there. Oh yeah, I'm sorry. But Caitlin, is all of the high school musical episodes out yet? Are they currently being released? Yes, they are. They're all available and you can watch them on Disney+. What was your role on that, Caitlin?

Well, everyone thought that I was a teacher. Everyone thought like, oh, are you, are you like singing and teaching? Are you like teaching them and singing? Are you gonna be singing and then also teaching them? And I made me feel like the old swimmer alive, even though I'm the youngest, but the fourth season is very meta where in the universe that you would I know, okay, this is how I'm gonna explain it, in the universe that you and I live in, there are three high school musical movies that exist, high school musical one, two, and three.

And then there's the series. The series is very campy. It makes fun of itself. It's very smart. It's very happy. It's very funny. And in the fourth season, they are making an actual movie and the movie that they're making is high school musical four that doesn't exist, but exists in the universe of this television show

and I am directing it. Oh, okay, so is the title of that show, High School Musical, The Musical, The Series, The Musical, The Movie, this in the series? Is that the full title? And it doesn't, it keeps going. That's the title of the show. Is High School Musical, The Musical, The Series? The reason that that's the title is because it's funny, it keeps going. That's how the show is high school musical,

the musical, the series, the reason that that's the titles because it's funny, because it is. And in season four, which is the final season. Spoiler. With it is so in this universe of the TV show, the high school musical movies exist. So they're like aware of themselves, right? But this is not like, it's not like these high school musical movies exist. So they're like aware of themselves, right? But this is not like, it's not like these high schoolers

like related to Troy Bolton, whose second front's character, like in this universe, but we know who Troy Bolton is, don't you worry? Right, exactly. But like Corbin Blue, who played, you know, like the best friend in the high school musical movies, he's in a couple seasons of the show and he plays himself.

He plays like a very exaggerated actor. The he's seen more. Yes, yes. I didn't really see more. Nick, we don't need you to sing. Do we on the rise to that song? We do now. Do you sing in the show? No, they asked. So we were in a break room one day and everyone's fucking around and singing the whole time. And so I joined in. And they're like, oh my God, you can sing. And I was like, I dare not, I chance. And then I don't know if it was Tim, the creator of the show,

or someone else came up to me. They're like, do you know what a song? Like, because we can do a whole song for you. If you want a song, do you want a song? And I was like, oh no. No, no, no, no, absolutely not. Absolutely not. Why would you guys say that?

Come on. Because it wouldn't make any sense. Because literally if you watch it and you watch my character, it wouldn't make any sense. Well, this is awkward because I actually wrote a song for you to sing on the podcast. Really? But I guess you're not going to do it. So I'll just have to do it. a song for you to sing on the podcast. Really?

But I guess you're not going to do it. So I'll just have to do it. Get it is a royal boy fan that's me. Yeah, that's just like the beginning. That's the little face. You go to that dude. I'm so sorry you did that. Before we hop into the podcast, how did you get into comedy and the front facing POV,

wasmobone video stuff? Well, Chris, now that you asked, I've always had an affinity for a laugh ever since the age of four. But no, literally, I just, I realized in college that I hated musical theater, and every single role that I got was like the comedic relief or like the comedic lead or like, you know, little red and into the woods,

like that's like the comedic relief of the show. And I was like, why does this keep happening? And then I kept being told that I was funny. And I was like, no, I'm the next Julien Moore. I can pry on cue. I can do this. And I didn't think that comedy was like serious.

Even though I grew up being like obsessed with Johnny Carson and Albert Brooks and like I loved comedy. And then I got into ground links and I started doing it. And then during the pandemic I was sleeping in my mother's dining room. And I was either going to start making videos to fill up my time or put my head in another. So I chose the former. Yeah. So be a platter the other one for you.

I know. She already did. But no, it was, it was just like necessity. Like I, I'll do this and, you know, me and some other girlfriends were doing it. And you're good at it. She's great. And I want to say this, I do want to say this because we talked about this last episode, Chris of like, seeing friends succeed in whatever. And sometimes it's not the easiest, but I genuinely mean this. It was so cool and is so cool to see Caitlin your rise. And one thing did annoy me, because you really took off during COVID

and there were a lot of articles about you. And a lot of them made it out to be like, overnight success, Caitlin Riley. Like, you know? And I think that's such bullshit, because you're not overnight, you've been working at it for so long, and you're so good at it.

And yes, like maybe the medium change because of COVID and more people got to see you, but the amount of work you put in before that was so great. And also what I think is so cool is you are, I think one of the very few people who has been so successful on that medium and translated it into the theatrical acting world.

In your credits are amazing and they keep growing, but that's just a testament to how good of an actor you are. So it's just really, really cool to see. And I'm very proud of you. Oh my God. Thanks, Pete. And I cannot believe you're on this podcast. Oh my gosh.

We're about to end your career. I wish I had brothers. Well guess what? You do now. The royal brothers. So Caitlin, have you have you listened to the royals of Malibu? Yep, I listened to an episode. I have so many thoughts. Great. That's dive in, Nick. You wanna kick us off? Season two, episode seven. Save a wave. Wait, can I do it?

Can I do it? Please, you do it. Season two, episode seven. Save a wave? Ride a royal. She booked it. Book her. You booked it.

You booked it. You booked it. That was great. This is my least favorite episode. Really? Oh, you have favorites? This is my least favorite episode for several reasons. Why?

Because you're not in a lot of it. I have like two lines. And most of the... It's Chris the whole thing. Yeah, and it's Chris being intimate. And it is so disturbing. I had to listen to it on 1.5 speed. Wait, did I not get to like the intense intimacy

because I got like a little flirtatious intimacy and I was like, yeah, right at the end. So at the end there's a lot, but there's also they have sex on a charcuterie board. That's right. They have sex on a charcuterie board and they have sex on a surf board. Okay, but you know what's so weird, like, all of it.

I have no contacts, but like the beginning is like Yeah, you know with with the with the trial and the AI sex tape there's just been a lot going on and I'm just really happy that the two of us can spend time together It's like what the fuck? And then Chris chimes it and he's like yeah me too. And I guess they're on what are you guys on like a helicopter because of course you're working helicopter. And you're trying to say I love you but obviously you don't get it out because like you forgot how to speak.

Did that read? Do we did that read? Because that's what I was going for. No no no it read like it was actually very good voice acting, but it read like, you are about to say it and then like, you just got cut off. And you can never, you can never say it again. And that's what I hate. There's like always a trope like that in TV shows and movies where it's like, hey, wait, I just, oh God, there's a bus. And then the moment's gone.

Yeah. The thing is, I agree with you and I nick shit something all the time because I's like, hey, wait, I just, oh God, there's a bus. And then the moment's gone. Yeah. The thing is, I agree with you and I nick shit some of me all the time because I'm like, this movie, why doesn't anyone meet the parent? Like, I said this about Harry Potter. Like, why isn't everyone like, can we take a beat for a second and just like, can we come here to get a bottle of coffee?

Can we fill Harry in on what's happening for him? Or like, meet Meet the Parents, like if he could just be like, all right, time out, this has gotten out of hand. I'm not a freak. But like, then you don't have, I'm gonna move. No, I know.

But hey, my boyfriend just came home. Yay. I'm just gonna have podcasts. It's just Nick. I don't want to be disrespectful. Okay. Wait a second, wait a second. It's just Nick. I don't want to be disrespectful. Okay, wait a second wait a second wait a second It's just Nick

Fuck you Chris. Wait hold on hold on what? I let the stove on I let the stove on oh my god. Oh For for the last two hours the stove has been on in the house. Oh My god I left it on you can't live alone. I can't live top. I left it on. You can't live alone. I can't live alone. I literally can't live alone.

I was speaking of living alone. This is a good segue. Yeah. The episode opens just like, she's like, things are going great. What will you say? Like, everything's bad, but things are going great because I haven't slept alone in a week. That would be terrible for me. Maybe it's because my bed's too small,

but I want to know something. How old is this young woman supposed to be? How old is she? 17. Is she in high school? Yeah. 17 in high school. Yeah. How old are you supposed to be Chris? 18. Are you still in high school or like just fucking graduated? Oh, no, yeah, I'm a senior going to Princeton next year for Waterpolo. Oh, it's like Waterpolo. It's like Waterpolo. You know, I dated someone who grew up in Malibu. So I dated like a royal of Malibu. I would say, how was he?

Was he very wealthy? I mean, you kind of have to be to live in Malibu, right? No, well, no, no. No, I mean, I don't think, I wouldn't, no, like not like, I mean, as dad wasn't like David Geffen, you know what I mean? Was it mom? No. No.

Oh, so stupid. No, no, no, no, no. No, but it's very, very it's very I met like a lot of like Malibu kids. It's very different over there. It's very different than that beach town. I'll tell you that. Did anything about what you heard from this podcast remind you of any of those kids? No. That is single thing. They're not a single thing. Not a single thing.

That's the same hair style. I guess the fact that sometimes you hear the ocean in between like, segues of scenes. Yeah. Okay. The helicopter. Yeah. Well, no, I mean, like, there are a lot of, like, there are a lot of kids out there that are very, very rich.

Like, I don't even know. Like, I, there's a smoothie shop. It's called Sun Life. I love Sun Life. And it had just opened. This was in like 2011. This is a little like shopping area. And Bella Hadid works there and would make my smoothie bowl all the time.

And- Bella Hadid made you a smoothie? All the time. And so it was the Hadid girls. It was Bella and Gigi. And I knew them because their mom, Yolanda, was on the real house vibes at Beverly was Bella and Gigi and I knew them because their mom Yolanda was on the real house Five supervilly hills and that's how I knew them. This is before they became supermodels And I would see I like seen her in a couple of things. I was like, oh, that's

That's Bella Hadid that's Yolanda's daughter, right? But they're like Malibu kids and so she worked at some life and she would make my smoothie bowl all the time and she was so sweet. And I think they did these supermodels and they were always like the sweetest. I think I meant Gigi at a party once. I think you know. You don't have to keep naively dropping, Galen. Sorry.

This is very royals in Malibu because she works at a bikini bar, barista of cafe. And that could have been the Hades. Barista, yeah. It could have been. You know, I gotta say, I don't know much about the Hades family, but good for them

for encouraging their young daughters to work and earn, you know, learn the value of a dollar when they probably didn't have to work. Hell yeah. No, they were really sweet girls. My dear friends, my dear dear friends. Let's get them on the pod. We should, because they're siblings.

But also, do you guys prefer sleeping alone or sleeping with your significant other? Both of you have significant others. Yeah. Well, I am an 11 relationship and I do have a California king and it is, yeah, I like the idea for being there, but I'm like, don't touch me when I'm sleeping kind of guy. Like I need my space, I want, I want not, I don't like being hot and other people are hot.

Don't touch me. I used to, I remember like in my early 20s when I like would have boyfriends and we'd have sleep over there, be like, we have to like call each other like, all night. They do it like all night long. And then as I got older, I was like, don't fucking touch me while I'm sleeping. The knob is he wears off.

Or during the day. Or during the day. Yes. Just never. Or even drinks acts, really. Just do, just come and do what you have to do. I'm kidding. Separate rooms, separate rooms for that as well.

Man, I gotta try all this stuff out. Also, Caitlin. Yes. This was Sarah Nipadis, but I'm excited that you listened to this episode because this episode more than any other one references reality TV. And I believe she says my evil stepmother

makes Raquel from Vanderpupp rules look like a saint. And when I heard that on the re-list and I believe she says my evil stepmother makes Rikkel from Vanderpump rules look like a saint. I remember that. And when I heard that on the re-list and I was like, thank God, Caitlin, is listening to this because you are a very big Vanderpump rules fan. Are you not because we've had discussions about it? I'm a very big Vanderpump rules fan. I fell off for a couple of seasons, so I feel like I need to go back. I feel like it was like season 7, 8, and nine, where I was like, these fucking people. So I started, I did not watch the show and then I was waiting tables at a restaurant and this woman and this guy came in. They were not

being filmed. It was just a regular date and I was waiting on them and it comes to, I come to learn that it was Rukkel and the guy Peter and they they were on a date and she was falling her eyes out. That was filmed. Nope. This one wasn't. They do it. I have since watched the episodes. They go on other dates where she balls her eyes out. But this one, there was no film crew. I did not know who they were until after the dinner, somebody told me, but it got so bad to the point where he went to the bathroom and I had to go and I went and I said somebody told me, but it got so bad to the point where he went to the bathroom and I had to go and I went and I said,

excuse me, ma'am, is everything okay? Because she was crying so hard and drinking so much. And then I found out who it was. And once I found that out and then I heard about all the scandal ball stuff, I was like, okay, I'm gonna watch this show. I watched eight seasons of it in a month and a half. Was this after or before scant of all?

I think it was during. It was before it became public. Okay, so it was before March. Yes. Okay. Yeah. Okay. And then after that, I went back, I watched eight seasons in a month and a half.

And then I went to the restaurants in LA. And I never started by the restaurants. I've never been. I know I know I'm so bad. They're so bad that it made me stop watching the show because I was so upset. Even sir? Yeah, especially. A couple weeks ago I started watching. Can I say something that like we used to go? We brought you on here not to speak. Okay. Well sir, the decor at the Sir Restaurant and like pump and then like Ville Blanca back in the day, which no longer exists, like it was tackiest shit. Oh, it's still here.

The interior of Sir is like the ugliest restaurant I've ever seen. It's like, it's like if Lisa Frank fucked a vampire. Yes, yes. Yeah, it's I don't understand that reference, but yes, because it's like it's like Gothic, but everything's pink and purple. Yeah, and it's also like cheap. Yeah, we're like a giant hair in my goat cheese pole. Oh, I was like, you sure it's not yours. I'm like, I'm pretty sure. He asked if it doesn't taste like mine. Was there anyone that was on the show that worked there when you were being?

No, but we saw, we went to a UCB show and right before that at Birds, we saw, what's his name? Schwartz. Schwartz. Tom Schwartz. Have you been to Schwartz and Sandys? I was going to say I was Tom sandable for Halloween.

That's really smart. Yeah, with the mustache and the voice and the whole thing like, shut up, all like dude, honestly, Ariana. So good. So good. It's, it's, I got back into it recently because I have like just been busy and I wanted to watch something mindless

and it is very good TV, especially this last season. I think it was texting you about it. It's pretty spot on good TV. Didn't you already watch the reunion episodes or no? No. Okay. I have to watch everything in order. You said the reunion is the best thing you've ever seen.

The reunion episodes are the craziest television you've ever seen. The reunion episodes are like the craziest television I've ever watched in my life. Well, okay, it's the episode where everyone finds out, right? Have you gotten to that? Now I have, I have. Like, they stopped filming two weeks later, everyone finds out they pick up their cameras

and it's fucking chaos. And like literally, like Tom sand of all ghost or kell's apartments. Yeah. Oh yeah. And it's insane. It's insane. And in the in the reunion sheena and rekelle were not allowed to be in the same 100 yards or whatever because of a restraining order. So they had to like have Raquel in a trailer and Sheena on and then they had to switch because they couldn't be near each other. And it was chaos.

That's so funny. It's insanely. Yeah, it's good TV. Do you like the Bachelor or do you discriminate? What's your? I love the Golden Bachelor more than anything. Okay. It is so good.

I've heard it's great. There's something about like I want to see people that have lived lives that really want love and there's like like I'm sick of seeing 23 year olds being like this was it for me like I just keep getting hurt and I keep just like putting myself on the line over and over again and like where is he like I want my person and like you're literally 23 years old you know what I mean yeah he's in college yeah and maybe you're not going about it the best way right anyway like it's I want to see like 70 year olds have another chance at love and life or like people in their fucking late 30s my sketch sketch team did a sketch last month

that was the Golden Bachelorette and it was our female member who was like, she's just like in her mid thirties and they're like, you're the Golden Bachelorette and she's like, I'm 36 and they're like, exactly. And all the contestants were super old and she's like, I'm not that old. And they're like, that's funny.

You are. But that's what it's like in the dating world for a woman. For a woman in her mid 30s, if you go on like, bumble or raya or something, it's like, OK, well, do I have to start dating 50-year-olds? This is so weird. It's so weird. Because then 35-year-olds exclusively want to date 25-year-olds. It's all it's all my non-exclusively not exclusively

But sometimes I would be so bad at the bachelor there are a lot of bachelor references in this episode when they're on the date and retakes are on a helicopter ride She's like I feel like I'm in the bachelor they go on this picnic. He gets his beautiful charcuterie board from the, what does he call it? The Charcuttect? The Charcuttect. Is the woman who makes it? God.

She makes salami roses. And they don't even eat it. They just have sex on top of the board. Like on top of goat cheese. I don't remember hearing about sex on top of the charcuterie board. Are there sounds? Did I zone out? Yeah.

What did you think they were doing? I remember her being like, well, there's one thing I want. And then Chris is like, oh yeah, what's that? And then she's like, yeah. And then Chris is like, is that so? And then she's like, yeah, oh, what you? And then there's like a kissing sound and then like a, and then waves. And then we cut to something else.

Yes. Okay, I want like, I want like slurpy sounds. Like, I want like, we're gonna do smuts. We're gonna do some real smut, you know what I'm saying? Give it to me raw. That's what I'm talking to. I'm talking to the sound editor. Talk to the sound editor.

The meats were raw on the Tarkutri board. No, they were cured. No, they were cured. Right, they were cured. I love the idea of a fully artist trying to make those noises for you. Like in the booth. There's like... Uh. It's right there.

God, stop! No! No, I don't like that. Let's take a gross life, do the other one. Okay. That's right. Ah! Okay, let's hear it. Hey, Traumers! With the holidays here, I'm doing tons of holiday shopping while earning cashback.

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Sir all your shopping trips at Rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today your cashback really adds up I'm Erica one third of the podcast books and batches a comedy book podcast We swear spoil and we talk about whoa whoa whoa. You cannot say that in this. What do you mean? That's like our slogan, it's our gimmick. It is, but just say we're a very funny adult book podcast. How about we just give some examples of things we talk about? Well, there's a lot of chaos. I'm Kristen and with me I have. Bob!

No! We talk about books, but we're not your APLIT class. I definitely hit on Major Boyd. You absolutely did not. I did! You talked about... Just thought in the order you thought she points. You absolutely did not. You talked about the order you thought she was. You talked so slowly about one thing. A lot of sidebar conversations. I just I didn't. Are you denying the existence of Chubacabra? Yeah, I am. And we don't always get the facts right. Epilogs don't belong in books. Call it chapter one. That's a prologue. That's a prologue. Oh, I'm talking about prologues.

You can listen to new episodes of the Books and Betches podcast every Tuesday morning. Anywhere you get your podcasts. Bye-bye! So yeah, do we have this beach picnic? Have you ever been in any type of date like this? Anybody this seems completely outrageous to me. Oh, I one-on-one really, really bad first date. It didn't take place on a beach, but there were so many activities that took place in the three hours that this date was happening that I like I felt like it was never gonna end and he wasn't gonna let me go home no matter what. We're first I met him I lived in Blendale at the time first I met him at a bar downtown which was like already super obnoxious because who like

actively goes to bars downtown nobody. I used to work downtown at the bottom of a bar. I know, but unless you work there or you live there, you're not going downtown. That's true. Wait, was this a first date? This is a first date, okay? Wow, okay. So if you meet me at a bar downtown, we're both wearing the same denim jacket.

No! Ah! Same brand and everything. Well, not not that I was saying brand, but like I had like a acid, like an acid wash denim jacket that I wore all the time. It was like my go-to date jacket and he, I showed up and he's wearing like an identical jacket. Like it was identical.

That is so cool. So we're wearing matching jackets. Matching like light wash, acid wash, you know, circa 2017 jackets. Yeah. So we are on this date, we sit down and I really I hate the sound of his voice. Why? What did it sound like? I don't know. This is like, because we were texting a lot and he was like really weirdly sexual over text and I was like, I don't know, maybe he's bored. Like, I don't know. It should have been a red flag.

But this is the worst date. So I get there and he's like, so, from your prooflight, I was like, what fucking Jim Henson character is this? Like, what is going on? I hate it as voice, but I'm not being mean because he ended up being a total weirdo. So he has this like goofy ass voice, and I'm like, I can't do this, I can't. There's just like no risn, no swathe, no kubit,

no charm, and he was like, he was like, you wanna go get some ice cream downstream? And I was like, sure, I'm drinking hard alcohol, but yeah, let's like throw some dairy into it. So we go down the stream. To get ice cream. And it's all very transactional. Like he's not talking to me,

but he's like, we're holding hands at an ice cream shop and he's like getting the ice cream. And then we're walking out eating ice cream for two minutes. He's like, I don't really like this ice cream and throws it away. He's like, do you like yours? And I was like, yeah, sure, I guess. He's like, you want to do karaoke?

I've been eating ice cream for two minutes. And then he threw your ice cream for two minutes. And he's like, do you want to do karaoke? And I was like, sure, he's like, you can't hit the ice cream in the ball though. And I was like, oh, okay, so I threw it away. We walk into this mall where there's there's a lot of, um, uh, like Korean karaoke bars and stuff like that. So we go into a karaoke bar and he, like, very quickly, we're in a

room and he pulls out a song and he just starts singing journey. Like we're in the karaoke room for five minutes. And he's like, at the top of his lungs, singing journey. I know. How do you sound? That's amazing. Cool. Like I've been on stage. I was just a annoying voice when it came to song. Oh, it was terrible. And then he's like, all right, you're turned you to a song. And I'm like, Well, anybody who was high school musical,

the musical, the series, the musical, the other thing, would know the worst thing to do before singing is having dairy. Or alcohol. That's true. Exactly. So then we leave the karaoke bar and then he wants to go to another bar. So we go to another bar.

And then finally, I'm like, I kind of call it a night. So he dropped me out. I'm shocked it took you with these four steps to say that. I'm too nice. And I don't know what to do in situations like this. So he drops me off in front of my shithole and I'm in the front seat and I went through the space where I was like even if I didn't like the guy and I went on a first date with him I would kiss them anyway. Almost like to see right

just like let's just see. And so he leads he had a cat also I was severely allergic to cats. What I do to my Uber drivers? Me too. But so I'm in the front seat. He leans over, he kisses me. We're kissing, as we're kissing, he puts his hands around my... No, no. And starts gently, forcefully, choking me while we're making out.

No. Yeah. So then I pull away and I'm like, okay, he's like, sorry, I felt that you'd be into that. And I was like, why? Why? Why? Why? Was it the ice cream? I don't know.

So I kind of, I'm like, thanks. And then I get out of the car. And then I break out an crazy rash on my neck and on my face because I'm I'm so allergic to cats. He had like cat hair and dander all over him and I broke out in like a Ratched all over here on my face and I never saw him again Why he worked for vice oh No, I don't think they exist anymore. Yeah, I guess not oh boy He murdered them all yeah, but that was like the one day

I remember going on where it's like he had all of these activities We're like instead of just like meeting up and talking. It's like we're doing karaoke and now we're eating ice cream and like Let's go to an escape room right like's like, we need to do the escape room. Right, like so. The whole thing sounds like it was an escape room and you lost. I know, I know. Yeah. The thing is like there's a fine line between like romantic and charming and like

creepy over planned. Like, you know, but that's something you do with someone you've been dating for a little while. You don't just go like first date. Like I have an evening, like eight stops. Like no, yeah, you have to have building outs for both of them. Yeah, that's. Yeah, it was so, it was so, I felt like I was like shackled to this evening.

Like I couldn't get out and he kept, and he wasn't even talking to me. Like we weren't even really talking. It was very weird. It was like, I feel like I feel and he's like just wanted to sing I don't know or he like did a couple lines before he left his house or I don't know it was fucking weird it was weird you gotta find out more I want to know his name I know his name in the social security I know it's address and it's security he keep he gave it to you on his day. He was like, here you go. He's adjusting case.

That's crazy. Wow. And I thought this state was too much the helicopter to Catalina and all that stuff. But I guess you're right. If you know somebody, you could get away with the nice stuff. Yeah. That's true. But she, they, they, they need like, whoops out champagne. What did she say where she was like, um, I hate champagne? No, what she said was she was like, this is all great, but this isn't what I want.

I don't want champagne, I don't want charcuterie, I want you. No, no, yes, that's true, but there was a part when when somebody said, do I hate champagne? Like, do I actually not like it? And I'm kind of in that boat. I love champagne. Yeah, but the hangovers. Yeah, they're never never worse hangover than a champagne hangover. You have to get a dry, you have to get it. I haven't had an alcoholic drink in like six months. So you're

talking the wrong person. Oh, good for you. Yeah, no, I go like straight to the, to the hangover. I can't like drink anymore. Yeah, yeah, I'm I'm the same. You hit a certain age and you're like, it's not worth it anymore. But we still do it. I had champagne this weekend. Well, we could skip ahead to some different parts, but I'm so sorry. I think the worst guys were not talking about. No, no, this is fun. This is what we do. Well, here's a question for you. After this crazy date and they have sex on a tracootary board, they go home No, it's this is fun. This is what we do. Well, here's a question for you After this crazy date and they have sex on a truck utery board

they go home and Ella is going to bed and she opens up her YouTube put the fireplace video on I'm obsessed with that detail. Do you do that? No, I feel like that's something you might do hold on Why does that feel like something that I would do? I feel like that's something you might do. Hold on. Why does that feel like something that I would do? I don't know. People do stuff. I know people that put on Graeper just baking show

to go to bed, or I have a sound machine, I have a rain machine. I just feel like you would put on a fireplace thing. You're totally right. I either have Frazier on in the background. That's my bedtime show. Yeah. Frazier, or we were assigned

felt for a minute. I go through like the classics, but Frazier is one of my favorites, or it'll be pitch black and I'm listening to SmartLess and then I do. Oh, so one of my favorite internet videos I ever made was it was a holiday u-log and it was just like an hour and a half of the holiday u-log and we uploaded it to YouTube but I did an entire audio play underneath as though I was like I was the guy recording the fire and his wife comes in and it's like what are you doing? He's like oh I'm taking a video of the fire. I'm going to upload it to YouTube and she's like, okay, well, can we not talk for an hour?

And he's like, no, no, the audio's off. And then they proceed to get into a marital spat about how he's never ready to go to this party and he hates her family. And it's literally me and my friend improvised this thing for 90 minutes and uploaded it to YouTube, hoping that someone would click on it and Just discover that there was audio underneath that is so funny. Yeah, both viewers loved it

Yeah, both viewers love it and after After like a year and a half it got taken down for copyright infringement What? Because we ripped the we ripped the image of the fire points. Yeah, they'll getcha. They'll getcha that way. That's so funny. You should re-upload it. I should.

I gotta find it. It took forever. Because it was just like one take an hour and a half of us fighting. Speaking of movies. Oh, Nick. Go ahead. No, no, Nick.

Keep us on track with your shitty little transition. I was going to say speaking to movies, anybody like Nora Efron movies. Yes! My favorite Nora Efron movie is Heartburn. Oh, okay. So if you bring up Nora Efron and you've never seen that movie,

then you were a fucking poser. Well, they bring it up in the show. I've never seen that movie and as I am a poser. But I do get part of it. Strike a pose right now. I am. This podcast is an audio medium, but nor an afraid movies they talk about it. How, you know, do you think that she spread misinformation by say like making people think that getting the guy solves all your problems? Not at all. So famously, the movie heartburn is a Meryl Streep in Jack Nicholson. They are a couple that are in love.

The first half of the movie is Meryl Streep being terrified to walk down the aisle to marry her husband. And then they show the course of their relationship. And Jack Nicholson ends up cheating on her with a very close friend of theirs. And she leaves him and has her life. It's the antithesis of a love story, really, which is what Nora Efron is most good at telling.

So Nora Efron's not necessarily one to create stories that are centered around getting the guy and everything being perfect. But a lot of her most famous movies are kind of our sleepless and Seattle. Let's think about that for a second. It's not necessarily getting the guy, because Ming Ryan's character was already engaged

to a very sweet man, Bill Pullman. He happened to be allergic to everything, and there was a little bit of a disconnect there, and then she sort of was entranced by this man on the radio and sort of set foot to see what could that be, maybe I'm following my bliss, maybe I'm following something that calls me. So it's not necessarily like, I'm in the rut.

It's like she had a very lovely life and it's like kind of blow everything up and like literally get in her car and drive to Seattle to see this fucking guy that she heard on the radio. I think that's not necessarily like, get the guy and everything's fine. That's more of like, get the guy and like, maybe your life's gonna blow up. Wow. Caitlin came armed and ready to fucking rock. What else, what other? That was awesome.

I'm a bigger fan of Nora's son, Zach. He, I think, is the real hero. Nice go-bees ago, the musical. Go. across literally every category. They also find me the best deals, sales, and coupons. Alright, Nike for my brother, Bloomingdale's for mom, heels for dad, Sephora for friends, and Dyson for me. I think I'm going to cave on that air wrap. No matter who you are shopping for, you'll find savings. You're already going to be doing the shopping. Why not earn cash back while you're at it with no catch? For those who may not know, membership is absolutely free. You can go to Rakuten.com for a full list of brands.

It's super easy to sign up for, you can get the Rakuten app in the free browser extension. There's a reason Rakuten has 17 million members who have earned over 4.6 billion in cashback. Sir all your shopping trips at Rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today. Your cash back really adds up. I'm Erica, one third of the podcast, Books and Betches. A comedy book podcast, where we swear, spoil, and we talk about.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, you cannot say that in this. What do you mean, that's like our slogan, it's our gimmick. It is, but just say we're a very funny adult book podcast. How about we just give some examples of things we talk about? Well, there's a lot of chaos. I'm Kristen and with me I have. Bob! No! We talk about books, but we're not your APLIT class.

I definitely hit on Major Boyd. You absolutely did not. I did! You talked about... It's not in the order you thought she was. You talked so slowly. About one thing. A lot of sidebar conversations. I just, I know. Are you denying the existence of Chubacabra?

No, Erica, yes, I am. And we don't always get the facts, right? Epilogs don't belong in books. Call it chapter one, that's a prologue. That's a prologue. That's a prologue. Oh, I'm talking about prologues. Yeah. You can listen to new episodes of the Books and Betches podcast every Tuesday morning, That's a prologue. That's a prologue. Oh, I'm talking about prologues.

You can listen to new episodes of the Books and Betches podcast every Tuesday morning, anywhere you get your podcasts. Bye-bye! Nick, do you also have sex on this show verbally? I do in the first season. Actually, I mean, there's like a hook up. What is, and what's happening? Like in the booth, we don't make any noises.

They add them in post. So that's not your, that's not your noise. I haven't listened to it, but that's not, that's someone else is like doing your sexual noise work. Yeah, it's me. It's me. Chris, you are. Chris, wait.

Wait, here's a true story. Here's a true story. Did you know that Tom Hanks has a brother named Jim Hanks and Jim Hanks does all of Tom Hanks's ADR and little video games for toy stories, the things that are beneath Tom Hanks, his brother Jim comes in and does. That's what I am for Nick. Apparently they don't talk.

No way. Yeah, but they like don't have a close relationship. Oh, that makes me sad. Oh no. Yeah, well that's what I'm saying. We know you're listening. Call your brother, please. Yeah, Tom's the same.

Tom, please call your brother. Tom, wait a minute. I'm taking the season. But Caitlin, Nick's Yeah, please call your brother. Tom, wait a minute. Take the season. But Caitlin, Nick's character has sex in this episode. You hear it from the other room. Oh, oh, oh, I did hear that for a second. Yeah, that's true. They're like fighting. Did you do the like,

ah, did you do that noise? No, we don't, we don't have to do any of those. I don't know if they have a sound library or what. I will say that the later in this episode, Chris, it is the first time in here like you work it into your lines. Like your theme and like, it's like, and it's really unsettling and upsetting. And it's the reason our sister doesn't let us.

Chris is so proud of himself right now. He's like, yeah, you know, it's kind of, it's like, you kind of have to like, honestly, like if that's, if that's what the fucking script calls for, then I guess that's what I'm doing. So, but also if the performance could cause fucking script calls for, then I guess that's what I'm doing. So. But also, if the performance could cause that type of visceral response from you guys, then like mission accomplished.

Like the highest compliment I could see. Yeah. That's my reaction. So true. Listeners are gonna love that. Well, and also like all of this talk of like sex noises, like I've never heard a sound while having in a course of anybody.

Well, that's because you have your Yulag playing in the background in the sound machine. And because you exclusively sleep with mimes, you gotta stop doing that. Right. The big thing about this episode is, Caitlin, you haven't listened to the previous ones, but first season and a half,

Reed and Ella are having this will they won't they? And this is the first time that their cute and a half, read an LR having like this will they won't they? And this is the first time that like they're cute and like a couple together. It's so stomach turning. I know, because it's Chris, but I love it. Are you loving it when you're doing it? What you're like, yeah, well, honestly, I think you look incredible. Like are you, like are you feeling yourself when you're doing it,

when you're trying to be a romantic and hot? If you're asking if I fully commit to my character as an actor and an artist, the answer is yes. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. This episode was fun because every other episode, I'm like,

I'm like this angry, brooding, you I hate you dad. And in this one I'm like nervous. And like, you vulnerable about to say I love you and just having a good time with this girlfriend. And so that was fun to do. And not have to, because that feels closer to who I am as a person,

as opposed to the dark, mysterious boy. You're just a little teddy bear. Yeah. Yeah. Give me a squeeze. Yeah. Yeah. And the funny thing is that it barely lasts because the episode ends with you finding out

that she has a boyfriend, another boyfriend. Ella has another boyfriend. He shows up to the royal house unannounced. And what was so genius about this is that the entire episode while you're listening to it, you hear phone vibrating. I don't know if you guys caught onto that. The sound guy put in like a phone vibrating noise

and I kept thinking my phone was vibrating. No, it's like, wait, I don't get any texts or calls. But she's getting texts. Yes, she's getting the whole time and then at the end she's like, why didn't you call me? He's like, I tried. Oh, shit. That's brilliant.

Isn't that so smart? That's brilliant storytelling. That was the big reveal at the end of this episode. And one other reveal that we skimmed over, but I'll just mention it because it bears mentioning is, Dina is dropping her lawsuit to get Ella's trust, but instead, she is going to try to get guardianship over her. Yeah, which basically means like she's gonna try to like adopt her,

which is crazy. Honestly, between me getting kidnapped and the lawsuit and the sex tape and my stepmom attempting to kill me and my dog I just want to spend some time with you It's very funny Caitlin does that recap of all the things going wrong with L.S So then she she recaps it again at the end of the episode is like I'm gonna go to the beach and do self-care And she ends up hooking up with Reid on his surfboard. And it gets so, it's so much.

And it's really uncomfortable to hear my brother doing that. Hey, Nick, you know what I think we should do now? I think I do. Some royal decrees. Yeah, yeah, yeah, a royal decree. So I'll go first. My royal decree, no more documentaries. They've gone too far. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and I also don't know when it happened that like all documentaries have to be a series now. They used to be 90 minutes, an hour you learned and you got out.

Now it's like season two, episode seven of the Murdoch family and it's like no, no, enough. What are you talking about? There's so many shitty documentaries. So then watch, don't watch the shitty ones. There's so many good ones. Have you ever seen the documentary called The Whale? No. It is about a baby orca whale that gets separated from his pod and he's lost. In a bay off of Vancouver Island and he doesn't know he's a whale, he thinks he's a person and he becomes best friends with all the sailors in the village and he keeps wanting to play with all of the boats and all the people on the boats but he keeps getting hurt. So the like wildlife association comes and tells the people of this town to stop playing with the Orca baby whale but they can't because he literally thinks that that's his family and then he gets hit by a boat

and dies. And this is Brendan Frazier. And am I thinking of the right movie? That sounds like a very nice documentary. Let me ask you this, how long is it? That was so funny that I did not know how to react. I was just sort of like, just ingesting the fact that you made such a good job. Damn it. But I know what you mean.

There's so many culty documentaries and they're all series and they're all the fucking it. But I know what you mean. There's so many culty documentaries, and they're all series, and they're all the fucking same. And- But then don't watch them. But you don't know until you're in, and then you're half invested, and you're like,

me and my girlfriend started watching one called the Twin Flame, or some- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The Twin Flames. And it's like, by the fourth episode, I'm like, okay, I'm just gonna Google this because I can't take any more of this. And I Google it and it's like, it's boiler alert.

It was like, yep, the Twin Flames Church is still operational, no charges were filed and they have 67,000 members. And it's like, what? What? This is the worst. It's just like a long date line episode. They're not documentaries.

God, I love date line. All right, Chris, that's a shitty rural decree, but whatever. I'm okay. I was done by entries. My rural decree based on this episode and where we started is everyone should have at least one night a week where they sleep by themselves. Even if they're in a loving relationship, you should get one night a week where you get the bed or a bed to yourself.

And I think you will be happier. And maybe it's saying that because I'm alone. Why don't you work on one night a week where you sleep not alone? How about that? Hey, I would decree that for you. Brother Cafferro. Welcome to the begin. Yeah. Well, I have a body pillow. So you can all what's his name? His name is body and his last name is pillow Good that's body is a white pillow. That's comedy Caitlin do you have any anything that's on your mind that you would like to decree my decree is that not everyone Needs a Netflix special. Ooh, okay.

Little shade, okay, who do we got? Let's name names, let's attack. I don't know, I don't know. What do you consider a Netflix special? Like a half hour and a hour or like. Like a like a stand-up special, you know? I feel like there are so many on Netflix right now where it's like every other person

and like that person has a Netflix special, Jesus. Okay. And then I'll watch it and I'm like, that they didn't need to have a, they didn't need to have a whole last special, you know? Yeah. Um, do you, would you wanna do one? No, no.

Really? No, I'm not a stand up. So it would be, it would be bad. Um, yeah. Well, guys, this has been an amazing episode. I think, and I hope other people think so as well. Um, Caitlin, you're amazing. I think you're so funny. Hey, sorry. I love your second. What did you say? I said, Caitlin, you're amazing. I think you're so funny. Oh Your your star and it's fun to watch your eyes and

Chris keep at it Wait Caitlin where can our if our listeners aren't following you already where can they follow you? in their hearts or if our co my co-host isn't following you already where can they follow you? And their hearts. Or if my co-host isn't following you already, where can you follow? Instagram, my Instagram is Hi, Caitlin Riley. You can figure out how my name is spelled there. And my TikTok is It's Caitlin Hulu. You can also figure out how my name is spelled.

C-A-I-T-L-I-N. It's Caitlin Hulu. It's Caitlin Hulu. It's Caitlin, hello. Yeah, look her up, watch her videos, she's so funny. Caitlin, thank you so much for being here. You're so funny and great and- I'm having me. Any time.

You're welcome, any freaking time. What a treat. Thanks so much. Until next time, we'll see you soon, bye. Bye. Bye.