The Ryen Russillo Podcast - Would Brock Purdy Work Outside San Fran? Credit to Daniel Jones, Plus Life Advice With Van Lathan.
Episode Date: September 22, 2023Russillo starts by sharing his thoughts on both quarterbacks following the 49ers win over the Giants on ‘TNF’ (1:00). Next, he’s joined by The Ringer’s Van Lathan to discuss their favorite col...lege towns and forecast Colorado's future (20:00). Finally, Ceruti and Kyle join to make this week’s Alliance Parlay (13:00) before closing the show with some listener-submitted Life Advice questions (59:00). The Ringer is committed to responsible gaming. Please check out theringer.com/RG to find out more or listen to the end of the episode for additional details. Host: Ryen Russillo Guest: Van Lathan Producers: Steve Ceruti, Kyle Crichton, and Mike Wargon Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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today's episode van lathan is hanging out all day we're going to talk about our show coming up
next week at all miss a bunch of college football a couple other things that's where it goes
he's going to stick around for life advice as well in our Alliance Parlay back in the winner's circle.
I'm going to say something I didn't expect to say today.
Don't worry, Jets fans.
You go to a Thursday night football game,
didn't love the matchup.
Think the Niners are really good.
Don't really like the Giants.
Deep down, think they were a little fluky last year.
Have major questions about Daniel Jones, which I think are entirely fair.
And I thought San Francisco would win. I thought it was a pretty bad matchup, especially when you look at the O-line problems with the Giants, and they won.
All right, fine. They ran away from it at the end. I want you to understand that this next
statement is based on expectations. I think Daniel Jones might be okay. Great, no. Good, no. Average,
Hey, great.
No, good.
No average.
Maybe.
And the fact that I'm even open to that is kind of where I landed last night after watching the game.
We'll get to San Francisco and Purdy.
Yeah, I know they won, but this is just what I want to do.
So as I've explained far too many times, as much as I love college football, when the
quarterbacks get drafted, it's a massive landscape of shrugs for me.
I thought Andrew Luck would be awesome.
He was really good.
There's a bunch of other guys that I thought would stink that stunk.
And there was also some guys I didn't think were going to be any good that were good.
That happens.
And then in the middle, other than the extremes of no chance to he should be good, There's this island of quarterbacks where I'm like,
I just have no idea. I have none. The Daniel Jones resume going in and being picked that high by the
Giants, it felt a little risky. It didn't look like he was the answer going into last year,
but with Daybol and the offensive staff, it felt like it was good enough. But you can kind of dig
into it and be like, was it really? For the first few seasons, it looked pretty bad. He had, let's see here,
29 picks in the first three years. His fumble situation was brutal. I've seen, I've gone back
and looked at like the fumbles and fumbles lost, the whole deal. There's like 20 lost fumbles over
that three-year period, 19 total fumbles his first year.
I've seen 18.
The fumble numbers are actually kind of weird when you go back and look at it historically
because different sites will have different places.
We just know that he fumbled a lot, and he lost a lot of those as well.
He still hasn't had 20 passing touchdowns in a season other than his rookie year,
but last season was his best QBR year.
There's a bit of a number two that you can go, well,
the QBR stuff's good, but he had only 15 touchdowns. That's weird to think of it again.
You're like, wait, Daniel Jones basically started the entire year, played 16 to 17 games,
and he had 15 total touchdowns in today's NFL. How does that stack up? Well, it doesn't stack
up well. The only other quarterback that played 16 games that had less than 15 touchdowns was Taysom Hill.
He didn't really even play quarterback. So you get the point. That's not a great number. But
last year at least provided us a little bit of hope. But then going into this year, Cowboys
debacle, everybody gets to see they look terrible. First half against Arizona were counted off as
six quarters to start the season without any points. And then he lights it up against a bad Arizona team.
The comeback and my take for that on Monday was essentially like he gets to avoid all the doubt until the next bad game.
And a lot of that is happening with him today.
So why would I be saying that he might be okay?
Last night was brutal for any quarterback.
Left tackle's out, left guard's
out. Rookie's a center. If I want to add to it, Neil, the right tackle, he got hurt late on the
pick where he turned his ankle, so that wasn't a big factor. But they could not run the football.
Saquon's out of there. They had eight total handoffs. So San Francisco knows what they're
trying to do the entire time with somebody who's not exactly built, Daniel Jones, even if you still
have hope for him. He's not going to be a guy that's carrying you when all of these other things are down.
I can't tell if they have wide receiver depth or if I can just name the wide receivers.
And Darren Waller was terrible last night.
The interception was a tip off of him.
The third and long that was late.
It was a high throw.
Everybody knew it was a high throw.
But Waller at one point, and I don't know if it was because of the fantasy love, but
you thought from a talent standpoint, because everything had finally worked out. Some of the stuff we thought with the Raiders, there were just too many plays that Waller was one point, and I don't know if it was because of the fantasy love, but you thought from a talent standpoint, because everything had finally worked out,
some of the stuff we thought with the Raiders,
there were just too many plays that Waller was leaving out there.
So that was a near impossible situation for even an average quarterback
going up against the Niners and that defensive front.
Again, all those dudes being healthy and Hargrave being in the mix now too
on top of Armstead and Bosa.
It's just, I'm only going to work.
So why did I like it? Well, there was one play before the offsetting penalties on third and nine,
and I'm kind of noticing it throughout the night where he got flushed out of the pocket again immediately. Like everything that was planned, yeah, there's deep shots that were missed or
whatever, but the deep shots, you know how hard those are when all of a sudden it's like,
you're actually not going to be able to set up here. It's not going to be clean
in here. And I felt like that offsetting penalty play before they didn't convert the third now,
the third nine that he had on it, where he flushed out, gave himself a chance and still made a throw
and it was incomplete. It didn't really matter. I know that seems like the smallest thing,
but there were moments last night
where I was like, you know what? He knows it's a shit show out there and he's trying to find a way
to survive throughout it. And actually the score was closer to late. Never felt like Niners are
actually going to lose that football game. I'm like, he's giving them a chance despite
brutal conditions right now. Eight total handoffs. Okay. They ran it for 29 yards. That's including the
non-running back yardage in there from Tyrod and Daniel Jones, 2.6 yards per carry.
I know that I'm not supposed to give a quarterback credit after losing.
That's not really, you're not really allowed to, but I've thought he was just going to be bad
that I felt like last night was
actually a positive, despite the score, despite the numbers, and despite how disconnected all of
it looked. Purdy's now 8-0, third most wins to start a career undefeated. Roethlisberger,
number one at 15, Mike Tomczak, 10 straight wins. And that's since 1970 because the NFL did this really
weird thing where apparently once they rebranded it, none of the stuff ever matters before that.
I don't really think that's cool. I'll bring it up from time to time. Once or twice a year.
I don't know if Purdy's good. We know that the reason he went last overall in the 22 draft,
the 262nd pick, is because he's 6'1", 220, and the arm strength isn't there.
When you watch Purdy games, look for those rip, those RPM throws outside the numbers.
I don't see it.
He may get it outside the numbers with some loft underneath it,
but you're not going to see those just missiles.
It doesn't mean you have to have all that to be successful as a quarterback,
as we've seen with Purdy here early on. He takes care of the football, 17 touchdowns,
four-pick split, zero lost fumbles for his career, completing 67% of his passes, 8.1 yards per
attempt. That's also because San Francisco is so good after the catch. Part of that is the talent.
Part of that is the stuff that they run. He's been sacked
only 6% of his dropbacks so far in his career. So is that O-line? Now it also might be on him
because we know not all sack blame is created equal. Daniel Jones, so far this season, is being
sacked on 11% of his dropbacks and that number is going to get worse. The fact that he was even
surviving last night was again part of the positive spin that I have for Jones on a Friday morning. Let's look at some other
sack rates. Justin Fields, between 12% and 15% of his dropbacks through his two-plus years,
including this year, third season in. You get the point. Sack rate isn't everything,
but at least with Purdy, we know he doesn't turn it over. We know he doesn't get sacked a lot.
Could be O-line. Also, could it be him being smart about it? And the system that they run.
They have an O-line.
They have weapons.
The McCaffrey trade, he is the absolute perfect weapon for them.
I was wrong about them trading for McCaffrey.
I didn't think he stayed healthy enough.
And I'm like, wait, running back and you're moving a first rounder?
Like, who would do this anymore?
Well, they did it and they knew what they were doing.
And for Shanahan, the way they want to use them, even though they're letting them carry the football
a lot more to start the year than I thought they would and not using them in the receiving game as
much, I think it was only ended up being like 20 plus yards receiving last night. He's, he's perfect
for them. He's the perfect toy for Shanahan. And I was wrong, but I remember asking Bob Davey used
to coach at Notre Dame, had a few other stops, worked at ESPN. When I think about Shanahan and quarterbacks, I asked Bob Davey, I was like, would you rather be the best recruiter ever or the best coach ever?
And he was like, are you kidding me?
Best recruiter.
Like, I'll figure it out.
Let's get him in the building.
I think a lot of college coaches would agree with Davey.
And I don't think this is the difference between an NFL and college coach.
I think Shanahan's the opposite.
I think he's like, I don't care.
We'll just get a guy. and we'll make this work. That's why when I look at Shanahan in a weird way,
I think Belichick later in his career post-Brady was trying to do the Shanahan and he can't do it.
Shanahan's one of the very few people, maybe McVay. I don't know if it's Mike McDaniel,
but I'm just fascinated by the fact that Purdy looks like he actually
might be a guy that can do this a long time. There's a reason why he went 262. I think you
see it throughout the games, but it doesn't seem to matter long term. The first half didn't look
very good. I know the final numbers are pretty good there for Purdy, but I don't think we should
have to trick ourselves into thinking like, hey, this guy's really awesome. I just think it's
perfect for him. It was funny, even on the broadcast last night,
they were talking about how Purdy was like,
I want to go somewhere where at least I know I have a really strong chance
of being the number three guy.
And now Jimmy G's out, Lance is out.
We wondered if we'd see Darnold at some point,
because that feels like another Shanahan thing where it's like,
oh, give me the guy that's actually physically talented.
He's gotten beat up a bunch of different times, but get him in here.
He is without question now. You know how there was like the Spurs way for the longest time in the NBA?
If the Spurs got a player in there, you're like, oh, they'll figure it out there in San Antonio.
That's how I feel about every single quarterback. Honestly, I might be open to the Kaepernick stuff
now. I don't know. With Shanahan, maybe they'll figure this out with a seven-year break in between
snaps. I've been a big motion guy the last week
or so after that Miami, New England game. So I started looking back at last year going, what is
it about the system? Not that motion solves all your problems or makes the non-motion teams bad
because the least amount of motion, if you go 22 ESPN stats and info had this last year, uh, they
took every regular season game and the playoff game, so there's a little variance
there depending on which teams are talking about.
But Miami was number one
in motion at the snap.
There's motion and then motion at the snap.
Miami is off the charts
doing this more than everybody
else in the NFL. 46%
of their 22
into the playoffs snaps
were snapped with motion and then pre-snap it's like something like
70 so where does san francisco fall into this well nobody's even close to what miami did last year
and i think it's probably holding up this year as well uh san francisco was number six on the snap
number two pre-snap all of it all of it combined in there and like i said i mean ph, Philly and Cincinnati were in the bottom six. So it doesn't mean if you just run motion all the
time, you're going to be a really good football team. But clearly in Shanahan's system and
specifically to what Miami and San Francisco do, when you have toys like Tyreek Hill and McCaffrey,
it stresses your defense. It stresses your defense into thinking about things that are
moving around, flying around. So it is a little bit different. I mean, New York tried to send everything at
Purdy last night. They blitzed on 86% of his, or 85%, excuse me, not that any of you were going
to freak out about that, but you never know. Martindale and that defensive unit sent a blitz
on 85% of his dropbacks. That's the highest ever blitz ratio that we've had
tracked by next-gen stats. And yet Purdy, I think a really good play was a full zero blitz in the
red zone. That throw to Kittle. Kittle stumbles out of his break. The ball's not even close. It
hits the dirt. It's probably more on Kittle. But the fact that Purdy doesn't take the sack there, I think is the point that Shanahan knows, okay, I'm calling this up. Does
he see it? Yes, he sees it. He knows he's got to get this ball out quickly. And that's always my
fascination with the position is that I don't know that we ever see that stuff enough on Saturday,
or if we know whether or not that guy will be able to do that on Sunday. So I'm watching these
two quarterbacks where I can totally figure out the Purdy story and then why it's working here and why I don't think it'd work
out somewhere else. But I couldn't stop but help asking myself the question after it was over is
like, wouldn't Daniel Jones just be better? He's better physically. He's better physically in every
possible way. Now, again, this is really somebody would have to be in the room to go, okay, who
processed stuff better? There was the stuff going around on Twitter of Daniel Jones looking at the defense and looking panicked. By the way, Daniel Jones
looks like that when he looks back to his own sideline. So that's just kind of his face,
but it was a funny tweet. But yeah, I was like, yeah, I bet you if Daniel Jones were playing in
this right now, he would look every bit as good as Purdy and he could probably get some of those
deep shots out a little bit quicker than he does. Or maybe he's turnover prone and Purdy isn't,
and Purdy's the better example of it.
So it's something I will monitor. This isn't the best compliment I've ever given,
but whatever quarterback tiers I would come up with if I just did Rosillo QB tiers,
the tier for Jones would be he might not suck tier.
Tradition, rivalries, and fight songs are back, and Fan fanduel wants you to join in on the college football action right now new customers get two hundred dollars in bonus bets guaranteed when you
place a five dollar bet that's two hundred dollars in bonus bets win or lose it is time for our
weekly check-in the alliance parlay okay um the vibes. Okay. The vibes are not good.
The vibes are not good.
So Rudy is...
You guys are fine.
You guys are fine.
Yeah, but it's a team thing.
It's Bates-Rudy season right now.
Right.
So, so Rudy, you're not doing great, right?
I'm one in three.
I hit first week.
We all hit.
We hit the parlay.
We won people, you know, I think it was like plus 500 or something.
And then I've lost all three since then.
I ruined the second week parlay.
I had Alabama last week. A lot of people giving me shit for that pick. My bad. I don't have to tell you.
You can fade me. I mean, if you fade me, you make money. So it's probably the smart move right now.
But trying to get back in the W column this week. Kyle, you are two and two. Yeah, I just,
you know, using bad, bad memories as a way to make my pick. So I've decided to do a little
research this week. So I'm feeling good. Oh, okay. All right. Well,
I want to let you guys go first then Cal you go first.
All right,
sure.
Well,
um,
I mixed stats with good vibes instead of bad vibes.
Uh,
Purdue,
uh,
beat the crap or lost,
uh,
to Syracuse pretty handily last week.
So that was no good this week.
I'm really excited about going to Ole Miss in Oxford,
Mississippi.
So what we're doing is Ole Miss at Alabama.
And the thing about Ole Miss this year is that I think the previous defensive coordinator for Alabama is now starting his first year at Ole Miss.
So there should be some really good vibes in that game.
Familiarity, maybe? Yeah, familiarity, knowledge. some really uh good vibes in that game familiarity maybe yeah familiarity knowledge yeah so uh we're gonna and we're not just taking the Ole Miss plus seven we're taking them to win outright oh wow
so that yeah we're taking the money line at plus 210 dying right now no i'm not i mean it just makes the alliance a little tougher to win but that's
all right be a big one yep that's usually not the way uh all right you bullied me into plus
seven you bullied me into plus seven no no we're not because now minus one change we'll just make
it a non-exciting why don't we do this yeah do this? Yeah, like Kyle, money line side bet for Kyle,
and we'll take the seven for the parlay.
How's that?
I don't want to do it now because it feels like it's just branded.
Manager Cerruti just managing it up.
I'm just trying to make everybody happy, man.
No, you got it.
You got it.
Let's make everyone happy.
You know of all people.
I don't care.
If you want to go with it, go with it.
I'm just saying. No, no. I've changed it now. You know of all people. I don't care. If you want to go with it, go with it. I'm just saying.
No, no.
I've changed it now.
Plus seven.
All right.
I'd like to see Kyle send an email to HR and be like,
well, on this segment, it's called the Alliance Parlay.
I wanted to go Moneyline, but I just felt like my voice wasn't being heard.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Guys got real quiet when the HR jokes started coming out.
All right.
So what is it is it old
miss plus it's almost plus seven and can't wait to see you guys buy your tickets i like it i like
the pick no you don't i know i do i think you know i don't know but i picked bam last week and
that was a terrible pick so it seems like solid effort to to not pick them again uh this bet
mine's gonna be this is like this seems like a terrible bet on paper um but it's kind of like a solid effort to not pick them again. This bet, mine's going to be, this seems like a terrible bet on paper.
But it's kind of like a fade myself and also kind of fade what I think people expect is going to happen.
I'm going to take the Penn State-Iowa over 39.5.
It was 40.5 when we started, like when I was looking an hour ago.
It dropped down to 39.5.
So it's going in my direction.
It's minus 110.
I just think Iowa and the over is probably not usually
things that go together but this is a whiteout game weird stuff happens in whiteout games penn
state also has the longest streak of scoring 30 points a game in college football 10 straight
games i think those put up some points there is some weird weather there in state college on
saturday um but this is such a low 39 and a half like a half. Like, I think Penn State could score 30 points,
like, obviously.
And, you know, maybe a couple
weird defensive touchdowns
happen.
I just think 39 and a half
is too low.
So give me the over 39 and a half
Penn State, Iowa minus 110.
All right.
It's going to be a whiteout
and there is some weather
stuff potentially.
But I like the zag.
I mean, I was looking at it
going, I wonder how low
that number is going to be
in the total.
And it is low. I mean, that's that's really low. I wonder how low that number is going to be in the total. And it is low.
I mean, that's really low.
Just from usually like from a dominant standpoint alone.
But like Iowa's defense, we know it's going to be good.
And I think Penn State's defense is good too.
But I like to play.
I like to play there.
I'm staying with a theme here that's helped and is hurt as well.
But Tennessee loses at Florida.
And it was just ugly.
It was ugly all over the place.
It was like every facet of the game.
You can find a stretch of that game.
You're like,
what the hell is going on?
There's no way Tennessee is that bad.
And it's also probably an sec night where you're like talent wise.
They're doing enough.
Merck's was good in the first half.
They're a 21 and a half point favorite against UTSA.
UTSA has Frank Harris, a quarterback.
He's actually pretty good.
He's been there a long time.
And their defense was really good the first couple weeks,
and then they gave up 37 to Army.
So if Tennessee's anything this year, I think this is a get-right game.
They're going to try to put up a huge number to get people back
into their momentum despite it feeling like it's been derailed. But it's only one game. So we'll see what happens unless Tennessee is a complete fraud.
Uh, and if it weren't for the army result there, I might not be as willing to lay the points here,
but there you go. Uh, did I do a ton of research on UTSA? Did I check the health of the defensive
line? I did not. I didn't, I didn't check any of those things because I would just be naming guys
from a thing I read three minutes ago
on Google without any real perspective.
So that's a Tennessee feel.
That's a Tennessee feel on that one.
So there you go.
The Lions parlay.
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Van Lathan joins us again.
We can't get enough of him, and he's going to be my co-host,
my ride or die
in Oxford, Mississippi. I'm headed to Ole Miss to do the show and Van's going to be doing it with
me. The Lyric, that'll be two o'clock local time next Friday. So if you're in the area or an LSU
fan coming on in. So I haven't been to the Grove yet and this will now make it 11 of 14 SEC schools
for me. So we're getting there. I don't know when Arkansas, yet, and this will now make it 11 of 14 SEC schools for me.
So we're getting there.
I don't know when Arkansas, Kentucky are going to happen, but one day.
So what are the three that are outstanding then?
It's Arkansas, Kentucky, and what else?
South Carolina, oddly enough, but it just didn't come into play.
I know it's great.
I just, South Carolina, as far as like fun states, and I've been to most places.
I have, there's certain holes in my history game and
i'll be at the bookstore going you know you don't know a ton about macedonia and i would say that's
south carolina for me all right so here's a couple things about south carolina number one charleston
great place like really nice everybody braves right great place right but then they're like
weirdly beautiful places i mean i guess they're like weirdly beautiful places.
I mean, I guess they're not weirdly beautiful.
I guess they're just beautiful.
Like there's this island in South Carolina full of deer that's like this sort of, somebody can look this up.
It's like a resort island where people go and they hang out and it's beautiful and it's gorgeous.
My buddy Charlemagne goes there.
I'm like, where are you right now, bro?
Are you like in New Zealand?
He's like, nah, man, this is South Carolina, some island in South Carolina where people
go out there and they have a good time.
But it's an oddly gorgeous state and it's not really renowned for it, but it's a beautiful
place South Carolina is.
Yeah, everybody seems to like it.
But have you been to Ole Miss?
Yes. Okay, so give us a scattering report okay top tier white women um that's something i'm sure that you'll enjoy when you when you go there i'm not sure soon yeah the i'm sure you'll dip into the
alumni category there i wouldn't think that you would be down with the co-eds but whatever who knows you never know what's going on um off to a good start uh it's it's a it's a it's a place that i should hate
but i don't just be honest with you that was kind of the answer i was wondering think about it it's
a place that i absolutely should hate just you know when you think about history and those pesky situations, being that I'm from Louisiana and Mississippi are kind of our nemesis in a way.
Mississippi and Louisiana go back and forth for worst state and statistics in the entire union.
So we're glad that they're there because they normally take us out of being 50 in a lot of those things.
But I don't hate it.
As a matter of fact, I like it very much.
It's one of my favorite places to travel.
I'm a southern person.
And so the toxic, very historically perilous old south kind of still is in there somewhere, even though it shouldn't be.
So I can hang out with them for
a day or a weekend. Then we got to get back to doing the same shit that we do. It's cool. I like
it. Yeah. When you brought up the stat thing, like every now and then, I don't know what it is.
It's just being older, curious. And I'll be like, let me just look up some stats. Let me look at
where countries are at and where do you rank in this and there's a lot of united states stuff
where you feel like if you were to come up with an analogy of like pass rush effectiveness
mississippi and louisiana don't get to the quarterback a lot no we have fun on the way
but we're not really affecting the the pocket that much in terms of that. We have fun on the way.
Two states, people like to have a good time.
If you go down to Louisiana, it doesn't matter where you go,
you're going to have a good time.
But the efficiency of that time, what gets done,
might be a little dicey there.
Yeah, the only time I've spent in Mississippi,
and I've told this story before, but we were in Tuscaloosa for game day and it was
Bama Penn State and it was going to be Cam Newton's first game first SEC game and it was a Thursday
night in Starkville so Stanford Steve and I drove from Tuscaloosa to Starkville and we just road
tripped it uh you drove Cam Newton you're talking about Auburn right yeah no no it was his first
SEC game Auburn at Mississippi State oh Aub oh auburn i guess i guess i covered over that or maybe i said it poorly so yeah that was that was
uh the first and it was great you know look i was i was glad to experience and see what it was like
uh watching cam in person was horrifying for other teams like i actually heard a kid who
tried to tackle him like make a noise that i just you know don't really hear it was a
joke bro it was a big fucking joke it was a big fucking joke don't even get me started like i was
i'm watching the game lsu auburn i'm like this big six six motherfucker running away from patrick
peterson fucking test them drug test them now it. It was a joke, bro. Dominance.
I'm very, very protective of when we look at all-time QBs in college or whatever. And for him,
because it was a season, but I'm very protective of his history, where he belongs for that one
year. Because that team wasn't that good. If you look at how many skill guys played in the pros,
it's a non-existent
resume you know fairly was the only other big-time prospect at d tackle you just go down the line
and then being at the national championship game against an oregon team that was right in it um
you know the weird play with dyer at running back but you know cam made a juke move on the sideline
you're just like you've got to be guys are just looking at each other on the sideline being like
you gotta be kidding me so unfortunately unfortunately, I don't know why
this happens so much with college football, but somehow it leaks in whatever you do in the NFL,
it leaks into the way we want to remember you as a college player. And for that one season,
I'd put it up there with, with almost anybody, man, that I've seen that I've watched. And I
wasn't as into other seasons as I was, as it the job and i was in it every single week but watching what he was doing the comebacks the south
carolina game the clemson game and to carry a team like that for an entire season and win a national
championship there's other guys that have done it but not without i would say with better talent
around him so i'm i'm very like I get defensive about that Cam Newton season.
Yeah, obviously, if you were to ask me,
what was the single greatest season by an SEC quarterback,
the Homer answer is going to be Joe Burrow.
But the counterargument to Joe Burrow's season
is that if you look at that team, it's a fucking joke.
It's a joke.
It's a joke.
Like, when I went to the Bama game that year and I was, I was there
and I was going, there's nine to 10 first rounders running around right now. And we're not even
talking about the quarterbacks, right? Yeah. It's like chase on one side, Jefferson on the other
side, what you had on the offensive line, Clyde Edwards, a layer in the backfield, we were stacked.
Not Edward Zolaire in the backfield.
We were stacked.
And so the argument against Joe Burrow would be the talent that he was throwing to,
to me,
just the sheer dominance is the numbers that he put up.
He still gets the edge,
but you can't go wrong with like looking at cam and in that way as well.
Look,
what'd you think of Starkville?
Starkville was.
You fucking hated it.
Why?
I didn't hate it. but the long side right there
just told the story of like how you felt you didn't like starkville you know i gave you my
answer without giving it so you're very receptive and we've known each other now a little bit so
you can pick up it i'm glad i did it i didn't leave there going can't wait to come back. Right. Right. I mean, and it's kind of quaint in its own way.
Like we went to a restaurant.
It was great.
We went out that night.
We stayed there that night.
It was one of the classic, like all-time booking jams for guys like Stanford, Steve, me, and
Gottlieb was supposed to meet us there.
So we had gotten the passes because it was an ESPN game.
So that wasn't going to be an issue or anything.
But getting a hotel last minute was going to be a huge issue and so when steve and
i got leave ends up bailing and then steve and i check in and they were like it's three of you
and we're like no it's just two we're like well we only had one room anyway and then we're looking
at each other being like how what was that going to be about and then steve who likes to set the
thermostat to about one degree kelvin I was sick, I think, for like
four days after. But anyway, like that night, the Cotton District, I don't even know if there were
more than four bars. And the bars were so strange in that it was almost like you were like, is that
somebody's house? And they're just on the porch. You're like, nope, that's a bar. And then you go
in and you're like, wait, I'm this is so weird because it actually just is a house and it has
a liquor license and whatever. And then there was like a bigger spot over there.
It was very, very laid back. I wouldn't say it was the most country place I've ever been. I'd
say on the ride from Bama to Mississippi, that's as deep as I've ever gone in it. And I've driven
around some places in Louisiana, but, and I'm sure this place is deeper. It don't get no deeper.
That's the deepest. Yeah. That was pretty deep. That was pretty deep in it.
And that was when we started just making up Chewing Tobacco company names
the whole ride down.
We were just trying to make it different.
You go from Alabama to Mississippi, you see.
The only other place that I've been to where I was like, damn,
was West Virginia.
So just going through West Virginia going going wow yeah yeah baby you're
not wrong there you're not right because i've been there and i did the drive from pa into that
part of in morgantown but the lead up to it man i couldn't tell if buildings were open or condemned
like is that are they right are they open for business or is that a hazard to the
community you know what's the funny thing was you know what i started thinking because i'm such a
liberal and i'm so woke uh so i'm that's why we love having you on i love it of course man it's
me socialist man it it drives through what's virginia which is a just a aggressively beautiful
state by the way it's mountains and trees and all of that stuff.
I started thinking, yo, man, who advocates for these people?
Like, who's their spokesman?
They need a Farrakhan.
I started thinking, I really started thinking, like,
who represents these people?
I really was thinking about that.
I'm driving through. I'm driving through.
I'm looking around.
I'm like, you know,
maybe shit's not as bad as I think it is
because it was fucked up.
You know what I mean?
I was like, yo, who?
Like, we need to,
we might need to round it up and like, you know,
maybe they need a couple of margins in this motherfucker.
Like, who case for these
it was bad bro it was it was bad very lovely people lovely people hope things are getting
better i haven't been back since though yeah i don't think some of those towns i drove through
i don't think there's guys hanging out being like you see aoc's tweet the other day she makes a good
point you know like it just it was just it's great though in a way because it it does. Like you just said, it gives you this perspective.
And I love that I've been to travel all over the place.
So, yeah, I haven't been to Oxford.
I'm fired up for it.
And then I got to work on tickets for you and me,
because I think it's just you and me in Ole Miss.
Yeah.
Here's the thing about the game.
Here's the thing that you're going to enjoy about the people down there at Ole Miss.
There's levels of SEC craziness or SEC craziness and pageantry.
And even though Ole Miss hasn't won a national championship since God was a boy,
if they've ever won, I can't even remember.
And they only flirt with football greatness.
They have a rich, rich, rich tradition.
That's the thing that you really want when you go someplace.
Because there are places with better football where the traditions aren't quite as awesome,
but they have a rich tradition.
And so it's fun to hang out and party with them.
And they're nice people for the most part.
Some of these towns, you go there filled with assholes.
Not very nice at all. But you go to Oxford, you hang out with nice people for the most part some of these towns you go there filled with assholes not very nice at all but you go to you go to oxford you hang out with nice people for the most part right because i think the nastiest one that i've experienced uh and
there's been different ones but louisiana the lsu florida thing is not hospitable you know
that can be not fucking with them yeah and they they're not they're not the greatest to anybody that's incoming from somewhere else.
That always was the one that I felt like, because people would make fun of me and be like, oh, yeah, you have a good time there.
Try being a Gator fan walking around.
I was like, well, I'm not going to walk around with a Gator hat on.
I don't know.
What did you think I was doing?
Yeah, but you have to understand, I've talked about it before on here but you know florida was really good for a
long long time and they would just come into baton rouge and skull fuck us and it was i'm just i'm
just being for real and it was ruthless i'm telling you ruthless spurger was a marvel villain
he just didn't care about our feelings you You know, kids would be in the stands.
He's just going nuts.
And so we started taking a couple of games off Florida.
In the late 90s, we beat them.
I think 98, we beat them.
And then it started to even out.
And we just wanted to see them do nothing but fail.
And even in our national championship season,
you know, the one game we dropped during the regular season from 2003 was to Florida. And that hurts so bad. Like Florida,
it's not the biggest LSU rivalry, but it's just, there's, there's trauma there. You know what I
mean? All right. So how are you feeling about LSU now for the win against speaking of Mississippi
state? Uh, so I realized how irrational I was after the florida state uh debacle that happened i
realized that i didn't really look at the game in a holistic way and what lsu was able to do well
because the fourth quarter was so bad that when your takeaway from the game is just that we're
just not the team that we thought that we were we're completely overrated and we're soft that
was the takeaway.
You didn't really look at what LSU did well in the game and how the game got away from LSU.
So if you looked at it in a more sensible way,
you might have had a different thoughts after the game.
The Mississippi State game wasn't even about
washing that out or washing that away.
It was about whether or not the team could execute at the level that it should be executing with a veteran quarterback and with the talent on the perimeter that it has.
Right. What you expected out of LSU this year was better offensive line play because of a stud incoming true freshman in Lance Hurd, because this offensive line has one more year of experience.
You expected Emory Jones and Will Campbell,
guys like that, to mature.
And you expected things to be solidified at center.
All across the board, you expected them
to be able to execute better.
And when you saw some of the stops and starts
that they had against Florida State,
you're like, well, what the hell is going on?
The most important thing about the Mississippi State game was the execution.
The fact that the ball placement was where it was supposed to be on Jaden's part.
The fact that the wide receivers looked explosive. They stressed the secondary of Mississippi State,
that they were able to use the passing game to open up the running game, that there was an
emergence of guys like Caleb Jackson, that you saw Logan Diggs run the ball, John Emery got to get some reps.
The team itself looked like a team that had an identity,
which in parts of the game at Florida State, they didn't look like that.
Mississippi State aren't a bunch of world beaters this year.
They're breaking in a new coach.
Things are different there.
But when you looked at the way they played, with the way they played,
pitch and catch, making the right reads, making the right plays, blocking the way they played pitch and catch making the right reads
making the right plays blocking the right people assignments assignment sound football they looked
like a formidable team now can they carry that into this week hopefully they can we'll see yeah
i do think mississippi state's in a really tough spot trying to figure out who they are with the
same recruits and changing the system so there were times during that game it was like lsu shouldn't
be challenging this thing because at least when they're making mistakes, they have
an idea of what they're supposed to be doing. And I felt like Mississippi state, maybe it'll look
better later on the year and that wouldn't look better, but that was an outman team, at least for
one Saturday. Uh, I want to go around. I know we've all talked about Dion a lot, but they deserve
it because this has been an incredible story. And then Saturday night to have, you know think simmons texted you and i on saturday night and you're like i don't think
that's ever happened about a college football game well didn't that bother you just a little
bit i don't know what he's doing right now he ordered colorado gear and started wearing it
like what's going on there i you know bill is obviously a close dear friend but just start just come on you must protect this
house you know what i mean literally i'm looking for a house so um so but i'm saying
wouldn't you weren't you a little in that you know you've never cared about college football
before and you get the text on a Saturday night,
then you want to just be like, get the fuck out of here, man.
Wasn't that a little, you know, it's a little bit. I did not have that reaction.
I was more like, no.
I don't believe you, Ryan, because this is like what's happening.
I have people that never cared about college football hitting me up going,
oh, my God god you're gonna be
watching the colorado game tonight bro we gotta make it to boulder and i'm like fuck you you know
like it's like i don't wanna i'm not like that i like it when the band before the band goes to
number one and when it's my band you know i then that's how i feel about college football bill has
always showed so much disdain for college football.
And it's kind of like, I don't know.
It bothered me a little bit.
Yeah, the disdain part.
Look, I think I'd tell you straight up if I thought it was bullshit.
I think you know that.
I was just thrown off by it.
And then I had a buddy here, so I don't even think I responded.
And he and I are sitting there, you know, staying up.
And I'm getting all these texts.
And, yeah, I guess if I look at it that way, like, like all of a sudden now people are going to watch. The funny thing is the
new PAC 12 commissioner came in when they were still trying to save this league, which sucks
because I love this league and we can see the depth of it this year. But look, I've already
covered that a million times, but he was arguing, well, with the media coverage of Dion, like we
believe our rights should go up. And I'm like, oh my God, just another bullshit argument. Like
there's all these different arguments. Like I remember when the NCAA was
using tweets of college football reporters as a reason to not pay any of the athletes or not even
to enact the NIL changes. And it was like, you're using, you're using a Dan Wetzel tweet. Like what,
what is this? You know? And honestly, like I'm just picking a name out of a hat, but I remember
like when I was reading over the notes of the arguments in that case i was like this is embarrassing the thing is
the pac-12 commissioner was right at least to this point uh the ratings the numbers like i don't like
the made-up revel like this is so many millions in in free advertising just by this many mentions
because i just don't think that is a real value i think it's just some dumb formula that make
people feel better about what's going on but But as far as like actual TV coverage and
the ratings that people tuning in, the people paying attention to this in a way that I never
would have expected, I'm just curious, like if they get blasted by Oregon, will people still
care? Because I just, I think human nature tells us that they won't. And yet I still feel like this
season at a 500 record is a massive success for what deon's
trying to do here i think that's going to be the interesting storyline here um obviously number one
whether or not they can keep winning because if you look at their schedule based upon the current
perception of the pac-12 it's like a really hard schedule. Some really well-coached teams out there
with some veteran quarterbacks, some great quarterback play, best quarterback play in the
country right now in the Pac-12, bar none. It's not even close, right? And even during the game,
as I watched the game, when it looked like they were about to lose to Colorado State in a game
that really they got outplayed in for large portions of the game. You saw people that were jokingly saying,
well, you know, I liked college football
for a couple of weeks.
Now it's on to whatever.
You saw people saying that,
but that sentiment is, it's true for some of them.
There are going to be some people
that if the Buffs hit a rough patch
are going to just leap off of that bandwagon.
And I think that's another thing that is daunting for the casual college football fan is that these teams are not nearly the same teams in week eight or nine than they were at the beginning of the year.
Some get better. Some get markedly worse, right? And if you believe in what Deion is doing, it's a cultural thing as
much as it is a football thing. Bringing a lot of attention back to that traditionally powerful
program, what he was able to do with the transfer portal. If you look up and down the roster,
they're not there yet, but they do have one spectacular player in Shador Sanders
who's as clutch as anybody in the whole country.
So the answer is yeah.
Yeah, there are going to be some people that jump off of the bandwagon.
The question will be whether or not the media does the same thing.
Are you still going to get Colorado games in prime time?
Are you still going to get the hype and the coverage that they're getting
if they lose three or four, if they lose the next two,
if they lose Saturday and it's not a thriller,
if they lose by two touchdowns,
I think they're 21 point dogs or 20 point dogs or something like that.
Yeah, 21.
If they lose, if Oregon covers,
then is the air completely out of the balloon?
It shouldn't be, but it might.
And it'll be interesting to see whether or not
what Deion's been able to do
has a lasting effect for the entire season
or whether or not it was just the story of September.
Yeah, the Rock's not showing up here for three and three.
Like those are the rules.
We know that. Here's the rules. We know that.
Here's the deal.
Normally.
No.
For,
for a normal coach.
No.
With the rock show up for three and three Dion Sanders.
I think that there's a question that you can ask.
I don't think so.
You might not think so,
but there's a possibility that just who he's meant to us or what he's
meant to us.
Should I say for the, the, the amount of time that he's been famous in the cultural zeitgeist
that they might show up for three and three Deion Sanders.
Who knows?
Maybe they will.
Maybe they won't.
Okay.
You said something, though, like will the coverage die down if they start to lose games?
And I still think their defense with Oregon and SC on the schedule coming up here.
But, you know, I'd asked McShay, and McShay's going to be joining us every Monday now,
football season.
And I said, you know, take a look at whatever.
And it's a little harder because it's a transfer portal.
And it's something I brought up a bunch of times.
Like I should have put more stock into how great their portal grade was,
but I still wouldn't have expected this.
But at the same time, like, okay, well, they're 3-0.
And he was like, I think they're an 8- or 9-win team.
So I was like, okay, that's a little different than how, okay, well, they're three and oh, and he was like, I think they're an eight or nine win team. So I was like, okay, that's, that's a little different than how
I felt obviously before the year. And then maybe even after the TCU win, but Dion, it's not like
he's going to turn off the content button, whether they're winning or they're losing,
we're going to be paying attention to them. We've been paying attention to them for a little,
really long time.
And, you know, the weird thing is I see like almost full support for Deion in the beginning.
I give him all the credit in the world.
Like the only gig he could get was Jackson State.
He wanted to be a coach.
He did it.
He went down there and coached.
And then the only power five job he could get was one of the worst options in all of football.
And then here we are through September wondering how real this whole thing is.
But I don't think he's ever going to stop being somebody that we have an opinion about, good or bad.
Like, I just, even if you're rooting against them last Saturday night, I'm just happy that you cared about college football.
You know, I think that's important sports.
I don't know that we have enough of these, whether it's a character or a storyline where it's like, I don't like this, but I'm paying attention to it.
Right?
I don't like this, but I'm paying attention to it, right?
But then Deion will have moments where we saw when Shiloh and Shador were saying,
like, we're playing them next year in the NFL. And he's like, look, Shador's not going.
He's not going to be number two to Caleb Williams.
That seems to piss off a lot of the same people that are all in on everything else he's doing.
Yeah.
What college football hasn't had in a long time in a real national way was like a Floyd Mayweather junior team.
The thing that made Floyd Mayweather such box office when he was at his height was that he had as big a pile of fans as he did haters. And so that's hard to do. People were watching Floyd
because he was so great and they really wanted him to win. And then other people were watching
Floyd because he was so great and they really wanted him to lose. And SC had that for a while in college football.
They had the situation to where all it was like,
these dudes are Hollywood.
I just want to see somebody punch them in their mouth.
But then, man, look at how amazing they are.
They had that national brand of making you care.
And Colorado's been able to do that.
Like, a lot of people are watching,
hoping and wishing that they win. And a lot of people are watching, hoping and wishing that they win.
And a lot of people are watching, hoping that somebody can bring them down to earth.
And that is because of Deion Sanders.
It's because of who he's always been.
I remember when the big quarterback from the Giants ran over Deion Sanders.
They replayed it on SportsCenter over and over and over again because somebody just wanted to see Prime get put on his ass.
You know what I mean?
So he's brought that same energy to Colorado, and that's why the ratings are going to be good.
The thing is, what's sort of put that or juiced that to a degree is the fact that they've won games that we didn't expect them to win. When they beat TCU, it was like, oh my God, he might actually be a coaching genius on the level that we haven't seen in a while.
And everyone said that they were going to lose and they keep defying the odds.
If they're 0-3 right now, I don't know that the coverage is the same. I think the coverage is,
if they're 0-3 and Shador's not playing very well, I think the
coverage is more, well, this is why you can't step up and take it to the big boys in this Power 5
conference in the same way you did at Jackson State. This is a learning curve for Deion Sanders.
This is humility for Deion Sanders. But the fact that the team and Shador Sanders, because he's as big a part of this as
anybody else, he was expected to have to kind of wait his turn to become a huge college football
star. But from the moment he stepped on the field in the Pac-12, he's been dominant. So they've
kind of flipped the middle finger to everyone. And if they were 0-3 right now,
I don't think it would be looked at the same.
I think what would be looked at is how long do we have to wait for them to win?
Well, they're winning now.
So if they start to lose now, the question becomes,
was it fool's gold?
Or does the staff have what they need to get them through a rough patch?
So it'll be interesting if they drop a couple of games.
It'll be more interesting, to be honest with you,
if McShay is right and they win nine games.
If they win nine games,
it's one of the single greatest coaching jobs
in college football history.
It's akin to what Matt Rule did at Baylor.
It's like, it's nuts if they were able to do it.
You know what I mean?
I would agree.
Did you like the HBO show Girls?
Yeah, watched it.
I loved it.
Interesting.
I loved the first season.
Wow.
I loved the tone.
I loved the writing.
I loved the characters.
I knew you had a feminist streak.
Well, then I didn't like it.
And it was when Ray hooks up with Marnie.
Oh yeah.
At his apartment that he took over from Adam in season three.
And I was having some issues with Ray throughout the show,
but I know that was his character,
but he's this older guy.
He's hanging out with these,
these women all good looking for the most part.
He's dating a girl that's still in college.
Shush.
Love that nickname.
That's Mamet's daughter, by the way.
Did you know that?
They're all.
It's like Brian Williams' kid.
It's Mamet's daughter.
It was a whole little...
If you don't like nepotism,
you won't like the show.
Little neppo neppo.
But here's the thing.
You're in Brooklyn. You're hanging out with all these,
it's not post-grads. They're a couple of years out of college, but they're part of the scene.
They're making it happen. And then you get this 30-year-old dude, Ray, who's not as attractive as them. He's the most miserable human being ever. He's so negative.
Honestly, I could do without a couple of soliloquies. It was stacked against him
for me personally. Then he gets with Marnie after he had been dumped by shush. And I'm like, and you're fucking miserable.
You're miserable.
You should be thanking God every day that these people even want to hang around you.
And I know that that was his character,
but I'm a little afraid for Colorado.
We could have a Ray Marnie situation.
So we're people that can't do it anymore.
Can't do it.
I had,
I remember that scene specifically, I had to take a break. I'm like, this wouldn't happen. This apartment sucks.
You know, I don't. That's hard for me because I don't know enough about how things go in the white languages, you know, because what do you need help on?
because what do you need help on well i mean sometimes look i can name can we can we debut this segment ask a white guy and then we really we've been around we really could because in the
white languages sometimes you do see that you see a dude with a girl and you're like,
yo,
what the fuck is going on?
And you think maybe because it's a freer society that they make decisions
based upon different things.
But like this,
by the way,
don't say that this isn't true because this is what I'm,
what I'm already challenging.
You see,
look at my face.
Are you suggesting the only white people date in other leagues?
That doesn't.
Okay. See, this is is this is the podcast i really want to do okay okay so i think that's a little i don't know i
think here okay go ahead go ahead let me just let me just speak for how i grew up okay please do
let me just speak for how i grew up it's not happening as much as you would think it would.
Okay.
You're going to have something.
Either you're going to have, it's, it's not, it's different.
I'm sure it, I didn't see it as much.
You know, it was on either side.
So you're saying a black Marnie wouldn't date a black Ray.
I didn't see it that much.
And by the way,
vice versa,
vice versa.
You know what I mean?
I didn't see it that much,
but in the,
the,
in high school and in college,
you know,
there was,
there would be some white girls that would come through and it would be
like,
God damn,
like she bad as shit.
And then you would see her boy,
her boyfriend.
And I'll be like, yo man, are you fucking serious? Like, you would see her boyfriend and I'd be like, yo, man, are you fucking serious?
Like, are you?
And I would be like, shit.
You might be right.
I'd be like, you, like, are you serious?
And then, like, what the hell is going on?
And you'd expect his dad was some kind of, nah.
His dad was, this motherfucker was from Denham Springs
or something like that.
And I don't know how it happened.
And then not only that,
but then they would go marry them and stuff.
So look for me coming up and I'm not putting all,
cause I can't speak for it everywhere,
but where I'm from,
I didn't really see that too much on either side.
It was a pocket of people who dated each other,
but it would just be different.
It would be different.
And so the Marnie ray thing i've seen
that before bro i've seen a beautiful it come through in a guy with a whole fucking jaw full
of mint snuff spitting in the side of this a dirty cap asking you if you want to go to motocross and
i'm like this is the guy for real you know what i mean mean? So who knows? We see this though. King of Queens. That's
the same thing. Yeah, but that was a casting
decision. Seinfeld, same thing.
George is miserable. I mean, George
is dating sevens and eights for 11
seasons. But the reason why
that's reflected in culture that
way is because that happens.
Real George
doesn't have that many options.
By the way, we've done,
we've done some episodes of life advice where these guys have been talking about,
you've seen it.
We've seen it on life advice where we've seen guys talk about this.
You see their spouses in this.
I don't know,
bro.
You tell me the whole,
you tell me what's going on.
It's your people.
Just like the open.
I'm going to monitor this situation.
I'm going to monitor it a little bit closely.
Can I ask you a question about something that's not white?
Sure.
Black Twitter.
It's not a separate app.
Right.
It contains some of the funniest responses in any written language.
It is off the charts, funny, clever.
And there's a lot of times where I'm like,
do I know what the joke is here?
Could I potentially, do I have to look at some replies?
Is there another guy like me being like,
what am I missing?
Which I can't possibly do.
But I'll notice that the engagement on a joke
in that world, it'll be like,
man, I can't believe Uncle Larry went down the
water slide. 17,000 retweets. The engagement ratio is unobtainable for people like me.
What is that? What is the secret sauce there? Am I wrong? First of all, I don't think I am. I know I'm not. So you're not wrong. Right.
OK. There is a cultural language that we speak with each other that is so beautiful that it's hard to articulate.
We're not even talking about the movie. We're not even talking about we're talking about the part of the movie that everybody has had to see.
Right.
And a lot of those jokes that you're seeing, they're really cultural callbacks.
Like, I was at a wedding a couple of weeks ago.
And, you know, I'm at the wedding.
And the wedding's going beautifully. And i look at kalika and i go
who's gonna fuck this up like who's gonna go up there and go too far boom it happens
like i could tell the way the dude is walking up to grab the mic that is about to go down
okay can you give us a little bit of a taste of what it was that was-
I would get killed.
I would get killed.
But as soon as I see-
Maybe we would never understand it.
So, you know, who knows?
As soon as I saw it happening,
I stood up like, yeah, this is what I want.
This is what the fuck, man.
No, I don't, let him cook.
Let him cook, let him get his shit off, right?
And that happens, obviously, at weddings.
That's a common trope even in the
white languages but it at funerals at all of these things we family reunions these things are so
common the cultural threads even amongst black people from from from coast to coast that like
we see them and we know them and we understand them and we also kind of understand is another
thing some of the things that people
don't understand about us. And I think that's the funny part. I think we get things that people
don't get about us. And it's funny to us that they don't get them. Like, it's funny to me,
like my homeboy, Tommy, right? Not Tommy Alter, but Tommy Talley from Baton Rouge.
my homeboy Tommy, right? Not Tommy Alter, but Tommy Talley from Baton Rouge. It would be funny.
Me and Tommy have all of these things in common. We play video games. We love LSU, the whole nine. It would be funny to watch Tommy respond to me with my crew of black friends because his
uncomfortability was just hilarious. It's hilarious to watch him when the N-words start flying and when we start talking to girls and when we start talking about whatever.
It's just funny.
And I think in Black Twitter, we understand the things about us that are entertaining only to us.
entertaining only to us. So like that engagement that you see, it's because it's this one big cultural inside joke that we understand that nobody else gets. That's why it's even funnier.
Thank you. Thank you for the explanation. Because I'll just see something and I'll be like,
do I get this? And as I get older, I'm like, I'm not sure. I'm like, this is just a meme response.
And yet now this has got 12,000 retweets and that's based on the first thing. And I'm like, this is just a meme response. And yet now this has got 12,000 retweets and that's based on the first thing.
And I'm like, man.
And then it just led to like, maybe black Twitter is just more supportive of each other's
content.
Maybe.
That's true too.
But I want you to do something right now.
And I'm going to, as we do more of these live shows.
All right.
I got Google open.
As we do more of these live shows, we're going to see what's going down in some of these places.
We're going to see what's going down with some sisters, right?
We're going to see what's up with some sisters.
We're going to see.
We make it down to New Orleans.
We make it to a couple of – we're probably going to have a problem in Oxford.
I can't promise anything there.
But we're going to see what's happening.
I want to see in a couple of months
you back on here with a koofy on.
You know what I mean?
I want to see you going,
you know, I've thought about this.
And Black Lives Matter, they had a point.
Right, like do an open and be like,
Luca, I don't see it.
When's this guy going to win?
It's a whole thing.
It's, you know, I want to see you.
You're the anti Bill Maher.
You're going to go the other way.
Okay.
I want to see, boy, woke Ryan is going to be such a good, like that, that blue Jays hat.
That's going to be off your head.
This is a, this is a relationship though.
This is a relationship hat. So see if it was a relationship hat, that's going to be off your head. This is a relationship, though. This is a relationship hat.
See, if it was a relationship hat, that's going to be a Yankees hat.
Nah, well, that's not happening.
Okay, we'll see.
Week 12, Grambling Hat.
Oh, I just bought it.
Oh, bro.
See, that's the type of shit.
I like the fit.
You don't even understand.
That's the type of shit you could do right now.
Right now, if you pop up on the
show with a gremlin hat right now you are fucking loved in the gremlin rustin north louisiana area
you don't understand your pop yeah and then also called a fraud in every other pocket of the world
too so uh you know it's it's a dance it's a dance uh do you want to do life advice that's that's
really i mean we could have our standalone pods with you just do this.
So are you ready?
I'm ready.
You want details?
Fine.
I drive a Ferrari 355 Cabriolet.
What's up?
I have a ridiculous house in the South Fork.
I have every toy you can possibly imagine. And
best of all, kids, I am liquid. So now you know what's possible. Let me tell you what's required.
Van sticking around for life advice, lifeadvicerr at gmail.com. Saruti is here and so is Kyle. We
were worried if we went back-to-back life advices with other people then people would think i banned kyle from the show because he sneezed that's not how we operate here uh so kyle what's good i blew my
nose like 10 times before we got on today just to make sure i could you know is it the rabbit
stay on the allergy thing are you sick you know i think you know i got a lot of carpet in this
place and i just could do a better job dusting you say dudes are bad at mailing i think dudes
are bad at dusting stuff.
I mean, never dusted in my life.
You take a couple of years off.
You know what I mean?
I've been out of the house with my mom.
It's just not in my routine and I'm paying for it right about now.
So I'll do my best.
Yeah, I've never, I've bought the duster things.
I think I'm above a windowsill at home with that.
I just, I, one reason why I love you guys seriously is because it's just so real.
I just cleaned up this room and she was standing there and she sees the little white duster thing after I dusted just the LSU helmet.
And she looked at me and she went, you're fucking disgusting.
The thing was covered.
Like the little white duster thing did a reverse Michael Jackson, man.
Started off white, turned black.
Like it was covered.
When do you dust?
Who dusts?
And it's super discouraging because you just saw that amount of dust and you're like, I got 98% of this room left to do.
I can't do this.
I can't do it.
Yeah. Interesting. Okay. Yeah, that's where my sneezes come from yeah the first time it ever even dawned on me was somebody was staying with me and i've been in the house like i don't know five or
six years she's like did you see your baseboards you think i'm what base Baseboards? You know, I've wiped a shelf off. Like I'm not a Neanderthal,
right? I moved to painting and I went, oh, okay. Look at that. Like, that's not good. But just,
yeah, weekly maintenance dusting. And I've never, I hired a cleaner once,
but it was after the Kentucky Derby party and she quit immediately. She was like,
is it always going to be like this? And I was like, no, I'd never do this and it'll never be like this. And she didn't
believe me. There were rose petals stomped into the hardwood flooring and you had to like cut
them out with a razor blade. It was really, really bad. And she was like horrified. You know,
she'd give me an estimate, like normal guy, three bedroom deal. Cause everybody's like,
I can't believe you and I have a cleaner. I can't believe you don't have a cleaner i can't believe you have a cleaner i was like i don't know just do one floor
a week it's just me you know there's a floor i've even gone to the other floor i've been up there in
six months and uh she was she she was out immediately she just didn't believe me all
right okay here we go um we were talking van and i were just finishing up. He can't wait for New Orleans, just he and I out in the streets.
So this is Taylor made for Van.
Hey gang, a longtime listener.
He's glad to finally have something worth writing in.
36, 6'3", 215, good distance runner with a couple half marathons under my belt.
Former college volleyball player.
Would have had a better career had my wingspan been closer to Rondo and not Kelly Olenek.
Kelly Olenek's done all right. He's done all right with that wingspan. Player comp. And one mixtape had me thinking I should play like Darius Miles when I would have been an
off player playing like Derek Coleman. Good lefty touch post game. Okay, got it. I live in Maryland.
I work in DC. I have the joy of serving as the co-best man in a friend's wedding next year. We
met in grad school about eight years ago
and been close ever since.
The other best man is a former roommate of mine
who was in the same program at school,
had life advice, been around seven years ago.
I'd have a great submission about myself,
the co-best man in a shit show
that occurred involving the two of us
and a woman who's now my girlfriend as of many years.
Time heals all wounds, right?
Okay.
Here's where I need your help.
The bride and groom
want to have a joint bachelor
bachelorette party
in New Orleans next March.
No one here is going to think
this is a good idea.
So, yeah, right.
Flying a Thursday,
leave on a Sunday.
Separate housing, lodging,
house rental for the dudes,
hotels for the girls,
some crossover events.
The groom is thinking
maybe a barbecue
and some sorts of,
maybe a barbecue of some sorts and
maybe a dinner. But by and large, the groom is leading me to believe that they are happy having
things largely separate. They just both love the city. I have my doubts about this, but I'm playing
the cards I've been dealt. I also have doubts. So here's the big challenges. I've been led to
believe that the invite list for the bachelorette party is going to be pushing 30. 3-0. The bachelor
party is going to be much more manageable around 12 to 15. As you'd imagine, the idea of rolling
45 deep for even just one or two events seems like an utter disaster in the making. Next, there is
likely to be at least one instance of couples attending the separate functions. Boyfriend
attending the bachelor party. Girl attending the bachelorette party. I know the couples. This is
probably going to be a problem. Lastly, while we're not in our 20s anymore,
this event is bringing out a lot of folks
who have not hung out in years,
and the groom has been clear
and wanted to go balls to the wall.
He wants strip clubs.
He wants lots of booze.
He's not fucking around.
All that to say the expectations are kind of high.
As an additional wrinkle,
I know the bride well.
I know she's not here for the strip clubs
and general debauchery that follows a bachelor party, the parties being the same damn city at the same damn time.
It's a bit more complicated going with the out of sight, out of mind mentality. To be clear,
this is not to say she's uptight or has any issue with the groom partaking in shenanigans. I just
don't want them to be her problem. So there's a lot here. If the best advice is good luck,
you're fucked. I'll take it. But this is my first time in new orleans and any
advice on things to do for a bachelor party would be appreciated the majority of the group would be
early to mid 30s we've all managed to do rather well for ourselves so it won't be overly concerned
with cost the groom is a simple man strip clubs and booze will get things done but he does want
to make sure the group gets to enjoy the city uh so any recommendations we don't love doing recommendations for trips we're we're
not you know lonely planet guide here at barnes and noble but uh we all know what this is a bad
idea so i'll just get out of the way kyle you want to go first it just sounds like they're
treating bachelor this bachelor thing like uh like a greek formal or something it's like i i don't
know like yeah whose fucking idea is this
it doesn't matter i'll save all this stuff because this is just terrible it's too late to call it off
uh i don't know there was beef at my bachelor party and there was like 13 guys you're gonna
have a bunch of a bunch of none of them are dating yeah i guess but they're saying people
are seeing each other i don't know but i i'll leave it to you guys because i don't i think you
should you should try to reschedule but there's no way right I mean it's a it's a year it's a it's next year but I don't know this sounds like it's already
in motion so I don't really have any this can't happen this this can't happen I'm serious 45
people in New Orleans drunk with history that haven't hung out why would this even be a
consideration this is one of the worst ideas I've heard first of all if you even know the logistics that haven't hung out. Why would this even be a consideration?
This is one of the worst ideas I've heard.
First of all, if you even know the logistics of the city,
first of all, are they all going to be together all the time?
No, he was saying separate housing, that the guys are going to get a house,
the women are all going to be in a hotel.
But you're right.
Even the two or three things you think you're going to do
coordinated together,
I wouldn't want to roll 10 deep just going out anywhere.
Granted, Bachelor Party is a little bit different.
Where are you getting in?
Where are you going in the city?
Yeah.
Bringing 45 people, especially once the drinks and the liquor start flowing.
First of all, the joint Bachelor and Bachelorette Party.
I think that's so whack. That's like the wackest
shit you could possibly do. And I hope that nobody else has listened to the sound my voice
considers doing that. That actually goes against the complete ethos of what the bachelor party is
supposed to be. It's supposed to be you and your boys coked up one last time where it's okay.
You can't do that in front of the ladies. They have different
standards than us, better standards. So they think getting wild is wearing a penis hat.
That's getting wild for them. They love penis straws, man.
Yeah, that's getting wild for them. Us getting wild is doing things with the penis.
So it's just, I don't understand why it would be a thing. This seems
like a really, really bad idea. And one that could potentially ruin the wedding just to be,
just to let you know. Yeah. Could you get to the dude who's like the groom who's, you know,
probably in charge of his side of things? Like, can we push this by a week, man? Like, could you
like, cause I mean, there's 30 accommodations for the women. Maybe if there's like 14 for the dudes,
maybe you've got a shot in hell at like just pushing this a week forward or a week back to see you guys just miss each
other or something. Otherwise, I don't know. I think there's a couple of things working in
our guys' favor. One is that clearly both the bride and the groom are okay with this. Like he
has said, it's very clearly he wants to get weird. He's like, okay with him kind of getting weird.
I mean, I don't know how weird, like maybe not hooking up with a stripper weird but like you know getting weird so maybe it's like actually not that
big of a deal and then the other thing is logistically as you said van there's no way
you're gonna get 45 people into a barbecue joint or into a club or wherever so you're actually
probably not going to hang out that much so you might accidentally this might accidentally be okay
because you're just not going to be able to see each other but in practice in theory it's a it's
just a terrible idea you're all right like there's able to see each other. But in practice, in theory, it's a, it's just a terrible idea.
You're all right.
Like there's really just no reason why you couldn't,
but if you won't,
if you both want to go to new Orleans,
just do it in the same month,
not the same week.
Yeah.
Cause if the,
if the,
if one of the party knows the location,
unless these guys are like secret location,
somebody is going to get drunk and be like,
it's a great idea to go over there right now.
Just to see,
just to see what they're doing.
Somebody in that 30 person group or in that 15-person group is like,
I saw Stacey at the breakfast.
I think she wants me to come over there.
It is a good ratio.
It is a good ratio.
I guess, but I mean, not if we're all coming together in eight months from now
to go watch these guys get married.
This is a Netflix movie.
This isn't like a real thing.
First of all, I know that they probably love each other very much,
and I applaud their marriage, and I'm rooting for them.
But my experience with ladies, and I love the ladies, but my experience with the ladies isn't that we're so cool that we get to have a joint bachelor party.
That's not the reason why that would be happening.
My experience is, I kind of want to be around for your bachelor party.
We love the city. We both love the city, they said.
Yeah, we both love the city. Yeah, I'm sure they do. But that doesn't mean you have to do it on
the same weekend. There's a lot of different new faces of New Orleans. This is an overall bad idea
and one that just seems like it turns a joyous occasion like a bachelor party into something
that's kind of aggravating.
That's not what it's supposed to be.
It's going to be aggravating at times, for sure.
I have nothing to add.
I think it's terrible.
Even if everybody says they're on the same page
and they're cool with the whole thing,
there's going to be somebody that wants to stay in
and then it's going to be like, oh, I don't want to.
And honestly, New Orleans will do that to you too.
It's like, oh, I actually am not going to be able to go out all three nights.
There's also one more thing I'd like to say about this. What do you think the purpose of letting us know that there's a guy that's going to be there that he used to date his girl or his girl used to date him or whatever that was. I think if you really look at this, there's some subtext there.
There's at least a chance that things are going to go left in an old flame type of way.
Because look, I don't know how y'all do it in you guys' languages,
but we're never cool enough with your homie to date his ex-girl and then all go out to New Orleans to get
drunk.
That doesn't happen in the languages that I'm familiar with.
Yeah, there's less people awake at four in the morning, you know?
What email are you reading?
Are you talking about him talking about the timeline of his now present girlfriend from
a previous thing? Did he not say that his girlfriend now is the ex of the co-best man?
Or am I making that up?
I think you're right about that.
The co-best man is his friend's other friend.
He doesn't really know.
But there was a situation between that guy and a girl.
And apparently, it's cool now. He said time heals all wounds but every now no no no that's you guys you guys are you just made all that up really it was the long intro that got everything off
to a right okay i'm tripping my bad yeah no he's that would be in the netflix show version now
right i thought that he said that he He said that it was a shit show.
You convinced me.
You sold me that bell good.
No, man.
I had me when I'm the only one who read the email.
And I was like, wait.
Like, no, the kid was dead the whole time.
So, all right.
All right. This is a good one. All right. One, all right.
This is a good one.
All right.
One friend is cheating on another.
Hey guys,
love the show.
Five 11,
one 95 spot up shooter.
My men's league NBA comp is Luke canard.
Cool.
I have a steady friend group,
about 15 people,
mix of guys and girls in their twenties,
early thirties.
We're all in a group chat together.
Hank,
you're in a group chat with all of these people.
That's amazing.
Hang out once or twice a week, play fantasy football together. It's a very fortunate setup.
This guy's got extra friends. This guy should be giving a couple to some of the other emailers we
get in here. One girl in the group, let's call her Ashley, started dating a guy about six months
ago. Let's call him Mark. Oh, hey, Mark. A few months ago, Ashley started bringing Mark around
to hang out with us. He's a really good dude. High approval rating within the group.
Not easy for Mark to pull this off.
It sounds like he has.
Everyone likes him.
He's hung out with us enough and made enough of an effort.
Maybe this is just the friendliest group of all time.
Who knows?
Made enough of an effort to be friends with us.
The guys in the group consider Mark a friend and even separately from Ashley.
Here's the catch.
Yesterday, a few of us discovered that Ashley is sleeping with an old hookup of hers and cheating on mark she's done it so as uh she's done so as recently as last week four of us
in the group know three guys one girl we all found out from uh said old hookup who told us as he's an
acquaintance of ours of course you're friends with everybody we've seen text messages evidence and we
know that it's true the question is should we tell? I want to tell him as I was in a situation like this years ago and know that I would have wanted to be told. We all would have wanted to
have been told. But the girl who knows does not want to get involved, understandably, I guess.
And the other two guys are split on what to do. While I'm inclined to tell Mark, I know it risks
blowing up a really great friend group, especially if it isn't handled the right way. Do I owe allegiance to Ashley given she was our friend first?
How do I go about navigating?
Thanks in advance.
So the question is, do you tell new guy Mark about longer term friend Ashley?
Fan?
The fuck?
No.
Get some business.
Read a book.
Go see a movie. Say the fuck out them people business the fuck wrong
with you i hate this type of shit hell no let her do her thing by the way if you want to talk to
somebody about it talk to her call her up you ain't shit we know what you're doing we know what
you got going on have you ever said you ain't shit to a i have i actually i actually have and it did not go well call up
you ain't that's like of all the things i've ever said in an argument that just i'm i look i'm
fascinated by it all so keep going keep going no i'm saying if you want to do it because this is
the way that this goes if you want to talk to her, you're like, hey, we know you fucking over Mark, man.
Relax.
It's out there.
Everybody knows it.
You're making the group chat.
Yeah, you're making the group chat weird.
Do that.
Two things happen.
Number one, you talk to Mark and Mark fucking blows up the group chat.
Not everybody's bummed up.
But there's actually a worse outcome.
blows up the group chat, not everybody's bummed up.
But there's actually a worse outcome. The
worst outcome, and nobody ever thinks about
this, is that you bring it up to
Mark, and then Mark
stays with her.
Now, you're looking
at Mark like, dog, what kind of
cuck shit you on, dog?
I went through all of this to
tell you, I went through this anguish
to tell you that she's stepping out on you and you just stayed.
Now things have changed.
The only way to win this is to stay out of this situation and let it blow up on its own, which it will.
Or it might not.
She might be having a little fun on the side and they might end up getting married and having like
six kids but stay the fuck out of people business what's wrong with y'all like don't like stay out
of these people business god damn it because this could go so wrong mark could flip the fuck out
when you tell him like he could so many things could go wrong here stay out of this god damn it
yeah i mean also i think just like outside of the surface secrets
happen way more often than people think just because you know about this one everybody might
be holding some shit in uh and you also would like that same courtesy to be done for you if
you ever have any shit going on so i just think it's way more common than people think and just
because you have this secret like you know you don't have to like you know say like 10 hail
marys for this you're not doing anything wrong by staying out of somebody's business um so yeah i think if you if you can't
hold it in talk to her but i wouldn't i wouldn't go breaking breaking so he's gonna structure down
no i'm not sagging you definitely don't tell mark you definitely don't tell mark uh because
everything van said like the guy you just that's a shit thing to do but i think you could say
actually like this is bullshit like i just i just want you to know this is bullshit and like that that's that's totally fair you could you
could deal with it however you want to deal with it but just i'm letting you know that this sucks
and i think you are a shitty person right now for doing this and then i'm like you know whip her
into shape because again like this guy if you really like this guy mark like i've had plenty
of people that have dated girlfriends of mine uh that i've really liked and like have been buddies
and i wouldn't want something shitty to happen to them and if i if that if that happened i'd be like
hey i think this sucks i'm just telling you this sucks i'm not gonna out you but like this is bad
person stuff and you're better than that jesus christ rudy bro i'll never do any bro what you
just did was a master class i feel bad did you see how earnest and sincere he was right there?
My God.
Because it sounds like,
fan,
if this was happening to you,
would you want,
you would want this guy to,
you would want to know though,
wouldn't you?
Nah.
Put yourself in Mark's shoes.
Nah.
Nah.
Nah.
I don't want to know.
You're just comfortably ignorant.
Nah.
Fuck nah,
bro.
I don't want to know.
I'm going to be honest with you. I don't want to know, man. I don't want to. See, just comfortably ignorant. Nah, bro. I don't want to know. I'm going to be honest with you.
I don't want to know, man.
I don't want to.
See, I would.
I need to know.
You wouldn't want to know?
So wait, if this were different, we're in our 20s.
We've been friends a couple of years.
And I know.
All right.
Now, if you're new guy, Mark, I may not give a shit.
But if we're former college roommates at Grambling, and now we're out in L.A. trying to make it happen and then I know and then you find out later on that I knew, that's a problem.
You're going to have a problem with me.
So this is my thing.
So there was a situation in Baton Rouge, right?
And it wasn't it was a girl that I had been with throughout college and stuff like that. Right. And it wasn't it was a girl that I had been with throughout college and stuff like that.
Right. And and when I had like an on and off again thing, I went away to college and then she slept with one of the homies.
Right. And my boys knew and they didn't tell me.
Right. Actually, I found out from her. She hit me up.
She's like, just want to let you know. Boom, boom, boom, happened, whatever happened, whatever. And then when I talked to my boys, I was mad at first.
And then they said, say, bro, how are we going to sit around and play Madden when you steady
trying to beat this dude up? It's like, think about the crew. Don't just think about yourself.
We kept this secret for the crew. And you know what? I respected that.
I respected the fact that for the crew,
you keep
that secret and you just talk to him.
Hey man, you shouldn't be doing that. You need to tell
Van. Me and him got it in. Bing, bing, pow.
And then after that, it was cool.
I will say this. Also,
you tell
Ashley because now
that situation where her can go in a bunch of different ways. We could all be out for dinner. you tell Ashley because now you could
that situation
where her can go
in a bunch of different ways
we could all be out
for dinner
the check could come
and
we could be like
we're gonna split it up
and you could be like
nah
Ashley's gonna pay
she got me this time
I think
I think Ashley wants to
put some good out
into the world right
didn't you say you wanted to put some good out into the world, right? Didn't you say you wanted to put some good out into the world?
And then you just make eye contact with her when the bill comes.
But what you don't do is cause, is like detonate the whole situation.
Because you're really only doing that, if I'm being serious, you're really only doing that to make yourself feel better.
It's not going to make anything feel better.
It's not going to make anything better in the grand scheme of things. it's going to make you feel better for not having to keep the secret
and if mark gets mad about it that's fine he should have probably chose a different horse
all right last thing there is one one last angle that we haven't touched on that could be played
does our email or have anything for ashley right i mean this by the way this scenario this scenario
is like we just talked about girls.
However long ago we talked about it, but this is what's supposed to happen in your friend group.
Okay. Welcome to living. This is exactly what happens. Van's got one. I've got one. I'm sure
Kyle and Sruti both have theirs. This is what happens. Okay. We're all, it's just science.
So what, what would likely happen is you will find your path through the drama and you will
be stronger because of it, weaker because of it.
Or if you had some weird long-term, like, you know, I've always kind of had a thing
for Ashley and now you question her morals.
So she might even seem more obtainable than ever before.
That's what I was thinking.
When you just said that i was
like if you had that you just now know ashley down right because the real answer to this the
real answer to what a guy's thinking in the friend group and again these guys seems like he's really
nice and everybody seems really nice in this group but my friend group half of us are going
that's how she gets down huh
they're not worried about fucking mark they're not worried about the crew they're not worried
about it they're like oh oh actually too like god actually left on that bench over there yeah
it's on the table actually tooting that thing up okay actually we see you you know so yeah yeah
all right okay um this is let's do the bullied in the bathroom, and we'll call it a game.
All right, this one is going to go bad for the emailer.
Just telling you.
What's up, Ryan?
Kyle Cerruti, 29 years old, 5'10", 150 soaking wet, 185 on the bench,
so at least putting up my body weight and more than KD at Texas.
Player comp, Stillman White.
Wow, the overmatch.
Stillman White, who started for UNC in the Elite Eight
when Kendall Marshall got hurt.
That should have been a Kentucky UNC championship game.
Go Heels.
I do push back with my less knowledgeable UNC Hoops fans
blindly say, oh, we would have won it that year.
Did you see what Anthony Davis did the rest of the tournament that year?
Okay, all right.
You really like North Carolina Hoops. Davis did the rest of the tournament that year? Okay. All right. You really like North Carolina hoops.
Anyway, the subject of the matter, getting into fall and watching some college football
at a local brewery here.
Dogs, kids, garage doors open type vibes.
A plethora of tasty beverages to wet the beak.
After a couple, needed to take a piss.
I go to the big bathroom with multiple toilets and urinals.
Do my number one business with a clean takeoff and landing. No splash.
We were efficient. I'm not planning to wash
my hands this time.
Yeah, I know.
Wash your hands this time of year.
There are some hand sanitizers throughout
the bar.
Ryan.
No, don't even. Just let me finish. Let me finish.
Let me finish because we're all going to jump in
and we won't even get to the rest of the email.
Okay.
Everyone's everyone's instincts right now.
I believe we're aligned.
There was some hand sanitizers throughout the bar, but I'm not going to act like this
is my first focus.
Had some juicy wagers outstanding.
I headed the exit when a big guy literally steps in front of me, check my numbers again.
I'm running Oklahoma drills against the JV squad. Not a heavyweight here. This guy would have beat steps in front of me, check my numbers again. I'm running Oklahoma
drills against the JV squad, not a heavyweight here. This guy would have beat the fuck out of
me. I can admit it. He cuts off my path and gives me the chest to chest and says,
you not going to wash your hands? I kind of laughed thinking he was kidding, but it turns
out he was very serious. I do ask, do you actually want me to wash my hands?
He says, yeah, buddy, I do.
As I start to walk over to the sinks to wash my hands,
he does leave.
My buddy who was taking a piss also was finishing up
and asked if I knew that guy.
I said, no, never seen him before.
And I said that that homie was dead serious.
A different random stranger saw the interaction
with Mr. Meathead and and goes fuck that dude he goes
to my gym and i've seen him put uh pull similar stuff but that was the worst i can't believe that
just happened after i all caps wash my hands and head back out to the bar with my buddy and my new
friend we were all in disbelief and mystified yeah i got dominated by an ugly thor but my question is
should i have done anything differently after the fact i really wish i would have done the padded him on the shoulder and say you got it chief move i'm kind
of glad you didn't do that trying to get punched right uh especially non-hand wash shoulder pat
right touch him touch him after he just called you out for not washing your hands but if this
dude is the type of guy to chest up on a random stranger in the bathroom he's probably not taking too kindly to getting touched by an
unwashed bathroom hand yes so did i handle this situation correctly well the part you handled
wrong was not washing your fucking hands because it takes 10 fucking seconds so i don't know it's
just fine like yeah just a fingertip dip yeah yeah many times there's nothing. I don't like, look, it's weird.
The guy did this, but you lost me and I was in a hurry and I couldn't wash my hands.
So I'm sorry.
Thanks for listening.
Look, I don't know, Kyle.
It's really this whole thing is so bizarre.
First of all, wash your hands.
It's like this time of year or whatever.
Like you feel pressure to wash your hands because Fouchy says you has to wash your hands because you just touch your dick in the disgusting place
you're about to go out there and touch that people up wash your hands at the same time
i'm not gonna lie you are kind of a bitch and it and, and that's okay. Cause it's, I mean, it's happened to
everyone. I personally can't wash my hands after I've been bullied into it. I personally can't,
and I'm not the tough guy, tough guy. What you can try there is you can try a deescalate escalate,
which is what I call it. Like when somebody comes at you with that type of energy, you deescalate, you big smile and you see if it's going to deescalate. And the moment
that you realize the person in front of you is not going to deescalate, you got to do something.
Like the moment you realize, like, it was like, oh, yeah, whatever, bro. Like, but, and you big smile, don't touch him.
But the moment you realize that it's not, now you got to do something.
And I don't know if you're prepared.
You got to, you know, get off first in some sort of way.
But I don't think I've ever heard a life advice where the guy took like a total L.
He lost in so many different ways.
He lost by not washing his hands.
Then he lost by getting bitched out for not washing his hands. Then he lost again by getting the kindness of
a stranger, which is the worst thing you can get after you've had a chunk taken out of your ass,
which is somebody go, I saw that. Are you okay? That's the worst part of it.
Yeah, but he at least added context saying, I've seen that guy at the gym do the exact same thing.
Here's the point though.
Van, you're a big guy.
You box regularly, okay?
And I know that your mentality,
if you were 150 knowing your personality,
I get that you're less likely to do something
after somebody asks you to do it
as opposed to prior to, right?
Like you're just not going to be fucked with.
Actually, the best way to get me to not do it is to ask.
That's exactly what I'm saying.
Right, right.
Like the most trivial thing ever, right?
The most trivial thing.
Like if you were like four guys on a road trip, you'd be like, man, I'm going to go
in.
Do you mind pumping the gas?
You probably would have had no issue.
You might have even offered.
But once you're suggested, then you're like, I'm out.
I'm not pumping gas.
So that's, I think think my scattering report on you.
I, I think it would have gotten weird with this guy because you know, the thing it's
good.
It's the four way stop sign.
Okay.
How many times have we all fucked it up?
And we know we fucked it up.
But when the other person calls us out and fucking up, we're like, Oh, whatever.
You know what I mean? And your first reaction is defend your position. It's like, no, you were
wrong. So in this spot, when there's about to be a confrontation, it just sucks so much worse when
you know deep down he's actually right. You just don't like the messenger here. And it sounds like
the messenger sucks too. I don't think I would ever do that. I don't think I would ever. I hope
I'm never at a point in my life where I'm like, Hey man, Hey stranger, man, you're not going to wash your
hands. Cause I'm, I'm pretty good on the flat bench. You know, like I, I never would ever hope
like I'll never be that person. I don't think I will. I'm the gym. I can be a little spicy, but
this is, this is one where even if we get his point, you were just such a massive
deficit from the beginning.
Nobody wants to take your side.
Yeah.
I feel this way about shopping carts and I keep that rage inside, but I don't know.
I watched some video on Instagram about some guy who like runs up to people and shames
them.
It's called cart narcs.
I think they do a great job.
They just, they shame people who just leave their shopping carts in the parking lot.
And I don't know.
I think I saw this like four years ago.
And now I'm in a Ralph's and there's fucking carts everywhere.
And it's disgusting.
It's fucking disgusting.
And I'm watching people do it.
And I always bring my thing.
But I keep it in.
I keep it in.
I do keep it in.
Sometimes I'll be like, I'll pick up the person's cart who just left it.
And I'll do that.
But I understand the rage.
But it is insane behavior to, I think, just call out strangers for something like that.
But I understand the rage this bench press gym asshole is exhibiting.
But mine's just not for people washing their hands.
I think it's just because we live in a society and you should put your fucking carts away.
Especially if it's right there.
You're right.
You're right about the cart thing.
That's like a human theory.
The shopping cart theory of like, you could tell a lot about a person based on whether or not they put the shopping cart back.
What if, though, not putting the cart back provides jobs?
I'm pro-economy.
I'll be honest with you.
The reason why I don't just put the carts back, but I round them up.
Yeah.
Because I round them up.
I was a code 50 at Walmart, and it was a terrible job.
Wait.
Say the beginning part again.
What?
Is that the job title?
So a code 50 at Walmart, that is the person who goes out and rounds up all the shopping carts and puts them together.
Yo, summer in Baton Rouge, that is a grueling job.
When I tell you it is a grueling job,
you're out there in the heat.
People are leaving carts everywhere.
There are different Code 50s out there
that had different tactics for like,
you could get a long
line, a long stack of them. And then it gets too long where you can't control it. You got to be
strong. And then as soon as you put the cards back up and get them stacked, when I tell you as soon,
five to 10 minutes, they are spread out amongst the parking lot again. And you just got to do it
again. And you just got to do it again, and you just got to do
it over and over and over again. So I always do that. Here's the thing though, that affects
somebody. This doesn't affect anyone. Is it disgusting? Yeah, but it's also none of that
guy's business whether or not I wash my hands after I touch my very own penis, right? It's not his business at all. It doesn't affect
him in any way. So he's really just lording over you. That guy might come up to you and be like,
hey, you fucking need a haircut. How could you walk in this place without a fucking haircut?
You don't have nothing to do with me. you're only trying to make me do the right thing
but what you think i should do so that's my whole thing yeah i can't do this even in the pumping gas
thing if i'm riding in the car i would pump the gas because it's like you know i i'm riding but
in this case this guy's just being the goddamn hand wash gestapo you can't surrender you can't
appease him it's neville chamberlain shit and i think you got to
be on your shit the only two places that i'm really on edge now and like one earphone out if
i'm is public transit and like bar bathrooms because that's just where you got to be ready
for anything and i think you got to have your good one-liners ready have your foot stand straight
um and do you have material planned you have material no i just know i think i've unlocked
eight more percent of my brain when i know i'm walking into a train or a bus or a bar bathroom because the bar bathroom is when guys
will say insane shit to you and i don't know they think we're like in some sort of club just because
we're pissing together or something so i just i think you should always be a little more ready
in those places you kyle may have unlocked a business here though just like content like
here's here's zingers back at people at a bus stop train well bus stop you guys are
kind of you're gonna you guys are in the same club for like 10 minutes depending on when the
bus is coming so you gotta you gotta be ready to to survive you know what i'm interested in
rossillo what do you do in this situation because i don't i'm trying to wash my hands
but let's say you didn't and the guy tries to make because i
don't you i'll have a read on you yet i could see you both as bar champion rage demon and as
yeah fucking right and then follow police report later you know what i mean like i could see going
either way i could see i could see could see an era of Ryan Russillo.
I just watched this video on fucking Barstool.
You got to see the guy with the golf and he took his shirt off.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
I don't know why I thought of you when I saw that.
I'm like, I could see.
It's not a compliment, but what I'm saying is I could see you,
because that guy actually, I'd be honest.
Okay, so let me tell you. Let me tell you why it's not a diss though. That I'm saying is I could see you, because that guy actually, I'd be honest. Okay, so let me tell you.
Let me tell you why it's not a diss though.
That guy tried to deal with those people.
He did.
He tried to deal with them, and then he said, you want to see heaven?
Get out here.
You want to see heaven was well delivered.
I give him that.
So I could see you actually trying to deal with people in a pragmatic, very nice way,
and then just fucking losing it.
So like, which, which way are you?
I'd say the most likely scenario of the things we talked about is I'd be in another cart,
seeing guy take a shirt off, yell at the other people.
And I would just point to my buddy and be like, I'm going to tackle the fuck out of
this guy.
Unless they hit into him.
So, you know, I don't know.'t know we uh we got yelled at the other day
played a course best drive of the day for me but we looked and there's actually a warning light
that you have to because it's a blind green so they people in front of us the women didn't
change the light so it gave us to go ahead and you know i have no idea where my drives are going
and this happened to be the best one of the day, of course. And so we pull up and, you know, one of the guys I know, the other
guy I've met a couple of times, one guy was, was a guy I hadn't met. It was a terrific golfer. And
the woman was just waiting for us. She was just waiting for us. And then like, here I am thinking
like, I've got a birdie chance and she comes over and she's like, Hey, if you're going to do this
today, can you not hit it? And it just went on and on and on.
And we knew they hadn't switched the light.
So they were kind of wrong.
And I just went, yep.
Yep.
No problem.
We're going to do our, and I went like, I was like, not in a sarcastic shitty way, but
I was like, we're going to do our best.
This will not happen again.
You got, you got our word, ma'am.
And then the other car comes over.
Like, what was that all about?
I go, I wasn't really listening.
I just planned on losing the argument.
My plan, when she came driving back towards towards us after they finished up with the green
my inner workings were whatever she says just say yes and birdie the hole and you know there you go
uh yeah no i i get it i get it the scattering report for me it's sometimes it's it's way too
much credit which i would i would say i get i get a little too much credit that, in that realm because there was a phase before where I would have washed my
fucking hands.
I would have washed that guy's hands.
I would have asked him if he needed anything else,
you know,
teenager,
I'd be like,
what else can I do for you?
So I do not,
I don't not,
I will,
I will not accept all,
all combative respect,
but yeah,
now today I don't,
I don't, I look, I would have just washed my, I get your point. I get where you're getting at, now, today, I don't...
Look, I would have just washed my hands.
I get your point.
I get where you're getting at.
But, you know, I don't...
It depends.
Depends on the mood.
Depends on the mood.
Depends on that day.
Because we know deep down
what this is about.
This is about this fucking guy's
day-to-day.
It's about this guy's day-to-day
that things are so terrible
that he decides to be
the wash-your-hands sheriff.
And that's kind of where
I've gotten into life. Where somebody's acting like this and i just go imagine how shitty his day is
this is what he's doing and it just makes you it makes you kind of like i don't feel like i'm
getting challenged as much as i've discovered who you are so why the fuck do i care about the ego
part of this yeah yeah i get it all right we got it do we do we have it van still feels like there's meat on
the bone i can see it no there's no no no there's no meat on the bone i'm just getting angry now
for this guy like tell this guy to hit me up separately we'll go find this guy
i can give you he gives me the brew pub right here we'll find this guy we'll go you know what
we'll do is we'll go to his gym and leave shit all over the place and super set yeah or sorry sorry drop set yeah don't get me started
talking about i just love that van's rolling around baton rouge and they're like how did he
pull her and one of his boys goes he's a code 50 code 50 code 50 i've had all the jobs bro
code just malayne it get get all the fucking carts together. You're wearing an orange suit. Yo, I quit that job.
I just quit that job, right? Because I was like, I can't do this anymore. It's literally the only
time I've ever done one of the quits where you just don't come back to work. I didn't tell anybody.
I've never done that before. I didn't tell anybody. I just quit. I was too embarrassed to go pick up my last check. If you go look at unclaimed property in Louisiana right now,
I still have $300 waiting for me from Walmart from 1998. I was 18. I just could not go back
and pick up my check. I was so shamed that I just had to quit the Code 50 job. It was the hardest job I've ever had, seriously.
Yeah, I
can't even. Thanks to Van
as always. We'll be live again in Oxford,
Mississippi next Friday afternoon
at The Lyric. What do
you want to promote, Van, before we let you go?
I want to promote the fact that me and Ryan are tearing
it up. That's what I want to promote. You guys know
Higher Learning. You guys know
The Ringerverse. You guys know all of that stuff.
Friday night in Oxford next week is going down.
I don't care whether you wash your hands or not.
It's Lethal Weapon,
Riggs and Murtaugh tearing
up the fucking city.
Something bad's going to happen. I can already tell you guys
right now. And if you want to be
a part of it, you got to come to the show.
Me and Ryan, this is our...
We're debuting. We've hung out,
but we've never torn it up,
especially in a place
where I'm not so sure how they feel
about interracial. We're going to see
next Friday night.
We're going to see. It's going
down. Everybody, be ready.
I'm changing my flight
to Friday night. All right.
You guys are the best. we'll talk to you on Monday
Ryan Rossell podcast
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