The Scathing Atheist - 244: Plumbum Astray Edition

Episode Date: October 19, 2017

In this week’s episode, the president warms up for his speech at a cross burning, two different Christian bigots try out poetry and I just came again thinking about it, and Michele Bachmann teaches us that archaeology disproves archaeology. To come see us in Sydney, click here: https://www.thinkinc.org.au/skepticon-australia/ For more info about Freeflo this weekend, click here: http://www.freeflo.org/ To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click there: http://www.amazon.com/Diatribes-Godless-Misanthrope-Scathing-Presents-ebook/dp/B00J53FZFI/ref=sr11?ie=UTF8&qid=1396141562&sr=8-1 To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out out half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ Guest Links: To learn more about The Hollow Podcast, click here: https://www.facebook.com/TheHollowPodcast/ Headlines: Donald Trump gives speech to Christian hate group: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2017/10/13/president-no-values-to-values-voters-christians-can-say-merry-christmas-again/ and http://www.patheos.com/blogs/progressivesecularhumanist/2017/10/trump-panders-christian-extremists-values-voter-summit/ Timothy Dolan bitches loud enough to get LGBTQ friendly event moved from church: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2017/10/15/lgbtq-friendly-festival-changes-venues-after-catholic-church-objects-to-content/ Roy Moore reads poem about babies piled in dumpsters at Christian event: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2017/10/14/roy-moore-reads-poem-at-christian-gathering-about-babies-piled-in-dumpsters/ Calgary school board member blames gays for terrorism: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2017/10/06/calgary-school-board-candidate-blames-gay-people-for-terrorism-in-bizarre-rant/ Michele Bachmann: “Every archaeological discovery confirms the truth of the bible” http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2017/10/14/michele-bachmann-every-archeology-find-has-proven-the-truth-of-the-bible/ ADF misleads congress about surveys on Johnson Amendment: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2017/10/17/religious-right-group-uses-misleading-survey-in-johnson-amendment-repeal-efforts/ UK pharmacist jailed for showing beheading video to a kid: https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2017/oct/06/uk-pharmacist-zameer-ghumra-jailed-beheading-video-child-islamic-state Fat Guy in a Red Hat raps back to Eminem: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2017/10/14/evangelist-joshua-feuerstein-rapped-a-cringeworthy-response-to-eminem/ This Week in Misogyny: Christian women march against feminism: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2017/10/13/christian-women-gathered-in-washington-to-march-against-feminism-and-abortion/ Boy scouts allows girls, but not atheists: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/progressivesecularhumanist/2017/10/boy-scouts-invite-girls-join-still-bans-atheists/ Todd Starnes at Value Voters Summit: Liberals want to criminalize masculinity: http://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/todd-starnes-tells-the-values-voter-summit-that-liberals-want-to-criminalize-masculinity/ Muslim: We could stop sexual assault with more Islam: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2017/10/16/we-could-stop-sexual-abuse-with-more-islam-says-deluded-writer/

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Tire Discounter Group TireDiscounterGroup.ca slash locations. Tire Discounter Group. TireDiscounterGroup.ca Warning, the following podcast has been rated R by the Motion Picture Association of America. Or at least it would be if they rated podcast. This week's episode of The Skating Atheist is brought to you by Blue Apron, a better way to cook and by

aspen mountain ski resort again we're not getting paid yet but if you guys are listening over at aspen resorts if you sponsor us give us some nice comps eli promises not to create a running character as your mascot who does wildly inappropriate things on the show. Just shoot us an email and let us know, and he definitely will not do that. And now, the scathing atheist. Hi, I'm Justin Kirk. And I'm Anna Bosnick, and we are the producers of The Hollow Podcast. A serial horror podcast for your listening enjoyment. And this is totally not nepotism.

Not at all. No, we planned this well in advance. Oh, yes. It's been recorded long ago. It's been waiting, along with yours. Yep. This is totally in order. We'repotism. Not at all. No, we planned this well in advance. Oh, yes. It's been recorded long ago. It's been waiting, along with yours. This is totally in order. We're not jumping the line at all. Thanks, Eli.

I love you. And we just want to let you know. Oh, yeah. We did, in fact, evolve from filthy monkey men. And women. And bees. And non-binary. Yeah.

Yeah. Cool. it's thursday it's october 19th and i'm Aspie the Aspen, and I love to smoke crack while I ski. I'm no illusions. I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Ethan Wright. And from New York, New York. Secret Lair, Pennsylvania. This is the Skating Atheist.

On this week's episode, the president warms up for his speech at a cross burning. Two different Christian bigots try out poetry, and I just came again thinking about it. On this week's episode, the president warms up for his speech at a cross burning. Two different Christian bigots try out poetry and I just came again thinking about it. And Michelle Bogman teaches us that archaeology disproves archaeology. But first, the diatribe. gold is nearly twice as heavy as lead and yet when i was offered a replica set of joseph smith's golden plates that was made out of lead i could barely barely lift it. And by barely lift it, I mean I'm pretty sure I could have lifted it if I tried a little harder, but I didn't try a little harder lest I risk embarrassing myself by not being able to lift it in front of Dan and Mark. Now, this was a brief stop on our whirlwind tour of Mormon bat shittery in Salt Lake City. This tiny little hole-in-the-wall

bookshop was filled with anti-Mormon books that explained the real history of the church, point out the blistering anachronisms in their holy book, and otherwise shoot the fish in Mormonism's theological barrel. And it was even staffed by a motivated owner who was ready with a battery of statistics and fact lists to highlight the absurdity of the Mormon beliefs. But the centerpiece of the shop was this replica of the golden plates, except instead of a trillion dollars worth of gold, it was made out of lead, and it weighed something like 140 pounds. So we all took turns hefting it and joked around with the shop owner about the logistics of Joey Russian Home with these things under one arm.

And it was only after we got in the car and started heading towards Temple Square that it was revealed to me that the people who own the bookstore are Christians. These are people who profess to believe in the boat. The boat is pretty critical to the whole foundation of their religion. These people believe in the talking snake and the salt lady. Their savior took demons out of crazy people and put them into suicidal pigs. He walked on water and rose from the dead amid an army of corpses. The world's going to end when a seven headed dragon rises out of the goddamn sea

if the bible had a bit where jesus toted around 300 pounds of gold under one arm it would be the least ridiculous thing in their book and yet here this guy is dedicating his life to critically thinking about some other religion never bothering to do it to his own and i should say this is by no means an isolated thing in salt lake city we had to go to this far-flung bookstore to find the replica plates, sure, but we didn't have to go out of our way at all to find Christians preaching to Mormons about how full of shit their religion was. They were littered all through the city. People giving out newspapers, DVDs, CDs, cards, pamphlets,

all of them trying to open the eyes of the Mormon flocks, but only a little bit. Now, at this point, as I'm writing this diatribe, I'm actually torn by which layer of hypocrisy I want to focus on here. Because I could point out how kindly those same Christians would take to it if atheists made themselves every bit as conspicuous at Christian events, handing out pamphlets

about how rabbits don't chew their cud, right? If the evangelicals saw us doing the same thing at their Southern Baptist convention, would it even occur to them that these two things were equivalent? But you know what? I'm going to leave that there so I can instead focus on what I consider the far more glaring hypocrisy. That would be the sin of selective rationality. Again, if you stack up the Bible and the Book of Mormon, I can't say for sure which one would come out ahead in terms of provably false claims, but they're both going to score

really fucking high. Like, you know, higher than any single Harry Potter book. It doesn't take a hell of a lot of objective assessment to reject the Christian faith, and it certainly isn't noticeably more than it takes to reject the Mormon faith. I mean, sure, we don't have Jesus' arrest records like we do for Joseph Smith, but we definitely know the sun didn't go out

for any period of time around the date Jesus was supposed to have died. We know grasshoppers have six legs and donkeys don't fucking talk. And yet these evangelicals were ignoring all of that. They'd drawn a bright line on how far they were willing to allow rationality to take them. They weren't interested in knowing the truth. They weren't interested in finding the truth or exposing the truth. They were interested in bolstering their own lies at the expense of somebody else's. Now, in an ideal world, that would be the end of the diatribe right there. I just dropped the mic there and wander over to the headlines. Well,

we all had a laugh at the absurdity of Baptist telling the Mormons that they got the claws wrong on their chupacabra. But I have to at least acknowledge that this isn't some purely religious construction, right? Confirmation bias may be a prerequisite for religiosity, but that doesn't mean religiosity is a prerequisite for confirmation bias. It's an innate malfunction of human psychology. And I don't want to get in the habit of condemning human nature as a damnable moral failing. Christianity already called that after all.

So instead, the Dyer tribe has to linger on for a few paragraphs while I point out that I also see plenty of this shit in the atheist community as well. Granted, we're generally much better about it than the other guys. I mean, it's a requirement to be religious, not so much to be an atheist. What's more, we're generally aware that it's

a thing that exists, right? We know that humans tend to look for confirmatory evidence and dismiss contrary evidence, so we have a bit of a head start. That being said, we tend to be a hell of a lot better at identifying it in the other guy than seeing it in ourselves. And if we want to succeed, we need to get better. Think about it. Being right is the only weapon we're bringing to this battle. They have the numbers, the dollars, the platforms, the narrative. All we have is logic and fact. And if that's all we're bringing, we want to make damn sure we're

crack shots with it. And how do you get better at being right? By getting better at being wrong, by challenging your own opinions and prejudices and actually trying to prove yourself wrong, even succeeding sometimes, you know, by subjecting your most precious political beliefs and moral assumptions to the same scrutiny you apply to Joseph Smith's magic hat rock, by going into a conversation willing conversation willing to change your mind look when we go out there and devangelize for atheism what we're ultimately doing is asking people to admit that they're wrong and if we want to inspire that behavior we need to be more than familiar with it we need to be good at it but of course that's just my opinion i could be wrong they're talking about about you, Jesus. We interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news bulletin. Joining me for headlines tonight are the two other guys on the show, Heath Enright and Eli Bosnick.

Fellas, are you ready to have a small scripted exchange before we break for an ad? Well, I shut out Eli 30 to nothing in a game of Hearthstone, even though I'm brand new. Oh, I feel like this ends in an Eli Heath Let's Play channel, and only one of us is a Nazi, so it's never going to work out. I have so many places to go with that joke, but I'm not allowed to do any of them right before the ad,

so let's pause for a quick word from this week's sponsor, Blue Apron. Dude, I can't believe I let you drag me here. Look, you said everywhere else you tried to eat, you got a Blue Apron ad, so why not try it? Okay, fine, fine. Hi, guys. Welcome to Generic Vegan Restaurant.

My name is Whisper. Two? Yes, please. Okay. I got a bad feeling. The ads all started with, like, generic something something. This seems like it's going to be... Heath, you're being paranoid.

All right, right here is going to be fine for you guys. Will you be requiring a spirit guide this evening? No, thanks. It's weird with as popular as veganism has become, you'd think forcing non-Judeo-Christian religions into a restaurant in a way that's entirely inappropriate would fade away, right? You'd think, right? Namaste. Right, that is a religious word. You think, right? Namaste. Right.

That is a religious word. Cool. You know, this food actually looks pretty good. In fact, it looks amazing. Oh, yeah. That is this week's Blue Apron menu. See, for the month of October to celebrate their five-year anniversary, they're bringing back their all-time favorite.

So there's never been a better time to join. Damn it. God damn it. Yep. time favorite so there's never been a better time to join damn it god damn it yep each meal comes with step-by-step easy to follow recipe cards and pre-proportioned ingredients that you can prepare in 40 minutes or less wow that's really quick okay but what do you have here at the vegan restaurant oh we have chicken nuggets oh okay i like chicken menu. But, okay, why is it spelled all weird like that? Because it's actually a soy salad. Why?

Right? You can check out this week's menu and get $30 off your first meal with free shipping by going to blueapron.com slash scathing. You will love how good it feels and tastes to create incredible home-cooked meals with Blue Apron. So don't wait. That's blueapron.com slash scathing. Okay. I'll have the bacon cheeseburger with a milkshake, please.

One kale salad with a glass of water coming up. Yum. Blue Apron, a better way to cook. I hate both of you. Oh, sir, we don't use the H word here. Please. I loathe both of you. I loathe you too.

And now back to the headlines. In our lead story tonight, Donald Trump has joined the laudable list of American heroes that includes Kirk Cameron, Ernest, the boy who, the girl who, the man who,

the dog who, the spy who, and Kiss by saving Christmas. That's right. Gone are the days where you can earn extra holidays by beheading store clerks that say Merry Christmas for the secular government because as Donald Trump told the anti-LGBT hate group that he was publicly and knowingly addressing last week, quote, we're saying Merry Christmas again, end quote.

Mahua, make holidays unhappy again. And the announcement's extra evil because it's that Christmas that starts before Halloween bullshit. It's extra bad. Right, that's almost the worst thing about the Value Voters Summit story, but only almost. Okay, so now before we get to Trump's brave endorsement of the beleaguered celebration

that the overwhelming majority of Americans list as their favorite day of the year let's talk a little bit about the audience like i said this took place at the value voters summit that's an annual collection of closeted self-hating gay evangelicals and conservative politicians with no moral compunction about openly endorsing a prolific and unapologetic hate group and of course since that latter group could just be a euphemism for donald trump if we didn't want to use his name he went donald name any christian value just name one christian guy um corinthians hate fags both of them do both both those guys those the corin Corinthian brothers. They hate him.

And by the way, in case anyone's confused, they're like thinking we're saying the word hate group to mean something we don't like. No, no, no, no. The Values Voters Summit have actually been named a hate group by the SPLC. It's a literal hate group. Yeah, no. And in addition to that, they're also definitely actually a hate group. So a couple of quick details on the titular values behind the Value Voters Summit. This is a group put up by Tony Perkins Family Research Council, along with whatever other Baptist gay haters they can squeeze some hotel rooms out of. stated values of the FRC include, but are not limited to, opposition to gay marriage, abstinence only education, teaching intelligent design and science classes, making sure bakers don't have to

make fag cakes, opposition to birth control, opposition to abortion, opposition to the HPV vaccine on the grounds that it's a slut factory, opposition to civil rights for gay people, opposition to civil rights for trans people, opposition to stem cell research, and climate change denialism. They've also been caught repeatedly using debunked or non-existent data suggesting gay people are a bunch of child-fucking sexual predators. I mean, it could have been real data

on some other group? I don't know. Who could have been the shadow in that Venn diagram? You farted on the elevator that the two of us are riding. You did. Yeah, this is a group that gave out

a pamphlet on the medical dangers of gay sex in their goodie bag. Yeah, again, literally, not a joke. That's just a thing our president spoke at. He's just, yeah, he's good. Yeah, that is the group that schmuck Elorange decided to throw his considerable weight behind last weekend.

So during his speech, he promised that his administration was, quote, stopping cold the attacks on Judeo-Christian values, end quote. Following that up with a promise that store clerks would be allowed to say Merry Christmas again. Because, you know, when the problem doesn't exist, you can just declare victory whenever the fuck you want to. Mission accomplished. Yeah, good to know our battle against the unicorns is won. And in doling out the judgment news tonight, the International Human Rights Arts Festival ended up searching for a last minute change of venue this week after the original venue, St. Mary's Church in New York City's pastor,

called requesting they remove two LGBTQ themed events from their program due to complaints from church officials, including Cardinal Timothy M. Dolan, who listeners may remember for shaking like a bowl full of jelly everywhere that Santa can. Yeah, no, he's what Crank did when the Ninja Turtles money dried up. Hold on, though. I feel like most people don't know what it looks like when fat people shake. That's not... Or maybe they've never had a bowl full of jelly. As an expert on both, it's a weird saying.

Similarly could be better. It's not. I've actually been meaning to tell you, it is really upsetting when you eat bowls full of jelly while we record. Can you please stop? It's just... No. an answer now to be clear a spokesman for their church clarified that they never asked the performances to be removed but that yes that's what they totally meant maybe they asked in pig latin or something it's very confusing anyways this is what the spokesman

had to say quote whenever parish property is used by an outside group of any sort whether for a performance speech discussion or other use the expectation is that nothing would occur that would violate catholic sensibilities and teaching end quote i in a pinch i can name three things that don't offend cath Catholic sensibilities and teachings. Maybe four with a gun to my head. Yeah. Well, at least your John Bonnet Ramsey seminar should be in the clear. Yeah, straight through.

And we should be fair. The queer artist, maybe Burke, whose side note used to work for me as a toy demonstrator. So if you think about it, the story is actually about how awesome I am. Has admitted that their performance that they had planned at the event, thank you for coming out does not recommend using Nazi gold to fund the rape and torture of children so it does violate Catholic sensibilities

and teaching, they got a really good point there so in the meantime obviously they found a new venue the conference went on as scheduled everybody very happy, but in the meantime, quick reminder saint mary's church on grand street has a yelp and google review page that is sorely underused and i bet they would love for all the liberal new yorkers around them to forget about this so you know maybe check it out that's all i'm saying and in more than you can chew news tonight we have a story about roy moore and dumpster baby

poetry it's what we were born for real and uh naturally those dots got connected at the value voters summit in washington dc last weekend uh connect the dots on a dead baby good times good times yeah i guess that's why they don't name the values in the title. But other than the dead baby theme, the basic idea is theocracy conference for people who don't get the First Amendment. And there's nobody more appropriate to be a speaker at this thing than soon-to-be Senator Roy Moore. And yes, I was serious. He wrote a poem about dumpster babies. And I know what you're thinking. Comic genius, right? You're just upset that he came out with

the idea before you did, Heath, but it wasn't even comedy, right? Which I think we can all agree makes this distasteful. This month I learned we can't all agree on that. Side question, can I die? We've been over that, Eli, no. So if I'm paraphrasing the general idea of Moore's speech, something like this. God's trying his best, but these gay people are persistent. We really need to help him out with that. The omnipotent God needs help with the persistent gay persistent gay people also we need to stop all the abortion it's the gay people and all their goddamn abortion that's why we're getting all

these gay abortion hurricanes speaking of which climate change is a hoax no more jukeups at starbucks merry fucking christmas the end that was the whole summit. P.S. I'm going to be the governor of Alabama. Side question, can Eli die? Senator. Even more powerful. Governor, senator. Like Palpatine. Thanks, Alabama. Great job.

Obviously, the only thing missing after a speech like that is, of course, dumpster baby poem. So that's what we got. Roy Moore decided to steal some lyrics from America the Beautiful and read his verses for everyone like it was hate crime night at the slam poetry stage. Here's a little taste. Quote, America the Beautiful, or so you used to be, land of the pilgrim's pride i'm glad they're not here to see babies piled in dumpsters abortion on demand oh sweet land of liberty your house is

on the sand end quote terrible meter yes so uh that was fun i think he was shooting for amniotic pentameter but can't doesn't count very well so he also doesn't know what dumpster baby means no apparently because if he did he might realize that getting rid of abortion causes more dumpster babies obviously point being nobody should have a dumpster full of babies delivered to Roy Moore because he wouldn't get it. The meaning would be lost on him. Right. So send them to us. I want to do like a sexy car wash scene with them.

Like the babies are the sponges. And I'm just like, the babies are the sponges. That's the important part. And I'm just like all soapy and I keep running the babies up and down my like short shorts and tink top. I have to let you go to the end or I can't edit it out. I have to just let you keep going until you stop. I'll never stop. I'm doing it physically too.

This is why we need a visual medium because I am working my torso. This is why we don't have a visual medium. Eli bought a 50s truck just for this bit. It's in his apartment. And a dumpster full of dead babies. It's really, it's pretty dark. It's pretty dark here at Secret Lair. And in Canada dumb news tonight, the universe provided a reply email

to all the Canadian listeners that chime in from time to time to chide us for focusing too much on the US-centric stories. Turns out that having a nuclear armed burgeoning theocracy on the southern border matters, and you might just be seeing signs of it in your politics. We were reminded of that fact last week when Calgary school board trustee candidate and platonic form of lunch lady Karen Draper took to the Facebook to blame a recent Islamic terrorist attack on the queers. And as if that sentiment wasn't offensive enough, she started the Facebook post, quote, LGBTQ.

Are you too dumb to see that's letter R, letter U, numeral two, dumb D-U-M, numeral two, letter C, end quote. And she wants to be on the school board. Well, I think what Canada needs is an education outsider, you know, someone without an education. Clearly. Yes. Oh, you mean the secretary of education of the united states who's never attended a public school or a non-christian school ever that kind of outsider is that what you mean yes exactly that's exactly what i mean working out well so okay so the terrorist attack in question happened in edmonton where a somali refugee drove a truck into a crowd and stabbed a cop. And nobody was killed because Canadian terrorist attacks are unusually polite.

But five people were injured. And if you're not sure how gay people bring about Islamic terrorism, go ahead and get out your chalkboard. Let me walk you through it here. OK, hold on. Should I erase what I already have or just I've been working on take a picture of that? Yeah. OK, so gay people, you see, are largely liberal and liberals support immigration. Erase what I already have or just I've been working on. Go ahead and take a picture of that. Okay. So gay people, you see, are largely liberal and liberals support immigration and immigrants are terrorists, especially the brown ones.

QED. Okay. Well, I need to see some data on whether gay liberals is a bigger group than liberals. Either way. Tricky riddle. Are we sure it was a terrorist though maybe that crowd of people were blocking his bird watching you don't know yeah look i don't know about any of this but until i've read 40 or 50 think pieces about what a quiet guy he was who loved slot machines and owned apartment buildings this somali guy was not the t-word all right i'm not ready to use the T word. That's all I'm saying.

All right, so Draper did offer up an explanation for her comments that couldn't remotely be characterized as an apology, but it's so wonderful. I have to read you at least an excerpt from it. In response to online criticism of her comments, she said in part, quote, I spelt dumb like that on purpose. Wait, it gets so much better.

She goes on. I don't do crack or meth. And even though I dressed up as a bag of weed 10 years ago, period. This is a new sentence. This last part is a new sentence. A drug test would prove I am not high. End quote. I take it all back.

I love this woman. End quote. I take it all back. I love this. It's a great response. But just to be clear, I don't do crack or meth. That's a sentence that means I'm high on cocaine right now. There's no nobody else said you could freebase

or use tissue guaranteed. And in back to the future news tonight, Donald Trump and Roy Moore weren't the only dangerously stupid political figures to emerge as an avatar of the cancer that is democracy at the value voter summit this week. No, no. Former GOP rep and person you could murder by putting a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool, Michelle Bachman, made a speech as well. In a display of stupidity one-upsmanship that puts those guys in the pain olympics to shame yeah yeah you may remember michelle bachman for uh looking up and to the right

or from that one time she looked straight ahead and a swarm of locusts started pouring out of a dimensional rip. Yeah. Big problem. That was a weird day in politics that's still somehow better than today. So, while we could dedicate an entire episode and perhaps an entire podcast to the words that can only be described as having fallen out of her mouth during her speech, I'm going to stick to the highlights. First, she spent a solid amount of time thanking God that Donald Trump was president. Like, solid.

Solid. Well then, I'm assuming Jill Stein, James Comey, and the Electoral College must have taken literally forever to thank. How much is infinity times solid? Whatever that long is would be appropriate. By the way, infinity times solid is the name of Heath and I's experimental

noise music cover band. We're playing this Friday at the YMCA. It's at 440 in the afternoon. Please come. Please, please come. Right. So, after praising Vishnu, anti-feminist Barbie reminded everybody that the really important thing is that everyone

in America ends up Christian and that that's not just because it's the one she's rooting for, but because Christianity is the one that's true. Saying, quote, you know, the remarkable thing when you read the Bible, every archaeology sick find that has ever come forward has only provided the authenticity of the bible end quote leading noah to explode like a cartoon volcano yeah okay so are you fucking kidding me you desiccated anthropomorphic skin lesion you you can set aside all the discoveries of archaeology the discovery of archaeology. The discovery of archaeology disproves your goddamn book. We don't need to resort to radiocarbon dating.

The existence of carbon proves it wrong. Even the shit archaeologists don't find proves you wrong. Like, say, domesticated camels in the area. Your anachronistic collection of bullshit fish stories places them in. But why resort to that when all it takes is the existence of stars?

Go decay already, you stubborn, pathetic corpse of a woman. Also disagree. Yeah. I knew all that science stuff too, but Noah took his, so I didn't want to outshine him because I was going to be like, you're also a MMS-a-picking. I didn't want to

embarrass him with all the science I know. But, okay, let's be fair. Counterpoint. She probably thinks all of the things Noah just listed were planted by Satan, and it's true, and the evidence is just fucking everywhere.

Am I right? Satan's behind the carpet. All right, well, he's given me that your face vein looks too throbby signal, so I suppose it's time to take a quick break and hand things over to my lovely wife, Lucent. A man wrote the Bible. A horse was smart.

If it's a legitimate race. If it's a slut, right? Cooking can be fun. Hey, I'm proud of a man. This week in Misogyny. Well, normally my job every week is to highlight the plight of women in a retrograde, increasingly theocratic world. But this week, the world's sexism did me the favor of highlighting itself. And to all the brave ladies who took to social media to emphasize the scale of the problem this week, I commend you. I don't say this very often or very lightly, but amen. Of course, according

to Newton's third law of American political motion, for every action, there is an opposite and radically unequal reaction. Because at the same time that women all over the country were chiming in with their stories of sexual assault and harassment, a group of Christian women was gathering at the Washington Mall to march in favor of being wives and having less reproductive freedom. Now, obviously, this protest was dwarfed by the Me Too campaign online. Hell, it was dwarfed by just the other people who happened to be at the Washington Mall that day. But these defiant ladies gathered together anyway to pray that Satan wouldn't take over the Supreme Court. But you can understand why the anti-feminist message is so appealing to women today. What with liberals on such a comprehensive campaign to outlaw masculinity. And if you say what campaign to outlaw masculinity, either you're playing dumb

or you're just not as good at connecting the dots as Todd Starnes. Now, you'll remember Todd Starnes as the guy who lamented the racial inclusivity of the Miss America pageant in 2013. Or maybe the loudest voice against removing Confederate monuments in the wake of the Charleston church shooting. Or the guy on Fox News that keeps calling undocumented immigrants enemy invaders. Well, when that guy was speaking at the Value Voters Summit, you know, the hate group thing that Noah talked about in the lead story that featured the goddamn misogynist in chief, he laid out the case for the liberal war on testosterone. He started off by bitching about the recent Boy Scout decision

to allow girls into the clubhouse so long as they weren't atheists. He then pointed out that the mainstream media completely ignored all the heroic men who helped out during the hurricanes and the Las Vegas shooting. Or rather, they didn't ignore the men themselves, just the inherent manness that made them help. So, you know, world masculinity. But luckily, I'm not just coming to you with problems this week. I'm also coming with solutions. And I'm bringing those to you via

Qasim Rashid, an attorney who wrote an article for The Independent last week where he revealed the perfect way to rid the world from sexual predators like Harvey Weinstein. So if you need a minute to grab a pencil, pause the podcast now. Okay, you ready? The solution for all the sexism is that we're not Muslim enough.

That's right. Rashid explains that if people took the Quran more seriously, specifically the cherry-picked verses he highlights in the article that obscure the book's actual teachings, everybody would respect women too much to harass them. And if you doubt his conclusions, I challenge you to think of a single place in the whole wide world that both takes the Quran seriously and doesn't respect women.

And while you throw a dart at a map of the Middle East, I'll hand things back over to Noah, Keith, and Eli. Thank you, Lucinda. And in data rape news tonight, the Alliance Defending Freedom sent a letter to congressional leaders last week reminding us all that they're still coming for our Johnson. The Johnson Amendment, you'll recall, is the routinely ignored provision that threatens the tax-exempt status of churches if and when their pastors explicitly endorse a candidate

or tell their congregation how to vote which trump has repeatedly promised to scrap and this is a perfect example of trump's job so far he made a promise to do something stupid that wouldn't really change anything even if it happened but it hasn't happened because he literally can't accomplish a single thing yep which is probably for the best he's like the disabled grandpa yelling threats at black people from the porch right yes that every television station in the world decided to cover yeah apparently now surveys consistently show that the majority of americans and the majority of church leaders don't want this rule rescinded, which is exactly why the letter the ADF sent to congressional leaders said the exact fucking opposites. Seems like this shouldn't really matter, though.

I mean, I'd like to think that Congress has a special inbox marked letters from hate groups. Well, sadly, they probably do. Apparently, they're using it wrong like the opposite of how you're supposed to use that speaking invites and whatnot yeah yeah i'm pretty sure that the sblc hate group list is just trump's top five friends on myspace all right so when lifeway research went out and asked americans if they thought pastors should be allowed to endorse candidates 79 of them didn't right a recent poll by the national association of evangelicals found that when it came to evangelical leaders 90 supported the johnson amendment so the adf asked lifeway to

rephrase the questions a little bit to take out all that stuff about the johnson amendment and endorsing candidates and instead asked if they think the IRS should be allowed to kick puppies and penalize pastors for speaking their minds. Is a Democrat IRS agent more likely to kick puppies or kick puppies and penalize pastors? Nice try, Bob. I'll bring them in with your tricky riddle. It's a weird riddle. It wasn't a riddle. So here are the actual questions the ADF asked to manufacture their data. Agree or disagree, pastors should have the right to speak freely from the pulpit without the fear of being penalized by the government.

Surprise, surprise, when you phrase it that way, 91% of Protestant pastors agree. So armed with those misleading data, the Alliance Defending Freedom took it to the one place most likely to absorb shit surveys without question as long as they conform to their existing narrative, Facebook. I mean, I'm sorry. I mean, Congress. I guess it's probably a tie. So they maybe took it to both, but they definitely took it to Congress. And in I want to shock a child news tonight. And in I want to shock a child news tonight.

UK pharmacist Zamir Gurma has been sentenced to six years in jail for a determined effort to radicalize school children. Gurma, who looks like every action movie villain since 1989, worked as a pharmacist in Ondil, North Hampshire, and attempted to brainwash two young children into becoming ISIS fighters by teaching them night fighting skills, how to survive a suicide bombing, and rewarding them with sweets to keep them quiet. Well, but you know, if we lived in an objective world, our first reaction would be, well, at least those poor kids weren't Catholic, wouldn't it? Yeah, and I think I need more information, though, if I'm weighing in. First of all, how attractive were the kids? jesus and also which candy are we talking about what kind of

sweets skeptic so according to one of the boys he tried to induct he showed them multiple beheading videos which i have to say seems like a hard way to convince someone you're the good guy i'm just saying yeah uh the boy who is not named because he's a minor in the article said in court quote he believes in a very very very extreme islam he believes if anyone's non-muslim and they say anything bad about islam you kill them and you can't make friends with any non-muslim end quote not adding because that's what the holy book you read last year says to do, but shh, shh, shh. Shh, read the book now, shh. Very, very, very

extreme. I think at least two of those verys are pure apologetics. He believes in the very, very, very extreme form that 86% of Egyptian Muslims agree with, and 79% of Afghani ones, and 82% of Jordanian ones, and 76% of Pakistani ones, and about a third of Muslimslims worldwide yeah apparently very extreme means extra medium yeah so the boy's

mother who is a bad mother for letting her kids almost get initiated into isis but more importantly for letting her kids hang around a pharmacist said quote my kids have been forced to watch isis training videos he told them we will have to do this one day he told them all kafirs that means non-believers go to hell even if they are good people end quote not adding because that's what the book you read last year we're doing the lying thing yeah but but to be fair i'm pretty sure that telling a kid what it says in the Quran is going to be illegal post-Brexit. Sounds like a pretty good policy. Can we quit the EU?

Can the US quit the EU? Way ahead of you, Heath. Way ahead of you. Side note, because I think we're going to get a couple of emails. Parenting pro tip. If your child is hanging around a pharmacist that they aren't related to something terrible is happening 100 of the time always pharmacists clowns if they're not working or they're not your parent it's always a bad time the more you know and finally tonight from the notorious pig file fat guy in a red hat is back oh yeah get excited in response to eminem's anti-trump

freestyle during the bet hip-hop awards last week everyone's favorite homophobic anti-feminist facebook evangelist josh forrestine made another one of his signature videos. And I could not be happier. Because it's not just another typical rant about God, guns, grits, and gravy. And realizing his entire life is a Mike Huckabee book. And it's not about Chick-fil-A or the subtler points of diamond plating. Or replacing the fabric on your red hat that often bursts into flame under the stress of his crazy giant face. It's even better. It's a

rap response to Eminem by the Tommy Wiseau of Facebook videos. He was inspired by Conor McGregor. Okay. Yes. So apparently he's a racist. That's why

he's a racist. So's why he's a racist. So apparently because he's a racist, Josh Forstein thinks Donald Trump is a good model Christian. No idea why he would think that or why millions of Americans would think that. But they do. And that's why JFO got offended on behalf of the president and decided to verbally dance back against Eminem. And it is adorable. He honestly might have done better if he literally danced back with a dance video. Patreon goal, I will make a dance response to Josh Forstein's rap video. Oh, I thought we were going to do a Patreon goal where we made Josh Forstein dance.

Like I was thinking we were going to have to shoot at his feet or something. We hire him and Gary Busey. We already got Gary Busey on retainer. Yeah, perfect. Phenomenal. He didn't do the dance video, sadly. Instead, he went with a rap in which he just named alt-right buzzwords

and put them next to the first rhyming word he could think of. It was basically just like, remember hillary's emails that rhymes with females she's a lady nailed it slim shady i'm just making this up as a joke and it's so much goddamn better than what he came up with oh it is it was it was let's learn state capitals yo levels of bad. It was like watching that guy who wants you to see his improv shows improv show.

You guys ever think about the fact that our job is like standing at the bottom of a pit yelling jokes about what the bottom of the pit is like. That's where our job is. Yeah.

And just so nobody thinks I'm exaggerating, here's an actual line from J-Fo's rap. Try to listen for the genius use of rhyme and meter. You ready? Quote, You had skills as a young rapper. Why didn't you use them for good? Because let's be honest honest your music has probably

killed as many young black kids as your homie plan parent good i said good earlier end quote no homie is the most uncomfortable word in that sentence it is i cringe it's rough it's rough so yeah worst rhyming ever but also what the fuck is he talking about were eminem's lyrics so good or bad he was causing abortions with lyrics it's like pregnant ladies walking along with their disc man in the late 90s all the other slim shadies are just imitating huh they just stop slowly turn around walk walk into Planned Parenthood? Really? Also, terrible meter.

Your stories this week offend me equally as a secularist and as a fan of poetry. Keats just rises from the dead to be so sad about Josh Forstein that he dies again. Yeah, well,

we might have to do an entire God awful movies about this video but uh ideally for steve would make a few more of these amazing rap ciphers and we could do a compilation review there you go very excited about that and of course that means he's going to need a rapper name so we're going to go ahead and put 30 seconds on the clock rapper Rapper names for Fat Guy in a Red Hat go. Oh, awesome, awesome. Scoop Dog. Too Fat Shakur. Eminem Maray.

Fat Boy Slim Shady. Oof, Fat Shady. Busta Seams. Hamhawk Shakur. Neo Kanye West. Drake's Cakes. shady bust the seams ham hock shaker um neo kanye west drake's case there you go uh dmxxl uh kid rock shakur what all right i got one more and uh i've said this before but uh i don't care because it fits perfectly right now he looks like over overinflated Fred Durst, so Blimp Biscuit could be his rap rock name. And now that we've unofficially challenged Fat Guy in a Red Hat to a rap battle, and I'm that much closer to my primary life goal,

I suppose we can close out the headlines for the night. Heath, Eli, thanks as always. Eight mile. Eight. Eight. E-T-E-M-I-L-E. And when we come back we'll do the C segment

it's cause he's awful he's like he's a fat guy but we're focusing on that he's terrible is why the subject object again the subject is fat jokes the object is a person who is a bad human it's not about if you focus on subject then you can't joke about it. I have people.

Okay, okay. Now you go. You ready? Okay, ready. My name is Eli. I'm a cat wearing mittens. I break down your beliefs like Christopher Hitchens. Wait, wait, wait.

Why would you be a cat wearing mittens? What? You find a like Christopher Hitchens. Wait, wait, wait. Why would you be a cat wearing mittens? What? You find a rhyme for Hitchens. It is impossible. Hey, guys. Literally. Hey, guys. What are you doing? Oh, just getting ready for Free Flow 2017.

I want our beats to be sick. No, guys, guys. Free Flow 2017 is a secular conference that starts tomorrow in Orlando, Florida. They've got awesome speakers like Andrew Seidel, Eugenie Scott, and of course, our buddy Seth Andrews from the Thinking Atheist podcast. But not. Wait, it's not a giant atheist rap battle? No, it is not a giant atheist rap battle. But it's an awesome place to meet like-minded people.

They've got a Friday night costume and karaoke party, camp quest kids programs, dinner on Saturday with the American Heretics Comedy Tour, and proceeds support the Florida Humanist Association Scholarship Fund in coordination with the Secular Student Alliance. Oh, okay. Well, that's really cool. Yeah. That is cool. Yeah. You can check it out at freeflow.org.

That's freeflo.org or by checking the show notes on this week's cool. Yeah. Yeah. You can check it out at free flow.org. That's free F L O.org or by checking the show notes on this week's episode. Yeah. Uh, I still don't understand why you're a cat wearing mittens though. I need you to let it go. Okay. Rhyming is hard. No,

not going to let it go. now that we've made it through the book of alma each series of words we read will seem like a welcome and riveting mastery of the english language even if they're not in english but that doesn't mean that helaman isn't still meaningless drivel so in hopes of being the magic rocks to last week's hat full of nothing, we are pleased to once again present Mormon Peace Theater. My sons, Pahoran, Paanchi, Pakumeni, gather round. Yes, father, who is also named Pahoran? Subtle, BJ, subtle. Yeah, everyone did great. Look, I'm dying, and I need to choose my successor, so

eeny, meeny, miny, Pahoran. Oh, the one with your name. Huge surprise. Don't be a dick, Paanchi. I'll have you executed. Whatever, I hope you do. I will. I did a good job.

And it came to pass that Pahoran had his brother Payanchi put to death for his machinations. But Payanchi's supporters had other plans. Hi, welcome to Assassins, Assassins, Assassins. Can I take your order? Yeah, I'd like to hire an assassin to kill Pehorin. Great. Did you fill out your ASS-IN form, sir? No, I don't have a... an assassin to kill Pehorin? Great. Did you fill out your ASS-IN form, sir? Uh, no,

I don't have a... Okay, well, sir, I'm gonna need you to fill out this form and go to the back of the line, okay? Well, I... Can I just fill it out here? No, sir. I'm... Damn it. Okay, form's done. Right. Okay, so you've been assigned Kish Kuman. Oh, okay, great. What's he do? Uh, he stabs

people and runs away. Really? That's it? Sir, if you'd like to reapply, you can fill out the... No, okay, great. What's he do? He stabs people and runs away. Really? Sir, if you'd like to reapply No, no, you know what? Kishkumen is fine. Kishkumen sounds great. Delivery for Pahoran? That's me. Stab! Ow, did you just say stab?

Run away! Blah. Okay, Pacumani, welcome to your first day as head judge person thing. Yeah, super excited to get started here. Great, so this is your chair. Oh, careful, a little blood on there. Oh, gross. Yeah, sorry, I'll have someone clean that up.

Anyway, you have a lunch at four and the Lamanites are attacking again. Damn it. Knock, knock. Hey, what's up? Hi, Pacumani. So, bad news. This is Coriantumur, leader of the Lamanite army. Hi.

He has taken the city and he's going to be murdering you today. Well, damn it. I guess cancel my lunch then. And it came to pass that Coriant Antimer did smite him against the wall in so much that he died and thus ended the days of Pacumene. Ow, ow, ow, ow. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Wait a second.

Just a second. What? What's up? I'm sorry. I don't want to be that guy, but can you think of no faster way to murder me? I could hit you against the corner of the wall. You know, it's fine. Just go ahead. Great.

Ow, ow, ow, ow! Hi, Helaman, son of Helaman, right? Yep, that's me. Excited for your first day as judge? Yeah, yeah, wow, judge. Yeah, so, uh uh don't mind that your uh predecessor was beaten to death against that wall and we're gonna get someone right on that right right all right and the blood on the chair is from the guy before him

sorry it it is a little messy in here yeah yeah this anyway just wanted to give you a heads up we have a fundraiser next weekend and the robber wizard bad guy, Daddy Anton and the assassin who killed the guy before you wants to kill you. Great. Hi, Elizabeth. Is James from the Judge Palace thing?

Look, I just have a ton of blood. It's on the wall. Excuse me. I'm sorry. I'm Daddy Anton. I'm here to murder hell man. I think sorry. I'm Gadianton. I'm here to murder Hellman. I think it's Helaman. Right. Yeah, him. Yeah. Tell you what.

Wait right here. I'm on your side. I will not go get the guards. All right. All right. Sounds great. Yeah, absolutely. Guards? Nice guy. Nice guy.

And with Gadianton joining Stephen Avery and Adnan Syed and the probably-shouldn't-have-told-someone-about-that-murder-plan club, all returned to peace. For about eight minutes. Hey, Helaman, check it out. Wow, what's that? I call it concrete. You do, huh?

Yep, just came up with it. Did you now? Um, sorry, Joe, did you say the ancient Nephites came up with concrete? Yeah, yeah, what's your point? Didn't we just come up with that, like, six years ago? But you know what? These were super smart Nephites, man. Okay.

Anyway, yeah, I'm thinking we could make a whole bunch of cities out of them. That way they'll last the test of time. Sounds great. Okay, but Joe? Wait for it. I mean, unless, of course, somebody destroys it, in which case it'll all disappear and probably won't be reinvented

for another couple thousand years or so. Nailed it. Oh, man, now that my dad Helaman is dead, everyone's being super big dicks to each other. Hi, Nephi. I sort of help out around here. Just wanted to give you a heads up. The Lamanites are attacking?

Yes. This is the worst job ever. And it came to pass that the Nephites did lose half their land to the Lamanites, but apologized to God. Sorry. Like they meant it. Sorry. We're sorry.

We're sorry about it. And it came to pass that they got back half their land. What're sorry. We're sorry. We're sorry about it. And it came to pass that they got back half their land. What? Half. This is bullshit. Muslims got back all their land. Say, Lehi? Yes, Nephi.

You know what sounds like a new and exciting adventure? What's that? Why don't we go tell the Lamanites to be more Jesus-y? That sounds so original. Right? Okay, so they weren't a fan of being more Jesus-y. That wasn't good. Shocked. Shocked, I tell you. Hey, Lamanite boss. I wish you would stop calling me that. Yeah, sorry, you don't have a name. So we tried to burden a Nephi and Lehi guy, but it is not working. Really? Are they wet? Is it because they're wet?

No. Did you try putting Doritos under them? Do you know that thing? Yeah, no, that's a cool trick. Tried it, but no, still not burning. Also, the voice of God has appeared twice and told us to stop. Huh. Twice. Try one more time. I command thee, release them. Ah, ah, ah, you know what? On second thought, don't.

Oh God, we are so sorry. Please make the cloud stuff go away. Okay, but only because I liked the song And it came to pass that at long last Peace was found between the Lamanites and the Nephites Never mind Hi, Nephi, right? Hi

Hi, I sort of help out around the palace glad you're back okay uh welcome this is your office uh watch that spot that's where four guys ago got smashed against the wall also that chair just don't even sit in it it is soaked because the last and you're not gonna believe this last three guys maybe four got stabbed there four of them huh yeah uh caesar and his son anyway tuesday we've got a lunch thing which is going to be super fun we do sort of like an ice cream party and the gadiantons run the government now um the the evil murder wizards how how do they run the go what uh something about emails anyway have a good first day Visits? How? How do they run the... Something about emails. Anyway, have a good first day.

I can't believe I'm fucking getting a get answer from the government. This is crazy. Hey man, you guys hear Nephi mumbling to himself about how mad he is? Yeah. You want to check it out? Yeah, sure. What are we going to do? Go to the movies? Okay, you guys ready for my big speech? You guys are all jerks. And you should believe in Jesus, and nobody likes you.

Ah, Jesus again. It's gross how when you smell, you guys kind of have a weird, it smells like you're always wet. And you need to ship up and shape up. And you're all a bunch of dummies, and I hate you. And I hope you die. If you go look in my office, there's a dead guy there. And I'd really like if you would also... Wait, what was that last part?

Oh, there's a dead guy in my office. Seantum did it. See? I told you this would pay off. Huh. Well, would you look at that. A dead guy. Huh. Nephi must be a prophet after all.

Yeah. Huh. Hey, you want to faint because this is the Book of Mormon and everyone does that every time they get new information? Way ahead of you, my friend. Nephi. Nephi. Um, hello? I i am god and you are nephi um wait are you clarifying that for the show or is that no that's in the book of mormon um god introducing himself is in the Book of Mormon? And the guy he's talking to, I know.

Uh, okay. You want to do an icebreaker? Shut up. I'm Nephi the Newt. You want superpowers or not? Okay, everyone. Now that I have superpowers, y'all better start being real Jesus-y like we talked about. Uh, sorry, Nephi Are you gonna show us any of your powers?

No Okay, well then I don't believe you? You guys are assholes Okay, well now I believe you See, you did the poof I don't... He's gone

Race war! God, everyone's fighting and I can't stop them. I mean, you can stop them. I gave you super power. Yeah, yeah. I was thinking, why don't we try a famine instead? Why would you do a famine? You said I could try.

Okay, everybody, I'm hungry. No more war. War is off. Everyone go home. You know, I learned something today. People should be more religious. Boy, should they. The more religious, the better.

And if anyone ever tries to start a religion, well, boy, just hop on board. That is a great idea. And now, 45 verses about buried treasure. Hi, Labanites. I'm Samuel. Sorry, who are you? I had no idea. Anyway, just here to tell you that you're not being Jesus-y enough. Oh, God. Jesus. And that you have 400 years to get right or God's going to punish you. See, time limit. That's cool. That's new, right? Won't we all be dead in 400 years? Yeah, no, I guess you would all be long dead.

Then why are you telling us? Well, you know, I just thought you might like to know how much it's gonna suck if you don't convert. Oh, okay. Well, I'm convinced. Okay, well, I wanna kill him. Oh, okay. Well, I'm gonna get baptized. Okay, I'm gonna shoot arrows at him while you do. Oh, okay.

Okay. This. Okay. This worked out. Nephites, listen to me. I'm an angel sent from God, and I'm here to tell you. Blow it out your ass. Fuck you. I am a literal angel. Fake news, fake wings. Tape and wires and stuff.

Go fuck yourself. You know what? Screw you guys. screw you guys screw you we did a good job yeah yeah that's gonna end up being a good decision

I bet nailed it and with the Nephites secure in their decision not to believe in literal angels standing in front of them we'll wrap things up

but tune in next month for more Mormon Peace Theater. Before we unload all this raw audio on Morgan tonight, I want to remind everybody that we're going to be in Sydney, Australia on the weekend of November 18th for Skepticon. This is their 33rd convention.

So if experience counts for anything, they're better at skeptical conventions than anybody else. Anyway, Tom and Cecil are going to be there. Cara Santa Maria will be there. Dr. Carl will be there. Captain Delusion is going to be there. If you'd like to add your name to that list, you'll find a link for more info on the show notes for this episode. Anyway, that's all the Blast Movie we've got for you tonight. We'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more.

If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister show, The Skeptocrat, debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern time on Monday. A new episode of our sister show's hot friend, Godawful Movies, debuting 24 hours after that. And a new episode of our half-sister show, Citation Needed, debuting 29 hours after that. And by then, you're only 20 hours away from this show coming out again. Obviously, I want, nay, need to thank Heath Enright for powering his way through a tough week to make all the funny happen. I need to thank the lovely and talented Lucinda Lusions for empowering her way through a tough week. And I want to thank the lovely in his own way, Eli Bosnick for a power tool related thing that Andrew

has advised us not to talk about on the air. I also want to thank Renaissance woman Anna Bosnick for providing this week's Farnsworth quote, that's right, singer, songwriter, multi-instrumentalist and podcaster. If your ears perked up at the thought of a serial horror podcast, you'll find a link to more information about the hollow podcast on the show notes for this episode. But most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's most magnificent mammals, Kara, Wendy, Larmuth, Bobby, Matt, Ben, Donald, Ken, Dirty, Tricicular, Manslaughter, Nancy, and Brianna. Kara, Wendy, Larmuth, and Bobby, who are so bright their intellects are measured in lumens. Matt, Ben, Donald, and Ken, whose cocks would demonstrate the Earth's rotation if they let them swing long

enough. And Dirty, Tricicular, Manslaughter, Nancy, and Brianna, who are Donald, and Ken, whose cocks would demonstrate the Earth's rotation if they let them swing long enough. And dirty, tricycular manslaughter Nancy and Brianna, who are so sexy and just saying their names triggered the iTunes explicit content warning. Together, this dozen devout disbelievers deign to dutifully donate to our doubtful dissection of deistic dumbassery this week by giving us money. Not everybody has the veracity for veracity that it takes to give us money, but if you think you're up for the challenge, you can make a per-episode donation at patreon.com slash scathingatheist, whereby you'll earn early access to an extended ad-free edition of every episode, or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage at scathingatheist.com. And if you'd like to help, but if you give us money, we'll come back

asking for more. You can also help us a ton by leaving us a five-star review on iTunes, liking our Facebook page, or telling a friend about the show. Legal services for this podcast are provided by the Law Offices of P. Andrew Torres and our audio engineer, Morton Clark, who also wrote all the music that was used in this episode, which was used with permission. If you have questions, comments or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at skatingadeus.com. Explain the mittens. Why wouldn't you be a kitten in mittens?

At least a kitten in mittens. That stands the cadence. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a Thunderstorm LLC. Copyright 2017. All rights reserved. Tire. Discounter. Room.

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