The Scathing Atheist - 265: Respect my Authoritie Edition

Episode Date: March 15, 2018

In this week’s episode, Kim Davis becomes the first person to write a book she can’t read, the reputation of United Airlines takes another hit after God gets dragged off a flight kicking and screaming, and Jesus will turn out to be way realer than Alexander the Great. To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click there: http://www.amazon.com/Diatribes-Godless-Misanthrope-Scathing-Presents-ebook/dp/B00J53FZFI/ref=sr11?ie=UTF8&qid=1396141562&sr=8-1 To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out out half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ Headlines: Kim Davis releases her book: http://www.kentucky.com/living/article204315339.html Mike Pompeo to take over as Secretary of State: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/progressivesecularhumanist/2018/03/trump-taps-pompeo-dangerous-christian-extremist-secretary-state/ Mike Cernovich Says Social Media Censorship Is A ‘Warm-Up’ For Christian Persecution http://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/mike-cernovich-says-social-media-censorship-is-a-warm-up-for-christian-persecution/ TN pastor defends “take an inmate to church” day: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2018/03/11/pastor-defends-prison-inmates-visiting-church-service-even-jesus-was-arrested/ Woman claiming to be god restrained from opening cabin door on airplane: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2018/03/07/woman-claiming-to-be-god-restrained-after-trying-to-open-cabin-door/ This Week in Misogyny: Iranian woman gets two years in prison for publicly removing hijab: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2018/03/08/iranian-woman-gets-two-years-in-prison-for-publicly-removing-her-hijab/ Mormons resign in mass over election of female mayor: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2018/03/10/election-of-female-mayor-spurs-mass-resignations-in-polygamous-mormon-town/ Former Irish president: The Catholic Church is an ‘empire of misogyny’: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2018/03/12/former-president-of-ireland-the-catholic-church-is-an-empire-of-misogyny/

Warning, if you don't like profanity, you're in the wrong podcast. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by us not getting shot. Not getting shot, it's as awesome as those high school kids think it is. And now, The Scathing Atheist. Hi, this is Leigh from North Carolina, and I just got my master's degree in something way more legitimate than theology. and I just got my master's degree in something way more legitimate than theology. So you can definitely trust me when I say that we did, in fact, evolve from filthy monkey men. Yeah, it's Thursday.

It's March 15th. And Stephen Hawking was cooler from a chair than I'll ever be from out of one. I have no illusions. I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heath Enright. I'm from New York, New York. Secret Lair, Pennsylvania. This is Skating Atheist.

On this week's episode, Kim Davis becomes the first person to write a book she can't read. At Muhammad, second person. The reputation of United Airlines takes another hit after God gets dragged off a flight kicking and screaming. And Jesus will turn out to be way realer than Alexander the Great. Take that. But first, the diatribe. With my sincere apologies, there will be no diatribe this week. I had a pretty good streak going there, but it was bound to come to an end eventually, right?

264 weeks in a row, I managed to come out here and find a new way of saying, can you believe it with this Jesus shit? But there's got to be a finite number of times I can do that, right? I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm never going to run out of shit that proves them wrong. If all I had to do was provide novel arguments that disprove Christianity, I could pretty much just go through all the words in alphabetical order, right? I was like, week one, aardvark. No way conscious thought went into that shit.

Week two, aardwolf. Why wouldn't you just use a regular fucking wolf? Week three, Aaron. You'd think God could find a spokesman who could speak or maybe miracle Moses out of that stutter. Week four, abacterial, the microbes go to heaven. If not, how do all the humans and animals there work? If God had a non-microbial way of making life work, why the fuck wouldn't he have just used that to begin with? At the fall of man, we had carnivores and microbes. The good microbes join up with good people in heaven or do the microbes of bad people

go to hell even if the microbes themselves didn't do anything wrong? Right. It really is that easy. But it also isn't that easy, too, for the same reason. The very fact that almost all of the known things disprove the Christian worldview is precisely why this gets so hard. Because eventually you have to accept that just stating indisputable facts and unavoidable consequences of those facts will never work so you have to get creative you have to start looking for ever more creative ways of sneaking up on the stupid you ever have one of those conversations with like a like a really patient apologist or a die-hard conspiracy theorist or something where

you're like you know what this time i'm gonna get through to him no matter how long it takes. And then three hours later, you're asking the bartender if they have anything intravenous and you're saying shit like, okay, but we can't agree that a thousand divided by a hundred is 10 though, right? We can agree on that. Can we not? And now imagine that same conversation stretched out over five years and counting. No, I'll admit I'm overselling it when I say that because I'm not coming out here every week talking to intellectually masochistic Christians. I'm coming out here every week talking to you. You know, these these diatribes aren't so much banging my head against the wall as they are about saying, don't you hate it when you're banging your head against the wall and you just assume there's 24 inches between the studs? But but I'm still arguing against the same shit I was five

years ago. There's been no original thoughts in the world of theology, apologetics, or religion since we started this fucking podcast. And even that fact by itself should be enough for us to cash it out and go the fuck home. But the fact that it isn't really underscores the challenge I'm facing here, doesn't it? And look, I don't mean to bitch because I know I've got one of the world's best jobs so please understand this isn't so much a gripe as an excuse right I'm sure I'll come up with something between now and next week and we'll be getting back to your regularly scheduled diatribes but this week I just stared at that blank page too long what can I say that I haven't said I've punched this

fucking tree a lot of times and it doesn't seem to matter how hard I hit it. I've tried bobbing and weaving and jabbing. I've tried to hook. I've faint. I've fake. But no matter how many punches I land, the round always seems to be a toss up. 264 rounds in and my arms are getting tired. And honestly, I feel like that's exactly the right analogy because the tree never goes anywhere. It never retreats and it never advances

and for all intents and purposes it never changes i mean sure there'll be a new branch to whack at now and again it'll look a bit different from one season to the next and even a stiff breeze can sway it enough to change the shadows but when the winds die down it's always in the same position you left it in so we set out against this tree every day, every week, every year when we think to ourselves, okay, punching a trunk doesn't seem to be working. What if we punch the roots? Or maybe you punch the fruits and I'll punch the knots. Or maybe we all punch from the same side at the same time. And despite it's arboreal obstinance, we've got to find a way to get fired up to do it again next week, right? I mean, and it's easy to think to yourself from time to time, but do we?

Do we really? I mean, we are punching a tree. Maybe we just punch some melts or don't punch stuff. And I get that. But if you look at it on a broad enough timescale, you see the point of it. You know, the tree is big and imposing and resilient as hell. But if you take another look, you'll see that it's already dying, the tree is big and imposing and resilient as hell. But if you take another look, you'll see that it's already dying from the inside out. It's easy not to notice that because

it doesn't change much from day to day. But if you look close enough, you'll see that it's infested with parasites. It stopped growing years ago. It's been rotting for a long time. And by now, it's almost completely hollow inside. And you know what? Maybe it'll just fall down without us. Maybe we'll be punching away one day. We'll go to bed for the night, wake up the next morning and find that fucking thing laying across the forest floor. Or maybe one of us will be in mid backswing when gravity lands the coup de grace. But even if nobody's actually there to strike the fatal blow, every punch, weak or strong, is going to bring it down that much sooner. So yeah, my knuckles are sore and

yeah, my arms are tired and yeah i couldn't think of a new plan of attack this week so no diatribe but i'll be back to it next week if for no other reason but the chance to be nearby when somebody finally yells timber not sure what we'll put where the diatribe usually goes but uh i'm sure we'll come up with something they're talking about your jesus interrupt this broadcast bring you a special news bulletin joining me for the but I'm sure we'll come up with some. They're talking about you, Jesus. We interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news bulletin. Joining me for the headlines tonight are the Joe Friday and Bill Gannon of Atheism,

Heath Enright and Eli Bosnick. Fellas, are you ready for just the facts? So I'm going to climb in the window and then I'll unlock the door for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I'll hide under the couch. Guys, what the hell is going on? We're supposed to do the headlines now. What's with all these charts and maps and shit oh no i see we're not doing a

lot of live shows for gam this year and me and heath came up with a new way to meet our fans we call it the b and e line okay no we're not firm on that name yet i felt like wait hold on hold on hold on you're planning to break into our listeners' homes? Yeah, and then we'll be like, surprise! It's your favorite podcaster. Favorite podcaster! Ate some of your food. Wait, ate some of their food? Well, I mean, I will have.

Guys, guys, if listeners want to meet us, they can do it at the American Atheist Conference in Oklahoma City, March 29th through April 1st. What's the American Atheist Conference? It's one of the largest secular gatherings in the world. This year has too many fantastic speakers to list them all. They've got people like the Psy Babe, Alison Gill, Kim Abel, and Hugh fucking Laurie. House is going to be there?

Yes, yes. House is going to be there. Oh my God, house! But even more importantly, it's a chance to meet thousands of like-minded folks, hear great talks, meet and hang out with our whole cast, as well as purchase merch

that we only sell at live events like t-shirts, signed books, and Christian movie bingo cards. Okay, but what if I can't make the whole thing or afford a full pass? That's okay.

You're separately ticketed events, a great chance to hang out with us in the lobby, and much, much more. Find out more at atheist.org. Again, that's atheist.org. Oh my God, I'm going to give him lupus. Do not give Hugh Laurie lupus and put these charts and shit away. We have to do, Heath, do you have headlines? House. House. One post. No, headlines. Headlines. Okay.

In our lead story tonight, Christian bigotry icon and photo composite of everyone inside a Walmart right now. Kim Davis made headlines again recently. The release of her new book entitled Under God's Authority, which is apparently a memoir about that time. She refused to give marriage licenses to same sex couples, got thrown in jail, got replaced as county clerk, and accomplished nothing, which is how God wanted it. It's that authority she's talking about. Right. Wow.

Writing a book about when you didn't do your job. And here I was thinking I had nothing to write in my memoirs. Just wait till they hear about how bad a bartender I was. Just wait. Well, and if nothing else, you could pad it with a couple of chapters about that time you didn't give marriage licenses to same-sex couples in Kentucky. My God, woman, you didn't fucking remind me enough of Cartman, and now you put a Thora tie in your book? Give me a fucking break.

Okay, so I absolutely did not read this book. Nobody should read this book. But I read some reviews, and I read a few passages, and I saw two spots that really stood out and seemed to be worth mentioning. I'll start with the part where she compares herself to Martin Luther King Jr. OK, because of the adultery, the homophobia. Right. That's it. yeah so she gets put in jail and after all the horrible abuse that happens to you know black civil rights leaders in 1963 alabama and also same thing to white women in

modern day kentucky she decides to wipe off the blood and the tears and the lousing powder and read mlk's letter from birmingham jail for. And she quotes the part when Dr. King said one has a moral responsibility to disobey unjust laws. Those words inspired her to continue fighting for the rights of the oppressed, like homophobic Christian people in Kentucky. Yeah. Never clearer that someone has smudged out the four in her copy. You know,

it's like, huh? Continue fighting the riots of the oppressed. MLK gets me. All right. Yeah. So the MLK comparison, I was delightful,

but I think my favorite part is when Kim Davis accidentally tells the story of how God is definitely real, but also fucking stupid. Yes. So she's in the middle of a big section about how God chose her to help protect the word marriage from gay word stealers. Worst Dr. Seuss book ever, by the way. Speak for yourself. And she writes, quote, She writes, quote, How foolish is it that he, God, would take someone who's been married four times, twice to the same husband, and use me to defend marriage in a case that attracted national and international attention?

That would have been. End quote. This was followed by a long, awkward pause while the book tried to think of an answer. And then there was a beep sound and we learned the book was having technical difficulties beyond its control. And then moved to the next chapter. It's like a coloring book for kids. It's like, why do you think God would do that? Draw it now.

Was the answer good enough for you? It's amazing how often the only apologetic these people seem to need is any who's will be. One last thing, Kim, if you're listening and you are, we just wanted to thank you for offering to come on our show and talk about your book. However, we're pretty sure God wants us to protect the sanctity of the word author. I just can't do it, know like morally yeah uh veto i will start a pool on how long till noah makes her cry i will start a pool by making her cry also just real quick one other moment i forgot to mention here in the story it's in her book she she and her

husband decided they were being like followed by militant gay people spies or something so they were buying cars like every two weeks to switch up like what she was driving into work and like changing their routes and like diving across like like fast and furious at intersections to different cars and stuff dive roll dive roll it was pretty certain she needed oh god i would pay anything to see kim davis doing a dive roll there's literally nothing i wouldn't do folks that probably happened a bunch awesome yeah please don't throw me in this here gay person patch and in train wrecks news tonight the end of the world got that much closer this week when kremlin certified american president donald Trump abruptly ousted the Secretary of State and announced that unhinged Christian zealot Mike Pompeo would be taking his place.

Trump justified the move by saying he and Pompeo share, quote, a very similar thought process, end quote, which is unfortunately true. Now, you lack of. Yeah, right. Now, normally this is the kind of thing I'd say for the skeptic crap. Now, you lack of. Yeah, right. Now, normally this is the kind of thing I'd say for the skeptic crap. But since Pompeo all but has theocracy now tattooed across his face, I figure maybe we should devote a couple of minutes to it on this show.

Yeah, a couple of minutes. And that's about how long cabinet jobs tend to last these days. That's about right. Like 50-50, he resigns by the end of us doing this story. We'll check. Yeah, right. We'll refresh. Keep refreshing while I'm doing this story. I might have to back out early. Now, we've talked about

Pompeo on this show before, of course. I recall him as the guy who leads the cabinet-wide prayer sessions every morning. A recent report from Foreign Policy Magazine, I think it was last September, titled More White, More Male, More Jesus, raised serious concerns that his religion was seeping into his work at the CIA and infecting the entire

agency. He's condemned multiculturalism as a perversion of Christian values. He opposes abortion, even in cases of rape and incest. He believes that the rapture is a thing one should be actively preparing for. And he believes that Muslims have secretly infiltrated the highest levels of our government. By the way, not terrorists, mind you no he's just the idea of muslim people having power in our government he's a great dude what we're saying is he's a great dude well i think that's a bad i like i don't want any well i don't want him there either i was worried about him as well power in our government but yeah i see the point rank the religions as you want them in power point being though this is the kid who'd go to a model UN conference during high school and create like a white nationalist rogue state.

Ruin the whole event. And now he's our chief diplomat. This is like making Donald Trump the president. Never mind. Sorry. But of all his disturbing Christian characteristics, perhaps the most important one, given his new job, is that he's repeatedly called for a holy war against Islam. So yeah, the guy leading our diplomatic efforts in the Middle East will now be a guy who said, quote, the threat to America is from people who deeply believe that Islam is the way of the light and the only answer,

end quote, and has repeatedly referred to our military action in the Middle East as a holy war between, quote, the Christian West and the Islamic East, end quote. Chief diplomat. For now, TikTok. Refresh, refresh. Damn it. And in first Snopes came for the pizza gators news tonight. All right, pundit and fucking Loodle Doodle. Mike Cernovich took to the Internet this week to warn Christians that if they let Facebook and Snopes kick him off Facebook, they're coming for the Christians next.

Yeah, right. Mark Zuckerberg is a notorious acolyte of Hitler. Well, he's just been dying to find the right way to ban a third and a half of his users or whatever. Now, for those of you unfamiliar with Sertovich, it's amazing to be you, but you are in for a treat. He is a pizza gator who enjoys, among

other things, long periscope hangouts while he lies in bed shirtless, pretending to be assaulted by college students when he doesn't know he's being filmed from the side as well, and coming into his own t-shirt when women turn him down. Basically, this bizarro hellscape timeline we live in, put that guy from your high school who keeps posting who wants to hang out tonight on Facebook and then deleting it on the news.

He's on the news now. All right, forgive me for saying it, Eli, but based on what you like to pretend college students are doing to you during your long shirtless Periscope hangouts, I don't know that you're in a position to judge. Too quoque. Too quoque. And I wish you wouldn't use a second angle also. I'm sorry for caring about art.

But sadly, Cernovich isn't just harmless fun. No. Along with Pizzagate, he's a big old racist homophobe and transphobe who likes to make shit up. And so Facebook's new fake news filters are coming for his precious, precious bodily fluids. Well, you know, I hate it when the guy accusing a random business owner of being a baby pimp turns out to be dangerous. That sucks all the fun out of it, doesn't it? Exactly. owner of being a baby pimp turns out to be dangerous that sucks all the fun out of it doesn't it exactly so in response to reports that facebook had threatened to suspend the page of kristin's satirical site the babylon b mike took to the airwaves to let all the christians know that they were next saying quote i'm gonna do my best uh cernovich here don't defend me I don't need you to defend me here's what I need you to

say Facebook and Snopes they hate Christians if you let them get rid of Cernovich we are next and that's the truth it's proven now end quote come see the fact checking inherent in the system yes indeed there was a report that Facebook had threatened to suspend a satire site and then next come the pogroms that's how it works right uh but it gets more dramatic really they aren't just gonna ban you for making jokes while christian no they're going to get you fired as well mike says quote if you think this is good sorry if you think this is gonna end when they ban you from social media if you think they aren't gonna make it so you can't have a job if you're a christian that you can't run a business if you're a christian this is just a warm-up end

quote if if you think this then that's just a warm-up what is it what do you understand if then yeah yeah mike it's our fucking long form plan of making sure that all the wedding cakes are gay. Exactly. So, yeah, whatever you do, don't let Facebook stop your stupid Aunt Kathy from sharing Mike's made-up screenshots. The next thing you know, you'll have to fuck a baby to work at Walmart or something. It's on. All right. Well, it seems like Mike's slope is going to need an awful lot of lube.

So while Eli negotiates his terms, we're going to pause it for a quick break and hand things over to my lovely wife, Lucinda. A man wrote the Bible. A whore is what she was. If it's a legitimate race. If it's a slut, right? Cooking can be fun. Hey, I'm proud of a man. This week in Massage. Welcome to this week's international tour of sexism. I'll be your tour guide today. All I ask is that you sit back, strap in, and be sure to keep your hands and ankles inside the burqa at all times. Speaking of which, we're going to start this tour off in Iran,

where an unnamed woman was recently sentenced to two years in prison for taking off her hijab. Now, technically, the woman will be eligible for parole after three months, but Tehran's chief prosecutor criticized the punishment as a light sentence and vowed to push for the full two-year penalty for her egregious crime. After all, she showed her head in public on purpose. This woman, of course, is part of an ongoing trend of civil disobedience in Iran, with women increasingly intolerant of the nation's prehistoric laws. More than 30 Iranian women have been arrested for publicly removing their veils just this year. And as near as I can tell, the judges are starting to ramp up the sentencing.

After all, if they're not careful, they'll wind up as progressive and egalitarian as, say, Utah. and egalitarian as, say, Utah. So quick while Utah breaks out the party hacks over the fact that they seem progressive compared to somebody, we'll shift our tour over to Hildale, Utah, where the town just elected its first ever female mayor. And the city celebrated by quitting en masse. That's right, all but one of the town's seven employees resigned on the same day when they found out that they were going to have to work for a penisless mayor. Now, I should point out that if you've ever heard of Hilldale, it's probably because of something related to polygamy or marrying children. It's that kind of town. So it's no surprise that A, they're too cocky to work for a woman, and B, the majority of people want a female

mayor. That's what happens when you let the wives outnumber the husbands, guys. Get used to it. And our final stop on this world tour is the world. No real story here, but while we're on the subject of female political leaders, I want to throw a nod to former Irish President Mary McAleese. She was giving a speech in Rome this week at the Voices of Faith conference, and when she opined on the Catholic Church, she basically hit the midway point between a twim and a diatribe. She pushed back hard against Pope Francis's dismissive attitude towards women, called them out for being homophobic and antiquated, pointed to their sadistic abuse of children, and dubbed the whole institution an empire of misogyny. So now that we figured out a solid campaign slogan for Mike Pence 2024, I suppose I can bring the tour to a rolling stop and hand things back over to Noah, Heath, and Eli. Thank you, Lucinda.

And in the cure for what jails you news tonight, residents of Bradley County, Tennessee, are furious after learning that their local sheriff was in the habit of dropping inmates off at local churches in civilian clothes with no supervision. local churches in civilian clothes with no supervision. Turns out that even Christian groups who take no issue with the obvious church-state separation violations involved would rather not have unmarked inmates in the pews next to their kids. Huh. Yeah. But they're fine with the guy at the front with the unmarked van. Well, yeah.

Either way, I feel like we're focusing on the marking aspect. I mean, you just check and see who goes to stab the priest when he goes for their wafer, right? Yeah, exactly. It's pretty easy to figure out after the fact. Now, the way this came to light is super interesting. So back in May of last year, Sheriff Eric Watson of the Bradley County Sheriff's Department took nine inmates to church wearing civilian clothes, completely unrestrained, no shackles

or anything. Then he posted pictures of them on Facebook, mingling and singing in the choir and interacting with children and bragged about how these were all former inmates that had turned their lives around with Jesus. But then somebody looked at the photos and they were like, what do you mean former? Because they weren't. See, the Tennessee Department of Corrections has since confirmed that those were all state prisoners serving sentences in the local jail right then, except that they weren't in the jail. I'm honestly curious how this guy thinks the Internet works.

Like, I would love to hear him explain what he thinks happened. Well, I see. I figured by the time anyone saw the pictures, because the past, you know, like an album, I put it on there. I tagged my nephew. I lied about the date and put it in the feature. So I figured I'd be all right. It started in the year one.

Of course, the church's pastor defended his captive audience marketing by pointing out that even Jesus got arrested. So, you know, sometimes felons are the son of God, sometimes not. You can never really tell. They are always one of those two things. It is always 100 percent of the time. He then went on to point out that some 30 percent of Americans have been arrested. So in his words, quote, you and I likely and unknowingly interact with more prior inmates each day than we had in our meeting that sunday end quote okay for the record bro arrests and inmates are two radically different things

right if you're curious the number of people who have been inmates that's closer to five percent way too fucking high but way lower than 30 also the reason everyday life has more former inmates is because those weren't former inmates and finally tonight in friendly sky cake news passengers flying from san francisco to boise last week got a terrifying glimpse into how religious people are all big fat liars when a woman stood up, started screaming, I am God, I am God, and proceeded to try to open the cabin door during the middle of the flight. And despite the people on board

being about 90% theist, nobody believed the woman and nobody let her carry out her role in the divine plan. Huh. Which is bullshit because Matthew was super clear about the test they should

have for that lady they missed the shot for eyeball monsters that's all i'm saying i just i love the goldilocks zone of belief that they have to try to hit okay all right it's totally true but if anybody ever acts like that tackle that motherfucker and put him somewhere bouncy okay yes so apparently the crazy lady went over the cabin door and started trying to open it and even though she had the omnipotent creator of the universe inside of her that's still impossible even god was like wow there's a bunch of levers plus physics fuck so the people sitting right there finally decided to stop her and this includes literally hog tying her in the aisle which seems a little excessive but also hilarious yeah right balances out that

was a fun video either way the new speech about your responsibilities in the exit row just got way more involved yeah right there fucking cribbing questions from gozer the gozerian and walk out there do you have any physical abilities that would prevent you performing these duties okay all right what range of greek letters best describes you would you say they just put her in the seat behind noah okay 14 more i'm god i'm god sir take your headphones out i need you to take your headphones out. It's official rules. You can't. She's going to lean her seat all the way back and forward somehow. She's in both the seats surrounding him.

So we spend a good amount of time on this show trying to point out ways that religion can be dangerous. It's a fun little game we play. But this was too easy. Honestly, it ruined the game. If God's listening, come on, man, like at least have another airline with the same thing happening.

But the woman screams, nobody's God. Nobody's God. I don't know something. Okay. To be fair, they untied Lucinda very quickly. And it was that lady small for wanting to talk to her about Jesus on the plane. Anyway,

so I don't see why you have to attack our co-host. Yeah. So moral of the story, God apparently can create a door he can't open. And he's probably pissed about all those people tying up his avatar. So expect some more baby cancer and school shootings coming up soon. Right. Yeah. And flattered by his confidence that i can segue right out of

baby cancer and school shootings we're gonna close that lines for the night he feel i thanks as always free will is an illusion and when we come back lee strobel help us put the crack back into cracking open a book Perhaps if you squeeze the internet. Squeeze it where? The internet. Mr. President? Oh, hi, Sarah Huckabee Sanders. I'm sorry, Mr. President.

Do you need me? Oh, good. Tyler, you got to help me out. Me and Sarah are trying to get to the AMA. I'm sorry, the AMA? Yeah. Me and Sarah are trying to get to the AMA. I'm sorry, the AMA?

Yeah, it says here in my email that the Scathing Atheist guys did an AMA with Lucinda and Anna Bosnick. And I want to hear it. I want to ask a question and I want to hear what they have to say. Yeah, we have ways of making you talk. Yeah, no, we have ways of making you talk. Sure, it's an AMA. It stands for Ask Me Anything. And yeah, it's actually for patrons of the Scathing Atheist. They can already listen to an hour of questions and answers with the Scathing Guys, their wives, and the love of

Heath's Life Scotch by donating as little as a dollar at patreon.com slash scathingatheist. Wait a second. Ty. Ty Fighter. Ty Food. You're saying all I have to do is give a dollar and I get to hear a whole hour of extra stuff because Jared got in trouble for that. The dollar

for... Allegedly. Allegory. Allegory. Right, right. No, well, wrong. But she's right. It's not only legal to patron the show, but it's even encouraged.

You'll be helping to support skepticism and atheism. Plus, you get access to all the AMAs the guys have done, an extended version of every episode every week, plus an over-the-top compliment for your genitals to celebrate your patronage. That all sounds pretty good, but can I play it on my Zoom? Yep.

When you sign up, you get a Patreon-only RSS feed that works on any podcast player. Uh, what about this rock? That's your hand. Answer the question. And that's not all. Patrons get signed copies of our new books,

free copies of our e-books, and higher-level patrons get a song on the anniversary of their patronage. Wow, that all sounds pretty amazing, Ty Ty and his American Pie. I'm in. How do I sign up? Well, you just go to patreon.com slash scathingatheist and pledge what you can. You'll help keep the show going and get a ton

of bonus content. How about this rock? No, it doesn't play on a rock, though. This one is my sister. It doesn't play on a rock, though. This one is my sister. It doesn't play on your sister. I don't understand. Last week, we cracked open the case for Christ and took a tiny peek inside, but we saved the meat

of the book for this week. And that's good, because when you're dealing with this level of stupid, it's best to wean yourself on slowly. We needed a week to absorb how stupidly written this thing was going to be before we spent a week coping with how stupidly argued it was going to be. Or in the parlance of Eli Bosnick, it's jingly keys the book. Hey, it's just nice to know that if this podcasting thing doesn't work out we can all write the most popular book of christian apologetics of all time in our sleep right and of course joining us for this foray is my lovely wife lucinda lucinda welcome back

i gotta be honest here at first i thought those were page numbers at the bottom it took me nearly 30 pages to realize that they were the maximum iq you can have and still be convinced by this shit it's ridiculous yeah something tells me you'll feel different once we get past page 60 so we're gonna go through all the arguments in the first chapter this week we're in part one examining the record and the title for this week's chapter is the eyewitness evidence can the biographies of j Jesus be trusted? Oh, oh, yeah, there's a two-letter answer. Yeah, so we're going to start off meeting Leo. He's a 17-year-old that grew up in one of Chicago's grittiest neighborhoods. He's there, so we'll all know what eyewitness means, y'all.

And I like to call this introduction about Leo Is this slang? How about this? How about this? There was definitely a backwards baseball cap Involved in the writing of this section Lee Strobel definitely tried to do a break dancing move At some point And hurt himself He's like headspin out

That's blood And the whole point here is Eyewitness testimony is powerful. But then he neglects to mention that it's also one of the flimsiest, shittiest types of evidence from any objective measurement. The largest failing in American courts is its over-reliance on eyewitness testimony. Funny how he doesn't bring that up. Yeah, he's hoping you won't remember that by telling a tragic, unrelated story about a kid getting shot in the eyeball. by telling a tragic, unrelated story about a kid getting shot in the eyeball.

Right? Yeah, his summary is basically, if you don't believe the eyewitnesses to Jesus, it would be like, you know, ignoring a black kid that got shot in the head. Yep. Yeah. That's how. They'll keep doing that. It's basically the Rodney King video with, like,

Apostle John photoshopped over it all in book form. All right, so then we get our first subheading because it's been a page um and that would be testimony from distant time right and so now he's going to relate it to jesus yeah right um he sets out this long list he's like but do we have the testimony of anyone who personally interacted with jesus who listened to his teachings who saw his miracles etc etc and then he very poignantly doesn't answer that question instead he goes talking about bullethead leo some more what to be fair which is convenient because the answer to all those questions is no right not right but then he goes to see dr craig blomberg author of the historical reliability of the gospels he was a seminary graduate and a seminary professor so you know he's crazy objective

objective source right and he spends two giant like my first book without pictures talking about how he wanted somebody objective somebody reasonable somebody unbiased but then shits on all that with like uh oh this guy was a Cubs fan he makes a joke about that it was really stupid and he never goes back to why we're supposed to think

this guy is anything other than a Christian apologist yeah exactly he's just like I wanted a detective without a dog in this fight. Dave had brown hair. I chose Dave. Also, the whole idea makes no sense.

He says he wants eyewitness testimony of whether Jesus Christ is the unique son of God. Yeah. What? Exact words. What the fuck

would that even mean? He's going to find somebody who watched Jesusesus be the unique son of god what okay so eventually we get around to the interview itself and honestly my first question would just have been okay so if you conclude jesus wasn't the son of god uh do you still get to keep your job right but before we't that be a good lead-in? Before we get to the interview itself, we have to bolster Blumberg's academic cred by explaining how many books he has.

Wow, so many books. This is real. He even had a tie with books on it. He was so smart. Ton of books. Must have been 2,000 in the... How many is a lot of books? I don't...

Couldn't even get into his office without pulling a book and spinning a bookshelf. And the shelf was one big book. It was all... Everything was... It might as well be a picture of Blomberg and he's salty the song. So stupid. And then we get a five paragraph essay about how blomberg has a has pictures of his kids on the wall because objectivity means knowing he's likable apparently

to be fair if he described my apartment by contrast he's crushing it so but lee was tough on him here he actual opening Tell me this, I said with an edge of challenge in my voice. Is it really possible to be an intelligent, critically thinking person and still believe that the four gospels were written by the people whose names have been attached to them? Um, Lee, why are you talking like that? Uh, not sure, you handsome, duplicitous devil. I smell toast. But the most fucked up thing is that Blumberg's answer here is yes. Yes.

Right. I assume that this was like, you know, they didn't have to be straw man here, right? Like, no, they weren't actually written by those people, but that they don't have to be. And here's why. But no, his answer is just yes. Right. But he has evidence.

Exhibit A, pre-scientific people 1900 years ago sure seem to think so. Right? Not just that, but he admits. He's like, look, nobody signed these fucking things, but it was three votes to zero. Yes!

Three votes to zero. Right. But then he has exhibit B. Why they lie yeah what possible i wonder you can't even say that because the answer is to start a religion the professor's like uh what did these witnesses have to gain by lying like like if we found out the apostles were degenerate gamblers making weird prop bets about Jesus then every Christian Bible scholar would be Jewish out of like intellectual integrity

what the fuck is he talking about and the argument seems to be tell me if I'm wrong here Mark and Luke weren't even main characters yes it would have been way more reasonable if they were lying to use someone better known from the jesus story if it was a lie but then lee says you mean like john and dude's all like oh fuck

john right shit three votes to one still three to one we said three you still win three one three like what does 75 percent of faith look like like serious question what is that pretty good though um he says in your quote john is the only gospel about which there is some question about authorship end quote a bullshit to the highest fucking degree but also b damn clumsily constructed sentence you're supposed to be writing, dude. And then he reaches his conclusion. The Gospels are

obviously based on eyewitness material. And it hard turns into that nonsense conclusion. He's in the middle of a sentence about how even he doesn't buy those last couple of sentences and then he's like, yeah. So it's basically video if you think about it.

Wait, what? Rodney King, you racist. Rodney King. But then Lee tries to pin down how Blomberg knows these are eyewitness testimonies. And he's all like, well, some dude 100 years later seemed pretty darn sure about it. And so did a dude writing 130 years later, too. Keep in mind that this would be like one of us offering up an eyewitness account of the goddamn Civil War. Well, it's like if Eli gave an eyewitness account of the Civil War and your evidence is that I said he didn't make a mistake.

Right. Hats. They did wear hats't make a mistake. Right. Hats. They did wear hats, Eli. Exactly. Perfect. Word of God right there. Hats. And now that's established.

Some dude said it was 150 years after Jesus supposedly died. We are done proving that point. He even sums it up. He's like, so a guy wrote about being told that these are accurate yep okay fucking bingo we're done here that is how evidence works it's so weird and leading it's like yeah so i guess it's safe to say that i lee strobel the world's number one ranked atheist journalist have no choice but to embrace jesus christ into my heart as the lord and savior because of math is that correct exactly correct you have no other choice trouble and his questions are so

fucking stupid his next question is like how come these don't read like the biographies i see in the books a million then huh oh my god this was so fucking sloppy he might as well have said what should my next subheading be right and blumberg brushes his question off by pointing out that ancient writers didn't really give much of a fuck about getting things correct that's his argument in favor of the gospel's historicity it's really fucking weird it gets weird fast yeah yeah including someone's whole life in their biography was invented in 1992 is the actual argument in this section also they hadn't invented quotation marks yet you're right so there was no way to write down exact words impossible to do that that's literally another actual argument they hadn't invented truth

punctuation and uh yeah reason number two that mark seems like a giant liar but definitely isn't the crucifixion is way more important than the huge list of insane miracles of jesus so mark was basically like yeah yada yada, yada, yada, bread, yada, yada, yada, torture porn. That's what he needs to know. And now he brings up the Q document and doesn't shy away from the fact that Matthew and Luke copied

a bunch of their shit out of Mark. Right. Lee's like, hey, remember four sentences ago when we were talking about how flawless their testimony was? Any chance that could be because they were copying

off each other's notes? Yes. And Blom blomberg's like no it's much more likely that they had really good 150 year members but strobel was on to something here so he's like but if you isolate just the stuff from the q document what kind of jesus we talking? This is his version of Enhance. Yeah. And Blumberg says, it's like a JC's greatest hits album. That's what the Q is. Does that help? And no, it does not. Not at all.

And even in the Q document, which may or may not have existed and may or may not have been a collection of sayings and about which we only know the parts that second century Christiansians wanted incorporated into their gospels it says that jesus was god's kid definitely yeah the point of this tangent is well the cue is basically a collection of sayings you know like like uh remember the time i did all those miracles whose point am i making i'm sorry what yeah and blomberg makes another ridiculous excuse here. He says, you wouldn't hear about the miracles because the Q is really just saying. Yeah. But wouldn't some of the sayings be about the fucking miracles? If I could turn water into wine, I'd speak in nothing but slogans about my wine magic. No one

comes to the Father except through me. Just all wine puns all the time. Then he's like, why would Matthew the eyewitness crib notes from Mark the not eyewitness? And the answer here is because Mark heard shit from Peter. But then, this is no longer

eyewitness testimony, right? This is Matthew writing down what Mark says Peter says. You've just accidentally destroyed your own fucking argument here. Done. And he tries so badly to cover this up with the sloppiest example possible. He's like, yeah, sometimes I hear people talk, but

then I say, what? And if you think about it, that's like not being there at all. What? Also, Peter was in the inner circle. So it makes sense that Matthew would be like, hey, I was like a few feet further away. Was he being the unique son of God just now? Right there in the inner circle from there.

To your perspective. Cool. He was good. Bam. Proof. You know, you're killing your argument when you feel. To your perspective, cool. He was good. Bam, proof. You know you're killing your argument when you feel the need to follow up a point with this sentence. Quote, yes, I thought to myself, that did make some sense. He does that so many times.

There are so many times in this book where he's like, that was sure convincing, huh? I'd say this chapter is being concluded beautifully right now. Is it not? Yes, it is not. And by the way, that's all it took to convince Lee Strobel, the atheist, that the Gospels came directly from Luke, John, and Mark. He's done with that now. Never bothers to address the fact that they didn't even seem to exist until long after those guys died. Never even brought that up. Moving on.

Well, they hadn't invented the semicolon at this point i'm trapped there were no oxford commas hey we're hookers it was terrible terrible and now it is time to explain why john tells a completely different and contradictory story yeah it note that we're not even going to deal with the myriad contradictions in the so-called synoptic gospels. Okay. To be fair, we're not really going to deal with the contradictions in Johnny. Well, that's true. The best Blomberg can really do is say,

well, if you think about it, they get less contradictory towards the end. Yes. Yeah. What? Great. they get less contradictory towards the end. Yes. Yeah. And the explanation here seems to be John knew that the other two guys had covered that shit. So he was doing an ender shadow. You see, he's doing an ender shadow.

But the explanation had a second part too. Let's be fair. Either John knew all about the other three gospels and didn't need to repeat stuff, or he didn't know about the other three gospels and didn't need to repeat stuff or he didn't know about the other three gospels, which means next chapter. Any who's obese. Yeah, right.

So he ultimately concludes that they're not really contradictions because all the gospels deal with similar themes, right? That's how you can tell all of the episodes of this show are based on the same week's worth of news stories because of the similar themes right because that's how you can tell all of the episodes of this show were based on the same week's worth of news stories because of the similar themes how thematically different would john need to be for blomberg to call bullshit have you heard about the one jay sizzle and then blomberg is all like look contrary to popular belief among scholars son of man means nope, nope, gonna stop you there, buddy. Okay, but let's not forget that Jesus uses the verb to be several times in both John's gospel and the other ones.

He used sometimes infinitive, sometimes conjugated out. Pretty big coincidence that everyone seems to know he was using a super rare verb like to be yeah it really emphasizes what an uphill battle this is when he has to start the book out by arguing that his primary source agrees with itself right yeah this is the discussion they're having Strobel says John seems to remember the most important story ever way differently you want to talk about that

and Blomberg says no trust me Jesus thought he was God what that's it this whole subsection is just a fight with your girlfriend where you're like I just want to hang with my friends and she's like so my mother is fat now but see as Strobel explains here the gospels aren't contradictory they just had like, I just want to hang with my friends. And she's like, so my mother is fat now. But see, as Strobel explains here,

the Gospels aren't contradictory. They just had different theological emphases. Like Luke was more concerned about the poor, so he thought Jesus was born in Bethlehem. Mark wanted to show Jesus as the suffering servant, so he thought he was born in Nazareth. You see? Themes. And again, he relies on his argument from ancient historians are allowed to lie.

Yes. He's just like, you have to understand. Eli doesn't like Wikipedia. He already knows these stories about the magicians. His turn to write an essay. He's got a lot going on. Tom writes his comments very late. going on. Tom writes his comments very late.

Then we get what I hope is the worst analogy of the book here. Strobel says, but doesn't the fact that they have clear agendas make them impossible to take as historical documents? And Blomberg says, yes, but Jews have ulterior motives for saying the

Holocaust happened, and you don't bitch about them, do you? This is so weird. Pretty much word for word. Yeah, because so many of those videos and pictures from Auschwitz are selfies. Yeah. But wait, but wait. Is his argument here, if you think about it,

Jews are pretty good at history. I mean, what's the point that he's trying to... Heath? Heath? Maybe fill us in? You seem to have some questions about Jews it's some Jewish questions

it's proof by modus death tollens that's a real classic argument classic argument from white guilt it's good he keeps doing this and it looks like he's going to keep ramping that up for this whole book by the way by the end it's just going to be like oh really Jesus isn't the son of God perhaps you'd like to rape rosa parks

hunt mlk on this weird island no exactly and then we finally get around to mentioning that none of this shit was written into all of the eyewitnesses were long dead right well but he points out that some eyewitnesses were long dead. But he points out that some eyewitnesses might still be alive 70, 80, or 90 years after the fact. No. And he's certainly sure that some of those 110-year-old Judeans had pretty sharp memories.

Yeah. You know how you go to the grocery store without the list and then you remember exactly what your great-grandfather wanted 100 years ago? Like that. What does he think happens? Like, hey, Dave, remember when you were a kid and you saw your 839th crucifixion? Is this book I'm writing a perfectly accurate description?

It is. Got it. Good. Good. Also, he pulls such an intellectually disingenuous bullshit move here. Like even for what we've read so far. This is all you need to dismiss everything this dude ever fucking says. He points out that the two main biographies we get our knowledge about Alexander the Great from were written hundreds of years after his death.

But, and he doesn't mention this, they were based on shit that was written contemporaneously. Those books didn't survive, but like they listed fucking sources that already exist. They were the first fucking biographies of Alexander the Great ever written. Alexander the Great took biographers along with him on his conquests. He even goes so far as to say nothing legendary developed about Alexander the Great until at least 500 years after that. Yes! Yes! What? developed about alexandra the great until at least 500 years after yes yes what we already have and that all kind of misses the major point which is that we didn't start a religion around how many thessalonians alexander tricked into the mountain right it's just not good point but uh eli for

500 what empire was alexander the great in charge of right now uh alexandria so close like way closer than usual that was that's the name of the city right up against it 250 dollars yeah but struggle literally calls the intervening decades a non-issue yep yeah you know how reporters are never bothered by a source telling them a 75 year old story it's like that well yeah sure he's just but it could have been as little as 30 years but was probably three times that but it could have been only 30 years and it's not like a whole sin bad genie movie could crop up in that short amount of time okay it's real eli i'm not doing this again there was a it was a boom box no it was eli you'm not doing this again. It was a boombox.

Eli, you're embarrassing yourself. It was magic. It was a magic world. Genie magic. I watched it all the time. You're thinking of a different world. That's what that was. So, yeah, he's like, indeed, that last point in my book was very impressive.

33 years is less than an eye-blinking geological term. So, you know, it doesn't matter. In science, I believe we call that a science. Winning the book. My book is crushing it. But what about the epistles? Well, those were written even earlier. And make no concrete claims about Jesus, who Paul says he met as a fucking ghost.

Who said ghosts aren't real? This is serious. Anyway, back to the dates that only I know about. Plus, Paul might have been saying shit he knew from even earlier than that. And as a skeptic, this wiped away one of Lee's biggest objections to Christianity. Which decade people started saying he was

God in? Yeah, that's the one that's really been I was going to ask about that. Yes, thank you. As a skeptic, I'm a skeptic. I don't know if you heard. I'm the number one ranked skeptic. I'd love to believe in Jesus, but can you hit this literal

softball that i'm gonna throw to you mr blomberg okay wow you totally got a piece of that i am christian right and this chapter this explanation is so meaningful to him that he writes that he like collapses into the bookcase like a lamanite. He might as well just faint onto a couch and need snifters to wake back up again. Yeah, so that's it. He wraps the chapter up there, but he apparently saw us coming, and he offered up a few questions for reflection or

group study at the end. That's us. We're group study. So I thought we would close by working our way through those. Number one, how have your opinions been influenced by someone's eyewitness account of an event what are some factors you routinely use to evaluate whether someone's story is honest and accurate how do you think the gospels would stand up to that scrutiny okay i'm absolutely not doing his workbook problems pass no usually i evaluate stories by counting the impossible things that happen in them. If it's, you know, more than zero, I stop counting and move on with my life.

Yeah, well, one of my favorite metrics is if I catch you omitting a fact that completely destroys your argument that even a casual fan of history would know, I stop believing everything you say after that. Yep. Okay. Well, I think it's obvious if Mark and John actually saw something, they should have come out to the police. Right.

Why didn't they say sooner? Also, if Jesus was attractive, they wouldn't have cared at all. Am I doing it right? I feel like I'm doing it right. No. You're not. All right. So number two, do you believe the Gospels can have a theological agenda while at the same time being trustworthy in what they report?

Why or why not? Do you find Blomberg's holocaust analogy helpful in thinking through this issue yeah i think when you use the most emotionally charged possible thing to make your convoluted diagonal point it clarifies the hell out of oh yeah absolutely yeah let's take a second to appreciate the kind of fight you're fighting when question two is okay but can you at least admit that it would be theoretically possible for these data to be accurate and the answer is no yeah right i mean it's certainly helpful in thinking about heath okay as a skeptic i'd love to hear some numbers from switzerland just to compare so i'm just asking questions yeah

no clearly speaking of questions, number three, how and why does Blomberg's description of the early information about Jesus affect your opinion about the reliability of the Gospels? It makes me confused that anyone kept reading this book.

Yeah. It makes me wonder what those words say when you use Blomberg's decoder ring. For me, at first, I thought there were a lot of contradictions because of how different John was from the other three gospels, but he used the word distinctives instead. And that made me feel more Christian.

That's true. Very reliable. I would say it combines with the thing on the cover that says over 5 million copies sold to destroy my faith in humanity. You're right. All together. All right. Well, apparently we're going to get more from this same Blomberg dipshit next time around.

That's the bad news. The good news is that we don't have to do that until episode 268. So anybody convinced so far about the Jesus? No book contract yet. So not yet. He didn't use parlance at all in Chapter 1. All right, Lee Strobel. The devil wins this round, but we're going to give you a second chance.

And the good news is, no matter how convincing Strobel gets in Chapter 2, you still have two more episodes to enjoy before we turn our lives over to Christ. Until then, this has been The Case for Christ. This has been The Case for Christ. Before we disappear over the horizon today, I want to issue you a challenge. We're running an Easter slash April Fool's contest on our Facebook page. We're looking for the best failed greeting cards for Easter. And if you want in, just like our Facebook page and check out events for all the details.

There's even a couple of sample cards to get you started. Winner gets a shout out in a couple of weeks. Anyway, that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight, but we'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister show, The Skeptocrat, debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Monday, an even newer episode of our sister show's hot friend, Godawful Movies, debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Tuesday, and a yet newer episode of our half-sister show, Citation Needed, at noon Eastern on Wednesday. And if even that's too long to wait, you should find more hobbies. Obviously, this show would refuse to convert to MP3 on general principle if I neglected to thank the ever studious Heath Enright for all the studing.

I need to thank the lovely and talented Lucinda Lusions for all the love and the talent. I need to thank the incomparable Eli Bosnick for all the incompering. And I also want to thank Lee from North Carolina for providing this week's Farnsworth quote and congratulate her on her master's. North Carolina definitely needs a few more of those. But most of all, of course, I need to thank this week's best bipeds.

Jeffrey Kyle, Nathaniel Carl, Derek, Kayla, Charles, Catherine, Heather, and Jason, Rosa Sideshow, Bob, Drew, and Michael. Jeffrey Kyle, Nathaniel Carl, and Derek, who penetrate deeper than Heinz Guderian. Kayla, Charles, Catherine, Heather, and Jason, who are so hot the sun wears them cream. And Rosa Sideshow, Bob, Drew, and Michael, whose intellects are so vast Alexa asks them shit. Thank you. If you think you're up to the challenge, you can make a per-episode donation at patreon.com slash scathingatheist, whereby you'll earn early access to an extended ad-free version of every episode. Or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the Donate button on the right side of the homepage at scathingatheist.com. And if you'd like to help, but you're a large consumer of foreign steel, you can also help a ton by leaving us a five-star review on iTunes, sharing the show with a friend, or liking us on Facebook.

Legal services for this podcast are provided by the Law Offices of P. Andrew Torres and our audio engineer, Morgan Clark, who also wrote all the music that was used in this episode, which was used with permission. If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at skating, the gaius.com. That was the dumbest argument.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Like that. I'm on the sea of dumb arguments. at that point in the book i'm like oh it's gonna be that easy why the fuck did i buy a case against the case for christ he's making it that easy on me yeah it's like the first christian to tweet at you and he's never argued with an atheist before the book yeah oh yeah where does everything come from and you're just like oh my sweet sweet child yeah go on have a seat no i'm i'm waiting for the fucking crocodile argument to show up in

here this i this is ray comfort level arguments oh my god it's so much better at worse than i thought it would be met with my friend dr kirk cameron maybe you've heard of him uh traded on the new york stock exchange professor of growing pains it would be. Met with my friend Dr. Kirk Cameron, maybe you've heard of him. Traded on the New York Stock Exchange. Professor of growing pains. Right next to Per Se. That's not where the exchange is. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a Thunderstorm LLC.

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