The Scathing Atheist - 266: Biblepiece Edition

Episode Date: March 22, 2018

In this week’s episode, The Olten Enterprise will print all the news that fits into a vagina, a comedian holds up a mirror during a set at a Catholic university and they're forced to blur it out, and Old Testament god will get even less likeable. To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To enter our failed Easter Card contest, click here: https://www.facebook.com/events/1783492458625886/ To buy our book, click there: http://www.amazon.com/Diatribes-Godless-Misanthrope-Scathing-Presents-ebook/dp/B00J53FZFI/ref=sr11?ie=UTF8&qid=1396141562&sr=8-1 To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out out half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ Guest Links: To check out the Brothers’ Craft-Time Sharing Hour, click here: http://sharinghour.com/ Headlines: A Bunch of Religious People Think Stephen Hawking Is Currently Burning in Hell: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2018/03/14/a-bunch-of-religious-people-think-stephen-hawking-is-currently-burning-in-hell/#GSgEX4Igi0q3ryfO.99 Christian Website Editor: “Stephen Hawking Was Kept Alive By Demonic Forces”: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2018/03/19/christian-website-editor-stephen-hawking-was-kept-alive-by-demonic-forces/#3bbDFlhUQtHf971E.99 Texas Paper Erases Son’s Husband from Mom’s Obituary: It’s “Contrary to God’s Word” Read more at http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2018/03/16/tx-paper-erases-sons-husband-from-moms-obituary-its-contrary-to-gods-word/#3gpQ6Yu2w1boPTw2.99 Kansas City Royals hold anti-porn seminar for their players: https://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/mlb/royals/2018/03/08/kansas-city-royals-anti-pornography-seminar-players-spring-training/407295002/ Tony Perkins: Liberals Are Using Trump’s Affair to “Shame” Evangelical Voters: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2018/03/15/tony-perkins-liberals-are-using-trumps-affair-to-shame-evangelical-voters/#ToIYlJOUHkaM6iLK.99 Jesus Taught Me How to Play Soprano Saxophone While I Was Dead, Says Christian: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2018/03/15/jesus-taught-me-how-to-play-soprano-saxophone-while-i-was-dead-says-christian/#O1gEyXBRqsYfB8Gi.99 Kentucky House Passes Prayer Bill (Because Actually Helping People Is Too Hard): http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2018/03/16/kentucky-house-passes-prayer-bill-because-actually-helping-people-is-too-hard/#0l0oildOH1L3Vgki.99 This Week in Misogyny: Indian prof sparks outrage with melon-breast comparison: http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-india-43471457 Alabama lawmaker doesn’t want school teachers armed, because they’re ladies: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/education/wp/2018/03/18/schools-shouldnt-arm-staff-because-theyre-full-of-lady-teachers-alabama-lawmaker-says/?utm_term=.fc013f75627d

Warning, the following podcast contains language that is, at once, both juvenile and adult. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by ZipRecruiter, Blue Apron, and by the new laxative from Cambridge, Anal Lydica. Guaranteed to get all your shit out, whether you want it or not. And now, The Scathing Atheist. Hi, this is Jeff and Dan from the Brothers Craft Time Sharing Hour, a podcast about fine art and creative sibling rivalry. We're going to be generous and assume that Michelangelo painted God touching Adam with his finger because there

just wasn't enough room for the alternative. Though I do love the idea of a church ceiling covered in 300 million years worth of monkeys fucking. Because we did, in fact, evolve from filthy monkey men. It's Thursday. It's March 22nd. And this week we're going to scathe more than usual. I'm Noah Lusions. I'm Eli Bosnick.

I'm Heath Enright. New York, New York. Secret Lair, Pennsylvania. This is Scathing Atheist. On this week's episode, the Olten Enterprise will print all the news that's print to fit in a vagina. A comedian holds up a mirror during a set at a Catholic university and they're forced to blur it out. And Old Testament God will get even less likable. First, the diatribe. We were about five hours from the record last week when I heard that Stephen Hawking had died.

And my first thought was that I should do a diatribe in his memory. You know, I had just finished writing a whole diatribe about how I couldn't think anything to write a diatribe about. And here's one of my intellectual heroes in need of a send-off. Now, I still had a bunch of shit to do at the moment, but I figured, you know, maybe I could record the diatribe late, edit it overnight or something. So I recorded the one i had just in case and as soon as i got done recording with eli and heath i sat back down to a blank page and got to work on a fitting eulogy it didn't take long before i admitted to myself that there was no way i had time to write that and record it and edit it and still get the episode out on time but once i started writing it i didn't feel right abandoning

it and and look i know the news cycle has already passed this by. So sorry if I'm a little late to the funeral here, but I still wanted to share it with you. See, I first became aware of Stephen Hawking the same time everybody else did or everybody my age or older anyway. That was in 1988 when he published A Brief History of Time. My mom was homeschooling me back then, and the local paper had done a big write up on his book. And she could tell right away that this was the weird shit that I'd be interested in so she hands me the paper at breakfast the next day and she's like can you make any sense of this now as if i recall correctly the opening lines of the article were why can you only remember things in the past and not events in the future it's only a thin line that separates the questions of the brilliant from the questions of the insane and that's all it took

to hook my ass so my mom bought me the book and i struggled my way from the questions of the insane and that's all it took to hook my ass so my mom bought me the book and i struggled my way from one cover to the other confident that at some point something was going to click and it would all start making sense now i'm 12 years old at the time i'll freely admit that no nothing ever clicked now that book still loses me early and often three decades later but it was the first time that i'd ever started thinking about time from the perspective of a physicist and as much as anything else in my childhood, it opened my eyes to just how fucking cool the questions of science could be. But like everybody else, I wanted Hawking for his body more than his mind, right? I mean, I'm 12 years old. I'm this skinny kid taking an early interest in physics,

so I was no stranger to getting my ass kicked. At that point in my life, admiration tended to come from things like physical intimidation, achievement and romantic prowess all of which i lacked spectacularly but here's this dude who's asked even i could kick and yet people admired the hell out of him just because he was really smart and i get that the hero worship went too far with hawking people are always comparing him to einstein and isaac newton and shit and i'll be the first to admit that those comparisons are wildly unwarranted well. And I'll be the first to admit that those comparisons are wildly unwarranted. Well, actually, I can't be the first to admit it because Hawking admitted it way before I ever could.

He was one of the most brilliant theoretical physicists of his time, but he wasn't one of the most brilliant of all time. He was a super smart dude. But the very fact that he was so profoundly disabled was the main reason we elevated him above his intellectual peers. And again, hawking said as much repeatedly but even admitting all that doesn't mean the admiration was misplaced so yeah as a kid he had a big influence on me he turned me on to interests that have stayed with me ever since but

the most profound effect he was going to have on me wouldn't come until i was all grown up and i was just starting to flirt with the a word right i'd long since given up on all the major religions and all the minor ones that I knew about, but I was still wandering through that spiritual but not religious limbo, terrified to give up on the possibility of an afterlife, terrified to say out loud what I already knew to be true. And then Stephen Hawking said it for me.

In an interview, I think it was in 2011, he was asked about the afterlife and he dismissed it he said quote i regard the brain as a computer which will stop working when its components fail there is no heaven or afterlife for broken down computers that's a fairy story for people afraid of the dark end quote now here's this guy who's been teetering on the edge of death's door for 50 plus years and he's got the balls to admit it for five decades he managed to reject religion's immortality bait and switch all these claims that you couldn't find purpose if you knew you were going to wind

up nothing but dust just evaporated in this computer generated dismissal and keep in mind this guy doesn't shoot from the hip when he's talking, right? Consider how much trouble he had to go to just to formulate that thought into a shareable stream of data. I think at that point, the only part of his body he still controlled was his cheek. So he literally had to pluck those letters out one by one by twitching his face. Not only did he have the balls to say it, but he was willing to go to a lot of trouble to make sure it was said. Now, obviously, nobody makes the switch from believer to atheist based on a quote. So I don't want to overstate the effect it had on me when I heard that, but I don't want to understate it either. You know, he wasn't the only voice I admired giving me permission to give up on the bullshit, but he was definitely one of the heavy

hitters. So in his honor, no, despite what the obituary might say, Stephen Hawking hasn't passed on. He isn't in a better place and he isn't resting in peace. He's dead. He had the guts to be dead when he was dead. And that's just one of the many things I admire him for. Joining me for headlines tonight are two men Stormy Daniels won't admit to fucking for free. Heath Enright and Eli Bosnick. Fellas, are you ready to kiss and tell?

Well, funny story. Andrew just paid for my subscription to Brazzers without even telling me about it. He just paid for it. What are the odds? I mean, if we're counting our imaginations, I have quite the body count from my school shooting. And with the hopes that our advertisers don't listen to a single second of the show before their ad, we're going to pause for a quick word from this week's first sponsor, ZipRecruiter. Hi, yeah.

I'm here for my interview. Name? God. God. No, my 10 o'clock is someone supposed to be Yahweh. Yahweh is who I'm going for. Oh, yeah. I mean, that's me.

I'm God. That's another name I use. Why didn't you say that? Well, I'm also called God. Sometimes Yahweh. Sounds more like a category than a name. Can I give you that feedback? No, it's capitalized.

Doesn't make it a name. Just makes you arrogant. Just FYI. Oh, okay. I mean, I guess. Right. So, what skills could you bring to Puzzle and the Thunderstorm Entertainment?

Well, I am the Alpha and the Omega. The first and the last. The beginning and the end. Okay, I'm going to stop you right there. We are not looking for any ends at this time. Oh. Do you have any useful skills?

Like maybe you're good with spreadsheets? I'm all knowing. Great. Maybe you could know where I can go to find a qualified applicant? Yeah, definitely. ZipRecruiter.com So what makes them so good? ZipRecruiter.com. Huh. So what makes them so good? ZipRecruiter learns what you're looking for, identifies people with the right experience, and invites them to apply to your job.

Their innovations have revolutionized how you find your next hire. In fact, 80% of employers who post a job on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate through the site in just one day. Wow. One day. That sounds great. Yeah. The right candidates are out there, and ZipRecruiter is how you find them. Is that like a prophecy? No. No, it's in the copy.

Oh. Anyway, right now, our listeners can try ZipRecruiter for free. That's right. Free. Just go to ZipRecruiter.com slash skating. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash skating. ZipRecruiter.com slash skating. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash skating. ZipRecruiter.com slash skating. Wait, why did you say it three times?

I'm actually three guys. It's hard to explain. I see. Get to it later. ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire. Are you Sarah Huckabee Sanders? No, he's going gonna be booming okay and now back to the headlines in our lead story tonight beloved physicist cosmologist author and man who eli will not be cosplaying as at the american atheist convention damn it one vote stephen hawking died just before we recorded last week

leaving faith leaders across the nation speculating on what kind of medieval shit satan's doing to his balls right now with hawking's body only cold because it was kind of cold to begin with prominent christians took to twitter to dance on his grave with what i would describe as controlances if that was a better pun sorry do you think they like text each other and hey got my he's in hell tweet out first got to be faster than that brian i think they do by the way uh friend of the show hemet metal went to the trouble of compiling some of the worst day of tweets which we'll link on the show notes but i think they're best exemplified by texas Briscoe Cain, who tweeted quote... Hold on, hold on, let me try.

Let me try. Briscoe Cain tweeted RIP Stephen Hawking does anyone need a cartoon gunfighter? My name is Briscoe Cain and that's the only job I can have. Was I close? Oh, you nailed it actually. This is the tweet before that one that I was talking about.

He tweeted quote Stephen Hawking now knows the truth about how the universe was actually made my condolences to his family end quote see until then i wouldn't have thought a backhanded condolence was even possible at least he was white thoughts what the fuck is wrong with you uh someone's got a whole lot less chair pushing to do may the lord be with you in this difficult time right that was one of them of course hellbound cosmologist says what tokens of sympathy were far from the worst the religious voices had to say about the recently deceased atheist and rather than focus on the most well-known i'd like to highlight my nominee for

the craziest executive editor of the conservative website pnn news and guy who's aiming for mel gibson and landing on mel torme mike shoesmith took to youtube to explain that the only thing keeping hawking alive in the first place were quote demonic forces end quote like socialism okay i'm picturing a hospital drama, but with demons. Damn it, I lost another. It's okay, Dr. Beelzebub. You're a good demon. Try, Nurse Zarathustra.

I try. Would you like to join me in the lava pits tonight? But, Nurse Zarathustra, we work together. I don't care. Oh, Zarathustra. Watch together i don't care oh zarathustra watch the horns sorry yeah like that no that's what i was picturing too now i know this is a lot of time to spend on some youtube wacko nobody's ever heard of but one more quick detail about shoesmith he also has a theory about the timing of hawking's death you see billy graham was pure goodness and the demonic realm needed someone on earth to oppose him he was like the main enemy of billy graham but but now

that god rang billy's celestial dinner bell the demons were that were possessing hawking could go out for a drink or something i mean to be fair a homophobic bigot who outlived his progressiveness is the opposite of man who selflessly changed the scientific landscape from a wheelchair on the SATs. So he's got a point, right? That was a weird question that year. Yeah, accidentally correct. And in gay sextra sextra, read all about it news tonight. Thank you.

Thank you. news tonight thank you thank you when barry giles mother passed away last week he decided to commemorate her memory with an obituary in the local paper the olton enterprise and like all obituaries it mentioned her still living family and their spouses including his husband john however when the piece was published his husband's name had been removed from the piece because you guessed it the publisher of the paper is a pastor and likes to pretend gay dudes don't exist fuck you all right well new game submitting stuff to the olton enterprise with secret gay stuff in it just like hidden pairs of dicks or subliminal gay advertising. Whatever you guys could think of. A thousand Heath points if you pull it off.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say, Andrew says Heath was joking just now. Don't take pair of dicks hiding advice from a podcast. Is that a fucking like ascii dicks in the text? Hidden in like subtle ways. Is that illegal? Yeah. One vote until we get a firm email from Andrew.

That's all I'm saying. Sneaking dicks into stuff can't be illegal. You know what I meant. A lot of people have gotten in trouble. Time's up. No, publisher Philip Hamilton, who looks like used chewing gum could be homophobic,

released a statement this week clarifying the decision, saying, quote, it is my religious conviction that a male cannot have a husband. Then who does he think that guy is standing next to him? Is that a fucking ghost? I don't see no fucking, they're just fucking right in front of him. He's like, do you guys see two men? I don't see anything.

Who's talking? Is that the wind? Is that the wind? Stop copying me. He goes on. It is also my belief that to publish anything contrary to God's word on this issue would be to publish something in the newspaper that is not true. End quote. When asked if that included news about wearing mixed fibers or a divorced president, he didn't reply.

You know what I mean? Just the gay part. Come on. Stop. Stop reading the book. Meanwhile, he's like, fuck. Good point. Good point.

Tell the art department to put Robert De Niro in blackface for that photo next to his flag. We're going to look like it is. You're doing anything with Heidi Klum, her too. And look, this story is terrible for a variety of reasons. It's terrible that someone added to Barry and John's grief the way that they did. for a variety of reasons. It's terrible that someone added to Barry and John's grief the way that they did,

but it appears that Pastor Flabberton's choice is also completely legal and they won't have much recourse. However, after consulting with our attorney, it is also entirely legal for me to challenge

Philip Hamilton to a fight. Philip, if you're listening, and we know you're listening. Yeah, big guy, big fan. I'd like to cordially invite you to lose a fist fight to us If you're listening and we know you're listening. Yeah. Big guy. Big fan. I'd like to cordially invite you to lose a fist fight to us as a cast, preferably in front of Barry and John.

We could do some light refreshments to follow. Also. Also, I challenge you to a gay fuck, Philip. I bet you're too scared. I'll show you. Fall on the sword for us, Noah. I've seen his wife. man can have a husband. I've seen his wife. I googled imaged.

He's going to call you. She looks like him in a wig. She could be him in a wig. That's all I'm saying. She might be a nice person. She married him, so no. But like, looks like him in a wig. And in sliding into third base news the kansas city royals baseball

franchise would very much like to go back to the good old days when nobody gave a fuck about it unfortunately that's going to be tricky ever since they decided to take a strong anti-pornography stance earlier this month and hosted a dangers of porn seminar for the team along with the help of an anti-porn activist group called Fight the New Drug. Why? Do baseball games last longer if you think about

fucking? They do not. Trick question, Noah. It's physically impossible for baseball games to last any longer than they currently do. Question withdrawn. Yeah. So according to Fight the New Drug, they're not a religious organization. Only one of the many lies they tell.

Yeah. Apparently they're one of those Salt Lake City based anti-pornography charities founded by four Mormon guys that has nothing to do with the Mormon church at all. So that's a relief. by four Mormon guys that has nothing to do with the Mormon church at all. So that's a relief. They're just one of those all-inclusive, secular, non-profits using the slogan, porn kills love, on all their stuff. I feel like asking my wife to do all that shit would kill it a lot faster.

Yeah. And the Royals organization could not be happier with the work they did. According to the team's GM, Dayton Moore, this is actually a women's issue. I don't know if you guys knew. It's, you know, considering how porn leads to domestic abuse of women, it's a women's issue.

And nope. No. That's not how it works. Which means Dayton Moore's team, that's apparently full of violent assholes, just got zero help with their terrible problems because porn has nothing to do with that oh fucking women's well yeah nobody's demonstrated their concern for women's issues

more than the mormons once removed right and we should point out in case you haven't heard of fight the new drug this is just one of the many lies that they propagate about porn like they also say that it literally shrinks your brain, that it makes you a rapist, and they have funded not one but a series of movies that have lied about and then doxxed adult film performers.

Yeah, they're the project veritas of not touching your bits. They're great. Yeah, so in closing, fuck you! Fuck the Royals for doing this and fuck that activist group for existing and for their stupid name and their stupid fucking face fight the new drug fuck you although i will admit there's a great tv commercial that needs to get made you show the frying pan on the stove like this is your brain you come in the pan this is your brain on porn scrambled cum any questions but uh instead of

doing anything creative like that the group goes to company events to prevent orgasms and destroy happiness jesus oh i got one idiots how about just say also pay for your porn no and andrew pays for it and in the come before the storm news tonight head of the family research council and personified boredom and spectacles tony perkins is about sick and damn tired of the way liberal people are always so concerned about who other people are fucking the leader of the anti-gay anti-trans anti-unmarried cohabitation anti-oral sex anti-condom hate group took to the radio to deliver his message of sexual indifference last week when otherwise tolerant liberals started having issues with who paid off what porn star suddenly i'd love to isolate this variable and just watch how christian people

respond as we keep changing the person trump's having the affair with right apparently stormy daniels is fine and like okay now it's a black lady okay back to white lady sorry now it's a man now it's a child nobody is she pregnant i have questions first i don't understand no you? I have questions first. I don't understand. No, you should not have questions. At this point, Christians are just like the roadrunner running into the black hole they painted by the things Trump said. And I'm like, yeah, but you spent the last 20 years hit by a train, hit by a train. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. So Perkins, who apparently thought he might be able to smother hypocrisy with yet greater hypocrisy, pointed out that liberals are only interested in the illegal use of presidential campaign funds so that a porn star the president fucked wouldn't show anybody the pictures because they want to, quote, shame evangelicals for their political participation. End quote. I mean, what else about this mundane series of events could have drawn our attention yeah tell you what donald tax rich people again give us a budget surplus and uh stop agreeing with nazis and we're cool with the affair we're gonna let that all go i'm still gonna talk about the bribery using campaign money but you know that's a federal crime but we're gonna let the like affair the affair is go. The affair is the thing I care least about. Barack Obama could come back and begin

each day by fucking his way from one end of a swimming pool filled with porn stars to the other, and it would be delightful. I'd pay-per-view that shit. Don't forget the edges, Barack. You got it. So Perkins went on to say some weird shit about Christians being salt in the light or something.

What? Your guess is as good as mine. Maybe better. So you throw the salt over your shoulder. I don't. That's how you blind the light. You throw the photons. Yeah, right, right.

Then you draw your gun while it's recovering. I don't know. Pass the salt. Dave Doberman. Then he dismissed this as though paying off porn stars with undeclared in-kind contribution ranks relatively low on the scale of presidential indiscretion by saying quote if trump were to engage in behavior like bill clinton we're out of here end quote and i get that there's no definitive evidence trump fucks stormy daniels

with a cigar that's a reasonable place to draw the line okay but we've also got a playboy model coming out of the woodwork right now so you know tony you're running out of time to quote get out of here right the cigar is your line it's a cuban issue it's about economics we're trying to do something here trying to a point. It's about the use of cylinders. That's where we stand. And in Jesus Take the Squeal news tonight, It's Supernatural is a weekly Christian show hosted by Sid Roth that interviews people who have been visited by God. It plays on Daystar, Trinity Broadcasting Network,

and the Discovery Channel. Because why the fuck not? Well, sure, but I bet their much larger audience than ours is less something. Are we switching? Because I'll switch mid-program, Mr. Illusion. You say the word, I'm switching over.

Let me tell you about the Lord Jesus Christ. I got alternate headlines I write every week just in case. So this show, It's Supernatural, is an absolute font of loose noodle caboodle but perhaps there's never been so great a guest as this past weeks kevin zadi claims he died during a dental procedure went to hell prayed himself out went to heaven and then returned to earth to be taught soprano saxophone by jesus christ himself fucking what wow lord and savior this is so exciting but soprano sax

can't you teach me like tenor instead it It's a little, or guitar, piano, every fucking time. No, you know what? Triangle. This is what you get. It's every time. I always show up with this. Jesus. Even their lies are lame.

Fucking Christian Peter Parker would get bit by a radioactive spider and get melanoma. Now, look, I know I don't ask you a lot of favors as an audience but do yourself a favor this week check the show notes of this episode and watch the reenactment video clip from the show i will never give you a greater gift than the ability to watch two actors reenact this scene i will never need to report on another story again i should be able to replace all my headlines on this show from this day forth with, remember a few weeks ago when that guy said he learned sax from Jesus and I sent you a video? But for those of you who can't wait, here's a couple of quotes from his testimony. Quote, so then I woke up.

He was standing there and he had this saxophone in his hands and he started to play it over me. He took it away from his mouth and handed it to me. And he said, you play. And I go, Lord, I can't play like that. He said, that's because you're doing it wrong. Yep. He goes on. I put that horn that he handed me in my mouth and I blew and it was exactly like Jesus had played.

Wonder what that would be like. Arise, my son. Wow. Jesus. Yes. I have heard your prayers and now I have brought unto you a way to praise me. Tell me the way, my lord. Here, take this soprano sax and play.

Like this? No, no, you need to... Okay, lip against the reed at the bottom, kind of bite down at the top, and then bring your cheeks in. You don't want to let air escape through those. Oh. Oh. Okay.

Okay, like this? No, no. You're biting the reed. Just kind of go like this. And then right there. Cool. Cool. So I have questions about heaven.

And I have questions about those fingers. Look, F is here. Like this. Right. Like this. Okay. It's just, why is it there? That's better. And in entangled up in bluegrass news, the Kentucky House of Representatives voted 83 to 5 last week in favor of hb 40 which would make the final wednesday in september of

every year an official day of prayer for all the students in the state they considered also adding a day of thought but quickly realized the conflict of interest i'm doing um so if the bill passes through the senate religion will finally be legalized for kids in Kentucky, if only for one day a year. So that's exciting for them. Finally, public school students in Kentucky can take a break from their grueling academic schedule to wish something better would happen. Yeah, yeah. If they all pray for church-state separation, I bet God crashes like the computer at the

end of War Games. Yeah! Find out. Yeah, so according to state representative regina huff who sponsored the bill uh and said zero true things about it the day of prayer is totally neutral and it's compatible with all belief systems which probably took several days of editing muslim slurs to make it still not true but also no it's not but uh yeah miss huff also said the event will be student initiated and conducted much like the end of slavery was plantation owner initiated

so again nope uh say one true thing regina huff too slow no no no but it is fully inclusive because you can always pray to jesus not be a Muslim anymore. Right, exactly. I want one whirling dervish kid to fuck it up. He's just smashing into stuff. I am praying. This is our thing. No, don't make me sue you. Sorry, Todd.

So HP 40 seems to be a workaround to deal with a problem that popped up last month when the Kentucky State Senate shut down SB 48, which would have banned child marriage. Apparently, it took Kentucky lawmakers several weeks to add up all the positive and negative words and realize there's still a legal way for a creepy old man to legally fuck a child. Nope, nope. But then they realized how much they value the sanctity of marriage. So they stuck with the legalized kid fuckingfucking and added the day of prayer, also known as a Kentucky referendum. Yeah, right.

And while they try to pray away all the kid-fucking, I guess we'll take a quick break and hand things over to my lovely wife, Lucyn. A man wrote the Bible? A whore is what she was. If it's a legitimate race. If it's a slut, right? Cooking can be fun.

Hey, I'm proud of a man. This week in Massage. I've got an interesting quirk of human evolution for you. So with most great apes, the female's breasts only swell when they're in heat or nursing. It's a way to send a message to potential mates that they're ready for attention. But because human babies are born so helpless and human mothers needed a guy around for a long time, even after the nursing was over, we develop permanently swollen breasts so that evolutionarily speaking, guys wouldn't leave us alone. So in the end, it turns out it's not about eternal love or passion or desire. Science has shown us the truth.

It's just about the boobs. So with that in mind, I've got a boob-themed twim for you this week. We'll start off in India where Professor... Fuck, why do you misogynists always have such fucked up names? Anyway, Professor Jauhar Munavar T. sparked outrage when he chastised his female students for not covering up enough of their boobs. In a comment that has since gone viral, he lamented visible cleavage and the uncontrollable sexual lust it's sure to cause, saying in part, quote, it's like a slice of a melon cut out to show how ripe the fruit is, end quote.

One of his comments came out the following day and video of them surfaced the day after. Students have responded with widespread protest around the campus, as well as online protests featuring topless students holding watermelons, which is comforting because when I first saw the link, I just thought it was some weird new type of porn Eli was into. Turns out it was, but it's also a protest. Anyway, the next Bubenard docket goes by the name of Harry Shiver, and he's a state representative from Alabama. And this ridiculous tit managed to accidentally get something right for all the wrong reasons last week when he came out against arming teachers to combat school shootings. Because a lot of teachers are women, and women don't know how to gun. As he explained in an interview with AL.com, the majority of teachers in most schools are women

and they're mostly scared of firearms. And as condescending as that sounds when he says it, yes, most women are scared of firearms, but it's less because of the vagina and more because of the mortality. I submit that if you're not scared of firearms, it's because nobody told you what they do. Anyway, that's all i've got for you this week to be honest i started to look for another story about boobs but after a few minutes it occurred to me that they're generally best in pairs so with that i'll hand things back over to noah heath and eli thank you lucinda and in broken transmission news tonight christian author and high school vice principal who likes to have fun

but this has gone too far incarnate, Nancy Piercy gave a speech at the Heritage Foundation this week to remind everybody that just because you don't know the first thing about trans identity doesn't mean you can't write a book vilifying that. Right. Or, hell, build a whole career off it.

Best selling book, $60,000 on Patreon. Sorry, why am I on this side again? I would like to switch to hell build a whole career off it best selling book sixty thousand dollars on patreon sorry why am i on this side again i would like to switch to the bad guys can i switch i would like to switch well first you got to finish that novel you've been working on but yeah if that sells all right anyway in her speech and the resulting christian post article about it piercy railed against the post postmodern attack on gender because that word postmodern has lost all meaning and is now doublespeak for uppity faggots and their smart words.

And she encouraged her listeners to build bridges with feminists to resist the transgender agenda. Wait, wait, wait, like build bridges out of feminists, like to see if they weigh more than ducks. I don't get it.

Yeah. So let me clarify here for those who don't speak twitter troll uh nancy is not talking about building bridges with actual feminists feminists support equal rights for women and trans women or women no she's talking about a particularly awful strain of human being known as turfs or trans exclusionary radical feminists who among other things and this is real believe that trans women are men trying to co-opt the female experience really yeah people are doing you know what i feel like today like this afternoon i could go for some less money and more fear i'm switching over to female oh and if you trans, you also get that massive uptake in the likelihood of death by homicide.

So, yeah, bonus. Hello. It's pretty sweet to be trans. We all know that. So, yeah, she wants to build bridges with everyone Cecil's ever hung up on for talking about George Soros. But she also warned her audience that trans people are coming for your kids, calling it a gay genocide and saying, quote, you go to trans critical websites. Many of them are oriented towards same sex people because they have gay and lesbian children who are being pressured by trans activists to go all the way and become trans. They're being told it's not enough to be gay or lesbian anymore if you're a

girl for example who identifies as lesbian because you're more masculine than most girls they say well you need to acknowledge that you're really a boy and a quote wow she is confused on the dimensional right like that's what he's saying hey you're pretty tall seems like you should just acknowledge that you're also from the future i'm sorry i'm still hung up on the go all the way phrasing i just think you get like gay experience points and then level up to trans fireball fireball and look this is a ridiculous, easily disproved claim. But did I think that guillotine that Callie Wright over at the Gatheist Manifesto set up at her wedding was a little much? Yes, I did.

But I didn't feel pressured to use it. And that's why the claim is silly. That's all I'm saying. And in oh, no, he didn't news tonight. Evangelical pastor, hollow earther, and man who grossly underestimated what he was unleashing, Gene Kim managed to finally cross my red line last week. And I know you might be thinking, Noah, don't you live on the far side of your red line? But no. Up until now, this has all been yellow line rage.

But Kim managed to kick it up a notch when he turned his religious bat shittery against the noblest of all the creatures, the Felis Catus, also known as the cat. They don't have a good, that's obviously cat. Oh, shit. You're going to get it now, Incredible Kimmy Fuller Schmidt. That's right. So Kim presented his argument, which takes advantage of biblical prophecy

and the fact that you're legally allowed to draw lines between any two things you've written on a whiteboard in a YouTube video that seeks to capture the essence of time cube without being derivative. He says, I'd love to explain the argument here, but it's not the kind of thing that lends itself to explanation. But suffice to say, he concludes by saying that the Bible is a dog person and that cats are minions of the Antichrist condemned to an eternity of hellfire after death. Well, I mean, all right, being right is great and everything,

but between the delightful movie about that lovely fat kid becoming a Christian rock star and now this, I don't know what to think. Two votes. There's a theme to this episode. Two votes.

Also, is cat hell just a bunch of vacuum cleaners and two-year-olds who pet too hard? Inquiring minds want to know. All right. Now, Kim, you and me, buddy, eye to eye here. Let me be super clear on this.

My cats are the sweetest, most lovable, most docile animals to ever contain DNA. And if you say otherwise, they will scratch out your fucking eyes and eat them. Well, actually, they won't because they're too fucking lazy, so I'd have to scratch out your eyes and then I'd have to put them in their bowl with enough other eyes so they couldn't see the bottom of the bowl and I'd have to shake it until they scraped their lethargic asses off the comforter to come up to the food.

Anyway, that's a big pain in the ass, so you're safe for now, but still, shut the fuck up. It's weird when you go to Noah's house and he hides under the bed hissing while the cats greet you. I mean, it's a weird change. And finally tonight, the Cinderella of the Sweet 16 at this year's NCAA basketball tournament, Loyola University Chicago made some non-sport headlines as well last weekend

after they shut down the microphone during a stand-up comedy show by hannibal burris at their gentile arena on saint patty's day so first of all yes their venue is basically called not a jew arena but we're gonna push past that uh so burris started to tell a joke about the sweet 16 that was unrelated to basketball and the audio went out real fast. Yeah, but in Loyola's defense, Bill Cosby's lawyer just follows him around with an EMP at this point. Yeah. Also, he gets into punchlines super slowly.

I feel like he's easier to cut off than Bill Burr. You know what I'm saying? Right. So, yeah. Burr started the set by turning on a projector and showing everyone the email he got from the school with their standard list of content restrictions, including one rule that said the artist can't have any material about rape, sexual assault, race, sexual orientation or gender. And then Burris started saying a word

that started with the letter P and some administrator dove across the sound booth and pulled the plug. He correctly guessed which P word it was going to be. At which point Burris just started talking really loud, but was immediately drowned out when a marching band of priests repelled down from the ceiling and started playing at full volume. Right. At which point Burris started performing in ASL only to have his hands severed at the wrist by sharpened thrown crucifixes. Yeah, they were ready. They had a whole backup plans okay so just to be clear the university was absolutely well within their rights to cut the mic they're just assholes but they're allowed to do that burris was in the

middle of a joke that directly violated the terms of their performance contract and again he had the contract projected on the screen at the time showing everyone the exact wording of the agreement he was about to break but i think there's a larger point here if your organization needs rules that say no jokes about pedophiles because that makes us look bad it's already too late yeah it doesn't help i mean is it Because that's number 4, 8, and 16 on the whiteboard. I need to remind it every 4 or I forget. Also, already too late. Yeah, so in terms of my normal level of sympathy for the plight of Catholic universities,

that starts at zero. And yet somehow Loyola managed to lower that number. I gave no fucks and now it's negative. I'm taking fucks about this they're they're worried about the topic of sexual assault coming up and they invited a comedian who's famous for his routine about bill cosby a routine that reminded the world about decades and decades of rape accusations i i hate to use the phrase you asked for it in this context but they fucking asked for it look how they were dressed they might as well invite the cast

of spotlight to do a stage show of the movie but without the pedophile stuff just like come on do that scene where they all get Chinese food and they're tired just no talk it'll be great it's gonna be fun alright well now that Eli's turncoat ass has a script to start

cobbling together I guess we'll close the headlines for the night Heath Eli Eli, thanks as always. Jumanji, nope. Not going to say that. And when we come back, there will be light. Alright, you guys ready to go for the intro? Yep. Alright.

It's Thursday. It's March 22nd. And this week we're going to scathe more than usual. Eli, what are you doing? The intro. Are you eating? No, not now. No.

Eli, what did we say about actively eating during the record? Sorry, guys, but my Chinese food was running late, and that got me depressed, so I started eating my spare in case I get depressed Chinese food, and it took a while to heat up. Okay, Eli, why don't you just cook delicious meals at home? Well, I'd love to, Heath, but I live in a gentrified neighborhood in Manhattan,

so they replaced all the grocery stores with artisanal, handcrafted, gluten-free furniture stores. Which is great. Don't get me wrong. Poor people can't live here anymore. But it also means that I can— Then why not just try Blue Apron? Blue Apron? What's that?

You mean after the first 300 ads, it hasn't sunk in? Okay, I'm prompting the copy, Noah. Oh, right. Yeah, I'm sorry, Heath. What is Blue Apron? Blue Apron is the leading meal kit delivery service in the United States. They offer fresh, pre-portioned ingredients and step-by-step recipes right to your door. They can be cooked in under 45 minutes.

The menu changes every week based on what's in season, and it's designed by Blue Apron's in-house culinary team. Huh, is it any good? Are you kidding me? I eat Blue Apron's in-house culinary team. Huh, is it any good? Are you kidding me? I eat Blue Apron all the time. And instead of eating the same boring burgers I used to cook, I'm eating stuff like quick bucatini with broccoli and pecorino cheese

or Italian-style shrimp and sweet pepper. It's good stuff. Wow, that sounds delicious. It is. And they offer 12 new recipes every week. So you've always got new stuff to try. Plus, you can pick two, three, or four recipes based on what fits your schedule. All right.

I'm sold. How do I sign up? Well, Blue Apron is treating scathing atheist listeners to $30 off their first order if you visit blueapron.com slash scathing. So check out this week's menu and get $30 off at blueapron.com slash scathing. Wow. Blue Apron sounds like the better way to cook.

That is my line. Sorry. Say that there. Okay. All right. So can we do the intro now? Yeah. Give me 10 minutes.

My Chinese food just got here. Do you have a project, an Etsy shop, or a novel that you wrote? Or any other businesses that you'd like to promote? You can buy yourself an ad on Scathing Skeptocrat or GAM and help to sponsor an episode to keep these shows afloat. To keep these shows afloat Promote your stuff with Trump, Tile Tiler And Sarah Huckabee

Or Inside Out Little Girl or Cooking Ramen With Heath The Pug of Pegacorns can tag along I can write you your very own song By helping us with one of the shows You're helping us to keep them free. If you'd like to become a sponsor,

email us at gotawfulmovies at gmail.com for more information. Again, that's gotawfulmovies at gmail.com And remember, if you sponsor our show, you might just get some garlic bread. Garlic bread not included.

Obviously, all of us here at Puzzle in a Thunderstorm Entertainment were relieved beyond belief when we finally finished the Book of Mormon, but perhaps the most relieved was our editor, Morgan Clark. You see, along with the Book of Mormon, we did a very popular segment called Mormon Peace Theater, and as fun as that was for us, it required a lot more editing work than most of our segments. So with Morgan's relief in mind, we'd like to present a brand new segment that we call

Bible Peace Theater. Okay, guys, Bible Peace Theater Genesis. Here we go. I can't believe you guys talked me into this shit. I mean, you knocked over the stick that held up the box. There were cigarettes under there. People, focus, focus. We're tackling Old

Testament God here. We gotta pick just the right voice or this isn't gonna work. Oh, are we not just doing that, like, Boomy voice thing? We just did that in the ad. I wanna do something new. Boomy voice was just fine before he came along. Whatever. Oh, I'm sorry. He? Do you mean me? Do you mean me?

Doxing. Lucinda, he's doxing me. We said no doing that. Eli, don't doxies. People. He started Old Testament God. We need a character here. Right, right. Sorry. What about Seth Andrews? Ooh, too nice. I'd be rooting for God.

David Michael? I think he's dead. Is he? I think so. Yes. Yes, I think so. Alright, how about Callie? That would piss off people on the right. Oh, that's so good. But she's getting married this week. Plus, I'd still be rooting for God. So that seems...

Right. Yeah. No, I think we need a character, right? Okay. How about Inside Out Little Girl? No, I think we need like a character, right? Okay. How about inside out little girl? No, no. It wouldn't. The sexism wouldn't work. Oh, that's true.

Yeah. Old Testament God's an asshole. Maybe Crunch Biggins? Too smart. We need a stupid asshole. Right. But powerful. Right.

But not that powerful. He's got to be somebody that can constantly lose bets and get angry and change his mind and make weird declarations for no reason. Right. Tyler, Tyler, get in here. Yes, Mr. I mean, God creator of the universe. What can I do for you?

There he is, my favorite angel, Tyler, tallest of all mean, God creator of the universe. What can I do for you? There he is. My favorite angel, Tyler. Tallest of all the angels. The first and foremost. I'm the exact same height as all the other angels. We're all identical. Also, my name's not really tight. This guy, always with the jokes. Okay, so I'm ready

to make the universe and it's going to be the most biggest, beautiful universe you've ever seen. It's going to be perfect in every way, shape and form, and it's going to be the most biggest, beautiful universe you've ever seen. It's going to be perfect in every way, shape, and form, so there's no question I made it. That's a great idea, sir. I got to tell you, I was a little worried that you'd make the vast majority of it uninhabitable

so that it would be startlingly obvious it wasn't created. I know. Why would I do that? That's a silly thing. No, ridiculous. I don't even know why it occurred to me. Okay, so the first thing we're going to need is heaven and earth. I know, why would I do that? That's a silly thing. No, ridiculous. I don't even know why it occurred to me. Okay, so the first thing we're going to need is heaven and earth. You mean where we're standing right now?

Yeah, but also like the sky. Okay, and the earth. The planet, right? Like the planet earth. What else could I mean? One of the other 10 to the 24th power of planets? No, no, no. I mean my favorite. The only one that I care about.

Got it. Okay. Okay. And you want me to create those all at the same time? Yeah, exactly. Exact same time. Great. Okay. So one will not obviously be vastly older than the others by billions and billions of years? No. You keep asking questions like that, Tyler. I don't understand what the... Right, no, I'm sorry.

You know what? Good work. I'm going to move upon the face of the waters. You're going to what? You know, take a little swim. I earned it. You haven't even created water yet. If you need anything, ask Sarah. Well, then just make it look a couple billion years older than the Earth.

Yes. Yes. Wow. Wow, really? That much of it needs to be a void, huh? He is not going to like those numbers, Tim. Oh, sorry. Hold on one sec. You wanted to see me?

Hi. Yeah, Sarah. Thanks for coming in. I see you chose not to wear your angel robe. Yeah. Yeah. Got barbecue sauce on my only one. Cool. You look like someone sta on my only one. Cool.

You look like someone stapled fried eggs on Jerry Reynolds. It was chicken. I was eating barbecue chicken. What were you saying? So God is moving over the face of the waters? Allegedly. No, he just is. And I thought we might get ahead

on some of his plans for the first day. He said he left his notes with you? He did, yeah. Good. I'm glad to hear it because I got to tell you, the heavens have turned out to be a real mess of completely not existing and being a tremendous percentage vacuum. And Earth has these ice things I cannot get rid of,

like these huge ice things. Maybe someone will take care of those yeah maybe it'll be a good thing yeah i don't think so anyway uh what's he got for day one okay uh day one he's got his notes i hear you it's always good to remember and uh also uh he's got let there be light light you mean the photon he bouncy off bouncy-off-y wave particle thing? Yep, yep. Okay, all right. But he hasn't made any of the light-producing things yet,

like suns or stars. No, it says here he's going to do that tomorrow, right after the firmament. Jesus Christ, this is going to take a while. Okay, did you have a good swim, sir? I wore my water wings in the deep end, but in the shallow end, I didn't. Jesus Christ, this is going to take a while. Okay, did you have a good swim, sir? I wore my water wings in the deep end, but in the shallow end, I didn't. What did we say about that?

I don't have to listen to you, I'm God. Okay, right, sir. So about this light. Oh, yeah, I absolutely love it. So here's the deal. We're going to have light, and then everything that isn't that is going to be darkness. And when it's light, it's day. And when it's light, it's day. And when it's not, it's night.

Okay, but when it's light, where? You know, around? I hate you. Okay, pretty good work today, everyone. Let's pick this up tomorrow. What the fuck is tomorrow? It's in the bones. It's the stuff in the bones.

Okay, day two. How'd you sleep tie fighter for an indiscernible amount of time since you've separated photons from not and then named them with no demarcation i sleep upside down oh like a bat what's a bat i'm a it's a bird i'm making later this week anyway today is all about firmament i I actually took that for weight loss. It did not work. No, no, no, no. This stuff separates the upper and lower waters. What? The upper and lower waters? Yeah, you

know, so I can hide the spooky fish down at the bottom. Sure. And we'll call it heaven. I thought this was heaven. And also, didn't you also make the heavens? Oh, I'm going to make a bunch of them. The seventh one, Mackenzie Roseman, going to steal your heart.

Going to steal your heart, Dio. Oh, boy, will she. The T-bone thing in the last season? Yeah, yeah, that show gets weird. It sure does. They run out of ideas. Sir, sir, the firmament. Right, so that's good for the day. Everyone, meet up tomorrow.

But you explained nothing. I understood it. Two votes, perfect. See you guys tomorrow. Okay, but like, has she said anything about me? Uh, well, you know Hope. She needs time to heal. I just don't want there to be bad blood, and I'm God. Okay, sir, day three.

I would really love to dig in today maybe get some stuff done right we'll talk about this later i'm here for you thank you no thank you okay tyler thai food let's do it first of all let's put all the water in one place so that dry land can appear one place place? Yeah. By one place, do you mean covering 70% of the planet with countless other waterways running throughout the land, not including the water cycle itself? Yes.

And we're going to call the dry land. Get ready for it. You can use literally any sound except heaven, which you've already used twice, and earth, which you've already created. Earth. I love it. Great idea. Great name. Great name. These things just come to me. I don't know how.

They don't. Can they hear me? I can hear me. And the water places are going to be called... Please don't say heaven. Please don't say heaven. Please don't say heaven. The seas. Oh, thank God. You're welcome. Also, let's throw some grass on there. Herb-yielding seeds and fruit trees, you know. All right. All right. We're on a roll. I gotta say. Okay, that's throw some grass on there. Herb-yielding seeds and fruit trees, you know. Alright.

Alright, we're on a roll, I gotta say. Okay, that's good for today. Let's pick this up tomorrow. Damn it. Pennies? You know it. Yes. Moon's over my hand. Triple slam. Okay, day four. He's a good kid. I told him,

Jared, put the Book of Mormon wherever you want. Nobody's gonna believe that shit, but it's up to you, I told him Jared, put the Book of Mormon wherever you want Nobody's gonna believe that shit But it's up to you, right? Oh, Jared Okay, guys, day four Right, sorry, Tyler, here we go I need some lights in the firmament You know, point the way

Tell the seasons Give boring people an excuse to make small talk Okay, stars, check I'm the bull. You're a Taurus? What's a Taurus? Never mind. Okay, got the stars, sir.

Okay, also, I want one big light for day and one big light for night. Yeah, no, I spoke to the tech guys, and I can give you one star and one moon, but they need to be a star and a moon. I can't give you just two random floating lights. That's fine. That's fine. No need to be more specific. Also, I want some stars.

Okay, but the lights are the stars. I already said. Exactly. Exactly. Well, just make sure, just make sure they can fall out of the sky in a couple thousand years. What? Spoilers. Oh my God.

It's so good. What is this? Never mind. We my god, it's so good What is this? Never mind, we'll get into it later No, seriously You know what, let's take a break and do some more tomorrow Oh my god, really? Day five Ready to get to work?

What? Oh, sorry, I was up all night The whole firmament thing is not going to work out. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, whatever. I'm totally past that. Today, I'm going buck wild. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Got him. Today, I want animals. Birds, water creatures. Are you writing this down?

Whales and all the other animals. Weird that you would single out whales there. Right. And best of all, I want one last animal that looks just like me. Hey Todd, I'm going to need a lot more of that bright orange paint

that we talked about. Not just like me. I want to make a man and also a woman. They're going to be in charge of everything. The animals, the plants, everything. It's going to be great. They're in charge of the whole thing. Yeah.

But sir, I was looking over the plans for those things. Those things get cancer. They murder each other. They rape each other. Allegedly. No, they really do. They just destroy and kill and do horrible things for a huge percentage of their history. Maybe you make it so that they don't do that.

No, no. Killing and the raping has to say someone has to be doing the raping. But why? Okay, hear me out. So that later, when they love me, they mean it. They got to mean it. I really want them to mean it. But sir, I love you and Sarah loves you.

I do love you. Is it really worth it to have all these terrible things happen just so that a very small percentage of the ones who chose to love you mean it despite all the evidence? Yes. You know what? I quit. Whoa, whoa. I'm sorry. You quit.

Tyler, you can't quit. I'm God, and you're one of my... Well, yeah, well, you're a shitty God, and I'm gonna fuck up your humans. Lucifer Bethesda Tyler. Oh, full name. You're in trouble now. Yeah, Lucifer, if you walk out of this heaven, you are

finished, you hear me? I'm gonna tweet such mean things about you in this book I'm writing. You're gonna see it, and you know what? What do I care? I'm going to tweet such mean things about you in this book I'm writing. You're going to see it, and you know what? Do it! Do it! What do I care? I don't care! Wow. This is awkward. Yeah, well, good riddance. That guy was nothing but trouble. What about tomorrow? What's going on tomorrow? Oh, tomorrow. You know what? I'm going to take the day off.

Anyway, I am just, I am pooped. TGI Fridays? Oh, well, I am sure as fuck not working tomorrow. I'll go get my robe. You do that. And on as close to a twist ending as we'll ever be able to pull off on this show, we'll leave the story there, but we've got a fuck ton more absurdity

to point out, so we'll see you next time on Bible Peace Theater. Before we recede into the played episodes portion of your podcatcher, we want to remind you one more time to submit your failed Easter card on our Facebook page for a chance to win our undying praise and admiration. Find all the details by following the link on the show notes. Also, if you're going to be near Oklahoma City next weekend, don't forget to come and see us at the American Atheist National Convention. Anyway, that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight, but we'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister

show's hot friend, Godawful Movies, debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Tuesday, and an even newer episode of our half-sister show, Citation Needed, debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously, I couldn't exactly call myself the host if I neglected to thank Heath Enright for all the heathens he's wrought. I need to thank Lucinda Lusions for all the delusions she's loosened. And I need to thank Eli Bosnick for all the snakes he's Eli-bowed. I also want to thank Jeff and Dan from the Brothers Craft Time

Sharing Hour podcast for providing this week's Farnsworth quote. Incidentally, if we've got any artistically inclined listeners looking for something to paint on a ceiling, I would also like to see a monkey fucking base church mural. But most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's most dashing diploids. Finger me rectum, Alex, Jesse, Michael, Lee, Reverend Bishop Parsons, Junkhead, Jessica, Raphael, Frobnob, Schofield, Jordan, Arthur, Glenn, Lynn, Samantha, Elijah, Lori, Eli, Scabby, Thong, Melissa, Aaron, Guice, Alexander, Jason, Theron, Dragon, Brendan, Peggy, Molly, Mike,

Laurel, Catherine, George, Dustin, Ryan, Asaurus, Joan, Daniel, Mr. Meckler, Andy, and Peter. Who are so sexy their driver's license say the unrated version under their name. Together these 39 thankful and thorough thinkers thoughtfully thicken the thread of our theist thrashing thematics this week by giving us money. Not everybody has the incredible genitals it takes to give us money, but if your junk's up to the challenge, you can make a per-episode donation at patreon.com slash scathingatheist, whereby you'll earn early access to an extended ad-free version of every episode plus Patreon-only bonus content, or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the Donate button

on the right side of the homepage at scathingatheist.com. And if you'd like to help but not in a donating money sort of way, you can also help us a ton by leaving us a five-star review on iTunes, liking our Facebook page, and not telling anybody about that time you caught Eli on the porch. And speaking of catching Eli on porches, legal services for this podcast are provided by the law offices of P. Andrew Torres and our audio engineer is

Morgan Clark. We also wrote all the music that was used in this episode, which was used with permission. If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at ScalingAdias.com. Doodly-doots. And by the way, Morgan, if you need some squeaky saxophone sounds, I can provide those for you. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle & Thunderstorm LLC.

Copyright 2018. All rights reserved.