The Scathing Atheist - 273: Cultural A-Pope-Riation Edition

Episode Date: May 10, 2018

In this week’s episode, Iowa redefines abortion to mean felching, Sarah Palin gets appointed to be National Secretary of All the Newspapers--wait, no, it's even dumber than that, and Bryce Blankenagel will be here and probably regret it. To see Citation Needed live in Chicago, clicker here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/citation-needed-live-in-chicago-tickets-45942658729 To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click there: http://www.amazon.com/Diatribes-Godless-Misanthrope-Scathing-Presents-ebook/dp/B00J53FZFI/ref=sr11?ie=UTF8&qid=1396141562&sr=8-1 To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out out half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ Guest Links: To check out the Sunday Stoic podcast, click here: https://sundaystoic.wordpress.com/ To hear more from Bryce, click here: http://www.nakedmormonismpodcast.com/index.html Headlines: Iowa Heartbeat Bill: https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2018/05/05/608738116/iowa-bans-most-abortions-as-governor-signs-heartbeat-bill https://www.nbcnews.com/think/opinion/iowa-s-new-six-week-heartbeat-abortion-bill-blatant-attempt-ncna871561 Trump signs EO creating even more dangerous version of White House religious advisor panel: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2018/05/03/trumps-new-faith-based-office-is-another-chance-to-reward-the-religious-right/ Study finds link between religious fundamentalism and falling for fake news: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2018/05/04/researchers-find-link-between-religious-fundamentalism-and-falling-for-fake-news/ Woman Accused of Trying to Steal Babies Says She Was Just Giving Them Bibles http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2018/04/26/woman-accused-of-trying-to-steal-babies-says-she-was-just-giving-them-bibles/ Mass grave of kids found in Peru where they were sacrificed to make God stop all the raining: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2018/04/30/thanks-to-el-nino-it-rained-so-much-140-children-were-massacred-to-make-it-stop/ Anti-LGBTQ march gets sad little turnout of assholes: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2018/05/05/tens-of-people-show-up-at-christian-groups-anti-lgbtq-freedom-march/ Atheists are all coke-drinking video game addicts: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2018/05/07/this-angry-young-preacher-says-atheists-are-all-coke-drinking-video-game-addicts/ and the scientists are hiding the truth about the sun and the moon: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2018/05/08/angry-young-preacher-scientists-are-hiding-the-truth-about-the-sun-and-moon/ Liberty Counsel Lawyer says Satan is behind sex ed programs in public schools: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2018/04/20/liberty-counsel-lawyer-satan-is-behind-public-school-sex-ed-programs/ Trump appointing Dr. Oz to council on health and nutrition: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2018/05/04/trump-is-appointing-tv-quack-dr-oz-to-a-health-post-in-his-administration/ Edna skit story: https://www.sfgate.com/entertainment/article/met-gala-catholic-cultural-appropriation-celebrity-12897708.php

Warning! Lucinda's out of town this week, so Noah's even more profane than usual. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by PreyPal, the new online money transfer service for people who just kinda hope the money gets there. It's like Venmo, but it works almost as often. And now, Scathing Atheist. Hi, I'm Steve Kerefit with the Sunday Stoic Podcast. And though Marcus Aurelius didn't know it,

we did indeed evolve from filthy monkey men. It's Thursday. It's May 10th. And the Met Gala has a lot of cultural appropriation to answer for. I'm Noah Lucius. I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heath Enright. I'm from New York, New York. Secret Lair, Pennsylvania. This The Scathing Atheist.

On this week's episode, Iowa redefines abortion to mean felching. Sarah Palin gets appointed to be national secretary of all the newspapers. Wait, no, it's even dumber than that. And Bryce Plankenagle will be here and probably regret it. First, the diatribe. Smells soup. Hey, Christianity, quick heads up here. it's not that you're assholes it's that you're wrong i mean i'm i'm not saying you aren't assholes a lot of you are but that's not the reason people

are leaving your religion they're leaving your religion because it's demonstrably incorrect on every factual assertion and fails under even the most modest application of logical scrutiny. There. I just saved you a dozen think pieces a day or so. Now, instead of spending the rest of your lives tinkering with messaging and biblical bowdlerization, you can focus on the more important shit like finding something important for churches to do. Sorry. Had to get that out. something important for churches to do sorry had to get that out i'm not normally much for offering up advices to churches but i've read something like 900 op-eds this year about why millennials

aren't going to church and not a single one has mentioned the possibility that it might be because they're unconvinced by the bullshit conservatives bemoan the liberalization of the church while liberals blame the stagnancy progressives say there's too much focus on anti-gay stuff and misogyny fundamentalists say there isn't enough and they never even pay lip service to logic and what's so funny is that most of the time the alpiner in question sneaks the real answer into their op-ed without even realizing it for example i i've seen a bunch of articles over the last few months that are calling out evangelicals for not taking a stronger moral stance against Trump.

You know, they'll talk about how very, very un-Christian he is. They'll talk about the strong support he still has among evangelicals. And then they'll say something along the lines of, and hey, how are we supposed to convince young people to join our church if we're supporting a misogynistic bully? What kind of moral system can we claim to have if we can't call out this kind of immoral behavior? And like, that's not a rhetorical question, right? You have a failed moral system. That's the kind that you have. Your moral system obviously doesn't work.

Your entire op-ed is laid out proof of that fact. When an immoral action occurred, your so-called moral system failed to stop it and failed to condemn it. And yet your argument seems to rely on the idea that somehow it's the kids these days that are failing to see the truth. It's not that young people are looking at your churches and misperceiving. They're looking at them and seeing misogynists, homophobes, racists, and liars all patting themselves on the back over how much more ethical they are than other people. And when they see that, it's because that's what's there. That's what your moral system wrought. But rather than deal with the crisis of faith that admitting that would entail, they invariably choose to rob the generation behind theirs of agency. They'd rather ignore the trend lines that show religiosity decreasing over time without regards to messaging and national attitudes towards gay rights.

They pull the rare triple fallacy and mistake lack of correlation for causation, all in a desperate effort to avoid admitting that only an idiot could believe in this shit. Now, consider the generational divide we're talking about here, because it's truly one of the largest in human history. People my age grew up before the Internet. We grow up in a world of restricted information. If you grew up in a Christian part of the world, in a Christian family, when I grew up, all the information was scrubbed to secularism. There was nothing about it at the library or the local bookstores or the local papers or the local schools. We largely grew up with only the information was given to us, right? So we didn't question it. That's no longer true. So irrespective of everything else, if you accept that the argumentation in favor of religiosity is inferior or even

questionable, you'd expect to see a massive uptick in religiously unaffiliated people in the post-internet generations. And surprise, surprise, that's exactly what we see. Now, consider the flip side of this, right? There isn't a corresponding mechanism to explain the uptick if you're arguing that people are leaving religion because of the church's bad behavior. I mean, sure, you could argue that the church's bad behavior itself is the mechanism, but that assumes that churches were doing good shit before, right? Beyond that, people may leave a church because of its bad behavior. They may even leave church altogether if enough of them behave badly, but they wouldn't stop believing in God. You know, if I got a long run of really unethical physics teachers, I might stop going

to class, but I wouldn't deny the existence of protons. So as tempting as that explanation might be for them, it doesn't really fit with the trends. People aren't just leaving the church, they're leaving the religion. So if the numbers don't conform to that narrative, why are so many otherwise intelligent people taken in by it? Well, that's a hard question to answer. Not because the answer is hard to figure out, mind you, but because a lot of people don't want to hear it, especially people my age or above. See, there is a problem generation here, but it sure as hell isn't the one given up on church. You know, that cultural divide we were just talking about swings both ways, right? And people who grew up in the church in rural America had no reason to question what their preacher was telling them.

They internalized it. And then when they grew up, maybe the question is eventually started gnawing at them a bit. Maybe they struggle with their faith for a couple of years. Maybe they recommitted themselves to Jesus a couple more times and only emerged from their faith many years later after a long and arduous spiritual journey. But that was an internal journey, right? They stumble out of the labyrinth bruised and bloody and they look back on it and they think, man, that was a really hard labyrinth. But in truth, it wasn't. Right. This isn't hard to figure out.

truth it wasn't right this isn't hard to figure out the hard parts were a realizing you were in a labyrinth in the first place and b convincing yourself you wanted to leave once you get past those two stumbling blocks you'll find the exit is clearly marked some people can accept that and just marvel at how brainwashed and illogical they really were but for others pride won't allow it they have to convince themselves that the labyrinth really was hard and that an intelligent person being presented with the arguments for and against god for the first time would find that issue difficult to resolve now that fantasy can't stand on its own so a whole scaffolding needs to be built around it to explain things like why 40 of 20 year olds already figured this shit out when it took these people until they were in their 40s. But the good news to take away from all of this is that religion is dying.

And it's desperately trying to stave off its own death. But as long as it remains in such fervent denial about the cause, all we need is patience. They're talking about you, Jesus. We interrupt this broadcast to bring you a special news bulletin. Joining me for headlines tonight are the dynamic duo of disbelief heath ed right and eli bosnick fellas are you ready to do commissioner gordon's job again uh pretty sure beating up mentally ill people wasn't commissioner gordon's job so but it is super fun to watch Eli do karate against himself. So, yes, we are ready. Kia! Kia! Got me. Got me.

In our lead story tonight, the state of Iowa made its already lacking eugenics policy even worse last week when lawmakers guaranteed breeding by even more Iowans and passed their so-called heartbeat bill, which bans the termination of any pregnancy after a fetal heartbeat is detected. That puts the new line at about six weeks after conception and makes Iowa the holder of the title for most restrictive abortion law in the country.

Congrats. Yeah, it's one of those dubious titles like White House staff or popular podcaster. You know, you don't want it. But don't worry, though. There is an exception here for rape, provided you reported it to the police within six weeks. So here's hoping it wasn't your stepdad. Yeah. For clarity, we're talking about podcasting.

No, we're not. No. Okay. Hard segue. So this bill was a blatantly partisan move the gop knows that pretty much all that liberal women want to do is kill babies and this is just pure spite so both houses of the iowa general assembly got together last week and passed the new law with exactly zero votes from democrats and that's when governor kim re Kim Reynolds sat down for a photo op

next to Iowa's black boy and Latina girl. Pretty sure both still had delivery stickers from Jet.com, so it's not even clear they were Iowan. And she signed away the reproductive autonomy of her entire gender. So that was fun. I wanted the doctor from Cries of the

Unborn to just rise up from under the desk i am a woman yeah that's okay yes so uh obviously there's been some opposition to the move what with it being a de facto violation of american constitutional law for example and the biggest problem is the six-week line which is fucking absurd many women aren't even aware of their pregnancy during the first six weeks let alone capable of getting doctor's appointments getting time off from work and getting the corrective surgery on their futures so yeah and if you're curious according to Planned Parenthood the number of abortions they do that occur after six weeks is over 99 percent

yeah you know there's some guy in Mississippi right now planning a zero week abortion ban that just makes it illegal to pull out. Yeah. Yeah. Or menstruate. Right. Well, two votes then. OK, well, yeah, this all sounds horrible, but we came up with a few workarounds. So don't worry.

First of all, it says you can't have an abortion after the fetal heartbeat is detected. So, if a doctor's checking for that, you're going to want to make a bunch of noise. That's the way to do it. And if you can get the guy from Police Academy to make heartbeat noises really loud, like right next to the doctor, that's perfect. Also, think about just

doing lines of Plan B every morning. Snort them right up, nip it in the bud just in case. And if nothing else, a market solution. Just a slow exodus, and Iowa's nothing but dudes in a few years. So there you go. You know, Heath, we don't credit you enough, but only a genius like you could figure out how to make Iowa worse. Yeah, right.

I'll do it. With the sound effects guy from Police Academy. Yeah. And in cranking open the bigot spigot news tonight the translucent curtain of separation between church and state got yet more feeble this week after trump issued an executive order calling for a new even more bigoted version of the white house office of faith-based and neighborhood partnerships uh exact quote i'm guessing exact quote you're really close okay so the office which

has been a dark stain on secular government since 2001 is basically a means of subcontracting social services to churches this maintains a patina of constitutionality by stipulating that the services have to be provided separate from religious services the money can't be used for religious activities and the churches aren't allowed to discriminate and apparently there's something about that third one that rubbed trump the wrong way yeah that uh 14th amendment that's been a thorn in the paw of the trump family for a while right yeah exactly stuff so ivanka's just supposed to pick her own cotton what is this bullshit come on all right so let's be super clear here the eo is skimpy on specifics but based on what trump said the only thing he's looking to change is the discrimination

part he's going to create a new office called the white house faith and opportunity initiative which will be the exact same thing except it takes the nod to secular neighborhood groups out of the name and opens the door to rampant discrimination. While introducing the executive order, Trump recited, quote, this office will also help ensure that faith-based organizations have equal access to government funding and the equal right to exercise their deeply held beliefs, end quote. So, in other words, it'll make sure churches keep getting that money from the government no matter who their God hates. Yeah, I actually like where he was going with that for a second, though. I'm very much in favor of churches having equal access to government funding. That'd be a huge reduction in their access. That would be strong.

Sorry, I just want to clarify the part of this committee that the White House had a problem with was that there was too little discrimination. a problem with was that there was too little discrimination yes well exactly because they had to provide the social services to women who had abortions and men who loved men and shit like that and like i said even without the coded homophobia and the deeply held beliefs bit this office was well worth getting pissed off about i i mean we don't have much in the way of details yet but every indication is that it will be the old Office of Establishment Clause violations on steroids. According to the Washington Post, one of Trump's top faith advisors said the point of the new office would be to create a culture less concerned with trifling things like church state separation barriers and, quote, all of these arbitrary concerns as to what is appropriate. And quote, hate crime crime not a hate crime these are the trifling matters slowing the good work of the folks over at the books down at hand white house

office of faith-based and neighborhood partners now i should be clear that despite the slathering praise he gets from the evangelical community, Trump basically let this office die from neglect up to this point. He never appointed a head of the agency. Their website disappeared. So up until now, he's accidentally been handling this correctly. The fear, though, is that now he's basically going to be making his loose coalition of batshit crazy Christian extremist advisors an official body. In a recent press release, American Atheists summed it up as, quote,

an office that would further undermine religious freedom and pour even more taxpayer money into religious groups that are free to discriminate, have little accountability and zero transparency. End quote. A statement I would only disagree with for its adherence to an outdated and inferior comma usage.

I fixed it in the notes. And in on the take fake Jews news tonight. According to a working study by researchers at Yale University, there are two groups of people who are especially vulnerable to fake news. Delusional people and religious fundamentalists. Okay. I feel like Yale should teach people about Venn diagrams. The second one's a subset.

Trump voters and Jill Stein voters. Potato, potato. Like, what are we talking about? Giant golden crucifix. Exactly. Just Yale sitting in the audience of a Baba Brinkman show raising his hand. It's very embarrassing. Nice try, Baba Brinkman.

So here's the study. The researchers surveyed 1,000 people and asked them to rate the accuracy of news headlines, some of which were fake and some of which were not. Their participants were then tested on their open-mindedness, religious fundamentalism, the Peters et al. delusion inventory, and cognitive reflection. And surprise, surprise, the people who think the government is putting microwaves in their underpants and the people who think a goat demon is the reason for all evil fell for fake news more often yeah uh i mean it makes sense right there in the bible and jesus said render unto caesar that which is caesar's his pile of gold is a ponzi suit and look i mean it's real sweet and all for psychologists to keep pretending delusional people and people who believe a goat demon is the reason for all evil are separate categories but a full third of the questions on the peters at all

delusion inventory are basically are you super christian they really are in fact fun fact so much of that is true that the dsm literally has to have exceptions for religious beliefs so that therapist noah just couldn't go into a church with an arm load of straight jackets just right who thinks a ghost knows where they are all the time and you and you do they really have that yes yes exceptions in the ds wow pretty soon that's going to be the last line of riffra just like okay and also uh ps our crazy doesn't count yeah might as well just codify that existing trend. Yeah.

All right. So some caveats to this study. So our smart listeners don't tweet things at me that I don't understand. Correlation doesn't equal causation. I don't know what that means, but people keep saying it to me. So just keep that in mind. You know, being delusional and religious don't make you believe in fake news. It just helps.

Not that either. What their book is. They're still going to tweet. Potato, potato, giant golden crucifix. And in robber baby buggy bumpers news, we might have finally found something problematic about the perfect word of God.

No way. Finally. We might have done it. As many listeners have no doubt experienced, have finally found something problematic about the perfect word of god no way finally okay i'd have done it yeah so as many listeners have no doubt experienced as members of the atheist community we often find ourselves presenting arguments about why the bible might be dangerous but let's be honest we're mostly being nitpicky assholes right i mean noah you don't have to take that i'm just saying like bats are pretty much birds pie is really close to three if you think about it the etiquette of beating up your slaves is important but today we have a new argument for you that might actually work in that situation a woman in north carolina was using bibles to steal babies dangerous. Okay, so are we talking like Indiana Jones style stealing babies? Or, hey, the book says I could smash them on the rock style stealing babies.

Wait, is Indiana Jones style where you like switch them out with an equally heavy bag of sand? Yeah, yeah. Exactly. Okay. Babies worth in Bibles. What? So, it tried to do it to Thomas.

It didn't work life is strong i don't know if it's other body stuff or adrenaline that's the whole thing yeah so it's all the types of baby stealing so according to a spokesperson for the new hanover regional medical center a christian lady named linda may everett managed to sneak into the neonatal unit of the hospital without any credentials last month apparently she just walked up to the desk holding bibles that she claimed to be giving away and their security team was like yeah great all the newborns who need some reading material they're right in there go ahead we're gonna go back to pacing back and forth on this small platform together very slowly they're just like exclamation point no no bibles bibles it's okay and a lot of people are giving the guard shit but

i get i totally get this like hey lady are you here to steal babies and she pulls out a bible would you like to hear about our lord and savior he's like never mind you came in with those babies right i feel like you did have four babies when you walked in here i get it yeah so uh just to be clear nobody had their baby stolen this time but it was actually super close ms everett claims she's not a baby stealer uh just like innocent people have to clarify all the time i'm not a baby stealer either well let's all just declare it right now none of us are baby stealers i'm not a baby stealer. But Eli's saying nothing. But regardless of what Linda May Everett said, authorities in North Carolina are pretty sure she's been going around to hospitals and definitely trying to steal babies using Bibles.

And if all their evidence wasn't enough, this lady's terrifying, blatant lie excuse pretty much seals it. She told reporters, I i'm pregnant a retired firefighter and had to bury a child how does any of that like she might as well she might as well deny having a p-tape at the end of that like what the fuck does any of that matter she clearly susan smithed it up and now she's trying to steal a replacement kid who isn't shitty like the one she obviously killed right i mean that's clearly what's happening yeah absolutely and look i know what it's like to be banned from a maternity ward her for stealing babies me for pretending to be a lactation aid linda i get it let's start a

support network i'll list my cell phone at the end of the thing talk this through and then but did it stop raining news tonight we finally finally have an answer to all those angry emails we always get about us never covering stories about the Andean polytheism of the ancient Chimu Empire. And no, it's not because we're afraid of the liberal elite criticisms of terms like radical Incan terrorism. It's because we're racist against Peruvians. It's like they say, the biggest fault line in Peru isn't the Atacama Trench, it's being in Peru, am I right? Let's think more stinker.

This guy knows what I'm talking about. Okay. I googled racial slurs against Peruvians and it just said, do you mean Mexicans? That was a weird auto-suggestion. Anyway, so in a reminder of how vast the even worse portion of the religious spectrum is archaeologists near trujillo peru recently unearthed a mass grave containing the skeletons of some 140 children aged between 5 and 14 years old who apparently all died in the same event some

550 years ago the fact that that's the same number of people who told the australian royal commission that they were sexually abused in Pell's diocese is apparently a coincidence, though, even though he's very clearly at least 580. So, what is it? It's half plus seven. I'm allowed to fuck 297

year olds. Two votes. No, no votes. So, according to the folks who dug this shit up, the reason for the mass infanticide wasn't illness or insanely lax gun control but rather an effort to convince the guys to make it stop raining which means they killed a kid it didn't stop raining and they tried again 139 times before somebody said maybe a dance or something. Just Peruvian Eli standing in line at number 141, covered in his own shit. The shaman's like, okay, let's, you know, let's call it a day.

Oh, man. So remember, boys and girls, we make jokes about atheists eating babies all the time, but the only thing that ever really convinces people to do things like that is religion. Right. And a plane crash in the Alps. They didn't eat babies. Still, you gotta wonder how that tradition

got started. Okay, fourth day of rain now, so I think it's time to start killing some kids. Dude, I shouldn't have danced so hard at the rain dance. Hey, dude, dude, don't blame yourself. You got to leave it all out there.

I do. Yeah, on the floor. You got the moves. Okay. So just to be clear, the plan is to kill one kid a day until the gods are pleased and the rain stops. Ideally, it'll stop raining tomorrow. But if it doesn't. Sorry.

Sorry. Just a quick question. Yes, question. Yeah, it just seems like the rain is eventually going to stop no matter what. So maybe we just wait for it. Okay, well, obviously it's going to stop raining eventually, but we need it to stop raining now. So we got to take a kid. Sorry, I have a question too.

Oh, okay. Well, we were going to have a Q&A for the end. Yeah, it's a quick piggyback. So could we break, just for science's sake, can we break into like two groups? One group does kill their kids and one doesn't. And then we see where it stops raining faster. Oh, yeah, I like that.

Well, I slated that variable. Okay, all right. All in favor of splitting into A and B groups and testing the effects of kid killing on Rain? Yeah, I agree. Okay, okay. Who wants to be in the group who kills the kids, though? I think the guys in Oklahoma are down for it. Yeah, we'll get them.

Good meeting, everybody. I'm wearing face paint. It's not face paint. And with the admission that Eli wore menstrual blood on his face, even though this is an audio medium, we'll turn things over for a breaking bulletin from our special correspondent. As listeners may be aware, the theme of this past week's Met Gala was heavenly bodies, fashion, and the Catholic imagination.

And while the Vatican gave its permission to the Met and even lent the Institute more than 40 garments and objects from its private collection, that didn't stop Catholics from all over the Internet from crying, of all things, cultural appropriation. Luckily for us, our fashion slash cultural appropriation expert Edna the Pugapagacorn was on the scene. Edna, thanks for joining us. Thank you, Noah. It's a fabulous night. So tell us, Edna, what has people so up in arms?

Well, Noah, as you know, cultural appropriation was first coined in academic circles to describe when rich people borrow clothes with permission from the most powerful organization in the world. Actually, Edna, I think it's almost exactly the opposite of that. You know what they say, potato, potato, giant golden crucifix.

They don't say that. Now, this event is hosted by Anna Winter, so these were sort of fashion variations on traditional Catholic garb. Is that correct? It is, Noah. It is. And what did we see on the red carpet? All right.

Well, let's see. George Clooney shocked reporters and laymen alike coming in in just the loincloth nailed to the actual cross used at Galilee. Wow. Wow. Bold fashion choice. Yes, but not the boldest by any means, Noah. fashion choice. Yes, but not the boldest by any means, Noah. Sandra Bullock made a literal splash by arriving wearing a tank full of the blood of people killed in South America at Catholic Church-sponsored and condoned political events. Shocking and beautiful. So, any favorites?

Oh, well, while everyone is talking about Rihanna's dress made from real Nazi gold, and it was stunning, by the way. My personal pick is comedian Kathy Griffin's choice to wear the premiere piece from the Burnin' Pell collection by Versace. And what's that? It's a dildo with a flaming effigy of Cardinal George Pell skewered on it.

On the nose indeed. Well, Edna, thanks for joining us tonight. Thank you, Heath. I'm Noah. All white people look the same. Thank you, Edna. And in March for wife news tonight, you know, there aren't many advantages to Donald Trump's presidency.

The fear of impending nuclear holocaust, the erosion of civil rights and democracy itself, as well as the awakening to just what a terrible place 43% of the country is, can all be what we might call a bummer. But there are some upsides. Okay, okay, this is a tough one. Okay, no, I got it.

Our steel foundry is doing well, the one that we have. So we're ready for the industrial revolution. Yes, we are. The Keebler elves finally have one of their own running the justice department that's progress the uh the tiki torch sector crushing it uh fewer of our jobs going to china people uh yeah uh okay this this is actually an important one to me eli's impression of a white guy president uh much better for business oh oh when you reach rock bottom at least you can stop trying okay you're just reading my tattoo but uh those are all good things but no

i'm talking about the teeny teeny tiny marches of bigots from nazis to proud boys to pro-lifers inspired by the fact that they won in not at all the sense of that word bigots in the dozens have taken to the streets over whatever issue ails them over the past couple of years much the amusement of anyone who's seen more than 20 people in the same place at the same time yeah usually whatever ails them is the fact that more people didn't show up for their march that's true but perhaps no turnout has been sadder or more hilarious than this week's Freedom March in Washington, D.C., sponsored by Christian group Voice for the Voiceless, an organization dedicated to the message that you can pray away your insatiable

love for cock. Well, it seems like a testable claim, though, doesn't it? I mean, well, I guess I can see how their experiment might go wrong, though. Everyone gets down on their knees. Some people get a dick. Some people get a priest. And it's the same results. Yeah, you can think. No, no, that's not even the right sound effect.

Priest or dick. See? Oh, we got the music and everything. All right. So, look, there is nothing funny about torturing children and pretending they're straight. But there is everything funny about the video of this event. The call and response between an equal number of people on and off the stage is really just a shouting match. And if you need to pick me up today, do yourself a favor of checking out those videos.

They are pretty great. It's like Eli doing karate of chanting with himself. Yeah, yeah. And in putting the ass back in astronomy news tonight, as much as we love the old standards on this show, the Ken Hams, the Pat Robertsons, the Brian Fishers, we recognize that with the exception of P-Robes, all of those guys are going to die eventually. So we're always on the lookout for new talent and new kid on the block. Matt Powell spent the last couple of days

basically auditioning for a scathing atheist nickname. Mighty Morphin Powell Ranger. Okay, no, dial it back. That's way too long. Powell by Allen Ginsberg. Now, that... No. stranger okay no dial it back that's way too long uh powell by alan ginsburg now that i know that's what uh fat powell okay just keep workshopping it maybe later yeah you would like to go back so powell first came to my attention when his video 22 year old preacher rants against atheism showed

up on the friendly atheist blog in said video he identifies the problem with atheists as A, playing too many video games, B, drinking too much Coke, C, reading too much Harry Potter, and D, believing in stupid evolution because we don't know how to logic. And I'd love to put those in context with some sort of quote, but honestly, the quotes provide no additional context and to be fair when it comes to me he is nailing it yeah i'm on book four for the 14th time and i have two cokes on my desk that i'm looking at yeah he nailed you and the video is amazing by the way.

You got to watch. First of all, he keeps walking out of frame. Yes. And apparently the camera's bolted into the floor with no pivot. It's a giant. I don't know why. So at one point, I'm pretty sure somebody chops the camera out of the floor with an axe and then tries to pan over to him. But the camera, again, is way too heavy.

The camera guy definitely hurts himself. You can almost hear it. It's the best. Oh, and I got to say, by itself, that may not have been enough to make the show. But the following day, he posted a second video where he teaches us how to astronomy. And in so doing, he also proves

that millions of years can't exist. You see, the sun is burning up 250 tons of hydrogen a second, which is wrong. It's actually more like 600 million tons a second. But, you know, close enough for sciencing. Thank you. Government won't let me launch my flying hammock. Yeah, come back in a week and a half. That joke will make sense.

Pi is three. He's pretty much in the same ballpark, just like Pi and Z. So if you calculate back one million years, though, you see, the sun would have to have been so big that it would engulf the Earth, which isn't even remotely true, obviously, even if you use the real number, which is, again, 2.4 million times larger than the number he was using, especially considering the sun gets bigger when it loses mass, not smaller. It's a gravitational thing.

You fucked hard. He also goes on to explain that scientists are also hiding the truth about the moon, and then he starts talking about evolution as it relates to Hitler. And the video is four minutes long. Alright, he's young, he's ambitious.

I like this kid. I like it. Right? I like it. Right? Honestly, it's so stumbly. He's like William Lane Craig at his first open mic night. He's so bad. He keeps stopping for applause

that don't happen and then he just stares and his face gets red and he stumbles. It's the best worst. Yeah, he was fun. So, Matt Powell, if you're listening

and let's face it, you are. are yes we saw your audition tape and no you don't get a nickname yet matt foul brained oh stupid no see yeah no anyway anybody can be crazy for a couple of videos but if you keep insaneing at this level you'll be m pow in no time until we're just going to call you job security, bro. Irritable Powell syndrome. Oh, there it is! This is why I hate being the

new guy. Who is considerably worse at the job. And in sex, head of a goat, potty of a woman, wings of an eagle. Great pun. Nailed it. I did an awesome job. Senior litigation counsel for liberty council mary mccallister appeared on the youtube show usa survival this week

to let us know who's really behind sex ed programs in public schools gentlemen any guesses uh jews no um mercury hillary uh michelle obama's triceps oh good one um the top the top lead lead oh close close it's satan oh well i said hillary yeah it's just not it's true half credit so mcallister who looks like slimer decided to stop haunting that hotel and follow the grateful dead around. Why? She really does like Google. It's amazing. She was asked why her Twitter bio claims that she's working to quote, stop the satanic sexualization of our children and quote.

And since she couldn't say, cause I'm a fucking loony tune. This was her reply. Quote, God has made us all in his image he has set out for us rules for living that enable us to live rich and full and healthy lives which anybody who looks at mary can see is untrue anyway that or she's doing like the opposite of what god said she looks like kathy bates being turned very slowly into snoop dog. Sorry, I had to point that out. And then turned very quickly into

every person in a jazz scooter right now. Ending on Lunch Lady Sam Kinison. Lunch Lady Sam Kinison. Remind me why she couldn't just say because I'm a fucking looney tune? Too honest. She goes on, quote,

and all of this that is going on now, she means sex ed, by the way, is directly aimed at tearing all that down. We know who does that. That's the enemy. That's Satan and his minions. End quote. Yeah. And so while you all picture Satan showing a bunch of giggling middle schoolers how to put a condom on a banana.

And finally tonight, surprise move last week. Donald Trump announced that he's planning to appoint a Muslim doctor to be part of the President's Council on Fitness, Sports, and Nutrition. And it's not Barack Hussein Obama,

if that's what you're thinking. Trump decided to go with, instead, the most famous bad doctor in the country, which, of course, would be Ben Carson. But Carson's busy buying the Hope Diamond as a paperweight in his office at Housing and Urban Development, so he can't do it. So Trump settled for Mehmet Oz, instead. Oh, my fucking God!

Also known as Dr. Oz from his horrible nationally syndicated pseudo medicine TV show. OK, we really have to start making jokes about winning millions of dollars and dating Scarlett Johansson. Guys, we have a new rule, right? It's like there is so much shit that the Trump administration actually does that Snopes has to put up. You know, he actually did this thing, right? There's too much of that. Yeah.

The article I used for this started with, no, this isn't the onion. This is a real thing. Yeah. Yeah. So just in case anyone's not familiar with the Dr. Oz show,

it's basically an hour long live action version of an online whiteboard video that you can't navigate away from without like shutting down the power to your entire house and your blocks grid it's so fucking bad and according to a study by the british medical journal more than half the recommendations on the show are made up nonsense with no reliable data to back them up this includes debunked fad diets like green coffee extract and uh also entire fields of bullshit like faith healing and Reiki and homeopathy and psychic communication with dead people. And that's why Dr. Oz is the all-time leader in Pegasus Awards, which are given by the James Randi Foundation. And they're essentially the Oscars of pseudoscience fraud nonsense. And immediately

after starting his TV show, Dr. Oz got back to back pig aside for specific bullshit claims. And then he eventually got basically their lifetime achievement award for just general refusal to face reality. Yeah. I mean, that award, the statue is lovely, but the rule is they put it in your house without permission. You got to pretend it's not there. So, yeah, Randy continues to ignore my suggestion on where they should put it. OK, so it feels like there was plenty of reasons to never hire Dr. Oz to do science anymore. But arguably the worst thing about Dr.

Oz would be. I am so I am so excited. I'm sorry. There are literally 600 ways to finish this. Wait, it's so many things that you might be about to say. A lot of good arguments can be made. But I would say it's the egregious homophobic bigotry that was built into one of his episodes and probably his brain the show was about gay conversion therapy and presented that practice as one of two potentially valid sides of a scientific argument as he never gave his

personal opinion during the show but that means he either believes that gay people can be cured of of gay or he knows that's a horrible piece of religious propaganda but still refused to fucking say anything on the show either way i i guess nobody should be surprised that he's been chosen now for a high level position by the fucking trump administration yeah as if anti-vax black salve and cancer woo just weren't cutting it yeah also homophobia yeah so dr oz is obviously a terrible dangerous person to be in charge of stuff like national health but against all odds trump actually out eviled himself with one of his other appointees for the same council and if you follow american football at all you already know who i'm talking about trump chose the donald trump of the nfl bill belichick yeah right because when i said i

couldn't hate that guy more he thought to himself you know what noah they also said i couldn't beat the rams with a sixth round rookie quarterback yeah god yeah so uh that's right trump went with the unlawful evil head coach of the new england patriots who cheated his way to five superbowl wins with that team the fucking patriot fans are gonna cut in and say well he didn't cheat in all of them he cheated only cheated in three that we know of for sure right and also a bunch of those seasons and those wins during those seasons he was sanctioned for it yeah check it out belichick i mean he's donald trump if donald trump were intelligent right and somehow even more sick and sloppy looking belichick he's like he's all lumpy he's always wearing cut

off sweatshirts he looks like a tumor at a gym in 1985 working out all sweaty he's gross and now he's teaming up with dr oz to manage health and nutrition for our gravy addled fucking country. That should be great. All right, guys, look, I'm all for sports rivalries, which is what I assume you were just talking about. I even hate people who call themselves patriots. So I'm all with you.

But I'm just saying, until we find out Belichick was doing coffee enemas in the locker room, I'm still saying Oz is worse. Oz is my choice for the worst pick. And upon realizing we're arguing about which comic book villain is the worst pick for a presidential appointment i need a break so we're going to close off the headlines there heath eli thanks as always belichick is thanos and when we come back that music in the background will fade back out. Miss Governor, Miss Governor, you're receiving a lot of criticism about signing this

new heartbeat bill. What do you have to say to those who accuse you of trading your rights for political capital? Thank you. It's a good question. I want to point out that these are not my rights. Thank you. It's a good question. I want to point out that these are not my rights, okay? It's like half a jar of peanut butter down there. Gross, Ms. Governor. It's like an old book down there in a children's movie. Just, right? Okay, question. Ms. Governor, what do you say to those who point out that this will make it impossible for most women to get health care that they need in your state? That's fine. That's fine fine they can go to another state um pretty much any other state except mississippi right and that doesn't like worry you uh no good question it's actually part of my plan to drive every woman in the state that isn't me away why uh ups my chances need all the help i can get look like a somehow meaner mariska hargitay

yeah wow yeah that's that's true you do look exactly like that but um isn't that kind of extreme the whole plan i mean whatever gets a hot dog jammed back into this birdhouse right okay okay gross i am yes no more questions thank you I didn't want to ask any more questions. I wish you would. Like a peanut butter... Like... Yeah. Like the all-natural?

Does the oil come to the top? You leave it alone long enough, and it just chunks up. Hey, podcast listener. Do you want to see the guys live? Do you like Tom and Cecil from Cognitive Dissonance? Well, then don't miss Citation Needed Live in Chicago, Saturday, August 11th. It's our only planned live show for the year because Noah and Heath are moving.

So which box do we put the spoons in? Moving is largely about boxes. But that's not all. Hold on to your vagina. Because for the first time, the boys are bringing Platinum Night to Chicago.

This exclusive event is limited to just 30 attendees, includes dinner, drinks, and a never-to-be-recorded live citation needed just for you. For me? Yeah, for you. So check the show notes for tickets and buy them fast because they're selling like

hotcakes. Those are still hotcakes. Citation needed live. Come to the show or I'll kill your dad. Wait. I'll kill your dad Wait, you'll kill their dad? Yeah, kill their dad Fizzle at the end there

Although the attribution is disputed, for the purposes of this intro, it was Mark Twain who once said, The best cure for Christianity is a thorough reading of the Bible. And as much as I'm inclined to agree, reading the Bible is worse than chemotherapy, so we'd like to add a spoonful of sugar to that prescription with another edition of... Bible Peace Theater. Last edition of Bible Peace Theater. Last time on Bible Peace Theater. Hey, God, I ate the apple you made and put right in front of me. Get the fuck out of my garden.

And now on with the show. Thanks so much for inviting me back, guys. Yeah, thanks for coming, bro. Hey, guys, is someone making cream of mushroom soup? Hi, Bryce. I don't smell like soup. You somehow smell like all the soups at once. It's true.

You kind of do. All right, listen, guys. I agreed to do Bible Peace Theater, but I'm not going to do it if you're just going to make fun of me the whole time. We're not. Trust me, dude. We're not. Yeah, yeah. Bryce, you got a really important part this week. Yeah, absolutely. You could say it's super important.

God damn it. Super important. And so it came to pass that Adam had two sons. Abel, who was strong and good and loved the Lord. Hi. And Cain, who was a total dou and loved the lord and Cain who was a total douche nozzle

a douche nozzle? I hate you guys Lord I brought you an offering of the finest flocks from my field ooh what are we talking about playboy bunny porn star huh what kind of thing no no uh flocks

oh okay well sheep will do in a pinch for What kind of thing? No, no. Phlox. Oh, okay. Well, sheep will do in a pinch. For what? For never mind. Never mind what it's for. Cain, Cain, what did you bring me? Change the subject. I brought you fruit of the ground that I till as an offering.

It's vegan. Yeah, I heard that before. I mean, they were vegan. So anyway, you brought me fruit. Yeah, I till the ground and... Oh, no, no, no. I mean, they were vegan. So anyway, you brought me fruit. Yeah, I tilled the ground and... Oh, no, no, no. I get it. You're bringing a gift to the creator of the universe and you went with an edible arrangement

like a bad boyfriend who forgot Valentine's Day. It's fine. You don't like it. I like that you brought something. Okay, but that doesn't mean that you like it. I mean, I'm willing to make you a federal judge if that's what you're asking. What? You'll do that for anyone.

I know. Woof. Sorry, uh, sorry that God was so hard on you, man. Yeah, he seems kind of dickish. Yeah, what are you going to do, right? Yeah, no shit, I suppose so. Yeah, but, uh, I mean, he didn't have to do that to your face, though. What? Do what to my face? Oh, we're not, um, nothing. No, never mind. Nothing.

Hey, look over there. It's a woman we're not related to. Where? Ha! What happened to your face? A rock! That's what! What happened to your face? A rock! That's what! Do, do, do, doing some farmer stuff. Farmer stuff is my favorite stuff.

Do, do, do, do, do. Kane, have you seen Abel? The sheep he gave me is dead. Never mind what happened to him. Have you seen him? I need a new sheep for something. I mean, am I my brother's keeper? I mean, yeah, there's like four people on Earth right now,

and you guys are two of them. I was kind of hoping you'd, like, keep tabs on the other guy. Yeah, well, I didn't do that, so... Whoa, whoa, whoa. Did you just tweet, totes killed my brother, LOL, hashtag what happened to your face? What happened to your face? Classic. No, I mean, no, no, absolutely not. Oh, that is it. You killed my sheep, Guy Kane, and I'm going to curse you.

A fugitive and a vagabond shall thou be. Oh, wait, you mean like I won't have a family or a city to call home? No, you'll actually have a family and you'll found a whole city. So the words fugitive and vagabond kind of mean. Right. They mean I'm mad at you. Right? It's like a Joe Arpaio situation.

I can say it. Okay. But here's the thing. Wait, when you say everyone, you mean the two other people left on Earth at this point, right? Right. People are going to know that I'm a murderer, and they're going to kill me.

Oh, yeah. They probably will. Okay, so, well, whosoever slayeth Cain, vengeance shall be taken upon him sevenfold. Wait. Whoever kills a murderer is seven times worse than a murderer?

That's what it says in the book. Seems like a weird system, especially since I'm the first person to do this. Yeah, you want to get murdered or not? No, I do not. Do not. Okay, so come here. I'm going to mark you. Okay, mark a cane. What do you guys want to do for it?

What if, just a suggestion, he and his whole family smell like soup forever? I will kill you. See? See? Curse a cane. Right there. So violent. Guys, stop. Stop. What does the book say? Oh, well, there's a Jewish tradition that God had Cain followed by a black dog forever. Well, I want a dog. I'll kill a guy right now. I want a dog.

Okay, okay. Let's table that. Big black lab just for killing a guy. That's awesome. Even dog meat. Quick to respond to that. Okay, so it actually says here that some people believe it was a horn growing out of his head. Ooh.

Yeah, I feel like that'd be kind of obvious, right? Hey. Come here often? Hey, you're Cain, right? What, this? No, no. I'm some other guy. Some other guy with a horn growing out of his head?

Yeah. Really? What's your name? Caden. Caden. Yeah, Caden. Right. Yeah. Really? What's your name? Kay- Kay- Din. Kayden. Yeah, Kayden. Right.

I'm gonna go do shots with my friends. So horny. I'm really ashamed of that sketch, guys. Or we could do what the Mormons believe. Ooh, Mormons are always fun. That's it. You are mocked. Forevermore. There you go.

You turned my skin black? Yep. Forever cursed. Okay, I don't really see how that's a curse. Yeah, just wait till you get pulled over for speeding. No, I wasn't thinking that Mormon belief. I mean, yes, that was a huge part of Mormonism, but I mean something that Mormons think today. Good.

Yeah, because I was really not looking forward to Eli's ideas on that bit. Guys, I went upstairs to my room. I got grease paint. Bryce, here's your cane and your hat. Take your cane. Take your cane. Bryce, Bryce, you had a different idea? Eli had blackface

and a cane ready really fast. Yeah, we try to ignore that. So Bryce, what do Mormons believe was the mark of cane? The following is what a tremendous amount of Mormons actually believe.

This week on Finding Bigfoot. I'm cryptozoologist McCain McBain. And I'm Mormon theologian brother Matt Holsom. And we're searching for Bigfoot. As I was saying, according to many Mormons, based on Bigfoot sightings near the location of the Garden of Eden in Zuri and Bigfoot's long lifespan, he must be the cursed and immortal Cain, forever doomed to wander the other areas of... What was that? Let's check it out.

What was that? Let's check it out. Lou, lou, lou, just doing some Bigfoot stuff. Bigfoot stuff is always my favorite stuff to do. Lou, lou. Wow, there he is. Cain, son of Adam, in the flesh. For some reason, covered in fur.

Also. You'll notice the large feet and the distinct smell of soup. Mmm. Okay, that's it. I'm leaving. Oh, Bryce. Bryce. No. Come on. I mean, the dude smells like soup, right? A thousand percent,

bro. It's like he wears French onion dip mix as cologne, just like poofs it all over. Right? And with Kane good and punished and our guest and friend bryce blankenagle thoroughly insulted we'll leave our story there but tune in next month as we trudge ever further towards the singing eyeball monsters that await us at the end of bible peace theater Warning, the following sketch contains Infinity War spoilers. Seriously.

Why would a sketch on an atheism show have Infinity War spoilers? Well, because sometimes Eli writes a sketch in the middle of the night, and he really wants to do that sketch, and when you tell him it has nothing to do with atheism, he threatens to do stuff that you comfort yourself later by pretending he was kidding about. So, if you haven't seen Infinity Wars and you don't want anything spoiled, fast forward two minutes or just skip the outro. Your choice. Last chance.

All right. Lord Thanos? Enter Who are you? I'm Alan I'm new Like, you know, because everybody else is You know

Dead Right, right Hello, Alan Hi, uh, so me and the guys were thinking about your plan for the For the glove thing It's a gauntlet It's a gauntlet, Alan No, right, right So this gauntlet, Alan. No, right, right.

So this gauntlet, it gives you the power to do anything, right? Yes. Anything. Okay, and you used it to kill half of the universe because... The universe is finite, Alan. Each planet has only so much to give. And living things take more than they give back. I had no choice.

Right. Right. Well, we were thinking, what if instead of killing half the universe, you just doubled up everything else? You just make the universe twice as big. Then you wouldn't have to... Wow. Or hell, four times as big, so there's even more extra stuff. Alan, you just blew my fucking mind.

I gotta admit, I feel stupid right now. Oh, no, Thanos, don't beat yourself up. No, I killed a bunch of people for these stones, and I gotta admit, I feel like if this had been my plan, the double the universe thing, I wouldn't have had to do that. No, you probably wouldn't have. I mean, oh, shit, Alan, I killed my daughter. I know you did, sir.

And then half the universe. Yeah, I killed my daughter. I know you did, sir. And then half the universe. Yeah, a bunch of Avengers. Really wish we had picked you up last week. Me too, sir. Okay, did I kill half of everything? I mean, it looks like it, but honestly, we've lost a lot of admin over the last couple of days. Because, you know, you killed half the universe. Killed half the universe, I know.

Oh, I feel like such a tool. Oh, don't do that. I threw her off a cliff, Alan. I know you did. It was one of those, like, don't want to look situations, but I looked, Alan, I looked. I bet. It was like someone dropped a watermelon. Okay.

Oh. Oh. Before we recede into your already played list, I want to thank all the people that came out and saw my talk in Syracuse last week, and I want to thank the Central New York Humanists one more time for the invite. You're the ones on the front line in this fight, the local group organizers and attendees, and you deserve a lot more recognition than you get.

Anyway, that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight, but we'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister show, The Skeptocrat, debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern time on Monday, an even newer episode of our sister show's hot friend, Godawful Movies, debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Tuesday. And an even newer episode of our half-sister show, Citation Needed, debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously, this episode would ring hollow if I neglected to thank Heath Enright for his Oscar-wild wordsmithing skills. I need to thank Eli Bosnick for his Oscar-Meyer-like physique.

And I need to thank the lovely Lucinda for keeping my Oscar the Grouch-like persona at bay. Never more obvious than when she's gone. She's going to be out for the next couple of weeks. She's down in Georgia taking care of her dad, but she misses you, and she promises to be back as soon as possible. I need to thank Bryce one more time for putting up with our shit. Also want to thank Steve from the Sunday Stoic podcast for providing this week's Farsworth quote. If you're a Stoic who's yearning for

more, you're doing it wrong, but Steve would be happy to help. You'll find his show linked in the show notes. But most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's best people. Bob, Donna, Paul, Max, George, Eileen, Simon, Michael, Patrick, Tommy, Paul, Derek, Melissa, Kia, Nathan, Matthew, Samantha, and Skylar. Bob, Donna, Paul, Max, George, and

Eileen, whose IQs are higher than my social security number. Simon, Michael, Patrick, Tommy, Paul, and Derek, whose orgasms are what got Mount Kilauea so jealous in the first place. And Melissa, Kia, Nathan, Matthew, Samantha, and Skyler, who are so sexy, Michael Cohen gave them $130,000 just in case. Together, these 18 ageless atheists aided our asocial alienation of the Abrahamic a-holes this week by giving us money.

Not everybody has the fine taste in crowdfunding it takes to give us money, but if you think you're up to the challenge, you can make a per-episode donation at patreon.com slash skatingatheist, whereby you'll earn early access to an extended ad-free version of every episode, or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side patreon.com slash skatingatheist, whereby you'll earn early access to an extended ad-free version of every episode. Or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the Donate button on the right side of the homepage at skatingatheist.com. And if you'd like to help by donating to atheist shows as it gets your religion, you can also help a ton by leaving us a five-star review on iTunes, liking us on Facebook, sharing our new YouTube video, and telling a friend about the show. Legal services for this podcast are provided by the Law Offices of P. Andrew Torres and our audio engineer is Morgan Clark, who also wrote all the music that was used in this episode, which was used with permission. If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you'll find all the music that was used in this episode, which was used with permission. If you have questions,

comments, or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page. It's skating. Adios. Dot com. Sorry. I'm way out of it.

I haven't slept in a while. My wife's not here. Sorry. Get, get in the bed with him. He's way out of it. I haven't slept in a while. My wife's not here. Sorry, Morgan. Get in the bed with him, Heath. Just cuddle it. Big spoon. Sorry, one more time. I like that little spoon.

The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle & Thunderstorm LLC. Copyright 2018. All rights reserved.