The Scathing Atheist - 274: Middle East Peace Edition

Episode Date: May 17, 2018

In this week’s episode, Trump's ready to Armaged-it-on, Oklahoma Senator James Inhofe tries to form flood water into a ball to prove gay people are evil, and Lee Strobel will think extra-biblical means when you read it twice. To see us live in Chicago, go here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/citation-needed-live-in-chicago-tickets-45942658729 To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click there: http://www.amazon.com/Diatribes-Godless-Misanthrope-Scathing-Presents-ebook/dp/B00J53FZFI/ref=sr11?ie=UTF8&qid=1396141562&sr=8-1 To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out out half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ Guest Links: Check out the Belief it or Not podcast here: http://beliefitornot.wordpress.com/ Headlines: Jeffress and Hagee chosen for opening prayer in US embassy in Jerusalem: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2018/05/14/a-look-at-robert-jeffress-the-controversial-figure-giving-the-prayer-at-the-u-s-embassy-in-jerusalem-today/ and https://www.cnn.com/2018/05/13/politics/hagee-jeffress-us-embassy-jerusalem/index.html and https://religionnews.com/2018/05/14/some-christians-and-jews-hail-embassy-move-to-jerusalem-as-key-to-a-biblical-plan/ Oklahoma Will Let Religious Adoption Agencies Discriminate Against Gay Parents http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2018/05/12/oklahoma-will-let-religious-adoption-agencies-discriminate-against-gay-parents/ https://www.rawstory.com/2018/05/oklahoma-governor-fallin-signs-bill-allowing-taxpayer-funded-anti-gay-discrimination-enable-diversity/ White Christian-Only Michigan Town Isn’t Exempt from Housing Discrimination Laws http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2018/05/10/christian-only-michigan-town-isnt-exempt-from-housing-discrimination-laws/ Mike Pence says more Americans believe in God now because Donald Trump is president https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/fact-checker/wp/2018/05/15/pences-claim-that-religion-in-america-isnt-receding-its-just-the-opposite/?utm_term=.42eabf169f52 And (he’s wrong) Poll Shows Americans Are Shedding Christianity in Favor of “No Religion” http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2018/05/10/poll-shows-americans-are-shedding-christianity-in-favor-of-no-religion/ Matt Powell talked again: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2018/05/10/angry-young-preacher-the-four-gospels-all-match-up-perfectly-they-dont/ Ex-Gay Guy Recommends Joining the Manosphere To Learn How To Be Manly http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2018/05/11/ex-gay-guy-recommends-joining-the-manosphere-to-learn-how-to-be-manly/

Warning, this show has an annual profanity quota and we've got a lot of explicit language to still get out this year. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by Blue Apron, Dollar Shave Club, and by Don't Talk About Israel, the hot new party game sweeping the nation. If you want to just enjoy the cheese plate without being called a Nazi or an anti-Semite, don't talk about Israel, from Parker Brothers, who may or may not be Jewish. And now, The Scathing Atheist. Hey everybody, I'm Trevor.

And I'm Damien. And we're from the Belief It or Not podcast. Yeah, a podcast where we talk about different religious topics from a purely non-religious kind of point of view. We Google things, and then we talk about them. And that's about it, and through that Googling, we have in fact confirmed we did in fact evolve from filthy monkey men. It's Thursday. It's May 17th.

And if you're dyslexic, we're the guys who don't believe in dogs. I'm Noah Lusions. I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heath Enright. New York, New York. Secret Lair, Pennsylvania. This is Skating Atheist. On this week's episode,

Trump's ready to Armageddon. Oklahoma Senator James Inhofe tries to form flood water into a ball to prove gay people are evil. And Lee Strobel will think extra-biblical means when you read it twice. But first, the diatribe. So I'm on the phone with my wife the other night when all of a sudden, out of the blue, Ray Comfort interrupts us to talk about Jesus.

As you might know, Lucinda's dead in Georgia right now looking after her dad while he undergoes a couple of heart surgeries. So she's basically living in this hospital for the past week calling me whenever he falls into a drug-induced slumber for a couple hours. And it's during one of these conversations that she stops mid-update and she says, oh, for fuck's sake. It turns out that while she's poking around in the waiting room,

she came across a business card that had a silly little IQ test on the front of it. You know, like a how many triangles are in this image kind of thing. So she flips it over to see if she got the answer right. And wouldn't you know it, Ray Comfort's on the other side trying to sell her a slightly used Lord and Savior for the low, low price of agreeing that Ray gets to live forever. It's yet another one of these little chick track offshoots. The surprise it's Jesusesus stationary that living waters likes to litter american landfills with and their most notorious one of course is the fake money that

you leave as a tip so that servers will know whose food to spit in but this was a slightly more low-key version it says like congratulations you correctly counted denied now here's another iq test all about your immortal soul and she's reading this thing to me we're both having the exact same thought that you probably have every time you see these things. Is anyone ever convinced by this? Has there ever been an atheist coming out of an airport bathroom that has a cartoon-inspired spiritual awakening and comes to the Lord? I mean, as unlikely as that seems to you and me, they're still making these things, right? They're still handing them out.

If they weren't working, they'd have gone the way of the dodo at some point, right? Well, I don't know. These people do still handing them out if they weren't working they'd have gone the way of the dodo at some point right well i don't know these people do still pray don't they i mean think about this we're not just talking about religious people we're talking about that unique blend of zealotry that inspires you to buy jesus pamphlets and leave them in piles wherever people let you and something tells me those people aren't gathering up follow-up data right they don't have a pamphletless control group out there somewhere. They're just pissing away money and feeling like they did a good thing for Jesus. And hey, pissing away money to perform a useless action that makes you feel like you helped someone is, if you think about it, the most Christian thing in the universe, with the possible exception of taking money from people performing

said useless task. Because to be clear, these pamphlets definitely work for the people making them you know whether or not anybody's ever led to jesus by a public domain geometry puzzle the zealots are still buying the fucking things from living waters and funding the next direct to youtube anti-gay propaganda piece that ray comfort has in mind of course now whoever planted this particular heaven brochure was trying a little harder than most right the placement's pretty transparent you're in the waiting room of a hospital people are there thinking about the mortality of their loved ones and of course thus their own mortality they're desperately looking for something to distract their mind from that and wouldn't you know it here's a convenient little puzzle surprise it's actually an intentional effort to exacerbate your grief whilst offering

you an imaginary band-aid to counteract it. I mean, really, the fact that printing these things up even ever occurred to them in the first place is a bit of an admission of how full of shit they know they are, right? I mean, you don't see Democrats and Republicans hiding their platform statements in little cartoons and fake hundred dollar bills. And whichever side of the political aisle you fall on, we can all agree that at least some of the ideas on the other side are really bad ideas. Right. But even those bad political ideas aren't propagated by sneaking them into Halloween bags and public bathroom stalls. They're trying to trick you into hearing what they have to say. That's a mode of communication reserved not simply for the full of shit, but for the self-aware full of shit.

For the people who already know that the idea they're selling doesn't actually merit a hearing and this is by no means an isolated example i mean how weird would it be if there was like a group of philosophers out there digging wells in underdeveloped countries but only if they promised to sit through a defense of compatibilism how depraved would it seem to us if if political advocacy groups were in the habit of throwing pizza parties for kids with surprise lectures on the importance of corn subsidies. I mean, think about the other places we see this kind of desperation. Good stuff doesn't have to trick you into experiencing it.

But religion knows it can't convince you to buy its music on iTunes, so it's trying to force you to take its goddamn CD in a subway station. Religious ideas are the poet who keeps begging you to read their poems, the author who gives away their book for free online and reminds you of that a lot. They're the panhandling guitar player manhandling his guitar outside of the real concert.

And every time they try to trick you into listening to them, they're admitting as much, not just to you, but to themselves. They're talking about you, Jesus. We interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news bulletin. Joining me for headlines tonight are the mop and glow of atheism, Heath Enright and Eli Bosnick.

Fellas, are you ready to clean up this town? It's Laurel. What the fuck is everybody talking about? It's clearly Laurel. What are you saying? You have old ears. You have old ears. Guys, it's ambiguous audio.

Some people hear Laurel and other people hear it wrong. This guy's clearly saying Laurel. Thank you. And now that I got the last word in, we're going to take a quick break for a word from this week's first sponsor, Blue Apron. Finally, just a night in by myself. No accidentally running into an ad for one of our amazing sponsors. Hi, and welcome back to Typical Cooking Show. I'm White Lady. And I'm a celebrity guest who seems more uncomfortable than the subject of a hostage video.

Today, we'll be doing- That's right, White. Too soon. Oh, sorry. Okay, today, we're going to be teaching you how to have a fresh, home-cooked meal. That's right, White. Too long. Okay, so what you're going to want to do is get out your computer and go to blueapron.com slash scathing

to order the number one meal delivery service in the country. And then you wait. My movie is about a girl who gets turned into a horse. Not. I. Yeah, now. Play the horse. Oh, what's that? Why, it's our fresh pre-portioned ingredients and step-by-step recipes

right to the door that can be cooked under 45 minutes. Oh man, I love Blue Apron and I use it all the time, but how did they take over my TV? What was the recipe again? Blue Apron is offering scathing atheist listeners their first three meals free. When it comes to dinner, let Blue Apron take care of the planning and shopping while you do the cooking and eating. You'll enjoy delicious meals like popcorn chicken with sweet chili cabbage slaw

and cumin spiced wonton noodles with vegetables and peanuts. On the table in 30 minutes or less. With incredible ingredients and chef-designed recipes, Blue Apron lets you see what the power of food can do. I play the horse. Seriously, not yet. I am... So check out this week's menu and get your first three meals free

at blueapron.com slash scathing. So, celebrity guest, tell us about your new project. Uh, what new project? Blue Apron, a better way to cook. And now, back to the headlines. In our lead story tonight, Israel killed more than 60 unarmed Palestinians and injured thousands more on Monday in celebration of the American embassy moving from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem. Now, to be fair, not all of those Palestinians were killed because of the american embassy moving from tel aviv to jerusalem now to be fair

not all of those palestinians were killed because the embassy israel was planning on shooting unarmed protesters that day anyway it was just way more because of the embassy thing and while the move is mostly symbolic since it's a symbol of the u.s giving up on even a fig leaf of impartiality it's led to global outrage and protest as well as near universal condemnation from international leaders. Wow. Okay, sorry. I didn't realize Noah was such an anti-Semite translation. The Israeli government did an amazing job of protecting its fences this week.

Now that America admits they are God's chosen people. Go on, Noahah with your story of course near universal condemnation is never quite enough for donald trump so he decided to exacerbate the indignation by inviting robert jeffress to administer a blessing to open the new embassy now if you're unfamiliar with mr jeffress first of all as your go-to source for crazy christ Christians whose stupidity is going to get us killed, I want to apologize for dereliction of duty. And secondly, he's an anti-gay, anti-trans, anti-woman, anti-Muslim, anti-Mormon, anti-Catholic, anti-Semite, because those are literally the only people Donald Trump seems to know. Ooh, ooh, fun game. Who doesn't Robert Jeffress hate?

Oh, tough one. Okay, buddy. Who do you hate what about what about hitler boo i like genociders who don't get caught well speaking of which overachiever that he is it wasn't enough for trump to send along one person who'd been openly anti-semitic on the record multiple times in his israel delegation because in addition to sending along jeffress he also included john fucking hagi to deliver the benediction hagi who once said hitler was doing god's will and implied the holocaust was worth it to get the jews back to israel because that would unlock the stage where Jesus comes back. Yeah. Great.

Just my uncle standing in line outside a gas chamber. Gee, I hope this moves the end of the world up a bit. Right? And Robert Jefferson's great uncle guarding the line. Now, this guy I like. Tell another Jew joke, boss. And look, let's be 100% clear on what this is about. There is no political reason to do this. There are, in fact, gargantuan political reasons not to do this, which is why no world leader ever did it.

The only real animus for this is religious zealotry in both Israel and the U.S. Right. The leaders of both countries are pandering to religious extremists in their base, and they're willing to see an awful lot of people die to make that happen yeah this would be like if we decided to spice up our podcast by letting a bear into the studio well yeah but not our studio or not just our studio i should say nazi bear yeah yeah right now i apologize if i'm getting repetitive here but let me drill down on this because i can't honestly think of a more terrifying precedent. I mean, sure, it helps Trump to make Sheldon Adelson happy, but Trump is doing this because his crazy evangelical supporters believe it's a necessary step towards ushering in the end times. One more time for the people in the back. The only people whose opinion Trump cares about wanted him to do this because they thought it would hasten the end of the goddamn world.

So he did it. It is no longer an exaggeration to say that Donald Trump would destroy Earth to appease his base. It's a shame atheism is so rude or we could tackle this problem at its root couldn't we i mean if we learned anything since 2016 it's that when someone says they are dedicated to you being dead they're economically insecure and that's the problem that's right and in oklahomophobia news during our recent trip to the sooner state we learned a lot about its rich history like how it got started when a gang of hillbillies stole a bunch of land by cheating at a game.

I feel like the team that pawned Oklahoma off for a debt is the one that cheated, but to each his own. Good point. Either way, Oklahoma's blossomed from those charming, humble beginnings into, well, exactly what you'd expect. Visitors and residents alike are able to marvel at its lush

flora of tumbleweed and dust or admire its official state bird the scissor-tailed fly catcher in all its bug-eating majesty or head over to oklahoma university and be serenaded with a light-hearted lynching song by its nazi fraternities but something was still missing. They didn't have enough homeless babies. But thanks to a new bill, religious adoption agencies are allowed to reject same-sex couples.

So they fixed it. Homeless baby level should be reasonable. Honestly, anything that gets people into OKC's post-nuclear explosion level abandoned streets is good in my book. Even if it's adorable hobo babies. Especially if it's adorable hobo babies.

Yeah, so the bill in question is SB 1140, and it was signed into law last week by Governor Mary Fallin, who looks like she went to a plastic surgeon and told the guy, give me the hall monitor. And she claims this bill is important

because of how much she values diversity uh you might be asking yourself what yeah good question well she's gonna connect those dots i don't believe you what uh you tell me according to fallon quote in a day and time when diversity is becoming a core value in society, we should recognize its value for serving Oklahoma also. Okay. Other states that have declined the protection to faith-based agencies have seen these agencies close their doors. End quote. No, not the diversity of bigots who only cared about kids if they knew the big bedroom had a penis and vagina in it. Diversity.

Yeah. Let's stop them from spite closing. So we'll do this homophobic. Yeah. So you know how you're definitely supposed to negotiate with terrorists? Yeah. It's like that. If Christianity threatens to kill a child every 10 minutes, if we don't let them kill a child every 20 minutes.

It's our job as a society to keep them happy. Otherwise, we're racist because diversity is in the sentence I just said. Of course, nobody in Oklahoma wants to be racist, so now it's officially legal for faith-based adoption agencies to have a fucking straights-only

entrance and also no other doors. Yeah, I wonder what that will be like that will be that will be hi welcome to tiny tops adoption agency melissa and doug right yep yep that's us yes so as you know thanks to oklahoma's new law that allows us to be a little more strict than usual and thank goodness amen all right so we have a few extra questions before we get your paperwork going okay shoot well if you don't like the kids we might have to anyway uh you two are married uh-huh for three years now and neither of you have ever been divorced nope okay good because then it wouldn't really count would it um you're

interested in a little girl yes i've always daughter. Okay, do you have a menstruation hut prepared for when she comes of age? Yes, I just use the garage. Is the garage... Okay, no, that'll be fine. That'll be fine. And I hate to bring this up, but should she get raped and then refuse to marry her rapist, you would...

Um, stone her to death. Excellent, excellent. Let's go get you some kids oh okay do you have any smashable amalekites oh i'm fresh out fresh out oh should it come earlier you want to come back next week no and in make america gated Again news tonight. Upon its foundation in 1942, the Bayview Association of the United Methodist Church in Bayview, Michigan, decided that America was pretty great right then. And it stated a rule that only white and Christian people were allowed to live on its property. Now, 10 years later, they saw the error of their ways and removed the race requirement and just the race requirement. Wow.

Which is why last year, the Bayview Chautauqua Inclusiveness Group had to sue them to let Jews live with them. You would think just it being in Michigan would be enough to dissuade them. You do. You would think just it being in Michigan would be enough to dissuade him. You do. Now, defenders of the policy claim that since it's associated with a church, they're safe and the floor is no longer lava. The floor is lava and only atheists burn on it or something. It's unclear what it is.

Either way, we twisted our ankle and that's an automatic timeout. Everybody knows that. Everyone's on Jew base for timeout exactly however the lawsuit in question pointed out that this association is associated with the church in name only they operate independently from the church they're an owned for-profit company they also pay taxes which churches really don't do and they maintain and use a state delegated police power it's it's good to know that state officials in michigan have the actual requirements for legally jew free housing at

their fingertips apparently they just had a list they're like no no there's six things you only do two of them it's a test exactly so uh to this uh bva umc BVMAC, as I call them, responded almost literally, no, it's legal because we could change the rules. We just haven't yet. Plus, we're totally a church. Go away. Look, I'm getting a 16-year-old girl drunk right now and marrying her. We're a church.

It's all on the up and up. Stop sending cops. All right. Well, this week, we actually have an update to that story. When the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development declared that they, quote, had not met their burden to prove it's exempt from the Federal Fair Housing Act, end quote. Or in layman's terms, nuh-uh. Either way, this case about whether or not you're allowed to have no Jews allowed signs in your neighborhood goes to court in July, which coincidentally is when Noah and Heath are supposed to move out of their current living association anyway. Gentlemen, you know what to do.

Get Jewish. Gotcha. And in liar, liar Pence on fire news tonight, Mike Pence's wife let him be in a room with vaginas in it long enough to deliver a commencement speech at Hillsdale College in Michigan on Saturday. Turns out it's an all women's school. He's just diving from room to room like Tom Cruise. Because Tom Cruise also avoids being alone with women. Does he? Because he's gay.

Tom Cruise is a homosexual. Is he? No. Well, I mean, yeah, sort of. Is he? No. Well, I mean, yeah, sort of. Noah's dedication to truth fights his dedication to not being sued.

Live on the air. Spectrum. Spectrum is what we mean. We're all a little gay, aren't we? He's just more gay than a little. than i blow obama what does that mean so um anyway speaking to the ultra conservative student body mike pence insisted that religiosity is on the rise in america because the truth makes him feel sad and his wife hits him when he cries when he cries when he laughs she just hates him i don't think that's really

yeah his secret service code name is uh weights in trucks native american i should say that pence's statement was based on a real study but the extent to which you have to misinterpret it to support his claim is a special kind of wonderful so here's the quote the percentage of americans who live out their religion on a weekly basis has remained remarkably consistent over the decades even as the population of the united states has grown by leaps and bounds. Religion in America isn't receding. It's just the opposite. Faith is gaining new life across America every day.

End quote. God, it's so carefully worded. Right, yeah. In a world where the constant is one religiosity and that can't fall below a median acceptable for standard population growth considering mean appreciation everyone's a christian now that i've started my remark about religious consistency it is safe to say that its consistency is indeed remarkable

these are also words thank you yeah yeah all right let's dig into this fallacy parfait shall we so that suspicious sounding metric of live out their religion on a weekly basis wasn't just a poetic flourish because if he said who go to church or who believe in god or who are christian it would be blatantly untrue the number he's using is the percentage of people who go to church more than once a week. And yeah, that number stayed consistent for the last 30 years or so and before that we don't really have data.

But it's a tiny ass fucking fraction. It's a little tiny bit of crazy people and yes, we've still got that number of crazy people. The number of people who go to church weekly has declined by almost 40% in the last 30 years. But by all means, Mikey, keep telling yourself this. I'll be over here with the millennials outliving you. 30 years from now, Pence is going to be like, Allen is still alive.

The population of Allen has remained consistent over 30 years. And in irritable Powell syndrome news, Pastor James David Manning put on his voice modulator and his unfat suit and his amazingly good skin mask of a 22-year-old white guy and gave another sermon as Matt Powell last week. I knew he had it in him! Yep, Powell's the neophyte preacher we talked about last episode who realized that atheism is evil because of all the video games and soft drinks,

and also exposed the conspiracy by Big Son to prop up the evolutionary industrial complex. He's also my first pick in this year's Insane Preacher Keeper draft, by the way. Ooh, damn. Yeah. Well, this time around, damn yeah well uh this time around paul gave us another rousing speech of stumbly nonsense and very prominent face blood during which he addressed how the gospels are full of contradictions however fuck you no they're not he's a wonder kid he's the bobby fisher of crazy preachers because he hates the jews i'm pretty sure he does yeah so uh paul starts off

with some standard warm-ups where he appears to be talking to himself like dwight shrewd before a sales meeting and doing amazing karate moves in his head without realizing he's slightly acting them out badly in real life on camera with little moves and that's when he walks almost entirely out of frame and delivers his sermon as he's want to do using a film technique that he invented called reverse mise en scene or mise en gare and um he explains that the gospels are definitely true because you know when four strangers tell a story with glaring contradictions, you know they didn't get together and set up a lie because I just said they're strangers. Lee Strobel is furiously taking notes in the front room. Said they're strangers.

No, no, it's like him and his camera operator. No prior collusion, obviously. Yeah, here's the exact words from our top contender for Scathing Atheist Rookie Pastry of the Year. Quote, let's say, for example, four different guys,

they all come. Great start. Great start, Matt Powell. And they don't know each other. Even better. They don't know each other, but they all come and say the same thing to you.

You would believe them. Okay. I'm going to pause right there for a second. Four random dudes walk into your house. They may or may not ejaculate and then they all tell you the same thing. That's the thought experiment we're doing, just to be clear. Thoughts

so far? Nope. Whatever the opposite of thoughts are, I think. We find a fourth guy breaking into Matt Powell's house and telling the world will end if he doesn't let us take pictures of his butthole? We're all there, right? No, but we all know each other. So if four listeners that had never met did it, I mean, I guess. We say. And he continues.

Number one. Great place. That's the middle. Number one. They couldn't have made it up as a joke. Number two, the Bible says that out of the mouth of two or three witnesses, let every word be established. You do understand that the four gospels were dug up in four completely different areas. Dug up? Nope.

Four completely different times for completely different authors and they all match up. End quote. But they don't also none of those things. Yeah, right. I'm confused. I'm not used to someone being that much more wrong than me.

Wait, I mean, is he numbering his clauses because it was cool when the Bible did it or does he think he's listed some possibilities? What are the numbers here? Standard comedy rule of two. Yeah. So Powell's obviously amazing. But my favorite part of the video is actually watching the worst hype man ever sitting behind Powell.

He's the best. I want to know his story so bad. It's the best i want to know his story so bad it's the greatest it's just this super old man barely awake being held in his chair literally by the weight of the large bible in his lap or he would fall out of the chair and every once in a while he just like half wakes up to the audience noise and he grunts he's like yeah jesus amen but way too late and then he goes back to sleep yeah no he is he is the guy that doesn't know the words he is he is the obviously humming guy that starts a third chorus even though there isn't a third chorus every time he speaks i mean to be fair i would also really like to hire a really great rap hype man to scream behind that that's eli's super hot fire

that whole crew a great right okay yeah yeah so that's a fun new apologetic for us the argument from fuck you uh bolstered by the argument from the veracity of random wandering vagrants who break into your house at the same time and maybe come everyone keep those in mind so you don't walk into any traps with a crafty street yeah right right you embarrass yourself on youtube and finally tonight in man on manosphere news ex-gay activist ro Oscar Lopez. You mean gay? Yes. Gay person Robert Oscar Lopez took to the internet this week

with some advice for other ex-gay. You mean gay? Yes. Gay. Other gay. And in denial. Men in a post called rebuking the big lie. Ten tips for ex-gay happiness. Just the ten tips. Just for a second. Just to see how they still feel great. You're gay the 10 tips, just for a second, just to see how they

still feel great. You're gay! Be gay, you fucking idiot! Just be gay! Enjoy your extra money and your like-minded, logical fuckbait. It sounds amazing! If tip number one is fuck dudes, all is forgiven. Otherwise, not so much. Exactly. Now, the post

has since been deleted from barbwire.com because, you know, they'd hate to sully the name of a website whose front page has, second coming teachings are not for prophecy buffs and conspiracy theorists is an article. But luckily for us, the Wayback Machine is ever watchful.

So, I read it. And while we're not going to go over all tragic 10 tips, we are going to go over my favorite, which is to hang out in the manosphere i'm sorry question um what the fuck is the manosphere right really is that i feel first of all i feel like every sphere is the manosphere right we we don't own all the spheres i thought we owned all the spheres yeah we used to and no i'm pretty sure that's just a euphemism for working the balls uh sadly no uh lopez recommends hanging out on websites like return of kings and the red pill

slash pickup artist sections of reddit oh god that's what manosphere means that is the here's what he had to say about them quote you need to hear the thoughts of straight guys. No. It will help you stay humble by reminding you that you are just one of the guys struggling like the straight ones to get stronger and find better success

with girls. It will also educate you on how straight men deal with setbacks and frustration. End quote. And for the record, no, no.

That's like saying going to a Klan meeting is a great way to pass your citizenship test. Okay, bad example. Klan meetings are a great way for black people in recovery. And much, much better example. Okay. But there is actually an upside to this point you guys aren't seeing. You see, I can't think of anything less attractive

than the men on return of kings right i mean if anything's gonna turn you straight it's a forum of guys who wish they were better at rape so maybe he's on to something i'm just saying if you're going for the xk thing well i mentally catalog all the different categories of angry email that last sentence is going to prompt we'll close off the headlines for the night. Heath, Eli, thanks as always. Yahtzee. And when we come back, Lee Strobel will not have gotten any better at writing. Hey, voice-activated shopping device thing, please don't sue us. I'm out of bathroom stuff.

I need to order more. Signing you up for dollarshaveclub.com now. No, I wanted to order it through you. Oh, okay. Ordering one dozen razor scooters and 24 rolls of toilet wallpaper. No, cancel. Cancel. What was dollarshaveclub.com anyway dollar shave club delivers everything you need to look feel and smell your best really what do they deliver shampoo conditioner body wash

toothpaste hair gel and of course raz, um, order me those things. Got it. Adding fake poo, condoms-ish, boy wash, toot, haze, human hair, jello, and one dozen razor scooters. No, no, cancel. It might be better to just sign up for dollarshaveclub.com. It would.

It's fast and delivered right to your door. Okay. Now, can you do that? Would you like to sign up for time shipping for $40 a month? What's that? When you order something, it's already been in your apartment for two days. Okay, that seems impossible. It is.

Yeah, Dollar Shave Club sent us a sample box and it's got everything you need. Plus, it's easy, convenient, and saves me money and hassle. Also, generic voice-activated shopping assistant, please don't sue us, re-add boy wash to the shopping list. Got it. Ignoring that.

And here's a great way to try a bunch of Dollar Shave Club's products. For just $5, you can get their Daily Essentials Starter Set. It comes with Body Cleanser, One White Charlies, their amazing butt wipes, their world-famous shave butter, and their best razor, the Six Blade Executive. Keep the blades coming for a few bucks a month and add in shampoo, toothpaste

or anything else you need. Check it all out at dollarshaveclub.com slash scathing. That's dollarshaveclub.com slash scathing. Alright, that sounds awesome. Hey, play some jazz.

Playing jizz. No, jazz. Cancel. Cancel. Huh? What's your amount? Think about it. Over 5,000 years ago in the Fertile Crescent,

some enterprising Sumerian pressed a wedge-shaped stylus into a tablet of clay and created the world's first writing system. Since then, the ability to record our thoughts and transfer them on to following generations has propelled our species forward in technology and philosophy and was universally considered one of the most important steps forward in human history. Until that is, Lee Strobel got a hold of it and now we're pretty sure writing was basically a break even yeah yeah lee strobel is the methadone for people hooked on phonics he's the worst chapter one this is only chapter four too my god all right now fortunately

for lucinda but unfortunately for the rest of us, she will not be able to join us this week. So the Sausage Fest will continue with chapter four of the case for Christ. The corroborating evidence. Is there credible evidence for Jesus outside the biographies? And instead of opening with his traditional, mostly dead kid, as he has the first three chapters, this time we open up on street lee strobel going toe to toe with the mob's most notorious hitman harry ailman by which he means at one point harry ailman

was like fuck you in a hallway like yeah i didn't realize i'd gone toe to toe with alan cummings that time i need a drink at starbucks but and of course, this is just a complex way of defining the word corroborate, which he later does by quoting Webster's dictionary, including the sample sentence. What? This is the first sentence of my biography wrote Jesus. Every man, Christ onto blank sheet of paper.

No, it was the best of times. Fuck. No, it was the worst. No, the times were paper. No. It was the best of times. Fuck, no. That's the same. It was the worst. No. The times were medium.

No. Call me Ishmael. Fuck. The night was... Webster's Dictionary defines trite. So after a completely meaningless digression

about a corrupt judge in the trial, we finally start the fucking chapter. Literally, this part could be replaced by a four-word definition. Wouldn't finally start the fucking chapter. Literally, this part could be replaced by a four-word definition. Wouldn't even need the sample sentence.

Yeah, but then we wouldn't get Lee's weird dig at Cook County, Illinois, where he's like, corruption so often lurks. I feel like he failed to beat a ticket there or something. And it's such a crazy digression into his enemies list he's like and when they found out he killed himself anyway that's how powerful corroborating evidence is yeah right it could kill a judge all right so now we're going to meet our third expert edwin m yamayuchi phd who teaches at the university of miami oh. He was in Strobel's words, one of the

country's leading experts in ancient history, which is why he had that prestigious post in America's 78th best university. And it's supposed to be this big moment for like building cred, but it's so sad. He literally says, he's like, and then I decided

to check with a true expert at a prestigious university. So there I am walking through with a true expert at a prestigious university. So there I am walking through the beautiful, picturesque town of Oxford. Ohio. Oxford. I went to Miami of Ohio. Yeah, right. So after learning that he's pretty much the smartest person on earth, we also learned that he's a lifelong Christian.

Yeah, he's like, would being a Christian skew his viewpoint? Would he be biased? Seriously, I'm asking. I'm not going to put you in the book if you don't answer. I'd be a dick. Of course, now before we can get to the capacious cornucopia of corroborating evidence, we have to reaffirm that the Gospels are more than enough to prove that Jesus existed. Yeah, Professor Yamaha

says they're the best source of information on the life of Jesus. Much like Harry Potter is the best source of information on the life of Jesus. Much like Harry Potter is the best source of information on the life of Harry Potter. Yeah, right. Yep. And to present our side, by the way, uses a quote from a fictional character in a Charles Templeton novel. Yeah. What?

Charles Templeton, by the way, was an evangelical author who actually gets interviewed later in this book. So apparently Lee Strobel is too lazy to make up his own straw man for this point. Right, right. And he only knows the point through a Christian author, which really speaks to what an atheist he wasn't. Right. And Christina Yamaguchi's response is literally, this is a quote, everyone who believed in him believed he existed. Everyone who didn't didn't i don't think osho didn't exist just because i didn't want to move to idaho and dress like the kool-aid man what so now we talk about just josephus because damn do they love to talk about

josephus but before we can get to his corroboration we still have to like shit all over his character for some reason right i don't know why it matters that joey was an arrogant coward but they make sure they establish that well hey he's an arrogant coward who wrote about jesus maybe a hundred years after he died so reliable and during this part i'm pretty sure they were both trying to gauge how anti-semitic the other guy was and they weren't sure because they mentioned josephus being jewish several times but they can't decide if that's good or bad yeah right and they keep switching it was like so jewish we agree is good good good gross did What? Gross. Did you, what did you say? What did you say?

Good. Good. Good. Gross. Gross. And then, of course, he has to claim that Josephus referenced Jesus and his brother James. And, of course, this is a dispute of passage because it says brother of Jesus, but that's also a term some people just used for Christian.

So it could very well just be about some christian dude named james but even if we take it as lee hopes it still just cooperates that a dude a generation later had heard of christians and by then jesus was supposed to have a brother and there's this great moment when the guy he's interviewing says i've never heard of a single scholar who successfully disputed this passage yeah what disputed what that that it exists danced back what the fuck is he talking about and also successfully who's who's determined in that one uh and then we move on to the the testimonium flavium which is a passage that pretty much all legit historians agree is a complete fucking fabrication added centuries later by christian

apologists who are trying to deal with the conspicuous lack of jesus references and histories that he should have been in and this is one is such horseshit that even strobel and his expert have to basically be like well it's highly controversial yeah you hear that my yik yaks and pronunciation of words are highly controversial and realize controversial but but then they they give the most lukewarm endorsement possible. The dude says, yeah, there's a remarkable consensus among Jewish and Christian scholars that it's authentic, except the parts that aren't. They very clearly aren't authentic.

And he uses the word interpolations to describe the obviously made up parts. And Strobel says, hey, you want to define that word interpolations to describe the obviously made up parts. And Strobel says, hey, you want to define that word interpolations? And Yamachi's like, no, because I'm clearly using it wrong. Yeah, right. You should cut this part from your book. Would fuck this sentence up. And then he goes through the passage point by point.

And he says, yeah, all this stuff about him being anything other than some rabbi is bullshit. Sure. Fucking amazing. it's like andrew correcting eli during a gamma and keep in mind what all this desperate referencing to josephus is trying to establish because we all agree that christianity exists right well nobody disagrees with that and all josephus passage does is establish that 70 years after jesus supposedly died he was significant enough to earn a passing mention in an extensive history of Judaism. I mean, did Josephus have any further plans to tear our community apart with his wild plans?

And then they pull this weird little bait and switch. Strobel's like, still, it seems like Josephus would have more to say about somebody as historically important as Jesus. And Yamiuchi's like, Jesus definitely existed. And Strobel and strobel's like oh good answer my point is refuted now right and he has this moment where he's bringing up the objections that michael martin makes to josephus stuff in a case against christianity but he does it in the craziest way possible i've never seen this in a book before this is twitter level taken out of context this is the quote that strobel puts in the book from michael martin quote if jesus did exist one would have expected josephus dot dot dot huge ellipsis yeah to have say more about him

again dot dot dot huge ellipsis it is unexpected that josephus mentioned him dot dot again in passing yeah end quote i'm sorry was michael martin on radio yeah it was like a recovered sumerian tablet or something no no no lee strobel was reverse interpolating also known as removing stuff that fucks up my point but um it turns out that books are things you can check on. Eli makes a good point. And here's the passage without the convenient giant gaps that Strobel put in. Here's the quote. Scholarly opinion is divided over whether this passage is a Christian interpolation.

I guess that's where he stole that word at Gregg. Yeah. However, if Jesus did exist, one would have expected Josephus to have mentioned Jesus more than once in his histories and to have said more about him, moreover as J.C. O'Neill has shown, Josephus mentions

other leaders of messianic proportions ones with large followings who might have been considered messiahs by people who were looking for a messiah furthermore, in the antiquities more space is given to john the baptist than to jesus and indeed josephus describes john as one would expect him to have described jesus so a little bit that wasn't there there's a more over and a furthermore don't skip this part so then lee who obviously thinks the guy he's talking to has read the full passage goes okay well what about people who think that jesus was just a minor revolutionary

and that major revolutionaries like john the baptist turned him into a messianic figure for their cause and yaha guy is like no because in the book they wrote about him he isn't though yes weren't we talking about evidence that isn't the bible yeah right yeah jingle jingle there's also another bait and switch where he's like oh josephus is mad important some of the stuff he said was later corroborated by archaeology and like yeah but not the jesus stuff and some of the stuff josephus talked about was yeah it seems an odd thing for you to bring up right now but sure cling into that one detail in his lie that's true like yeah okay no but there yeah so okay so now it's time to talk about tacitus who was born only 25 years after jesus died so he's got some firsthand knowledge to impart, I'm sure.

And Yamiuchi's like, yeah, he has the most compelling and important reference to Jesus outside of the Bible. He said in the year 115 that Nero persecuted them over the fire that Nero started in the year 64. So, yeah, most important reference to Jesus is proof that Christians existed in 115 and had been around for a little while by that. I mean, he sort of mentions Jesus getting crucified, but he's not attesting to it. He's just explaining the origin myth of the religion he's talking about. That's all they've got. He's like, in your expert opinion, would you agree that Christians believed in Christianity as far back as the beginning of Christianity.

Yes. Yes. That's the entire chapter. That's all we've established this entire chapter. Right. And his reference to the crucifixion, it's like an eighth grade English student's version of a reference. He's like, these assholes are full of shit.

Shit ends with T. T is the cross. Tacitus converts the crucifixion. And of course, then we round out the Trinity of historical sources with Pliny the Younger, born only three decades after Jesus died. And the sum total of Pliny the Younger's references to Christians was a letter to Trajan where he's like, yeah, I have to kill those motherfuckers all the time. They are so annoying. And I always ask one of them if the other guy would say he's dying for a lie

and they never understand what the fuck i'm talking about they're stupid stupid people that's why i'm exterminating all of them jesus is the unique son of god no i love how blind he's like i asked them if they're christians three times and then the third time they say yes i kill them i feel like the second time the guy's going to be like, hey, quick question, why are you doubling their questions? And look. Any consequences to my answer? Yeah, right.

I've looked pretty deep into mythicism and Christian apologetics. You know, I knew that Josephus Tacitus and Pliny the Younger were coming. I could have written those guys into the notes before I even cracked open the chapter, but then I got excited because the next heading was the day the earth went dark yeah so that's like a muslim movie yeah right so in this one strobel's like it's always bothered me as the unconvinced atheist i've all but given up on pretending to be that the gospels say the sun went out when jesus was crucified and it didn't sun definitely

never went out so how do you bullshit your way around that right and yakisoba is going to spend the chapter being like like this and then we go through this amazing maze of sub references and we land on a lost work that was quoted in another lost work that was referenced in a different work in 221 ce about somebody arguing about whether the sun went out that day and that's fucking insane instead of talking about how nobody else noticed yes instead of talking about the voluminous records of every other culture on Earth that didn't mention the fucking sun going out of the world. They're like, well, here's a lost reference that might have been quoted in another reference that says maybe something weird did happen with photons. Yeah.

And then Yamiuchi is like, here's a scholar saying an eclipse did occur when jesus was crucified and i'm like and here's kepler's law of planetary motion in the present position of the earth and the moon you fucked hard no there goddamn wasn't right the best interpretation of this passage is that there was an eclipse and there wasn't no because we have a shit ton of records of eclipses because people back then were like, what the fuck is that thing? Write it down. Well, and even when they didn't,

we can just check back. Yeah, we can calculate when they happen. But that's checkmate, apparently. The fact that later scholars tried to explain away that biblical passage was proof that the biblical passage was right, I guess. Yeah, getting rid of polio just shows you the lengths these people will go for the vaccine conspiracy right really and then there's this random part about jews really

hating the fuck out of jesus 500 years later uh which seems like an odd thing to mention if you don't have anti-semitic motives well he does point out that they say Mary was fucking a Roman soldier. And that's supposed to convince us that Jewish people in the sixth century felt like the virgin birth was in need of explanation. Right. Yeah. Really not sure. Everything in this chapter just seems to end with both guys more confused. It's like a human being fathered a child.

How convenient. Really? It was supposed to. And the other guy being like, um, yes, no, yes? No. Jews are bad?

Good. Good. Gross. You keep switching. You stop switching. Stay on three. Good or gross? One, two, three. Laurel.

Kike. Jewish. So they also explain away Jesus' miracles as magic, which is apparently proof that they felt the need to explain away as miracles too because of all the firsthand knowledge that the sixth century jews would have i get it you know how a bad yelp review is proof that a restaurant exists and is the perfect son of god yeah i'm sorry my metaphor fell apart and then we get a subheading that says evidence apart

from the bible which makes me think what the fuck have we been talking about until now lee i guarantee you this started out as an editor's note just like weren't you going to talk about evidence apart from the bible yes i was just getting i forgot to put that one in i had written that one um and this is where lee finally broaches the subject of the utter paucity of sources we've been dancing around until now yeah but yamachi assures us that jesus is even more real than zoroaster buddha or muhammad or or at least they're tied they're all medium real in height of truthiness i have to focus on one part of that one because he implies that there's greater historical documentation about Jesus than Muhammad. And that is just patently, absurdly untrue. He says, well, the first biography of Muhammad wasn't written until a century after his death.

But like, it's not just biographies. The shit he dictated was written while he was alive, though, right? Shit was written about him before then. I mean, sure, there were newspapers about Warren Buffett, but he didn't write his memoirs until 1992. Right, so he was born then, obviously. Squaresies with Jesus. And the realest person ever is the Terminator. And the realest person ever is the Terminator. And then Lee presents a question that's feline laser pointer levels of leading.

He says, so would you agree with me in my book if I said that even without the Gospels, we would know that Jesus was totally legit? And then Yemi Uchi agrees. Would you say I'm winning at my book so far or losing and you're fired yeah right great and then he promises corroborating evidence even older than the gospels and i'm like oh you mean contemporary to the events and he's like okay let's not get fucking crazy right because we begin our pre-gospel corroborations where else but with paul's overheated fever dream on the road to damascus yeah self-admitted hallucination is good evidence sorry i was taking notes yeah yeah to be clear his pre-gospel corroboration is the epistles all right so now it's time to

get some corroboration from the zombie parts, apparently, because the next subheading is truly raised from the dead. And these corroborating accounts are the writings of second century Christians. The fact that early Christian writers agreed with the precept of their own religion is now being offered as evidence of that religion's veracity. Right. You know, fake religions don't have that kind of faith in the first couple centuries. Like, if you ask Mormon people right now to rate their faith from 1 to 10,

they're at, what, like a 4? Most, yeah. He also inadvertently right here mentions the docetic heresy, right? Which reminds us that there were violent disagreements about the most basic questions of Christ's nature, even in 117. Also, it reminds us that there were violent disagreements about the most basic questions of christ's nature even in 117 also it reminds us that stuff that didn't agree with the party line about jesus was systematically destroyed for 2 000 years and counting yeah uh fun fact also the story of santa punching a guy also that um and now we're pretty much done with the interview but of course we can't leave yemiuchi without asking if

he still loves jesus the mostest despite knowing so much stuff and this is where we get the last of several different times that this professor was clearly ready to be done with lee's trouble yes but got teased with like a colombo false ending but struggle just thinks the guy really likes his watch and clock in his office and this time i was like so yeah we'd been talking for a while and mr yamachi stood up and put his hand out it was a it was a weird gesture but i didn't want to embarrass the guy so i ignored it and kept asking questions because i'm a pro so i had him graph the reality of jesus over time and yeah and so okay yeah so yamemiuchi believes in Jesus even more now

because you know how you can believe in something and then later believe in it more? No, because real shit doesn't work like that. When we restrict ourselves to facts, belief is a dichotomous proposition. Exactly. It's like that. Kind of binary, yeah.

You might as well take out an applause-o-meter. Like, okay, make some noise for when you first got hired. How do you like Jesus? Woo! Now make some joy noise for him now. Woo! Wow, he went seven to nine. Yeah.

You're at nine. It's a long scale applause-o-meter. And then we get that weird close he always has where he's like, you know, I know I'm not dealing with strong readers, so I'm going to end this chapter with like a coming attractions teaser for the next chapter it's the best it's like noah's wrapping up a b segment of gam for kindergarten will jesus be super awesome super duper awesome find out the answers to these questions not at all no yeah i picture his average reader like like you know

how the dog they overrun the tennis ball and they skid past it like that for reading so he has to like jump out in front of him and be like hey hey hey hey new game look look look now stick now see the stick next is stick ready okay stick time coming up. Ready? Three, two, stick. Yeah, but of course, we can't leave Lee all together without tackling his ever so interesting questions for reflection or group study. So here goes. Question one. Is there an incident in your life

in which you doubted someone's story until he or she offered some corroborating evidence? How was this experience similar to learning about the kind of corroborative evidence that Yamiuchi presented? So I was in Heath's room and he said I was touching myself to his middle school yearbook, but I haven't written my memoirs yet. So no, I don't exist.

I wasn't. I don't think that was the question. All right. Now I got one. My buddy Mikey said one time that he was crucified and then raised from the dead. But a hundred years later, I did see a copy of his birth certificate so he definitely existed pretty much the same

I think my friend once told me he fucked a girl at camp and I was like no you obviously didn't so he showed me a map of Canada that was not similar to Yamachi because Canada is 90% real though alright so question two That was not similar to Yamachi because Canada is 90% real, though. 90%.

All right. So the question two, what do you consider to be the most persuasive evidence that Yamiuchi talked about and why? Honestly, should have a why not, but Lee's a little too sure of himself. So there's just a why. I'm going to go with the argument from the sun either did or didn't go out for an entire day because that's true uh i'm gonna go with he probably wrote this line that we know people edited yeah right uh and i feel like the linear nature of his sentence just proved he existed in the time dimension i'm not going to go any further than that all right question three ancient sources say that early

christians clung to their beliefs rather than disavow them in the face of torture why do you think they had such strongly held convictions i'm gonna go with people are fucking stupid because they stopped beating their wives recently because the other option was becoming muslim you're right all right well that's gonna do it for this month's installment of the case for christ by a glance ahead and we should all be getting excited about three weeks from now because the next chapter is where we started on the scientific evidence for jesus yeah after seeing how good he histories i cannot wait to see this man's science he's titrating. Can't wait to see you there. Anyway, that's all the Blast Movie we've got for you tonight. We'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more.

If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister show's hot friend, God of a Movie, debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Tuesday, and an even newer episode of our half-sister show, Citation Needed, debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously, I'd be underqualified for this job if I neglected to thank Heath Enright for always being in top form. I also want to thank Eli for some bottom-related stuff. Also, apologies to Kaya, whose name I mispronounced as Kia last week, so if there was any confusion, it was Kaya who was so sexy, Michael Cohen gave him $130,000 just in case. Also wanted to thank all the listeners that reached out with kind words for Lucinda and her family.

Her dad's a tough old bastard. He's doing pretty good so far, but your well-wish has meant a lot to her and I've been asked to express that gratitude on her behalf. So again, thanks. She promises to get back as soon as she can. Also, quick thanks to Trevor and Damien from the Belief It or Not podcast for providing this week's Farnsworth quote. Love your business model, guys. It worked for us. And if you'd like to check out their show, it will, of course, be linked in the show notes. But most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's most marvelous mammals,

Anus, Brent, Stuart, Sam, Donna, Marcus, Dimitri, Matt, Gary, Brett, Christine, Hillary, Andrew, Killer Cotton, and Chris. Anus, Brent, Stuart, Sam, and Donna, whose intellects are so vast, deer and antelopes can play in them in a pinch. Marcus, Dimitri, Matt, Gary, and Brett, whose intellects are so vast deer and antelopes can play in them in a pinch. Marcus, Dimitri, Matt, Gary, and Brett, whose erections are so big the tip can get a sunburn at night.

And Christine, Hillary, Andrew, Killer Cotton, and Chris, who are so sexy when they tried to listen to the Yanny Laurel video, it just kept asking them if they come there often. Together, these 15 ferocious freethinkers form in a fragment of their fortune to further our foul-mouthed field with the fact-free formulations of the foolishly faithful this week by giving us money. Not everybody has the money to give

us money, but if you do, you can make a per-episode donation at patreon.com slash skatingatheist, whereby you'll earn early access to an extended ad-free version of every episode, or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage at skatingatheist.com. Legal services for this podcast are provided by the Law Offices of P. Andrew Torres and our audio engineer is Morgan Clark, who also wrote all the music that was used

in this episode, which was used with permission. If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at skatingadius.com. They're amazing butt wipes. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a Thunderstorm LLC, copyright 2018, all rights reserved.