The Scathing Atheist - 282: Oh Kavanaugh He Didn't Edition

Episode Date: July 12, 2018

In this week’s episode, we realize Supreme Court is an anagram for ‘Computer ruse’ and cling to the hope that everybody’s just messing with me, an Israeli politician calls earthquakes fake Jews, and we’ll look back into American history and find exactly what we’d expect to. Get tickets to see God Awful Movies live in London here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/god-awful-movies-live-in-london-tickets-47591873575 Get tickets to see Citation Needed live in Chicago here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/citation-needed-live-in-chicago-tickets-45942658729 To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click there: http://www.amazon.com/Diatribes-Godless-Misanthrope-Scathing-Presents-ebook/dp/B00J53FZFI/ref=sr11?ie=UTF8&qid=1396141562&sr=8-1 To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out out half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ Headlines: Supreme Court Pick is religious zealot: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2018/07/09/heres-what-church-state-groups-are-saying-about-scotus-pick-brett-kavanaugh/ Pruitt cites god’s providence in his resignation letter: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2018/07/05/scott-pruitts-resignation-letter-is-a-strong-argument-against-gods-existence/ Duterte doubles down: “Prove Christian god, and I’ll resign tonight”: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2018/07/07/philippines-president-if-anyone-can-prove-god-exists-ill-resign-tonight/ Orthodox Jewish politician blames earthquake on reform Jews: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2018/07/07/orthodox-jewish-politician-blames-reform-jews-for-recent-earthquake-in-israel-2/ Christian hate preacher deported from OZ for harassing Muslims: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2018/07/07/christian-hate-preacher-will-be-deported-from-australia-after-harassing-muslims/ Two women working for Mother Teresa’s charity arrested for selling babies: https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-india-44722755 Rick Wiles: “Dems will kill GOP voters to win in 2020” http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2018/07/05/rick-wiles-democrats-will-kill-republican-voters-in-2020-to-win-the-election/ Steven Anderson uses his words: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2018/07/10/hate-preacher-goes-on-wild-name-calling-anti-semitic-rant-against-fornication/ This Week in Misogyny: Arkansas Republicans working on law to ban abortion even in cases of rape: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2018/07/07/arkansas-republicans-are-working-on-a-bill-to-ban-abortion-even-in-cases-of-rape/ GOP candidate Mark Harris: “Woman has one title: Helper” http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2018/07/06/in-leaked-sermon-gop-candidate-mark-harris-said-a-woman-has-one-title-helper/ Cast and Crew walks off of anti-abortion movie: https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/cast-crew-walk-anti-abortion-movie-misled-directors-101053470.html

Warning, it's impossible to have an honest discussion about now without plenty of explicit language. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by Blue Apron and by Canada. It's close by. And if the alternative is a theocratic hellscape, you can just wear a sweater. Canada, moving ahead even when they stand still. And now, The Scathing Atheist. This is Bryce from Calgary, Alberta, Canada, and I can assure you that we did, in fact, evolve from filthy monkey men. It's Thursday!

It's July 12th. And it's National Simplicity Day, so we fired Heath. Oh, not after that it's Thursday we didn't. I'm Noah Lusions. I'm Eli Bosnick. And from New York, New York, and whatever shithole Noah lives in now, this is The Skating Atheist. On this week's episode, I realize Supreme Court is an anagram for computer ruse

and cling to the hope that everybody's just fucking with me. An Israeli politician calls earthquakes fake juice. And we'll look back into American history and find exactly what we'd expect to find. But first, the diatribe. I guess for most people, it would seem weird to worry that you're going to run out of anger. I suppose that most people with a temperament like mine go through life looking for ways to unburden themselves of that anger, or at least to tamp down on it as often as possible. But for me, maintaining a certain level of anger is an occupational requirement.

So naturally, I used to worry about that. I used to worry that I'd be the first person in the history of the world to go to an anger management class and ask them to ramp it up a little bit. But this show is the scathing atheist. I kind of wrote myself into a corner with the second word of the title. And at first it was fine because I knew I had a large reserve of anger to draw upon. But after a while, I couldn't help but wonder how deep that well really went. I mean, there is a bit of tendency for atheists to moderate over time, right? And while I'd been an atheist for well over a decade before I started the show, I was still pretty new to atheist activism. So what would happen if I moderated and lost my anger? Would anybody listen to the somewhat perturbed atheist or the probably more rude than was called for atheist. And of

course, I'd seen this happen plenty of times before, right? There were several atheist blogs I read where people started off full of spit and vinegar only to mellow out quickly when they were confronted with a critical public. I'd listened to archived atheist podcasts that were way more pissed off than the current episodes. And beyond that, I was familiar with human nature. When you first get into something, you're usually crazy gung-ho about it. A couple years later, who knows? So I set about making sure I stayed angry. One might even say I built my life around it.

I consume no fewer than 50 news articles a week about religious abuses of law, morality, and children, often from their own obsequious sources. I watch at least one Christian movie every week. I read holy books, and lacking those, I read elaborate and intellectually disingenuous apologies for holy books. I receive newsletters from Living Waters, Answers in Genesis, the American Family Association, and the Alliance Defending Freedom, and that's on top of Facebook and Twitter existing.

And still, I worried that my anger would subside and I'd lose my edge. I imagine some younger, angrier, more mellifluous atheist podcaster nipping at my heels, just waiting for the veins in my forehead to subside long enough for him to elbow me into obscurity. But it turns out I was worried over nothing. See, I've seen a lot of atheist podcasters and bloggers mellow out over time, and as

much as I feared falling into that same fate, I gotta be honest, it doesn't make the damnedest lick of sense to me. I don't know how they do it. See, doing this show has given me a lot more time to dedicate to reading Christian news sites and watching Christian movies and listening to Christian hate preachers. But I had access to that stuff the whole time. This stuff was always on in the background, pissing me off whether I was going out of my way to consume it or not. But the podcast opened me to a whole new resource that most atheist tempers aren't privy to. You.

resource that most atheist tempers aren't privy to you look before i started putting my voice out into the world things like jehovah's witnesses shunning their wayward children baptist kids being told evolution was a lie from the devil and fundamentalist women being treated like brooding mares were just abstract concepts to me they weren't real people but now every time i talk about one of these heinous subsets of christ practices, I'm bound to hear from an actual victim of it. Case in point, I'm writing last week's diatribe about how religion keeps people in poverty, and I write Christianity has a whole cornucopia of ways to keep people poor. But that sucks. Cornucopia is obviously the wrong word. You know, suggests a bounty, a whole bunch of good stuff. And beyond that, I overuse the hell out of that word already. So I'm scratching my head for a second. I'm like, aha, a quiver full of ways to keep people poor, right?

I mean, not only does that offer up the war metaphor and suggest that each one of the things I'm talking about could be deadly, but it's also the name of a Christian movement that urges women to breed until their uteruses fall out because when your theory of the cases is unconvincing as Christianity's, your only hope to make new Christians is to indoctrinate new ones from birth. And I'll admit I was absurdly proud of that choice. Embarrassingly so. I was doing the writer's equivalent of a touchdown dance, went and found Lucinda and told her what a good job I was doing making words. And then I tried my damnedest not to emphasize it when I read the line later.

But it was still just a word choice, right? Until I heard from somebody who escaped from the full quiver movement before coming to atheism. You know, until somebody says, yeah, that was me. And then the victim of religion suddenly grows flesh and blood, and I'm reminded what I was so pissed off about in the first place. You know, when I started the show, I didn't realize that some people that come out of religion late in life had to spend their whole lives tormented by nightmares of hell. I didn't know young girls were told they were as desirable as used bubble gum if they had premarital sex.

I didn't know what it was like to listen to a friend contemplate suicide because his mom couldn't accept that he didn't share her God. And I didn't know what it was like to be a conduit for that anger. And look, apologies if this diatribe seems redundant. I know I've talked about this at length before. I've talked about this at length before, but after spending this segment last week talking about how I'd never be short of diatribe material now that I'm in Georgia, I figured it was worth reminding you that I was never exactly running low to begin with. They're talking about you, Jesus. We interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news bulletin.

Joining me for headlines tonight is a man who's sure he can take care of the puns while Heath's gone, Eli Bosnick. Eli, are you ready to do Heath proud? I think he'll find the job I do is quite hammer sack. Sorry, I thought it would come. It seems way easy when he does it. It is easy when someone else does it. Yeah.

In our lead story tonight, we have an update on a story we covered two weeks ago about the cancer kid who wanted Make-A-Wish to ban all abortions for him. Well, it turns out that Anthony Kennedy heard his cries and decided to make it happen. So, yeah. Good guy. Yeah, right. Right. No, it's all about the kids for him, forcing many of them to be born. So, yeah. And yet more evidence that Margaret Atwood was wrong, only in her assumption that it was going to take a military coup of some sort. We learned on

Tuesday night that the next nominee to sit on the nation's highest court was one Brett Kavanaugh, who looks moderate only because of the mascot theory way in which he was introduced. In a giant foam suit, shooting a t-shirt gun. Would you be at all surprised if that's what

Trump did for the next one? No, I would be zero, I'd be like, yeah, sure. Absolutely. I know. It's good that he it would be the best thing he ever did was give out T-shirts. All right. So let's take a look at Mr. Kavanaugh here. For a bit over a decade, he's been on the D.C. Circuit Court of Appeals where he's made a name for himself,

joining in the dissent on a fuck ton of cases that were overwhelmingly decided the other way, which, if nothing else, is a pretty strong indicator he's at least not in the judicial mainstream right included in his noteworthy dissents where the religious liberty challenge to the affordable care acts contraceptive mandate in which religious organizations argued they were unfairly burdened with the task of signing a paper saying they didn't want to comply with the law. He agreed. Yeah, look, I knew those giant gag pens were a bad idea. This is on me, guys. It's on me. They were too heavy.

Right. No, I get it. I did not. In retrospect, it seems obvious. He also joined in the dissent when the larger court decided that the Office of Refugee Resettlement wasn't allowed to make medical decisions for minors in their custody. You might remember this one. This is where a 17-year-old immigrant wanted an abortion,

had the money for it, and had the means to make it to the clinic, but the hyperzealot Trump put in charge of the ORR decided that she was going to have that baby anyway. Just like, ah! Yeah, right. No, and ultimately, after a needless and dangerous delay, she was allowed to have the abortion,

but wouldn't have if Kavanaugh had had his way. Yeah, if you haven't heard of this case look it up because it was basically everyone deciding if Janet can get an IUD during game night and this guy the future supreme court justice came out on the wrong side of that he was like well she does fuck up at Catan I think we should all walk it through now I wasn't able to find many places where he directly ruled on religious issues, but Hemant Mehta over at The Friendly Atheist dug up a pretty disturbing concurrency he wrote a few years back. A big group of atheists sued to keep all the so-help-me-God stuff out of Obama's inauguration. You remember when our aspirations were that high? Anyway, the court dismissed it.

Atheists appealed it. It winds up in front of a three-judge panel, including Kavanaugh. Now, the court upheld the lower ruling, which dismissed the case on a question of standing. But Kavanaugh's concurrence made it clear that he accepted the decision but not the excuse. See, in his estimation, the atheists did have standing but could still go fuck themselves. Of course he did. If only to add to the comically large pile of paper we can drop in front of people when they ask us why we talk about politics so much these days. Yeah, right. One more sheet on there. Yeah, that's the thing. We didn't move towards politics. They moved towards us, guys.

So, okay, so here's the quote. This is what he wrote. Quote, we cannot resolve this case by discounting the sense of anguish and outrage plaintiffs and some other Americans feel at listening to a government sponsored religious prayer. Any effort to tell plaintiffs that it's not a big deal or it's de minimis would be entirely out of bounds in my judgment. So far, so good. Here comes the pivot. Continuing, quote, we likewise cannot dismiss the desire of others in America to publicly ask for God's blessing on certain government activities and to publicly seek God's guidance for certain government officials. Can't we? We can't do that?

When there's a government we can. Plaintiffs suggest that no one should be upset if government ceremonies were entirely cleansed of religious expression. They argue that such a regime would reflect true government neutrality towards religion. Others respond, however, that stripping government ceremonies of any references to God or religious expression

would reflect unwarranted hostility to religion and would, in fact, establish atheism. End quote. Ah, see, here I was, not knowing the atheist mandate that was currently keeping God out of my Wendy's order because it didn't begin with an invocation. What are you talking about? That's exactly right, though. Yes. He negates his own opinion in the first sentence, and then he's like, but on the other hand, what if the First Amendment doesn't exist? Yeah, pretty much.

Now, look, that's some pretty verbose shit. So let me distill this down to its key points. A, this is a concurrence. He didn't have anything to justify. He was offering this up in case anyone was curious. B, he's at least sympathetic to the view that not being explicitly Christian amounts to a government endorsement of atheism. And finally, C, he wanted to make sure everyone knew that in case he ever wound up on the Supreme Court or anything. Right. It's like how I have to introduce myself to my neighbors when I move in. Pretty sure you're required by law to do that, actually. Still, it's nice. And for the record, it's not just me freaking out about this shit.

Larry T. Decker, the executive director of the Secular Coalition for America, said of the nomination that it, quote, reveals that President Trump prioritizes the political ambition of the religious right over the interests of the American people, end quote. And I'm sure Larry already knew that, too, but it does demonstrate it. The Freedom from Religion Foundation describes Kavanaugh's nomination as, quote, a disaster for the constitutional principle of separation between church and state and quote president and CEO of Americans United for separation of church and state and part time space opera action hero. Rachel Laser says, quote, Judge Kavanaugh fails to understand that only separation of church and state can guarantee religious freedom from all Americans and quote. Great point. American atheist legal policy director Allison Gill points out that Kavanaugh, quote, has repeatedly allowed religion to be used as a license to discriminate and ignore the law, end quote. And look, there are more quotes here. I feel like you get the point, but I could keep going.

The question is, how did Lucinda get to all of them? Call forward. Call forward. And in God's gonna see me Pruitt news tonight. The presidential administration of Donald Trump hit a bit of a milestone this week as they found a human being too corrupt even for the trump administration and as a result head of the epa and man who looks like he's about to sabotage the oil rig marky mark is working on scott pruitt submitted his resignation. Yeah, and there's no way, I guess, to parse which straw broke the camel's

back when you're loading it in by the hammock full. Yeah, it's hard to measure. And while Americans who drink water, breathe air, and, you know, just don't like having their money stolen, we're glad to see Pruitt go, there's one person who Scott is pretty sure is going to miss him. That's right. Jesus.

Maybe you've heard of it unless you're the bad guy in a christian movie in which case you'll be hearing about him soon so yeah it's pretty awesome get ready so in his resignation pruitt points out that jc isn't just on his side but trumps as well saying quote my desire and service to you has always been to bless you as you make important decisions for the American people. Sorry, I just had to check. I wasn't reading from Song of Solomon. Yeah, no, it was the I tattooed your face on my boob. Can we get back together now of resignation letters?

It really was. Okay, Noah, if you didn't like my going away present, you should have told me. Now I got your face on my boob. I got heats on the other one. Lucinda's in the middle and I can make you guys squisher. I'm squishing my boobs. I know this is an audio medium.

You gotta picture it. You don't have to picture it. He continues, quote, I believe you are serving as president today because of God's providence. I believe that same providence brought me into your service. I pray, as I have served you, that I have blessed you and enabled you to effectively

lead the american people thank you again mr president for the honor of serving you and i wish you godspeed in all that you put your hand to end quote jeez you're totally normal sized completely hominid hand too oh it's written in trump's handwriting there at the end. Right. And in Duterte-ronomy news tonight, President of the Philippines and second to the main bad guy who gets the most gruesome vengeance death, Rodrigo Duterte doubled down on his shit talk against God on Friday when he publicly offered to resign his office if anybody could prove to him that God exists.

This, of course, coming on the heels of the previous week's proclamation that God was, quote, a stupid son of on the heels of the previous week's proclamation that God was, quote, a stupid son of a bitch. And that's nice to know. I've been feeling down since I realized I was stuck in Georgia, but it's comforting to know that this guy's the president of a whole country and he's still aspiring to my job. Yeah.

And speaking of which, Rodrigo, welcome to the program. I want to murder a child. He's got a whole bunch of similarities. want to murder a child. He's got a whole bunch of similarities. Alright, so this latest WWE rant at Jesus came during a celebration of science and technology, so admittedly

couldn't have picked a better location. During the event, Duterte, himself a professed Christian, said, quote, and if there is any one of you there, the noisy ones who say that you've been to heaven and talked to God and saw him personally and that he exists. And if that's true, I will step down from the presidency tonight, end quote.

We did it, everybody. We found the one situation in which someone believing in God would be beneficial. We didn't think, not on this show, but we found it. Yeah. We found it. No kidding. Okay, so here's the thing, dude. I appreciate the effort, but you're never going to win me over.

I mean, killing people in mass for any reason makes it tough, but specifically for doing drugs? Come on, I'm a lost cause. But it's not too late to save your standing with the Christians. Just nominate Amy Coney Barrett to something. Ooh, I hear she's looking. Yeah, right. I hear she is looking. But I think we can all agree that the main takeaway here is that it's time for Ray Comfort to put up or shut up. That's right, Ray.

Yeah, you've been saying for years you can prove God with a single question. Here's your chance, bro. Duterte's so-called war on drugs has killed well over 13,000 people at this point. He took office in June of 2016. It's about 18 lives a day. That's how many you sacrifice every day you use your God-proving abilities to harass stone 19-year-olds in Southern California instead of using them against Duterte, you callous prick. Or is this the perfect opportunity for a sequel?

He was the author of the world's best-selling book of Christian apologetics. If Jesus didn't rise from the dead, though, then how come these two business card-sized pieces of parchment say the same thing, huh? He was a megalomaniacal supervillain. Yeah, so one time I stopped a rape by doing all the raping first. villain. Yeah, so one time I stopped a rape by doing all the raping first. But when fate brought them together,

only faith could save them. Do prove to me that God exists and I'll step down right now. Okay, well, lots of cities moved around and changed names. Wow, really? I'll pack my shit. The case for Christ 2. The Duterte

of the deal. Not for Christ, too. The Duterte of the deal. Not much better, honestly. And in whoa news tonight, Israeli politician Yanan Azoulay Do we need someone to say Jew? Heath is not here, and I am doing the story.

So yes. Jew. Thank you. Anyway, Mr. Azoulay has a theory on who's to blame for the recent minor earthquakes in the sea of Galilee this week. Any guesses? From what I know of Jewish theology,

Mazikeen the underachiever. Oh, that is true. Old one, but a good one, but close. No, it's reformed Jewss oh okay so i guess if they gave up all together we get the big one but as long as they're still cutting

their dicks god's gonna keep the earthquake civil that's good to know exactly so for listeners who aren't aware of the types of jew here's an unofficial list from most to least religious so there's hasidic jews and those are the ones that look like wizards and whose children all share a single gene between them. Orthodox Jews look less like wizards and their kids get two genes a piece, but like you still see it. Conservative Jews, they dress like people, but they still wear magic hats. And then there's reformed Jews down at the bottom who are atheists who pretend to be Jewish for some reason. and at least in my mother's case would like it very much if you'd stop pointing it out yes and by the way for what it's worth angelo if you drew up a cartoon of that list uh ron paul would probably retweet it yeah a staffer thank you a staffer named ron paul paul paul paul ron

paul ron fuck anyway the reason that this last group of jewtheists was on mr azalea's mind and Ron Paul. Paul Ron. Paul Ron. Fuck. Anyway, the reason that this last group of Jewtheists was on Mr. Azlai's Mind and Lips this week is because Reformed Jews are asking for an egalitarian section of the famous Western Wall, which is a wall slightly to the west of things. It's important. I don't know if the Jews care about it.

I don't. Something about a temple. Anyway, the reformed Jews, they want to touch it with their weirdly fully genomed hands and Yanan is having Yanan of it.

See, I told you he'd handle it. I told you he'd... I didn't... We didn't need him. 50-50 split. Here we go. So here's what he had to say. Quote,

Today we heard there was some kind of earthquake. Maybe we should do some soul searching that this earthquake was because someone is trying to touch that which is sacred to us. Here are pain. They are not Jews. End quote. They're foreskins? I mean, because like those earthquakes were mostly like 1.0 to 2.0, which means God's at least that pissed a thousand times a day.

Ah, so he is jewish and a woman oh yeah there you go and look when it comes to reform jews giving up the second half of that term hell if they would agree i would agree as long as we get to keep the air conditioning and the bar mitzvahs those are fun too well not if you have to work them but yeah you make a lot of money though all right well now that eli's teased me with words air and conditioning so close together, we're going to take a quick break and hand things over to my lovely wife, Lucinda. A man wrote the Bible? A whore is what she was.

If it's a legitimate race. Then it's a slut, right? Cooking can be fun. Hey, I'm proud of a man. This week in Misogyny. Okay, yeah, I'm not going to bear any good tidings or anything this week. In fact, I'm going to be downright grim. See, I've spent an awful lot of time over the last few years watching the crazy bullshit

that Republicans try to do to women's rights when they think nobody's looking. And through it all, we've been able to count on the Supreme Court as the stopgap between us and the handmaid's tale. Hell, that's pretty much been the theme of this segment since it started. Look at the crazy shit American Christians would do if the Supreme Court wasn't there to stop them. And now it isn't. Not that court anyway. And just in case you needed a reminder of exactly what's at stake here, I should remind you that Republican lawmakers in Arkansas have worked to introduce bills banning abortion, even in the case of rape, as recently as right now. Immediately upon news of Kennedy's retirement and the knowledge that he'd be replaced by somebody more hostile to abortion rights,

State Representative Bob Ballinger took to Twitter to let everyone know he has a bill ready to go at a moment's notice, should women's reproductive autonomy be put back into the hands of men, where apparently it belongs. And he made it clear that his bill wouldn't pussyfoot around issues like rape and incest. I mean, if any two things scream Arkansas, they're rape and incest, right? And this is literally what we're up against. This was their response to the news that Roe might get overturned. And it's not like you have to go digging for this shit. Sure, State Representative Bob Ballinger of Arkansas isn't exactly a household name, but the inferiority of women has been a plank of the GOP party platform for at least as long as I've been alive. Take, for example, GOP candidate Mark Harris. This dude's running for Congress in North Carolina, and audio just surfaced of a sermon he delivered in 2013 in which he said that

the only appropriate title for a woman is helper. He sermonized, quote, in our culture today, girls are taught from grade school that we tell them that what is most honorable in life is a career, and their ultimate goal in life is simply to be able to grow up and be independent of anyone and anything. But nobody has seemed to ask the question that I think is critically important to ask. Is that a healthy pursuit for society? Is that the healthiest pursuit for our homes? Is that the healthiest pursuit for our children? Is that the healthiest pursuit for the sexes in our generation? End quote. Yeah, Mark, you're right. Come to think about it, I don't hear very many people at all asking questions like, do you think women being allowed to decide shit for themselves is good?

But, and this is important, so pay attention, it's not because nobody else thought of it. Not a lot of people walk around asking, do you think I should lick down power lines either? And for the same basic reason. either, and for the same basic reason. But if there is a silver lining to all of this, it's that these backward jackasses, despite holding the reins of power, are in the minority. And sometimes just having the numbers is enough. And that leads me to an inkling of good news to close off on. Astute listener Christy sent us a tweet about an anti-abortion movie getting aborted after the cast and crew figured out what the fuck they were filming. See, the producers wanted to make a caustically anti-abortion retelling of Roe vs. Wade, but they figured they'd have trouble finding a cast and crew that would be down for that, so

they just lied. They lied about the movie's political bent and even told them it was going to be a PG-rated affair despite their intent to fill the movie with graphic shots of aborted fetuses. affair despite their intent to fill the movie with graphic shots of aborted fetuses. Well, eventually the crew found out and walked off en masse. So just a reminder, even when they're holding all the levers, they still need the rest of us to go along with their bullshit. And with that dusting of a silver lining, I'll hand you back over to Noah and Eli. Thank you, Lucinda. And in the wonderful piss out of Oz news tonight. It's not often in 2018 that one gets to hear news of a happy deportation, but that's why you tune in here to The Scathing Atheist,

because we bring you the gleeful deportations that the mainstream media for the sheeple is afraid to. Yeah, this is kind of a weird way to break the news of our format ship, but it's getting really hard to find a niche that isn't over full in podcasting. So that's what we're. Yeah, that's what we're going. Oh, no, I'm sorry. Just checked. There are 45 pro deportation podcasts on iTunes right now. So who's Ben Shapiro?

A Jew. Got it. So some of you might be skeptical about our new business model, and that's fine. That's fine. But bear with me, because this week, Christian hate preacher and New Zealand native who swears he didn't leave because he was Hobbiton's only pedophile, Logan Robertson,

was shown the beautiful kangaroo-shaped door of Australia this week for, of all things, harassing Muslim teenagers inside a mosque. And now you're happy I took the bacon from you last November, aren't you? Okay, I'm just saying, Bacon Man would have been so awesome.

I agree. I've burned a lot in rehearsals. So, for those of you who aren't familiar with Lolo for Shosho, aside from his head looking exactly the same upside down as it does

right side up. He looks like Stephen Anderson ate Stephen Anderson. Indeed, indeed. Robertson is famous for telling gay Christians he prays they commit suicide, telling women not to vote, telling people that he's okay with gay marriage as long as the couple gets shot in the head as soon as they kiss. And of course, for his viral video of his sermon, piss be unto Muhammad. But, you know, broken clock twice a day. Yeah, right. Exactly.

I'm sure when he says, I want extra cheese, he's probably right about that, too. The key is when he's wrong, he's all the way wrong. Exactly. Anyway, Robertson and five others were arrested last week for walking up to teenagers in a mosque and verbally harassing them, calling them terrorists. and verbally harassing them, calling them terrorists. And when Robertson and his friends came back the next day and was confronted by a member of the local Islamic council, told them, quote, because I hate the religion of Islam. I don't hate Muslims.

I hate the religion. What? Not adding. That's why I came here to yell the word terrorist at your children. Yeah, right. I disagree with their ideas. And my urine on your shoes is because you hear Yanny, by the way. Exactly.

Either way, his shenanigans have cost him his visa. So he's headed back to Auckland where hopefully he'll relax, take in some wine country or get eaten by a giant spider. That last one sounds best. It does. Yeah. If we get it, if we get a vote. And in Babies R Us was taken news tonight. We have a story that's given Trump's immigration advisors all kind of disturbing new ideas.

Apparently, three women in the eastern India state of Jharkhand have been detained by police over an investigation into possible baby selling. Baby selling? Yeah, baby selling at Mother Teresa's Missionaries of Charity, of course. At Mother Teresa's Missionaries of Charity, of course. So the commodity in question was a two-month-old boy who'd been given to the charity through a program known as 1-800-KIDS-FOR-CARS, apparently, and was offered to a couple for 130,000 rupees, about 1,800 U.S., which admittedly is a really good deal on a baby. Right? Plus, that jingle sticks in your head for hours. It's bad.

The war comes on the radio. Only one of the three women were arrested at the time of this writing, but the police suggest other arrests may be forthcoming. In addition to this incident, they're also looking into at least two previous incidents of possible baby selling. The charity said, quote, We are shocked to know what has happened in our home. We are currently looking into this matter we will take all necessary precautions that it never happens

again if it has happened end quote so you know way to hedge your bets at the end there i guess you're really like oh and and you know what we might even be innocent right oh yeah spoken like a true person with no guilty knowledge well they are a catholic charity you know they got some practice right you gotta err on that assumption and look of all the shit i can see happening to a baby in india getting sold for a couple grand is far from the worst i saw a slung dog millionaire those kids have to swim through shit to get autographs but perhaps the most fucked up aspect of the story is the excuse that some people are offering up see a lot of indian charities have gotten out of the adoption game since the government passed a law forcing them to give kids to you know people of any old

religion or marital status and this has been offered up by the way as a criticism of the government policy not of the bigots who won out of the adoption game because of that look if you told me they did it because the median income in India is 600 bucks a year, I'd be way more sympathetic than if you said, oh, yeah, also bigotry. Yeah, I've read Grapes of Wrath or, as we call it these days, a New York Times op-ed on anyone who lives in the South. And in get out of my head news tonight, Christian broadcaster and shoo-in if anyone is ever casting the part of the ghost of golf rick wiles has been reading all the jokes that noah and andrew delete

from my notes see see these big spaces i had some great stuff in here felonious incitement to violence i need you to stop keying in on the word felonious, okay? We said all incitements to violence. Okay, but you're allowed to jaywalk, typical. Hate being the new guy. Anyway, on his opposite day named show, True News this week, Rick Weill said the following, quote, the Democrats are now stalking members of the Trump administration. My friends, I'm telling you, there is a day coming, perhaps this year, they're going to shoot members of the cabinet.

They're going to shoot members of the House and Senate. We're Democrats. We don't have guns. Right. But look, he has a point. Like, not enough people are talking about the fact that the lady who asked Sarah Huckabee Sanders to leave the redhead followed it up with, or I'll shoot you in the face. Like, we don't talk about it. But a common misunderstanding.

The cooks did talk about a load of shooting and Sarah Huckabeeee sanders mouth but it had nothing to do with guns exactly and it's a friday we all know shs we know what she gets up to anyways he continues quote mark my words they're going to kill republicans and by 2020 on election day they're going to kill republican voters they're going to block republic from voting, end quote. And, oh, apparently I have no jokes here. I also don't have a map, which I was going to tweet out. I got nothing. Sorry.

I got nothing. That's just what he said, and I have no comment. And it's a good thing. And finally tonight in go bigot or go home news, Christian hate preacher and disgraced Cinderella dwarf Steven Anderson of Cooking Can Be Fun fame realized on Saturday morning that he hadn't gotten a Google alert about being unscathing atheist in a little while. So he unleashed what can only be described as a holistic audition for the final story this week

during his Sunday sermon. Now, ostensibly the subject here is fornication, but along the way, he manages to force in some hate against gays poly relationships trans people public school teachers biology phds and of course the jews right and again when it comes to poly relationships again broken clock twice a day okay okay we need more tweets is what we need so he starts off by imploring 15 year old boys not to fuck even if their science teachers tell them that they are animals that are quote just wired to

just hump everything that moves like a dog end quote and that revelation about steve and his dog sure explains a lot it does yeah he then vociferously insists he's not a mammal, and honestly, he's exactly the kind of person who'd be the first to be deported from a taxonomical class, so that might even be true. And to anybody who might disagree with his biological self-classification, he adds, quote, I don't care what PhD you think

you are, you stinking biologist whore. You filthy, dirty, smelly, vile whore. You know what what you just want everybody to be like you you skank end quote he's like twitter the guy isn't he though he's like i was doing this way before it was cool uh he then goes on to speculate on just how molested biologists must be to encourage all that disgusting whoredom. And he spends a lot of time on this.

Really does. And then things start getting weird. Right there. He says, apropos of nothing, quote, I don't need some Jew to tell me that unclean is actually a ritual impurity. No, unclean means dirty, end quote. Want to emphasize here, this is the first time Jews came up. Yep.

He was introducing them into the sermon at this point. But while he was on the subject, he went on to point out that Jews were, quote, a bunch of whores and whoremongers, dirty, filthy, vile, unclean, gross, wicked, end quote. I mean, that's fair. Let's credit where credit is due. And then in conclusion, Anderson points out that fucking ladies can also kill you. Quote, don't you know that that leads to death? Don't you know that your flesh and your body

will be consumed by that filthy woman and all our STDs and disease? Not to mention what it's going to do to your spirit and soul, end quote. Now, some of the beginning of the sermon is cut off on the video that I saw. So it's pure speculation to assume that this was all his answer to when's the last time you got laid, Steve. But I do think it's a safe assumption. That makes sense.

That does make sense. We've all had that moment. Yeah. And quick before the crushing reality of the forthcoming decades of jurisprudence derails our ability to do comedy. We're going to close the headlines for the night. Eli, thanks as always. Republican 2020. There's a lot of beeps in there.

And when we come back, we'll make Eli learn history. Oh. Hi, welcome to Restaurant Where You Live Now. I'm pregnant. Crap. I forgot I live in Georgia now. We live in Georgia? Do you live here?

At the restaurant? I meant the state. Because yes. Okay. Look, I was just looking for a fresh home-cooked meal. That's kind of the whole southern cooking thing, right? Nah, that's largely a mythos carried back to the south through reverse culinary traditions started in big cities up north.

Why don't you try Blue Apron? Blue Apron? Yeah, it's the better way to cook. Blue Apron delivers fresh, pre-portioned ingredients and step-by-step recipes right to your door. They can be cooked in under 45 minutes. The menu changes every week based on what's in season, and it's designed by Blue Apron's in-house culinary team. Oh, I know all about Blue Apron. They sent us a trial when they signed on as a sponsor for the show, and the food is fresh and

easy to cook. It's amazing, but what do you guys have, like on your menu? Oh, our menu. Okay, we got hogs, anus, rabbit teeth, and the broken dreams of chickens. Okay, wait, that sounds bad, inedible, and Lovecraftian in that order. It is, but how does honey chipotle glazed chicken with poblano and lime rice sound? Well, that sounds amazing. I'll have that. Great. You can check out this week's menu and get your first three meals free at blueapron.com slash scathing. That's blueapron.com slash scathing to get your first three meals free. Wait, but do you have the honey chipotle chicken thing?

No, but if you like honey, I have bear testicles. They eat honey. So it's like kind of... You know, I think I'll go with the blue apron. You don't want no chicken nightmares? No, I don't. For over a hundred years, the U.S. has been a net exporter. Today, we're among the world's leaders in exports of electronics, airplanes, cars, oils, plastics, and pharmaceuticals. of electronics, airplanes, cars, oils, plastics, and pharmaceuticals, but perhaps there is no category of expert where the U.S. dominates its global competition like it does with bad shit, crazy religions. From shakers to Mormons to J-dubs to Pentecostals to Scientologists to any number of

bullshit, naked, hippie religions that start with the prefix Neo, America's soil, despite what some popular fiction will tell you, is perfect for growing gods. Now, we recognize that a great deal of our listenership comes from outside the U.S., and as American atheists, we suppose it's our duty to explain our nation's wonky nonsense to the rest of the world. So with that in mind, we'd like to inaugurate a new segment called American Gods. Ooh, ooh, will this segment have an incredibly dull protagonist and a terrible ending? Just tell them what religion we're

doing and fight with the book nerds on Twitter later. You got it. So this week's batshit crazy American religion will be Seventh Day Adventism. Wait, why isn't it one of the better ones that you just said? What do you mean by better? I mean, just like

we could be talking about snake handlers or Scientologists. You just said so in the intro. But instead, we're talking about the bake sale jockeys. Right. Okay. But that's kind of the point. See, these days, Seventh-day Adventists can sort of fade into the background and pretend to be some, like, normal level of wacky for a religion. But their history hides a past so fucked up it would be the go-to example of crazy religion genesis in any other country's history.

Sorry, any other country's history? Middle Eastern countries excluded. Okay, fair, fair. All right. Now, to dig into the sordid past of Adventists, we're going to have to start almost a century before the church itself. See, one of the unique aspects of American history is that we were among the first nations in modern history to just say, yeah, whatever you want when it comes to religion. So with no state

church, no regulation and no limitations, it didn't take long for crazy people who yell a lot to find a calling in our adolescent nation. Yeah. I mean, as much as we like the pilgrim story in America, we got to remember it was El Dorado conspiracy theorists, people crazier than the pilgrims, than pilgrims, right? Who were crazy. Yeah, right. So, okay, just to emphasize how quick this came, the so-called Second Great Awakening was in full swing by the time George Washington's administration was wrapping up. Okay? Now, the First Great Awakening took place mostly in England in the 1730s and 40s, and it spread a bit to the colonies.

But at that time, there was a central government keeping its thumb on the religious scale. But by the time of the second Great Awakening, America had cast off its gilded shackles and there were no more firewalls to contain this religious revival. What are they going to do? Write their own Bible? Let them do their thing. America, pre-Mormon. Yeah, right, right. So, OK, so in keeping with the firewall analogy,

we wind up with the Burned Over District. This is a region of New York State approximately comprising Snoopy's snout and left eye during the early 19th century, and it earned its name because of a series of sweeping religious revivals that bilked the people of the region over and over again, leading one

Charles G. Finney to describe it like the spiritual equivalent of a forest ravaged by an uncontrolled fire you know there was one kid who went on vacation came back to school the next week nobody was worshiping pogs anymore it was the worst honestly maybe the perfect analogy right religion was like fucking middle school trends at that point all right so finney described the religious fervor in his autobiography thus, quote, it was reported as having been a very extravagant excitement and resulted in a reaction so extensive and profound as to leave the impression on many minds that religion was a mere delusion, end quote. Because, you know, when things are real and you have too much of them, it makes you think they're not real. It's like that. Or religion is bullshit.

Exactly. It's like when there's too much science, it all starts to feel fake. I get it. I get it. Exactly. Right. Anyway, regular listeners will already know that the founder of Mormonism, Joseph Smith, was growing up in exactly this area at exactly this time.

And among his contemporaries was one William Miller, an almost entirely uneducated farmer who was always constipated when he posed for paintings. Hey, hey, Noah, some people are just always constipated don't be judgy well then why do you shit so much that's uh you can be both okay and miller's contribution to the geographical bad shittery of the district was to use his lack of education in mathematics biblical history and all other subjects to calculate the date and time of Jesus's inevitable return from going to get that pack of smokes when we were kids. Any minute.

And wouldn't you know it, according to Miller's math, that's the answer he got, right? The answer to the age-old question of when Christ would return was, as it has been every time a Christian's been confronted by that question in the last 2,000 years, including Jesus, really, really soon. Right? He was doing the calculations in 1818 and his calculated global expiration date was in 1843.

Huh, convenient. I want one guy to come out and be like, okay, so I did the math, Jesus actually returned in 1955 and then he got shot at Kent State, so... Guys, we're in trouble. I don't know. We can make that movie. We can do that movie. So, guys, we're in trouble. It's a whole, I don't know.

We can make that movie. We can do that movie. Okay, so over the next quarter century, this calculation seemed really important to William Miller and a small group of followers. But as the date neared, interest started to pick up. An influential preacher and publisher in Boston by the name of Joshua Vaughn Himes picked up on Miller's predictions. And even though he didn't really believe it, he figured it would sell some papers. So he publishes it in a page that can only be described as 19th century time cube and from there the snowball starts rolling i say darling the paper says the world is going to end oh is it

lovely i have milk leg yeah right no they were looking forward to it of course as we've seen over and over again in our own lifetimes, the problem with imminent rapture predictions is that eventually that day shows up and there's no rapture. That leads us to the event that's sparingly titled the great disappointment of 1844. And also Miller revising his dates a little, which leads to the lesser known, not entirely unexpected disappointment of 1845.

He turns to everybody in 1845 and they're just like no no dude we're done we're done all right so among miller's staunchest supporters at this point was a dude named hiram edson or hiram edson sorry he described the coming and going of miller's prediction later he said quote our fondest hopes and expectations were blasted and such a spirit of weeping came over us as i have never experienced before it seemed that the loss of all earthly Dude, if you're that looking forward to dying, there is a do-it-yourself version, Hiram. I'm just saying. I got to imagine a lot of people did that. Because, look, we've seen this kind of shit before

we've seen the Harold Camping thing the Y2K thing but this was a huge group of people and they were all in you know like Harold Camping's radio station had guest book for the day after the rapture the Millerites had almost to a person sold everything they owned quit their jobs made no provision for how they're going to get through the winter that started pretty much the day after all that weeping Edson was talking about. They were all fucked. Commitment, kids. Not even once. Yeah.

So Edson, who was a prosperous farmer that didn't quite sell all of his shit, takes a group of millwrights back into town. They cut through his cornfield because they don't want people in town that kept saying, I'll bet you my left testicle the world doesn't end tomorrow to see them all unraptured. And wouldn't you know it, right then, in that very cornfield, just as Hiram Edson was probably thinking to himself, man, this is fucked up. How the hell am I going to make money now? Hiram Edson has a vision from God that nobody else in his group can see. Convenience.

Yeah, right? So according to Edson, Jesus appeared to him in the cornfield to tell him that Miller was right about the date. He was just wrong about the event. It wasn't the rapture that was going to happen on October 22nd of 1844. It was that Jesus was moving from the holy place to the most holy place. Oh. Literally. That was literally his vision. Jesus was moving from one part of heaven

to an even nicer part. Yeah, his vision was of Jesus shouting to his gay lover from the kitchen, Han, where do we put the box with the spoons? The spoons. Okay, I'm not going to yell it again. Right. No, that's it. Of course, to us

this sounds like an ad hoc retroactive justification on the level of citing one sources this nike doorknob but to the dejected millerites it sounded like a lifeline sure jesus was moving to a different apartment edson's exact words by the way moving to a different apartment that must have been what the passage in daniel they were so sure was talking about the end of the world just this time yesterday meant that makes perfect, so they ran with it. Now, at this point, basically, we've got the Millerite movement crumbling under the weight of its bullshit and fracturing off into a number of different sects born of different excuses to explain that they weren't entirely wrong about the thing they dedicated their lives to.

What would eventually become known as the Seventh-day Adventists were, at this point, little more than the ones of them that were crashing on Hiram Edson's couch. To understand how they persist to the present day, while so many of these other offshoots didn't, we need to discuss one Ellen G. White. All right, so in 1848, she thought, what the hell, they're just giving away holy visions to anybody these days. So she had one of her own. And in keeping with the characteristics of a God who suspends the law of physics to emblazon his likeness on toast, her vision consisted entirely of god telling her that her husband should start a paper and write exactly what she told him to write so he did and because she found a printer sympathetic to the millerites she got a thousand copies printed for pretty much nothing babe i had another

vision from god and he's just like oh that's great honey but we need to finish that it's fine it's fine i'll print your vision from god it's that's pretty much exactly that's great, honey, but we need to finish that. It's fine. It's fine. I'll print your vision from God. That's pretty much exactly. That's how the religion was founded. So, okay, with a pair of holy visions and a vehicle for propaganda distribution, they were ready to form themselves a church. In 1860, they chose the name Seventh-day Adventists. And while Ellen White had no official role in the church's organization, that's only because she lacked a penis. Okay, she was the prime mover through the early history of the church's organization that's only because she lacked a penis okay she was the prime mover

through the early history of the church by 1880 20 years after they started under her once removed leadership the church boasted 16 000 members and by the turn of the century 20 years later they had 75 000 members operated two colleges a medical school a dozen academies two dozen hospitals and a baker's dozen publishing houses yeah the motto at their medical school by the way two strikes and you're in so or of their whole religion maybe so perhaps unsurprisingly this religion which was pretty much founded by a woman is one of the real leaders in women's rights among christian denominations for example they started approving women for ordination in their church all the way back in 2012 and eventually they might actually

ordain one but probably not yeah but hey for religion that's fucking light speed y'all right light speed it really is okay so now the seventh day adventists would probably offer up a date here as to when they achieve like acceptance as a mainstream christian denomination but any such assertion would be optimistic there are are still plenty of Christian fundamentalists that consider them to be among the four great cults. The other three, by the way, are Christian science, Mormonism, and J-dubs, all of which emerged from the Burned Over District

about the same time. I feel like Christians probably shouldn't call anyone else a cult, right? Yeah. Like when your Catholic aunt keeps writing on facebook about how crazy wild wild country was and you're like yeah it's like this it's your facebook how much gold did they have so among the favorite pastimes of of modern day adventists are predicting the end of the world some more and trying to justify it by pounding the square peg of biblical prophecy into the round hole of actual history now this leads to a lot of pretty batshit beliefs

they don't like to talk about publicly, like the prophecy that Ellen G. White uttered about how ultimately the U.S. government was going to join with the Catholic Church, speak like a dragon, whatever the hell that means, and force Adventists to go to church on the wrong day. Look, if there's one thing we can testify to, it's that Catholics can't even make Catholics go to church, let alone anyone else. Forget the day. Look, if there's one thing we can testify to, it's that Catholics can't even make

Catholics go to church, let alone anyone else. Forget the day. Also, and I should say, Catholic bashing was something of a hobby for Ellen White. She also believed the Pope was the Antichrist. And thanks to her influence in Seventh-day Adventism, she may actually be one of the founders of modern-day creationism. She also said that masturbating would cause you to run out of sperm and life force in general, and that some of the human races were created when humans copulated with beasts. She didn't say which races, but you know. Oh, I have guesses. No, no guesses on the races or the beasts.

We don't want to hear about that on Twitter. And as if that's not enough of a reason to hate adventist teaching most of them also promote a vegetarian diet well obviously i mean if you eat the animals how are you going to create more races that's that's a good i guess that's good all right so among the most easily disprovable beliefs you'll find among seventh-day adventists is their online lists of celebrities that share their faith let's's just say there are no Scientologists. I looked at like seven or eight of these, and on a list of their famous members of the church, they include an awful lot of people that were like raised in SDA churches but no longer attend. You know, like Magic Johnson's parents are Seventh Day Adventists.

No, that doesn't count, guys. That doesn't count. And if they want to make it to a top ten list, by the way, they literally have to include preachers. They're just like, top five's better anyway. John Cusack, right? Yes. Now, perhaps the most famous current member of the church is Secretary of Housing and Urban Development and amateur Egyptologist Ben Carson.

And luckily for us, we were able to get Mr. Carson to join us for today's discussion. Ooh, I'm going to go get a soda. You do that. All right. So, Dr. Carson, thanks so much for joining me. Thank you, Heath. Glad to be here. I'm Noah. The gentleman with the bow? Okay, it's not a great start. I get told that a lot. Okay, so tell us a bit about the Seventh Day Adventists. Can you tell me what you like most about your church? Well, you know, any group that's based on sticking to your guns after being wrong twice in a row is my cup of chowder chicken. I can understand that, but doesn't the church's history of racism and conspiracy theories bother you? It does, Noah, it does. That's what

work is for, after all. I guess that's true. Last week, they brought a whites-only cake into the office. Really? Egg whites. Oh, okay. That only Caucasians were allowed to consume. See, there it is. All right, so anything else our listeners should know? Any final pitches you want to give for your faith? Well, as we always say in the Seventh Day Appetizements,

if at first you don't succeed, have a vision and compromise. That's great, Ben. Thanks for joining us. Can I stay for a while? Everyone at work is always yelling about how they're going to go to jail. No, you cannot. Okay. Okay, I'm back.

What'd I miss? Just the outro. Okay, well, that's going to do it for the pre-Eighth Day Adventists. But tune in next time for more American Gods. Did you do the boomy voice thing for me? No. Only I get the boomy voice thing. Oh.

It's time for the part of the show that comes next, listener feedback. This is the part of the show that comes next, listener feedback. This is the part of the show that augments the C-segment sometimes. Indeed it does. Our first message comes from an asshole in the form of a tweet. At some random jackass, no one would let me dox this guy, tweets, quote, interesting that Lucinda comes back and the show goes full left, end quote. So, yeah, the implication here clearly is that Lucinda decides what we think on the show

and dictates it to us, or maybe just me. So joining us to tell me what I think about this is my lovely wife, Lucinda. Lucinda, this is wrong, right? Yeah, hon. Now go hate guns and love unions some more. As you wish. So, yeah, normally I don't chime in on those feedback segments, but when I saw that one, I had to offer in my two cents. Because let's face it,

if I could tell Noah what to think, I'd tell him to think something way more profitable than God doesn't exist. Ooh, ooh, two bucks. Two bucks. Yeah, right? And yes, I'll admit that this show has been pretty conservative for the first 280 episodes before we went full left last week.

Our next message comes from Neil, who is super excited to come to our London live show on October 5th and 6th. Thank you, Neil. But he wants to know, one, will Lucinda and Anna be there? And two, are we all coming to QED? Anna and I will be coming. Woo! Yeah, Anna got to go last year and I didn't. This will be my first time in England and I really hope

the food's better than Noah says it is. It isn't. Okay, well, it depends, Lucinda. Will you be attending the vegan gluten-free vapor tasting that I've arranged for us all? Alright, so and yes, by the way, we are planning to be at qed uh we're we're gonna be there as attendees though we're not gonna be doing a show or anything so if you want to see

that you have to catch us in london on october 6th link in the show notes right also if you want us to go at all you should come to the live show because that's how we're gonna afford it so come to the london live show We also had an email from Alex asking, now that you've made your way through the backer bucket, which is pronounced Baker, thank you for suffering for our sins. What's the next Patreon goal? Take my money.

Okay. I'm happy to take your money one way or the other, Alex. I mean, we don't need to wait for that, but that is a great question. Okay. So we actually haven't had a new Patreon goal up for a little while.

And the reason is because all the shit we come up with in the past is if we make this much, we'll do more work, right? And at a certain point, that kind of maxes out. We get to a point where, like, that's not possible anymore. Well, now maybe we should crowdsource it. Yes. If you have any ideas for our next Patreon goal, let us know on our Facebook page. Yeah. That'll work.

That'll work. And finally, we got a message from Eli Bo. That's what you went with, Eli Bo? I panicked. Yeah. Anyway, we got another email from a listener asking, what are Heath's deepest, darkest secrets that he would never want mentioned on the air? Okay, well, since the people have asked us, and I mean, if anyone's against us, his name.

Just save us the beep, yeah. His penis is normal sized. That fucks up a lot of his jokes, but it's true. And you know this because? I thought we were doing Heath's deepest, darkest secret. Okay. All right. Well, so many people just shipped so happily.

All right. Well, obviously, I don't want to share any of my friends deepest, darkest secrets, but I know a guy who might. I don't want to share any of my friends' deepest, darkest secrets, but I know a guy who might. Heath, what are your deepest, darkest secrets that you would never want mentioned on the air? Cannibalism, period. And that's all the feedback you get. If you want more, keep sending those emails, tweets, and Facebook messages.

You'll find all the contact info on the contact page at scathingatheist.com. Before we over and out it this week, I want to remind everyone that there's still time to get tickets to see us live in Chicago on August 11th. We're doing a live record of Citation Needed with Tom and Cecil from the Cognitive Dissonance podcast. We'll have a link on the show notes to buy those tickets. And, of course, if that's the wrong side of the Atlantic Ocean, we will also have that game in London we were talking about on October 6th. That'll be linked as well. Anyway, that's all the Blast Me we've got for you tonight. We'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode

of our sister show's hot friend Godawful Movies, debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Tuesday, and an even newer episode of our half-sister show, Citation Needed, debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously, I would be the most tasteless host since Jesus Crackers if I neglected to thank Eli Bosnick for always doing more than his fair share. Need to thank the lovely Lucinda Lusions for managing to stay sane despite the current events. I also want to thank Heath Enright for a lot of stuff, even though he's not on this week's show. He's always working hard. He'll be

back next week, he promises. Also want to thank Bryce from Calgary for providing this week's Farnsworth quote and maybe a couch to crash on when we all hurriedly move to Canada. Could happen soon. But most of all, of course, I need to thank this week's Bevia besties. And holy shit, it's a long list. So let me give this a try. Here we go. Here we go. Get Kyle, Keith, Clive, Christopher, Christina, Karen, Sonny, Lisa, Ada, Amar, Alex, Andrew,

Art, Fuck the Packers, Ted Cruz, Ate My Son, Patrick, Blake, Miranda, Margaret, Melissa, Michelle, Mike, Matt, Matthew, Dwayne, John, Jared, Genevieve, Big Val, B, Jesus, Brendan, Eric, Octane, Lisa, Heather, Llama Waffles, Jorgen, Shannon, Steve, Charles, Tiffany, The Swamp, Stephen, Harrison, Thomas, James, Jerry, Fausto, Karaj, Grant, Rachel, Rachel, Robert, Ethan, Elizabeth, Devil, Doc, Samantha, Robert, Neil, CIA, Plaster, Muppets, Rob, Sudo, Blackman, Litterberg, Sam, Ben, Ooshki, Jose, Sophia, Lars, Gordon, Samantha, Zach, and Senior Pestis. What do you know, Morgan? First try. I got that on the first try. Didn't I, Morgan? Didn't I? And technically, you could hear what I said when I said Senior Pesquis.

Couldn't you? Oh, my God. I'm sorry. You guys' generosity was a little too much for me. Anyway, all of them people whose genitals are so ample that there wasn't even room in my mouth for all of them. Together, these 80 amiable atheists aided our aim against the Abrahamic a-holes this week by giving us money. Not everybody has the money to give us money, but based on the list I just rattled off, maybe they do. If you'd like to join their ranks, after all, everybody's doing it nowadays,

you can make a per-episode donation at patreon.com slash scathingatheist, whereby you'll earn early access to an extended ad-free version of every episode, or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage at scathingatheist.com. And if you'd like to help but you're worried about my lungs, you can also help a ton by leaving a five-star review on iTunes, sharing the show with a friend, and liking our Facebook page. Legal services for this podcast are provided by the Law Offices of P.A. Andrew Torres, Tim Robertson handles our social media, and our audio engineer is Morgan Clark, who also wrote all the music that was used in this episode, which was used with permission. If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at skatingadeus.com. All right, Noah tries to do an outro with 80 names to thank. Take, we're going to say two.

It's two for all you know, Morgan, two. Take two. But how does honey chipotle glazed chicken with poblano and lime rice sound well that sounds like a human okay sure it is the preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a Thunderstorm LLC copyright 2018

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