The Scathing Atheist - 286: "Not Stabbing, Can't Get Mad" Edition

Episode Date: August 9, 2018

In this week’s episode, we’ll record this in the past with bits from the future because we’re not here now, Jeff Sessions announces a Biblical Space Force to prevent Church-Space Separation, and... Biblepiece theater gives us some more o’ Gomorrah. To see us live in Chicago, click here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/citation-needed-live-in-chicago-tickets-45942658729 To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click there: http://www.amazon.com/Diatribes-Godless-Misanthrope-Scathing-Presents-ebook/dp/B00J53FZFI/ref=sr11?ie=UTF8&qid=1396141562&sr=8-1 To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out out half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ Guest Links: To check out the Fallacious Trump podcast, click here: https://podnews.net/podcast/1391657705/no Headlines: Study: Christian nationalists think god wants them to have guns: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2018/07/27/christian-nationalists-believe-god-literally-wants-them-to-have-guns-study-says/ Update on bible in military display: http://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/07/23/conservatives-are-furious-that-the-military-replaced-a-bible-on-a-memorial-table/ and http://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/07/30/christian-right-group-says-military-display-with-generic-faith-book-is-illegal/ Trump-Appointed Judge Mourns the “Moral Tragedy of Abortion” in Alarming Ruling http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2018/07/17/trump-appointed-judge-mourns-the-moral-tragedy-of-abortion-in-alarming-ruling/ Rick Wiles: Rachel Maddow Sent the Signal for Liberals to Decapitate the Trumps http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2018/07/19/rick-wiles-rachel-maddow-sent-the-signal-for-liberals-to-decapitate-the-trumps/ Jenny McCarthy Can’t Tell the Difference Between a Ghost and Google Home http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2018/07/19/jenny-mccarthy-cant-tell-the-difference-between-a-ghost-and-google-home/ This Week in Misogyny: NZ passes paid leave for victims of domestic abuse: https://amp.theguardian.com/world/2018/jul/26/new-zealand-paid-domestic-violence-leave-jan-logie Canada stands up for women’s rights activist jailed by Saudi Arabia: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/posteverything/wp/2018/08/07/why-in-the-world-is-saudi-arabia-sanctioning-canada/?utm_term=.0126987e9065

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Changing a light bulb should be simple. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Uh-oh, that's not supposed to happen. Quickly submitting and tracking a claim on the Bel Air Direct app actually is simple. Bel Air Direct. Insurance simplified. Warning, the following podcast contains Eli. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by Blue Apron, Robin Hood, and by Tylenol Mighty. Does your
Starting point is 00:00:27 headache from trying to reconcile the inherent contradictions in your biblical worldview? Well, try Tylenol Mighty, and we'll rid you of all that pesky thinking. And now, The Scathing Atheist. Hi, we're Mark and Jim from Fallacious Trump, the podcast where we use the insane ramblings of a tiny-handed narcissist to explain logical fallacies. And the more we study Trump, the clearer it becomes that we did in fact evolve from filthy monkey men. It's Thursday. It's August 9th. And it's National Handholding Day.
Starting point is 00:01:16 So we're going to put on a podcast for you. It's like on the radio, but on the internet. I'm Noah Lusions. I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heath Enright. From New York, New York, Cincinnati Swing State, and Good Husband, Georgia, this is The Scathing Atheist. On this week's episode, we'll record this in the past with bits from the future because we're not here right now. Jeff Sessions announces a biblical space force to prevent church space separations.
Starting point is 00:01:46 And Bible Peace Theater gives us some more of Gomorrah. But first, the diatribe. victory is only inevitable in retrospect i mean you know from a determinist perspective sure everything's inevitable but for those of us who are fans of history it's easy to fall into this delusion like that says you can predict the hundredth percentile of the victory based on that first 99 because all the victories we ever saw went to a 99% before 100, right? And in times like these, when secularists look around and see theocrats encroaching on everything they hold dear, it can be damn tempting to comfort ourselves in that delusion, right? To look over our shoulders at how far we've come and assume that momentum will somehow carry us over the finish line like some kind of atheist manifest destiny. But this is exactly the worst time to do that. You can't move forward while
Starting point is 00:02:50 you're looking over your shoulder. And if you try, you're going to fuck it up. And I see people making this mistake all the time. Hell, half a presidential administration ago, a lot of people were saying the fight was over. We're going to hang up our gloves. And I get it. I see how you get there. You glance around in history and you say, look, we've got God swept all the way into this one tiny little corner here. I mean, sure, most people still believe in God to some level, but they cast them aside whenever there's a secular solution. You know, they don't sacrifice to God for good weather. They check the forecast. They don't trust God to keep their building up right. They use math and zoning codes. They don't turn to God with their colicky baby.
Starting point is 00:03:26 They turn to a doctor. They don't pray to God for a good crop. They use modern fertilizers and pesticides. And given all of that and the relentless advance of science, isn't it safe to assume that the God of the gaps will eventually get spackled into obscurity if you just keep running the tape forward? But it's a mistake to think that we just get to keep running the tape forward, right? The advance of science can only be relentless when religion relents.
Starting point is 00:03:51 Every time science wrested another explanation out of God's hands, the church reached out to snatch it back. God didn't voluntarily recede to those gaps. We had to hammer him in there over centuries. And the tighter the gap, the more strength religion has to push back when you're trying to close that gap any further. Right. I mean, here's how it's actually gone. Right. Science and religion conflict on something. They fight. People generally die. But over time, science wins because it's true. And then religion begrudgingly retreats a little bit. And it doesn't just retreat to like the next thing science is going to find out. Right.
Starting point is 00:04:22 It generally moves back to where no one in the present moment can imagine science ever getting. If science is a G, they don't just go to H, they go to like L or M or something. But of course, reality has a better imagination than religion. So eventually science actually does encroach on their new lines. Previously unthinkable things like an explanation for the diversity and specialization of life or the origin of the universe itself pop out of scientific research and we start the fight all over again. And over the centuries, we've seen this happen so many times that it might seem like an endless cycle, but it's not. It can't be. This is a limited playing field. And right now, science is around like W or X. There's not much alphabet left for religion to retreat to anymore. I mean, consider where they had to retreat last time we did this shit. We traced the universe back to the beginning
Starting point is 00:05:09 of time itself. And then they were like, okay, but what about before time though? And you know, I mean, this is easy to laugh at, but when we do it, we're laughing at a corner and an animal. I mean, think about what's left for God at this point. The providence of God is the cutting edge of science. And as science advances, the cutting edge becomes all the more important. The genetic code, for example, is the providence of God. For millennia, we turned to God whenever a baby was born all fucked up and had a miserable short life because of it. We've needed to invoke God's mysterious plan to cope with shit like that. But along the way, God's plan necessarily included the occasional two-headed baby.
Starting point is 00:05:46 So now, faced with the ability to actually fix a lot of these genetic abnormalities, we have to fight against a bunch of religious idiots accusing science of playing God. Destroying the world is the providence of God. I mean, we couldn't do it for most of human history, but now we're having at it like we're trying to win a bet. And good luck convincing dedicated Christians that mere humans could actually imperil God's creation. Hell, even if they accept that we are destroying the earth, it'll have to be part of God's plan, right? He'll be destroying the world through us. And that's a good thing. He has important shit to do with the world once it's destroyed and he wouldn't want us standing in his way. And those are the things
Starting point is 00:06:20 that we're fighting about now. But imagine how much these fights could mean in the future. are the things that we're fighting about now but imagine how much these fights could mean in the future i mean nothing screams providence of god quite like immortality right and ensure there's no current technology that's going to grant us eternal life but it's not like that breaks the laws of physics or anything it's not hard to imagine some new discovery in the next few decades that could for example render humans impervious to aging i mean that's not exactly immortality but it's close enough to brush up against god's turf so what will religion do now granted most of them will just take the fucking elixir and retrofit some kind of justification about how god wants them to spend as much time on earth as possible converting the heathens or something but some of them are
Starting point is 00:06:58 gonna push back immortality is god's job humanity's. They'll accuse those damn scientists of thwarting the Lord and robbing people's souls of their opportunity to live with him in heaven. They will fight on the side of death itself if they think it can rescue their God from antiquation. And our job as atheists, as secularists, as vassals of reality is to serve as the skirmish line for science. Right? We already know where the theocrats have drawn their battle lines, and our job is to turn them out of those trenches before science ever gets there. So as tempting as it is to just pat ourselves on the back for the tiny little corner we've left for religion, a room isn't clean just because all the dirt's in the same fucking
Starting point is 00:07:39 corner. We need to save the self-congratulations for the day when we've swept them off the board. They're talking about you, Jesus. We need to save the self-congratulations for the day when we've swept them off the board. Joining me for headlines tonight are past tense Heath Enright and Eli Bosnick. We were gearing up for the live show in Chicago this week, so we didn't have time to stay abreast in the news to the degree that we normally do. But we've been stockpiling a few headlines for just such an occasion. And we'll get to those right after a word from this week's first sponsor blue apron remind me why we're doing this again just be cool hey guys hey how's it going bro good good thanks for coming over for dinner first time hosting a meal in my new place.
Starting point is 00:08:28 They'll haven't cleared those bottles and cans, huh? No, these are new ones. Oh, sure. Cleared the other ones. Okay, gather around the table here. Let's do it. This is a couch cushion propped up by two folding chairs. Eli.
Starting point is 00:08:41 I mean, cool table, Keith. That's cool. Thank you. Thank you. Okay. So our first course is a cheese course. So, okay. I mean, you guys want to open your mouths or you want a Dixie cup? They let you take as many as you want at the dentist.
Starting point is 00:08:57 So I have a lot of Dixie cups. I'm actually good on the spray cheese. Thank you. Okay. Your loss. Noah, cheese course, Dixie cup. I'm actually good on the spray cheese. Thank you. Okay. Your loss. Noah, cheese course, Dixie Cup. I'm good. Hey, Heath, why don't you just try Blue Apron?
Starting point is 00:09:14 Oh, what's Blue Apron? It's the number one meal delivery service in the country. Yeah, they deliver perfectly portioned ingredients right to your door, along with easy to follow recipe cards. So you aren't just cooking, you're learning to cook as well yeah but like aren't those boxes just the same stuff over and over not at all their recipes are seasonally inspired so for instance if you signed up this month you could get chicken with barbecue sauce and juicy cheeseburgers with spicy slaw as opposed to the main course you're planning to service, which is... Oh, it was the canned cheese, actually.
Starting point is 00:09:47 I thought the cheese was the first course. I mean, it is. Cool. I mean, I use Blue Apron all the time. And even though they didn't ask us to plug this bit, a couple of weeks ago, Anna and I tried one of their multi-course dinner party boxes. It made hosting a snap.
Starting point is 00:10:03 Okay, guys, but you know what? Some of us are on a budget now that we live alone. You're holding a solid gold ping pong pad. And let me finish and have to budget differently now. But Heath, you can check out this week's menu and get your first three meals for free at blueapron.com slash scathing. That's blueapron.com slash scathing to get your first three meals free. Yeah, man, Blue Apron. It's a better way to cook. Fine. I'll try Blue Apron.
Starting point is 00:10:32 Now, if you hold out your bowls, I'll squeeze you both some soup. I'm good. Me too. And now back to the headlines already in progress. Now back to the headlines already in progress. And then God is an arms dealer news. We're pretty sure that God is an arms dealer. Okay. Speaking of which, there's a chance we might have finally found something fundamentally dangerous about being a Christian. I knew we'd find something eventually.
Starting point is 00:11:01 I knew. Right. So obviously we've been trying for years to bring up stuff like genocide you know but uh you can't really complain about a zero-sum game but when the killings don't accomplish a coordinated goal like most of the shootings here in the united states that's just all negative at that point and according to a recent study christ Christian nationalists in America are incapable of understanding gun control because they genuinely believe that God wants them to have guns. They're just like, maybe he misses me. You don't know. Well, I mean, to be fair, if they actually understood their book, they'd probably be running around with swords sticking out of their mouths.
Starting point is 00:11:41 And that might be even more dangerous, especially in traffic. sticking out of their mouths and that might be even more dangerous especially in traffic so the level of insane delusion that emerges from this study is terrifying it turns out that your political party is not the best predictor of your stance on guns it's actually christian nationalism really believing the united states is a christian nation means you're pretty much guaranteed to oppose every single regulation on handheld explody death machines which by the way needs to be the term we always use yeah there you go we're not looking for gun control we're looking for just general handheld explody death machine control anything that falls into that category feels like it's hard to argue against some amount of that control but not if you own a cross and a confederate flag
Starting point is 00:12:31 because at that point you can argue against literally anything so i mean pretty big problem when your mascots are a war you lost for good reason and a god who sacrificed himself to himself limiting magazine size isn't really something you're going to grasp. You're not going to be like, hey. Yeah, no, your nuts, your cousin's nuts and straws rounds out the you're going to grasp list at that point. Yeah, so this whole story, it's just wildly, wildly depressing if you think about it too long.
Starting point is 00:13:04 The only part I enjoyed was the explanation from the research team about how their conclusions tied in the concept of American exceptionalism. And if you're not familiar, that's the idea that America and its ideals of freedom make this country unique. any mention of concrete facts regarding other countries is incapable of being used to argue against whoever's talking about how great we are at that exact moment and using the term American exceptionalism. But there's a flip side to that coin that gets ignored all the time. Exceptional can be negative too. You can be exceptionally negative. I mean, I think the United States does have exceptionally good protection of individual liberty. But we're also exceptionally bad with other things like how we're full of religious idiots. And there you go. How we have a mass shooting about once a day in 2018.
Starting point is 00:13:56 Yeah. But we are the freest to die of any country by a lot. Right. Right. You know, America, you can have A, freedom slogans or B, the world's highest incarceration rate. Choose wisely. Ooh! Ooh!
Starting point is 00:14:13 Well, Eli, what were you going to say? B. B. B, okay. Right? So, here's the exact words from the research team. I'm going to leave everyone with this. Quote, nerds, American exceptionalism in regard to the intensity of religion may, therefore, help explain American exceptionalism in terms of mass shootings. Setting themselves apart from comparable countries, Americans are turning to Christian values instead of gun control to end mass shootings end quote so in conclusion
Starting point is 00:14:47 we're all gonna die and not in a fun way and in table tenants news tonight tables without bibles on them became bigoted this month as christianity continues its desperate effort to be persecuted against in the most christ Christian country in the world with mostly indoor airports. This latest attempt came after an anonymous member of the Military Religious Freedom Foundation complained about the use of a Bible in a display meant to honor POWs and MIAs. The MRFF sent a letter to the base's commander. The commander said, hey, our bad, and fixed it by switching out the Bible for an interfaith book that doesn't denote any particular religion.
Starting point is 00:15:23 And with all the rational voices thus satisfied the situation was under control it was left to the irrational voices to take it from there sorry quick question what the fuck is an interfaith book yeah parts of this book are wrong turn to page four if you think it's the muslims no clue but apparently it satisfied the MRFF. So the first major freakout came from Fox News contributor and man who Jesus would say has a martyr complex, Todd Starnes. Ooh, T. Starnes? Yeah, he's the best. And he looks like a baby wearing a Truman Capote skin mask, which is pretty great.
Starting point is 00:16:01 Or maybe Truman Capote wearing a baby skin mask. It's hard to say which which is honestly troubling that you can't say which either way it's a wild party yeah right so yeah so todd stars took to the airwaves to warn that the department of veterans affairs was removing bibles from hospitals and suggested it was because atheists were quote offended by the presence of a bible end quote needless to say he didn't bother to contextualize that with the words when it's used in a display meant to honor all the men and women in the military more than a third of whom aren't christian he then closed his blood and thunder jeremiah by threatening to tell
Starting point is 00:16:35 the president on us it's the best tell the president on us for violating the christian right of seeing non-christians be honored by the Bible all the time. Right. Like the constitutional right of enjoy our book. Enjoy it now. Enjoy our book now. Right. Wait right here and watch your reaction to my novel.
Starting point is 00:16:56 Yes. Man, your novel has very specific rape instructions. It's got to put a price on it. It's fucking weird, Ben. I don't know if you want notes. It's fucking weird. Of course, there's know if you want notes. It's fucking weird. Of course, there's no stupid Todd Starnes can deliver that the Family Research Council
Starting point is 00:17:11 can't eclipse. So I also wanted to share the response of one Chris Gasek, a senior fellow for regulatory affairs at the FRC, who argued, quote, reading the interfaith book could be seen as violating the First Amendment by demonstrating government bias and favoring one kind of religious content over another and establishing a preferred religion or in this case many religions end quote
Starting point is 00:17:31 this violates the first amendment because it shows a preference for no preference yes right i got it i got it listen when you separate church from the, you move the state towards anti-church by definition. Therefore, it's a thinker. It might seem like that argument is in need of a retroactive won't somewhere. But I think I get what he's trying to say, because, look, the U.Ss military recognizes 221 different religions and if they favored all of them equally that would be 221 times worse than just favoring christianity right even more church state violation and by the way i'm not saying that because it's a good argument or anything but i'm still proud of myself for even following what he thought he was saying in that
Starting point is 00:18:21 instance right it's like when the spell check on Eli's notes is like, fucked if I know, but I can tell what he's going for. It's that feeling. Oh, red squiggle guy, you work so hard. Still, you gotta wonder what a military where they favored 221
Starting point is 00:18:39 religions would look like. Alright, listen up, recruits. Sorry, I mean, those of you who haven't ritualistically deafened yourself as part of your religions. In the next few weeks, you will train to defeat your enemy. Sir, sir. Except, except, of course, for those of you who are pacifists, you will train to do other stuff i i guess either way you must remember the marine creed family um sorry unless you don't believe in biological families so and then and then god sir there's uh seriously i mean how can you be a religion without okay no it's fine it's fine never mind that one and country uh sir you know what i give up you can't i give up nobody's here
Starting point is 00:19:26 because it's always a religious holiday any damn way and in burial or pre-mation news we have a new development in the legal battle that's been raging in texas over the appropriate way to dispose of aborted fetal remains on one one side, you have evangelical Texas lawmakers who continue their efforts to require burials or cremations. And on the other side, you have pro-choice women or in the regional parlance, whores, who want to bathe in the blood of their prey to prevent aging, obviously. And also atheist podcasters with a very interesting interpretation of Peter Singer veganism
Starting point is 00:20:10 who want to make protein shakes. Okay, tattletale. Some of us just want to collect the whole set so they can form fetus Voltron. Oh, so cool. Fetus lion robots is an amazing concept for anything that's the best yes so just in case you missed it here's a quick background on what's been happening texas made a law requiring fetus funerals but that got struck down earlier this year for being fucking absurd by u.s district judge david ezra he ruled that the law imposed an undue burden on women's rights,
Starting point is 00:20:50 and pointed out that the money required to fund these funerals would only serve to bump up the price on abortions, not to mention upping the price of anti-aging bath beads and smoothies. Well, in order to counter that argument, the Texas Conference of Catholic Bishops agreed to pay for all the miniature funerals fucking what because yeah texas has very few societal problems and no recent natural disasters they were flush with money and it was fine so yeah okay for the record when the court's ruling was that would unduly oppress women the catholic church's response was and we will pay to make it happen. I mean, can I buy your baby a coffin? Is the new can I buy you a drink?
Starting point is 00:21:31 Let me tell you. Hang out in that section of Walmart. Heath Burton in Texas would be a lot of fun to film. Patriot. Patriot. All right. fund a film. It's a patriarchal,
Starting point is 00:21:42 patriarchal. All right. So here's where it gets extra stupid. If that's even possible. Apparently the conference of bishops didn't realize their funding offer meant their organization was open to public scrutiny, which is not usually recommended for groups of Catholic leaders. Well, in response to all this,
Starting point is 00:22:04 a pro-choice group called whole woman's health subpoenaed any documents related to fetal burials. And for some reason, the conference of bishops, they gave some of that stuff, but they refused to turn over about 300 of those documents claiming the, the first amendment right to, to the religious exercise of secret document keeping.
Starting point is 00:22:27 And no, that's not a thing, just to be clear. So once again, it went to court and multiple judges, including David Ezra, correctly pointed out how that's fucking stupid and told the bishops to hand over the information. the bishops to hand over the information but thanks to james ho a trump appointed federal judge who would probably be an abortion clinic bomber if he was slightly more athletic thanks to him the latest appeal by the bishops was actually successful and they won't be following the law like anybody fucking else would have to in the exact same situation yeah they're just like we really just want to know why they paid in gold coins stamped with swastikas. I don't think it's that. I said case dismissed, dammit.
Starting point is 00:23:12 Okay, so this is obviously another example of the terrifying trend in American law that says American laws don't count if you're Christian. Yep. But setting that aside for a second, more than anything, I'm super curious about these documents now. What weird fucking plan involving tiny little baby corpses are these bishops clearly hiding now? Like, it has to be at least as bad as we think or else they just release the documents, right? And just to be clear, we think they they just release the documents, right? And just to be clear, we think they're fucking the fetuses, right? That's the pattern of behavior, so
Starting point is 00:23:50 it has to be worse than that? Yeah, when in doubt, Catholic priests are raping it. That's one of the axioms I live my life by. Patreon goal? Noah will get that tattoo. Well, I'll get another one where you can see it. Right, exactly.
Starting point is 00:24:05 Get a visible one. And while Eli draws up some cool ideas for my new tat, we'll take a quick break and hand things over to my lovely wife, Lucinda. A man wrote the Bible? A whore is what she was. If it's a legitimate race. Then you're a slut, right? Cooking can be fun.
Starting point is 00:24:20 Hey, I'm proud of a man. This Week in Massage. You know, I'm starting to believe that even if they hadn't had to CGI in all of those orakai armies for the Lord of the Rings, I'd probably still want to live in New Zealand. And not just for its relative safety in the event of a nuclear holocaust. It's also, as many of you probably know, the first country in the world that granted women the right to vote. And it's kept up that tradition of being a world leader in women's rights for the 125 years since and no i'm not trying to depress you by pointing out that the first national vote ever cast by a woman is only nine years older than
Starting point is 00:24:56 the world's oldest woman i've actually got some good news to lead with this week and that comes to us courtesy of the new zealand Parliament passing a new law requiring employers to provide paid leave to victims of domestic abuse. Now, to really dig into this, I'm going to have to wipe a little of the luster off the island nation, because for all the good shit that the Kiwis have going for them, they also have one of the highest rates of domestic violence in the developed world. According to an article I read in The Guardian, cops in that country respond to a domestic violence incident every four minutes in a country with the population of Alabama. And for a little more perspective, since I just happened to compare it with the U.S. state you most likely think of when you think of domestic abuse, that rate is more than 12 times
Starting point is 00:25:40 higher than the rate in Alabama. And clearly clearly this legislation is designed to combat this not only by giving victims time to find a new place to live but also by reminding the society that a problem like this can't be solved by police action alone but the countries that are better than mine don't end there i've also got to throw some love to our neighbors to the north who by the way do have two municipalities that already require paid leave for domestic abuse victims. That's not why I'm talking about them now. I'm actually bringing them up to give them a huge pat on the back for standing up to the misogynistocrats running Saudi Arabia. It started with a tweet from Canada's foreign ministry expressing grave concerns over Saudi Arabia's human rights record
Starting point is 00:26:21 and urging them to release imprisoned women's rights activists. Saudi Arabia's human rights record and urging them to release imprisoned women's rights activists. And because foreign policy on Twitter is apparently no different than any other conversation on Twitter, it escalated wildly. Within 48 hours, Saudi Arabia had sanctioned Canada, put a freeze on all bilateral trade investment, ordered 16,000 Saudi students to leave the country, halted all Saudi flights to and from Canada and booted Canada's ambassador. Now, we should be super clear here. This is like a toddler destroying his own toys in a fit of rage.
Starting point is 00:26:54 Canada has virtually nothing to lose from Saudi sanctions, and the hissy fit is already costing the kingdom a substantial chunk of investment, and not just from Canada. This kind of petulant nonsense scares all foreign investors of every kind and they sure as hell didn't help their case by retweeting a photoshop of a 9-11 style attack on canada of course judging by saudi arabia's reaction and the deafening silence from all the other countries that should have canada's back it's unclear whether canada made things better or worse for these imprisoned human rights activists
Starting point is 00:27:23 but regardless you shouldn't let another country's cowardice shut you up. If nothing else, it's just nice to know that some North American country still has the credibility and the inclination to stand up for human rights. And on that brief shimmer of a silver lining, I'll hand things back over to Noah, Heath, and Eli. Thank you, Lucinda. Next up in headlines, Christian broadcaster Rick Wiles finished slowly applying 50 shades of gray into his hair helmet using a very small brush. Just in time for another episode of True News, the news show where ignorance is strength, spelled T-R-U. And during a short-form segment called Minute True News, he did a quick rundown of the latest left-wing conspiracy.
Starting point is 00:28:13 And apparently, big little guy has a three-step plan. They're going to turn everyone gay, then turn everyone Jewish, and then decapitate Donald Trump on the White House lawn. All right, two out of three three and not bad, not bad. So as the head news speaker for true news, it's apparently Rick Wiles job to invent new hate speechy verbs to truly capture the mindset of the right wing American Christian. And that's why he was talking about how our country has become homosexualized.
Starting point is 00:28:41 Pretty sure that one existed already. And also. Judaified is that I feel like that's existed already and also judified is that judified and now that we're mostly gay jewish people apparently it's an easy transition to beheading yeah president i get it you're a gay jew on a quest for a giant cock to circumcise you see a bald guy from the wrong angle these things happen no right but with trump it makes us even more sense it would be like a national circumcision you know you look like you know how jesus could stand in for everybody's sins trump is like the jesus of fleshy pricks oh that's true that's true so yeah the other main
Starting point is 00:29:21 job for rick wiles is to study the complex system of code words that's being used by radical left wing media personalities like Rachel Maddow. Who I learned this week is a totally different person than James Gunn. Crazy. Right. Right. knew last week that she had just given the secret signal during her show telling liberals to start the 72-hour countdown on the violent coup that culminates with chopping donald trump's head off also his entire family too also really yes i've always found rachel maddow's secret message to be i'm trying to bore you to death quickly turn off your television yeah i feel like the coup would be over by the time she got to the therefore wouldn't it all right well boo love rachel maddow so just
Starting point is 00:30:12 in case it sounds like like i might be exaggerating here's the exact words from rick wiles quote we're about 72 hours from um and this is where we get an enormous pause while he sounds out cow in his head looks off to the side definitely sees a producer whispering and mouthing coo like a baby coo
Starting point is 00:30:38 yeah so continuing the quotes got it got it 72 hours from a coo you're gonna turn on the television and see helicopters Got it. Got it. 72 hours from a coup. You're going to turn on the television and see helicopters hovering over the roof of the White House with men clad in black, repelling sick down ropes entering into the White House. Apparently, they're going to shoot themselves down the ropes real fast with magnets. Continuing the quote, be prepared for a mob, a leftist mob to go into the White House and to drag Donald Trump out with his family and decapitate them on the lawn of the White House. End quote. How does one prepare for that?
Starting point is 00:31:21 Right. What are they like? Have appropriate music on hand. Arrive having eaten. i don't know i just gotta say guys over the last couple of weeks i have just been loving where rick's head is at like let's get this guy in the game have him run for a spot in bronx nobody cares about he's an idea machine that's what i'm saying he's an idea machine yeah so uh anyway as of uh this recording uh that was about 200 hours ago when he announced the 72 hours so it looks like rick wiles might want to crunch those numbers again or uh or maybe he meant radical liberals wouldn't be chopping off
Starting point is 00:32:01 the president's head in the next 70 hours easy um but that's a weird story to run that we wouldn't be chopping off the president's head in the next seven hours. Easy. But that's a weird story to run that we wouldn't do that. It's confusing either way. It's hard to say what he ever means. And in Booze Clues news tonight, former Playboy model and current child murderer, Jenny McCarthy took to Facebook this week with scientific proof of the afterlife. Is it the fact that anyone's still talking about jenny mccarthy yes so single that was amazing whatever yeah so given the sheer volume of kids she's killed it's
Starting point is 00:32:34 no surprise that mccarthy thinks her house is haunted and posted proof of this in video form on her facebook with the caption quote haunted, haunted, just happened in my house. I had to look at the security tape to prove it. Ah, end quote. Ah. The tape's just thousands of twins from The Shining just covered in measles walking around the house. Right, so the video is of Miss McCarthy,
Starting point is 00:33:01 you know, staring at herself in the mirror for an extremely long time like normal sane people do. But then it appears that her piano plays itself for no reason. Yeah, I mean, if the piano had a motivation, on the other hand, that would be a different thing. Okay, somebody needs to visit Jenny McCarthy
Starting point is 00:33:22 as the ghost of Christmas Vaxxed. Well, and as the twins from The Sh covered in measles well right yeah it is illegal for me to offer heath points for this so i will not but uh wink yeah two votes two two winks whatever no winks that's a blink that's a blink and it means nothing. So there's just one problem with her ghost video. The piano noise is actually the sound of her Google Home booting up, which you'd think she recognized that, or she thinks her Google Home is haunted as well. It's hard to tell. She is, after all, criminally stupid.
Starting point is 00:34:05 So it's all right. We got mail from a ghost. What's happening? Well, yeah, I mean, we're talking about a person who heard a tone and assumed ghosts. I feel like as soon as you said, or she thinks you were barking up the wrong tree there. It's fair.
Starting point is 00:34:18 That is fair. And on that note, we're going to bring the headlines to a rolling close. Heath, Eli, thanks as always. Jenga. And when we come back, it'll be the future. Hey, folks. Noah Lusion's here to tell you about our new sponsor, Robinhood.
Starting point is 00:34:39 Now, if you buy and sell stocks, you've probably already heard of Robinhood. Hey, Noah. How's it going? Oh, hey, Crunch Biggins. What are you doing here? I heard you mention buying and selling stocks, and so I assumed we were going to follow up with some high pressure in community jargon to scare people into doing what we say.
Starting point is 00:34:55 Manifest portfolio. Upsell. The downspout. No, I was just going to tell everybody that Robinhood is an investing app that lets you buy and sell stocks, ETFs, options, and cryptos all commission-free. What do you mean commission-free? Other brokerages charge up to $10 per trade. How could they do that? I know. They've even got easy-to-understand charts and market ideas. You can place a trade in just four taps on your smartphone. But do they have this? A video on your phone of you doing karate? No, I don't think that Robinhood has that.
Starting point is 00:35:26 You see those? Those are solid pine. Sure, yeah. Okay, but here's the best part. Robinhood is giving listeners free stock like Apple, Ford, or Sprint to help build their portfolio. All you got to do is sign up at
Starting point is 00:35:38 scathing.robinhood.com. That's scathing.robinhood.com. Wait a second. You're telling me no commissions, a free stock just for signing up. That's scathing.robinhood.com. Wait a second. You're telling me no commissions, a free stock just for signing up. That's right. That's a downswell on the uptrade of MarketWatch for sure. Crunch, what do you actually own stock in?
Starting point is 00:35:56 Bear market. Okay. Robinhood, investing. Now for the rest of us. That's a market made of bears. Sure it is. As one trudges their way through the Bible, two things are always true. The stories you thought were long aren't, and they're always worse and crazier than you remember.
Starting point is 00:36:23 But if we're going to act this book out so that you don't have to read along, we're going to do it in style. So once again, we're proud to present another installment of Bible Peace Theater. Lou, Lou, Lou, doing desert stuff. Desert stuff is my favorite stuff. Hey, hey, Abraham, Abraham. Oh, hey, God. Who are these guys? These are my angels. That's Sarah.
Starting point is 00:36:46 Hey. And this is Don Jr. Hey. And, um... Uh... Eric, Dad. Right, Eric. Good kid.
Starting point is 00:36:58 Well, welcome. You guys want some food? Footpath? Anything? Cake. I want cake. Sarah, what did we say? Anything? Cake. I want cake. Sarah, what did we say? Cake. Please. I please want cake.
Starting point is 00:37:10 That a girl. Sure thing. Hun, get some cake here. Get it yourself. She's cranky about having a baby at age 90. Women, am I right? Yeah. So what brings you guys to town? We're actually going to go check out Sodom, see how your brother Lot is doing. Oh!
Starting point is 00:37:31 I just blew a guy in the bathroom. Whose poop is this? Can I eat this? Is anyone going to eat this poop? Yeah, about that. Hypothetically, if you got there and say everybody was, I don't know, top of my head here, gay and eating poop, what would you... Oh, I would kill them all. Right, kill them all.
Starting point is 00:37:56 That's what I thought. But like, what if there are some good people in the city? You don't want to kill them, right? I mean, how many good people do you think there are in the city, you don't want to kill them, right? I mean, how many good people do you think there are in the city? Never mind. I figured it out. It's the dead guy's poop, everybody. Does anyone know who killed him?
Starting point is 00:38:15 Who killed him? I, uh, maybe 50? Oh, I mean, if you think there's 50 good people in the city, I'm not gonna kill the city. Don't worry about it. Okay, cool. What do you mean you all killed him? Do you guys
Starting point is 00:38:32 all want blowjobs? Do you want blowjobs? Well, maybe like 40? I mean, 40? Sure, I won't kill the city. If you think there are 40 good people there, then we're totally good. Look, guys, I gotta get back to killing people so I can eat their poop.
Starting point is 00:38:50 Do you want blowjobs or not? Ten! Final answer. Final answer. Sure. Ten people, I won't kill them. Hey, guys, welcome to Sodom. I'm Lot. Would you like a free sample of poop? Uh, no thanks. I'll take some. Cool. Cool. Where are you guys from? You want a footbath or something? Heaven. We're from, I mean, Missouri. We're from Missouri.
Starting point is 00:39:17 Cool. Those places both sound fake. Weren't there three of you in the last chapter? Oh, shit. We forgot Eric at the gas station. Guys, I got Twizzlers. Guys? Eyes? Oh, damn it. Not again. He'll be fine. He'll be
Starting point is 00:39:38 fine. It's cool. Cool. I'm Lot. You guys want to come by my house? Like, hang out for a little bit? Uh, I don't know. You got any more of that poop I can eat? I do. I do have more. Awesome! Yes! So I said, well then can I take the cheese plate with me? No, you didn't.
Starting point is 00:39:58 I did. That's exactly what I said. Hello? Hi, neighbor. Hey, Iktar. It's actually kind of late, and I have guests. Yeah, I'm super sorry to bother you, but me and some of the guys noticed you have guests with you, and we were wondering if we could fucking kill them.
Starting point is 00:40:18 Really? I mean, it's Sodom, you know. Come for the gay sex. Stay for the shit eating. Yeah, honestly, honestly guys now is not a great time oh you know i hate to be that kind of guy but this is important i i have two virgin daughters do you want to fuck them and kill them really interested in the daughters more interested in the guests sorry i hate to bug you, but we will break down the door and murder you, so...
Starting point is 00:40:48 Ah, guys, honestly, that is so... Wait, what's that? Someone want to break off a piece of this Kit Kat bar? Okay. You naughty boys, how about a peek at the girls? Here we go. Oh, my eyes! Wow, they all went blind. Yeah happens that happens a lot uh all right you
Starting point is 00:41:09 better ski down we're gonna burn this mother to the ground oh okay i'll get my family and uh one other thing don't look back you don't want any part of this gonna be like mentioning the wage gap on a podcast up in this bitch do not look back yeah it won't look back fire and brimstone bitch fire and brimstone deal with it honey you got everything the angels are raining fire down on the city yes i have everything you sure because i just again if you look back you're gonna turn into salt yeah i heard. I heard you the first time. Okay, I'm just making sure. I'm just making sure you got like your pots and your pans and everything.
Starting point is 00:41:50 Yep, yep, yes. Okay, okay, just checking because we're about to leave. Oh, shit, I forgot my phone charge. And she's salt. Great. Mama's salt, kids. Don't add too much of your mom to your food. Man, we sure have been walking a while again, huh, Sarah?
Starting point is 00:42:07 You said it, Abraham. Shit, it's Abimelech, the king of Gerar. Sister again? Yeah, yeah, uh-huh. Hey, Abimelech, how's it going? Oh, hey, Abraham. Wow. Who is this? For Christ's sakes, I'm over 90 years old.
Starting point is 00:42:30 You don't look a day over 70. Your palace? My palace, yeah. We're gonna go to my palace. Yeah. Abimelech. Abimelech. God. Hey God Hey uh What's up Yo dog That's someone else's girl bro Who is The The 90 year old Which
Starting point is 00:42:51 Which one Which 90 90 year old Seriously You got a thing guy You need to like Judgey Alright well look
Starting point is 00:42:57 One One She's got the clap Get a fucking shot You big baby You get a shot You get a shot Sarah And two a shot, Sarah. And two, that's my homeboy's girl, dog. You gotta step
Starting point is 00:43:08 off. That's my homeboy's girl. Okay, but like, he lied to me. That's not my fault. He said it was his sister. That's true. I guess not. Plus, nothing's, you know, happened yet. So like, maybe don't smite me, because I
Starting point is 00:43:23 wouldn't do anything yet okay cool cool hey abraham is your fucking wife back damn it i like that palace and he might have had an intact penis ignoring that i said he might have had an intact penis hey Hey, yeah, cool. So maybe you guys stop telling people you're brother and sister. Just, like, go places. Like, especially since God is watching out for you. Well, I mean, we are brother and sister, though. Half brother and sister. Cool, yeah, gross.
Starting point is 00:43:59 Uh, so, uh, it'd be great if you guys would just leave and go, you know, anywhere, not here. That'd be great. Just leave. Cool. I'll tell God to open up the wombs of your people again. Thanks. I guess. Didn't realize he closed my people's wombs.
Starting point is 00:44:18 Good to know. Okay, the wombs are back open. Noted. Weird. And so it was at the age of 100 that god did visit sarah and she bore him a son isaac and that child grew and was weaned and abraham made a great feast the same day that isaac was weaned oh look at me i'm isaac i don't need to drink boob milk anymore ishmael stop making fun of your half-brother.
Starting point is 00:44:47 Come on, Mom. What's the worst that could happen? Get rid of him. Who, Honey Punch? The handmaiden and the kid. Get rid of him. I don't know. He is my son. No, actually, it's cool. You can just cast him out. Great. Okay, then. What do you mean, go?
Starting point is 00:45:08 Yeah, it's just not working out. Sarah's super uncomfortable, and I don't want things to be uncomfortable, you know? We're cool, though, right? You got your water? You good? Told you so. Shut up, Polly 101 guy. I mean, I did, though.
Starting point is 00:45:23 People don't like this character because it's true. Okay. Out of water. Tell you what, kiddo. Why don't you go under that bush and die? Mama's going to die outside the bush, okay? Okay, Mom. Hagar.
Starting point is 00:45:43 Hagar. Ah, cool. It's the god who told me to go back to Abram. Uh, Abraham now, actually. Yeah, whatever. What's up? I just wanted to let you know you don't have to abandon your child. Look, first you give me to some dick-slicing psychopath. Now you're telling me I gotta... Oh, no, no. I mean that there's like a well right there.
Starting point is 00:46:04 Oh. Okay. Well, this is awkward. you're telling me i gotta oh no no i mean that there's like a well right there oh okay well this is awkward yeah uh sorry about that cool cool i'm gonna go shoot stuff with my bow and arrow you do that hey uh abraham hey abu malek look yeah so here's the thing um you and your sister wife half half sister right yeah gross still uh so did you banish a slave that was the mother of your child into the wilderness because god told you to do that no i banished a handma, if that's what you're asking. Cool. That's a fun word for slave. I'm thinking you move, like, even farther away than right now. Like into the land of the Philistines?
Starting point is 00:47:01 I mean, those guys won't be around for, like, 800 years, but, yeah, that's what the book says. So, sure, yeah, the land of the Philistines. Good. Abraham. Yeah, that's what the book says. So, sure, yeah, the land of the Philistines. Good. Abraham. Yeah, God? I need you to go to the mountains of Moriah and kill your son. Okay, sure thing. Really?
Starting point is 00:47:17 Yeah. You're not going to push back on that? No, I mean, you're God, right? I am. Just thought maybe you'd be more bummed or something. I mean, you're God. Right, I am God. But how do you know that you didn't, like, go crazy?
Starting point is 00:47:39 Nah, I didn't go crazy. God just showed up and told me to kill my son, like he does. Right, yep. But, like, how do you know that this isn't a test? To see if you know right from wrong. Is it? No. So I passed.
Starting point is 00:47:54 I guess so. Okay. Uh. Oh, how do you know I'm not the devil pretending to be God? Oh, because I play the devil in these bits. I do that voice. Meta. Styler. Okay. Well, uh, go the devil in these bits. I do that voice. Meta. Styler. Okay, well, go kill your son, I guess.
Starting point is 00:48:08 You got it. One dead son coming right up. Sarah. Sarah. He said yes. 20 bucks. No way. Get the fuck out of here.
Starting point is 00:48:17 Didn't even ask questions. It was the nuts. Yep. I gotta tell you, Dad. I am so excited for our road trip. Uh-huh. We're gonna get there, and we're gonna sacrifice an animal, and God's gonna be all like,
Starting point is 00:48:31 Whoa, you guys did such a good job, right? It's gonna be a best. Uh-huh. So anyway, I think my 15th favorite Pokemon is Bulbasaur, because he has a flower on his back, but when he becomes Venusaur, he can shoot out of it. Uh-huh. Abraham.
Starting point is 00:48:50 Uh, Abraham. Hey, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, what's up? Um, yeah, so there was some misreporting lately, and, uh, the rumors that God told you to kill your son are not true, actually. Really? Because he told me right to my face though
Starting point is 00:49:06 yeah uh you're lying right now oh okay uh so don't kill my kid uh no don't you you sure yeah positive uh but hey god says he's really proud of what a trooper you were about this. You're going to have as many seeds as there are stars in the sky and grains of sand on the beach. Oh, okay, cool. And they'll be blessed above all other people. Really? So, like, they won't get massacred over and over and over and over and over again through history? Um, no.
Starting point is 00:49:47 And you sure you don't want me to kill this kid? I am sure of that, yes. Okie dokie. Come on, kid, let's go home. Cool, cool. Anyway, I think my 16th favorite Pokemon is Hitmonchan, because he's a fighting-type Pokemon. Ah. And content in the knowledge that it's smooth sailing for the Jews from here onwards,
Starting point is 00:50:10 we'll put this bit on hiatus for a few weeks, but we'll be back in three weeks for more Bible Peace Theater. It's time for the part of the show that comes next, the listener feedback. This is the part of the show that gets upset when you don't call. Our first message comes from several people who wanted to know if Eli really went on a meditation retreat a couple weeks ago, if no it was just joking and jacqueline as a fellow secular meditator wants to know why eli doesn't talk about meditation more often on the show why doesn't he meditate more on the show is what i want the silence would be nice for everyone i'm sure i did i did actually go on a retreat my wife was at a folk music convention with her parents for a week so i spent eight to ten hours a day just sitting and it was
Starting point is 00:51:07 great and difficult and needed um can i ask you a question yes did you pay money to sit still for eight to ten hours a day i did not i sat in my all right okay okay all right living room on their weird old furniture. I sent him a bill, but he didn't. No. And in fact, I spent the week bemoaning the fact that I hadn't paid money. I was like, oh man, but it's so much better when this costs thousands of dollars. And I don't talk about meditation on the show more because it doesn't really
Starting point is 00:51:42 fit in with jokes about Steven Anderson. But, but I wrote a blog about it. My blog does exist. And next month we might have a guest post from one. No illusions on there. So check it out. And we also got a message from all but six of you correcting my pronunciation
Starting point is 00:52:01 of agape on last week's quiz show segment. So the Greek word I was referring to is of agape on last week's quiz show segment. So the Greek word I was referring to is pronounced agape, which means the sloppy agape thing is a little bit closer to a rhyme. And I should have known that because I said it was a Greek word, and I know there's no silent E in Greek. So sorry for that. I mean, those letters do spell agape, but yeah, no, I was wrong. I had to mispronounce it to make the joke work. But judging from the 27,000 emails, tweets, Facebook messages, and Patreon posts, I should have probably skipped that mispronunciation, I guess.
Starting point is 00:52:30 And look, not for nothing, I appreciate you guys correcting me and keeping me honest. And the 27,000 emails and waiting is a real good incentive for me to make sure I don't mispronounce shit in the future. But just a quick favor when you do send that correction. future um but just a quick favor when you do send that correction if you plan on sending it on facebook or twitter maybe check and see if i already have 599 of them you know that's that's public you can't do that with email and stuff but like i literally couldn't use my social media for three days after last week's episode dropped so by all means correct me when i get something wrong i prefer that you do that you don't. But you remember that scene in Office Space when he's talking about how many bosses
Starting point is 00:53:07 chew him out when he gets something wrong? I have over 100,000 bosses. So, you know, just to help me out a little bit. Unrelated, does anyone know how to mass delete a bunch of fake email and Facebook? They've all sort of morphed together in a nuclear shimmer, if you will. Being the stupid one is not always bad.
Starting point is 00:53:30 We also got a message from Garrett who asks, is there a place to go to find just your multi-part installments like the Holy Babel or Mormon Peace Theater? Yeah, and the answer, we get that question an awful lot. The answer is not really but maybe hopefully eventually um some of the stuff is up independently on youtube but not enough to actually go through the whole like all the holy babble or whatever uh we are working to compile some of our stuff for release but it's it's one of the many things that we would do if
Starting point is 00:53:58 we had infinite hours okay we also got a question from Tesla's number one fan. He wants to know why Eli hates the environment. And he's also hoping for some more investment advice from Eli to make up for all the money he gave up on that last tip. Movie pass! You can't lose, kids. Actually, there is something better. I saw this on Twitter. It made me laugh so hard.
Starting point is 00:54:26 Someone was like, I feel bad about my new business, MoviePassPass, which sells MoviePass subscriptions for a dollar. All right. And finally, we got a message from Brett, who unapologetically wants to kill me. Brett asks, you guys have a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday show. What would it take to make a Friday show happen? to kill me brett asks you guys have a monday tuesday wednesday and thursday show what would it take to make a friday show happen and if you were going to do another show what would it be oh okay uh we started talking about this yesterday briefly um i think it would be called eli spends way too much money on a prank war be against primarily uh ex-girlfriends and maybe
Starting point is 00:55:05 like retail workers who disgust him and I was thinking it's mostly just Eli paying large troops of failing actors to follow around his mark and yell boo every time they say or do anything pretty much anything else
Starting point is 00:55:20 you can get troops of failing actors to do and I'm sure we'd get creative. A lot of hand jobs there. Okay. And, of course, what it would take to make that happen would be way too much money. So get on that. By the way, a little side note on this. I'm actually consulting on a magic prank show right now.
Starting point is 00:55:35 What? And every time I submit something, they're like, what are you talking about? Why did we even hire you? You want to kill someone's dad? Oh, oh sorry you want to fake kill someone's dad so heath is closer than you think um okay so i think a video game let's play channel would be super duper fun and i threaten to do this all the time. But you know how like all the popular podcasts besides ours in the atheism category are just like a dude talking to a guest for nine hours? That, but with Noah, and I get a third of the money. I mean, one, I don't have to do any work.
Starting point is 00:56:18 That's great. But two, how much better would Noah's show be than Joe Rogan's? Except for the part where he dies of exhaustion. How much more would you like that show? for the part where he dies of exhaustion. How much more would you like that show? Especially the part where he dies of exhaustion. Maybe it's just me, but I feel like the average person flailing to death in a studio would still be better than at least most of Joe Rogan's stuff. If Eli fought Joe Rogan for nine hours, that would be a really good show too, I think. He won't return my calls.
Starting point is 00:56:40 show too, I think. He won't return my calls. I would kind of like to do like a pop culture themed show, mostly because I want Eli to be able to write skits about TV shows and video games that he doesn't like. Or, and this is at least kind of based on next week's Citation Needed, I would like to do a show where Heath just tries a new sex toy live
Starting point is 00:56:57 on the air every week and describes it to us. Alright, we just got to turn the mics on. We're there. Yeah, and what it would take to make that happen is a lot more sex toys or more days between Thursday and Friday would also be nice cloning machine and that's all the feedback you're going to get if you want more keep sending us those emails, tweets and Facebook messages
Starting point is 00:57:20 you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at ScathingAtheist.com. Before we skedaddle tonight, I wanted to offer one last reminder about the show in Chicago. We're in Chicago this weekend for our first U.S. live recording of Citation Needed with Tom and Cecil from the Cognitive Dissonance podcast. The Platinum Night and the VIP seating is sold out, but there are still a few general admission tickets available for the main show on Saturday night at the Victory Gardens Biograph Theater in Chicago. Check the show notes. This will be your last chance. Anyway, that's all the blast movie we've got for you tonight. We'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister show's Hot Friend Godawful Movies, debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Tuesday, and an even newer episode
Starting point is 00:58:02 of our half-sister show, Citation Needed, debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously, this episode would hide its face in shame forever if I neglected to thank Heath Enright for being the glue that holds this all together, Lucinda Lusions for being the tie that binds us, and Eli Bosney for being the zip ties and liberal application of saran wrap that keeps our secrets safe. I also want to thank Mark and Jim from the Fallacious Trump podcast for providing this week's Farnsworth quote.
Starting point is 00:58:20 Seems like they got a boundless concept going over there, so if you want to refresh your course on your logical fallacies or just want to gawk in horror some more at the man we elected to our highest office, you'll find a link for them on the show notes as well. But most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's coolest carbon-based life forms, the fallacious Trump podcast, who was just next in line in the Farnsworth quotes, by the way, don't want people thinking the Farnsworth quote was pay to play now or anything. Tony Valentine, redacted, Julie Allister, Owen Charles, Simon, Joel, Sean, Kuiper Belt Transport, David, and Amelia.
Starting point is 00:58:45 The Fallacious Trump Podcast, Tony Valentine, redacted, and Julie, who are too bright to see stars, Alistair, Owen, Charles, Simon, and Joel, whose cocks make the ocean sweeper thing look like a pool noodle, and Sean, Kuiper Belt Transport, David, and Amelia, who are so cool, James Inhofe uses them as evidence against climate change. Together, these 15 phenomenal people, space fairies, and state secrets helped us leave the flaming turd bag of logic on the front stoop of superstition this week by giving us money.
Starting point is 00:59:10 Not everybody has the money it takes to give us money, but if your discretionary income is up to the challenge, you can make a per-episode donation at patreon.com slash scathingatheist, whereby you'll earn early access to an extended ad-free version of every episode, or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button
Starting point is 00:59:22 on the right side of the homepage at scathingatheist.com. And if you'd like to help, but you're not quite awesome enough to justify the compliment, you can also help a ton by leaving us a five-star review on iTunes, telling a friend about the show, liking our Facebook page, and thinking about us when you come. Legal services for this podcast are provided by the Law Offices of P. Andrew Torres, Tim Robertson handles our social media, and our audio engineer is Morgan Clark, who also wrote all the music that was used in this episode, which was used with permission.
Starting point is 00:59:42 If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at scathingadius.com. Eli nailed it, huh, Morgan? Got it. Put it together, Morgan. Get it together. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle & Thunderstorm, LLC. Copyright 2018. All rights reserved.

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