The Scathing Atheist - 287: Basket Case for Christ Edition

Episode Date: August 16, 2018

In this week’s episode, Florida gets arrested trying to break into god’s trailer with a hand full of rose petals, Mark Taylor wonders how Harriet Tubman built all those subways, and Lee Strobel will examine the basket case for Christ. Come see us in London! https://www.eventbrite.com/e/god-awful-movies-live-in-london-tickets-47591873575 To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click there: http://www.amazon.com/Diatribes-Godless-Misanthrope-Scathing-Presents-ebook/dp/B00J53FZFI/ref=sr11?ie=UTF8&qid=1396141562&sr=8-1 To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out out half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ Headlines: Call for prayer to protect Brett Kavanaugh: http://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/08/09/preacher-calls-for-prayer-against-witches-demonic-influence-over-scotus-pick/ Briefly mentioning parents getting in trouble for killing their baby: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/acts-of-faith/wp/2018/08/08/a-10-month-old-died-after-her-parents-refused-to-get-help-for-religious-reasons-police-say PA report on Catholic Child Sex Abuse Released (more or less): http://media-downloads.pacourts.us/InterimRedactedReportandResponses.pdf?cb=32148 Ottawa mosque loses tax-exempt status over hate speech: http://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/08/11/ottawa-mosque-loses-tax-exempt-status-after-hosting-guests-known-for-hate-speech/ Mark Taylor warns about underground satanist pedophile cannibals: http://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/firefighter-prophet-mark-taylor-says-the-military-is-gearing-for-war-with-pedophiles/ Argentinian church pretty sure retired footballer is god: http://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/08/10/church-in-argentina-worships-pro-soccer-player-as-a-god/ Kenneth Copeland: God healed my jet from corrosion: http://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/08/09/preacher-kenneth-copeland-god-helped-me-heal-corrosion-on-my-private-jet/ This Week in Misogyny: Willow Creek update: http://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/08/08/willow-creek-churchs-lead-pastor-and-all-elders-resign-over-harassment-scandal/ GOP candidate slams “manophobic hellbent feminist she devils”, loses race: http://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/08/07/gop-candidate-who-slammed-manophobic-hell-bent-feminist-she-devils-loses-race/

Changing a light bulb should be simple. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Uh-oh, that's not supposed to happen. Quickly submitting and tracking a claim on the Bel Air Direct app actually is simple. Bel Air Direct. Insurance simplified. Warning, regardless of what spellcheck might lead you to believe, we are not talking about ducks. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by the unhealthy

psychological need to win the approval of strangers. And now, The Scathing Atheist. Hi, my name is Ellie and I'm in the third grade. For as long as I can remember, every time I sneeze, my dad says Jumanji. Thanks a lot, Heath. He also says we did, in fact, evolve from filthy monkey men. They really need a bath. It's Thursday. It's August 16th. And it's National Telejoke Day. And to celebrate, I've written a song about tortillas. Actually, it's more of a rap.

Oh, good. I'm no illusions. I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heath Enright. And from New York, New York, Cincinnati Swing State, and Good Husband, Georgia, this is The Scathing Atheist. On this week's episode, the Catholic Church pitches Spotlight 2. Mark Taylor wonders how Harriet Tubman built all those subways. And Lee Strobel will examine the basket case for Christ.

But first, the diatribe. I was working a booth at Comic-Con in New York City a bunch of years ago for a toy company that I contracted with and set up right across from us was, I shit you not, a family of Bigfoot hunters. Father and his two sons who go around the country hunting Sasquatch or more accurately charging other people to go on Sasquatch hunts with them and selling books about that. Now, I'm the known skeptic among the people working the booth. So before I even get there, I'm getting texts from my coworkers urging me to go easy on them, which I didn't. I mean, I wasn't rude or anything, but well, I guess they might offer a different assessment on that. But I didn't go out of my way to be right like i didn't tell them to go fuck themselves i just also didn't pander to their nonsense because what you had here was a dad who knew in his heart of hearts that he was completely full of shit and two teenage boys that were getting roped into a con job without knowing they were complicit in a lie

and that doesn't deserve respectful deference so throughout the weekend we're chatting back and forth dad learns to avoid me quick but the younger of the two kids, he's maybe 16 or 17, and he is a glutton for punishment. So he keeps coming back to me with more arguments in favor of Sasquatch. And this kid's just an endless font of logical fallacies and circular reasoning. So I'm shooting everything down pretty easily. But to his credit, no matter how desperately he flailed, he never reached the point where evangelicals start. Like he never, for example, dismissed my disbelief by saying that I must have had a bad experience with a Sasquatch hunter in the past. Right. He never wrote me off as a person too angry at Bigfoot to think about him objectively. And now consider this. We're talking about a 16-year-old kid going up against an informed skeptic

who actually knows both sides of this argument in advance, very likely for the first time, right? He's having his worldview ripped apart by somebody who can dissect his arguments even before he makes them with a justification for his family's business and his driving passion on the line here. And judging by his reactions,

he was completely unprepared for a truly critical refutation of his arguments. And even then, he didn't resort to Christianity's first line of defense. Now, let me be clear what I'm saying here, because obviously, you know, you had a bad experience with Bigfoot wouldn't be his argument, regardless of how desperate he was. But if you set aside the argument itself and look at the tactic that it represents, it becomes a viable out for him. He could have, for example, dismissed me as a cynic and said that I was too afraid to let go of my comfortable worldview, right? Or he could have said I was too arrogant to accept that there were things I didn't know,

but he didn't. I mean, at least not then. Of course, if I had to guess, I'd say he got there eventually, right? I can imagine he wrestled with a few of my refutations for a few days, but as he got ever further from the event, I would imagine he wrote me off using exactly one of those aforementioned arguments because that tactic is the only refuge when your logic doesn't hold up and you know it, right? I mean, at the time, he actually thought his logic was going to win the day. He believed in his heart of heart that the facts were on his side and that convincing me would just be a matter of adding new facts to my existing base of knowledge. That's the kind of thing you do when you actually think you're right. But the point is that we don't only see this tactic from religion.

We see it from everybody who's telling a lie that they know is a lie but haven't admitted to themselves is a lie yet. I mean, if you think about it, the goal with this tactic isn't to refute a person's argument anymore. It's to refute the person themselves. It's a preemptive measure that affords you the ability to dismiss any argument regardless of how sound it is. And that's something you'd only need if you knew in advance that you were going to lose the argument. Now, important clarification here. When I say lose the argument, I don't simply mean fail to win. I don't mean fail to convince the other side that you're right. I mean being convinced yourself that you're wrong. See, you and I, we avoid arguments all the time, not

because we're afraid we're going to end up being wrong, but because we don't believe the person on the other end is going to be a rational actor, right? It's not out of fear of losing the argument. It's out of fear of losing that 15 minutes of your life. You could have spent masturbating or something. But even when we avoid arguing, we don't avoid the arguments themselves. Hell, atheists and skeptics probably lead the human race in terms of seeking out arguments against our own positions. We consume whole books of them. So while a Christian might hear this diatribe and be tempted to accuse us of the same thing when we dismiss bad faith interlocutors as disingenuous zealots, there's a distinction that however fine means everything. Avoiding the argument and avoiding the disingenuous zealot are two profoundly

different things. And that's why I'm referring to this as a tactic rather than an argument, right? Calling it an argument is far too grandiose. In truth, it's just a flimsy defense mechanism. Even the worst argument is still intended to at least manipulate logic into saying what you wanted to say. But the you're angry at God or you had a bad experience at church type arguments exist only to dismiss you as a rational actor. It's an act of aggressive ignorance about half a step below loudly announcing they can't hear you. La la la. So as frustrating as this is, as much as it might seem like evidence that we're just beating our heads against the wall, we should actually look at this as a positive sign that we're making serious progress.

Because when you think about it, losing the argument and knowing in advance that you're going to lose the argument are actually the same thing. So the only thing we're waiting for is the when you think about it clause to kick in. And granted, with religious folks, that might be a while, but they'll have a pretty small hurdle to clear when they get there. They're talking about your Jesus. We interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news bulletin. Joining me for headlines tonight are the den of and vegan of my all terror, Heath Enright and Eli Bosnick. Fellas, are you ready to co-star?

No, no, I'm in charge when Noah dies. You sure are, buddy. You sure no. I'm in charge when Noah dies. You sure are, buddy. You sure are. You're in charge. After you. We got you that sippy cup. It says world's best boss. You're in charge. You are. I'm going to go out to restaurants.

Alright. With that all decided in our lead story tonight, the American legal system kept going with its terrifying pattern of constantly reconfirming Poe's law and becoming more and more indistinguishable from satire. We might as well be burning a lady at Planned P Sessions announcing his plan to create a religious liberty task force. And now we're only about two weeks out from the Senate confirmation hearings for Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh, who would almost certainly provide the final theocrat they need to overturn Roe v. Wade. So fuck is what I'm saying. In our lead story, fuck. Keith, it's not that I don't agree.

I'm just worried this headline will start a trend of all of our headlines being, and you know what else happened? Fuck. But when's the last time we acquired a new cuss word as a language, right? Fuck is not doing the trick anymore. So it is not looking good for logic havers. However, as many of you know, we are cockeyed optimists here at The Scathing Atheist. So we did find some good news embedded in the disastrous theocratic takeover of American law.

One example involves Brett Kavanaugh. But before we get to that, let's take a brief moment to appreciate the fact that negligent filicide remains illegal in at least some of the United States. And that includes Michigan, where two Christian anti-vaxxer parents were charged with murder for murdering. They killed their baby with stupid, and they're going to get in trouble. So, yay, I guess? Ah,

yeah, this is all we have left for good news. Finding the silver lining in a dead baby. I'm really stretching it. Yeah, it's behind the stomach. You got to really dig. Okay, so, baby i'm really stretching it yeah it's behind the stomach you gotta really dig okay so moving on to the good news about brett kavanaugh and again we're really trying to be positive here so it looks like he's pretty much locked in for getting confirmed so again it's another situation where it's like dead baby let me finish though that being said it's a, dead baby, let me finish though. Let me finish.

That being said, it's a rough way to start. So Kavanaugh's a young, healthy, conservative Christian asshole. However, we do have a team of witches on our side trying super hard to keep him off the court. That might not sound like much, but their side's kicking ass and it's 100% based on a fictional character. So that might be our only viable option. Right. That's true.

OK, Heath, I'm not saying I don't see the resemblance between Senator Warren and a cartoon witch, but a little respect. I'm surprised that you blew your chance. I bet you listen to Native Americans. OK, so, yeah, here's the thing. We never would have heard about this if it weren't for Trump's supporting preacher, Lou Engel, who I'm pretty sure is actually the secret identity of Luigi since he retired. Oh, too soon. Luigi just died.

He just died. He did. Did he? He did die. Yeah. Luigi's dead? What? Yeah.

There was a Nintendo commercial and they were like, hey, also Luigi's dead. Yeah. Luigi's dead? What? Yeah. There was a Nintendo commercial and they were like, hey, also Luigi's dead. We're going to do a new Mario Tennis. And 18,000 nine-year-olds were like, wait, sorry, go back. And a 36-year-old. What the fuck? Well, he's been dead inside for a long fucking time. Who plays Luigi? He killed himself.

That's what Haunted Mansion is about. My fireballs don't bounce. This is bullshit. Yes. killed himself that's what haunted mansion is about my fireballs don't bounce this is bullshit yes so according to lou angle quote immediately following justice kennedy's retirement witches began making phone calls to senators offices in an effort to exert a demonic influence over the process we are calling a three-day ester fast to stand in the gap on behalf of the nation and disallow anyone from being confirmed to the Supreme Court who will not ultimately reverse Roe v. Wade, end quote. Yeah, because what better way to celebrate taking away women's rights than to remember the time some lady refused to get naked for company and Esther was like, pick me. Yeah, weird story to go with. Some lady refused to get naked for company and Esther was like, pick me. Yeah. A weird story to go with.

So, yes. Speaking of which, speaking of which, just a couple of quick notes before we wrap up the story. First, for Lou Engle. Yeah. Eli, maybe don't use a reference to a Jewish genocide from the Bible in your thing. Just a thought. Well, to be fair, though, that would pretty much rule out the whole old testament and you got a sift but maybe sift and um also an idea for the witches um okay but i'm going to start by saying you know thank you so much for helping great stuff

and i hate to be critical of strong allies out there, but maybe the phone bank thing isn't the best use of your time as witches. Magical witches. I'm picturing more like, you know, flying around, shooting fireballs, evil potions, like that witch stuff. Like really explore the space with your witch stuff. Do magic witch stuff. Witch splainer. Warlock splainer so warlock splainer and in putting the file back in pedophile news tonight a grand jury i'm gonna bring the mood way down guys sorry that first one was fun now we're gonna bring it down yeah right all right so a grand jury report

detailing decades worth of alleged sexual abuse and cover-ups of sexual abuse by hundreds of priests just in the state of Pennsylvania was belatedly released on Tuesday, more or less, a lot of redactions, despite repeated efforts by Catholics in the state to suppress the findings, including Catholics that, like, you know, work for the judiciary. that like, you know, work for the judiciary. Now, the 900-page report implicates over 300 predator priests and over 1,000 identified victims. The report speculates that the number of unknown victims is well into the thousands. Oh, he 50 bucks. I was betting they spent millions of dollars on litigation to cover up no wrongdoing at all.

Yeah, you thought it would just be preventative millions on litigation. But you're still right about Michael Cohen so far. So that's good. Until you're not. You're right about that until you're not. And then you'll owe me more. So to give you an idea what we're dealing with here, I just want to read the opening paragraph of the report.

Quote, we, the members of this grand jury, need you to hear this. That's a terrifying start. It continues, we know some of you have heard some of it before. There have been other reports about child sex abuse within the Catholic Church, but never on this scale. For many of us, those earlier stories happened someplace else, someplace away. Now we know the truth. It happened everywhere.

End quote. That's fucking terrifying. Wow. Look to your left. Now look to your right. There's a pedophile priest right behind you. Don't let him rape all three of you. Right.

Right. Well, and the report also makes it super clear this is not a problem of the past. While most of what they were able to obtain came from crimes that have long since passed their statute of limitations, they also uncovered abuse from within this decade and detail ongoing strategies of obfuscation

and disinformation right now. Like, oh, come on. Most of that sexual assault was from decades ago. Centuries even. That's not a good sign when that's your defensive argument. Right. Yeah. You hear that, Hollywood?

I should say that the report is available online. And if you're ever feeling that you're not pissed off enough, it's worth a glance. I mean, 900 pages might be too long to read cover to cover. But even a random sentence or two will boil your blood in a hurry you'll find a lot of stuff like quote the diocese and its attorney immediately began to exchange information to discredit the victim with unrelated and irrelevant attacks on her and her family or quote a priest in the diocese of harrisburg abused five sisters in a single family despite prior reports that were never acted on end quote and from the diary of a victim quote father graff did more than rape me he killed my potential and

in so doing killed the man i should have become end quote okay in our second story fuck yeah right exactly exactly and because we can't exactly transition straight from that fart comedy, here's one transitional minute of Melania Trump and Sarah Huckabee Sanders trying to assemble IKEA furniture together. I think it's backwards. How can it be

backwards? The shelf points out. What are you talking about? Maybe the base is upside down. I will find who created this and destroy their lands with strong horses. You should do that, baby. What does this instruction say? It says, wait,

how many eye screws do you have? Oh, boy, just the one for Donald birthday. It stung so bad. No, no, the sharp little, the sharp things, the eye screws. I know the worst. I think I'm holding it upside down. Does this look upside down?

Nice. Much better. Just remember, we can always do that. Yeah, right. Start out from now on. Melania and Sarah's adventures. And in Mo Canada news tonight, a mosque in Canada has lost its tax-exempt status

this week for hosting several speakers who quote promoted hate speech or not quote acted like they meant what their holy book said for a second not quote sounds like the southern poverty law center is about to put all of canada on their of extremists. That's the country of Canada. And we'll get an infinite string of simultaneous apologies. So that'll be fun too. So here's the story. The Ottawa Islamic Center and Asala Mosque hosted four speakers between 2009 and 2014

who the Canadian government deemed hateful. Well, to be fair though, that's got to be the lowest international standard for hateful, I'd think. Right, exactly. Right, so the first speaker was Abu Usama At-Tahabi, who has called women mentally deficient, like the Koran does,

and says gay people should be thrown from mountains, like the Koran does. Exactly, it does, yeah. And it's not like the Koran needed to specify mountains to make that page a hate crime and keep the streak going of hate crime pages and and really it would have been best for the quran to avoid mountains as a subject altogether just from a seismological perspective right yeah that's that's no good the second controversial speaker saeed raguea

was controversial because of his relationship to another speaker who has been refused entry to Canada for saying, quote, every Muslim should be a terrorist, end quote, just like the Koran does. Oh, Jews. Everyone kill them.

Yeah, so that does... That does sound pretty serious. But let's be fair you got to read between the lines right where it's blank the context oh my god this book is evil like i really need that to be the response from muslim people like pretty much all of them yep uh the third speaker bilal phillips has been deported from several countries we've actually reported on him before and the fourth controversial speaker, Abdullah Hakim Quick,

is an American speaker known for talking about the filth of the Jews and the non-believers. Like the Koran does. And the Koran has been forcibly removed from a country or two. So yeah, that tracks across the board, I think. And look, I'm kind of torn here.

I mean, on the one hand, despite what Alex Jones's Twitter followers say, it seems you can punish hate speech in Canada without the country turning into an Orwellian hellscape. Who knew? But, but, on the other hand, shouldn't this apply to all the churches, mosques, and temples? Stone them to death is what it says. Okay, no, hold on. Hold on. Just checking something real quick. Blank space between the lines.

Fuck. No way. I really wanted like a winky footnote or something. It's just, it's blank. It just says stone them to death. Or how about this? Maybe we apply this to all the churches, mosques, and temples, regardless of hate speech, because subsidizing lies and stupidity with tax dollars is dumb even without bigotry. Right.

And look, maybe the church next door to this mosque never had a speaker who meant what he said. But I heard a story about the guy they worship drowning the world, so I feel like that's a... Still, if they did start applying this fairly, you gotta wonder what that would be like. What that would be like. What that would be like.

Next, sorry. Hi. Hi. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. No, I'm sorry. I am sorry. We'll say we're both sorry. So, i received this letter about my tax exempt status in the mail don't you know oh oh did you now uh well i i sure am sorry for filling up your post box like that oh it's no problem at all it's no problem sorry you know i hate to ask but are you teaching the bible there at your church down there now oh for sure for sure. For sure.

Got benches and everything. Okay, then. Well, I'm awful sorry about this, but we're going to have to take away your tax-exempt status, you know. Oh, goosh. Now, why's that no? Well, you see the Bible? You got there. I got all this kind of hokey pokey in there and, you know, just won't stand what with the rape and the genocides and whatnot yeah yeah i guess you're right i guess you're right our god's a real hoser eh

a real hoser okay okay well sorry sorry for taking up so much of your time to now no no i'm sorry for you taking it up sorry sorry and with genuine apologies to canada we'll take a well-deserved break and hand things over to my lovely wife, Lucinda. They sound funny. A man wrote the Bible. A whore is what you want. If it's a legitimate race. If it's your slut, right?

Cooking can be fun. Hey, I'm proud of a man. This week in Massage. Well, at the risk of being labeled a hopeless optimist, I'm going to lift your spirits with a bit of good news this week. See, the Me Too movement's momentum and resilience has already surprised me a couple of times, but I would have bet pretty much anything that it was going to hit a wall when it came to churches. After all, in a lot of churches, the inferiority of women is just as foundational as the dead Jew on the crucifix. But we're starting to see that even this archaic holdover of our misogynistic roots isn't completely immune. Take, for example,

Willow Creek Community Church. Now, despite the generic downholmsy sounding name, this is one of the most influential evangelical churches in the country. The church was founded in 1975 by one Bill Hybels, who remained the church's senior pastor until he retired earlier this year amid a storm of sexual harassment allegations. This story first came into public view back in March thanks to a Chicago Tribune article that detailed several allegations against Hybels spanning decades. The church did a quick internal review and, to nobody's real surprise, found that their beloved pastor had done nothing wrong at all. Except that he had.

And over the next few months, several more allegations came to light, and it became increasingly impossible to pretend he wasn't the Harvey Weinstein of mega pastors. But last week, the reckoning came for all those senior leaders whose perfunctory reviews somehow managed to miss decades of abuse and misconduct. Heibel's hand-picked successor resigned last Sunday, followed three days later by his second choice successor. The day after that, all nine of the elders involved in the investigation pledged to resign before the end of the year. Now, obviously, this isn't a good news story. In the end, this

thing will still be a church after all, but it's saying something when even pastors are occasionally held accountable when they behave the way their holy books suggest. And that's not the only bad guy that lost this week. I also have an update on Courtland Sykes, the Missouri Senate candidate who responded to a question about women's rights by telling ladies to stay home and make dinner or their daughters would wind up nail-biting, manaphobic, hell-bit feminist she-devils. Well, it turns out he's no closer to a Senate seat than I am after losing his primary race by some 358,500 votes. Of course, the guy who won blamed sex trafficking on the sexual revolution, but at least the most sexist guy didn't win, which is a step up from the GOP's presidential primary, at least. And while I've got plenty more stories I could share with you, all of them are depressing as hell, and I don't usually get a chance to leave you on such a high note.

So with that, I'll hand things back over to Noah, Heath, and Eli. Thank you, Lucinda. Next up in headlines, Mark Taylor said words again. Awesome. Which makes me so very happy. In case anyone's not familiar, he's the self-proclaimed firefighter prophet who's going to be the subject of a movie

called The Trump Prophecy produced by Liberty University that's coming out next month with a $2 million budget. I'm actually camping out for tickets right now. That's where I'm broadcasting from. Well, Mark Tays did an interview last week during which he explained that the U.S. government is currently training a special forces team to deal with a secret cabal of underground Satanist pedophile cannibals. I still want to see that team's obstacle course now you think there's like a weird screening process for that cabal

guy walks in okay so i'm an underground jewish pedophile cannibal get the fuck out of here seriously so clear on the door so that all sounds pretty ridiculous underground satanist pedophile cannibals that require intervention by the u.s military that's quite a claim but somehow mark taylor managed to make the word underground into the dumbest thing he said it's amazing and that's because despite his ability to see into the future he was not able to predict that he'd look super duper dumb for not realizing that underground actually has both literal and non-literal meanings so when he said the army is going to be fighting this underground cabal he meant like actually below the earth he's quite certain according to taylor quote the underground child sacrifices the sex trafficking rings where's that stuff taking place underground in the tunnels but end quote which tunnels oh you know the tunnels. End quote. Which tunnels? Oh, you know.

The tunnels. I'm surprised he didn't say, well, the sex trafficking happens in traffic, obviously, but underground sacrifices. Duh. Apparently Mark Taylor thinks there's like a Delta Force

commander being like, alright, men, today you're going to be learning underground karate. Don't be confused. Not like a secret style. I know it's very confusing. That's what I thought when they told me it's literal and figurative meanings. I mean like fighting in a tunnel, like literally a tunnel. So it's mostly throwing dirt in people's eyes plus regular karate. Damn it, man.

You can't roundhouse kick in a tunnel. And by the way, Mark Taylor also went into a big story about Jeffrey Epstein, the investment banker who got in trouble for soliciting an underage prostitute. who got in trouble for soliciting an underage prostitute. Apparently, Epstein bought his own island in the Caribbean just so he could dig up a network of tunnels for fucking little kids. I mean, it seems like a pizza place in D.C. would be way easier. Way, yeah. All the carbs, so entire private island. And according to Mark Taylor, quote,

they were having a dining room where they had cannibalism why underground we might ask because they don't have any resistance underground and because they're closer to the entities digging down that they're trying to invoke okay end quote i have so many questions i have so many questions. I have so many questions. One, seems like if you have an island, you don't need tunnels. Two, is Bahamut really pleased by the extra 25

feet of closeness? And three, I think this is the most important one, does Mark Taylor think hell is at the center of the earth? He clearly does. Do you think he thinks it's down? Yeah, there's quite a nesting doll of what the fuck going on in that statement.

But the clear implication is that hell powers work like Wi-Fi. Yeah. And now I just want to see some pedophile get foiled by this. Like he hears Mark Taylor and then like next week he's about to fuck some kids and the army shows up. So he just like dives into a tunnel, like eat it suckers. Your karate doesn't work down here.

Ow. Fuck. You just regular punched me in the face. Just like regular overground punched in the face. He tries to run, but they're sacrificing kids in the tunnels so nobody can get through. It's like, man, we should have a system of this. All right. One final thought here.

Marky T, I know you're listening. If you're trying to be friends with Donald Trump, maybe don't mention Jeffrey Epstein anymore. with Donald Trump, maybe don't mention Jeffrey Epstein anymore. Because here's what Trump said in 2002 about Epstein, the convicted underage sex offender. Quote, I've known Jeff for 15 years. Terrific guy. He's a lot of fun to be with. It's even said that he likes beautiful women as much as I do, and many of them are on the younger side. End quote. Begin vomit. God, our president is like the Forrest Gump

of kid fucking. He's just like wandering through pedophile forest. It's not funny because it's true. And finally tonight in Corde scholar news if you were wondering where god was when that dam collapsed in laos and killed scores of people that monsoon in india killed over 700 people that hospital burned down in taiwan that bridge

collapsed in italy or 8 000 children a day continue to die from insufficient nutrition it looks like we can finally offer up an answer. God was busy healing Kenneth Copeland's private jet. So you guys picturing God instead of Kathy Bates and a jet instead of James Caan? I feel like that's pretty much God in a nutshell. Just like, I love you. I love you. Sledgehammer.

I love you. I can heal you. Only I can heal you. Sledgehammer. And hell is the bathtub seen in about Schmidt yeah I get it I thought that was pretty hot anyway mostly Nicholson but whatever I like Kathy Bates in it too all right so this revelation comes to us from the benefactor himself uh televangelist and measle enthusiast Kenneth Copeland who recently bragged to his congregation, quote, and just a blanket sick over all of this, quote, there was the x-ray showed there was some spots of corrosion.

And so I was praying over it. And just as plain, the Lord said to me, lay hands on it. I'll heal it. he then reasoned that since quote corrosion comes from a curse end quote i'm assuming because the word curse is almost in corrosion that he would leave it in god's hands okay corrosion comes from that's the worst demon ever right you're cutting a goat's throat over a silver bolt there you go that's what three years off the life of your car all right so and just in case you weren't fully appreciating the absurdity of the visual here he goes on to describe his foray into spiritual airplane repair quote i laid hands all over it and it's a big old airplane it took a while to do it you you know. Laid hands on that thing. Just laid hands on it all over and praised God and laid hands on that

and commanded that corrosion to leave in Jesus's name. End quotes. And of course, upon further examination, all the corrosion was gone. He touched the entire plane with his hands? He's just hanging upside down over the plane all tangled up in ropes yelling at his assistant no spin me the other way my clockwise it's all tangled my clockwise hold on oh hey what's a fuck swing it's his fuck swing tm what's that what did you buy me no it's worth noting by the, that this isn't the first time Kenneth Copeland and his private jet have made their way into the atheist news cycle. Back in December of 2015, he was on a Christian show justifying his need for a private jet when he explained that commercial airliners were, quote, a long tube with a bunch of demons and it's deadly, end quote.

and it's deadly, end quote. And while he did avoid trying to directly fund the purchase of his plane via Kickstarter a la Creflo Dollar, he did appeal directly to his congregation for the $2.5 million in upgrades he needed. Presumably gilded demon baffles. I mean, to be fair, Noah, along too with a bunch of demons in it,

is a direct quote of what you called our plane to Chicago. Well, yeah, but I didn't ask anybody to buy me a private one, so it's totally different. All right. Well, while we reflect once more on how profitable lying would be, we'll close the headlines for the night. Heath, Eli, thanks as always. We could own a jet. When we come back, Lucinda will rejoin us to ask the crucial question, why the fuck are we still reading Lee Strobel?

Team Jet, two votes. Normally, questions like, is this person the most important intellectual in human history? And is this person batshit insane are reserved for different individuals, but not so when you're a christian and while most christians seem to intuitively understand that it's in their best interest not to point out that severe mental illness perfectly explains their messiah's behavior apparently lee strobel didn't get the memo i it's just nice to know that years from now adherents of eliism will know that taking 22 shits a day is the path to enlightenment. They're going to be figuring out

loopholes, people shitting into a prosthetic second ass each morning and like pinching off a little piece every 45 minutes so they can get to 22. Iron a Sabbath goy to do it on Saturday. Nirvana. Yeah, there you go. And joining us for yet another chapter in this

endless series of half-assed obfuscations is my lovely wife lucinda lucinda welcome back is it too late to be illiterate yep yeah sorry all right so let's dive in i got to admit we're starting off with the most intriguing chapter title of the book so far chapter eight the psychological evidence was jesus crazy when he claimed to be the son of god yes uh so what are you guys up to you've been watching anything good on like netflix anything good on audible what are you i've been getting into uh this american life did you hear the feather one oh so good fuck that kid right fuck that kid in the face guys yes, but unfortunately we start off having a little laugh at the expense

of the entire academic field of psychology. And make no mistake here, this is Lee Strobel's way of saying, look, I know in Christianity we normally have to pretend that psychology doesn't count, but it does when it makes Jesus look good. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Normally you don't have to commit

a few pages to convincing people to believe in all of the sciences for just a minute, but Lee knows his audience. You know how every three episodes on Law and Order someone does the primal fear thing? Well, keep those inaccurate TV shows in mind when we discuss how

valid these so-called doctors are. Brains are magic. Yeah, and Lee strobel gets himself confused right away he's telling this long story about a lady who killed her husband and he's like yeah so she took the stand in court and started talking about how she was assaulted by dwight eisenhower and pauline bonap, and that's obviously crazy. I guess that paragraph's done. And then exact words, as if typing to himself. He says, how does this all relate to Jesus? What am I fucking doing? Last chapter was about Jesus definitely believing he was God incarnate.

All right, I guess I'll ask the next guy what the fuck I'm talking about. He's a PhD. He'll probably know what the fuck I'm talking about. Yeah, and that's when we meet our seventh interviewee, Gary Collins, PhD, a former professor at famed Mecca of psychological research, Trinity Evangelical Divinity School. Sounds legit. research trinity evangelical divinity school sounds legit and current editor of the terrifyingly titled christian counseling today he might as well be head d gayer as jesus school of praying

yourself not crazy exactly well he also has quote salt and pepper hair and silver-rimmed glasses. He was looking dapper in a maroon turtleneck sweater, herringbone sports jacket, and gray slacks. End quote. So clearly they fucked, or Lee at least thought about it for a while during this interview. At least mine they fucked, damn it. Yeah. And by the way, the very next sentence was, I gestured out the window where snow was gently falling on evergreen trees. We put on some Nat King Cole and sipped hot toddies while I gently stroked his chin, yearning for a flowing white beard that felt like it should have been there. I asked him, will you grow a beard for me, Gary Collins?

The interview has started. This is going in the book. Gary Collins? The interview has started. This is going in the book. Okay, Keith, I've asked you not to let your beard jealousy creep into our work life, and I want you to respect that. Dude, you might as well be growing a Corvette

in the shape of a penis on your face. So much midlife crisis at 30 with that beard. Probably late though, to be fair. Nine-tenths life crisis yeah but it's beautiful it's a beautiful beard take it all back i am jealous and then okay lee offers up the important question here he says look if somebody today said i'm god or i'm the unique son of god based on nothing but that, we'd say he was crazy.

And we would be right because that's something only crazy people would ever do. So is Jesus knocking fucks or what? And the dude chuckles and he's like, not only is that wrong, but it's condescendingly wrong. I chuckle in your general direction, you sad, silly, wrong motherfucker. What a stupid question. Another one like that and Mr. Jubels will come out from under the bed and eat you. You're a patient who murdered and then swapped lives with Gary Collins in 1994. You are.

But Lee's like, hey, look, crazy people aren't always eating shit and the bible elevates some shit eaters to divine status so how could we possibly rule out mental illness from a time when people legitimately thought you could pull the crazy out of people and put it into pigs well and Colin's answer slightly edited to fill the time all it is sure crazy people claim to be people they aren't but sane people also claim to be people they are so already jesus has a 50 50 odds of being god right perfect sense and jesus said he was jesus first and he was jesus so not crazy nailed it well he also says look if jesus was, he'd have been an emotional wreck. And there's nowhere in the book where

they're talking about him obsessively checking his feces for blood and then shitting on a plate wrong, right? It's harder than the instructions make it seem. I don't want to... What did they say? They're confusing. It's a lot. It's confusing. It's like Ikea

for shitting. I need a video. It's confusing. It's like Ikea for shitting. I need a video. It's not like you saw him screaming at trees or turning over money changers tables or changing money or anything. Exactly. Then he even brings the money changers thing up. Lee's like, well, he did have some anger issues. And Colin's like, well, no, but it was a healthy anger. Right?

Like when you think the 7-Eleven is overcharging you for Fritos and you knock over the shelf. Healthy anger. Okay, guys, we're proving Jesus was crazy here, not Noah. There is no need for the specific and frequent examples about our coworker, okay? Okay, you remember when

Jesus was at airport security and they treated him like chattel and he started singing. He also says crazy people think they're being watched when they're not. But Jesus was haunted by an actual Seder. So, yeah, let's be clear. The argument we are going to get to in this chapter is that you're only crazy if you're not the son of God. And Jesus was so norms. Yep.

And here's a few more things that are crazy that Jesus did not do. You need a list. He never wore a big green dick on his face. And never wore a medium green dick on his face and uh never wore a medium green dick on his face same for purple i could keep going so just to be clear collins is making his point by listing crazy things that jesus did not do yes but then he missed he got that wrong yeah he accidentally landed on several very crazy things in the bible that Jesus did

yeah like when he points out that crazy people are irrational but when Jesus predicted the end of the world in only a handful of years he was really sane about it it's like you mean like if someone was in the middle of a speech about being kind to people and then out of nowhere screamed

the end is nigh? Exactly. Nope. No. Not like that. Not like that. Almost got me. It was close. There's so much of that in this book just almost tricking itself. Yeah, right. Then there's this weird bit where Colin

starts describing Jesus like the lost love in a coming of age drama. This moment was fucking insane. I thought he was going to start describing the slope of Christ's back any second. And the droplets of sweat would slowly bead up and then cascade down that majestic gaunt arch. All at once, like a beautiful water clock. And then he, without obviously ever having spoken with

jesus declares him sane in the style of a trump doctor right he says he's like the most sane person ever way more sane than me dr collins six foot four 235 stable genius and he took the combo iq slash stability test on Sporkle. Yeah, way to set the bar high person who's about to argue that Jesus couldn't be crazy or his superpowers wouldn't have worked on blind people. And then Strobel's like, well, why do all the bad guys in the New Testament think he's crazy? And his actual excuse is that jews back then didn't know psychology right he's like look you might see somebody trying to fuck an olive tree to death and think he's crazy but you need a trained professional

like me to know for sure right okay hold on though you don't know what that tree might have said to easily could have been grounds for a death of a tree depending on what the tree said to him yeah well there's also the argument from oh come on those guys would have called anybody crazy who claimed to be the unique son of god and then he has to take a shot here he's like you know the jews were jealous of how awesome jesus's ideas were In other words, I'm not crazy. You're crazy. You're all crazy.

Get off me. You switched bodies. This is also where he points out that crazy people don't have magic powers. And clearly Jesus had those. He actually uses that excuse. And Stromboli's like, okay, but some stupid assholes don't believe in the miracle stuff. And those would include, I guess, all the people seriously entertaining the notion he was just a crazy person. So what would you say to those thick-witted, closed-minded, fuck-bucket-slurping

atheists? To which Collins lists other miracles. Yeah, right. Well, what about this one? Because, uh, that'll work. Right. Because, sure, the blindness could have been psychosomatic, but what about all the bread and fish and shit? It is literally the argument from, but where

did the lighter fluid come from? Right. Yeah. And this is when Collins starts to genuinely unravel. Like, he clearly gets kind of mad and he's like hey man uh jesus raised himself from the fucking dead uh he made two plus two equal five and sometimes three and sometimes all the numbers at once you gotta try harder lee strobel it's not easy to become sane shit that's that Orwell. I blacked out.

Did I go into Orwell again? I often black out and go into Orwell. And just when you're thinking to yourself, I thought Lee Strobel could bring some dumber straw man arguments

than this, we hit upon a heading that says, Jesus the hypnotist. Yes! Do, do, do. Do, do, do. Just to make sure no future podcasters only call his book half stupid he hits collins with the what if jesus just hypnotized those people into thinking their water was wine

yeah so just to recap here's the latest argument uh seems like jesus is crazy no he's magical okay but what if he's a fraud then it's checkmate atheists who are we arguing with now each other what's happening right and can we point out this version of jesus is so much cooler. He's got magic tricks and fucking special Manchurian candidate apostles ready to hallucinate when they see bread. He's fucking awesome. When I snap my fingers,

you'll stop being Jewish. If you think about Jewish stuff, your dick will light on fire. Or will it? Test me. I dare you. Yeah, and Collins is acting like he has the forensic report on Jesus' miracles, by the way. He's going like, well, Jesus cured leprosy over 100% of the body in zero seconds. And you can see that the miracle entered the leper from a 40-degree upward angle. Like, where did that get to?

And hypnosis only lasts for a couple of days. So that leper would have gone back to the fact checkers office at the Bible. Yes, right. Making headquarters of Bible making and made them issue a retraction. Obviously, idiots read a book. And Collins is that's not how hypnosis works is drunk guy after a corporate Christmas party level stupid. He's just like, yeah, but you know, I learned you can't read my mind

if I close one of my eyes, right? You knew my card is that both my eyes are open. I read that on Twitter. Make my wife disappear. I'm an accounts receivable. Well, after Collins gives a 12 point rebuttal, Lee laughs and says, yeah, I know it was a stupid question and all, or I wouldn't have included it in my book. We look terrible when I ask the smart ones. Yeah, I tried that once.

It doesn't work well. And then Strobel broaches the exorcism subject, much to my surprise. Strobel broaches the exorcism subject, much to my surprise. He says, look, some people who suck and are assholes who suck, read the stories of Jesus curing insanity by pulling demons out of people and they're like, wow, that's not how brains work.

What do you say to those ass monkeys? And then we get the most terrifying quote ever attributed to a psychologist not named Hannibal. Just in case you still needed a reason to discount everything this person ever says, he adds, quote, from my theological beliefs, I accept that demons exist. Yeah. Fucking frightening.

He basically says, oh, I should clarify. I am the reason mental health care and religion don't make sense. Exactly. It's on the door, but it was open when you walked in. Okay, but I mean, it's not like he just assumes that demons are real. He's got some proof. He points out that angels are obviously real.

And it's highly improbable that there wouldn't be evil angels, too. So, clearly, we're in an infinite simulation. There has to be evil angels too same way we know that um tooth goblins are real right yeah evil numbers tacos and shit yeah well then strobel's all like okay but have you ever seen a demon and in the manner of a big brother telling you the story of how that tree fell down

he says not personally, but clinical psychologists see demon shit all the time. I just don't do the clinical psychology stuff. I don't do that. Right. And his source for this is the book People of the Lie. A reference so crazy

there is almost no parallel. He might as well be like, well, in the seminal psychology textbook michelle remembers rides a dog around and heals her removed teeth and then lee quite reasonably says okay but doesn't believing in demons make you insane yeah and as though he just keeps missing what lee is trying to make him say here, he goes, yeah, some idiots think there are no demons, but how else would you explain how I always think I'm out of mustard when I'm not? You think my watch broke itself?

It must have been a gremlin at least. And this might be the saddest, most accidentally self-referential moment in the book so far. And there's been lots of competition for that. This is where Lee Strobel points out Occam's razor by accident. And Colin says, to some degree, you find what you set out to find.

People who deny the existence of the supernatural will find some way, no matter how far-fetched, to explain a situation apart from the demonic. That's the exact quote. Razor Zocum. Said it backwards. Eat a dick.

I win. It's like Mitzel Blick. And it's worth highlighting the fact that there's a point in this book where a psychologist tells Lee's readers that if their psychological problems persist despite medications,

it's probably because they're possessed by demons from hell that actually happens on page 152 of this fucking book yep uh in case anyone is new or needs a reminder that is not true take your fucking medication take your medication yes please please yeah he even suggests that demonic possession is getting way more mainstream in psychologies these days. Which is not true and isn't even a good dodge. Like, Lee's like, hey, I don't want to offend you, but wouldn't mainstream medicine call you a dangerous menace who should never be taken seriously ever again? And he's like, yeah, well well some psychologists are Buddhists so

Buddhists demons it's all the same and in conclusion I Lee Strobel am a skeptical journalist so I'm going to leave you with some words of wisdom from the great neuroscientist C.S.

Lewis he really ends with a quoteist C.S. Lewis. He really ends with a quote from C.S. Lewis. Here it is. Quote, there are two equal and opposite errors we can fall into concerning demons. One is to disbelieve in their existence, and the other is to believe and to feel an excessive and unhealthy interest in them. They themselves are equally pleased with both errors, end quote. And most demons are black. Yes.

According to the data, we should believe in demons medium. We should believe in demons to be safe. Well, to be fair, Strobel also says, I even read back over the Bible and Collins was right. When Jesus spit into that blind guy's eyes and murdered fig trees, he did it in a very

sane manner. He's very calm about it. He fucked that tree to death very nicely. What the fuck does that mean? He called it pretty. Lee Strobel's just holding up ink blots in front of the Bible. Medium amount of demons. Okay, that's a pass.

Normal dude. You guys heard that but of course strobel's done with his interview but he's not done with us just yet because we still have to read his questions for deliberation uh we have three again this week starting with question one what are some of the differences between a patient in a mental hospital claiming to be god and jesus making the same assertion about himself? Jesus very clearly had dibs. It's bad. Better meds? Yeah.

2,000 years of rape and murder. I feel like there's a difference there. Well, the patient in the mental hospital has somebody to clean him up, so Jesus probably had a lot more poop in his beard. Just saying. Alright, so question two. Read Jesus' teaching called the Beatitudes

in Matthew 5, 1 through 12. No. No. I'm doing extra homework. I reject the precept. He goes on. What observations can you make about the intellect, eloquence, compassion, insight into human nature,

ability to teach profound truths, and overall psychological health. All right. I think it's telling me that Jesus picked a flock of mostly boring losers because I did read it. I was pissed about it, but I read it. That speech sounds like somebody's mom explaining to her shitty son who never wins at anything and is bad at everything that it's cool because everything's going to be great when he dies. That's what to look forward to.

Yep. I feel attacked by Heath Sansom. I mean, normally nine second hand sentences is plenty for an amateur to make an informed psychological assessment here. But I'm going to go with none because that book was written way after he died by people who'd never

met him before well yeah and i mean but look at these 103 not insane sounding words in a row isn't super convincing regardless of the strength of attribution plus they actually do sound kind of insane right i mean all i can say is that if I walked up to someone on the street and said, quote, rejoice and be exceeding glad for great is your reward in heaven. They would rightly expect me to murder. And I would. All right. And finally, question three. Having read Collins response to the theory that hypnosis can account for Jesus's miracles. Do you believe that this is a viable hypothesis? Why or why not? Well,

I mean, I'm personally more interested in the theory that Collins hypnotized Lee Strobel into thinking these arguments were worth writing down, putting it here to begin with. Well, again, depends on what I'm comparing it to. Reanimated corpse that's also God kind of makes whatever it's going up against

look pretty viable. I'd really want to see what Jesus could do if I was allowed to shuffle. Come on. Give me your cards, Jesus. Okay, well, my official answer is how the fuck is that relevant to anything in this book? But yeah, I'd give

anything to watch Jesus get debunked like Uri Geller or James Hydrick. Yeah. Johnny Carson like takes away his obviously planted blind guy that he's about to heal. Be like, okay, heal this different blind guy. We just get to watch Jesus like trying to look like he's trying for a little bit because he has to. Just spit in the guy's eyes.

Don't be blind. for a little bit because he has to. Just spit in the guy's eyes. No, no, no. Don't be blind. Don't be blind. Ram, ram. All right.

Ram, ram, ram, ram, ram. That's going to do it for Chapter 8. And while Lee Strobel has nothing more to add to this argument, that hasn't stopped him from continuing

to add more chapters before. So we'll be taking a look at Chapter 9 in three weeks. Guys, between now and then, enjoy reading quick while you still can. Before we drop the portcullis this week, I want to thank everybody who came out to see us in Chicago. We had a hell of a time.

It was really great to meet you. I also want to remind you that we've got a live show coming up in London in October. Godawful Movies is going to be live in London October 6th. Tickets are still available. Platinum Night the night before where you can enjoy an exclusive MST3K type viewing of the movie in advance. Check the show notes for details. Anyway, that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight. We'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more.

If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister show, The Skeptocrat, debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Monday. An even newer episode of our sister show's hot friend, Godawful Movies, debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Tuesday. And an even newer episode of our half-sister show Citation Needed debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously, I need to thank Heath Enright for being the Laverne to my Shirley, Lucinda Lusions for being the Buttercup to my Wesley, and Eli Bosnick for being the Daisy to my John Wick. Things don't end well for Eli, is what I'm saying. I also want to thank Ellie for providing this week's Farnsworth quote, and her dad for very

clearly bribing her into doing it. But most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's most honorable hominids, Simon Cameron, John Jeremy Teslable, and Farty McPooper. Simon Cameron and John, who horses brag about being hung-like, and Jeremy Teslable and Farty McPooper,

whose IQs are measured in gigahertz. Together, these six sexy seculars secured our socking of the sacramental sex this week by giving us money. Not everybody has the intellectual superiority it takes to give us money, but if your gray matter is up to the challenge, you can make a per-episode donation

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Tim Robertson handles our social media, our audio engineer is Morgan Clark, who also wrote all the music that was used in this episode, which was used with permission. If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at scathingadeus.com. Jumanji! My God, Dad. I already told you three recordings and I was...

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