The Scathing Atheist - 289: Educated Edition

Episode Date: August 30, 2018

In this week’s episode, Adam Fannin blames not equal to x in the sum set for mass shootings, the Pope goes on tour with his lip sync rendition of "Oops!...I Did It Again", and Elmo will show us his dark side. Come see us live in London! https://www.eventbrite.com/e/god-awful-movies-live-in-london-tickets-47591873575 To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click there: http://www.amazon.com/Diatribes-Godless-Misanthrope-Scathing-Presents-ebook/dp/B00J53FZFI/ref=sr11?ie=UTF8&qid=1396141562&sr=8-1 To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out out half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ Guest Links: To hear Noah on the Phil Ferguson show, click here: https://www.spreaker.com/user/8084919/274-MUWAJb Headlines: Pope Francis says he feels shame over priest abuse, but that’s obviously not enough: http://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/08/26/pope-francis-says-he-feels-shame-over-priest-abuse-but-thats-not-enough/ He also says that your gay kids need a shrink: http://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/08/27/pope-francis-if-your-kids-are-gay-they-might-need-to-see-a-psychiatrist/ Mexican Cardinal says pedophile priests’ victims should think about their own flaws: http://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/08/23/mexican-cardinal-pedophile-priests-victims-should-think-about-their-own-flaws/ Pope’s feeble crowd in Ireland: http://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/08/26/pope-francis-couldnt-even-give-away-free-tickets-to-the-papal-mass-in-ireland/ (also) http://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/08/24/irish-hospital-staff-furious-that-temp-ids-during-popes-visit-include-cross/ Argentinian church pretty sure retired footballer is god: http://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/08/10/church-in-argentina-worships-pro-soccer-player-as-a-god/ Christian Baker: Making a Birthday Cake for a Trans Woman Violates My Faith http://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/08/16/christian-baker-making-a-birthday-cake-for-a-trans-woman-violates-my-faith/ Lawsuit seeks government funding for religious schools in Maine: http://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/08/24/lawsuit-demands-that-maine-taxpayers-fund-tuition-for-private-christian-schools/ Adam Fannin blames literally everything except guns for mass shootings http://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/08/27/preacher-blames-everyone-and-everything-except-guns-for-jacksonville-shooting/ Trump forced to leave off half of John Adams quote during theocracy dinner: http://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/08/28/during-evangelical-dinner-trump-left-crucial-part-out-of-john-adams-prayer/ http://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/08/27/donald-trump-is-throwing-a-dinner-party-for-evangelical-christians-tonight/ Muslim leaders in Indonesia issued a fatwa against the measles vaccine: http://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/08/23/muslim-leaders-in-indonesia-just-issued-a-fatwa-against-the-measles-vaccine/ 21-Year-Old Mormon Woman Dumps Fiancé After Realizing He Watches Porn http://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/08/22/21-year-old-mormon-woman-dumps-fiance-after-realizing-he-watches-porn/#wBCOtVHjHdi7KEeQ This Week in Misogyny: Christian blogger: Feminism almost ruined my marriage: http://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/08/23/feminism-nearly-ruined-my-marriage-says-christian-who-doesnt-get-feminism/ Woman finds anti-abortion pamphlet in diaper box: http://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/08/10/a-woman-found-an-anti-abortion-groups-graphic-pamphlet-inside-a-box-of-diapers/ School paper tries to censor article about institutional sexism: http://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/08/25/a-catholic-school-censored-a-piece-in-the-student-newspaper-the-plan-backfired/

Warning, I was off last week, so I've been storing up a lot of profanity. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by ZipRecruiter, Dollar Shave Club, and by The Hail Mary. The purse so shinny that it's literally synonymous with desperate last-ditch effort with little to no chance of success. The Hail Mary, from the world leaders in bad behavior discouragement that brought you unpunished octonigerian pedophiles by the hundreds. And now, the scathing atheist.

This is Jeannie in Vermont. And we did in fact evolve from filthy monkey men. So, practice, practice, practice. Save for sex. Because face it, not all of us want to breed. Or should. It's Thursday. It's August 30th.

And it's the day of my closings. Spare some change? I'm no illusions. I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heath Enright. And from New York, New York, Cincinnati Swing State, and Good Husband, Georgia, this is the Scathing Atheist. On this week's episode, Adam Fannin blames Not Equal to X and the Sumset for mass shootings.

The Pope goes on tour with his lip-sync rendition of Oops, I Did It Again. And Elmo will show us his dark side. But first, the diatribe. So I'm scrolling through the news feed of my phone the other day, and I see something about Barack Obama's summer reading list.

And I don't know, maybe I'm just feeling nostalgic about a president who could read. So I click on it, and I take a look at his recommendations. And one of them caught my eye more than the others. Now, I'm not normally a big fan of memoirs, but one of the books on the list is a New York Times bestseller called Educated by Tara Westover and it's a memoir by a PhD historian who studied at Cambridge despite being homeschooled by wacky apocalyptic conspiracy nut anti-medicine Mormon fundamentalist preppers. She had never set foot in a classroom until she started her undergraduate work at BYU

and had to learn stuff like the Holocaust really happened and the South was the bad guy in the Civil War on the fly. And that strikes me as my kind of book. And look, it's a memoir, so it suffers from the inherent restrictions of that genre, but it's a good read. It's phenomenally well-written and her story is all kinds of compelling and honestly if the skeptical and atheist movements were like a superhero duo this chick's parents would be our arch nemeses right her dad's this fundamentalist luddite stockpiling bullets for the apocalypse and cutting the seat belts out of his car because he can't drive no faster than god's angels can fly and her mom's an all-natural midwife that does energy healing and mixes essential oils instead of taking her kids to the doctor. So obviously this book gave me a lot of good reasons to seethe.

But the biggest one is spelled out before you even get to chapter one. Quote, author's note, this story is not about Mormonism. Neither is it about any other form of religious belief. In it, there are many types of people. Some believers, some not. some kind, some not. The author disputes any correlation, positive or negative, between the two. End quote. Now, don't get me wrong.

I don't entirely dispute the author's note. I know of no correlation between religion and kindness, so I'm fine with that part. But the idea that lack of such a correlation somehow dismisses religion as the primary villain of this story is wildly unjustified. In 45 words, she exonerates the prime force behind her suffering, the institution with the foremost guilt in making it possible, by pointing out that religious people are kind with the same proportionality as atheists. Now, this is a diatribe, not a book report, so I don't want to get too caught up in the specifics of the story. But the author goes out of her way to highlight a few people affiliated with the church that showed her great kindnesses and helped her pay her way through college that are clearly meant to counterpose with the crazy-ass dad that wielded religion as a bludgeoned against dissent. But if you're not going into this inclined to forgive, you'll see that all of those kindnesses are just the least these people could do after dedicating their lives to the institution that entrusted dad with that bludgeon to begin with. I mean, look, Mormonism didn't make the dude bipolar. It didn't make him neglectful or abusive, but it did insulate him. You know, when this guy starts talking about angels that protect his family, he's got a well-funded

international institution ready to pat him on the back and say they sure do once a week and twice a week if they'll let him. When he tells his daughter that rolling up her sleeves when she works in the yard makes her a whore, the Mormon church sure isn't coming to her defense. When he talked about the end of the world being right around the corner, they nodded along and cited passage and verse. But exacerbating her dad's mental illness was far from the only way the church plays the villain in this story. The church is also the group that works so hard to normalize the standards-free homeschooling to begin with, not to mention all the work they do trying to eradicate the parts of a basic education that countermand their divine dictates even in the public schools. And when you add on top of that the antiquated misogyny about a woman's place

being in the home, one can scarcely hope for a more direct literary villain in a story about the quest for an education, and yet she removes it from consideration even before the preface, excusing it on account of kind people also being fooled by it now and again. But even the acts of kindness highlighted in the book are suspect. I mean, if some religious leader at BYU bent over backwards to help her catch up on her education,

that doesn't mean a hell of a lot if it was his religion depriving her of the education to begin with, right? And I know this might seem like a small point to belabor, especially if you've read the book, but this is far too often the camouflage that religion hides behind. A corrupt institution with kind leaders is still a corrupt institution. The fact that they take money from poor people hoping to buy their way into a place that doesn't exist kind of takes the wind out of the soup kitchen sails. The fact that the church helps single moms is drowned out

by their opposition to contraception and sex ed. In fact, the whole of helping the poor is suspect when it comes from religion. I mean, there are mountains upon mountains of evidence that religion exacerbates poverty, both individually and societally. If religion really wanted to help the poor, they'd fold up shop and go the fuck home. The lies that they sell create way more poverty than their soup kitchens and gas bill programs can ever solve. So the very act of being a religion puts them in the net negative, no matter how much charitable work they do. So yeah, good book. I'd recommend it, especially if you need a quick reminder

as to why atheist activism is so important. But ignore the author's note. If the title of the book is educated, the villain is always going to be religion. They're talking about your Jesus. We interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news bulletin. Joining me for headlines tonight are the Huey and Dewey to my Louie Heath Enright and Eli Bosnick fellas. Are you ready to duck some shit up? If you're going to have a corkscrew penis, then yes!

I'm so duckin' lootly, let's do it. Alright, well while you picture the loops in Eli's dick, we're going to pause for a quick word from this week's first sponsor, ZipRecruiter. Hi, I'm Eli Bosnick, and I'm here to say that hiring used to be hard. Multiple job sites, stacks of resumes, a confusing review process, but not anymore. With Eli's holistic hiring, a division of naturalgreenmommy.com,

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It's going to be awesome. But why would anyone use that when they could just use zip recruiter.com? Let's not use the Z word, Noah. No, seriously. Zip recruiter is convenient, effective,

and easy to use. They send your job to over a hundred of the web leading job boards, and they don't stop there. With their powerful matching technology, ZipRecruiter scans thousands of resumes to find people with the right experience and invites them to apply to your job. I mean, sure, sure, but can ZipRecruiter match you up with the right candidate using nothing but essential oils? No, because that's nonsense. But they can analyze every application that comes in and spotlight the top candidates so you never miss a great match.

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Our success rate is also an integer. I don't really see the difference, honestly. Right now, our listeners can try ZipRecruiter for free at this exclusive web address, ZipRecruiter.com slash scathing. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash S-C-A-T-H-I-N-G, ZipRecruiter.com slash scathing. Or, or you can spend money with my service. ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire. Okay, no need to attack me.

And now, back to the headlines. In our lead story tonight, we have some follow-up news on the terrifying, unconscionableable enormous list of pedophile priests in pennsylvania who were covered for by the catholic church and the even larger list of victims and also the similar lists for every other geographical location in the world that has catholicism and also pretty much any other organized religion with any power, but in particular the Catholics, because the Pope apparently thought about his initial response of exhaling medium loud and excited that wasn't enough. So now he's doing a worldwide tour of exhaling medium. Yeah, right. This dude makes BP oils PR guy look like Jon Hamm.

Right. This dude makes BP Oil's PR guy look like Jon Hamm. Pope's calling BP. Hey, you guys got a PR guy that specializes in unauthorized emissions, right? Help us out. Call the army. You guys have a dishonorable discharge guy? That'd be perfect.

So before we get to the details of Pope Frankie's verbal solution to pedophile cartels, it's worth mentioning one other high-ranking Catholic leader who also thought some words would speak louder than the previous words, which weren't that loud. So no need for action yet. That's the key. Yeah, exactly. Talking about Mexican Cardinal Sergio Obeso Rivera, who got all the feet and underage dicks out of his mouth to say the following last week. Quote, I'm here happy to talk about nice things, not about problematic things. Oh, it's an accusation that is made. Yeah, I'm glad.

So he's cool. He's cool if we discuss the happy parts of this. Yeah, great. Thanks. So continuing, it's an accusation that is made, and in some cases it's true. But the evil of many is the consolation of fools because sometimes those who accuse men of the church should be careful because they have long tails that are easily stepped on, end quote. Fucking. So, okay, correct me if i'm wrong did he just say that attractive kid asses are like cats with long tails in your house i mean honestly you are a demon with a tail is way

better than yeah but what about that time you stole a cookie so right yeah i mean what better demonstrates their refusal to admit the horror of this scandal? Like a priest saying, yeah, a lot of you people have done worse. No, no. The list of living people have done anything worse than this is eight people long and five of them run Myanmar. Yes. So, all right. Getting back to Pope Francis, one of the first stops on the oops tour was Ireland, where there's been literally centuries of abuse that's still being covered, including plenty of 21st century stuff. Yeah. And during a speech in Dublin, the Pope really underscored how he feels super duper bad about all the kid raping. So that was nice. He also added, quote, I'll be making a greater commitment to eliminating this scourge on the church at any cost. End quote.

Except for the cemetery fund. They need those big rocks. The budget for big rocks is big. You understand. But regardless of the money, what the fuck did he mean by greater commitment? What level of commitment was he at until now in terms of stopping my employees from fucking little kids? Like, why was there a throttle for that with multiple centers? Are you fucking kidding me?

That's it. No more three-strike policy. We are now zero tolerance for the key to fucking. But that's the thing. As if it's not bad enough, there is no now. This was in the future tense, right? So he not only is he admitting that there's more he could do, he's also admitting that he isn't doing it yet. He's like in the planning stages of doing more.

We're forming a committee to think about throttling up on this. What the fuck? Yeah. So hopefully all his speeches end with a whole bunch of audience members being like, do a thing. Do one single thing, one real thing, do a real thing. Although, you know, that might have happened already. And he might have taken that to mean explain how there's blame on all sides. Because during the flight back from his Dublin speech, the Pope told reporters that parents of gay children need to get psychiatric help for those kids.

Because, you know, it takes a village to not rape a child. Parents need to do their part to help out the priests in the not raping plan. And honestly, Heath, nobody who wants real things is still Catholic. It kind of goes against the whole point. No one's coughed speaking. True. All right. And in a related story okay in the same story but i also want to talk about what an asshole the pope is the aforementioned trip to dublin was newsworthy for more than just a half ass child rape apologetics because it looks like seven decades plus of documented child rape plus

a few uncovered mass graves has really put a damper on the Pope's draw these days, which resulted in a series of Trump inaugural photos showing some 125,000 people milling around on a lawn meant to hold more than half a million. Okay, okay, but the whiteness of the Irish makes them look smaller. No, that's true. I want Barack Obama to just follow the Pope around on his fucking tour, just having way bigger crowds right across the street at every event.

Just like blasting the Muslim call to prayer for spite. The Lion King. Now, a big part of this feeble turnout can be attributed to an organized effort by a group calling itself Say Nope to the Pope, which said about gathering tickets as soon as they were released and then not showing up. Pope, which said about gathering tickets as soon as they were released and then not showing up. Now, more than half a million tickets were made available. And while nobody knows how many say nope to the Pope managed to hoard up, we also know that nowhere near the half million were given away. So just not doing that probably would have had the same effect as it turns out. Yeah. It's not like they were like, weird. The wait list for this event is 400,000 people long. But, you know, you never know if fuck you

rapist party of 250 000 is going to show up so we'll just we'll just send everyone waiting outside home right and in sincerely held channel news we might have finally found a difference between democrats and republicans no way twitter told me that's impossible. Well, small thing, but I feel like it's worth mentioning. And it's humanhood for the human beings. That's actually a distinguishing factor between those two. Okay. Good headline, Heath. Short but sweet.

And in case no savior news tonight. You want to? No, you do more? You'll do more. Okay. So here's how it works. news tonight you want to no you do more you'll do more okay okay no so so here's how it works so turns out that gay people and trans people and everyone else that christians have very confusing dreams about they were all going to be staying on as full status human beings if hillary clinton

got elected but not so much with trump and uh so the jury's still out on letting those people buy food. Yep. As we learned in the Masterpiece Cake Shop ruling last spring. So that's why their bigot owner over at Masterpiece Cake Shop, Jack Phillips, is suing the Colorado Civil Rights Commission again. This time for trying to make him treat a trans person like a person. Okay. So the ruling judge needs to be like dressed up in duck blind. Okay.

Now ask him to treat people like humans. Real nice. Yeah. At this point, getting a Christian Baker to follow the law is like giving a cat a pill, right? Is you like, you gotta keep sweet and talking no matter how pissed you are and everything.

Hold his mouth closed. He's waving it back and forth. Well, okay. We don't recommend doing that and not sending us video or doing it and sending us. We don't recommend either of those. Put a pill up a Christian baker's butt.

I sang it so it's a joke. Andrew, I sang it so so it's a joke. Andrew, I sang it, so you can't get mad. Not talking can't get mad. Here's the background on the new lawsuit. In June of 2017, on literally the same day that the Supreme Court agreed to hear whiny bigot v basic human rights the original one a woman named Autumn Scardina ordered a birthday cake from Masterpiece

and got refused she wanted it blue on the outside and pink on the inside to also in addition to her birthday celebrate the seven-year anniversary of when she came out as transgender but apparently that would have violated phillips's religious liberty of birthday cake color schemes that match your original penis it's uh it's in the bible somewhere it's important religious liberty right and uh phillips is uh also arguing that it would have been compelled speech i i guess he would enforce to make that cake and then walk into the street and shout i provided food for trans person on the day there was a multiple of 365 beyond the announcement of her identity and it was compelled to say that to everybody just now and uh yeah he didn't want to make that speech because the math was tricky because of the leap here no i get it oh okay okay so how do we settle this uh because is it a sincerely held belief off

like how much he loves jesus versus how much this lady is a chick like go ahead and all right one two three go a lot a lot oh damn it uh ty goes to the baker again no rights for you fuck yeah thanks to donald trump's replacements for scalia and pretty soon kennedy the supreme court is basically making the 14th amendment optional if you're christian and most of the other laws too yeah apparently especially the ones since the civil war about people being people that seems to be a theme they're going for and they didn't even need new justices for that last cake shop ruling yeah they could have said fuck the gay people with nothing but goddamn liberal turncoats to outvote ginsburg and sotomayor who are the only two who voted in favor of gay people being people

on that one but now they've got gorsuch and almost kavanaugh so bottom line everyone who didn't vote for hillary clinton in the general was the entire lgbt community a lifetime of weeping apologies yeah like i want to hear about this happening do it right now like call everyone you know that you helped marginalize and start bawling your goddamn apology. Amen. Donate to a cause of their choice. Top of my head, maybe whoever runs against Trump in the general next time, you fucking idiots. And fucking vote better.

You did this. You did this. There's no way around that. You helped this happen. Okay, Heath, going to save you a few tweets here. Address any and all you'd like. What about non-voters? Vote shaming does nothing.

Why didn't Hillary personally ask me how to run the country in 2016? There we go. I think I covered it. Okay. Let me throw out non-voters are included in people who didn't vote for Hillary. If vote shaming did nothing, you wouldn't physically be able to tweet me this. And if you didn't vote for Hillary, your opinion on how to run the country is obviously too misinformed to take seriously. I could do this all day.

And now I will because thank you, Eli. Now I will. I get to read the threads. And in Maine bad guy news tonight, Christian schools in Maine are seeking to take advantage of Christians having more rights than everybody else. In a recent lawsuit demanding that taxpayer money be spent subsidizing the tuition at religious schools that's right not the playground surface not the storm damage not the sidewalk out front but the straight up now just give us money for jesus part what the fuck sitting at the bottom of slope covered in lube okay the guy at the top of the slope made some really good points though my offense oh also uh real quick here's the bill for the slope made some really good points, though. My offense.

Also, real quick, here's the bill for the slope insurance. Kind of irresponsible you haven't had that already. Here, you need this now. Alright, so here's the rub on this one. The state of Maine actually does pay for private school tuition for students that live so

far the fuck out in the middle of nowhere that there aren't any public schools, and Maine actually has quite a few of those places but that program only extends to secular schools because you know the constitution but since the supreme court revealed the establishment clause to be the surprise optional amendment last year i really don't see how schools lose this one unless of course ruth bader ginsburg finally goes super saiyan and we've all been waiting for that okay new fantasy hillary runs and wins in 2020 and packs the court entirely with rbg clones all right that is an old fantasy man porn hub does not get me like you do eli they just don't get me either way i want to see rbg in a

crank suit until that fantasy becomes a reality. Yeah, there's absolutely no question. Iron Maiden. Very least. Now, this lawsuit is brought by two groups, a conservative group with the Orwellian moniker First Liberty Institute and a libertarian group with the Orwellian moniker A Libertarian Group. Because, look, I mean, say what you will about the merits of libertarianism or lack thereof. These guys are definitely doing it wrong. Right? parents of libertarianism or lack thereof these guys are definitely doing it wrong right anyway the lead counsel for the schools justified the suit by saying quote by singling out religious

schools and only religious schools for discrimination maine violates the u.s constitution end quote which in being both the exact opposite of true and a religious question makes it a slam dunk at the supreme court because you know when it comes to being diametrically opposed to the obvious intent of the First Amendment prohibition on religious establishment, you can always count on an originalist. But of course, we didn't want to leave any stone unturned. So we headed over to our attorney and host of the opening arguments podcast for his opinion. Hey, Andrew, how's it going? Hi, Andrew. Andrew, hi. Hello, Andrew. Andrew, how's it going? Hi, Andrew. Andrew, hi. Hello, Andrew.

Gentlemen, before I open the door, I need you to know there are four beanbag chairs on the floor of my office. That's one for each of you, plus an extra. Is that okay? Okay, yeah. Yep, got it. One beanbag. All right. I'm going to open the door now.

Dibs on the extra bean bag I call it no I get the extra bean bag stop no no which he tripped

he tripped your big Eli broke your chair he broke your chair Eli broke it Eli broke your chair it's my fault for trying I forgive you I forgive you more Andrew

I forgive you extra than Eli thanks anyway plus five gentlemen how can I help today well I forgive you. I forgive you more, Andrew. I forgive you extra than Eli. Thanks anyway. Plus five. Gentlemen, how can I help today? Well, in light of this thing in Maine, this lawsuit, Heath and Eli had an idea, and I was outvoted on the decision to bring it to you. Show him my sheet. Show him my sheet.

I colored it. I colored the sheet. He colored it with my crayons. Shut up. Guys, guys. It doesn't matter whose crayons are those. Yeah. All right.

All right. Let's take a look. Official proposal for the opening of the scathing atheist school for will fuck your dad. All right. Well, Andrew, thanks for your time. Yeah. Anytime. Guess I signed up for this.

Fine. Bye, Andrew. Guess I signed up for this. Fine. Bye, Andrew. I brought you a present. This is my lawnmower. Yep. Bye. I reported this missing six months ago. And with another one of Eli's dreams duly dashed,

we'll pause for a quick break and hand things over to my lovely wife lucinda a man wrote the bible a whore is what she wants if it's a legitimate right cooking can be fine hey i'm proud of a man this week in massage one nice thing about aligning myself against religious institutions is that they suck at almost everything. And it's nice to know that the people you're fighting against can't do much of anything without fucking it up. So I figured this week I'd highlight a few stories of religion doing it wrong. Let's start with the thing they tend to get the wrongest of all, feminism.

This comes to us via a Christian blogger named Bernadine Barber, who took to the interwebs to explain how feminism almost ruined her marriage. Of course, she clearly has no fucking clue what feminism means, but as far as I can tell, her reasoning was that she hated her husband and feminists hate men. Ergo, feminism nearly ruined her marriage. Over and over again in her blog, she talks about not knowing her place in the world and being resentful to her husband for making her be a mom, which she blamed a feminist hijacking her maternal instincts. Now, as you read through it, it's really hard not to think, have you never

heard of postpartum depression? Because that seems to be exactly what she's describing. Of course, given Christianity's full court press against mental health issues, I guess the answer is as likely no as yes on that one. So, yeah, sometimes religion's inability to understand anything or do anything right works against us, but sometimes it works out to our advantage. For example, consider the story of Annie Furman Wise, a Pennsylvania mom who got home from the grocery store and found a graphic anti-abortion pamphlet had been stuck into her groceries. Apparently some rabid zealot was just stuffing the pamphlets into boxes at the grocery store so that people could be surprised by them later. And as desperate and stupid as that tactic is to begin with, it gets decidedly stupider when the box you sneak them into is a box of diapers. Pretty sure the person picking those up decided against the abortion. But doing shit wrong and stupid doesn't just waste their time and money.

Sometimes it works directly against them. Like my final story today, which comes to us from Hemet Mehta over at the Friendly Atheist blog. It's the story of a censorship backfire out of Holy Family High School in Colorado. So apparently in catholic schools you can have ultra boys and girls but it's up to the local church leaders to decide whether or not to be gender inclusive and in this high school for a while they had both then a change in leadership left them with a dude who rescinded that policy and instituted a penis only order in the wake of

that a reporter for the school newspaper interviewed the priest that made that call, one Joseph McLagan. And during that interview, he made himself look like such a jackass misogynist that the school elected to ax the story. And it would have worked out for him, I guess, except that the faculty advisor for the school newspaper got fired over the controversy. Which means she was under no contractual obligation not to talk about it publicly anymore. which means she was under no contractual obligation not to talk about it publicly anymore, which means that now, instead of a handful of students in some Colorado high school reading about this, I'm reading about it. Way to narrow the scope, Father McLaughlin.

So, yeah, I know this segment doesn't normally imbue you with a lot of hope for the future, but whenever you feel overwhelmed by the odds we face, just comfort yourself with the fact that the people on the other side are, generally speaking, really fucking dumb. And on that happy note, I'll hand things back over to Noah, Heath, and Eli. Thank you, Lucinda. And in mass shooting news tonight, Baptist preacher and man who looks like if Screech found Jesus,esus adam fannin knows just who's to blame for this past weekend's mass shooting that's right craft beer and video games craft beer craft beer chris farley's at a bar like we switched out his budweiser for a local craft lager let's see if he notices i'm chris farley love a good bud what you son of a bitch murder like what

why craft beer yeah craft beer so in a sermon that blamed literally everything but guns this past week fannin made it clear that video game tournaments and bars are quote antichrist religions jacksonville has given up jesus for the Jaguars and that the Pope is a pedophile. He was really all over the place, is what I'm saying. I mean, I get how you could blame mass shootings on the Jack Del Rio era Jaguars, but they're pretty good this year. They're looking nice. But here's my favorite quote from the rant. Quote, you knock on somebody's door when the jaguars are playing

oh man let your name be a curse if you stop their game well yeah if they don't have a dvr they won't even answer the door solid 46 second pause the fagwars yeah no he was super proud of that one oh solid 47 second pause. Watch the video of only for him like waiting for a standing O and not getting it after Fag Wars. He continues. Listen, I pray that God would collapse that stadium. God is cursing Jacksonville because they have propped up an idol of football and they would rather bow down to that

and worship that and get drunk to that than go to church and obey God. Why do mass shootings happen? It's because people reject God's law. They reject God. They're being selfish. They're being devilish. They would rather do what they want to do instead of what God wants us to do. End quote. Yeah. So your religion is even worse than being a Jaguars fan. I would not point that out when I'm under oath, bro. And in context, clueless news. Mid-August came and went, and that's why it was finally time for Donald Trump to hold the 2018 late August Theocracy Gala at the White House on Monday. The stated purpose of the event was to honor the contributions evangelicals have made to American life.

And with the revelation that organized religion was responsible for about a thousand new underage sexual assault victims that we didn't know about yet, it was time to sit down with some prominent religious leaders and figure out how to get them more governmental power. Right. Good party. He's just like, okay, guys, I hear you. End the buddy system at playgrounds. That's important to everyone here.

Does anyone have anything else? I get it. We're doing it. Yeah. So I'd like to think the Pennsylvania Catholic Church's amazing work wasn't the contribution they were honoring at the big theocracy event. Hopefully it was something far more positive, like the way Jeff Sessions used the Bible to justify stealing Mexican babies or something like that. But regardless, the dinner did allow us to watch the president try to use a John Adams quote and then get forced to cut it short when one of his aides clearly realized the entire second half of the quote was somehow a direct roast of Donald Trump himself

written by Adams in 1800, presumably right after he parked his time traveling DeLorean outside of the White House. Here's the exact words from double agent Orange reciting from John Adams, words from double agent orange reciting from john adams quote i pray heaven to bestow the best of blessings on this house end quote except but that was not the end of the quote the whole thing altogether says i pray heaven to bestow the best of blessings on this house and all that shall hereafter inhabit it may none but honest and wise men ever rule under this roof. Actual end quote. Donald, talking to you. Step down, Donald.

Come on. I'm John Adams. And just to be clear about John Adams, despite being raised Christian in the 18th century, he did not support any kind of religious influence over the government. In fact, Adams was a Unitarian and about as close to atheist as you could get at that point. After hearing a pastor use the bullshit mysterious ways argument when they're talking about the Trinity, Adams wrote, thus mystery is made a convenient cover for

absurdity. That's one of his famous kind of atheist, pretty, pretty atheist quotes. And when he was president, he signed the Treaty of Tripoli, which said the government of the United States is not in any sense founded on the Christian religion. Don't talk about this in the future, David Barton. Yeah. And when he wrote the prayer that Trump used, I'm guessing he also added, fuck you, Donald Trump. I'm standing right behind you. Turn around slowly so I can stab you in the eye. But then Doc Brown made him erase it so he wouldn't fuck up the space time continuum. There's no way Doc Brown got to him in time. Right. You cannot convince me this isn't the fucked up version of the space time continuum where Marty just fell off the fucking building.

Biff is president in this one. It's true. Biff is president. Biff is president in this one. It's true. Biff is president. Biff is president. And in hella rubella fella news tonight, Islamic authorities in Indonesia wanted to make it super clear that their religion is even worse

than Jenny McCarthy's, so they issued a fatwa against the MMR vaccine for containing trace amounts of forbidden substances. So the bad news is that more Indonesians will die from fully preventable and nearly eradicated diseases, but the bad news is that more indonesians will die from fully preventable and nearly eradicated diseases but the good news is that they'll still get their milk rivers and

golden couches when they do because Allah hates trace amounts of pork and human cells more than he hates diseased babies I mean anyone else picturing ISIS trying to behead a hypodermic needle keeps falling out of the tube damn Damn it! Or did I do it? I don't know. Ah, it's hard. We'll give it lethal injection with another needle. Fuck! I can't get the tips to lie. Ow, I stabbed myself. Oh, you have some pork in you now.

Now, I should be clear here because, you know, a lot of times we highlight silly and dangerous fatwas on this show and they're ones that come from, from like some dude buried in the Iranian bureaucracy somewhere. They don't have much of an effect on the world. The fatwa against oceans for making ladies wet and cucumbers for making men feel inadequate later didn't cause great societal shifts or anything. But this one is not like that. This fatwa comes from the MUI or Indonesianonesian ulama council which is extremely influential in

national politics in fact a fatwa they issue was recently used as evidence in court to convict a christian governor of blasphemy yeah these guys are so important that when they do it it's actually called a near twa i feel like that would be a skinny twa but yeah it Not far. Far. Far. Far. Near. Yeah, sure. And finally tonight, in something blue news, a 21-year-old Mormon blogger took the internet by storm this week when she dumped her fiance for watching porn. Yeah. Yeah. Yes.

In a post titled, this is real, understanding betrayal trauma, part one. This is my betrayal trauma. Oh, Jesus. So she's the perfect satire. Claire Dalton laid out the horrible ordeal she went through upon learning her fiance looked at boobies. According to the post, quote, three words on his search bar that changed my entire view. Three words that concluded he'd been searching for pornography possibly just hours ago. End quote.

How would she know the time? So, wait. What are we thinking? Big booty bitches? Like, what is... I'm going one of the three words. Maybe. Okay.

John. There we go. Yes. See, I was just thinking New incognito window What the fuck's wrong with this guy? So Dalton then proceeded to call Each of their 300 wedding guests To tell them that the wedding was off

Because of her fiance's porn addiction And then of course She wrote a viral blog post About it that 90% of the internet Pissed themselves laughing at and then went back to watching porn. Really, she did not. Well, I mean, except for the people who are watching

Omurashi, in which case the blog fucked up their sesh. They pissed themselves. You're supposed to hold it. Alright, so I told my wife about this story and she's like, who the fuck would want a husband that doesn't watch porn? What, I'm supposed to go out and get seduced by lesbian nurses three times a week what do you and now i brought this story up for two reasons the first is and i swear this is true i've seen

some bizarrely sympathetic like hot takes on this woman around the internet that like run along the lines like well that's her faith so to her the betrayal is real to which uh we'd like to heartily answer bull fucking shit like if this chick was a dude who broke up with her girlfriend for for leaving her menstruation hut a day early we'd all be rightly united in calling her out for the emotionally abusive piece of shit that she is. But because the media doesn't want to call out church-funded propaganda machines like porn the new drug, which, by the way, is the thing that helps spread this woman's fucking blog in the first place, I have to turn on and read mainstream takes on this shit that read like, some people prefer chocolate and some people think porn shrinks your brain

and is worth canceling a wedding over. Look, of course, this heartless bitch is brainwashed by her religion. And as a result, she has all the sympathy I'd give a Catholic priest in Pennsylvania who thinks he's halfway between man and God. Yeah, and I'm sure this seems like a terrible thing for the dude at this moment, but if you're listening, bro, it could be a lot worse. She could have, for example,

not called off the wedding. But there's another reason I chose this story this week, and that's because Dalton's blog, I swear this is true, is called Chronically Beautiful Life because of, that's right, her chronic Lyme

disease. 100% real. 100%. So yeah. For the new listeners, chronic Lyme disease, that's not a thing. Nope. But that doesn't stop me from being able to fuck it away. And

in this case, film it. So Claire, call me. We kill two birds with one stone, get your marriage back together, make some good video, everyone wins. Well, I draft a preemptive email for new listeners explaining how that's a running joke that just sounds like a threat of sexual assault. We're going to close the headlines for the night.

Heath, Eli, thanks as always. Near twa. Close to us twa. We are close to the twa. And when we come back, the Bible will be here to suck. Hi there, listeners. I'm Eli Bosnick, and I'm here to tell you what I do in the bathroom every single morning. Eli.

Don't do that. What? No, that's the copy for Dollar Shave Club. It says to say what I do in the bathroom every single morning. Eli. Don't. What? No, that's the copy for Dollar Shave Club. It says to say what I do in the bathroom. Yeah, but we know what you do in the bathroom every morning. I feel like they're talking more about, you know, like shaving and stuff like normal people. Well, Keith, Dollar Shave Club is about a lot more than shaving. No matter what you do in the bathroom to get ready, Dollar Shave Club has everything you need to look, feel, and smell your best. They have amazing shower stuff, hairstyling products, toothbrushes, toothpaste, and of course, razors and shave supplies.

Oh, okay. I thought you were going to talk about something else that you did in the bathroom. I mean, I never said where I was putting the toothbrushes. Wow, okay. So I feel like they wanted us to talk about how smooth their amber and lavender body wash leaves your skin feeling, or how convenient their shave butter is, or how great your hair looks when you use their Boogie's Pacific Pomade. Hurtful. Didn't have to bring up the hair care products. Two votes on that. Look, everybody has their own way to get ready, but no matter what you're getting ready for, Dollar Shave Club has you covered. No matter what you're getting ready for?

I was talking to the audience, Eli, not you. Ah, gotcha. Okay. And right now, you can get ready with an amazing deal on any of their starter sets. I personally recommend the Daily Essentials starter set because I love the Amber Lavender Body Cleanser.

But you can't go wrong with any of them. That's right, Heath. Just head over to dollarshaveclub.com slash scathing to pick up your own dsc starter set for just five dollars after your starter set products ship at regular price and make sure you check out their new video too that's dollarshaveclub.com slash scathing dollarshaveclub.com slash scathing hey uh apropos nothing do either of you have a really narrow set of tongs? How narrow? I mean, not that narrow. You know, narrow. Good, good narrow.

As we journey ever deeper into the Bible's first section, questions like, did that story happen already? And why do they keep listing their kids come up quite a bit. But if the question that comes up for you is why there aren't funny voices, we've got you covered on this week's installment of Bible Peace Theater. And so it was that Sarah, wife, sister of Abraham... Half-sister. Uh, not better. Ahem.

Did die at the age of 127. Finally. Hear me, people of Heth. I am a stranger and a sojourner with you. Give me possession of a burying place with you that I may bury my dead out of my sight. Oh my God, Jesus, what is that? He's just swinging it

around. Ugh. If it is be your mind that I should bury my dead out of my sight, hear me and entreat for me to Ephron, the son of Zohar, that he might give me the cave of Machpelah,

which is in the end of his field. For as much money as it is worth, he shall give it to me for possession of a burying place among you. Hi. Hi. Sorry. Abraham, right? Yeah, dude, you can bury your wife

just wherever, wherever you want. Just please, please bury her. But if thou will give it, I pray thee, hear me. I will give thee money for the field. Oh, my God. I got it on my shirt. You got it on my shirt. Take it of me, and I will bury my dead there.

Great. Sure. Whatever. Just give us whatever you want and bury your wife. Literally anything you want if you just bury your wife now. Great. Cool. You guys have a dustpan?

Or like a bucket? Slit. I mean serve it. Serve it. Come to me. Hey. Put your hand under my thigh. I was, sorry, what?

It's a euphemism, put your hand under my balls. Okay, this can't possibly be in the Bible. No, no, we Googled it like six times. Did you? All right, okay. Oh, that's cold, that's cold. Yeah, sorry, I wasn't expecting to swear an oath on any balls today. What do you want me to swear on your balls?

Swear to me Isaac will not marry a Canaanite. Find him a nice pre-Jewish girl. Okay, you want me to swear on your balls not to let your son marry a Canaanite? Yep. This is actually worse than I thought. Sorry. God. God.

Um, I don't like to talk to the help. If you want to talk to maybe someone else and then they'll... Okay. Well, what if I told you I'm on a racist mission from my master whose instructions involved sexual harassment? So here's what you do, kid. Listen to me very carefully. There we go.

Go to the fountain with your camels. Not domesticated for another thousand years. And ask for water. Okay. The first woman who gives you water, boom. That's who you're looking for. So the first person who's kind to me, I'm going to kidnap and bring back to marry my master's son. Is that what you're saying? That's exactly it. You got it.

How is this book getting worse? Right? Yeah. Water! Anyone, please, can I have some water? Fuck off! Water, please, please. No! Excuse me, excuse me, can I have some water? Sir, ma'am, ma'am,

can I have some water? Sure, sure, here you go. Perfect, perfect. What's your name? Um, Rebecca. Okay, Rebecca, great. I have to bring you back to marry my master now. Um, are you a virgin? I'm sorry, what?

Uh, excuse me, sir, sir, is this your daughter? Why, yes it is. Yeah, you have to sell me your daughter. I have the most amazing story. You're not going to believe this. Hello. See, my master is Abraham, who is greatly blessed by God. I changed my mind.

You can't have your water. Fuck your pants. Yeah, don't interrupt. He had me grab his balls and swear he won't marry a Canaanite. Hello. Can anybody hear me? OK, so God tells me the first woman who gives you water, you have to bring her back to your master's son. So God damn it.

Yeah. So what do you say? Swap your daughter for like a bracelet, I guess. Of course. Great. If it's commanded by God, but maybe throw in some earrings. How has this book gotten worse? Right?

That's funny. I was just saying that before. Crazy. Definitely worse. Isaac, here. I brought your wife. Hi. Is he a Canaanite?

Nope. Double checked and everything. Okay. Definitely not. I feel better about my mom being dead now. Yeesh. You like Pokemon? Is that a sex thing?

Yes. My children, gather round. Yes, father? Yes, father? No, just Isaac. Oh, okay, cool. To you, Isaac, I leave everything. Awesome.

Okay, okay, but you have like half a dozen other kids, and we're all here. And to them, I give this lovely vase over here. Oh, a vase. Great. Now go away. Let me be alone with my son. Also, your son. Also.

Gonna have so much money for Pokemon now. Hate you. Dear God, please give my wife Rebecca children. She's playing Buzzwall Garbodor right now and it's fucking garbage. Oh God, I gotta tell ya, this pregnancy is a bitch. I feel like the babies are fighting inside me. Well, that's because you have two nations inside of you. Not because I started a fetus fight club inside your body.

Just because... because I didn't. Okay, now it seems like you did. Well, I didn't. Hmm. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the first ever FFF Fetus Fighting Federation! Get him! Tear his tiny little arms off! In this corner, he's red, he's hairy, he's oh so scary, he's...

EESAW! I'm gonna fuck a bitch up! Eli, what the hell are you doing? I'm doing Esau. That's Esau's voice. He's covered in red fur. It says right in the Bible. He's covered in red hair.

Okay, but that sounds remarkably similar to Elba. I have no idea what you are talking about, Noah. That is a voice I made up. Okay. And in this corner, the heel grabber with no jibber jabber, Jacob! Woo!

I'm just a guy. Just a normal guy. A guy is fine. You're tall. I hate you guys. You're a thing. And the boys grew, and Esau was a cunning hunter, a man of the field. And Jacob was a plain man dwelling in tents. What? Okay, that's a thing.

I have a tent. That's my thing. Tent guy. I'm tent guy. And Isaac loved Esau because he did eat of his venison. Atta boy, son. Thanks, son. But Rebecca loved Jacob.

That's it. Doesn't say why. You're a good kid. Did you see my tent? I did. Yeah, I live there. It's kind of my thing. Tent. Tent guy. I know you do.

It's mine. My tent. It is. Yup. Lou, Lou, Lou. Doing tent stuff. Tent stuff is my favorite stuff. Because I'm a tent guy. Woo! Long day hunting in the field. So hungry and thirsty. Hey, Jacob! Oh, hey, Esau. Can I have some pottage and water? Some pottage?

Yeah, it's lentil soup. Uh, sure. But, uh, but, uh, you gotta give me your birthright if I'm gonna give you the soup. I just want some lentil soup, man. Come on. Nope, nope. Gotta give me your birthright as a deal. Fine. You can have my birthright.

And, and, you gotta admit, I'm a complex person with a variety of interests right here. Name something about yourself that isn't your job or physical appearance. I... Just the birthright thing. Whatever. Deal.

And there was a famine in the land, so Isaac journeyed with his wife into the land of the Philistines, who again, wouldn't live there for another 800 years. Man, Rebecca, we sure have been walking a while, huh? How is this book already this repetitive and boring? You think this is bad? Here comes Abimelech. The king who your dad told your mom was his sister? Uh-huh. Hey, Abimelech. Hey, guys. How's it going?

Nothing. This is my sister. Nice. A little young, but I think I can dig it. Are you all fucking serious right now? Hey, real quick. This isn't your wife, right? Because I just went through a whole thing about this. Turned out super gross. Nope. Nope. Sister. I swear. Okay.

And it came to pass, when he had been there a long time, an Abimelech king of the Philistines looked out a window and saw, and behold, Isaac was sporting with Rebecca, his wife. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Carizard, baby. What? How are you even running a Carizard in your deck? I told you, I'm packet loading now. You're going to get destroyed in the meta.

Seriously? Oh, hey, Abameleth. Um, this is your wife? No, this is my sister. Dude, nobody's sister is gonna play a CCG with them. This is clearly your wife. Yeah. Sorry.

Okay, uh, new rule. Nobody touch these people. Because if you do, you might fuck one of them because they're fucking liars and get cursed by God twice in a goddamn row. Nobody touch them. Sorry. Sorry. Okay, feels like you guys should probably head out then. Okay.

Can we finish the game? No. No, you're packet loading. And the moment you play somebody who isn't married to you, they're going to eat your dick on toast like peanut butter. But at the Nationals last year. The Nationals last year were amateur hour. Get out of here. And it came to pass that when Isaac was old and his eyes were dim so that he could not see, he called Esau his eldest son. Esau. Yes, father? Go out and get me some of that sweet venison before I die, okay? You got it, father.

Lulu, Lulu. Doing tent stuff. Tent stuff's my favorite stuff. Jacob. Oh, hey. Hey, mom. What's up? Look, your father just asked your brother to bring him some venison so he can bless him.

You get in there and get the blessing instead. I don't know, Mom. Isn't that kind of tricky? Trust me, kid. You need all the help you can get. Yeah, but you saw I was all hairy and I'm, I want to say, well-groomed? Sure you are, kiddo. Here, take these goat skins and put them on your hands.

Ew, this is gross. Are you sure this is going to fool Dad? Yeah, pretty sure the guy who laid down on a rock for Grandpa to stab is going to fall for this one. Okay, no, that's a solid point. Who's there? Hey, Dad. It's me.

Esau. Esau, what happened to your voice? Head cold? Oh, those can be tough. I get it. Yeah, a tough head cold. Come here. Let me touch you, my boy.

I'm sorry. Yes, those are the hands I know so well. Hairy and a little bloody with movable skin. Blessing upon you, my son. I give you my one and only blessing, my son. I love you the best. You're the funny one. Cool, cool. Yeah, this is fun.

This is fun. Dad, Dad, I'm back with the venison. Shit, um... Hold on. I'm back with the venison. No, I just... What do you mean, back? The venison and my blessing. Well, then, who did I just give the blessing to?

Jacob! Oh, uh, my bad. Well, can't you just, like, give me another blessing? Fuck you. I already gave him my birthright for some lentils, and now I really... No, no, just... Just the one blessing, I'm afraid. Really?

Yep, really. You're going to live and die by the sword now and serve your brother forever. Sorry. I am going to kill that asshole. Lou, Lou, Lou doing blessed tent stuff. Blessed tent stuff is my favorite stuff. I'm the funny one. Hey, hon.

Hey, mom. Hey, you think of taking a trip to Laban, huh? Does that sound fun? Um, maybe. Yeah, yeah, your brother isn't super happy with you right now. I'm going to pull his asshole out of his mouth. Yeah, no, Laban sounds fun. Jacob.

Jacob, come to me. Yes, father? Just a second, is that really you? Yep. Good, because, you know, you just tricked me. Yeah, no, sorry. Sorry about that. Look, I have something very important to tell you. It's about marriage. You know that. Look, I have something very important to tell you.

It's about marriage. You know, your brother, he already has three wives. Yeah, no, I know, I know. I don't like the phone. I don't like phone calls. Doesn't exist yet. Listen, so don't marry a Canaanite. Marry your cousin instead.

No wonder the South likes this book. Ah, nice day of walking. Time for a nap. Jacob! Jacob! Jacob! Wake up! Oh, wow.

A ladder that goes all the way up to heaven. I need to know. Are you going to worship me? Because you're going to, like, worship me, right? Uh, are you going to feed me and clothe me and stuff? Sure. Then yeah, man. Uh, you're my God.

Great. Good. And a juice box. Cool. Juice box. You got it. Not grape. Grape is gross.

Got it. And with Jacob's religion solidified in the same way colleges instill school spirit in student athletes, we'll take a break, but we'll be back in a month with another installment of Bible Peace Theater. Before we retreat to our respective boroughs this week, I want to let you know that if you just can't get enough me in your life, be sure to check out the most recent episode of The Phil Ferguson Show. Phil and I chatted about podcasting, politics, and pedophiles, and you can find a link on this week's show notes. Anyway, that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight, but we'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister show, The Skeptocrat, debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Monday.

An even newer episode of our sister show's hot friend, Godawful Movies, debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Tuesday. And an even newer episode of sister show's hot friend Godawful Movies debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Tuesday. And an even newer episode of our half-sister show Citation Needed debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously, this wouldn't achieve full episodehood if I didn't thank the newly older Heath Enright for powering his way through one of those depressing late-30s birthdays to be with us this week. I need to thank the lovely and talented Lucinda Lusions for making her triumphant return this week.

I also want to thank the lovely in his own way Eli Bosnick for powering through one of those depressing fuck-now-I-have-to-move situations to be here. I also want to thank Jeannie in his own way Eli Bosnick for powering through one of those depressing fuck now I have to move situations to be here. I also want to thank Jeannie in Vermont for providing this week's Farnsworth quote and for what it's worth Puzzle in a Thunderstorm endorses her fuck a lot and have fewer kids message. But most of all of course I want to thank this week's most marvelous mammals Amy Boots and Cats, Boots and Cats, Sarah, Jeremy, Jimmy, the Good Crabs, Thomas, Robert, Nate, Christopher, Mike and Ryan of the Unholy Generations podcast, Neil, Jesse, Cheapskate, Shit Patron, Daniel, Jody, Ashley, and Alex Tomcool.

Amy, Boots and Cats and Boots and Cats, Sarah, Jeremy, Jimmy, and the Good Crabs, who are so hot the sun wears them screen. Thomas, Robert, Nate, Christopher, Mike, and Ryan of the Unholy Generations Podcast, and Neil, who could probably sue astronomy for proprietary use of the term astronomical unit, and Jesse, Cheapskate, Shit Patron, Daniel, Jody, Ashley, and Alex Tomcool, whose intellects give cosmic microwave background radiation vastness envy. Thank you. You can make a per-episode donation at patreon.com slash scathingatheist, whereby you'll earn only access to an extended ad-free version of every episode. Or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the Donate button on the right side of the homepage at scathingatheist.com. Legal services for this podcast are provided by the Law Offices of P.A. Andrew Torres, Tim Robertson handles our social media, and our audio engineer is Morgan Clark, who also wrote all the music that was used in this episode, which was used with permission.

If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at scathingatheist.com. What he's trying to say is happy birthday, Morgan. Happy birthday, Morgan. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a Thunderstorm LLC. Copyright 2018. All rights reserved.