The Scathing Atheist - 292: Visit From Aunt Flo Edition

Episode Date: September 20, 2018

In this week’s episode, Christians get a visit from Aunt Flo, the Texas School Board decides that area of a Texan circle is now equal to3r2, and the jews will live happily heifer after. To make ...a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click there: http://www.amazon.com/Diatribes-Godless-Misanthrope-Scathing-Presents-ebook/dp/B00J53FZFI/ref=sr11?ie=UTF8&qid=1396141562&sr=8-1 To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out out half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ Guest Links: You can see Noah and Eli on Godless Rockers here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCATtfyEo&feature=youtu.be You can check out the EXP Cast here: http://expcast.libsyn.com/ Headlines: Idiot Christians left to explain why their god killed so many people with Hurricane Florence: http://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/09/12/pat-robertson-thanks-god-that-hurricane-florence-will-hurt-other-people-not-him/ and http://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/09/13/pastor-rick-joyner-hurricane-florence-is-the-result-of-sin-not-climate-change/ and http://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/09/11/christian-prophetess-orders-hurricane-florence-to-not-do-destructive-things/ Texas plans to remove Hillary Clinton from history classes while keeping Moses: http://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/09/16/texas-plans-to-remove-hillary-clinton-from-history-classes-while-keeping-moses/ Toronto city councillor says church state separation is why kids kill each other: http://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/09/17/toronto-city-councillor-church-state-separation-is-why-kids-kill-each-other/ Steve Anderson thinks San Francisco has an atheist poo problem: http://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/09/16/christian-hate-pastor-san-francisco-has-a-poop-problem-because-people-hate-god/ Linda Harvey: Straight People Never Engage in Oral or Anal Sex http://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/09/15/linda-harvey-straight-people-never-engage-in-oral-or-anal-sex/ New religion thinks they’re aliens: http://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/09/10/believers-in-this-growing-religion-think-they-are-reincarnated-aliens/ Red cow is born in Israel: http://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/09/11/a-red-cow-was-born-in-israel-fulfilling-key-end-times-prophecy-for-jews/ This Week in Misogyny: MS Senate candidate: 99% of rape accusations are “absolutely fabricated” http://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/09/17/ms-gop-senate-candidate-99-of-rape-allegations-are-absolutely-fabricated/ Baptist leader body shames women, downplays “Me Too” movement: http://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/09/15/a-former-baptist-leader-is-still-body-shaming-women-and-downplaying-metoo/

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Warning, this episode contains all the words you probably said when you realized why Mario Kart was trending the other day. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by Stamps.com, 4 hymns, and by 65 women I didn't rape in high school. 65 women across 5 high schools who I didn't rape in high school. No reason, why do you ask? And now, The Scathing Atheist. Hey guys, this is Dan from EXPCast, and let me tell you ask? And now, the scathing atheist. Hey guys, this is Dan from EXPCast, and let me tell you, I've been through the elite for enough times to tell you that we did in fact evolve from filthy manky men. It's Thursday.
Starting point is 00:00:57 It's September 20th. And I'm a homeowner, baby. And the housing market just crashed. Damn it! I have no illusions. I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heath Enright. And from giving up New Jersey, Cincinnati Swing State,
Starting point is 00:01:12 and good husband Georgia, this is The Skating Atheist. On this week's episode, Christians get a visit from Flo. The Texas school board decides that the area of a Texan circle is now equal to 3R squared. And the Jews will live happily heifer after.
Starting point is 00:01:29 But first, the diatribe. If you're ever in need of a concrete example of how full of shit religious apologists are, just Google around and look for the simplest explanation you can find for the cosmological argument. Now, most apologists hold this one up as the best they've got. And once you parse through all the bullshit, here's what you're left with. Premise one, whatever begins to exist has a cause. Premise two, the universe began to exist. Conclusion, the universe has a cause. From there, the apologist waves their hand around a little bit to demonstrate that the cause of the universe has to be God because it can't have a beginning.
Starting point is 00:02:23 bit to demonstrate that the cause of the universe has to be God because it can't have a beginning, but we don't have to get into all that hocus pocus bullshit because the argument already fails in its first premise. Think about this category, whatever begins to exist. Right away, we're creating some bullshit distinction. Quick, name a thing that exists that doesn't begin to exist. And whether you chew on that one for a minute or a lifetime is not going to matter. There are precisely zero things that fit into that category unless, of course, I grant you that God exists and has no beginning. So we're opening up by drawing imaginary categories that can be summarized as all the things that exist
Starting point is 00:02:58 and the thing I'm trying to prove exists. It's a textbook example of begging the question. They've fashioned a category from whole cloth that doesn't correspond to any observable thing or phenomenon, and then they're opining on the characteristics of things in that category in advance of proving it exists, and then using those characteristics to prove that it exists. Now, the phrasing I use to present this comes from William Lane Craig's version. That's the Kalam cosmological argument, and he calls it that so that it doesn't seem like
Starting point is 00:03:30 he's just rebranding a nonsensical argument that's been around since Aristotle and almost certainly wasn't new when he presented it. This is just a new way of packaging Aquinas's argument from first cause, but since it emphasizes the whole begins to exist thing, it technically skirts around the most common rebuttal of this argument, i.e. that the first cause would have to have a cause. Well, God didn't begin to exist, you see, and therefore doesn't require the same logical justification as all the other possible things. In the world of logic, we call this special pleading. special pleading. So if you strip away all the pretension and deliberate obfuscation, the argument could be phrased as, if you exempt God from logical restrictions, God makes sense logically. Of course, as an apologist, you can't exactly phrase it like that because then even your dumbest audience member is going to recognize the circular nature
Starting point is 00:04:18 of your argument. So no apologist will ever present it as easily as it could be presented. And I have to emphasize this again. This is the best they have. That's not my assessment, by the way. That's what they will tell you. An argument that can only be made to sound logically coherent if you intentionally tack on a bunch of bonus fallacies. This is the first arrow in William Lane Craig's quiver, and he's generally considered to be the premier Christian apologist. Now, contrast that with science, right? Who are the best science communicators? Names like Carl Sagan, Brian Cox, Bill Nye, and Neil deGrasse Tyson probably pop into your head,
Starting point is 00:04:57 right? And what makes those guys the best science communicators? Their ability to make complicated concepts digestible. The simplicity of their statements is what sets them apart. Religious apologists, on the other hand, achieve notoriety from their ability to make simplistic arguments sound complicated. But again, don't take my word for it. Just watch Craig debate anybody. If he's debating a scientist, he roots all his argument in philosophy. If he's debating a philosopher, he roots all his arguments in science. His goal is to confuse his opponent or, barring that, confuse the audience. Right? Because when he finds himself pitted against somebody who understands both science
Starting point is 00:05:32 and philosophy as well as he does, his tactic is just to go so deep into the weeds that no one in the audience can tell what the fuck they're talking about anymore. And who else does this? What other professions are known for their ability to use complex and florid language to obfuscate? Politicians, lawyers, advertisers, con artists, basically people who lie for a living. Right. And if you've ever listened to the opening arguments podcast that Andrew does, you've probably said to yourself, huh, that legal concept is actually really easy to understand when you strip out the obscure Latin shit and all the backwards phrasing. And sure, you know, I mean, Andrew's better at that than most lawyers, but any of them could explain their shit in plain English, just like William Lane Craig could present his arguments without references to Boltzmann brains and Minkowski vacuums. Hell, it'd be way easier for him to present those arguments without resorting to thought experiments from obscure physicists.
Starting point is 00:06:22 And that's precisely how he would present them if his goal was to elucidate. But the goal of the apologist isn't to teach anybody, and it isn't to convince anybody. They're trying to toss out a bunch of smart words so that, A, people who agree with them can nod along confidently and say shit like, yeah, we got a bunch of fancy science words just like them atheists, and B, so people who are arguing against them can't immediately refute the argument as soon as they say it. Now, to be fair, there are plenty of scientific concepts that are too complicated to sum up in readily accessible language, so it would be fair to grant that theological concepts could suffer from the same problem, right? I mean, as near as I can tell,
Starting point is 00:06:58 there's no way to present the concept of, like, quantum chromodynamics in plain sixth grade reading level English, but at least simplicity is the goal. Each successive teacher tries to find a more accessible analogy, and when they find one that works, they stick with it. The Kalam cosmological argument was first formulated in the 11th century,
Starting point is 00:07:16 and Craig's main contribution was to make it more confusing, right? That is something you only do if you're full of shit, you know you're full of shit you know you're full of shit and you want to remain full of shit they're talking about you jesus joining me for headlines tonight are the ray and vagman to my egon heath endwright and eli bosnick fellas are you ready to bust some ghosts yeah okay. Okay. But why can't I be Winston?
Starting point is 00:07:46 I mean, did the Texas Board of Education make you leave out Winston? Is this about the time I fucked that ooze? Because that was private. Well, it was private until now. And for the record, I'm not racist. It's just that Winston would believe anything if there was a steady paycheck in it. And I didn't want to give Eli that option. So while we cross some streams, we're going to take a quick moment for a word from this week's first sponsor stamps.com dear atheist dude one
Starting point is 00:08:12 sorry for the late delivery of your patreon reward but you will find in this package hey eli what you what you doing there man oh hey noah just finally getting caught up on some of the patreon rewards that we owe people out there this move has set me a little bit behind well wait if if you move them what am i doing here right so this sketch exists in the universe where i have a house and in the universe where we all live together it's both of them oh gotcha so how far behind are you is this is this a package for lawrence krauss yeah Yeah, it's been a while. I fell pretty far behind. But don't worry, I'm going to use stamps.com.
Starting point is 00:08:49 What's stamps.com? Stamps.com lets you access all the amazing services of the post office right from your desk 24-7 when it's convenient for you. Wait, how does that help us send merch? Also, is this a fan letter to Kevin Spacey? Yeah, do not send that, please. And with stamps.com, you can buy and print official U.S. postage for any letter, any package using your own computer and printer. So if we owe someone a book, I just click their handy preset and send it out in seconds.
Starting point is 00:09:19 I can even order envelopes, mailers, and more right from their website. Wow, that sounds way cheaper than renting a postage meter it is and right now you can use scathing for a special offer that includes up to 55 in free postage a digital scale and a four-week trial don't wait go to stamps.com before you do anything else click on the radio microphone at the top of the home page and type in scathing that's stamps.com enter scathing okay eli looks like uh the patrons are gonna be all set even what's this orenthal james simpson how old is this oh that's a new one he's he's a he's a big fan oh and and technically innocent thank you
Starting point is 00:10:00 stamps.com and now back to the headlines. In our lead story tonight, Hurricane Florence provided six times 10 to the 23rd reminder of the problem of evil so far this year, forcing evangelical Christians to once again cope with the fact that the most Christian part of the country is also the most hurricane prone. they provided atheists with six times 10 to the 23rd reminder this year that the one omission to his omnipotence seems to be the ability to make his own excuses for indiscriminately murdering babies and elderly people. And his dick looks like Toad from Mario Kart. So there's that. Oh, no, you're still talking about God. Never mind. That is. We'll get back to it.
Starting point is 00:10:39 We don't know God's dick doesn't look like Toad from Mario Kart. And we should assume that it probably does. No, God's dick doesn't look like Toad from Mario Kart. And we should assume that it probably does. Now, as of the time of this recording, the death toll from Hurricane Florence stands at 37, or translated into Trump math, negative 2,876. But the excuse-making began even before the hurricane made landfall when self-proclaimed prophetess and out-of-work troll doll Kat Kerr took authority over the then-Tropical Depression
Starting point is 00:11:07 and commanded it not to do anything destructive. In the mistaken belief that Don Quixote's error was fucking around with the middleman, she literally tilted at wind, commanding, quote, you rise, millibars, you dissipate that storm, end quote i love cat curry yeah she tried the same strategy a couple months ago with a different storm and the uh physical things called millibars
Starting point is 00:11:35 that she was shooting into the clouds didn't work that time either uh feels like she just needs to get some just just, just full ones. Seems like each one would be way more powerful, you know what I mean? Cat's listening. She's writing it down. Got it. Visit one million bars. Check.
Starting point is 00:11:53 Done. But Kerr wasn't the only evangelical atmo-kinetic on the job in the lead up to this storm. Host of the 700 Club and sapient plastic bag in a mud puddle, Pat Robertson, also flexed his weather control powers not to dissipate the storm, but to make sure it hit people that weren't him. On last Wednesday's episode of the 700 Club, he invoked a shield of protection to redirect the hurricane so that it wouldn't hit his home in Virginia. Fuck you! Right? Yeah, and when the model showed the hurricane moving south, he declared victory and urged the people in Carolina and the Carolinas to pray better, which clearly they didn't, I guess. Turns back towards Virginia.
Starting point is 00:12:34 Pat Robertson comes out the next day for a show. Okay, cut it out. We're doing prayers. You guys got thoughts. We said we had prayers. You had thoughts. Prayer battle. Oh, you got served by the Lord.
Starting point is 00:12:48 Of course, evangelical chest thumping didn't stop when the people started to die. South Carolina pastor and man whose Funko Pop figure would be an exact likeness, Rick Joyner. Oh my God, it would. Right? Anyway, so he chimed in to put the blame where it really belonged. Responding to a recent editorial in the washington post that pointed to the complicity of climate change deniers and the deaths attributed to the storm joiner took to the youtubes to clear a few things up he dismissed the
Starting point is 00:13:14 op-ed saying quote more than dumping too much co2 into the air or anything else the scripture makes it clear what's causing these things it is sin end quote and which sin pray tell why abortion of course of course yeah after all when's the last time you heard about a tropical cyclone hitting haiti jamaica guatemala el salvador honduras the dominican republic or nicaragua other than 2017 2016 2015 2014 2013 and 2012. It was 2011. Exactly. Exactly. Just Pat Robertson laying out a trail of aborted fetuses that curves toward the Carolinas.
Starting point is 00:13:54 These here are my young state fetuses too. So you know they're getting good ones. And in electoral college dropout news, the twitchy Christians with severe ADHD known as the Texas government got bored of education again. And that's why the Texas Board of Education announced last week that they're going to be removing the existence of Hillary Clinton from their entire public school social studies curriculum. What the fuck is wrong with those people? So they're going to say supreme leader trump lost the popular vote to nobody i mean don't get me wrong the way the elections are going he could run
Starting point is 00:14:32 unopposed in 2020 and he'd still lose but it seems hard to write around you know apparently maga is trying to take us back to the halcyon days of 1984. Yeah, so apparently whitewashing history wasn't enough for them. Now they're redwashing history too, and manwashing it. So you might be asking yourself, uh, what the fuck?
Starting point is 00:14:58 Well, great question. Turns out the fuck is all thanks to the curriculum work groups they use in Texas, which make recommendations to the Board of Education. to the curriculum work groups they use in texas which make recommendations to the board of education you may remember these groups from still not getting inherit the wind almost a century later when they tried to get intelligent design built into science class and uh this hillary clinton removal is part of their latest round of theocracy meetings they also recommended dropping helen keller from the curriculum too whatever the fuck that means and of course barry goldwater
Starting point is 00:15:32 because can't have kids learning about conservatives who are pro-choice and pro-environment and have a jew dad that's not not happening. Unless it's Jesus. Yeah, right, right. But fucking Helen Kettler. We ain't got but one miracle worker here in Texas, damn it. How could she have founded the ACLU if she couldn't have seen it?
Starting point is 00:15:56 Something ain't right about that, Chad. She had to have been reaching around and shit. I saw the play. My son was there. It wouldn't be spelled ACLU. It'd be spelled with dots or some shit. Exactly. Month, month, month. Let's see what else are they doing in a high school level U.S. government class.
Starting point is 00:16:13 Teachers will once again be required to use the phrase Judeo-Christian, especially biblical law when describing the founding of America. That's going back in. in and again that includes a requirement that moses be mentioned by name and just to spite me personally moses is actually going to be replacing thomas hobbs in that section like like directly because those guys have very different leviathans to worry about i feel like it's going to be confusing. Thomas Hobbes could open the doors on his face. But to be fair, they don't want Texas kids growing up predisposed to a negative view of lives that are nasty, brutish, and short. So I guess, why? Now, just to be clear, none of this means that it's illegal to mention Hillary Clinton in history class.
Starting point is 00:17:02 Curses. But again, these are public school teachers in history class. Curses. But again these are public school teachers. In fucking Texas. So without any requirements. If Hillary comes up at all. Kids are going to learn about like. Escaping underground pedophile tunnels. Before they learn about escaping glass ceilings.
Starting point is 00:17:17 But for the most part. It's just going to be. Donald Trump defeated a blur in a pantsuit. By negative 3 million votes okay no questions class is over no questions here's your high school diploma and in have you driven a ford crazy news tonight toronto city counselor and butch to doug ford's sundance giorgio who looks like tom arnold just needs a week to stay on your couch and get his shit together. I mean, Tom Arnold also looks like Tom Arnold just needs a week to stay on your couch and get his shit together.
Starting point is 00:17:52 He does. That's fair. Well, the city councilor took to Facebook this week to encourage the devil to stop making children kill each other and to beg his constituents to only vote for politicians who believe in god yeah yeah canada needs to get that number of openly atheist politicians down from the current zero jesus christ like correct me if i'm wrong canada but right now you have the same number of atheist politicians as you have gods right that i guess that looks suspicious on the paperwork. Yeah. So here's the post that he put on Facebook. Quote, enough of the attack on Christians and all other faiths. Not better. Not better.
Starting point is 00:18:34 I encourage every voter in the city of Toronto to ask their candidate whether they believe in a God and to support those candidates who do over those who do not. I'm glad he clarified which team he was on there we need to bring religious values back into politics because their lack is the reason our children are killing each other religion and politics do mix let's drive the devil out of toronto that's so canadian to offer him a ride, right? Sorry, sorry to bother you folks. Just want to pour some milk over your head real quick. Great, great.
Starting point is 00:19:11 Oh, you don't want? Okay, okay. Now, to be fair to this guy, he does put his money where his mouth is. His campaign is biblical, by which I mean his platform is literally if I'm elected, I will knock down brown people's houses. Yes, yes.
Starting point is 00:19:24 All right. So he's got this ad where he's standing outside a housing project that's overwhelmingly black. And it says saving our community begins with knocking down social housing. You deserve better. But but his platform doesn't include building them new housing. Yep. Right. So when he says you deserve better, he's not talking to the people relegated to public
Starting point is 00:19:44 housing that shitty. He doesn't want that. He wants whiter neighbors. Right? So when he says you deserve better, he's not talking to the people relegated to public housing that's shitty. He doesn't want that. He wants whiter neighbors. Right? Or he's just planning on whacking black people with that hammer. And honestly, honestly, I'm not willing to lay a nickel down on which he's going for there. Yeah. Oh, wow.
Starting point is 00:20:00 Okay. Yeah. A lot of stories start with size this week. Wow. Okay. Yeah, a lot of stories start with size this week, right? And in what would Jesus do snooze, Christian hate pastor Steve Anderson spent another hour trying to balance his dad's grown-up jacket on his tiny little baby shoulders last week while he gave a sermon in Carl, West Virginia about how shitty it is to live in San Francisco, California. And he meant that literally, apparently there's an actual problem in San Francisco right now with feces
Starting point is 00:20:31 just coiling up everywhere. And according to Anderson, it's an atheism based shit apocalypse. All right. Atheist. There's a place and a time for that. It's Oxford, Alabama at any time.
Starting point is 00:20:44 I thought we made that clear oh now the song's in my head again i'm gonna end up drilling that thing out like the end of pie apparently steve anderson was on his way to visit one of the only places that lets him inside their borders anymore west virginia and he was singing country roads way too loud like an asshole and reading the news, which is already way more than I expected out of him, the reading the news part. And when he read about the problem with the large homeless population in San Francisco having nowhere to shit, this turned into the perfect source material for a speech about
Starting point is 00:21:21 following the word of God, but not the words about helping poor people. Instead, he put together a sermon about how when you turn godless, you cover yourself in shit. Basically, the same hateful message that Eli wrote into that Bible Peace Theater segment about Coppelia in Sodom and Gomorrah. And it took a very thoughtful email from my very good friend Mark to make Eli realize he's a bigot. And then Eli wrote a whole rant in the feedback trying to pull apart little details from Mark's email to distract from the general idea that Eli's a giant homophobe. No, he's trying to distract from his racism with my homophobia.
Starting point is 00:21:57 He's doing it. You said. Anyway, so getting back to Steve Anderson, here's how he connected those dots from basic epistemology to smearing oneself in poo. Quote, isn't it interesting that when a city is wicked and turns away from God that they're covered in filth, literal filth? Is it, though, interesting? Is that the word? Isn't it interesting that steve anderson finds that interesting yes anyway continuing and isn't it interesting uh again yeah that the same
Starting point is 00:22:35 people who can't figure out the difference between male and female what uh they also can't tell the difference between clean and unclean and they turned their beautiful city into one large outdoor toilet because they hate god's word they hate god's laws end quote says the guy who venerates ezekiel the biblical poop eater sorry i just love the fact that steve anderson speaks like someone who's about to block you on Twitter because they sent in an incorrect correction. Bourbon is only, you know, I find it interesting. Yeah, so he's like, well, actually the person. Yes, absolutely.
Starting point is 00:23:17 So just to recap, Steve Anderson thinks it goes like this. You become atheist. Then you apparently immediately become gay and trans at which point the word gender becomes wildly confusing to you like maddeningly confusing and you go crazy and then you just start shitting everywhere also he's very interested in the intellectual process by which one begins to shit everywhere. It's very interesting. And the fact that that describes my atheism journey is irrelevant.
Starting point is 00:23:52 It's irrelevant. I am one man. All right. Well, while we re-up on adult diapers for Eli, we're going to take a quick break and hand things over to my lovely wife, Lucinda. But first, a word from our second sponsor this week, 4Hems. Lucinda, but first, a word from our second sponsor this week, 4Hims. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome once again to the 2018 hairline backwards race. And it's a beautiful day for it, isn't it, Mitch?
Starting point is 00:24:12 Indeed it is, Clyde. After all, 66% of men lose their hair by age 35. And they're off. Dave Studenbecker's hairline gets a great lead thanks to genetics. Not a hair in the family after age 50, Clyde. Is that so? Well, looks like Dave will be looking like Wallace Shawn before he's 40, Mitch. You said it, Clyde. Oh, but what's this? Dave's gone to 4hims.com. Banana oil. What's 4hims.com? Well,
Starting point is 00:24:35 golly, Clyde. It's only a one-stop shop for hair loss, skin care, and sexual wellness for men. Oh, this does not look good for a hairline that's looking to recede, Mitch. You said a mouthful, Clyde. 4HIMS connects you with real doctors and medical grade solutions to treat hair loss. All Dave had to do was answer a few quick questions, then his doctor reviewed it and prescribed what he needed. And products are shipped directly to your door.
Starting point is 00:24:57 But surely Dave didn't have the kooka-mahoola for that kind of wanker-woozle. Well, if you order now, our listeners get a free trial month for just $5 while supplies last. See website for full details. But that would cost hundreds if you went to the doctor or pharmacy. Like a needle through a hen pipe, Clyde. Go to forhims.com slash scathing.
Starting point is 00:25:15 That's F-O-R-H-I-M-S dot com slash scathing. Forhims.com slash scathing. Tick, tick, the number 47 guacamole oil, Mitch. Uh, I don't think that's an old-timey expression. Yeah, the last, like, four or not. There was a few in a row. I ran out. Right.
Starting point is 00:25:33 ForHems.com. The better way to keep your hair. A man wrote the Bible. A horse was smart. If it's a legitimate race. If it's a slut, right? Cooking can be fun. Hey! I'm proud of a man this week in massage but here's what i remember of the anita hill hearings i was about 13 years old at the time
Starting point is 00:25:56 so i was just starting to learn what it was to be sexually harassed so i remember thinking to myself for just the briefest of moments hey hey, when guys mistreat you like this, there actually is something you can do about it. And then I saw how it played out and I thought to myself, okay, never mind. And it wasn't just because Clarence Thomas was confirmed. It was also because the culture told me that Anita Hill was the bad guy in that situation. The worst of the national media dubbed her a little bit nutty and a little bit slutty. Saturday Night Live ran a bit where Chris Rock said he could have picked a much better looking woman to blow his career on. And the audience cheered him for that.
Starting point is 00:26:36 And sure, our society has moved a bit since then. If they get Kavanaugh's accuser in front of the Judiciary Committee, I doubt anybody's going to call her a liar or a slut to her face. But as I demonstrate weekly, we haven't moved far enough. Because as confident as I am they treat her better than they treated Anita Hill, I don't doubt that they'll still confirm him anyway. And as if he wanted to make sure I had a good way of locking down that point today, Mississippi Senate candidate Chris McDaniel provided a perfect exemplification of the problem when he appeared on Brian Fisher's radio show. Now, appearing on B. fisher's radio show now appearing
Starting point is 00:27:05 on b fish's radio show should be disqualifying all by itself but while he was on he addressed allegations against kavanaugh by saying of rape and sexual assault allegations quote 99 of the time they are just absolutely fabricated end quote that's right the guy who's probably going to be a senator told his audience that he's pretty sure only one out of 100 women who report sexual assault are telling the truth. Because even if our society has moved forward a bit, the people in charge, by and large, haven't. And even if we've gotten rid of Harvey Weinstein and Les Moonves, we haven't gotten rid of Mississippi Senate seats. invest we haven't gotten rid of mississippi senate seats and it's not just the political leaders of course you guys remember page patterson right the former head of the southern baptist convention that got ousted from the group after video surfaced of him telling abused women to
Starting point is 00:27:53 stay with their husbands and urging rape victims not to go to the police well sure he may have been removed from the leadership of the sbc but apparently aiding and abetting rapists and not just a single rapist, but rapists in general, wasn't enough to disqualify him from moral leadership in the minds of an awful lot of Christians. So he was invited to deliver a couple of sermons at a revival in Alabama last week. And it looks like he hasn't learned his lesson either, because among the topics he preached about was the Me Too movement.
Starting point is 00:28:22 And yes, he did admit that rape is bad, but he glossed over that really quickly so that he could spend the bulk of his time talking about the real danger in terms of sexual assault, which is, in his mind, men being falsely accused. And don't get me wrong, I'm sure that that does happen, and it's pretty fucking horrible. But as near as we can tell from actual data that number is lower than two percent the number of sexual assault allegations that go unreported are probably significantly higher than two-thirds so for every false allegation of sexual assault there are a hundred that go unreported altogether and by putting the emphasis on the much smaller problem he's also sending a message to christian
Starting point is 00:29:01 women that if they come forward with an allegation, the main concern of their community will be making sure that she isn't a lying slut. And this is all the worse since there's no Me Too equivalent of Paige Patterson. There are no women out there championing a woman's right to falsely accuse men of sexual harassment, and there are no institutions trying to insulate them when they do. So yeah, we've moved, and we'll find out just how far we've moved next week. But spoiler alert, I can already tell you that it isn't far enough. And with that, I'll hand things back over to Noah, Heath, and Eli. Thank you, Lucinda. And in oral compass news tonight, thanks to Linda Harvey, I learned this week that not only am I an LGBTQ ally, I'm also a member.
Starting point is 00:29:45 Oh, you get to say so many slurs now. That's not the point, Eli. I get to fuck guys now is the point. Now, you might remember Harvey for crediting a Ouija board with keeping her from being a lesbian or for coming out against anti-bullying campaigns for not carving out exceptions for people that bully the gay out of kids, or for saying that Disney's first gay character was unrealistic because he wasn't molested first. But apparently she wasn't done sharing her thoughtlets on homosexuality because this week she explained in a recent blog post that straight people would never have oral or anal sex yeah and it's not fair because mouths
Starting point is 00:30:27 and butts seem like they'd be great holes being straight is the worst right now i'm gonna make linda harvey make me a blowjob cake right that's the logical all right so she starts the blog off by accusing uc santa barbara of quote promoting sexual pleasure for children ages four to seven, end quote, which she justifies with a hyperlink to an article that points out that sometimes prepubescent kids play with their junk. That's apparently promoting. She then goes on to lament the rise in cases of STDs among American youths reported by the CDC without pointing out that they blame it on insufficient access to contraception and a rise in antibiotic resistant gonorrhea but that's a mere appetizer for her main point which is that quote the gay community and she puts gay in the scariest of scare quotes explodes over any attempt to restrict homosexual
Starting point is 00:31:17 access to youth end quote yeah those log cabin catholics are up in arms about their dwindling cemetery phones. Good point. Yeah, just to be clear here, that translates to gay people get all pissy when you call them pedophiles. No, actually, it translates to gay people get all pissy when you deny them the ability to be pedophiles. So after she gets done mistaking the LGBTQ community for the Catholic Church, she goes on to bemoan the, quote, deadly contribution of the LGBTQ advocates, end quote, who insist that sex ed focuses on pleasure instead of diseases and already chewed bubble gum. lessons that outline in detail how kids can engage in anal and oral sex the sex practices of homosexuals end quote which means that a i'm gay and b lesbians who don't do butt stuff aren't two votes earn it all right well uh in order to avoid all the linda harvey's of the future i think we need comprehensive sex ed that literally shows you on the doll how it works.
Starting point is 00:32:29 Like, literally shows you. Like, see all the permutations of holes? You can go here, and then it's a boy with a girl. They're doing it now, too. That's pegging right there. You can see a lot of combos. Really, it's a math class. It's fuck math and fuck geometry.
Starting point is 00:32:44 I think that should be common core. And this is why we're an audio medium. Honestly, I could have used a which hole the dick goes into class way more than, you know, X equals negative B plus or minus square root C squared over 4AC all over 2A. You know what I'm saying? I haven't used that last one. But I should say, it's not all bad. By the end of it, she does throw gay people a bone by admitting that, quote,
Starting point is 00:33:06 outright molestation isn't always the outcome of LGBTQ propaganda. Good to know. Good to know. Just to make sure nobody mistakes that for a brief glimmer of humanity, she adds that, quote, mental and moral corruption is, end quote, mic drop. Also, I think you might have got the quadratic formula wrong. No. X equals negative B plus or minus square root C squared over 4AC all over 2A.
Starting point is 00:33:37 Okay. I think you might have got the quadratic formula wrong. You've never been so owned. Is that what you mean to say? Because there was a song. You wrote C-squared over 4AC all over 2A, which is not correct. C-squared something 4AC. C-squared something 4AC.
Starting point is 00:33:59 All over edit. And in... I was so confident. And in no intelligent life news tonight. Ah, new religions. They represent so many things to us here on the Scathing Atheist. Job security. A chance to talk about anything
Starting point is 00:34:17 except the three goddamn holy books and their followers over and over again. You know, the good stuff. Well, move over the artist formerly known as mormons step aside scientologists because there's a new brand of crazy in town known as the sunrise valley yeah we need more of this seriously like where's where's the joe smith of 2018 i want the joe the white house never mind sorry right Okay. So here's the skinny. Started by a Brazilian truck driver known as Aunt Nevia in 1959, Stardew Valley borrows from a variety of different faiths, but their central tenant is that extraterrestrial beings
Starting point is 00:34:55 landed on Earth 32,000 years ago to advance human civilizations. Huh. Okay. So they rent their middle unit, I guess, to some aliens. That's a weird detail, but what's their central tenant? The beings then return to Earth through successive incarnations across various cultures and eras. Valley members, known as mediums, believe themselves to be the beings' latest incarnation, the Jaguars. Oh, suddenly everybody's hopping on the fucking bandwagon.
Starting point is 00:35:27 Oh, no. Just because the CBS and Sports Illustrated power rankings have them at number one? Just because they have a one-game advantage on their division? They've only allowed one sack in two games, and they started the season by beating the teams that won six in the last 15 Super Bowls. Sorry. Sorry, we only get to be proud once every 20
Starting point is 00:35:42 years or so. I'm taking advantage. J-A-G-U-A-R-S. Jaguars, Jaguars. Yes, yes, yes. J-A-G-U-A-R-S. Jaguars, Jaguars. Yes, yes, yes. Nailed it.
Starting point is 00:35:52 He's got it. He's got it. Suck it. So much practice. It's way better than being a giant this year, man. Way boring. I heard it for the first time just now. All right.
Starting point is 00:36:02 So you're probably wondering, how many followers does this wacky little upstart of a faith have? Eight hundred thousand. Oh, Jesus Christ. That's right. What? Eight hundred thousand people are part of a religion that sounds like a raisin scented dishwasher detergent. Making it one of the fastest growing religions in Brazil.
Starting point is 00:36:23 One of? Yeah, one of. So listen, starkest hallway. Take it from a pro, genocide. It does not matter who, just start genociding. I promise your religion's going big places. Yeah, and barring that, try to get genocided. Those are really the only two ways to make it as a religion.
Starting point is 00:36:43 One side or the other of that genocide. And finally tonight, the son of God might finally be able to return to Earth and do his big apocalypse thing thanks to a red heifer that was born last month in Israel.
Starting point is 00:36:59 Apparently the lack of a very specific red cow is the reason for the big holdup this whole time. Huh. Or maybe there's a sick person in the train ahead of him. Regardless, thanks to the biblical prophecy about this cow, there's a bunch of scientists in Israel spending absurd amounts of time and money trying to cheat God and genetically engineer the perfect red heifer that they need to fire up the apocalypse and they might have finally done it i love how these people think god was waiting on the fucking crisper to bring his sword mouth son back right no at least they're not trying to genetically engineer a sword mouth
Starting point is 00:37:39 jesus i just okay why not just hold red hold red sticks in front of regular cows when they fuck, right? I mean, look, if that doesn't work, your book is already bullshit, right? You can't have one without the other. Yeah, so here's a little background if you're not familiar with this particular piece of insanity. According to some very serious Jewish people and also some very serious completed Jews who leveled up to Christianity, there's going to be one more rebuild on that temple in Jerusalem before the end times can get going. And you can't do magic in the rebuilt temple without getting clean from the impurity of dead bodies first. impurity of dead bodies first and you can't get clean from the impurity of dead bodies without rolling around in the burnt remains of a recently murdered all red cow obvious yeah actually at first they thought it was a translation error and they were trying to breed well-read cows but they all killed themselves before they finished plaits No, I get it. So they went with the color. I get it. Common name.
Starting point is 00:38:47 It's so fun. This originally comes from the Book of Numbers, where it says the magical cleaning spell requires the slaughter of a red heifer with no blemishes that was never yoked and never did any work. But then a bunch of rabbis, I guess, decided to argue about it and make the rules way more complicated. And now, according to the cow section that they have in the official rabbinic oral law, it has a cow section. According to that, there's like this whole process now. First of all, red with no blemishes means the presence of two off-color hairs means the cow doesn't count and if any of
Starting point is 00:39:27 the hairs aren't perfectly straight that means the cow got yoked at some point and that's also a deal breaker and of course the water you use in the ritual has to come from a natural spring and be carried by children who were specifically birthed and raised in a quarantine cave to make sure they don't uh fuck a corpse during preschool and ruin the spell i guess so it's lots of moving parts and lots of temper tantrums when this latest cow is gonna have a split end and they're gonna be all pissed and they're gonna be losing i mean how big an issue has it ever been that a preschooler not fuck a corpse are you are you curious are you looking to start a support group eli i mean it can be both it could be yeah yeah so this whole thing is obviously
Starting point is 00:40:16 fucking stupid but even if you believe in every word of the bible i feel like it's time to take the hint this is clearly jesus not wanting to take the hint. This is clearly Jesus not wanting to come back to the planet that tortured him to death. And he's just being like, yeah, no, no, yeah, yeah, no, that's fine. I'll come back. I'll come back when you show me
Starting point is 00:40:37 an all red cow. Like, two black hairs is no good, just to be clear. Yeah, got it right here. All red cow. You didn't. Let me finish. Let me finish. An all red cow with hairs that all go in a perfect, perfect line. Yep, we have it right here.
Starting point is 00:40:53 And stop interrupting. And that never moved any mass across any units of distance ever. That's literally impossible. Christian people, Jewish people, get the net. He's just not that into you. Or stab Jesus in the shoulder. Call forward. Cross shows.
Starting point is 00:41:14 Nailing it. He brings it. They bring in the half where he's like, and now we want you to cut down the tallest tree in the forest. Yeah. Alright. And while I explain to Eli once again that our listeners aren't tralfamadorians, we're going to wrap the headlines for the night. Heath, Eli, thanks as always.
Starting point is 00:41:30 I'll text you back if you bring me a perfect red cow. And when we come back, Morgan will have to do sound effects again. You know, when someone hears I'm an atheist anywhere in the world except Georgia, they usually like to bridge the divide by telling me something along the lines of, oh, yeah, but the Bible is just a book of good stories. To which I reply, you mean like the story of Jacob hate fucking the wrong sister no matter how many kids she bears him? And that usually shuts him right up.
Starting point is 00:42:02 But damned if we're going to leave you out of the fun, so we're pleased to once again bring you... Bible Peace Theater. Last time on Bible Peace Theater. My son, you've stolen your brother's birthright, fair and square. Now go, marry your niece, because if this shit gets any more incest-y, God's going to curse a couple generations with one eye, if you know what I mean.
Starting point is 00:42:27 I mean, are we against the one eye thing? Yeah. Lou, Lou, Lou, walking through the desert. And so I said to him, you fucked the sheep, you bought it. I mean, obviously. Hey, hey, um, are you guys my cousins or something yeah laban nice to meet you cool cool uh you have a daughter yeah i got like three of them why uh which one's that one uh rachel hi cool um dibs okay but you gotta work for it. Uh, okay.
Starting point is 00:43:05 Okay. I want to say, like, what do I do? Slave for seven years? Does that work? Deal. Great. I hate this book. And Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and when his service was over, Laban gathered together all the men of the place and made a feast, and it came to pass that in the evening
Starting point is 00:43:22 he took Leah, his other daughter, and brought brought her to Jacob and he went in unto her. Morning Rachel. Good morning. Wait a second you aren't Rachel. Nope Leah. What? I served seven years for Rachel what is happening? Okay hurtful well look I'm Leah and you've just come on to me, so... Okay, well, that's what the book says, so you're stuck with me. Okay, okay, uh, wow. Alright, so, like,
Starting point is 00:43:56 uh, what are you into? Gilmore Girls? I'm out. Laban. Hey, there's the groom, so, uh, how was the coming on to my daughter seriously i'm gonna throw up again yeah that's what the book says okay dude what's the deal i served uh the seven years for rachel and you gave me the wrong daughter and she won't stop talking to me about a bad alcoholic mom and her obnoxious daughter i don't even know what's happening right
Starting point is 00:44:22 like who is supposed to be likable on that show? I mean, well, Melissa McCarthy is amazing, right? Well, yeah, no, she blows everybody else out of the water. She really does. She really does. So talented. Anyway, what gives? What's going on?
Starting point is 00:44:35 Come on, we had a deal. I had to get rid of the younger one first, but I'll tell you what, serve me another seven years and boom, Rachel is yours. Oh, goody. Fuck, where did you come from? I've been standing here the whole time, and I like Gilmore Girls.
Starting point is 00:44:50 You just don't like it because the women are funny and the men are sex objects. What? What? No. Name a female comedian. Nanette? Yeah, thought so. And so Jacob served another seven years, and Laban gave unto him his daughter Rachel.
Starting point is 00:45:08 And when the Lord saw that Leah was hated, he opened her womb, but Rachel was barren. Hey, Leah, what's the matter? Oh, hey God, it's Jacob. He likes stupid Rachel more than me, even though I've born him four sons. Wow, really? That's super mean of him. I know, it's like, we're total Luke and Rory situation.
Starting point is 00:45:33 It's like, will we, won't we? Well, maybe it's more of like a Jesse situation because I feel like he's growing on me, but maybe he's my Logan, you know? Oh my God, why did I promise not to drown the earth again? Yo, Jacob. Oh, hey Rachel, you're my favorite my God, why did I promise not to drown the earth again? Yo, Jacob. Oh, hey, Rachel. You're my favorite wife.
Starting point is 00:45:48 What's up? Yeah, gee, that's great. What's the deal? Where are my kids at? I don't know. You're the one who's all not pregnant. Where are they? Well, I want some kids.
Starting point is 00:46:00 Okay, okay. Well, my grandpa had this great trick that he used so help me get pregnant uh no uh no it's where i fuck your maid how does that help me have kids oh you get to name name it you name the kid fine and so jacob came under rachel's Fine. And so Jacob came unto Rachel's, I mean, handmaid, and she bore him a son, which Rachel called Dan. And so it was that there was a fucking guy named Dan in the Bible. Son of Jacob, sire of Isaac, Dan. Fucking Ishtar and Abraham leaning us down to goddamn Dan,
Starting point is 00:46:40 who, I don't know, sold life insurance and played golf on the weekends. Dan? I fucking hate this book. Okay, so you get Jacob on Tuesdays. No, no, no. My handmaid gets him on Tuesdays. Hey, ladies. What are you talking about?
Starting point is 00:46:56 Okay, well, how's Thursday? I thought your handmaid had him on Thursdays. Oh, yeah, right. Guys, guys. Okay, tell you what. Three mandrakes and you can have him every other Sunday. Okay, two mandrakes. Excuse me.
Starting point is 00:47:13 Excuse me. God damn it, Jacob. Will you stop interrupting? I'm negotiating your boner over here. Sorry. Sorry. Such a dean. I am a dean.
Starting point is 00:47:23 Laban. What is it, my boy? Dude, I want to go home. But why? I have like 46 kids now and they're trading mandrakes for my boner and stuff. It's weird. It's really weird. I don't know what's going on.
Starting point is 00:47:36 Yeah, that's rough. That's rough. What's a mandrake? I don't know. I have no idea. I feel like it's a fish. You think fish? I don't know. I have no idea. I feel like it's a fish. You think fish? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:47:47 It's a weird trade. Look, before you go, you have to let me give you a little something for all the luck you've brought me, you know, with cows or something. Okay. Okay. Sure. How about I take all the spotted and speckled cattle? But that's so rare. I feel like you're going to do some kind of weird miracle or trick thing.
Starting point is 00:48:09 What? No. Just normal, normal deal. Okay. And Jacob took him rods of green poplar and of the hazel and chestnut tree and piled white streaks in them and made the white appear which was in the rods rods and he set the rods which he had piled before the flocks in the gutters in the watering troughs when the flocks came to drink that they should conceive when they came to drink and the flocks conceived before the rods and brought forth cattle ring straked speckled and spotted
Starting point is 00:48:39 wait what happened dude just read ahead you really should read ahead he doesn't have to read ahead well but yeah but he's funny okay hurtful okay so what happened is jacob like he put striped rods in front of the cows while they fuck and because they're looking at striped rods when they fuck all their babies came out striped does that work um In the Bible or in real life? What are you asking? Both. Okay. Does showing an animal something make it have that something as a baby?
Starting point is 00:49:12 Is that your serious question? Yes. Yeah, it works. It does in real life. Cool. Mm-hmm. Oh, my God. And when he comes back?
Starting point is 00:49:23 I almost died. Hey, guys, we should probably go. What? Where are we going? Uh, your dad's super mad about the spotted cow thing, so... I get that. But, uh, also, I had a dream. Yo, Jacob. An angel.
Starting point is 00:49:44 Flattery will get you everywhere, Jakey. You want to hop aboard this crazy train? Uh, no. No, I'm good. And, uh, just, you know, quick note, you smell like a locker room. Yeah, I like to hide in the congressional laundry room. Breathe in the musk. Whatevs.
Starting point is 00:50:02 You know how it goes. Got a massager in my desk drawer. Cool. Cool. Did you have a message for me or something? Oh, yeah. God thought the spotted cow thing was great. Spotted cows.
Starting point is 00:50:15 Classic. But you got to go because Laban's going to be like super mad at you. Cool. Yeah, I got it. No, I figured. Question though. Why don't we have any cross talk, you and me? Cross talk?
Starting point is 00:50:28 Yeah, you know how people like interrupt each other a little bit or speak while the other one is speaking, just, you know, slightly like as like part of a natural conversation. Don't get meta. No, I'm doxing myself. It's fine. So yeah, we definitely have to go. Cool. Just let me grab all my dad's idols and shit Good thinking, yeah
Starting point is 00:50:48 Hurry up Laban Laban Yes, God? Okay, so here's the thing You're gonna be mad Jacob took your daughters and your idols Why, that son of a
Starting point is 00:51:01 But, but I don't want you to say anything bad about him, okay? Why? He literally stole all my cattle, my children, and my idols. What we need now is unity. Okay, how come we only need unity when your guy does something awful? Okay, I'll tell you what. When he dies, we'll only keep the flag down for like 45 minutes, okay? Lou, Lou, Lou, doing desert stuff. Desert stuff, as you you know is my favorite stuff jacob oh hey dad father-in-law don't you father-in-law me you stole my cows you stole my daughters and you stole my
Starting point is 00:51:36 idols and your god told me not to make a big deal But I wanted you to know I'm upset Okay noted Can I have my idols back Uh well See the thing is they're not In my tent right now And really easy to get if that's what you're asking Okay I'm going to check the tent
Starting point is 00:51:58 No I said they weren't in my tent Damn it Doing tent stuff Tent stuff is my favorite stuff. Rachel! Oh, hey, Dad. How... How's it going? Well, your husband stole you, my cattle, and my idols
Starting point is 00:52:13 in that order. Nice. Wait, where are my idols? I don't know. Really? What's that boxer sitting on? Nothing. Really? Well, then get up and let me see inside it. I have that period. Oh, gross.
Starting point is 00:52:31 Seriously, Rachel? Gross. I'm in the scene now. Also gross. Not cool. I'm leaving. Yeah, me too. I came in just so I could leave.
Starting point is 00:52:39 Gross. I hate this fucking book. You stole my idols and my daughters. You made me work for like seven years. Are you kidding me? Guys, guys, look at yourselves. Fighting? Really?
Starting point is 00:52:53 Come here. Why don't we make a big pile of rocks and just swear that it's all cool, huh? You guys want to swear on a big pile of rocks? I guess we can swear on a big pile of rocks. I do love a good big pile of rocks. All right. I swear on this pile of rocks? I guess we can swear on a big pile of rocks. I do love a good big pile of rocks. Alright, I swear on this pile of rocks we're cool. I also swear on this pile of rocks that we're cool.
Starting point is 00:53:11 Okay. There. Isn't that better? Yeah. And that's the end of the story. Because this book is fucking stupid. My faithful messenger, what news from my homeland? my brother isal happy to see i'm returning home uh well he said he's gonna tie your asshole shut in a balloon knot
Starting point is 00:53:33 oh yeah right still mad about that whole uh earthright thing huh yeah he says he's gonna line up all your bones on the ground by size and run them over with a wagon one by one. Oh, all right. Maybe we send him some cows? You think he'd like a few cows? And then he's going to take all your organs out and lay them out to form like a painting of him pulling your nose out of the back of your skull.
Starting point is 00:53:57 Okay, okay, okay. Got it, got it. Not happy to see me. Understood. Don't need any more of the message. Thanks. We're good. He's going to use your balls as a desk toy
Starting point is 00:54:05 you done I'm done and so Jacob and his family re-entered the land of his father by night that not because Jacob was afraid
Starting point is 00:54:14 or anything he just likes traveling by night is all and Jacob was left alone and there wrestled a man
Starting point is 00:54:21 with him until the breaking of the day get him tear his arms off God God. Come on, do it. Come on, big boy. Come get a piece. Yeah, yeah. Dude, dude, you smell like gold bond. Yes, I covered myself in it before the match. Krav Maga, Krav Maga, Krav Maga.
Starting point is 00:54:38 Okay, ref, he's very clearly peeing himself right now, like just profusely all over. No, I'm not. I'm a germaphobe. Boss, boss, it looks like you'reusely all over. No, I'm not. I'm a germaphobe. Boss, boss, it looks like you're losing pretty bad here. Do you want help? Sarah, I know, but what do I do? Grab his balls. But then everyone will know I cheated.
Starting point is 00:54:56 It's okay. When the book comes out, we'll say you grab his thigh or something. Okay, got it. Grab my... Dude, what the fuck? You grab... Who does that? Who grabs balls in a wrestling? Okay, get off me and I'll bless you. I'll bless you. You are just soaked in urine.
Starting point is 00:55:10 And so am I now. Do you want a blessing? I do. And that's why Jews don't eat shrinking sinew. Whatever the fuck that means. Man, I had the weirdest dream. i wrestled god and everything it was nuts oh did you now oh hey isao i uh i see you brought uh 400 slave uh 400 men with you i I saw that. I bought you a present. You did, didn't you? Yeah, and last night when I wrestled
Starting point is 00:55:49 God, he looked just like you, actually. Really? Yeah. It was weird. For a second when you walked over, I was like, what? Is that God? But no. A good buddy, Esau.
Starting point is 00:56:07 Well, we're played by the same person, so maybe that was... Okay, no, don't do the meta thing. Okay, fine. You know what, man? We're cool. Really? We're cool? Yep.
Starting point is 00:56:19 You mean the whole... All right. That's the end of the brotherly feud. Okay. I kind of thought it was going to come to a head in some like, you know, spectacular, climactic way, but... I don't know, Jacob. I've always
Starting point is 00:56:32 taken this as a story to be about forgiveness. A man who steals his brother's birthright literally wrestles a blessing from a god who looks just like him. Maybe the point of this story isn't about two brothers fighting over a magical blessing,
Starting point is 00:56:47 but about how the only real way to be forgiven in this world is to face the person you've hurt and get them to forgive you, even if it hurts us.
Starting point is 00:56:56 So you're saying I didn't recognize my brother even though he's covered in bright red hair? Yeah, I guess that is kind of stupid, huh? Really stupid.
Starting point is 00:57:08 And on that anticlimactic note... Noah? Heath? Oh, hey, Anna, I'm kind of doing the outro for this bit. I'm so sorry, I have to ask. Why does Eli want to have sex in front of a picture of Elton John? What did you tell him? Well, excuse me for wanting talented children. Okay, well, Heath and I have some running to do,
Starting point is 00:57:30 but we'll leave the Bible there, and we'll be back soon for more... Bible Peace Theater. Hold me closer, tiny things. Before we throw away the key tonight, I wanted to let you know that if you need more Eli and me in your life, we did a video hangout with Tally and Steve of Monster on Sunday this week on their show, Godless Rockers. So if you want to hear Eli try to opine on heavy metal, or if you want to know which of us is a top and which is a bottom, or if you want to hear me coming up with this week's diatribe in real time, be sure to check the show note for a link. Anyway, that's all the Blast Me we've got for you tonight,
Starting point is 00:58:06 but we'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister show's Hot Friend Godawful Movies, debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Tuesday, and an even newer episode of our half-sister show, Citation Needed, debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously, I couldn't cue the outro music before I thank Heath Enright for kicking ass, Lucinda Lusions for taking names, and Eli Posnick for naming asses.
Starting point is 00:58:24 I also need to thank Dan from the EXP cast for providing this week's pre-Great Vowel Shift Farnsworth quote. If you're looking for more video game news and reviews, you'll find a link to their podcast in the show notes for this episode. But most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's supreme sapiens, Chris Lloyd Denton, Entymen Adar, Jordan, and Pussmurkin. Chris Lloyd Denton, whose dick Stormy Daniels compared to that 880 hectare honey mushroom in Oregon, and Intimidator Jordan and Pussmurkin, whose intellects are so vast I could have used them as the analogy for Chris Lloyd and Denton's cocks. Together, these six sexy
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Starting point is 00:59:25 Tim Robertson handles our social media. And our audio engineer is Morgan Clark, who also wrote all the music that was used in this episode, which was used with permission. If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at scathingatheist.com. And now... You know, it just gets warmer and warmer the longer we go, guys. It's all in this... The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle & Thunderstorm LLC,
Starting point is 00:59:58 copyright 2018, all rights reserved.

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