The Scathing Atheist - 299: Midterminus Edition
Episode Date: November 8, 2018In this week’s episode, we react to the midterms in the way the midterms turned out, Jared Polis of Colorado becomes the first openly gay governor in US history, and Tom and Cecil will be here to ra...ise money by lowering self-esteem. For more info about Vulgarity for Charity, click here: https://scathingatheist.com/2018/11/01/vulgarity-for-charity-2018/ To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click there: http://www.amazon.com/Diatribes-Godless-Misanthrope-Scathing-Presents-ebook/dp/B00J53FZFI/ref=sr11?ie=UTF8&qid=1396141562&sr=8-1 To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out out half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ Guest Links: Check out “Florida Men: The Podcast” here: https://floridamenpodcast.com/ Hear more from Tom and Cecil here: http://dissonancepod.com/ Headlines: GOP Washington State Rep. Admits He Wrote “Biblical Basis for War” Manifesto (lead?): https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/11/01/washington-state-rep-admits-he-wrote-biblical-basis-for-war-manifesto/ GOP Missouri State Senate candidate outed by kids as giant bigot: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/11/02/kids-of-gop-missouri-house-candidate-dont-vote-for-dad-he-must-be-stopped/ Survey: A Majority of White Evangelicals Fear Immigration and Racial Diversity https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/10/31/survey-a-majority-of-white-evangelicals-fear-immigration-and-racial-diversity/ Tanzania Governor: Citizens Must Report Gays to be Arrested or God Will Be Mad https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/11/02/tanzania-governor-citizens-must-report-gays-to-be-arrested-or-god-will-be-mad/ The Satanic Temple: Netflix’s ‘Sabrina’ Remake Plagiarized Our Baphomet Statue https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/11/01/the-satanic-temple-netflixs-sabrina-remake-plagiarized-our-baphomet-statue/ Pakistani Supreme Court Overturns Asia Bibi’s Death Sentence in Blasphemy Case https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/10/31/pakistani-supreme-court-overturns-asia-bibis-death-sentence-in-blasphemy-case/ This Week in Misogyny: UK Watchdog group warns of religious school texts calling for gay genocide: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/11/05/uk-watchdog-warns-of-religious-school-books-calling-for-death-of-gay-people/ Survey: 2/3rds of teenage girls have been sexually harassed: https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/two-thirds-teenage-girls-sexually-harassed-a8523181.html Preacher: “Girls dressed as Princess Elsa for Halloween were dressed like whores” https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/11/04/preacher-girls-who-were-princess-elsa-for-halloween-were-dressed-like-a-whore/
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Morning, we're going to go full Beto O'Rourke
concession speech with our profanity
of the day. This week's episode
of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by
Stamps.com
and by The Midterms.
Eh.
And now, The scathing atheist. grandmother loved to fuck filthy monkey men a lot outside in front of other filthy monkey men and
women It's Thursday.
It's November 8th.
And the mean stuff we're going to say on this episode is for a good cause.
Well, some of it anyway.
I have no illusions.
I'm Eli Bosnick.
I'm Heath Enright.
And from Bob Menendez's New Jersey.
This is Bobby Hill.
Larry Hall Studios in Chicago, Illinois.
And Good Husband Georgia.
This is the Skating Atheist.
See, that part wasn't for a good cause.
On this week's episode, we react to the midterms in the way the midterms turned out.
Jared Polis of Colorado becomes the first openly gay governor in U.S. history.
Let's make some noise.
And Tom and Cecil will be here to raise money by lowering self-esteem.
But first, the diatribe.
You know, I don't want to take too big of a shit on Tuesday's results, but I still want to take a shit on them.
So first, let me do the upbeat end of this.
Obviously, those with a vested interest in things like church-state separation, secular government, and the continued humanity of non-white straight cis people were hoping for a massive swing in the midterm election this year.
And just as obviously, we didn't get that.
But we got a lot.
And we actually got a check on presidential power.
We got the first openly gay governor in U.S. history.
And we got a record number of women elected to Congress.
But here's what we didn't get.
We didn't get the American people crying out in one voice
that we weren't going to succumb to race baiting,
hate mongering, demagoguery based on transparent fictions and bigotry.
And we didn't get the electorate rising up and rejecting the divisive xenophobia of the
president or his enablers in Congress.
We didn't get a rebuke of the rampant and unapologetic corruption, the incompetence,
the one destruction of political norms, the violent rhetoric, and the unchecked stupidity.
And anything short of that isn't just disappointing it's
shameful now to be fair there were a lot of structural disadvantages working against
democrats in this midterm a dismal senate map for democrats republican controlled gerrymandering
the disenfranchisement of minority voters the fact that the dakotas still get two senators a
piece all that shit worked together to make this election a steep uphill climb and democrats got 51 of congress by turning out 60 of the vote
so the numbers are better than they look but even then we should be ashamed i mean
hooray three-fifths of the half of our country's voters that actually vote were bothered enough by
the autocracy built on hate and lies to sacrifice part of a Tuesday afternoon to stop it doesn't exactly deserve party poppers and naive optimist that I am I still held out hope that we
were overall good people I told myself that maybe despite what you know maybe 2016 was just a
combination of apathy and motivated reasoning you, I said maybe most Americans just didn't
see what was coming. They didn't recognize what they were voting for and against in that one.
Maybe now that America sees exactly what was in Pandora's box, they'll try to close it.
Of course, by a quarter after eight, it was pretty clear that we weren't going to get that
blue wave we were hoping for. And anything shy of that robbed me of the comforting delusion I
entertained about Americans overall being good people.
I mean, sure, you know, maybe we're good by a slim majority, but still the party poppers lay dormant, right?
By and large, we have to admit that we're not good people. our fucking country is racist, sexist, homophobic, indifferent to the suffering of others, nationalistic,
perfectly happy letting somebody lie to them if they like the lies. And I know none of this should
come as a surprise to me. Everybody I know from any other country has been telling me that for
years. But I, like most people in this country, I guess, somehow told myself that the majority was
like me. The majority were reasonable people, by and large, who, you know, maybe needed a swift kick in the ass to do the right thing now
and again, but ultimately wanted to do the right thing or at least to see the right thing done.
And I've clung to that illusion despite all the evidence to the contrary for years. But after
Tuesday, I have to give it up. Sure, there are a lot of good people in this country. Maybe they're
the majority, but we can no longer put the word fringe on the end of lunatic when we're talking about American politics. And at this point, with my eyes so forcibly wrenched open, I have to ask myself why? What the hell is wrong with us? What makes us so fucking worse than all the other wealthy industrialized countries of course entire libraries have been written in search of the answer to that question but as we all know on this show you can answer it with a single word
now it starts with an r and it rhymes with division sort of i mean that's the thing that
stands apart in american demographics from our cultural neighbors isn't it america is more
religious than any other developed country by a huge margin. And of course, religion promotes all that shit.
I was complaining about the racism, the xenophobia, the homophobia, the outgrouping.
And first and foremost, the accepting of transparent lies as truth if they tell you what you want to hear.
Right. You don't need supposition to get here anymore.
I know some of the shit I talk about on the diatribes is like two degrees of separation away from the religious cause, but at this point, it couldn't be any more direct.
Evangelicals are the only group of people where the majority still supports Trump, and it's a
wide majority. They're the ones organizing for him. They're the ones attending his rallies.
They're the ones who see courts with his policies. Them, insanely rich people, and Nazis,
but this second group is too small a part of the electorate to win anything.
And the third group is at this point a subset of the first.
And I'd like to think that even people who support his monstrous policies, though, would at least have the sense to reject his lies.
Right. I mean, it's maybe not the most depressing part of this, but it's the most disappointing. Like when the lie is as blatant as this picture of a crowd of 160,000 has more people in it than this picture
of a crowd of 1.8 million. You'd like to think that you'd reject that regardless of how much
you like the dude's anti-brown people stance. And further, you'd like to think you'd be insulted by
it. But if you're talking about Americans, you would be wrong. And obviously you'd be wrong
because those people have been primed by religion their entire lives to accept the most blatant of
falsehoods if it allows them to confirm their biases. They've had to put a mental asterisk
next to the word fact for decades. So they were all lubed up when Kellyanne Conway showed up with
her alternatives. And now all the political pundits are running around whatever the hell
happened to truth
without ever pointing their finger at that powerful, wealthy, politically active institution
that's been openly working to undermine it for centuries.
Joining me for headlines tonight are poll watchers Heath Edright and Eli Bosnick.
Phyllis, are you ready to watch some poll?
I am, and I'm also ready for Nancy Pelosi to take over the House for a nice two-year cock block
until we can start fixing the other parts of the government.
I was promised total and complete control of the government by Swingless, those bastards.
You were promised Beto, too too how'd that work out for you
eli how about that donation huh a lot of money president shut up in our lead story tonight
not all republicans are evil monsters strong disagree well okay so it's a weird thing
you'd hope nobody would need to say about your group. They're not all these monsters.
As a white man, I often feel the same way.
Not a great sign when I have to be like, Phil, by the way, Phil, nobody asked, but Phil did not assault anyone.
Just FYI.
Just so you guys know.
Dude, Keith, American Atheist is going to sue us for stealing their motto this year.
This is a whole thing now.
So, yeah, all Republicans aren't monsters. atheist is going to sue us for stealing their motto this year this is a whole thing now so uh
yeah all republicans aren't monsters but uh i could definitely make a list pretty quickly if i
needed to even with really specific parameters like for example if you said name two republican
christian evangelicals who ran for their state congress and who think Jewish people are the spawn of Satan? Literally, I'd say Steve West and Matt Shea, like right away.
And on the other hand, if I asked you to name two Republican Christian evangelicals who ran
for their state Congress and weren't openly anti-Semitic, you'd say hats. Hats. Toast!
Alright, so let's start with Steve West.
He ran for a seat in the Missouri General
Assembly after winning the GOP
primary in August.
And he got his background in politics by working
as a hate crime
themed local radio
host named Jack
Justice. Who apparently wears an elaborate costume for hate crime themed local radio host named Jack Justice,
who apparently wears an elaborate costume for his fans to listen to on his radio.
See, Eli, it's silly.
Heath's making fun of it.
And by the way, for the record, he's in radio.
Instead of saying out the whole term hate crime themed,
they just abbreviate that to AM.
AM.
Oh, yeah.
That's nice.
crime themed they just abbreviate that to am am oh yeah that's nice and uh steve west's past comments include the idea that jewish cabals are harvesting baby parts at planned parenthood
and also the following exact words i can't stress that enough these are exact words
hitler was right exact words west Hitler was right. Exact words.
West claims that last thing was taken out of context, but that means at best,
he was involved in a conversation about good Hitler stuff. Also, he wasn't. It's not.
Yeah, right. It's not what he meant. Hey, a little fun tip for you. If you can't think of anyone except Hitler who was right about the thing you agree with, you weren't.
It's a fun little thing there.
Yeah.
So Steve West is absolutely a monster.
Oh, yeah.
But my favorite part of the story about him, besides the fact that he lost the election.
That's good.
besides the fact that he lost the election.
That's good. The fact that he got officially outed and reverse endorsed by his own children
the week before the election.
He's so evil, two of his kids felt like they had to contact local papers
just to be sure this was public knowledge that he was evil.
His son actually used the phrase he must be stopped
it's not a good and it gets even worse it wasn't just his kids the republican party of missouri
actually released a statement denouncing him think about that despite still allowing him to run as
their candidate to be clear yeah no right right their message seemed to be get out there and vote
but don't vote too hard i mean look i get it they're the ones who are gonna have to see him at like meetings
stuffing donuts down his pants to protect his vital fluids like
yeah and uh that brings us to matt shea he's been a washington state representative since 2009 and he's currently the head of the
state's republican caucus and he's a genuine fucking lunatic like redundant lazy writing
fair so uh since being elected he's been a vocal supporter of other prominent lunatics including
militant taxi vader cliven bundy and his rubber dick enthusiast sons ryan and amman
the former sovereign monarchs of a birdhouse in oregon i'm sure you all remember that story
shea also happens to be the organizer of an anti-muslim hate group according to the splc
and also a regular speaker at an evangelical cult that's run by the founder of the christian identity movement
they're the guys that believe jewish people are the literal offspring of eve and satan the prince
of darkness so there's that so what do they think he talked her into doing with that apple in there
also a follow-up question what religion do they think Adam was? Or Jesus.
How about Jesus?
Okay, so if you had to guess what got uncovered last week about Matt Shea that's currently being looked at by the FBI,
what would you say it was?
Nazi Manifesto.
Okay, I heard Nazi Manifesto.
And that's pretty much exactly correct.
Yay!
Apparently, a local paper got a hold of a
four-page document that shea was handing out entitled biblical basis for war and besides the
standard screed that you'd expect about gay people being evil includes a very specific section called
rules of war about literally killing people who break the laws of the bible in response to the
allegations that he's organizing a campaign of genocide shea said those were notes for a sermon
and then proceeded to get re-elected by a large margin
so his excuse like you're taking that out of. I was going to yell this call of genocide to an
angry mob, you know, to get them fired up.
What do you...
If anything, he should be worried about
stealing Trump's material.
Yes, so
bottom line,
the GOP is definitely
the rectangle party
of the square monster universe.
Right, yes. And it's weird that you wouldn't just become, you know, the circle party of the square monster universe right yes and it's weird that you
wouldn't just become you know the circle party or like any other shape just rectangle so easy
there's so many shapes when nazis are square pegs it's super duper suspicious if you don't make your
party a round hole and like and not like a giant gaping hole covered in lube that opens up even
bigger to fit the fucking nazis before you say anything you'd think and in pole dancer news
tonight it works if you see it spelled out the result of prri's 2018 american values survey
suggests that the primary function of religion in the modern u.s is a hiding place for bigotry
a conclusion that is also
supported by the configuration of all
the other atoms on Earth
and all the eves.
Cool. No, it's a good one. Glad you're here.
Thank you.
So this survey was trying to gauge the
attitudes towards America's increasing
diversity and surprise, surprise,
the group most willing to tell a
random stranger on the phone
that they oppose brown people were evangelicals oh huh yeah also apparently the most likely to
own a landline phone like a fucking serial killer that's fun and the most likely to be like yeah you
know what stranger i would like to spend some time right now during my day talking about the pros
and cons of each race that sounds great let's do that yeah everyone knows you gotta have a podcast
for that right yeah all right so the first question of the survey was whether people
supported a law preventing refugees from entering the u.s now this was not like they weren't asking
about a specific real proposed law just like a law against refugees in general and in every demographic except
evangelicals the majority opposed it leading the charge in this one was of course the religiously
unaffiliated because we're better people than them according to math now i do want to be clear
that the numbers show that no cross-section of americans are good though right just that
evangelicals are the worst even among the unaffiliated 27 percent were still
willing to just stand in front of that plaque in front of lady liberty twiddling their thumbs and
ain't no plaque they don't seem that tired or weak look they're not even huddling in a mess
look at them not even huddling a mat back to syria fuck that now another question uh asked
if respondents thought that america's increasing ethnic and racial diversity would be a good thing
overall and again the religiously unaffiliated did the best on this survey except for the like
religious groups that have a racial component like you know like hispanic catholics and black
protestants but even in those groups only% of them said that the country's
racial and ethnic realignment
will be mostly positive.
What?
One in five Hispanic Catholics and black
Protestants are sitting around going,
if it wasn't for all the us's, am I right?
Yeah.
But in fairness, if more white
people thought that way,
it's a lot better.
Which is why next year's charity is a violent race war.
I know.
They are going to be one of those probably next year, but we're not going to be involved.
All right.
So in case the extent to which evangelicals are fucking terrible isn't clear, I should
also point out that they're the only religious group that has a majority favorable view of
Donald Trump.
Probably already knew that.
They're the only group where the majority thinks we're doing just fine when it comes to responding
to sexual harassment especially when it happens in churches and they're the least likely to oppose
kidnapping children at the border there's a free piece of advice evangelicals if you're worried
about your culture being overrun by immigrants instead of trying to stop the immigrants maybe stop being the shittiest group of people right culturally
you can get all the other runners disqualified but you can't win the race if you're standing still
they're not sure about that they're gonna try and in it's on every critics gaydar news tonight
governor of the tanzanian city dar Es Salaam, Paul Makonda,
reached out to his constituency this week in an appeal to report gay people to the government.
Let me be clear here.
Not gay sex, not gay marriage, gay people.
You're gay.
You have to tell me.
You have to show me your dick.
Caught myself. people you're gay you have to tell me you have to show me your dick see caught myself uh so this hunt for the most dangerous gay comes as no surprise as the crime of homo thank you amazing
as the crime of homosexuality carries a life sentence in prison in tanzania and just over
one year ago the president of the country was quoted as saying,
quote,
even cows disapprove of,
end quote,
homosexuality.
What?
He gestures to a cow
with an eat more pussy sign.
It's funded by an anti-gay hate restaurant.
Actually, I feel like
I feel like they'd give him
the rights to those cows
if he asked for them.
Oh, on a moment's notice.
So here's what the
governor said quote i have information about the presence of many homosexuals in our province
these homosexuals boast on social networks give me their names my ad hoc team will begin to get
their hands on them next monday end quote not adding adding, I mean, arrest them. Stop. Stop laughing.
This is serious.
Guys. Hello, is this
Governor Makanda?
Yeah, good, good. I'm the guy right behind
you having gay sex with you right now.
I just wanted to report a gay person.
Yeah.
I hope every headline in Tanzania
read, Governor Makanda desperate to
find gay content on the internet.
And look, this is horrifying, of course,
but it's important to point out that laws and politicians like this
are what happen when you go somewhere with missionaries and,
oh, I don't know, tell them a book is the word of God
and then go home to your country and watch Will and Grace.
Yeah.
Yeah. Still,
you got to wonder what turning your neighbor in
for being gay would be like.
What that would be like.
Let go
of me. Let go of me.
I got another one, sir. I am
not gay. This is preposterous.
Yes, you are.
We will be the judge of that.
Tell me, officer, what made you bring him in?
I'm telling someone what was in at Fashion Week this year.
Oh, really?
Come on.
I work in fashion.
Not helping.
Not helping.
I make uniforms for the military.
Which branch?
The Navy. See? See? See? Yes. I'm talking about. Hmm. Which branch? The Navy.
See?
See?
Yes. I'm talking about.
Yes.
But this one is tricky.
Perhaps would you care for some cock?
No.
Okay.
Okay.
Did well on that one.
It's tricky indeed.
Well, I suppose we'll have to let you go then.
Thank you.
It's just... Oh, never mind.
No, no, go ahead. What is it?
It's just my boss has been getting on my case lately.
I told him I could find homosexuals on my time and, you know, with my abilities, you know?
Of course, yeah.
Yeah, so like today, I actually walked right into his office.
I looked him right in the eye and I said,
This is how I do my job, and if you don't like it, you can find someone
else. Yes.
Got him.
Damn it. They fall for it every
time. They always go for the yes.
Classic yes. Yes.
And with a quick
note that I appeared in that stereotype
reinforcing skit under protest, we're going to take
a quick break and hand things over to my lovely wife, Lucinda.
A man wrote the Bible.
A whore is what she was.
If it's a legitimate race.
It's a slut, right?
Cooking can be fun.
Hey, I'm proud of a man.
This week in Misogyny.
All right.
To be fair, I spent the entire segment last week talking about the midterms.
So I'm going to resist the urge to make this one about the election as well.
In fact, to keep myself from getting sucked into that, we're going to need to take the segment all the way to England.
So this story comes to us from the Friendly Atheist blog.
According to a letter to Parliament from the UK's Office for Standards and Education or Ofsted,
religious schools in the UK are using some damn disturbing textbooks that go against
everything education is supposed to stand for. According to the letter from Ofsted's chief
inspector, Amanda Spielman, quote, we have found books that say it is acceptable for men to use
physical violence against their wives, texts that say it is unacceptable for women to refuse sex to
their husbands, and literature calling for the death of gay people end quote and before you ask yes she means other than the bible and i don't mean
to pick on the uk here they actually do pretty good with misogyny compared to the u.s but that's
like saying your sense of humor is tame compared to eli's and we were reminded just how bad you
could be and still be better than us by another story out of the UK last month that was sent to me by astute listener Geraldine.
So according to a recent poll by Plan International UK,
two-thirds of women in the UK between the ages of 14 and 21 have been sexually harassed in public.
The survey looked at over a thousand women and asked about their experiences on public transport,
in parks and bars etc and
overall 66 percent of them reported unwanted sexual attention or sexual physical contact in
a public space now i will be the first to admit that that is a damn broad definition all sexual
harassment isn't created equal and getting unwanted sexual attention at a bar and being groped on a
bus are radically different things. But that top line
number should horrify you one way or the other. The survey did dig a little deeper and it showed
that almost two-fifths of women reported that they were verbally harassed at least once a month
and 15% reported being touched, groped, or grabbed. And again, for emphasis, we're talking about teenage
girls here. Now, in defense of the UK, the survey was done to help inform
the ongoing public debate in that country
about acknowledging street harassment
as a form of violence against women.
And at least they're having that debate.
When confronted with children
getting sexually harassed back here in the States,
it's more likely that you'll get
the they're asking for it type response
exemplified by brother Bruce Mejia.
He's a protege of Steven Anderson that took to his pulpit last week to point out that any little girls that dressed up as Elsa from Frozen this Halloween were, quote, dressed like a whore, end quote.
So, yeah, couldn't help but take at least one shit on the home team here.
But with that out of the way, I'll hand things back over to Noah, Heath and Eli.
Thank you, Lucinda.
And in Sabrina, the Thieving Bitch news tonight,
if you're like me and you know a lot of women.
So many women.
Eli knows so many women from camp.
You guys don't know them, but there's a lot of them.
Yeah, exactly.
Well, you know that Netflix recently released
a gritty reboot of Sabrina the Teenage Witch,
which, short of handing out pumpkin spice lattes
through the screen, is about as close as they could get to guaranteeing ladies across the
nation would be glued to their TVs.
Sabrina versus Gilmore Girls versus Sharktopus.
I think now everybody's in.
I don't know that you're hitting the Target demo there, Heath.
That is what she said.
Now, what you're probably guessing is that this story is about Christians across the nation
freaking out at the depictions of satanic magic on television.
And look, I'm sure they are.
But it actually turns out that this story is about how the show managed to piss off actual Satanists as well.
Okay, but is it because they're sick of reboots
and desperately pine for a day when writers have creativity
and producers don't stamp it out?
Because, like, I'd dump a gallon of milk on somebody for that.
And if people liked it enough, in 15 years,
someone would throw butter at a rainbow and call it Noah pours milk too.
So they full circle.
So here's what happened the
satanic temple not to be confused with the church of satan it's very important to them
is going to sue warner brothers and netflix for copyright infringement yeah that's right
copyright infringement you see in episode four of the series the inside of the witch's satany house is shown and there's a reproduction
of the statue of baphomet that the satanic temple has been putting up alongside 10 commandment plaques
all over our nation please tell me the judge makes him use the upside down butt plug jesus
to replace that might happen might happen so It might happen. It might happen. So the problem is
nobody asked the Satanic
Temple if they could use the
statue. And the Satanic Temple
had that statue made for
them and therefore
hold the copyright to it.
And because the show
further depicts Satanists as evil
cannibals who use black magic, even if the show
had asked the
Satanic temple, they probably would have said no. And as the temple has rightly pointed out,
TV wouldn't do this to another religion. Like you couldn't make a show where you used original
copyrighted artwork and depiction of Jews, but you make them evil masterminds in your show.
Okay. Maybe you could do that on Roseanne,
but you shouldn't, is what I mean.
You shouldn't do that.
Well, unless you're Mel Gibson
and making an epic movie about Jesus
and how he foiled those crafty Jewish people,
in which case you should do it
and you'll make like $612 million.
You will, that's true.
Either way, I think i have come up with a
compromise solutions not problems sabrina gets to keep the satanic imagery but they have to let him
win right come on how great would that show be anybody fine just sue each other whatever try to
help and finally tonight from the bb8 file we're going to close
on a little bit of good news we learned this week that the pakistani supreme court just overturned
the conviction of asia bb who earned international fame in 2010 when she was sentenced to die for
blasphemy in a court proceeding that couldn't have been more disingenuous if it took place in an actual marsupials pouch okay yeah they actually
tried to build a bridge out of her and it didn't work so yeah she's not a witch it's good news
it's really really close to that okay so here's the story in 2009 uh asia noreen aka asia bb uh
brought a drink of water for a co-worker normally this would not be a life-threatening problem,
but Asia's lack of Muslimness made the water magically unclean.
So the Muslim recipient took this as an insult,
and not only did she refuse the water,
but she demanded that Bibi renounce her Christianity
and become a Muslim because she was thirsty,
and that would fix the magic in the water.
Now, Asia refused. There was an argument
and then several days later
the co-worker comes forward with a story
that at some point during the fight
Bibi said that Muhammad was
quote, no prophet.
Now, the only witness to this event
happens to be the accuser's sister.
Just picturing the boss
from office Space.
If you could just change your religion, that would be great.
Very close.
All right, so based on nothing but that and a coerced confession,
a Pakistani court sentenced her to death in 2010.
Now, because she was a Christian as opposed to an atheist that isn't machete proof or just a falsely accused Muslim,
the international community took notice. So her case was appealed all the way to the highest court in pakistan and
in 2014 after she'd been in prison for five years they upheld the conviction right so we were all
pretty sure the next time we'd mention this story is when was when she was publicly beheaded or
something but last week the nation's supreme court called a surprise mulligan and reversed
their own decision which means if i'm reading this right that not only will asia bb not be
executed for believing in the wrong space wizard but she's actually going to be released from her
nine-year imprisonment but released into pakistan well that's true this is like the scarecrow giving
commissioner gordon death by exile except it's by staying in Pakistan.
So, hey, hey, Kim Davis, job opening.
You're looking.
Aren't you looking?
No, you're looking.
Now, before we go to lauding Pakistan for their progressive turn here.
Not a big risk.
Yeah, no, not really.
It's worth emphasizing, though, here what the
Supreme Court didn't say. Right. They overturned the conviction because the witnesses were
unreliable. The complaints didn't match up. The case was based on a confession the plaintiff gave
while she was standing in front of a crowd of people threatening to murder if she didn't admit
to it. They did not rule, though, that killing someone for saying Muhammad isn't a prophet is barbaric.
Right?
They agreed that people who say that shit deserve to die.
They just don't think she's one of those people.
Right.
Yeah.
Yeah, right.
Now that we've been forced to confront what passes for good news in the atheism business,
I guess we'll close the headlines for the night.
Heath, Eli, thanks as always.
Heath by himself in his room with scotch and when we come
back tom and cecil will be here to help us do good bad stuff well
brian kemp not today today. And not tomorrow.
Hey, Noah. Buddy, what you
doing there? Oh, hey, Heath.
I'm mailing myself to
England. Oh,
because, uh,
because of Brian Kemp? That's right, Heath.
You trust the political process.
I'm going to ship myself out here like a cordless
voting machine. No, no, no.
You can't do that.
Why?
Because you should use stamps.com.
What's stamps.com?
Well, with stamps.com, you can access all the amazing services of the post office right from your desk 24-7 when it's convenient for you.
Wow, really?
Yep.
Buy and print official U.S. postage for any letter,
any package, using your own computer and printer.
Even a package just the right size
to ship me away from a country
that's obviously demonstrated I don't belong in it anymore?
Exactly.
We use stamps.com to ship everything
from merch for live shows to rewards for patrons.
Mugs, T-shirts, bingo cards, you name it.
Okay, but what if I don't own a podcast?
Let's say I plan to pop out of a box
at the home of Andy Wilson and just hope for mercy.
Actually, stamps.com is great for all your shipping needs,
be it buying and selling online
or even sending holiday gifts.
Stamps.com is the way to go.
Okay, but I'm kind of in a hurry.
Well, right now you can use scathing
for this special offer,
which includes up to $55 free postage,
a digital scale,
and a four-week trial.
Do not wait.
Go to stamps.com.
Before you do anything else,
click on the radio microphone
at the top of the homepage
and type in scathing.
That's stamps.com.
Enter scathing.
Hey, you hear that, Lucinda?
We're saving money.
Nice.
She's already in there?
Yeah.
Tape that right up.
So much room.
Poke holes.
Poke holes.
three years ago we had a guest on the show raising money for a good cause and almost on a lark we told our listeners that we would insult someone of their choice if they donated the response was
so overwhelming that at one point i had to call eli and i said dude i don't think anyone in the
world could insult this many people in time and he he replied, Noah, I've been waiting my whole life for someone to say that.
And on that day, Vulgarity for Charity was born.
Now, we're about to dive into the first round of insults here,
but it's not too late to get in on the fun.
Just head over to ModestKnees.org,
donate to whatever cause on their site you want,
then forward your receipt along with who you want us to insult,
preferably with a picture if they're not a public figure,
to VulgarityForCharity.com. $50 or more gets you a guaranteed want us to insult, preferably with a picture if they're not a public figure, to vulgarityforcharity.com.
$50 or more gets you a guaranteed on-air insult,
and any donation at all gets you entered into a drawing to win an insult before it's all over.
The fundraiser goes on until midnight on the 21st,
so you have until Thanksgiving to get in on the action.
And, of course, partnering with us again this year are Tom and Cecil from the Cognitive Dissonance Podcast.
Tom, Cecil, welcome back to the show, guys. This is
my Christmas, Noah. I wouldn't miss
it. And I'm dressed only
in a bow. Yeah, we gotta talk about
that now.
Recording from home now.
Alright, alright. Why don't we do
video? Alright.
You know why we don't video.
They do video. It's a really
nice bow. It's a really nice bow.
Honestly, it's because Tom can barely handle audio here.
Oh, the roasting has already begun.
All right, so last time we did this, we raised over $25,000.
As of this recording, we're only six days in, and we've already raised...
$10,535.82.
What the hell was that, Eli?
We're recording two segments tonight,
and Tom and Cecil aren't playing theirs until later,
so it's going to keep it consistent.
Oh, yeah, you're fucking crushing it, dude.
Absolutely fucking crushing it.
Thank you, best friend.
We are not best friends.
Okay, see, the roasting has already started.
Nice job.
All right.
All right, but I'll tell you what, guys.
It gets better.
If by one week from today, today being Thursday, the day this comes out, we can make it to
$20,000, we're going to force Heath Enright to read an article that Eli found on the internet
called 12 Millennials Who Aren't Voting and Why.
We're going to make him do it out loud.
And we're going to all sit in on the the call are you just making stuff up in the middle
of the recording no it's just making stuff up randomly in the middle of millennials don't make
up a significant amount of our listenership that would be that would be uncomfortable weird all
right so without further ado let's get this whole thing started this year's very first donor, Hunter, who would like us to roast their dad?
Ooh, ooh.
Hunter's dad looks like Stephen Baldwin's stunt double
in a movie about a killer tanning booth.
He looks like he'd make a great cheerleader
because he's constantly trying to pick up teenage girls.
He looks like somebody who's bad at math
having a midlife crisis.
Like Dennis Hopper joined a boy band is what he looks like somebody who's bad at math having a midlife crisis. Like Dennis Hopper joined a boy band is what he looks like.
See, I had him down as the ghost of Rutger Hauer's coke binge.
Understand looks like he should be selling ad space for hair plugs for men on his giant fucking forehead.
All right. Now, Eric would like someone here to roast Eli for forgetting to roast him and his girlfriend
when he donated to Modest Needs for his birthday last time.
Wait, what'd you say?
No, I'm sorry.
I wasn't listening.
I was scrolling through Cara Santa Maria's Twitter feed.
You know, she has almost 80,000 Twitter followers.
That's amazing.
Hey, Eli, how many do you have?
Too far.
Too far.
Oh, and Eli, do you have something to say to Eric?
Like you mean it.
You and your girlfriend look like if The Fault in the Stars was about two teenagers who were dying of a disease that slowly turned you more and more Jewish.
Why would that kill you?
Or would you reach a fatal mass of Judaism?
1945 Germany.
Oh, that was good.
Also, by the way, for the record,
Eric and Charlotte look like
whereas Waldo and his girlfriend went to Amsterdam
and became homeless there.
But there they are. It's real right so Tom Sandra would like us to roast her ex-husband Rick who introduced her to our shows all right when I read this uh Sandra asked me to be gentle so I'm
gonna go ahead and take it easy on you Rick and I mean really it's because I feel bad for Rick
honestly because anyone venturing into the world divorced, newly single,
and looking like that probably can't handle a whole lot of unvarnished truths.
I mean, Rick, I'm saying, doesn't even look like the kind of guy
who can emotionally handle a lot of gentle white lies.
I guess, like, what I'm saying here, Rick, is this.
Like, however bad your old life was, it doesn't get better for you.
That was it, buddy.
I appreciate you going easy on him.
All right, Heath, I've got one for you.
I don't want to get mean.
Right, exactly.
No, Ron would like a roast for his stepmother.
He sent a picture of her wearing a very large blue shirt dress.
Yeah, this is excellent.
She looks like Jill Stein
didn't listen to Willy Wonka
about the gum with
like Jill Stein did that
recount and ate the ballots
as she went
dipped in ranch.
Yeah.
All right.
So I'll take this next one.
Jay would like us to roast
his friend Colin, who
looks like if you deflated Ted Cruz
and put him in a centrifuge.
Ooh.
Not great.
And if I had to guess,
this is a guy who at least once in his life
asked a librarian if they had anything
about how to turn his latest Lego creation
into a real girl.
Oh, shit.
Wait, do they?
Asking for a friend, Heath, I got your back, they do that's cool thank you though all right see so i got another one for you jennifer would like you to roast christian
apologist eric hovind oh my god fuck that guy eric hovind looks like he's been caught on to
catch a predator so many times people mistake him for one of the producers. Like he has like a favorite chair on set, you know?
If I had Bill Gates' fortune, I'd write a check for all but $6 and just give it all to Thomas Dolby
so he could follow this dipshit around and every few moments just scream,
Science!
Right in his fucking ear.
And then I'd take that other $6 and I'd buy a box of Magnum condoms
so I could roll one over this
giant cock's head.
Did you hear that?
That means it's time for a
challenge round.
Wait, wait, wait. How did Noah do that?
I want a boomy voice. Why don't I get a
boomy voice? I've been running your voice
through that filter for like 11 years, Tom. in real life most people don't know this tom sounds
like woody allen yeah uh you mean rapey yes yes all right so now this challenge round is going to
be tough because it's all about roasting the unroastable but if anybody's up to the challenge
it's going to be you assholes so ce Cecil, I'm going to start you off
with Brian of the Glasgow Skeptics.
That guy's fucking awesome. He's a really nice guy.
A really nice guy.
You're going to like him less after I tell you this.
He would like us to roast his near-miraculous
unborn child and his
rockstar wife who is currently carrying
said miraculous child.
Okay. Go fuck yourself, Brian.
Here we go.
Brian's not the first carrying said miraculous child. Okay. Go fuck yourself, Brian. Here we go. The best request.
Brian's not the first atheist to be part of a virgin birth,
but he's the first one to actually believe it.
And I don't have to roast the kid.
I mean, if he has half of Brian's genetics,
the world is already warming up the short bus.
But don't worry, Brian.
Don't worry, Brian.
I'm sure he's going to be very successful
because you're not the father.
Be weird if it was
Thomas Smith, right?
That'd be ironic.
Still apropos.
But I bet your fetus could at least
score 10 points on me at ping pong, I'm guessing.
Oh, shit.
No, he's actually really good at ping pong, but
I don't think he scored 10 points. Maybe 11.
All right.
So, Heath, I got a hard one for you.
Are you ready?
I mean, but like how hard could it really like it's a roast?
Would like you to roast his Welsh Springer Spaniel named Briggs.
My God.
Bonus.
Adorable.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And you cannot at any point call him a good boy.
Who's a good boy?
Fuck. All right. Adorable. Yeah, and you cannot at any point call him a good boy. Who's a good boy? Fuck!
All right.
Hey, he looks like he's friends with one black lab,
so he thinks he can say the N-word.
All right, interesting angle.
Tom, I got a challenge for you, but I know you're up for it.
Paul would like the entire state of nebraska roasted and if anyone
can hate an entire group of people it's you okay uh that's strangely fair um although i'm not sure
that anyone can hate the state of nebraska as deeply as the kind of pathological self-loathing
that is required of a person to wake up every morning and still live in nebraska like i would walk out of nebraska
even if i had to crawl across the bloody stumps of my legs wearing newspaper shoes just so that
i could kiss the ground crossing the border into iowa nebraska is a state so utterly fucking
pointless and devoid of redeemable qualities that at some point
someone in fucking iowa drew a literal line to keep nebraska from coming closer
all right and eli karen would like us to roast her impossibly attractive siblings
okay i have a question what happened to our listeners over the last 365
days? Did y'all sign up for Beachbody? Because I gotta tell you, the only roast I want to give Nate
is a spit roast. Shotgun ass. Shotgun ass. That was me at first. Heath broke your name. Now,
luckily for me, Elizabeth likes country music, so I can point out that her taste in music
is as bad as Karen's taste in Mexican food.
Really, Karen?
Taco Bell?
Brew up some Stumptown so the fruity notes
can accent the day-old bean paste?
What are you doing, Karen?
Eli?
Eli.
Okay, right.
Sorry, sorry.
Roasting.
Elizabeth looks like one of those teachers
who sleeps with their students,
but for kindergarten.
And Karen, Karen looks like one of those teachers who sleeps with their students, but for kindergarten. And Karen, Karen looks like she cries at book club because she's a gentle soul who shares the eyes of her brother,
who I simply want to be held in front of a fireplace till morning.
This is impossible.
Gain some weight.
All right.
Excellent job. Moving on. Wait a second. Noah, you have to right. Excellent job.
Moving on.
Wait a second, Noah.
You have to do a challenge round.
Yeah, I really actually didn't see another one.
I got one.
My fuck buddy Brian's grandpa.
I mean, somebody's grandpa doesn't seem that hard.
Well, listen to this.
He grew up in the Netherlands under Nazi control.
His family hid two families of Jews, a military deserter, and helped a downed British pilot get back to the Allied forces.
Okay, I can see how this is tricky.
But he is the Wisconsin Evangelical Church of Christ slash Christian Church's leader.
Okay, less tricky.
But he built a house for himself from the ground up at the age of 70.
What?
I feel like neutral.
And to wrap it all up, when Brian came out as trans, he wrote him a letter saying he was unchristian and unloving.
All right.
Okay.
So you know what, though?
When I think about this, this is easier than I'm making it sound because his family helped Jews and pilots and shit in World War II.
Right?
family helped Jews and pilots and shit in World War II.
Everything I know about the grandpa himself
makes him sound like that kind of elderly asshole
who hops right up in front of everybody
on public transit like he's going to be the
first one out of the fucking plane.
Hey, Brian's grandpa, get the fuck out of my way
while we're getting off the plane. I don't give a
shit how many Jews you saved in a war.
I haven't had a cigarette in six hours
and you got two artificial hips made of Fabergé
fucking egg. You get out when you get out it's not like you're gonna get out soon walking that fast
just sit on a fucking plane until the young people are gone and think about how nice it is to live in
a time where we don't just make stew out of the people too old to join in the hunt also also i'm
pretty sure that the guy writing the you suck for being trans letter is the one who's unloving.
I'm not an expert in that field, but fuck you.
And by the way, people like you is how we're going to get conservatives on board with the Obamacare death panels.
It's going to be you.
Because he's helping those refugees.
Yeah.
You look like Pepperidge Farm remembers segregation.
All right, Noah. refugees yeah yeah you look like pepperidge farm remembers segregation all right noah special request here from april who is our favorite listener hey bro hey bro we're not supposed to say that heath but yes it's true yeah it is hi abril okay
well apparently her boss has been giving her some trouble. What? I will fucking kill him.
I will kill his family.
I will fuck the eyes out of his skull.
Maybe too far.
Fuck the eyes back into his skull.
No.
It's not the issue about where the eyes would go and your fucking direction.
I think she just wants us to roast him like normal
without skull and eyes thing.
You look like Rob Corddry's mugshot and you put the creepy unsolicited workplace massage
back in creepy unsolicited workplace misogynist.
That's awesome.
You look like a Chernobyl themed chia pet.
You look like a blind four-year-old carved a jack-o'-lantern face
into a rotting peach with an old pen.
He looks like someone
is staging rabbit-proof fence
in his hairline and
Don't, don't. You're not. You're gonna go right back
to it. Don't say the thing. You're gonna go right back to it.
Your eyes a medium amount in
and or out of your skull.
Yeah, that was the problem. It was the
amount you hit the
medium. Nailed it. Thank you. Alright, that was the problem. It was the amount you hit the happy medium.
Nailed it.
Thank you.
All right, so we also had a bunch of folks
with political figures who needed roasting,
obviously, given the timing.
So, fellas, I'm going to challenge you
to deliver the following roasts as a political slogan.
Tom, you're up first.
Lucas would like us to roast
leader of the conservative party in Alberta, Jason Kenney.
All right.
How about Jason Kenney? Look, Ma, no neck. us to roast leader of the conservative party in alberta jason kenny all right uh how about
jason kenny look ma no neck or jason kenny the milk to your toast or jason kenny still working
out the kinks all right cecil ben would like you to roast Jacob Rees-Mogg.
Jacob Rees-Mogg.
When I die and you go into my house,
you're going to find a body pillow the shape of the EU
with a hole fucked in it.
All right, Eli and Heath, Don, Austin, and Lori,
and Noah have all requested Brian Kemp.
Plus, Lori signed up for a monthly donation back in 2016 and continues to give.
So make it three times as good.
Okay.
Brian Kemp, the politician version of a kid who calls the cops during a snowball fight.
Brian Kemp looks like every creepy dad trying to put his hand on a waitress's back while
he orders his food.
Yes.
She curls out of the way like a cat who doesn't want to be touched.
You know, that weird back thing where you don't...
It's good, but it's supposed to be a slogan.
Oh, right.
Sorry.
Yeah, slogan.
Okay.
Brian Kemp.
I look like every creepy dad trying to put my hand on a waitress's back while I order,
and then she curls out of the way like a cat who doesn't want to be touched because I'm gross.
Better.
Better.
Got it.
All right, I got one more for you, Cecil.
Reynolds would like us to do Mitch McConnell.
Oh, okay.
Mitch McConnell,
why compromise between cowardice and hypocrisy?
But paid for by trumpeter peppy frogs for Mitch McConnell.
Mitch McConnell,
he can't have forgotten everything Splinter taught him
alright of course
and uh
Kalen requested Jeff Sessions
so I'm gonna go with
Jeff Sessions
sympathizing with
neo-Nazis
before it was cool
Jeff Sessions
please
somebody give me a sock
this is ridiculous
Jeff Sessions
or maybe a job
yes
alright so let's get murderous oh oh jeff sessions
okay so he knows that would be that would be redundant but okay at sir jcc has requested we
roast the newly elected jair bolsonaro tom uh you you got any more in you all right let's try this
uh jair bolsonaro a chicken in every pot and a creeper in every window.
Jer Bolsonaro, three-time Roofies world champion.
Jer Bolsonaro, the medication's working, we promise.
Yeah, I might use that one.
All right, and here's somebody I think we all agree deserves a good roasting today.
Sam would like us to roast non-voters.
Ooh, non-voters.
It's hard because we can't say what they look like.
Oh, wait.
Yes, we can.
They're white dudes who got a C in their philosophy class before they dropped out of college to focus on their app.
You're bad for America.
And the only reason you have the opinions you do is because I wasn't allowed to bully you in high school.
Now voters like when you're at the gas
station you take a penny from the
tray even though you paid with a credit
card.
You probably save on shopping by heading over
to the food bank. You turn left
from the right lane and then
you're the fucker who honks.
Every one of you that stays home on election day playing xbox in your pajamas instead of voting means that your racist semi-literate uncle who watches vhs tapes of cops and rants about giving
illegals free health care while on medicare is deciding who runs the country so next time you
throw your hands up in frustration
and whine about the system being rigged,
remember, you were too fucking lazy
to even bother rigging it.
Hey, non-voters, what's up?
Fuck you, first of all.
So you know how every time you hang out with your friends,
it seems like they're more interesting than you
and funnier and smarter then you go home
and you worry about how they probably talk about how you're a piece of shit and don't really
deserve to be in the friend group but then you're like nah like that's just me this is me being
paranoid when i'm home by myself and smoke pot i bring a lot to the table um but you don't actually
you don't bring it to the table you're're not being paranoid. You're actually the worst.
If you have to ask, nobody likes you.
That's just how it is.
Nobody actually likes you.
If it wasn't for that weird social convention about not breaking up with friends, you would have zero friends.
That's how it would go.
And you do kind of smell like old broccoli water, like all the time.
I don't know how you do that, but old broccoli, it's just all the time i don't know how you do that but old brock it's just all the
time just a faint it's like sulfury and a little mildew and it's gross you're gross it is it is
all right and to bring it home tonight we got to give a mad shout out to joseph who became the most
generous donor so far by kicking in 1037 bucks weird amount but I love it, for us to roast Tennessee candidate and now Tennessee candidate Marsha Blackburn.
And damn it, they deserve something special.
So to close things off, I'll kick it over to Anna so she can put the burn back in Marsha Blackburn.
Marsha Blackburn is a rep for the state of Tennessee.
She's Dolores Umbridge, Barbie of the fucking GOP.
I was asked to write a song for her cause Joseph fucking rules.
But he made me learn all about this bitch
So he's a giant tool
First thing she did, an office is sign a rape abortion ban
Tennessee would have been better off
Electing the Gatorade Man
Also remember those viral videos
About Planned Parenthood
She claims she personally stopped them
Selling baby parts for good
She tells so many lies
That I cannot fucking stand it
Her campaign ad's so full of shit
That Twitter even banned it
She and all her panel buddies
Went and banned stem cells
so a few more people on this earth could stay in living hell.
Oh, Marsha, stop your lying.
Wish you could, you would, you should.
If you got struck by lightning, then at least I know you would.
You're looking like a loser,
like a soccer mom became a methadone user.
Oh, Marsha, fake news or you're a nightmare from my childhood.
Marsha, fake news or you're a nightmare from my childhood.
To make things even worse, she's for birther legislation.
She thought the cast of Lion King had stolen the run of the nation.
This walking scarecrow wants to close our borders to stop ISIS,
and she almost single-handedly started the opioid crisis. I needn't mention that she thinks that climate change ain't real. Her policies make me feel like I have tracheoesophageal. There's so many other
insults for her that I could have used, but I've said enough about her and the power she abused.
Oh, Marcia, stop your lying. Stop telling lies today. Remember when you passed the law that
fucks the DEA. Stop lying, you honky. A better use for your tongue would be pleasing a donkey
than any of your total bonky tactical display.
Oh, Marsha, we're trying.
We're trying hard, you know,
to get you out of office by the time we run this show.
We're sighing, we're prying,
but at least we're not shooting our mouths off and lying.
We're not even denying it.
If you win, we hope you know.
Thank you, Anna.
That was amazing.
Well, that's going to do it for the first roast segment of Vulgarity for Charity 2018.
It's not too late to get in on the fun.
Again, just donate what you can over at ModestNeeds.org.
If it's over 50 bucks, you too can send some vitriol for a good cause.
Find out all the details on Scathingatheist.com.
Our next segment is going to be over on cognitive dissonance
on their episode that premieres on Monday.
All right, so you can check the show notes for more info on that.
Tom, Cecil, thanks so much for joining us.
Thanks for having us.
Thanks so much.
Before we close the polls tonight,
I want to let those of you who just can't get enough Heath in your life know that he was live with Tom and Cecil on election night.
And the video of that live stream is up on their YouTube channel now.
If you want to watch Heath get progressively more happy drunk, now is your chance.
Just look for a link on the show notes for this episode.
Anyway, that's all the blast movie we've got for you tonight.
We'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more.
If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister show,
The Skeptocrat,
debuting at 7 a.m.
Eastern time on Monday.
An even newer episode of our sister show's
Hot Friend Godawful Movies
debuting at 7 a.m.
Eastern on Tuesday.
And an even newer episode
of our half-sister show,
Citation Needed,
debuting at noon Eastern
on Wednesday.
Obviously, I want to thank
Tom and Cecil one more time
for being part of the
festivities tonight.
Honestly, we couldn't do
Vulgarity for Charity
without them.
And even before they
started doing this,
they were already two
of the most charitable and generous people that I've ever met. They'll be back without them. And even before they started doing this, they were already two of the most charitable
and generous people that I've ever met.
They'll be back next week.
And remember, the fundraiser is still going
for another two weeks,
so you'll still have time to help us break
our previous record of $25,000.
Details are linked on the show notes.
Also want to thank the incomparable Heath Enright
for being so non-analogous.
I need to thank the superlative Lucinda Lusions
for being over top of all those natives.
I also want to thank the inimitable Eli Bosnick for having a regional accent
that's really hard to mimic.
I want to thank Joel from Florida men,
the podcast,
both for providing this week's Farnsworth quote and for his intrepid work
tracking America's most elusive supervillain.
If you want to give his show a listen,
you'll find the link on the show notes as well.
But most of all,
of course I want to thank this week's most vivacious voters,
Sasha,
Chris Jonas,
Eric,
Pete,
Greg,
Drake,
Ashley,
Drew Mason, and stone banana, Sasha, Chris, Jonas, Eric, Pete, Greg, Drake, Ashley, Drew, Mason,
and Stone Banana. Sasha, Chris, and Jonas, whose intellects are so prized that I walked around on
Tuesday with a sticker that said Sasha, Chris, and Jonas voted. Eric, Pete, Greg, and Drake,
whose dicks are so impressive it's disingenuous not to include them on national maps of polling
places. And Ashley, Drew, Mason, and Stone Banana, who are so sexy they got an honorary degree from
the rectoral college. Together Together these 11 elegant elegists
for eloquence elected to elevate our
elocutions this week by giving us money.
Not everybody has the wherewithal or the
whywithal to give us money, but if you think you're up to
the challenge, you can make a per-episode donation at patreon.com
slash scathingatheist, whereby you'll earn early access
to an extended ad-free version of every episode,
or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button
on the right side of the homepage at scathingatheist.com.
And if you'd like to help, but you donated all your expendable income to Vulgarity for Charity, well done.
Legal services for this podcast are provided by the Law Offices of P. Andrew Torres.
Tim Robertson handles our social media.
And our audio engineer is Morgan Clark, who also wrote all the music that was used in this episode, which was used with permission.
If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at ScalingAtheist.com.
That Netflix recently really, you know, that Netflix recently, you know, that Netflix recently,
Jesus. The preceding podcast was a production of puzzle in a thunderstorm llc copyright 2018 all rights reserved