The Scathing Atheist - 299: Midterminus Edition

Episode Date: November 8, 2018

In this week’s episode, we react to the midterms in the way the midterms turned out, Jared Polis of Colorado becomes the first openly gay governor in US history, and Tom and Cecil will be here to ra...ise money by lowering self-esteem. For more info about Vulgarity for Charity, click here: https://scathingatheist.com/2018/11/01/vulgarity-for-charity-2018/ To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click there: http://www.amazon.com/Diatribes-Godless-Misanthrope-Scathing-Presents-ebook/dp/B00J53FZFI/ref=sr11?ie=UTF8&qid=1396141562&sr=8-1 To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out out half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ Guest Links: Check out “Florida Men: The Podcast” here: https://floridamenpodcast.com/ Hear more from Tom and Cecil here: http://dissonancepod.com/ Headlines: GOP Washington State Rep. Admits He Wrote “Biblical Basis for War” Manifesto (lead?): https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/11/01/washington-state-rep-admits-he-wrote-biblical-basis-for-war-manifesto/ GOP Missouri State Senate candidate outed by kids as giant bigot: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/11/02/kids-of-gop-missouri-house-candidate-dont-vote-for-dad-he-must-be-stopped/ Survey: A Majority of White Evangelicals Fear Immigration and Racial Diversity https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/10/31/survey-a-majority-of-white-evangelicals-fear-immigration-and-racial-diversity/ Tanzania Governor: Citizens Must Report Gays to be Arrested or God Will Be Mad https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/11/02/tanzania-governor-citizens-must-report-gays-to-be-arrested-or-god-will-be-mad/ The Satanic Temple: Netflix’s ‘Sabrina’ Remake Plagiarized Our Baphomet Statue https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/11/01/the-satanic-temple-netflixs-sabrina-remake-plagiarized-our-baphomet-statue/ Pakistani Supreme Court Overturns Asia Bibi’s Death Sentence in Blasphemy Case https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/10/31/pakistani-supreme-court-overturns-asia-bibis-death-sentence-in-blasphemy-case/ This Week in Misogyny: UK Watchdog group warns of religious school texts calling for gay genocide: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/11/05/uk-watchdog-warns-of-religious-school-books-calling-for-death-of-gay-people/ Survey: 2/3rds of teenage girls have been sexually harassed: https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/two-thirds-teenage-girls-sexually-harassed-a8523181.html Preacher: “Girls dressed as Princess Elsa for Halloween were dressed like whores” https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/11/04/preacher-girls-who-were-princess-elsa-for-halloween-were-dressed-like-a-whore/

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Starting point is 00:00:24 Visitez Rakuten.ca ou téléchargez l'application Rakuten dès aujourd'hui. R-A-K-U-T-E-N Morning, we're going to go full Beto O'Rourke concession speech with our profanity of the day. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by Stamps.com
Starting point is 00:00:40 and by The Midterms. Eh. And now, The scathing atheist. grandmother loved to fuck filthy monkey men a lot outside in front of other filthy monkey men and women It's Thursday. It's November 8th. And the mean stuff we're going to say on this episode is for a good cause. Well, some of it anyway. I have no illusions.
Starting point is 00:01:38 I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heath Enright. And from Bob Menendez's New Jersey. This is Bobby Hill. Larry Hall Studios in Chicago, Illinois. And Good Husband Georgia. This is the Skating Atheist. See, that part wasn't for a good cause.
Starting point is 00:01:52 On this week's episode, we react to the midterms in the way the midterms turned out. Jared Polis of Colorado becomes the first openly gay governor in U.S. history. Let's make some noise. And Tom and Cecil will be here to raise money by lowering self-esteem. But first, the diatribe. You know, I don't want to take too big of a shit on Tuesday's results, but I still want to take a shit on them. So first, let me do the upbeat end of this. Obviously, those with a vested interest in things like church-state separation, secular government, and the continued humanity of non-white straight cis people were hoping for a massive swing in the midterm election this year.
Starting point is 00:02:41 And just as obviously, we didn't get that. But we got a lot. And we actually got a check on presidential power. We got the first openly gay governor in U.S. history. And we got a record number of women elected to Congress. But here's what we didn't get. We didn't get the American people crying out in one voice that we weren't going to succumb to race baiting,
Starting point is 00:03:01 hate mongering, demagoguery based on transparent fictions and bigotry. And we didn't get the electorate rising up and rejecting the divisive xenophobia of the president or his enablers in Congress. We didn't get a rebuke of the rampant and unapologetic corruption, the incompetence, the one destruction of political norms, the violent rhetoric, and the unchecked stupidity. And anything short of that isn't just disappointing it's shameful now to be fair there were a lot of structural disadvantages working against democrats in this midterm a dismal senate map for democrats republican controlled gerrymandering
Starting point is 00:03:37 the disenfranchisement of minority voters the fact that the dakotas still get two senators a piece all that shit worked together to make this election a steep uphill climb and democrats got 51 of congress by turning out 60 of the vote so the numbers are better than they look but even then we should be ashamed i mean hooray three-fifths of the half of our country's voters that actually vote were bothered enough by the autocracy built on hate and lies to sacrifice part of a Tuesday afternoon to stop it doesn't exactly deserve party poppers and naive optimist that I am I still held out hope that we were overall good people I told myself that maybe despite what you know maybe 2016 was just a combination of apathy and motivated reasoning you, I said maybe most Americans just didn't see what was coming. They didn't recognize what they were voting for and against in that one.
Starting point is 00:04:30 Maybe now that America sees exactly what was in Pandora's box, they'll try to close it. Of course, by a quarter after eight, it was pretty clear that we weren't going to get that blue wave we were hoping for. And anything shy of that robbed me of the comforting delusion I entertained about Americans overall being good people. I mean, sure, you know, maybe we're good by a slim majority, but still the party poppers lay dormant, right? By and large, we have to admit that we're not good people. our fucking country is racist, sexist, homophobic, indifferent to the suffering of others, nationalistic, perfectly happy letting somebody lie to them if they like the lies. And I know none of this should come as a surprise to me. Everybody I know from any other country has been telling me that for
Starting point is 00:05:17 years. But I, like most people in this country, I guess, somehow told myself that the majority was like me. The majority were reasonable people, by and large, who, you know, maybe needed a swift kick in the ass to do the right thing now and again, but ultimately wanted to do the right thing or at least to see the right thing done. And I've clung to that illusion despite all the evidence to the contrary for years. But after Tuesday, I have to give it up. Sure, there are a lot of good people in this country. Maybe they're the majority, but we can no longer put the word fringe on the end of lunatic when we're talking about American politics. And at this point, with my eyes so forcibly wrenched open, I have to ask myself why? What the hell is wrong with us? What makes us so fucking worse than all the other wealthy industrialized countries of course entire libraries have been written in search of the answer to that question but as we all know on this show you can answer it with a single word now it starts with an r and it rhymes with division sort of i mean that's the thing that stands apart in american demographics from our cultural neighbors isn't it america is more
Starting point is 00:06:21 religious than any other developed country by a huge margin. And of course, religion promotes all that shit. I was complaining about the racism, the xenophobia, the homophobia, the outgrouping. And first and foremost, the accepting of transparent lies as truth if they tell you what you want to hear. Right. You don't need supposition to get here anymore. I know some of the shit I talk about on the diatribes is like two degrees of separation away from the religious cause, but at this point, it couldn't be any more direct. Evangelicals are the only group of people where the majority still supports Trump, and it's a wide majority. They're the ones organizing for him. They're the ones attending his rallies. They're the ones who see courts with his policies. Them, insanely rich people, and Nazis,
Starting point is 00:07:03 but this second group is too small a part of the electorate to win anything. And the third group is at this point a subset of the first. And I'd like to think that even people who support his monstrous policies, though, would at least have the sense to reject his lies. Right. I mean, it's maybe not the most depressing part of this, but it's the most disappointing. Like when the lie is as blatant as this picture of a crowd of 160,000 has more people in it than this picture of a crowd of 1.8 million. You'd like to think that you'd reject that regardless of how much you like the dude's anti-brown people stance. And further, you'd like to think you'd be insulted by it. But if you're talking about Americans, you would be wrong. And obviously you'd be wrong because those people have been primed by religion their entire lives to accept the most blatant of
Starting point is 00:07:50 falsehoods if it allows them to confirm their biases. They've had to put a mental asterisk next to the word fact for decades. So they were all lubed up when Kellyanne Conway showed up with her alternatives. And now all the political pundits are running around whatever the hell happened to truth without ever pointing their finger at that powerful, wealthy, politically active institution that's been openly working to undermine it for centuries. Joining me for headlines tonight are poll watchers Heath Edright and Eli Bosnick. Phyllis, are you ready to watch some poll?
Starting point is 00:08:28 I am, and I'm also ready for Nancy Pelosi to take over the House for a nice two-year cock block until we can start fixing the other parts of the government. I was promised total and complete control of the government by Swingless, those bastards. You were promised Beto, too too how'd that work out for you eli how about that donation huh a lot of money president shut up in our lead story tonight not all republicans are evil monsters strong disagree well okay so it's a weird thing you'd hope nobody would need to say about your group. They're not all these monsters. As a white man, I often feel the same way.
Starting point is 00:09:08 Not a great sign when I have to be like, Phil, by the way, Phil, nobody asked, but Phil did not assault anyone. Just FYI. Just so you guys know. Dude, Keith, American Atheist is going to sue us for stealing their motto this year. This is a whole thing now. So, yeah, all Republicans aren't monsters. atheist is going to sue us for stealing their motto this year this is a whole thing now so uh yeah all republicans aren't monsters but uh i could definitely make a list pretty quickly if i needed to even with really specific parameters like for example if you said name two republican
Starting point is 00:09:39 christian evangelicals who ran for their state congress and who think Jewish people are the spawn of Satan? Literally, I'd say Steve West and Matt Shea, like right away. And on the other hand, if I asked you to name two Republican Christian evangelicals who ran for their state Congress and weren't openly anti-Semitic, you'd say hats. Hats. Toast! Alright, so let's start with Steve West. He ran for a seat in the Missouri General Assembly after winning the GOP primary in August. And he got his background in politics by working
Starting point is 00:10:18 as a hate crime themed local radio host named Jack Justice. Who apparently wears an elaborate costume for hate crime themed local radio host named Jack Justice, who apparently wears an elaborate costume for his fans to listen to on his radio. See, Eli, it's silly. Heath's making fun of it. And by the way, for the record, he's in radio.
Starting point is 00:10:38 Instead of saying out the whole term hate crime themed, they just abbreviate that to AM. AM. Oh, yeah. That's nice. crime themed they just abbreviate that to am am oh yeah that's nice and uh steve west's past comments include the idea that jewish cabals are harvesting baby parts at planned parenthood and also the following exact words i can't stress that enough these are exact words hitler was right exact words west Hitler was right. Exact words.
Starting point is 00:11:06 West claims that last thing was taken out of context, but that means at best, he was involved in a conversation about good Hitler stuff. Also, he wasn't. It's not. Yeah, right. It's not what he meant. Hey, a little fun tip for you. If you can't think of anyone except Hitler who was right about the thing you agree with, you weren't. It's a fun little thing there. Yeah. So Steve West is absolutely a monster. Oh, yeah. But my favorite part of the story about him, besides the fact that he lost the election.
Starting point is 00:11:43 That's good. besides the fact that he lost the election. That's good. The fact that he got officially outed and reverse endorsed by his own children the week before the election. He's so evil, two of his kids felt like they had to contact local papers just to be sure this was public knowledge that he was evil. His son actually used the phrase he must be stopped it's not a good and it gets even worse it wasn't just his kids the republican party of missouri
Starting point is 00:12:13 actually released a statement denouncing him think about that despite still allowing him to run as their candidate to be clear yeah no right right their message seemed to be get out there and vote but don't vote too hard i mean look i get it they're the ones who are gonna have to see him at like meetings stuffing donuts down his pants to protect his vital fluids like yeah and uh that brings us to matt shea he's been a washington state representative since 2009 and he's currently the head of the state's republican caucus and he's a genuine fucking lunatic like redundant lazy writing fair so uh since being elected he's been a vocal supporter of other prominent lunatics including militant taxi vader cliven bundy and his rubber dick enthusiast sons ryan and amman
Starting point is 00:13:07 the former sovereign monarchs of a birdhouse in oregon i'm sure you all remember that story shea also happens to be the organizer of an anti-muslim hate group according to the splc and also a regular speaker at an evangelical cult that's run by the founder of the christian identity movement they're the guys that believe jewish people are the literal offspring of eve and satan the prince of darkness so there's that so what do they think he talked her into doing with that apple in there also a follow-up question what religion do they think Adam was? Or Jesus. How about Jesus? Okay, so if you had to guess what got uncovered last week about Matt Shea that's currently being looked at by the FBI,
Starting point is 00:13:55 what would you say it was? Nazi Manifesto. Okay, I heard Nazi Manifesto. And that's pretty much exactly correct. Yay! Apparently, a local paper got a hold of a four-page document that shea was handing out entitled biblical basis for war and besides the standard screed that you'd expect about gay people being evil includes a very specific section called
Starting point is 00:14:20 rules of war about literally killing people who break the laws of the bible in response to the allegations that he's organizing a campaign of genocide shea said those were notes for a sermon and then proceeded to get re-elected by a large margin so his excuse like you're taking that out of. I was going to yell this call of genocide to an angry mob, you know, to get them fired up. What do you... If anything, he should be worried about stealing Trump's material.
Starting point is 00:14:54 Yes, so bottom line, the GOP is definitely the rectangle party of the square monster universe. Right, yes. And it's weird that you wouldn't just become, you know, the circle party of the square monster universe right yes and it's weird that you wouldn't just become you know the circle party or like any other shape just rectangle so easy there's so many shapes when nazis are square pegs it's super duper suspicious if you don't make your
Starting point is 00:15:20 party a round hole and like and not like a giant gaping hole covered in lube that opens up even bigger to fit the fucking nazis before you say anything you'd think and in pole dancer news tonight it works if you see it spelled out the result of prri's 2018 american values survey suggests that the primary function of religion in the modern u.s is a hiding place for bigotry a conclusion that is also supported by the configuration of all the other atoms on Earth and all the eves.
Starting point is 00:15:52 Cool. No, it's a good one. Glad you're here. Thank you. So this survey was trying to gauge the attitudes towards America's increasing diversity and surprise, surprise, the group most willing to tell a random stranger on the phone that they oppose brown people were evangelicals oh huh yeah also apparently the most likely to
Starting point is 00:16:12 own a landline phone like a fucking serial killer that's fun and the most likely to be like yeah you know what stranger i would like to spend some time right now during my day talking about the pros and cons of each race that sounds great let's do that yeah everyone knows you gotta have a podcast for that right yeah all right so the first question of the survey was whether people supported a law preventing refugees from entering the u.s now this was not like they weren't asking about a specific real proposed law just like a law against refugees in general and in every demographic except evangelicals the majority opposed it leading the charge in this one was of course the religiously unaffiliated because we're better people than them according to math now i do want to be clear
Starting point is 00:16:56 that the numbers show that no cross-section of americans are good though right just that evangelicals are the worst even among the unaffiliated 27 percent were still willing to just stand in front of that plaque in front of lady liberty twiddling their thumbs and ain't no plaque they don't seem that tired or weak look they're not even huddling in a mess look at them not even huddling a mat back to syria fuck that now another question uh asked if respondents thought that america's increasing ethnic and racial diversity would be a good thing overall and again the religiously unaffiliated did the best on this survey except for the like religious groups that have a racial component like you know like hispanic catholics and black
Starting point is 00:17:41 protestants but even in those groups only% of them said that the country's racial and ethnic realignment will be mostly positive. What? One in five Hispanic Catholics and black Protestants are sitting around going, if it wasn't for all the us's, am I right? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:59 But in fairness, if more white people thought that way, it's a lot better. Which is why next year's charity is a violent race war. I know. They are going to be one of those probably next year, but we're not going to be involved. All right. So in case the extent to which evangelicals are fucking terrible isn't clear, I should
Starting point is 00:18:18 also point out that they're the only religious group that has a majority favorable view of Donald Trump. Probably already knew that. They're the only group where the majority thinks we're doing just fine when it comes to responding to sexual harassment especially when it happens in churches and they're the least likely to oppose kidnapping children at the border there's a free piece of advice evangelicals if you're worried about your culture being overrun by immigrants instead of trying to stop the immigrants maybe stop being the shittiest group of people right culturally you can get all the other runners disqualified but you can't win the race if you're standing still
Starting point is 00:18:54 they're not sure about that they're gonna try and in it's on every critics gaydar news tonight governor of the tanzanian city dar Es Salaam, Paul Makonda, reached out to his constituency this week in an appeal to report gay people to the government. Let me be clear here. Not gay sex, not gay marriage, gay people. You're gay. You have to tell me. You have to show me your dick.
Starting point is 00:19:29 Caught myself. people you're gay you have to tell me you have to show me your dick see caught myself uh so this hunt for the most dangerous gay comes as no surprise as the crime of homo thank you amazing as the crime of homosexuality carries a life sentence in prison in tanzania and just over one year ago the president of the country was quoted as saying, quote, even cows disapprove of, end quote, homosexuality. What?
Starting point is 00:19:52 He gestures to a cow with an eat more pussy sign. It's funded by an anti-gay hate restaurant. Actually, I feel like I feel like they'd give him the rights to those cows if he asked for them. Oh, on a moment's notice.
Starting point is 00:20:04 So here's what the governor said quote i have information about the presence of many homosexuals in our province these homosexuals boast on social networks give me their names my ad hoc team will begin to get their hands on them next monday end quote not adding adding, I mean, arrest them. Stop. Stop laughing. This is serious. Guys. Hello, is this Governor Makanda? Yeah, good, good. I'm the guy right behind
Starting point is 00:20:34 you having gay sex with you right now. I just wanted to report a gay person. Yeah. I hope every headline in Tanzania read, Governor Makanda desperate to find gay content on the internet. And look, this is horrifying, of course, but it's important to point out that laws and politicians like this
Starting point is 00:20:54 are what happen when you go somewhere with missionaries and, oh, I don't know, tell them a book is the word of God and then go home to your country and watch Will and Grace. Yeah. Yeah. Still, you got to wonder what turning your neighbor in for being gay would be like. What that would be like.
Starting point is 00:21:16 Let go of me. Let go of me. I got another one, sir. I am not gay. This is preposterous. Yes, you are. We will be the judge of that. Tell me, officer, what made you bring him in? I'm telling someone what was in at Fashion Week this year.
Starting point is 00:21:35 Oh, really? Come on. I work in fashion. Not helping. Not helping. I make uniforms for the military. Which branch? The Navy. See? See? See? Yes. I'm talking about. Hmm. Which branch? The Navy.
Starting point is 00:21:46 See? See? Yes. I'm talking about. Yes. But this one is tricky. Perhaps would you care for some cock? No. Okay.
Starting point is 00:21:56 Okay. Did well on that one. It's tricky indeed. Well, I suppose we'll have to let you go then. Thank you. It's just... Oh, never mind. No, no, go ahead. What is it? It's just my boss has been getting on my case lately.
Starting point is 00:22:12 I told him I could find homosexuals on my time and, you know, with my abilities, you know? Of course, yeah. Yeah, so like today, I actually walked right into his office. I looked him right in the eye and I said, This is how I do my job, and if you don't like it, you can find someone else. Yes. Got him. Damn it. They fall for it every
Starting point is 00:22:32 time. They always go for the yes. Classic yes. Yes. And with a quick note that I appeared in that stereotype reinforcing skit under protest, we're going to take a quick break and hand things over to my lovely wife, Lucinda. A man wrote the Bible. A whore is what she was.
Starting point is 00:22:49 If it's a legitimate race. It's a slut, right? Cooking can be fun. Hey, I'm proud of a man. This week in Misogyny. All right. To be fair, I spent the entire segment last week talking about the midterms. So I'm going to resist the urge to make this one about the election as well.
Starting point is 00:23:07 In fact, to keep myself from getting sucked into that, we're going to need to take the segment all the way to England. So this story comes to us from the Friendly Atheist blog. According to a letter to Parliament from the UK's Office for Standards and Education or Ofsted, religious schools in the UK are using some damn disturbing textbooks that go against everything education is supposed to stand for. According to the letter from Ofsted's chief inspector, Amanda Spielman, quote, we have found books that say it is acceptable for men to use physical violence against their wives, texts that say it is unacceptable for women to refuse sex to their husbands, and literature calling for the death of gay people end quote and before you ask yes she means other than the bible and i don't mean
Starting point is 00:23:51 to pick on the uk here they actually do pretty good with misogyny compared to the u.s but that's like saying your sense of humor is tame compared to eli's and we were reminded just how bad you could be and still be better than us by another story out of the UK last month that was sent to me by astute listener Geraldine. So according to a recent poll by Plan International UK, two-thirds of women in the UK between the ages of 14 and 21 have been sexually harassed in public. The survey looked at over a thousand women and asked about their experiences on public transport, in parks and bars etc and overall 66 percent of them reported unwanted sexual attention or sexual physical contact in
Starting point is 00:24:30 a public space now i will be the first to admit that that is a damn broad definition all sexual harassment isn't created equal and getting unwanted sexual attention at a bar and being groped on a bus are radically different things. But that top line number should horrify you one way or the other. The survey did dig a little deeper and it showed that almost two-fifths of women reported that they were verbally harassed at least once a month and 15% reported being touched, groped, or grabbed. And again, for emphasis, we're talking about teenage girls here. Now, in defense of the UK, the survey was done to help inform the ongoing public debate in that country
Starting point is 00:25:08 about acknowledging street harassment as a form of violence against women. And at least they're having that debate. When confronted with children getting sexually harassed back here in the States, it's more likely that you'll get the they're asking for it type response exemplified by brother Bruce Mejia.
Starting point is 00:25:23 He's a protege of Steven Anderson that took to his pulpit last week to point out that any little girls that dressed up as Elsa from Frozen this Halloween were, quote, dressed like a whore, end quote. So, yeah, couldn't help but take at least one shit on the home team here. But with that out of the way, I'll hand things back over to Noah, Heath and Eli. Thank you, Lucinda. And in Sabrina, the Thieving Bitch news tonight, if you're like me and you know a lot of women. So many women. Eli knows so many women from camp.
Starting point is 00:25:53 You guys don't know them, but there's a lot of them. Yeah, exactly. Well, you know that Netflix recently released a gritty reboot of Sabrina the Teenage Witch, which, short of handing out pumpkin spice lattes through the screen, is about as close as they could get to guaranteeing ladies across the nation would be glued to their TVs. Sabrina versus Gilmore Girls versus Sharktopus.
Starting point is 00:26:19 I think now everybody's in. I don't know that you're hitting the Target demo there, Heath. That is what she said. Now, what you're probably guessing is that this story is about Christians across the nation freaking out at the depictions of satanic magic on television. And look, I'm sure they are. But it actually turns out that this story is about how the show managed to piss off actual Satanists as well. Okay, but is it because they're sick of reboots
Starting point is 00:26:46 and desperately pine for a day when writers have creativity and producers don't stamp it out? Because, like, I'd dump a gallon of milk on somebody for that. And if people liked it enough, in 15 years, someone would throw butter at a rainbow and call it Noah pours milk too. So they full circle. So here's what happened the satanic temple not to be confused with the church of satan it's very important to them
Starting point is 00:27:09 is going to sue warner brothers and netflix for copyright infringement yeah that's right copyright infringement you see in episode four of the series the inside of the witch's satany house is shown and there's a reproduction of the statue of baphomet that the satanic temple has been putting up alongside 10 commandment plaques all over our nation please tell me the judge makes him use the upside down butt plug jesus to replace that might happen might happen so It might happen. It might happen. So the problem is nobody asked the Satanic Temple if they could use the statue. And the Satanic Temple
Starting point is 00:27:52 had that statue made for them and therefore hold the copyright to it. And because the show further depicts Satanists as evil cannibals who use black magic, even if the show had asked the Satanic temple, they probably would have said no. And as the temple has rightly pointed out,
Starting point is 00:28:11 TV wouldn't do this to another religion. Like you couldn't make a show where you used original copyrighted artwork and depiction of Jews, but you make them evil masterminds in your show. Okay. Maybe you could do that on Roseanne, but you shouldn't, is what I mean. You shouldn't do that. Well, unless you're Mel Gibson and making an epic movie about Jesus and how he foiled those crafty Jewish people,
Starting point is 00:28:38 in which case you should do it and you'll make like $612 million. You will, that's true. Either way, I think i have come up with a compromise solutions not problems sabrina gets to keep the satanic imagery but they have to let him win right come on how great would that show be anybody fine just sue each other whatever try to help and finally tonight from the bb8 file we're going to close on a little bit of good news we learned this week that the pakistani supreme court just overturned
Starting point is 00:29:12 the conviction of asia bb who earned international fame in 2010 when she was sentenced to die for blasphemy in a court proceeding that couldn't have been more disingenuous if it took place in an actual marsupials pouch okay yeah they actually tried to build a bridge out of her and it didn't work so yeah she's not a witch it's good news it's really really close to that okay so here's the story in 2009 uh asia noreen aka asia bb uh brought a drink of water for a co-worker normally this would not be a life-threatening problem, but Asia's lack of Muslimness made the water magically unclean. So the Muslim recipient took this as an insult, and not only did she refuse the water,
Starting point is 00:29:55 but she demanded that Bibi renounce her Christianity and become a Muslim because she was thirsty, and that would fix the magic in the water. Now, Asia refused. There was an argument and then several days later the co-worker comes forward with a story that at some point during the fight Bibi said that Muhammad was
Starting point is 00:30:15 quote, no prophet. Now, the only witness to this event happens to be the accuser's sister. Just picturing the boss from office Space. If you could just change your religion, that would be great. Very close. All right, so based on nothing but that and a coerced confession,
Starting point is 00:30:37 a Pakistani court sentenced her to death in 2010. Now, because she was a Christian as opposed to an atheist that isn't machete proof or just a falsely accused Muslim, the international community took notice. So her case was appealed all the way to the highest court in pakistan and in 2014 after she'd been in prison for five years they upheld the conviction right so we were all pretty sure the next time we'd mention this story is when was when she was publicly beheaded or something but last week the nation's supreme court called a surprise mulligan and reversed their own decision which means if i'm reading this right that not only will asia bb not be executed for believing in the wrong space wizard but she's actually going to be released from her
Starting point is 00:31:14 nine-year imprisonment but released into pakistan well that's true this is like the scarecrow giving commissioner gordon death by exile except it's by staying in Pakistan. So, hey, hey, Kim Davis, job opening. You're looking. Aren't you looking? No, you're looking. Now, before we go to lauding Pakistan for their progressive turn here. Not a big risk.
Starting point is 00:31:42 Yeah, no, not really. It's worth emphasizing, though, here what the Supreme Court didn't say. Right. They overturned the conviction because the witnesses were unreliable. The complaints didn't match up. The case was based on a confession the plaintiff gave while she was standing in front of a crowd of people threatening to murder if she didn't admit to it. They did not rule, though, that killing someone for saying Muhammad isn't a prophet is barbaric. Right? They agreed that people who say that shit deserve to die.
Starting point is 00:32:09 They just don't think she's one of those people. Right. Yeah. Yeah, right. Now that we've been forced to confront what passes for good news in the atheism business, I guess we'll close the headlines for the night. Heath, Eli, thanks as always. Heath by himself in his room with scotch and when we come
Starting point is 00:32:27 back tom and cecil will be here to help us do good bad stuff well brian kemp not today today. And not tomorrow. Hey, Noah. Buddy, what you doing there? Oh, hey, Heath. I'm mailing myself to England. Oh, because, uh, because of Brian Kemp? That's right, Heath.
Starting point is 00:32:58 You trust the political process. I'm going to ship myself out here like a cordless voting machine. No, no, no. You can't do that. Why? Because you should use stamps.com. What's stamps.com? Well, with stamps.com, you can access all the amazing services of the post office right from your desk 24-7 when it's convenient for you.
Starting point is 00:33:22 Wow, really? Yep. Buy and print official U.S. postage for any letter, any package, using your own computer and printer. Even a package just the right size to ship me away from a country that's obviously demonstrated I don't belong in it anymore? Exactly.
Starting point is 00:33:37 We use stamps.com to ship everything from merch for live shows to rewards for patrons. Mugs, T-shirts, bingo cards, you name it. Okay, but what if I don't own a podcast? Let's say I plan to pop out of a box at the home of Andy Wilson and just hope for mercy. Actually, stamps.com is great for all your shipping needs, be it buying and selling online
Starting point is 00:34:00 or even sending holiday gifts. Stamps.com is the way to go. Okay, but I'm kind of in a hurry. Well, right now you can use scathing for this special offer, which includes up to $55 free postage, a digital scale, and a four-week trial.
Starting point is 00:34:16 Do not wait. Go to stamps.com. Before you do anything else, click on the radio microphone at the top of the homepage and type in scathing. That's stamps.com. Enter scathing.
Starting point is 00:34:27 Hey, you hear that, Lucinda? We're saving money. Nice. She's already in there? Yeah. Tape that right up. So much room. Poke holes.
Starting point is 00:34:39 Poke holes. three years ago we had a guest on the show raising money for a good cause and almost on a lark we told our listeners that we would insult someone of their choice if they donated the response was so overwhelming that at one point i had to call eli and i said dude i don't think anyone in the world could insult this many people in time and he he replied, Noah, I've been waiting my whole life for someone to say that. And on that day, Vulgarity for Charity was born. Now, we're about to dive into the first round of insults here, but it's not too late to get in on the fun. Just head over to ModestKnees.org,
Starting point is 00:35:17 donate to whatever cause on their site you want, then forward your receipt along with who you want us to insult, preferably with a picture if they're not a public figure, to VulgarityForCharity.com. $50 or more gets you a guaranteed want us to insult, preferably with a picture if they're not a public figure, to vulgarityforcharity.com. $50 or more gets you a guaranteed on-air insult, and any donation at all gets you entered into a drawing to win an insult before it's all over. The fundraiser goes on until midnight on the 21st, so you have until Thanksgiving to get in on the action.
Starting point is 00:35:38 And, of course, partnering with us again this year are Tom and Cecil from the Cognitive Dissonance Podcast. Tom, Cecil, welcome back to the show, guys. This is my Christmas, Noah. I wouldn't miss it. And I'm dressed only in a bow. Yeah, we gotta talk about that now. Recording from home now. Alright, alright. Why don't we do
Starting point is 00:35:57 video? Alright. You know why we don't video. They do video. It's a really nice bow. It's a really nice bow. Honestly, it's because Tom can barely handle audio here. Oh, the roasting has already begun. All right, so last time we did this, we raised over $25,000. As of this recording, we're only six days in, and we've already raised...
Starting point is 00:36:19 $10,535.82. What the hell was that, Eli? We're recording two segments tonight, and Tom and Cecil aren't playing theirs until later, so it's going to keep it consistent. Oh, yeah, you're fucking crushing it, dude. Absolutely fucking crushing it. Thank you, best friend.
Starting point is 00:36:35 We are not best friends. Okay, see, the roasting has already started. Nice job. All right. All right, but I'll tell you what, guys. It gets better. If by one week from today, today being Thursday, the day this comes out, we can make it to $20,000, we're going to force Heath Enright to read an article that Eli found on the internet
Starting point is 00:36:55 called 12 Millennials Who Aren't Voting and Why. We're going to make him do it out loud. And we're going to all sit in on the the call are you just making stuff up in the middle of the recording no it's just making stuff up randomly in the middle of millennials don't make up a significant amount of our listenership that would be that would be uncomfortable weird all right so without further ado let's get this whole thing started this year's very first donor, Hunter, who would like us to roast their dad? Ooh, ooh. Hunter's dad looks like Stephen Baldwin's stunt double
Starting point is 00:37:30 in a movie about a killer tanning booth. He looks like he'd make a great cheerleader because he's constantly trying to pick up teenage girls. He looks like somebody who's bad at math having a midlife crisis. Like Dennis Hopper joined a boy band is what he looks like somebody who's bad at math having a midlife crisis. Like Dennis Hopper joined a boy band is what he looks like. See, I had him down as the ghost of Rutger Hauer's coke binge. Understand looks like he should be selling ad space for hair plugs for men on his giant fucking forehead.
Starting point is 00:38:01 All right. Now, Eric would like someone here to roast Eli for forgetting to roast him and his girlfriend when he donated to Modest Needs for his birthday last time. Wait, what'd you say? No, I'm sorry. I wasn't listening. I was scrolling through Cara Santa Maria's Twitter feed. You know, she has almost 80,000 Twitter followers. That's amazing.
Starting point is 00:38:20 Hey, Eli, how many do you have? Too far. Too far. Oh, and Eli, do you have something to say to Eric? Like you mean it. You and your girlfriend look like if The Fault in the Stars was about two teenagers who were dying of a disease that slowly turned you more and more Jewish. Why would that kill you? Or would you reach a fatal mass of Judaism?
Starting point is 00:38:49 1945 Germany. Oh, that was good. Also, by the way, for the record, Eric and Charlotte look like whereas Waldo and his girlfriend went to Amsterdam and became homeless there. But there they are. It's real right so Tom Sandra would like us to roast her ex-husband Rick who introduced her to our shows all right when I read this uh Sandra asked me to be gentle so I'm gonna go ahead and take it easy on you Rick and I mean really it's because I feel bad for Rick
Starting point is 00:39:22 honestly because anyone venturing into the world divorced, newly single, and looking like that probably can't handle a whole lot of unvarnished truths. I mean, Rick, I'm saying, doesn't even look like the kind of guy who can emotionally handle a lot of gentle white lies. I guess, like, what I'm saying here, Rick, is this. Like, however bad your old life was, it doesn't get better for you. That was it, buddy. I appreciate you going easy on him.
Starting point is 00:39:51 All right, Heath, I've got one for you. I don't want to get mean. Right, exactly. No, Ron would like a roast for his stepmother. He sent a picture of her wearing a very large blue shirt dress. Yeah, this is excellent. She looks like Jill Stein didn't listen to Willy Wonka
Starting point is 00:40:08 about the gum with like Jill Stein did that recount and ate the ballots as she went dipped in ranch. Yeah. All right. So I'll take this next one.
Starting point is 00:40:22 Jay would like us to roast his friend Colin, who looks like if you deflated Ted Cruz and put him in a centrifuge. Ooh. Not great. And if I had to guess, this is a guy who at least once in his life
Starting point is 00:40:35 asked a librarian if they had anything about how to turn his latest Lego creation into a real girl. Oh, shit. Wait, do they? Asking for a friend, Heath, I got your back, they do that's cool thank you though all right see so i got another one for you jennifer would like you to roast christian apologist eric hovind oh my god fuck that guy eric hovind looks like he's been caught on to catch a predator so many times people mistake him for one of the producers. Like he has like a favorite chair on set, you know?
Starting point is 00:41:09 If I had Bill Gates' fortune, I'd write a check for all but $6 and just give it all to Thomas Dolby so he could follow this dipshit around and every few moments just scream, Science! Right in his fucking ear. And then I'd take that other $6 and I'd buy a box of Magnum condoms so I could roll one over this giant cock's head. Did you hear that?
Starting point is 00:41:34 That means it's time for a challenge round. Wait, wait, wait. How did Noah do that? I want a boomy voice. Why don't I get a boomy voice? I've been running your voice through that filter for like 11 years, Tom. in real life most people don't know this tom sounds like woody allen yeah uh you mean rapey yes yes all right so now this challenge round is going to be tough because it's all about roasting the unroastable but if anybody's up to the challenge
Starting point is 00:42:02 it's going to be you assholes so ce Cecil, I'm going to start you off with Brian of the Glasgow Skeptics. That guy's fucking awesome. He's a really nice guy. A really nice guy. You're going to like him less after I tell you this. He would like us to roast his near-miraculous unborn child and his rockstar wife who is currently carrying
Starting point is 00:42:20 said miraculous child. Okay. Go fuck yourself, Brian. Here we go. Brian's not the first carrying said miraculous child. Okay. Go fuck yourself, Brian. Here we go. The best request. Brian's not the first atheist to be part of a virgin birth, but he's the first one to actually believe it. And I don't have to roast the kid. I mean, if he has half of Brian's genetics,
Starting point is 00:42:37 the world is already warming up the short bus. But don't worry, Brian. Don't worry, Brian. I'm sure he's going to be very successful because you're not the father. Be weird if it was Thomas Smith, right? That'd be ironic.
Starting point is 00:42:54 Still apropos. But I bet your fetus could at least score 10 points on me at ping pong, I'm guessing. Oh, shit. No, he's actually really good at ping pong, but I don't think he scored 10 points. Maybe 11. All right. So, Heath, I got a hard one for you.
Starting point is 00:43:08 Are you ready? I mean, but like how hard could it really like it's a roast? Would like you to roast his Welsh Springer Spaniel named Briggs. My God. Bonus. Adorable. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:21 And you cannot at any point call him a good boy. Who's a good boy? Fuck. All right. Adorable. Yeah, and you cannot at any point call him a good boy. Who's a good boy? Fuck! All right. Hey, he looks like he's friends with one black lab, so he thinks he can say the N-word. All right, interesting angle. Tom, I got a challenge for you, but I know you're up for it.
Starting point is 00:43:41 Paul would like the entire state of nebraska roasted and if anyone can hate an entire group of people it's you okay uh that's strangely fair um although i'm not sure that anyone can hate the state of nebraska as deeply as the kind of pathological self-loathing that is required of a person to wake up every morning and still live in nebraska like i would walk out of nebraska even if i had to crawl across the bloody stumps of my legs wearing newspaper shoes just so that i could kiss the ground crossing the border into iowa nebraska is a state so utterly fucking pointless and devoid of redeemable qualities that at some point someone in fucking iowa drew a literal line to keep nebraska from coming closer
Starting point is 00:44:32 all right and eli karen would like us to roast her impossibly attractive siblings okay i have a question what happened to our listeners over the last 365 days? Did y'all sign up for Beachbody? Because I gotta tell you, the only roast I want to give Nate is a spit roast. Shotgun ass. Shotgun ass. That was me at first. Heath broke your name. Now, luckily for me, Elizabeth likes country music, so I can point out that her taste in music is as bad as Karen's taste in Mexican food. Really, Karen? Taco Bell?
Starting point is 00:45:10 Brew up some Stumptown so the fruity notes can accent the day-old bean paste? What are you doing, Karen? Eli? Eli. Okay, right. Sorry, sorry. Roasting.
Starting point is 00:45:19 Elizabeth looks like one of those teachers who sleeps with their students, but for kindergarten. And Karen, Karen looks like one of those teachers who sleeps with their students, but for kindergarten. And Karen, Karen looks like she cries at book club because she's a gentle soul who shares the eyes of her brother, who I simply want to be held in front of a fireplace till morning. This is impossible. Gain some weight. All right.
Starting point is 00:45:43 Excellent job. Moving on. Wait a second. Noah, you have to right. Excellent job. Moving on. Wait a second, Noah. You have to do a challenge round. Yeah, I really actually didn't see another one. I got one. My fuck buddy Brian's grandpa. I mean, somebody's grandpa doesn't seem that hard.
Starting point is 00:45:58 Well, listen to this. He grew up in the Netherlands under Nazi control. His family hid two families of Jews, a military deserter, and helped a downed British pilot get back to the Allied forces. Okay, I can see how this is tricky. But he is the Wisconsin Evangelical Church of Christ slash Christian Church's leader. Okay, less tricky. But he built a house for himself from the ground up at the age of 70. What?
Starting point is 00:46:25 I feel like neutral. And to wrap it all up, when Brian came out as trans, he wrote him a letter saying he was unchristian and unloving. All right. Okay. So you know what, though? When I think about this, this is easier than I'm making it sound because his family helped Jews and pilots and shit in World War II. Right? family helped Jews and pilots and shit in World War II.
Starting point is 00:46:44 Everything I know about the grandpa himself makes him sound like that kind of elderly asshole who hops right up in front of everybody on public transit like he's going to be the first one out of the fucking plane. Hey, Brian's grandpa, get the fuck out of my way while we're getting off the plane. I don't give a shit how many Jews you saved in a war.
Starting point is 00:47:00 I haven't had a cigarette in six hours and you got two artificial hips made of Fabergé fucking egg. You get out when you get out it's not like you're gonna get out soon walking that fast just sit on a fucking plane until the young people are gone and think about how nice it is to live in a time where we don't just make stew out of the people too old to join in the hunt also also i'm pretty sure that the guy writing the you suck for being trans letter is the one who's unloving. I'm not an expert in that field, but fuck you. And by the way, people like you is how we're going to get conservatives on board with the Obamacare death panels.
Starting point is 00:47:37 It's going to be you. Because he's helping those refugees. Yeah. You look like Pepperidge Farm remembers segregation. All right, Noah. refugees yeah yeah you look like pepperidge farm remembers segregation all right noah special request here from april who is our favorite listener hey bro hey bro we're not supposed to say that heath but yes it's true yeah it is hi abril okay well apparently her boss has been giving her some trouble. What? I will fucking kill him. I will kill his family. I will fuck the eyes out of his skull.
Starting point is 00:48:11 Maybe too far. Fuck the eyes back into his skull. No. It's not the issue about where the eyes would go and your fucking direction. I think she just wants us to roast him like normal without skull and eyes thing. You look like Rob Corddry's mugshot and you put the creepy unsolicited workplace massage back in creepy unsolicited workplace misogynist.
Starting point is 00:48:36 That's awesome. You look like a Chernobyl themed chia pet. You look like a blind four-year-old carved a jack-o'-lantern face into a rotting peach with an old pen. He looks like someone is staging rabbit-proof fence in his hairline and Don't, don't. You're not. You're gonna go right back
Starting point is 00:48:56 to it. Don't say the thing. You're gonna go right back to it. Your eyes a medium amount in and or out of your skull. Yeah, that was the problem. It was the amount you hit the medium. Nailed it. Thank you. Alright, that was the problem. It was the amount you hit the happy medium. Nailed it. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:49:08 All right, so we also had a bunch of folks with political figures who needed roasting, obviously, given the timing. So, fellas, I'm going to challenge you to deliver the following roasts as a political slogan. Tom, you're up first. Lucas would like us to roast leader of the conservative party in Alberta, Jason Kenney.
Starting point is 00:49:24 All right. How about Jason Kenney? Look, Ma, no neck. us to roast leader of the conservative party in alberta jason kenny all right uh how about jason kenny look ma no neck or jason kenny the milk to your toast or jason kenny still working out the kinks all right cecil ben would like you to roast Jacob Rees-Mogg. Jacob Rees-Mogg. When I die and you go into my house, you're going to find a body pillow the shape of the EU with a hole fucked in it.
Starting point is 00:49:54 All right, Eli and Heath, Don, Austin, and Lori, and Noah have all requested Brian Kemp. Plus, Lori signed up for a monthly donation back in 2016 and continues to give. So make it three times as good. Okay. Brian Kemp, the politician version of a kid who calls the cops during a snowball fight. Brian Kemp looks like every creepy dad trying to put his hand on a waitress's back while he orders his food.
Starting point is 00:50:23 Yes. She curls out of the way like a cat who doesn't want to be touched. You know, that weird back thing where you don't... It's good, but it's supposed to be a slogan. Oh, right. Sorry. Yeah, slogan. Okay.
Starting point is 00:50:36 Brian Kemp. I look like every creepy dad trying to put my hand on a waitress's back while I order, and then she curls out of the way like a cat who doesn't want to be touched because I'm gross. Better. Better. Got it. All right, I got one more for you, Cecil. Reynolds would like us to do Mitch McConnell.
Starting point is 00:50:52 Oh, okay. Mitch McConnell, why compromise between cowardice and hypocrisy? But paid for by trumpeter peppy frogs for Mitch McConnell. Mitch McConnell, he can't have forgotten everything Splinter taught him alright of course and uh
Starting point is 00:51:08 Kalen requested Jeff Sessions so I'm gonna go with Jeff Sessions sympathizing with neo-Nazis before it was cool Jeff Sessions please
Starting point is 00:51:17 somebody give me a sock this is ridiculous Jeff Sessions or maybe a job yes alright so let's get murderous oh oh jeff sessions okay so he knows that would be that would be redundant but okay at sir jcc has requested we roast the newly elected jair bolsonaro tom uh you you got any more in you all right let's try this
Starting point is 00:51:42 uh jair bolsonaro a chicken in every pot and a creeper in every window. Jer Bolsonaro, three-time Roofies world champion. Jer Bolsonaro, the medication's working, we promise. Yeah, I might use that one. All right, and here's somebody I think we all agree deserves a good roasting today. Sam would like us to roast non-voters. Ooh, non-voters. It's hard because we can't say what they look like.
Starting point is 00:52:11 Oh, wait. Yes, we can. They're white dudes who got a C in their philosophy class before they dropped out of college to focus on their app. You're bad for America. And the only reason you have the opinions you do is because I wasn't allowed to bully you in high school. Now voters like when you're at the gas station you take a penny from the tray even though you paid with a credit
Starting point is 00:52:33 card. You probably save on shopping by heading over to the food bank. You turn left from the right lane and then you're the fucker who honks. Every one of you that stays home on election day playing xbox in your pajamas instead of voting means that your racist semi-literate uncle who watches vhs tapes of cops and rants about giving illegals free health care while on medicare is deciding who runs the country so next time you throw your hands up in frustration
Starting point is 00:53:05 and whine about the system being rigged, remember, you were too fucking lazy to even bother rigging it. Hey, non-voters, what's up? Fuck you, first of all. So you know how every time you hang out with your friends, it seems like they're more interesting than you and funnier and smarter then you go home
Starting point is 00:53:26 and you worry about how they probably talk about how you're a piece of shit and don't really deserve to be in the friend group but then you're like nah like that's just me this is me being paranoid when i'm home by myself and smoke pot i bring a lot to the table um but you don't actually you don't bring it to the table you're're not being paranoid. You're actually the worst. If you have to ask, nobody likes you. That's just how it is. Nobody actually likes you. If it wasn't for that weird social convention about not breaking up with friends, you would have zero friends.
Starting point is 00:53:56 That's how it would go. And you do kind of smell like old broccoli water, like all the time. I don't know how you do that, but old broccoli, it's just all the time i don't know how you do that but old brock it's just all the time just a faint it's like sulfury and a little mildew and it's gross you're gross it is it is all right and to bring it home tonight we got to give a mad shout out to joseph who became the most generous donor so far by kicking in 1037 bucks weird amount but I love it, for us to roast Tennessee candidate and now Tennessee candidate Marsha Blackburn. And damn it, they deserve something special. So to close things off, I'll kick it over to Anna so she can put the burn back in Marsha Blackburn.
Starting point is 00:54:40 Marsha Blackburn is a rep for the state of Tennessee. She's Dolores Umbridge, Barbie of the fucking GOP. I was asked to write a song for her cause Joseph fucking rules. But he made me learn all about this bitch So he's a giant tool First thing she did, an office is sign a rape abortion ban Tennessee would have been better off Electing the Gatorade Man
Starting point is 00:55:28 Also remember those viral videos About Planned Parenthood She claims she personally stopped them Selling baby parts for good She tells so many lies That I cannot fucking stand it Her campaign ad's so full of shit That Twitter even banned it
Starting point is 00:55:42 She and all her panel buddies Went and banned stem cells so a few more people on this earth could stay in living hell. Oh, Marsha, stop your lying. Wish you could, you would, you should. If you got struck by lightning, then at least I know you would. You're looking like a loser, like a soccer mom became a methadone user.
Starting point is 00:55:59 Oh, Marsha, fake news or you're a nightmare from my childhood. Marsha, fake news or you're a nightmare from my childhood. To make things even worse, she's for birther legislation. She thought the cast of Lion King had stolen the run of the nation. This walking scarecrow wants to close our borders to stop ISIS, and she almost single-handedly started the opioid crisis. I needn't mention that she thinks that climate change ain't real. Her policies make me feel like I have tracheoesophageal. There's so many other insults for her that I could have used, but I've said enough about her and the power she abused. Oh, Marcia, stop your lying. Stop telling lies today. Remember when you passed the law that
Starting point is 00:56:41 fucks the DEA. Stop lying, you honky. A better use for your tongue would be pleasing a donkey than any of your total bonky tactical display. Oh, Marsha, we're trying. We're trying hard, you know, to get you out of office by the time we run this show. We're sighing, we're prying, but at least we're not shooting our mouths off and lying. We're not even denying it.
Starting point is 00:57:05 If you win, we hope you know. Thank you, Anna. That was amazing. Well, that's going to do it for the first roast segment of Vulgarity for Charity 2018. It's not too late to get in on the fun. Again, just donate what you can over at ModestNeeds.org. If it's over 50 bucks, you too can send some vitriol for a good cause. Find out all the details on Scathingatheist.com.
Starting point is 00:57:25 Our next segment is going to be over on cognitive dissonance on their episode that premieres on Monday. All right, so you can check the show notes for more info on that. Tom, Cecil, thanks so much for joining us. Thanks for having us. Thanks so much. Before we close the polls tonight, I want to let those of you who just can't get enough Heath in your life know that he was live with Tom and Cecil on election night.
Starting point is 00:57:49 And the video of that live stream is up on their YouTube channel now. If you want to watch Heath get progressively more happy drunk, now is your chance. Just look for a link on the show notes for this episode. Anyway, that's all the blast movie we've got for you tonight. We'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister show, The Skeptocrat, debuting at 7 a.m.
Starting point is 00:58:07 Eastern time on Monday. An even newer episode of our sister show's Hot Friend Godawful Movies debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Tuesday. And an even newer episode of our half-sister show, Citation Needed,
Starting point is 00:58:14 debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously, I want to thank Tom and Cecil one more time for being part of the festivities tonight. Honestly, we couldn't do Vulgarity for Charity
Starting point is 00:58:21 without them. And even before they started doing this, they were already two of the most charitable and generous people that I've ever met. They'll be back without them. And even before they started doing this, they were already two of the most charitable and generous people that I've ever met. They'll be back next week. And remember, the fundraiser is still going
Starting point is 00:58:29 for another two weeks, so you'll still have time to help us break our previous record of $25,000. Details are linked on the show notes. Also want to thank the incomparable Heath Enright for being so non-analogous. I need to thank the superlative Lucinda Lusions for being over top of all those natives.
Starting point is 00:58:43 I also want to thank the inimitable Eli Bosnick for having a regional accent that's really hard to mimic. I want to thank Joel from Florida men, the podcast, both for providing this week's Farnsworth quote and for his intrepid work tracking America's most elusive supervillain. If you want to give his show a listen, you'll find the link on the show notes as well.
Starting point is 00:58:58 But most of all, of course I want to thank this week's most vivacious voters, Sasha, Chris Jonas, Eric, Pete, Greg, Drake,
Starting point is 00:59:04 Ashley, Drew Mason, and stone banana, Sasha, Chris, Jonas, Eric, Pete, Greg, Drake, Ashley, Drew, Mason, and Stone Banana. Sasha, Chris, and Jonas, whose intellects are so prized that I walked around on Tuesday with a sticker that said Sasha, Chris, and Jonas voted. Eric, Pete, Greg, and Drake, whose dicks are so impressive it's disingenuous not to include them on national maps of polling places. And Ashley, Drew, Mason, and Stone Banana, who are so sexy they got an honorary degree from the rectoral college. Together Together these 11 elegant elegists for eloquence elected to elevate our
Starting point is 00:59:27 elocutions this week by giving us money. Not everybody has the wherewithal or the whywithal to give us money, but if you think you're up to the challenge, you can make a per-episode donation at patreon.com slash scathingatheist, whereby you'll earn early access to an extended ad-free version of every episode, or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage at scathingatheist.com.
Starting point is 00:59:44 And if you'd like to help, but you donated all your expendable income to Vulgarity for Charity, well done. Legal services for this podcast are provided by the Law Offices of P. Andrew Torres. Tim Robertson handles our social media. And our audio engineer is Morgan Clark, who also wrote all the music that was used in this episode, which was used with permission. If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at ScalingAtheist.com. That Netflix recently really, you know, that Netflix recently, you know, that Netflix recently, Jesus. The preceding podcast was a production of puzzle in a thunderstorm llc copyright 2018 all rights reserved

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