The Scathing Atheist - 350: Sesquarcentennial Edition

Episode Date: October 31, 2019

In this week’s episode, we’ll use our powers for good like monster mamma taught us, I'M MATT GAETZ AND I'M PART OF THIS INTRO, and Eli will reluctantly agree that it doesn’t have to be the “Vulgarity for Charity”-tacular, since Vulgarity for Charity is already a name. --- How to Participate in Vulgarity for Charity: Click here to donate to Modest Needs Send your donation receipt to this email, along with info on who you want insulted. --- To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click there: http://www.amazon.com/Diatribes-Godless-Misanthrope-Scathing-Presents-ebook/dp/B00J53FZFI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1396141562&sr=8-1 To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out out half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ To hear more from our intrepid audio engineer Morgan Clarke, click here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/ --- Headlines: Vulgarity for Charity and Modest Needs: https://www.modestneeds.org/index.asp [e-mail] Rapper Kanye West Releases “Jesus is King” IMAX Film: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2019/10/25/rapper-kanye-west-releases-jesus-is-king-imax-film/ Religious Conservatives Lash Out at Kellogg’s Over “Anti-Christian” Cereal: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2019/10/26/religious-conservatives-lash-out-at-kelloggs-over-anti-christian-cereal/ “Inventor” Charges Drought-Struck Farmers $50,000 If He Can Make It Rain: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2019/10/24/inventor-charges-drought-struck-farmers-50000-if-he-can-make-it-rain/ --- This Week in Misogyny: John MacArthur doesn’t have enough paper cuts on his testes: https://relevantmagazine.com/current16/john-macarthur-told-beth-moore-to-go-home-for-having-the-audacity-to-preach-the-gospel-and-help-people/ Ireland high court rules against their abortion laws: https://edition.cnn.com/2019/10/03/uk/northern-ireland-abortion-high-court-gbr-intl/index.html Atheist couple prank Sorbo by asking him to congratulate them on their abortion: https://www.patheos.com/blogs/nosacredcows/2019/10/atheists-asked-pro-life-kevin-sorbo-for-video-congratulating-them-on-an-abortion/

Winning the following podcast contains percent symbols, asterisks, ampersands, and dollar signs. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by ZipRecruiter. And by Vulgarity for Charity 2019. Get your wallets out, it's time for sweet, sweet revenge. And now, The Scathing Atheist. Hi, this is Brian. And though I'm sure you've heard it before, the truth of the matter is,

we did in fact evolve from filthy monkey men. Yeah, it's Thursday. It's October 31st. And there's nothing in the rule book that says you can't trick-or-treat when you're 30. You're 32. I'm no illusions. I'm Eli Bosnick, still stands. I'm Ethan Wright. And from trick-or-treating Eli Bosnick's New Jersey, Cincinnati Swing State, and good husband Georgia,

this is The Scathing Atheist. On this week's episode, we'll use our powers for good like Monster Mama taught us. I'm Matt Gaetz and I'm part of this intro. And Eli will reluctantly agree that it doesn't have to be the Vulgarity for Charity-tacular since Vulgarity for Charity is already a name. We said we'd put a pin in it. But first, the diatribe

gotta say i'm pretty excited about halloween this year it's finally here we've got our yard all decked out we got the pumpkins carved we got bucket loads of candy to give out and i'm finally done putting all those little razor blades in them and my nefarious plot to murder random neighborhood children man i sure hope their parents don't check the wrappers again this year though or i'll be foiled yet again. I mean, look, we're a pretty fucked up culture when it comes to holidays. You know, we celebrate a fictional resurrection by hiding eggs and we celebrate a gift giving holiday by forcing our children to sit on the lap of an overweight man earning minimum wage. But of all our holiday traditions, I'm pretty sure the weirdest is the annual candy checking ritual. Right. And maybe I'm just old the weirdest is the annual candy checking ritual.

Right. And maybe I'm just old and people don't do this anymore. Or maybe you're listening from a sane country and don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. So to be clear, I'm talking about the period after trick or treating is over when little Noah comes home freezing to death behind his toilet tissue, thick Kmart superhero costume weighed down with a pillowcase full of candy but before he can eat any of it mom and dad have to inspect it to make sure it hasn't been tampered with and by tampered with they mean had a razor blade inserted into it by a sociopathic neighbor who can't think of a less obvious or a less troublesome way to murder random children. And they were super clear on that.

I'm just not sure why the supervillain wouldn't think to re-glue the package afterwards. But my parents were, or at least claim to be, utterly convinced that A, there were people out there trying to booby trap my Halloween candy, and B, a cursory glance at the package would be enough to foil that homicidal plot. I honestly can't decide which of those is a weirder thing to believe. Of course, this was hardly idiosyncratic to my parents. Everybody's parents did this. They warned you about it in school.

They had little public service announcements about it. Don't take Halloween candy that isn't wrapped. If some elderly lady took the time to make candied apples for every child in the neighborhood, it's safe to assume she poisoned them. Right. So don't take the chance. Stick with healthy standards like chocolate covered other chocolate and tubes of sugar that have been dyed blue. So it's a little less obvious that you're literally sucking down a tube of sugar. And to be honest, I don't know if society really believed all of that shit or if it was just one of those convenient lies to tell children like the tooth fairy or religion. It makes sense that my parents would want me to be scared as all hell to eat my candy while I was still out trick or treating.

Right. Or maybe it was just so they could divide it up evenly between me and my siblings. Or maybe it was just a way for my dad to stash away a bunch of Snickers and Reese's cups before we'd done a count. away from my dad to stash away a bunch of Snickers and Reese's cups before we'd done a count. But regardless of the reason, through ignorance or malice, my parents convinced me that there were people in the world cruel enough to stash razor blades and candy and that those people were so numerous that you had to operate as though there was one in every neighborhood. And think about what a fucked up worldview that leaves kids with. Because I took that shit seriously. When I went door to door asking if I could rake leaves or shovel walks for a few bucks,

I did so with the trepidation appropriate for a person who believes there was a good one in 30 chance that the person on the other side of the door was an elaborate psychopath. Right? I would look at the candy in the store and I would think, hey, what's to stop the razor blade chocolatiers from branching out beyond Halloween? Is any candy safe? And why just candy? Couldn't one of them get a job at McDonald's and really speed this process up? And look, I know I just did a diatribe about irrational fear last week, but if there's ever a time of the year I can get away with back-to-back diatribes about fear, right? And I think it's important to draw a

distinction here. It's bad to teach kids to be afraid of demons and ghosts and alien abduction that can fuck them up something fierce but you're on a whole new level when you start teaching them to fear each other i mean obviously kids need some reasonable amount of fear there right because there are bad people you got to give them at least enough fear to stay out of the rapist's car no matter how tasty that Kit Kat looks. But when you start inventing reasons, right, like you invent reasons for them to fear their neighbors, you've gone too goddamn far,

no matter how convenient it is to have them unquestioningly turn over their candy for inspection at the end of Halloween. And in case it isn't already super obvious how this ties into the larger atheist theme of the show, let me spell it out for you. Children are taught to fear you. All over this fucking country, children are taught that your motivation and advocating for atheism, skepticism, evolution, geology, right? All of that is motivated by your desire to rend them from the arms of Christ.

by your desire to rend them from the arms of Christ. You're only pointing out the inconsistencies in the Bible and the immorality of God and Jesus because you want to rob them of eternal life and paradise. And what kind of fucking person would do that? Unless you think they soften this image by telling their kids that you're simply mistaken about religion, they supply you with a personal motivation. You're in love with sin.

You so enjoy your sinful ways that you're willing to abandon rational belief in God in an effort to justify it. You don't disagree with their assertions about God. You reject them and you do it all because you can't accept the charge to not be evil. The sole comfort is that we're not alone in our vilification, right? We got the company of all the Muslims, all the Buddhists, the Hindus, the Jews, and probably the Mormons and Catholics, if we're being honest. Everyone unlike them is to be feared. They're not just different. They're not just mistaken. They are sinister. And the only way they can stop being sinister is to start agreeing

with you about religion. Look, it should go without saying that teaching your kid to fear an immortal fire satyr is a bad thing. It doesn't go without saying, but it should. The only comfort we can take is that there are no real fire satyrs that are going to be mistreated and prejudged if these kids ever happen across them. But you'll lose that defense when you start teaching your kids that the devil might just be their neighbor. They're talking about you, Jesus. Start teaching your kids that the devil might just be their neighbor.

They're talking about you, Jesus. I interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news bulletin. Joining me for headlines tonight are the trick and treat to my fuck yeah, it's Halloween. Heath Enright and Eli Bosnick. Fellas, are you ready to lure neighborhood children in with candy? I mean, I'd love to, but I usually just end up eating my own candy in a van by myself that's sad three words gentlemen full sized candy bars

are you sure on that I'm going to attack your house in our lead story tonight at midnight tonight the atheist community will remind the world once again that it's made up of the best fucking people our country has to offer. When vulgarity for charity makes its triumphant return.

That's right. It is that time of year again. So from November 1st at midnight Eastern Time, sure. Why not? To November 27th. That's the day before Thanksgiving. You will have the chance to get in on the world's only tax deductible insults. I mean, technically donating to the Republican Party also counts, but our thing's better. Our thing is way, way better. OK, but that's only tax deductible if it's a crisp.

Never mind. Sorry. So for those of you who are newer to the show, let me lay it down. Vulgarity for Charity is our annual joint charity drive with Tom and Cecil over at cognitive dissonance wherein you the altruistic listener make a donation to our favorite charity and we the raunchy hosts repay you by insulting any person place thing concept or phenomenon of your choosing it can be your estranged uncle it can be your boss your friend your congressman or your least favorite brand of toothpaste it doesn't't matter. Between the three of us, there's nothing we can't insult. Damn right.

We like to think of Heath as our puppy assassin, if you will. I am boycotting all dog roasting. That's official. A line has to be drawn. That's ridiculous. But your stupid fucking kid? Perfect. Your Republican uncle with face cancer?

Even more perfect. I don't know. Let me check my notes here, Heath. Yeah, I still set up the roast, so your Fido-based adjectives better be ready. All right. Get ready for a really long silence boycott. I mean, whatever. That's what you're going to get.

All right. So once again, this year, we're raising money for Modest Needs. Modest Needs is a great charity. We've been working with them for years they specialize in helping people that are just above the poverty line and are at risk of falling below it these are people that don't qualify for a lot of traditional assistance but are like most of us one unexpected expense away from a disaster so last year we raised over a hundred and thirty thousand dollars thanks to an anonymous fifty thousand dollar match and this year that same anonymous donor is doubling their pledge so we have a match for up to one hundred thousand dollars

this year and we really want to max that out and by the way if you haven't checked out modest needs.org to see like what that charity is it is all the smart things you wish charities would do and 30 that you didn't think of yeah it really is they're fantastic it really is all right so here's how it works you make a donation to modest needs of 50 or more they'll email you a receipt you forward that receipt to vulgarity for charity at gmail.com that's for not the number four along with the name of the person place or thing that you want us to insult and help us out here. If it's not a celebrity, if it's not a public figure,

send along a picture with some details. Really hard for us if all we have to work with is the name Rick and the fact that he's an asshole. Then, in the coming weeks or months, depending on how quick we can get to him, we'll be doing segments here and over on Cognizant where we're going to be verbally eviscerating our backlog. And lest Noah try to rush

past it, this year, if we hit our $100,000 goal, we will embark on our most requested fundraising goal ever. No, absolutely. Cecil said no. And Sarah hit you with a bottle. Nonetheless, nonetheless, nonetheless.

And then she hit you again with the broken bottle. Are you serious? Okay, fine. We'll do the most requested goal by people other than me. If we can raise $100,000 and hit our match, Noah and Lucinda will quit smoking forever. What? You heard it. That's for real, by the way.

That's not just Eli trying to set me up like last year. That's for real. Lucinda's in on this. That's for real, by the way. That's not just Eli trying to set me up like last year. That's for real. Lucinda's in on this. That's going to happen. So if we don't get to $100,000 and I die of cancer, it's your fault. Your fault. You gave Noah cancer. So be sure to check the show notes.

We'll have links to more info about Modest Needs, as well as a link to find more information about the fundraiser, too. We're shooting for the moon this year. We're going to need your help to get there also the sooner you donate the sooner you're going to hear your insult so it's probably a good idea to act fast now do it now please everyone else is going to wait do it now do it now and make that smoking thing happen you'll get like a bonus like a two--month Mickey and Mallory killing spree in South Georgia. Yeah, right. No, we take out a ton of Republicans down here.

Start recording our business meetings. Put that out as bonus content. Modest needs. Do it. And in, okay, some church in the wild news tonight. Kanye West has a mental illness and a drug problem that has hurt his family career and well-being so you know what that means he found Jesus you're damn right he did of course he did and to be clear that is not the mental illness or drug problem Eli was talking about right we

I would just I want to be clear that we would not denigrate mental illness or heroin by comparing them to religion. Yeah. Mormonism is like heroin if your dealer would show up at your house and harass you after you quit trying to give you more shots. Sorry, that minus the euphoria part that you got to have at the beginning. Heath, let me just say, you have never had a go-getter for a heroin dealer. Anyway, what's the best way to show you've humbled yourself before our lord and savior jesus christ that's right releasing a christian themed imax film starring you about you and your new album and your religion yeah and i watched the trailer for this thing based on the trailer there's no reason for it to be an IMAX movie. No, there is not.

Like, it's just Kanye walking and then camera shots of Kanye holding a camera and shots of a gospel choir. That's not also flying through New York like Spider-Man on strings and stuff. Pretty sure Kanye just heard Max and wanted that. So he was like, yeah, I want an IMAX movie. That's it. Yeah. So according to the man who's been calling himself Yeezus for the last few years, he's found God and will no longer make secular music.

Now, we should point out that Yeezy's Christianity has taken even weirder forms than an IMAX film dedicated to himself. According to many sources, he now insists that his collaborators on tracks read the Bible and demands they remain celibate while they work together. Oh, cool. Yeah, works great for the Vatican. Yeah, no, it really has. What could possibly go wrong with that? Yeah. Cool. Yeah, it works great for the Vatican. Yeah, no, it really has. What could possibly go wrong with that? He has also publicly policed his wife Kim Kardashian's fashion choices.

On a recent episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, a show you should watch for the same reason you should know why Rome fell. Why did Rome fall, Eli? Hats. He expressed his displeasure at her outfit for the Met Gala, saying, quote, I went through this transition where being a rapper, looking at these girls and looking at my wife like, oh, my girl needs to be just like the other girls showing their body off. I didn't realize that was affecting my soul and my spirit as someone who was married and the father of now about to be four kids. Of course, it is a form of

underwear. It's hot. For who, though? End quote. To which Kim replied, you're giving me really bad anxiety. You knew last night I had really bad anxiety and I don't need

any more negative energy. And for you to say you're now not into me wearing a tight dress. End quote. It's fine, though. Kanye balanced it out by dressing like

an undercover Republican for that event. He did. Yeah. it out by dressing like an undercover Republican for that. He did. Yeah. So silly looking with like big track sneakers. Yep. All black track suit. Yeah. Side note, the Patreon goal for those wondering for me to start a new podcast where I read the transcripts of keeping up with the Kardashians is one dollar. Kardashians is one dollar. One dollar. Quick, before you hit that goal, I want to reiterate that no using the but it's audio excuse to do blackface is still on the whiteboard.

I haven't moved it. Yeah, it's weird that me and the prime minister of Canada share a whiteboard. If only he had waited until audio only mediums. And finally, we should point out that this is not the first time that Yeezy has tried to cash in on Jesus. In the words of the website HotNewHipHop.com, quote, We wish Ye the best on his mission, but it wouldn't be the first time he publicly expressed a thought on a whim that never ended up manifesting. Kanye also claimed the life of Pablo was a gospel album, which featured hip-hop production and wildly raunchy lyrics. So his understanding of religious music might be quite

broad. Well, that's the first and last time anybody's ever suggested Kanye's understanding of a thing was broad. So we're going to pause on that rare alignment and hand things over to my lovely wife, Lucinda. A man wrote the Bible. A whore is what she wants. If it's a legitimate race. If it's a slut, right? Cooking can be fun. Hey, I'm proud of a man. This week in Massage. So the setting is the Truth Matters Conference, an evangelical conference dedicated to lying. The theme is the sufficiency of scripture or why none of the other books count. And the speaker was John MacArthur,

pastor and longtime host of the Grace to You radio show. So, you know, we're about to get some crazy progressive thoughts on the role of women in society, right? So during a panel, the moderator decides to play a fun word association game and calls on everybody to respond to various subjects in two words. John MacArthur's subject was Beth Moore. And obviously, if you or I got that subject, our two-word reply would be, the fuck's that? But a guy like John MacArthur knows exactly who the moderator was asking about. She's the founder of Living Proof Ministries, which is a ministry that focuses on aiding women. And nothing pisses evangelical men off like aiding women. So his two-word response was go home.

The audience clapped because what kind of awful fucks would pay to go to something like this to begin with? But to make it clear that he wasn't just disparaging her as a human being, he went on to complain that, quote, the church is caving in to women preachers, end quote, before launching into a tirade about the evils of the Me Too movement. So, yeah, his argument is that evangelical Christians, i.e. the people currently in your audience cheering wildly at every misogynistic brain turd you utter, are getting too feminist. But enough bad news. Let's move on to some good news I missed at the beginning of the month. Northern Ireland is set to move into last century with its abortion laws now that their high court has ruled that their current laws contravene UK human rights laws. This ruling stemmed from a case where a woman in Northern Ireland was being denied an abortion even after multiple doctors concluded that her fetus wasn't viable. So she had to go to London to terminate her pregnancy. A quick John of 500 miles and the IRC.

So to be clear, they're not exactly going to become civilized or anything. Their current law allows for abortion only when there's a serious risk to the woman's physical or mental health. And apparently they don't consider being forced to bear the child of rape to be a risk to her mental health. Nor are cases where the baby will die shortly after birth. It's very important to pro-life people that those babies suffer, you see. And as bad as all of that is, the only thing set to change is that last one. So no soup for Ireland, but they're at least allowed to smell other people's soup now. And lastly, I want to thank Lucas Gauthier, sorry if I'm mispronouncing your name,

and his friend Annie, who made my week by trolling the shit out of Kevin Sorbo. See, K. Sorbs has this thing where you can pay him 50 bucks and he'll record a happy birthday message or a congratulations or whatever the fuck you want him to say. He needs the money. So Lucas gave him 50 bucks and asked him to congratulate Annie on her recent abortion. In the message, he said, quote, It was the abortion we had together. It was my baby.

We are both very excited that it got sucked out a science tube, end quote. Well, in order to turn the money down on principle, you'd have to have principles. So KSORPs took their money and sent them this preachy video about the horrors of abortion, which included the line, quote, if this is funny for you guys, whatever. Kind of a sick way to be funny, but it does make me sad. It does. End of quote. And don't get me wrong. It is funny.

It's fucking hilarious. But even if it wasn't, I'm pretty sure the fact that you're sad made it worth Lucas's 50 bucks. Because you're not just the butt of the joke. You're also a horrible, terrible person. And on that note, I'll hand things back over to Noah, Heath, and Eli. Thank you, Lucinda. And in Toucan Sam wants you news tonight, Tony the Tiger, Toucan Sam, and Snap, Crackle, and Pop are among the most beloved corporate mascots in American history, and it would be impossible for any sane person to get furious over any story

that involves all of them. So you know what that means, Anna? What are the guys talking about? It's the newest, the greatest Christian freak out. That's right. Kellogg's recently announced a promotion in which six of their most popular cereals will be sold together in the same box in support of anti-bullying advocacy. The combined monstrosity is called Altogether Cereal and contains This looks so good. Frosted Flakes, Rice Krispies, Corn Flakes, Raisin Bran, Fruit Loops, and Frosted Mini Wheats. That's fantastic. You guys would want that.

No, it isn't. Are you serious? No, it's fucking insane. Oh my God. You add Reese's Cups and Glenlivet Pods and non-dairy creamer and that's the official Heath trail mix that I make when I hike.

Oh, that's going out in the swag bags for the high level. Oh yeah, absolutely. That is going out. Of course, Christians are losing their shit and not in the literal way one would normally associate with eating cornflakes, raisin bran and frosted mini weeds at the same time. Instead, they're losing their shit because anti-bullying shares a lot of Venn diagram space with anti-Christian, you see. Along with pro 14th Amendment.

So, yeah, not a great sign when you're threatened by the Equal Protection Clause. Yeah, right. And cereal. Yeah, non-eat snacks, yeah. We are all threatened by this cereal heat. Seriously, what are you talking about? That's amazing. Did they make this because putting your mouth in a paper shredder was too expensive?

Yes. There's no Cap'n Crunch crunch in there that's quaker all right so this whole promotion is in support of uh spirit day a nearly decade-long annual lgbtq awareness day and kellogg's promotion came along with a fifty thousand dollar donation to glad the gay and lesbian alliance against defamation christians though are big fans of defaming gays and lesbians so they spoke out the orders of magnitude impaired one million moms was among the first to launch this protest against serial miscegenation releasing a statement that read in part quote kellogg's has supported the homosexual community for a long time and now it's obvious they are going after our children end quote because until

now one million moms wasn't super sure which demographic kellogg's had been aiming at let me tell you the wrong one okay because i promise you i buy more raisin bran than any of those brats could dream of dream of just saying, even if Kellogg's stops making this amazing, I will repeat that, amazing combo mix, this is a great little addition to the Satanic Temple milk-pouring demonstration that they'll get to do. Also, I really want to watch these bigots

to see where they draw the line. I want to do a little experiment. Like, I put a frosted flake next to a fruit loop and they start trembling a little and then I slide a little closer and start yelling and barking. I throw a Rice Krispie in there and they start having gay sex.

I don't know. Like, what happens? I mean, we went to Utah. There is a correlation. I'm not saying there's a causation. Of course, landlocked stationary boat owner, Ken Ham, also needed to get in on the action,

tweeting out a picture of the new cereal with a comment that read, we are not all together as the LGBT, as the LGBTQ lifestyle slash worldview is anti-God, anti-biblical, and anti-science.

No. And consists of only a small minority in the culture. So much there. Just so goddamn much there. But he continues. But many will altogether not support such an in-your-face anti-Christian marketing. End quote. Because Ken Ham apparently forgot that he's still supposed to pretend that bully and Christian aren't synonyms.

Yep. Ugh. Gross. But the cereal's amazing one more time. No. And finally tonight. You don't like those. What are they one more time?

Fruit Loops and Raisin Bran together? Are you fucking kidding me? They're both delicious. Raisin and fake fruit. No, man. There's a fucking frosted flake in there, too. The raisins aren't even... The raisins are just covered in sugar, too.

They fit great with the Fruit Loop sugar. It's just all sugar. You can pour that glucose test liquid over the top. It'll be fucking great. We are in a fight. And finally tonight, we have a story out of Australia about a so-called rain salesman. So let's go ahead and start by saying, don't buy rain from rain salesmen. That's not a thing.

No, we could even go, don't buy rain, I think. Yeah, don't buy water. Too far. No, buy water. Nope, I got caught up just it's bad for you unfortunately this a priori knowledge didn't quite make it to all the farmers in australia yet in the melbourne sorry in the melbourne area they're actually dealing with one of the worst droughts in recent memory and a number of these farmers have been successfully sold on a weather

modification service for the price of fifty thousand dollars they just got a dedicated team of guys scaring chinese butterflies yeah those guys mark walberg Mark Wahlberg. The con man behind the Rainmaker is David Miles, who happens to look like Jim Gaffigan, became an incel and purchased about a dozen extra bottom teeth. So Jim Gaffigan with extra teeth. There you go. And that should have been your first red flag. The second red flag should have been the moment when he said, I invented a machine that controls the weather.

And the third red flag should have been the use of the phrase electromagnetic scalar waves on the company website, along with the following description of the Rainmaker technology. the following description of the Rainmaker technology. Quote, we use current meteorological modeling of near future atmospheric behavior produced by Bureau Supercomputing in order to ascertain the vulnerable sensitive dependencies of converging events. End quote. All right. Feel free to check my math on this this but i'm pretty sure that translates to i watch the weather forecast it sure does no it sure does yeah correct i want to make sure

and one final enormous red flag should have been the sales pitch that said you only have to pay for the rainmaker if it rains oh Oh, wow. So if it never rains in the future, you get it for free. Man, when the future ends, that guy's going to lose his shirt. Big trouble. So, yeah, it's weird that farmers in that area

didn't ask around to a few of their neighbors about sharing the bill for 50 grand. Or maybe the Rainmaker device has a setting for specific pieces of property. It's not clear how that works. Regardless, this whole story perfectly illustrates why organized religion is literally fraudulent and why its leaders should get prosecuted for fraud because they commit fraud. The business model is exactly identical to the idea of giving time and money to

a church in advance for the possible future reward of heaven. Well, except that rain exists. Yeah. Well, besides the existence part. But don't worry, if you die and go to hell, you can ask for your money back. So it's fine.

And now there's a bunch of new websites I have to forbid Eli from buying. So we're going to close the fine there. And now there's a bunch of new websites. I have to forbid Eli from buying. So we're going to close the headlines there. He's Eli. Thanks as always. I can fuck you to purgatory.com. When we come back,

we'll finally learn who to send the ransom notes to for all those words. We stole. I can. Irene can be a slow process cafe altura's coo dylan miskowitz needed to hire a director of coffee for his organic coffee company but he was having trouble finding qualified applicants so he switched to zip recruiter zip recruiter doesn't depend on candidates finding you it finds them for you its technology identifies people with the right experience and invites them to apply to your job, so you get qualified candidates fast. Dylan posted his job on ZipRecruiter and said he was impressed by how quickly he had great candidate supply.

He also used ZipRecruiter's candidate rating feature to filter his applicants so he could focus on the most relevant ones. And that's how Dylan found his new director of coffee in just a few days. With results like that, it's no wonder that four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. See why ZipRecruiter is effective

for businesses of all sizes. Try ZipRecruiter for free at our web address, ziprecruiter.com slash scathing. That's ziprecruiter.com slash S-C-A-T-H-I-N-G, ziprecruiter.com slash S-C-A-T-H-I-N-G, ZipRecruiter.com slash scathing. ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire. When we first started this show, we dedicated ourselves to rebutting the very best apologetics that Christianity had to offer. So we scoured the literature for the brightest minds and most well-formed arguments and then dutifully disassembled

them. But along the way, we noticed that most Christians don't actually know the best apologetics and often they don't even understand them well enough to realize that they're refuted. So to make sure we've done the job thoroughly, we're also now taking on the very worst in Christian apologetics as represented by Hilary Morgan Ferrer's Mama Bear Apologetics. So quick recap. So far, this book has been about

why you should buy this book. And last month, we learned that it's not enough to tell your kids what to think. You've got to tell them how to think. And also we learned that Hilary Morgan Ferrer is pretty sure she was one Christian summer camp visit away from going ass to ass with Jennifer Connelly.

Yes, yes, we did learn that. Yeah, so that brings us to chapter four, linguistic theft, redefining words to get your way and avoid reality. That is a surprisingly honest chapter. theft, redefining words to get your way and avoid reality. That is a surprisingly honest chapter. Yes. Sadly, no, she is.

She's talking about us, not her. Of course she is. Sorry. Withdrawn. So her first example of linguistic theft is the word gay. Specifically, the time she walked down the halls of fifth grade screaming, I feel so gay. Everything comes back to go ass to ass with Jennifer Connelly with this woman. Right. So here's her quote on opening up on linguistic theft. Quote, linguistic theft is much more sinister than just the evolution of language.

of language linguistic theft refers to purposefully hijacking words changing their definitions and then using those same words as tools of propaganda end quote so christian persecution religious freedom that kind of thing exactly science evidence space time counting numbers, high bats, birds. Yeah. Foot penis. There's a lot. Wait, wait, wait. Foot penis? You really should read ahead. You should read ahead.

I should read ahead. There you go. Well, foot means penis in the Bible. All right. Well, luckily for us, Hillary actually has a list of words that are currently being stolen, and she's going to break down the true meanings of

some of those later but those words are marriage love hate equality justice male female tolerance bigotry oppression really war and crisis god i'm surprised she didn't include there i'm sure it was in a draft it was in a draft. It was in a draft. Right. So now that she's established there's a war on the definition of the word war, it's time for a section titled, Who Cares About Words? Words are just social construct, right? I just love her fucking audience is so dumb

that she has to actually have a chapter called, Who Cares About Words? Words are a Ponzi scheme. Just fucking random shapes and face noises. Blue, blah, bleep, bleep, bleep. End of book. Can we just end the book now? Yeah, I mean, that's how it would go if I had written it.

But for HMO, she wants us to know that words are super important. So are you guys ready to get your minds blown? Oh, yeah. All right. Words are so important that even i didn't say i was ready okay take a time ready three two one words are so important that even jesus was words what yeah what because in john 1 the bible says in the beginning was the word and the word was with god and the word was god and bird is the word so god is a bird and god is everything so bats are birds checkmate atheist

damn qed motherfucker we we got god so now it's time time for Hillary to show her hand a bit. Here's what she has to say. Quote, what will our kids do when taking a stand against sin is interpreted as oppressive? According to the new definition to defend the oppressed now requires affirming sin. End quote. And I really, really want to know what HMO thinks the original definition of defending the oppressed is. Yeah, yeah. For the record, lady, that is exactly, word for word, the same argument the antebellum South used against emancipation.

Right? I would love it if you guys would refresh your arguments every civil war or so. I bet you it was Team Iron Man 2. Gross. Okay. Heath, we do not speak of the dead like that. We do not. Let it go.

So with that out of the way, it's time for a section called How Linguistic Theft Works. And ironically, this section is basically a how-to guide disguised as a preventative one. Yeah, this book is basically a for-profit linguistic prison. And by the way, yes, Hillary, you can use that quote on the book jacket if you'd like. Right, so she's going to break down the bad things about linguistic theft into several subsections

because we did something terrible in a past life and this segment is our punishment but basically the intro here is you might think it's all fun and games to disagree about what words mean but linguistic theft has some real consequences y'all yeah it's called the republican party of the modern day the party of christ yeah yeah exactly frank lunce thanks buddy so hillary's first problem with linguistic theft Republican Party of the Modern Day. The Party of Christ. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Frank Luntz. Thanks, buddy. So Hillary's first problem with linguistic theft is that it stops a discussion in its tracks. Also, she concludes the subjection by saying, quote,

fake definitions obscure the issues, and it doesn't make sense to attempt to carry on a discussion when we're working with two different meanings of the same word. End quote. Got it. Cool. i just want to add one other thing bi-weekly great can we stop talking about this book now are we done okay so now it's time for subsection two linguistic theft compels people to act without thinking through the issues yeah hell you can get all the way to the end of your manuscript and then go fuck mother means a person with children doesn't it damn damn you'd think you'd think so now it's time for hmo to prove that either she hasn't seen star wars or she doesn't understand so anyway she's got an awesome example here you go ready quote

picture that scene in star wars episode four when obi-wan kenobi used the force to get out of a sticky situation sorry who calls it star wars episode four right someone who has never seen it or a new hope maybe no it's just star wars yeah star wars Star Wars. Episode four of five, six, nine, many. Star Wars-ive. Yeah. She continues, He could have said, Are you profiling?

I'm so offended. Do you know how racist you sound right now? How would you feel if it was your droid being stopped at every turn? Stop oppressing these droids. They are not the droids you're looking for you intolerant bigot that's probably how the script would read nowadays end quote wait but the droids are oppressed like like like the next scene in the movie is the one where they're denied entry to the cantina because the bartender quote doesn't serve their kind right like was she just so into justifying bigotry that she started using all the fictional bigotry too why don't they have

fucking stars upon thars all right get some fucking stars and now that we're on the subject bob yule was a victim of pc culture gone too far. Trial in the public eye. Thank you. But it actually gets worse. See, as we learn in subsection for linguistic theft, it also vilifies the opposing viewpoint. Yeah, you know, like when you

accuse people who disagree with you of being inhabited by a goat demon. Right. Top of my head. Or when you refer to clarification as linguistic theft yeah right people being smarter than me is intellectual theft what stole my brain and thonins don't worry hill dog has some more examples for us see if you can find the opinion that doesn't belong in this quote all right right, ready? Not many people will stand on a street corner with a sign that says,

everyone should be able to have sex with whomever they want, no matter the gender, age, relation, or number of participants. I think I found it. However, you will see signs that say, love is love, end quote. Yes, yes, the classic,

then how come I can't fuck my nine-year-old nephew defense? Keep it classy, Hill. Keep it classy. Yeah. She's got another example, which is truly my favorite, if only because of the citation, quote, or how about anti-free speech rallies

that equate free speech with fascism? You may think I'm kidding, but on many college campuses, advocating for free speech will get you branded as a fascism. You may think I'm kidding, but on many college campuses, advocating for free speech will get you branded as a fascist. End quote. And her footnote here is truly one of the silliest articles I've ever read. It's by

The Hill, and it's about Antifa, and it all but accuses them of stealing the socks people lose in the dryer. Okay, well, Antifa should start doing that amazing amazing form of protest but we have one more glorious example of linguistic theft here hitler got this book literally has a godwin count it does it does so far it is a hundred percent so here's the quote and And don't forget about Hitler.

Oh, Hitler. He's the kid nobody wants on their kickball team. What? That's a bad description of Hitler. I'm going to say that's a bad way to describe Adolf Hitler. Yeah. She continues, the Christians claim he was atheist. Atheists claim he was a Christian.

The right says he was left. The left says he was atheist. Atheists claim he was a Christian. The right says he was left. The left says he was right. If your camp can make the opposing camp share anything in common with Hitler, then you have won hands down. End quote. Well, okay. All right. Whoa, whoa.

One side is right on both of those opposing viewpoints, though, right wing Christian. Right? You might as well be like well you'll hear up is up up is down east is east east is west who knows what to believe anymore three equals three three equals 3.14 4.6 billion equals 6 000 no it doesn't it's mathematical no what do you believe oh that brings us to our final subsection. Linguistic theft turns a negative into a positive. And according to Hillary, quote, you'll see this happen, especially during pro-life slash pro-choice debates. What exactly do those who are pro-choice mean by choice?

If they want to get technical, they are referring to the choice for a woman to scald, dismember or suction her in utero fetal human if she no longer wants to grow it in her body. End quote. In a chapter dedicated to accusing other people of linguistic theft. And immediately following the be respectful of everybody's ideas thing. Now, unfortunately, she couldn't finish the chapter the way she wanted to because her pro-life club was scheduled to celebrate an execution later that day after they protested against closing the gun show loophole. So it was a whole big thing. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm just going to go tie this tube sock to a cinder block and throw it in the river. I'll be back in a second. Got to get the evidence block and throw it in the river. I'll be back in a second. Gotta get the evidence. I get it. So as promised, now it's time for a list of words that are being stolen. All right, you ready? First up?

No. Love. So Hillary gets out her dictionary to fill her word count. But this is her point. Quote, today, to love someone means to blindly accept whatever that person believes, even if his or her belief contradicts reality. End quote. So faith. God is love is faith. That is dumb. Hillary Morgan Farrow. Good point. That's dumb. Right. But of course, the truth is God is love. Wow. I'm just going to let her do the work for me from now on.

That isn't at all confusing, by the way, in case you were thinking that was confusing, because when you know that God rejoices in the truth, and speaking of which, guess what? The next word that's being stolen is truth. So according to HMO, quote, our kids are now encouraged to live their truth. This is my truth. And so according to HMO, quote, our kids are now encouraged to live their truth. This is my truth. He's being authentic to his truth. I can't begin to tell you how dangerous this one lie is. When society messes with the definition of truth, it's messing with our kids' very foundation of reality, end quote. And she concludes, quote, even science is ignored if it contradicts the paradigm of tolerance, end quote.

Yeah, nobody cares about the integrity of science like a Christian apologist writing a book. Yep. What? And that brings her to her next stolen word, tolerance. So according to Hillary, quote, the word tolerance no longer means to live peacefully with people of different beliefs it now means that all beliefs no matter how bogus must be treated as equally legitimate end quote nope and then i got sad because mckindle told me

that 63 other people highlighted that sentence in the book and i bet only a couple of them did it ironically well but okay but therein lies the fucking deception or linguistic theft if you will tolerance means that the people have to be treated as legitimate not their beliefs nobody is arguing that i should have to take your dumb ass Jesus shit seriously. But if I tried to pass a law that says, you know, for example, you're not allowed to buy cake because you're a Christian. I would then be crossing the fucking line. The difference. You got to keep it on the inside, HMO. It's on the inside.

But don't worry. She actually has a scientific citation here. It's a YouTube video by the Family policy institute of washington called gender identity can a five nine white guy be a six five chinese woman oh fuck you well maybe with a note from donald trump's doctor yeah so uh that brings us to our next stolen words, justice and equality. And here, Hillary points out that every whiner who wants a leg up is asking for justice these days. Am I right? Here are her examples. Gay marriage, the women's march again, and wealth disparity.

Yeah. Also, fuck poor people. Yep. She works that in there. Poor people. Gross. They can't even afford a kickball to play with Hitler. It's not even worth discussing.

But don't worry, because you know who does know about justice? The Old Testament. What? Here's the quote. Really? Yeah. In today's culture, justice no longer means what is merited. When someone talks about equality, they are no longer referring to equality of access or worth

they mean equality of outcome end quote if equality of outcome is heavily racist then either equality of opportunity is racist or hillary morgan farrow would like to rank the races on ironically there you go yes right right She's the most maligned intellectual of her time. So she closes her justice and equality section by talking about how they don't let Asians into Harvard anymore because of affirmative action.

That must have been an interesting afternoon of data gathering by Hillary Morgan. Just going up to people in Harvard Yard. Hello, are you Chinese? No, that's what I thought. No Asians, I knew it, no Asians. And hey, speaking of that,

you know what other word has been stolen? Bigot. And again, she's going to hit us with the paradox of tolerance by saying, quote, the irony is that people who use the term bigot in this manner are actually living out the very definition of the word.

According to Merriam-Webster's dictionary, a bigot in this manner are actually living out the very definition of the word according to miriam webster's dictionary a bigot is quote a person who is obstinately or intolerantly devoted to his or her own opinions and prejudices and where she ends the quote yeah yeah right no no thank you this one pissed me off quite a bit there is another sentence in that definition right she intentionally left off the second half. There is another sentence in that definition, right? She intentionally left off the second half of the Merriam-Webster dictionary definition, which continues, quote, especially one who regards or treats the members of a group such as racial or ethnic group with hatred or intolerance, end quote. So that was convenient. Yeah, no, she literally truncated the dictionary definition to intentionally obscure the meaning of the word in a chapter about how bad it is to redefine fucking words. If you need me, I'll be propelling myself backwards across the Atlantic in a rolly chair with the power of my screams.

Yeah, I'll race you. I will race you. And our final stolen word is authentic. Please be talking about the Dead Sea Scrolls. Please be talking about the Dead Sea Scrolls. What? Sadly, she leaves the whole Hobby Lobby Museum out of this section. It's very sad.

No, this section is terrifyingly about the ungodly act of accepting that you aren't perfect. What? about the ungodly act of accepting that you aren't perfect what right so what she's going for here is that the only reason people should admit that they have flaws is so they can compare themselves to jesus and repent and all the people in christianity who tell you to like learn to love yourself and your beautiful messy life are actually telling you sin is okay or something i actually don't understand this section i think she's mad because her friend got like a bless this mess wooden board from pier one and she didn't let her burn it i don't really know yeah i mean hillary if it's any consolation when we all say you're fine just the way you are we're not talking about you

and we're lying to whoever we're talking to yeah exactly so now we know that the jews have derailed the word bigot from its original meaning of not being nice to assholes it's time to learn how to fight back without being a jerk um too late yes too late uh so first up on how not to be a jerk know the biblical definition of those words yeah and then wait for noah to go on a call-in show yeah exactly now we know what book that dude was reading so so she's gonna give away the game here in the first sentence of how not to be a jerk when she says and i swear this is real quote, you might want to find a dictionary from before 1950 and look at some of the definitions before agendas started creeping in, end quote.

She continues, if the word isn't in the Bible, like bigot, then study how that word is defined and talk about examples of actual bigotry. Ahem, 1960s desegregation much? End quote. Definitions of bigot and jerk got all fucked up after Brown v. The Board of Education in 54. You gotta go, are you fucking serious? She is. Okay, how not to be a jerk on her list number two,

teach your kids to identify buzzwords. You know, because nothing says honest debate like dismissing people based on words you've decided aren't real. And her example here is the word deserve. She says, if you see an ad that says you deserve something, you should ask your kids, quote, what if a person gives wedgies to handicap kids? Do you think he or she deserves a new xyz then what does the bible say about what we deserve hint romans 623 end quote and in case you don't want to look it up that's the wages of sin is death passage yep right she's literally suggesting to teach your kids that what they deserve is to die yeah that easy bake oven does look pretty cool have i mentioned god is going to kill you because

a lady ate an apple why are you crying why are you crying precisely next up number three identify when you are embarrassed to state your position. And this entire number is, look, if everyone in culture has told you your opinion is so abhorrent that your own revulsion kicks in at your thoughts and feelings, lean into that thought and feeling and feel it double. Yeah, right. No, like basically, if you look back and see that there is indeed an african-american gentleman behind you weigh his feelings against how funny the joke is and against how unfair it is that you had to use blackface to get into harvard that's not fair and then tell an asian joke because they don't exist there and finally on our list of how not to be a jerk is

decide to be salt and light. What? It's basically where she's saying if you're like salt in an open wound, keep it up. Just don't miscegenate with pepper? What the fuck does that mean? Yeah, I have no idea.

I think it means that like hurting people is fine, but that didn't make the word count. Anyways, it's time for the discussion questions. Gentlemen, are you ready for the discussion questions? I think I am,

sir. One icebreaker. Give an example of a word that people use incorrectly. What bothers you about this usage and how can you communicate the right meaning of the word oh i have a perfect word for this one mama i'm gonna go with ironic for example it's not ironic that a christian apologetics book tried to redefine bigot during its chapter about linguistic theft because that's exactly what you should expect

from a Christian apologetics book. There you go. True that. Number two, main theme. People change word definitions to make their agendas sound more appealing or to hide their true motives. How have you seen this strategy at work

in our culture and affecting it? Oh, one time I saw a lady dress up. When your kids say they deserve a ps5 you tell them they deserve to rot in hell with a wedgie joke oh one time i once saw a book try to hide the christian element of the holocaust by focusing on hitler's kickball ability and then just lying Just lying. Straight up lying. Yeah. All right. Number three, self-evaluation. Have you caught yourself inadvertently adopting cultures, new definitions? If so, which ones?

What made it hard to discern the agenda behind the way those words were being used? I'm going to go with a no on this one. I use the common definitions of words very advertently yeah uh i reject the question in which hillary morgan farrow is very clearly saying it's actually more racist that white people can't use the n-word anymore if you think about it that's just as racist as anything else. All right. Number four, brainstorm. What are some ways you can start teaching your kids about the real and biblical definitions of love, truth, tolerance, justice, equality, bigotry, and authenticity?

If you're in a group, have everyone pick a word and study it this week. Come back next week and share what the Bible says about that word or concept and how it differs from what culture says well i'm good at following instruction so i'm going to answer that one next week but i do appreciate that she admits that you should teach your children both the real and biblical definitions though yeah you want them both in there yeah i'll participate in this one too i'll head over to covington catholic teach them about some words. That should go great. I'll let you know how that all turns out. All right.

And finally, release the bear. Listen closely to your kids' conversations this week, normal. What words have they absorbed from the culture that need to be corrected? If you hear them using a linguistically hijacked word, set aside time to talk about it. Ask, what do you think that word means? Make sure your children know the real definition. You would be amazed at how adopting a correct definition changes someone's perspective.

How could a word be hijacked in a way that's not linguistically? I wonder what you think that means. Yeah. But I'm worried I might venture into crime think territory if I deal with this question. I'm going to play it safe and skip this one. All right.

Well, I'll tell you what. At least this book has given us permission to keep rubbing salt in it. So we're going to be back next month with even more Mama Bear apologetics. Before we sign out and quit tonight i want to remind you that vulgarity for charity starts at midnight tonight and i'll tell you what if you donate a day early we'll count that so just go to modestneeds.com donate 50 or more email us the receipt at vulgarityforcharity.com that's the word for not the number with the information on who or what you want insulted we will do the rest and if you can't donate 50 donate what you can send us the stuff anyway and we might just include your insult as well every dollar you donate is worth double so help us squeeze every penny out of that hundred thousand dollar match and help remind the world

that atheists are among the most charitable thoughtful caring and altruistic people in the world anyway that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight but we're back in 10,022 minutes with more if you can't wait that long be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister show's hot friend god awful movies debuting at 7 a.m eastern on tuesday and an even newer episode of our half sister show citation needed debuting at noon eastern on wednesday obviously i'd be demoted to co-host if i neglected to thank keith henright for battling through a literal three degree internal temperature to be with us today i need to thank eli bosnick for also being pretty hot. And I also want to thank the

lovely and talented Lucinda Lusions for raising my internal temperature every time I see her. I also want to thank Brian for providing this week's Farnsworth quote. He probably has an enormous penis if you think about it. But most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's best people. Chris Glenn, Oliver, Joshua, Connor, Eric with a K, Natalie, Zig Smash, Ben, Seth, Jim, Eric with a C,

Phillip, Pink Gloom, Ben, Cass, Bryson, and Naxamander. Chris Glenn, Oliver, Joshua, Connor Jim, Eric with a C, Phillip, PinkGloomBen, Cass, Bryson, and Naxamander. Chris, Glenn, Oliver, Joshua, Connor, and Eric with a K, whose dicks have to be continued, tattooed halfway down the shaft. NatalieZigSmashBen, Seth, Jim, and Eric with a C, whose neurotransmitters leave skid marks when they think. And Phillip, PinkGloomBen, Cass, Bryson, and Naxamander, who are so bright eclipse glasses warn their kids not to look directly into them.

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