The Scathing Atheist - 362: Super Naturalists Edition

Episode Date: January 23, 2020

In this week’s episode, Trump is ready to make America pray again, Coach Dave wants the Duchess of Sussex to Megxit through a separate door, and it’ll turn out Australia was just on fire for Jesus this whole time. --- To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click there: http://www.amazon.com/Diatribes-Godless-Misanthrope-Scathing-Presents-ebook/dp/B00J53FZFI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1396141562&sr=8-1 To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out out half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ To hear more from our intrepid audio engineer Morgan Clarke, click here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/ --- Headlines: Op-ed referred to in the Diatribe:  https://ministrywatch.com/when-a-church-is-not-a-church/ Trump Administration Issues Unnecessary Rules to “Protect” Prayer in Schools: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/01/16/trump-administration-issues-unnecessary-rules-to-protect-prayer-in-schools/ Kanye West Joins  Dominionist Pro-Trump ‘Prophets’ for Stadium Prayer Rally: https://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/kanye-west-joins-dominionist-pro-trump-prophets-for-stadium-prayer-rally/ Australian religious freedom bill: https://atheistfoundation.org.au/2020/01/religious-freedom-bill/ and https://www.theguardian.com/world/2019/dec/14/religious-discrimination-bill-what-will-australians-be-allowed-to-say-and-do-if-it-passes After Protests and a Baffling Amendment, Vaccination Bill Fails in New Jersey: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/01/16/after-protests-and-a-baffling-amendment-vaccination-bill-fails-in-new-jersey/ Dave Daubenmire: Meghan Markle “Poisoned” the Royal Family By Being “Half Black”: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/01/15/dave-daubenmire-meghan-markle-poisoned-the-royal-family-by-being-half-black/ --- This Week in Misogyny: National Archives tweak photo to literally erase the voices of women: https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/how-depressing-that-the-national-archives-is-altering-history/2020/01/18/b1e72374-39f9-11ea-bb7b-265f4554af6d_story.html Christian mom: Fat shaming is god’s way of telling you you’re fat: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/01/17/christian-mom-women-who-feel-fat-shamed-should-admit-theyre-overweight/

Changing a light bulb should be simple. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Uh-oh, that's not supposed to happen. Quickly submitting and tracking a claim on the Bel Air Direct app actually is simple. Bel Air Direct. Insurance simplified. Warning, this episode would make Elmo faint. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by the infant coffin for the anti-vax parent on the go.

Told you so's. Told you so's. Told you so's. Maybe you should have Googled. And now, The Scathing Atheist. My name is Natalie, and I live in Lincoln, Nebraska, home of the devil hands. If my degree in anthropology taught me anything, it's that one, you can't get a job in anthropology, and two, we we did in fact evolve from filthy monkey men

it's thursday It's Thursday. It's January 23rd. And it's Measure Your Feet Day. So, uh, go ahead and take Quentin Tarantino up on that offer, I guess. Might as well. Yeah, right. It's the day for it. I'm Noah Lusions.

I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heath Enright. And from measles-friendly New Jersey. God damn it. Cincinnati, right. It's the day for it. I'm no illusions. I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heath Enright. And from measles-friendly New Jersey. God damn it. Cincinnati, Pennsylvania. Good husband, Georgia. This is The Scathing Atheist. On this week's episode, Trump is ready to make America pray again. Coach Dave wants the Duchess of Sussex to Megxit through a separate door. Oh, God. And it'll turn out that Australia was just on fire for Jesus this whole time. Ooh.

But first, the diatribe. When I was in my 20s, I had a job for a while as a fry cook at Applebee's. And that job fucking sucked. But the boss was pretty cool. I worked a morning shift, and if we got all our prep work done before the restaurant opened, he would look the other way if the kitchen crew went out back and smoked a couple joints before the lunch rush started. He was also pretty cool about not noticing it if we maybe took a meal home at the end of our shifts once in a while. But then this dude named Jack started working there and he fucked it up for everybody.

Right. He would like make it look like his prep work was done and then spend an hour outside smoking blunts. He'd take home a lunch that consisted of 27 chicken strips and four orders of fries. And we kept telling him he was going to ruin this shit for all of us, but the asshole wouldn't listen. And pretty soon, we had to cook tequila-lime chicken sober all damn afternoon. And I only mention this because, having been privy to those failed interventions with Jack, I recognize and appreciate the tone of a recent warning from Ministry Watch about the disturbing trend of evangelical charity organizations

pretending to be churches for the purposes of taxation. Underneath its thin veil of solicitude and moral apprehension are the unmistakable tones of don't fuck this up for the rest of us. So the piece I'm talking about here is an op-ed by Warren Cole Smith, the head of Ministry Watch, titled When a Church is Not a Church. And basically, it highlights the increasing number of institutions that were nonprofits for the purposes of taxation a few years ago and suddenly became churches under Trump's watch. The main difference between those two designations, of course, is the annual Form 990. It's basically a tax return for a nonprofit organization that's publicly available. It forces nonprofits to declare their income and their expenses, including a breakdown of their administrative fees and their salaries. But if you're designated as a church rather than a nonprofit, you don't have to file that shit or anything like it.

And if you want to be charitable and give Ministry Watch the benefit of the doubt, you can commend this piece for bringing this problem to the fore in such a way that it would end up getting discussed in the New York Times and the Washington Post. But if you're less lenient in your interpretation, you might notice the way it tries to hijack the conversation, right? Like, sure, it points out the problem, but this is a problem that's been pointed out before. It also arms the offenders with plenty of bullshit, plausible deniability. For example, it tries to heap a little blame on secular groups who have publicized the charitable donations of prominent people to their own detriment. Think about the dude that founded Mozilla and then got pushed out when his donations to Proposition 8 came to light. And in Smith's view, that's a, quote, despicable practice engaged in by unscrupulous bullies,

end quote. You know, because how dare people publicly associate you with yourself? And citing this excuse, he points out that many of these groups are probably changing their designation so that they can, you know, keep their bigotry funded privately. You know, so it's our fault. And as bad as that excuse is, it's not even fucking true. The IRS has already bent over backwards to make sure bigot groups can keep their donors' names private. He also needs to justify the continued ability of churches to hide their own finances one way or the other. And here's the best he can do. Quote, churches have

leadership and members who live in community with each other. Almost all donors come from within that community. Whatever transparency and accountability are necessary will be provided by the rules and structures of the church. The government has no business interfering in a church's internal affairs, end quote. And yes, that is just a long series of non sequiturs followed by not a point, followed by the exclamation of a drunken sovereign citizen at a DUI checkpoint. But it also ignores the fact that 10% of the churches account for 50% of the church attendance because Christians can't even make up bad arguments without lying. But I'll be damned if both of those flimsy ass defenses weren't dutifully parroted in all the mainstream articles

that I saw that referenced this piece and talked about this problem, right? But the real impetus for all this shows up at the bottom of his piece. And surprise, surprise, it's got nothing to do with his genuine concern for America's philanthropists. It's the fact that a mainstream candidate for president dared to broach the subject of making churches play by the same fucking rules as all the other nonprofits, and that has them terrified, right? So people like Warren Cole Smith go out and bluster a bit about how very concerned that they are that people are taking advantage of this otherwise very reasonable tax benefit as a smokescreen. Well, it's never bothering to justify the damn thing in the first place.

Look, when Christians come out from any fucking where and fight for this thing, they know good and fucking well that they're primarily fighting for Joel Osteen's mansion, Creflo Dollar's plane and John Gray's wife's car. Right. They're not even fighting to keep money. They get to keep the money either way. They're fighting for the right to lie about that money later. And there is no honest reason to fight for that. Joining me for headlines tonight are the blood and sweat to my tears. Heath Enright and Eli Bosnick. Fellas, are you ready to excrete?

What goes up, Noah, must come down. Oh, wow. Okay. Do you also shit tears? I thought it was just me. But this is cool. What would make them tears? It's a reference to a sweet blood, sweat, and tears song, Spinning Wheel.

Oh, I see. I thought you were throwing those things into the air. that's better i am keats in our lead story it was national religious freedom day last week so donald trump celebrated by making a big announcement that he's making a new rule to protect the rights of every kid to pray in school because he's an idiot. And we already have that. And Christian people got super excited because they're idiots. And somehow they didn't know we already had that. Right.

Yes. At this point, he's promising them the inside of a pot in every pot and they're cheering wildly. Next, I'm going to give back all the guns that Obama took from me. Right. Yes. All of them will go back. You might do that one. And just to be clear, this story is about Donald Trump. So it's definitely worse than just benign stupidity.

He didn't manage to hit that lofty goal of benign stupidity. And that's because the still allowed to pray directive was accompanied by some other rules and guidance memos that actually will have an effect. And they're going to funnel government money into religion. So bad stuff, too, obviously. and they're going to funnel government money into religion. So bad stuff too, obviously. But all the Christian people had definitely stopped paying attention after that first part about the praying that they already had and started legally spite praying right in our atheist faces in celebration.

Big win for them. Yeah, no, we'll all be way fucked if one of them thinks, you know, using a prayer in schools to pray for more prayers in schools. Yeah. So so far, again, the school praying thing, it's a giant pile of nothing. But that didn't stop Trump from inviting a bunch of Christian kids to the Oval Office for his weird theatrical like ribbon cutting ceremony to commemorate the nothing and these kids were allegedly victims of you know all the atheist teachers who walk around school slapping bibles out of kids hands and yelling in their faces and blasting gitmo dubstep atheism music to drown out their praying and torture and all that stuff. So apparently for just the price of a cup of coffee a day, you can sponsor a prayer starved Christian kid in America's heartland.

I just imagine the ads now they like they pick a fly off of some white kid's face and put it on a black kid's face. There we go. He might as well have invited Covington Catholic on the grounds that if you freeze halfway through a tomahawk chop, you're basically praying. You know, he's like, you got to catch him on the downswing.

You're being negative. Yeah. Christians are being persecuted by one Native American guy at a parade. That's right. And of course, Donald Trump can't hold a Vince McMahon style persecution skit without the help of his white power, spiritual advisor and nip talk Barbie Paula White. She was there and also appearing in the skit was secretary of education betsy devos she will be continuing her job of fixing our overfunded public school system

and she'll also be reminding paula white what she'd look like without constant surgical intervention and aggressive personal irrigation so that's what Betsy will be doing. Fun fact, Paula White, Betsy Devos, Would You Rather is the only game where an acceptable answer is put bees in your pee hole. Well, that and how many bees can I fit in my pee hole, but other than that. That's fair. That is fair. Withdrawn.

It's like Chubby Bunny. It's a weird version of Chubby Bunny. And in Wild Wild west news tonight whoever had zero seconds in the how long till newly christian kanye west promotes dangerous bigots pool just won a lot of money all of us it was we all won lost to that pool indeed it was and that was a safe fucking bet because last week, Kanye West and his Sunday service choir took part in Awaken 2020, a prayer rally held at Sun Devil Stadium in Tempe, Arizona. And according to at least one news source, his announcement caused so many people to sign up that it caused their website to crash. Now, you might be thinking to yourself, Eli, how do you manage to be so hilarious?

Well, I'll tell you. Natural talent is a huge part of it. But, Eli, first story. Oh, sorry. You might also be thinking this isn't particularly newsworthy. I mean, Christian artists play megachurches all the time. But some of the folks Kanye West chose to share the stage with might surprise you. I mean, not us or even you if you listen a lot.

Might surprise Kanye West. Yes, definitely him. So according to Right Wing Watch, attendees included Guillermo Maldonado, whose church recently hosted the president at a campaign kickoff for evangelicals for Trump. He has said that God raised up Trump as part of his end time plans for America, end quote. And yes, by the way, you heard that right. A guy by the name of Guillermo Maldonado hosted a Trump campaign kickoff thing and and managed not to rape him the whole time. Yep. Also, fun fun fact i learned just now that odd job retired

from the bond universe and became a mexican pastor so oh he did i'm looking at the picture and he did yeah no actually yeah google the picture it's half odd job half the guy from the dunkin donuts commercial with the plane yeah he's like side job Dunkin' Donuts commercial with the plane? Yeah. He's like side job. Hand job. So the event also included Che Ahn, who is a promoter of Seven Mountains Dominionism, a barely covered up ugly piece of anti-Semitism, which teaches that Satan, free Jews, have

control of many of the mountains of influence in society like the media the government etc and they're pretty sure that jesus won't come back until christian people conquer all those earthly realms and take them away from jew satan so there's a cult of christians out there pretty big one and they're trying to figure out how to wrestle away control of the media and the government and education and like fire and air and wood and water and steam or whatever but you know until they learn to combine all the different karate's into a hybrid master style we should be fine yeah right that's happening let's be super clear here they're not saying

the jews control the media and it's wrong for a religious group to secretly dictate what is and isn't available to the masses they're saying and damn it we should get in on that right we want a piece of that it's us that evil thing that we're accusing someone else of doing we would like to do please yep that's their whole thing uh so yeah quick reminder when someone goes full religious and you hate to see it they always always bring the bigots with them and quick because if you think too long about how insane people are literally running the show right now it becomes a really depressing comedy premise we'll take a quick break and hand things over to my lovely wife lucid a man wrote Bible. A whore is what she wants.

If it's a legitimate race. If it's a slut, right? Cooking can be fun. Hey, I'm proud of a man. This week in Massage. Okay, I know the guys already talked about this over on The Skeptocrat this week, but holy hell, if there's a more perfect encapsulation of American sexism, I can't imagine what it is.

As you may have noticed, this year marks 100 years since women in America won the right to vote. And as you probably know intuitively, if you're not the president, that's when you celebrate the 100th anniversary of something. So anyway, among those getting in on the celebration is the National Archive, which has a whole display up about women's suffrage. And among the displays they have is a big picture of the 2017 Women's March. And look, as far as I know, that's still the largest political demonstration in human history, so it makes for a great picture. All they have to do is not mansplain to those ladies what their signs should have said. But they did.

As Noah said, they quite literally erased the voices of women from history in celebration of women's suffrage. Seriously, they airbrushed out all of the references to Donald Trump at this anti-Donald Trump rally. They didn't add anything back in, by the way. The sign that said women against Trump was just left to say women against. As though the whole march was a celebration of being in the direction of and in contact with things. And that's just too perfectly emblematic of American sexism. It's fine for the ladies to march and assemble, so long as no one has to listen to what they're saying.

And as much as I'm normally a fan of the listen to what women are telling you strategy, this next story is going to have to serve as the exception. And that's because it's about a woman nobody should listen to, urging people to listen to women nobody should listen to. This story comes to us from the friendly atheist and my arch nemesis, Lori Alexander. And it's about the proper response to fat shaming. So this all starts when fitness guru and fucking bitch Jillian Michaels,

of the Biggest Loser fame, goes on a news program and makes jokes about Lizzo getting diabetes. And that sparked a lot of backlash and a serious conversation about the dangers of body shaming women. And Lori Alexander still hasn't met a social trend towards female empowerment that she didn't hate, so she decided to chime in and let everyone know that fat shaming is God's way of telling you that you're fat. Quote, eating too much makes us feel badly and affects our health. A lot of problems people are suffering from are due to their own negligence concerning their health and care of their bodies. End quote. And really, who better to diagnose than some condescending charlatan that's never met you? Anyway, I'm sure Lori is going to speak again soon, and that means I'm about to have brand new bullshit to review.

So I guess I'll close it off there and hand you back over to Noah, Heath, and Eli. Thank you, Lucinda. And in Scotty from Marketing News tonight, the Atheist Foundation of Australia is jumping up and down and waving their hands back and forth, and not just because most of them are on fire, because it turns out that instead of you know any kind of long-term planning on how to not be on fire later or anything like that australian prime minister and comic relief sidekick in search of a

super villain scott morrison has been focusing his energy since he got back from the vacation that he took while his country was on fire on a religious freedom bill that sounds an awful goddamn lot like riffra because scott morrison peered through the noxious miasma pouring forth from his smoldering nation to the united goddamn states and said yeah yeah like that and where's that tuba music coming from it's like everywhere i go i saw and he starts like pacing around his office trying to find it okay he starts going slower what's happening seriously who's doing that all right so in a striking moment of legislative honesty this bill is being called the Religious Discrimination Bill.

Nailed it. And delivers on that title. It would basically carve out an exemption to pretty much all law if you said you were breaking that law religiously. The Guardian actually put together this terrifying list of things that the government has confirmed would be protected under the proposed law, which is already in its second reading. And that list includes but is not limited to, quote, a woman may be told by a manager outside work that women should not be employed outside the home. What? Yeah.

Okay. So they had a meeting to make this list and that's on it. Some guy was like, all right, so I'm leaving work with one of those fucking, you know, affirmative action lady workers that we had to hire. And I'm like, hey, you know, great work on the new project, Karen. One step outside of the office. You ambitious whore. So what do you guys think about that?

That feels like right there. That would be the right place to draw the line. And someone else in that room was like, yeah, let's make that the law for sure. Yeah. Okay, wait, there's more. that room was like yeah let's make that the law for sure yeah okay wait there's more how about a catholic doctor may refuse to provide contraception to all patients or to prescribe hormone treatment for gender transition uh okay what about denying people life-saving medical care where's the line again i am in all of this we're at a line for that where there's you can do that sometimes cool

well okay so to be clear though this list that the guardian put together was a list of all these And all of this. We're in line for that where there's you can do that sometimes. Cool. Well, OK. So to be clear, though, this list that the Guardian put together was a list of all these different agencies that were against the law were right into the government and saying, OK, well, wait, would this be legal? And then the government would have to sheepishly go, yes, that would be legal, too. telling like handicapped people that their handicap is because God hates them or because they're sinful. All of that shit protected by this nonsense fucking law. Yuck. And look, this is a country where the most common answer on religious belief in their most recent census was none. Right. Even if you lump all the Christians together into one group, you still get the barest possible majority.

So it's obvious why Christians are trying to codify their privileges while they still can. But it's a goddamn mystery why the majority of Australians would let them, especially when they're presented with the problems of Christian hospitals have to hire Jews sometimes and the entire continent is on fire and will be for most of the foreseeable future and decide to really drill down on the former. Yeah. most of the foreseeable future and decide to really drill down on the former yeah and in jersey sure about that news tonight in the state of new jersey if someone crawls in my bedroom window and tries to murder my unborn child i have the legal right to squish their head like the mountain but sadly the baby murderers of my state weren't feeling nearly that brave last week.

So instead, they killed a bill that would end all religious exemptions for vaccination. Okay, but Eli, aren't you from a religion based on just the principle of crawling into people's windows and vaccinating their stupid

fucking plague children? I thought that you I remember you mentioned that. I am now. Yes. Definitely work in Australia. So impasse? You're both allowed to do your thing? Yeah, it's a tie. So this story's been going on for a while now. Last month, the state legislature delayed

the bill while they tried to amend it enough for those who thought the proper amount of baby death was some but non-zero as i said yep they were looking for that non-zero compromise but as i said last week it died during session one vote short of passage yeah yeah no the the fucking anti-vax contingent had a whole kill the bill party afterwards. Bill is an immunocompromised gentleman that lives close to Eli. Yeah, very nice.

Sweet guys. But, you know, fair's fair. So, yeah, great week to be a baby murdering idiot in my home state and still just perfectly legal, which is especially ironic because our lawyer informs us that saying, if my kid gets anything from one of these assholes or their little germ farm before he's old enough to be vaccinated, I will literally kill them is against the law. You can't say that, which is why I'm not saying it. I am just telling you it's legal to say that. And that is a little advice portion of educational. Yeah, I'm helping.

Great. portion of this educational yeah i'm helping great yeah and to answer everyone's question yes eli's already hired a team of slavic nightclub bouncers with neck darts to surround his future baby at all times and vaccinate anyone who comes within 500 feet so that's fine bonus i've been shot several times already so i definitely don't have measles yep or feeling in my toes it's going great for me yep worth it that said state senate president stephen sweeney is undaunted saying almost quote we will continue to try common fucking sense in the future. Cool. And finally tonight, we have a story about the Bible, miscegenated zoo areas, and the British royal family.

Uh-oh. And as you all know, there's a guy who has a Christian show dedicated to connecting those dots. So get ready for some Coach Dave Dobenmayer. Nice. Fun fact, you can build your very own coach dave dobenmeyer story with the formula random location plus 14th century belief plus news item try it at home it's fun oh no i want to play okay um coach dave was at jim brye when he realized the reason you can't turn lead into gold is trump's impeachment trial yeah no wait that tracks that could be this week yeah no but we're not subpoenaing any evidence

about alchemy for this trial fuck you we're not learning more about that so um last time we heard from coach dave he was literally explaining how the bible's warning about the dangers of mixed race marriage was super important but oft misunderstood well i guess he was thinking about that and realized he didn't really tie that together very well so he added quote how is the royal bloodline being poisoned she's half black the royal family is the seat of christianity what we cannot deny the impact of the royal family on the waspy culture oh oh wow it's like he heard me just let him finish Noah and the crown has now

for the first time been infiltrated with a bloodline and um this is where coach Dave accidentally hears himself talking and stops in the middle of his show to be like wow

whoever's talking right now is super racist. Wait, is that me? Am I in my mom's basement covered in green sheets by myself talking and hearing myself talk and now saying this? I think I might be racist. Am I still rolling? Fuck. But then he's like, fuck you ears, Dave. You're racist for saying that.

And mouth Dave continues. This infiltrator comes in proud of her infiltration, proud of her multiculturalism. And what's that demon doing? Destroying and upsetting everything. Wow. Every tradition in that royal family. End quote. I family, end quote. I mean.

Exact quote. Look, I like that Dave is embracing the whole I am the byproduct of antiquated traditions and inbreeding thing. I guess, like, you know, own it, Dave. But other than that, that story is disgusting. The honesty. So my favorite part is the idea that Coach Dave, who looks like the mascot for a semi-automatic tape measure company

paying close attention to the gossip surrounding the british royal family i would watch a 24 7 video feed of this guy like the fucking truman show just hours of him larping royaling royal weddings, playing all the parts himself, doing the stuff, and then examining skin tones with a magnifying glass, and then a bunch of weeping, and then back to the LARPing. He is not maximizing his earning potential with his little show there.

Alright, well it looks like Heath has a business proposal to work on, so we're going to close the headlines for the night. Heath, Eli, thanks as always. Jim Tan Laundry. And when we come back, it's going to get Ursh sign up in this motherfucker. You said it. Is that a Jersey Shore reference I just made? Jersey Shore reference, indeed.

Your favorite show. show. When you're a Christian apologist, you have a lot of enemies. Math, history, logic, and physics are all arrayed against you. And while most apologists don't have the guts to take on the observable universe head to head, we learned long ago that Hilary Morgan Ferrer isn't most apologists so we're back for another chapter of her book mama bear apologetics but it's been a minute so eli can you get us reoriented yes so for those of you who remember our last segment first of all i'm sorry second of all we are now on to the final half of this book where we'll be debunking things like feminism and Marxism. What?

And this week's villain is naturalism. The world. Universe. Observable universe is going to get debunked right now. Is that what you're saying? Yes. Yes. Or as Hilary Morgan Ferrer calls the chapter, my brain is trustworthy according to my brain.

Can't trust that brain. Amazing. Great. Yeah. She read Descartes and she was like, see, I'm right. He's saying I'm definitely right. I'm right. Me.

And look, I got to admit, I am so excited at the beginning of every chapter of this book. I just opened it up and I was like, what does Hillary think naturalism means? What basic ideas will she declare to be sacrilegious? It's a real hoot. That's all I'm saying. I'm just excited to see her commit to writing a chapter without using her brain. It's way more honesty than I'm used to out of apologetics. This book is a pretty good argument for dualism. It really is. This book is a pretty good argument for dualism. It really is. So let's get started with Hillary's definition of naturalism.

Spoiler, she will not be using the dictionary as a citation here or anywhere else in the chapter. Quote, naturalism is the belief that natural causes are sufficient to explain everything in our world. And materialism is the belief that nature that is material stuff is all that exists material things can be studied with the five senses immaterial things morals the human soul angels demons and god cannot i mean i look i know she's not doing it on purpose but the fact that she chose a term synonymous with not relevant to the discussion is accidentally brilliant. It's pretty great. Yeah. But there's more.

After spending a couple of sentences explaining that everything that can't be not undone to be not proven to be untrue, she says, quote, We'll never be able to measure our souls in a beakeraker and we'll never be able to put God under a microscope. Very next sentence. Naturalism is an untestable hypothesis that can be granted only on faith. And yeah, if only there were some tangible benefits of science that could prove its utility by proxy. tangible benefits of science that could prove its utility by proxy. Okay, Hillary Morgan Farrar, I'm holding two test tubes full of scrabble tiles. One for you and one for me.

Now can we talk about epistemology using fucking words? Is that okay with you? No, no. You got to pour them back and forth for a little while. She's no sucker. I got a lab coat. Do you want a lab coat? back and forth for a little while. She's no sucker. I got a lab coat. Do you want a lab coat? Yeah, I want a lab coat.

So speaking of faith, now Hillary is going to tell us that we don't know what the word faith means. Like all intellectually honest people do when they're defining the word. Quote, when naturalists use the word faith they are not talking about what is traditionally understood as faith we put faith in people and things that we have experienced to be trustworthy that's just another definition there's two yep again no need for a dictionary citation here yeah and also she's a liar like right yeah christian people have faith in god just like people have faith in God, just like they have faith in the fucking FedEx guy who has the buzzer code to their building.

It's the same thing. That's true. That's how they treat it. Okay, but now it's time to move on to the supernatural. Gentlemen, are you ready to go all the way to Crazy Town? Eli, we've been making left turns at crazy town square since page one there's no deeper there can't be a deeper oh there is quote the word supernatural has negative connotations within the scientific community when people hear that word their minds immediately conjure up

images of psychics aliens or magic or magic. However, the word supernatural simply means outside of nature. Nothing more, nothing less. She can't find an example. She's like, it's not just psychic, magical, aliens. It could also mean God, the

space wizard that can read your fucking mind. God damn it. She continues, quote, space wizard that can read your fucking mind god damn she continues quote god is supernatural to the universe i love i love this sentence so much because i know the two of you had to read it that's what makes me so happy quote god is supernatural to the universe in the same way that I am superbooked to this book. Nope. Nope. This book perfectly describes Hillary Morgan Farage.

It's just right. She is infrabookle to this book. So, yeah, with that fancy newfangled definition of the word super, Hillary spends a paragraph or two talking about how Christians aren't like those crazy fuckers who believe in aliens. Here's my favorite quote from this quote. As Christians, we acknowledge the existence of human souls and supernatural beings like angels and demons, but not ghosts. Oh, good. Good distinction. demons but not ghosts end quote oh good good distinction yeah she concludes to be a diehard naturalist is to limit oneself to material tools only i prefer the bigger toolbox well yeah right because if you only limit yourself to tools that exist you're never gonna know the chromo constipulator readings amazing she's doing a chapter about her goddamn

sky hook yep she is yep very very much all right so now it's time for a brief history of naturalism new section in the book here bet it's not brief Yeah, and here is how we're going to begin. Quote, the history of philosophy can be divided into three main periods, pre-modern, modern, and post-modern.

Yeah. I believe we are technically living post-post-modern times, but it's not clear what we're supposed to call it. We are partial to the phrase post-truth, as that appears in many sources. Wait, what?

So, I mean, first of all, for. That's for. She made a fourth one after she said this. She did. Yep. Also, fun fact, Hillary Morgan Farrow, post-truth became a word literally to make fun of very exactly you and the people who go by faith instead of reason and evidence that's what that word exactly yeah no you are living post-truth yes okay but if she's not right then how come she

has this awesome accompanying graph which has the way that demonstrates that complex mathematical concept of four yeah can you put this graph in a beaker eli i don't know i believe graphs i would need to see a beaker a test tube also you're getting a tweet from hmo with that page ripped up into a beaker i'm just letting you know right now he won't see it yeah so this graph it has the the four three sections of history philosophy on one side and then the sources of knowledge in the middle and then the ultimate truth on the other side and she has divided them thusly pre-modernism's ultimate truth was god or gods modernism's ultimate truth was man's collective reasoning ability post-modern's ultimate truth was man's collective reasoning ability postmodern's ultimate truth was trick questions silly there's no way to know for sure and now's ultimate truth is strength of

emotion and personal conviction oh okay wait wait wait what about ultimate truth is a term made up by people who need there to be gradients of truth for their bullshit thing to work? Where does that land vis-a-vis modernity? Okay, Noah, she's talking about the super temporal. Open your mind for a second. Infrabook temporal. She instantly is right so now she's going to literally describe pre-modernism as her worldview but rather than acknowledge it she moves as quickly as possible over to shit on

modernism so here's one of my favorite quotes from this section quote the modernists move beyond what they saw as superstitious nonsense and to be be fair, there was a lot of nonsense. For example, according to Greek mythology, the growing and winter seasons were attributed to the six pomegranate seeds Persephone ate while a prisoner of Pluto, end quote. She can't find an example. Can you imagine long dead ladies eating fruits

determining the future? So stupid. So superstitious. Oh, so good. Can you imagine? Long dead ladies eating fruits determining the future. So stupid. So super. Oh, so good. She concludes her section on modernism, quote, evolution became the new religion with Darwin as its pope and scientists as its priests. Yeah. And now post Darwin, post post truth, Darwin posts something.

So at this point in the book she tries like a couple paragraphs where she's trying to do this metaphor about how science is like a failed relationship she says quote science became just as dogmatic and divisive as religion and still is i'm always amazed how often they can claim that we're just as bad as them without realizing they just admitted they're bad yeah yeah she continues and darwinism morphed into social darwinism a deeply dehumanizing belief which taught that different races of people are at various stages of evolution this horrific philosophy paved the way for supposedly scientific rationale for racism godwin and justified new and creative evils like eugenics and the sickening experiments

done on jews during the holocaust yeah there it is yeah no totally that was the uh nazi rallying cry they were just like this is evidence-based and peer-reviewed. This is never. Peer-reviewed. Perfectly large data set. Big data. What? Nothing to do with religion, let me tell you. So at the end of that sentence, she's got another footnote, because she could tell

you were going to be skeptical, Heath. First of all, it's David Foster Wallace-esque. But it reads in part, quote, it was the United States' application, but it reads in part, quote, it was the United States' application of Darwinism to purify the gene pool that was responsible for not only Planned Parenthood, but also for the atrocities perpetrated by Hitler, end quote. Oh, he's number two on the list. That was the second problem.

The U.S. caused Planned Parenthood, but also Hitler. Cool. Yeah. the second problem the u.s caused planned parenthood but also hitler cool yeah well and a good thing christians have been around for the last 2 000 years to make sure nothing bad happens to the jewish people until darwin came along yeah and wrecked it for him yeah so that brings us to her summary of post-modernism or as hillary puts it enter post-modernism which teaches that there is no such thing as absolute truth and nothing can be known you know it is hard to shit on post-modernism in a way that doesn't inspire me to just shit right alongside you but something tells me she managed it post-modernism says there's no absolutes. That's dumb.

Everything is absolute. Nobody's taught. She just said that. Yeah, so with all of philosophy nice and summed up and out of the way, it's time for Practical Implications of Naturalism. And in this section, Hilary Morgan Fair is going to tell us the naturalistic answers to questions your kids might get and how loud you should scream to ignore them.

And she starts with the question of if God didn't create the universe, who were, what did she? Well, if you didn't stop yourself from beating your wife, who did? Yeah, right.

And look, credit where credit's due. HMO has got a hot, hot new take here because her answer is the following. Quote, Mama Bears, listen closely when I say this. No. Every hypothesis about origins is eventually reduced to something that, one, has always existed, is eternal. Two, needs no creator, is self-existent. And three, is sufficiently powerful to create.

Do not let anyone tell you that their first cause is more scientific than yours. None of us can recreate the beginning of the universe, so all of us must take our respective first causes on faith. Did she just use post-modernism to justify her belief? Because I feel like she did. And yeah, she has faith in her first cause, just like she has faith

in her FedEx guy. Same thing. Same exact thing. So then she breaks down some individual answers. She shits on Carl Sagan for saying that the universe has always existed and i shit you not accuses him of ripping off hebrews 13 8 what because it says jesus is the same yesterday today and forever well she thinks the bible coined the word same yeah and now she and i are both plagiarists for using it just

obviously yeah you owe the bible some money so then she moves on to the second theory of creation that she believes is incredibly popular in science which is that there are an infinite number of universes which is not only not an answer to the question she asked, she doesn't even refute it. She concludes, quote, if there are infinite universes, then where do they all come from? I kid you not. The answer is that there is a multiverse generator. And guess what properties it has? It is eternal is eternal uncreated and apparently capable of creating repeatedly please someone explain to me how this is a simpler and less faith requiring hypothesis than belief in god end quote okay well since you asked you want to take that great yeah

okay god is that plus some shit plus Plus some shit. A lot. A lot of shit. So this would be God minus some shit and therefore would require you to have less faith or faith in fewer things. Jesus, even when we let you define our positions incorrectly, you still can't refute them, you fucking idiot. She cannot.

So with the origins of the universe thoroughly debunked it's time for a section called okay fine we'll skip the universe where did life come from and her answer by the way is not spontaneous generation motherfucker in case that's what you were thinking it's not that idiot it's it's you don't know and i don't know so i know part two yeah pretty much and i love that her section title is like part of an argument she was having with somebody and like fine fine you're being a dick is the title of the beginning next section next chapter blocked on facebook tell you what i should have said arguments i've had in the shower chapter seven right so then she shits on scientific consensus for a paragraph or two she's like oh look at all this stupid shit scientists used to believe and then it ends with this quote in the mid-1800s french scientist louis pasteur conducted experiments that once and for all slew

the behemoth of spontaneous generation what thank you louis pasteur for putting that one to rest due to your faith in god informing your science end quote oh is that is that why he did that cool yeah no that's a cool story about the guy who had to invent a process to fix the poison milk that god created and told us yes yeah so with that out of the way again this, this is Mama Bear Apologetics. It's time to roar like a mother. So first up, we're going to recognize the message. And according to Hillary, she's going to do that with the two most common ways you're going to see naturalism packaged. We're going to recognize those messages. So message one is the supernatural will eventually be explained away by science.

the supernatural will eventually be explained away by science. I love the unrecognized arrogance of imagining that their bullshit is in need of more explanation than it's bullshit. Well, it gets better because the source of that message that she points out for this terrible lie is Scooby-Doo. Is it Scooby-Doo? Oh, it is. It is Scooby-Doo because none of the ghosts on that show turned out to be real.

She concludes this section. I mean, all the characters in the show are in a show. Okay, it's fine. She concludes this section, and I love this sentence because it's so fucking self-aware. A common tactic in the atheist community

is to ask, can you tell me one thing that we originally thought was natural that turned out to be supernatural? There is no way for Christians to rebut this because naturalists outright reject any evidence that appeals to supernatural explanation. Yeah. I love that the end of that section is just like, fuck. Yeah. Just, you know, try not to get asked that question

carry smoke bombs tuck and roll tuck and roll i'm so right you can't even imagine what evidence for my position would look like and neither can i okay so the second message that you need to recognize to roar like a mother is nature is all there is. And she just says a bunch of true things in this section, but like sarcastically. She's like, love is just oxytocin in the brain. But we're supposed to be like, yeah, stupid. Everyone knows it's oxytocin in the brain and magic. Yeah. Everyone knows it's oxytocin in the brain and magic.

Yeah. No, I deal with this one all the fucking time. It's the all-too-familiar argument from the apologist's legally protected right to proceed any description with the word just. I'm sorry, just fucking stardust? I was told I was going to be sentient semen by the new guy so now we're going to oh offer discernment which if you'll remember from the rest of the book means concede you're full of shit and this acronym system is my favorite every time it's so goddamn bad yeah exactly and here she spends a couple of paragraphs explaining that she understands why naturalism is so popular

because, you know, science results in cell phones and religion results in witch burnings. But she's going to point out the lies of naturalism again anyway in this section. Okay, so lie number one is science and christianity are at odds yeah uh ever since we got past eugenics we've been at odds with christianity direct quote here's how she so it literally is the title science and christianity are at odds and then right below that she has written false naturalism and christianity are at odds what science and christianity get along just fine when you hear people make the claim that science and christianity don't mix ask them what they mean by science if they give you a naturalist definition ask them what experiment they did to

get that definition yeah right now what experiment did you do to prove any words meant anything you can't do that with a beaker can you checkmate atheist jesus fucking christ every definition of the word science in every dictionary in the goddamn english fucking language defines it as essentially short for scientific naturalism not faith yeah that's what it. That's what those words mean. Yep. And the experiment was catching one FedEx guy not being trustworthy. There you go. Look, the experiment was trying to fly

with other fucking world views and then trying to fly with this one. A lot of squished guys. Alright, so line number two. Oh yeah, we're doing Rure. I'm going back for one more flying also line number two science uses facts religion uses faith that's a lie point number two fuck you heath you're being a dick again right underneath that false both science and christianity

are a mixture of facts and faith as long as we are properly defining faith right and well yeah and by properly she means differently depending on what she needs it to mean on this side of the goddamn sentence yeah so she concludes by going full canham and explaining that christianity is based on science too it's just based on historical science oh that and term you can't repeat history so it's just as good as regular science oh yeah for a second i thought she was just regular pleading but now it all makes sense. And, of course, that brings us to lie number three. Non-minds can produce information.

Okay, she wrote that on a computer. Yeah, and I read it on one. It was great. Here's her answer, by the way. She didn't think of computers. I mean, she didn't think of computers, but she's but she says things about computers quote a computer did not create computer language a mind outside the computer created it no it's but you look you drop a fucking stick on the ground and that creates information we don't need to bring silicone and circuit boards into this equation to debunk it. So with R and O out of the way, it's time to argue for a healthier approach. And I cannot put it better than Hillary's own words when she says, quote,

the main idea I would like you as a mama bear to remember is that science and Christianity are friends. And her proof of this, by the way, is that lots of scientists were Christian. She just got done pointing out that lots of scientists were eugenicists. What are you trying to defend, lady? Lots of. And of course, to complete our roar,

we're going to... God, I love this acronym so much. To complete our roar, we're going to God I love this acronym so much for complete our roar we're going to reinforce through discipleship through discussion discipleship and prayer really I have another argument that I will go with next

Robert Loja right in your face Robert Loja reinforce no so she's got two examples on how to reinforce this have your kids draw a picture this is a real quote have your kids draw a picture when they are done ask them how did that picture get there was it you or was it the crayon the answer is both end quote and that is just like god what you see end of example her second example and that's why gay people shouldn't be allowed to get married exactly

great her second example is quote talk to your kids about the correct definition of faith end quote you know the one you don't find in the dictionary. Yeah. So, then of course, there's the new section, which we got introduced to last time, the pause for prayer, P-A-W-S, which, again, it's just like a weird prayer she wrote

to God in the middle of her chat. It's like a bad BDSM scene and, anyways, now it's time for the discussion questions, gentlemen. Wait, is pause also an acronym or is it just a bad pun? No, no, I think that would be acronyms all the way down. She couldn't handle it. Just bear.

It's just it's just bear. All right. Number one, icebreaker. What is something in nature that has always left you amazed? Oh, that fish that swims up your dick hole and kills you i feel like that's where all discussions of intelligent design should start actually uh for me birds my favorite one is the bat finches two main theme science is a gift from god but people have used it to replace him what are some ways that people have tried to use science as a replacement for god oh actually i know this one

making things objectively happen and or gaining knowledge also eugenics it's weird she brought that up. How God was already on top of that and then science stole it. Yeah, it did. Number three, self-evaluation. It is tempting to think too high or too low of scientific discoveries. Which way do you tend to lean? Why? What is a healthy view of science?

Oh, no, I'm right down the middle on this one i believe half the science i go like every other science thing to be right yeah everything every other thing they discover i believe yeah i do the odds it's good the odds i do the evens it's so crazy yeah that's cool you gotta the key is you gotta play the spread that's how you really get all the best science uh number four you even bigot we are just as dogmatic as them she was my god damn it little did we know converted by mama bear apologetics show me a beaker of even numbers and then we can talk murder your children what do you mean two beakers fuck you all right number four brainstorm this is a real quote by the way this one is hard is it

by the way. This one is hard. Is it? Like, brainstorming is hard? All the brainstorming is hard. That's the no wrong answers section of coming up with stuff. That's hard? Go ahead, Hillary. Look again at the differences between

pre-modern, modern, and post-modern mindsets. Really dig into culture. Can you identify parts of culture that operate under pre-modern rules? Which ones are modern? Which ones are post-modern? How can you tell? If this is too hard, save the question till you're done with chapter 10.

If this concept is still a little fuzzy, feel free to use outside sources. I love how shamelessly pre-modern she is. Right? Because that's what this is. This is her going like, my thoughts come from when we didn't know about gases and we thought disease was caused by lust. Y'all. Yeah. Well, for me,

number four here was too hard. I'm saving that question for later. Go to chapter 10. It's good that she offered that. Revisit. Number five, release the bear. Go on a nature walk with your kids. Yeah, or, you know, just by yourself if you're Hillary.

Yeah. Yep. Or Heath. Yep. Find as many things as you can that are beautiful. Make a study of God's creation creation a part of your everyday life. Emphasize that science is a means to study what God made, but could never explain the purpose of his creation.

Yeah. That whole field of science about the purpose of God's creation is pretty silly. It's a dumb field. All right. Is that a dumb field. All right. Is that a test tube, idiots? While Hillary goes off to find out if the bear shits in the woods once and for all, we're going to shelve this book for another month, but we'll be back soon because she still has to do feminism, y'all.

Yeah, she does. Before we cue the copyright notice this week, I want to remind you that if you're trying to keep up with all the us that you can, your best bet is to follow at PIATpod on Twitter. If you have a question that you want answered on this show, that is the best place to ask it, at PIATpod. That stands for Puzzle in a Thunderstorm, but that was too long, so we shortened it. Anyway, that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight. We'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more.

If you can't wait that long go ahead and look out for a brand new episode of our sister show's Hot Friend Godolphin Movies debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Tuesday and an even newer episode

of our half-sister show Citation Needed debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously, my mouth can't stop sound making until I've thanked Heath Enright for being the wind beneath my wings,

Eli Posnick for being the wind over my wings which is every bit as important if you understand how lift works. I need to thank the lovely and talented Lucinda Lusions for being the wing

below and above my wind or something. I, it worked better in my head. I also want to thank Natalie from Nebraska for writing this week's Farnsworth quote and that depressing reminder that so little of humanity finds humanity worth studying. But most of all, of course I want to thank this week's best people,

Audrey, pine snake, Andromeda, comer, John boy, Jacob, John, Gary, Matthew, Caleb, Alexander, Trevor, Danica, Karen, kite, ellipsis, Terry, of course, I want to thank this week's best people, Audrey Pinesnake, Andromeda Cumber, John Boy, Jacob, John, Gary, Matthew, Caleb, Alexander, Trevor, Danica, Karen,

Kite Ellipsis, Terry, Bad Sport, and Kimmy. Audrey Pinesnake, Andromeda Cumber, John Boy, and Jacob, whose wits are so sharp scissors warn their kids not to run with them, John, Gary, Matthew, Caleb, Alexander, and Trevor, who have moistened more sexy bits than most commercially available lubes, and Danica, Karen, Kite Ellipsis, Terry, Bad Sport, and Kimmy, who are so bright they're allowed to go through the tunnel with their headlights off. Together these 17 saintly secularists satiate our ceaselessly slackening supply of

specie this week by giving us money. Not everybody has the medium of exchange it takes to give us money, but if you do, you can make a per-episode donation at patreon.com slash scathingatheist, whereby you'll have early access to an extended ad-free version of every episode, or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage at ScathingAtheist.com. And if you'd like to help, but you don't even know what the fuck specie means,

you can also help a ton by leaving us a five-star review, telling a friend about the show, and subscribing to our YouTube channel. The legal services for this podcast are provided by the Law Offices of P.A. Under Retourist, Tim Robertson handles our social media, and our audio engineer is Morgan Clark. We also wrote all the music that was used in this episode, which was used with permission. If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you can find all the contact info on the contact page at skatingideast.com. That's correct. The comments are where they should be

on this one. Well, they're harder to read. They should have a bigger font for The commas are where they should be on this one. Well, they're harder to read. They should have a bigger font for the commas. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a Thunderstorm, LLC. Copyright 2020. All rights reserved.