The Scathing Atheist - 382: Social Justice Gobbledygook Edition

Episode Date: June 11, 2020

In this week’s episode, Eli’s slack ass baby won’t even have applied for a job yet, the Milwaukee Police Department might be willing to die for our sins, and Hillary Morgan-Fehrer will remain an idiot. --- To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click there: http://www.amazon.com/Diatribes-Godless-Misanthrope-Scathing-Presents-ebook/dp/B00J53FZFI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1396141562&sr=8-1 To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/ To hear more from our intrepid audio engineer Morgan Clarke, click here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/ --- Headlines: Ed Martin: Criticizing Trump’s Church Photo Op is “Social Justice Gobbledygook”: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/06/06/ed-martin-criticizing-trumps-church-photo-op-is-social-justice-gobbledygook/ Jeffress: George Washington’s Critics Also Accused Him of a Prayer “Photo Op”: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/06/05/jeffress-george-washingtons-critics-also-accused-him-of-a-prayer-photo-op/ Texas GOP Leader: George Floyd’s Murder Was “Staged” to Create “Racial Tensions”: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/06/05/texas-gop-leader-george-floyds-murder-was-staged-to-create-racial-tensions/ Jerry Falwell, Jr. remains a dick; apologizes: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/06/08/after-backlash-jerry-falwell-jr-issues-half-assed-apology-for-racist-tweet/ Matt Powell claims “99% of School Shootings Are Done by Atheists”: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/05/31/lying-christian-hate-preacher-99-of-school-shootings-are-done-by-atheists/ Tanzanians pray away coronavirus, they swear: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/06/09/its-a-miracle-tanzanians-prayed-the-coronavirus-away-their-president-says/ Milwaukee Police Chief: My Officers Are “Being Crucified” During These Protests: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/06/07/milwaukee-police-chief-my-officers-are-being-crucified-during-these-protests/ --- This Week in Misogyny: Iran’s Sharia Law Protects Muslim Man Who Cut Off His Teen Daughter’s Head: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/06/08/irans-sharia-law-protects-muslim-man-who-cut-off-his-teen-daughters-head/ In Corona Ruse, a Man Took His Daughters to Be Drugged and Sexually Mutilated: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/06/06/in-corona-ruse-a-man-took-his-daughters-to-be-drugged-and-sexually-mutilated/ Missouri Court rejects Satanist objection to anti-abortion law: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/06/10/appeals-court-rejects-satanists-religious-challenge-to-missouris-abortion-laws/

Warning, this week's episode contains hornets. I'm kidding, they're cuss words. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by Adam and Eve, and by the fact that 2020 hasn't unleashed the atrocity badgers yet. Atrocity badgers. You know they're coming as much as you know we deserve them. And now, The Scathing Atheist. Hi, my name is Emery, and I just wanted to say, as a person who worked in customer service for a decade, and is now estranged from her parents after coming out as trans,

I can assure you that we did evolve from filthy monkey people. It's Thursday. It's June 11th. And it's King Kamehameha Day. Huh, I'm no illusions. I'm Heath Enright, and from Cincinnati Swing State and Plague Bowling, Georgia, this is The Scathing Atheist.

On this week's episode, Eli's slack-ass baby won't even have applied for a job yet. The Milwaukee Police Department might be willing to die for our sins. And Hilary Morgan Farrow will remain an idiot. But first, the diatribe. I said it online the day after baby Bosnick was born, but I kind of picture Annana and eli leaving the hospital like that scene at the end of children of men right where the war stopped so they can get the baby out i mean i know that the chaotic images and shit were mostly just republican propaganda

and i'm super happy for him but holy fuck what a world to bring a baby into you know there's there's this part of you that can't help but look around at the social unrest and the bigotry and the pandemic and the racist in chief and think is this the best we could do for baby bosnick is this the best world we have to offer him or even worse are we counting on him to fix it and paradoxically that's a really good sign that he's coming into the world at a great moment i mean i i have this you know what a world to be born into attitude because that's the way i'm conditioned to look at it sure things are full-blown shit right now but ultimately it's not like there's some other

historic era where a kid's better off being born right i mean there are problems are plenty in the world but like for the dentistry alone you'd pick this era if you had a menu, right? I don't know about you, but I'd much rather have been born into a world where VR porn was already being perfected when I was a baby. Well, I'm not trying to let the present off the hook by pointing out how much worse the past was. The present still needs to get its shit together. But the very concept of societal progress is, if you think about it, pretty new. But the very concept of societal progress is, if you think about it, pretty new. Back in medieval days, there was no sense that one generation was supposed to have it better than the last one.

Life for the son was the same as life for the father was the same as life for the grandfather. And let's not even fucking talk about life for the daughter. Humanity's best times were in the past and all the future generations had to look forward to was the apocalypse and its accompanying bridal high blood tsunami it took secular society to even comprehend the idea of social progress right i mean and that's not just some historical coincidence that secularism just happened to have going for it humanism is literally a prerequisite as long as you're stuck in a theological worldview especially a monotheistic one the world is exactly as God wants it to be. Our misery and suffering are exactly how much God thinks we deserve. To attempt to thwart that would be sacrilegious. And that's not just theoretical. We have centuries of history to back this up. Society started getting better precisely around the time we realized that nobody was going to help. You have to set God aside to get there.

Before that, there was never any notion that one generation would leave the next generation a better world. Now we see it as dereliction of duty if we don't at least try. Of course, the desire to create a better world doesn't always make a better world, right? There are competing ideas of what a better world looks like. If you're a progressive liberal, it looks a hell of a lot different than if you're a fucking racist oompa loompa. But even the bad guys are generally motivated by misguided and even diabolical efforts to improve the world. And sure, religious leaders and groups have reluctantly climbed onto this historical bandwagon, and now they say they want to make a better world too. But when you dig into what they mean by that, it's usually a desire to retreat back into the past rather than the move forward

into the future you know the fact that we want to leave our children a better world is ultimately proof that we have or at least that you know somebody has along the way and sure not everything moves forward in lockstep and it certainly doesn't move at the same speed for all the people. But better just means not as bad as this. And that's a pretty low bar to clear, even if this is the best we've ever managed as a species. Right. Like, it looks bad. A lot of it is bad, but a lot of it also isn't. Right. I called it social unrest earlier.

And as negative as the connotations around that term are, it's not a negative term. Right. A society resting when shit was this bad would be the reprehensible thing. Social unrest is when successful, synonymous with social reform. The protests going on right now are terrifying if you're an old white evangelical Republican, but they're liberating if you're virtually anything else. And as baby Bosnick's mother would be happy to explain, I'm sure giving birth to something new is painful, even if the thing you're giving birth to is beautiful. They're talking about your Jesus. We interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news bulletin.

Joining me for headlines tonight is the only other guy here, Heath Edright. Heath, are we ready to make Dr. Pepper the official beverage of the scathing atheist and zip line its official pastime? Done. That is canon forever now. Also, Francis Bacon, our official playwright. Damn right. It's locked in. Damn right.

And speaking of how Eli can go fuck himself, it's time for a word from this week's sponsor, Adam and Eve. Hey, Heath, you know what the best part of staying home is? Is it sex toys? It is sex toys. And during lockdown, you never even have to put them up. Right, right. Which you would do. You would put them away because...

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our lead story tonight we're gonna lash to lash back at backlash, backlash, backlash, backlash. We're going five layers deep. Eat your fucking heart out, Leonardo DiCaprio. I'm already lost. Right. No, I'll help. I'll help. So backlash number one is the nationwide and even global protest against institutionalized racism that were sparked by the murder of George Floyd in Minneapolis. George Floyd in Minneapolis. The backlash to that was a petulant president, her rump in his way out of his fucking bunker through a war crime so that he could hold a Bible upside down and backwards and talk about cracking heads in front of a church.

I was showing it to somebody upside down behind me. Batman might've been there. You never know. He hangs upside down sometimes. Now the backlash to that, don't worry. The odd numbers are the good ones, was religious leaders going, come on, man, don't make it that obvious that our whole thing is a fiction

now co-opted by a heartless ruling class to add a hint of medieval divine blessing to their rule. And the backlash to that is what I'm going to talk about in this headline. All right. And the backlash to that is the fact that I'm going to talk about it in the headline. Are we ready? Okay. I'm more lost.

Where am I? Doodly-doo. Doodly-doo. Doodly-doo. Doodly-doo. I don't know what level I'm on. You can't doodly-doo out of this one. I'm sorry, man.

You can't? All right. Ood-yild-dood. Yes. So we're going to start off with conservative pundit, president of the Phyllis Schlafly Eagles, and man, only a paternity leave away from being the subject of a necrophilia joke. Ed Martin sent a strongly worded letter to Catholicism this week after Archbishop of D.C. Wilton Gregory condemned

Trump's photo op at the John Paul II Shrine. He went on to describe Gregory's statement as, quote, classic American social justice gobbledygook and said it was, quote, damaging to the body of Christ. Oh, was it? Yeah. Real sorry about that. We'll give the son of God a trigger warning next time. You know, just in case he can't handle all the tawdry blue social justice talk that we're always throwing out. It really is the fucking crown of thorns and spear of rhetoric.

Yes. And by the way, snowflake God, because I absolutely cannot leave Phyllis Schlafly Eagles just kind of hanging out there without explanation. Ridiculous. an explanation ridiculous so that is a right wing already no tank that uses phyllis's memory to shit on immigrants and be racist misogynist which to be fair is exactly what she would have wanted and also they named themselves after a first grade reading group that they weren't you know quite smart enough to be part of when they were six. So they got some lingering resentment. No, they were canary readers. But yeah, exactly.

Oh, you guys were in the rhinos? You were in the cartoon rhinos? That's okay. Not everybody was an eagle in there. No, they read pretty good. You guys are well readers, right? I've also got another story on this subject from Fox News pastor and man with very convincing toupee that I haven't noticed at all. Robert Jeffress. He was also unimpressed with the condemnation of the way Trump dry humped a Bible on TV and pointed out that all presidents had to deal with accusations like that.

For example, according to Jeffress, quote, actual fucking quote. This is bananas. actual fucking quote this is bananas this is george washington so go ahead had his share of critics who accused him of a photo op when he knelt down in prayer at valley for yep and according to the timeline established there that's also why george washington never got another job as an nfl quarterback bruce gets it yeah asshole even if you forgive the fact that he's half a century early on photography even existing let alone photo ops existing it's also worth noting that he's talking about a fictitious event that only happened in a fucking painting.

Right. I mean, Washington no doubt kneeled at some point or another while he was at Valley Forge. But the fucking painting Jeffress is referencing isn't of some historical event. It's just some fucking Christian nationalist painting that Robert Jeffress has jerked off to so much that he doesn't know it's not real anymore. And come on, man. Washington's disrespecting the forge there. That's weird that you think that's positive. And next up in headlines, it's been over two weeks since George Floyd was murdered and it felt like the Christian right was really slacking on their false flag conspiracy game. I mean, we do these things all the time.

You'd think they'd start piecing it together a little faster now. Right. But they eventually realized just how perfect the plan it was to set up murder so we could distract everyone from the liberal atheist plot to take over the world. And also already controls the world. Yeah, exactly. We're more now controlling it. And it was Cynthia Bream, the chair of the Bexar County, Texas Republican Party, who broke the story.

She made a post on Facebook suggesting that Floyd's murder was, quote, made a post on Facebook suggesting that Floyd's murder was, quote, a filmed public execution with the purpose of creating racial tensions and driving a wedge in the growing group of anti-deep state sentiment. Yeah, right. Because when modern American liberal conspirators looked around their nation in hopes of finding some source of racial tension. Ah, I got nothing. They gave up Drew's straws and staged some racism. Yeah. Yeah. And the Post also followed up on Bream's claim from last month that COVID-19 is a Democratic

hoax. But those, you know, 100,000 American deaths just weren't theatrical enough for us. So we moved on to one more murder, but flashier and with LSD involved. Really? Her post, yeah, I'm going to connect those dots for you. Her post went on to suggest that the police officers who were involved in that murder

were victims of MK Ultra ultra activation those minneapolis police officers who murdered george floyd were activated by mk ultra just to be clear that's the cia program with all the crazy drugs they gave everybody mostly lsd she thinks there was an extremely precise murder conspiracy done by the liberal atheists carried out by cops who were tripping on acid unbeknownst to them. Since 1973. Yeah, it's a long con. It's a long fuse on that acid sometimes yeah so the lsd thing is obviously ridiculous but bream does seem to know about the ultimate goal of our plan which is of course to discredit donald trump now that he's become so popular with the black community that's a big problem for us liberals well yeah no it is

she knows we've been desperately looking for an example of a white cop killing a black person and that we never found one. And she knows we've also been desperately looking for a way to finally make Trump look bad during an election year when he's otherwise been crushing it. So she's on to us. Yeah. Does she think we have a really convincing marionette and somebody who does the voice? I mean, there there is a little bit of good news to go along with this story first of all bream's post definitely forced alex jones to rewrite a whole episode of info wars that's coming out the next day and he was super pissed about getting scooped

also some republicans didn't like her post including a few that are even calling for her to resign. So congrats to the GOP, I guess, for having like gradations of more and less evil. Great job with that. Although she did already claim I'm definitely not resigning. So that's not changing, I guess. claim i'm definitely not resigning so that's not changing i guess bottom line though this is who a bunch of evangelical christian people in texas are willing to elect right bream thinks a secret atheist cabal manufactured a global pandemic but then we figured it was running out of steam after a few months so we created an acid-fueled snuff film to keep the anti-trump

sentiment going because that was gonna go away but she's pro-life so end the conversation that's who they're voting for yep and she knows all about two corinthians and in aokkk news tonight jerry falwell jr found still another worse a couple of weeks ago, as though he was a completionist in a video game called asshole. This came in the form of an attempted joke involving a KKK outfit and black face. So it's hard to imagine how an evangelical Christian could fuck this up. Uh,

but he managed. Did he? Yeah. In response to Virginia state mandate on wearing face masks, Falwell bitched like a five-year year old that doesn't want a bath, then threatened to wear a mask featuring that infamous image of Virginia Governor Ralph Northam in blackface, an image he finds so offensive that he included it on a face mask to punctuate his fucking joke. yeah okay i know you're way too dumb to get this jerry falwell jr but when a bigot is both figuratively and very literally hiding behind satire without realizing it that's pretty funny it's you it's mostly sad right but it's also funny because you're dumb mostly sad and a bigot yeah so of course regardless of what his intentions were, what he objectively did

was tweet out a picture of a guy in KKK garb next to a white man in black face right below a bad effort at a nyuk nyuk nyuk. And that led to the resignation of one of Liberty's black professors, which has to be a significant fucking percentage, as well as an open letter from more than 30 black alumni

demanding Falwell's resignation. Again, probably a pretty significant percentage hmm you think you should resign let's hold on let's let's check with the philosophy department to see what's the ethical thing yeah right no they don't exist nothing there so while you're resigning despite your of course amazing positive intentions about racial diversity maybe set up an african studies department for the very fucking first time at your university asshole good luck well okay so after seeing that people were too stuck up to get his hilarious joke falwell took to twitter to offer

up a half-assed apology in which he referenced conversations with many black friends that didn't find it offensive at all explain how racist he wasn't at all being, doubles down on the but Northam is the real racist rhetoric, and then, of course, gets to the but it's still your fault for not getting to it part of the apology, which, by the way, didn't even bother to touch on the fact that the racism was just a frame that he was placing around his effort to try to get people to disregard public health measures.

Jesus. And while fucking Falwell sets off for another corrupt seat of bigotry, we'll hand things over to my lovely wife, Lucinda. A man wrote the Bible? A whore is what she was. If it's a legitimate race. You're a slut, right? Cooking can be fun.

Hey, I'm proud of a man. This Week in Misogyny. All right. I know we're not in the habit of talking about happy stories on this segment, but I want to warn you up front that this week's stories are going to be particularly brutal. And I won't blame you at all if you want to just skip ahead a couple of minutes and miss out on the worst of it. And time to do that is running out fast, because our first story is about a man decapitating his child.

fast because our first story is about a man decapitating his child. So this is the horrible and tragic story of Romina Ashrafi, an Iranian teenager murdered by her father who will, at most, spend 10 years in prison for this heinous and premeditated crime. But her story doesn't start being horrible then by any means. The 14 year old had drawn an online reputation for pushing back against religious strictures with incendiary shit like letting her hair show from behind her face veil and posting pictures of her online and jeans and a t-shirt. When her dad found out, in addition to all of that, she also had a boyfriend. He called a lawyer and asked what kind of punishment he'd get if he murdered her and if that's not fucked up enough by itself the lawyer then explained that because he was her

father he'd be looking at 10 years at most normally mourner comes with a death penalty in Iran but under Sharia law that doesn't count if your victim is your child or your grandchild and you're a man let's be super clear if the mom did it she would be executed now the crime did gain a lot of national attention and even Iranian conservatives found it appalling possibly at least partly because he committed the crime with a farming sickle and while even religious conservatives have condemned the crime they still defend the law that basically gave her dad permission to do it and i'm sad to tell you that i can't guarantee you that that that's the most fucked up story i've got this week because my next story is about a father in egypt who tricked his daughters into

fgm by telling them that they were getting vaccinated for the coronavirus now to be clear that's illegal in egypt and has been for a depressingly brief 12 years. So the dad was arrested for this but that's really only because their mom didn't go along with it. Despite the laws some experts estimate that as many as half of Egyptian girls are still subjected to this kind of barbarity and according to the BBC so far not one single person has been successfully prosecuted under the law. Now, normally after subjecting you to two stories that bad, I try to offer up a little good news to ease you back into the headlines. But I'm afraid the best I can do for you this time around is some less gruesome bad news. It looks like an appeals court just tossed out the challenge Satanist issued against Missouri's bullshit abortion waiting period. The original suit argued that the restrictive law violates the satanic principle that one's body is inviolable and subject only to one's own will, which the law clearly does.

So if we were all being subjected to the same rules, this would be a slam dunk win for abortion rights. Needless to say, it wasn't. So with the eternal but unwarranted optimism that maybe I'll have some good news to offer up next week, I'll hand things back over to Noah and he. Thank you, Lucinda. Next up on Headlines In, money is Powell news. You remember that Pastor Matt Powell?

Guy who technically owes us $150,000, possibly more, after we made fun of his terrible movie on Gam and he had a big meltdown and he directly stole our copyrighted audio and put it on his YouTube channel. And then Andrew got all squeaky and excited. We had to talk him down and rub his belly for a little bit. Excited to talk him down and rub his belly for a little bit. Yeah. Well, we decided not to sue that guy because, well, I mean, he looks like a nine year old. So we felt bad and he clearly has no money. So it probably wouldn't have been useful in the first place.

Well, it looks like Matt Powell might have made several dollars from a speaking engagement recently. Wait a minute. Granted, he definitely spent most of that windfall on a set of iPod shuffles to film the event with a professional three-camera setup. Oh, right, okay, yeah. But we still might want to consider that lawsuit again, mostly just for spite. Also for three iPod shuffles, though.

Yeah, I mean, I could use the iPod, so that's true. Either way. Either way. Either way. But a lot for spite, too. And that's because he gave a sermon entitled The Atheist Religion, in all caps, during which he claimed that 99% of school shootings are done by atheists. Huh. You know what?

Knowing Matt Powell as we do, the simple fact he's admitting that they're not false flag events, that exceeds my expectations. I'm proud of him. Yeah, I guess that's kind of impressive on the logic scale that I would apply to him. So the sermon is an hour long, which is, you know, just under the length of his anti-evolution movie, Science Falsely So-Called. And the whole sermon is fucking bananas. I tried to watch it, but then I started punching myself in the face and I lost interest in the video. Hemant Mehta, however, did complete the masochism homework as he is wont to do. He does a lot of the homeworks. He's good with this stuff. Very diligent. So I'll give you a few of the highlights that Hemant listed starting in minute, when Powell said, quote,

atheists couldn't even tell you what one of the Ten Commandments are. Sick. He meant one of the commandments is. Turns out one is singular. I know that's tricky. That's a tricky one. It's like data, datum, kind of. Yeah, right.

Yeah, that's some tricky one in Matt Powell's speak. Plus, you know, the verb to be, that's pretty obscure. It's hard to conjugate datum, kind of. Yeah, right. Yeah, that's some tricky one in Matt Powell's week. Plus, you know, the verb to be, that's pretty obscure. It's hard to conjugate. Plural, single. I don't know. But apparently we can't even name a single commandment burn right in our face. Well, we can't list a single one, plurally anyway, but yeah. Plurally anyway, but yeah.

Also, how would us not knowing their silly ass pool rules be relevant even if it was true? I don't know. Anyway, moving ahead to minute four, when Powell read a Dawkins quote about how religion can poison your mind. And then Powell got visibly distraught about the quote that he chose to read. His face got all red and it starts fucking red. It got extra red. And then he argued back against the quote he chose to read. Is that why 99% of school shootings are done by atheists?

Yet Christians have never committed such an act. Oh, exact words. Huh? Oh, OK. We're doing bullshit. OK, well, then i'll see your bullshit and raise 99 of school shootings were committed by matt powell boom balls in your court bitch i'm gonna i'm gonna go even further 101 of school shootings were committed by matt powell oh shit 102 isn't more than that there's nowhere for you to go man you did some future ones and that brings us to minute eight which is where

matt powell accidentally described a giant problem with creationism but he subbed in the word evolution instead quote evolution is the only theory that's protected by law wait and let me ask you something if your theory has to be protected by law what does that tell you about your theory it can't undergo any scrutiny you are and quote anyway so i'm constitutionally exempt from taxes how neat is that fuck you so confused it's the best all the way you are yeah so maddie p i know you're listening i know we say that a lot but i know you actually yeah you really are because you're weird and you're probably stealing this audio right now and we might actually sue you so here's what we need you to realize here's what we need you to realize. Here's what we need you to do to make some money so that we can sue you

and get more than those shuffles. You have 60 minutes of amazing new material. I know. I just watched a few clips of that, but there were 60 minutes there. That's a feature-length Christian movie. It is. It's time to

make your big homophobic anti-evolution sequel. we'll even give you a title you ready hedwig and the angry finch make it happen do it we'll even kick in some full-size ipod touches oh come on please please make another movie oh Please. Yeah, at least just sometime before we do another live show. Between now and then, please. And in Mega Fool Me Once news tonight, Tanzania joined New Zealand this week in celebrating the nation's full eradication of COVID-19,

though unfortunately they did not join New Zealand in actually eradicating it. No. Tanzanian President John Magufuli, who is basically Trump, but competent enough to do it and competent enough to name African nations without making any of them up,

has declared his country to be free of the novel coronavirus because of the state-mandated prayer regimen he instituted back in March. Okay. Hate to give you notes after all that amazing work, John Magafulli, but maybe work the phrase and cure HIV into your magic spell somewhere.

I'm just, it's the thought if you're doing magic on stuff with spells and other shit he can ignore. Yeah. So since his declaration that they'd be taking the prayer-only approach to public health, Megafool has cracked down heavily on opposition,

arresting critics, tapping phones, dismissing positive test results as tainted, and obviously refusing to take any concrete steps to keep his citizenry safe from the deadly contagion.

In fact, one of his supporters urged the populace to take to the streets to thank God for keeping them safe from the virus. Because I assume you can't point out how full of shit your president is when you're on a ventilator. Yeah, and meanwhile, Maga Fuli is working on a national cleanup effort to prevent the spread of cholera like an asshole

instead of just using more magic. That cleanup work is exhausting. Yeah, right? Cleaning up water everywhere come on now to be clear tanzania is fucking crawling with coronavirus cases right kenyan authorities test people coming in and out of their country and they're catching cases of covid19 among tanzanian truck drivers at the rates of dozens a day outside authorities are saying it's one of the continental hot spots and the growth rate is exponential so just a reminder that nobody who ever told you to rely on prayer was helping and most of them

also weren't trying right and apparently he knows about like real fixing diseases too and he's doing it's nonsense horrible yeah yeah and finally tonight according to milwaukee police chief alfonso morales law enforcement officers all over the country are being crucified the plight of being a cop right now is just like the torture and murder of jesus christ uh to alfonso morales a grossly exaggerated and possibly entirely fictitious fantasy propagated by conservative liars in order to maintain control of an increasingly corrupted system. Because if that's what he meant, I'm in.

He's right. Nailed it. That's a great... He's not aware of any way in which his stupid thing worked. No. Okay. So, Morales was giving a press conference about all the protests, and he walks up to the mic, all excited about the amazing opener he wrote for himself. And he says up to the mic. All excited about the amazing opener. He wrote for himself.

And he says quote. 2000 years ago. An angry mob came before. People. He made it almost 10 words. Before forgetting his line. He had to just say people. 2000 years ago.

An angry mob came before people. to say crucify that man. That man being Jesus Christ. I've got a Jesus levels of rough right now is what I am saying to Christians on purpose. On purpose into a microphone so morales delivers that ridiculous remark and as you might expect a room full of reporters all responded fucking what right and that's when someone from the police communication office violently hip checked morales away from the podium and tried to start doing damage control but one of the reporters who is a hero was like uh no absolutely not we are not moving past that chief morales uh get back to the mic there you go

who exactly is being crucified and that's that's what morales went back to the mic while his handlers all scream wister don't fucking answer just walk away just go to your room go to your fucking room he did not he ignored all that and responded quote law enforcement throughout our nation law enforcement is being crucified i doubled down i i got crucified so hard the other night a couple nights ago by a canadian protester you don't know her that you don't know her but she's crucified the fuck out of me yeah so let's let's be super generous and assume morales was just going for the figurative use of crucified there as in the police are being figuratively nailed to a cross through their arms and legs still dumb but let's assume that's what he was going for first of all yeah because of the murdering right yes you're getting figuratively murdered in retaliation for real murder that's a fucking great deal

be happy but setting that aside this whole thing of casually invoking jesus like that needs to stop being useful and just stop being done at all he was clearly trying to go for that thing where where somebody says well this reminds me of the story of a simple handyman his name was jesus christ and like yeah whatever sitcom character morales was watching the night before won the episode with that stupid fucking speech but that's nothing jesus was at best an obnoxious hippie who accidentally created a bigot cult which by the way is a giant source of the entire problem that led to all the protesting that we're fucking talking about right also can we stop pretending that jesus had a trademark on crucifixion for fuck's sake he wasn't even the only guy that got crucified on that hill that day nope right i mean according

to the story he had the easiest goddamn flesh wound of a crucifixion ever recorded in the annals of fucking history. And before anybody defends the story by pointing out how innocent Jesus was, they need to acknowledge that they're implying that some of the motherfuckers

had a crucifixion coming. Right? Yeah, I mean, Barnabas, he was a little you know what I'm saying. And just for the record, later that day, right after those remarks, we learned

that the communications guy who threw the hip check probably wouldn't have made it any better by taking the mic. Obviously, he wanted Morales to shut the fuck up so the department could then lie about what that ridiculous comment was supposed to mean. And you'd also assume apologize as part of that statement. But instead, the department released the following comment, quote, Chief Morales simply compared the mob like mentality seen throughout the past eight days to the mobs that were present

during early civilization when Jesus Christ was alive. at no point did he compare the death of jesus christ to the attacks on milwaukee police department officers except yes he fucking did that's exactly what i did what are you talking about right and also like that's that's so still not good even if that well true. Like, he wasn't saying that he was like, he was just saying that y'all were like a bunch of, you know, pre-civilized barbarians from the Bronze Age is what he was saying. Because you're taking it all personally. Good. Yeah, you smoothed it right the fuck over. Good job.

So, listen, Chief Morales, probably soon to be ex-Chief Morales, hopefully. Yeah. Listen, I get it. Metaphors are difficult. Same thing with similes and analogies. You're trying to find words that go with other words. There's so many fucking words. It's really hard. And meanwhile,

your employees are committing hate crimes and then you think of a perfect comparison about a Jewish mob who killed the Messiah. But then you realize you shaved your old man's softball mustache a little too thin this week. So you're feeling kind of Hitler-y. But you're definitely being persecuted while you think of more words.

It's hard. It's really, really hard. Words are hard. Metaphors and similes and analogies. Honestly, they're the crucifixion of word thinking. It's so difficult. I'm so sorry about how hard it is for you right now coming up with words you're being crucified and quick while we sort out who gets the 30 pieces of silver we're going to close the headlines for the night thanks as always

jumanji and when we come back our past selves will visit from a better time. Before Eli dipped out for paternity leave, we stocked up on a couple extra C segments so that while he was taking care of his new baby, Eli could tune in to hear what he sounded like before he had to clean baby shit out of his beard three times a day. So we're going to go ahead and reach back in time for one of those specifically chapter 11 of hillary morgan farrah's book mama bear apologetics the chapter about pluralism before we begin i should point out that this week's chapter is written by katherine s busey a former nasa engineer who got tired of all the atheism in science and decided to stop having to check her work. She's the author of the book, Teaching Others to Defend Christianity,

which is basically like Mama Bear Apologetics, but, you know, with less pastel tones. I keep losing arguments Thanksgiving. The book. Anyway, her chapter will be titled just worship something pluralism that's right buckle in boys because we're taking on other religions beliefs existing in this chapter wow pluralism is the bad guy here that means definition, the good guy is totalitarianism. That's what those words fucking mean. Yeah.

And by the way, when Christian white people make that argument, it's called I'm a Nazi. Yeah. Especially in a book about their bigotry. I mean, don't get me wrong. As dumb as it is when you spell it out with all the religious symbols,

coexist is still a societal imperative, right? Oh, yeah. Just you wait, Henry Higgins. So, yeah, we're going to open up with Catherine telling us how great it is to go from NASA to teaching AP Calculus and Apologetics at a Christian high school, which is kind of like name-dropping

that Tom Cruise once punched you in the face so hard you crapped your pants. But it's more like telling that story right after crapping yourself from getting punched in the face by colton the haines right one time correct correct but her point is to set up the clumsy metaphor that letting other people have religious beliefs is like if as a math teacher when all the students got a different answer she gave everyone a hundred saying quote it's not just that many people have different religious ideas but that they make truth claims even contradicting ones and assert they are equally

valid that is the problem hey kathy i think your math magisterium might have overlapped with your magicsterium yeah yeah i know the fucking metaphor doesn't work lady religious pluralism would be like if all the kids use different methods to arrive at the same incorrect answer so now it's time for a brief history of religious pluralism and spoiler it is not just you know other religions exist we're gonna start with katherine's very revealing definition of the first amendment quote the u.s government cannot forbid you from practicing whatever religion you want so long as you don't impose, in some way, on other people. Meaning, you probably wouldn't be allowed to practice a religion

that sacrifices young virgins to a volcano god. Probably. Otherwise, you could worship as you please. Okay, well, first of all, Scientology is legal. Yeah, right. Also, the fact that biblical genocide doesn't involve volcanoes, not quite as exculpatory as Catherine seems seems to think here yeah right right no the problem with sacrificing virgins isn't that they're virgins no we only do it with sluts and rocks these are the minds of moria not a volcano

technically it's not active yeah so then she bitches for like a paragraph and a half about the good old days of the pilgrims when everyone was either a christian or on fire but today according to katherine at least only 46 percent of americans claim to be christian and only 10 percent of amer Americans say they hold on to a biblical worldview. Fucking what? It's actually about 75% that identify as Christian. 46% was close, though. I mean, you know, within an order of magnitude, so good job.

Well, yeah, no, you know, it's good enough for AP Christian Mathematics in high school. Gee, I wonder why she doesn't math for NASA anymore. She likes it better. She likes it better. Everyone loves teaching high school. They say that. Dream job. And in case you're thinking,

hey, Kathy, is the point of your last paragraph that having other religions in America is bad? Don't worry. She's way ahead of you. Quote, pluralism isn't the problem, though. The fact that there are multiple religions around us simply tells us there is ample opportunity for sharing the Christian faith with others.

Oh, yeah, right. No, if this problem didn't exist, we couldn't fix it. Alive people, that's not the problem. That's all the more people to convert and murder with a virus. Well you go opportunity but sadly not everyone sees it that way some people like us fat motherfuckers use secularism and separation of church and state to try and ruin everything or as katherine puts it secularism colored with tolerance phrasing. Yeah.

Leads to the false dichotomy. You guys ready for a false dichotomy here? That either one, all religions are equally valid or two, no religion should be discussed. End quote. Okay. So she's cool with intolerant secularism. Got it. Yeah. Right. Right there by the way lady

there's no reason for an or between those two yeah it's so now it's time to roar like a mother an acronym so labored and painful to heath that it almost makes reading this book worthwhile might as well be r comma o comma a r without a fucking oxford comma like a mother fuck you so first up we're gonna recognize the message are we though no so here's the very first sentence of this section quote culture says we should be tolerant of people of all religious beliefs and we mama bears agree as long as we're using the correct definition of tolerance and made up definition of tolerance in three two yeah to say she walks on racist eggshells here is an insult to the clumsy treatment of eggshells she points out that you know blah blah blah you

can't kill jews and muslims but when you tell them that they're wrong and that god's gonna burn them in hell forever because of those beliefs do it nicely right yeah there it is tolerance noun slur words followed by sir or madam but but but be careful because you don't want to say it too nicely. Oh, no, they don't. Definitely don't. Saying you're going to burn in hell too nicely is actually a big problem. In fact, as she points out for an entire paragraph, some ministries don't tell gay people they're going to hell.

And some ministry build like wells and shit instead of giving people Bibles that they need. Okay. So when you yell slur words at those ministries, you should say it nicely. Correct. Yeah. As Catherine puts it, quote, with combined pressures of a pluralistic society and political correctness, Christians have become silent, neglecting the command to go and tell the gospel to others. End quote.

Pretty sure there's a few remote tribes in Brazil that would argue again. And they're dead. Yeah, well, they would have argued. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that that's the first time anybody ever described Christians using the word silent. So now it's time to, oh, offer discernment. And Kathy admits that offering discernment to pluralism is tricky. I mean, I like you,

but you're going to burn in a lake of fire forever and I won't even entertain the thought that you won't is a tough sell, but it's possible. Or as Kathy says, we love people, but demolish their ideas. And that brings us to lie number one.

Sincere belief makes something true. Should we tell her? Let's let it go. Please proceed, Governor. Please explain that. It's so good. Kathy gets so close to finding the map on the back of the Declaration of Independence here.

It's heartbreaking. She goes into this whole long thing about how i worked at nasa and logic dictates that two conflicting statements can't both be true they can't that's logic and so if i say that god is christ in the trinity and you say there's just plain old one god one of us has to be wrong. Minimum. Yeah. Yeah, it is minimum. Next up, line number 2B, I guess. It doesn't matter who you worship,

just that you worship. And again, so close. She gets so close here. Does she? She spends the section being like yeah but i mean if your beliefs are wrong then it doesn't matter that you worship i mean hell if your beliefs are wrong worship is totally useless or as she puts it quote worship without sound doctrine is idolatry and it's like inventing a god and decided to worship that instead of worshiping the one true

god according to 70 of the world christianity should only be allowed because of pluralism and that's how you time out is time out right no like if a book could shoot itself in the middle of a sentence i would be worried about this book right now this is the it's not loaded of chapters she also explains how much it pisses off god that we allow other religions in this section she says quote god doesn't say they're not worshiping me but hey at least they're worshiping something no he wants the worship to be given to him and him alone he's a petty fuck okay relax to catherine's credit she literally ends this section by pointing out that like god did tell the jews to massacre people with different beliefs in the old testament and her point is basically

i mean so if you think about it telling someone they're going to hell by comparison is downright neighborly. Am I right? Oh, great. So we're welcome, I guess. Which brings us to lie number three. All paths lead to God. Again, let's take this book's shoelaces before we leave it alone, right?

Because now she has to point out that every single person or culture through all of history that ever thought they'd found the path to God was wrong, except her. Yep. And she only dedicates a paragraph to this one, which I can sum up for you.

It's a no, no. She concludes by saying, quote, worship must be done in spirit and in truth. And this means worshiping god alone and having faith in jesus alone just relax it out just say this is mutually exclusive and i only mention this because she ends that sentence with a citation to her own book footnote i bid me me big so you're probably thinking to yourself at this point okay katherine but if the gospel is true won't it unite everyone well fuck your face because that is lie number

four the true gospel unites all people and her in this section, it's such a long paragraph, and I really wanted to quote it. But the point in this section is that the gospel is true and perfect, but people suck. In fact, people suck so hard that they can interpret perfect truth differently. That's just how much people suck. Wow. So her literal argument is, not everybody's as good as us as you and me are i call this the argument from unintelligent design hold on just time out again i just want one more so now it's time to a argue for a healthier approach and it's worth noting that like

this entire book has been dedicated to like gotchas about whatever the topic is. So like when it was postmodernism, arguing for a healthier approach meant saying, if there's no truth, is that true? But for this chapter, the so-called healthier approach is just Catherine's religion. But don't worry. According to Catherine, quote, thankfully, we can still look back to the Old Testament for some great examples of what to do. And really. OK, well, again, please proceed, Governor. Explain all the morality in the Old Testament.

Sadly, heads do not meet rocks. Her example is Daniel, who, if you will remember from the Bible is offered food by a king. But Daniel tells that guy to fuck himself. In fact, Daniel tells that guy to fuck himself so hard that the king became a Jew. And that is what Catherine wants mama bears to do. Uh huh. Okay.

A side note on that Daniel story. If any Christians want to jump into a den of lions to prove the bible is true i'm there yeah and i will switch right the fuck over ready to eat some crow on that some furnaces yeah there's options there's options yeah it tells you a lot that she concludes this section with we must love others enough to speak the truth even when it's unpopular yeah no like it's if we weren't protesting at those funerals, how would people even know what groups God hated, right? So now we're going to R, reinforce through discussion, discipleship, and prayer. And she's divided this section into how

to do this with young children and middle and high schoolers. So for young children, Catherine recommends the following, quote, give some examples of opposites and explain why both cannot be true at the same time and in the same way. Relate that to differing beliefs found in other religions. Yeah, just be careful not to start with pluralism versus totalitarianism. Or, you know, tolerance versus Christianity. Don't set up opposites to fuck up my thing.

Or Christianity and anything that ends in ology, really. Amitri. She concludes, be sure that your children understand that not everyone believes in the God of the Bible. And this is why we are called to tell them about Jesus. Note that she doesn't say not everyone has heard of the motherfucker, though. But when it comes to middle schoolers and high schoolers, though, it's time to break out the puppets. Quote, do some role-playing that teaches your kids

how to listen to someone else's viewpoint before countering it with their own. Oh, Jesus Christ. With puppets? So, just holding puppets and doing nothing? Can we just give the puppets, mom? Can we just do nothing without them? She continues, pick a different religion each week and discuss the core doctrines of that religion and how it differs from Christianity.

For help, see the World Religions blog series by Lindsay at mamabearapologetics.com. Yeah, oh yeah, no, by God, by all fucking means, don't learn about those religions from their own sources. She concludes,

most importantly, make sure your children understand why Christianity is true. For help, see my book, Teaching Others to Defend Christianity. And for even more help, especially regarding the book height method of epistemology,

see The Case for Christ by Lee Strobel. So now we're gonna pause for prayer. Bare paws. Nailed it. Every time. Which he opens by saying, quote, Jesus, you are supreme, highest in rank, sovereign, reigning above all others.

I praise you because you, without question or confusion, are the one true way to reconciliation between God and man. Always nice when your prayer starts with a Trump tweet. So now it's time for the discussion questions. Gentlemen, buckle in. Icebreaker, how many people of different religions?

This is so fucking great. How many people of different religions have you interacted with? What was your interaction like? What? Okay, before we argue some more in favor of totalitarian theocracy, let's list all our Jewish friends. I think we all have some. Let's list them all.

We just got this vision of a fucking gaggle of Karens sitting around asking if tax support counts two main theme you can seek peace with all people without having to regard all ideas as equally true at mama bear apologetics we say to demolish arguments not people what is the difference between the two have you seen this done well have you seen this done poorly uh poorly yeah see katherine's book and also mama bear apologetics.com and the thing we're doing a segment on right now okay i just have to point out this next question i am reading word for word i have not altered it in any way shape or form three self-evaluation are you

comfortable interacting with people who are different from you whether because of race income religion sense of humor or ellipses question mark wow that was a slur that was an ellipses over a slur you know wow how well do you know what other religions teach and elixir over a slur. You know, smir smir. Wow. How well do you know what other religions teach? Okay, now let's everybody list our black friends

and our friends with a New York sense of humor. Very funny. Very funny people. You need to get comfortable with those people before you can demolish their ideas. That's important.

Oh, I love that. How racist are you on a scale of one to ten? Made it into our list of questions. This has been by far the most self-aware chapter in her book. Yeah. Yeah. Nine. A lot of nines.

Okay. All right. There we go. A process for this. All right. Number four, brainstorm. okay a process for this all right number four brainstorm what are some ways that you and other mama bears can practice being loving to people who hold different beliefs hmm okay they actually gave us a pretty good answer to this one if christians would put on sock puppets and just

shut the fuck up and not move. That's a great start. Right, yeah, because obviously we've established that books can't commit suicide, so. And here's my favorite one. It's how she ends the chapter, release the bear. More than likely, there are other moms at your child's school who are very different from you

and have different beliefs. Pick just one and invite her to a lunch date. Start out by listening to her and asking questions. Get to know her as a person. Find out why she believes what she does. For helpful tips,

see Hillary's short Playground Apologetics series on the Mama Bear website. Invite a noble savage on a lunch date if you need help listening to someone and getting to know them we wrote a blog about it oh boy i hope this is in anna's future along with a hidden microphone so with that we're going to bring this one to a close. There's still more chapters to come, though.

Between now and then, try not to linger on the nightmare that would be a missionary lunch date with one of Hillary's readers. Before we let cool on the countertop tonight, I wanted to let everybody know that, yes, the book is still coming. We're in the middle of the I don't give a fuck if people know what it means or not. Pastiferous is the perfect word right there, face of things. But we're hard at work getting everything in line. We're even circling around a title at this point, but we're still taking suggestions. We appreciate the ones that we've gotten so far. Anyway, that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight.

We'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister shows. Hot Friend God, Awful Movies debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Tuesday, and an even newer episode of our half-sister show, Citation D, debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously, I want to thank Heath Enright for his mellifluous contributions to this episode. I want to thank Eli Bosnick from the past for busting ass to help us get ahead for this

paternity leave. I also want to thank the lovely and talented Lucinda Lusions for braving the worst of the headlines again for us this week. I also want to thank Emery, whose adopted extended family we are honored to be a part of for providing this week's Farnsworth quote, but most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's best people Nicholas, Joe, Aaron, Brooke, Kyle, Mike, Naomi, Savannah, Andrew, and other

Aaron. Nicholas, Joe, and Aaron, who are so hot you need an oven mitt to give them a hand job. Brooke, Kyle, Mike, and Naomi, whose opinions carry so much weight they affect the tides, and Savannah, Andrew, and other Aaron who are so sexy porn watches them. Together, these ten tenacious tender hearts have made our tendentious tendencies

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