The Scathing Atheist - 393: Watching from the Corner Edition

Episode Date: August 27, 2020

In this week’s episode, we’ve got just the way to tell your Scorpio baby they’re an asshole, Donald Trump gets negged by God in his own fantasy, and that $10.5 million cushion will screw up the “Jerry Fall-poorly” joke. --- To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click there: http://www.amazon.com/Diatribes-Godless-Misanthrope-Scathing-Presents-ebook/dp/B00J53FZFI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1396141562&sr=8-1 To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/ To hear more from our intrepid audio engineer Morgan Clarke, click here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/ --- The book Noah was talking about in the Diatribe: https://www.amazon.com/White-Too-Long-Supremacy-Christianity/dp/1982122862 --- Headlines: A Lying Trump Claims Democrats Nixed “God” from the Pledge During the Convention: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/08/22/a-lying-trump-claims-democrats-nixed-god-from-the-pledge-during-the-convention/ Robert Jeffress: The DNC Wasn’t Specific With Its God-Talk, So It Doesn’t Count: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/08/22/robert-jeffress-the-dnc-wasnt-specific-with-its-god-talk-so-it-doesnt-count/ Lying Evangelist Franklin Graham: There Was an “Absence of God” at the DNC: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/08/21/lying-evangelist-franklin-graham-there-was-an-absence-of-god-at-the-dnc/ Astrology-Loving Parents Inspire a New Board-Book Genre: Star Signs for Babies https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/08/23/astrology-loving-parents-inspire-a-new-board-book-genre-star-signs-for-babies/ Falwell’s Poolboy is talking now, and that ain’t good for Jerry: https://reuters.com/article/amp/idUSKBN25K1ZO?fbclid=IwAR0uXz5ti9Rr1GX0gVUL7dGGY37d0nMwA6556otQTSFb37Td2p6gNO2g1BE Trump claims "I spoke to God about the economy and he trusts me to rebuild it": https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/08/21/trump-i-spoke-to-god-about-the-economy-and-he-trusts-me-to-rebuild-it/ Televangelist Jim Bakker May Be Forced to Return Up To $1.7 Million in PPP Funds https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/08/25/televangelist-jim-bakker-may-be-forced-to-return-up-to-1-7-million-in-ppp-funds/ Greg Locke found the Satanic symbol we hid in the DNC logo: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/08/21/maga-cultist-pastor-the-dncs-logo-must-be-satanic-since-its-a-star/

Warning, the following podcast contains words. If you get offended by them, that's kind of on you. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by HIMSS, ZipRecruiter, and by Don Jr.'s new reality show, Adderall and the Family. And now, The Scathing Atheist. Hi, I'm Amy. And I'm John. And I'm Taylor. Despite the fact that we three work for one of the largest school districts in Florida and that our clientele is often unevolved, we can assure you that we did in fact evolve from filthy monkey men and women. It's Thursday.

It's August 27th. And it's National Banana Lovers Day. It's also my birthday, but no, that's cool. Go with that. I'm no illusion. I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heath Enright. It's my fucking birthday. And from Joe Rogan's New Jersey,

Cincinnati Swing State, and Good Husband Georgia, this is The Scathing Atheist. On this week's episode, we've got just the way to tell your Scorpio baby he's an asshole. Donald Trump gets negged by God in his own fantasy. And that $10.5 million cushion fucks up my Jerry Fall poorly joke. But first, the diatribe.

I will never understand how Christians can convince themselves of their own moral superiority or even their own morality. Right? Like there's a system where you can become absolved of all sin by silently apologizing to yourself. Or, if we want to be more generous, by apologizing to a mythical character that, by definition, is obligated to accept your apology and love you no less for your transgression. Jesus doesn't even demand that you rectify the problem, or even that you apologize to whomever you might have slighted with your sinfulness. He asks only that you confess of your sin, at which point he's duty-bound to fully absolve you. That's the whole point.

What's more, he doesn't even-bound to fully absolve you. That's the whole point. What's more, he doesn't even expect you to stop sinning afterwards. He knows fully well that you're going to fall short again, and when you do, he'll be ready to forgive that transgression as well. Jesus comes with infinite get-out-of-jail-free cards, and if you think that you can do moral philosophy that bad for 2,000 years without getting really shitty morality, I'd ask you to simply look at any Christian institution that has existed for any time period anywhere ever. All right, let's start with the oldest, the Catholic Church. Yes, they raped a bunch of kids, but they said they were sorry, right? They're going to make an earnest effort to do better in

the future, but hey, they're flawed descendants of eve living in a fallen world after all so they're not going to do perfect and jesus stands ready to forgive them the next time they do it too and since theirs is a forgiveness based morality there's no need for recompense right there's no point in releasing the suspected pedophiles that they're still harboring and they're quasi state of child rapist stand right there's no reason to release the victims from the non-disclosure agreements that their financial compensation was contingent on there's no reason to proactively give up the names of every little suspected pedophile to law enforcement as long as everybody's admitted to their sins and sincerely apologize to jesus they're in the clear from an ethical perspective.

In fact, all these minor reforms and reporting requirements and shit, that's just altruism icing on the said sorry can't get mad cake, if you think about it. Or how about we look at the second biggest denomination in the US, the Southern Baptist Convention. What is Southern baptism anyway? Does the water spin the other way when you drain the baptismal font or something? No, it's fucking slavery. Right? In the lead up to the Civil War, the Baptists in the South decided that they couldn't be friends with those abolitionist assholes in the North anymore. So they split off and made their very own baptism with hookers and slavery.

Not only did the fucking Southern Baptists come into existence to provide theological justification for slavery and white supremacy, but that's also what they continued to do for at least a century after the Civil War. One could argue that's still what it does, but at the very fucking least, that's what it was doing into the 60s, providing theological justification for white supremacy. A couple of years ago, the Southern Baptist Seminary, the oldest seminary affiliated with the SBC, tried to confront their racist origins with a report called The Report on Slavery and Racism in the History of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. And to their credit, it more or less did lay out their bigoted origins and their central role in justifying slavery, segregation and white supremacy. More or less, more or less. They released this report in 2018 and they said they were super sorry right they did a whole thing on a stage where they had a black guy come on and accept her apology on behalf of african americans and that was that morally cleansed by christian standards of course it's not like this legacy we're talking about is like

thousands of years ago they are still directly benefiting from this today like for example with their hundred million dollar endowment almost universally donated to further the goal of maintaining the racist status quo so a nearby historically black college said hey if you guys are really sorry right how about you tie 10 of that racism fortune that you still have to us or to some other method of black empowerment and the southern baptist seminary was like fuck you we already said we were sorry and that was that right did you not hear the guy who accepted our apology like despite christian claims to the contrary universal forgiveness is not a fucking virtue

and pretending otherwise is a vice it's a bullshit bit of blame jujitsu yes i'm the one who did something wrong but i said i was sorry which is good you didn't accept my apology which is bad therefore we're both bad in this story and you were bad last in fact this philosophy doesn't even require that i give you back your money as long as i've apologized to you for stealing it so even temporarily withholding acceptance of my apology to see if anything's going to change is bad or at least fall short of the ideal good. You should forgive me universally like Jesus would. And if you don't, that's really a problem with your ethics and not mine. Be more Christian.

People spoon-fed that shit their whole lives? Think that African-Americans are being greedy when they talk about reparations or affirmative action or any act whatsoever to help rectify the enormous imbalance of power that results from our nation's multi-century history of white supremacy? White people already said they were sorry, after all. Christianity is not a good source of morality. Hell, it isn't even a bad source of morality. It is a shortcut around morality, and it always has been. Incidentally, by the way, this diatribe is very much inspired by a book I'm reading called White Too Long, The Legacy of White Supremacy in American Christianity by Robert P. Jones. Normally, I would not recommend a book I'm not done with yet, but if this is a topic you want to explore more,

at least the first half of this book is really fucking good. I'll link it in the show notes. They're talking about you, Jesus. We interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news bulletin. Joining me for headlines tonight are the Huff and Puff to my blow, Heath Enright and Eli Bosnick. Fellas, are you ready to frighten some piggies? I'm thinking we got to team up with those angry birds. The pigs hate them oh there you

go okay and i've said this isn't about pigs this is about ethics in housing journalism topical thank you all right yeah yeah well done well done and on that note we're gonna pause for a quick word from our first buzzer this week hymns all right Roll your attack roll. Okay. 14. Ooh, that is a success. So long, luxurious locks burst from your head. Nice. Awesome.

Hey, guys. What you doing? We're playing this new version of Dungeons & Dragons. Oh, yeah? What's it like? Mostly you have magic spells that grow your hair. And you wash it sometimes. Yeah, you do.

Fantasy. Fantasy. Yeah, you do. Ugh, fantasy. Fantasy. Yeah. Guys, why don't you just try 4hims.com? Is that a Pathfinder mod? Because I barely got Heath into 5th edition. I don't know. No, no, no, no. 4hims.com is a one-stop shop for hair loss, skin care, and sexual wellness for men. It's time to write a new chapter,

one in which you have hair. A website for hair loss why don't you just tell me you figured out a reasonable min max for a total rogue what it's a hard thing i don't believe you is what i meant well you should four hymns is helping guys be the best version of themselves with licensed medical providers and fda approved products to help treat hair loss All right, Noah, that sounds great, but I'm not exactly looking to go to a store and buy stuff right now. Well, with 4hims.com, you don't have to. No more awkward in-person doctor's visits or long pharmacy lines. 4him connects you to licensed medical professionals online, which could save you hours. Plus, it's completely confidential and discreet. Just answer

a few quick questions. A medical professional will review, and if they determine it's right for you, they can prescribe you medication to treat hair loss that is shipped directly to your door. Wow, that does sound good. Today, HIMS is giving you their best offer yet. If you're not happy with your results after 90 days, HIMS will give you a full refund. And right now, our listeners can get their first visit absolutely free. Go to 4hims.com slash scathing. That's 4hims.com slash scathing. Full refund at price paid available for the first 90-day supply.

Refund request must be made between 90 and 180 days after product shipment delivered. Prescription products require an online consultation with a medical professional who will determine if a prescription is appropriate. Restrictions apply. See website for full details and important safety information remember that's forhims.com scathing thanks noah we'll definitely check that out all right heath you ready i roll for a front-facing fan facing my face yes i'm gonna whip it back and forth yeah you are my hair and now back to the headlines. In our lead story tonight, the Democratic National Convention.

Anna? What are the guys talking about? It's the newest, the greatest, Christian freak out. That's right. The Democratic National Convention happened last week. And we have some great news about that. Thanks to the Democratic Party, God is dead.

Yep. We did it. Yep. We did it. Yep. We can wrap it up now. People in charge of the event finally realized that Christianity is pretty much gone from the United States and atheism is super popular.

So they intentionally omitted the phrase one nation under God from the Pledge of Allegiance. No, they didn't. But according to Donald Trump, they did. He also added, quote, But according to Donald Trump, they did. He also had a quote, rabble, rabble, rabble.

Okay, are we sure he isn't like an Ink Master type villain from George Orwell's trash? Because he acts like an Ink Master type villain from George Orwell's trash. Yeah, no, it's entirely possible. I honestly, I can't tell if this validates the people who said, see, we had to put this much Jesus into it, or the people who said, see, we had to put this much Jesus into it, or the people who said, see, it didn't matter how much

Jesus you put into it, but they all took a victory lap around this. So, here's what actually happened. They recited our creepy fascist pledge of allegiance to a rectangle of fabric on all four nights of the convention. And they

included the phrase, one nation under God all four nights of the convention. And they included the phrase, one nation under God, all four of those times. But apparently there were two groups of Democrats who met during the day, not during the televised convention itself, and they left out the word God from the pledge. And both times, it was because invoking Christian God would be super obnoxious,

like beyond the normal amount that goes along with reciting wedding vows to a flag. One of those two groups was the Muslim Delegates and Allies group, and the other was the LGBTQ Caucus. Probably had something to do with Christian God explicitly wanting to murder

all those people according to the Bible. Just guessing. Or translated out of reality into a trump tweet quote the democrats took the word god out of the pledge of allegiance at the democrat national convention at first i thought they made a mistake but it wasn't it was done on purpose remember evangelical christians and all this is where they're coming from. It's done. Vote November 3rd. Alright, who else am I doing bad with?

Okay, got it, got it. Can't believe the Democrats got Long John Silvers instead of Popeyes for catering black people and all. This is where they're coming from. Can't believe the Democrats chose Skippy Peanut Butter when choosy moms

clearly choose suburban. But my favorite freak out came from hate pastor and Keebler HR guy Robert Jeffress. According to Jeffress, Democrats talking about faith,

it doesn't count because they weren't specific enough about the faith faith during an interview on fox news he said quote the democrats talk about faith in some ethereal undefined way but they never define what that faith is is it faith in oneself faith in other people faith in the tooth fairy oh they all said faith in god then you have to ask which god the god of the bible they're pretty much all christian

baby murder almost exact quote yeah they had to cut away before he and his own sentence came to blow well if there's anybody whose rhetoric could throw a chair at itself, yeah, it's Robert Jeffress. Jesus. It'd be a folding chair and he'd have trouble with it. Right, right. We'd end up hitting him as he threw it. Alright, and circling back to the Pledge of Allegiance, just for the record, that was written

the version we know anyway, it was written in 1892 by a xenophobic Baptist minister from right near Eli's hometown in upstate New York. And even that guy didn't include under God in that original version. We added that in 1954

so we could defeat all those godless communists using the power of kids talking in unison. So moral of the story, hate pastors from the 1800s are way too secular for Donald Trump and the GOP of 2020. That's where we are. And in Taurus, a new one news.

Nice. You know, if being a parent has taught me anything, it's that you really only need three hours of sleep a night and that the government is watching me through tiny cameras. They placed inside my life. Eli, Eli, the story. Sorry. Sorry. But the third thing I've learned is that there is no idea dangerous or stupid enough that someone won't try to sell it to you for your baby.

From homeopathic cough medicine to attachment parenting, if you put sleep through the night by 11 weeks on the back, someone will buy it. And this week, we learned that we're stooping to brand new levels

because Chronicle Books is releasing a series of astrology books for babies. Look at that. Look, he shits like a cancer. Just like dad, actually. That's great. Well, I mean, to be fair to astrologers,

this is one of the few demographics that doesn't yet consistently see through their bullshit. So, yeah, I get it. Yeah, that's fair. Now, to their credit, the publishers seem to take these books about as seriously as we do. According to the article I read, quote, Harper said that with Chronicles books, parents will get to spend time thinking about

a very broad version of a topic they like. And babies, meanwhile, will get bright colors, characters, narrative, and rhymes. Yeah, but my fucking horoscope never gave me bright colors or rhymes. Am I getting ripped off on this shit? Absolutely.

Either way, Heath and I know money when we smell it. So, Morgan, hit it. Namaste. I am Guru Bosnick. Namaste as well. I'm Guru Enright. And we're the authors of the brand new series, Bullshit for Babies. Bullshit for Babies endeavors to introduce a brand new line of debunked, poisonous, and dangerous ideas to your baby's brain as early as possible.

Like our first book, Peekaboo, Which Cast Are You? A fun and colorful guide to where and when your baby should cast a shadow. Or what about 123 Alchemy? A rhyming exploration of the transmutation of metals for the little Newton in your life.

Or, why not try Phrenology with Friends? This story teaches the important... Guys, guys, you have to stop. Aw, come on, Noah, we're just trying to make some money. Yeah, what's the... Guys, guys, you have to stop. Oh, come on, Noah. We're just trying to make some money. Yeah, what's the big deal? Well, Tony Perkins already put out that last book. You guys are going to get us sued. Oh, that's fair.

Okay, yeah. Good looking out. Good looking out. And in Oh My God, This Is So Amazing, I'm Shocked It Didn't Break on a Thursday Morning News, everybody else is watching Jerry Falwell Jr. Get fucked. And that's weird,

right? I'm not sure if he's like on jerking off to that or what? I don't know. He's going lefty. Okay. Okay. Yeah, there you go.

There you go. So last week we learned that he'd be placed on indefinitely from Liberty U for accidentally blackmailing himself in reverse by voluntarily posting compromising photos of himself online. And then this week we learned that he's being placed on even less definite leave, I guess, for a thing I'm pretty sure we have neither word nor phrase for, actually. The English language failed. I'm going to go with insufficiently devout cuckery.

Yeah. I guess. Yeah. Imagine being one of the kids who got kicked out of Liberty University for watching an R-rated movie. Yes.

And then you read this story in the fucking paper. Or even worse, imagine being one of the kids who graduated from Liberty University. That is worse. Has a degree now

from Liberty University. And reading a story. Come on on that's a little hard to picture we're not going to kink shame on this show if you get off watching other people fuck your spouse great have fun with that judging by the fact that five out of six trending videos on Pornhub involve fucking a step something that seems pretty mild to me but yes

according to they're not related right now Giancarlo Granda But yes, according to... They're not related. Right, right. Why? Giancarlo Granda. It turns out the Falwells were not taking their 20-something pool boy around on vacation for entirely platonic reasons like they said they were. According to both A, Granda's assertions, and B, the text messages and other evidence reviewed by Reuters, Granda and Jerry's wife, quote, developed an intimate

relationship and Jerry enjoyed watching from the corner of the room. End quote. Okay, why are the cucks always in the corner of the room? I feel like I'd want to get in close. If that was my thing, I'd want to check out angles and see

buttholes and whatever. Two things, very important. The first is, imagine being the guy at Reuters where the guy was like, and you're going to want to see out angles and see like buttholes and whatever. Two things very important. The first is, imagine being the guy at Reuters where the guy was like, and you're going to want to see these naked pictures of me fucking Jerry Falwell's wife, right? And you, as a reporter, have to be like, go ahead and show me those pictures.

That is news. That is part of my job. And two, can we just admit cocks deserve better PR? Yes. yes right i mean first it was everyone who disagreed with the nazis now it's jerry falwell inviting someone else to have sex with your partner is downright neighborly you know who was probably a cuck mr rogers because he believed in sharing that's what we should he did he So, of course, Falwell denied all of this, issuing a statement

to right-wing propaganda mill The Washington Examiner the day before the Reuters article was coming out claiming that Gronda had been blackmailing him for years

over a relationship that Gronda had with his wife. Which isn't how blackmail works. Dude, without a hostage, there's no ransom.

That's what ransom is. Those are the fucking rules. Yeah, exactly. I'm going to tell you about that. Wait, hold on. I'll tell your wife. Does Walter Sochak explain this to you? Jesus.

So in an amazing doth protest too much moment, Falvo's statement that came out before this article actually says that his wife, quote, had an inappropriate personal relationship with this person something in which i was not involved end quote well because you know how normally you have to explain whether or not you were a participant in your spouse's affair it's like that becky falwell could not be reasoned for comment as she has not yet emerged from under that bus. You know he got off that phone call and Becky was like, I'm with you no matter what.

We're going to make it through this together. And he was like, hey, I'm glad you say that. Quick change of plan. New strategy. You are the bad guy. And in Bible Peace Theater is coming to life news. You gotta cut that shit out. With all this economic turmoil resulting from the global pandemic, Donald Trump had a meeting with the invisible hand who guides the market last week.

His name is God. And during a rally in Minnesota, Trump explained how that meeting with God went. So fucking insane. It's insane. So crazy. According to Trump, he was a little too braggy with God during that meeting about the amazing economy that Trump created. I have nothing but Obama's amazing economy.

So God created COVID-19 as a test to see if Trump could fix it again. And apparently he has. So, you know, mission accomplished. Seems a little broad for Bible Peace Theater. I mean, could he maybe wave around a dead body, do a musical number instead? No, this was in Minnesota. This wasn't on Fifth Avenue. Wave around a dead body.

Come on. So I'm really not exaggerating about Trump's claim here. In his own made up story about speaking to the God of the universe, he was such an arrogant asshole that God had to challenge him with a plague for spite. Here's the exact words we got from Trump. Quote, God said to me, you know, you did it once. And I said, did I do a great job, God? I'm the only one who could do it. They're talking about the economy here, about fixing the economy that he was handed. That was great. A little small talk with God.

Continuing, God said that you shouldn't say. You shouldn't say you're the only one who could do it. Now we're going to have to make you do it again. I said, okay, I agree. You got me. But I did it once and now I'm doing it again. And then God offered me a low five, but I was too slow. I am very humble. Please vote for me. That's exactly what this is. The Christians want you to be more humble.

And this is where he went with it. When I was chatting with god one on one the other day yep that's what happened the crowd loved it too it was ridiculous yeah trump also added some absurd nonsense about his fantastic work on the environment and also the amazing unemployment numbers that he's working with right now what yeah uh i'll sort of try to explain here just for the record the environmental thing that was a conservation bill proposed by a democrat and backed by democrats mostly that trump only signed because two gop senators told him it would help him with their re-election campaigns and i guess trump got a little too braggy about that one too so god made him try

to read the word yosemite during his speech about it that was a fail but the economy test is going great according to trump after the remark about god teaching him humility trump added and you see the kind of numbers we're putting up best Best job numbers ever. Three months, more jobs in the last three months than ever before. Well, but the media is so busy bitching about the fact I burned down the house that none of them even bothered to thank me for getting rid of the mildew in the upstairs bathroom yet. There's no termites either, by the way. Well, not in the burn part. So, yeah, just just to review again this is trump's own fantasy story he talked with god and god found him off-putting which led

to a plague in his story yeah no by his own account if he'd been less smitty with god 170 000 more people would be alive in the U.S. alone. Yeah. And that plague caused our unemployment rate to jump from about 3.5%, 4% to about 15%, 16%. And now it's back down to like 10%. And that's what Trump calls best job numbers ever. We have a president who doesn't even know what direction to lie in when he lies. You got to look at it per job, though. Amazing.

And even worse, we have an electorate that doesn't even understand what I just said. Yeah. They just heard the word God in his thing and they started clapping. Yeah. Woo! He talked to him. And in pee-pee mistakes news. Okay, podcast listener. are you biting down on something

all right well if the answer was yes that's weird you should spit that out drop it drop it okay now put it back into your mouth eli what i'm sorry sorry i was just getting him ready for this news all right everybody ready televangelist convicted felon, and freeze-dried food product huckster Jim Baker received between $650,000 and $1.7 million in PPP loans this past June from the United States government.

Great. Now he only owes the IRS about $5 million. Wait, no, the whole thing is illegal that he just pulled off. Now it's back above the $6 million. Wait, no, the whole thing is illegal that he just pulled off. Now it's back above the $6 million he's owed since 1994 when he got released from jail.

Yeah. Great. So there is good news. Regular listeners to the show will know that birds gotta fly, fish gotta swim, and Jim Baker has to commit fraud, which is why at the start

of the COVID crisis in the US, he almost immediately started selling fake cures for it, which it turns out is illegal. And it's illegal even if your regular pitch is buy my buckets or you'll have nowhere to poop when the horse scorpion locusts get here. So there's an ongoing lawsuit about that. Yeah, I'm not that confident about how these lawsuits are gonna go like sincerely held lying is basically the cornerstone of the john roberts supreme court yeah it's high enough yeah it's the theme that ties it all together and let's keep in mind that he spent

years saying his silver water could cure all venereal diseases without anybody ever saying shit so like saying that stuff is illegal selectively, if anything. Yeah, it's got to be out of the charts, I guess. So yeah, you're actually not allowed to use your PPP loan for crimes, it turns out. So according to the Associated Press, quote, after the fact, the Small Business Administration will review organizations and companies to identify those that may have submitted inaccurate self-certifications. may have submitted inaccurate self-certifications. The agency may seek repayment with the potential for civil or criminal penalties if a fraudulent application was submitted. Okay, but again, the problem with Baker isn't that nobody's seeking repayment, right? And according to attorney Daniel Grooms,

a former federal prosecutor who worked in the Justice Department for 15 years, quote, there is every reason to think that an entity led by a person with the profile he has given his history and given the ongoing fraud issues surrounding the product he was selling, that those ongoing investigations and the ongoing attention, it would be realistic to think that would lead to further investigation of his ppp loans oh the investigations are going to lead to more investigations boy you can tell that motherfucker has worked as a federal prosecutor against churches before right yep that's how it'll go so yeah a fake covid cure stroke now might have to come up with $1.7 million for Uncle Sam. I think it's safe to say it's been a bad year for Jim Baker,

but that means it's been a good year for the rest of us. Well, better anyway. I feel better about that. Yeah, he's having a bad year. You're right. No, I smiled a little bit. I did. There you go.

I did. All right. And finally tonight, in the devil's in the detail news, Tennessee pastor, rehabilitator of witness tampering felons and donut vigilante greg lock extended his record for consecutive weeks with a scathing atheist headline consideration by noticing that if you turn the logo for the democratic national convention on its side and then draw a satanic symbol over it it looks exactly like a satanic symbol, which means that Greg was like taking random democratic symbols and drawing over them and cram being like, I'm about to blow this shit wide open. All right.

Still haven't found anything yet. I'm going to find something. Let me just lay down on my side for a second. Take a rest. Hold on. Hold on. I got him. So the symbol in question is known colloquially as a star.

Or if you want to freak out, Christian's a pentagram. Or if you want to be a verbose math nerd about it, I just learned this. An isotoxal non-intersecting concave polygon. Sorry, there's not much to this story. I have to make the word count somehow. Anyway, it's literally just a goddamn star but that didn't stop hate pastor greg lock from tweeting out a picture of it rotated 90 degrees next to a shot of the goat pentagram symbol with this actual observation quote i suppose it's just a coincidence that the hashtag dem convention logo turned sideways is the exact same design and measurements

as another familiar logo. Measurements? Yep. Satanism is alive and well, end quote. Okay. I love that he thinks two images have the same measurements because they both fit on his

computer screen. Yeah, right. Exactly. And they're not even the same. He photoshop. Exactly. And they're not even the same. Like, he photoshopped them together, and they're not even the same size, the two stars. That's amazing. Right. No, they're both 125%. Yeah.

Also, unrelated, the Dunkin' Donuts logo looks like boobs. So, you know, keep an eye on those guys. Just saying. Some boobs in their logo. Now, obviously, the good folks on Twitter were quick to help Locke decode some other sideways and upside down satanic symbols, like all them little devils hiding in the American flag or all those devil worshippers that play for the Cowboys and all those satanic little kids who did so well on spelling bees. Most noteworthy, perhaps, were the three stars in the GOP elephant which don't even have to be rotated

to point downwards now Locke has not responded to any of these points though most likely because he's hiding in a closet from a plushie of Patrick from Spongebob would be my guess and I guess we're going to wrap the headlines on that lovely image so Heath, Eli, thanks

as always. Blue Monty! And when we come back, the opiate of the masses gets a rebuttal. You wanted to see me, Mr. President? Tyler, Tyler, get in here, big guy. You remember Mesopotamia

and Sarah Huckabee Sanders? Hello, Tyler. Sarah, why are you still here? Squatter's rights, you notice. But you never lived here. Says you, maybe. Anyway, we're working on Mesothelium Mioma's big speech, and we want to make sure we hired the best people

for the Republican National Convention. Well, why not try ZipRecruiter? What? ZipRecruiter. ZipRecruiter is the smartest way to hire. ZipRecruiter sends your job toipRecruiter? ZipRecruiter is the smartest way to hire. ZipRecruiter sends your job to over a hundred of the web's leading job sites, but they don't stop there. With their powerful matching technology,

ZipRecruiter scans thousands of resumes to find people with the right experience and actively invites them to apply to your job. And how do we choose people for the RNC? We hired whoever kissed a cardboard cut out of you the most passionately. Oh, nice. Who won? Don Jr.

That tracks. ZipRecruiter makes the entire hiring process efficient and effective, with features like screening questions to filter our candidates, and an all-in-one dashboard where you can review and rate your candidates. So we could have put a screening question like, are you about to tweet a long and openly anti-Semitic conspiracy theory before your appearance? Exactly. ZipRecruiter is so effective that four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Glontage? One day, yes. And right now,

to try ZipRecruiter for free, our listeners can go to ZipRecruiter.com slash scathing. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash S-C-A-T-H-I-N-G. ZipRecruiter.com slash scathing. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash S-C-A-T-H-I-N-G. ZipRecruiter.com slash scathing. ZipRecruiter. The smartest way to hire. Quick each way and says to do today. How was that? I, maybe I got a word or two.

A little bit, maybe. I got all of it. Really? You could understand her. What? No, no. I found a Mars bar wrapper under the couch. Okay. All mine. Stop looking.

If there's one group of people who consistently prey on the minds of children, a group who all good parents must remain vigilant against, it's those damn commies. And no, we haven't been transported back into the 1950s. Only our thinking has with this month's selection

from Hilary Morgan Bearer's Mama Bear Apologetics. Yes, the time has come for a chapter I have been looking forward to since I looked at this book's table of contents on Amazon. Chapter 13, communism failed because nobody did it right. Marxism.

Okay, for the record, as wrong as I'm sure Hillary's about to get everything, she's right about how shitty that argument is, communists. Gotta seize the means of production godfully yeah so the good news is even hillary is going to admit at the start of this chapter that she has no fucking idea why she's talking about marxism in a christian apologetics book about protecting your kids from thinking yeah but damn it marxism is just too big a threat to ignore yeah yeah this right here is where it gets ridiculous right now yeah the chapter is about naturalism moral relativism and pluralism they were all right in her intellectual wheelhouse this is stretching i think here's her quote about it

quote up until recently my thoughts were isn't communism a thing of the past? USSR? Berlin Wall? Have we learned nothing about the errors and evils of Marxism? And isn't Venezuela learning this lesson like right now? Spoiler alert, no. Apparently we have not learned this lesson. End quote. Yeah, the drop in the

market price for oil is really teaching Venezuela about the pitfalls of Marxism. Also, 18% of the humans are Chinese. Does she not know about them? I don't think she does. But don't worry. Don't tell her.

Don't worry. She's going to get to it because it turns out that Hillary Morgan Ferrer knows why communism has never worked out. You guys ready? No, absolutely not ready yeah quote reject whatever is about to happen when you read marxist literature you'll notice it completely ignores original sin and human nature oh jesus fucking christ could theoretically work as long as you don't have those two little factors at play good luck with that and quote yeah stalin was crushing it but then some lady handed him an apple and the whole thing just

unraveled well now to be fair things would have gone way better for him had we lacked knowledge of good and evil so that's fair that's true now if you're wondering who the insidious forces pushing marxism on your children are why Why, that would be Teen Vogue. What the fuck is happening? She references a 2018 article that explains the basic ideas of Marxism versus capitalism. In Teen Vogue. Yep. Feels like Teen Vogue probably isn't the best source for that topic.

But, you know, then again, here we are talking about Hillary Morgan Ferrer's chapter about Marxism versus capitalism. Right, yeah. So, it's all relative. Here's what she has to say about that article. Quote, back in my day, we learned about the latest lip gloss colors and laughed over readers submitted most embarrassing

moments, end quote. I consumed materials that didn't teach me things. The author of this book. Jesus fucking Christ. So now we go to a section insultingly titled Why are we talking about failed economic policies in a book

for moms? This is not the first time one of our editor's margin notes made it into the final draft, guys. But she's going to lose a big chunk of her audience right up at the front of this section when she says, quote, I want to say right now that the Bible is not pro-capitalism and America is not God's chosen nation. Who's a record needle scratch?

Dude, read the room. Right? It's like us opening up a section of our show about how bald and a goatee is a really bad look. Just saying. To our audience. It's a great look. Great look. You look fantastic. So, yeah. Sweaty hugs are a really bad look. Just saying. To our audience. It's a great look. Great look. You look fantastic.

So yeah. Sweaty hugs are a really bad idea. So she explains that her problem is that Marxism is a religion. She spends like two paragraphs on this. So I guess it's warning in on her territory. Here's the quote. Marxism is more than just a failed economic policy.

It is essentially religion. Here's the quote. Marxism is more than just a failed economic policy. It is essentially religion. One that touches on every facet of life, from church to family to morality. End quote. It's like an opiate for itself. Yeah. She's basically saying, like, if you turn stuff into a religion,

it fucks up the... Cut. In my book. Yeah. So now HMO is going to set us straight with a section titled, What's the difference between Marxism, Socialism, and Communism? Or as I call it, Heath, are you biting down on something? Das Kapital.

I've got a copy right here. Each heading has a Satan outline that's a little more full. Yeah. So Hillary's answer, despite that title, seems to be, meh, they're all pretty much the same thing. Because, you know,

they're all coming for your Bible, according to her. Right, yeah. According to her section on socialism, she says, quote, socialism can coexist with freedom of religion but it generally promotes secularism a radical separation of church and state where religious ideas are welcome only in the private realm of hearth and home communism

on the other hand is unapologetically atheistic from each according to his ability to each god is dead sorry not sorry yeah i think i remember that from the book she also goes on this great little communism rant here at the end of this section when she's explaining it she says quote the people would collectively own all manufacturing all commodities and there would be no more classes of people meaning that everyone would be perfectly equal classes of people, meaning that everyone would be perfectly equal. Sounds great, doesn't it? Unless you're like me and you remember how well this worked with high school group projects. I was the one who cared the most. So I ended up doing all the work. The idea of equality is great until you remember that it doesn't guarantee

equality of motivation. But I digress. End of real quote. I digress in my book. That's a group project. Well, right. Yeah, right. I feel like she took the name of the mommy blogger who said she'd write the communism chapter out of that sentence at the last minute.

Sharon. Which brings us to a section called, so what do the Marxists think they are doing? Sneaking out of the house to go make out with Brad, apparently. Yeah, close. She explains that the Marxists are so dedicated to their ideas, so single-minded that the end always justifies the means, no matter what evil they need to do to get rid of evil class systems.

And that's why they must be stopped no matter what. Right. But in Christianity, the beginning justifies. Yes. She even points out that maybe, maybe all the child labor of the 1700s wasn't awesome. Here's the quote. Quote, to play devil's advocate. Ah, throw the book.

Here's the quote, quote, to play devil's advocate through the book. Marx made some legitimate points in the Communist Manifesto about the abuses that occurred to workers during the Industrial Revolution, like how industrialization commoditized children for cheap labor. Unfortunately, despite improved working standards and government regulations through the book that have significantly reduced workplace abuse modern marxists socialists and communists still portray all capitalism as evil and usually personified as the man yeah capitalism doesn't get enough credit for all all the regulations on capitalism that was them too too. And Christianity doesn't get enough credit either.

Right? Yeah, and honestly, neither does the man while we're at it. But don't worry. She's going to defend capitalism in a way that is so... It convinces me I wrote this book as a prank against here.

But let's ask ourselves, is building a business bad? Say a person starts a business and eventually becomes successful enough to hire workers these workers do not own the business rather they work for the owner oh work for them got it yeah sorry i got lost for a second yeah whose goal is not merely to create and sell at cost but to create and sell for a profit. Oh, fuck. That's why they call them workers. I get it now.

Yeah. To make money. When that happens, the workers have job stability and the owner can expand the business and hire more workers. This is capitalism 101, end quote. Yeah, you know what?

You nailed it. You nailed it. You nailed it. Startups are known for great job stability. Maybe go ahead and enroll in capitalism 102, though, if you get a chance, Hillary. That's when you learn to outsource those jobs to a country with child labor, use that extra money to hire lobbyists, and convince a bunch of pro-life idiots to vote for deregulation and tax cuts for rich people.

That's what might happen in 102. Why do so many self-appointed commentators on economics brag about how remedial their knowledge is? Right? You could be insanely ignorant on this topic and still say X doesn't instill us with much confidence. Is it

supposed to? I think think so god damn it capitalism 101 that you just said god she continues quote marx considered this process to be the exploitation of the workers because their efforts were not being equally traded for product an equal trade would result in no surplus and thus no profit. Except to the workers. Okay. According to capitalism, profit is good. Profit means that the owner can reinvest the money,

grow the business, and ultimately hire more workers. More workers create more product, which then creates more profits. This is how one builds a business that, in turn, enables people to make a living and communities to grow. Beautiful analysis. Cool. Yeah, nailed it.

The gun company's crushing it, and so is the butter company. And those are the two things in the universe, guns and butter. Done. End of story. No, yeah, no. It's just Reaganomics 101.

Yeah. You just need infinite growth. I'm just going to fuck this gun barrel with this butter. Having a great day. Even with this sunny trickle-down theory, Hillary is afraid you might have just gone red at the thought of sharing. So now it's time to roar like a mother. Oh, he's way ahead of her.

Yes. So we're going to start by recognizing the message and she's going to list all the problems with marxism starting with rejecting innate sin and her point here is that marxism blames everything on capitalism they say that capitalism is the cause of all evil in the world which is as she says very silly to think right no that's ridiculous because the real cause as we know was that fruit whore yeah yeah she said that earlier yes and she says it again here the second problem with marxism is recognizing oppression let me say that again a problem she lists with marxism is that it recognizes oppression but or as she puts it quote this is called identity politics and is a strong theme in the politics sphere.

Having an identity is now. Yeah. And now in the educational sphere from kindergarten to university students, end quote. Yeah. Marxism leads to pluralism and then naturalism. And now you've killed God. This book's really coming together. I think she's building chapter on chapter.

Yeah, but that's not all. Marxists also emphasize justice and equality, scare quotes hers. Or as she puts it, quote, when Marxists talk about injustice, what they really mean is differences. Have you ever noticed how futuristic movies often portray people as all wearing identical jumpsuits? Disillusion of differences supposedly equals disillusion of inequality. What?

Yeah, Marx and Engels were mostly focused on everyone being a gym teacher. Yeah. Closet full of jumpsuits. Well, they were big into shiny onesies with a giant V across the front of them as well. So now it's time to O, offer discernment.

And she's going to start by pointing out that Marxism is now put forward under the guise of social justice, who she actually calls SJWs in the book. Really? Really. Yeah. The aforementioned SJWs quote, rightly identify areas in which we as a nation need to change but they don't understand that the solutions they offer

are grounded in marxism in their zeal for justice they may not realize they are being used to further an unbiblical agenda end quote yeah it's just like jesus said rich people can't get into heaven unless of course they're providing liquidity in a frictionless market. But most of them aren't going to be. Right, because you need liquidity, obviously. But to be fair, HMO doesn't want us thinking that SJWs have nothing to say. There is still racism. And she admits that, quote, I have friends of color who have told me stories that make me furious.

They are not race baiters and they haven't bought into identity politics. Jesus fucking Christ. She wrote that and she looked back over. She thought, you know what? My readers are going to go. I bet those N words are making it up. I need to clear that up right away. Fucking wow.

I have friends who are Jews and they are not liars. They have very small amounts of gold. Name one of them. Jaime Rosenberg. Jaime Rosenberg? Jew. Yamakas.

She even admits that it might be hard to be a poor person in this country quote when children do not feel safe in their homes they often cannot mature emotionally and psychologically where i differ is that i don't think all these problems will go away by throwing money at them end quote um if it's not money, I wonder how she thinks being poor goes away. That's a weird one. I mean, I guess it's got to be guns

or butter. You know, those are both tricky. Those are the two things remaining. So now we're going to A, argue for a healthier approach. And her argument, shocking, I know, is going to be sure we might have different amounts of money, but we're all the same under God. for a healthier approach. And her argument, shocking, I know, is going to be, sure, we might have different amounts of money,

but we're all the same under God. Yeah. You know, genocide and stuff are bad, but we're all children of God. So stop asking for your lives to matter. Or as she says it, quote, if we make every tiny thing into an example of oppression, then the word loses its meaning

and people become indifferent, end quote. Yeah, or you could just read this book and be indifferent from the start. Did she fix it? Yeah. Is it fixed now in her head? So now we're going to R, reinforce through discussion, discipleship, and prayer.

And three of these are fantastic. So here's how to reinforce this with your kids. For young children, one, play the image of God game. This game helps children understand that we are all made in the image of God and reminds them of our shared humanity as opposed to focusing on differences. Anytime you encounter someone different from you, skin color, hair color, age, body shape, disease, mental state. This is going to go so badly.

Ask your kids, apparently out loud, is that person made in the image of God? Instill our collective identity as image bearers of God, no matter what our difference is. Great. Great.

Bunch of little kids walking around fucking Florida, wherever her readership is they're in the supermarket being like mom i found a black guy let's play that game hey kids look at this diseased motherfucker here the game by the way being pretend racism doesn't exist the game to be clear yeah it's absolutely pointed the guy at the wheelchair and be like him too huh are you also black this is perfect mom mom mom please tell me you have a mental illness dude if you're gay i'm about to get five fucking points and i will lose my mind

so number two for middle school and high schoolers she says stay aware of buzzwords like justice injustice equal and unequal yeah you gotta be nervous when your kids start talking about that kind of shit jesus fucking christ ask your teens to define what is just, or unequal about a given situation. We're skipping equal? That's fine. Okay. Read Matthew 15, 14 through 30, the parable of talents. What parts of this parable would our culture say are unjust? What point do you think Jesus was trying to make?

Okay. I read that. Jesus was saying, I'll magically heal someone from a different race, but only if they answer my riddle. Like, was she thrown out of bluff with that Bible verse? You think I wasn't going to fucking read it? And number three, ask your children.

I love this one because it's so fucking evil. Ask your children if disagreeing with someone means you hate them. Recall examples of times when you and your spouse or family have disagreed but still loved each other. Reinforce that disagreement doesn't equal hate. I've never felt more sorry for her. Her advice here seems to be

but think of all the nice things daddy buys mommy afterwards, though. God. And so now it's time for the discussion questions. Gentlemen gentlemen are you ready pass number one icebreaker look in the footnotes for the links to the teen vogue articles read them aloud and discuss your thoughts no no no why aloud does she think we're gonna cheat what cindy copied off mine that's why we have to do a fucking laugh.

Two, main theme. When you ignore original sin as humankind's main problem, no solution you propose will work. Imagine telling your kids to do their chores for the good of all mankind. How effective do you think this would be? How do you think they would respond if you took away any rewards or allowances for performing their chores? What does that tell us about human motivation?

Is this motive wrong? Why or why not? What do the following passages tell us about motives? See Corinthians 9 through 24, Corinthians 3, 8, Matthew 5, 10 through 12. Okay. First Corinthians 9, 24 says, if you're losing, 10 through 12. Okay. 1 Corinthians 9, 24 says, if you're losing, maybe try winning. So I was like, okay, solid point.

Probably just warming me up though. And she was. 3, 8 of 1 Corinthians says, almost exactly from each according to his ability to each according to his needs as determined by God. And that verse from Matthew says, tolerating persecution is for the good of all mankind. Stop bluffing.

Look up a quote that makes sense for your thing. I'm checking. Also, like, I didn't get allowance for doing my fucking chores. What the hell is wrong with you, Hillary? Number three, self-evaluation. Most people long for a better life here on earth. Are there times when you were tempted to think that money or economic policies are more important than the Holy Spirit's influence on society? Why do you think we are inclined to pursue

other solutions before going to Jesus? Because people read 1 Corinthians 3.8 and they're communists now? Because if we were all as dumb as you, we wouldn't have made it to the point where we could do language yet. Number four, brainstorm. Read Acts 2.44-47 and 4.32-25.

32-25? I don't think that's right. You have to read it backwards. It's like Tenet. You have to go right to left, bottom to top. Yeah. How might a Marxist

interpret the Bible as advocating for communism? Do you think it does? Yeah, those verses say, be communist. God loves communism. Almost exactly. That's what those say.

Read Matthew 25, 14 through 30, the parable of talents. How could this parable be seen as advocating for capitalism? Do you think it does? Okay, that's the same one from before. It's about making a poor Canaanite answer a riddle to get health care for her sick child. So, I mean, American capitalism, yeah, I guess it does advocate for that. What can we learn by applying both principles advocated in scripture? Nihilism? Cancel? Nothing? Number five, release the bear. Over dinner or during a long car trip,

talk to your kids about what they think would happen if school had no grades or all the grades were averaged and distributed equally among students. Do they think students would work harder or less hard? Why? Read James 1, 27 and discuss it. Orphans and widows were people who had no protection or power in the Bible times. Ask your kids who God has put in their path to serve. Bible times. Ask your kids who God has put in their path to serve. What is the difference between

asking individuals to serve versus asking the government to serve on a nation's behalf? Which one puts more responsibility on the individual? Is this a good or a bad thing? Well, I guess that sure depends on whether or not you need help, huh? Oh, motherfucker. Oh, and by

the way, also, before you invite your kids to have that discussion, make sure that car trip is going to take you way the fuck out of Wi-Fi range so that they can't Google the kids learn better without grades. You fucking idiot. Why didn't you at least look that up? We know the answer to that. Jesus fucking Christ. And speaking of suboptimal learning strategies that people stick with

despite mountains of evidence showing them counterproductive we're gonna read more of this dumbass book so we're gonna be back in a month with even more god awful books next chapter is about feminism oh no yes before we close the lid on this one I want to let you know that if you can't get enough Eli in your life, you can catch more of him today on a live episode of Incredulous. It's recording at 7 p.m. U.K. time. I believe that's 2 p.m. Eastern. You'll be able to catch it live. Check at P.I.A.T. pod or the Skating Atheist Facebook page for links.

If you miss it live, don't worry. We'll also have links to where you can watch it afterwards. Anyway, that's all the blast we've got for you tonight, but we'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister show, The Skeptocrat, debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern time on Monday, an even newer episode of our sister show's Hot Friend God awful movies, debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern

on Tuesday, and an even newer episode of our half-sister show, Citation D, debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously, I'd be a miserable piece of shit if I neglected to thank Keith Enright for being the scotch to my rocks, Eli Bosnick for being the room temperature tomato juice to my I don't know, like celery stalk, probably. Maybe. I need to thank the lovely and talented

Lucinda Lusions, who will be back next week and misses you desperately. I also want to thank Amy, John, and Taylor for providing this week's Farnsworth quote back in the halcyon days of November of last year, when being a teacher in a large school system was nowhere near as terrifying. Thanks for doing what you do, guys, and I hope you're keeping yourselves as safe as you can. And most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's best bipeds.

It burns when I pee Novocaine, Sarah, Lucas, Ernest, Travis, Jerry, Kale, and Jonna. It burns when I pee Novocaine and Sarah, who give Atari Hanzo's swords sharpness envy, Lucas, Ernest, and Travis, who give the halls of the Overlook Hotel blood engorgement quantity envy, and Jerry, Kale, and Jonna, who give Quasar PSOJ 352.4034-15.3373 brightness envy. It's the thing that came up when I googled brightest object in the universe. I mean, Jerry Kale and Jonna probably already knew this on account

of all their brightness, but I wanted to explain it to anybody else. Anyway, together these nine naughty non-believers netted us a nugget of nourishment this week by giving us money. If you have money you want to give to us, you can make a per-episode donation at patreon.com slash scathingadeus whereby you'll earn early access to an extended ad-free version of every episode, or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage at scathingadeus.com.

And if you'd like to help, but not bad enough to go through all that shit, you can also help a ton by leaving a five-star review, telling a friend about the show, and following at P-I-A-T-P-O-D on Twitter. Legal services for this podcast are provided by the Law Offices of P. Andrew Torres, Tim Robertson handles our social media, our audio engineer is Merlin Clark, we'll also roll the music that was used in this episode, which was used with permission. If you have questions, comments, or death threats,

you can find all the contact info on the contact page at skatingaths.com. Happy birthday, Heath! Huh? It's tomorrow. Nailed it. Yeah. But this episode comes out tomorrow, so I will have said it tomorrow. I got you a present.

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