The Scathing Atheist - 397: Ruthless Edition

Episode Date: September 24, 2020

In this week’s episode, Mitch McConnell promises to appoint a staunch conservative to Justice Ginsburg’s coffin, we decide it’s plenty close enough to Halloween for decorations, and we discuss disarmament when it comes to weapons grade stupidity. --- To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click there: http://www.amazon.com/Diatribes-Godless-Misanthrope-Scathing-Presents-ebook/dp/B00J53FZFI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1396141562&sr=8-1 To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/ To hear more from our intrepid audio engineer Morgan Clarke, click here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/ --- Guest Links: Check out the Prairie Pet Coalition of Oklahoma here: Our website is www.prairiepetcoalition.com  Our Facebook is www.facebook.com/prairiepetcoalition Our Instagram is @prairiepetcoalition --- Headlines: Potential SCOTUS Pick Amy Coney Barrett Would Undo Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s Legacy: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/09/20/potential-scotus-pick-amy-coney-barrett-would-undo-ruth-bader-ginsburgs-legacy/ Christian Nationalists dance on RBG’s grave:  Gordon Klingenschmitt: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/09/22/preacher-ruth-bader-ginsburg-did-not-know-christ-so-shes-probably-in-hell/ Dave Daubenmire: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/09/21/preacher-ruth-bader-ginsburg-was-wicked-and-destructive-and-worse-than-hitler/ Also this asshole: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/09/20/christian-preacher-god-will-punish-rbg-for-every-act-of-abomination/ And this one: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/09/22/right-wing-pastor-says-his-prayers-killed-ruth-bader-ginsburg/ And this one: https://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/religious-right-prayer-warriors-celebrate-ruth-bader-ginsburgs-death-as-move-of-god-to-save-trumps-presidency-warn-trump-opponents-that/ Trump claims that if Joe Biden wins “there will be no god”: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/09/19/donald-trump-if-joe-biden-wins-there-will-be-no-god/ Army green lights proselytizing to subordinates: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/09/21/under-gop-pressure-u-s-military-gives-green-light-to-proselytizing-officers/ Michigan Pastor Faces Backlash After Racist Email Tirade Against Journalist: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/09/17/michigan-pastor-faces-backlash-after-racist-email-tirade-against-journalist/ Jerry Falwell Jr. bleeds a lot: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/09/18/a-drunk-jerry-falwell-jr-injured-himself-according-to-wifes-recent-911-call/ Televangelist Jim Bakker is Now Selling 115 Giant Buckets of Food for $10,000: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/09/14/televangelist-jim-bakker-is-now-selling-115-giant-buckets-of-food-for-10000/

Warning, we're using a lot of sanitizer lately, but our language is still filthy. This week's episode of the Scathing Atheist is brought to you by Adam and Eve, Stamps.com, and by the preferred weapon for the discerning Antifa agitator, Chicken of the C4, putting the tuna in tenacious since 1914. Say no to tunilateral disarmament with Chicken chicken of the C4 because the Marine Corps has nothing on the ALBA Corps. And now, the Scathing Atheist. Hello everyone, this is Morgan Jones, executive director of a cat-only rescue called Prairie Pet Coalition Oklahoma, just reminding you to help control the pet overpopulation crisis by spaying and neutering your pets.

Oh, and we did, in fact, evolve from filthy monkey men. It's Thursday. It's September 24th. And it's National Punctuation Day. All right, get in the spirit, period. I'm no illusions. I'm Eli Bosnick to the semicolon. Oh, nice, nice. I mean, then right, exclamation.

And from Aaron Burrs, New Jersey, Cincinnati Swing State, and Good Husband Georgia, this is the Scathing Atheist. On this week's episode, Mitch McConnell promises to appoint a staunch conservative to Justice Ginsburg's coffin. You should have voted for Hillary Clinton

exclamation point full stop. And he sets me up to have to talk after the full stop. Also first to die, tribe. Ellipses. One of the big lessons the trump administration is teaching america and indeed the world is one that i learned a long time ago and one you likely learned if you've been at this whole atheism thing for very long smart people tend to think of stupidity as a weakness right and to some degree

that's true but as you get dumber and dumber you eventually cross over this think of stupidity as a weakness right and to some degree that's true but as you get dumber and dumber you eventually cross over this line where stupidity ceases to be a weakness and becomes a weapon consider george w bush that guy was stupid right but like regular stupid don't get me wrong he was a terrible person he did evil shit corrupted the nation's moral standing in a way few people have ever dreamed of so i don't want to be he was a terrible person he did evil shit corrupted the nation's moral standing in a way few people have ever dreamed of so i don't want to be one of those jackasses who starts looking at bush through rose-colored glasses now that we've seen the world through trump's nauseous orange hue he is and remains a terrible moral stain on american history i only bring him

up now as an exemplar of stupidity which is one of the few tasks he is well suited for so bush was undeniably stupid right like you've got to imagine through most of his presidency he was the dumbest guy in the room and and that was an obvious disadvantage to him throughout it made it easier for other people in his administration to manipulate him and drive policy it left him completely unprepared to deal with novel problems. It left his opponents with no end of ammunition against him and made him the butt of every joke and every late night monologue for eight fucking years. But he was just regular stupid, right?

He was that guy who you have to explain the movie to in the parking lot stupid. And that's the kind of stupid that leaves a person at a constant disadvantage. When you rely on other people to do your comprehending for you, you're obviously left at their mercy to some degree. Trump is a whole different kind of stupid, though. He's that guy you could stand out there in a parking lot all fucking day and try to explain it all you want, but you'd be wasting your time and his, and he's probably going to get frustrated

by that quicker than you are. And sure, there are plenty of disadvantages to that kind of stupidity but it also comes with a few ticks in the plus column you can't be left at the mercy of the people who comprehend for you if nobody does that right like you can be manipulated but it somehow gets harder when you get dumber right if bugs bunny wants George W. Bush to look in the closet, he just stands in front of it and says, whatever you do, don't look in here. But if he tried that with Trump, Trump might just say, okay,

or forget how opening closets work. Moderate stupidity is self-aware. It becomes a weakness in the way it rattles one's confidence. But pure stupidity is stupid with complete abandon. Trump has never slowed down by self-doubt or the nagging feeling that everybody else knows something he doesn't he doesn't even know what knowing something would entail how can he fear somebody else doing it but perhaps the biggest way that profound stupidity like trump's can become an advantage is when it forces your opponents to

underestimate you right like most of the hill Hillary supporters in this country were pretty stoked when they realized Trump was going to win the primary. Most people assume that getting to go against the stupidest person in the running would be to her advantage. And I'll admit I was among them. I have to admit it. You can still hear it in the archives. But in underestimating his chances, I was also underestimating his stupidity. He was dumber than I was giving him credit for, and that made him damn near invincible. I mean, consider the arguments you've had with religious people in your life. When you go against a person who's as smart or smarter than you,

that can be a little frustrating, especially if they're committed to their bullshit. You still have a slight advantage on account of your side representing the thing that's true about the universe, but it's still a tough fight. If you're smarter than your opponent, it tends to be a lot easier. You can knock down their arguments easier. They can't see the weaknesses in your rebuttals that a smarter person would exploit, and they're less likely to be fully informed on the topic. But if they're dumb enough, none of that shit matters. If they're too stupid to see that you've

just knocked down their argument you've wasted your time they can plow ahead with any dumb ass belief they care to wrap their arms around and there ain't a goddamn thing you can do about it i think we've all had that moment during a debate online or otherwise where we were like oh you're too stupid for logic to work i'm leaving and at that point the stupid stopped making them weaker in the argument and instead made them invincible. And that's Trump and his supporters distilled down to their essence. Invincible stupidity. The kind of stupidity that smart people can't even take seriously enough to mount a good fight against.

I mean, think about it. We weren't out there knocking down Pizzagate level conspiracies in the last election because we assume them to be too stupid for anybody to really believe. Even now, as it positions itself as the intellectual core of Trumpism and finds support among multiple Republican congressional candidates, it's hard to get anybody to take the QAnon threat seriously. Far too many people who never bothered to argue with random religious assholes online are under the false impression that nobody could possibly be stupid enough to believe that shit. The evidence to the contrary is overwhelming. And yet many rational people still dismiss it out of hand because they can't even comprehend the lack of comprehension one would need to buy into such grandiose claims on such gossamer strands of evidence.

Right. They'll say like, oh, no, no, no. She just said that to get votes. I hear that constantly for the first four years of this fucking podcast. We basically played the role of Cassandra. We drew attention to the growing chorus of reality averse idiots that were playing an ever more central role in the conservative American politics. For four years, I was told by damn near everybody, even many of our loyal listeners, that I was paranoid, that I was making a mountain out of a molehill that i was exaggerating to make the atheist and skeptical movement seem more vital to the public discourse and for the last four years i put on a herculean

effort to say any words other than i told you and so so let me say it one more fucking time stupidity can kill and the fact that so many people aren't willing to admit that's true is the only reason it is they're talking about you jesus joining me for headlines tonight are the width and height to my depth heath enright and eli bosnick fellas are you ready to occupy space you know what i am now that you dimension it see i'll try to approach this with the proper gravity that's also a physics related thing kind of yep all right well actually related on this rare occasion where heath was happy to be the tall one we're gonna pause for a quick word from our first sponsor this week adam and eve

okay heath you can do this you can do this guy come on quick word from our first sponsor this week, Adam and Eve. Okay, Heath. You can do this. You can do this, guy. Come on. Welcome to Weird Hippie Sex Shop. How may I judge you? Hi. Yeah. I'm looking for some, you know, stuff for... Sex? Yep. That, please. Thank you. Sex. Yep, that, please. Thank you. Hello.

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Yep. Well, again, that's adamandeve.com. And use the code SCATHING at checkout. Okay, I'm going to go. Would you like to buy a tarot deck before you leave so that I don't glare at you? No. Okay, then. Glare.

Don't glare. Okay. Glare. Stop. And now,, then. Blair. Don't glare. Blair. Stop. And now, back to the headlines. In our lead story tonight, we're going to start by honoring one of the most virtuous people

in American history, honestly. Ruth Bader Ginsburg passed away last week, as many of you know. After an amazing career, during which she fought aggressively for the rights of america's most oppressed people so we're gonna have a moment of silence all right well now we're gonna start over and i'm gonna yell about basic law good and ruth bitter ginsburg would agree with this. In our lead story tonight in you should have voted for Hillary Clinton news.

You should have voted for Hillary Clinton. Christian right theocracy has been worming its way into our political system for decades with a giant acceleration of that since Donald Trump took office. That includes about 40 more years of Neil Gorsuch and Brett Kavanaugh on the Supreme Court. And now the very distinct possibility of the incomparable RBG getting replaced by Christian fundamentalist and person who's relatively boring fucking physical appearance kind of fucks up my formula here. Amy Coney Barrett.

This is truly terrifying like if she doesn't grow a giant goiter made of evil or get like a face tattoo of a gavel i'm gonna be furious about this she's just boring uh she looks like she'll come in handy if the supreme court ever needs to speak to the manager yeah uh she looks like if someone demanded a counterpoint to the American girl doll. That's a slave. Okay. Well, her, her name is Addie. Read a book. Here's a quick background on Amy Coney Barrett. She was a clerk for Antonin Scalia of Eli Bosnick's,

New Jersey. That should be plenty of information right there, but I guess I'll continue. Barrett spent her time as a federal judge doing the exact opposite of RBG, fighting against the rights of the oppressed. Almost exactly that. That was her whole career. And she's an anti-choice Roman Catholic zealot.

And not like, you know, the woke liberal version of the anti-choice Roman Catholic zealot that you're picturing. She's part of an extra crazy group called People of Praise. The Roman Catholic Church doesn't even like really, they're just like, okay, well, we're stepping away from that. People of Praise believes in magical soothsaying and metaphysical medicine.

They believe husbands have official rule over wives and they do the speaking in tongues thing. They also have a patriarchal buddy system where everyone gets assigned an advisor, like an experienced advisor from the people of praise. If you're new for men, the advisor is called a head. And for women and the advisor is literally called a fucking handmaid. Jesus Christ. Oh, I wonder what her story is, right? Yeah, we're finding out.

Fucking great. By the way, Margaret Atwood just emailed and said, listen, I already got the Hulu money. Just vote for Biden. I'm in Canada. I'm going to be fine. Guys, D up. So we have a very, very serious threat to landmark rulings regarding basic human rights like same sex marriage and female bodily autonomy and a serious threat to any progressive legislation that a future Congress might pass for Hillary Clinton, you did not do everything you could to prevent everything I just mentioned. But, you know, you did accomplish a few things. You maybe got partial public funding for a third party candidate to spend on losing this year.

And that was only partially sarcastic. Like better funding for third parties is definitely good in general sense. But you got to weigh it against everything else. I'll take issue with the word definitely at the very least there it against everything else. I'll take issue with the word definitely at the very least there. Yeah, I'm going to take issue with the word candidate. Some potential third. I think it's good if we break through the two party system.

It potentially could lead to good. Yes. All that being said, also on the plus side, y'all sent a message to Democrats that they need to nominate a progressive candidate like Joe Biden. And of course, you got us to abolish capitalism. We did that great work on all that. But again, you have to weigh that against the 100 percent chance of now happening and what that means as a value.

And if Joe Biden doesn't win, we'll get four more years of now happening. And that four might equal multiples of 40 again, if he gets to nominate more justices. If this isn't obvious to you, think about all the factors and think about why Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Bernie Sanders and AOC and the majority of the black community and the majority of women and the majority of the LGBT community and Margaret Atwood. They all think you're wrong. And in ruthless news, as Nancy Pelosi would be happy to tell you, nothing terrifies an overweight, gun-toting, God-fearing, flag-waving redneck quite like a little old lady with an education. That's correct.

like a little old lady with an education that's correct and thus it came as no surprise when the scathing atheist most wanted lined up in the hours after rbg's death to celebrate demonize and assure us that they weren't scared of her at all and they totally would have said this shit if she was still alive too i'm selectively not atheist about pretty much just rbg she's in heaven right now she's in the octagon she's going ham on scalia with a giant gavel like the hulk in ragnarok it's her heaven it's scalia's hell yeah it's it's happening all right so let's start with former navy chaplain former state legislator and primary personal justification for learning the word poor sign, Gordon Klingenschmitt, who sent out an email to his mailing list expressing his sorrow at the fact that RBG died without turning Christian first.

There it is. Gross. I personally mourn her death because she apparently did not know Christ. When God asks if Ginsburg killed black children because of their race, she will admit yes. She openly said she did. End quote. Okay, well that's insane,

but just one little part of that. So, according to Klingenschmitt, race is not the correct reason to kill black children. That's a weird thing to say. That's another one. Also, go Klings, if you hate killing people because of their race, especially children, I've got some terrible news about your book, buddy.

Right? Yeah, exactly. And The Rocks. Maybe read that. Flip to a random page. I bet you got something. All right. So demonstrating a correct but no less surprising understanding that Jewish people did not possess the ability to curse him from beyond the grave.

Dave Dobenmayer took to the squinting into his phone at an awkward angle to commemorate her death by reminding his viewers how much worse she was than Hitler. He had so much trouble making this. Right. Really? Quote. Yeah. Hitler condoned the killing of at least 6 million, Ginsburg 60 million, do you mourn

Hitler's death, who's more wicked if it wasn't a tragedy that Hitler died, why is it a tragedy that she died, can someone explain that to me please, end quote oh, I'll explain, Mr. Enright I'll explain, so first of all, it's because Ruth Bader Ginsburg

got to smash through the defensive line made of 60 million dead fetuses that's fucking awesome stiff armin that's pretty much all the reason you need right there that's your explanation that's awesome all right and the group of self-proclaimed prayer warriors who famously promised to use a shield of jesus magic to protect trump they went as far as taking credit for her death pointing out that they'd often specifically prayed for god to remove supreme court justices pastor robert henderson took issue with that only in so much as he's pretty sure it was his prayer to shut the mouth of the lion judicially that should get credit for killing the 87 year old tumor with an old lady growing out of it.

And look, I get why these guys have to hate on RBG, right? She was everything they weren't. She was smart, educated, accomplished, important, worthy of the carbon she used up. But I should remind you guys that according to your own religious bullshit, sometimes Jews come back from the dead. So, hey, be sure to from the dead. So, hey. Be sure to check under your bed tonight, guys. Oh, fire-breathing Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

Fire-breathing Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Come on! Call us, Netflix. We call that Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Yeah, right. And in God Created a Barack He Can't Lift News. Remember when Barack Obama

killed God for eight years? I just remember that. That was the best. We started a Barack. He can't lift news. Remember when Barack Obama killed God for eight years? I remember that was the best. We started a podcast. Yeah. Well, Donald Trump is keenly aware that Joe Biden is planning to do the same thing. But you know what? Sorry.

Let me circle back. Donald Trump isn't keenly anything. Yeah. Certainly not aware. Yeah. But technically he is, is he, he is. No, that's aware. Yeah, but technically he is, is he? He is.

No, that's true. He fits into, unfortunately, which sucks, but he remembers the God murder and he's not going to let it happen again. So during a rally last week in North Carolina, keep that in mind.

We're in North Carolina. Trump told the crowd that if joe biden wins the election quote there will be no god technically i believe that's the first true thing he's ever said as president so yeah you know there was one guy at politifact who was like do we do we do that one no right we don't we don't do that one no No. Alright. Your face looks like no. You said, you're saying, okay. We're no. So, the phrase, there will be no God, was actually

an extremely generous boiling down of Trump's full statement into, well, honestly, the only coherent stretch of five words I could find. Yes. Those five words are insane, but they contain a subject and a predicate with theoretically informational content. Technically, it's like a sentence with value that you can process.

Sure. But here's the whole thing altogether from Trump. Quote, Biden is trying to go a little bit more right, like the fracking. Oh, of course we're going to. There's a long trail off there and then he comes back. course we're gonna that was a there's a long trail off there and then he's back but six months he's saying there'll be no fracking which i don't think the people of pennsylvania are thrilled with do you agree am i right people of north carolina pennsylvania continuing considering that your taxes could quadruple because of this which i

you know okay technically true all the real numbers can be multiplied by four i guess continuing i tell it all the time texas right texas we're in north car, Texas, right? Who's fucking that, huh? They like oil. They like guns, right? In Texas, right? Are we not? And they like God. So he comes out, Biden, he comes out with a platform. No oil.

We don't want oil. This is during the Democrat deal. There will be no oil. There will be no God. There will be no oil there will be no god there will be no guns end quote guns was the capper not even god interesting adding quote and the mom rath's out grave yep so here's my favorite part of this trump accidentally he definitely doesn't know what the fuck i'm about to say but he accidentally accidentally set up a Schrodinger's cat scenario with God, which is great. So between now and November 3rd, the omnipotent God of the universe is in a quantum state of both aliveness and deadness.

And every time I look at the current polling, I make God die about 75% of the time. It's so fun. I just did it again. He's probably dead. Dan back maybe alive. Probably dead. Alive? Probably dead. Alive? Probably dead. Super state. Never alive. Also, apropos of nothing, if anyone has

a large box and a stick to hold it up and maybe a well-done steak with ketchup, something that would activate in the back exactly something with a 50% chance of decaying and yeah and in johnny get your god news tonight the most christian parts of the government continue to be the ones with all the guns and tanks and shit. And that problem got worse this week when the Pentagon issued new guidelines that will make it easier for officers to proselytize to their subordinates.

Because according to a substantial portion of the GOP, the problem with the army is that the rampant Christian nationalism isn't pervasive enough. Yeah, no, that's a good good point let's really lean into that maybe uh maybe we have the army tribe battalion of naked children the next time we need more oil you know what that was bad phrasing yeah there you go oil the naked point being we're ignoring god let's just lean right into that see how it goes so yeah in the ongoing effort to redefine religious freedom to mean i can do anything I want because I'm Christian, the GOP pressed for new guidelines that forced the military to, quote, accommodate individual expressions of sincerely held beliefs, end quote, as long as they don't have a, quote, adverse impact on military readiness, unit cohesion, good order and discipline or health and safety, end quote.

order and discipline or health and safety, end quote. And that language is important here, right? Because it allows them to legalize just Christian proselytization. Yup, that's perfect for that. Yeah, right. So any minority faith promoting their belief to their subordinates or to anybody else for that matter would adversely impact unit cohesion. But a Christian proselytizing is just a sincere effort to bring everybody together you see and sure a person of a minority faith could push back against a superior officer's religion

but something tells me they probably won't especially given the amount of harassment non-christians in the military already endure yeah i mean on the other hand i would argue that let's take a moment from cleaning our machine guns so I can talk to you about my invisible friend is a definite threat to health and safety. Is that an angle? Right. Is this anything? And we should point out here that even without these rule changes,

this was already a huge problem. Mikey Weinstein over at the Military Religious Freedom Foundation deals with this shit all the time. In fact, these changes come in direct response to the mrff's repeated success in calling out illegal promotion of religion by superior officers 20 fundamentalist members of the house sent a letter to secretary of defense mark esper attacking the mrff specifically and demanding that the regulations be rewritten to allow their

religion to be promoted by whoever the hell wants to promote it wherever and however the hell they want to promote it to whoever the hell they want to promote it to and because we're no longer even pretending to be a secular state esper could not roll over fast enough and speaking of selling out we need to pause for a quick word from our second sponsor this week stamps.com for a quick word from our second sponsor this week, Stamps.com. Phil, how are you? Dave, not too bad, not too bad. So, working from home, are you?

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at the top of the homepage, and type in scathing. That's stamps.com. Enter scathing. Fantastic. And hey, say hi to your dad for me. How is that old codger oh um oh yeah new normal yeah new normal great and we're back and in jong too far news attorney and journalist for the new york times sarah chong went a little too far for many this week when she suggested a mandatory

castration lottery for white men huh I mean I'm not oh I'd say we go vasectomy um and no lottery do that it's reversible yeah so there's just one problem with this story which is that she never said that or suggested that and the only places that said she did are right wing fake news websites. But don't worry, that didn't stop Pastor David Munns from sending her racist hate mail this week. Oh, well, look, if he verified his sources, he wouldn't be a pastor. Now, would he? That's true. That's true.

So, yeah, in response to the not quote that he couldn't even bother to Google. Pastor. Again, fair. Again, fair. Mun sent Jong the following email, quote, How about if we took all the little bitter Asian women and had a lottery and cut their clits like the Muslims do? Jesus Christ. Not a very classy position, is it?

Neither is your trashy little bitter personality towards white men. Only in a world where journalism is controlled by brain-dead liberals do you people even have jobs, end quote. Huh. I wonder which world has Pastor David Munns with a real job and mattering. Right, like what a great counter-arg argument to all lives matter this guy is. He sure is, yeah. So yeah, Jong tweeted this

with the caption along the lines of, hey, is this anybody's spiritual leader? You want to come get your spiritual leader? All right, guys, come get your boy or, you know, I'm going to do bitter little Asian things to him. Yeah. So this attracted some attention and Mons has released a non apology as a result. Quote, Miss Jong, I understand my email was off base as I have been informed that it is not something you said when I read it.

And having prior knowledge to your position on the white race, I just assumed it was an accurate post. Bad mistake. For months we have been juggling peace within our country between races and with pastoring an interracial church. Some of my best victims are black. Yeah.

That post just threw me over the top. My attempt to reverse the roles in my email was wrong and out of frustration and anger as I viewed the meme as gas on a fire. Yes, I am human and should never have assumed it was true or gone to such extremes to make a point. My attitude was wrong and I believe a bit fueled due to what I've read of yours in the past. Jesus, twice now he's got the you kind of had it coming angle in his apology.

Yep. I mean, you were wearing some interesting clothing when you wrote that. He continues, again, a bad mistake. I am able to successfully pastor a mixed church. Mixed. What? Mixed? I'd say it's like an Octoroon level church. Because of my strong passion and beliefs that we're all just humans living in different kinds of bodies trying to live life. I hope you receive my sincerest apologies and I truly hope you have grown beyond your frustration

with us white folk as we are all works in progress. I hope you've learned something from my mistake. What an asshole. I think we've all learned. Well, you. You learned something today. You have a lesson.

He concludes, I hope you receive this apology as it is sent out of the sincerest of hearts. End quote. P.S. There are black people in my church. Black people. Steve, could you sign the bottom for me? Steve.

Black Steve. And then I told you it wasn't for me? Steve. Black Steve. And then I told you it wasn't just colored water news. I want to take another second to revel in Jerry Falwell Jr.'s misery and misfortune because and I say it with all sincerity fuck that guy. Fuck

that guy so hard with so many things he doesn't want to be fucked with in so many orifices he doesn't want to be fucked in. You know actually that breaks down in his they're that list would be so exceedingly small on both counts but still like metaphorically fuck that guy with a sideways umbrella is what i mean yeah recent events have made it unfortunately clear that a lot of the insults we've thrown at jerry falwell jr over the years were just descriptions of his home life. We're having to work hard here. Just enjoy it.

Yeah, right. So, quick reminder, after posting blackmail material against himself online in the form of a photo of himself and a young woman with her pants undone, Falwell has been followed from Grace so fast that 9-11 truthers are calling it a controlled demolition.

He's so confused confused he's been sending magazine cutout ransom notes back and forth to himself for weeks now hasn't really been getting anywhere he still don't have any money so his rate of dissent accelerated further when details emerged about the complex sexual relationship between himself his wife and his pool boy and then we got yet another little nugget of schadenfreude last week when we learned about a 911 call his wife made on August 31st after Jerry managed to drunkenly

stumble down the stairs and injure himself to the point of needing EMTs who unfortunately came and helped. Okay. Okay. Drinking problems are not funny, Noah. You can expect plenty of bitter little Irish hate mail on the way. That's you can expect plenty of bitter little irish hate mail that's right uh fun fact bitter little irish hate mail was joyce's original title for ulysses

when he was working with so this story comes to us from the huffington Post, which obtained both records and 911 audio. According to their report, about a week after the news broke about the Falwell's pool boy, and a few hours after Liberty University announced an independent investigation of Falwell Jr.'s tenure as president, Becky Falwell came

home to find herself locked out and her husband severely injured inside. So, after breaking through the back door with a chair and unsuccessfully trying to get this bloody asshole into the car to go to the emergency room she called 9-1-1 and described a situation involving her husband some alcohol and quote a lot of blood right now end quote and in my favorite detail when asked by the 9-1-1 dispatcher if her husband had been drinking she said yes when asked if he'd been drinking heavily she refused to answer um he had been drinking, she said yes. When asked if he'd been drinking heavily, she refused to

answer. He's been drinking an amount. Thank you. Next question, please. Excuse me, please send an ambulance for my normal amounts of drunk husband and stop being so noisy 911 operator.

And look, I want to emphasize how hilariously awesome all of this is because none of the stuff he's been accused of doing here is immoral. Right? Yeah. It's just against his antiquated, harmful bullshit code of ethics. You know, the one he's been selling for cash his whole goddamn life. Yeah. Right?

Like, if I posted a picture of myself and a random young woman with our pants around our ankles, you guys would probably just like tell me to get a tan. If news came out that me and Lucinda were fucking the pool boy, you guys would just congratulate us. If I fell down the stairs

drunk and needed stitches, it would only be sad. But this motherfucker has literally made his fortune condemning the exact fucking lifestyle he was living the whole time. And bleeding drunkenly all over your mansion is hardly sufficient comeuppance. It sure as hell isn't an impetus for sympathy. Yes.

But if we hit our new Patreon goal, no illusions. We'll chase his pool boy down the stairs with his pants around his ankles. That's a promise to you. Check it out. A lot of fun. Doesn't even have a pool. No, I know. It's weird that we have that guy around to begin with.

I got to do something with him. Mostly just does like sink stuff. But he's around. You should fuck him, to be fair. He looks bored. Can I say that? And finally tonight, in Baker's Dozen Dozen News,

it's been a tough year. Baker's gross. For Jim Baker. Oh, so much better. So much better. Damn it. It's fine. It's been a tough year for Jim Baker.

He had a stroke. The government told him he couldn't say his nothing cured COVID. And of course, he still looks like if the mascot for Chick-fil-A was Confederate General Sanders. It's Colonel. And also, I'd say, you know, assistant to the regional colonel at best. Yeah, right. Yeah, exactly.

Exactly. So me thinks the bills from the aforementioned trials and tribulations are starting to add up. Because this week, Baker introduced a new church-sized bundle of 115 of his freeze-dried food buckets christ for the low low price of just ten thousand dollars dollars now altogether the bundle includes 27 703 servings of food and claims a shelf life of 30 years or one 2020 okay all right well as a person who has eaten from one of those buckets i'm gonna go ahead and say it cannibalism is preferable regardless of which side of that equation you're on yeah okay that's true that is true just one other thing about this story as hemet meta over at the friendly atheist pointed out the aforementioned food bundle is called joseph's storehouse food that's good which if you'll remember from the

bible is a reference to the time joseph saw a famine coming and hoarded all the food he could so he could sell it back to desperate starving people people. Yeah. That's a Bible story about Martin Shkreli, basically. Yes, yes. Referencing it in a positive way as marketing. Post-stroke, in the middle of legal troubles, selling off the last of his stock in desperate hopes of avoiding financial ruin, Jim Baker still manages to be a massive tool.

It's impressive, really. Right. Yeah. All right, and while we lament the lack of the appearance still manages to be a massive tool. It's impressive, really. Right. Yeah. All right. And while we lament the lack of the appearance of apocalypse smacking in his advertising, we're going to close the headlines for the night. Heath, Eli, thanks as always. Bitter little Irish hate mail.

When we come back, Lucinda will have started hanging fake spider webs off the porch and shit. Yeah. the porch and shit. Yeah. With 2020 skull-fucking your plans to death this year and most of our social calendars looking way emptier than we'd like,

we thought we could help fill in a few of those blank spaces for you with another installment of The Holiday Buffet. This is the part of the show where we remind you that atheists can pick

any holiday they want, regardless of whether it has a cartoon mascot. So, Eli, what holiday did you pick this month? I chose Sukkot. What we're commemorating. The Jews wandering the desert for 40 years. Seems like such an anti-Semitic thing to celebrate. Yeah, they do it a lot.

That's a weird one. They do it a lot. Where it's celebrated. The driveways and backyards of suburban Jews everywhere. And also seemingly hanging out windows like an air conditioner all over Brooklyn

very precariously and terrifying people on the sidewalk below. That's true. That's true. When it's celebrated. For one week, starting on the 15th day of the month of Tishrei. This year, that's the 2nd of October to the 9th of October. Best aspect. Outdoor dining?

Oh, that's the best to you? You made us leave a restaurant in the south of France on a beautiful day because you got, quote, startled by a very aggressive butterfly. Okay, okay. It was in, it was almost within feet of me, Heath. Feet. Yeah, feet. Almost. Okay, thank you. Meters.

We were in France. Worst aspect. Being randomly accosted by Orthodox Jewish teenagers who ask your religion. Yeah, this is real. I actually had no idea what this was when I was living in New York City at first, and it happened to me, and I asked Eli about it. He told

me the Jewish teenagers might give me a lemon if I say, yes, I'm Jewish, when they ask if I'm Jewish. So I tried it, and the kids were like, no, you're not, liar. And they walked away. How it's celebrated. Sukkot is known by many names in the Bible,

such as the Festival of Ingathering, Harvest Festival, and Chag HaSukkot, the latter of which translates to Festival of Booths. Weird that you didn't give us the Hebrew version of the first two. Yeah. And it's celebrated because God says in Leviticus, quote, on the first day, you shall take the product of Hadar trees, branches of palm trees, boughs of leafy trees and willows of the brook. And then later says you shall live in booths seven days. All citizens in Israel shall live in booths in order that future generations may know

that I made the Israelite people live in booths when I brought them out of the land of Egypt. Now, as a result, Jews all over the world make themselves shitty little blanket forts out of sticks and leaves of vastly varying quality called sukkahs and live in them for a week, or at least they should. But if this segment has taught our listeners anything, it's that Jews love a technicality. So the result is a tradition that spans from two-story, professionally built and air-conditioned sukkahs with running water to... Really?

Yeah. To going over to your religious friend's house for dinner every night for a week because God says so, now stop complaining and put on your shoes. They also occasionally build those motherfuckers on like busy street corners in New York. And then suddenly I'm a bigot

because I point out how many thousands of people a minute are trying to fucking walk there. Yeah, or how many homeless people would like that for keepsies. Yeah, right. The other tradition Sukkot

is known for is the blessing over the lulav and the a-drug, which are a bundle of sticks and a weird-looking lemon that Heath referenced earlier. So, to say the blessing is a mitzvah, or a good deed, and to help another Jew say the blessing is an extra good deed.

And, as I mentioned earlier, if you lived in New York, or were anywhere near New York during Sukkot, you've seen these things because Orthodox Jews go after mitzvahs like every day is the first week of Pokemon Go. It's fucking crazy.

Yeah, like for our ex-warmers, just imagine Temple Square, but with like the squiggle curls. Yeah. And for our ex-evangelical listeners, just imagine everywhere south of the Mason-Dixon line every day, all day.

Yeah, just imagine Walmart. Yeah, exactly. So if you're wondering yourself, why am I recommending we take up this holiday of stick shaking and fort building? Well, firstly, forts are awesome. I mean, come on.

Everyone wants to see the forts that come from Heath and Noah getting into a fort building contest. Of course you do. But even better, if we're going to gather together and celebrate, literally the only safe way to do it is outside with plenty of ventilation.

So add some masks and boom, Sukkot just became Fousey's favorite holiday. So this October, if someone gives you shit about social distancing, tell them they're an anti-Semite. It won't work, but on the upside, you're probably right. Yeah, right, right right well so along the same lines i'm probably gonna opt out of this one because if i stood at the wake ross georgia walmart yelling are you jewish at people from six feet away i'm gonna make a lot of friends i don't want so um so heath what do you have for us okay i chose the holiday called sharada navratri what we're commemorating fuck you it

varies depending on the local tradition of hinduism and sometimes sikhism or jainism the holiday commemorates the epic story of a bunch of different goddesses fighting a bad guy of some sort but the unifying theme is to worship the divine feminine, which is pretty cool, actually. One of the most popular versions seems to be honoring that time when the goddess Durga wanted to balance the force between the light side and the dark side. So she found a buffalo demon and beat it to death.

Nice. See, in our house, Anna handles the spiders and I handle the buffalo demons. Oh, there you go. I know that's supposed to refer. Nice. See, in our house, Anna handles the spiders and I handle the buffalo demons. Oh, there you go. I know that's supposed to refer to a demonic buffalo, but I'm picturing like a regular demon, but he's spicy

and you dip him in blue cheese dressing. Oh, delish. Where it's celebrated. Mostly India and the surrounding areas of South Asia and ideally not where you find a big Muslim population, but sometimes right in their faces too. When it's celebrated Navratri is technically celebrated four times a year, once for each season, but the most widely observed one is Sharada Navratri,

which happens in the fall during the bright half of one of the Hindu lunisolar months that lands in September or October. This year, it goes from October 17th to October 25th. It's a lot like Oktoberfest, except not at all. See, that was Joyce's working title for Ulysses, Oktoberfest, except not at all. Best aspect. Technically, there's the theme of feminism in there but not really it's feminism according to a religion so not feminism right so i'm going to say the best aspect is the extremely competitive shed building tournaments worst aspect losing that extremely competitive shed building contest wait wait so eli does a fort buildingosing that extremely competitive shed building contest. Wait, wait.

So Eli does a fort building holiday. You do a shed building holiday. Does my holiday have to be made out of straw for this to all work? Actually, no. I think in this metaphor, you're the wolf. Oh, okay. No, that makes sense. Okay. All right.

How it's celebrated. So the festival goes for nine days, with each day being dedicated to one of Durga's nine avatars. And everyone wears a particular color for each of the nine days, but the colors rotate each year. For 2020, the order is gray, orange, white, red, royal blue, yellow, green, peacock green, and purple. So this year, on day one, you're supposed to wear gray to symbolize grayness or whatever. It kind of fucks up the symbolism when it changes every year. You can't say it

applies to something in particular. Regardless, you have to own an outfit with each of those colors, which is obnoxious. But this all leads up to Diwali in November, the festival of all the colors, which is way more fun and awesome. Yeah, that's pretty cool.

Hey, guys, do we want to put green and peacock green right next to each other? Yep, we do. Yeah. We do. So day one of Sharada Navratri is all about the avatar of Durga named Shailaputri, which means daughter of mountain. She's considered to be the direct incarnation of Mahakali, the mother goddess of time, death, and doomsday. Shailaputri is also somehow an incarnation of Parvati also,

I guess, indirectly an incarnation. I tried to put this all together. I built a Rico chart to track all the incarnation forms avatar i ended up needing like 18 spatial dimensions to make it work so i gave up it was crazy yeah isn't it weird how like explaining virtually anything about virtually any religion sounds like eli telling a kid how computers work right all right moving on to day two. It's dedicated to Brahma Charini, also an incarnation of Parvati in the form of Sati, her unmarried self.

And her big heroic thing was being a super humble lady who stays in her lane, which earned her the right to marry Lord Shiva. So that's what I meant by religious feminism. That was a feminist message to them. I'm starting to feel like day three is going to be the barefoot avatar and day four the pregnant one.

Yeah, okay. Alright, day three. That commemorates Chandra Ganta, the married form of Parvati, who's mostly known for decorating her forehead with a half moon. And that's why Chandra Ganta literally means one with a half moon. And that's why Shandraganta literally means

one with a half moon shaped like a bell on her forehead. Really? Exact translation. Okay, just admit you can't remember all your avatars, Parvati. Don't do this. All right, on day four, you worship Kushmanda. She has eight arms, rides a tiger, and she's allegedly the goddess who

came up with light, energy, and putting plants on the earth. She lived inside the sun also. Must have been a great day for the other gods when somebody finally came up with energy and light, huh? There you are.

Oh my God. Okay. This was a good call call have you guys been here the whole time okay that sucks for the last lady though right she's like oh you got eight arms and a tiger and you live in the sun yeah i have a i have a forehead thingy it's shaped like a bell yeah so cool moon and a bell you want to ride the tiger? No Okay I wasn't Going to seriously let you Alright so

Day five Is for Panchami And she represents A mother who Aggressively protects Her child When confronted

With danger She rides on A lion Well everybody But moon girl Got an awesome speed Yeah She rides on a lion

Holding her baby To make sure There She rides on a lion holding her baby to make sure there's nothing unsafe for her baby. Right. And in modern times, day five, I guess it's meant to honor soccer moms yelling at volunteer referees

at the top of their lungs. Yeah. Which would be way more successful if they did it riding lions, right? Right. Honestly, yeah. So day six, day eight and nine are kind of boring. I'm going to skip it. Courage, intelligence, primordial magic Right, honestly, yeah. So day six, day eight and nine

are kind of boring. I'm going to skip it. Courage, intelligence, primordial magic powers, whatever, boo. But day seven, magical powers, it's fine. That sounds good.

Doesn't matter. Day seven is dedicated to Kalaratri, the most ferocious form of Durga. She's known for killing two famous demons, even though those demons got Lord Brahma to

grant them invincibility. And apparently she accomplished that by removing her skin. Oh, wow. And that won the fight. I'm sure she didn't then use it like a bullfighter's cape, but I refuse to learn enough to know for sure, in my mind.

So, on top of the nine avatars and the the color code there's also dancing music and fucking with statues of demons to symbolize the victory of good over evil and of course the most important part people build decorative tented sheds in their yard called pondals and they go around being super judgy about everyone else's lame shedsmanship and there's definitely always that one guy who builds a perfect replica of the taj mahal as his pan doll and rubs it in your face it's pretty great like uh you know like the christmas lights thing but way more interesting so the big takeaways get nine monotone outfits that line

up with those colors uh also make sure you learn what the fuck peacock green would be in contrast to green thank you i thought it was a blue thing anyway also get good at shed stuff and if you ever get into a really difficult fight just uh go ahead and take off your skin there you you go. So, happy Navratri, everybody. At least they won't beat you. Yeah, exactly. Alright, so I went with the only holiday that October really needs, goddammit. Holla, fucking

ween. Right? But since that kind of fucks up the theme of the segment a bit, I'm officially going to go with the Wiccan equivalent, Samhain. What we're commemorating. The fact that it's Halloween. Yeah, I'm going to dress up as a sexy tardigrade.

I'm going to dress up as a tardy sexigrade, so that's going to be confusing. Where it's celebrated. Some parts of Scotland, Ireland, and the Isle of Man, as well as places where people dance naked around fires to drum music. Like my sexy tardigrade party. When it's celebrated. On Halloween. The day of my sexy tardigrade party.

Best aspect. The fact that it coincides with Halloween. Worst aspect. The fact that it theoretically could distract from Halloween. How it's celebrated. It's fucking Halloween, okay? that it theoretically could distract from Halloween. How it's celebrated. It's fucking Halloween, okay? Now, I should clarify that like most neo-pagan holidays,

there are two distinct celebrations here. One is the actual historic Celtic celebration, and the other is the one that the naked hippies appropriated unapologetically, because it's okay to do that to people if they were genocided by the Roman Empire for some reason now luckily for us many of the wiggins and other various neo-pagans never bothered to look up the pronunciation of this holiday so you can damn near differentiate just by calling their version sam hayne like it was some dude from your fraternity i mean every frat needs a smelly guy who's a little too into fire am i right uh do that

they all have one so apparently yeah of course i should be forgiving of the modern pagans for their cultural appropriation on this one since christianity did it first right the importance of this particular day has ancient origins in ireland dating all the way back to the neolithic period which we can attest to based on the solar alignment of many of their ancient tombs it's also mentioned in the earliest written works from ireland and a lot of important events in back to the Neolithic period, which we can attest to based on the solar alignment of many of their ancient tombs. It's also mentioned in the earliest written works from Ireland, and a lot of important events in Irish mythology happen or start to happen on Samhain. And pretty much every aspect of modern Halloween can be traced back to it, going door-to-door in costumes, getting treats, decorating your house with creepy shit, ghosts and goblins.

Hell, even bobbing for apples goes back to some apple-based divination game played by Kelch back in the day. Nice! Tardigrades are the best at bobbing for apples. Their mouth is an apple bobber. That's what their mouth is. You're right. Heath, I'm going to say this once. If you legally drown again this

year, I am not resuscitating you. Okay? Get one legally. You're really competitive. but the most important aspect of is that it was considered a liminal day when the boundary between the mortal world and the other world could be crossed easily that meant that the i don't know the pronunciation here but the celtic spirits and fairies would wander around our world blessing livestock getting revenge tending to nature etc and snacks would be left out for him because apparently irish fairies really like rhesus cups because why the

fuck wouldn't they yeah absolutely but not the bullshit mini ones right like those are okay i'll eat them but the peanut butter to chocolate ratio is way too low in the mini yes right gotta get the full also the fun-sized people in general on Halloween, they deserve to get venged by Celtic spirits. That's just bullshit. Get the full-sized thing. Well, you know, first they should do the toothbrush house. Well, yeah, right, right.

And then the McDonald's coupon house. And then, yeah. And then the razor blade apple house. That was also believed to be a time when the dead would show up in the world of the living and revisit their homes, which seems like the dumbest fucking thing you could do with that one day you could walk

into the world of the living, but okay. Anyway, part of the celebration involved a feast, and it was traditional to set a place at your table for your dead relatives, though I have no idea how many generations back you were supposed to go. Yeah. See, this is how you know it isn't a Jewish holiday. A meal with seven generations of dead Jews, not something to celebrate.

It's just the food allergies alone is going to make that nightmare. Now, I should point out that there are scholars who argue that Halloween has an independent origin unrelated to Samhainuer but they're wrong and that's fucking silly okay it's almost certainly an outgrowth in fact of the coolest aspect of halloween which is it's a christian holiday that christians are fucking terrified of it's their own holiday and somehow it's like even scarier to them when you call it sauer or or actually sam hayne because they almost certainly don't know the pronunciation either. So wait, Christians are afraid of a holiday that they're wrong about being right about being afraid of.

Yes. That's correct. Yeah, it sounds pretty Christian to me. Right. All right. Well, speaking of Halloween, I got to practice chucking Reese's cups like like ninja stars for my socially responsible trick-or-treating plans. So we're going to wrap it up there, but we'll be back in a month with even more Holiday Buffet. I'm going to tackle so many kids, get all those Reese's Cups.

Yeah. Before we fade to black tonight, I wanted to let you know that Lucinda has a birthday coming up before the next episode, despite what her profiles might say. Her birthday is Monday the 28th. And if you'd like to drop her some birthday wishes on Facebook or Twitter, I'm sure she'd appreciate it.

She's been having a rough couple of weeks taking care of her ornery-ass dad. Anyway, that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight. We'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister show, The Skeptocrat, debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Monday. An even newer episode of our sister show's hot friend, Godawful Movies, debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Tuesday.

And an even newer episode of our half-sister show, Citation Needed, debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously, I'd be a deadbeat host if I neglected to thank Heath Enright for being the bacon in my eggs. I need to thank Eli Bostic for being the vegan equivalent to that. So like the tofurkey bacon to my flaxseed protein extract, I guess. I need to thank the lovely and talented Lucinda Lusions, who will be back soon. I also want to thank Morgan from the Prairie Pet Coalition for providing this week's Farnsworth quote. And if you're a cat lover, be sure to check out the show notes for more info on their rescue.

But most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's best people. Brian, Katie, Zena, Matthew, Crystal of Truth, Maurice, Joseph, Andrew, Daniel, James, Forrest, Jeff, Seth, Justin, and Ron. Brian, Katie, Zena, Matthew, and Crystal, whose IQs are so high the Secret Service mistook them for a bill that the Trump property sent them. Maurice, Joseph, Andrew, Daniel, and James, who are so virile John Wick envies their

reload speed. And Forrest, Jeff, Seth, Justin, and Ron, who are so hot, fires gather around them to tell stories. Together, these 15 men, women, non-binaries and magical artifacts help finance our foul mouth fuckery this week by giving us money. Not everybody has the money it takes to give us money but if you do you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash scathingatheist whereby you'll earn early access to an extended ad free version of every episode or you can make a one time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage at scathingatheist.com.

Legal services for this podcast are provided by the Law Offices of P. Andrew Torres. Tim Robertson handles our social media and our audio engineer is Morgan Clark, who also wrote all the music that was used in this episode, which was used with permission. If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at skatingatheist.com. Oh, for fuck's sake.