The Scathing Atheist - 398: Kingdom of God Edition

Episode Date: October 1, 2020

In this week’s episode, William Barr designates the Bill of Rights as an anarchist controlled piece of paper, Tall Tyler throws him a fish for his good work, and Hillary Morgan Fehrer will set women’s equality back on purpose for a change. --- Learn more about the Humanist for Biden launch event here: https://seculardems.org/announcing-humanists-for-biden/ --- To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click there: http://www.amazon.com/Diatribes-Godless-Misanthrope-Scathing-Presents-ebook/dp/B00J53FZFI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1396141562&sr=8-1 To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/ To hear more from our intrepid audio engineer Morgan Clarke, click here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/ --- Guest Links: Check out the Turnip of Terror here: https://theturnipofterror.com/ --- Headlines: Efforts mount to recast opposition to Amy Coney Barrett as opposition to Christian judges: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/09/25/lying-gop-senator-says-democrats-only-want-atheists-on-the-supreme-court/ and https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/09/26/pastor-the-constitution-says-democrats-cant-question-amy-coney-barretts-faith/ and https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/09/28/gop-sen-marsha-blackburn-repeats-lie-that-democrats-only-want-atheist-judges/ GOP Senator Introduces Bill to Punish Schools That Let Trans Girls Play Sports: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/09/23/gop-senator-introduces-bill-to-punish-schools-that-let-trans-girls-play-sports/ AG William Barr: “Militant Secularists” Don’t Understand Church/State Separation: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/09/24/ag-william-barr-militant-secularists-dont-understand-church-state-separation/ Vatican: Priests Must Condemn “Intrinsically Evil” Medically-Assisted Dying: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/09/24/vatican-priests-must-condemn-intrinsically-evil-medically-assisted-dying/ Conspiracist: Choose a President Like a Husband: No “Beta Male” or “Soy Boy”: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/09/25/conspiracist-choose-a-president-like-a-husband-no-beta-male-or-soy-boy/ Sign up for Humanists for Biden’s Thursday night launch event here: https://seculardems.org/humanistsforbiden/ Icelandic Church Under Fire for Depicting Jesus With Beard and Breasts: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/09/26/icelandic-church-under-fire-for-depicting-jesus-with-beard-and-breasts/

Warning, we were going to do a profanity-free episode this week, but then we were like, ah, fuck it. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by Honey, My Sheets Rock, and by the new recording medium for watching debates between people old enough to remember being too old to know how to program a VCR, Debatamax. Debatamax, for people so old that people old enough to get this joke can make fun of your age. And now, the Scathing Atheist. I am the Turnip of Terror, and as someone who spends free time recreating a period of history where I would be persecuted for heresy

by saying so, I assure you we did, in fact, evolve from filthy monkey men. from Filthy Monkey Men. It's Thursday. It's October 1st. And it's International Raccoon Appreciation Day. Huh. Nice. The tiny bear dressed like the Hamburglar. What's not to love about that? Right?

I'm no illusions. I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heath Enright. And from Chris Christie's New Jersey, Cincinnati Swing State, and Guttman, Georgia, this is The Skating Atheist. On this week's episode, William Barr designates the Bill of Rights as an anarchist-controlled piece of paper. In the Bible, God spends a crazy amount of time trying to prove that he's the only God. I would say fully half of the Old Testament somehow revolves around God's perpetual, ineffectual attempts to prove he's superior to things that don't exist and consistently failing.

And you got to admit, that's an embarrassing problem for your omnipotent guy to have. If you guys were like, you know, Noah, we like the podcast you put on fine, but we think we're going to go with this inanimate shiny statues podcast and said, I would take that as a cue to get into gardening or something, but not God. He just keeps plugging away at it like that guy who's sure he'll have some artistic talent if he just buys fancier pencils now i'm gonna be honest with you in the past i have presented that very same fact as proof that god either a doesn't exist or b sucks ass but the more i think about it the less i like that argument

so at the risk of dumbing this whole thing down too much, the argument goes like this. One, if God existed and was omnipotent, he'd be obviously better at all the God type stuff than gods that didn't exist. Two, if he was clearly better, the Hebrews wouldn't be constantly turning to figments of their imagination to do God shit without noticing that they were inferior. figments of their imagination to do God shit without noticing that they were inferior. Three, Hebrews were constantly turning to figments of their imagination to do God shit without noticing that they were inferior. Conclusion, God doesn't exist. And as logical as all those steps seem, it actually is not a sound argument. In fact, there's a glaring error in premise number two that I'm embarrassed to have missed

for so long. Premise two grossly overestimates the intelligence of human beings by ascribing them the demonstrably non-existent tendency to choose that which is effective over that which is imaginary. Hell, if premise two was true, I'd never have had to articulate this argument at all. Consider it with a quick substitution. One, if science was correct, it would be clearly better at all the science type stuff than the shit that doesn't exist. Two, if science was clearly better, humans wouldn't be constantly turning to figments of their imagination to do science shit without noticing that they're inferior. Three, humans are constantly turning to figments of their imagination to do science shit without noticing they're inferior. Three, humans are constantly turning to figments of their imagination to do science shit without noticing they're inferior. And if that doesn't

take all the wind out of it, try getting a little more specific and just plug in the word medicine for science. When we read the Old Testament for the Holy Babel segments or for Bible Peace Theater, we made jokes about the fickle allegiance of the Hebrews throughout. God would show himself to be God. He'd conjure up some rock water, moon the congregation, part of sea. Then a couple of years later, all the very same people would be going, yeah, but maybe this baby cow though, right? Huh? You know, but is there any better analogy for humanity's relationship with science? Science cures polio. Humans thank God. Science builds airplanes. Humans pray that they'll work science creates modern medicine humans buy a book on medicinal humming from gwyneth paltrow and despite science still

being the only one to actually send people to the heavens humans still ask preachers how to get there of course an analogy between god and science is bound to break down early and often you know where god's strategy was generally to inflict his wayward accolades with some kind of great calamity or whatever. Science just gets better at its job. You know, science keeps coming back with ever better iterations of truth. People linger in reality a little longer and more and more of them decide to stay there every time. Science chips away with every new discovery, every new invention, every new explanation. God started off perfect,

which means, you know, he's as good as he's going to get. Science, though, can get better every fucking day. And it does. And it's important that we remember that it's important that we remind ourselves that we're living in unprecedented times and we have been for a long time. History is cyclical, sure, but we've never known as much as we know now and we've never known as much as we will know tomorrow religion seems inevitable to us a magical thinking seems inescapable but our imaginations are constrained by history in a way that the future isn't sure it's it's always been there but that doesn't mean it always will be. In fact, our ability to chip away at it all but proves it isn't invincible. With enough time, a toothbrush can saw through a boulder,

and we're far enough into this process to see a pretty distinct groove. Now, it's a big fucking boulder, right? But we get a slightly better tool for every stroke. So even a small groove could be the sign of an imminent collapse. I know it doesn't seem that way from where we're standing right now. But we have to remind ourselves, everything is immortal until it dies. Joining me for headlines tonight are the marshmallows and chocolate to my graham crackers, Heath Edright and Eli Bosnick.

Fellas, are you ready to give the listeners some more? I don't know, Noah. I've been burned before. Okay, that's the best part, though. The burned marshmallow? You've got to burn it. All right. Well, we go, oh, it's so hot, too hot, so hot, hot, hot.

So much fun. Like a bunch of fucking idiots for a minute. We're going to pause for a word from our first sponsor this week. Honey. My dearest son, if you are reading this, I am dead. But know that I always loved you. Eli, what you doing, man? Oh, I got to go shopping.

So I'm just making a video, Will, you know, just in case. Also, hey, hey, this is Noah. He is your dad now. Nope, definitely not. Also, why don't you just shop online yeah i guess i could shop online but won't i miss out on all the awesome in-person deals if i shop online not if you try honey i am trying darling no honey it's the free browser extension that scours the internet for promo codes and automatically applies the best one

available at checkout oh that does sound cool but how much does honey cost you can get honey on your computer for free in two easy clicks just go to join honey.com slash scathing then when you're checking out on one of its over 30 000 supported sites honey pops up and all you have to do is click apply coupons oh yeah you know what now that i think of it i actually used honey last week to buy a bunch of new onesies for my son i saved like 20 bucks yeah it's simple if you have a computer honey should be on it it's free and it works on whatever browser you use you can get honey for free today at joinhoney.com slash scathing that's joinhoney.com slash scathing all right noah thanks i guess i don't need to make this video, Will, after all. Well, I mean, you do

drink a lot of mango nectar. Yeah, that is fair. That's fair. And now, back to the headlines. In our lead story tonight, it's not that she's a goddamn Catholic. No. I don't like that, though. But Joe Biden

is a fucking Catholic, right? I don't like that either. And I'm prepared to spend four years telling people that they should have voted for him. And yet, that has not stopped one entire half of the American political spectrum from pretending that our concern over the Supreme Court nominee belonging to the fucking People's Front of the Republic of Gilead is anti-Catholic bias. is anti-Catholic bias. In fact, criticisms from the left that generally took the form of repeating the words that she'd said led GOP Senator Marsha Blackburn

to tweet out this fucking ridiculous assertion. Quote, in Chuck Schumer's America, only atheists can be Supreme Court justices. Really? End quote. Yeah, an assertion somewhat undercut by all of history plus now reality yeah reality

yeah god forbid those in charge of interpreting the law of this country not have an imaginary friend like big bird no i'm sorry i thought this was chuck schumer's america are we not in chuck schumer's america the fuck i'm gonna fight a little league dad so yeah so quick reminder in his time in the senate chuck schumer has voted to approve four Supreme Court justices, none of whom were fucking atheists. Three were Jewish. The other one was the same goddamn religion as Amy Coney Barrett. And that number would have been one theist higher, by the way,

if Mitch McConnell hadn't taken time off of being characterized by a bony or cartilaginous shell long enough to block Merrick Garland's nomination. He has voted for precisely zero openly atheist Supreme Court nominees, which puts him in a 12,348 way tie for first place among historical senators.

Would have been impossible to do that, literally. And listen, we're happy to nominate a theist. Barack Obama is Muslim. There you go. I can do that. Alright, but since any criticism of anything religious must always be treated as

anti-Christian persecution, even after Blackburn was pilloried for this tweet, she went on to make the same goddamn claim on Fox and Friends saying, quote, we know the left is not going to be happy with someone of faith. They think you need to be an atheist or a secularist to serve on the federal bench. End quote.

I think Fox and Friends must just have a sign in their green room that's like, say whatever the fuck you want. It's open season here. Yeah, and then we'll say yes and, and then you say whatever the fuck you want again. We'll do that for a while, and then after that, well, that's our show. Yeah, that's our show. The show will begin after. Dr. Phil will come on and tell you about science. Yeah, so to be clear,

the problem with Amy Coney Barrett isn't that she's a theist. Yeah, you know, in a perfect world, you'd have to be able to correctly answer, does an invisible ghost king watch you pee to get a spot on the supreme court right but that's somehow unrealistic in our world and we've accepted that and when i say we i'm talking of course about the minority of people on the left that get that question right

like a fucking course the supreme court nominee will be religious but that doesn't mean she has to be a weird ass zealot who belongs to a misogynistic subcult site a statement affirming that life begins at conception and openly talks about how the purpose of a legal career is quote building a kingdom of god end quote also side note fuck the fact checker sites that say that needs more context there is no context where that's not terrifying and the context is she's a crazy goddamn fundamentalist about to be confirmed to the Supreme fucking Court. Yeah, she's not talking about Ninjago's brand new kingdom of God set. There's not a good way. But if she was, that sounds awesome.

That's pretty. That's on Lego in that situation. That sounds awesome. That sounds pretty. That's on Lego in that situation. And in coming from the far Leffler news with the world on fire and a plague sweeping across our nation in preparation for a third, second, fourth, another. Yeah. Another wave of illness and death. Noah's senator, Kelly Leffeffler has formed an evil supergroup

of politicians to take on the issues facing our nation. By which I mean letting trans kids play sports. The important issues. Grace.

Yeah. You'd figure she was busy with, you know, useful Senator stuff like resolving that elections are real or resolving that the pledge of allegiance

is extra pledgy what was that they did i don't know where did she find the time though to do other stuff besides resolving important things you know i bet she's using all that time she saved ignoring the coronavirus relief bill that oh yeah that's a lot of time on the docket that'll do it's a lot of time yeah so in addition to leffler who by the way looks like someone turned a racist little girl's pony into a human aforementioned marcia blackburn tom cotton james lankford and mike lee introduced the quote protection of women and girls in sports act of 2020 this week. What's that title? Which would take away federal funding from any sports group that would quote, permit a person whose sex

is male to participate in an athletic program or activity that is designated for women or girls. Oh, Kelly Loeffler, bad news. I just passed the Protection of Humans in Sports Act, and that doesn't permit a senator

whose species is equine to participate in making laws that design for people. You can make horse laws. You can still make horse laws. Yeah. Also, fuck your face. Yeah, that too. As long as we could.

And one might think it's, you know, actually been a kind of tough year for Loeffler. It was revealed that she sold almost $20 million worth of stock before the COVID crash. She co-owns a WNBA team where everyone fucking hates her. They hate her so much. They hate her so much. But don't worry, she does have one big fan, and that would be Christian hate group leader Tony Perkins, who said of the proposed law, quote, I applaud Senator Loeffler for introducing the protection of women and girls in Sports Act. Allowing boys to play on girls sports teams is

unfair and it poses increased physical risk to girls, particularly at the high school and college levels. Senator Loeffler's bill will help ensure that girls are afforded the opportunity to play on a level playing field, end quote. Yeah, Leffler is just the latest Republican politician to rally her base by saying, okay, I might be a criminal, but at least I'm a bigot, right? You bigot! Yeah! Right. But actually, if you read between the lines of Tony's statement there,

I think Tony Perkins is pretty obviously challenging any female athletes out there to a fight. That's what I heard. I heard that. It wasn't even between the lines. It was in. Right? Yeah. If a female athlete tries to beat up Tony Perkins, he would win so bad it wouldn't even be fair.

So I'm just saying, if any of our listeners out there want to take Tony up on his challenge, we will arrange a thunderdome. Or as they're now called, a presidential debate. And in I Am The Walrus news, Attorney General and Shaved Walrus William Barr spoke at the National Catholic Prayer Breakfast last week and

accidentally gave a speech about exactly why we should be terrified that top-level government officials are attending events called national prayer breakfasts and his main point was that so-called militant secularists are trying to drive religion out of public policy and uh yup but despite being a highly educated lawyer he didn't seem to realize that he was arguing against the founding fathers he loves so dearly and all these other topics also known as the militant secularists who wrote the first fucking amendment yeah perhaps you've heard of

antifa leader thomas jefferson i mean they literally build statues to this guy. I'm the attorney general. Have I mentioned the eternal? Not for long. So here's the exact words from Barr. Quote, in American public discourse, perhaps no concept is more misunderstood than the notion of separation of church and state. So far, so good. Militant secularists have long seized on that slogan as a facile justification for attempting to drive religion from the public square separation of church and state does not mean and never did mean separation of religion and civics but it literally did to which he added oh who threw a thesaurus at my head this lunch is an anarchist controlled zone.

Throw it a little more facile next time. Fuck. Yeah, that's precisely what that fucking means, you miserable piece of shit. Because look, even the way he's trying to dress it up, religion does not mean your values or your morals. We all have those. Yep. Religion

is just the dogmatic bullshit that diverges from morality or even stands in defiance of it and if that's confusing to you don't worry the dogmatic bits that have nothing to do with morality are the easiest ones to spot they're the ones anybody in your religion cares about yeah yeah and just one other detail during During the breakfast, Barr became the latest recipient of an award they apparently give out now called the Christofidelis Lychee Award. Fuck you making up your own Latin shit. It's real Latin, but whatever. You get that for being the Catholic layperson who best demonstrates selfless and steadfast service in the Lord's vineyard.

Selfless, huh? By exhibiting Christ-like behavior. Flip a red table? Congrats on the trophy, William, but I hate to break it to you. You're not the carpenter man. You're the walrus. In every possible way, you're the fucking walrus. He is the walrus.

And in MAD as hell news. Medically assisted dying. Enough is enough. They're tired of hiding. The Catholic Church is ready to take on their words. Intrinsic evil in their midst

this week. And no, it's still not kid fucking. Really? No, it's not. It's giving last rights to chronically ill suffering people. Okay. Maybe they can do a resolution in the Senate for a few weeks and then get to that. Great. So, this

week, the Congregation of the Doctrine of Faith released its latest letter entitled, Samaritanus Bonus this week. Bonus. Bonus. Clarifying that, no, it is not in fact okay to give last rites to someone who is participating

in medically assisted suicide. Okay, well, that's fucking disgusting. But, you know, whatever. You just fake like your regular dying. You get the last rites. And then you chug that cocktail right in their fucking face. I gotcha. Priest is like, ha, I got you.

It's all fake, and we just die. Oh. Okay. Double-double. I feel like I kind of got you both times. That's fine. Now, to be clear, they aren't just declaring this out of nowhere, although you couldn't be blamed for thinking that they just decided to say that this week. This is in response to a statement made last year by Archbishop Vincenzo Paglia, who said that priests

could provide last rites to the medically assisted dying because, quote, the Lord never abandons anyone, end quote. And again, just to be clear, the Congregation of the Doctrine of Faith wrote a whole letter to clarify

he does fucking too. He does fucking too abandon everything. Great. So the official position of the Vatican is that God is a shitty boyfriend who's afraid to break up with you. So he gives you unbearable eyeball cancer until you break up with him.

That's the position. Exactly. Lovely. And it actually gets worse. So in an article published by Vatican News at the same time, Dr. Colin Hart, don't worry, not a medical doctor, said- I wasn't worried. That too many people are focusing on the bad parts of suffering.

Wait, what? Yeah. Quote, I don't think we speak enough about the good of suffering. I don't think that word means what you think it means. speak enough about the good of suffering. I don't think that word means what you think it means. While doing everything possible to relieve somebody's suffering, because that's part

of care, to realize the suffering that cannot be relieved is valuable. It has a purpose. And it has the greatest purpose, insofar as it can be offered up in union with the sufferings of Christ for the good of oneself and in remission of one's own sins. of Christ for the good of oneself and in remission of one's own sins,

and also for the good of the church and the world. Jesus Christ. He's like, he's Tom Sawyer-ing the fence, but with pancreatic cancer. He is. Yeah. And look, again, I don't have a fancy theological degree like Dr. Hart does, but I do know an invitation to get kicked in the balls when I hear one.

So yeah, if you do get a chance to kick Dr. Colin Hart in the balls, remind him that it's for the good of the church and the world. And while I explained to Andrew that Eli only said if you kick that guy in the nuts, which technically isn't an endorsement, we're going to pause for a word from our second sponsor this week, My Sheets Rock. Next. Hi. Can I get a tall cold brew? And let me see.

Also, 19 shots of espresso, please. Wow, sir. That's a lot of espresso. Yeah. Well, I'm trying not to sleep at all. You know how it is. Gotta have plenty of espresso. What? No. Who doesn't love sleep? Me. I'm a warm sleeper. I tend to

wake up all hot and sweaty. So I've been doing this thing where I don't... You're just not going to sleep ever again? Yep. Yeah, exactly. That's the plan. Why don't you just try MySheetsRock? Oh, look, you seem really nice. I'm not saying you're not nice, but we just met just now. No, silly.

MySheetsRock is the name of the brand. MySheetsRock has created the regulator sheets, which are designed specifically to keep hot sleepers cool and cold sleepers comfortable. They regulate temperature, wick moisture, stay breathable, and are so soft, you'll sleep comfortably every night. That's because these sheets are made from best-in-class bamboo rayon, the holy grail of sheeting.

The holy grail of sheeting? Holy grail of sheeting. This miracle material transfers body heat two times more effectively than regular sheets and reduces humidity by 50%, so you can experience your best night's sleep yet. It's true. Oh, Noah.

Well, what are you doing in the coffee shop? Oh, I live in Georgia, so I just wanted to be in a universe where I could go to a coffee shop. Yeah, okay. That's fair. Plus, I wanted to tell you about My Sheets Rock. They sent us a set to try, and their sheets are so soft and smooth, it's like sleeping on an infinite slip and slide made of heartfelt compliments. Oh, that does sound good. But you're just a coffee shop employee and I've been burned before.

What if I don't believe you? Don't believe me? Their five-star customer reviews speak for themselves. Plus, they offer a 90-day risk-free trial and free shipping and returns. Check out MySheetsRock at MySheetsRock.com slash scathing and enter our code scathing for 10% off and free shipping and returns. Check out MySheetsRock at MySheetsRock.com slash scathing. And enter our code SCATHING for 10% off and free shipping. That's MySheetsRock.com slash scathing code SCATHING. Thanks. When were you betrayed by

a coffee shop employee? Oh, no, no, no. I mean literally burned. I tried to drink an espresso on its way out of the machine. Oh, yeah, no no that'll do it Yeah Really hurt Well yeah

And in soy oh boy news Right wing conspiracy theorist and mascot For every woman who's ever screamed a racial slur At a bouncer during her bachelorette party Deanna Lorraine I'm Italian Has another reason For her fans to vote for Donald Trump this week.

So, everybody, before I tell you, get a picture of Trump in your mind. Nope. Nope. And it should be full body. That's important. Even noper. Okay. Go ahead and Google image Trump if you need to.

Nope. All right. Have you done this? Lorraine wants you to vote for Donald Trump because he is an alpha male. Okay. Well, obviously she doesn't mean alpha in the profit on investment sense.

Alpha as an edge investment strategy. She must mean alpha as in calling for a drug test right before a fight like a confident winner does. Yeah, exactly. Probably that kind of alpha. So here's the tragic, tragic quote,

which is such a deep insight into Ms. Lorraine's life. Quote, let's be honest. Who would you rather choose as a boyfriend or husband? Is it a man who's protective, tall, strong, an alpha male? Someone who's going to make sure that he protects you, your family, your country, who's tough and strong? A little bit of an a-hole sometimes, just a little bit. Or would you choose a boyfriend or a husband who's soft, who's a beta male, who's a soy boy, who is weak? Someone who doesn't stand up for his convictions.

Someone who just lets everyone else steamroll him and changes his mind and flip-flops every other minute. Who isn't strong. Pretty sure that most women would choose a husband or a boyfriend who is that alpha male and that's what Trump is. Oh, you know what? She must be talking about alfalfa because of the hair. Oh, okay. All right. We're tricky, Deanna.

Yeah. I mean, look, I've seen Melania and I've seen Jill and one of them looks like she wants to be there. Right? Holy fuck. What a terrifying mission. Ladies, I mean, look, I've seen Melania and I've seen Jill, and one of them looks like she wants to be there, right? Holy fuck! What a terrifying mission. Ladies, be honest. Would you rather a guy who knocks you around a little or some pansy fuck that pronounces both the R's in library? Am I right? Am I

right? Yeah, exactly. So depressing insight into Deanna Lorraine's love life aside, I just want to say, as the soyest of boys, I want to take a moment to point out that I am delightful. Okay, Deanna Lorraine?

I do the dishes without being asked. I am cuddle-able from every possible angle. Alpha cuddle-able. Alpha. Powerful cuddle. Yeah, and if Deanna Lorraine was capable of or had ever been the recipient of love, she would know that. But she isn't and hasn't.

So she's just going to keep telling the InfoWars viewers that she ran into a really protective door. Oh, God. And and that honestly is punishment that not even I would wish on her. And in the dude of Biden's news tonight, the fact that he isn't Donald Trump should be all the goddamn motivation you need. And if that doesn't do it, the fact that you don't want to hear Heath do the you should have voted for Joe Biden thing for four years

should push you over the line. Okay, Joe Biden wins. I'm still pointing out you should have voted for Hillary Clinton. We still have the Supreme Court because of that from these four. God damn it. Go ahead.

All right, but just in case not wanting to live in a theocratic idiocracy wasn't enough for you secular democrats of america launched humanists for biden this week an initiative specifically designed to reach out to non-religious americans and ensure that we're represented among the biden coalition okay you had me at not theocratic idiocracy but good stuff like i should have that's not all i want but you had me so yeah so humanists for biden will join catholics for biden hindu americans for biden muslims for biden believers for biden and latter-day saints for biden in reminding americans that the other guy is a villain out of a goddamn 80s movie except real 80s reality yeah and somehow james spader's

character becomes president it's really really depressing fucking because molly ringwald wasn't exciting enough god damn it and in so doing of course it seeks to turn out non-religious americans in record numbers and remind the democratic party just how important a voting block we could be and look this really matters a lot of atheists seem to think that the fact that like you know of course we're going to vote for the non-theocratic party dooms us to perpetual obscurity in the political arena. But that misunderstands politics. Right.

If they know that catering to nonbelievers actually brings us to the polls, they will be sucking and slurping our genitals for the rest of time. Which, by the way, Humanist for Biden has repeatedly rejected as a slogan. I don't get that prejudice. No was up all night designing that poster they wouldn't even look at it they wouldn't even look at it um incidentally if you have the good sense to eagerly await our every episode and listen to him right away you can even catch the formal campaign launch for the humanist for biden thing it's an october first online event and you will find a link to sign up on the top of the show notes. So do that. And finally tonight,

in Iceland Thunderfuck News, we have a story out of Iceland about a rainbow, people of multiple races, and a gender-fluid Jesus Christ. Anna? What are the guys talking about? It's the newest, the greatest, Christian freak out. That's right. Anna?

That's right. Even in the frozen secular paradise of Iceland, Christians are having a meltdown after the evangelical Lutheran church posted an ad on Facebook for their Sunday school that depicted a group of interracial kids, a rainbow, and the Lord and Savior wearing face makeup and sporting a very tasteful set of breasts.

Well, since Islam isn't uniquely harmful, I guess those people who drew it and published it got shot and killed or hacked to death with machetes, huh? So, according to the minister in charge of the ad, the gender fluidity is the whole point. They're trying to be one of those inclusive churches that still bases their worldview on a book that includes Leviticus. So fuck you. Right. Fuck you. Fuck the conservative churches even more, but still fuck you. Stop clinging to that terrible book and just come out and say it

and cancel that book and be a weekly ethics club that does charity work. That'd be good. And you know what? Fuck you even more for your response to the freakout. The ad immediately led to a whole bunch of panicky Christians yelling about how like, Jesus can't have beard and breasts at the same time. I'm sexually confused and I'm scared. And apparently

there was enough of that yelling to make the church take down the ad and issue an apology really because they're cowards and they didn't realize an apology would mean that despite their good intentions at the beginning of this thing now they've capitulated to bigots and they owe an actual apology to everyone harmed by the implication that gender fluidity is somehow problematic and that you would need to apologize for that. Yeah, okay. Our bad. When God took human form to sacrifice himself to himself as part of the substitutional blood pact for all the world's sins

as established in Abrahamic law, he did it as a dude. We're sorry. Yeah. Yep. That's what happened. Right, but there in a nutshell is the biggest problem with progressive churches, right? They normalize the conservative ones that outnumber them.

Look, polishing up the bigotry to make it more palatable is immoral all by itself. Yep. Yeah, it is. And just to be clear, Lutheran Church of Iceland, I know you're listening, lots of people would argue that there's a word for person who capitulates to bigots it's bigot the word is bigot that's the word for that you could argue back that you're technically bigot adjacent i guess but now you're trying to win an argument by branding yourself as bigot adjacent that's not great never great you already lost that argument and you should apologize for real and speaking as a person myself with a beard

and fairly voluptuous breasts i'm offended by everyone involved in this story but now that we're on the subject let's go ahead and put 10 seconds on the clock slogans for the church of bearded and breasted gender fluid jesus go all right. The Church of Genderfluid Jesus, because one kind of transubstantiation isn't silly. Ooh, the Church of Genderfluid Jesus, New Paul's drag race. The Church of Genderfluid Jesus, the best combination of a beard and breasts since Karen Pence.

And on that note, we may or may not have a new corporate logo to hammer out. So we're going to close the headlines there. Heath, Eli, thanks as always. Jumanji. And when we come back, Hillary Morgan Farrar will tell us about the fine line between women's rights and women's wrongs. We're going to shit bags. No, we're going to Applebee's.

That's ridiculous. Heath, Noah, what's the matter? I want to go to shit bags for dinner. And I do not, because that sounds terrible. I want to go to Applebee's. What do you think, Eli? Eh, I don't really like either. You don't like either?

Okay, shit bags serves you literal bags of shit. It's in the title. I know, I know. You don't like either. Okay. Shit bags serves you literal bags of shit. It's in the title. I know. I know. But I also just don't particularly like Applebee's. Can I vote for Bennigan's? No.

I like Bennigan's. No. No. We're either going to shit bags or you can vote for Applebee's. Because Noah breaks all ties. Right. Noah breaks all ties. Okay. But if I vote for Applebee's, Heath will think it's okay to go to Applebee's and then we'll never, ever go to Bennigan's.

No, no, no. If you vote for Applebee's, we'll go to Applebee's. If you don't, we're going to shitbags. Those are the two possibilities right now. Literally, those are the only two. Okay, I get it. Because I actually read on Twitter that we will go to Bennigan's if I secretly write it. No, those people on Twitter are wrong.

We're telling you what's going to happen. It's one of those two things and you get to vote for your choice between the thing you like less and eating a literal bag of shit. Hmm. Okay, you know what? I just realized I'm busy

and I just self-diagnosed with a mental illness, so I pass. I would like to pass. All right. Shitbags it is. Shitbags. Aw, man. I hate shitbags.

I have no idea how this happened and nobody should ever try to explain it to me. Okay. Voting. Like it or not, that's the way it fucking is. Indeed. I bet you secretly like shit bags here. Several months ago, we got through the portion of mama bear apologetics

that related to mama bears and apologetics. We have long since moved on to the portion where the conversation is over and she just won't hang up the goddamn phone and we're starting to consider being rude about it all right so man anyway i gotta do a dusting what and of course the latest one other thing that pissed her off brings us to this week's chapter on feminism. And to discuss that one, we're excited to welcome in my lovely wife, Lucinda. Lucinda, welcome back. Damn it.

I thought I was going to make it a whole year without having to read one of these fucking books, you guys. Yeah, sorry about that. And you got to do it on your birthday, too. I know. So tell us, Eli, aside from your attempt to be the only married person on the podcast why is lucinda here well noah as you tease that would because this chapter is called the future is female that's right this week we're taking on feminism and by we i mean three of this book's contributors three yep It took them three authors to write this chapter.

Wow. I mean, more efficient than Shakespeare, but still like three. It's like they were trying to prove women weren't up to the job. Yeah. Yeah. Yes, it is. And we're going to start with the Women's March of 2017. Yes.

According to our cabal of authors, the largest organized protest in American history up to that point was actually a big loss for women. Not a lot of people know that. They say, quote, might we suggest that millions of women wearing symbols of their privates on their head and gleefully screaming, I'm a nasty woman, was a massive failure for the cause of female empowerment and an especially devastating loss in the dignity department. End quote. Those hats really gave away the secret about vagina color. And as we all know, that's where women keep their dignity. So that's a big loss.

Also, just curious, was the book asking permission to write a sentence in itself? Said, might we suggest? Just start your sentence. Just say your thing. It was probably asking its husband. Oh, yep. That makes sense. That makes sense.

Yeah. But don't get these authors wrong. They like some feminism. For instance, they like the feminism of the Bible. Quote, as Christians, we are thankful for a God who gave women honoring mandates that broke with the traditions

of culture. End quote. Well, yeah, if you think about it, sex slave is better than murdered. Yeah. Arguably.

Yeah. See, what they don't like is modern feminism, about which one of the authors says, quote, their talk of resisting the patriarchy seems strange to someone like me who has brothers

and knows firsthand the struggles that men endure often at the hands of women. Okay. That's an interesting new angle. I'm the fucking worst and I'm a woman, so feminism is dumb.

I guarantee that's the best argument in the chapter. Right? Guarantee it's the best one. It's pretty solid. It's pretty solid. She continues, quote, and in my opinion, the latest version of the movement forfeited all mortal high ground when it decided to die on the hill of abortion, a practice which ironically harms more baby girls than baby boys.

End quote. Huh. Okay. Well, ironically and not ironically, you just misused ironically. So that's fun. Well, unless you find it wryly amusing that the misogyny heavily caused by religion

leads to more abortion of female fetuses. Is that wry to you? It's a real wine sipper. Yeah. So they spend, you know know two and a half pages bitching about how pro-life protesters were uninvited from the women's march and then they spend another page saying that they didn't want to go to it anyway and so now it's time for a brief history of feminism oh it starts with the apple doesn't it oh oh how i wish so our little tribe of authors are they're going to break feminism

down into three waves for us um and for those familiar with the internet that is never a good sign yeah yeah if someone ever refers to second or third wave feminism you're pretty much guaranteed that they mean ungrateful bitches who weren't satisfied with being able to vote. Yeah. Yeah. Very much. And they are just going to immediately prove Lucinda correct there. Their very first sentence cites philosopher Christina Hoff Summers. Philosopher. That's what she is. Christina Hoff Summers.

Okay, great. Yeah. And for my next chapter about George Washington's army, I'd like to start with a quote from Benedict Arnold. Does that sound good? Yeah. For those unfamiliar, Somers is the author of the anti-feminist book, Who Stole Feminism? In which she asked hard hitting questions like, is fucking someone while they're too

drunk to consent really rape? And she makes arguments like you weren't allowed to hit your wife that hard. Quit whining. She does. She really does fucking idiot but yeah according to our three authors and i guess also rape apology barbie summers as well the original feminists didn't want equality god forbid yeah literally quote these feminists affirmed the unique role of women in society especially as caregivers and nurturers. They fought for equal worth,

dignity, and rights as fellow members of the human race without forfeiting their communal identity as women. End quote. I love how this fails to be an argument for separate but equal only because

she's stopping short of equality. Yeah, yeah. Separate. It's an argument for separate and i should be clear that the first wave of feminism is where the three authors of this chapter think good feminism ended oh yeah that's that they were like voting and that's it so wow now we're going to talk about the second wave of feminism uh anger bargaining, bargaining. So close, Heath. Hippies.

HPV. Yeah. Yep. Quote, second wave feminists consistently downplayed the unique role of women in society and instead focused on the message of self-determination and autonomy. In other words, I am my own boss and I do what I want, including with my body. End quote. Yeah.

And again, to be clear, the authors of this chapter think that is a bad thing. That's bad. That's bad. Phase two is now bad. Okay. Yeah. Evil phase two consent. That is ambitious to start your section. Got to dig out of that hole that you don't know you're in.

Great. gotta dig out of that hole that you don't know you're in great wow but but you see much to these evil second wave feminists dismay many women still chose to stay home being mothers and wives yeah we hate when women choose exactly yeah their only explanation was that there must be some kind of oppressive system in place that was invisibly holding women back. The patriarchy. Invisible. I love the use of invisibly. The year was invisibly 1987.

Jesus fucking Christ. You're the theist. Somewhere with invisible. We're playing with invisible now? And you're probably wondering, okay, who are these radical feminists they're talking about? Why, none other than Antifa extremist herself, Betty Friedan. Really? Who wrote The Feminine Mystique.

Quote, granted, she made several legitimate critiques of the 1950s housewife stereotype, but as in most corrective movements she swung the pendulum too far in the opposite direction too much equality yeah i want to know her other examples of those movements comparing the lives of the average american housewife to being a comfortable concentration camp oh my god as if decorating a pinterest board with fun meal ideas is at all comparable to the Holocaust. Yeah, that's what she was bitching about. Good critique. Betty Friedan's 1963 book completely misunderstood Pinterest.

So, yeah, solid. But just to be clear, the feminist mystique is based on noticing that pretty much all the graduates of Smith College, one of the top colleges in the country, all those graduates were housewives with no income of their own. It was an all women's school. Ferdinand went Godwin for one sentence. Yes, that was a ridiculous sentence. But that sentence is the entire discussion from Hillary Morgan here. Yes. Al.

And now it's time for third wave feminism. Or as she titles it, this means war. Oh, shit. And what's great about this section about third wave feminism is that they used up all their feminism has gone too far stuff on the 1960s. So the criticism of feminist third

wave is just, it's the second wave, but louder. And communist, which again is very bad oh bad and communist okay so just to review the history of feminism according to this book is voting which was good and then consent which was bad and then marxist consent even worse it gets so bad that they conclude this section on the third wave of feminism with, I shit you not, a link to Christina Hoff Summers' YouTube channel. Oh, yeah. Links to YouTube channels for when your readers aren't really readers.

I think you'll find this TikTok answers any questions you might have about the history of feminism. Right. So now it's time to remind Heath that you don't need a license to drive an anagram. So we're going to roar like a mother. Starting with R, recognize the message. So get ready because we're going to deal with the evil messages of feminism. Starting with girl power. Jesus, what's next?

Is she going to go after the myth that you're deserving of love? Spoilers, spoilers. And their argument against girl power is that it's reverse sexism. Of course it is. Quote, you never see the term boy power on anything. Oh, God damn it. No, that's true uh we just call it power exactly fuck that that's called toxic masculinity and they make pills for that these days really what what estrogen okay she explains that in the footnote. What she means by pills for that is that boys are diagnosed with ADD more often.

Oh, is that the one she meant? Yeah. Yeah, the under-diagnosing of female psychological problems sure is a problem for men. Yeah. It's really hard for us. Bums us right out. We have it rough, Lucinda.

Rough. Thank you. Glad you're here to sympathize. All right. Evil feminist us right out. We have it rough, Lucinda. Rough. Glad you're here to sympathize. Alright, evil feminist message number two. Stop the war on women. To which, again, their counter argument is, well, there's

technically only a war on women if you count reproductive rights, and we don't. So there. Oh, we just don't. Cool. Hey guys, listen, don't't complain we're about to get another woman on the supreme court so well she's waging a war against female reproductive rights but that doesn't count i said that doesn't count that doesn't count otherwise besides that she's a feminist with a literal handmaid okay message three all right. So message number three, men are superfluous.

True story. I mean, you ever watch lesbian porn? They look so happy. So happy. Yeah, they're having a blast. And I want to point out,

they get specific here. Their problem isn't with the idea that the world doesn't need men. It's that women don't need men. Right? They're making the affirmative claim that women need men. All's that women don't need men. Right? They're making the affirmative claim that women need men.

All women. Mm-hmm. So much. All right. So now it's time to O, offer discernment. And they're going to start out by admitting

that, yeah, I guess it's not great to be a woman. Do you think? Well, with the child brides and the murder and the rape and stuff. And yes, they are grateful for feminism

because that's why they can write this book and vote and shit. But, but, and this is seriously their but, patriarchy, according to the dictionary, is when you are owned by your father and that's not a bad thing. What? Isn't it?

Quote, the patriarchal structure was intended to be protective, not oppressive. Oh, okay. It's a safety issue. Women used to be safer for all of history until right now. It must have been, or that would be a nonsense statement. Plus, the other option was warring our pretty little heads off, and that doesn't sound pleasant at all. Fuck that. So now it's time for the lies

of contemporary feminism. Lie number one. Our seemingly democratic society is really about men controlling women. Let me guess. Their counter argument is nuh-uh. Yep, just nuh-uh.

But also, they point out that one time, a bunch of men told them what feminism was on twitter men how crazy is that so next lie the right to complete autonomy trumps even the right to life so pretty self-explanatory yeah right no clearly she's saying that if my kidneys fail i am morally justified harvesting one of hers as long as it doesn't kill her. Check. Yeah, exactly. Moral equivalent.

The lie after that? Feminism freed women. And while they admit that this is partially true, again, voting, writing the book, but counterpoint, women are whores now. What? Yep. Quote, as sexual promiscuity became the norm, many men stopped feeling pressured to commit and instead live lives of extended adolescence, playing video games and getting all the guilt-free, consequence-free sex they could ever want.

How is this better for women? End quote. Also the guilt-free sex and the video games? I don't get the question, but that sounds great for everybody. Yeah, what? I'm supposed to beat

all the boss fights on Luigi's Mansion myself? Fuck you, lady. You got shit to do. Sons of bitches. And the final lie of feminism, anger is power. Huh?

Because so many feminists they know are mad at them. Like a lie. Dedicated. Fantastic. because so many feminists they know are mad at them so now it's time to a argue for a healthier approach than feminism we're going to argue for a healthier approach right so first we need to recognize that there is no one size fits all version of feminism now let, let me guess here. She is not talking about intersectionality with Black Lives Matter and trans rights. Not, no. What are you feeling you're going to be right about that one? No, she's going more for you can be pro-life and still call yourself a feminist.

Yeah, there it is. Legally, yes. It's not a protected term. Yeah. All righty then. Number two, she wants us to have compassion for angry feminists but not their ideas quote usually these women are scared hurt and bear emotional wounds buried deep within it might be easy for us to mock them but that doesn't set a

good example for our kids demolish the ideas while loving the person. End quote. What does it say about your readership? Would you feel the need to constantly remind them to exhibit basic humanity? Right. Yep. Also, if the only reason to do that is the example for your kids, that's fucking ridiculous. Right. And that means Hillary's not going to do it. Yeah, right.

Exactly. Also, Hillary Morgan Farrow, you have my 100% permission to mock feminism. I would love to. I love having property. Hey, fucking got her, Hale Dog. Fucking got her. Look at my bank account.

That's you. You sound like that. Exactly. All four of my girls got together to write this one. All four of my girls got together to write this one. So now we're going to are reinforced through discussion, discipleship and prayer. And we're starting with discussing God given gender differences. Quote, if you have boys, talk to them about how one day they will be bigger and stronger than you.

But how will they use their strength to protect rather than control and exploit? Talk to little girls about how they might one day be surrounded by men who are bigger and stronger than they are. How might they stand up for themselves and be strong without emasculating the men around them? It doesn't take much.

Be sure to talk to your daughters also about the most polite ways to ask not to be beaten up, by the way. Jesus Christ. Yeah, just in time for fucking Halloween. Right. Did she just tell her audience to talk with their daughters about a bukkake scene? Because that's what it's at. But a self-assured one, Heath.

A self-assured one. Okay. An alpha bukkake scene. Alpha female bukkake. Actually, that sounds... Anyway, moving on. Alpha bukkake scene. Alpha female bukkake.

Actually, that sounds. Anyway, moving on. And finally, they're going to talk about how healthy gender relationships begin at home. Quote, let them see us treating their fathers and our husbands with respect. Let them see what it looks like to submit to leadership without being doormats or losing our unique voice. End quote. Jesus. So now it's time to pause for prayer.

Fucking what? Oh, yeah. Sorry, Lucinda. Great question, Lucinda. Great question. Yeah. Pause bears. It's a whole thing.

It's the fucking been throughout the book. And this one, by the way, is a doozy. Their prayer for this chapter begins. I praise you, the triune Godfather, son and holy spirit for having different roles yet being equal see yeah yeah it's good enough for jesus and then later she adds forgive me when my desire for autonomy and self-determination overrides submission to your plan for me. Ew. Yeah. Yeah. Forgive me for having a mind of my own. Yeah.

If that was a BDSM scene, you should rightly stop it and be like, you okay? You having an okay day? You wanna talk? Alright, so now it's time for some discussion questions. Right. Number one, Icebreaker, what are some of the best things about being a woman

and some of the most frustrating things? Okay, it's the guilt-free sex in the video games because of Mark's. Agreed. The best thing about being a woman is, I don't know, access to the secret lounges. Wait, what? You know the ones, ladies.

Most frustrating is maybe not quite this chapter of this book but it's in the top 10 now fair what do you have in those lounges yeah you've got some cool shit in there i'm telling you gotta go undercover ah oh i'd love to see that main theme do it feminists have gone from addressing legitimate grievances to being grievance collectors. Ultimately, men and women are created with equal worth and dignity in the image of God. Do you think Christians should call themselves feminists? Why or why not? Okay. Well, the only pages of the Bible that don't literally fail the Bechdel test are those,

you know, blank pages for rolling joints. And end. That's right. And, you know, the book of Timothy says, this book that we're talking about by three women is illegal. Yeah. We shouldn't even be talking about this. I don't know how we're talking about this. It's unchristian. Notice that she talks about equal worth and equal dignity rather than

equal rights. As though as long as something's equal, we should be happy with it right look everybody gets the same amount of syrup in the ramekin regardless of their gender now quit your bitching what just order two ramekins at the beginning i'll bring it to you number three self-evaluation let's consider another spectrum and you guys know what's coming on a sheet of paper draw a line does she have stock in a paper mill or something why must we draw so goddamn many lines on so goddamn many

pieces of paper is she mad at trees who has paper paper next to them it's 2020 i hope he does i have so much loose paper next to him it's's really kind of sad. That's weird. All right. So here's what you want. You draw your line and then you label one end doormat Doris. Of course you do.

Of course. And the other end man hater Molly. Oh, God damn. Where do you think you fall on the spectrum and why? The ecstasy part.

Guys, did I just mishear you or did this book just imply that the opposite of doormat is hates men like you have to be careful not to have too much self-worth or you'll hate men yeah right that's what is happening there's so many great reasons to hate men that's so dumb all right number four brainstorm compile a list of as many positive effects of feminism that you can think of.

Now, do the same with negative effects. Oh, I didn't draw a line on a piece of paper. Now I'm completely lost. What are we supposed to, like, I can't even conceive of what this question is going to be. How can we stand up for a biblical femininity without affirming the lies in modern feminism all right well i guess while we brainstorm about all the negative consequences of female equality as suggested by this book we're going to close that motherfucker for now hard probably but there's still more of it so with a special thanks to lucinda we're going to wrap up this edition of God Awful Books. You are not welcome. No.

Before we water down the embers tonight, I wanted to let you know that the book should be available for pre-order in the next couple of days. We have to wait for a few approvals and the timing on that can vary, but keep an eye out on our Facebook page and at PIA teapot on Twitter. As soon as it's available, we'll have links there. And if you intend to get the book on any format, we'd strongly urge you to pre-order as that makes it really good for us when they're trying to decide like where we rank as the book launches. Again, the title you're going to be looking for is Outbreak, a Crisis of Faith, How Religion Ruined Our Global Pandemic. Available on e-book, audio book, and good old-fashioned just book. Anyway, that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight. We'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't

wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister show's Hot Friend God Awful Movies, debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Tuesday, and an even new episode of our half-sister show Citation Needed, debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously, this episode wouldn't merit a number if I neglected to thank Keith Enright for being the brains of the operation, Lucid Illusions for being the heart of the show, and Eli Bosnick for being the gallbladder of our company. I also need to thank the Turnip of Terror for providing this week's Farnsworth quote, and if you're dying to know why he calls himself that, be sure to check out the link to his website on the show notes. But most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's best bipeds, Diego Rowan, the infamous Molly Cottle, Jay Torgo, Thomas, Greg, Matthew, Matt Marshall, Sharon, Amy, Angus, Brooks, and Corey. Tiago, Rowan, Molly, Jay, and Torgo's IQs give the Hindu goddess Durga digit envy.

Thomas, Greg, Matthew, Matt, and Marshall, whose cocks are so massive their condoms have to be built at sea. And Sharon, Amy, Angus, Brooks, and Corey, who are so desirable that the doggy in the window has a song about how much they are. Together, these 15 phenomenally fuckable freethinkers forewent furtherance of their financial foundation this week by giving us money. Not everybody has the wherewithal or therewithal that it takes to give us money, but if you think you're up to the challenge, you can make a per-episode donation at

patreon.com slash skatingadeist, whereby you'll earn early access to an extended ad-free version of every episode, or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage at skatingadeist.com. And if you'd like to help, but not in a having-less-m money kind of way, be sure to leave

us a five-star review. Follow at PIATPod on Twitter and tell a friend about the show. Legal services for this podcast are provided by the Law Offices of P. Andrew Torres. Tim Robinson handles our social media. Our audio engineer is Mergen Clark. We also wrote all the music that was used in this episode, which was used with permission. If you have questions, comments, or doubts, you can find all the contact info on the contact page at skatingads.com.

to enroll in the contract page at skatingads.com. I am sure the problem's me, just to be clear. I do not think that wires don't work for me. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle & Thunderstorm, LLC. Copyright 2020. All rights reserved.