The Scathing Atheist - 404: Biden Seek Edition

Episode Date: November 12, 2020

In this week’s episode, We drink the tears of Christian bigots, we remind people that Georgia real estate is cheap and you can register to vote all the way into December, and Don Ford will be here because we can’t afford Don Caddilac --- To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click there: https://www.amazon.com/Outbreak-Crisis-Religion-Ruined-Pandemic/dp/B08L2HSVS8 To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/ To hear more from our intrepid audio engineer Morgan Clarke, click here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/ --- Guest Links: Check out the Triangle Freethought Society Here: http://www.trianglefreethought.xyz/ --- Headlines: Biden Acceptance Speech Heavy on the Jesus: https://religionnews.com/2020/08/21/joe-bidens-acceptance-speech-caps-off-an-unusually-faith-filled-democratic-national-convention/ Even more here: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/11/08/some-of-trumps-favorite-evangelical-leaders-refuse-to-accept-that-he-lost/ Trump will win because otherwise I’ll look like an idiot: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/11/07/pastor-trump-will-still-win-because-god-wouldnt-want-people-mocking-me/ Megachurch Preachers Call on God to Hold “Another Election” so Trump Can Win: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/11/09/megachurch-preachers-call-on-god-to-hold-another-election-so-trump-can-win/ Trump will win by a landslide cause I mean it different: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/11/07/christian-prophetess-trump-won-by-a-landslide-if-we-redefine-landslide/ Pastor: God Is “Not Happy” with What Voters Are Doing to Donald Trump: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/11/06/pastor-god-is-not-happy-with-what-voters-are-doing-to-donald-trump/ And of course Kenneth Copeland laughing at joe biden’s win: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/11/09/heres-kenneth-copeland-laughing-maniacally-about-biden-winning-the-election/ How different religions voted for president in 2020: https://www.npr.org/2020/11/03/929478378/understanding-the-2020-electorate-ap-votecast-survey https://medium.com/@ste.kinneyfields/do-you-know-this-graphic-i-made-it-heres-why-f97bcf88408c#.7f996n9xu Pastor who Blamed COVID on Fornication Dies of COVID: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/11/05/pastor-who-blamed-covid-on-people-who-committed-fornication-dies-of-covid/ Terrible conversion therapy film on youtube: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/11/09/lifesite-promoted-this-awful-conversion-therapy-film-watch-it-at-your-own-risk/ Charisma Pushes Supercomputer Hoax to Advance False Trump Narrative of Stolen Election: https://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/charisma-pushes-supercomputer-hoax-to-advance-false-trump-narrative-of-stolen-election/ Pope John Paul II knew about McCarrick sex abuse allegations for decades: https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/europe/vatican-mccarrick-sexual-abuse/2020/11/10/c92de382-2045-11eb-ad53-4c1fda49907d_story.html Do you believe in MAGAc?: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/11/04/trumps-spiritual-adviser-calls-for-angelic-reinforcement-to-secure-victory/ https://www.facebook.com/realpaulawhite/videos/1280577475630326/ https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/11/05/right-wing-pastor-calls-on-angels-to-intervene-in-swing-states-so-trump-wins/

Warning, the following podcast has been rated R for strong language, partial nudity, and mild drug use. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by Adam and Eve, Honey, Hymns, and by the Waldorf Astoria Urinal Cake Recycling Center. Because there's a non-zero chance it'll work again and that makes it worth the investment. And now, The Scathing Atheist. Hiya, I'm Carla the Pug, a pegCorn from Triangle Free Thought Society in Raleigh. I'm looking for that deadbeat ex-boyfriend of mine, Carl. He still owes me for 33 loads of

garlic bread. So let me know if you see him. Oh yeah! As a Pug-a-Pug-a-Corn of science, I assure you, humans did, in fact, evolve from filthy monkey men. It's Thursday. It's November 12th. And it's Fancy Rat Mouse Day. What? Uh, squeaketh squeaketh. No illusions. I'm Eli Bosnick.

I'm Heath Enright. And from Samuel Alito's New Jersey, Jim Jordan's Ohio, and Raphael Warnock's Georgia, this is The Scathing Atheist. On this week's episode, we drink the tears of Christian bigots. Nim-nim-nim-nim-nim-nim-nim-nim-nim-nim.

Move to Georgia now. Pause the podcast and do it right now. And Don Ford will be here, because otherwise I'd have to learn a fucking voice. But first, the diatribe. Well, damn it, if the Democratic infighting hasn't already begun. The progressive wing of the party says the centrists aren't motivating a huge potential base. The centrists say the progressives are scaring the most reliable voters. We've got any number of special interest groups threatening to pull their support for the party.

The instant things don't go their way. And groups that would have been under existential threat under a second Trump term promising to walk away and not vote if their priorities aren't emphasized and meanwhile the knives come out for biden from every direction right pulling him all these different ways all under the threat of tearing his coalition apart before he can even make it to the midterms and all i've got to say about all of that is good right like that's how this shit is supposed to work. We're not supposed to put our candidate's name on a fucking flag and a t-shirt and defend him even when he's completely breaking with any semblance of morality.

We're supposed to hold him accountable. We're supposed to call him out when he does or says something wrong. And we're supposed to insist that our demands are met because that's the whole fucking point. The whole point of winning the election is to have our guy there a guy that you can push around in office if we wanted a president who could push us around we'd have kept the guy we had but if you'll recall our refusal to worship is kind of what brought us here in the first place right look it's a coalition party we're not all in this for the same reason right that's why you never see us marching in the kind of lockstep you saw out of

the right over the last four years and to emphasize that fact hey i'm an atheist activist that's proudly endorsing a reverend for georgia senate and sending him money and if he ever starts talking some shit about how he wants to make the bible georgia state book i'm going to yank my support away faster than he can say amen of course this tendency on the left leaves a lot of liberals wringing their hands you know after all if the other side always falls in line and we're always fighting with each other how the fuck can we ever expect to get anything done long term shouldn't we at least consider taking the tack that's been so successful for the other guys you know after all infighting just offers ammunition to the opposition

when it comes time for reelection. And if we just spent four years bashing the Democrats for not getting enough shit done, it'll be really hard to fire up the base when the next election comes around. And while that may be true, I'd argue that the solution isn't for us to refrain from bashing them. It's for them to get enough done. I mean, sure, we got to be realistic with our expectations, but the system gives us

too few chances to chime in. And when it does, the choices are too binary. If we neglect to push back between the elections, we've ceded all our real political power in advance. And even though we often treat it otherwise, this isn't some issue that arises from democratic mismanagement of their caucus or their coalition. It's the inevitable result of being progressive i mean it's in the names right if you're conservative you're trying to conserve things the way they are you might also want to roll shit back but

the goal is defined by either the present or the past those are knowable things when you're a progressive your goals are defined by the future. We all agree we want to progress, and in most ways we agree what that means, but that doesn't mean we all agree on the best way to get there. It's the GOP's indelible advantage. Which way do you go is a question you don't have to solve when you're standing still. But it's also a byproduct of our allegiance to reality, something that encumbers Republicans less and less by the the hour there are plenty of policies and policy goals i

vociferously defend but there's none i'm so married to i'd hold it in spite of overwhelming scientific evidence to the contrary this is not the case for today's republicans and when you never have to worry about changing your mind there's no need and indeed no point in arguing the merits of your position internally i i mean this is what you signed up for guys we're humanists this is our lot in life it's not much different than the strains that arise when you stop counting on god to take care of your life and start relying on yourself it's harder sure but that's just because the job is getting done now look there are a ton of lessons that we need to take away from the debacle of an administration that we're limping out of. But the most important one, or at least the one that seems most important to me, is the grave danger the nation and the world faces when a party refuses to hold its own leaders accountable.

If we get so wedded to winning that we can't bring ourselves to criticize the politicians we support then what the fuck have we won they're talking about you jesus interrupt this broadcast bring you a special news bulletin joining me for headlines tonight are the life and liberty to my pursuit of happiness heathen right and eli bosnick fellas how unalienable are you feeling right now? Well, 2020 is the ET video game of years, and we are about to bury it. I guess I'm feeling good. Okay, I feel like I'm only Liberty because I refuse to wear underwear. All right, well, quick before Eli realizes any of the other reasons I didn't make him life, we're going to pause for a word from our first sponsor this week, Adam and Eve. Hi, I'm Eli Bosnick.

And I'm Heath Enright. And I'm Noah Lusions. Here to talk to you about this week's sponsor, AdamandEve.com, and what they're going through right now. That's right, Noah. It's a very, very difficult week to be in the business of adult toys. So there's never been a better time to support them. Will the products over at Adamandandeve.com give you the

full body and mind orgasm that Saturday's announcement about Donald Trump losing the election did? No, but damn it, they can try. And while we know that anything less than the orgasmic ecstasy you felt as Anderson Cooper got to announce that little orange repugnance would no longer fester in the White House will be a little disappointing. But damn it, you owe it to Adam and Eve to try. And right now, you can get 50% off almost any one item when you use offer code SCATHING at checkout. That's SCATHING at checkout. Because eventually, this pleasure tunnel will open back up into the real world. You'll need something else to excite every nerve of your body. And when you do, Adam and Eve will be there. One more time, that's adamandeve.com.

Enter code SCATHING at checkout for 50% off almost any one item. Adam and Eve, it's a slow week for us, but we'll be there. And now back to the headlines. In our lead story tonight, Donald Trump is a losing loser that lost. Yeah! Face! Our lead story tonight, Donald Trump is a losing loser that lost. Yeah! Face. And while most presidential losers manage to lose all at one time, somehow Trump has been losing for nine straight days.

And his lawyers are out there working hard to make sure that he can lose more in the future. It's amazing. And he's pretty much certain that he's doing the opposite of humiliating himself and it's glorious. I don't care if he thinks it's good or bad. It is glorious. That is correct.

But now is not the time to gloat. What? Oh, no, sorry. I mistook the time. It is absolutely... Gentlemen, gloats? Yeah! In your fucking face. I knew it the whole time. I knew it the whole time. Gentlemen, gloats? Yeah! In your fucking face. I knew it the whole time.

Knew it the whole time. Bloating noise. Good bloating noise. Eli, Tuesday night you called me and told me you were moving to New Zealand disguised as a koala. And if the glue had stuck, I still would be. No illusions. I don't know why you're... But yeah, in an election narrow enough that we should all be embarrassed, America did just barely get their shit together enough

to vote against the autocratic theocracy that was on the ballot. And in a speech aimed at unifying a disparate and divided people, President-elect Biden sought a message that would connect with all Americans, regardless of their race, their political affiliation,

or their gender identity, a message that transcended our differences and touched the universal core of the electorate. And the message he landed on was, quote, Jesus! End quote.

Oh, what are you guys going to talk about now that Trump's gone? Is there still anything to talk about? That's right, everybody. The people of the eagle wings that snapped off the magic lion have spoken it is time to embrace science this is a serious time right yeah i'm the president-elect yes in a speech where the mission statement was a quote pledged to be a president who seeks not to divide but to unify end quote biden went on to kind of forget the non-christian

and non-religious people that exist in the country in a speech that was only 15 minutes long biden slipped in four souls five gods six faiths and a big old bible quote now in his defense three of the gods were the obligatory gods that show up in the list of things that he's supposed to bless at the end of every political speech and the soul references were largely you know references to the fighting for the soul of america campaign theme but for fuck's sake man it's a speech about overcoming what divides us and you're quoting from a book that says rape is a property crime against the victim's dad and that's rejected as a moral authority by more than a third of the fucking country think this through man uh maybe he was just covering his bases in case he accidentally knocked out his running mate well better hope burisma pays in shekels of silver

anyway i'm tempted to wrap all of this up by giving the speech a letter grade but to be honest after four years of a guy who couldn't get through a speech without ranting about appliances or injecting random segregationist slogans i'm not sure I can make an honest assessment anymore. Right. I mean, we've been coming off of the Obama high. I'd probably give him a C minus, but as it stands,

I'm just cheering for complete sentences. So and in the five stages of political beef news, members of our podcast listening audience, we have been waiting for four years for this moment. Donald Trump has lost the election and it's time for a glorious, nay, the most glorious Christian freakout

we have ever seen. Hit it, Anna. What are the guys talking about? It's the newest, the greatest Christian Freakout I almost feel like she should have done the long version with the extra chorus and the drum solo And bringing it down to half time You all know what I'm talking about

Nobody? Lighters out, lighters out I'm kidding, I'm kidding There should never be anything with a drum solo Christian Freakout out. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. There should never be anything with a drum solo. Christian freak out. So, I've broken down the various reactions to the news appropriately into the five stages of grief.

And this was a lot of people. First among them, Paula White and Eric Metaxas, who tweeted out the classic picture of President Truman holding a newspaper that says Dewey defeats Truman. They know that picture loses its punch if Dewey actually

defeats Truman. Otherwise it's just proof of life. They do not know that. But I am looking forward to the infinite mirror front page of Biden holding up Trump, holding up Biden, holding up Trump, holding up Biden's Trump. That's going to be fun. Next up, David Brody of the Christian Broadcasting Network tweeted very seriously, down finger, down finger, down finger.

I believe at CNN has it wrong. at CNN has it wrong. It would be more accurate to say CNN projects the U.S. presidency to our good friend Joe Biden, who we let slide by with no serious questions and tweets. Not adding quote, that's you, that's what you sound

like. And of course, the Falkirk Center at Liberty University posted a meme of intellectual luminary Stephen Crowder and accompanied it with a tweet that said, it's simple. Count every legal vote. Only cheaters would have a qualm with doing so.

The American people deserve a free and fair election. End quote. Oh, sorry. Just last thing in the quote. I'm just going to retweet the president. Stop the count. I'm just going to retweet the president. Stop the count. Okay. Next up on our list comes anger. And for that, we're going to go with Pastor Kurt Landry, who speaking as God about himself at a service this past Sunday said, quote,

son of man, do you think that I'm going gonna allow my prophets who prophesied trump's second term and prophesied all this goodness coming to this nation to be mocked by a mass media manipulation the lord says no i shall not wait did we just disappear right yeah can you guys blink twice this is. Why are you here? He continued through gritted teeth. For my namesake, I shall protect my word. I shall protect my people. I shall protect my prophets from this evil destruction. For I shall pull back the veil and I shall reveal that which is done in darkness.

For they who shifted the votes and move the boxes around raise the dead and the dead vote i will expose them moving the boxes says the lord for they may be tricky men but they shall not trick me and real exact quote oh god i love it when they run out of bible words to crib and when they're speaking on behalf of god they have to like have to go for shit like shift the votes and move boxes like you know like once in a while god's just going like and thou shalt taketh the um oh you know the they go around the thing on the edge you know Is there a word for that when you bubble it in? It's not, I want to say box,

but some of them are like an ellipse. I don't know. Okay. Next up, of course, in the phases of grief is bargaining. And we've got two fantastic examples here. First up, Terry Pearsons. Yeah, who looks like Judge Judy, forgot to become a lion.

So that's fine. Definitely a retiree anamorph. Pearsons asked God for a do-over. Yep. Saying at a recent prayer service, quote, we're asking you to straighten out every Senate race, straighten out every House race, straighten out every governorship,

straighten out every state legislature, straighten out every mayor election. Okay. Straighten out every city council straighten out every state legislature straighten out every mayor election okay straighten out every city council straighten them out straighten them out wait do i straighten them out got it expose it all expose it all expose it all of it lord and lord if it be your will and if it be necessary another election another voting day whatever it takes under your kingdom oh god to bring it all in line and again real exact quote oh almighty god we promise to still say you're omnipotent even if you take a mulligan on this one and even if you endorse the guy who drives his car on the green we're all garbage but it turns out i wasn't the only one depressed on election

night turns out yahweh was right there with me at least according to pastor george persons who said the following again as god i don't know why these guys always talk as god at a recent service quote i'm not happy i'm not happy with what you're doing to my nation and i'm not happy. I'm not happy with what you're doing to my nation and I'm not happy about what you're doing to my man. Now he's speaking about Mr. Trump right here. He has yielded to me. He has endeavored to follow my word and I am not happy with this that is going on right now.

End quote. I'm happy. Also in a surprise twist, it turns out God was part of the Lincoln Project. Womp womp. And last, my friends, but certainly not least, is acceptance. Presented without comment, Pastor Kenneth Copeland's reaction to the news. The media said Joe Biden's president.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, We've been edging it for four years. So if you'll excuse me, I need a Gatorade and a nap. And in white and wrong news, I know we're not supposed to rank the races, but white people are terrible. And now we're in Facebook jail, Heath. Thank you. Oh, man. And I know it might seem kind of silly to rank the religions, too, considering they're all pretty much tied for last place in the epistemology standings, but Christian people are terrible as a group. And of course we've learned that gender is a spectrum, but men are terrible as a

group. I think we already all knew that Christian white men are responsible for most of the biggest problems in the world, certainly in the United States. But that all became even more obvious this week when we got some demographic data about our 2020 presidential election. Moral of the story, if Christians, white people and men or any combination of those were not allowed to vote, America's elections would have so much better results. Well, and really, if we want to get back to even, we actually shouldn't be allowed to for quite a while, I think.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine with that. That would, based on the data, be fantastic. 200 years and then 50 years after that, we have to be able to say all the rules to spades or something to vote. It's a whole thing. So let's dig into the numbers on religion. In last week's election, Protestants,

Catholics, Mormons, and all other Christians as a single group, they all had a majority of their demographic voting for Donald Trump. Yep. Mormons were the big leaders with 71% voting orange. Fortunately, Mormons are only 1% of the electorate, but Protestants are 26% of the electorate, and they went for Trump at 61%. And if you just look at white evangelicals, that number is 81%. So fuck all your faces. Well, yeah, but it's worth remembering that for all of their talk about being more moral than the other Christians, because Mitt Romney is willing to say dictatorship bad now and again, more old than the other Christians because Mitt Romney is willing to say dictatorship bad now and again, Mormons were actually the least moral when,

you know, they could pull a curtain behind them. Yeah. Keep that in mind. Exactly. And here's how all those numbers stack up in the sanity rankings. The Jewish population favored Biden at 68%. Really?

Similar for the Muslim population at 64% blue. Really? And all the other religions combined went 61% blue. That being said, let's remember that correlation doesn't equal causation. But let's also be clear that Christianity correlated with voting for a neo-Nazi. Even if there's zero causation, not great. And just to be clear, there's not zero causation. That causation number is not zero.

It's a positive number. That it is. Also, speaking as a person raised Jewish, pretty fucking horrifying that 32% of us thought the problem with concentration camps was which side of the fence we were on, guys. Just not good. Not good.

68 feel it doesn't. I'd love for all these numbers from that last thing to be higher. And in first place, by the way, in the rankings, was non-religion. We voted for Biden at 72%. So we win, as usual. Also, by the way, it shows that Mormons are our main enemies. That's the boss villains.

It also means that the Republican Atheists Organization is just five super obnoxious people. They could potentially have about eight million members in their group, but they don't because they're terrible and they lost because they're losers. And speaking of terrible losers who lost, segue to the opposite. We actually have a couple more big winners that would be non-binary voters women and people of color 70 of non-binary voters and 55 of women chose biden okay okay no room to talk on account of the madness but damn is 55 low to vote against the pussy grabber. Holy shit. That's a low one.

Yeah. They needed a lot of help from women of color to have that number not be on the other side. Yeah. But if men were not allowed to vote, Joe Biden gets 461 electoral votes and Trump gets 71. But even better, if white people weren't allowed to vote, the election would have been 538 electoral votes for Biden and zero for Trump. So much easier for Nate Silver to figure out.

He's got a little slump going. Nah, doing great. So again, I know it's weird to rank stuff like this, but those are the numbers you might use if you wanted to break that rule for a second and do a little ranking. Right. I want to meet the non-binary person who voted for Trump. Do they make attack helicopter jokes about themselves? And in death comedy jam news tonight, End Times preacher Irvin Baxter

I love this show. Reached his own End Times this week when he died horribly at the age of 75. There's more to this story, but I am so tempted to just stop talking there and let these guys have to segue out from that. But I won't.

See, what makes this guy's death funny, even compared to other deaths, is the fact that he died of COVID-19 after blaming COVID-19 on fornication. Yeah. Literally, fuck your face. And the Lord says, homo says what?

Wait, what? Oh, damn, I done got myself. I done, I done myself a bamboozle. All right, so just in case you're still having trouble,

by the way, laughing at the death of a stranger, I should point out that he basically gave you permission back in March when he appeared

on Jim Baker's show. Oh, man, I'm just, okay, I forgot to grab that silver tonic as I was leaving. You know what? It'll be fine.

I'll be back on the show again soon. I'll be great. I'm sure you'll have me. All right, so he started off by citing some statistics he'd done, learned on the Google, and that's about how few women are still virgins when they get married. And that brings him around to the inevitable conclusion that God probably is only mere days from flipping on that apocalypse switch.

And that's when he adds, quote, God may be using this, talking about the COVID-19 pandemic, as a wake-up call. This coronavirus may be a privilege because I'll tell you right now, there's a much bigger judgment coming, end quote. So, you know, when it was other people dying, he sure seemed to think it was a cause for celebration. And he's other people. Also, you know people were like praying around him when he died

and then he probably pooped when he did and they had to pretend not to smell it. There's lots to enjoy here, everybody. Really. Do not go gentle into that good Andy shitting. Okay. You know what? That's kind of funny. Go slightly more gentle into that good Andy shitting. Okay. You know what?

That's kind of funny. Go slightly more gently into that. Oh, and in job security news, with less than two months left in the Trump presidency, it's easier for a podcaster like us to get a little nervous. I mean, I don't even know who Biden's press secretary is going to be or how many marbles they can eat. It's probably a boring, small number. Yeah, remember when choose a lot of gums seemed like a comedy boon? We're going back to those days.

We need to be eased back into this, like slowly into the sanity. You know what I mean? Like maybe Biden gives us a guy who does like only long vowels i don't know something yeah he's gotta have something weird and stupid like exactly dangerous but it's gotta be a beatboxer like a nervous beatboxer okay sure well maybe we just keep mackinady and make her tell the truth yeah that looks like i'm so in favor of keeping everyone in the current administration but they have to work for our side now. They'd all say yes. I don't like that idea.

I don't like that idea. I want good people in the Oval Office. It's you. But we got a little reminder of just how secure our jobs are this week when LifeSite News released their newest god-awful pro-conversion therapy documentary for free on YouTube.

God damn it. Can't we just be unemployed? Okay. So here's the pitch according to LifeSite News. Quote, the documentary's writer, director, and host, Mikkel Lezote, is an independent journalist from Quebec. host Mikkel Lezote is an independent journalist from Quebec. He's been researching therapies and the plight of SSA, same-sex attracted, individuals for nearly 20 years. But apparently he's not very good at it. Again, according to their own press release, in a recent interview, the author asserted that he has lost his employment about 20 times in the last 20 years as a result

of his efforts to protect the right of people wanting to overcome their SSA to find a competent therapist and sound scientific facts regarding the therapy. He got fired for being too right. That's what it was. He was too right.

And 20 jobs in 20 years? Some of those had to be like bartender right he was definitely at tgi fridays trying to change people's sexuality and got fired yes asshole that's a movie i would watch that hey good news you're gonna so yeah while things might be a little less terrifying and depressing in the coming months and i i do say that with full knowledge of the pandemic going on, we'll certainly still have plenty to talk about here at the Scathing Atheist and our sister podcasts. All right. Well, now that we can breathe a sigh of relief at the fact that the world is still awful and fucked, we're going to pause for a word from our second sponsor this week, Honey. This week, honey. Lou, Lou, Lou.

Painting honey on my computer stuff. Painting honey on my computer stuff is my favorite stuff. Lou, Lou, Lou. Heath, Noah and I are going to get lunch. What are you doing? Oh, this? Yeah, I'm putting honey on my computer. All right.

Well, working with Eli makes me know I'm going to regret this before I ask, but why? Have you read the ad copy this week? No, why? If you have a computer, Honey should be on it. Oh. I don't know how, but apparently it's going to save me a ton of money online. No, no, Heath. Honey is a free browser extension that scours the internet for promo codes and automatically applies the best one available at checkout.

Yeah, they didn't available at checkout. Yeah. They didn't mean literal honey. Oh, oh, well, well, if it's not the yellow bear stuff, where do I get it?

Bears. You get honey on your computer for free in two easy clicks by going to join honey.com slash scathing. Then when you're checking out on one of its over 30,000 supported sites, honey pops up and all you have to do is click apply coupons. Just wait a few seconds as honey searches for coupons for that site. And if honey finds working codes, it'll apply the best one to your cart. Oh, I see.

Yeah, I was doing all my Christmas gifts through Harry and David yesterday. And honey saved me 35 bucks. Wow, that's great. It's simple. If you have a computer, honey should be on it. I think we can all agree that line right there is the confusing part. You see what I'm saying?

It's free and it works with whatever browser you use. You can get honey for free today at joinhoney.com slash scathing. That's joinhoney.com slash scathing. Okay, well, good to know, I guess. Now, late. So, do you want to know, I guess. Now, late. So, do you want to come to lunch with Noah and me? No, I'm good. I'm good.

You're going to stay here and lick the honey off your computer, aren't you? Yes. And in super duper computer news, as Christians grapple with how Donald Trump lost the election, we've gotten some really, really stupid theories. The dead rising, double counted ballots,

something, something illegal votes. But perhaps the dumbest theory to arise so far is that a giant supercomputer called the hammer did it. Okay, that is silly. but is it the dumbest? Because a giant supercomputer is way more likely than anything Trump is tweeting about right now.

The computer hasn't come out and publicly recanted, so yes. Hammer was lying. Hammer is sorry. So let's start with the claim most recently espoused by Charisma contributor Amir George, who claimed, quote, a powerful supercomputer known as the Hammer. Needs to have a different name. Has been combined with a software system called Scorecard to alter 3% of the votes when they are sent from local ballot offices

to central counting systems. The hammer was devised after 9-11 to help identify terrorists overseas. Scorecard was developed by government contractor Dennis Montgomery

and has now been combined with the supercomputer. According to Montgomery, the technology has been used in Florida, Georgia, Texas, Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Nevada, and Arizona to harvest votes. And it is imperative for citizens to stand up for the blatant attempt to overthrow an election dramatically won by President Trump, end quote. Right, and that 3% number was set in stone on a punch card,

so they couldn't rig Florida and Texas, I guess. That makes sense, that makes sense. And by the way, if that name, Dennis Montgomery, sounds familiar, that's because he's the conman and whack job who convinced the CIA under George W. Bush that he could decode secret messages to Al Qaeda sleeper cells in Al Jazeera broadcasts, who then used that lie to steal millions of dollars,

which he then promptly lost at Blackjack. Really? One of the only games you can actually win at a casino. He should have played at Trump's casinos. Yeah, there you go. He actually almost got a Mexican plane shut down.

Honestly, the guy gets his own Citation Needed episode, but it gets better because Dennis Montgomery is represented by right-wing hack and Bizarro Universe Andrew Torres, Larry Klayman, who listeners might remember for his lawsuit this year against China for starting COVID

and for his 90-day suspension from practicing law back in June. And July and August also. So yeah, these are the guys behind this conspiracy. And if my guess is right, it's going to end up in a Brett Kavanaugh opinion. Let's just hope it's not in the opinion that

hands Trump the election. And in putting the denial back in car denial news tonight it's always worse than we thought right that's just a good rule of thumb for pretty much all the shit we talk about on this show but none more so than the catholic fucking church and we learned that once again this week with the release of the holy sees report on timothy mccarrick now if that name doesn't ring a bell holy shit what an indictment of how many kid rapists they have that would be but he's the guy who managed to get

promoted all the hell way up the cardinal despite everyone in the church up to and including the pope knowing full well that he was a pedophile i'm sorry he's the american one of those got it oh sorry he's the east coast american we're Not the guy from Washington State. The guy from Washington D.C. that we know about. Right. Right. Look, why are we still searching for good? Why are they allowed to be open still, the Catholic Church? Like,

the bad apple in the barrel thing kind of falls apart at this point. Now, we're just like clawing around through necrotic apple mush being like, nah, rapist. Found one. Do we win the metaphor? No. What the fuck is happening?

Shut it down. Sorry. Check that. This was a baby skull. We buried under an orphanage. Still looking. Still looking. So, yeah, this report was commissioned by Pope Frantilena Ding Dong,

and it was released on Tuesday. And basically, it's the Vatican's attempt to wrap a lot of super fancy words around the fact that they very plainly didn't care right like like many years ago i worked fry side in an applebee's and i was always stoned because i worked fry side at applebee's but my boss overlooked it right he knew i still got all my work done and i was gonna be way harder to get along with if I was sober. So when I went out for a break, he pretended he couldn't smell it. And that's exactly the attitude the Vatican took to raping children. It was a harmless indiscretion. I mean, at least they weren't having sex with women. Right.

And look at how caught up the fry station stayed this whole time right until the media broke the story and in some instances even well after they've treated serial child molestation like a minor ethical lapse yeah we should be absolutely clear they wrote themselves a fancy letter about their child abuser that boils down to poe buddies nerfect that's it yeah and staying ahead on mozzarella sticks is fundraising for the catholic church well exactly right raking in millions and millions of dollars for them and and i should be clear the report stated explicitly that pope john paul ii knew about the myriad allegations against mccarrick and even had handwritten evidence of them before promoting him to the archbishop of Washington, D.C.

I mean, here and there, the report goes to ridiculous lengths to offer John Paul II some plausible off-ramp from culpability, such as, I shit you not, pointing out that while several bishops had confirmed that McCarrick shared a bed with young seminarians, quote, they did not indicate with certainty that McCarrick had engaged in sexual misconduct. Oh, congratulations. Could have meant anything by sleeping with them. not indicate with certainty that McCarrick had engaged in sexual misconduct. Oh! Congratulations. Could have meant anything by sleeping with them. But ultimately, when you strip away all the fancy verbiage, all you're left with is, we didn't care.

And even now, they've only shown that they care about it from a PR perspective. Okay. In fairness to the Vatican, though, it's hard to keep track of all the stuff like most of their communication it's on parchment sealed with wax carried by owls the mail gets lost so did the pope know at the time it's hard to say and by the way that's almost literally the excuse for like decades of knowing about this guy but technically the pope not for

sure knowing about this guy bullshit we know that Pope, not for sure knowing about this guy. Bullshit. We know that the letter was sent, the letter was received, and the letter was opened, but how do we know if he read it? Yeah, that's it. Caw-caw! Yeah, hard to say. And finally tonight,

in Do You Believe in MAGA? Cuh. News. MAGA. Magic MAGA. Fuck. It works when you write it out. How would you guys? MAGIC? MAG. MAGIC. Magic. Fuck. It works when you write it out. How would you guys?

Magic. Mag. Magoc. Magic. Magoc. We're going to say Magoc. Magoc. Magoc.

The entire Christian right community turned into Job from Arrested Development last week with a long series of flailing magicians building up to a big reveal of nothing from inside the hat. Nothing. big reveal of nothing from inside the hat. Nothing, yeah. Joe Biden from inside the hat.

They all tried a whole bunch of God magic to make sure Donald Trump, God's chosen candidate, would win the election. And they tried so hard. They tried so much effort. They really did. And they failed. So assuming they're all intellectually honest, and I know they are, we should have a big new batch of newly deconverted atheists coming right up.

Looking forward to their big concession speeches. Something tells me people who are doing things of any sort to ensure that an omnipotent being would get the outcome he wanted aren't going to take the intellectual high road at this point, Sudley. I don't know. There's got to be one, right? There's like one guy who's checking out our podcast first thing this morning

because he couldn't burst open the doors to the Philly Convention Center with his brain. Hi. If it's you, hi. Welcome. Hey, Mike. So one of the most entertaining magic shows happened in Nevada

where a MAGA hat wearing wizardry team showed up at the Clark County Election Department to pray for counting errors. One divine thaumaturge actually pressed up against the side of the building. So the magic was being transferred by convection, radiation and conduction. Right. But to no avail. That being said, the people inside got to see a very weepy sorceress with her face smashed up against the glass like a Dickensian orphan outside a toy store on Christmas Eve

with tears and snot expanding out into funny circle shapes next to her face. So that was nice, right? Yeah, the picture of those idiots was such a good sound for all the people worried about the MAGA army that was going to start a civil war. I'm not saying they're not going to try. I'm just saying we shouldn't be worried about it.

I mean, look, Four Seasons Lawn and Garden is the perfect comedy from this past week. There's nothing better, but near perfect comedy has been the bored, exhausted faces of the poll workers in all the photos as people desperately try to crawl through the walls to watch them put an envelope in a machine and then back again. We also got some majock in Pennsylvania last week to guarantee enough votes for trump seems like you'd run that play before the election but they figured god had it handled i guess he did not so pastor robert henderson stepped in he's the guy who admitted to homicide last month And said his prayers killed Ruth Bader Ginsburg Which according to the majority of the Supreme Court right now

Is sincerely held attempted murder Right? It's weird how it never works in that direction, right? So strange Henderson went for some angelic summoning Here's the spell Quote, let those angels go to Pennsylvania and secure that election process

that there would be no ability to steal that state away in any form or in any fashion. We say the angelic powers of God oversee this. End quote.

Did his prayers work then? I'm just picturing a bunch of bored angels putting envelopes into a machine dude get back from the door this is the word i hate this i hate it angels were in the lincoln project too yeah so apparently god needs to read the secret of management and delegate a little more thoroughly lesson Lesson learned for next time by God. And that brings us to Trump's spiritual advisor, Paula White,

who did a sorcery live stream last week. I'd try to describe this thing, but I'd need to be enlightened. It's one hand clapping. Like there's no words. It's just a thing. It's a thing. She did a thing. It's one hand clapping like there's no words. It's just a thing. It's a thing. She did a thing. It's literally been turned into

hundreds of auto-tune remixes as a joke, but those videos are pretty much indistinguishable from the original. You just have to watch it yourself. It is breathtaking, but I think my favorite incantation we already talked about a little bit.

It was that do-over spell from Terry Pearson's. Yeah. I guess we'll see how it goes. But if they do get a do-over, I'm going to call interference timeout. Sun was in my eyes, no backsies. So this could take a while. Buckle in.

Yeah. Just try not to be terrified at how many people in the highest level of government think they can bring, but I was on base to the Supreme Court. I'm going to try. All right. Well, quick before Heath undercuts that joke by pointing out the dumbest thing Eli ever asked Andrew to sue somebody over.

We're going to close the headlines for the night. Heath, Eli, thanks as always. Joe Mangi. And when we come back, Don Ford will be here because let's face it, we can't afford Don Cadillac. Because the garbage disposal is not for shredding lettuce. But I clean it first. For the last time, that's not the point. Good morrow, gentlemen.

Eli, why are you dressed like that? Did you steal Lucinda's tights? She is going to kill you, gentlemen. Um, Eli, why are you dressed like that? Did you steal Lucinda's tights? She is going to kill you, dude. Pretty gentlemen, I have no choice, for I am the Bard. You're the Bard? Yes, forsooth. You have noticed mine hairline raises like the noonday sun. Thus, I am forthwith destined to take on the appearance of the other like myself, William Bethesda Shakespeare.

I'm pretty sure his middle name was not Bethesda. Eli, if you're worried about hair loss, why don't you try 4hims.com? What be 4hims.com? It's a one-stop shop for hair loss, skin care, and sexual wellness for men. HIMS is helping guys be the best version of themselves with licensed medical providers and FDA-approved products to help treat hair loss. Ha! Hair loss from the internet?

Methinks thou dost play me the... wiggle waggle. Wiggle waggle? Hitherto! Not what that word means. Look, 4hims offers prescription solutions backed by science. Plus, 4HIMS connects you with licensed medical professionals online, which could save you hours completely confidential and discreet.

Hmm. An actual apothecary, you say? Tell me more. Today, HIMS is giving you their best offer yet. If you're not happy with your results after 90 days, HIMS will give you a full refund. And right now, our listeners can get their first visit absolutely free. Just go to 4hims.com slash scathing. That's 4hims.com slash scathing. Full refunded price paid available for the first 90 days supplies. Refund request must be made

between 90 and 180 days after product shipment delivered. Prescription products require an online consultation with a medical professional who will determine if a prescription is appropriate. Restrictions apply. See website for full details and important safety information. Remember, that's 4hims.com slash scathing. Forsooth, gentlemen, I am well convinced. Now, who will cut me out of the underwear I sewed myself into for authenticity? Not it. Not it. Can you do it yourself? Or sooth. Eli, they didn't delay the vaccine results until after Trump lost. That's not what happened.

Look, I'm okay with it. Fuck Trump. I'm just saying he's got a point. Eli, stop accusing the medical community of sabotaging Donald Trump. It's time for Bible Peace Theater anyway. Thank you. But I'm okay with it. I'm saying I'm okay with it. I said stop.

Fine, fine. Where were we? Okay, let's see. So Samuel was a godchild messenger. Right. I remember that. Okay, so then God got mad at the Jews again, so the Philistines kicked the Jews' ass and steal their ark.

Right. But then God pushes over their the Jews again, so the Philistines kicked the Jews' ass and steal their ark. Right. But then God pushes over their statue and gives them hemorrhoids so they return it. You know, I figured you'd remember that part. Okay, so yeah. Ready to move on? I would have delayed the results. Wouldn't you guys have delayed the results? Right? Right. Moving on. Moving on. Bible Peace Theater.

But yes. Yeah. Delay him. Wow! It's so cool that the Philistines brought us back the Ark. You can say that, fellow man of Beth Shemesh. Huh, I wonder what's inside the Ark anyway. You want to take a look? Oh, why not? I mean, nobody has told us not to look in the Ark, right?

Yeah, we have no reason to believe that would piss anyone off. So why not? Yeah. Oh, my God. So wait, they open the ark and they die? Yep. Yeah, 50,070 of the Jews and Beth Shemesh. Wow.

What was in there? Actually, that's a pretty common misunderstanding. There isn't anything inside the Ark that kills people. God just kills the Jews for looking inside the Ark. Oh. Yeah. But I get it. Like Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Right. Raiders of the Lost Ark. Multiface. Wait, what do you think was in there? Hey, Mr. God. Yes, Sarah Huckab was in there? Hey, Mr. God? Uh, yes, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, the angel. What is it? Uh, yeah.

Have you seen, uh, um, photos lying around here by any chance? Uh, no. What kind of photos? They're, uh, they're of a personal nature. Gross. Nope. No, I have not seen them Okay, well, if you see them, let me know, okay?

It's really important You got it, no problem Because I'm talking like full goatsy I will throw up Full goat Like someone removed a manhole cover Jesus Right, so the Jews go to baby Samuel

To see how they can get back in God's good graces. Please tell us, young Samuel, what can we do? Okay, well, first, you gotta give up all your other gods. All of them? All of them, yeah. Oh, man, I love my other gods. Plus, okay, yeah, plus, I have to sacrifice this goat. Wow, you're like nine.

Mm-hmm, yep, I am nine. And now I'm going to ask God to forgive you while I roast this goat that I just killed. Got it. Do you want help cleaning the blood up? No, I'm good, I'm good. I kind of like it. Okay, he's a weird No, I'm good. I'm good. I kind of like it. Okay. He's a weird kid.

I'm nine. Oh, no. Here come the Philistines to attack us. Fear not. God will thunder a great thunder upon them, and they shall be discomfited. Sorry about that. Sorry.

Sorry. Open the door and the breeze gets in. You know what I'm saying? Uh, no. What? And I open the door wide, if you know what I'm saying. Like, wide. I'm nine.

Really focusing this week on Sarah Huckabee Sanders' open butthole, aren't we, Eli? I'm going to miss her, okay? Okay, okay. So years go by and Samuel grows old. Rabble, rabble, rabble, rabble, rabble, rabble. Jews, Jews, why do you rabble so? We want the king. What?

Why do you want a king? I want the king! What? Why do you want a king? I put my sons as judges over you. Yeah, but your sons suck! You're gay! You are! Yeah, okay, okay. That's fair. Okay, let me go ask God about making someone king. Seriously, Samuel? This week?

This week you do this to me? This week? Yeah, I kind of figured you'd say that. You tell them, first of all, no, absolutely not. Second, if they do get a king, he's going to take all their land and their guns and they're going to be slaves. I told them you wouldn't be happy about this. Plus, plus, I'm going to tell Bill Barr to sue them.

Wait, for what? For things and fuck you. You guys hate me. I brought you out of Egypt. So glad we chose Donald Trump as God. Right? Works every week. Yeah. Works every week. Okay, everybody, listen up.

I spoke to God. Long series of proclamations about Wisconsin or something like that, but long story short, he would not be in favor of you guys having a king. Oh, there's a surprise. Oh, what's that supposed to mean?

I mean, he just wants to be in charge, right? What? No, no. He was clear about this. It's because the new king is going to make you guys slaves and stuff. Oh, yeah? Is the new king going to kill 50,000 people for opening a box? Yeah. Yeah, because that's what God did this week.

Okay, probably not. No. Okay, then we would like a king. Yes, still king. Three votes. Okay. So now it's time to meet Saul, who, spoiler alert, is going to turn out to be the king. Not sure you have to put a spoiler alert in there for the Bible.

I do for Eli. He hasn't read it. Oh, yep. That's fair. Anyway, so he's the son of Kish. Oh, like, whoa, my son. You are the most holy of men. No, no, no.

I said Kish, not Kush, Don. Oh, oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is Don here for beeps? It would seem so. I did not approve Don being here for beeps. What do you want him to do?

You want him to step outside for the beeps? I know what you're doing, Don. You can't replace me. You can't do Ben Carson. Oh, no. I have the COVID. I will kill you, Don Ford. Anyway, Saul, my son, you are a choice young man and goodly.

There is not a man in the whole of Israel who is as goodly as thee. Thank you, Father. But most importantly, you are tall. Wait, I'm tall? Oh, yes, like a whole head above everyone else. Right, right, but I have other qualities you admire, right? Other ones? Well, no, no, mostly just the tall thing. Okay, Fuck you.

Like, if I was going to write a holy book for thousands of years, and I had to describe you. Tall. Great, great, thanks. Yeah, okay, moving on. Anyway, I lost my asses. Go find them. Okay, I will, father.

I will find your asses. And when I do, I will... Use your tallness. Okay. So Kish sends Saul with one of his servants to find his asses, and they look and they look, but they have no luck until they get to the village where Samuel lives. Phew, we've been looking for these asses forever.

You said it, sir. You want to, uh, just go home? I feel like we're not going to find these asses. You know what, though? I hear that there's a holy man who lives in this city and whatever he says will happen comes to pass. So, maybe he could help us find your father's ass. Sorry, you knew about a nearby guy with omniscience

and you're just now mentioning that i wasn't enjoying our walk together right yeah okay uh fine do you have any money to pay him though i'm sorry do i your servant have any money to pay any money to pay him? Have any money to pay him, yeah. I left my wallet in the future when wallets exist. I don't have my wallet. It's fine. You can owe me.

Yeah, okay. We'll figure something out for sure. Like, we'll, you know. Sorry. Yes, you'll pay me back? Yeah, we'll totally figure it out. Okay. Yes? Can I help you? Yeah, we're totally figure it out. Okay. Yes? Can I help you?

Yeah, we're looking for my sheep, and we heard you can talk to God or something like that. Oh, yeah, this is weird. Didn't we hire Don to prevent this? Yeah, but if we didn't do this, then eli wouldn't have gotten to write this this hilarious tall joke in there uh i didn't i didn't think that was funny either thank you thank you not funny uh and i can think of multiple qualities about you that are admirable uh For example... I mean, Master. Master. Right, right. Okay.

Have you seen my asses, old man? Oh, yeah. Don't worry about them. They've been found. Oh, cool. Cool, cool, cool. But you know what? That reminds me. Hey. Hey, Samuel.

Uh, yes, God? Tomorrow, I'm going to send a guy who's going to help free the Jews from the Philistines, so... Oh. Cool. Thanks. Also, did you know that Pfizer apparently had Phase 3 results all last week, but they were doing an internal review till Sunday. Ah, is that real? Or did you just read that on Reddit? At...

Okay, on Reddit. Got it. Pissed. Samuel. Samuel. God? What are you doing here? I just left the doodly-doo. No, I know you left the doodly-doo. I wanted to tell you that this is the guy who I was telling you about yesterday.

Yeah, I know. But if you were going to show up now and tell me this is the guy, why'd you tell me yesterday? Hey, don't look at me. This is what happens in the Bible. Hey, um, prophet guy, you okay? You've been standing there in silence for like two minutes. What? Oh, yeah. No, fine. Fine. Um, you guys want to come in? Have some food? Sure. Sure. Yeah. Yeah, man. That's really nice of you. I can go for something. Sure, sure, yeah. Yeah, man, that's really nice of you. I can go for something. Actually, Saul, why don't you send the servant home,

and I can show you the word of God, just the two of us. I would like to see the word of God, too. Yeah, yeah, you head on home. I'll catch up with you. Oh, well, can I at least get my money back? He hasn't asked us for any. Yeah, I told you. We'll figure it out.

We'll totally figure it out. So about those other admirable qualities you were talking about. Yes, I'm glad you asked. He's totally going to fuck himself, isn't he? Oh, absolutely. Totally. Damn it, Don. All right.

Well, clearly he needs a minute. So we're going to close shop there for the time being. But don't worry. There's still more Samuel to come on the next installment of Bible Peace Theater. Before we raise the drawbridge tonight, I wanted to let everybody know that the Kindle version of our book is out now and it's correctly formatted. So if you got an early copy that was fucked up, you can redownload that. And if you've been waiting for us to fix that shit, it's fixed. You can pick up your digital copy of Outbreak, a Crisis of Faith, How Religion Ruined Our Global Pandemic Now by following the links on the show notes for this episode.

Anyway, that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight. We'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister show, The Skeptic Rat, debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Monday, and even newer episode of our sister show's hot friend, Godawful Movies, debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Tuesday,

and an even newer episode of our half-sister show, Citation Needed, debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously, I'd get demoted if I neglected to thank Keith Enright for being so smooth, Eli Bosnick for being so chunky style, Lucinda Lusions for being so awesome and promising to be back with more of Twim next week.

She misses you. Dunford for voicing fantasy and adventure. Also need to thank Carla and the Triangle Free Thought Society for providing this week's Farnsworth quote. Incidentally, if you're in the Raleigh-Durham area, check them out by using a link in the show notes. And if you see Carl, tell him she knows about the show. But most of all, of course, I want to thank

this week's most delectable diploids, who, once again, I can't thank by name because Heath fixed a bunch of shit on the Patreon settings and now I don't know how to know who you are. But I'm sure we're going to get it fixed by next week. I can thank you by name then. Still, I am sure you have very impressive genitals. And if you'd like to almost certainly hear your name alongside theirs, you can make a per-episode donation at patreon.com slash skatingatheist, whereby you'll earn early access to an extended ad-free version of every episode.

Or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donateate button on the right side of the homepage at skatingads.com. And if you'd like to help, but all this money-spending shit sounds too complicated, you can also leave a five-star review, like us on Facebook, and follow at P-I-A-T-P-O-D on Twitter. Legal services for this podcast are provided by the Law Offices of P. Andrew Torres, Tim Robson handles our social media, and our audio engineer is Morgan Clark. We also wrote all the music that was used in this episode, which was used with permission. If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at skatinganious.com. Ha ha ha ha ha!

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