The Scathing Atheist - 406: Thankless Giving Edition

Episode Date: November 26, 2020

In this week’s episode, One Million Moms will breakup with the Hallmark Channel, the moms will be super mad when the Hallmark Channel doesn't do the boombox thing, and we’ll be lonely with you so it doesn’t count. --- To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click there: http://www.amazon.com/Diatribes-Godless-Misanthrope-Scathing-Presents-ebook/dp/B00J53FZFI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1396141562&sr=8-1 To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/ To hear more from our intrepid audio engineer Morgan Clarke, click here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/ --- Guest Links: Learn more about the Livestream to Save the Senate here: https://www.facebook.com/dissonancepod Check out Noah’s article in Skeptic here: https://www.skeptic.org.uk/2020/11/how-religion-trumped-science-in-americas-coronavirus-response/ --- Headlines: NY State sues Diocese of Buffalo for not protecting children from abusive priests: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/11/24/ny-state-sues-diocese-of-buffalo-for-not-protecting-kids-from-abusive-priests/ NJ court rules studying islam in geography class is not religious indoctrination: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/11/20/nj-court-study-of-islam-in-geography-class-is-not-religious-indoctrination/ “FOX News Republicans” Think White Christians Have it Harder Than Everyone Else: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/11/20/fox-news-republicans-think-white-christians-have-it-harder-than-everyone-else/ In Secret, Thousands of Hasidic Jews in NY Crammed Together for a Wedding https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/11/22/in-secret-thousands-of-hasidic-jews-in-ny-crammed-together-for-a-wedding/ Scamvangelist Says God Will Bring Your Hair Back: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2020/11/21/scamvangelist-says-god-will-bring-your-hair-back-bald-spots-i-call-you-gone/

Warning, this episode is going to have more profanity than a Thanksgiving Day argument. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by ham, or chicken, or pork chops, or any of the other much harder to fuck up proteins that you could base a holiday around. Ham, because if turkey was any good, it wouldn't have to constantly pretend it was bacon or burgers or something. And now, The Scathing Atheist. It's Thursday. It's November 26th.

And I'm thankful for you, you godless bastards. I'm Noah Lutions. I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heath Enright. And from Megan's Law, New Jersey, Cincinnati Red State, and Red Town Blue State, this is The Skating Atheist. On this week's episode, one million moms will

break up with the Hallmark Channel. The moms will be super mad when the Hallmark Channel doesn't do the boombox thing like say anything. Right. And we'll be lonely with you so it doesn't count. But first, The Diatribe. will be lonely with you so it doesn't count but first the diatribe so here we are thanksgiving once again and i'm sure our canadian listeners are rolling their

eyes and pretending that theirs is the real Thanksgiving. But we know they started doing it almost a decade after us. And theirs is based on that time a British princess rash cleared up. So I don't think so. But this is a weird one for me. I got to admit, because I got something of a tradition to uphold here. Like, for whatever reason, we decided many moons ago that we were going to release our show on Thursday. And we further decided that Thanksgiving was no excuse to skip an episode. We do, after all, have listeners outside of the U.S.

So every year for the last seven years, I have popped in here to give some variation of my same, oh my God, fuck Uncle Frank and his turkey ruining Jesus shit themed diatribe. But like so many Thanksgiving traditions, we're going to be setting that one aside this year because Uncle Frank isn't coming to Thanksgiving dinner. For most of us, there won't really be a Thanksgiving dinner, except in that you will still have dinner today. So, you know, every time you start missing the togetherness or the food, maybe take some comfort in reminding yourself that you're also missing conversational prompts like you're never going to believe what God told me the other night. And you know what's communist to me. Of course, if that was enough to keep you away, you'd already stay away. And I guess a lot of you

do, right? I mean, a hell of a lot of you don't even do it by choice. I've talked to plenty of our listeners who just no longer get invited to the big family get togethers. And it strikes me that those are the families most likely to still be having the interstate potluck this year, regardless. And I'm sure that some of you are being guilted all the hell for not going to the family super spreader event after all great Aunt Linda isn't going to make it to many more of these

especially with how careless all you stupid assholes are about wearing masks and shit hell I'd imagine that some of you probably are actually going to a Thanksgiving thing this year against your own better judgment because you've decided that the hell that you would pay with your family is worse than the risk that you're taking on some level. But regardless of where you are right now,

whether you're missing out on a big family get-together this year or only wish that you were, it's probably a lot harder than normal to think up a bunch of stuff to be thankful for. So I thought I'd jumpstart you with a nomination of my own. I'm thankful for. So I thought I'd jumpstart you with a nomination of my own. I'm thankful for you. And I know I say that one way or the other every year,

but I genuinely mean it. I mean, still, sincerity is no excuse for redundancy. I'd really mean it if I mentioned once a year that Mars had an approximate axial tilt of 25 degrees. That doesn't justify the repetition.

But this time, I'm thankful for you for a different reason or actually now that i think about it i'm thankful for you for the same reason but i know it for a different reason see you're my only hope for humanity when we first started this show it's because i'd met heath and i was like wow a rational sane person weird haven't met one of those since Lucinda. And then I thought about how that really shouldn't be so few and far between. I'm an entertainer. I traveled constantly.

I lived in a new state almost every year. I met a lot of fucking people. And while I'd met a great many that I'd liked, I'd only met two who were sane. Two people who could consistently correctly answer questions like, is there a ghost helping us find a parking space right now? Or does water have different properties when you think happiness at it? And those seem like such easy questions to me. Of course, in truth, that's a bit of an exaggeration,

but nowhere near as much as I'd like. I had discovered the skeptical and atheist communities online at that point, though rationality was still depressingly absent from them from time to time. It was at the very least valued. It was the agreed upon goal. And even that seemed a radical departure from basically every group of humans I'd ever seen assembled. But at the time, that hope seemed like something of a novelty. You know, the demise of our culture though apparent hadn't taken form yet you know it seems safely distant back then or i i guess

safely is overstating it a bit but it wasn't like an immediate matter of life and death of course if you're one of those people doing it right over the last nine months or so wearing your mask canceling trips dining in staying home and all that shit it's been real easy to feel like nobody gives a damn about the sacrifices that you're making if you're one of those folks unlucky enough to be deemed essential in your job all the more so i mean some people occasionally remember to pay lip service to how awesome it is that you risk your life to restock their canned broth but i feel like that exacerbates the problem more than anything but try to remind yourself as you sit alone or in a tiny group this Thanksgiving or restock broth. One of the reasons you feel so underappreciated is because all the people smart enough to appreciate you are also hunkered down.

I mean, even if you're in the grocery store or something like that, I know Lucinda and I are down to like two trips a month at most, whereas the Trump public and assholes in town still stop in to buy the drinks that they sell in the vending machines out front. And if you think about it, it's kind of always been that way. When we walk around surrounded by religious zealots and people who think water remembers if you were mean to it, we don't know which ones are secretly rational. When you see the headphones in their ear, you don't know that this show isn't also playing in those you know the whole point of this podcast has always been to remind everybody that their rationality is appreciated even when they can't tell and i cannot imagine anything that would underscore that better than 2020 they're talking about you jesus interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news bulletin. Joining me for headlines tonight are the gobble and gobble to my gobble,

Heath Ed Wright and Eli Bosnick fellas. Are you ready to give thanks? Yeah, 2020 can gobble my gobble. Yeah. I think they know what I mean. If Charles Schultz were still alive, that's how this year's Peanuts Thanksgiving special would end. In our lead story tonight, New York Attorney General Letitia James took another important step on the way towards demigod status when she filed a lawsuit on behalf of the state against the Diocese of Buffalo for their failure to protect children from the sexual predators in their employ.

in their employ. In addition to the diocese itself, the suit actually names two former bishops, Richard J. Malone and Edward M. Gross, alleging that allegations of abuse by priests were, quote,

inadequately investigated, if at all, end quote. I mean, they made the list of known kid fuckers. They just didn't share it. Well, yeah, they shared part of it. Yeah.

Investigated, not shared. Right. Well, so this action is the culmination, actually, of a two-year investigation that began when the diocese released a list of 42 credibly accused priests. And then a local news station was like, okay, but why does our list have 106 on it then? Right? So the suit itself is dripping with damning accusations, including their complete failure to implement any of the standards established to address the ongoing sex abuse problem back in 2002 by the church. It further alleges that even when credible accusations were investigated, church leaders would often allow accused priests to retire or take a medical leave

so that they wouldn't face even internal punishment, let alone criminal punishment. It highlights one priest in particular that had eight separate accusations of sexual assault who was still allowed to minister to kids what the fuck okay new rule the marquee at the front of every church has to say how many days since the last workplace kid fucking in right yeah fucking number yep and a running total also yeah exactly and yes they still have to be made out of fancy stone so you got to chisel that shit right there you go every day there you go fair just wasting stone at that so ultimately leticia james is seeking three things from the diocese the state is asking the courts to ensure their unhindered access to the diocese files for ongoing investigation

they want the diocese to have to file reports to the ag for at least five years detailing what they're doing to fix this shit. And they want mandated external oversight to make sure that those reports aren't just bullshit. As for Malone and Gross, the two former bishops at the heart of this, the suit asks that they be put on that can't run charities list that the president and his kids are on, but also wants to force them to pay damages and restitutions, quote, for the waste of charitable assets caused by their misconduct, end quote, which is fucking amazing. Great. I love that she added, and you probably shouldn't call yourselves a charity anymore to her list. Yeah, right, right.

That's not what we meant by giving it away. No more of that. So, yeah, you know, Letitia James, for whatever the hell she's angling at in the future, I'm on board. Yeah, good stuff, Letitia James for whatever the hell she's angling at in the future. I'm on board. Yeah. Good stuff from Letitia James. But just for context, quick story out of West Virginia from also last week.

Yeah. So, you know how you're not allowed to hire a known pedophile rapist to be like a teacher at your school and then have that person supervising kids? to be like a teacher at your school and then have that person supervising kids. Well, the Supreme Court of West Virginia ruled that religious schools don't count for that rule. Yeah, because apparently that rule would place an unfair burden

on the employer in hiring. And yeah, sure the fuck would. Yeah, right. Kind of the point that they missed. Yeah, it fails to pass the lemon lemon test they're just like what are we supposed to do add a question to the interview yes

lemon versus Kurtzman and in what's the matter with you Akbar what news we need a dial upon service for you dude we just need to have like a 900 number you can call where was allah in that because allah who rhymes with you what's the matter with you you and who that's it that's that's all the connective tissue don't answer my calls anyways federal district court in my home state of New Jersey

has ruled this week that this show is not religious indoctrination. Huh. Because just learning about a religion isn't the same as being converted to it. But again, this is New Jersey. So the people of New Jersey needed multiple higher courts to explain that to them. Yeah. Well, but yeah, but if this story was about Christianity instead of Islam, the courts would be explaining how religious indoctrination isn't just learning about a religion.

It's weird. Yeah, absolutely correct. So the case in question was brought by two parents, Libby Hilsernath and Nancy Gayer. Hilsenroth. Yeah. If students in the Chatham School District. It doesn't fucking matter. No, it doesn't.

I'm going to say her name wrong. Yeah. Who objected to a lesson taught in the state's world cultures and geography class, which taught some basic information about the religion of Islam. They complained at a school board meeting in 2017, not that religion was being taught in schools, but that Christianity wasn't included. Yep. Quote, in this unit, there is no mention of any other religion or teaching of it. For example, Christianity and Judaism are present in the region and both have great historical and

cultural impact. If the goal is to educate students about the tenets of religions that we think they don't know much about, then I think most people would agree that we have to include the tenets of Christianity and Judaism. End quote. You know what? The sad thing is, if think most people would agree is your metric. She's probably right you know also the class did include a discussion of christianity and jenny's and duds yep they had a meeting at the school and the teacher flipped a few pages ahead in the lesson plan book to show

these moms and they fucking slapped the notebook off the table and they're like fuck you fucking syllables fuck you you spelled syllables, fuck you. You spelled syllables wrong. Syllable, what? So yeah, everyone explained that that's fucking stupid. So Hilsenrath and Geyer did what all stupid people do when they have a dumb argument that's stupid and they lose in a public forum. They went on Tucker Carlson

and told a bunch of fucking lies. Yep. Those lies, of course, resulted in tons of hate mail and death threats to the employees of the district and their families and defacement of school district property.

And while nobody's ever going to be held accountable for that stuff, I mean, this is still America. Happily, this week, a judge ruled that no, a class that talks about Islam doesn't violate the establishment clause i'm sorry i thought this is america yeah did you just say this is america one last thing

about this case so hills and wrath and gay are are of course big old anti-islamic bigots and they did such a terrible job of covering it up my favorite example of that is that in their lawsuit, followed by bad universe, Andrew Torres law firm, the Thomas Moore Law Center, they state, quote, clearly seventh graders were given a sugarcoated false depiction of Islam. They were not informed of the kidnappings, beheadings, slave trading, massacres, and persecution of non-Muslims, nor of the repression of women, all done in the name of Islam, end quote, from their lawsuit. Jesus.

Islam just storms out. I learned it by watching you. Right. Yeah. Yeah. So with that said, we here at The Scathing Atheist would like to volunteer to come talk to Libby and Nancy's church anytime time they're ready, you know, to make sure they have a complete and true depiction of Christianity.

Yeah. We've got slides and everything. So hit us up, girls. Hit us up. All right. Now you smoke the whole bag of Christianity. Well, Eli has found yet another reason to get me to queue up my Spanish Inquisition and the pair of anguish PowerPoints.

So we're going to pause for a quick word from this week's sponsor, the future of humanity. Lou, Lou, Lou, doing sad Eli stuff. Lou, Lou, Lou. Hey, buddy. What's the matter? Yeah, we heard you were Lou, Lou, Lou-ing. Like sad Lou, Lou, Lou-ing. Oh, hey, Heath.

Hey, Noah. Yeah, sorry. I'm just bummed out. You know, Thanksgiving really is my favorite time of year. And even though I know it's the right thing to do to skip it,

everyone was supposed to meet my son this year. And it's just been such a hard year for everybody already. I'm just, I don't know. I guess I'm just really sad. That's tough, man.

I'm sorry. Yeah. Anything we can do? Well, there's one thing. What's that? We could beat Andrew Torres. What now? Beat him?

Mm-hmm. On tomorrow's Cognitive Dissonance livestream to save the Senate. Oh, yeah. You know, Andrew and Thomas have been talking about how much more money their show, Opening Arguments, is going to raise than ours. And it sure would be great if a little ragtag show like ours could take those bullies down. It sure would. I mean, our time slot is from 5.30 to 6 p.m. Eastern. And well, if we raise the most money, well, gosh, golly, Jiminy Christmas, that would be swell. Well, dry those tears, Eli, because I bet our listeners are going to come through for you.

You think so? I do. Oh, for sure. For example, James has already offered to match up to $5,000 in donations that we raised during our half hour so our listeners can double their money. Not to mention that Andrew Torres said old ladies who burn themselves on hot coffee deserve it. He said that. That's right, Heath. Andrew Torres has said all of those words. All of them. Well, then, gee, Eli, I can't think of a better cause than beating Andrew Torres tomorrow from 530 to 6 p.m. Eastern Time. Link in the show notes.

I mean, winning back the Senate and protecting the lives and livelihoods of like a whole bunch of people. Heath, Eli is sad. I'm sad. Sorry. Okay. You loo-loo-loo lewd and we're back next up in headlines white christian republicans got measured with numbers again and it's not cute did not go well never works out for them sadly it wasn't a uh like quantum cat poisoning situation but i'm going to keep checking every so often.

And so is the Public Religion Research Institute or PRRI. They conducted a new survey and decided to focus on a subset of Republicans called Fox News Republicans. These are people who use Fox News on broadcast television as their primary source of news information. And according to that regressive subspecies evolutionarily, the most persecuted groups in America are Christian people and white people. Oh, we need a different name for this kind of reporting uh it's not navel gazing is there somewhere dirtier and less pleasant that you can't actually yeah no i feel so bad for the guy that runs prri like he took it upon himself to try to reform some aspect of his religion by holding a mirror up to it. And instead of seeing the error of their ways,

they walk up to the mirror, realize that Jesus's name looks backwards in it and condemn it as the goddamn devil. Fuck glass. Right. Jewish glass. Who's this motherfucker? So let's look at a few of the details.

In one section, the survey asked people, do you believe there's a lot of discrimination against the following groups? And they mentioned Christian, white, black, Hispanic, and Asian. Americans overall were most likely to say yes for black, Hispanic, and Asian people. In that order, there is discrimination against minority ethnic groups. Just for the record, the number for black people was 75%. 75% of Americans said yes, they experienced a lot of discrimination. So to be clear, that means 25% of Americans do not believe the black community deals with much discrimination.

Who the fuck are these people? Well, the answer is mostly Fox News Republicans. Well, the answer is mostly Fox News Republicans. 64% of Fox News Republicans believe the black community does not face a lot of discrimination. Nothing like the plight of Christians or white people here in the U.S. 73% of Fox News Republicans said Christian people are persecuted. 58% said the same about white people. More than half.

Yeah, the majority of- Going back to that 64% number. Yeah, 36% of Fox News Republicans begrudgingly said black people. Yes, maybe they get to scream. Well, yeah, but they can't make that their Twitter name. And that's why they're persecuted. They can make it, but they can't spell it all. No. Well, I mean, look, at this point, their definition of persecuted is so fucked up that they probably think to themselves, like, that doesn't even make sense.

Who would you force black people to bake a cake for? I don't even know that you could persecute. I don't even know that you could persecute him. And, okay, this is no surprise, but Republicans, and especially Fox News Republicans, are noticeably whiter, maler, older, and less educated than the average American. No. Also, Jesus. So much more Jesus.

And according to math, just about every single political opinion they have is stupid and extremely toxic the issues they care about most are crime terrorism terrorism terror yes terrorism crime terrorism abortion and oddly enough the fairness of presidential elections. Those are their top issues. And the issues they cared about least are climate change, wealth inequality, racial inequality, health care, the global fucking pandemic, and oddly enough, foreign interference in presidential elections. Hold on. Wait, wait, wait, wait. They're in favor of six but against a half dozen? Super duper against half dozen the other. Yes.

Those questions were next to each other on the form. Oh, my God. Yep. Yes, but no. Yeah, right. They had to answer both of those. I'm so glad I stopped outside of this Cinnabon, wherever the fuck I live, to answer these questions.

They should throw in some wacky questions on these surveys just to point out how doomed we are. Like, you know, how many fingers do you have? Or say the word mitten. Just so we can get those numbers. I want the 40% said Timnet.

How many tries do I get? Yeah. I feel like for some of these people, the mitten is a reasonable glove. Yeah. Depending on what they've done. So the question is, why are we letting Fox news and Christianity be legal?

Like, okay. So I know Orwell was saying big brothers, the bad guy, but now in 2020, Winston Smith is saying two plus two is white christian genocide five winston smith is saying that now and he has a giant media empire now yeah like okay free speech is great but is it though like for everyone for everyone like maybe

it's like a driver's license i would like people to earn the free speech you get points against it yeah and look yeah sure everywhere else in the world that doesn't have a weird free speech boner is demonstrably better in every conceivable way but maybe america is magic i don't know yeah i don't know about that but let's feel like you given the fact that people who think white christ Christians are the most persecuted group in America are in charge of almost everything, almost always, I'm going to throw my support behind free speech on this atheist podcast.

Yeah, what if we just keep it? We get the license is what I'm saying. Yeah, that's the problem though, you know. Two to one. I want Lucinda to vote. I feel like Lucinda's on my side. And in COVID news. That's excellent.

Thank you. I was raised in a Jewish household. You're going to talk about Judaism? Yeah, I'm going to talk about some Jews. I was raised in a Jewish household. Both my parents are Jewish. And I mentioned those facts so that you, the listener,

can sit back and feel confident that you are not an anti-Semite when I tell you that the Orthodox Jewish community are a bunch of pale ass, lying, sneaky, disease spreading assholes. Sneaky? I mean, I don't need to be Jewish to tell you that, but it helps. It does help. Yeah. You know what? What if you go ahead and just say whatever you think is on my mind for the rest of the story?

You're going to be in charge of that. That would be wonderful. And to be clear, this is a story about a religious community that couldn't skip one goddamn year of Sukkot and Yom Kippur. And they overran the hospitals in my hometown right after those holidays. And ever since, thus preventing my dad from getting the treatment he needs at a fucking hospital. That actually happened. Yep. Yep. But seriously, though, Eli, if you start talking about the media

or all the wars, I am pulling the plug. But for right now, I'm giving you a long version. Okay. I'll do my best. So, yeah, for those of you who missed it, apparently the Orthodox community thought that the rats or fleas were getting residuals from George Soros over the black

pig. And so they've stepped up their disease spreading during COVID to, I'm going to say, World War II cartoon levels. Nearly every hotspot in New York State since the start of COVID has begun with the Orthodox Jewish community. And that doesn't show any signs of stopping. has begun with the Orthodox Jewish community. And that doesn't show any signs of stopping.

After the New York Post reported this week that thousands of Hasidic Jews gathered in secret for a giant, maskless, shoulder-to-shoulder rabbi wedding this past weekend. All right, I got three words. I know the first one. I know the first one. It's my favorite. i know the first one i know the first one it's my favorite no i got the first one already is there a lemon it's eggplant colon close parentheses lemon lemon

you got it fuck your face i'm gonna say he did it he did it there's a link to the video in the show notes but trust me when i say it is fucking despicable and take it from me that when this turns out to be a super spreader event and you can bet your bottom dollar it will be each and every one of these technically unemployed motherfuckers is gonna show up to an already crowded new york city hospital hospital that Heath's dad needs to be at to do what Orthodox Jews truly do best. Make any situation with a line exponentially worse. You know what?

Don't even guess any of the words. No, I won't. I like being on iTunes. We're just going to breeze right past. I'm told I'm not an anti-Semite. I said at the beginning of the thing. That's right. Everyone's got a card till the end of this story Yeah so Desperate times call for desperate measures

I'm pleased to announce that Heath and I Will be going undercover this week In the Orthodox community Disguised as Women with their ankles and hair showing Oh shit We will be standing in between all Orthodox Jews until

further notice. Because they are physically capable of following rules. They just have to be written 400 years ago by people with the exact same morals and scientific knowledge as them. Yeah. Yeah. Great. Wow.

And finally tonight, we have a story about Kenneth Copeland. Oh, Kenny Copes. Kenny Copes, indeed. He's the guy from Earth and definitely not an alien who anointed the country against the liberal atheist demons and our COVID hoax by rubbing his oily hand on the camera during his video sermon. You might remember that. And in response to the news that Joe Biden won the election, he said, quote, the media said what? The media said Joe Biden's president.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I'm going to skip ahead. Ha, ha, ha. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm going to skip ahead. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha very serious message last week. You can pray away your baldness. Really? See how much more fun it is, everybody, now that Trump lost? We get to talk about this shit and not just because we don't want to do a third week in a row about babies in cages. Yeah. Right. Plus, this guy will

soon have less influence on U.S. policy than, say, treaties we've already signed. So that'll also be nice. Another plus. All right. Well, you guys are nice. Another plus. All right. Well, you guys are obviously wondering how the magic spell works for the baldness. Some of us more than others.

Copeland emerged from his amber resin encasement that keeps him unspoiled and told his dedicated followers, quote, put your hand on your head like that bald spots i call you gone hair grow hair grow end quote okay so further proof that really they're all billion dollar ideas if you put jesus in front of it yeah right and by the way just to be clear the man is wearing a toupee when he says this okay

so just like that there is the wealthiest pastor in goddamn america yeah so that's a fun new product from god and uh for just some amount of easy payments of 10% of your income for the rest of your life, you too can have all the hair you want. Just like Kenneth Copeland's very real hair. So pretty solid marketing plan. But it seems like Kenneth Copeland should really be thinking bigger. Of course, I'm talking about dick pills. Vertical integration. And we're going to help him out. We already named it Holy Cialis like six years ago in the sponsor segment, I believe. So let's go ahead and put 10 seconds on the clock. Slogans for the ED treatment from God. Go.

The Holy Cialis. Will you be ready for the rapture soft solipsism something like that okay yeah holy cialis the prophetic kool-aid flaccid test nice nice

unfortunately 10 seconds is really fast so we already ran out all right so quick well heath and eli put their hands on their heads and utter the spell just in case we're gonna wrap up the headlines for the night heath eli thanks as always do monty and when we come back we'll have even more holidays you can feel shitty about not celebrating a podcast listener many of you have heard by now about the terrible things said by Andrew Torres and Thomas Smith from the Opening Arguments podcast, both about raising more money than us during tomorrow's live stream to save the Senate and about old ladies deserving to be burned. That's right, Noah.

We could not believe that Andrew would say old ladies deserve to get burned with hot coffee. That's crazy. No, we could not. And the rumors that he and Thomas edited their podcast to make it seem like Andrew said the opposite shocked us to our very core. Yeah. Despicable. Obviously, we're disappointed,

but perhaps the best way to let Thomas and Andrew know is to donate during our portion of the live stream from 5.30 to 6 p.m eastern link in the show notes and one of our listeners has pledged a five thousand dollar match of our donations so you'll be double telling Andrew and Thomas that old ladies don't deserve to get burned and that they should not have said that so once again that's tomorrow Friday November 28th from 5 30 to 6 p.m eastern show. Show those old lady-hating bastards that you care.

And help us save the Senate, whatever. Well, yeah, no, that too. Thomas called me a kike. Too far. What? Too far. You're already pushing the friendship way too far. Andrew called me a kike. No.

Worse, for some reason, maybe? Worse, yeah. When we decided to add a segment this year where each month we talked about other religious holidays that people could try, we had no reasonable way of foreseeing that all of holidayness would be canceled and this would just be a monthly way of rubbing salt into their absence. But, you know, we'd already come up with it. We were going to come up with a whole new fucking thing. So whether you like it or not, it's time for this month's

Holiday Buffet. All right, so the holiday I chose this month is called Chalika. What we're commemorating. How awesome holidays would be if religions weren't the ones making them up. This is a good one. Where it's celebrated. Nowhere,

unfortunately. Yet. Yep. When it's celebrated. It's a week-long celebration. It takes place during the first full week of December and it starts on a Monday. So this year, that would be December 7th through the 13th, and it can also

be a seven-week celebration if you want, but you don't. Best aspect. It probably scares Baptists. Worst aspect. The fact that 15 years on, this shit hasn't replaced Christmas yet. How it's celebrated.

Okay, so first of all, let me just say this holiday is pretty fucking awesome, and it has the biggest endorsement I have given any of these. Even Heath's dog won from last month, which was amazing. Really? Yeah. Now, obviously, if a holiday is going to be that awesome, it's not going to be a religious holiday. Instead, this one grew out of Unitarian Universalism,

which is what would happen if, yeah, whatever was a religion. There's a tradition that's rooted in Christianity, a Puritan Christianity at that, but eventually they rejected strict Christian dogma as that way they could be way more anti-Catholic. I mean, if it's a UU holiday, it must follow

their strict tenant of mouth stuff on the first date. So, you know, there are rules. You know what? I always felt like mouth stuff is more personal than butt stuff. Really? Yeah. Most people have that reversed, right?

Now, by the early 1960s, that's an interesting... I really kind of want to go into that. Yeah, but I have so much more on this holiday. All right. By the early 1960s, they're only as Christian as they have to be to keep the IRS off their asses. And that's when they adopt their six principles, the five sources,

and their purpose or some number of purposes. Oh, I thought it would be four something. Say you would think, yeah, it's not super clear how many the purposes are divided up to. Anyway, this all basically

grew out of the way that people kept asking them, well, then what makes you a group if you have no beliefs? When they would say that they were a religion that required no creed. So in the 80s, they get decidedly more hippie and add a seventh principle and sixth source to more explicitly cater to their bonfires and boobs contingent. Good play.

Yeah, they added a guiding principle that somehow made them more vague. That's just impressive. Right? That's true. All right. So Chalica grows out of Unitarian Universalists realizing way late that they should probably have a holiday or something.

While nobody is entirely sure of its origins, that's not because they're mysterious. It's because they're all a bunch of fucking potheads. Like we know it started in Vancouver in 2005, but as to the particulars of who was there and why they did it, that's all kind of hazy. Okay. But I can say with confidence that the regional manager of my supply chain was there and kind of hazy was actually one of the products yeah actually it was lemon flavored yeah but

there's more to like about this holiday than it's sure why not origin story the actual concept of the holiday is pretty damn cool so i mentioned before that there are seven principles that serve as sort of a mission statement for unitarian universalists and the idea is that each of the seven days is dedicated to one of those principles and so like you just go out of your way to act in a way that exemplifies that principle on that day some of us are vaguely humanist everyday slackers. Well, yeah, but you don't do mouth stuff every day. That's true. Now, obviously, this concept can't be...

Well, we don't know about that. You can do butt stuff to yourself. That's the thing. I think that's why mouth stuff is more... Anyway, I keep wanting to go down. Some people can do mouth stuff to themselves. Did you say you, you can do butt stuff? I probably did. Alright, so obviously, this concept can't be any better than the principles.

So here they are, along with the recommended ways to observe them. Oh, and each day has a color too, because hippies. So the first principle is the inherent worth and dignity of every person. Its color is red. And to recognize that principle, they suggest forgiving somebody who wronged you. Because I guess they assume that Jews aren't going to check and see if anybody copied off of them. because I guess they assume that Jews aren't going to check and see if anybody copied off of them. Other suggestions include helping someone in need, vague,

or writing to someone in prison. Dear guy who murdered my dad and is now in prison, enclosed is one packet of ramen noodles. Three for three. Nailed it. Beef flavor, red ramen, four for four. Four for four. Red packet. All right, so the second principle

second day is justice equity and compassion and human relations it's color is orange and it is not just a restating of the first principle they suggest spending time in a soup kitchen I assume they mean volunteering rather than scoring free crackers or donating clothes today's soup

is shirt sorry I did them all together yesterday and now it's a chicken flavor shirt. Orange. Three for three. Okay, so day three is yellow and its principle is acceptance of one another and encouragement

of spiritual growth in our congregations, which is a little too masturbatory to work in. It's also creamy chicken flavor. There you go. But they do suggest learning about other people's beliefs on that day, which I guess that has value. And thanks to a judge in New Jersey, we know that they don't just switch religions on that

day. Yeah, right. Exactly. So the fourth principle is a free and responsible search for truth and meaning. And its color is green because hippies. Chili flavor. But this is my favorite of the days because the idea here is that you teach somebody something you know on that day and learn something from somebody else. And that is the best possible world holiday in my opinion.

Okay. I love that idea. I just don't know anybody with any Atari trivia. Whatever. No, go on with your holiday. All right. So a couple more. Day five is blue its principle is the right of conscience and the use

of democratic processes within our congregation and in society at large which is pretty apropos right now both the principle and the fact that its color is blue actually but the suggestion here is to spend that day working for a cause or writing to your elected officials and if you need a cause that's democracy related, I should remind you that this slots in less than a month from Georgia's senatorial runoff, so they could use your help. Hey, can we replace the other days this year with this one?

Yeah, let's just smash it onto this one. We'll do double soup kitchens and learning stuff next year when the president's allowed to stop the play. Absolutely. Well, what was it? The right of conscience and the use of democracy? We'll see how that goes. Apparently millions of people have the

right of conscience to continue the plague. That's also part of our fucking democracy, actually. Because before, the democracy was part of their Day 5 thing. I don't know. Soy sauce flavor. Alright, so Day 6 is purple. Its flavor is world peace, liberty, and justice for all.

And they suggest that you use that week to do a gift exchange with the other super friends, probably, or barring that, that you raise money for a relevant cause, a world peace-related cause. And beat the pants off Andrew Torres and Thomas Smith while you do it. Ideally, yes. Spicy beef flavor.

Finally, you have principle seven. Again, added to help rope in the Wiccan hippies that kind of wanted a church where you can still fuck each other. So the principle is respect the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part. But translated out of hippie, that's

respect the environment. And it's probably their best principle. So I don't want to give too much shit for it. The color is violet because Isaac Newton had a seven fetish and their suggestion is that you do something good for the environment that day. All right. Grind up one less Valium and Greta Thunberg's applesauce. God,

Eli, what have I told you about grinding up Valium's and Greta's applesauce? That because it's a discreet amount, it would be fewer, not less. Exactly. Now there's a chalice lighting every night that gives the holiday its name. It's not even a good

argument. Whatever. The usage throughout history for a thousand years less is just as much use for countables. Whatever. Maybe more so. Alright, but some congregations of the UU suggest that you spend a full week on each principle instead of just a day since one day isn't really much when the causes

are this large. But I kind of like the idea of packing it all into the week together all at once so that you sort of experience all of this back to back it's not like you know you're not allowed to do good shit for the environment the rest of the year too so yeah i feel like we could tweak the principles a bit and it could definitely use a better name but of all the holidays we've highlighted this year this one has my healthiest endorsement. Thumbs up. Absolutely. Yeah.

Very cool one. I'm surprised that I hadn't heard about this before. So, Heath, what holiday did you bring? I'm going to go with Saturnalia. Oh, nice. What we're commemorating. Saturn, the ancient Roman god of generation, dissolution, plenty, wealth, agriculture, periodic renewal, and liberation.

And after the Roman conquest of Greece, Saturn took over as the Greek Titan Cronus, too. They kind of put those two together. And Saturn also became the god of time. And also the god of fucking his sister to create Jupiter, Neptune, Pluto Juno, Ceres and Vesta he's pretty great so he got a big holiday if he gets to choose a holiday based on his kink next month I'm doing outfits no, Eli

Saturn didn't fuck his stepsister this is blowing out this whole thing is ballooning he didn't blow out his sister. He blew out his step sister. God damn it. Where it's celebrated. Ancient Rome

and also the warehouse loft apartment of your edgy hippie friend. When it's celebrated. December 17th and sometimes the rest of that week. Mostly between the negative first and fifth centuries, but also sometimes now. Best aspect. Temporary Marxist revolution with masters becoming slaves.

Worst aspect. The rest of the year. The fact that there were slaves. Yeah, it's ancient Rome, so there's a lot of aspects competing for worse. How it's celebrated. So back in ancient Rome, the holiday started with a blood sacrifice

at the big temple, eventually the temple of Saturn, and it was usually a pig. Sounds delicious so far. Yeah, and then maybe some people sacrificing too never mind well depends on the people uh they'd have have you guys ever eaten human no moving on so i feel like i'm gonna get asked a question so they'd have 10 days of gladiator fights throughout december the early part of december and dead fighters would get offered to Saturn.

According to legend, though, Hercules showed up in Italy and told everybody to stop doing human sacrifice. So they started making candles for Saturn instead. Apparently, the sacrifice was based on something written in Greek using the word foda. It said Saturn wants you to sacrifice some foda to him, which meant kill some men. But Foda, besides men, it also meant lights. So they figured candles were technically allowed, they figured as the loophole.

And you know, candles are less of a whole hassle with killing people. Saturn's up there like, oh, so last year you got me 10 dead warriors, and this year I get the third thing you got for free when you bought two other things. That's cool. Thank you. Well, hold on.

Hold on. We're fucking glazing over the most important part. Apparently, homonyms count for sacrifices. That's amazing. Abraham could have just given up his spot at the beach. abraham could have just given up his spot at the beach so the first day had all the public sacrifice rituals and then the rest of the week was a big party and the theme was opposite like opposite week everyone just did stuff in reverse or changed the normal rules around one of the big examples was that gambling

became legal for that week, even for slaves. On a calendar from 354 AD, there's actually a picture of people playing dice with a caption that says, now you have license, slave, to game with your master. Yeah, now that's the user agreement for

your E-Trade account. It is true. It's funny because it's true. So another way of doing opposite stuff that they went with was eating and drinking. Oh, spread those cheeks, Eli. It turns out this holiday was about your kink the whole time. Oh, damn. Okay.

So you know how most people don't eat and drink a whole lot all the time no not know that i live in georgia during saturnalia you would flip it people would eat and drink way too much and i would have sensible meals and be sober yeah right with a whole bunch of amateurs going crazy for that week it was like it was like a week-long St. Paddy's Day. And Pliny the Younger, who was a magistrate of ancient Rome, he wrote about this, and apparently he fucking hated it. He had a whole secret area of his house just to avoid all the idiots during Saturnalia that got invited over. Especially because it became a custom for everyone to yell, Yo, Saturnalia! over especially because it became a custom for everyone to yell yo saturnalia as a punchline after everything because that would that made whatever you said funny like a carlos mencia

stand-up routine oh shit all these years we thought santa con wasn't short for anything wait a broadcast to the masses there, Eli. Saturnalia. Santa Con is when the people from Long Island. I'm aware of what Santa. Yeah. The audience isn't. Got it. Oh, right.

Because they would. Yeah. And like Santa. Yep. Santa. Saturn. Santa. Yolo.

So thank you. Gift giving was another big part of Saturnalia and one of the many customs that eventually got fused into Christmas. But the original version had to stick with the opposite theme. So you couldn't give nice presents because it would correctly signal your status. If you're rich and you gave nice presents, that was not opposite. I guess poor people could give fancy presents, but no, they couldn't. So that's poor. So everyone would do shitty little wax figurines or gag gifts. And the gifts would often come with a little piece of bad poetry

that was apparently a custom. So it turns out that Saturnalia is the origin of both Spencer's gifts and the entire greeting card industry. The poet Catullus got a book of terrible poems by, quote, the worst poet of all time as a joke from a friend. Yeah, I mean, gag gifts are right up there with little boy peeing statues as things some humans do that I do not relate to or understand at all. What's happening with that?

Added that to the list with spelling and grammar, apparently. Yeah. I mean, I understand why people spell and grammar. Oh, do you? Okay. All right. Okay. Never mind then.

Withdrawal. It's not for me. Still don't understand why people would want a little child peeing outside the front of their... I don't... What is happening there? And a sticker on their car. It's all a toy.

Spencer's Gifts, man. Okay. happening and a sticker on their car it's all a toy spencer's gifts man okay so that brings us to the best part the temporary marxist revolution apparently the masters would give a big feast to their slaves and they'd switch roles so the rich people would become the wait staff for a day and the slaves were allowed to say whatever they want with no punishment. According to the poet Horace, it was called December Liberty. And some of the slaves would go super hard on the roasting that they were allowed to do for that week. And then realize how stupid that was a week later. See, and today we call that Twitter. See, we keep the tradition alive.

There you go. Nice. we keep the tradition alive. There you go. It's nice. One other big tradition to go with the role reversal was picking a random Saturnalicious princeps. I know it's not pronounced that way, but I'm going to call it Saturnalicious because it's almost spelled that way.

I dip, you dip, we dip. I get it. So this is the temporary ruler of a Saturnalia party. At the beginning of a big banquet, they'd appoint someone by lot, often a child or a slave or a child slave, and that person could just make people do

whatever they said. Okay, wait. The whole party. Wait, wait, wait. So everybody's eaten too much all day. Everything is the opposite of normal and you have an unqualified idiot ruling arbitrarily? Or a smart person, yeah.

Has anybody tried sacrificing a pig to Saturn? Because that might be the only thing that gets us out of this fucking year. Or ten warriors? I'd be up for ten warriors. Either or, yeah. Just put a fight together. Or a smart person withdrawn. So, that

tradition is pretty fantastic and probably inspired similar stuff like the Lord of Misrule and the feast of fools from medieval times but sadly modern christmas dropped most of the interesting fuck stuff and party stuff at the saturnalia thing and just kept the bad gifting there's actually a super super boring version of saturnalia um it's called boxing day but it's barely worth mentioning. So, Eli, what's next?

What's your holiday? Boxing Day. Boxing Day? Great. What we're commemorating. Well, that depends on how big a nerd fight you want to get into. Or as Wikipedia democratically puts it, there are competing theories for the origins of

the term, none of which is definitive. Now, before you get too excited, it is definitely not about the sport of boxing. And it more likely revolves around the idea of a Christmas box, the origins of which are also disputed. What I'm saying is this holiday is nerd fights all the way down. The term probably originates in one of two places some people think Christmas box originates with the nautical tradition of sealing some money in a box which you donated to the church

assuming your ship made it safely to the other side which in turn was supposed to be an extra big box if you made it across on Christmas day that's a stupid origin I'm taking the other side of the nerd fight I don't care you're supposed to like tip the church extra across on Christmas Day. That's a stupid origin. I'm taking the other side of the nerd fight. I don't care. Yeah, there you go.

Wait, so you're supposed to like tip the church extra if they happen to be, they were involved in landing you on Christmas Day with your boat? Yeah, because they godded you better.

Yeah, they godded you. Okay. The other theory, the one that Noah and Heath are going to like, is that a Christmas box was the original tip for the servants

in medieval England. Servants were given a half day of work that day after Christmas, and they were allowed to take home a box of gifts or money or sometimes scraps of food to their family. Oh, okay. So just like TGI Fridays, except the old-timey serfs got half a day off. And gifts in a box.

Free meal is a box. Free meal as a gift. Get those signs. So whatever its origin. $3 off any chicken finger item. Great. Just knocking over

roll-ups on my way out. Merry Christmas, everybody. So whatever its origins, what we're celebrating is when England invented tipping, a tradition that still has yet to make it to the north of the country where it's celebrated all the english speaking places like the united states but better the uk canada australia new zealand and parts of

post-colonial africa when it's celebrated the day after Christmas, which this year will be sometime in May when everyone is vaccinated. Yeah, I'll take the over on that, sadly. Optimistic. Best aspect. A Fyndom role reversal. Stolen from Saturnalia. Go ahead.

Worst aspect. Animal cruelty. And the wealthy inequality of all the other days of the year okay also stolen from saturnalia this is an awesome follow-up though the like boring version to fit capper how it's celebrated how boxing day is celebrated depends largely on where it's celebrated but traditions range from wacky role play to store-wide sales to sports. Let's start with the sales.

This tradition is relatively recent. Starting in around 2010, UK retailers saw videos of people murdering each other for a slightly discounted TV and thought to themselves, man, that looks nice. So they tried to begin the tradition. Capitalism.

Yep. It's finest. Yes, sadly for money, while Boxing Day is still a big day for sales retail shopping, it has become less and less popular. And the UK doesn't really see the child trampling levels of excitement we see here in the US. At least not for TVs, but you're going to get to the football stuff in a second. Yeah. Side note, in case you're wondering, yes, most stores in the U.S. are still holding Black Friday doorbuster sales this year.

Oh, for fuck's sake. Are you serious? Mm-hmm. Because if COVID were... COVID, America is America. Sorry, it's hard to find a better metaphor. Boxing Day is also a very popular day for big sporting matches. Soccer, ice hockey, horse and boat racing all have big events on

Boxing Day in the UK, which leads to the adorably colloquial expression Boxing Day Better. An allusion to the fact that Boxing Day is also when a tremendous amount of gambling on the aforementioned sports takes place. You know what? I take it back. Neither of those origins make any

fucking sense. It might as well be the sport. It's about punching people boxing day also used to be commemorated with a fox hunt why cause that rhymes yeah this was foxing day at one point and they were just like box now box

but yeah since fox hunting was banned in 2003 it has happened way less now illegal and legally dubious hunts still do take place, but they have largely been replaced, and I just learned about this, with what is known as drag hunting, wherein the dogs are trained to follow the smell of aniseed rather than a living animal. Oh, I was hoping it was going to be RuPaul related somehow. Bunch of, well, kind of, a bunch of posh people dress up like assholes and then they chase a bag of that around instead.

Of anise seeds? Yeah. I hope the dogs fucking maul the hunters when they finally catch their prey and it's vegan black licorice trail mix. Fuck you. Tough but fair. But my favorite Boxing

Day tradition and the reason I chose this holiday is one that has sadly gone out of fashion but absolutely needs to come back where everyone played dress up

and pretended to be a job they weren't. Now, the origins of this tradition of masters and slaves switching roles This is so interesting. has its origins

in the super pro-slavery holiday of Saturnalia. But of course, I would never discuss a pro-slavery holiday as a non-person of color. I don't feel like that's my place. But as all the people who we murdered for celebrating Saturnalia became Christian or dead, the day for that became Boxing Day. All right, but Eli, you dress like your job is homeless jogger every day.

I feel like you keep that tradition alive. You know what's sad? I didn't see that line in the script. And I am wearing penguin pants, infamous penguin pants at this point. And a T-shirt sent to us by Tushy that says, ask me about my butthole. So great. Tough but fair. Tough but fair.

I feel like there's homeless joggers who are like, who up their game above mine. Yeah, I'm going to find some Under Armour. And this is a tradition I think we could all especially use this year. So everybody at home, the day after Christmas, we're all going to dress up like an Amazon Prime driver and deliver packages for 11 hours. Or stock grocery shelves from 4 in the morning till 9 a.m. when the store opens.

And most importantly, work an 87-hour shift as a nurse. When it's all over, I promise you'll have way more Christmas spirit. All right. Well, now that Eli's reminded me how many jobs are currently worse than homeless jogger, I guess we can wrap this segment for the night. I hope you enjoyed this now full year's worth of useless suggestions that we've offered on The Holiday Buffet. Before we pull up the drawbridge for the night, I want to remind you one last time that we're going to be on Tom and Cecil's live stream to save the Senate from 530 to 6 p.m. on Friday. But they've got a great lineup for the whole thing. Look on the show notes, you'll find more details there, and while you're there, check out the article that I recently wrote for the British online magazine

Skeptic, which will also be linked. Anyway, that's all the Blast Movie we've got for you tonight. We'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister show's Hot Friend Got Off Movies, debuting at 7am Eastern on Tuesday, and an even new episode of our half-sister show, Citation Needed, debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously, I need a swift cancellation if I

neglected to thank the green bean casserole of the show, Heath Enright, the overstuffed turkey of the show, don't worry, it's a compliment in this context, Eli Bosnick, and the sweet potato pie of the show, Lucinda Lusions. She will be back next week, probably with more hijinks. I also need to thank Brisket the Turkey for providing this week's Farnsworth quote. He did

not actually evolve from filthy monkeys, but you know, it's the spirit of the thing that counts. But most of all, of course, I want to thank Brisket the Turkey for providing this week's Farnsworth quote. He did not actually evolve from filthy monkeys, but, you know, it's the spirit of the thing that counts. But most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's best people. Susan, Chris, Quantum, Qball, Richard, Lacey, Joseph, Amy, Becca, Zero Serenity, TJ, and Tracy. Susan, Chris, Quantum, and Richard, who tempt more people back for a second helping than the mashed potatoes. Lacey, Joseph, Amy, and Becca, who have so much gravitas they can say spatchcock without making you giggle. Lacey, Joseph, Amy, and Becca who have so much gravitas they can say spatchcock without making you giggle. And Zero Serenity TJ and Tracy whose intellects have scared off more Christians than naming an egg recipe after Satan. Together these 11 elegant altruists selected to elevate our elegies for the Almighty this week by giving us money.

Not everybody has the money it takes to do that, but if you do, you can make a per-episode donation to patreon.com. Whereby you'll earn early access to an extended ad-free version of every episode. Or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage at skatingads.com. Thank you. of music that was used in this episode, which was used with permission. If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at scalyideas.com. Yeah, that's right. I'm going to come out against Turkey on Thanksgiving. You're damn right I am. Damn right I am. I'm not afraid, Morgan. I'm not afraid. Lulu! Lulu!

Alright, but not that. It was a sad. It was a downward Lulu. All right. But not that. It was a sad. It was a downward Lulu. Sad Lulu. All right. Yeah, there you go. That's it.

Exactly. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a Thunderstorm, LLC. Copyright 2020. All rights reserved.