The Scathing Atheist - 416: The Powell Behind the Throne Edition

Episode Date: February 4, 2021

In this week’s episode, Ken Ham’s team will put the “cute” back in persecution, Marjorie Taylor Greene tries to block herself on Facebook, and we really DID watch some more of Matt Powell’s You Tube videos. --- To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click there: https://www.amazon.com/Outbreak-Crisis-Religion-Ruined-Pandemic/dp/B08L2HSVS8/ To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/ To hear more from our intrepid audio engineer Morgan Clarke, click here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/ --- Headlines: Marjorie Taylor Greene continues to exist: https://nymag.com/intelligencer/article/marjorie-taylor-greene-qanon-wildfires-space-laser-rothschild-execute.html Vaccine-Destroying Pharmacist Thinks the Sky Was Made to Stop Us from Seeing God https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2021/02/01/vaccine-destroying-pharmacist-thinks-the-sky-was-made-to-stop-us-from-seeing-god/ KY Catholic school tries to cheat people on to vaccine list: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2021/01/31/a-ky-catholic-school-shoved-hundreds-of-non-essential-people-on-the-vaccine-list/ Creationist Thanks Atheists for Constantly Showing People How Dumb He Is https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2021/01/30/creationist-thanks-atheists-for-constantly-showing-people-how-dumb-he-is/ Australian Satanist would like to offer in school instruction: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2021/01/30/australian-satanists-want-to-offer-religious-instruction-in-public-schools/ EU high court upholds ban on Kosher slaughter: https://religionnews.com/2021/01/28/ruling-brings-kosher-slaughterhouse-new-business-old-fears/ David Barton: If People Call You a Homophobe, Call Them a Heterophobe! https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2021/01/27/david-barton-if-people-call-you-a-homophobe-call-them-a-heterophobe/ Survey: Pandemic causing religious zealots to double down: https://www.pewforum.org/2021/01/27/more-americans-than-people-in-other-advanced-economies-say-covid-19-has-strengthened-religious-faith/ These Creationists Learned a Weird Lesson from Sloths https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2021/01/29/these-creationists-learned-a-weird-lesson-from-sloths/ --- This Week in Misogyny: Despite massive protests, Poland’s abortion ban goes into effect: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2021/01/28/despite-massive-protests-polands-near-total-abortion-ban-goes-into-effect/ Pastor who ignored abuse in his church labels Kamala Harris “Jezebel” https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2021/01/29/tx-pastor-who-ignored-abuse-in-his-church-denounces-biden-and-jezebel-harris/ Lori Alexander advocates hitting children with a wooden spoon: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2021/01/27/christian-mommy-blogger-hit-your-kids-with-a-wooden-spoon-to-make-them-obey/

Warning, this episode contains words that Spellcheck often corrects to duck. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by Adam and Eve, and by 7 a.m. Eastern Time on Thursdays. 7 a.m. Eastern Time on Thursdays, because unexpected literalism can be humorous. And now, The Scathing Atheist. Hi, I'm Ryan, your local pharmacy technician. As an essential employee responsible for making sure sick people get their medications on time, I understand the importance of wearing a mask all day while I work.

In fact, there are three things I know for sure. Masks are not that hard to breathe in, they do not lower your blood O2 levels, and we did in fact evolve from filthy monkey men. So wear your mask, you filthy fucking monkey man. It's Thursday! It's February 4th. And it's Torture Abolition Day. Oh, yeah, you tell me that after I watch Matt Powell's YouTube videos.

I'm no illusions. I'm Eli Bosnick, and from Johnson & Johnson's, New Jersey, and Redtown, Blue State, this is The Scathing Atheist. On this week's episode, Ken Ham's team will put the cute back in persecution. Marjorie Taylor Greene tries to block herself on Facebook. And we really did watch more of Matt Powell's YouTube videos. But first, the diatribe. I had this sad moment of historical recognition the other day, and it's been weighing my mind down ever since. So let me start with a problem. My father-in-law, the dude with the two collapsed lungs, a bad heart, and renal failure, won't take the goddamn COVID vaccine.

He's already turned it down twice, once at the hospital and again at his dialysis clinic. And when we ask him why, he grumbles something incoherent about they've stuck him with plenty of shit already. And then he turns into a grumpy three-year-old if you ask him anything else about it. My wife and her sister chip away and chip away, but the motherfucker still won't schedule it. I figure maybe the problem is that he's an old school sexist and he can't accept that his daughters know something that he doesn't know. So I try, right?

I have a penis. I know college words, but alas, I have no more luck than they did. And then I got to watch a master at work. See, my father-in-law has a pretty good doctor and he's been doing this shit in this area for better than 30 years, which means he's used to being up to his eyebrows and red hat, MAGA spewing, QAnon believing, Bill Gates fearing rednecks who were already worried about the autism thing even before all that 5G shit happened. So when he finds out that one of

his patients, an old white guy no less, doesn't want to get the COVID vaccine, he downs the look of a man who's been down this road so many times he could drive it with the headlights off. He starts off by addressing the idea that the vaccine is going to make him sick, right? He explains in plain English how the vaccine's made, how it works, and how much safety testing has been done. And despite breaking it down in upgoer five levels of comprehension, he manages to never talk down. He's jovial, but he's not friendly. He's speaking my father-in-law's language, but he's still the authority here. After that, he tackles

some of the conspiracy theory shit. He goes, now you're not one of those people that thinks there's a microchip in it or anything. And his tone makes it clear that that would be a stupid thing to believe, but he's not so insulting about it that the patient would be too embarrassed to admit that yes that was his hang-up so after he gets verbal confirmation that that's not the problem he locks eyes with my father-in-law he says and i quote you know in the shape you're in if you get this thing it's over and then he sat

there and he just let those words fill the room like a fog and then he says you understand that right and he waits he waits long enough to hear a confirmation he makes him say yes i understand that if i don't take this vaccine it could kill me and once he said yes and only then the doc leaves you know he leaves another pregnant pause asks if he has any questions and he shuffles off he's done It was a damn impressive performance. I'm probably not doing it justice in my description, but the way he managed to weave in and out of the silly ass objections even before they were uttered was a sight to behold, especially for somebody who can barely walk by a GNC without screaming, fuck you into it.

So on the way home, I think about the job of these rural doctors, right? People who are inevitably far more educated than damn near everybody else in the town and spend a ton of their time trying to talk people out of their superstitious bullshit without insulting them. Doctors are in many cases like, you know, the town's designated smart person, so much so that we allow them to carry their honorific around all the time, even when they're off work. so that we allow them to carry their honorific around all the time, even when they're off work. Think about how few professions we do that for, right?

Of course, the historical parallel here isn't doctor. Up until a couple hundred years ago, those motherfuckers were just crazy. You go much further back than that, and you're talking about a town's priest. Through much, if not most, of written history, the educated guy talking people around their superstitions in rural areas was going to be a religious leader. I mean, he wouldn't be talking them into different superstitions, but he was going to be given that same level of deference and respect, very much like what small towns give their doctors. And to his historical credit, through most of the history, the priest in question probably was giving people the best advice. I mean, not the best advice possible, of course, but that's a ridiculous standard. You know, the doctors today don't give the best advice possible.

But until relatively recently, priests generally gave the best advice available. Our knowledge of the natural world didn't really surpass notions of divinity until the 18th century. I mean, at least on a purely theistic level. So up until then, priests served many of the same functions my father-in-law's doctor serves today. I mean, not the medical specialization exactly, but all the important, like, smart person who can talk you out of your bullshit stuff.

And it got me to thinking what the equivalent would be. Like, imagine if all the doctors all decided that, you know, I don't know, that homeopathy had it right all along or or imagine some better paradigm surpassed medical science and just kept improving exponentially while the current paradigm stagnated but you know like for whatever reason all the doctors stuck with the antiquated stuff i mean that's hard to imagine given the lack of dogmatism in medical science regardless of what the alt-med folks will tell you but for the sake

of the thought experiment just imagine that starting tomorrow, all doctors stop telling us true shit, right? Or at least stop giving us the best available medical advice. How long would it take us to stop trusting them? I guess a culture. I mean, keep in mind that whoever was telling us that they were wrong wouldn't be doctors, right? By definition, maybe some former doctors would get in the mix or something,

but largely it would have to come from some other group standing outside of the traditional structure who would start off with very little credibility, most likely. And even if the evidence clearly showed us that doctors were fucking it all up, how many of us would ever see that evidence? How many of us would understand that evidence if we were seeing it? This is exactly what happened with the priesthood. I mean, sure, to some degree, priests were given respect just because they demanded it or you'd get your ass killed. But by and large, our cultural attitudes to the clergy were formed over time because priests actually were the academics of their day.

It was earned over a long period by doing exactly the kind of shit that the doctor was doing for my father-in-law. And then somewhere along the way, it decoupled from all of that because knowledge outgrew God, and they decided to prioritize God. When you consider this, like in its historical context, when you consider the extent to which the religious leaders of today are squandering the cultural inheritance legitimately earned by their forebears, it somehow manages to make their grift even more disgusting. They're talking about you, Jesus. May I interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news bulletin?

Joining me for headlines tonight is the Luigi to my Mario Eli Bosnick. Eli, are you ready to a-go? As soon as I'm done sucking off these ghosts, brother.

Do you mean sucking up these ghosts? Maybe I was playing a different game. All right. Well, that's not a game you can pause

without consequences. So we're going to give you a minute and toss things over to a word from this week's sponsor, Adam and Eve. Hey, podcast listener, I'm no illusions. And I'm Eli Bosnick here

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offer code SCATHING. Again, that's S-C-A-t-h-i-n-g scathing because without it there will be no free valentine's day stuff that's scathing at adamandeve.com fuck stuff for valentine's day everyone's favorite present and now back to the headlines in our lead story tonight marjorie taylor green continues to exist yes she does and look i just did a story about how batshit crazy that lady was a few days ago on the skeptocrat but jewish space lasers jewish space lasers people we got to do it we got to do it like right yeah that's the kind of fucking insanity that you invited your fucking government when you give the evangelicals the key to the car.

But just in case you somehow missed it, freshman Congress loony and person who single handedly undid all the political goodwill Georgia got for delivering the Senate. Marjorie Taylor Greene got that much crazier last week when an old Facebook post came to light in which she blamed California wildfires on Jewish space lasers. Yeah, this woman is pretend this is your stop if she talks to you on the bus levels of crazy and she gets a vote in the House of Representatives. Yes, yes. In any weather, right? There's yeah, right. So so this coupled with the already unearthed video of her calling the Parkland and Vegas shootings false flag operations, her vocal support for QAnon, her habit of calling for the execution of her political rivals, the fact that she's a 9-11 truther, her unapologetic racism,

and how stupid she looks standing in front of an open microphone on national television wearing a mask that says censored printed over it. I forgot about that. Has left many in her own party calling on her to resign or barring that, at least learn to use terms like globalist and urban. Mitch McConnell's like, did she not get the racism best practices? I sent everyone a copy of the racism best practices. And look, if there's anybody out there who's hesitant to pin the blame for this lady on

Christianity, even though that's who's voting for her and she is one, I want to remind you that this is the inevitable result of allowing any standard but reality to govern our politics. Once we open the door to sincerely held belief being tantamount to observable fact, we live in a world where Hillary Clinton shot down JFK's airplane so he wouldn't tell on her for drinking babies gets representation in Congress. Right. And if you need further evidence of Noah's point, let me refer you to Arkansas Governor Asa Hutchinson, who, when pressed during a recent interview to condemn her, said that we shouldn't kick her out for having different beliefs. Yep. Because I guess we can't tag her. She's on base. And we agreed that base was the Schmenderson's car was taken.

Yeah. Yeah. Sorry for all of this emphasis, but he means different from reality. Yes. Yes, he does. And in what's the farm news former pharmacist and soon to be former not incarcerated person steven brandenburg who gained national infamy last year for ruining hundreds of doses of life-saving vaccine on purpose is a crazy person which you probably already knew because of the vaccine thing.

Right. And this week it was confirmed for us that he is a religious crazy person, which again, you probably already knew because you, well, you listened to this podcast. Right. No.

Yeah. Like based on what you've heard on this podcast, you could be forgiven if you assumed he was in Congress. Yeah. And I point out that he's a religious crazy person for two reasons. One, I've seen a lot of media outlets report on this story as vaccine destroying pharmacist believes wacky shit, which is true other people believe and reinforce their belief in in tax-free buildings once a week yeah right no let me try this one um vaccine destroying pharmacist sincerely holds wacky shit see see how it didn't change just now the meaning same thing

no might win a supreme court case but. Yeah. So according to the filing by the FBI, Brandenburg told a co-worker that, quote, the earth is flat. The sky is not real. Really? Rather, it is a shield put up by the government to prevent individuals from seeing God and Judgment Day is coming, end quote. And with the exception of the privacy curtain for the almighty that Richard Nixon built, the source of those wacky beliefs is the Bible, my friends. The Bible. Right. And the fucking sky thing is based on an interpretation thereof as well. Also, look, something like one in 50 Americans believe that the earth is flat at this point

or at least have doubts about it. And all but three of them are super duper Christian. Yeah, yeah. That's why they think it's flat. It's because the Christian doesn't work for them without it. Right, and that's why we're lying about it, so that they can't prove that God exists. But the second reason I wanted to point out this story

and his religiosity is that now that Trump is gone and Republicans have a little less power, religion is going to do its damnedest to get you, yes, you podcast listener, to let your guard down. They're going to go back to playing nice and hiding behind old guys like Joe Biden in the hopes that you'll forget that there is not a single societal ill anywhere that doesn't get its funding directly from religion. They'll hope that when you think devout Christian, you think of Raphael Warnock and not Steve Brandenburg, even though those two will both tell you they have the same holy book.

And the difference that religion is really hoping you forget over the next two to four years is that Stephen Brandenburg believes in all of the pages and he was willing to do something about it yes right right and in kentucky wide pricking news tonight fantastic really i was happy with that i know that the term kentucky catholic school is an oxymoron but i can't decide which modifier contradicts school the most. And while I do not endorse nuking all of them from orbit, that's mostly because of the fallout, right? Yeah, sure. Because like all human life is precious, yada, yada, yada, and all that.

But holy shit, has there ever been a news item that contains the words Kentucky Catholic school that didn't have them then as the bad guys? And honestly, could you even imagine one that wouldn't piss you off? Kentucky Catholic school nuked from orbit. Okay. No, that's good. That's good. But the fallout, right? But yes, I've got another headline about a Catholic school in Kentucky. And I guess the upshot is that contains fewer than the average number of smallpox blanket apologetics. But that's where the good news ends. Yep. See, in Kentucky, educators are eligible to get COVID vaccines at this point.

So the state government sent around requests to all the schools asking for a list of the teachers and anybody else who has regular contact with the student body. And among the respondents was the Catholic school near Louisville with 50 staffers and 300 names on their list. Huh. Which is weird because usually when you ask Catholic institutions for a list of names, they under deliver, right? It's much smaller than you want. Right. Yeah. Oh, that's where all those extra names went.

So, yeah, something like six times as many people were lining up for vaccines as were eligible. So who were all these people? So, yeah, something like six times as many people were lining up for vaccines as were eligible. So who were all these people? Well, according to the Louisville Courier-Journal, quote whatsoever in any theoretical world up to and including spouses that sometimes show up to drop just like a lunch off at the school were eligible and i don't fucking believe them i'm just gonna go ahead and say it the state they specifically said all these people were educators which is a goddamn lie they didn't accidentally think that being a teacher's husband made you a teacher. Honey, at least make the peanut butter sandwich in the front of the room and we can call it

home, Mac. Right. Something here. Yeah. The good news is the health department figured it out pretty fucking quick. The school, after all, has about 675 students, and they were pretty sure that they didn't have like one teacher for every two and a quarter kids but but the fact that they love those classroom sizes right but the fact that they stole life-saving medicine from people who genuinely need it

should come with a goddamn punishment and if literally nobody in the school is smart enough to realize coach's wife is a different thing than educator why the fuck are we letting them run a school great question and in the powell of positive thinking news tonight i'm so happy homophobic creationist preacher and whatever the opposite of wonder kid is matt Matt Powell is not angry about all the atheists that make fun of him. In fact, in fact, he's grateful. He loves it.

He loves it so much that he made a video on YouTube where he's not shaking with rage just to thank us for making him famous and adored. Oh, really? Yeah, and you know what? Since we're such people pleasers here on the scathing atheist we're gonna go ahead and talk about it yeah right no i love all of his arguments have a i pissed myself on purpose to send you a message

kind of feel to him and i'm just delighted by that oh yes in the video which is backed by what i would bet life-changing amounts of money is the first result when you Google sad but brave music, Powell explains that all the pointing out how stupid and ignorant his arguments are, all the mockery and the step-by-step breakdowns about how he's wrong about things that I wasn't even aware you could be wrong about. wrong about things that I wasn't even aware you could be wrong about. He loves those because they make him famous and turn people

Christian. Do they? You know what? I bet people would watch the shit out of a video of me and Eli jacking off on you, Matt. You would be so famous. You could talk about anything you want while we do it. I promise. We'll agree with you, too. We won't

argue back. I'm going to drop the audio anyway. That's a good point. But sadly, there is some bad news, everybody. See, when you search for Science Falsely So-Called on YouTube, it's three other preachers preaching the trailer for Matt's movie, and then

our review of his movie. Not his movie. His movie doesn't make it till page two. So this week, we hear the Scaling Atheist will be doing our part in breaking down Matt's stupidity in the C-segment. But in the meantime, I think it would mean a ton to Matty P.

If everyone listening to this were to go to YouTube and watch our review of his movie because we are helping make Matt Powell famous. Check that out, everybody. That's what he would want. Like and subscribe. And in

Down Under Ur News tonight. Australia is better than America in almost every imaginable way. True. The weather is nicer. They live longer. Their birds are prettier.

They're happier. They're nicer to their fish. But one of the few things Americans can still look down their noses and Australians about is their bullshit policy of devoting an hour of public school education every week to religious indoctrination. And Australia, I get it. I empathize. If I lived on an island filled with pee hole spiders and butthole iguanas, I'd probably start praying an hour a day, too. But it's time to let it go, Australia. You gotta let it go.

So now, to their credit, there is an opt out for kids who aren't religious. But the very existence of these classes gives undue credence to religion by suggesting that it belongs in the same building as reality-based subjects like geometry and world history. It also creates a recruitment center and further alienates children of minority faiths from their classmates. And it also, as we learned this week leads to Satanists. Yeah,

it does. Oh, Satanists are to religion as I am to when he says he wants to do something on D and D minus. It's like, you sure? Cause the answer is yes, but then there's more. There's more after the yes.

So, yeah. So, according to a post by Brother Samuel Demogorgon of the Noosa Temple of Satan, two parents have now formally requested to their school principals that their kids spend that hour a week being educated in the ways of satanism and that means that under queensland law they have to let that dude come into the school for an hour a week and give them all the privileges that christian missionaries get oh all the privileges so does he get to pick the kids he fucks or is it a go with the flow i'm asking for a friend i'm asking for a friend. I'm asking for a friend. Okay. All right.

Moving on. Of course. The friend is George Pell. Obviously. So as any non-Christian living in a majority Christian country knows, just because the law gives you the right doesn't mean that you can exercise that right. And technically, the minister of education has to approve the temple before Demogorgon can set about instructing students. And since the minister of education of Queensland is literally named Grace Grace. Get the fuck out of here.

I'm not kidding. That's her married name. She married someone with the last name Grace. Yeah. She knew she was getting into that. She deserves it. she was getting into that she deserves it and since she's already said quote satanism has never been taught in queensland schools and it never will be on my watch end quote i feel like there's a good chance she's gonna say no which let's be fair is probably exactly what the temple wants

right because the whole point here is to highlight the inherent bigotry in this system yeah and to be fair with a name like Grace Grace, this woman had a choice between theocratic minister of education or talking horse in a Christian movie. So it's starting to seem like she's equally qualified for both of those. Yeah.

So in the meantime, the temple is encouraging other local families to send their kids to school with a message requesting satanic instruction. And I know for a goddamn fact that we've got a few listeners in and around brisbane so either get on that shit or have some kids instead of reminder yeah and while y'all get on that we're going to take a quick break and hand things over to my lovely wife lucy a man wrote the bible a horse which one if it's a legitimate race right cooking can be fun. Hey, I'm proud of a man. This week in Misogyny.

Well, I'm going to have to start this week on some bad news, which I guess you're probably used to by now. But I'm sorry to report that despite months-long nationwide protest, Poland's widely restrictive abortion law went into effect. And though we already covered this law before, I feel like I should remind you that even before this change, it was damn near impossible to get an abortion in Poland. In fact, their laws are so restrictive that only 1,100 abortions were performed all of last year. That's in a country of nearly 40 million. Like, as restrictive as we are in the U.S., we still have more than 100 times as many abortions per capita. Now, of those 1,100 cases last year,

1,074 were because of fetal abnormality. That's one of the few acceptable reasons left in the country, or at least it was before this bullshit new law went into effect. They were already 100 times more restrictive than the U.S., and now they've gotten 50 times more restrictive.

And I'm no expert in Polish politics, of course, but as near as I can tell, this is exactly what a country looks like when you get a Donald Trump that actually means all the right-wing bullshit he says to fire up his base. And that's an important thing to consider when the GOP nominates somebody like Mike Pompeo or Mike Pence in a few years. But after news like that, I owe you something a bit more uplifting. And if you need a smile these days, you're never very far from a new video from a pissed-off evangelical pastor who's very unhappy that they don't still have their bigot president.

And we got that this week in the form of Pastor Steve Swarford. And if that name rings a bell, it's going to be because he made the news for ignoring allegations of sexual abuse by a former youth pastor in the 90s. And since that's what passes for moral authority in Christian circles, he's still at the pulpit. And he's got himself a fun little pet name for our vice president, Jezebel Harris. So here's the quote in all of its narrow-minded glory.

Quote, now we're gonna have a newly elected, cognitively dysfunctional president. And what if something happens to him? Then Jezebel has to take over. Jezebel Harris, isn't that her name? So quick reminder, if it's been a while since your last Bible study, Jezebel was Ahab's wife, and she instituted worship of pagan gods on a national scale. And the part where she gets thrown out of a window and trampled to death for being an uppity bitch

is evangelicals' favorite part of the Bible to jack off to needless to say it's their go-to insult for any woman with power perhaps it doesn't occur to them that what they're saying is kamala harris could whip their religion's ass if she wanted and last but not least look i've got to admit it can be tough to choose an arch nemesis especially in my line of work there are so many good choices and there's so much pressure to choose the right one. But despite all the commitment that goes with it, I chose Lori Alexander as my arch nemesis years ago and I've never regretted it. Pretty much anytime I'm looking for an extra story for my segment, I can drop in with Lori and sure enough, she'll have just posted a video about how it's

okay to hit children with sticks. Well, to be fair, she didn't say stick. She said wooden spoon, but really that's just a specific shape of stick. And of course, as Lori's arch nemesis, I feel like it's incumbent upon me to do whatever the opposite of her advice is. But as near as I can tell, the opposite of hitting a kid with a spoon is stabbing Lori Alexander with a fork. And considering that Andrew got all sweaty when i asked him about it i think we'll have to wait on that one and while i wait i'll hand you back over to noah and eli thank you lucinda and in taking the oh sure out of kosher news tonight fantastic thanks that took me a while that's a good one yeah no i was happy with that legally torturing animals got a little harder in Europe last week when the EU's highest court affirmed a law in Flanders that requires slaughterhouses to stun animals unconscious before killing them. Even if a sky wizard told your centigrade grandfather not to.

And of course, since Orthodox Jewish people have been told to abide by a law, many within that community have dubbed it bigotry and warned that we can't be more than a few inches away from death camps. Yeah, nothing stops anti-Semitism like insisting on your tradition of blood sacrifice, guys. Good going. Yeah, yeah. Good going. So as it stands, the law in the EU is that you can't slaughter a conscious animal because though I'm sure Eli would be happy to explain

how there's no ethical way to eat meat, I think we can all agree that there are less ethical ways to eat meat. That is definitely true. That is definitely true. It's a weird contest, but it's true. Like while kicking, for example. Yeah. And wanting to look it in the eye while you snuff it out definitely falls into that more category.

Right. And that law does, however, permit individual countries and localities to allow religious exemptions. And when a region in Belgium decided not to do that, they got sued, right? Because religions are pretty sure that failing to exempt them from the law is prejudice. But luckily, Europe has a way better Supreme Court than us,

so they disagreed. Any chance we could trade them for an ACB and a Clarence Thomas for a Euro judge? Like baseball cards. Like we give them two shitty ones. Dude, I would trade them

ACB and Clarence Thomas for a fucking baseball card. We just prop it up on the seat. It can't be wronger. Now, of course, the immediate result

of the ban is just more kosher slaughterhouses in Europe exporting to Flanders, but the Orthodox community has expressed concerns that the next logical step, now that they have that court's approval, would be to ban the import of ritually sacrificed meat. Which makes sense, right? Because barbarity isn't less cruel when it's elsewhere. Yeah.

The ruling has also provoked fear of an eventual EU-wide prohibition on killing conscious animals. Though, I gotta say, they're super careful to use a euphemism when they're expressing those fears. We made all this packaging that says you can taste the fear. What am I going to do with this packaging that says you can taste the fear if you can't taste the fear? That would be a lie now. And look, I get that European Jews have good damn reason to get jumpy

any time a law makes anything Jewish illegal. That's fair. It's a substantively different thing than when american christians cry persecution right like even if they're using the same types of justification what's more if this was a christian tradition rather than a jewish and muslim one there's no way in hell countries would be outlawing or not these countries anyway but when you're fighting for your right to torture living things because you're afraid of your imagination, you have rescinded your rights to my sympathies. Yep, yep.

It does come down to that. I just got, I have to land there. And Dan, I know you Barton, but what am I? News. Christian historian and man who looks like a Victorian ghost who doesn't know how to handle watching you jerk off.

David Barton is back in the news this week. Google him because it's really good. It's really, that's a really excellent. Like he came to haunt you and you were just like, oh, I'm a naughty boy. And he's just like, oh, do I still haunt? Do I not haunt? You want to know about Christmas past or no? Shit.

Oh. Christmas past or no. Anyways, he is back in the news this week with some advice for Trump supporters. When people point out what a massive piece of shit you are, you know what? I don't want to give it away, but it turns out that he is rubber. Oh, okay.

Well, if his advice isn't climbing to Noah's ass, I have no idea where you're going with this well it kind of is it kind of is it is actually here's the quote we're getting attacked because you love trump and you're a cult for trump and if they want to call me a homophobe i say oh so you're a heterophobe are you just turn it back in the other direction say you've got this bias against heterosexual people you can't disengage from the other direction say you've got this bias against heterosexual people you can't disengage from the debate just because they're being mean or because they're

saying things about you end quote well so and then you're you you hope your opponent in the debate doesn't think of no yes yes that is what you hope oh okay all right yeah this now the strategy makes sense to me okay Okay. To be fair, most of David Barton's career is hoping that other people don't think of him. Fair. That is what he has a degree in.

That's true. Yeah. So in that spirit, I'd like to put 22 seconds on the clock. Please tell me that was your guess at two-thirds of 30. Nailed it. Nailed it.

You got close. Heterophobic insults to yell at David Barton. Go. Oh, motherfucker. Nailed it. You got close. Heterophobic insults to yell at David Barton. Go. Oh, motherfucker. Pussy lover. Vegetable. Straidy. Unbundled sticks.

That's a thing. The result of two millennia of unbroken privilege. Okay, I think we nailed it. Yeah, we got it. And in totem pole news tonight, there's nothing that reinforces Christian faith quite like any series of events unfolding, apparently. I've always said that. And we learned that once again, thanks to a recent study from the Pew Research Center. Perhaps spurred on by the fact that the indiscriminate deaths of two and a quarter million people worldwide is exactly the kind of thing a loving God couldn't do by definition. Pew asked respondents in 14 different countries

how the pandemic has affected their faith. And lo and behold, disproof has primarily increased religious people's convictions. Really? So people are looking around it now and thinking to themselves, yep, all according to plan. Yeah, exactly. Right, right right so first of all

quick victory lap yet another thing that america is the best at along with usa yeah yes along with car theft and student loan debt americans led the world in likelihood to say that a deadly pandemic increased their belief in an omnibenevolent, omnipotent being. In all, 28% of Americans say that their religious strengths have grown during the pandemic. Gee, 28%. Why does that number sound familiar? 28%. Only 4% of Americans were willing to admit that it made their faith weaker.

And while we weren't quite the lowest in that category, countries like Denmark, Japan and Australia don't have a hell of a lot of faith to lose compared to us. Yeah, fuck. For Denmark to believe in God less, they'd have to like assign someone to believe in God so that they could stop him. Yeah, right. Now, the folks at Pew were hesitant to declare a winner and loser on this survey, as so often they are.

Coward. But clearly America lost. USA, USA, USA. Yeah, exactly. But who won isn't immediately as clear. So Denmark had the lowest overall number of people saying that their faith was strengthened, but they also didn't have anybody really saying it was weakened. In fact, there was no country where the mass die-off caused more

people to lose faith than augment it though at least south korea and sweden were within a point but overall 10 of surveyed people say that the pandemic the again proof that there is no god increased their belief in god so i i feel like declaring anybody a winner would be a mistake. The pandemic? The pandemic's kind of a winner. No, you're right. You're right. Okay.

It's like the board game. The pandemic always wins. Yeah. The pandemic does always win. That's why you got to cheat and you got to put the cards at an even. It's fine. And finally tonight in the fool says in his heart, there is no sloth news. This is so fucking weird. This is so fucking weird.

This is so fucking weird. So come sit down, listener. I learned something upsetting this week. That Ken Ham's boat that can float museum, to stupidity, has a zoo. Someone entrusted Ken Ham with living things. Right? Have you seen his face? That's how good he did

with his face. Why would you give him another separate thing? Anyways, they got animals and zookeepers and shit. And I feel like if your entire business model

is based around a book that has multiple chapters on how and when to put animals to death for their rebelliousness, you shouldn't get that. But I'm not Kentucky, so Art Encounter has a sloth. Maybe they're just trying to talk it out rebelliousness. You shouldn't get that. But I'm not Kentucky, so our encounter has

a sloth. Maybe they're just trying to talk it out of its deadly, sinful way. It's dumber than that. I wish it was that dumb. And the folks at Answers in Genesis took to their YouTube this week to use that sloth to teach us all a valuable lesson. Here is

part of that video, word for word. Noah, see if you can tell where things go awry. It's a minute we deign to watch a video from Answers in Goddamn Genesis, but okay, but fine. Quote, guess the sloth. This one is fast for a sloth, but he's still slow. Why? Because sloths, by definition, are slow. That's how they're made to operate, and it shouldn't surprise us they move slowly. And in today's lessons, we. And it shouldn't surprise us they move slowly. And in today's lessons, we see something that should not surprise us as well. That is, Christians are persecuted.

What? Sloths move slow while Christians are persecuted. Wait, what? That kind of happens because of who we are. Jesus even warned the disciples that, you know what? Just as I've been persecuted, you will be persecuted as well. End complete, end perfect quote. you know what? Just as I've been persecuted, you will be persecuted as well. End complete and perfect quote.

Is she being fed to the sloth in the video? By us? She is not. They just had a sloth and wanted to talk about how persecuted they were. So they did that. So they did. And by the way, in case you're wondering

if I wildly scanned the rest of their YouTube hoping for similar lessons. Yes, I did. And sadly, I was disappointed. But Ken Ham, if you are listening

and I know you are, please make this your show every week. Please, please just introduce an animal and then a weird fucking non sequitur

from your magic book. I cannot promise you much, but I will watch every episode when you do. All right. So now that we've greased the skins for some job security, I guess we can close the headlines for the night. Eli, thanks as always. Clue. That's the spirit. And when we come back, you'll realize that making fun of Christian YouTube videos is some of a theme on this week's episode.

As we discussed in the headlines, weird stupid man baby Matt Powell loves nothing more than to be insulted by atheists. You motherfucker. And as it happens,

that's the only characteristic we know of that he shares with our dear friend Heath. And as Heath is currently dealing with a death in his family and is listening in from afar, we felt obligated to try to cheer him up. So in keeping with what we're pretty sure both of them are hoping for, we'd like to revisit a video that Heath talked about a few weeks back on this installment of God Awful Minutes. So tell us, Eli, what will we be breaking down today you know i like it when you introduce me on the c segments noah i know yeah we watched noah's flood versus primitive

superstition spacey space theistic evolution spacey space god's word versus man's word It's catchy It's the story of Matt Powell Standing in a field Freezing his ass off Getting through less and less sentences On his first try as he goes Oh about five minutes in You can see that he's really regretting this decision

And how bad was this mini? Well, if you love sermons from brainwashed teenagers, but you miss the ticking clock of the day after tomorrow, you will love this YouTube video. Yes, according to the description, his intended audience for this is theistic evolutionists. That would be people who's smart enough to realize evolution is a demonstrable fact but dumb enough to not see how that disproves the idea of a creator

god because like if you're not bringing at least some stupid to the table there's nothing matt can do for you yeah but that guy we met at reason rally who was a deist and wanted to argue with you who you told the fucking self that guy will love this video. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, yeah. Just right up his alley. I miss him. So is there anything that you want to nominate this one

for being the best at being the worst at? Yes, I'm going to go with best worst numbering system. By the time we're at the end of this video, we are in point one, sub clause two, paragraph C. I needed a map. I needed Leonardo DiCaprio to draw me a maze to get out of this video. All right. And I'll take the obvious best worst ability to settle on a goddamn title for his video.

It's just him. There's no one operating the camera. It's him in a field who the hell was he compromising with with all these fucking titles just running around a writer's room all right come on guys we need to figure this out moving from seat to seat well i actually kind of like yeah all right so we open up on matt powell looking like he was freshly exiled from the snow piercer right matt it's matt buddy look i am a fellow caucasoid we do not do well in the cold you are bright fucking oh my god all right so he's doing this outdoors. He's clearly like in his backyard. He lives in like upstate Michigan or some shit.

So this was done in December. It's obviously freezing cold. There's snow everywhere. He's not wearing a coat. No, I'm like, I'm watching this video. I'm like, just don't eat the berries, Matt. Don't eat the berries. This actually brings me to my favorite comment on this youtube video by user greg who writes quote

my son lives in grand rapids stay warm up there man i want greg on everything the comments on this video were just spectacular oh yeah, yeah. All right, so he opens up the video, and the entire video is just going to be him sitting on a fucking metal folding chair in the freezing cold without a coat on, direct address. But he starts off by pointing out that the Bible is not compatible with evolution, right?

Yeah. And he's right. He's correct. It's just that the latter is demonstrable. The provable part is not yeah i don't i don't love when me and matt powell start out on the same page i gotta say don't worry we won't stay there long so he goes all right number one and we just know in our hearts that there will never be a number two right and there was like cloverfield yeah

as soon as he said so number one i'm like there's no fucking way there's a number two i guarantee it's not a number maybe a b if we're okay all right so to begin with his conclusion right like that's the starting point of the video right he's the whole point of the video is to prove that evolution isn't compatible with the idea of biblical truth and he starts off by saying, so, okay, so number one, evolution is a fairy tale, it's a fairy story, and it's bullshit, and it's a lie, and it's

not even true. I'm like, well, if that's number one, are we done? Yeah, he says, we've already verified that evolution is nothing more than a fairy tale. And I was like, ooh, we is doing a ton of heavy lifting in that sentence maddie like i'm concerned for the health of we's back right now

he goes you know i'll it's obviously this is not true i'll give you one fact in this video and i'm like i don't believe you i don't think you will i don't think you will matt but this is where we get to the crux of his argument that monkeys would have had to surf from africa to south america in order for evolution to work well only one of two things is possible either they surfed here or they were placed here by God's angry magic flood. Right. One of those things is impossible. Well, exactly.

Exactly. That's the whole time. I'm right. Like, I'm like, you know, you you went out of your way to use term surf because that's silly sounding. But like your thing still sounds sillier. Like, even if I imagine that monkeys literally got on little tiny surfboards and did a transatlantic. That's still way more plausible than your thing, because monkeys and surfboards and oceans all exist in the universe. Here's what's worse, Matt.

One of the suggested videos on this video is a video of a monkey surfing on a surfboard. You know what's not one of the suggested videos? The entire earth being covered in water. So, but okay, but just to be super clear, and we talked about this back on episode 411 when Heath covered this video, but like, yes, that is one of the working theories. How did monkeys get to South America in the first place

if they evolved in Africa originally, right? Because they evolved way after those two land masses split. Well, one of the theories is that they floated over, like a breeding-sized population of monkeys floated over on a vegetation raft, which that's all, like all of those things are observed

things, right? We've seen breedings, like these things can be huge after volcanic eruptions. These vegetation rafts that we're talking about, these can be huge like small islands. They could absolutely carry a breeding population, which doesn't have to be that much. A founding population doesn't have to be all that big if they show up in a place where there's no real predators for them and there's an abundance of food. there's an abundance of food, right? Yeah. So as fantastical as that is, too, keep in mind that we're like, we need for this to happen once in tens of millions of years.

And ever. We need this to happen once ever. Ever. Right, exactly, right. And again, using all things that have been observed, all things that we have seen happen in the world.

I don't believe that we've ever seen a transatlantic vegetation raft carrying a breeding population but we've seen every constituent part of that right so but then like so let's also look at the evidence that he's using right because he's talking about 34 million year old fossils of monkeys as his evidence that evolution is incorrect. But if 34 million year old fossils exist at all, your thing is incorrect. Yes. And let's keep in mind that his answer is not like, I don't know, Noah threw one over the boat.

He was using it as a fucking piss cup. It's the pseudoscientific theory of hydrologic sorting. Oh my God. Yeah. Now, if you hear the air quotes in my voice, that's because the only place you're going to find a source about hydrological sorting is creationwiki.org. Yes.

And here's hydrologic sorting, everybody. Yeah, please, please. So you take some sand and some mud and some semen, and you put it in a big cup of water, and then you fucking shake it around, and then you leave it there. It'll settle into layers. And that's why soil has different layers,

is because when God was flooding the earth, he shook it around, and then it settled into different layers yeah it's not from over time or anything like that it's just if that's how it settled and and the bones would be evenly distributed over all the world at that point right because like it could have come from anywhere it's 40 days that shit's floating around a monkey skeleton could have floated intact in a position of a dying monkey the entire time and landed there just landed by the way side note uh this is where i started counting the cuts uh three and then halfway through this sentence four we're on four cuts so far yeah oh yeah and

and these cuts are like he's like very clearly trying to line up how he thought he was sitting when he started fucking up that sentence and everything. He's trying to make it look like one cut in a weird kind of way as though he was just doing audio. Yeah, it's weird. He doesn't understand that you could like, he could cut to a side shot of himself or he could cut to

his feet for a second. He doesn't know that. So we just watch these weird little jumps in the middle of this conversation with himself we watch him fucking skip like then when they've adjusted the matrix in the matrix yeah exactly a very max hedrum kind of a thing that goes on there but yeah but this is where he makes this weird argument that if the flood is true evolution is false and like look a lot of things are not true if the flood is true you know hydrodynamics

physics all kinds of shit but evolution actually does not require a not being a worldwide flood well right exactly exactly that's the fucked up thing just like no no we it goes the other way right if evolution is true your thing is false right. No, at the very least, that part of the Bible isn't contradicted by evolution. And more importantly, he keeps saying that, like, if the monkey boat thing,

monkey surfing isn't true, then evolution is not true. And that's just obviously not true, right? If it finds out that, like, ancient Eli figured out a monkey trebuchet and fired him over

in South America, and we verify that that's the thing. Evolution's still true. We just got to figure out how ancient Eli made the trebuchet. Right. Yeah, exactly. Well, that was what I thought. But then he said fairy tale again in reference to evolution.

I was like, oh, good point. Yes. Or as he calls it here, quote, it's a fairy story for those who are afraid of the light for those who are afraid of jesus and quote i'm starting my notes afraid's a weird choice of word there matt afraid is a weird choice and and yeah people who are terrified of the idea that they live forever in paradise it's's a pretty scary thought. Yeah, man.

Oh, no. I don't want to see my loved ones again and get away with anything I ever do by saying sorry in my head to an invisible man. What'll I do, man? What'll I do? And just as you're recovering from his ability to repeatedly use the word surf

in relation to oceanic rafts, he hits us with the duck-billed dinosaurs that paddle boated to africa right or kayak i don't know i can't think of which is the next silliest word to use which it means in matt powell's head he was like okay some people though some people are going to see that goddamn surfing monkey that's the suggested video after mine so i'm gonna go with the duck-billed dinosaurs because i think we can all agree that them surfing would be stupid right yeah exactly as opposed to the explanation that the bible offers up for where duck-billed dinosaurs come from right where they

they like mocked the old incestuous man and his family as they got into their magic boat. You guys sure? All right. No need to be rude. Okay. I see you, duck-billed plant buses. I like that they quack. That's nice.

And look, dude, you're talking about duck-billed dinosaurs. You're a guy who we know for a fact thought that a Photoshop pterodactyl being held

by Civil War soldiers was A, real. You did. And B, a dinosaur. Pterodactyls were not dinosaurs. Enough. Enough with that shit. Matt, look at us. Matt, are you a good judge of what is real and not real?

Remember the photo? You remember it, Matt. Remember when we made you famous about that? Yeah. You're welcome, Matt. We know you love this. You're not mad at all. All right. So, yeah.

So he's like, so who are you going to believe? Science, meaning not me, or science, meaning me. Science? Don't answer yet. Yeah, but his method, though, is that his is the science. Obviously, Matt Powell knows science better than all of them universities. I mean, just the accredited ones. I mean, there's some other ones that agree with him.

And he digs in on the fairy tale thing right at this point where we start to wonder if it's that he doesn't know what evolution is or if it's that he doesn't know what a fairy tale is. These are the questions that got raised in these next sentences. Thank you, no illusions. Right, because where he goes like, saying a frog became a prince. Well, that's just a fairy tale. And I'm like, yeah, no, it's the frog and the prince. It's the way that we all. It's a fairy tale.

Did you think that that was, was that sitting next to the evolution book and you thought they were related? Funny. It's the last time his parents were let him into school. They did story time and then they did science and he was like, I don't know what's the real thing and what's the fake here. He's like, I don't care what Charles Darwin says. People can't get their spirits

caught in candlesticks and even if they could, those candlesticks wouldn't be able to dance and sing. How would they locomotive? Stupid no sense what race is moana tell me now and then he he does this fake humbleness thing where he's like look don't believe me believe god who i just happen to be speaking for right He's speaking through me. Yeah, exactly. The invisible guy that I speak for that you can't check with. Yeah, exactly. And then he has this thing.

He's like, surfing monkeys is the resurrection of evolution. And I'm like, hey, dude, your metaphor, not mine. So yeah, so then hard cut, we go to his conclusion, which is basically, so if you want to keep being a wrong asshole that's fine but don't come crawling back to me when you're laying naked in a holding

cell covered in your own sperm mother fucker as a preacher and someone who loves to study the word i have to tell you the facts and i'm like those are both things that are not requirements of those things you listen right yeah exactly exactly he's like but you know look you can believe what you want but at the end of the day i'm the one who's right because this is my fucking video because no one else is allowed to talk right now i couldn't find a part of my yard without a power meter in the background and then we get this super super hard cut that ends with him going fairy story land is the place where that belongs at okay so which means though but there was he said that in a way that was worse and then cut and that's what he landed on.

So I wonder if he had just tried like 63 cuts at that point and his tongue is just frozen. And that's the best he could do. Matt, give us the uncut version. I know you have it, Matt. It's like the eighth photo on your cell phone. I'm not a rich man, Matt. But I'll pay good money to see the sentence that didn't make it the cut when he that gone to place that.

Did you say a slur, Matt? Did you? Did you say kike, Matt? It's okay if you said kike. You can tell us. Well, and then what's amazing is that he doesn't have the sense to just sit there for a second and a half after he's done

talking and not immediately jump up and run back inside towards his hot chocolate or whatever. So when it ends, he's like halfway to standing up as the cut occurs. ISIS is watching his video. They're like, Shadi, this is really badly done. Come on, Matt. All right. Well, now that Matty P is that much more famous

and our audience is that much more Christian, I guess there's nothing left well now that Matty P is that much more famous and our audience is that much more Christian, I guess there's nothing left to say to Matty, but you're welcome. You're welcome. And here's hoping we see you again on another God Awful Mini. Before we pull up the ladder behind us tonight, I wanted to let you know that Heath should be back I'm a little blind have statistical citation needed debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously I need to thank Ethan Wright for all the hard work he normally does,

which is never as apparent as it is when Eli and I try to do a 30 seconds bit without him. I need to thank the aforementioned Eli Bosnick for all the baby pics he posts on Facebook. Dude, I will never mind picking up a headline for you if I get video of that kid laughing in exchange. Okay. Just so you know, I also need to thank the lovely and talented Lucinda illusions for putting up with me in damn near isolation for almost a year now without ripping out any of my organs.

I also want to thank Ryan for providing this week's Farnsworth quote. Fucked up how he sent me that back in July and our dumbass country still hasn't learned the fucking lesson. But most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's most mellifluous mammals. Brenda Zipastate, VL, Kevin, Nate, Etruscan Episode, Mercado, Shifty Dan, Hillary, Allie, Deirdre, Travis, David, Risto, a string of unconstitutional laws, Jeffrey, and bunny slippers. Brenda Zipostate, VL, Kevin, Nate, and Etruscan episode, whose IQs are so high they have observation decks. Mercado, Shifty, Dan, Hillary, Allie, Deirdre, and Travis,

who are so brilliant, diamonds are kind of lost on them. And David Risto, a string of unconstitutional laws, Jeffrey, and bunny slippers, who are hot enough to fuck lava. Together, these 17 savory secularists circumvented the censurable schemes of sanctimonious spiritualists who suck species from the salaries of their susceptible supporters this week by giving us money.

Not everybody has the money it takes to give us money, but if you do, you can make a per-episode donation to patreon.com slash skatingadius, whereby you'll earn early access to an extended ad-free version of every episode, or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage at skatingadius.com. Legal services for this podcast are provided by the Law Offices of P. Andrew Torres,

Tim Robson handles our social media, and our audio engineer is Morgan Clark, who also wrote all the music that was used in this episode, which was used with permission. If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you can find all the contact info on the contact page at scathingadeus.com. The centripetal schemes of sanctimonious Spirulish. God damn it. Why do I do this to myself every week? The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a Thunderstorm LLC. Copyright 2021.

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