The Scathing Atheist - 424: Selling Your Sole Edition

Episode Date: April 1, 2021

In this week’s episode, churches provide their nothing to fewer people than ever, Christianity dives naked into a briar patch to pwn Lil Nas X, and if we told you there was an Anna song, you’d write it off as an April Fools joke. --- To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click there: https://www.amazon.com/Outbreak-Crisis-Religion-Ruined-Pandemic/dp/B08L2HSVS8/ To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/ To hear more from our intrepid audio engineer Morgan Clarke, click here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/ --- Guest Links: Check out the Sunday Grind Podcast here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/sunday-grind-podcast/id1525105639 --- Headlines: Gallup: For the first time, most Americans don’t belong to a church: https://news.gallup.com/poll/341963/church-membership-falls-below-majority-first-time.aspx COVID-Denying Canadian Pastor May Get Out of Jail After Prosecutors Drop Charges: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2021/03/19/covid-denying-canadian-pastor-to-get-out-of-jail-after-prosecutors-drop-charges/ Christian Defends Name of Robert E Lee HS Arguing That Jesus Never Condemned Slavery: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2021/03/26/christian-defends-name-of-robert-e-lee-high-jesus-never-condemned-slavery/ Pope blames devil for “COVID related distrust” https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2021/03/29/pope-francis-the-devil-is-to-blame-for-covid-related-distrust-and-desperation/ Jesse Lee Peterson says that the government is run by evil black people: https://onenewsnow.com/culture/2021/03/29/govt-handicapping-white-people Rick Joyner’s kids fucking hate him: https://www.nytimes.com/2021/03/27/opinion/sunday/evangelical-rick-joyner-family.html Conservative Christians Can’t Handle Rapper Lil Nas X’s New “Satan Shoes”: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2021/03/28/conservative-christians-cant-handle-rapper-lil-nas-xs-new-satan-shoes/ --- This Week in Misogyny: Church refuses woman fishing trip prize because woman: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2021/03/30/church-tells-woman-she-cant-win-fishing-trip-raffle-prize-because-of-her-gender/

Warning, this week's episode has all the profanity from last week, plus an extra fuck in the warning. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by ZipRecruiter, and by the new Amish hiring service, Hook and Eye Closure Recruiter. The Amish, far more dangerously misogynistic than most people realize. And now, The Scathing Atheist. Hi, this is Bob. And this is Matt from the Sunday Grind podcast in Rochester, New York. As coffee drinkers and podcasters,

we assure you that we did, in fact, evolve from filthy monkey men. Fuck yeah. It's Thursday. It's April 1st. And now that time has provided the April, we're here to provide the fools. I'm Noah Lusions. I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heath Enright. And from G. Gordon, Liddy's, New Jersey,

RIP, Cincinnati, Red State, and Redtown Blue State, this is the Scathing Atheist. On this week's episode, churches provide their nothing to fewer people than ever. Christianity dives naked into a briar patch to pwn Lil Nas X. And if I told you there was an Anna

song, you'd write it off as an April Fool's joke. But first, the diatribe. The other day, my wife shared a meme on Facebook. I'm sorry. The pandemic has really whittled down my ability to give these diatribes a setting. So that's it. But she shares this post about the sins of left handedness. It's actually the cover of a book from 1935 called The Prevention and Correction of Left Handedness in Children by J.W. Conway.

It's a real book. I double-checked it. It's like 39 pages long, and it instructs teachers and parents on how to correct for the disability of coloring with the wrong hand. And look, as anachronistic as that might seem to you, she dealt with this shit. Lucinda's a lefty, and when she was a kid, she had more than one teacher that forced her to use her right hand in class. And when she didn't, they take a ruler to her fucking knuckles. And judging by the responses on her Facebook post, she wasn't alone exactly. Of course, I mean, this is all shit.

We know, right? It's often trotted out as a real life sneetches with stars example to point out how arbitrary bigotry is the fact that sinister comes from the latin for left the way that left-handedness has been used as a marker for satanism and witchcraft at various points in history it's something that has existed throughout written history to some degree and is still the norm today at least in a few countries right it seems out of place in modern day america but it wasn't out of place when my dad was a kid. And it wasn't all the way gone by the time my wife was a kid. Of course, along the way, you know, the idea evolved a bit. Eventually, the literal association with the devil was de-emphasized, but people still

felt like there was something wrong with those motherfuckers, those lefty sons of bitches. Instead of a sign of devilry, it evolved into a disability. To be clear, though, the people studying this shit weren't at a loss for data to back them up. I mean, left-handed people have shorter life expectancies than right-handed people. There must be something wrong with them, right? Of course, a lot of that's because they're forced to move through life in a world designed for right-handed people. And that predates the regular use of scissors. I mean, the phalanx is designed for a right-handed spearman.

The staircase is designed for a right-handed swordsman. But when you're not seeking an alternative explanation, you don't find one. So all of that was ignored in favor of the solution they'd already decided on, hand conversion therapy. The key, though, is that none of the shit that Christianity condemns today is any less arbitrary than this. Their misogyny, their homophobia, their transphobia, their tirades against abortion, they're all rooted in the same random happenstance that had them trying to beat the left-handedness out of their children. If anything, the other things are more arbitrary since the Bible spends a lot more time

expressing a preference for righties than it does condemning gayness or, fuck, abortion never even comes up. I mean, at least not in a don't do this kind of way. The misogyny is a theme so pervasive that it could damn near be called the plot. But if you're using the Bible as your guide, the other stuff is pretty minor

compared to the sin of left-handedness. Look, there are two types of religious morality the better one of the two is the bullshit attempts to retrofit modern morals into the scripture the bible is like most holy books in that you can pluck whatever the hell you want out of there if you're willing to ignore all the shit that comes before and after your sentence of choice so if if you just wanted Jesus that supports trans rights and abortion access and gay marriage, you can find one in there. If you honestly assess what this Jesus character in this book is all about, you're never going to land on that. But if you're willing to ignore all that shit, you can pound the square nail into the round stigmata or whatever. Of course, in so doing, you're elevating the words of a guy who doesn't actually think the thing that you're trying to sell.

So it's a roundabout way of getting morals. And even if you succeed, all you've done is reset the clock on antiquation of your morality. Something tells me that we haven't yet reached peak morality as a species. So whatever you manage now is just going to need reinterpretation down the line and probably inhibit moral growth in between. And that's the better type of religious morality. The other type is the arbitrary shit that we spend most of this show dealing with. You know, sometimes it comes from the same process. You start with your biases and then you just cherry pick the justifications.

But other times it's just an outgrowth of the arbitrary nature of books written hundreds of years ago from cultures long dead. But most of the time, it's just a self-reinforcing cycle. And it's pointless to try to figure out who's eating whose tail. Because when it comes to hatred, religion is often both the cause and the effect. They're talking about you, Jesus. We interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news bulletin. joining me for headlines tonight are the winking and blinking to my nod heathenwright and eli bosnick fellas are you ready to put kids to sleep what uh it's an 1800s americanized version of a

dutch solo by heath read a book or the note that i put on there yeah what book is so it turns out that there are a finite number of trios. So while I find some better sources, we're going to pause for a word from this week's sponsor, ZipRecruiter. If you're a business owner who's hiring, it can feel a little like this. Okay, I'm pretty sure this is the needle. Nope, that is still hay. Aha, but it's sharp hay. All hay is sharp.

That's why this is hard. That's why you should try ZipRecruiter for free at ZipRecruiter.com slash scathing. Okay, what about a big magnet? Where do we get a big magnet? The magnet. Don't say store. Store. Well, when you post a job on ZipRecruiter, it gets sent to over 100 of the top job sites with one click. Then, ZipRecruiter's matching technology finds people with the right skills and experience for your job and actively invites them to apply.

In fact, ZipRecruiter is so effective that four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. It's no wonder over 2.3 million businesses have come to ZipRecruiter for their hiring needs. Okay, what if we just set it on fire? I feel like that's not in the spirit of the activity, though. But that would work. It would work. So while other companies overwhelm you with too many options, ZipRecruiter finds you what you're looking

for, the needle in the haystack. And right now, you can try ZipRecruiter for free at this web address, ZipRecruiter.com slash scathing. Once again, remember to go to this unique place, ZipRecruiter.com slash S-C-a-t-h-i-n-g ziprecruiter the smartest way to hire okay what about a magnet that's on fire not better beans and now back to the headlines in our lead story tonight i know it doesn't feel like we're winning

but we are we are it's hard to tell because the more we whittle down the ranks of the religious, the louder the remaining assholes get. So their total volume is steady. But if you look at the numbers closely, you'll see that it's ever fewer people screaming themselves ever hoarser. And we were reminded of that yet again on Monday when Gallup showed that in 2020, for the first time, the majority of Americans did not belong to a church, synagogue, or other religious congregation. Nice. Good stuff. And now that they're in the minority, they're going to be way cooler about all the

persecution we do, right? They're all about that. And Riffer doesn't count anymore. Win, win, win, win, win. Yeah, we did it. All wins. So I should be clear about what we're talking about. This is not about church attendance, though that's down too. The majority of Americans do still attend a church more often than never, and the majority hasn't attended a church weekly in decades.

What this survey looked into was the self-reported membership to a church. And to many of the never religious or never all that religious, that might seem like a distinction without a difference. But if you're the one trying to balance the church's books, it matters a lot, right? Because both of them lead to fewer wallets in the pews, but membership also leads to fewer names on the mailing list. And fewer kids to rape.

It's a real loss all around for the church. They lose their fridge benefits too. Now, Gallup has been tracking this number since 1937. Back then, 73% of Americans were members of a church, synagogue, or mosque, which means that 72-point-something percent were members of a church. Over the next 60 years, though, that number barely moved. By 2000, it had gone down a bit, but it was still hovering around 70%. And then the Internet happened, and it's been tumbling downhill ever since hell

even in the time that we've been doing this show it's dropped by nearly 10 you're welcome everyone you hear that we caused 10 of all the atheism not how numbers work but the point is the vaccine chips they've barely even kicked in yet it's going to get even better than whatever it is exactly now interestingly enough by the way the precipitous decrease in religiosity only accounts for about half of the recent decrease in church membership in other words people are losing their church membership at twice the rate they're losing their religion or damn near it anyway gallup attributes the other half to the fact that fewer american christians express a denominational preference and for them most of whom only rarely

attend a church service to begin with any old church will do i mean as long as it's not uh catholic or or mormon listen we will bounce around to different venues but we are not doing good works this is fucking america exactly and i'm wearing the underwear I came in with. This is then. I'm not doing yours. So one other nugget of good news to tack onto this story, although I'm sure you'd have guessed it even without me mentioning it, there's a big generational

difference driving this decline and reason is on the right side of it. 58% of boomers are members of churches. 50% of Gen Xers are. 36% of millennials are. There are no hard data on younger generations yet, but all the soft data points to an increase

and even an acceleration of that trend. Even more importantly, because these numbers stretch back to the 30s, we can see where we compare to other generations at our ages. And given all that, there is every reason to believe it'll be impossible for Eli's grandkids to remotely understand what the fuck

he did for a living and not just because I'll have to explain what a podcast is although it'll also be that right that they'll have that to get over too it's like the singularity but no it's hard to know how it implants the knowledge in our brain?

Ah, it's never mind. And in Canada news, Canada is better than America in so very many ways. They have universal health care. You don't have to wear a condom. Still got to wear a condom. And when their COVID denying pastors break the law, they go to jail for it. Even if it's just for a little while. And to prove a point. So the

pastor in question is James Coates at Grace Life Baptist Church in Alberta, who is Canada's own Tony Spell. Except he's so silly looking. He is very silly looking. Yeah, he's their Tony Spell, except without the vehicular manslaughter attempt and the viral

Twitter challenge that our listeners filled with gay porn. Yeah, what we're saying here is that Canadian Heath needs to up his game. Also, James Coates looks like Carrot Top went on a local morning show for a makeover. Oh my god, he does! Like some sort of face thing, too. Like, not just a

plain makeover. Like, they tried to do another face thing. Like, a third face thing. Yeah. What not to forbear? I don't know what that means. What happens to carrot? Whatever. Not what. We don't have time.

So Coates insisted that physical distancing, wearing a mask and not playing hock the loogie in each other's mouths violated his religious freedom. And Canada is such a lovely place filled with trusting, wide eyed, non condom using gentle folk. Still got to wear a condom. That Alberta Public Health showed up at first to help him move chairs around and shit. That's the best.

He had to stop them and explain, like, no, I don't need help from the social safety net. I'm an asshole. Right, right. He's like, no, no, no. I see why you thought that, but no, I am the public health hazard in this instance. No, no no it's

me and you're enclosing me in a giant cage of chairs now i've seen this coming my fucking chairs so shortly thereafter he was arrested and released on bail pending his willingness to you know stop killing people which he made it clear immediately he was not going to do. But luckily for us, Coates is going to take his case to the top and that might be fantastic news for sanity. See, the crown actually dropped the majority of the charges against him pending his release,

but they left one on there. They have to call it the crown. Yeah, I also like that. Do you picture a swan in a crown? Absolutely. Well, a goose. in a crown. Absolutely. Still a little wig. Well, a goose. It's Canada.

Right. And Coates and his crack legal team at the Justice Center for Constitutional Freedom want their case heard, releasing a statement that said, quote, A single charge remaining has not been withdrawn as the Justice Center and Pastor Coates want the matter heard at trial to determine the constitutionality of the public health order that churches should only hold worship services at 15 capacity and to compel the government to produce scientific evidence that might support these violations of charter freedoms end quote oh no wherever will the canadian government find evidence that churches are harmful oh my god exactly and because alberta's courts aren't filled with lunatics he's probably gonna fucking lose now yeah don't get me wrong i'm not saying this is a shoo-in i can't believe they got away with

theocracy is our business model here at the skatingathing Atheist, but there is a chance, a good chance, my friends, that Alberta is going to officially and legally tell him to fuck his face. Please. Because Canada. Can we just enter the defendant into evidence? Is that a thing? And in Saved by the Ants,

I still gotta use a condom. Cool. Rule of fours. N school in Florida that's thinking about changing its name from Robert E. Lee High School to literally anything else. Anything else. They could become the Pol Pot Academy and it's less problematic. Where they are, yes. Yes, that's absolutely true. And just to be clear, they're having that debate about Robert E. Lee right now in 2021. Lee right now in 2021. Apparently they've been honoring Mr. Lee for his great humanitarian work and dealing with that terrorist John Brown who raided the federal arsenal at Harper's Ferry back in 1859. And you know, that's just being a patriot. That's Robert E. Lee being a good American.

But they recently, very recently, got a tip about Robert E. Lee's brief stint as the general of the Confederate Army. And that might be a factor in some direction. They're not sure. So now they're thinking it over. All right. Okay, listener, you may have missed it because he disguised it as a joke. But I caught Heath trying to sneak in the, but he also did a less bad thing once apologetic about his direct ancestor, Robert E. Lee.

It's also related to Grant. It cancels. Some fine generals on both sides. They fucked each other and he did the result. Listen, I just want to repeat what I said before. They are thinking it over. This is a tricky issue for the school board in Duval County, Florida, and they needed to call a series of town meetings to get the input of the people

who live in Duval County, Florida, about this issue. That would be the Jacksonville area. Florida about this issue. That would be the Jacksonville area. Noah, you're pretty familiar with this region and its culture, I guess. Should the people of Jacksonville, Florida ever be consulted about anything ever as is happening right now? Yeah, no, my wife is from there. I live about an hour from there. And I want to point out Duval County isn't just the Jacksonville area. It's the city limits of Jacksonville. Because when it looked like there's going to be enough black people in town to elect a few of them to the city council in the late 60s,

the white people panic annexed the entire fucking county to protect their majority. So in other words, no. Oh, did you see the Thompsons had a baby? Did you see that you're your own city now? Damn it. All right, well, just in case we had any doubt about the wisdom of Duval County, here's an example of what we heard

at one of those town meetings. This is from, well, literal Florida man, Joey Stevens. He's a grown-up named joey and he argued against all the christian people at that meeting who objected to glorifying the general of the pro-slavery army so it's a christian on christian fight he says they're doing Christianity wrong, which is technically true. According to Joey, quote, one of you mentioned Christianity. Well, that's awfully funny. You want to bring up Christianity when it says in the Bible that Jesus himself never condemned slavery. Well, I'm going to stop you right there.

Nope. Yeah. He's so close though it's true that jesus did not condemn slavery but the bible doesn't say jesus the character in our book did not condemn slavery in our book moving on with our book that's not how books work joey continued in fact jesus said slaves have an obligation to obey their master. So if you're going to throw around Christianity, say both sides. End quote.

Guys, why do we even need us? Yeah. Yeah. I was thinking maybe we do a clip show once a year, but maybe we just give Joey the floor once a year. You know? We get him on a mic. That's a show.

That's a show. So yeah, I think Joey makes a good point. If we're trying to decide if slavery is a good thing, the Bible isn't going to provide a clear answer on that. So, you know, say what you will about Joey, but he knows how to stay in his lane. That's good. And he really made our point super duper well by accident.

Yeah. Yeah. Almost can't help it when you take that fucking book literally. And in the details are in the devil news tonight. Religious leaders are just having the darndest time figuring out who keeps ruining our global pandemic. Is it the gays? Is it trans women in sports? Is it whatever that over there is?

Well, we got a familiar scapegoat this week from the Pope in the form of Satan. Yes, if you've been wondering who's been stirring all the discord and confusion, it's not the people suing their governors over lockdown orders or the people claiming that the true cure is a long dead magical Jew

or the people pretending that the crux of the problem is the divine torture demon king. It's the divine torture demon king it's the divine torture demon king it's that actual being great okay so if you're keeping score at home there are christian people who believe covid was made by satan and believe the covid vaccine was made by satan yeah there are people who believe those two things at the same time. Yeah. I mean, to be fair, Heath, God's really busy helping Trump win, lose the election. So he's delegating the COVID thing. Good management. Move the cheese.

So, yeah, in the lead up to Holy Week, which is Latin for infrastructure week, Pope Frandalorian, it's great. You just, you meant the same joke for eight years. Eventually new pop culture references show up and breathe new life into it. Anyway. So Pope Fran DeLorean sent a letter to, I guess, Catholicism in which he addresses the why hasn't God fixed any of this ridiculous 2020 shit yet question by pointing out that God's actually doing a great job. If you think about it, it's just that Satan didn't do his side work during the last shift. Quote.

He didn't get set up for success. Exactly. Quote. In this historical situation, what is God doing? He takes up the cross. Jesus takes up the cross. That is, he takes on the evil that this situation entails, the physical and psychological evil, and above all, the spiritual spiritual evil because the evil one

is taking advantage of the crisis to disseminate distrust desperation and discord okay so according to the pope jesus is losing at a game to satan because jesus is a fucking noob he sucks at it yep i love how he had to plug in the crucifixion there, like a bad mom yelling at a teenager and says, I carried you for nine months. So much of Christianity is exactly that. Now, of course, to their credit, as bad as the Catholic response to the pandemic has been,

what with the demonizing some vaccines as to abortion and insisting on doing communion in a disturbing number of places despite all the restrictions. The Protestants are doing the lion's share of the confusion when it comes to the pandemic, especially American Baptists. And I'm all for Catholicism turning the tables and calling American Baptists satanic for a change, right? Catholic God and Protestant God have been dancing around the ring long enough after king kong versus godzilla i'm ready for a fucking fight between two more fictional characters let's watch them duke it out yeah oh and who's that from the corner to defeat them both it's youtube with a folding chair oh my god i've never seen anything like it

oh youtube but yeah if data goes up and your thing goes down your thing is stupid yeah it's bad just uh how that works yeah bad and in what do you mean you peterson news last monday the city of evanston illinois became the first city in the country to approve reparations for black resident homeowners who have been victims of racial discrimination stemming from slavery and an era of segregation. And racists are so mad. Delightful. Yeah. Now, it doesn't matter that this is actually a relatively restrained program, the first part of which totals only $400,000.

Oh, good. Squaresies. Yeah. And will be dispersed in $25,000 allotments for residents to use towards home improvements or mortgage assistance the need for which could be directly traced to redlining discrimination and segregation either way none of that matters racists are pretty sure they're just giving out free money to black people for being black and they are mad about it right yeah they're like they're literally like, you know what?

We went broke and lived in shitty houses on our own without all the government assistance that the black people got. Also, we are giving out free money to black people. That is what's happening. We should. Just like the mostly non-existent estate tax has been giving out free money

to almost entirely white people forever. Fucking deal with it. There you go. I hate when you bring up the estate tax has been giving out free money to almost entirely white people forever. Fucking deal with it. There you go. I hate when you bring up the estate tax. I earned that, mommy. Did you? And when racists are mad about something, it's time for Pastor, president of the Brotherhood Organization of New Destiny,

and living embodiment of Dave Chappelle's black KKK member sketch, Jesse Lee Peterson, who chimed in saying, quote, government is now being controlled by a bunch of radical far left evil black men and women. They know that the white people are afraid to speak up. I've been saying for a long time that if white Americans don't speak up, we're going to have South Africa in America. What? And fucking hippos are the worst. The worst. White people in America need to speak up

or it might be the end of American apartheid. Yes. Did I read that correctly? What? There's not a teleprompter? I just said that from the face. Jesse, I'm a person of color. And listen to how close he gets into defeating himself at the end of the quote here he's still talking about south africa right and he concludes quote it's

so bad now they're taking the land away from white people without compensation that's an unfair wrong thing to do to folks it's not equal it's not right it's evil because you have the people in there now who pass these laws and they're handicapping white people when people can't fight back end quote uh so yeah what do you think they should do about that jesse something to repair the situation perhaps hey Either way, Patreon goal. We will send Jesse Lee Peterson a mirror. It's going to wreck his whole thing. Oh, fuck, yeah.

And on that brief moment of devastation, we're going to take a quick break and hand things over to my lovely wife, Lucid. A man wrote the Bible. A horse would smug. If it's a legitimate race. Cooking can be fun. I'm proud of a man. This Week in Misogyny.

Sometimes I get a story that just starts bad and keeps getting worse. Sometimes you're just sure you're in the deepest basement the story has, and then suddenly there's also racism. It starts with a church, so there's your first problem. A Christian church, no less, so already two strikes. And on top of that, it's in Pennsylvania. And not even one of the two places in Pennsylvania that don't entirely suck. So this story struck out before it even picked up the bat. So the story takes place at the Bethel Baptist Church in Uniontown, Pennsylvania,

during their annual wild game dinner, in which presumably it is like a potluck, but with death. It's a $10 event where they feed you rabbit, wild pig, squirrel, raccoon, muskrat, and beaver. A list that honestly is like a carnivorous microcosm of the story in the sense that it just keeps getting less appetizing. So during the event, they have a raffle. And one of the prizes was a $200 voucher towards a Canadian fishing trip with a guest pastor and prolific animal killer, Dan Lamb. But when they drew the name from the bin, damn it if it wasn't a lady name. And this was a man trip, damn it. So they disqualified that woman because of her womaness and drew another name, which was also a it. So they disqualified that woman because of her womaness and drew another

name, which was also a woman. So they disqualified her and kept going until they reached someone with a penis. Well, the second woman disqualified talked to the local news about this and brought a bit of heat on the church. So they responded and didn't make it better. Their response was verbose, but it basically boiled down to, look, if you let ladies come on your fishing trip, they're going to accuse you of raping them. We all know how ladies are. That's literally the argument. It's somehow worse than the hijab argument. It's not that they won't be able to withstand the rape temptation. It's that the real problem with rape is all the false accusations that women make. So, yeah, somehow that failed to calm things down for the church.

So they hardly started deleting as much of their online presence as they could. But because they're a church, they suck at that and forget about pretty major shit like, you know, YouTube, which they failed to delete. Which is why we know that at least one of the sermons they took down included a white pastor holding up a picture of an African-American pastor and saying, quote, you can't see him. He's a black man. So he hides in the shadows real easy. You know what I'm trying to say? End quote. Followed by uproarious laughter. See, like I said, just when you thought you were in the deepest sub-basement, there was also racism. And with that quick reminder of why I don't always have it in me to do this segment every

week, I'll hand things back over to Noah, Heath, and Eli. Thank you, Lucinda. And in join or no joining news tonight. Fantastic! Thank you. Thank you. Being a parent, it's got to be terrifying. I know watching Eli do it scares the shit out

of me. Me too. You just got to be sitting there constantly thinking to yourself like am i doing this right am i patient enough am i stern enough am i passing my anxieties and my angst onto my child is there any way to navigate this precarious road without burdening the being i most love in the world with permanent psychological damage i'm sorry is it um is it like that eli sorry no i was checking the temperature and humidity monitor i had installed in my son's Psychological damage. I'm sorry. Is it like that, Eli? Sorry. No, I was checking the temperature and humidity monitor I had installed in my son's room since he was born that I check compulsively every 30 minutes. You're saying something about how chill and cool I am as a parent. How cool and chill I am?

Sure. Yep. Why not? Not passing on anxieties and angst. Yeah. No. But when those questions plague you at night. 72 degrees?

Get the fuck out of here. Is this the Sahara? But so here's the thing. When those questions plague you at night as you try to steal away whatever precious sleep your child will allow you to have, you can at least take comfort in the knowledge that no matter how bad you fuck up, you will almost certainly never have all of your kids talk to a New York Times columnist about how much they fucking hate you. And that makes you a better parent than Rick Joyner.

Okay, if that's not my Father's Day card this year, I will be sorely disappointed. I just want to be clear. Rick Joyner had four more family members do that to him than Donald Trump. That's not a good sign. Right. Mary Trump's the trump's right now we've

talked about joiner on this show before a lot actually earned a spot on our repeat offenders list by claiming to resurrect people from the dead saying that he made it rain inside a building and taking credit for preventing all the hurricanes since katrina with his god powers the ones that didn't hit us anyway. But here lately he's descended to a level of madness that somehow exists below all of that shit and it involves provoking civil war.

Take me there. What? He spent the last several years encouraging his congregation to arm up for the impending war against the non-Christians. A group he insists is allied with the devil got it yeah well they don't have to worry if they die he rick joiner will just bring them back this is a no-lose scenario gotta say i'm looking forward to the war though like we're gonna

raid his house he's gonna be like rain indoors rain indoors rain indoors okay it didn't really help yeah no the guns still fire now i thought that'd be a better power so apparently we're not alone in speaking out against rick joiner's dangerous dumbassery all five of his kids spoke to new york times opinion writer nicholas christoph in condemnation of their father's efforts to provoke a war between evangelicals and democrats an issue with relevant urgency given that all five of them are democrats and when this was pointed out to rick the best he could offer was quote i hope my kids don't get involved in the violence but it's coming end quote so in other words i hope i don't have to

kill my kids for being biden voters but i'm willing to. I'll fucking do it, though. Right. I'll do it. I'm just saying, your Thanksgiving could, too, be worse. Joiners kids should all go this year and just jump him. Man. 50-50, we hear about that.

And finally tonight, in Lost Souls news. Finally, indeed. Not all heroes wear capes. But sometimes they wear satanic sneakers with a drop of human blood in the soul. Of course, I'm talking about

Montero Lamar Hill, also known as Lil Nas X, the rapper who elevated shitting on religion to an art form and a business model. He's like us, but successful. Right? Yeah.

And normally that would mean I'm extremely petty and jealous, but he did it so goddamn well. He's the hero Gotham needs and we have him. And he might as well be laying a literal trail of satanic breadcrumbs for the Christian right that leads all the way to the bank. trail of satanic breadcrumbs for the christian right that leads all the way to the bank he just released a satanic single and a satanic shoe and christianity is fucking terrified it's the best well right yeah because like when when nike made black lives matter they could just set them on fire but that's what the devil would want right they? They're all fucked up. So let's start with the shoes. They're a custom Nike Air Max 97 with a pentagram amulet over the laces and a literal drop of human blood in the sole provided by the marketing team.

And they went on sale this week with 666 pairs being made available. They sold out in less than one minute. And the price was $1,018 to go along with the Bible reference on the side of the shoe, Luke 10, 18, which says, I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven. So now Christianity is genuinely worried that a magical demon rode a lightning bolt down from heaven, took over the body of a rapper, and then made a shoe with a hint about his plan to steal our souls on that shoe. Using a homophone pun about the sole of his sneaker. Or maybe he's just been after our shoes the whole

time and some biblical prophet misunderstood oh honestly if you told me satan was the one buying all the foot porn on many vids so much more about the universe makes sense and uh just for the record lil nas was already scaring the fuck out of christian people before this he's a gay black man with money and power so christianity was already in full panic mode and then he combined the satan stuff with a beautiful heartfelt letter to his 14 year old former self about coming out and proudly being himself here's how he closed out that letter. Quote, this will open doors for many other queer people to simply exist. People will be angry. They'll say I'm pushing an agenda. But the truth is, I am. The agenda to make people stay the fuck out of other people's lives

and stop dictating who they should be. End quote about people existing. and you know what that means people were existing Anna what are the guys talking about it's the newest the greatest Christian freak out Keith I like that you waited for it but we honestly could have had that track running under this entire story so far like ambient ASMR

as I was going through this I kept putting Christian freak out in there I was like just do it once. Just do it the one time. You got to find a spot for it. Just find one. Yeah. So I waited for the part where people were existing.

So now it's a full on Christian freak out. Let's start with North Dakota Governor Karen Christine Ohm. Karen, Karen, Karen, Karen, who spent time as a state governor. She spent her time that we pay for as a governor of a state tweeting about her sneaker-based outrage. According to Gnome, quote, our kids are being

told that this kind of product is not only okay, it's exclusive. And yeah, it's both okay and it's a thing of finite quantity. That's true great job she continued but you know what's more exclusive what their god-given eternal soul we're in a fight for the soul of our nation we need to fight hard against sneakers and we need to fight smart. We have to win. End quote. I love that she put in a thing about her being smart.

Okay. And so that quote means, and this is for realsies, Kristi Noem has done more to protect her constituents from gay satanic sneakers than COVID-19. Yeah. Okay. True fact. But in her defense, for little Nuss to use a stripper pole is definitely appropriating the culture of a woman whose name is christy with an eye okay like we have to get out in front of that

right now and he also got some attention from candace owens and he just responded all right you know you did something right when candace owens complains about it. But the best freak out came from hate pastor and our show's all star and man whose diabetes runs on Duncan, Greg Locke. Apparently he gave a whole sermon about not liking a sneaker. Also his staff tried to live stream that service, but somebody fucked it up and they recorded at like triple speed. So Locke's oratory style of Nazi meth binge,

it's extra pronounced, worse than normal. Right Wing Watch posted the video and Lil Nas X responded, I'm sampling this. I'm not quite certain he's going to. I cannot wait to see how that goes. Oh my God. His Twitter timeline is basically tied with Zoloft in terms of cure and depression right now.

But I have to give special love to one where he says that if you play Call Me By Your Name at the Chick-fil-A drive-thru with the window down, they'll give you a free sandwich. If that's all he ever did, I would be a fan.

That's all it would take. And, and Christian Diaper Girl, Machine Gun Diaper Girl, tweeted at him, and he told her he would fuck her dad. Yep. Yes, he did. Mr. Noss, i don't know if you'll hear this i'm sure you're a big fan of our podcasting yeah but i i will loan you

i will fuck your dad.com if you would like it's alone i need it i need it for heath torture stuff but you can have it for a little while if you won't bother using that for heath torture stuff right now that's what i use most of my website stuff for. It's good timing for that. Bottom line, Christianity helped a black gay satanic rapper make $677,988 in less than a minute. Wow. Also, just apropos of nothing,

we are coming out with a sandal made of recycled fetuses. Go ahead, tell your Christian friends, but tell them to be cool about it. Tell them to be cool. And each one is an NFT, for all you know. I don't know. I want money.

Adrenochrome strap. Great. And on that note, I think we've got an overdue trip to Chick-fil-A on the roster, so we're going to close the headlines for the night. Heath, Eli, thanks as always. Jumanji. And when that note, I think we've got an overdue trip to Chick-fil-A on the roster, so we're going to close the headlines for the night. Heath, Eli, thanks as always. And when we come back, Don Ford

will be here to give the devil a lap dance. Sorry, Don, I'm calling an audible, and that's what's hot right now. Go on, Chick-fil-A. Quack, quack, quack whack, whack, whack. Here's the thing about space. I'm telling you, you got to be madder about space.

You got to be angry about it. Here's the thing about space. Hey, guys. Okay. Guys, what you doing? Oh, we're practicing for when you get your teeth fixed. Yeah. Eli's getting there.

People won't even notice when you're gone. I think it's fine. Thank you for your sensitivity to my upcoming oral surgery. Oh, yeah. No problem, man. Yeah, you are welcome. So are you guys ready to do some Bible Peace Theater? Oh, shit.

Yeah. Where are we? We're on the Book of Samuel. Right. Which hasn't been about Samuel for a while. No. Like, first it was about him, but then it was about Saul. And now it's about David, right?

Yeah. No, that's fair. Well, if you recall, last time Saul and David made up. Oh, yeah, because David didn't kill Saul while he was pooping. Well, he didn't kill him when he wasn't pooping. But yes, that's exactly, exactly it. So Samuel is dead. Wait, Samuel's dead?

Yeah, Samuel's dead. I don't know. I kind of felt like that would be a bigger deal in this book, you'd think. The book's named after him. But nope, just one sentence at the beginning of the chapter. So now we cut over to the wilderness of Paran in the kingdom of Nabal. Hail King Nabal. Messengers of David, welcome to my kingdom.

Thank you, King Nabal. We are here to tell you that we didn't kill anyone or steal anything. That's good. Thank you, I guess. Right. So just, you know, whatever you want to give us. Whatever I want to give you? Yeah, you know, as a gift for not killing your people and stealing from you.

Oh, um, nothing? Nothing. Are you sure? Are you sure you want to give us nothing for not killing your people or your sheep? Yeah. Honestly, I might have given you something if I'd heard about this,

but you coming here and demanding a gift makes it super obvious extortion. It's kind of rude. Extortion? What? Nothing. Come on. We're just talking here, you and I. makes it super obvious extortion. It's kind of rude. Extortion? Offline. Nothing. Come on.

We're just talking here, you and I. We're just shooting the breeze. Okay, cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So good talk then. I would like to not give you a present for not killing my people and my sheep. That's locked in. Okay.

You're sure? Kill your people and your sheep? No. Sorry, what? Nothing. Nothing. He what? Right, David? kill your people and your sheep now sorry what nothing nothing he what right david total dick and you told him we didn't kill his it's the first thing i said i opened what what a jerk i mean man it is obvious from this story who the bad guy is am i right right? Him? Him, exactly. Yeah, okay. Well, let's go gather up the men

and kill him and his people. Well, yes, absolutely. What a jerk. Total jerk. But luckily, Nabal has a wise and good-hearted wife named Abigail. And then, after we kill him, we should kill, like, a lot of the sheep.

Just, like, a bunch. Oh, totally, totally. Hail, King David. Why do I always play a girl now? Because you're the prettiest. And because you do the best girl voice. Thank you, I guess. But do I really have to wear the costume every time?

I mean, it's a pot. Yes, you do have to wear the costume every time? I mean, it's a pot. Yes, you do have to wear the costume, yes. Okay. Anyway, hail, King David. Who are you? I am Abigail, wife of Nabal. I brought you a bunch of presents to say I'm sorry that my husband is such a big jerk. Please don't kill us, and you are totally God's bestest boy.

Hmm. I am God's bestest boy. See? Told you. Okay. I won't kill you. Sounds good. Oh, sweet. Thank you. Abigail, where have you been? Oh, hey, Nabal. I brought a bunch of gifts to David so he wouldn't kill us, and I apologize for you being such a jerk. What? Grumpy pants. I wasn't a jerk. He came here and demanded a present, and then when I said no, he was going to kill us. In no possible universe is that a good person. Oh, man. My chest hurts. Oh.

God must have killed him for his wicked ways. No, no. Sometimes people just die. Well, I'm going to go marry David now. Dead. Good story. Yeah. Liked it. Yeah. So Saul tries to kill David again, but David

sneaks over and steals his shit while he's sleeping. So Saul goes home. But apparently after the 18th murder attempt, David finally gets the message and goes to work for the king of the Philistines, Achish. Wait, the Philistines? The ones he's been killing for, like, the whole book?

Yep. Okay. David, buddy! King Achish! I haven't seen you all day, man. Where have you been? Oh, you know, murdering. Oh, murdering again. Yeah, that's fun. That seems fun. Yeah,

I massacred the Gesherites and the Gezerites and the Amalekites. Oh, man, that's a lot of murder you've been up to. I mean, what can I say? I love to murder. Oh, man, you sure do. But aren't you worried Saul and the Jews will be mad at you, you know, for murdering people for us? You know, while you live here. Don't worry about it. I do not leave any witnesses. So who's going to tell, you know? Oh, right. Nobody could tell. Sure. This is kind of like your, you know, a side project. Exactly. Yes. This is my Graceland. Oh, I love it. Such a good album. Right? Call me Al. Oh, Diamonds on the Soles of Their Shoes. So good.

So good. It is just like that, but murder. So, I know this is crazy, but say any chance you'd want to massacre the Israelites next, you know? Ooh, I don't know. If I massacred the Israelites, that would kind of cast a pall over my character and make me seem, you know, less of a great warrior king and more of a, I don't know, crazy murderous mercenary for hire. Wouldn't that? I mean, yeah, kind of.

I guess. I'll do it. I will do it. That is awesome. Thank you, brother. Yeah, I just really love murder. Oh, I know you do, man. Servant.

Yes, man. Um, servant. Yes, Saul? I see that the Philistines, or whatever they call themselves nowadays, I see that the Philistines gather an army outside our gates. Bring me a soothsayer so I can know how this battle will go. Oh, um, sir, you banished all the soothsayers. Oh, I did, didn't I? Uh, what about Samuel? Dead.

Really? I thought that would have been a bigger deal. Right? Yeah, the book's named after him. But no, I hear there's a lady familiar in Endor. In Endor, huh? That's right. You mean like that place in Starwood?

Yep, yep, yep, yep. Copyright. Like that place in Star Wars? Yep, yep, yep, yep. Copyright. Like that place in the stars? Yep, every place is in the stars, exactly. So Saul disguises himself and he heads to Endor. Hello, how can I help you? See, Don, you don't always have to play the girl. Okay, yeah, I guess so.

But Heath, why did you buy a matching outfit just for this part of the podcast? What? No. I was going to wear this anyway. I mean, I'm just embarrassed now. It's comfortable. Okay. Anyway, how can I help you? Yes, I've heard you have a familiar.

Shh, keep your voice down. Saul's been banishing everyone with magic powers. Oh. Um, yeah. Don't worry about that. Okay. So, uh, what do you want? Can you use your familiar to bring someone back from the dead?

Sure, sure. Uh, Carl? Carl? Question? You rang? your familiar is a flying dog with a horn it's a pug a peg corn yeah so why is he wearing a teddy bear costume okay well originally i was gonna be an ewok but legal lost their damn minds so now i am a Pug of Pegacorn. This is a compromise. Yes, Kizendor. Right. Got it. So anyway, you want to raise someone from the dead for me? Yeah, absolutely. Let me just cast

this spell. Bibbidi-bibbidi. Make sure you check out D&D Minus on iTunes, Stitcher, and wherever else podcasts live. Seriously? That's the spell. That is the words. I don't think that's the spell. I think you made that up. Who has woken me from my death?

Samuel. You didn't tell me you were going to summon Samuel. I mean, to be fair, you're Pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a-pug-a Sorry, did someone want me to do something? Just rose from the dead. Oh, right. Sorry. First off, how are you? Good to see you. I'm dead, man. I'm dead.

So let's just get right to it. What do you want? Okay, fair. What's up with this battle? God won't talk to me, and I cannot find any fortune tellers. Because you banished us all. Okay, not the time, all right? I mean, she has a point, kind of.

Okay. Thank you. Fine, fine. The battle? Oh, um, it's literally what I told you before I died. God is mad at you, so he's going to kill you and your sons and give your kingdom to David. No!

and give your kingdom to David. No! He's lying on the floor. Looks that way, yeah. So, uh, what do we do now? Beats me, uh. I'm gonna go back to being dead, I guess. Sure, sure.

You know, while we're waiting, we could listen to some D&D Minus. It's got adventures, jokes. Oh, it's such a good show once you get into it. What's your deal? Are you getting a percentage on that show or something? Yeah, I get residual. Okay. Meanwhile, the Philistines are getting ready for the big battle.

Achish! How's it going, man? Oh, not bad, fellow Philistine. You guys ready for the big battle? Hell yeah, man. I'm going to kick some Israeli ass. Oh, yeah. Who's this guy?

Oh, man. This guy's cool. This is David. Hi. I'm sorry. David the Israelite? Yeah, but don't worry. He's cool, man.

Okay, but isn't he the guy who, like, there's literally a song about how many of us he killed? Oh, yeah. I mean, there's a song. Here it is. But, you know, he's cool now, man. I'm sorry. He's cool now? Oh, he's totally chill.

Okay. Okay, well, you know, just in case this entire book has been him breaking up with and then making up with his boyfriend, we're not going to bring him into battle because, you know, he'd probably cut off our heads and make up with his boyfriend. Oh, man, David, is that the kind of thing you would do to me, man? It really is, yes. All right, bud, then you're going to have to sit this one out. Oh, but I love to murder.

Oh, I know you do. Oh. But when David gets back to the land of the Philistines where he's been living, he discovers that the city has been burned and its people, including his wives, have been kidnapped. Oh, man, I'm having the worst day. Who did this? The Amalekites, sir. How?

I've literally killed all of them twice in this book. I don't know what to tell you, sir. Okay, it's fine. It's fine. Everybody, get back on our horses. We gotta go kill all the Amalekites again and get my wives back.

Um, we're tired. Okay, fine. You know what? Tell you what. Half of you come with me, and the half who are Too tired, stay back here And just chill But don't watch any of the shows that we started together But what if we watch them again? No, no, you say you're gonna watch it again

But then you won't want to, and then I won't be caught up Fine, fine Meanwhile, it's time for Saul to die In his big battle with the Philistines. Armor Bear, I've been injured. Cut off my head so that nobody with an uncircumcised penis will kill me. Oh, feels like a weird classification. Does it?

Maybe just say you don't want to be killed by your enemies. No, no. Armor Bear, listen to me. They're dicks. They're dicks. They look super weird. And I can't have Bearer, see, listen to me. They're dicks. They're dicks. They look super weird, and I can't have a guy with a weird dick kill me. Not a weird

intact dick, Armor Bearer. Do you understand me? I do not understand. Okay, fine, fine. I'll do it myself. I'll fall on my sword before I let those long, foreskinned motherfuckers take me out. Ah! Wow. He was committed to the dick thing.

Okay. Noted. Philistines, hear me. We have killed King Saul. Hooray! And we shall cut off his head so all will know how fearsome we are. Hooray! so all will know how fearsome we are.

Yay! And then, then, after we cut off his head, we're going to nail his body to the wall for all to see and to despair. Dunford, voice of fantasy adventure? Sorry, question? Yes, you in the front. What's up? Do we have to do that last thing?

Yeah. It seems kind of icky. It's not. It's not icky. It's fearsome. Right, right. I just feel like having a dead body nailed to your wall is more of a punishment for us, if anything, than anything else.

Because it's going to start smelling awful really fast. We're doing the body nailed to the wall thing. It's badass. Trust me. Fine. What's this? Up there. Fine. Somebody hold him up. He's all gushy. Not it. Not it. Not it. Damn it.

Ah. And that's the end of First Samuel. Wow. Not really all that much about Samuel, is it? Not really, no. I feel bad because he died and then he came back for it? Not really, no. I feel bad, because he died and then he came back for a second at the end,

but I feel like you didn't really get to get, you know, his message out. Yeah, I guess not, but I know somebody who might be able to help with that. Oh, yeah? Who's that? Hit it, Anna! Hit it, Anna! I am Sam, Sam I am But maybe not the Susie in the juval scene

That's Sam I am, that's Sam I am Do you like the Philistines? I do not like the Philistines For God has said they aren't clean I want to do things really mean to every single Philistine Whoa Sam, you gave us a scare Would you like them here or there? I wouldn't like them here or there

I wouldn't like them anywhere I thought that God had made that clear Let's take to them with sword and spear I'll slaughter each one like a lamb My name isn't Sam, I am My name isn't Sam I am. I am Sam, Sam I am. And surely you exaggerate, complain and grouse. You would not, could not, here or there.

But would you like him in a house? We should burn them in their house. We should plague them with a mouse. We should kill each child's spouse And treat them like a pubic louse Now Sam, your feelings denote But would you like them on a boat? I'll take their stuff and burn their boats

Catch and kill their sheep and goats We should do what God denotes And slit their motherfucking throats I don't give a tinker's damn I just don't like them Sam, I am. I am Sam. Sam, I am.

And I still want to murder them and kill their flocks. You would not be in a house or boat. But would you like them in a box? Well, sure, as long as that thing locks, I'd feed them to a hungry fox and plague them with the burning pox upon their normal uncut cocks. But surely, Sam, it's in God's plan that you might like them in a van. And then mincing words here, man, I would not like them in a van. I would not like them in a can.

I despise each member of their clan. Well, Sam, I would not like them in a house or near or far or with a mouse or in a car or with a fox or on the beach or wearing socks. I would not like them in the night. I would not, could not, in the light. In no death would I find more delight. Oh, my God. Except for those Amalekites.

Thank you, Anna. Thank you, thank you. I can't thank you enough, but it's never going to stop me from trying. Anyway, that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight. We'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister show's hot friend got off movies debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Tuesday and an even new episode of our half sister show citation needed debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday.

Obviously, this show outro wouldn't fit in my mouth, right? If I neglected to thank Heath Enright for always bringing the truth. I want to thank the lovely and talented Lucinda Lusions for always dispensing the justice. And I want to thank Eli Bosnick for physically exemplifying the American way. I also want to thank Don Ford, voice of fantasy and adventure, and premier puzzle and a thunderstorm bracketologist, at least so far. I also want to thank Anna one more time, of course. I also want to thank Bob and Matt from the Sunday Grind podcast

for providing this week's very coffee-flavored Farnsworth quote. If you can't get enough coffee in your life, be sure to check out the show notes for a little oral caffeination. But most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's very coffee-flavored Farnsworth quote. If you can't get enough coffee in your life, be sure to check out the show notes for a little oral caffeination. But most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's best people, Aaron Prosody, Julie Elvis, Adrian, Craig, Christopher, Kevin, Steve, Average Republican Turkey, Nat Cobb, Caitlin by the Window, and Rye Bread. Aaron Prosody, Julie Elvis, and Adrian, whose IQs are so high, those online quizzes just give up halfway through.

Craig, Christopher, Kevin, and Steve, who are so sexy, the MPAA ups a movie's rating until they leave the theater. And Turkey Neck Cobb, Caitlin, and Rye, who are so badass, they're about to tell that dinosaur and that ape not to make them come up there. Together, these 13 thoughtful theist thwarters threw in on our thundering throwdowns of theistic thinking this week by giving us money. Not everybody has the money it takes to give us money, but if you do, you can make a per-episode donation at

patreon.com slash scathingatheist, whereby you'll earn early access to an extended ad-free version of every episode, or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage at scathingatheist.com. And if you'd like to help, but you're not stimulated enough to do it with money, you can also help a ton by leaving a five-star review, telling a friend about the show, and following at P-I-A-T-P-O-D on Twitter. Legal services for this

podcast are provided by the Law Offices of P. Andrew Torres, Tim Robertson handles our social media and all ID engineers. Morgan Clark will show all the music that was used in this episode, which was used with permission. If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page of skating,

alias.com. I'm just going to warn you guys, just be ready for it. The longer we go, the inevitably the weirder, my trio intros are going to have to be. I'm going to exhaust all the Dutch lullabies first, but then I'm moving on. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a Thunderstorm LLC. Copyright 2021. All rights reserved.