The Scathing Atheist - 425: Science Says Edition

Episode Date: April 8, 2021

In this week’s episode, Greg Locke asks America to take this outside, Marjorie Taylor Greene gets yoked to fight COVID, and you didn’t forget we promised to read an entire David Icke book, dammit. --- To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click there: https://www.amazon.com/Outbreak-Crisis-Religion-Ruined-Pandemic/dp/B08L2HSVS8/ To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/ To hear more from our intrepid audio engineer Morgan Clarke, click here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/ --- Guest Links: Check out Nobodies Podcasting here: https://anchor.fm/nobodies-podcasting --- Headlines: America is Better Off in the Long Run With the Drop in Church Attendance: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2021/04/03/america-is-better-off-in-the-long-run-with-the-drop-in-church-attendance/ NY GOP Official: If We Put Gay People on an Island, They’ll Die Out in 40 Years: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2021/04/02/ny-gop-official-if-we-put-gay-people-on-an-island-theyll-die-out-in-40-years/ Research paper: SCOTUS is more pro-religion now than ever: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2021/04/05/researchers-say-the-supreme-court-is-now-more-pro-religion-than-ever-before/ MTG Says Vaccine Passports Are the “Mark of the Beast” (and made a lunatic workout video): https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2021/04/01/congresswoman-qanon-vaccine-passports-are-the-mark-of-the-beast/ A Young Baseball Phenom Won’t Play on the Sabbath; Will It Hurt His Career?: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2021/04/02/a-young-baseball-phenom-wont-play-on-the-sabbath-will-it-hurt-his-career/ Greg Locke mocks mask wearers in his Easter service: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2021/04/04/hate-preacher-during-crowded-easter-service-take-them-stupid-masks-off/

Warning, the following podcast contains adult language, so either turn it off or stop being such a fucking baby. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by Puzzle and a Thunderstorm Canal Lube. Guaranteed to keep your waterway running smoothly even if his container ship is golden class. P-I-A-T Canal Lube. Because it turns out Eli can just draw a C on it with a sharpie. And now, The Scathing Atheist.

Hello, somebodies. I'm Danny. And I'm Trevor. And we're the nobodies from Nobody's Podcasting. Now, we're certainly not professors of science. In fact, I think we're just kind of godless heathens. Definitely godless idiots. But we can assure you that we did, in fact,

evolve from filthy monkey men. Evolve from Filthy Monkey Men. It's Thursday. It's April 8th. And why do the ladies love Jesus? Why is that? Do you want me to set you up for something? Because he's a fictionalized bronze age projection of goodness that they've been taught will forgive them for impossible standards they could never hope to meet.

There you go. Nailed it. I'm no illusions. I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heath Enright. And from John Travolta's New Jersey, Cincinnati Red State, and Redtown Blue State, this is The Scathing Atheist. On this week's episode, Greg Locke asks America to take this outside.

Marjorie Taylor Greene gets yoked to fight COVID. Damn straight she does. And you didn't forget we promised to read an entire David Icke book. God damn it. But first, the diatribe i'm scrolling through the washington post the other day i come across a story about magical healing crystals so any headline that doesn't contain the phrase dumb motherfuckers is going to fall short of acceptable in my mind. But I guess it could have been worse, right?

So it reads healing crystals are having a pandemic moment. And right below that, there's a subtitle that says science says they're just pretty rocks. Now, if you're going to write about magical fucking rocks, that's not terrible. The word healing is in scare quotes at least and we're all of 11 words in when the reputation starts but one element of it still struck me as worthy of discussion what are the words science says doing there i mean i'm sympathetic to what the writer's trying to do right she's a wellness writer for the washington post so she's speaking to an audience that's more liberal, more affluent and whiter than the general population. She's speaking to the primary market for healing crystal purchases.

And she's trying to say that shit don't do nothing without pissing off readers so much that, A, they reject her commentary and or B, they stop getting their wellness information from The Washington Post. And that's a noble endeavor. You know, being right doesn't help much if you can't present your argument in a way that people will listen to it and in a venue where they can find it. And the whole article reinforces this goal by very gently taking fucking Moon Whisper Johnson by the hand and guiding her away from the New Age bookstore. She presents the arguments of pro-crystal folks

and tenderly rebuts them with quotes from very confused geologists and shit. Here's a great example. This is from a mineral sciences professor at Penn State named Peter Heaney. Quote, it's a tricky question because the answer is yes, with respect to Einstein's mass energy equivalents or with respect to thermodynamic conceptions of free energy and crystals but crystal healing posits that there's an energy transfer between crystals and people and there is simply no scientific foundation for those assertions end quote but best intentions aside okay the inclusion of the science says clause in the title still sticks in my craw a bit because it subtly reinforces this ridiculous idea that people accept

scientific findings on the authority of science you know like i mean as though we're conforming to the conclusions of some scientific body or panel of experts rather than the observable universe sure science says that crystals can't heal you or protect you from disease but so does everybody else who isn't fucking wrong science didn't speak that knowledge into existence science observed it science noted it science confirmed it and when we say stuff like but science says x we ever so slightly endorse the idea that some other motherfucker gets a say in shit when science says x the options are to agree with X or to fucking lie. I mean, all the woo merchants are fond of saying that science isn't the only way of knowing about the world. And that's true in so much as you count the wrong ones, too.

If you know about the world, you got there through the application of science. It may not be because you listen to a science teacher or read a science book. You may have just applied the scientific method on your own and deduced that, I don't know, it fucking hurts when you touch that burner. That's also science. All deduction is either scientific or flawed. I mean, it can accidentally be correct too, right? Like you can postulate that there are stove demons that get angry when you deign to cook food with their roof and curse you with pain. But I think we'd all agree that it would be careless to toss out a headline that says some think you can appease the stove demons, but science says temperature exists. See, the problem is at the same time that you're given Moon Whisperer benevolent little

push, you're also arming her with the means to ignore it. Science says X is an invitation to remind us that science doesn't know everything. And I fucking hate this one because, yeah, science may not know everything, but it knows more than your dumbass moon whisper. There ain't nothing your fucking Reiki-healing, tarot-reading, crystal-gazing hippie knows that science hasn't quite puzzled out yet. Same goes for your priest, your preacher,

your rabbi, and your imam. And, well, we're at it, your favorite science communicator, your favorite college professor, and the most knowledgeable goddamn human in the history of the fucking planet yeah science shouldn't be invoked as an authority it should be the metric by which authority is measured right like but that's not the world we live in we live in a world where science says means at least to most people that a bunch of people in white lab coats consulted their oracle

of beakers and declared it so and until such time that we can eradicate that misunderstanding anybody tempted to write science says might want to consider using one of science's many applicable synonyms like in this example reality they're talking about your jesus joining me for headlines tonight are the eenie and meenie to miney moe heath enright and eli are you ready to catch a tiger maybe i mean if i holler will whoever it is that's doing this not throw a tiger at me for the last time let it go it's just a crazy scenario that they're setting up why okay and while Heath stews for a minute, we're going to pause for a quick word from this week's first

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Cleaner that snoo-snoo. And now, back to the headlines. In our lead story tonight, our podcast was correct we were right secular people are better than religious people not like me personally right probably not much but like overall excluded now obviously that's just an average thing hey republican atheists thanks for listening doing the lord's work over there fucking up the curb but let's be clear here and define our terms this all depends on what metrics you use for better we're going to go with science health

education political philosophy safety and general well-being as a society so when i said better i meant better yep the word better. Yep. The word better. And according to that admittedly arbitrary set of criteria, we're better at being people in a society of people. That's what I meant. Yeah. And keep in mind, this is saying a lot, considering that I make up some percentage of the atheists that Heath knows, and he's seen me order at a restaurant. So this is, he means it, everybody. Right. No, I guess the real point here is,

thank you listeners for not letting us skew the average by all that much. Good work, everybody. So this shocking revelation about who's better follows up on the story from last week about the decline in regular church attendance. Thanks to a recent Gallup poll, we learned that only 47% of Americans

identify as members of a church right now. And that's the first time ever that we went below 50%. This was obviously good news about a promising trend. But just in case anyone wasn't clear about why exactly this is good news, we got a solid answer from sociology professor Phil Zuckerman. The main focus of his academic career is studying the effect of secularization on a society. And the main answer of his academic career is so much better. Just so much fucking better. That is his body of work right there. According to the real Zuck, we're going to call him, secular people are way more likely to understand and respect

the scientific method. That's one of his big points. We're better at things that are true and the process surrounding that whole reality thing. And quick little example of how that might apply in practice. Just do a little thought experiment with me.

Try to imagine if there was ever like a really bad global pandemic. That's what it might start to matter bad global pandemic something like that yeah or imagine if there was ever a trans person like there's a lot of shit you can stick at the end of that sentence there you go actually so the real zuck also found that secular people are way more likely to support, well, pretty much every single important political cause. Like all of them, just about. That includes support for sex education and therefore less unwanted pregnancy and less sexually transmitted disease.

So we're pro-life and religion is pro-herpes. That's good to know. There you go. It's a fun bumper sticker. And we're also better on healthcare, gay rights, environment, gun laws, drug policy policy and the general concept of dignity yeah and it's worth pointing that out and remembering it because like yes there are atheist authors who tweet transphobic garbage and the republican atheists have a second member now but congrats guys in a room full of atheists you are mathematically guaranteed to be talking to more liberal people.

Right. Right. And no, the Republican Atheist Convention doesn't count because Eli said a room full. It had to be full. That closet doesn't count. That's not a room. That's not a room. Not a room.

Clever. You tried. And just circling back to dignity, just for the record, dignity doesn't have a perfect antonym, but some near antonyms include debasement, where Trump locked himself in fear. And degradation would be another one. Oh, and Republican would be another one. Another near antonym of dignity. But despite all this very clear evidence of who's better, U.S. Congress is still about 96% religious. And that's fucking insane.

Yeah. Yeah, but it sure explains the everything. Sure does. Sure the fuck does. It's like there's a confederacy of some kind. God. So, yeah, congrats to all the religious people who agree with us on political morality i guess but they got lucky they got lucky you know that that's statistically

they got very lucky and they should stop helping religion bring up its gpa until i hear about a new bible or a new quran getting adopted in big numbers by all these progressive churches, they can mostly shut the fuck up and help quietly with the stuff that they got lucky on. Yeah, they stole our things. Right. We didn't take any of their things. Yeah. And in thar he blows news. Gentlemen, quick game.

I'm going to give you the name of this story subject, and you are going to guess why they're on our podcast. Are you ready? Okay, let's do it. George E. Langdon IV. Oh, went snowboarding on a painting of his great-great-grandfather. Shut down a teen center with Donald Trump Jr. First man to eat his own lower jaw.

Oh, good one. Said that an island of gay people would die out because gay people don't reproduce. There it is. That's the one. That was the last one. of gay people would die out because gay people don't reproduce there it is that's the last one okay yeah though to be fair to heath he could also have done those other things yeah right i don't want to say that you know who's the first man to eat his lower jaw no exactly yeah so the albany county legislator was giving a speech at a seminar called return to liberty under the constitution

at christian camp pinnacle when in the middle of what can only be described as a spoken compilation of everyone who's ever lost a twitter fight he said well everything god does is sustainable it's sustainable it goes on and on and on what it's perpetual sorry when you have homosexual relationships it's not perpetual what give them an island they'll be gone after 40 years okay because they can't god created us to be this way there's so much common sense that needs to be applied to our policies speeches our procedures okay the things that we do in our government wow end quote i thought was going to break down there and be like, we need a common sense. I should not be talking.

This is not common sense. That is catching himself. No. Yeah. So, uh, unfortunately for George E. Langdon,

the fourth people heard the words he said out loud in front of a camera and have called for his resignation, which means we get one of my favorite traditions here on the scathing atheist. The I'm not the thing. I very clearly just spelled out in words that i am apology speech yeah which in the case of georgie boy went like this quote i sincerely apologize to the lgbtq community and all others for the hurtful remarks recently made at a conference i have never been homophobic what nor do i think any individual should be placed on an island way too specific man definitely made it worse you get how

that's worse i'm not sure what you're mad about the island? Yikes. I deeply regret my foolish, off-the-cuff comment. He's in the middle of a speech when he says it. That has caused so much pain. I commit to doing a better job of respecting diversity. You'd almost have to. I hope my years of past public service demonstrate genuine concern for all individuals. I will be taking time to reflect on how to best serve moving forward.

End quote. Jesus, dude, you were volunteering at a Christian camp. So no, your past does not. Your fucking name is Georgie Langdon IV. You probably got here fresh from colonizing a South Pacific island or something. Fuck you. Yeah, so unfortunately, George

never did figure out what proper metaphorical container he was allowed to put gay people into. And so, yeah. I thought he was going to take some time to reflect. Yeah, but he never cracked it. He didn't crack it. And so, he has since resigned, which is, I want to say too bad feel like he had what it took to make it as a regular on our show but you know what george better luck next time better luck next time

and in scotus it damn near killed us news tonight if you trust shit like math the supreme court is closer to theocracy today than it has ever been before. I'd like to stop trusting math, please. Do I have a religion for you? So, no, we learned that. Well, I guess we learned that. Well, the Hobby Lobby back in 2014. But we confirmed that more so thanks to a new paper in the Supreme Court Review.

So thanks to a new paper in the Supreme Court review, legal scholars Lee Epstein and Eric A. Posner ran a statistical analysis on Supreme Court cases involving religious liberty and found that, quote, the Roberts Court has ruled in favor of religious organizations far more frequently than its predecessors. Over 81 percent of the time compared with about 50 percent on all previous eras since 1953. End quote. all previous eras since 1953, end quote. Yeah, and it's only that low for most of the Roberts court because he had about four and a half justices who'd tell you to go fuck yourself if you said they were in the Roberts court. That's why it's that low during his time.

And the hackles on their robe would stick up. Yeah. Start snapping, doing Jets and Sharks stuff. I feel like there's a nice fun rivalry for a while. Yeah, never a great sign when you're being compared unfavorably to the court that kind of sort of got around to black people are all the way people. Yeah, the heyday of ethics of your thing can't be the 80s and 90s. That's a problem.

Now, but look, as bad as it sounds when you look at those numbers, it's actually way fucking worse, right? Because due to the SCOTUS's theocratic bent, they're actually hearing far more of these types of cases, what I call religious exemption cases, than any previous court. What's more, unlike those historical iterations, their rulings are far more likely to benefit mainstream Christianity. In the past, religious freedom cases tended to focus on minority religions because you know

they were mostly about equality back then instead of fucking bonus rights yeah okay just circling back fuck anthony kennedy in case it wasn't clear from what i said earlier i called him like half of a good guy but no that was a very generous epitaph i gave him half good guy, but that was a very generous epitaph. I gave him half good guy. Yeah. No, no. Bury him halfway. Can we start listing Anthony Kennedy on serial killer lists? Right? Just for funsies like Ted Bundy, Anthony Kennedy. His numbers are up there.

I'm just saying. I don't know where he ranks. Probably way higher than Ted Bundy. Yeah. You really did out the checks on those links. Yeah. But okay, but somehow all this shit gets worse okay the same analysis broke down which individual justices are more likely to rule on the side of religious institutions and religious exemptions and of the top five all five of them are currently on the court cool yeah yeah brett kavanaugh is currently the worst followed by thomas roberts alito and gorsuch

antonin scalia is in sixth all of these guys are worse than fucking scalia and you may have noticed that the biggest zealot on the court was missing from that list but that's only because amy coney barrett hasn't ruled on enough cases for a meaningful comparison yet yeah but she's hungry noah she's like the young Michael Jordan. Right. By which I mean, nobody likes her and only starring in a movie

with Bugs Bunny will change that. Yeah, nobody liked Michael Jordan until Space. Yeah, no, no. The 27 sponsorships that he had were probably a coincidence. What? I'm not sure.

It's literally like to be like Mike Seitzman. There's a lot of people out there who really did not care for Mr. Jordan until him and Bugs Bunny. There were 17 of them. Yeah, there's a new one. He really needed that sponsorship to get some traction as Michael Jordan. But honestly, I think the most disturbing aspect of this story is just how much more partisan these issues are today. story is just how much more partisan these issues are today okay so the analysis focused on the last 70 years and noted that for most of that time you couldn't tell if somebody was nominated by a republican or democrat just by looking at how they ruled on religious cases okay back in the 70s and

even the 80s there was no statistically significant difference between democratic and republican judicial nominees in the federal judiciary at least least not on this instance. That is no longer remotely the case and it's no fucking accident. Right? Like Christianity has been after our courts for decades and this study confirms that they have them. Yep. Yeah,

but accelerationism, Noah. Accelerationism. And next up in headlines. In Marge of the Beast. We have a story about Marjorie Taylor Greene. Also cytotoxic T cells, Karl Marx, Joe Biden and Satan,

the Prince of Darkness. So you're probably thinking what? How does Karl Marx fit into that? Great question. We will get there, but here's the basic background. How does Karl Marx fit into that? Great question. We will get there. But here's the basic background. Reasonable people are getting vaccinated and stupid people are not.

So businesses like airlines and restaurants are talking about a vaccine passport system that would let people prove they're not a giant health hazard before entering an enclosed space with a bunch of people. And that's why Marjorie Taylor Greene is panicking. Her fellow stupid people might get banned from stuff. And yup, they might get banned from stuff. Yeah, we need to ban them from stuff. Yeah, it's crazy. The party that

wants Honduran five-year-olds escaping genocide to fill out a form and wait six years for a visa just got awfully picky about personal freedom. Yeah, it's. That is weird. And I'm not like a big tattoo guy, but if the rest of America agrees to get their vaccine passport tattooed on their foreheads or the back of their hands,

just to fuck with Maytag and her ilk, I'm in. I will do. I'll 100% support. Patreon goal! So, we heard about Madge's take on this when she made a ranty video from way too close to the camera, like a dignified member of Congress does when they want to express their measured opinion about something. And here's what she had to say. Quote, they want you to have a COVID passport.

This would mandate your ability to be able to. I'm going to stop right there for a second. Thank you. This would command your ability to be able to. What? Now, I'm going to stop right there for a second. Thank you. This would command your ability of abilities. That's the beginning of the sentence. Not real promising open. Just so everybody knows. This is going to mandate your ability.

This would mandate your ability to be able to travel. Your ability to. She kept doing it. Your ability to be able to attend events and your ability to be able to buy and sell. That was the end of the sentence. I guess she's talking about people with like pop-up stores inside the airplane. Continuing the quote, is this something like Biden's mark of the beast?

Because that's really disturbing. And not good. It's fascism or communism. Whatever you want to call it. I'd like to call it neither. I'm not going to call it fascism, nor am I going to call it communism. I was thinking vaccine passport. Right, yeah. And finishing the quote.

But it's coming from private companies. So I have a term for that. I call it corporate communism, end quote. Tall shrimps. Yeah, I need a filter that just replaces the words communism and socialism with oogity boogity in Republican communications, right? And the best part is she's just describing a passport. Yeah.

She's against passports guys i think magic the gathering might be for open borders i think she's an open borders candidate that out there okay so first of all we absolutely should have vaccine passports yeah of course personally i want the terminator glasses that check for the bill gates chip and you can't get inside my 10-foot force field without it. Missiles. Yes, absolutely missiles. But definitely a passport for places like airlines and big events and small events and areas with length, width, depth, and time. Also, we already have vaccine passports.

Yes, we do. They're just not all the way organized electronically yet. You can't send your kid to public school without vaccinations. Unless, of course, you have a bullshit religious exemption that Marjorie Taylor Greene and her pestilence clan will definitely end up getting. But setting that aside, we also have, I don't know, driving passports, for example. Yeah, right. And passports. Yes, we have passport passports. This isn isn't new we're living in a society this

isn't numb there are rules and and look all the communist corporations she's worried about as soon as they get done seizing the means of production from themselves are going to have to decide whether to enact the kind of policies that are going to bring cautious educated people into their venues and airplanes and whatnot or the policies that bring in the kind of frothing at the mouth idiots that blame wildfires on jewish space lasers choose wisely guys and one last thing about marjorie taylor green and this is very, very important. So important. She made a video of herself exercising like a goddamn lunatic last week. No, okay.

Exercise is great. That's great for the obnoxious exercise people. Whatever. Good job. It's healthy. And I'm sure the clean and press weightlifting move is a very important civic virtue for the voters of Georgia 14.

But after the weightlifting, she started doing what, it appeared to be pull-ups plus electric shock torture from an invisible attacker. Now, I know nothing about workouts, definitely not any kind of pull-up thing, but there's no way that's a good, healthy move you should be doing.

And I checked, And not surprisingly, it's a CrossFit thing called a butterfly pull-up. Like the ones butterflies do. And according to MTG, that workout was her vaccine. Well, yeah, she's immune to butterfly

AIDS now. Okay. But now I want Madge to be part of all the irritating cults right like next week she has to make a video about the miraculous benefits of keto and then go through scientology auditing okay but bottom line marjorie taylor green still has a fucking job as a u.s congressperson if she worked at t TGI Fridays for the last three months instead of Congress, she'd already be fired for yelling a slur at a secret shopper.

Guaranteed. I need Congress to have a higher bar than TGI fucking Fridays. You're not allowed to pose in front of a poster of your manager at TGI Fridays with a crosshair on their face. You can't do that. Probably not. I would imagine no.

And in Sandy No no facts news. You know, with all the reporting we do on this show about rape and bigotry and creeping theocracy, it's easy to forget that religion ruins everything it touches. Food, movies, and of course, sports. And we got a great example of that last one this week in a New York Times profile on an up-and-coming high school baseball star, Eli Klingman,

who told reporter David Waldstein that he can't wait to throw a major league contract in the garbage because Fridays belong to God. All right, well, good luck. Pretty soon, Eli belongs to TGI Fridays. No, they'd make his ass work weekends too. It's true.

We actually dealt with that at the TGI Fridays at work. That was ridiculous. Really? Yeah. They were granted... I mean, they made less money because of it because Fridays and Saturdays are good money days generally, but so stupid. Oh, yeah. So for those of you who aren't familiar, Klingman is a Shomer Shabbat, which means he doesn't work or play baseball on the Jewish Sabbath, which is from Friday at sundown to Saturday at sundown.

Where, you ask? Go fuck yourself. And since baseball happens on Friday and Saturday during the sun-having times, Klingman's chances of going pro are about the same as his chances of God being real. 3,000 years of beautiful tradition from Moses to Sandy Koufax.

Yeah, goddamn right, he's living in the fucking past. Who's in charge of scheduling Major League Baseball? Yeah, for real. Now, as disappointing as it is to see a young person throw their future away for an invisible sky wizard the new york times actually pointed out that clingman could still play baseball if he's willing to be a catcher i guess catchers get days off sweet gig and he could set his days

off for fridays and saturdays but that assumes that a team would want to arrange their entire roster over Klingman's invisible friend and it doesn't seem super likely. Yeah, it's not like scheduling a Windows update. That's what Klingman rosters like that. And look, this is where the parents should be able to teach kids whatever they want about religion argument breaks the fuck down, right?

Because they're not also required to let them know it was all bullshit on their 18th birthday or anything. Exactly. One less block that will stand in my child's way of being a pro athlete. Yeah, close one. I mean, he still has half my genes, but hey, at least he can play on any day of the week he fucking wants, right? And finally tonight, in lockdown news,

pre-diabetic evangelical caffeine buzz and sapient super spreader event. Greg Locke reminded everybody during his Easter service this past weekend that when it comes to ruining our global pandemic, he's winning. This sermon included a braggy monologue about how few precautions his church has taken over the past year. So callous, he might as well have been stamping flatlining respirator patients on the side of a biplane as he talked. He had a lengthy Schwarzeneggerian fantasy about how many atheist special ops ninjas he'd fight for Jesus.

And of course, he openly mocked the few people in his overcrowded church who bothered to wear a fucking mask. Okay, I just want to say naming a specific number of ninjas was a mistake by greg lock we're getting one more than that right obviously we have enough trans listeners that if we did a live show in greg's hometown we could absolutely get him to the mist himself and his family just by standing outside looking scary i'm just saying, people. So, okay, so he opens up talking about Jesus and shit. Like, he's supposed to.

It's Easter, after all. But before long, the bunny takes a backseat while he rails against mask mandates and the way that some assholes want to trust scientists more than the Bible, but not him. As he's quick to point out, he's literally taken zero precautions at any point during the in-person services that he has held throughout the pandemic. And then we reached the Michael Bay portion of the sermon.

Quote, law enforcement will roll up in tanks. They will drop down from helicopters. It's going to take the entire United States military to roll up in this parking lot and tell us, hey, we can't worship Jesus. And that we got to shut down our church. And that we can't worship Jesus and that we got to shut down our church and that we can't preach and that we can't pray and that we can't. He just ran out of shit to say at that point. He said, we can't think there was more,

but then he just kind of trails off. And then he adds, quote, you have lost your mind if you think I've given into that. We are staying open forever. And then he clarifies forever. End quote. Oh, man. If only Jesus knew about risk control as much as Craig Lyle. Right? that we are staying open forever and then he clarifies forever end quote oh man if only jesus knew about risk control as much as greg right i'm sorry heath i missed your last joke i was saving

the audio file of greg lock saying he's staying open forever forever so i can play it on a loop outside his church when it inevitably shuts down because he's a smuggler of child prostitute tax fraud fake bible secretly gay sexual harassment whatever it is in the next couple of years. If we've learned anything doing this show. But yeah, when the atheists rappel out of helicopters to try to take his Jesus from him, he'll be all PQPQ. Immediately after that rant, immediately after the PQPQ part, perhaps upon realizing that it may yet be some time before he can say this bloodlust on well-armed godless militants, he decided to kill some of the people he had on hand. His very next words were, quote, and unless you're under a doctor's orders, and a few of you are, take them stupid masks off when you come into this church. There, I said it on Easter.

Take them stupid masks off. End quote. Yeah, have it on good authority that if you die three days later, you'll be back. That's our whole thing. Don't be a pussy. So yeah, yeah. Greg Locke cares more

about his power fantasy than he does about the lives of his congregants. And that is not my editorial summary of the situation, by the way. That's literally the thrust of his Easter sermon. So if we have any

listeners in Mount Joliet or the greater Nashville area, really, the formula here is pretty simple. Dunkin' Donuts cup full of sugar with a dash of coffee for color. Box, stick, string, postage. You already wanted to do

it and now you know you'd be saving lives. Or just wait for our live show in Nashville and you can watch our trans army do its The Miss thing. What we're saying is you have options. You have options. Alright, well apparently Eli and I have to have the no publicly telegraphing

the future movements of the trans army conversation again, so we're going to close the headlines here. Heath, Eli, thanks as always. Greg lock and load when we come back i'll spend yet more of my adult life voluntarily attacking the question of whether water can remember shit and now all we need is the top yeah hey uh Hey, Noah, you mind grabbing that for us? Oh, you mean from down there? From right down there, yeah. Yeah, right on the bottom shelf.

Oh, um, no. What? You won't grab the top from the bottom shelf for us? Nope. No, I will not because I hate you guys. Because you hate us. Okay. are you sure your back isn't just bothering you again what no no my back is great i'm young it's better than great actually noah if your back is bothering you why don't you try medically dubious claims about cbd products

what are medically dubious claims about CBD products? This is a fake product. It doesn't count for the score. Medically dubious claims about CBD products are the best way to help with back pain, sleep, and maybe some other stuff. It has not been tested, so we don't know. We don't? That's right, Noah. We don't. The complex layers of checking and double-checking whether or not CBD helps with stuff hasn't been done yet. So maybe it works. Maybe it doesn't. That's not going to stop us from selling it to you. It won't. No, it won't. Whether it's pills, powder, oil, or gummies, medically dubious CBD is there to help with your pain, stress, anxiety, or absolutely nothing. We don't know. And it's very, very

dangerous for us to pretend to know the answer. We're podcasters. Thanks, guys. I'm in. Medically dubious CBD claims, because medicine is complicated and gummy bears are not. It's time for us to once again revisit David Icke's book, Everything You Need to Know But Have Never Been Told, which means that I find myself facing my greatest challenge to date, summarizing what the hell David Icke was talking about last time. So, reality doesn't exist on account of all that empty space in the atoms. Other dimensions can intrude on our frequency, which again doesn't exist.

Not our amplitude, though. No, just our frequency. And if you think quantumly enough, the rocks will tell you their turn-ons and turn-offs. Did I miss anything? You are amplitude. Well, on that note, we're going to venture back into this asylum.

We're going to pick up midway through chapter one because fuck if we could make it to a full chapter at a time. And we're going to rejoin the conversation with him explaining that only the parts of reality you're looking at exist at any given time. Oh, in other words, racing. In other words, I can't go crazy when you're looking. Somebody keeps looking. I'm trying to make a new dimension appear. Somebody looking who's fucking it up he's definitely yelled that before

yep oh my okay so for this example of how reality doesn't really exist and we're making it with our minds he uses fire walking as an example right because either he doesn't know it's a trick or he doesn't know that you do yeah Yeah, the quantum Tony Robbins argument. I did not see that coming. I'll be honest. He surprised me. Right. And to be clear, we're still in chapter one and he is already telling his readers they are immune to fire.

Yeah, because of George Barkley. It's weird that firewalkers can't do eyeball stuff, though. Yeah. It seems like they would do something. Maybe they're not reading enough Barkley. I don't know. That's right, everyone.

I broke a board with my foot at age four to get my yellow belt because of how quantumly attuned I was. That's right. That's right. My guy at one point,

he says, I saw an article in the Epoch Times. If I may quote this scientific journal I found in the checkout line at the epic time. If I may quote this scientific journal I found in the checkout line at the grocery store. Yeah, and also, by the way, we learned here that apparently all stage hypnotists

have the power to disprove physics and the willpower not to. Okay, if physics is real, then why are handkerchiefs infinite sometimes? Yes! Yes! Stage hypnotists have such incredible willpower then why are handkerchiefs infinite sometimes? Yes. Yes. Stage hypnotists have such incredible willpower that most of them choose to make their living

doing the late, late show at the chuckle hut and not speak to their estranged daughter. And I want to throw out one more point here. I cannot stress how many of his figures, we're on figure 48 now for the record, are stock footage that I am guessing he didn't buy with swirlies in front of them that's it there's visual aids for so much stuff but none of it like it's not that we don't need a visual aid it's that no sense was ever made right no picture now still nothing yeah exactly exactly we did need some clarification we just didn't need these

pictures just not that ah so okay he also teaches us at this point that the world is actually holograms which to be clear to those who purged this shit from their minds over the last month is just a rephrasing of the same goddamn point that he's just been making over and over and over again yeah same wrong point yes usually when i have to hear this much wrong this quickly someone at least has passed the ball to me by exactly exactly either you're smoking one or supposed to put money in one yeah no this is the bestest pictures ever get at this point right because he has like nine different pictures that are just like can you move that motherfucker right there's a hologram that's not real quote holographics

is mimicking the very holographic reality that we experience as life folks I have made it through 290 plus Christian movies and I almost quit this section of our podcast in that sentence also I'm pretty sure one of

those nine visual aids is exactly the character select screen for Dance Dance Revolution. He's using that to debunk physical reality. Dance Dance Revolution. And then another one is those ads on

Pornhub that are like, try not to come. Right, right. Well, but then he's like well if what i'm telling you isn't real then how does acupuncture and reflexology even work oh it doesn't can we stop reading the book right two votes two votes oh jesus also i'm sorry still first chapter here did we just come across this third matrix comparison? Yes, we did. Is it applied to the same thing in the same way?

Yep. Also, spoiler, I did a control F, and he uses the word matrix 90 times. Oh, Jesus Christ. Nine, zero, 90 times. We're on number three here. Yeah. Also,

by the way, I checked a few other words because I got curious. He says, quantum, 104 times. No. We're on number 29 right here.

But that's not the real focus of his work, as we all know. He says the word Jewish 152 times. Wow. And we're not even on number one yet.

Wow. If you also include Jew and Jews, it's 207. If you add Zionist, 391. Add Israel, 777. Jesus.

And if you add Soros, 867. Jesus fucking Christ. That is one and a quarter J-bombs per page for 689 pages. Jesus Christ. And for those of you who are wondering, according to my casual search of the internet, that does

beat the Koran for Jew mentions. We have a new champion, my friends. We have a new champion. Surprise of the brackets. Seriously, you do a word cluster on this guy and it's just like Jew, slur word, god yep oh god okay so so now he does the time is relative therefore it doesn't exist speech and i'm like no when you define a property you can't use that to prove it doesn't exist but he tries to distract us from that by yelling now in all caps a lot this is so good real though right this

is the point where he starts making the point that only now exists and he does it by saying what time is it now is it right now now how about now is it then no it's now again i can do this all day and i'm like stop don't though he literally puts day in quotes at the beginning of the segment. Like he's being ironic. Like, look at me existing in this day of the mortal days. I'm having a really good day. It's a really hard day in the space time, like a fucking new day. Hipster. The quotes around words in this book, you could insert quotes around words randomly in this text with a computer

and it would make more sense than how he uses them. Yes. And this is where David Icke learned about the DVD and his mind was blown. Yeah, it was. He spends an entire page being fucking fascinated by a

disc full of nows. Because a two hour movie is like 120 nows each of which has like 60 nows each of which has it's like so many fucking nows it's a lot of nows if he ever does another interview with anyone just show him a fucking flip book

and he'll be like warlock jew tom lord doctor who doctor jew well and he keeps saying, like, scientific experiments are increasingly showing, and then he'll say some turd-bakingly crazy thing and not cite any experiments, right? Yep.

He just said in the book that scientific experiments are increasingly showing that you can manipulate the past by doing shit now. Know the fuck they are. Okay, but how would they show that increasingly? All right, try to manipulate the not now. Too slow. Try again.

Now, now, now. Try a little bit. Not now. Now. You're stupid. More on time being relative here, he explains that athletes can slow down time with their minds. Not just athletes.

Great footballers, which again, in his mind, is him. Yep. This would be like me writing in my book. They say a great podcaster has a prehensile penis. Right.

Oh, and in case you're not getting that quite, if you're not quite understanding, figure 61 is Neo dodging bullets. Literally. Okay. I'm calling it. The Wachowski sisters can sue this book. They can officially sue.

All $9 could be theirs. And then we get this bizarre little aside subtitled the scalar connection. And let me just say that either me and Google or David Icke are wildly confused about what the fuck scalar means. Well, Noah, if it makes you feel better, I didn't rely on either Google or David Icke. So I'm going with covered in scale. Oh, there you go.

Okay. Exact words from this section. The term scalar is highly controversial among scientists. And just for record, scalar means number. Yeah. But like the simple kind, not with like any vector to it,

just number. It's the least controversial thing that can be in the universe. It's the a priori concept of numberhoodness. But David Icke is using it to mean, again, quote, a field from which the realms of waveform and holographic reality

ultimately manifest. Which, to David's credit, is a highly controversial way to think of three. Yeah. He's not a scientist, though. It's not controversial with them. And, okay, well, but now it's time to shit on all of modern medicine.

Or, well, I guess he's already done that here and there. But now it's time to dedicate a whole subheading to it. Yeah, the meme he leads this section off with, yes, you heard that correctly, is a picture of a doctor that says, trust me, I'm a doctor, the system says so. of a doctor that says trust me i'm a doctor the system says so which implies that you want a doctor the system doesn't say it's a doctor yeah you want a rogue doctor doctor what well clearly you do eli because doctors are one of the greatest killers ever known. No joke, though.

That's the argument here. Yep. He's like, so who's always dying? Sick people. And who are they always talking to right before they die? Doctors. And that is genocide. Yes.

I'm not exaggerating the argument. And if you're wondering what doctors are getting wrong, quote, mainstream medicine doesn't accept that the body is a waveform information construct and sees only the illusory physical form in perceptual prison of the five senses. Oh, my fucking God. Yes. So, yeah, you can mood yourself to health. Take that all you cancer downers. It's all your fault.

Take that all you cancer downers It's all your fault Okay maybe instead of chemotherapy We could just get rid of all that empty space In our atoms and fit the entire human race In a sugar cube End of thought We would stop hurting And can I just say

I think it's kind of like nice And friendly that all the woosters Sell each other's bullshit You don't see that with other cons the nigerian prince never says like oh ps try out some three card money later you'll win it's neighborly it's neighborly you know i've been doing thrive recently and it's all right and then he then he attacks the codex elementarius which it which it's a collection of food standards, right? He says it was created by

Nazis jailed for war crimes. It was created in 1961 and it was based on something created in 1891. Both high points, I guess, for Nazi war crimes. Okay, just to be clear, that's just a handbook that says

don't make poisoned food, please. If time-traveling Nazis invented that idea in 1891, you don't have to let it go. That was a big got one. Okay, but this does explain why the Eye of Horus is at the top of the food pyramid. Yeah, I was wondering. He also points out that Alt-Med isn't allowed to make claims about healing and Big Pharma is just because Big Pharma can prove them statistically. Yeah. According to him, they're not allowed to quote scientific studies because of the not bullshit copyright.

Yeah. No idea. Yeah. But like, dude, all the treatments are subjected to the same testing regimen okay dumbass this is the argument we get in favor of waveform field medicine that's what he's talking about is like yeah small pharma is yeah small waves or something this is the argument we get waveform guy this uh waveform field medicine might be good for you. Potential patient. Why?

Waveform guy, I can't tell you because whatever I say is probably illegal. That's in the book. Always a good sign. Yeah. So just to be clear, already in chapter one, the conspiracy is so big that virtually all the dieticians, doctors, and medical researchers are in on it. Yeah. And here's the thing. Big Pharma has done fucked up stuff, right?

They created a crisis of dependency and drug abuse in this country. And we can't talk about any of that stuff without sounding a little bit like David Icke. It is harder to stop actual Big Pharma because of him and idiots like him. And then he comes to the defense of homeopaths, and I'm like, Jesus, does this book end with David Icke sword fighting Marsh on a mountaintop at sunrise or something? I really hope it does.

I mean, it can, Noah. Plane tickets, some rope, a sword. We can get these things. We can make this happen. Yeah, no, right, right. No, but he points out that we dismiss homeopathy just because we can't explain it, right? He says, quote, if we can't explain it, it can't be

happening. But it's also not happening. Like, we can check and see if it's happening, and it also isn't, so. Okay, Noah, but if we check it, the homeopathy wave collapses. That's our fault. It's like if someone's going to piss on you and tell you it's raining and then you look

at his penis and he gets stage fright. That's your fault there's no rain. The drought is your fault at that point. The crops aren't growing. You're a dick. Okay, Heath, Mr. Know-it-all. If water doesn't have memory, then how did German scientists photograph water memories?

This is the dumbest section, if it's possible. And I love, I can't help but notice there's no figure X correlated with that. Couldn't get the rights to use that water droplet photo three times. You got the rights to two uses of the same water droplet for earlier in the chapter. I don't know. I liked water droplets before it sold out to big stock photo, but that's me. Oh, God.

And so, yeah, but they talk about the water droplet thing, how water droplets look different if you say happy words to them than sad words. And I'm like, okay, I will give all of these scientists you're pretending to quote here $8 million a piece if they can group the water by who named the droplets after

the fact he says they dipped a flower in a tank of water and quote the energetic information of the flower was in all the droplets this was a tank of water that had sortable droplets yep yep we did a control f on the droplets and of course inevitably this works this way right of the japanese happy water photos as seen on what the bleep do we yes okay so i had a little bit of a rabbit hole moment here i found a research paper by dean rodden from the institute of noetic sciences, along with Masaru Emoto, the guy in the movie with the original happy water thing.

Yeah. And they tried to recreate the results of that. They found that water exposed to positive intentions created crystals that were rated a bit more, quote, beautiful on average

compared to non-targeted water that was nearby. And this is according to a large panel of water crystal beauty judges. And they did averages on that. All of whom had extensive experience in crystal beauty pageants, I'm sure.

I am. But they also found that the distant control water that was far away from the happy targeting room was rated slightly more beautiful than the happy water. Oh, shit. And they're super fucking mad about having to admit that in their study. But the best part's the end of the paper. They pointed out that the investigators could have been accidentally shooting intention at the water and fucking up the result.

That was the concession statement. Jesus Christ. That they couldn't control for accidental intention. Okay, everyone, I called this meeting because we need you to be hoping for exactly normal results

on these ones. Dave, I swear to God, if you are hoping, if you find something... I'm not. I was medium. I medium hoped. Equally. on these ones. Dave, I swear to God, if you are hoping, if you find this out for me, I'm not as medium. I'm medium hoped. Equally.

And then he explains how tarot work. Oh, oh, if I may. Quote, we are waveform field and tarot cards are waveform field. Images and symbolism

of each tarot card or runestone dictates its frequency slash vibration state, and this is a visual version of intent that comes from what the cards or stones represent. End quote. Hundreds of

pages. No idea what you're saying. Oh, God. But I love how often he has to say, now, this thing works, this modality works, but most people who do it fuck it up or are a bunch of fucking frauds. And I'm like, weird how we don't have to say that about medicine or physics or aeronautics

or any of our stuff, right? Trust us, rockets are real. It's just 99% of them explode the moment you start them. And I love this part here. He's in the middle of talking about tarot cards and remembers that he's still mad at Sally Davies, the UK chief medical officer who said homeopathy is stupid. middle of talking about tarot cards and remembers that he's still mad at sally davies the the uk chief medical officer who said homeopathy is stupid so he ends with tarot is complicated

it's a waveform dame sally dame sally fuck you it's a waveform you're stupid i really wanted this to continue through the whole book. He's just angrily referencing her like an ex. Well, we don't know yet that it doesn't. He's very well-liked. Yeah. All right. So then he explains that our bodies are our prisons. And I'm like, yeah, some more than others, Davey.

Some more than others. And apparently part of the problem is our obsession with visible light. So that's helpful. Yeah. That's useful to me. me oh she says he goes full atheism is a religion of believing in provable stuff here yeah i bet they all think stuff is solid too right yeah exactly and then he takes his grandstand against reason and it's nice to know that he knows who his enemy in this fight is he's like see reason like he like makes a dictionary loop out of it and i'm like dude your thing already is meaningless and stupid before i go fucking around with dictionaries okay and his dictionary loop it's just the fact that reason

logic and rationality are all similar words so they get mentioned in the definitions of each other yeah so it turns out squares and rectangles are also a hoax. These lot of stuff doesn't exist. I mean, he spent the first 10 pages of this chapter railing against solidity. I wouldn't be so sure he's not going to come for shapes next. Chapter two, Euclid was full of shit. Big shape.

Yeah, but who is imprisoning us in our bodies? Oh. I guess we'll have to wait to chapter two to find that out. Oh, man. Yeah, right, right.

Way to tease it. All right. So, to close things off, I have a quick question. If you had to summarize this chapter in one sentence, would you be a 15-year-old

getting stoned for the first time and would that sentence start with, whoa, man? Wow, I never thought I'd say this, but you're way too harsh on stoned 15 year olds well you thought you were pretty sure you'd have to say that and yes by the way and on that note we're gonna earn another month of parole from this ship and we're back next month with even more david ike May's installment of God Awful Books.

Before we move into your memory registers and slowly start to fade out, I want to congratulate our friends Tom and Cecil from the Cognitive Dissonance Podcast for 10 years of podcastery this week. Those are two of the guys that inspired us to do this and two guys that still inspire us today. Congratulations, guys. Nobody has ever looked better after 10 years in a glory hole. Anyway, that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight. We'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more.

If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister show, The Skeptic Crat, debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern time on Monday. An even newer episode of our sister show's Hot Friend Godawful movies debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Tuesday, and an even newer episode of our half-sister show, Citation Needed, debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously, this show would be missing. It's enough if I would neglect you to thank Heath Enright and Lucinda Lusions for over 3,000

days of podcastry as of this past Monday. I think we've got a pretty good anniversary too. Also need to thank Eli Bosnick for 44 days less than that, but still a lot. I also want to thank Danny and Trevor from the Nobody's Podcasting Podcast. That's plural, not possessive by the way, for writing this week's Farnsworth quote. If my clarification just served to confuse, don't worry. I'll have it linked on

the show notes for this episode as well. But most all, of course, I want to thank this week's most delightful diploids, Mark, Jason, James, Carol, Janine, Jai, and of all filthy monkey men, Clonotool, Chris, Diana, and Vett, and thanks for helping me survive 2020. Mark, Jason, James, and Carol, who are so bright they're exempted from headlight requirements. Janine, Jai, Filthy, and Clonotool, whose IQs are so high they're no longer ins headlight requirements, Janine, Jai, Filthy and Klonatul whose IQs are so high they're no longer insured by the FDIC, and Chris, Diana and Vet and Thanks who are so desirable the long peace in Tetris waits for them.

Together these 12 people, let's face it, I've been recycling the alliteration for a while now, so I'm just going to say these 12 people helped keep this show afloat by giving us money. Not everybody has the money it takes to give us money, but if you do you can make a per-episode donation to patreon.com slash getting80s, whereby you'll earn early access to an extended ad-free version of every episode. Or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage at scathingadeus.com.

And if you'd like to help, but not in a way where you end up with less money, you can also help a ton by leaving us a five-star review, telling a friend about the show, and following at P-I-A-T-Pod on Twitter. Legal services for this podcast are provided by the Law Offices of P. Andrew Torres. Tim Robinson handles our social media, and our audio engineer is Morgan Clark, who also wrote all the music that was used in this episode, which was used with permission. If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at skatingadeus.com. So I got a helicopter going by. I feel like might be. Yeah, I heard that too. Okay. Yeah. I think

that might be coming across. That's coming in low. The hospital's nearby me. They're trying to stop. Are you near Greg Locke's church? I was told. You beat me to it, you son of a bitch. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a Thunderstorm, LLC.

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