The Scathing Atheist - 440: 8 Minute Absalom Edition

Episode Date: July 22, 2021

In this week’s episode, naturopaths play the COVID card, we learn that God created the supply curve and it was good, and we’ll keep up our quest to see how many funny voices it takes to make the Bible palatable. --- To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click there: https://www.amazon.com/Outbreak-Crisis-Religion-Ruined-Pandemic/dp/B08L2HSVS8/ To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/ To hear more from our intrepid audio engineer Morgan Clarke, click here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/ --- Headlines: Catholics sue MI for mask mandate since god wants to see who’s who: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2021/07/20/catholics-mis-mask-mandate-violated-our-sincerely-held-religious-beliefs/ Naturopath Arrested for Selling Homeopathic COVID Pellets and Fake Vax Cards: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2021/07/15/naturopath-arrested-for-selling-homeopathic-covid-pellets-and-fake-vax-cards/ Christians lose lawsuit over "Black Lives Matter" mural in Washington DC: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2021/07/16/christians-lose-lawsuit-over-black-lives-matter-mural-in-washington-d-c-2/ An Anti-Abortion Activist is Raising $500,000 to Film a Cringeworthy Sitcom: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2021/07/17/an-anti-abortion-activist-is-raising-500000-to-film-a-cringeworthy-sitcom/ Matt Powell says "the fight to save endangered species proves evolution is a lie: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2021/07/16/creationist-the-fight-to-save-endangered-species-proves-evolution-is-a-lie/ Idiot tests faith by letting Jesus take the wheel: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2021/07/17/driver-who-let-jesus-take-the-wheel-before-crashing-wanted-to-test-her-faith/ Evangelical writer says "we must thank Christian God for capitalism": https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2021/07/16/evangelical-writer-we-must-thank-the-christian-god-for-capitalism/ --- This Week in Misogyny: 12 women sue Liberty U for horrifying cases of sexul abuse: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2021/07/20/12-women-sued-liberty-u-for-enabling-sexual-abuse-their-stories-are-horrifying/ Fundamentalist Preacher: “After honeymoon, divorce not an option” https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2021/07/19/fundamentalist-preacher-once-your-honeymoon-is-over-divorce-is-not-an-option/

Warning, the following podcast may be unsuitable for prudish motherfuckers. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by Stamps.com, Allbirds, MySheetsRock, and by The New Sexual Fetish, where we all dress up like Tim Curry from Legend, and fuck, Luciferies. Luciferies. Because even though I just made it up, you are already all the fucking way into it, aren't you? And now, The Scathing Atheist. Even though I just made it up, you are already all the fucking way into it, aren't you? And now, the scathing atheist.

Hey, Pat, how you doing? It's Kevin Sorbo here. I am a TV and film actor, and my name is Kevin Sorbo. And I can assure you that we did, in fact, evolve from filthy monkey men. And I don't know what that means because I don't know if I actually put any stock in that. But it's just funny saying filthy monkey men. I think that's pretty funny. So I still think that a lot of men are still very filthy monkey men. And I don't know what we can do about that.

But I'm pretty sure that's kind of what's going on there right now. So all the best to you, Pat. Don't know where you live. Don't know where you're at. I really wish, I wish some people would tell me what city they're from or what state they're from. Because maybe I have a story about that state.

Know what I mean? All right. I'm signing off. Have a great one. Bye. It's Thursday. It's July 22nd. And it's Lasagna Awareness Month. Yeah, big ups to Garfield for putting in the work.

Right? I have no illusions. I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heath Enright. And from Chris Christie's, New Jersey, Cincinnati, Red State, and Redtown, Blue State, this is The Scathing Atheist. On this week's episode, naturopaths play the COVID card. We learn that God created the supply curve and it was good. And we'll keep up our quest to see how many funny voices it takes to make the Bible palatable. But first, the diatribe. A common refrain that you'll hear when you put yourself out there as an atheist activist

is that you're ignoring all the good shit that religion does. People will admit that, yes, religion is capable of inspiring bad actions and is often used to disguise ill intentions, but if you're going to be intellectually honest about it, you have to weigh all of that against the good that it does. And up until now, I've usually dismissed that argument by pointing out that there are no good aspects of religion. At best, religion offers moonshine. It might occasionally reflect the inner light of a good person but it can't create light of its own but it occurred to me the other day that there might actually be a roundabout exception

that i've been missing though i doubt it's one that religious apologists are going to be in a hurry to embrace like you know how everybody's god always feels the same way as they do about everything yeah i mean i've seen the quote attributed to pretty much every historical smart person but i think it was originally voltaire who said god created man in his own image and man has been trying to repay the favor ever since more to the point is the famous quote from american novelist ann lamott you can safely assume you've created god in your own image when it turns out that god hates all the same people that you do and therein lies the elusive benefit to religion. See, when a person gets to sub in the

first person pronoun with the Lord Almighty, they end up telling you way more about themselves than they mean to. Without realizing it, they're basically telling us exactly what they would do if they had omnipotence and nobody to answer to. And that's useful because it's all too rare that bigots announce themselves by saying, hello, I'm a a bigot but as soon as they tell you that their god doesn't much care for this subgroup or that other one they might as well have does your god want me to fear him is he an angry god will he condemn me for eternity will he one day return to wipe out all the non-believers and drown them in tribulations and bridle high pools of blood does he only help those who help themselves? Does he ignore the prayers of those who don't believe in him?

I mean, it already says plenty about a person that they would worship a deity with any of those flaws, but it actually goes way deeper than that. By disguising their own desires as those of an all-powerful dictator, they've circumvented all the boundaries that society has imposed on their opinions. They don't hate gay people or interracial couples or whatever the bigotry du jour is because they're still bounded by the social contract. God can rise above all that bullshit and just hate whoever he wants. Now, you might hear this and think that it absolves an awful lot of religious people. After all, if you ask religious people who God is, the answer you'll

most often hear isn't about his short temper or his eternal torture chamber. They'll say that God is about unconditional love. And, you know, sure, that's better than hating the queers, I guess, but it's not exactly complimentary. I mean, it's nice to love and care about everybody, but it's pretty fucked up to think that that's enough. And sure enough, the people most likely to spout on about how God is love are also the ones most likely to tell you about the mission they went on in Mexico back in 2006 when their charitable nature is challenged. Loving thy neighbor isn't enough. You also have to help the motherfucker from time to time.

But if you tell me that your God loves everybody unconditionally but still gives some of them cancer, you're telling me you think those two things can coincide in the same entity. And you're telling me that you think you can love the people less fortunate than yourself without doing a goddamn thing to help them. And what about the person whose God has a plan for everybody? The person whose God never gives anybody more than they can handle? Well, they're probably just telling you what a manipulative, meddling motherfucker they wish they could be.

And they're definitely telling you that they think it's okay to dole out just as much misfortune as a person can handle. And of course, the person whose God checks people's hubris with adversity is usually the one most vocally supporting a punitive justice system with long prison terms. So yeah, I'll begrudgingly admit

that religion actually does have one useful benefit to society it's a great shortcut to knowing exactly what kind of asshole you're dealing with they're talking about you jesus interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news bulletin joining me for headlines tonight are the dis and apt to my ointed heath enright and eli bosnick palace how excited are you that pat got us a farnsworth quote from the one and the only yes that was for realsies kevin greatest he's like a sad horse who got confused by the math problem he was supposed to tap it it's so good i have watched that video 900 times i still need to watch it 900 It's so good. I've watched that video 900 times.

I still need to watch it 900 more. It is more tragic than the fucking Dubliners. The end when he goes, I wish people would tell me what state they're from. I have fun stories about states. I might have a story.

He's not ready to say he's got a story. He doesn't ready to say he's got a story. He doesn't have 50 interesting stories. Come on. Speaking of Oklahoma, I was in Tulsa once. Yeah, so actually I need to watch it again right now. So we're going to take a quick break for a word from this week's first sponsor, Stamps.com. Hey, podcast listener.

If you've been listening to our show for a while, you know that one of our oldest and most loyal sponsors is Stamps.com. But did you know that we use Stamps.com to send out our Patreon rewards? Follow me and I'll show you how easy it is to mail hundreds of books and bingo cards a year using Stamps.com. So here we are. It's the third of the month when Lucinda messages Eli on facebook asking him to download the patrons who are due rewards that month yeah just one more episode of invincible and then i am definitely going to respond to her i just gotta and here we are on the fifth day of the month when she reminds him again right yes we'll do that this afternoon i'm just sorry sorry winky face sent and here we are that evening when she texts him because he

still hasn't sent it damn it right sorry here it comes but once he does in a matter of minutes we can upload the info for our patrons print postage and arrange for pickup all from our home computer that's because stamps.com lets you print official u.s postage and shipping labels 24 7 without having to leave your desk or buy any fancy equipment. All you need is your computer and a standard printer. They offer deals you can't get anywhere else, like up to 40% off USPS and up to 66% off UPS shipping rates. And with their switch and save feature, you can quickly compare carriers to find the best

rates every time. Oh, those are the wrong names. Don't print those. Stop wasting time going to the post office and go to stamps.com instead. Oh, those are the wrong names. Don't print those. promo code scathing stamps.com never go to the post office again unless eli sent your wife the wrong names and you have to go take the packages back so that you don't send the same people books two months in a row june and july look very similar word wise do they did they have chase and now back to the headlines in our lead story tonight as we're recording this episode the u.s sixth circuit court of appeals is wasting their time rejecting a bullshit case where a bunch of Catholics have sued the state of Michigan over their mask mandates.

The argument in this fucking gem is that forcing students to cover their faces violates their sincerely held religious beliefs since faces were made in the image of God. So mask mandates force them to cover up God. And no, I am not exaggerating how dumb it is. From the suit, quote, a mask shields our humanity. And because God created us in his image, we are masking that image. End quote. Yeah, here's the thing. I was in Michigan recently, and I am not welcome at that wendy's

anymore without clothing and i thought it's a religious issue i mentioned god's image during the moment not helpful at all it actually escalated the moment yeah i was in that wendy's a lot of people were screaming oh my god they have no excuse right it was obviously religious so persecution i love that you've said anymore as though up until then you were. OK, so. So, yeah, this case comes to us from a Catholic elementary school called the Resurrection School. That name is probably a reference to Jesus. But given their commitment to unsafe conditions, I'm not going to bet on it. So they filed a suit against the Michigan Department of Health and Human Services last October, claiming that mask forced them to cover up that, you know, self-portrait that god carved into their head

they also point out that masks make it harder to socialize and they sincerely believe in socializing too and yeah to make sure that that counted as religion they added i swear i am not making this shit up quote our existence as relational beings point to the holy trinity end quote so in other words if you can't immediately tell who's asking to borrow your crayons how the hell can the holy ghost and jesus be the same guy even no i get it michigan i also tell people apart by their chin clips so yes blocks them from socializing so like they're trying to talk and they're just like, what's happening? You can't read the body language at the corners of the mouth. Very important.

And look, generally speaking, this type of shit doesn't rise to the level of lead story. A judge already denied a preliminary injunction in this case, and there's little chance that the appellate court is going to find any different but even if they get it right this is a phenomenal exemplar of just how stupid the shit that our courts are adjudicating necessarily becomes as soon as we introduce the concept of sincerely held religious beliefs into our jurisprudence yep because sincerely held religious beliefs are pretty much definitionally fucking dumb right i mean look at some sincerely held religious beliefs are pretty much definitionally fucking dumb right i mean some sincerely held religious beliefs are things like be kind to others and don't kill people but those kind of beliefs already have protection in law yep if you have had to resort to defending your belief by saying it's a sincerely held religious one that's because it was too dumb

for any of the other belief categories were required by law to take seriously yeah just it should fit into basic ethics and you had to go outside of that it's dumb yes all the good ethics were taken so this one and in more like sociopath news homeopath naturopath and dangerous con person julie a maizey was arrested this week for providing her so-called patients with a so-called homeopathic vaccination pellet as well as forged vaccination cards to match the dates of their nothing because why not just not get vaccinated and cause a plague when you can commit felonies not get vaccinated and cause a plague when you can commit felonies, not get vaccinated and spread a plague instead? Yeah, yeah. And no, by the way, we are not legally required here to say alleged con person until she gets convicted because con person is a synonym for homeopath.

And she puts that shit on her business card. Right. that shit on her business card right so like the worst case scenario we would have to identify her as alleged con person and con person julie she's manifesting her own destiny yeah so according to court documents a family member of one of maizey's patients submitted a complaint to the department of health and human services office of Inspector General Hotline after that family member told them that, quote, Maisie stated that the pellets contained the COVID-19 virus and would create an antibody response in the immune system, end

quote. Who's buying this stuff? She's like, yeah, so I bought a barrel of COVID, and then I poured out a thimble of COVID. It's actually really hard. I spilled a bunch of the COVID all over the place. Then I put the thimble of COVID. It's actually really hard. I spilled a bunch of the COVID all over the place. Then I put the thimble into a fucking lake, and

then I made pills from the lake by medicine from me. A whole fucking billion dollar industry. Anybody know any other lakes? But it gets worse again. Quote, Mazie sent

COVID-19 vaccination record cards with Moderna listed to the complainant's family. Maisie allegedly instructed the complainant family to mark the cards to falsely state they had received their Moderna vaccine

on the date that they had ingested the COVID-19 homeoprophylaxis immunization balance. Oh, by the way, one other thing, your vaccine card is for novelty purposes only, like a fake ID. It's also real, though. So, I feel like

if she believed her own bullshit, she'd have just shredded one real vaccination card into a bunch of tiny pieces and then taped them to larger cards. Yeah. That should get you in the airplane i mean yeah or to the side of a paper factory or something right yeah exactly and look i wanted to share this story not just because fuck this lady's face but if you've ever explained to someone that homeopathy or other pseudoscience is bullshit

after folks have run out of excuses or fake Googles, they love to ask you, ah, what's the harm? And I just want to point out this. Yep. Right? Con men do not limit themselves to your mom's sciatica and stomach aches.

When people come to them with AIDS and cancer and COVID fucking 19, they don't drop the bit like me when the recording's off and send someone to a real doctor. Right. And more importantly, more often than not, they kill people using the money and trust

built by people who know they're full of shit, but just say to themselves, what's the harm? Right. But now, to be clear, just because fuck this lady's face would have been plenty though we could have yeah that's what we stand by fuck this lady's good with that and next up in headlines we have a follow-up story from last year about a very serious lawsuit it all started when washington dc painted black lives matter on the street right next to the White House for spite and

named that part of the street Black Lives Matter Plaza. And of course, that is a constitutional violation. We're supposed to have a separation of church and state. But the moment that happened in Washington, three white guys from Tennessee were being persecuted by the religion called seriously secular humanism. That's what they said in the suit. Yeah. So they filed that lawsuit against Muriel bowser the mayor of the city well their case got thrown out last week by one of those theocratic activist judges you tend to find in washington dc so fuck you

yeah the court finds you guys are idiots get out out of my courtroom. Yep. A couple of stories like that this week. No, Your Honor, it's like a double negative lawsuit. If I'm not being persecuted by a not religion, it loops back around and counts again. Yeah, so just in case anyone missed it, let's meet the aggrieved plaintiffs. First up, we have Pastor Richard Penkoski of the Warriors for Christ, DC chapter. Again, he lives in Tennessee, though. He's the guy who sued his daughter's school district after the daughter got sent home for wearing a T-shirt that said, Homosexuality is a sin.

Arguing, okay, is that hate speech or is it religious expression? The answer is yes, by the way. Plaintiff number two was chris sevier oh my goodness it's an all-star it is an all-star list sevier is an attorney who tried to sue apple for enabling his porn addiction by making computers that could access porn theoretically he also filed lawsuits demanding the right to marry his computer you know just like two men are allowed to get married except with the computer it's a computer not a person and finally we have plaintiff number three tex christopher he's a former bull rider. Sure, sure. End of credentials. And their suit against Muriel Bowser said,

Bowser's paramount objective was to convey that the Black Lives Matter cult, which is a denominational sect of the religion of secular humanism, is the favored religion of the city and the nation. You ever been accused of something you wish was true? It just happens a lot here on the city and the nation. You ever been accused of something you wish was true? It just happens a lot here on this TV. Well, no, I'm pretty sure the Bible has at least as much to say

about black lives not mattering as it does about homosexuality being bad. So I, like, I see how they got there, right? Yeah, no, it works for their religion. Religious expression and hate speech. Yes, it's yes. So the ruling came from U.S. District Judge Trevor McFadden, who was way too nice about saying, go fuck yourself, Latin word gavel.

But he did seem like he was having fun with it. He used the phrase, creed de coeur, to describe very serious allegations by the plaintiff that the court takes very, very seriously. He called it the crediker. And then he explained how federal court, you know, works to like a five-year-old in his ruling. The whole thing was in that voice.

It was like, okay, did you show any standing? No, exactly. And we're not going to rename it. Jesus is the answer boulevard. Did you ask for any legal remedy that's not stupid like that? No, no, you did not. And then I gave you nine more chances. And what do we say about standing each time that you have to show it?

Exactly. It's so good just leading him through the whole thing by the hand. Bottom line, if you're being persecuted by Black Lives Mattering, fucking good. Right? Yeah. Good. Yeah. And in all in the family news, regular listeners to the show may remember the heartbreak and pain.

We were caused last October when we learned that President of Faith to action that's the number janet porter would not in fact be making the pro-life romantic comedy she had shot a trailer for well dear podcast listener raise your eyes to the skies and sing a song of hope once more because miss porter has decided to make her movie into a 13 episode sitcom instead. That's appropriate. And she's already fundraising for it. Holy shit. We couldn't make 90 quality minutes of a movie happen. Anyway, here's a 13 episode

series instead. By the way, if Gilbert Gottfried is not the voice of the fetus in that show, that fucking fundraiser is technically wirefied. I will sue. 100%. Yeah. So, first of all, if you haven't watched the trailer that Porter

produced with the movie money, you must watch it! I'm not saying we could do an entire episode of our sister show Godawful Movies about a trailer, but if there was a trailer, we could do an entire episode of Godawful Movies about that's the one.

Honey, you have to give birth to this child. Or do I? It's a fucking sitcom about that. Sitcom. Yeah. So, like I said, Porter is currently fundraising the measly $500,000 she needs to make this pro-forced birth romp a reality. Here's a quote from the fundraiser. Quote,

While most non-Christians are drawn to sermons, everyone wants to laugh. The sitcom, What's a Girl to Do, will make people laugh while putting God and his truths in a positive light. Finally. End quote. Yeah, it's like, what could

be more universally appealing than a show called What's a Girl to Do? from a writer offended by that implication of autonomy, right? It continues, quote, there are a lot of good Christian movies. Super wrong.

But there are no Christian sitcoms from which to choose. regular wrong yeah medium wrong medium yeah let's change that instead of entertainment with the indoctrination of a godless worldview let's create a quality sitcom that honors god and advances his kingdom while having fun we like to have fun here at our pro-life sitcom. At the end of the show, we all learned an important lesson. Fetus jump, freeze frame. What the fuck is happening? But it's not all good news.

Sadly, Miss Porter has only raised just over $2,000 as of this recording. But I need her to find that other $498,000. Not just for the job security, but that is definitely a part of it. So if Noah and Heath would just let me remortgage the house, we could be a part of that, but they won't. It's very sad, podcast listener. We need this. Alright. And while we make sure that Eli

hasn't put up any new for sale signs in the yard, we're going to pause for a word from our second sponsor this week, Allbirds. You can have a walk-on guest for all. Hey, welcome to Typical Shoe Buying Experience. Can I help you? Because I am dressed as a referee. Yeah,

about that, why are you dressed as a referee? Oh, because shoes are for sports. Right, but they're also like for, you know, a bunch of other stuff. Just seems like referees very... I was not listening. Okay. So, I'm thinking that you're going to want a pair of these. brand name famous athlete name just 899 899 yes yeah i super do not want to spend that amount of money on shoes do people spend that much money on like sneakers

yeah apparently it could literally be an underground spy program for all you know did you see the line outside? I did see the line. Yeah. Very weird to have that size of line. Anyway, do you have something less pricey than that? Oh, yeah, of course. Here you go. Dad shoes.

Three dollars. Oh, yeah. These look like something Eli would wear. Yeah, this is exactly the shoes that he wears. Okay, right. So do you have anything in the middle? You know, something lightweight and stylish, but not insanely overpriced? Not here at Typical Shoe Store, but you know who does? Allbirds. Oh, what's Allbirds?

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All right, now I'm sold. So, where can I get a pair? Keep things light and breezy with the Allbirds Tree Runner Discover your perfect pair at allbirds.com today That's A-L-L-B-I-R-D-S dot com Thanks Noah Hey, while I'm here, can I see those dad shoes, size 11? No, you can't, but I can disappear for 45 minutes into the back And come back with a size 7, 15, and a pair of sandals

Okay, well, then don't do that too late i'm already gone okay it'll feel rude to leave a man wrote the bible a horse which one if it's a legitimate race right cooking can be fun hey i'm proud of a man this week in massage well shit it's been so long since i've talked to you that i kind of wanted to start off on This week in misogyny. Well, shit, it's been so long since I've talked to you that I kind of wanted to start off on something a bit upbeat or barring that something that at least it wasn't horrifying shit that'll keep you up at night. I mean, I get that this is a segment about misogyny in a show about religion. So I'm pretty much never chiming in with good news. But my stories are at least usually better than this.

So the story we're opening with this week begrudgingly comes out of Liberty University, where 12 women have filed a federal suit against the Christian College for violating Title IX rules, specifically the rules about protecting students from discrimination on the basis of sex. The plaintiffs claim the university, quote, intentionally created a campus environment where sexual assaults and rapes are foreseeably more likely to occur than they would in the absence of Liberty's policies. Now look, I've read through pretty detailed accounts of the 12 complaints, and the details get pretty gruesome. I'm not going to put you through all that. But what you see when you read them is a fucked up system that repeatedly puts antiquated notions of chastity over real threats to women's safety. Victims of rapes weren't told their rights. They were shamed for drinking

alcohol, being out late, or for not being forceful enough in their objections. In one instance, photographs of bruises on her body that one student provided as evidence in a rape accusation were removed from the file for being too explicit. According to the lawsuit, Liberty created a system that enables on-campus rapes and actively suppresses legitimate complaints of sexual assault, thus intentionally or through craven indifference, protecting rapists from punishment. And it's yet more evidence that every time you think, surely this will be the most fucked up story to come out of Liberty University, the universe is going to prove you wrong in short

order. And speaking of being wrong about shit, I wanted to take a quick second to highlight an asshole who stumbled into my crosshairs this week. His name is Jason Graber, and he's a new independent fundamentalist Baptist preacher, despite the words new and independent contradicting the word fundamentalist. Anyway, he was delivering a sermon at the Shur Foundation Baptist Church in Spokane, Washington last week about the evils of divorce. And he assures his audience that divorce is never the right option, no matter how miserable or abused anybody is, unless the husband finds out that his wife isn't a virgin on their wedding night. That's the one and only time that God is okay signing off on divorce. And look, we all know who the victims of this divorce is a grievous sin mantras are.

Abuse victims are being told that their physical and mental well-being are less important than a promise to an invisible man. And you know who else knows that? Jason fucking Graber. Now, if you'll forgive me, I had the audacity to do this record wearing full blown pants instead of bikini bottoms. So I kind of need to run quick before I get fined by an Olympic committee. So without further ado, I'll hand things back over to Noah, Heath, and Eli. Thank you, Lucinda. Next up in headlines, we have a story about Matthew Tiberius Powell.

Always a good day. I'm very excited. He's our intern who works for us as his job. And since our job is highlighting the problems with religion, his job is saying Christian stuff into a camera. End of job. It really, you know,

it cuts out the middleman. It's like synergy. Yeah. You might remember Powell from his recent video about how evolution is racist. That's when he said, if we evolved from African-Americans, why are there still African-Americans? So, yeah, we had an HR meeting about that.

He's taken our in-house seminar on critical race theory and also our in-house seminar on geography words and how they work. Well, he came out with a new video last week about how extinction proves creation it's called how extinction proves creation all right yeah well okay but to be clear the fact that it isn't called how extinction proves creation colon jesus is lord hyphen why science knows i'm right but won't admit it is a real step forward for matt though he's getting good at brevity i mean look buddy you're going for employee of the month what is

this six months in a row now keep the hits coming good work so before we get into the details of the argument i'm going to set the scene for you please do first of all matt powell shot this video right after attending the funeral for a 1920s gangster that he knows yeah he goes to a lot of those did not have time to change the outfit no and apparently he could not book his normal studio space in his mom's living room so he's recording in uh i think a basement comedy club with a kidnapping theme it's. And the music is telling us that a sitcom character just spent 23 minutes

learning that evolution is a hoax. And then like, Towsel from Bob Saget. Ha ha ha, hoax. So that's the mood and the mise-en-scene for you. Also, this is my favorite little detail.

I'm pretty sure he's wearing a leather ring from Hot Topic on his hand. Yeah, it's not so much the larger insights into the Christian worldview that we love about Matt, as it is the smaller things, like how he thinks clothes and bunk beds work. But so, guys, you know he moved all his shit to the basement because we made fun of his bunk beds, right? I mean, that's so very clear. I'm not saying that's my proudest achievement, but whichever of us dies

last should work it into the other guy's eulogies, okay? Oh, sure. I will buy him a race car bed. We have so many contact pages, Matt. Just reach out. We will buy you a race car bed. You can do your very serious videos from it. It's written

in the thing. we've offered it so many different ways in your contract so here's the reason that extinction proves creation oh please pal starts by pointing out that evolutionists are constantly opening animal shelters to stop extinction wait what um hey not really how that works but but I'm thinking, all right, let's see where he goes with that. He continues, according to evolution, species should be getting created all the time through natural selection, which, okay, it sounds at least adjacent to correct, sort of, but it's not for him, him saying it. First of all, he used air quotes when he said natural selection. So bad, bad sign. quotes when he said natural selection so bad bad sign like in his head his mom's cat is not turning into a flying decepticon panther so he's pretty sure natural selection is false yeah but more

importantly when evolutionists try to save animals from going extinct we're admitting that evolution is fake because we know evolution won't just invent that species again. That's seriously the argument. He's mad that evolution doesn't take requests. Play Dodo bird. No, but no, no. It's like, so you know how when we conserve fossil fuels, it proves that carbon doesn't exist. It's like that. Yeah, there you go.

Just like, you know how we're always starting carbon shelters? Same thing. So as usual, Powell did not have time to memorize the flow chart of the argument he's having with himself on the video. So he keeps having to pause like that guy trying to learn the guitar

and play for you at the same time. And at one point, that pausing sends him off on a tangent that leads to one of those, like, full stop anyway moments. It's great. He says, we don't see these new species popping up.

We see animals going extinct. So that proves that if we go back in time to the Garden of Eden, there were more types of animals than there are now. Fuck. Anyway, atheists don't know the meaning of life. Evolution's fake.

QED. That's really the end of the argument that we don't know the meaning of life. We don't. So, the science is wrong. And in cruzified news tonight. Fantastic. An Ohio woman was arrested last Thursday after

her vehicular test of faith ended in her hitting a car, a telephone pole, another car, and ultimately a fucking house. Her excuse for this pinball esque series of accidents that began with her running a red light at 100 miles an hour plus was that she was testing her faith

by seeing if Jesus would miraculously clear all the obstacles in her path. And to be fair, with only those four small exceptions, Christ the Savior nailed it. Okay, if Elon Musk is better at something than your God, you're fucking stupid. You need to stop. I don't know, Heath elon did create a mountain

tunneler he can't move even he can't move right well done sir so yeah sadly this is something that we see so often that anna wrote a fucking song about it but this one is getting more play on social media than most because a there's a nanosecond of video of the beginning of the accident and b this crazy piece of shit had her 11 year old daughter in the car when she did this yeah now luckily and notice i did not use the fucking word miraculously nobody was seriously injured but jesus's co-pilot was arrested on charges of felony assault endangering a child and driving under suspension which strongly suggests that maybe Jesus has failed to take the wheel on

her before. Yeah. He's also failed to take the wheel for every other car accident in history. Through that, yeah. Just for the record. He's like a passive-aggressive boyfriend. He's like, I want you to want me to take the wheel or else I'm not going to take the wheel. And even then, he still sucks at driving when he does.

Yeah. Sounds like me, honestly. And seriously, so I should be clear that the reports we've seen on this suggest that she was not, like, drunk or high or anything like that at the time of the accident. The local story I've seen on this points out that the officers at the hospital, quote, did not detect any signs of impairment

from drugs or alcohol, end quote. She told officers that she intentionally drove at a high rate of speed without steering to test her faith with God and apparently said she stood by her decision and thinks it was the right thing to do. So when I point out that her religious zealotry didn't physically injure her daughter, I almost feel legally obligated to add yet. Yeah. I just really hope this kid makes it long enough to drive mom to the hospital one day super slowly just like no no i know your chest hurts mom but that's a yield sign

hey hey hey maybe jesus will take the yield huh uh we're having oh you're asleep okay he's not taking the gas pedal i don't know that's that's on him and finally tonight it occurs to me that we've been you know we've been giving god a really hard time heavily for a lot it's like our thing but we never give him credit for all the good stuff he's doing so in the interest of you know fair and balanced journalism that's what we're here for i think it's important that we thank the omnipotent creator of the universe for all his amazing work with specifically laissez-faire economics. Huh. So, you know, God invented price discovery with his beautiful, invisible hand.

And he deserves a big congratulations. And a big hat tip also to Joe Carter, the editor of the Gospel Coalition Evangelical Blogging Network, for giving me this very important insight to talk about. Jesus. I like that Christians have stopped with the namby-pamby, like, God guides the hands of surgeons shit. And now they're just like, the idea of moneyness is God. That's right. It's like, hey, can your God perform miracles? Well, no, but he can incentivize them. That's actually the point of this stupid fucking article.

It is. So dumb. So here's what Joe Carter had to say about the unsung hero of economics at the source of that beautiful, invisible trickle. Quote, there are intricate and beautiful aspects of God's creative genius that we don't often think about. Take, for instance, the price system. In its most basic sense, a price is merely a numeric value assigned to a product or a service. In all the senses, that's what price is.

But we can also say... That's what the word means. That we can also say that's the word that's the word he continues but we can also say that a price is a signal wrapped in an incentive to be coordinated by God can we say that you can write it on a

stupid fucking Christian blog it's going to get right past the editors you can even get Heath to say it although it seemed difficult for him God prices are signals wrapped in enigmas right fuck you get out of here okay continuing one more time humans set individual prices but it was god who designed the price system as a means of coordinating human activity for the purposes of human flourishing. End quote. Okay.

That's said like a man who's never bought diapers or, or God hates babies. One of those things is true. So I know, I see what he's saying though. Like without God, how would we even know what a rape victim's virginity was worth? That's true.

Right. Right. System. It's important. Yeah. Good stuff, God. But how do condiments fit in?

You're probably wondering. Carter continued, God knows and cares about what may seem like trivial issues, such as whether you like ketchup on your fries. And he's provided a way for our neighbors to help meet those needs. I've heard he's got the whole world in his hinds. That's fantastic. Thank you. Okay, I am going to go ahead and admit it. The argument for God lets your neighbors buy you ketchup is a new one for me.

I don't really know. It's not on my flow chart. Strong apologetic. We're going to have to write a new thing for that branch. Just when we thought we heard them all. So yeah, ketchup supply chain, God is love. Got it. Now you hear all this and you might be thinking,

okay, sounds like a Christian guy trying to glorify God for creating the a priori on the zeroth day. And not telling us about it. And not mentioning it. I never said anything about that. But here's the thing. I've studied a bit of international economics. And if you go to Japan, for example,

where they have a non-Christian economy and price system, it gets pretty crazy. People just screaming at each other. Your demand is not meeting my supply. What the fuck do we do? Supply demand? I don't know.

There's no system. It's pandemonium. So, you know, thanks again to Christian God. Yeah, right. Exactly. Well, now that Heath has qualified this episode

as educational material, I suppose we can close the headlines for the night. Heath, Eli, thanks as always. Jumanji. And when we come back, the good book still won't be. All right, Greg, you be careful with that red sauce buddy exactly we don't want to those again eli what are you doing yeah what's with all the people going in and out of your room oh hey guys well you

know i'm a hot sleeper so i have to constantly keep my bedroom air conditioned like an italian restaurant's walk-in fridge we do know that yes yeah one time your door had an icicle so i was figuring i gotta make some of that money back right so now boom i'm the new walk-in freezer for papagino's down the street excuse me white sauce it's by the comic books carl all right thank you carl works at papagino's yeah they pay him in garlic bread at least they pay me in something. Carl, we talked about this, buddy. We don't have the budget right now. Oh, sure. Never the right time to pay Carl.

We honestly should start paying him. Yeah, okay. We'll discuss it. But Eli, if you're a hot sleeper, why not just try the regulator sheets from My Sheets Rock? What, uh, the regulator sheets from My Sheets Rock? Come on, really? Come on.

Seriously, Carl? What? I'm almost tied with Cara Santa Maria. It's true. He is. The regulator sheets are designed specifically to keep hot sleepers cool and cold sleepers comfortable. They regulate temperature, wick moisture, stay breathable, and are so soft you'll sleep comfortably every night. That's because these sheets are made from the best-in-class bamboo rayon, the holy grail of sheeting.

This miracle material transfers body heat two times more effectively than regular sheets and reduces humidity by 50% so you can experience your best night's sleep yet. Yeah, my sheets rock. Send us a pair to try. And I bought an extra set because they're my new favorite sheets. Nice! But guys, what if I don't believe you? Don't believe me? Their five-star customer reviews speak for themselves.

Plus, they offer a 90-day risk-free trial and free shipping and free returns. Check out MySheetsRock at mysheetsrock.com slash scathing. And enter our code scathing for 10% off and free shipping. All right, guys, I'm in. So long, Papaginos. Oh, hey, Claire. Oh, you're just here to cry? She's just here to cry.

Food service is hard. it is and then in between the pancakes candied bacon oh man that sounds amazing oh it is it is amazing uh heath what are you doing? I'm just talking to Don before Bible Peace Theater. That's the part of the show where we act out the Bible. I know what Bible Peace Theater is, Heath, but you're doing the pre-segment introduction small talk with him. What? No, I'm not.

Yes, you are. Noah is going to walk in any second and ask if we're ready to do a Bible Peace Theater. No, he's not. Hey guys, are you ready to do Bible Peace Theater? Absolutely not. You do the pre-Bible Peace Theater banter with me, he's not. Hey guys, you ready to do Bible Peace Theater? Absolutely not. You do the pre-Bible Peace Theater banter with me. Don doesn't even go here. You were doing so good just doing the intro for the

segment. You had to get super meta. So Heath, I have been thinking about buying a boat. No, you haven't. Yes, I have. Tell me what you think about it. Guys, guys. Fine. Sorry. Where are we? Well, actually, we're at the story of tamar and amman yeah let's uh go ahead and skip that one um why what's the story of tamar and amman it's it's a

pretty graphically described rape in in the bible yeah and and the guy who does the raping gets killed but it's very much like uh that's what you get for messing up my stuff murder and not like a rape is bad murder well yeah well yeah i mean and the guy who murders him gets punished for murdering the rapist later in the book so it's definitely not an anti-rape story you you know? Yeah, so we skip it, right? Skip it. I don't feel like we're going to get any yucks out of that story. Go ahead and skip it. We could do Ray Comfort again. Ray only works as a gangbang

on Don. I feel like a lot of things could fuck Don and it would be funny. Uh-huh. Thanks, Eli. So, skip it. Skipping it. We're going to go ahead and give it the old skipperoo. I hear you heath but kind of the point of the segment is to educate people on the stories that are actually in the bible and all the bad ideas in them i i'm not saying we try to make it funny but it seems

kind of weird to skip it right no yeah i hear that that that makes sense but like you know sexual assault survivors listen to the show i'm. And you're three straight white guys. And there are four of us. Four of us. Yes. But I'm non-binary. What? Since when? Oh, I've come on on at least two different podcasts.

I don't like podcasts. I wouldn't have heard it. We need to think of something to do with this week's episode. Oh, I've got it. I've got it.'ve got it i feel like you don't have it substitution what's substitution so we tell the story very good by the way but we switch in another term for rape so we can talk about the bad ideas and do sketch stuff about it but we're not being insensitive okay but what are we substituting in oh you leave that up to me heathen right you leave that up to me oh boy okay why are you just standing there

is something there's gonna be a swish is there a swish and it came to pass after this that absalom the son of david had a fair sister whose name was Tamar. And Ammon, the son of David, wanted to get her into the show Supernatural. Seriously? It's perfect! Perfect? Would we say perfect? You didn't have to watch two episodes on a plane, Heath, okay? You didn't either, just listen to podcasts.

I don't like podcasts. Don't listen to them. Okay. Hey, Ammon. Ammon, what's the matter? Oh, hey, my good friend Jonadab. I just, uh, well, I really want to get my sister Tamar into the show Supernatural.

Dude, gross. She's your sister. I know. I know. But look, if you really want to get your sister into Supernatural, here's what you do. Whisper, whisper, whisper. Um, you didn't say anything. You just said

whisper, whisper, whisper. Don't worry. There's going to be a swoosh. Is there going to be a swoosh? Oh, yeah. Oh, I am so very sick. I'm very, very sick and ill with the sickness. I'm sick. Son, what's the matter? You're saying that you're sick and ill with sickness.

Yes, I am, King David, who is also my dad. I'll propose nothing. Will you have Tamar bring me some food? I mean, I could just get one of the servants to do it if you want. No, no, I would really prefer it if it was Tamar for my sickness to bring it to me. Okay, fine. Hello, brother.

Father tells me you're ill, so I brought you some food. Oh, Tamar. Hey, that's nice of you. Everybody, can you give us the room, please? You want the room so you can eat your food? Yes. I, yes, I need to eat my sickness food alone, but just with Tamar, me and Tamar.

Okay. Sure, if you say so. Aha! Now that we're alone, I'm gonna make you watch the show Supernatural. No, please. The characters are boring, and I don't care about the overall through line because they kill the mom

literally the second they introduce her. You just need to give it a couple seasons. At least marry me first so I can make you watch Great British Bake Off. Never. Absolutely not. Okay, I feel like we're getting a little lost in the weeds on your substitution, Eli. No, I'm telling you. People are going to get it.

They're going to like it. You don't like GBBO? Just say Great British Bake Off, Don. You don't need to shorten it. It's not military code. I think GBBO is a delightful show. I'm not saying it's not a good show. I'm saying I've never turned on my television eager to watch it. I get it. Stephanie is a lighthouse salesman from Shrampshire and her sponge is dry.

I just don't... Oh, no. so the guy that has 3 000 comic books doesn't like great british bake off because it's too repetitive you don't even go here don this this podcast used to be about atheism there's no god then after amman had introduced tamar to supernatural he hated her exceed, so that the hatred wherewith he hated her was greater than the love wherewith he had wanted to introduce her to Supernatural. What do you mean you can't tell Dean and Sam apart? What does that even mean? I just don't know how they're supposed to be different.

You're crazy. Okay, Dean is the smart and charming and handsome one who's a bit of a bad boy, but Sam is the bad boy who's handsome, but he's also smart and charming. Okay, this is literally just worse Buffy. You're worse Buffy. Go live in your father's house forever because you're ruined. Ruined like daytime sci-fi monster of the week, maybe. So Tamar's brother Absalom finds out what Ammon did and comes up with a plan for revenge. King David.

Oh, Absalom, my cousin friend? Sorry, how are we related? I'm your son. No, no, that one died. Remember, it was very sad. No, I'm your other son. Whatever you say, man. What's up?

I just, I wanted to invite you to my sheep shearing party. Your sheep shearing party? Yep. Big sheep shearing party. And I wanted you to come and bring the whole family. Oh, man. I would love to. But I am busy.

I haven't actually told you when it is yet. No, yeah, you did, you did. It's on the... Seventh. Seventh, and that's when I cannot make it. Okay, um, well, I'll tell you what. Why don't you just send Ammon? Oh, why would I just send Ammon to your sheep?

Let's just say I'd love for him to see what my blade can do. What? Nothing. Did you have anything else? There's going to be a swoosh. Going to be a swoosh, sure. Rule of threes.

All right, servants, gather round. Yes, boss. We're listening. So, when I give the secret signal, you kill Ammon. Uh, sure. What's the secret signal? I'll yell, kill Ammon, and then you do. Did we need a meeting for this? Yeah, this feels like it could have been an email.

Shh, shh, shh, shh. He's coming. Ammon in the house. Just finished introducing my sister to Supernatural. You know what I mean. So, he's ready to shear some sheep. Am I right? Let's do it.

Now. I mean, you literally just said the sign was kill Ammon. You did. We had a whole meeting about it. Never mind that. Take that. Ugh! That's what you get for

introducing my sister to supernatural, you son of a bitch. It's good once you get into it. No, it's not. It kind of is. King David. Yes! Joab, my...

Nephew. Right, nephew. Jeez, I gotta put, like, name tags on you people or something. What's up? Your son is dead. My sons are dead. Oh, woe is me. What darkness has fallen upon my soul.

I shall never shine joy into the world that... No, no, no. Sorry, sir. Not your sons. Your son, Ammon. Who was... The one who introduced his sister to Supernatural. Oh, well then.

That's... Well, that is better, at least. Who did it? Absalom. Your other son. Right, thank you. Well, okay. Not nearly as sad about that. Honestly, really wish I hadn't torn this shirt.

God, I love this shirt. But yeah, I guess I gotta kill Absalom for killing Ammon, though, right? I mean, sir, he did introduce his sister to Supernatural. Yeah, no, he did. And that show is bad and repetitive. No, it's not! He's getting out of the Bible!

You're not in the Bible! Ammon Dean or Treasure? B-U-S-Y-K-I-N-G-E-Y Busy Kingy What's the kingy busy doing being busy? Your highness, King David, please help me Oh, sure, little old lady, I just came across on the road, how can I help? I am but a poor widow and I have two sons One killed the other and now my family wants me to kill him.

What should I do? Oh, I don't know. Don't kill your son, I guess? Oh, that's very good advice, Your Highness. Would it happen to apply to anything in your life, perhaps? Huh. You know, now that you mention it, I'm actually going through the same thing with my sons.

Is it? Wait a minute. Did Joab put you up to this? Yes. Ha ha ha, that clever bastard. Well, you tell him I'm not actually going to kill my son. What's his face? But I am still mad about him killing my other son...

something, something. So I don't want to see his face. I'll tell him. Yeah, and also, could you ask him if I do see his face, could someone tell me so that I can be, you know, appropriately mad about it? I'll let him know, yeah.

This book's just lousy with my family members. Sure. Are we related? I don't know, know. Yeah. I mean, this book's just lousy with my family members. Sure. Are we related? I don't know, man. Maybe. Cool. Absalom!

Oh, hey, Joab. How's it going? Oh, bad, man. Why did you set my field on fire? Well, you know, I've been here for two years and my dad hasn't seen me. I always ask you, can I go see my dad yet? And you say, no. Two years, Joab.

Hey, I'm not the one who banished you. Why would you set my field on fire? You didn't return my text. I was busy. You tell him, Joab. Heath, you really need to get out of the Bible. You're not in this. No, I don't.

Maybe this is part of the segment now. Heath yells what he thinks from off camera. I don't think it's a new part of the segment at all. I don't know. People are talking about it a lot. A lot of good buzz out there about off camera yelling stuff. Anyway, can I go see my dad? Oh, fine, fine.

Just don't burn any more of my fields. Nice. Father, it is me, Absalom. Oh, Absalom. Right. The son that you're mad at. Right, yes. Grrr.

What are you doing here? I'm very sorry that I killed my brother. No, it's too late, Absalom. You spilled my blood and I shall never forgive you. Not ever. Not ever, ever, ever. Oh, really? Okay.

What's the name of the son I killed? You know what? I forgive you. Bring it in here, kiddo. Let's get a hug, huh? Thanks, dad. Oh, that's nice i like that they made up he's getting out of the bible rule of threes and on that reminder that even an

nsfw podcast in 2021 has to edit the content of their infallible book of morality to make it acceptable for a fucking itunes listing we're going to wrap things up but we'll be back with more biblical shenanigans on next month's installment of Bible Peace Theorem. Before we clean out the grease trap tonight, I want to offer up a ginormous thank you to Pat for getting a tentative needs the money but doesn't feel great about this Farnsworth quote from none other than Kevin fucking Sorbo. And if you enjoyed hearing it, check out the Facebook page for a link to the video.

Trust me, it is even more pathetic when you can see him. Anyway, that's all the blast maybe we've got for you tonight, but we'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister show's hot friend Godawful Movies debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Tuesday. And an even new episode of our half sister show Citation Needed debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously I need to thank Heath Enright for emerging from his cocoon, Lucinda Lucians for blossoming out of her bud, and Eli Bosnick for

clawing out of his pod to be with us tonight. I also want to thank Don Ford for coming out of his um, I don't know, probably his bedroom, I guess, to be here. I also want to thank April for pointing out to me that I can assure you we did, in fact, evolve from Filthy Monkey Men. It's a haiku.

I also want to thank ex-famous person Kevin Sorbo for providing this week's Farnsworth quote, despite remaining personally unconvinced of our filthy monkey origins. But most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's best people, Michael, Dennis, Adam, Rebecca, D&D, Minus, Cameo, D-Bench, John Doe, Siege Machine, Turner, and Austin.

Michael, Dennis, and Adam, whose cocks would have been happy to launch Jeff Bezos into space if he'd just asked. RebeccaDND-D and John Doe, whose IQs are so high they need scaffolding. And Siege, Turner, and Austin, who are so sexy just mentioning them here qualifies this podcast as porn. Together, these ten tender hearts made our ten-dentious tendencies more tenable this week by giving us money. Not everybody has the money it takes to give us money, but if you do, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash scathingadius, whereby you'll earn early access to an extended ad-free version of every episode. You can also make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage at scathingadius.com. And if you'd like to help,

but not in a having less money kind of way, you can also help a ton by leaving us a five-star review, telling a friend about the show, and following at P-I-A-T-B-O-N on Twitter. Legal services for this podcast are provided by the lawices of P. Andrew Torres, Tim Robertson handles our social media, and our audio engineer is Morgan Clark, who also wrote all the music that was used in this episode, which was used with permission. If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at scatheatheist.com. Hi, Morgan. hi morgan slumber party morgan yeah i'm not jealous at all yeah no the preceding podcast was a production of puzzling a thunderstorm llc copyright 2021 all rights reserved