The Scathing Atheist - 441: Leftover Vulgarity Edition

Episode Date: July 29, 2021

In this week’s episode, European courts decide that not being Muslim is neutral, a pastor plays with dog feces VERY enthusiastically, and that wasn’t just a euphemism for being a pastor. --- To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click there: https://www.amazon.com/Outbreak-Crisis-Religion-Ruined-Pandemic/dp/B08L2HSVS8/ To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/ To hear more from our intrepid audio engineer Morgan Clarke, click here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/ --- Guest Links: Hear more from Tom and Cecil here: https://dissonancepod.com/ --- Headlines: Liberty University faces sexual assault lawsuit: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2021/07/20/12-women-sued-liberty-u-for-enabling-sexual-abuse-their-stories-are-horrifying/ Priest who quit after getting caught using grindr may have been tracked using his phone data: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2021/07/21/you-should-feel-bad-for-the-priest-who-quit-after-getting-caught-using-grindr/ Lying Christian claims a music professor said "sheet music" is banned for being racist: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2021/07/24/lying-christian-a-music-professor-said-sheet-music-is-banned-for-being-racist/ EU court allowing headscarf bans violates the principle of religious freedom: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2021/07/19/the-eu-court-allowing-headscarf-bans-violates-the-principle-of-religious-freedom/ Wisconsin GOP candidate for governor says "We need good Christian patriots to take over": https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2021/07/22/wi-gop-candidate-for-governor-we-need-good-christian-patriots-to-take-over/ One Million Moms Pissed About Inclusion Again: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2021/07/24/angry-christian-mom-boycotts-drug-company-whose-products-help-trans-people/ This pastor stuck his hand in dog poop to make some weird point about sin: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2021/07/22/this-pastor-stuck-his-hands-in-dog-poop-to-make-some-weird-point-about-sin/ --- This Week in Misogyny: Iowa GOP ends family planning program, abortions skyrocket: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2021/07/23/iowas-gop-eliminated-a-family-planning-program-only-to-see-abortions-skyrocket/ Lori Alexander: Staying in bad marriage way better than divorce: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2021/07/24/christian-mother-staying-in-a-broken-marriage-is-far-better-than-divorcing/

Warning, most of the words in this podcast aren't fuck, but some of them are. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by IP Vanish and by the new international competition for atheists where we see how many things that are expressly forbidden by the Bible we can convince homophobic bakers to do before they catch on. So be sure to tune in for the no shrimpics, the no shrimpics, Because some words are really hard to rhyme shit with. And now, the Scathing Atheist. Hey, how you doing guys? Kevin Sorbo here. This is a shout out to Noah, Heath, and Eli.

This is booked by Chris. And he wants me to tell you guys that we did in fact evolve from filthy monkey men. But then monkeys are still around. Hmm. Doesn't everything that evolves from something else doesn't exist anymore? I don't know, call me crazy.

Anyway, all the best, guys. A lot of stuff coming out. Check out my latest movie, Let There Be Light and The Reliant, both movies streaming on Amazon. Check it out. Make some popcorn over Christmas and watch it. And three other movies coming out as well.

Staying Busy and two new series starting next year so you better watch them man you better watch them or i'll go hercules on you all right guys all the best take care and have a great great great christmas and a really good new year bye It's Thursday. It's July 29th. And it's National Cheese Sacrifice Purchase Day. What? Okay.

The crucifix is a little much, but I appreciate the commitment, I guess. I'm no illusions. I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heath Enright. And from Carly Lloyd's, New Jersey. Sure. Rose Lavelle's, Ohio. Okay.

And Kelly O'Harris, Georgia. This is The Skating Atheist. On this week's episode, European courts decide that not being Muslim is neutral. This week's episode, European courts decide that not being Muslim is neutral. A pastor plays with dog shit very enthusiastically. And that wasn't just a euphemism for being a pastor. But first, the diatribe. I doubt that it would surprise any of our regular listeners to learn that a movie is basically ruined for me as soon as the narrative doesn't add up. I'm not talking about scientific inaccuracies and shit.

I'm a big fan of the MCU. Gamma rays turn you into a mood-specific giant rage monster. Whatever. I'm with you. Tell me your story. I mean, yes, it drives me a little fucking nuts when a Star Trek movie forgets how gravity works, but by and large, I can get through bad science in a movie without sounding like Neil deGrasse Tyson's Twitter feed, but when they fuck up the narrative, I'm entirely torn out of things.

You know, like when you're sitting there going like, okay, but how does he know that she knows that, or why wouldn't they just call so and so on the phone i'm checking out if the story doesn't add up then there's no point but the explosions now i have no evidence to back this up but my anecdotal experience but i feel like this need for a cohesive narrative in movies has to correlate with atheism to some degree. I mean, that's how I wound up here. Started off with my parents' Christianity. The narrative didn't add up. So I started looking for something that made more sense.

I got sucked into neo-pagan woo for a bit, and it was easier to forgive the contradictions there because there was no orthodoxy. Right? If I read something that conflicted with the stuff I already believed, I could reject that author without fucking up my whole narrative. But wrong always portrays itself if you wait long enough. And eventually, all the scaffolds of dried bullshit that I built to hold up my narrative started to break apart. So I reluctantly embraced reality.

Of course, when you change your beliefs as radically as I did, you're often called upon to justify that change. And when I did, I'd simply appeal to the narrative. I'd show my old neo-pagan friends places where their narrative just didn't make any sense i'd point to ways that magic could be proven to exist if it were real i'd point out that the definition of the word energy seems to shift constantly to fill particular needs with them i'd point out that there was no actual historical record to justify the supposed ancient origins of their mystical knowledge and by and large nobody would argue

with any of the specific examples i gave they just chastise me for being too cynical or too literal come to think of it as the same thing people do when i point out plot holes in movies but that's just the thing not everybody needs the narrative to tie together i mean i get that when it comes to movies to some degree but it's hard for me to even contemplate a perspective where, you know, I'm OK with reality not adding up because like potholes in reality are lies. They're they're proof that the thing you're being told isn't true. And yet for some people, that's not all that convincing. Many people don't bother to put together a cohesive narrative to undergird their worldview at all. And some people actively avoid doing that for fear that it would cause the whole thing to fall apart

now this disconnect is the source of a lot of confusion when we try to communicate with the other side you see situations constantly where the skeptic's entire defense is just to state the other side's narrative and then they feel like it should be done they should be finished at that point right you say something like okay so you're saying that god sacrificed himself to himself to appease himself for offending himself or you say like so you're saying that water has a memory and knows what used to be in it to the dilution of one atom per indian ocean or so you're saying there's a group of people that are clever and sneaky enough to rule the world but not clever and sneaky enough to leave the evidence out of their company logos and for us that seems like slam dunk shit, right? If the narrative

doesn't make sense, the assertion doesn't make sense. But if you don't need a concrete narrative, none of that shit matters. Your narrative can always bend however it has to so that every question lands in the same conclusion eventually. For you and me, having such a flexible narrative is just bad epistemology. But for them, it's a point of pride. It's an open mind. Setting aside all the justifications for racism and sexism and shit, that's usually what people mean when they deploy the just asking questions defense. I'm not defending any one narrative. I don't even have one.

In fact, for a lot of these people people they go out of their way to avoid one yes certain moral precepts and bumper sticker slogans are sacrosanct but how you get there can change from day to day hour to hour from point to counterpoint of course the need for a harmonious narrative isn't the exclusive domain of atheism there are plenty of religious people with the same needs and they're always a little bit more pathetic in their arguments. They're the ones that construct whole schools and museums and amusement parks to try to insulate their brains from virtually all scientific knowledge. But far more common are the people who know better than to check their own math. They want questions, and they get pissed off at answers. They scour the world for some shred of evidence that disproves the scientific worldview,

not so that they can substitute it with some other worldview, but so that they can justify their complete lack of one. And much like a person defending their movie against my pedantry, they get really pissed off when you point out the plot holes in their open mind. They're talking about you, Jesus. I interrupt this broadcast to bring you a special news bulletin. They're talking about you, Jesus. on. I have no idea what just happened. Well, we've got a fight to sort out and an intro to explain, so we're going to take a quick break for a word from this week's sponsor,

IP Vanish. And so I said, look, it's a security camera on my house. Where or how I zoomed is my business. And what did the judge say? Okay, so get this. He says, how did you get into my house? Police, police. Typical. Eli? Eli? Hey, Heath, okay so get this he says how did you get into my house police police typical eli eli hey heath

what's up yeah so what did you do what's on my face what is this oh that i uh that's your internet history okay why did you write my internet history on my face in permanent marker i mean why did you google illegal secret karate i i thought there there might be some. That's irrelevant. So I just figured since you weren't using IPVanish, you didn't care who saw what you did online, and I just made it a little bit more obvious. Oh, what's IPVanish? IPVanish is a virtual private network, a VPN for short.

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a great deal. Where do I sign up? Just go to IPVanish.com slash scathing to claim your 65% savings. They have plans starting at $3.49 or $31.49 a year. This is the time to sign up with our discount and the current promotional offerings. You can get a VPN for 65% off their usual offering. IPVanish is the best of the best.

Even rated 4.7 out of 5 on Trustpilot. And that's with more than 6,000 reviews. Show these guys some love. They're repeat sponsors. Remember, it's IPVanish.com slash scathing to get the deal and start protecting yourself online. All right. Thanks, Eli. What are you?

Stop. Get off me. What are you doing? What? You're not going to Google how to get Sharpie off face? No. Yeah. Okay.

I am. Just write small. No. And now back to the headlines. In our lead story tonight, never thought I'd say I miss Jerry Falwell Jr., but at least back in his day the disturbing stories out of liberty university were funny right yep i mean sure sometimes he'd warn his students to arm up in case they needed to murder muslims and sometimes he'd use the student

body as slave labor to produce pro-trump propaganda but he'd do it while drunkenly stumbling down a flight of stairs with his dick out or something right so yeah we could at least all have a good chuckle about it but that's no longer the case apparently because the latest news out of liberty you is a lawsuit by 12 women alleging that the campus's honor code created an environment that increased the likelihood of sexual assault and rape i mean literally everything about liberty you increases the likelihood of sexual assault and rape. So, yeah, I guess the honor code is included in that. So, yeah. Also, just to be clear, the literal name of the honor code is the Liberty Way. Yep.

That's the name of an honor code. Yeah. Now, as you'll likely recall, Lucinda talked about this briefly in last week's show, but the news broke a little bit too late for us to get into any details in the headline segment but it's too big a story for us to just devote a minute of the show to it so and and also it's like a perfect example or one of the biggest dangers of our cultural tolerance for religious bigotry the lawsuit comes from women who are students employees and campus visitors and though their individual cases vary wildly in their details they all have at their heart the fact that the university's policies either created the opportunity for their assault, denied them an opportunity at justice after the fact, punished them for their victimhood, or some combination of the three. In other words, it's not just that women were more likely to be assaulted on their campus.

It was that the university's code of conduct guaranteed it. code of conduct guaranteed it. Yeah. When you take all of this together, this university has what can only be described as a pro-rape code of conduct. Yes. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So any university is going to be problematic when 15 out of 19 senior leadership positions, including the president, are specifically cishet white men. That's already a problem. Then you add evangelical Christianity and the business model at that point is sex crime before it even happens. What the fuck?

By the way, two women out of that whole 19. Jesus Christ. Now look, this is primarily a comedy show, so I don't want to go into a lot of details here, but we'll link to the actual complaints if you want them. Suffice to say, we're not talking about like the university didn't put up enough lighting in high traffic areas though they also didn't do that shit we're talking about shit like policies that actively discourage victims from reporting their

assault rules that punish sexual assault victims and retaliation against women who did report their abuse like in one complaint a guy roofied some girl and raped her, but she was told by the university that if she filed an official complaint, they'd have to expel her for drinking alcohol. The fuck? Yeah. Another victim faced expulsion because it was against the rules to be in a room with the opposite sex to begin with. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. I'm glad these places don't have to pay taxes or follow laws. That's fun. Maybe we could just build a little wall around the campus and then it declares itself rapevania. It's the nation state of rapevania.

Their own goddamn police department. It's horrible. It's terrifying. And look, when you read over the specific complaints, it's clear that there was at least to some degree an intentional effort to make their campus more accommodating to rapists but there's also a lot of ways where it wasn't intentional and that's not less horrifying okay all of christianity is based on literal bronze age concepts of sexuality so like even when you try to build new structures on top of that to bring those in line with modernity you're still building on that foundation the problem isn't how you define chastity liberty university it's that you define chastity this

shit is inevitably going to rise from that you're a goddamn college or at least that's i mean you tell people you're a college when you're taking their fucking money yeah Eli, too funny. Too funny. And in Hail Mary Pics with Face News. Just taking a second while the Grindr users who listen to our podcast enjoy my excellent joke. Okay. I feel like they need another minute. We'll wait. Yep. Thank you.

Thank you. Okay. So. Yeah, they got it. This week, news outlets everywhere were buzzing with the always good news that yet another homophobic right wing Catholic priest, Monsignor Jeffrey Burrill, got caught being gay. And we here at The Scathing Atheist are happy to celebrate that. Well, several sympathetic news stories were quick to point out that there's nothing wrong with being gay. And there's not.

He wasn't committing any crimes. And he wasn't. And he wasn't even fucking any kids. Side note, you know you're the bad guy if that's your defense, right? That doesn't change the fact that his job was to condemn being gay and pretend to be a celibate virgin in direct communication with the divine. He did that right up until the second he got caught on the app Grindr. Yeah.

Also, keep in mind, this is a guy whose most recent public statements were threatening to take away joe biden's magical tracker if he didn't stop killing baby right exactly probably exact words yeah so celebrating consequences for empowered bigoted hypocrites aside there is one element to this story that's downright fucking weird and therefore worth mentioning namely the way in which burrill was caught which appears to be commercially harvested cell phone data huh so they've got like a fucking hollywood hacker room full of people tracking the possible gayness of priests with fucking satellite technology but when it comes to raping mcrape person being in charge of the youth group again how the fuck should they

know it's impossible for them to know in advance am i right it's can cambridge analytica not do something for good once in a while catch the fucking terrible rape jesus christ now i should point out we have very little information about how the data in question was acquired, who acquired it, and how Burrill was parsed from that data as being in the places that he was. But the Catholic news outlet that broke the story, The Pillar, described it as, quote, an analysis of app data signals correlated to Burrill's mobile device shows the priest also visited gay bars and private residences while using a location-based hookup app in numerous cities from 2018 to 2020 even

while traveling on assignment for the u.s bishop's conference end quote okay aren't most of you church people conservative libertarians aren't sorry what nothing oh they said nothing yeah okay nothing they're not talking about that anymore and again i don't want to get like too conspiracy minded here that is vague as shit right that could mean everything from a dude sold us screenshots of burrill's account and we want to make it sound fancy to facebook has a new track your local pastor feature I do not know and that information is not forthcoming but not knowing is worrying because while I don't particularly mind using data

to out hypocritical bigots living double lives the bad uses of that information on the LGBTQ app grinder are pretty fucking terrifying okay what he needs is the MAGA phone do you guys hear about the maga phone untrackable but seriously this is one of those times that i agree with

libertarians and i don't like it i don't like this feeling your location data especially as it relates to your sexual preference should be super private if you want it to be like maybe if he's organizing a terrorism cell on grinder which i'm guessing is kind of rare and there's a rigorous fisa warrant involved maybe then but i'm still not a big fan even then yeah like i mean at this point i'm all for tagging priests with the collar they use for like endangered wolves and shit but yeah i mostly agree with you right yeah and and all of this is made even more disturbing by the fact that the catholic news agency has reported that in 2018 they were approached by

an anonymous outside party that offered to track clergy to see who was on hookah backs based on their ip addresses now the catholic news agency said no to that but it's pretty obvious from this story from the pillar that someone said yes or also had that idea point is you do not need to feel bad for this bigot getting caught being a hypocrite but like i barely want this technology in good hands people which means it's already in bad ones and that I am definitely worried about yeah alright next up in headlines

we have a rare piece of good news we could really use it right now bring it back the Christian right is in a state of abject terror thanks to critical race yes they are. Fantastic, but don't get too

excited. It's also terrifying if you think about the big picture here. So don't, just don't do that for a second. We're going to focus on the small picture because we want to and this is the internet and that's how it works now. We're doing small picture. Wrong show, Heath, but I appreciate the effort. The idea of people being called out on their

long history of privilege represents the Christian right's deepest fear. And they're in this delightful panic. They're just lowering themselves into the bat cave full of critical. They're not doing well facing that fear. And one of the latest examples was a claim from Alex McFcfarland the president of the southern evangelical seminary he's pretty sure that the sjws are making university music departments ban sheet music and also ban the tuning of musical instruments really Because that stuff is racist. Okay, all right. So I know this is going to turn out to be silly and all

because I've read ahead, but given what I know about history, like if you told me the entire purpose of creating a sheet music was to keep black people from voting, my first reaction definitely wouldn't be doubt.

Yeah. That tracks. That tracks perfectly with US history. It's not what's happening here, but yes, I agree with you. So here's the exact words from McFarland. During an appearance on some stupid fucking show, he said, quote, I had breakfast about three months ago with the head of a music department at a major East Coast university.

Already lying. He's making this all up. He's already lying. And I want to protect this individual. But if I told you the name of it, everybody listening would know the name. This is a major state-supported school. And okay, more lying. It's lying plus this audience could not name a bunch of East Coast universities.

There's no way. If this audience could find the East Coast on a map of the U.S., I'd be impressed. Yeah. Okay, continuing. The head of the music department is a map of the u.s i'd be impressed yeah okay continuing the head of the music department is a born-again christian when they had faculty orientation the music department was told you can't use the word sheet music it's two words it's fine you know the score with music yep yep i know what sheet music is continuing one more time don't say sheet music because you know who wears sheets the kkk end quote and you know who liked music adolf hitler

bethesda hitler yeah and here's the part about the other crt critical race tuning i cannot fucking believe that this is real fucking bananas mcfarland continued they were also told at that meeting don't tell your violinists they have to tune their instruments and we have a tuning fork a 440 440 cycles per second that's european that's male patriarchy and real quote i was wondering which kind of patriarchy it was i'm glad he cleared that up so i honestly don't know if thinking european and patriarchy or synonyms demonstrates ignorance or knowledge right so obviously this was a big combination of stupid liar and or stupid liar yes it was farland clearly heard a story about oxford university expanding its music curriculum to include more

composers who aren't white men from europe very specifically and that's the whole story that's the entire story about oxford but thanks to a bunch of conservative idiots on the internet that story got warped into some nonsense about critical race theory gone too far. My very good friend using that anonymous speaker voice thing from the kidnapping movie told me they canceled the C-note. C-note got fired. They can't use it no more. Yep. That's what happened.

And McFarlane made up a giant lie to go along with that warped story he heard about because of course this is the christian right and that's how it works now and then just always yeah they lie they're liars who lie from that one's for this show for sure that's our slogan new catchphrase and dan it's a tough job but someone's got to do it well done thank you good stuff thank you last week the court of justice of the european union issued a ruling that upheld a ban on religious headwear from two employers stating that quote a prohibition on wearing any visible form of expression of political philosophical or religious beliefs in the workplace may be justified by the employer's need to present a neutral image towards customers or to prevent social disputes, end quote.

And much as I hate to say it, kind of feels like CJEU missed the ball on this one, right? Yeah, seriously, fuck you, EU Court of Justice. You're making me have sympathy for people who wear magic hats, and I don't like it. was i agreed with libertarians earlier you didn't know about that it's a different story but now i agree with that i don't like any of this if you're in a dispute by the way and heath enright sides with magical hats instead of you it's a bad sign for you you did such a bad sign yeah the um some of their customers might be bigots, though. Excuse isn't exactly helping either. It's kind of like wearing a Trump 2020 T-shirt.

Yeah. Now, I want to say at the outset that the idea of religious headdresses is a complicated issue. Right. Like, yes, people should be able to wear whatever magic hats they want but it's also important we acknowledge that if you're going to be shunned by your family and maybe physically attacked if you take off your magic hat you're not choosing to wear right yeah so that aside banning magic hats doesn't feel like a move right direction not wearing a magic hat isn't by definition neutral and it's not exactly a minor detail that the religious bands like these affect

majority non-white religions right there's not right so look in principle i'm all for giving religious people no special privileges even when it comes to the rule against wearing hats or whatever yeah me too but that was never on the table right so it's hard to get behind just giving those privileges to one religion yeah that's definitely not the answer so yeah i point this out not just because it is actually worth noting whenever religious freedoms are in danger but also because i've seen this painted especially in a a lot of mainstream media outlets, as the atheist agenda. And no, no, it's not. I don't want anyone to wear a magic hat, but I want them to take it off voluntarily

because magic hats are stupid and they know that, not because they have to choose between wearing it and losing their job. Yeah. And speaking of religions and telling people what they can and can't wear, we're going to pause for a minute and hand things over to my lovely wife, Lucin. A man wrote the Bible. A whore is what she wants. If it's a legitimate race.

If it's a slut, right? Cooking can be fun. Hey, I'm proud of a man. This Week in Misogyny. Don't get me wrong. I'm sure every abortion provider in the country would happily do away with the anti-choice protesters and agitators in a heartbeat if they could. But you got to admit, it would be terrible for business. After all, the people who are most in favor of ensuring safe and affordable access to abortion also tend to be the ones pushing for the policies that make it unnecessary.

Of course, the point for anti-abortion activists is, first and foremost, to force births. And you can't exactly force a woman to give birth if they don't get pregnant in the first place. So they tend to oppose both abortion and all the things that have been shown to reduce their frequency. We got another great example of this from the Iowa Department of Public Health a couple of weeks ago. See, back in 2017, then governor of Iowa, Terry Branstad, needed to prove how much he hated abortion. So he signed a bill that targeted the funding of Planned Parenthood. It rejected three million dollars in federal money for the Iowa Family Planning Network and replaced it with

a state-run program that forbade the use of their funds at providers that offer abortion. Because, you know, there are so many family planning facilities that don't offer abortion. Well, to the surprise of literally nobody who thought it through at all, this led to a shocking increase in the total number of abortions. They did manage to close down a couple of Planned Parenthood facilities, and I'm sure they cracked a bottle of champagne for each one. But by depriving people of all the educational tools and contraceptive access that comes with a nearby Planned Parenthood facility, they also caused a spike in unwanted pregnancies. So between 2018 and 2019, the number of abortions performed in Iowa shot up by 25 percent and shot up another 14 percent last year. Now there are obviously far more serious problems with intentionally targeting family planning

facilities than a rise in abortions. Less access to contraceptives generally also include a spike in sexually transmitted diseases and make it harder for poor women to access basic medical care. But if these idiots are unmoved by the fact that they're actually creating the non-problematic problem they're trying to solve, I doubt they're going to be moved by something as inconsequential as women's health. And as if that news wasn't enough to spur me into action this week, my arch-nemesis Lori Alexander is at it again. And by it, I mean communicating with words. Because pretty much any time she does that, I'm going to take issue with it. This time, she seemed to be all but directly refuting my reminder last week that shitty marriages are worse than divorces.

And look, any time you're trying to make the argument that people should stay in miserable marriages because divorce makes the baby Jesus sad, it's a losing argument. marriages because divorce makes the baby Jesus sad, it's a losing argument. But Lori manages to make that bad argument badly by opening up on how her parents constantly fault and were unhappy most of the time. And if there's anybody out there that needs to avoid the, and look how I turned out argument, it's Lori Alexander. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have got a bit of packing to do. So I'm going to hand things back over to Noah, Heath and Eli. Thank you, Lucinda. Next up in headlines, a Republican candidate for governor of Wisconsin was caught by a sting operation last week, suggesting that if anyone asks you for proof that you're vaccinated before entering a building,

that is a violation of your Christian freedom of virus movement that's in the bible somewhere and you are allowed to shoot that person with a gun did he now the republican in question is jonathan wickman and the sting operation was his microphone at a faith and freedom rally where he gave a speech about how we need good christian patriots to take over the government and we have bad christian patriots now so i guess i can't argue that that would be a i don't know no it kind of feels like good christian patriotism moron you you mean oxymoron i said what i said okay all right i think it's yes yeah so wickman was not charged with inciting domestic terrorism because of course that's covered by rif RFRA for Christian white people anyway.

Yeah. You might be surprised to learn he's a Christian white guy. Wickman, who I was talking about. Yeah. And here's what he had to say. Quote, I'm not a politician. Great, great start to your speech for governorship. I'm a patriot.

I want to make that very clear. I got in the fight last year because i saw something really evil coming across this land especially in wisconsin the lockdowns i've been following politics for 13 years 13 years so okay or part of his adulthood which is now uh attempting to become a politician he was not following politics at all. Yeah, I wasn't big into it. Continuing one more time. Thank God for President Trump, who is still the president

by the way. We all know that. There are no truth tellers anymore in this country at the political level. It's what liars would say. We need good Christian patriots to take over. You guys think the 13 years were consecutive or um or like maybe he just pays attention on the odd years right he catches up like the off season

or something i'm just i'm always so amazed at how stupid people will brag to you about how they just started giving a fuck about politics and And that's why you should listen. Yeah. I mean, there's no other realm of knowledge where people are like, hey, I just tried cooking for the very first time. I'm pretty sure I know way more than them so-called chefs in the kitchen. So who wants some raw chicken? Yeah.

And if you're like, no, I literally went to culinary school. I know more than you. They're like, boo, nerd doesn't count. Yeah. Racist. Right. So that was stupid. Unfortunately, the high watermark was stupid.

That was the peak. From there, we got the call for domestic terrorism. After his remarks, he got a question about a new bill in Wisconsin that would ban any business or government entity from having any kind of vaccination requirement. And Wickman said, quote, if something goes against your conscience,

if you know, because God told you we're all created by God and his image, and God gave us certain rights that no man can trample on. If you know in your heart that something is wrong, do not comply. It doesn't matter if there's a law on the table or not and if they try to press their luck we have the second amendment it's a law on the table laws don't count if you have a gun yep is his gubernatorial platform vote for me now okay two things one jonathan and his followers please try that out well second the question was about a ban on vaccine requirements. So he accidentally was like, yeah, if they put a ban on vaccine requirements and you want everyone to get vaccinated, shoot me in the fucking face. So you might be wondering, is that the same Jonathan Wickman who wrote Healing from Asthma, My Personal Journey, Doctoring Myself into

Optimal Health and Freedom from Asthma? Yes, it is. I'm sorry. Healing from Asthma. From Asthma. Freedom from Asthma at the end of it. He doctored himself into freedom from asthma

in his title. Yep. That's the guy. He's also the owner of a digital marketing firm that provides this is a quote from their website lead generation for b2b companies by custom designing a 360 degree roi focused plan oh he's a bullshitologist he sure is that's what a b2b company is to me what the fuck was 360 degrees as relating to that plan oh thank god i've got leads behind me as well they're hiding leads at other companies i want to see the plan that isn't roi focused you know we're just trying to make the columns even, really. We're focused on negative investment potential here at this other company.

You know what? I'm going with Jonathan Wickman's thing because it's focused on... He's got 360 degrees of ROI focus over there. You guys got 270 of... Well, actually, 270 is better if you're focused on negative. It's complicated. It's a lot of business terms. You literally can't see his planet unless you're wearing an Oculus Quest. That's how impressive

it is. And by the way, here's a few other fun facts I learned from a recent interview that Wickman did about his political aspirations. According to Wickman, don't say you're good at flying children's toys. I'm very good at flying remote control

airplanes. Literally exact quote. Also, in the wintertime say you're good at flying children's toys I'm very good at flying remote control airplanes literally exact quote also in the winter time as a kid I created the best snow tunnels at Wilson Park fuck Frank don't listen to what that motherfucker tells you

liar I mean the guy at Central Park had really fucking good ones but I was winning at Wilson Park I'll shoot him I'll shoot him. I'll shoot him right in the fucking face. If you hear Frank say otherwise. And in our millionth headline tonight, Monica Cole.

Excellent. Who is as near as we can tell from her Twitter account. Approximately 995,855 of the eponymous moms that are ambitiously titled Group 1 Million Moms. Well, she found something that she was pissed off yet again. This week's target is Eli Lilly, the company most famous for, you know, shit like burying research that showed Prozac increased suicidal behavior, getting sued for pushing antipsychotic medications for unapproved uses. And of course, there's the chief malefactor in the heartless price gouging of insulin.

But none of that was enough to rouse Cole's decimally challenged ire. Instead, she's pissed because one of their ads implied that transgendered people both exist now and should continue to in the future. They're just like, you were supposed to be on the side of killing kids, you traitor. Right? Yeah. Okay, when she finds out they're price gouging trans people, I feel like she's going to be super confused.

Yeah, right. That's going to soften it. So the ad campaign in question is obviously a desperate effort to distract from the policy of extorting diabetics or or maybe they're just pissed because you know they're not getting all the free we made a vaccine though ads that their competitors are giving regardless the theme of the campaign is that they're super woke and you can tell because they don't bar black people from buying their medicine and one of the lines in the ads reads quote the body you are randomly assigned at birth shouldn't determine how well you are cared for, end quote.

And as if that wasn't a blatant enough effort to, in her words, push transgenderism, it also shows, quote, a transgendered man, by which she means fucking woman, but she's an asshole, wearing flashy makeup, end quote, and also someone recovering from top surgery. Look, if you want to change your gender, it's one thing, but glitter eye makeup before fall? Christ won't stand for it. Also, just for the record, I'm not sure that Jesus is cis or het, necessarily. Like, he might identify as non-binary,

right? That would make sense. Pertiary maybe, according to the Catholic. We should celebrate that. He's a many spirit.-binary jesus i like that uh that figure so okay so cole posted jeremiah about this on her blog for our less literate listeners a jeremiah ad is a lemonade made by a guy named jeremy nope yeah so anyway she posted jeremiah where she explains why she's so concerned quote can you imagine what goes through the mind of a child when he or she sees this ad we all know children imitate what they see and repeat what they hear end quote so apparently she's worried that children are going to see

these ads and get fucking mastectomies or something so monica if you're listening and we know that you are big fan i want to say you're getting warmer. Okay, you're hating the right people now for the wrong reasons. And that's better than what we've come to expect from you. So I'm willing to compliment you for that. Before we know it, you're going to change your name to 100,000 moms and only be lying by two orders of magnitude.

I have hope. Honestly, 11 angry moms is scarier than your lie. I got to push tables together. I can't fit you all in a booth. Think about it. It's pretty terrifying. And finally tonight,

in pastor sticks his hands in a pile of dog shit during a sermon news. A pastor literally stuck his hands in a pile of dog shit during a sermon. That's the story. That's the entire story. Kind of fucked up my pun thing for the beginning, but there's really no other way to introduce that.

You got to just say it. Okay, how about a talking poodle? Nope. No. Please don't interrupt. Here we are looking for news about how religion is stupid as our job. And Pastor Dan Burgoyne of Rolling Hills Covenant Church in California decided to lose his goddamn mind and start working for us and do what I literally said just now.

He gave a sermon last week about how God defines sin in the Bible. And in the middle of the speech, as a visual aid for that concept, he plunged his hands into a very large pile of dog shit that he brought from home. Folks, if you're going to plunge your hands in shit, I need you to be making a really important point. Spoiler alert. He is not. He's not going to do that now. No, it's just, it's dirty. I mean, honestly, given their current stance against public health,

I was assuming he was pushing back against the liberal cucks who say ingesting feces can give you hepatitis a but it was even dumber than that so here's how pastor dan worked the pile of dog shit into his sermon he says do you know what god equates as sin in the bible he equates poopth in the Bible. And then he motions to a literal silver platter that he set up with a shockingly large amount of dog shit to which he clearly has access in his life. And he says, no, this is not a brownie. No, this is not a Snickers bar. Who would have thought?

I own two Bull Mastiffs in my life. This is Great Dane. So he got confused there. Those are two different types of things. It's fine. He's excited on his big day. It's his big day. He's very excited.

Then he starts talking about Psalm 141 and continues with these big hand motions, almost touching the pile so many times. Just beaming with joy as he throws all these pump fakes of anticipation about the dog shit. And then he finally gets to the line he wants, which is about presenting your prayer to God like incense. And that's when he smashes his hands into the pile of dog shit. And he goes to town on this pile of shit. Like he was giving it a massage. So excited. Look, I don't like to kink shame,

but this is just so obviously what that is, right? He wants to be a poopy boy, and we all have to watch him. It's like if we all just started announcing our kinks between headlines. It's not. That's for you time. That's for you at your house. The reaction from the audience is pretty great too. Most of them are like, dude, what?

Right. Yeah. Or just, you know, staring in complete silence because their pastor is clearly having a stroke. And he's just shoved his hands into a pile of dog shit and then we get the rest of the sermon from the happiest man i've ever seen because pastor dan he's just a guy who really enjoys the fun squishy feeling of handling dog shit and he finally had a moment of true honesty in his life i I'm actually really happy for him. He's living his best life. Okay, you know what, Heath? You got a point there. Outfit stuff,

everybody. Outfit stuff. And before Eli gets any more specific about what kind of outfits he wears, we're going to close the headlines there. Heath, Eli, thanks as always. Eli working in a maid cafe. And when we come back, Tom and Cecil will be here because it turns out there are still more people that can go fuck themselves.

It would look amazing in a maid cafe outfit. Hey, podcast listener, would you like to have a slumber party with us? Eli, what did we say about trying to fuck our listeners? That if it didn't work for Heath, it'll never work for me. No, the other thing. Well,, what did we say about trying to fuck our listeners? That if it didn't work for Heath it'll never work for me. No, the other thing what else did we say? Oh, don't do it on the air. Exactly. There you go. No, but guys, I'm not trying to fuck them. I'm inviting

them to our patron-only pajama party next week, August 7th, starting at 6pm. We'll be sending out the livestream link to all of our patrons on all of our shows. So if someone's been waiting to throw us a buck or two, there's never been a better time to do it. That's right. We'll be playing games, answering questions. Eli's going to do magic. That's the only one of our personal things that

we're going to do that he's written into this script. Dot, dot, dot. I sure am. Great. Yeah. Eli's going to do that. And that's it. But that's not all, actually. We will be posting pics, updates and general behind the scenes fun all week long so it's like you're on vacation with us that's right plus you get to see Morgan Tim Andrew Torres and maybe even a special guest or two oh that's got me nervous

so head over to patreon.com slash scathing atheist and toss us what you can the pajama party the only sleepover invitation from Eli you should ever say yes to. How dare you? To do the job we do here on The Scathing Atheist, you really have to love to hate things. Well, sometimes we love to hate things so much that we just can't fit all the hate into one episode and that was the case a few weeks ago when

Tom and Cecil came on to chip away at those vulgarity for charity roasts. So we thought we'd take a few minutes to share some of the insults that didn't quite make it last time. Alright, time for round three. The category is religious leaders. Heath, you're up next. This one comes from Jessica and your target is

the late, great Harold Camping. Fantastic. Harold Camping, if you're not familiar, is the guy who used his degree in civil engineering from UC Berkeley to predict the end times

using math. He predicted the date of the end times using his civil engineering degree and math. He said it would happen on September 6th, 1994. And also September 29th, 1994. And also October 2nd, 1994. God just like bumped it a couple weeks, then a couple days. And then a couple years. Yeah, and then a bunch of years. He also predicted it for May 21st, 2011.

So you guys remember Pete Best, the drummer for Beatles before Ringo? Yeah. Harold Camping is the Pete Best of prophecy. Of end times prophecy. All right. Cecil, I got one for you from Sophia. Your target is Pastor Ricky Rosado. Oh my God, the picture of this guy.

He looks like Gene Okerlund's from the back stunt double. It's amazing. You look like, you look at the stock image they use for the sex offender website before they upload the actual mugshot. That's so rough.

It's like if an unwanted sweaty hand on the small of your back was a person. Okay, so Noah, Dan wants a roast of Catholic priest Frank Pavoni. Oh, Frank Pavoni, the guy who fishes aborted fetuses out of the trash

and names them. Yeah. The guy who did a trumpet where he slapped a fetus up onto an altar like he was about to ask you how thin you wanted yours sliced. The guy who did a Trump ad where he slapped a fetus up onto an altar like he was about to ask you how thin you wanted yours sliced. The guy who totally by the way did not embezzle from his charity even though he never provided a reasonable explanation as to how a group

that collected tens of millions of dollars over the last few years and spent less than 63% of its revenue on programs wound up $1.4 million in debt. Yeah. That asshole looks like if you picked Mike Pompeo before he was ripe. Okay. Tom, you're up next. Julian wants you to, quote, grill the shit out of Gerald Ridsdale, a pedophile priest.

Pedophile priest. A phrase which at this point feels unnecessarily redundant you want me to grill the shit out of this guy and i'm i'm not gonna lie i'm honestly a bit of a loss typically what i'll do with these i'll take some detail from what the roast request is and i'll try to intuit something about the character or maybe the future of the roasty but i don't have any way to do this here i don't know what motivates a pedophile priest. I don't know how to assassinate the character of an actual villain. I don't want to know. I don't want to speculate or empathize or to look too deeply into that abyss. What I want is for these

fuckers to be rooted out and flushed down the social drain to die alone and starved of human comfort for as many lonely hours as their wretched bodies will continue to pump the fucking ichor through their worthless veins. And even though I know there is no hell, I want them to die afraid of it, like eyes wild and bugging out with fear. And I want that fear to engulf and to envelop them and to consume every inch of them and to flood them with panic and dread and to never let up. So I'm not sure I can do it. Okay.

We got to get you given speeches for the church. Yeah. Oh, doing a graduation speech. All right. And Eli, you're going to close out this round. Rachel wants a roast of Texas cult leader,

Israel Buffalo, Bill Hawkins. What now? Okay. So for those of you who don't know, this guy is basically a Nick Cage villain that Nicholas Cage would have sent back to the writer's room for being too broad. He runs a cult that's taken over a town. He does all kinds of horrible shit with kids. And he's just like a generally terrible person but

to be fair to Yisrael if you looked like Bob Odenkirk disguising himself with a salt and pepper wig and hillbilly teeth you too would have taken over a town to get laid he's like a pedophile Halloween costume but like off brand

like if pedophile was a TM but like not a good, like off-brand. Like if pedophile was a TM. Like it came free with the van. It looks like an old-timey miner comes to middle schools and tells you about the dangers of the gold rush. Alright, it sounds like it's time for another

Spightning Round. We have no control over that. Just when the noises go off, we have to do it. The category is politicians. And I want you to tell me if your roastie was running unopposed, who would your write in candidate be? So, Heath, you're up first with a request from Jonathan. Who did you write in instead of voting for Mitch McConnell? OK, good question.

for mitch mcconnell okay good question so i figured a good senator is all about being racially sensitive and of course you want good viscosity right so i wrote in a warm bottle of aunt jemima syrup better significant step up in both categories yeah okay so cecil this one's for jamie who did you write in for Boris Johnson? Sargon of Akkad. He was farther left than he thinks higher women. So I brought him in instead. Okay, Noah, back to you.

This is from Dennis. Who was your write-in for Greg Russ of the New York City Housing Authority? Yeah, his job was to make sure there's plenty of safe, affordable housing in New York City. Doing a bang up job there. I can see why they literally pay you more than the fucking mayor.

I feel like I'm writing in Bob Vila or maybe Samuel Jackson's character from Caveman's Valentine. Tom, you're up next. Cornell wants to know your write in for Danish far right far-right politician rasmus polluted holy shit i despite looking like something that's sloughed off of danny devito in the shower come back to life rasmus still manages to be a white supremacist despite obvious personal mirror-based evidence to the contrary so i guess guess like, were I Danish, I would write in an actual cheese Danish to run against. Because seriously, a cheese Danish should be vastly more palatable,

vastly more agreeable, and somehow still less creamy looking. Okay, but Tom, as we know from a year-long feud, he would lose to candidate donuts. So you gotta be serious. 100%.

Not if it was ranked choice voting. It's a bad system. We need to condorse it for these donuts. Alright, so Eli, this one is for Angelo Madrid. Yes, the Angelo Madrid. Who was your write-in for Australian Minister for Home Affairs, Peter Dutton?

Oh, God. Okay, on appearance alone, I'm going to go with Opie from Family Guy. You know, the one who works at Peter's job, who got the board lodged in his head. I mean, at that point, you might as well vote for Peter Dutton. But in spirit, I would definitely write in Opie. Peter Dutton looks like he was hit in the back of the head with what history will think of him at all times. Oh, that's good.

All right, for the next round, the category is family. Heath. Dom Toretto's a stupid character. Vin Diesel can't act. That is demonstrably true, but we haven't started yet. Ashton wants you to roast his dad, Martin, and his dad's three dogs, Aria, Rascal, and Loki. Okay, so we got a photo of Martin sleeping in a

chair with all three dogs on top of him. First of all, Martin might be dead. I really hope not, but there's a non-zero chance you're hearing about this a year and a half after finding your dead father kind of velcroed to these dogs with decomposing flesh. You have to kind of just like tear it slowly, but you're not sure if fast

is better. You go fast, it's definitely better. You think fast? Yeah, well, that might have happened. Decent chance. Best case scenario, he's alive and he's about to get removed from an off track bedding because you're not allowed to sleep here, so. I know I'm supposed to roast the dogs, too,

but Aria and Rascal are golden retrievers, so, no. No. But Loki, that third dog, very clearly has one eye partially missing, I think. And not, not like gracefully

and cute. I thought eyes were a zero-sum situation. Yeah, that's what I thought. Well, yeah, it's not looking good. Whenever people meet these dogs, it's like, good boy, good girl, goodbye! Ah!

Okay, but good voice still. Wow. Rescue, huh? you rescued this one who rescued who am i right you rescued her i can see the eye all right ed cecil john and carol would like a roast of mother-in-law tony and i'm assuming that's the biological mother for one of them. It can't be both of their. Well, I guess it could be.

I don't know. We have a lot of Southern listeners. Man, is this your Tony that you sometimes eat and miss your own mouth? How is that possible? You look like a Zarlok pit with eyes. It's impossible to miss. Look like a Zarlok pit with eyes. It's impossible to miss.

It says that she's a constantly yowling, jaundiced, shambling mound of flesh. She's not your mother-in-law. She's from the Dunwich Horror. She's Yobb's sawgoth, man. Okay, Noah, you're up next. Another mother-in-law, Jackson, wants a roast of Rebecca. Yeah, she's an anti-abortion, Catholic conspiracy theorist, mommy blogger. So I feel like I've kind of been

roasting her my whole life. You're right. This is now catching up to the request. Now, unfortunately, I don't have a picture. And in the two years since Jack requested this roast, the blog has been taken down,

probably because she was on to them. So all I can really say is good job accidentally teaching atheism in that home school of yours rebecca all right tom this one's for you mark wants a roast of his mom jennifer oh mark i feel you man your mom she's an asshole that's probably not just the alcohol talking you know what even if it is it's still her and you may not know this because you've all been kind of taught that mom is a sacred title but it's not she's shit and her number responds to the block button just like anyone else's will mark

she's not keeping herself in your life because she wants to offer you love and support and connection she's keeping herself in her life because she thinks her title as mom means you have to put up with her bullshit tantrums but you don't she's just another boring self-righteous screamy drunk they're a dime a dozen and you can replace her anytime just by shopping at bad liquor stores after 10pm and finding someone buying wine in boxes or booze in plastic bottles.

It's just a better deal. It's about economics. So just go ahead and get out a big red stamp and write no across that thing and cut that shit out of your life and let her scream and rage at the shadow of her former self alone. You don't need to be the fucking witness for it amen yeah and eli carol wants a roast of her son ashton okay now ashton's a listener got carol into the show apparently ashton drives everyone crazy with his big groaner puns uh so let me see if I can do one here, Ashton, for you. Ashton, you're like

a fancy sweater. Everyone was hoping you died in Afghanistan. Whoa! No? Too far? Too far? You look like John Cena's before picture, John C-.

Hope that sense of humor you talked about, Carol, is really great. Hope you weren't a liar, Carol. Carol's a liar. It's been two years. He may have died in Afghanistan at this point. No, he's out now. I wouldn't have done that.

Everybody comes back to life when we leave. That's how that works. And that's going to do it for this week's installment of Vulgarity for Charity. I'd thank Tom and Cecil, but they're not actually here. And if I'm not mistaken, and I could very much be mistaken, we've only got one segment left to do. So if you're still waiting on your roast, you won't have to

wait long. Before we scroll down and click accept this week, I want to assure you that yes, that was a completely different Kevin Sorbo Farnsworth quote this week. It was Christmas themed because apparently it was sent to us in late 2019 and I completely missed it in my inbox. Chris resent it when he heard the last one last week. So apologies, Chris, for missing this awesome Christmas present for so long.

And thanks so much for getting it for us. And to KSorbs, dude, after two paid clips here, I feel like you owe us a drink. Anyway, that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight. We'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister show, The Skeptocrat, debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern time on Monday, and even newer episode of our sister show's hot friend, Godawful

Movies, debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Tuesday, and an even newer episode of our half-sister show, Citation Needed, debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously, this show would have a funny smell if I neglected to thank Heath Enright for never copping out. I want to thank Eli Bosnick for never outing cops. I want to thank the lovely and talented Lucinda Lucians for feeding the cats this morning so I could sleep in a bit

and other stuff, too. I also want to thank Tom and Cecil from the Cognitive Dissonance podcast for ripping more new assholes with us this week. But most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's mightiest mammals, Elizabeth, Mark, Ninja, Emmy, Keppy, Dave, Nathan, William, Derek, Anna, Scott, Socrates, and Ian. Elizabeth, Mark, Ninja, Emmy, and Keppy, whose thoughts are so deep Chicago tried to make a pizza out of them. Dave, Nathan, William, and Derek, whose erections have at least as much claim to astronaut status as Musk or Bezos. And Anna, Scott, Socrates, and Ian, whose brains are so massive zombies get a commemorative T-shirt if they can eat one in a single sitting.

Together, these 12 Twitter-pated twizzlers have helped us tweeze the twitchy twonks who are religious. I'm sorry, there's not enough words to start with T-W. I mean, there's probably something about Catholic priests twerking for tweens in there, but damned if I could figure it out. Anyway, they gave us money, which was awfully nice of them. If you'd like to do the same, you can make

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on Twitter. Legal services for this podcast are provided by the Law Offices of P. Andrew Torres, Tim Robertson handles our social media, and our audio engineer is Morgan Clark, who also wrote all the music that was used in this episode, which was used with permission. If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you can find all the contact info on the contact page at ScalingAliens.com. Last week,

the Court of Justice of the European Union issued... I like that you got flustered that we complimented your pun. Thank you so much. I'd like to thank my mother and my father. And shit, we're so silverstein. Whose puns really brought it home for me. Okay, we're going to play the music.

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