The Scathing Atheist - 487: Running Up That Hillsong Edition

Episode Date: June 16, 2022

In this week’s episode, A Christian terrorist realizes too late that burning down Hell doesn’t even make sense, Christians ignore the Norse God of Thunder in the Marvel universe but have a full meltdown about a Muslim girl, and Anna Bosnick joins us to run up that Hillsong. --- To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click there: https://www.amazon.com/Outbreak-Crisis-Religion-Ruined-Pandemic/dp/B08L2HSVS8/ To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/ To hear more from our intrepid audio engineer Morgan Clarke, click here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/ --- Guest Links: Hear more from Anna here: https://www.annabosnick.com/ Get tickets to see Noah at the Gulf Coast Secular Assembly here: https://www.humaniststlh.com/assembly Listen to Dear Old Dads here: https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/dear-old-dads/id1627427933 --- Headlines: Lauren Boebert receives cheers at a Christian center after saying she prays that Biden's 'days be few and another take his office': https://www.businessinsider.com/lauren-boebert-she-prays-psalm-1098-bidens-days-be-few-2022-6 Christian University graduates bring pride flags to graduation to protest bigoted hiring policy: https://onlysky.media/hemant-mehta/with-pride-flags-in-hand-seattle-pacific-graduates-protest-anti-lgbtq-bigotry/ Christians trying to cancel Ms. Marvel because she's Muslim and they think she's gay (started by a troll but a bunch of bigots are on board for real): https://www.distractify.com/p/christians-against-ms-marvel Army Chaplain’s PhD thesis is all about using the military to proselytize: https://onlysky.media/hemant-mehta/army-chaplains-ph-d-thesis-how-to-convert-the-military-to-christianity/ Boston man arrested for trying to burn down The Satanic Temple headquarters: https://onlysky.media/hemant-mehta/boston-man-arrested-for-trying-to-burn-down-the-satanic-temples-headquarters/ https://www.cbsnews.com/boston/news/salem-satanic-temple-fire-daniel-lucey/ Canada announces first humanist chaplain: https://onlysky.media/hemant-mehta/the-canadian-armed-forces-just-announced-its-first-humanist-chaplain/ --- This Week in Misogyny: Laurie Alexander says stuff on Twitter: https://twitter.com/godlywomanhood Ohio passes law allowing “genital inspection” of female athletes: https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2022/06/06/ohio-bill-transgender-athletes-gender-confirmation-exams/ Lawsuit claims Florida abortion ban violates Jewish religious freedom: https://onlysky.media/hemant-mehta/floridas-15-week-abortion-ban-violates-jewish-religious-freedom-says-lawsuit/ SBC debates women pastors: https://www.washingtonpost.com/religion/2022/06/14/southern-baptists-sex-abuse-reform-vote/

Warning, all the words are offensive when you have to talk about the shit we cover on this show. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by Honey, Allbirds, and by the new alternative RPG for Catholics who are pretty sure Pikachu is satanic, Popimon. Popimon. Catacuminate them all. And now, The Scathing Atheist. Hello, all you scathing atheists. My name is Margo, and I definitely have examples of filthy monkey men. the scathing atheist. Hello, all you scathing atheists. My name is Margo, and I definitely have examples of filthy monkey men.

I do believe, yes, we have evolved from them, but many, many, many people that I have encountered in my life have definitely not, and I would invite you to come to my blog and read all about it. www.dontshamethefamily.com Thank you. It's Thursday. It's June 16th. And it's Corpus Christi Day. Well, I think if you're an atheist, it's just a cracker.

But regardless, I'm Noah Lusions. I'm Ethan Wright. And from Henry Ford's Michigan and Martin Luther King Jr.'s Georgia, this is The Scathing Atheist. On this week's episode, a Christian terrorist realizes too late that burning down hell doesn't even make sense. Christians ignore the Norse god of thunder

in the Marvel Universe, but have a full meltdown about a Muslim girl. Right. And Anna will be here to run up that hill song. But first, the diatribe. So, either I accidentally walked into a funeral for some dude named Jesus Christ last weekend, or those motherfuckers spent the whole time talking about the wrong guy. I guess this was inevitable, right? I'm in South Georgia.

So after last week's diatribe about the passing of my father-in-law, the odds that I was going to spend this diatribe talking about all the religious bullshit and the funeral were one. And look, when it's a really religious person that dies, it's still tactless, but at least it's understandable, right? Like if I die in a mass shooting, I really hope that y'all politicize the hell out of my death. And if you did, it might not be tactful, right? But it would be understandable. You'd have my posthumous permission. So like when my wife's uber Christian grandma's service literally included the pastor giving out the address to his church along with basic directions, I tamped down my frustration by reminding myself that as tactless as it was, it's exactly what she would have wanted. She would have wanted any filthy atheist that attended her funeral to be confronted with a bunch of Jesus bullshit the whole time. But my father-in-law wasn't religious.

Yeah, I mean, if you pressed him on it he'd probably tell you that he believed in god he'd probably even tell you he was a christian but only in the sense that that's like the default setting on americans in the south right the number of times i've seen him go to church in the 26 years that i knew him was 12 shy of a dozen i've never seen him pray right i mean sometimes when his friends or family would stop by to see him towards the end, they'd ask to pray with him. And in those cases, he'd play along. He'd listen to their stories about how he was going to get to ride a Harley on streets of gold after he died. But that was about it. Even when it was clear that he was at the very end, he didn't ask for

a pastor. He didn't ask Jesus to come into his heart. He didn't spend his time trying to get right with the Lord. And I'd venture to say that he'd have been damn near as bored and pissed off by all the overt religiosity at his funeral that I was. And it's not like it was a church funeral, even. We had it at the funeral home nearest to his grave, but that didn't stop the funeral director from just assuming that the whole family wanted to join him in an explicitly Christian prayer beforehand. And, you know, look, Join him in an explicitly Christian prayer beforehand. And, you know, look, I get that the family asked a pastor to speak at the funeral. So, of course, he's going to open with a prayer.

Of course, he's going to pull quotes out of the Bible. Of course, he's going to frame his eulogy around Christian themes and Christian beliefs about death. I can handle that. But it's not like he's finding biblical passages about coping with loss or about the value of a life well lived. passages about coping with loss or about the value of a life well lived virtually every sentence he said was some form of luckily he was a christian and you get to see him again if you are too but don't answer yet right and and here's the thing that the whole time that they're giving their their fucking timeshare pitch they're also inadvertently demonstrating just how useless their product is right the whole gist of their message, when it wasn't all for the low, low price of, seemed to be,

death doesn't exist, trust me, pay no attention to the man inside the coffin. The whole damn service was filled with, I truly believe that death isn't an end this, and we never have to say goodbye to our loved ones that. And first of all, any sentence that starts with,

I truly believe that, can be dropped into the same bucket you use for sentence that starts with i truly believe that can be dropped into the same bucket you use for sentences that start with trust me if you truly believe something you don't generally need to preface your fucking statement with that fact hell even opening with i believe that is suspect right but now you're adding how true your belief is fuck off you don't believe that shit if any of you motherfuckers truly believe we go to paradise when we die, it'd be some dick ass shit to cry about. Wouldn't it? You want the dude to be stuck here in a feeble body that can't breathe

without being hooked up to a machine when the alternative is everlasting joy basking in the embrace of Christ in himself. Fuck you. I truly believe. If you follow that through to its logical conclusion, the whole eulogy should just be, I truly believe he's in heaven with Jesus right now. So I don't know what you guys are making such a big deal about. You want to get brunch. But in addition to being bullshit, it's also a terrible way to cope with death. They're telling themselves and each other ever more emphatic lies with the desperate hope of never having to deal with their own mortality or anyone's mortality.

In other words, they're actively building barriers to coping. The opening premise of the let's all cope with death speech is there's no such thing as death. What a terrible way to deal with your own grief, but also what a terrible disservice to your loved ones. Rather than deal with what their loss means to you and thereby acknowledge the importance of their existence, you're just going to pretend you get to see them again in act four? You know, I don't think I personally want a funeral, but if there is some kind of memorial or something, I hope people don't insult my memory in the same way. I feel like anybody who speaks at my memorial should have to sign a waiver agreeing that they believe at a minimum that death is for realsies. Because as bad

as this world is, the deceased are not in a better place. And to pretend otherwise is to cheapen their memory, to cheapen the importance of their lives. They are nowhere except in your memories of them. They are nowhere but in the echo of their work and their love that they left in this world. And telling yourself that they're hanging out at the blowjob fountain in celestial Disneyland isn't about honoring them. It's a way to push the grief away and avoid coping with it. But to do that is to push them out of your mind, even when that's the only refuge they have left. They're talking about you, Jesus.

We interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news bulletin. Joining me for headlines tonight is the bend of my Jerry's Heath and Wright Heath. Are you ready to gimme s'more? Okay, I love the ice cream they make. I usually like their politics, but I'm still mad about them getting rid of my Heath Bar Crunch. Apparently my bars aren't certified

non-GMO, so now it's Toffee Bar Crunch. Okay, but my name didn't have enough wooey bullshit for them is a pretty good reason for your end, though. Oh, yeah. Okay.

Yeah, I see how it's actually positive. I'll let it go. It's still delicious. In our lead story tonight, U.S. Representative Lauren Boebert is guilty of attempted murder. Is she? Now, just to be clear, I'm not talking about the existence of her gun themed restaurant where she has the staff carry loaded firearms while they also carry a bunch of heavy stuff in a crowded environment. But I could be talking about that. Yeah, I'm also not talking about opening that restaurant for dine in service during the height of the pandemic in direct violation of COVID safety regulations. But again, I could be. And I'm not talking about the time she made an illegal pop-up location and sold pestilent pork sliders that gave 80 people food poisoning.

Yeah. But yes, once again, I could be talking about that. No, I'm talking about a new attempted murder. During a speech at Charis Christian Center in Colorado Springs last week, she told the audience that she prayed for Joe Biden's, quote, days to be few and for someone to replace him. And according to the Supreme Court of the United States, that is officially a sincerely held attempted murder. Yes, it is. Oh, that's true. That's true. I guess the difference between this day and any other seems to have been the specificity of that attempted murder more than

anything else. But yeah. Right. So here's the exact words from Lobo's. She said, quote, I want you to know that I pray for our president. Psalm 109.8 says, may his days be few and another take his office. Hallelujah, she said, glory to God, end quote. At which point the audience full of people who claim that praying is real started cheering. Now, okay, maybe she didn't mean I prayed for God to murder the president. Ah, it's not clear clear but maybe she didn't but again maybe not attempted murder of the president is not great as a way of describing something you did nope and either way we know how many days are left in biden's term exactly that number only gets smaller if something

drastic happens so at best she was saying to god please carry out a coup, but, you know, don't fuck it up this time and let everyone get in trouble. You're not very good at being God. Well, and to be clear, it isn't at best. No. Right, because Psalms 1099 continues with, let his children be fatherless and his wife a widow. Oh, that's pretty clear on the murder then. I didn't read that. Maybe there's going to be a divorce and he would disown Hunter. fatherless and his wife a widow oh that's pretty clear on the murder then i didn't read that maybe

there's there's gonna be a divorce and he would disown a hunter like but there's also a bunch of shit in there about like his labor being spoiled as prosperity being blotted out and his children being beggars like okay like psalms 109 is the me yelling at a deceptive exit sign of the bible right some crazy shit also worth noting bobert stole that bit that shitty bit is actually stolen really in 2016 then senator david purdue made the exact same murdery bible quip except directed at barack obama even down to the super clever misleading premise setting up the amazing zinger he said almost quote i think we should pray for the president pray for his days to be few classic psalm quote switcheroo got him and he read the exact same bible quote psalm 1089 or whatever it was so just to be clear lauren bobert is guilty of

sincerely held attempted murder of the president of the united states and guilty of plagiarizing a sincerely held attempted murder of the president of the united states so wow merrick garland i know you're listening big fan of the show if a doctor prays at a hospital, for example, that's malpractice, right? If someone tweets a prayer for stocks to move, that's an SEC violation. God's omniscient. That's insider trading. Do your fucking job. Start prosecuting. Yes.

Sincerely held crimes. Absolutely. And in Pride Piper news tonight, the student protests at the Seattle Pacific University of Bigotry and Philosophical Anachronism continued through their graduation ceremony last weekend. When faced with the tradition of shaking the university president's hand

upon receiving their diplomas, dozens of students chose to avoid touching vile homophobe and SBU's interim president, Pete Mengeras, by instead handing him tiny little pride flags. That's excellent.

And then he had to still give them their diplomas because they paid for them and then publicly not look really pissed off over a visual representation of refracted light. Of colors, yeah. Now, I love that he was definitely scared of the evil magic that might be happening. Like, he's looking at that commencement line fuck

i touched touched like a hundred yeah it's a hundred if i touch a hundred of these little flags i'm gay that's official my pastor told me that how many graduates left i might not make it i don't know what i mean so so yeah like we haven't actually talked about this on the show but this is just the latest step in a student protest that's been going on since the private christian school elected to retain a lifestyle expectation clause in their employment contract that expressly forbids the hiring of lgbtq people horrible which is like despicably legal even in as liberal a state as washington is it well so to be clear washington is one of the 21 states that have laws protecting LGBTQ people from discrimination and hiring. Okay.

But Jesus, so laws don't count. Oh, great. Yeah, that's how I forgot we were in America. Because Jesus, yeah. It's not America? Now, that being said, there's no legal loophole that forces the student body to like it. So a pretty substantial number decided to stage a sit-in at the president's office, which garnered enough media attention to prompt a couple of their board members to resign in protest of that policy who are those people like okay i'm glad they did it but like they're thinking to themselves all right the psychology department teaches that depression might be

literal demons all right biology teaches that fossils are a jewish conspiracy that's fine i'll draw the line if the students remind me about the bigotry and hiring that we've had this whole time it's always been there yeah uh-huh yeah so again yeah i'm glad they eventually quit and press but that's a weird fucking line in the sand they made right yeah now the sit-in is as near as i can tell is ongoing the students are about to keep it going through july and if the board of trustees fails to budge on the policy by then they're threatening to sue them for breach of fiduciary duties since you know being nationally known as a bigot school isn't in the best interest of the school or its graduates. That's an excellent point. Right?

So I, of course, have no idea if that lawsuit has legs, but the fact that the students keep ratcheting up the pressure is encouraging, and the fact that they found a clever way to get press while also avoiding having to shake the hand of the asshole presiding over this debacle shows that they're really pretty fucking clever too yeah it seems like an extremely reasonable lawsuit that should have legs i'm not an expert either but it seems like it should be and if the reputation as a bigot school isn't convincing enough for that lawsuit um maybe the stuff about teaching fake reality at a university maybe that would would also be against fiduciary duties. It'd be nice if that was illegal.

Next up in headlines, the new series Ms. Marvel has a main character who's a Muslim person. Anna? What are the guys talking about? It's the newest, the greatest, Christian freak out. That's right. A fictional character isn't

the right religion and christians are freaking out yep not only is the protagonist kamala khan a muslim person her family is from pakistan she's not white she's not a man and her sexuality has not been firmly established as very specifically hetero in that show so a a bunch of the Christian bigots started review bombing the show with bad ratings after joining a Facebook group called Christians Against Ms. Marvel. Jesus.

Now, the group on Facebook was very obviously started by a troll who was going for satire, but now thousands of bigots are totally on board. Jesus, given their propensity for falling into this shit headfirst. At this point, I'm like 63% sure that Paul of Tarsus was a Poe. Right. Some dude trying to get free food from him by writing letters. That would explain a lot.

Right. So according to the Facebook page for Christians against Ms. Marvel, quote, this might be the biggest slap in the face for conservative Christians to date. Disney has decided that the face of this franchise should not be Carol Danvers, but should instead be a gay Muslim. Carol Danvers is Captain Marvel. It's a different show. No more straight Christian characters from Marvel. Those days are over. Please join us as we let End quote. So, okay, just based on that alone, you should probably be able to tell this might not be a real campaign.

It might be a troll. But just in case it wasn't already clear, at the top of their page on Facebook, it says, Group created by Wade Wilson, which is the name of the Deadpool character. And if you search for the group name on Facebook, you also find pagans against Christians against Ms. Marvel and Christians against dinosaurs against Christians who are against dinosaurs and seeds against Catholics against Catholics against seedless watermelons. Those are the groups right next to it. I'm not saying those aren't troll groups,

but none of them are sillier than that time Jerry Falwell outed Tinky Winky. Right? It's not that it's impossible to distinguish the trolls from the reality. It's just that it's pointless. You make a good point about it being pointless. So moral of the story christian bigotry is beyond satire and they're proud of it they're proud of it in this case they got tricked into freaking out by a troll and even when it became super obvious they were like yeah but yes bigot momentum

is pretty solid at this point we're gonna roll with it anyway in response to a troll saying okay this is how stupid you are i'm doing a thing to show you that they responded oh you think we're stupid we'll show you exactly how stupid we are and in your face we're winning and meanwhile the show about the delightful muslim girl got a whole bunch of attention so fuck your face yeah yeah i've only seen the debut episode as of this recording, but it's cute. I'm a little worried that they're going to play the whole, like mom wants you to obscure all your shameful lady shaped parts as I

like work of culture rather than a misogynistic tradition, but we'll wait and see. Yeah. But while we're on that subject, I guess I should hand things over to my lovely wife, Lucinda. But first a quick word from this week's first sponsor, honey. Hey, Heath, what you got? Is that, over to my lovely wife, Lucinda. But first, a quick word from this week's first sponsor, Honey.

Hey, Heath, what you got? Is that Mitch McConnell's face? Do I need to call Andrew? No, I see the confusion. No, no. I'm just doing some online shopping, and this is a giant ball of honey. Okay, why?

Oh, somebody told me if I put honey on my computer, I can save money. I don't think that's what they meant. They were probably talking about Honey, Oh, somebody told me if I put Honey on my computer, I can save money. I don't think that's what they meant. They were probably talking about Honey, the plug-in for your browser. Oh, what's Honey, the plug-in for my browser? Honey saves you money when you're shopping online. When you're shopping on one of your favorite sites and you go to checkout,

the Honey button drops down and all you have to do is click Apply Coupons. Wait a few seconds as Honey checks for the coupons of that site and if honey finds a working coupon you'll watch the prices drop you can even add honey to your phone too just enable it on your phone's browser and you can get savings on the go oh that sounds super easy actually it is i actually saved 15 using honey when i was buying pet supplies for my cats the other day okay i feel like i'm straight up missing out not having honey well if you don't already have honey you I'm straight up missing out, not having honey. Well, if you don't already have honey, you could be straight up missing out. That's correct. It's literally free and installs in a few seconds. And by getting it, you're doing yourself a solid and supporting this podcast. Same goes for anyone listening. I'd never recommend something I don't use. You should definitely check it out. All right. So how do I get it? Get honey for free at

joinhoney.com slash scathing. That's joinhoney.com slash scathing. Nice. I'm in. Circling back, why would you have a loose ball of honey? Why not in a jar? I don't know, Noah. Why do I have a loose ball of honey? Why do I also have a loose ball of cheese right here next to it?

Why is anything anything? I don't know, Noah. Calm down. Calm down. I was just curious. Okay. You really want to know what I was going to do with these oh actually no no i don't good point i was gonna okay a man wrote the bible a horse which one if it's a legitimate race cooking can be fun hey i'm proud of a man this week in massage Man, I've been gone for a bit, and it really seems like my arch nemesis, Lori Alexander, has been taking full advantage.

I've missed Twitter rants where she's claimed bikinis cause unwanted pregnancies, bemoaned the existence of preschools, and explained the proper way of grooming children. I should never let her have a head start. But I've got far worse to talk about this week. I know I'm a little late to this story, but I can't let this one go by without comment. A couple weeks ago, the Ohio State Legislature passed possibly the most damaging and disgusting anti-trans legislation in the country, which is a really high bar to clear. Not only did they bar trans girls from competing in gender appropriate sports, but they added

a jaw-dropping provision that would force female athletes to undergo an invasive genital inspection if anybody expresses doubts about an athlete's birth certificate's opinion on their gender. Unless I graze over how terrifying this is, I want to draw your attention back

to the word invasive there. And look, even if this bill works exactly as they planned it to work, it's disgusting. Hell, one could make an argument that finding new ways to exclude and isolate trans people is homicidal. But even transphobes should be terrified of this law. It says if a participant's sex is disputed, their wording, not mine, by anyone, the athlete must provide a doctor's note confirming their physical sex on the basis of, quote, the participant's internal and external reproductive anatomy, end quote. This dispute could come from a losing student, a bitter parent, a jilted ex-boyfriend. It doesn't matter.

So as vicious as the intent is, the execution is somehow even worse. But I'm not only bringing bad news this week. I also have an encouraging story out of Believe It or Not Florida where Believe It or Not, a religious group, is doing a good thing in the Believe It or Not abortion debate. Specifically, a Jewish group has filed a lawsuit claiming that the state's 15-week abortion ban, which goes into effect next month, is a violation of the religious freedom, as Judaism requires women to have control of their bodies. According to the lawsuit, quote, in Jewish law, abortion is required, if necessary,

to protect the health, mental, or physical well-being of the woman, or for many other reasons, not permitted under the act, end quote. And they're definitely right. Hell, even the part of their scriptures that Christians co-opted, there's at least one instance where the book requires an abortion. It even gives you a magical abortion spell. I should also at least mention the fact that the Southern Baptist Convention made quite a bit of press last week when they debated admitting female pastors.

I'm hesitant to call this good news in any meaningful sense, since it's just a debate, no changes have been announced. What's more, they're almost certainly doing it to distract from the devastating child sex abuse report that just came out about them. So it's also cynical as hell. But still, when you're far enough behind the times, pretty much any step is a step forward. So reserved and partial kudos to the SBC, I guess.

And quick before hell freezes over, I suppose I should hand things back over to Noah and Heath. Thank you, Lucinda. Next up in headlines in Uncle Sham Wants You To news, I learned another word that Christians invented to make their transgenerational game of make believe sound like a bona fide academic subject this week, and if it wasn't for the fact that they called the study of angels angelology, Do they seriously call it that? Look it up. It's true. That's real. This would be the

silliest one yet. Mishiology is apparently the academic study of religious missions. Fuck you. And I learned that when I saw a story on OnlySky.media about an army chaplain named william harrison who earned his phd in the subject with a thesis on how best to exploit america's military for the purposes of proselytization get out of the the suffix ology

just rolled over in its grave that's horrible yep right now so to be clear that's a thing that chaplains aren't allowed to do no right proselytization or as eli would say prostatol is that the digitization but despite you know the rules his thesis was unambiguously titled the united states military a field for great commission fulfillment okay i feel like we don't need the word missiology it's reverse oncology that's what that is that thesis might as well be called how to spread religion like a fucking cancer without being detected that's horrible yeah now the entire existence of military chaplains is inherently problematic but officially their job is to provide religious comfort to soldiers regardless of their faith.

So they're not there to proselytize. In fact, they can't, no soldier can, according to former Pentagon spokesperson, Lieutenant Commander Nate Christensen, quote, service members can share their faith evangelize,

but must not force unwanted, atrusive attempts to convert others of any faith or no faith to one's belief. Proselytization. End quote. Okay. Well, yeah. So I'll admit that's kind of a blurry line.

Or the same. But you'd think that if anybody would understand it, it would be a goddamn army chaplain. You'd hope. And yet Harrison's entire fucking thesis is that soldiers should exploit every opportunity to break that fucking rule. Okay, why can't they just have a rule that says no evangelizing during Army staff?

There you go. Can we not have moments when that's not allowed sometimes? Like, I don't know, if a doctor cuts you open for surgery and then they're like, hey, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ? That needs to be illegal. I hope it already is if they said at that same moment that same doctor if they were like hey do you have a moment to talk about today's wordle i was trying to figure out how to get tea and also illegal why is this so complicated

because of fucking christian privilege so okay so here it is straight from the fucking dissertation quote active duty army chaplains are woven into the fabric of the military culture and have direct access to soldiers and their families. Therefore, this strategic position for gospel ministry should be fully leveraged by the Southern Baptist Convention and its local churches through intentional education, training and other support to disciple America's military families. End quote. training and other support to disciple america's military families end quote yeah he also advocates for the sbc to set up faith-based counseling centers that accept the military's tricare insurance plan so they can target veterans with quote again quote mental health issues such as ptsd moral injury suicide ideation and intervention for marriage or family crises end quote so to be

clear he's advocating for tricking soldiers with mental health problems into getting a christian timeshare pitch instead of qualified counseling despicable on the taxpayers dime yeah stealing money from the government yeah now harrison is retired so it's not like the military could take any disciplinary action against him for advocating all this bullshit but they also could like at least offer up a full-throated condemnation of his tactics have they needless to say of course they won't no no of course not all right next up in headlines in iron chariots of fire. A rabid fan of the Boston Red Sox and the Christian god of the universe named Daniel Lucy tried to burn down the headquarters of the Satanic Temple in Salem, Massachusetts last week. But, as we all know, god of the universe is a Yankees fan,

so unfortunately for the Boston man, the arson did not work out at all. Lucy started the fire on the porch of the building and then just walked away, at which point somebody came outside from the building and put it out pretty much immediately. And then I'm assuming that person cackled into the distance, your puny god is no match for a demonic elixir of hydrogen hydroxide. We derive our power from the depths of hell no no i'm just kidding we don't believe any of that you guys are dumb stop doing hate crimes silly christian terrorists everybody knows you have to attack satanic temples with ice weapons

fucking fucking noob obvi so here's how we already know the identity of the hate criminal and why he's already been arrested first of all he walked onto the porch and stared directly into a camera and then started pouring lighter fluid and lit a fire also he was still there when the police showed up was he yeah apparently he lit the fire walked away for a few minutes but then he pretty much immediately came back to see how his amazing godly fire was going well it was not going and the cops were there and they were like hey you're wow you're you're obviously the guy who stared into the camera and then started the fire that we just watched that video of and you're still wearing the same t-shirt that just says god in block letters on the front man come you're under

arrest but okay like for realsies if he'd gone with groucho glasses that would have been an improvement it would have been a step in the right direction it would have taken him a second or two more yeah probably and just to be clear i wasn't just guessing about this being a hate crime by a fanatical christian now okay i was guessing about him being a red sox fan but all right let's be honest irish guy from boston who sets fire to a satanic temple that's a fucking lock he's a red sox but the hate crime is for certain when lucy came back to the scene he still had his backpack on which had they found two quarts of lighter fluid inside a bunch of extra sticks that he gathered and never used to make his fire and a copy of the constitution of the united states that's so like you add a picture of a

chinese guy it's a marky mark starter kit in his backpack and one other clue that this was a hate crime when he got arrested lucy told the cops quote this is a hate crime oh exact words oh interesting well a great job christian terrorist guy because if there's one thing the satanic temple hates, it's free publicity. Those poor guys had to deal with press attention from NBC, CBS, U.S. News and World Report, the Boston Globe. It must have just been a fucking nightmare for him all day. Yeah. Well, speaking of which, the day after the fire, they got all the attention. to the fire. They got all the attention, but satanic temple spokesman Lucian Graves,

he still had to give yet another angry deadpan explanation to the public about what they do at this temple. Approximate quote, I'm paraphrasing, but it's really close. He's like, okay, for the 975th time, we don't actually worship a literal demon. That's dumb. Satan is a metaphor that symbolizes the rejection of tyranny for us. And our building isn't magical. We just have like desks and stuff, man. Stop doing hate crimes. Fuck.

And finally tonight in Willing and Maple News. As if to say don't forget to remind your listeners how much better our country is than yours. The Canadian Armed Forces officially endorsed their first humanist chaplain on Tuesday, putting them ahead of America's armed forces by infinity percent. Mary Claire Khadij was approved by the Canadian armed forces back in May, but the service made it official this week.

And as it happens, the new part isn't the chaplaincy so much as the humanism. Apparently she was serving as a catholic chaplain since 2017 but shed her catholicism over the last few years i can't imagine what major canadian news story about the nation's history with catholicism might have prompted a person to rethink their professional endorsement of it but you know regardless she isn't catholic anymore so there's finally someone in the royal canadian chaplain services that represents the 32 percent of that country that is non-religious. Yeah, and now she represents the 100% of the military who might need counseling about real reality.

Okay, churches, did you guys hear it? Do you see what happened? Addition by subtraction of something stupid. That stupid thing was you. Yeah. Your religion. Now, there are a few logistical hurdles, apparently. Unlike organized religions, there's no institution with the ability to accredit humanist chaplains.

So according to the CAF's Interfaith Committee on Canadian Military Chaplaincy, they reached out to Humanist Canada to enable and facilitate the change. Not exactly sure what facilitation was required. Like, if they have to bring in a humanist to change all her Jesus flesh back into crackers, unrub her rosaries, or whatever. I'm not sure. I don't know. But Humanist Canada is apparently establishing its own form of accreditation to make this easier

in the future, should any other humanists decide to follow Captain Khadija's lead. And just a reminder that when a fully qualified dude in the U.S. Navy with a recommendation from the navy chaplain appointment retention eligibility advisory board applied for the same honor in the u.s military like back in 2014 and again in 2018 congressional republicans blocked the appointment both fucking times and with like as though the people in the 105 degree heat needed yet another reason to move to Canada.

We've given you one, so we'll close there. Heath, thanks as always. Oh, Canada. When we come back, and I'll be here to break down a song that's as close to just saying Jesus, Jesus, Jesus for four minutes as anything we've ever reviewed. thing we've ever reviewed hey what you got there is that pat robertson's face should i call andrew this is happening again i see the confusion no i'm just getting ready for a run and this

is a big ball of spackle okay but why but why? I'm spackling my old shoes. I should have seen that coming. But I feel like you should probably just get a new pair. Why don't you try the Tree Flyer from Allbirds? Oh, what's the Tree Flyer from Allbirds? Hold on. Are they a fey demon with a fire sword? What?

Why would they? Wearing it the hard way. No. No, they're a great new lightweight running shoe. Oh. All right. Sounds sounds good but are they comfortable do they have good cushioning like my trusty pair right here well they have excellent cushioning so they're super comfortable even if you're going a long distance oh i didn't know

you were into long distance well you know there are a few road signs that i really hate and i like to insult them in person every so often in person yeah yeah they're a bit of a track but my tree flyers are perfect okay but are they good for the environment great question they're not just light in weight but they're also light in terms of their carbon footprint they're made with eucalyptus fiber and super breathable which is important when it's 105 degrees in south georgia for like six months at a time yeah that happens all right i'm in where do i get a pair lace up the tree flyer and get running today at a time. Yeah, that happens. All right, I'm in. Where do I get a pair? Lace up the tree flyer and get running today

at allbirds.com. That's A-L-L-B-I-R-D-S dot com. Allbirds.com. Got it. Sounds good. Okay, so now I'm curious. Are those the original Reebok pumps from 1989? From 1989.

Yes, they are. Good eye. It's important to maintain the structural integrity of the inflation mechanism using the spackle. So, you want to borrow the ball of spackle when I'm done? No. You can f*** if you want.

Then yes, actually. Okay. Road signs? Yeah, road signs. Got it. In a lot of ways, our job is just a thinly disguised excuse for masochism. Whether it's reading the Book of Mormon, following Christian blogs, or watching virtually every movie and Kurt Cameron's filmography over on our sister show, we never pass up on an excuse to abuse ourselves for your enjoyment. And who knows more about voluntary masochism than the person who intentionally married

Eli. And that's why we're excited to welcome back Anna Bosnick for this week's installment of God Awful Music. Anna, blink if you're being kidnapped. So, first of all, Anna, welcome back. Always a pleasure.

Oh, Noah, I am actually bouncing up and down in always a pleasure oh no I am actually bouncing up and down in my seat right now I am so excited for this tune as am I and you know what so I should also reintroduce the already accounted for Heath Enright since it'll make Eli jealous when he hears this so Heath welcome

to still being here alright thanks for blowing up my spot now everybody knows that I have to review this fucking song. All right. Whatever. I could have just been silent. So tell us, Anna, what are we going to be

breaking down today? We will be breaking down a beautiful name. Words and Music by Ben Fielding and Brooke Ligertwood. Ligertwood. Sorry, what's the name?

Brooke Ligertwood? Ligertwood. Sorry, what's the name? Brooke Ligertwood? Yikes. Anyway, so it's fucking hard to find a single musician credited to this song because the hill song we're talking about, what should I call it? The cult that we're talking about. Yeah, that's it.

They do not want to credit any musicians. This is only credited to God as far as they're concerned. Oh, yeah, right. So, okay. And Heath, how bad was this music? Well, if you love Sarah McLachlan, but you always wondered why she didn't cut an album

during the middle of a stroke she was having, you will love this song. Yeah, so, okay. We rely on Anna's expertise and masochism, of course, for these selections. So, Anna, why did you pick this song for us?

Because it's about damn time we did Hillsong. Right? I've mentioned, okay, so I've mentioned that I love listening to this shit for fun. I think it's like similar

to how people get really into serial killers or like Drew Clive or whatever. Anyway, I know people who used to go to Hillsong as congregants in NYC and have since obviously quit and discussed. But they are

incidentally all amazing singers. And this is not going to be a roast of musicianship. No, no. Hillsong is great at roping in talented musicians. In fact, I would hazard to say that Hillsong has done the best at actually emulating what's going on in the mainstream of music. So the stuff from the 90s all sounds like Celine Dion, Lauryn Hill, that kind of stuff. The 2000s, Christina Aguilera, boy bands, Coldplay. And now we're thoroughly into

Taylor Swift, Ed Sheeran territory. And obviously Aurora and stuff like you're hearing right now. Are we saying all that was bad or good about those eras? I'm saying that they emulated it really well. Oh, okay. Yeah, that they feigned pop music. No judgment one way or the other. They feigned pop music, exactly.

So if you like that stuff, they actually got pretty good pop musicians and things like that. I liked a bunch of the stuff you just said. Exactly. I was being defensive. Sorry. No, I'm saying that I'm not bashing the musicianship here. But for as good as the singers are, their lyrics, I mean, suck.

Sure do. They're the masters. They're a master course in musical manipulation. They kind of get people having orgasmic religious experiences to blah blah jesus blah blah blah over and over and again you know that's the thing yeah it's amazing yeah i'm very excited so okay so now of course for those you're not familiar music is like one of the main things that hillsong does on top of covering up sexual assault and abusing their employees if you're only familiar with them from that they also do do music. Yeah, they were like, guys, what if we hire some serious talent to do the jingly keys?

Because they need to be fucking jingly. Yeah, that's right. Like, virtuosic jingling of keys is necessary, given what we've done. They just have a whole bells chorus going on. All right, so without further ado, let's hop into what a beautiful name. Mm hmm. All right. Yeah. So we start before the lyrics even happen. We start with some intro noise. It's not clear what's happening. It's actually confusing what's happening. It sounds like a movie cop is realizing he's about to get ambushed by somebody.

That's what the noise is. But then it okay strokey sarah mclaughlin starts singing and it makes no sense they don't line up at all it's kind of funny that you said the cop thing because the cello actually does the gung thing from the beginning of law and order oh really in the background listen back you can hear it amazing amazing okay so So then the lyrics cut in. Starting with, you were the word at the beginning. Oh, you were the word. That's a sentence in English. Okay. I heard, Yeah. There were subtitles, right? There had to be subtitles.

Yeah. I did challenge you guys to listen to it without looking at the lyrics first just because yeah you can't hear what the fuck she's saying no you get ua dua to the baguette she goes on to say one with god the lord most high and i'm like damn it she's doing that thing like where they weren't sure if they were going to auto-tune it so she just kept her options open monotone singing i just i, I hate this genre of music. Anyway, so she goes on. Your hidden glory in creation now revealed in you, our Christ.

So I legit thought that this song was done in another language until I heard you are Christ. Like the reverb was insane. Yes. In this song. Everything sounded to me like it was some sort of like it was written in hut so like yabba-dee-ba-da yabba-dee-ba luke skywalker all of a sudden out of nowhere some english it sounded like a bilingual person talking in yeah

like huttese like a made-up language And then throwing in a quick phrase in perfect English, like a bilingual person might do. It was like, "'Twas brillig ye slithy toes, your hidden glory in creation." Like, I didn't know it. All right, so then we get our first chorus. What a beautiful name it is.

What a beautiful name it is. This better be good, right? Right? Yeah, she's building it up. Yeah. The name of jesus christ my king a bit of a letdown okay so you tell me anna you know singing is she just not that into this song or you know i think the lyrics were just boring to her. Because think about it. She has to like, how many songs does she got to sing

about this dingbat? Like, it's got to get old. Fair. Yeah. She sounds like her mom made her sing this as a chore

when she was 12. Right. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. So, she goes on. What a beautiful name it is. We haven't heard that enough.

So, what a beautiful name it is. Nothing compares to heard that enough. So what a beautiful name it is. Nothing compares to this. I mean, there's prettier names. Yes. Cordelia for Ariel. Sure. Amanita muscaria. There you go.

The mushroom? Yeah, the mushroom. I mean, it's a beautiful name. Silky nutmeg ganache. Just so many better names. There you go. There you go. Right?

Bob the drag queen. And she finishes up the chorus. What a beautiful name it is the name of jesus and i'm like okay i don't want to be a pedant here but like that's a bastardized form of yeshua or joshua like you you guys fucked up the translation and even when you figured it out you didn't change it to the right name right so clearly you guys are not as fond of this dude's name as you're letting on. Anyway, first two,

he says, you didn't want heaven without us. And by the way, she crammed the word heaven into that meter with a crowbar. Okay. Yes, he did. It clearly doesn't fit.

She had to say heaven, like Adam Sandler doing Cajun man, like, yeah, right. Yeah. So Jesus, heaven like adam sandler doing cajun man like yeah right yeah so jesus you brought heaven down that's a fucking sinister lyric right i'm glad i didn't catch that the first time holy shit yeah and doesn't it kind of ruin the victory for the people who make it into heaven when you tell us that yeah apparently jesus put up like gutter guards to fix the jewish bowling alley that was way too hard it just kind

of ruins it amen she continues my sin was great your love was greater what could separate us now death i guess i don't know what could separate you from the non-existence yeah right well also like i mean even according to them blaspheming against the holy spirit comes to mind right yeah sure looking at a woman with lust in your heart and not apologizing later yeah sure clothing without fringes at the right times or something there you go yeah shrimp scampi yeah oh absolutely that'll do it polyester okay so time for chorus two what a wonderful name it is what a wonderful name you see what they did that was not beautiful wonderful very clever a lot of words end in full it's true the name of jesus christ my king

and so i should point out like musically here. And again, I just I don't like this genre of music that they're using here. But like every line plays like it's right before the drum rolls. It's just going to get the song going. Yeah, it's just it's like it's the musical equivalent of giving up mid wank. Yeah, the drums were kind of edging. Right. Yes. Yes, exactly. That's what i'm saying musical

manipulation right getting people getting people to almost the musical orgasm so yeah but oh god that's christianity it is the whole thing is just edging and jesus never comes back oh my god nailed it all right so she carries on with the lyrics uh in the chorus here what a wonderful name it is nothing Nothing compares to this. Hecuba, Cher, I knew a lady named Sweet Home Teacup growing up. Do you? Yeah. This shows a staggering lack of imagination on their part.

It's all I'm saying. Yeah. Courtney Act, Alaska Thunderfuck. There's so many. Just go straight to Drag Queens. Straight to RuPaul's Drag Race. Bob the Drag Queen, like Anna said before. There you go.

Yeah. Wonderful name. And then she wraps up the chorus. What a wonderful name it is. The name of Jesus. What a wonderful name it is. The name of Jesus. Yeah and at this point the band and the singer are in a fight like during the music

with each other. The band was pretty sure they were playing a shopping montage from an 80s movie but the singer was still getting you to sponsor a hungry child. So nothing lines up. The percussion sounded like my son dumping out his toy box. Just. All right.

But the lyrics are about to get worse somehow because it's time for the bridge. I know. Which starts death could not hold you this is such a confusing part of christianity like y'all know he died again like three days later right that's true yeah and now it's been holding him the death has been holding him for over 2 000 years it's a pretty strong hold yeah choke hold that's a dumb line yeah but okay and then she follows up death could not hold you with the veil tour before you and i'm like come on guys every word rhymes with itself okay

i mean it's it's you you that's like the most rimable phoneme in the english goddamn language boogaloo okay now you're singing about a yew tree. No, that's not even a yew tree. Don't do that. And then we get this gem of a line. You silence the boast of sin and grave. What does boasting about sin and death look like? Right? Oh, man, my mom never lets me drink myself to death.

Ooh, look who has two thumbs and cancer of the lungs reading my dad's journal oh i can't today i can't hang out today i'm actually planning a murder suicide later with someone else yeah i'm using ivermectin there you go there you go actually yeah nailed it oh there's more the heavens are roaring the praise of your glory, which like the place you created spends a lot of time talking about how awesome you are is not the compliment to God that they seem to think that it is. Yeah, this song is a Tinder profile.

It says, my mom says I'm handsome. This song. Rough. She says, for you are raised to life again. How many times are they supposed to wake this guy up? Right? I feel like Jesus should get to press the snooze

button a few more times. I like that idea. Just 2,000 years of Jesus being like, Alexa, five more minutes. Just set an alarm for five more minutes. Also, order me a mouth sword on Amazon. Yeah, he's going to need one of those.

And then, okay, and then she says you have no rival. And I'm like, he very literally has a fucking rival. The guy's name, his official title is the anti-him. He very obviously has a rival. Yeah, man, he's in charge of the UN. It's in New York. un it's in new york and your rival is winning so hard right now and you're getting the fucking snooze button man just your whole all your people are edging and hating it she says you have no equal now and forever god you. Yours is the kingdom. Yours is the glory. Jesus, blah, blah, Jesus.

Yours is the name above all names. Are we ranking the names now? Right? I mean, because I know it's not, they're not talking alphabetically. No. So. Allah definitely comes before him in the deific yellow pages. You got to get all the way to the end for Yahweh.

Ah, God. We changed it. It's God. So chorus three starts. What, we changed it. It's God. So chorus three starts. What a powerful name it is. What a powerful name. It's beautiful, wonderful.

Now it's powerful. The name of Jesus Christ, my king. Bethesda, Cthulhu, Captain Marvel, Hoobastank. Blaze, Nitro, Zap, Turbo, any of the American gladiators. More than Ninja Turtles. That would work. Ninja Turtle.

There you go. What a powerful name it is. Nothing can stand against what a powerful name it is. Like any Icelandic place name, right? Sure. The name of Jesus. Yeah, I named my pug Madge

and I feel like she could stand up to Jesus. She's pretty badass. Watch out for that little white patch right there you go so but then it fades out with her saying what a powerful name it is the name of jesus what a powerful name it is the name of jesus but i have to write a song about madge fighting jesus now i'm sorry that's yeah yeah you also have to make a serious major motion picture about match absolutely there's you know what billionaire money i'm calling it now this is my first call for billionaire money

this has to happen now I think we should start making it low budget and see what happens yeah absolutely I feel like this song could finance the movie we'll find out

absolutely love that song now as I'm sure you guys all know it's not just about tearing things down here on the scathing atheist it's also about

building them back up so Anna fixed it. And may I just say on her behalf, you're welcome, Hillsong. Yeah, you're welcome. This is for you and your piece of shit musicianship. Awesome.

What are these words that I'm hearing? I only have a trust. And understand a single lyric. It's as bad as see good eyes. What a beautiful song this is. What a beautiful song this is. What a beautiful song, but I can't hear a thing. What a beautiful song this is

Drink of wine and of this What a beautiful song this is If I could hear it The echo's driving out my diction Like there's a bucket on my head It's like an audible crucifixion Drown drowning out each word I said

but what a wonderful song it is what a wonderful song it is but I can't sing along with any confidence doesn't matter

what the lyrics says. Watch a walrus join your meals. What a wonderful song it is if you're good, you should. Is this even English? Did she just say work, bitch? It could be anything at all Monkey Chalupa anything at all monkey chalupa oh see blue man

groupa reverb is this composer's downfall hope that I make clear that this isn't Shakespeare doesn't matter Hope that I made clear that this isn't Shakespeare.

Doesn't matter which words I use. Octopus zombie digs out for her zombie. The Zodiac Killer was Ted Cruz What an inaudible song this was What an inaudible song this was The tune was nice but the mix here had some flaws This doesn't deserve applause The lyrics broke some laws

In fact they don't even have to right here And if you wanna hear anymore I'll tell you my favorite dinosaur It's actually the Velociraptor And my favorite scotch as well It's our Nebuitadel

Now the song is finally over We're waiting to end it with no closure. Before we cue the music tonight, I want to remind you one last time that I'm giving a talk at the Gulf Coast Secular Assembly in Dufuniac Springs, Florida on Saturday the 25th. Check the show notes for links to find more information. Also, if you're suffering from Eli withdrawal

while he's off, don't forget to check him out on the new podcast, Dear Old Dads. That'll be linked on the show notes as well. Anyway, that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight. We'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister show, The Skeptocrat, debuting on 7am Eastern on Monday, an even newer episode of our half-sister show, God Awful Movies, debuting on 7am Eastern on Tuesday, and even newer episode of our half-sister show, God Awful Movies, debuting on 7am Eastern

on Tuesday, and an even newer episode of our half-sister show, Citation Needed, debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously, I can't claim the title of host again next week if I neglect to thank Heath Enright for always right in the ship. I also want to thank Eli Bosnick, even though he's not here, he's always here in spirit, which isn't a real thing. Language is complicated. It's even more complicated when you're an

atheist. Anyway, I also want to thank the lovely and talented Lucinda Lusions for making her triumphant return this week. I need to thank the amazing Anna Bosnick one more time for helping out while Eli was away and for writing downright Yankovic-ian lyrics this week. Amazing job. I also want to thank Margo for providing this week's Farnsworth quote.

I want to encourage you to check out her blog at DontShameTheFamily.com, which you'll also find linked on the show notes. It's going to be a busy show notes this week. There's also going to be links to more of Anna's stuff too. But most of all, of course I want to thank this week's and last week's best people. Sarah Montana's got liberal atheists too. And cookie shaped like Montana,

Cassidy needle, Boykin, John, Kevin, London, bad shepherd, pod, Siabra,

Waylon, job, Choi advises more drugs, more bikes, Cameron, Robert, Steven, Chris,

James, Z, boom and shadow, Jerry, Matt, Rick, Eli's baby, maybe subscribe.

Byron, Kat, Matthew, Christopher, Diana, Dan, and Jordan's long lost brand. Dan, Stephen, Chris, James, Z, Boom and Shadow, Jerry, Matt, Rick, Eli's Baby Maybe, Subscribe, Byron, Kat, Matthew, Christopher, Diana, Dan, and Jordan's long-lost brand, Dan, Alex, Rick, Heather, Daniel, Bovils are awesome, Elmar, and Andrew, who are so hot meteorologists have to take them into account when they calculate the heat index. Together, these 35 thoroughly thorough thinkers thought they'd thank us for our thumbs down to theism this week by giving us money. thought they'd thank us for our thumbs down to theism this week by giving us money. Not everybody has the money it takes to give us money, but if you do, you can make a per-episode donation at patreon.com slash scathingatheist, whereby you'll earn early access to an extended ad-free version of every episode, or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage at scathingatheist.com. And if you'd like to help, but money, am I right,

you can also help a ton by leaving a five-star review, telling a friend about the show, or following at P-I-A-T pod on Twitter. Legal services for this podcast are provided by the Law Offices of P. Andrew Torres. Tim Robinson handles our social media and our audio engineer is Morgan Clark. We also wrote the music that was used in this episode, which was used with permission. If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page and kind of fuck it well yeah no it's harder to fuck a road sign before you put spackle on no you really do have to have some you gotta have a ball of spackle on it i've always said i've always said that you gotta put a a ball of spackle on it. I've always said that. You gotta put a big ball of spackle on the road sign before you fuck it.

My dad taught me that. Just dying words. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and the Thunderstorm LLC. Copyright 2022. All rights reserved.