The Scathing Atheist - 488: Even More Problematic Ezra Edition

Episode Date: June 23, 2022

In this week’s episode, the foremost exporter of child molesters has strong opinions on which flags to fly, Ted Cruz warns us about the Chinese plot involving cartoon space lesbians, and Don Ford will be here to advance that plot. But don’t tell Ted. --- Come see us at QED in Manchester! Find tickets here: https://qedcon.org/ To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click there: https://www.amazon.com/Outbreak-Crisis-Religion-Ruined-Pandemic/dp/B08L2HSVS8/ To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/ To hear more from our intrepid audio engineer Morgan Clarke, click here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/ --- Guest Links: Check out the Fallacious Trump podcast here: http://fallacioustrump.com/ --- Headlines: American god belief reaches new all time low: https://news.gallup.com/poll/393737/belief-god-dips-new-low.aspx Joe Biden issues executive order to fight conversion therapy & LGBTQ fostering discrimination: https://www.lgbtqnation.com/2022/06/joe-biden-issues-executive-order-fight-conversion-therapy-lgbtq-fostering-discrimination/ MA school can no longer be called Catholic after flying BLM and pride flags, bishop says: https://www.cbsnews.com/news/massachusetts-catholic-school-nativity-school-worcester-black-lives-matter-pride-flags/ Ted Cruz pouts that Disney has “lesbian toys”: https://www.lgbtqnation.com/2022/06/ted-cruz-pouts-disney-lesbian-toys/ SCOTUS forces Maine taxpayers to fund religious indoctrination: https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2022/06/21/supreme-court-maine-religious-schools/ Christian cops are now claiming COVID swab tests violate their faith: https://onlysky.media/hemant-mehta/christian-cops-are-now-claiming-covid-swab-tests-violate-their-faith/ --- This Week in Misogyny: Franklin Graham pushes domestic abuse victim back to her abuser: https://onlysky.media/hemant-mehta/its-horrifying-to-hear-how-franklin-graham-dismissed-domestic-violence/ Buddhist leader fully ordains 144 women: https://religionnews.com/2022/06/21/buddhist-leader-in-bhutan-fully-ordains-144-women-resuming-ancient-tradition/

Warning, the profanity in this episode is of the most fucked up variety. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by My Sheets Rock, Hello Fresh, and by the new transubstantiated confection for kids who never want to finish their body of Christ, Catho Licorice, from the makers of Jesus Pieces. Catho Licorice, because the Vatican wants to put things inside your children. And now, The Scathing Atheist. We're Mark and Jim from Fallacious Trump, the podcast where we use the insane ramblings of America's racist grandpa to explain logical fallacies.

We did the Farnsworth quote when we were just starting out almost four years ago, and now that we've hit our hundredth episode, it's become clearer than ever that we did in fact evolve from filthy monkey men. It's Thursday. It's June 23rd. And it's National Detroit Style Pizza Day. Because when you're America's least interesting city, square is an identity.

Detroit's been lining up for good insults for years now. I'm no illusions. I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heath Enright. And from Thomas Edison's New Jersey, Ann Arbor, Michigan, and Waycross, Georgia, this is The Skating Atheist. On this week's episode, the foremost exporter of child molesters has strong opinions on which flags to fly. Ted Cruz warns us about the Chinese plot involving cartoon space lesbians. And Don Ford will be here to advance that plot.

But don't tell Ted. But first, the diatribe. I play a lot of VR games in my spare time. When I quit smoking, Oculus breaks kind of took over for cigarette breaks. So now every hour or two, I'm going to push back from my desk. I'll reset my head with 15 minutes of Beat Saber or something and I'll get back to work.

Now, the ideal game for that situation is something that you can play in short bursts, you know, like 10 minutes here, 15 minutes there kind of thing, but also something that won't get boring the 50th time you play it. Because let's face it, that's a week and a half the way I do this shit. And these games are expensive.

So the best way to keep these games from getting repetitive and too easy is to replace AI opponents with human ones. And that means that I find myself playing a lot of multiplayer matchup type games. Trust me, eventually this is about atheism. Now, one thing that makes this a bit awkward is that the overwhelming majority of random players in these games tend to be tween and teen boys or at least that's the overwhelming majority of the people who are talking right i get the girl gamers often choose between silence and harassment especially in vr so the voices you hear aren't always representative but still the impression you get is that you're running around at recess in some all-male boarding school.

And that's kind of awkward when you're a 46-year-old guy, especially when so damn many of these games involve shooting or even punching other players. Doesn't matter how aware of the simulation I am. Punching a nine-year-old in the virtual face so that it'll drop his Frisbee feels pretty fucked up. But it's also, as virtually anybody who's played online games already knows, a recipe for toxicity. It doesn't take much to transport that recess feeling from the all-male boarding school to the island from Lord of the Flies. Now, here's what I've noticed, though. And this is all anecdotal, so take it with a grain of salt. But in my experience, there's a direct relationship between how toxic an online gaming community is and how old it is.

See, I'm an early adopter in a lot of these games. I don't have to talk my mom into buying them for me or wait for my allowance to show up. So I'm very often among the first group of people that starts playing these games or starts playing the multiplayer mod they just added. And at that point, when they're new, the communities are almost always reasonably polite and helpful. Yes, one kid will show up now and again and start hurling around slurs and epithets, but they'll usually get booted or muted. But over time, the communities invariably get increasingly toxic until, in an awful lot of cases, the game becomes almost

unplayable. Okay, so now you're starting to see how this ties into atheism, right? So if you think about it, there's kind of a logical reason why this would happen. Even if the the total number of trolls is relatively low some people are going to have the misfortune of running into several of them right like i think we all have our threshold of how much of this shit we're going to put up with except of course the trolls so over time more and more of the non-trolls are going to reach their breaking point and give up on the game and thus the percentage of trolls will get higher and higher and push ever more people out now ultimately there is a breaking point, and give up on the game, and thus the percentage of trolls will get higher and higher and push ever more people out. Now, ultimately, there is a breaking point here.

Once a group is trolly enough, the trolls disperse because there's nobody left to be outraged at their bullshit, and at that point, the few people who persevered through that can start to rebuild the community. Of course, they do so knowing that if they're too successful, they're just going to reignite the cycle and start it over again. So in most instances, the community around these games are either small or toxic. But notice I said most. There are some that managed to escape that bait, and usually it's by being so fucking fun that people are willing to wait out the trolls and

keep going anyway. See, when these communities turn into toxic wastelands, it's definitely the trolls' fault. They get all the blame. But when the trolls fail, the credit goes to all the people that stuck around and endured so that the decent people would always outnumber the shitty ones. Look, it's really hard to make online communities work long term, especially if the community has a low bar for entry. And if online games with millions of dollars invested in keeping a broad player base happy fall victim to this problem all the fucking time, you can guarantee atheist groups are going to have it too. Hell, because of the contrarian nature of atheist activism, we probably attract a lot more troll-inclined folks than some random VR parkour tag game. And when you find yourself in an online group that's being invaded by trolls or otherwise shitty people, the inclination is to just fucking leave. Not only are you saving yourself the stress of dealing with shitty people,

but you're also disassociating yourself from a group that tolerates it. But therein lies the problem, right? Because if all the people who won't tolerate it leave, the group's overall toxicity becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Now, to be clear, I get that I'm speaking from a place of enormous privilege here i'm a cisgendered heterosexual moderately well-educated middle-class white guy in america right i i'm not the target of any of the epithets and slurs that the trolls are tossing out i'm not the victim of their bullying so i get that it's way easier for me to stick it out and i wouldn't encourage anybody to remain in a group where they felt bullied single single, without, or even just stressed as all hell from putting up with it,

from being there. And I'll add the caveat that some groups are toxic from the top down, right? Like if the leadership of a group endorses that toxicity, it may very well be beyond saving so that you would have nothing to offer but your anxiety. And if that's the case, by all means, leave. But at the same time, communities are generally built from the bottom up. I know this from personal experience. When I go back and listen to the archives of this show, I'm embarrassed by some of the transphobic and homophobic jokes that we made, some of the decidedly unenlightened positions that we took early on. We grew as podcasters and as people because enough of our listeners were willing to overlook that long enough to send us an email, engage us in conversation, recognize that we weren't malicious,

just stupid, and help us get less stupid. That set the tone for our community far more than the positions me, Heath, and Eli took. Now, of course, staying in the group doesn't help much if you're not speaking up or at the very least supporting the people that do you know i belong to a lot of online atheist communities and the only ones that seem to do well over time are the ones that are heavily even aggressively moderated you're the ones that consistently err on the side of consideration and honestly some atheists bristle at that and i get it i understand why given the way religious people get offended by the very fact that we exist, we have a reasonable desire to protect our right to offend. But the best way to protect that right is to use it responsibly. Atheists really need these things to succeed.

For an awful lot of us, especially the ones that live in my neck of the woods, online communities are the only lifeline they have. So if you can help make them better, it's incumbent upon you to do so. They're talking about you, Jesus. We interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news bulletin. Joining me for headlines tonight are the ready and aimed to my fire Heath Enright and Eli Bosnick fellas. You ready to give the headlines a shot uh wait till i get home i feel like this is a trick question he's tricking me or something okay three white guys on a podcast quoting imagine dragons yep that's it we've reached peak

caucasity my friends peak caucasity we have but i think that's because you just heard a phrase that originated with 18th century musketeers and immediately thought of imagined dragons. That's Pete Gawd Cassidy. In our lead story tonight, given the political climate, the gerrymandering, and the current makeup of the Supreme Court, the only good news atheists ever really get is demographic. But we have some of that this week to open up on. Specifically, Gallup just released some data from this year's values and beliefs poll, and things are looking worse for God than ever before, with a record low 81% of Americans answering yes when asked if they believe in God. And no, by the way, I didn't do the awkward

answered yes phrasing to hide a substantial number of not sure didn't answer responses. An unprecedented 17% answered with a definitive definitive no which means that fewer than one third of american atheists know what that word means yeah but don't worry it's not like one fucking fifth of the population has representation in our government or anything like that crazy nothing crazy like that so yeah this was actually one of those surveys where the more you looked at it the better the data got because some amount of there are more atheists nowadays is always going to be, you know, old God believing people dying, being replaced by young non God believing people. And that's good news, of course. But that process takes a long fucking time to make real change, especially given the way that octogenarians cling to power in this country.

You know, that's wordy, Noah, but it would make a great bumper sticker. We'll give it a try. We'll give it a try. But this poll showed drop-offs in God belief in every age demographic, every single one, even the ones that were far broader than the number of years it's been since the last time they asked this shit.

Okay, I do like the idea that the problem of evil Republicans is making Republicans think about the problem of evil andans is making republicans think about the problem of evil and some of them lose their faith i guess right yeah that's nice yeah that or it could be tiktok i'm telling you great recipes hot girls dancing gills god it's the best you guys got to get in there there you go no in fact the most striking thing about this survey is that there was a significant drop compared to the 2017 data in every single demographic age or otherwise right like they like the drop-off was steepest among

young people and liberals and democrats but even like rural married conservative republican non college graduates over the age of 50 saw a dip it's also worth noting that even among god believers only about half of them think he's worth a shit. According to Gallup's data, only 42% of Americans believe in a God that listens to prayers and intervenes on people's behalf. Interestingly enough, a whopping 28% say that he can hear the prayers but can't intervene. Okay. So more than half the God believers think it's just some asshole running a really bad simulation that has like baby cancer in it. And that's the basis of their religion.

Apparently. All that is true for them. Yeah. My God is trapped in an impotent omniscience hell box by an even bigger God. Now I need you to respect that. Right. Yes. Now, of course, we should temper all of this with the reminder that 81 is still an overwhelming

majority god believers still outnumber us four to one but but the number is down six percent just in the last five years and that's after hovering well over 90 from gallup first thinking to ask this in 1944 until basically the year we started this show. I also want to note that in this survey, 4% of the people who answered that they attended church weekly or nearly weekly also said they didn't believe in God. So it's worth remembering that there are still plenty of more folks in need of our help. I was going to say, come to us, people. We have a podcast for you.

And in the due to Biden's news right now, what Christians want more than anything in the world is for you, podcast listener, not to vote. They are desperate for you not to vote. They're spending millions of dollars, tens of millions of dollars to try to keep you from voting this year. And we got yet another reminder why this week as Joe Biden signed an executive order to fight conversion therapy worldwide as well as several other issues involving anti-lgbtq discrimination well and in case that's not enough we should also point out that democrats didn't institute immigrant kidnapping policies or try to overthrow the government either right but maybe you're still not excited about democrats like you you know, Joe Biden and Hillary Clinton.

Now, a great way to help with that is go fuck yourself. Go fuck yourself. Where? But where? All right. So for those of you unfamiliar, conversion therapy, sometimes called reparative therapy these days, is at best an unlicensed religious person telling you that you can be heterosexual if you try hard enough. And at worst, it's literally torturing children until they pretend to be straight. It's discredited by every major medical body, and it's illegal in all the sane states and countries. But as you already know, because you're listening to this podcast, not all the

states and countries are sane. And that why joe biden's order telling the department of health and human services to issue rules that ban the use of federal funds for programs that offer conversion therapy is so important it doesn't just stop conversion therapy it takes away their fucking money yeah and like as depressing as it is to have to say so often how the fuck wasn't that already the rule it is a sign at least that we're moving in the right direction exactly yeah it's like the nfl dealing with belichick and brady except instead of slightly deflating footballs we're talking about hate crimes and pseudoscience funding so it's pretty much the same as dealing with belichick and brady i guess

they're both republicans i fucking hate yeah. Exactly. But that's not all. The Biden administration is also encouraging the Federal Trade Commission, FTC, to classify conversion therapy as a, quote, unfair or deceptive act or practice. Unquote. If that happens, it would require conversion therapists to offer consumer warnings. And let me tell you, it's a lot harder to sell people on your bullshit if you have to introduce your practice like a local pedophile who just moved into the neighborhood well i mean slightly slightly you know americans still spend three billion dollars a year on homeopathy and 80 billion on cigarettes but yes like that's it still is a positive and important move. We spend $80 billion on lottery, too.

You guys aren't playing the lottery? Harry, finally. I've got it all in cryptocurrency, so yes. Finally, the executive order also addresses discrimination against LGBTQ families looking to foster children. So again, as regular listeners to the show will know, the Trump administration loosened protections in this area, allowing adoption agencies that receive federal funds to refuse to work with same-sex couples or even just couples that aren't their

religion. So Biden is calling backsies on that and going further to include withholding funds from discriminatory counseling services, discriminatory couples therapy and more. Point is, I know it's frustrating sometimes to see if Joe Manchin thinks people deserve rights this week. But this this executive order and the legislation around it is the kind of thing that can happen when you do, in fact, vote. It's not just preventing bad stuff. There is active good being done right now. And there is not a goddamn thing Mitch McConnell or the Republicans can do about it, except try to keep you home from the voting booth this year. And in C-word news, according to a decree by Bishop Robert McManus of the Diocese of Worcester, Massachusetts,

a local middle school is no longer allowed to call itself Catholic anymore. Except, yes, they are because it's just a word and the church can't really do anything about it. I'm Catholic. Now I'm not. Now I'm Catholic again. Back to you. There's nothing they can do. I can just use the word however I feel like it.

So this might sound like another stupid church thing but it's more than that it's also evil it's like textbook evil because of the reason yeah the reason the church is trying to take away their trademark name non-trademark is because the middle school is displaying a pride flag and a black lives matter flag that's what got the catholic church angry the The Catholic Church is officially against pride for the LGBT community and against Black Lives Mattering. So, they got mad.

It still pisses me off that we ever need more of an argument than they think there's a too far in terms of opposing bigotry. Yep, as a policy. And look, I know I'm a broken record on this, but really Catholic church, you've decided to weigh in once again on the well-being of children.

Yeah. You know, maybe I shouldn't have given up on my dreams of being a personal trainer. I feel like I might have missed out. I could do anger counseling. It'd be great. So this all started

when Nativity School of Worcester started flying the flags in response to a call by students to make the school community, quote, more just and inclusive. And when the diocese heard about that, they were like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Right. We are unjust and bigoted. Apparently, shit. You got to take those down right now though that's against our policy well the school administrators to their credit completely ignored that stern warning about catholic values and then the diocese actually did we're gonna count to three as a way to amp this up they issued one more warning at the end of May to the school. And then last week, Bishop McManus signed a decree that actually claims they're taking away the word Catholic.

It also says the school cannot celebrate mass or sacraments or sacramentals. They can't do fundraisers with diocesan groups and they can't be listed in the diocesan directory yellow pages based threat well also like so so now the child rape settlement fund isn't going to get any of their charity dollars that'll show them yeah confusing hey catholic church when your entire business model is hoping people don't google your beliefs the last thing you want to do is tell people what you believe bad move so here's what we got from bob the bishop in his decree he said quote the gay pride flag that's his words the gay pride flag represents support of gay marriage and actively living an lgbtq plus lifestyle um yeah it does also doing any of that stuff all right thank you heath everyone's always talking about the gays who are

getting married and fighting for rights someone needs to stand for the passive gays who are just re-watching steven universe and texting their group chat means they matter too yeah absolutely that's important so from there mcmanus tried to address black lives matter and the weird thing he did with the gay marriage and the flight it got even worse oh i'm so excited i'm so excited so much worse quote while the catholic church stands unequivocally behind the phrase Black Lives Matter and strongly affirms that all lives matter. Oh, my God. Zero words. And just to be clear, the construction of this sentence, he's setting up a but.

Right. He started with we stand behind. While we. Yeah. And then he said all lives matter. And there's a but coming. Here it comes. Continuing. all lives matter and there's a but coming here it comes continuing but real quote the blm movement

co-opted the phrase and promotes a platform that directly contradicts catholic social teaching on the importance and role of the nuclear family and seeks to disrupt the family structure the flying of these flags in front of the cath school sends a mixed, confusing and scandalous message to the public about the church's stance on these important issues. End exact quote. Sorry, is his claim that the Black Lives Matter movement stole the phrase Black Lives Matter, Black Lives from the catholic church's platform because at a certain point bizarro superman is gonna fly down and be like okay this a little much man or maybe he was saying they they co-opted all lives matter and we're like ours though to be i it makes no sense either way so following his big removal of a word from a

middle school bishop bobby spoke with the catholic free press to explain himself and i'm pretty sure he tried to claim that the ideas of pride and of black lives mattering are too Machiavellian in his head. He said, quote, while we all share in wanting our students in particular, our black and brown inner city students to feel safe and welcome. We must abide by the moral axiom that the ends do not justify the means. End quote. Wow. Whoa. means end quote wow whoa so we want minorities to feel welcome but not if it means devoting whole fabric rectangles to it she's a way to prioritize self-proclaimed moral arbiters it's more important to do it the right way than to get the good results. I speak for God.

There's one other important detail here. The school is independently funded and does not get any money from the diocese. But I'm pretty sure that Bishop Bobby didn't know that right away. I feel like the whole thing started with a phone call from that bishop and he's like, hey, take down those flags or we're gonna pull your funding and school president mckinney he said you don't give us funding at which point bishop bob made a fake static noise and hung up and then

quickly typed up a decree about withholding an adjective and possibly a magical cracker brand is that what they were saying? Like you can't have the sacraments? So unlike almost every story about the Catholic Church, this one landed on some good news. When the school got the final decree telling them to take down the flags, President McKinney responded, approximate

quote, um, make me? And I think that's Catholic for go fuck yourself. Which further demonstrates how the word is public domain there you go and the school is still flying the flags so go fuck yourself all right well shit i have an unprecedented opportunity to chop things off and have an all good news segment if we do it now so i'm going to take this opportunity to pause for a word from our first sponsor this week my sheets rock hi i. Hi, I'm Eli Bosnick.

You know, these last two weeks as I was on my vacation, my co-host did a lot of tossing and turning. What is Eli doing right now? Does he miss me as much as I miss him? He sure is the heart and soul of our podcast, and that would have led to a lot of sleepless nights. That is, if it weren't for the regulator sheets from MySheetsRock. The regulator sheets are designed specifically to keep hot sleepers cool and cold sleepers comfortable.

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SCATHING. MySheetsRock. Almost as much as everyone missed Eli. You gonna let Don out of your trunk now? Oh, Don's in the trunk. I thought it was one of my cats. No! No, it's Don and a raccoon. Oh. Well, then I'm

un-blackmailed then. Do you think he and the raccoon are friends now? I hope so, because they did not start out that way, let me tell ya. A man wrote the Bible? A horse? What's smart? If it's a legitimate race. You're a slut, right? Cooking can be fun. Hey, I'm proud of a man.

This Week in Massage. When it comes to second-generation fundamentalist evangelical shit biscuits, Jerry Falwell Jr.'s job is to protect everyone else from being the shittiest of one. And that's a damn good thing for Franklin Graham. This is the man who started his existence and billy graham's balls and somehow just got worse from there and we already knew he was shitty based on the 12 separate entries under the controversy section of his wikipedia page i shit you not it's like the bulk of his entry and they have titles like support of the iraq war

support for conversion therapy and and praise of Vladimir Putin. But he managed to get even worse this week when a story broke in the Washington Post all about him gaslighting a victim of domestic abuse and sending her back to her husband. Why? Because leaving him would threaten his cash cow. So the victim in question is Nami Panahi. Sorry if I'm fucking up that pronunciation. Her husband was a Christian pastor who was imprisoned in Iran and between

2013 and 2015 Graham used his online platform to advocate for his release and to fundraise off of her misfortune by holding her and her husband out as exemplars of the rampant persecution of Christians around the world. But eventually he was freed. At which

point Graham learned that she was being abused and didn't want anything to do with the guy. But eventually he was freed, at which point Graham learned that she was being abused and didn't want anything to do with the guy. But since that fucked up his narrative, he tried to persuade her to stay with him. In fact, upon learning of the abuse, apparently his first response was to call Panahi and accuse her of cheating on him. I mean, why else would he continue to be the physically and emotionally abusive husband she said he'd been pretty much their whole marriage? Now, keep in mind that Graham could have used his enormous platform to highlight the dangers of domestic abuse. He could have offered her the same level of support she offered her husband. But instead, he urged her to stop talking about the abuse publicly and return to her abuser.

In fact, in an email in the WAPO article, he says, quote, I'm not saying that your husband is not guilty of abuse. I'm sure he is guilty of much worse. The problem is you exposed him publicly to the whole world and embarrassed him, end quote. Yeah, that's the real problem with spousal abuse, how embarrassing it is to the abuser. Of course, the guys all buttered you up with good news and made me the first to do a headline about depressing shit.

So let me close with something a bit more uplifting. On Tuesday of this week, the senior Buddhist authority in Bhutan began ordaining a group of 144 women as female monks, ending a practice of gender discrimination so pervasive in the tradition that nobody even knows how old it is. so pervasive in the tradition that nobody even knows how old it is. Everybody agrees that there were female monks in the time of the Buddha, but over time, the Tibetan wing of the faith kind of pushed them all out and placed a glass ceiling between them and the highest echelons of religious leadership. And apparently, this was complicated a bit, because becoming a female monk in Tibetan Buddhism is kind of like becoming a vampire. Only another female monk can turn you into one.

So they had to like do extra magic, fly female monks in from other branches of the faith, all kinds of silly shit. But the end result is a step towards gender equality in a part of the world where royal women are still relegated to menstrual huts once a month. And that's definitely worth celebrating. So on that upbeat note, I'll take my leave and hand you back over to Noah, Heath, and Eli. Thank you, Lucinda. And in Cruisin' for Chicks news, when it comes to Christian theocrats, it's important to remember that not all of them

are stupid. No, some of them are evil pretending to be stupid so that stupid people will vote for them, which admittedly is kind of a short term strategy and means you'll be remembered as a villain through history. So I guess it's also kind of stupid. Now I'm starting to doubt myself. Anyways, I'll leave that up to the philosophers. Either way, Ted Cruz is definitely some combination of those things, as he took to his podcast this week to complain about lesbian toys. Which I mean, toys which are lesbian, not toys for lesbians.

Oh, okay. All right. Yeah. The sexual orientation of the toy itself? Yeah, that's what he took issue with this week. Okay. So the senator was whining about the Pixar movie Lightyear, which has already been banned in 14 countries, including China, for featuring a gay kiss between one of the space rangers and her wife. Okay. The other conservative freakout about this movie is my favorite, though. So Ted Cruz, yeah, he sucks.

But people are complaining that Tim Allen wasn't in the cast of Lightyear because he got canceled by Hollywood for being a Republican. But Tim Allen was playing the toy of Buzz Lightyear in those other movies. And the new movie is about the actual character of Buzz Lightyear that the toy was based on. And people are so confused by this. But yeah, Ted cruz he's just being you know an evil bigot without the stupid he's smart enough to know exactly what he's doing

exactly so yeah after complaining that liberals are too willing to bend to china's will when it comes to economic policy he added this quote but when it comes to their culture agenda apparently now suddenly they've discovered all right give up the money because lesbian toys are more important. End quote. Adding the last time I checked, most toys are kind of androgynous. They're usually without genitalia. End real quote. Usually Senator Ted Cruz.

I'm sorry. Senator Ted Cruz. I'm sorry, was he cursed by some rogue birthday wish to have to negate every point he makes with the follow-up points? Also, just want to be clear, a United States senator recently checked the crotch areas

of his entire toy collection, according to himself. And only usually found them without genitalia i was gonna say and found at least one penis or something yeah so that's the kind of stuff making it into ted cruz's brain these days uh either way we here at the scathing atheist know a great marketing opportunity when we see it so let's put 30 seconds on the clockames for a new queer line of toys. Go. I'll go first. Transformers. Oh, there you go. Okay, we can do that.

The Bicycle. Running with Scissors. I feel like that's a fun game. That's confusing. Love, Simon. How about Polly Pocket? Mighty Morphin Power Bottoms. Well done. Stretch Forearm Strong.

Okay. I'm fisting. Rubik's LGBTQ. Okay. Well, we're talking about Ted Cruz. I think he'd vote for a Magic 8-Ball that says, don't ask, don't tell, no matter what happens. Well done.

And in Drain the Main vein, but main like the state news tonight the supreme court ruled on tuesday that contrary to the first amendment it was perfectly legal for state governments to directly fund religious indoctrination with taxpayer money and what's more it's illegal for them not to yeah so as andrew so confidently predicted when we talked about this back on episode 461 in december the court voted 6-3 to strike down the religious exclusion Maine's law that allowed taxpayer money to be directed to private schools in rural areas. The law basically said, sure, look, we'll pay for the private schools in areas that are too sparsely populated to support public schools, provided they teach the kids real things in accordance with the state's educational requirements but this fucking church state bizarro court ruled that that was religious discrimination because of you know the real things provision being in there so the argument from john roberts and the other five conservatives is that Maine's tuition program isn't neutral about religion because that program won't pay for a school that promotes a religion.

Now, obviously, that should be the rule for like every single government program because of, you know, the First Amendment. But regardless, if Maine just made the language say, no schools that teach a book with hate crimes, it would accomplish the exact same thing. Point being, you can switch out the phrase teach religion for teach a book with hate crimes. Those are interchangeable here. Someone needs to say that out loud during oral arguments next time and have like a chart like a venn diagram and have them hovering next to each other right yeah honestly i don't know how anyone arguing in front of the supreme court says anything except remember when you cried and yelled about hillary clinton like yep that's what i would be stuck on yeah so despite the aggressive redefinition of discrimination that undergirds the majority's argument, Stephen Breyer summarized the problem pretty well in his dissent by pointing out that, quote, there is no meaningful difference between a state's payment of the salary of a blistering addendum, Sonia Sotomayor offered an additional dissent that read in part, quote, I goddamn told you so, Stephen Breyer, you motherfucking Trinity Lutheran turncoat, jackass, coward, idiot, end quote. Yeah, don't act like we don't remember.

You did that. You did that. Right. Now you're dissenting. Great. Yeah. Well, actually, let me add a real quote from her because her whole dissent is fucking gold. Talking about this case in relation to Trinity, Lutheran and Espinoza, she writes, quote, What a difference five years make.

In 2017, I feared the court was leading us to a place where separation of church and state would be a constitutional slogan, not a constitutional commitment. Today, the court leads us to a place where separation of church and state becomes a constitutional violation, end quote. Not adding. Remember when one of my colleagues cried and yelled about Hillary Clinton? Remember that? Maybe that guy shouldn't get the same number of votes as me. What do we think, huh? God. Yeah, God, he's like he's the electoral college of the Supreme Court. And look, as atheists, it's easy to look at this through the lens of just the ongoing attack on separation of church and state. But it's worth emphasizing that this shit is happening at the same time that Republicans are attacking schools for not being racist enough. And conservative pundits are calling public school teachers groomers without apology.

This decision is part of a multi-pronged attack by the religious right on the very concept of publicly funded education right they're running a pincher movement against the population knowing things just i thought i'd emphasize that in case you were insufficiently terrified by the future and finally tonight in just the q-tip news the anti-vaxxer list of excuses got even dumber this week with a religious objection to cotton swabs yep this actually happened so after the argument that covid vaccines contain the metaphysical essence of a ground-up dutch fetus from 1978 i thought we'd hit rock bottom of human thought but apparently not a group of 35 christian cops from the san diego california police department who already got religious exemptions to the vaccine mandate are now demanding that they're exempt from even being tested for covid because cotton

swabs are a violation of their sincerely held christian belief that god made us perfect without any extra stuff going in our nose or whatever okay guys if you believe in bodily autonomy i have some terrible news for you about being a cop this is really what no so they believe in bodily autonomy i have some terrible news for you about being a cop this is really what no so they they believe in bodily autonomy for them eli like their autonomy over their and other people's bodies right and to be fair like that's pretty consistent with christian beliefs going back to the dark fucking ages so yeah bodily autocracy. Absolutely. So the city of San Diego decided to let I like book be an exemption to the vaccine for public safety workers who walk around all over the place. Already homicidally stupid. But the rule says that those people have to get regular testing and testing is a science thing, also known as persecution of Christian people. So they're demanding the religious liberty to secretly have a highly contagious disease while they interact with the public all over the city.

are claiming that their Christian belief system tells them that they can't use the swabs because they contain ethylene oxide, which is potentially carcinogenic, depending on the amount. But I'm pretty sure the danger range doesn't include zero, which is how much ethylene oxide is actually present in a swab. That chemical is used in gaseous form to sterilize swabs oh jesus christ you know how you don't get liver cancer from a scalpel that was disinfected with alcohol when you get surgery it's like that or drunk yeah yeah look also you can't simultaneously voluntarily breathe the air in southern california and pretend it's against your religion to take in carcinogens. Okay. That's fair. Yep.

Yeah. So based on that review of the forms, it became pretty clear that these cops were all working off the same anti-vaxxer group cheat sheet that was provided to them. Multiple forms had the following exact words, quote, because of my deeply held Christian beliefs, I trust in God's perfect design of my body and that my body is the temple of the holy spirit the covet 19 vaccine and the nasal swab test with ethylene oxide no it doesn't are an unneeded introduction of drugs slash chemicals into my body end quote well i mean they've got us there q-tips are made from chemicals

sure entirely so you guys would be willing to undergo drug tests for other illicit chemicals including alcohol right oh where are you all going you're all guys guys so you might be thinking at this point okay i've read the bible i don't remember the section where God complained about ethylene oxide. There isn't one. But that didn't stop a bunch of these cops from trying to pretend there was a section about that. Several cops, again, from that same cheat sheet, cited the same passage from 1 Corinthians when God says something about, you know, your body should be treated like a temple. But that passage is about

sexual immorality so uh apparently these cops were very confused about how to use that swab some anti-vaxxer group made up a new lie and a bunch of cops were happy to use it so that they can have covid secretly while they walk around town. Yeah. Yeah. And again, if you have an issue with sexual immorality, I've got some bad news about being a cop. It's just. All right. Well, I guess now that we're all a little more convinced that we could successfully use sovereign citizen arguments to get out of a ticket in San Diego, I guess we can close the headlines for the night. Heath, Eli, thanks as always.

Maritime law. And when we come back the headlines for the night. Heath, Eli, thanks as always. Maritime law. And when we come back, Anna will spoil you motherfuckers rotten. Hey, Heath, your box delivery food is here. Yeah, thanks. I guess. What's the matter? I thought you loved those meal delivery services. Yeah, no, I do.

It's just, they get kind of samey after a while. Well, why don't you try HelloFresh? Carl the Pug of Pegacorn? What are you doing here? Shows weren't weird enough while EY was gone. With HelloFresh, you get farm-fresh, pre-portioned ingredients, and seasonal recipes delivered right to your doorstep. Skip trips to the grocery store and count on HelloFresh to make home cooking easy, fun, and affordable.

That's why it's America's number one meal kit. And if you're worried about variety, HelloFresh now has 30 dinner recipes to choose from every single week. That's the most choices of any meal kit. Wow, that's lots of choices. But that's not all. Customize your favorite dishes with new Hello Custom offerings by swapping out one protein or side for another, upgrading for a more luxe experience,

or even adding protein to a veggie meal. That means more choices, more variety, and more meals truly tailored to you. Sounds amazing. It is.

HelloFresh sent us a box to try and it was so delicious that I, Eli, became a paying customer It is. HelloFresh sent us a box to try and it was so delicious that I, Eli, became a paying customer. Go to HelloFresh.com slash Scathing16 and use code Scathing16 for up to 16 free meals

and three free gifts. HelloFresh.com slash Scathing16 and use code Scathing16 for up to 16 free meals and three free gifts. All right. Thanks, everybody.

This is somebody's first episode. Welcome to the jungle, baby. Okay. You know, it was 222 episodes ago when we first started to work our way through the Bible with a monthly segment where we act out key scenes complete with funny voices. And I'll admit that it seemed at the time the task was just too big to ever get through. But I'm pleased to say that after a brief four years and three months of pecking away at it, we're finally more than halfway through the Old Testament.

Because we're cheating and on that depressing factoid we'll begin this month's installment of bible peace but then he makes a post like duetting her video and explains that they weren't even dating at the time she's describing in her original video okay i don't want to say I'm not surprised you spent your entire vacation getting caught up on TikTok drama, but I'm deeply unsurprised you spent your entire vacation getting caught up on TikTok drama. Okay, but did you see her Insta post about the video? No, she has an Insta post about it? Oh, big time. Yeah.

Damn it, Don. You too. Really? What? I'm not allowed to go on vacation either? Hey, guys. Are you guys ready for Bible Peace Theater? Oh, the part of the show where we act out the Bible so our listeners don't have to read it?

Yeah. Please. Anything but the TikTok drama that apparently- Oh, you guys are talking about the breakup video? Oh, yeah. So true. What in the universe? All right.

Where were we? Chronicles. Nice. So what we? Chronicles. Nice. So what happens in Chronicles? Well, basically, it's the exact stories as we've done before, but with less detail. Okay. Come on, guys. I know the Bible can be a little repetitive, but that's the whole point of this segment.

We have, you know, we'll liven it up with songs and skits and wacky characters. But no, we get it. But Eli, it's literally the same stories again with just the names, basically. Like, literally, yeah. Come on, let me see that. Oh, wow.

It literally just starts with a list of names. Yeah, that's what we said, yeah. Like, two weeks of vacation. Just peek ahead at the Bible. It's fine. It's fine. You know what? We can do this. People always say, oh, I could hear you guys read the phone book, right? So now's our chance. Adam, Sheth, Enoch. Wait, seriously? You're going to read the English? That was a swoosh. We're in a sketch now. We're in a sketch now. Kenan, Mehalil, Jared. Enoch, Methuselah, Lamech. Guys, guys, people are just going to fast forward.

Yeah, probably did that when we introduced Bible Beast Theater anyway. A lot of people. How dare you? Give me your nipples. Guys, guys, it's fine. It's a big list of names and an extended last time on montage. We'll just, we'll skip both of the Chronicles and move on to Ezra. Fine, fine.

Thank you. Did you just say, give me your nipples? Yeah, he did. Those are his fighting words. It's true. It's true. Weird.

You're weird. Right. So at the end of Chronicles and the other parts of the Bible, the king of Babylon comes and kidnaps all the people of Israel and more importantly, destroys the temple of David

and steals all his treasure. And that's where things remain until King Cyrus of Persia gets a visit from God. People of Israel, hear me. Yes, King Cyrus? I've heard from your God who has given me dominion over all the earth

and he has told me that... Excuse me, sorry, sorry. Yes, I'm kind of doing a thing here what no no no no i know you are i just wanted to point out that even at this time the king cyrus would be aware that he wasn't king of everywhere on earth i mean there's historical records okay it's a metaphor it's a metaphor anyway god told me that he'd like to build a great temple in Jerusalem, and any of you that wish to go back to Jerusalem to build that temple may go freely. Okay, but what if we don't want to go?

Then give all your money and goods to the people going, and you can stay here. Well, that's not much of a choice. All our gold and silver? Hey, do you guys want a temple or not? I guess so. It just seems like if God wanted us to have a temple, he wouldn't have let you guys

destroy it in the first place, you know? Yeah, actually. Okay, yeah. Solid point. But trust me, he's got a really good Kickstarter video, and he's going to make it happen this time. Totally. Seriously? A Kickstarter video?

Yes. Those can be very convincing. You're just saying that because you bought the Fitbit that counts your calories. Wait, there's a Fitbit that counts your calories for you? No, there's not. No, there is not. So a bunch of Jews return to Israel with their gold and silver and animals and get ready to form the temple. Okay, everyone.

Before we get digging, is anyone here a priest who can do all the blessings and stuff? Anybody? You've got to be fucking kidding me. Nobody here is a priest. Babylonians fucked up our genealogies when they kidnapped us. Right, okay, it's fine, it's fine. You know what, we'll use the Urim and Thummim. What are those?

They're magic rocks. They'll tell us who is and isn't a priest. I thought that was a Mormon thing. They stole it from us. Okay, so how does it work? Okay. So either you reach in a box and grab one of two rocks, or you can read the light coming off of the gem in a chest plate to determine messages from God.

Those two things seem wildly different. Yep. Yep, they sure are. But we're going to do the rock one. Do we get to look? No, of course you don't get to look. All right, everybody. Now that, would you look at that?

Statistically, about 50% of us turned out to be priests. Weird. So I guess now we can build that temple. Hooray! What the fuck was that? The Bible says everyone sang, shouted, cried, wept, and praised the Lord. Well, that just seems like a kind of a weird mix of reactions, doesn't it? Take me home!

Thank you, Alan. I'm just confused why you get to be the putty guy and I have to be the brick guy. Okay, if it's that problematic, after lunch we'll switch. Oh, the least sweaty part of the day is when we'll switch. No, don't hurt yourself bending over backwards for me or anything. Oh, I'm sorry. Hey, Juice, what are you guys up to? Oh, we're rebuilding

the Great Temple. Well, I am. He's mostly spreading potty. Oh, okay. Not in front of the guys, okay? That sounds swell. Can we help? Eh... No. Nah, nah. swell. Can we help? No. No, no. We're good. We're good.

All right. Well, that leaves me no choice but to call on the non-Jew's greatest weapon. A fully erect spine. The ability to tan? No. The H-O-A. All right. Thank you, Grant. Okay, next up, the Jews have a petition for the HOA board led by King Artaxerxes.

Jews, go ahead. Yeah, we got a summons to this board about an unlicensed structure. Right, yeah, that's your new temple, yeah? to this board about an unlicensed structure? Right. Yeah, that's your new temple. Yeah? Yes. We were building it for God. For God, totally.

Yeah, the problem is you actually need approval to build anything over three feet on the property or anything that's within 12 feet of your property line's sight line. What does that even mean? It's pretty much anything. Anywhere on your property. You can't do it. Okay, so how do we do that? Well, you write a letter of intent to the board

and then we'll vote on it at the next meeting. Okay, but since we're all here right now, can we just ask you now? And then you can say yes or no now. No. No. Sorry. You gotta do the letter. Okay. Well, what will

you do if we don't follow your rules, huh? Well, we would, at that point, write you another letter. So. To what endgame? Like, if we ignore you forever, what happens? I mean, nothing, I guess. We're not like the government we're just a

board created by the neighborhood tells you what to do i'm sorry i just need to clarify the hoa yeah it is just guys just guys yes that's that's it who sent us a summons yes yes yeah we did uh not a legally protected term yes summons if we want. Oh, this is the worst thing that will ever happen to the Jews. I was just thinking that. Oh, God. Okay, so then what happened? Well, the Jews keep building the temple anyway,

so King Darius writes them a letter checking to see that they have the proper paperwork. Sorry, there's a section of the Bible about checking building permits and stuff? Yeah, it's two whole chapters. I am astonished by the new lows of boredom this book manages to get me to. Right? So the Jews head back to Jerusalem, which is where we meet Ezra, the priest and scribe. Jews, hear me.

It is I, Ezra. I bring a letter from King Atazerxes, who bids us rebuild our temple. We already did that. Oh, you did? Okay. Did you do the gold and silver thing? Yes, we did that too. Did you find the priests?

Aren't you a prophet? Okay, no. I'm literally just a priest and a scribe. I read and write letters. Oh. That's lame. You're lame. Ezra.

Yes, Prince of Jerusalem. The priests and people of Israel have taken foreign wives for themselves and god is very offended by that oh no yeah dude dude what are you doing what's happening right now oh i'm plucking out all my hair and my beard um i mean, I see that. Okay. Wow. Okay. I feel like this is going to take a while. So, yeah, we're going to go.

All right. I'll see you later, man. This book is weird. All right, everybody. I talked to God, and he doesn't like the marrying of the non-Jews. So, everyone has to divorce their non-Jewish wife. Oh, come on. I know.

I know. We're all going to miss being able to do mouth stuff. But it's the word of God. And if you don't give up your non-Jewish wife, you got to give up all your stuff to the temple. Okay. Okay. So it's mouth stuff for all our worldly goods? Exactly.

What, seriously? You guys are taking... I'm thinking. Yeah, man, don't rush it. This is a tough one. And that's it. That's Ezra. Wow.

Not much to that one. Yep. Hard to kind of take a lesson away from that book, I think. Well, hit it, Anna. Yet another book devoted to making it hard for a biblical poet because they built this temple and then corruption tore it down. Can they build it up again? Build it up again? Build it up again Build it up again

Build it up again They stripped it and shipped it to Babylon rulers Where bankers and smithies and merchants and jewelers Bought it all so the kingdom could get Soldiers to take even more of their shit Their temple was gone and few were desirous to rebuild So they went to King Cyrus He sat through the spiel and to their amazement

Provoked he revoked their terms of enslavement. Build it up. What? Build it up. Build it up. Not yet. With a word from their sovereign, the exiles finished their wealth, their health, their passion diminished. They went back to Judah with singers and priests, anointed the temple with bloodthirsty theists, gathered up mortar, lumber, bricks. Rah-rah, Judah's surrounded by dicks. Rehum looked on the temple with bloodthirsty theists gathered up mortar, lumber, bricks. Oh, Judah's surrounded by dicks. Rehum looked on the Jews with disdain, so he started a vicious letter campaign. Spreads rumors

and lies and shows them no mercy. Blows down so many Jews you'd think he'd govern New Jersey. And just when their situation seemed most precarious, they got a reprieve from King Darius. So the temple was finished with minimal skirmishes built in its glory.

It was all right, and if this weren't a bottle, then that'd be the end of the story. Ezra'd be totally chill to reclaim the most holy of places. But you can't be a biblical hero if you're not a complete and total racist. He heard that some had taken four in her wives. He laments, repents, and then throws their lives. Since God's a bigot, they do what you make. They send

their wives and children away in the rain. But let's not be too hasty, my friend, because before the plot can get tasty again, the temple's been flattened and rebuilt before. Let's see if we can't do it three or four times more. Build it up. And tear it down again.

Build it up. Build it up. Yeah. Before we pull down the security gate tonight, I wanted to make sure that you knew that Eli Heath and I were going to be at the QED conference in Manchester, England on October 29th and 30th. We're going to be doing a live gam record. We're going to be hanging out all weekend. We might be on a panel or something.

Anyway, it's going to be a great time. It always is. Tickets are on sale now. Look for a link in the show notes for this episode anyway that's all the last movie we've got for you tonight we'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more if you can't wait that long be able to look out for a brand new episode of our sister shows hot friend god awful movies debuting at 7 a.m eastern on tuesday and an even newer episode of our half sister show citation needed debuting at noon eastern on wednesday obviously i can't rest the pipes before i thank

keith enright for running up that road eli bosnick for running up that hill and lucid illusions for running up that building hers sounds way more impressive than yours, guys. Sorry. I'd like to thank Kate Bush for admitting even back then that she could not, in fact, make a deal with God. I want to thank Don Ford for being a kind and thoughtful person. I also need to thank Anna Bosnick for being all the stuff I said about Don and extremely talented. Sorry, Don. Nobody ever accused me of being kind and thoughtful. I also want to thank Mark and Jim from the Fallacious Trump Podcast for providing this week's Farnsworth quote. Be sure to check the show notes to hear more from them. And they actually said that a little while ago,

so expect to find more than 100 episodes when you get there. But most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's most mellifluous mammals, Doom Caleb, Mark, Fortuna, Angie, Nova Kane, Maurice, Tom, and Alex, the Space Ace, whose name I got wrong last week. Apologies. Doom Caleb and Mark, whose IQs are so high that their thoughts get vertigo. Fortuna, Angie, and Novocaine, who are so bright people flash their high beams at them when they think too hard. And Maurice, Tom, and Alex, who are so hot the Parker Solar Probe needed a shield on the other side, too. Together, these nine notably knowledgeable nonbelievers nudge some numismatic niceties near our nest eggs this week by giving us money. Not everybody has the money it takes to give some to us, but if you do, you can make a per episode donation to patrion.com slash scathing

atheists, whereby you'll earn early access to an extended ad free version of every episode, or you make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage at scathing, a ds.com legal services for this podcast are provided by the law offices of P Andrew Torres. Tim Robertson handles our social media and our audio engineers,

Morgan Clark, who also wrote all the music that was used in this episode, which was used with permission. If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at scathing a ds.com.

That's the good news. Yeah, it turns out you're allowed to put only before any number. Yeah, it's true. it's not legally protected so i i too have been watching the january 6th the preceding podcast was a production of puzzle in a thunderstorm llc copyright 2022 all rights reserved