The Scathing Atheist - 495: Madge Tadge Gadge Edition

Episode Date: August 11, 2022

On the week's episode: Marjorie Taylor Greene brings hard solipsism to political philosophy ... The Christian furries continue their struggle against the Lucifurries ... And we spend a night in the Creation Museum without getting to rub shit on any of the displays. --- To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click there: https://www.amazon.com/Outbreak-Crisis-Religion-Ruined-Pandemic/dp/B08L2HSVS8/ To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/ To hear more from our intrepid audio engineer Morgan Clarke, click here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/ --- Headlines: ID Theft, Fraud, Prison - The Wild Life of a Bishop Robbed at the Pulpit: https://www.nytimes.com/2022/08/04/nyregion/lamor-whitehead-bishop-robbed.html MTG falsely claims ‘Most Americans’ are Christian nationalists: https://onlysky.media/hemant-mehta/gop-lawmaker-falsely-claims-most-americans-are-christian-nationalists/ A Texas church illegally performed ‘Hamilton’ to spread anti-gay bigotry: https://onlysky.media/hemant-mehta/a-texas-church-illegal-performed-hamilton-to-spread-anti-gay-bigotry/ Evangelical Christian furries are worried they’ll be targeted for their faith: https://onlysky.media/hemant-mehta/evangelical-christian-furries-are-worried-theyll-be-targeted-for-their-faith/ https://religionnews.com/2022/08/02/mixing-faith-with-furries-things-can-get-hairy/ Matt Powell says the government should execute certain drag queens: https://onlysky.media/hemant-mehta/matt-powell-the-government-should-execute-certain-drag-queens/

Changing a light bulb should be simple. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Uh-oh, that's not supposed to happen. Quickly submitting and tracking a claim on the Bel Air Direct app actually is simple. Bel Air Direct. Insurance simplified. Warning, if you're easily offended by bad words, fuck off and stop listening now. Or don't. Either way.

This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by Stamps.com, Allbirds, HelloFresh, and by the communication device for information warriors who don't want their entire digital history of lying recorded on their phone. The alternative fax machine. You could save $45 million or more by switching now. And now, The Scathing A now the skating atheist hello i'm the world dash abyssal and while i was created at the silence at the end of the first song before time

caught its breath and the wind started to blow again i can assure you that you did in fact evolve from filthy monkey men Healthy Monkey Men. It's Thursday. It's August 11th. And it's Ingersoll Day. Big ups to our favorite agnostic. I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Ethan Wright. And from New York-adjacent New Jersey and Ann Arbor, Michigan, this is The Scathing Atheist.

On this week's episode, Marjorie Taylor Greene brings hard solipsism to political philosophy. The Christian furries continue their struggle against the Luciferies. And we'll spend a night at the Creation Museum without getting to rub shit on any of the displays. But first, the Eliatribe. one of the benefits of my job is that listeners do me the truly excellent service of curating the internet stupid and presenting it to me on a pretty regular basis. And as I was considering what to write about this week, a piece of dumb came across my desk so brilliantly idiotic that I just had to talk to you about it. See, it was a post on Christian Reddit in which the poster claimed that the word fundy is an anti-Christian slur and that they, quote, would no longer engage with anyone who used the slur, just like if they had called a black person the N-word, end quote.

And as I lay there on my office floor, crippled by the sheer dumb fuckery of what I had just heard, I knew what I wanted to talk to you about today. See, here's the thing about slurs. When you say that something is a slur, the word that comes to someone's mind is the N-word. I mean, yes, it's not the only slur, but it's the slur of such historical significance and contention that it's what you think of when someone says the word. intention that it's what you think of when someone says the word. When a black person hears that word, the unimaginable weight and history of racism falls directly on their ears in a way that white people literally can't conceptualize. And that is the problem. You see, because white people literally can't relate to a word representing hundreds of years of their slavery,

or a police state designed to murder them, or racism against them that pervades society even today, when we hear a word as a slur, we think a slur means a word that hurts my feelings. More importantly, slurs represent something very different to white people in that it is almost exclusively a form of social power we don't have. We've all heard the various Uncle Franks in our lives wondering aloud why they can't say the N-word, but these rappers can. And that's asinine, but it's also indicative of one of whiteness's most dangerous aspects, that there's literally no form of power, no matter how minuscule, we'll tolerate not having. And when you combine this misunderstanding of what a slur is with a desire for the perceived

power they bring you, you get white Christians making up slurs like Fundy. Now, maybe all this is old news to you, right? Christians have been finding shit to be offended and oppressed by since they were not being fed to lions in the Colosseum. But I know my audience, and you're empathetic people. Many of you, like me, had a lot of growing up to do over the years. And when someone tells you something's a slur, you're inclined to listen. Maybe you, like me, have been wrong about that kind of thing before. And after all, what could the harm be of being aware of someone else's feelings? Isn't it better to err on the side of caution than dismiss someone's hurt? Maybe. But maybe we shouldn't let Christians and anyone else who

steps up to the plate with a made-up slur diminish the meaning and power of those words. Maybe a slur isn't something a person should be able to claim as a Hail Mary in an internet fight. Maybe a slur is a powerful earmark of history and pain that you and I should count our lucky stars we can't relate to, rather than coming up with our own real quick to gain background in the pain Olympics that, I gotta admit, only white people seem to sign up for. Christians like that poster on Reddit had to grapple with what it means when the things that hurt your feelings are just that, they might understand what I think is one of the hardest bits of social justice to get your head around. That social justice is not about personal discomfort or pain. That personal misfortune, no matter how bad, is not and cannot be the same as systematic inequality and should not be treated as such just because you'd like to be taken seriously. Look, there are times and places throughout history when it has been hard and even deadly

to be a Christian. Nobody's denying that. There have been Christian slaves and Christian genocides, and the pain of those people is real and deserves empathy. But social justice, despite the fever nightmares of Ted Cruz, is not about the redistribution of power, and thus is not a breadline for white people to take their place in whenever they feel entitled to it. And this knowledge, this exclusion, it's uncomfortable. It feels bad. It stirs cognitive dissonance. Believe me, someone will write to me about this diatribe to tell me that I couldn't possibly understand what it was like to be a white guy the time they got the

smallest ice cream cone at the water park. But it's a discomfort i think it's important white people learn to live with because if we do maybe we'd be a little more eager to solve the inequalities others face rather than focusing on how our own compare they're talking about your jesus joining me for headlines tonight is the smart, funny, and talented to my tall, Eli Bosnick. Eli, you ready to, I don't know, toss me another adjective if you got a second? Needy? All right, we're going to take a quick break for, this is not crying. Nobody's going to be crying.

We're just going to take a regular quick break. For our sponsor, Stamps.com. Hi, I'm Eli Bosnick. And I'm Heath Enright. You might be wondering just how we managed to convince our good buddy Noah Lusions to take a vacation this week. After all, you say, weren't his last three vacations him writing a book, having all his teeth removed, and having COVID? And to that we say up in a hot pocket, we took apart his computer and microphones and mailed each piece along the route of his vacation this week.

Wow, Heath, that must have cost us a pretty penny. Not at all, actually, because we used Stamps.com. What's Stamps.com? Great question. Stamps.com gives you access to all the post office and UPS shipping services you need right from your computer and get discounts you can't find anywhere else, like up to 30% off USPS rates and 86% off UPS. So distributing the pieces of Noah's workstation were easier than ever. All you need is your regular computer and printer. No special supplies or equipment.

Plus, Stamps.com seamlessly works with Shopify, Amazon, Etsy, eBay, and more. You're up and running in minutes, printing official postage for any letter, any package, anywhere you want to send it. You can even order shipping supplies through Stamps.com, including free priority mail envelopes and boxes. So don't mail and ship the hard way. Sign up with Stamps.com today.

Sign up with promo code SCATHING for a special offer that includes a four-week trial, plus free postage and a digital scale no long-term commitments or contracts just go to stamps.com click the microphone at the top of the page and enter the code scathing all right heath but isn't no one gonna be mad at us when he gets back he is he is that's why i'm going on vacation the week after smart can i come no beans and we're back in our lead story tonight we have a follow-up on a story from a couple weeks ago about bishop lamore whitehead who was robbed at gunpoint during a live stream of the service at his congregation on july 24th according to his account the thieves took about a million dollars worth of jewelry,

a million dollars, and he happened to just be wearing a million dollars worth of jewelry at that exact moment, which is very unfortunate. He also posted a video on Instagram later that day saying that he told everyone in his congregation to get down when he saw three armed men enter the room. But he forgot that when you're live streaming what happens to be a robbery, there's a video of the robbery. And he definitely didn't say get down to anyone. Sure didn't. Well, that very obvious lie that he got caught in, combined with reporters later digging up his very long history of criminal lying that he's been convicted for.

And, of course, the video of the robbery looking like Whitehead was somehow existing about 10 seconds into the future. All that stuff has led to speculation that Whitehead knew the robbers were coming. OK, to be fair, in the script they wrote together, he does say get down to everybody. He just forgot his lines and all the excitement. So, yeah, I can see what the mistake is. Like during this thing, it might as well been like line. Got it. Honestly, if someone had called for line, it would not have been the least realistic thing about this.

We'll get to the least realistic thing about this robbery in a second. We will. OK, but first, here's a little background on Whitehead that was recently uncovered by reporters after this incident. Starting in 2005, he ran a series of identity theft scams and stole about $2 million. That eventually led to a conviction and five years in prison. While he was in prison, he got successfully sued by the victim of a $200,000 loan scam that he pulled off during his time as a mortgage broker. He also had multiple judgments against him in lawsuits by car companies and home builders for unpaid debts and bad checks. And during the incarceration, he also just happened

to find God and Jesus. And God told him to start a prosperity gospel church. Which it turns out is basically a tax exempt meeting place for fraud victims. That includes one of his parishioners who was recovering from surgery and needed help getting a loan to buy a house. This was in 2020. Whitehead offered to

help and she sent him her entire life savings of $90,000. Yeah, well, she did not get a loan and she can't get the money back now according to her lawsuit which she has now filed he's just keeping that money and he's claiming it was a donation to his campaign for brooklyn borough president uh he got 1.4 percent of the vote in that 2021 election by the way side note he lives in paramus new jersey in a house worth about 1.6 million dollars okay people if an identity thief discovers your religious practice and thinks to himself oh fuck this is way easier it tells you something about the nature of your religious practice huh sure the fuck does so just to be

clear yes it's possible that he's not lying about the robbery on the live stream a lot of things are possible right that's possible but if you watch the video with your goddamn eyes it's a lot less possible the moment the robbers come through the door we watch this whitehead immediately says all right all right all right in response to nothing and he lays down on the ground in response to nothing yet like he might as well say you you guys you wanted me to lay down on the ground just like this right i feel like you were about to say that you were line your line was your line was to to tell me to do that and then okay yeah no i yeah, no, I got it. I'm on it. And then, according to Whitehead, they came up to him and took a bunch of jewelry, including his bishop's ring and his

bishop's chain. So I didn't know those existed. Apparently, you wear that stuff over your bishop costume. So everyone knows you're the bishop because they can see your bishop chain. I don't know. But he says they also took several other chains that he had underneath his robe. I guess he just wanted extra neck support that day, like a bunch of really heavy gold neck support. Just bad luck to get robbed right then. And they've covered this, right? Assuming, allegedly, that this is fake he's like oh here's my chain here's my ring and then they do like an etc back and forth wave their hands where he's like this is where the other things i will be claiming for stolen gold

yada yada yada it's ridiculous also other detail here. His assistant pastor guy, we see this. He's just sitting in a chair in the side of the frame about five or ten feet away from the armed robbery that's happening. And this guy is looking medium bored with the whole thing. He's just like, oh, here's the robbery. Well, you know what it is? He listens to this show and he knows that the stunt could have been hawking a loogie on his face or rubbing poop on his hands. So he's just grateful. He's grateful for the church he's in.

Okay. Just one other thing. When asked by a reporter if the jewelry was insured, Whitehead refused to answer. And he said, that's a legal question. Hippo violation. That's a crazy response. The possible answers are yes or no, right? Or maybe even I don't know would make some sense.

But objection, hearsay, Latin word, legal, that's absurd. Overruled. And it turns out the actual answer to was the jewelry insured is yes. According to Whitehead's lawyer, who got asked about it later, the stolen items were at least partially insured. Again, okay, none of this proves anything. Whitehead could be lying or it's possible that he is a prosperity gospel preacher with a history of fraud who was not running a scam this one time it's hard to say yeah you never know we're skeptics skeptics open question and in jewish question and in minority report news gop congresswoman marjorie taylor green didn't exactly

quote adolf hit Hitler last week. Not quite exactly. She didn't. She said something so incredibly similar it could be considered a paraphrase. That's correct. But she didn't exactly quote Hitler, and the Christian right is taking that as a win this week, as Midge Tidge Gidge once again proudly... Okay, that's fantastic.

Midge Tidge Gidge, yeah. I'm calling her Midge Tidge Gidge forever. So important. Yeah. proudly that's fantastic mitch titch kitch yeah i'm calling her mitch titch kitch forever so important yeah so she proudly proclaimed herself a christian nationalist and then this week added that most americans are too okay well depending on how you define that she's off by at least a little hopefully is she off by some something some amount? Yeah. That'd be great. Yeah, we hope so. So this statement comes in response to a popular meme that went around last week that replaced the Green Machine's words with Adolf Hitler's, right?

Adolf Hitler's quote, we tolerate no one in our ranks who attacks the ideas of Christianity. Our movement is Christian. That's weird. I thought Hitler was an atheist. I know, right? People always say Hitler's an atheist. Send that one to Uncle Frank. But again, Marjorie Taylorlor green didn't say that here's what she said and play a

little game spot the difference we need to be a party of nationalism and i'm a christian and i say it proudly we should be christian nationalists i also call myself a christian nationalist and that's not a bad word that's's actually a good thing, right? End quote. So as you can see, huge difference there. I literally think you read the exact same thing. In my head, that was exactly the same quote. Okay, I will say this, though.

I mean, you know, say what you will about Hitler. Okay. At least he didn't have to see the Holocaust Museum to know it was different than vaccination rules. That thing he did called the Holocaust was different, and he he knew that that is true he actually relaxed vaccination rules just for the record hitler did that yeah so it actually gets worse when she was asked about her statements on the stage of christian nationalist conference cpac madge doubled down on her statement saying quote when i said i'm a christian nationalist

i have nothing to be ashamed of because that's what most americans are we're proud of our faith end quote gross and yeah that's not what any of those words mean but it's also important to remember that she is deeply wrong about those numbers as well good okay that's good ham it over at the friendly atheist blog points out according to a recent Pew report, only about 10 percent of Americans identify as staunchly conservative and deeply loyal to Donald Trump. That number is still way too high. Sure is. The number of people that were willing to vote for Trump again was terrifyingly higher. But it's definitely not anything close to the word most.

Fair enough. It's not even most of Republicans. Yeah. Okay. No, I see what you're saying. But it is most of the Supreme Court. No. They might not be big Trump supporters at this point, every single one of them.

But they're definitely doing some Christian nationalism in their rulings, those six. So, yeah. Okay. MTG, definitely wrong. But I'm just saying, she's not wrong enough for me i needed her to be off by like a couple orders of magnitude here much more wrong yeah hey apropos of nothing heath well no isn't here do you remember how we defeated the nazis was it um was it voting was it the voting of dresden was it famous anyway i don't know we'll figure it out

some other time anyways i bring i feel like you and uh madge taj gaj needs to go to the holocaust museum because those are different but i get we're saying i would love to be alone in a museum with marjorie taylor green i can say that on the record anyway i bring up this story for a couple of reasons first of all as you could tell i have a lot of nicknames for marjorie taylor green had to get them out there had to clear the pipe. But it's also important to remember that people like her and those Supreme Court justices are creating a very public image of Christianity that the vast majority of Christians in this country not only disagree with, they abhor it.

And I got news for you, podcast listener. These people aren't finding groovy liberal churches to run to. They're finding us, the atheist movement. Hopefully some of them, yeah. Yeah. And to MTG, I say, thank you for the recruitment drive. We could use the numbers in the midterms. Yeah.

Also, do you like midgetagegidge or madgetagegadge better? I'm going to go with midgetagegidge because Madge makes me think of my pug. Oh, yeah. I was using Madge for that purpose. Okay. Well, everybody let us know what you like better. And in Shamilton news. God, this is so good.

This is amazing. A church in Texas directly stole the entire Hamilton musical and illegally staged their own production last week. And then they got caught. And then they got caught. And then they got caught lying about how they're sorry for getting caught. Yep. And now they're desperately trying to hide every piece of video evidence whilst friendly atheist Hemant Mehta is gleefully publicizing every piece of video evidence because that's how the Internet works.

They might as well just have had a big wet grocery bag full of child porn burst open in front of the cops. They're just stuffing the Hamilton down there. They're eating it like it's coming down the line like Lucy and Ethel. You got Hamilton in your mouth? No. We don't have Hamilton in your mouth.

So the culprit here is the Door McAllen Church in McAllen, Texas. And apparently they've been stealing shows for years without any consequences. And to make this particular theft even worse, they tried to shove a whole Christianity subplot into the Hamilton show. So their production, it was mostly a word for word theft of the original but they also added a part where alexander hamilton gets saved by jesus christ our lord and savior and of course they had a pastor come on stage at the end to tell everyone and this is almost exactly the quote god can help you with the sin of homosexuality. Stop being gay. Okay. They use King George as an example of a gay guy.

They turn him straight at the end of the movie. They literally hunted through the script of Hamilton for the gayest character in hopes of proving their point. Yep. point yep so based on the clips that haven't managed to gather they didn't even do a good job of stealing one of the most successful broadway musicals of all time no they did not and it looks like they actually had some relatively talented local actors and a pretty big budget so all they had to do was use the stolen material that's. But they insisted on adding their stupid fucking God part. So you're in the middle of a brilliant score by Lin-Manuel Miranda. And then the whole thing grinds to a screeching halt.

And you get what some pastor added, which is like, Also then, Jesus, I'm rapping pleases. Back to Lin-Manuel Miranda. Very often negating the point, right right the clip that's gone viral is him being like and if i do throw away my shot it won't matter because i'm saved in the light of jesus christ and you can see the other actors on stage being like what what why that's the opposite of what this plays it's fine also also sorry we should point out that unlike hamilton on broadway this cast had a lot more white people sure did and is prescribed and let me tell you a podcast listener

white hamilton hits exactly as wrong as you feel like it does so yeah at some point after their first performance of white hamilton there were some latino people but yes it was uh pretty well hamilton if you will yeah after their first performance of whamilton somebody noticed their well highly publicized stolen musical that they live streamed on youtube and reporter Howard Sherman wrote a story about it. That's when they went on their Eventbrite page and canceled the upcoming final performance because they got in trouble. But it turns out the church was also at that very moment circulating a message that said,

yeah, we're still doing it. Just don't tell fucking Howard Sherman. Well, someone told fucking howard sherman and send him a copy of the message that said don't tell howard sherman here's what it said exactly it said great news we're continuing with our showing tonight you'll see the eventbrite listing as canceled but we are able to proceed that's the end of the actual thing we're big fat liars is what they didn't say. Just a quick announcement before the show. We're invisible.

You can't see us, Howard Sherman. So it turns out they did end up going ahead with that second performance. And then the next day, their head pastor claimed it was all totally legit because they got permission from, quote, the Hamilton team. No, they didn't. the hamiltons spoke to us the hamiltonians we spoke with them get out of here well according to them a lawyer who a real lawyer definitely real the lawyer has a real name got in touch with them and said it's all good um yeah so again i think they're lying i think they're liars. Or, to be fair, or we live in a country where the owners of Hamilton would rather let their musical be stolen to help sell a bigotry lesson.

They'd rather do that than deal with the blowback of telling a church, don't steal our thing. Or both. It's probably both. They must be lying. Look, there's absolutely no chance in the depths of the deepest hells that the infamously unavailable Broadway musical Hamilton opened up their copyright for the first time to a homophobic church. Absolutely not. It's not what happened. That guy just walked out and he was like, I actually talked to Mr. Hamilton. Don't say lawyer. You shouldn't have said Hamilton either. That guy just walked out and he was like, I actually talked to Mr. Hamilton.

You shouldn't have said Hamilton. The lawyer. His name is Ham. Hamilton. Hamilton. Yes. Ham Hamilton. Nope.

Absolutely not. All right. We're going to take a quick break for a word from our sponsor, Allbirds. Hi, I'm Heath Henright. Here to tell you about our next sponsor this week, Allbirds. And I hate them. Sorry, Heath, did you say you hate our sponsor? Yes, yes I do.

They have a mean, like, fairy thing as their mascot, and he turned me into a donkey. Yeah, that's true, he did. But Allbirds creates shoes and clothing that are better for you and better for the planet using a revolutionary roster of premium natural materials like their popular tree runner sneaker. Yeah, well, their mascot trapped me in a glade and then made a fairy queen

fall in love with me while I was a donkey. I mean, like, okay, that part was pretty cool. The donkey part, though, that was not at all. Why is it called the tree runner you ask i did not ask that i asked if i could trap him in a circle of salt before because it's made from eucalyptus tree fiber a lightweight breathable and silky soft material making the tree runner the perfect everyday shoe for getting the most out of sunny days you don't hear what i said birds

sent me eli the host of this podcast a pair try, and they are my favorite new walking around shoe. They are light and breathable, plus they're way more stylish than what I usually wear. Then he trapped me in the past. Find your new favorite shoes for sunny days and upcoming travel at allbirds.com. That's A-L-L-B-I-R-D-S dot com. Find his secret name and send him to the shade under the tall tree forever. I mean, buy the Allbirds shoes. They are actually really nice.

They're nice shoes. Yeah, no, it's true. The shoes are nice. Super comfy. And we're back. Speaking of which, by the way, during that ad break, we did get permission to air Hamilton on this podcast. Spoke to Mr. Ham Hamilton himself. Turns out he's just he's just giving it away this week.

Give him a ring. We also own the Beatles. Yep. The Beatles. And in beaver damnation news, we have a story about evangelical Christian furries. Yeah. Kind of exciting. Just in case anyone's not familiar, the term furry means a person who's part of a subculture that's interested in anthropomorphic animals and often involves cosplay in costume as a furry animal, also known as a fursona. When you dress up, you're in your fursona. Sometimes, but not always, that includes furry-themed sexual activity, which is often called boinking.

Also worth noting for context, furry fandom happens to be a group that's very accepting of the LGBTQ community. Well, the Christian Furry Fellowship, or CFF, is a thing that exists. Yes, they are. They're a subgroup of furry fandom consisting of furries who also believe a genocidal ghost created the universe and that ghost hates gay people. And

the CFF would like everyone to know that they're being unfairly persecuted for their faith. I feel really bad for them. To be clear, think jesus wants people to dress up as foxes and fuck each other within the confines of straight marriage only that's that is that must run through their head yes correct so we learned about the plight of the christian furry in a recent article from the religion news service several cff leaders spoke about their

very important problem that we should take very seriously they have to hide their fursonas from their church people and they have to hide their bigot faith from their furry people at the same time all they're trying to do is infiltrate a very loving community and explain why a bunch of people in that community are going to burn in hell for all eternity. And it's really hard for them as Christians. According to one CFF organizer who has a red fox fursona, quote, my furry friendships are a blessing. blessing and for that reason i'm sad to see so much grief within the fandom that could be helped by the knowledge of the capitalized l lord end quote oh you got cum all over your brand new fursuit huh well brother if i may offer a solution i'd love to tell you about a man get the fuck out of here here's another another example of a Christian furry being persecuted.

It's so sad. He goes by the fursona Hund the Hound. Get the fuck out of here. And he started a YouTube channel to spread the gospel within the furry community. His first ever video was called Hund the Hound Meets Jesus Christ. was called Hund the Hound Meets Jesus Christ. And it shows Hund the Hound fainting at his computer and having a vision of the Son of God who tells him about living a biblical lifestyle

and saves him. In one of his first responses to that video in the comment section, someone wrote, what the fuck did I just watch? What the fuck did I just watch? the fuck did i just and hunt replied my new channel introduction and i guess that's not fair uh you know because hun the hound is being persecuted the evangelical christian blue dog is being persecuted and it's not fair oh if he thinks that's bad just wait till he makes one long enough to be featured on God awful movies, people.

I can't wait. Come on, Hunt. We just need 30 minutes. We can do 23, but we'd prefer 30 minutes. We can introduce you to a guy named Matt Powell, perhaps. He does videos. We can do a series of Hunt the Hounds. Maybe you team up.

He's got a lot of videos, Heath, and he's on vacation for a while. So yeah, the evangelical Christian furries, they're having a really difficult time, you guys. And it's important that somebody speaks up for them. And we like to be good allies for oppressed groups as much as we can here at The Scathing Atheist. So we'd all like to say, go boink yourself. Boink your fucking face. You're not oppressed.

You're fucking fine you know what solves everything here stop being christian that and that could go at the end of every single headline we do that solves everything there you go i'm sorry i'm looking through the titles on these fucking he has a baby oh god one of his videos is called baby tries on a fursuit head wait hold on hold on the person or the fursona hund the hound has a baby the fursona hunt well the person and the both both both all right well we just started a new podcast everybody it's gonna be fun it's called get fuck out it's called lucifer ease oh so good all right and finally tonight in truly madly deeply news god this is uh this is a hard

one this is this is oh this is tough for us um as you may already know child preaching runder kid and former employee of the month here at puzzle in a thunderstorm llc matt powell was sadly devoured by his own asshole this week and in a last desperate attempt at relevance that I can't help but blame myself for, spewed a bunch of homophobic, transphobic, genocidal bullshit on his YouTube channel. Very sad. Very disappointed. Matt, you were the golden boy. You were our golden boy. You flew too close to the sun, buddy.

And what did we always say? What did we say? We always said don't fly too close to the sun and then say homophobic, transphobic, genocidal bullshit and get devoured by your own ass. We said, don't do that. Tragic. It's tragic. Yeah. So let me explain for those of you who don't know. desk when he violated our copyright by putting out a video that was just us making fun of him

for like a super super duper long time just a long a long long clip of us roasting him like an hour anyways luckily we here at puzzle in a thunderstorm are kind and benevolent so instead of taking legal action over that copyright violation we adopted matt powell as our own promising him all the red vines he could eat and a race car bed a race car bed matt we were gonna get you a race car bed we did we'd all go to the mall together you know we get a little zany in the photo booth right right but then serious but then zany again in the photo booth i had a whole day planned he did he did asshole he did ruined it but then a chance exactly but then tragedy struck in an act of betrayal matched only by judas's kiss to jesus and the rock not coming back for another fast and the furious movie

matt powell took a job working for our arch enemy kent or eric hoind. I do not remember which one, and I don't care to look it up. I'm pretty sure Eric is just shitty. Kent is the dad who's like multiple felonies and like an abuser. I feel bad because one of them's just wrong, and the other one super sucks. I think the kid's just dumb and wrong, and then the dad's just like truly evil. But I cannot be asked to Google. I'm sorry. Absolutely not Googling.

It's one or the other. Yeah, Kent, Eric. He worked for a Hovind. Anyways, he did that, and he disappeared from our public eye. Well, sadly, it seems that while he was underground, he was brushing up on his hate speech because he emerged this week to deliver a YouTube sermon that is generously radical Christian terrorism and definitely a direct call to violence. Yeah.

And if Matt Powell and his audience, if they were allowed to leave the house without permission from mom, I'd say it was incitement of imminent violence. And if the words you say are not protected by free speech in America, that's insane. You need to be in jail. Your words aren't protected by our super broad version of free speech you're fucking up man yeah big time so i i won't repeat most of the shit he said it's nothing you haven't heard before gay people are pedophiles they're recruiting children we should kill drag queens by firing squad i'm not exaggerating he actually says that and then

he concludes with a prayer for god to wipe out all the gay people but my favorite bit is where he says quote if you're a homosexual you can't multiply the only way you can multiply is by molesting children and creating like zombies creating more child molesters end quote wow okay first of all you're a pastor. Probably don't want to bring up child molesting as a thing. But more importantly, there's absolutely none scenario where Matt Powell does any breeding without some kind of like Stockholm syndrome at play. Absolutely not. Exactly. And while Matt may have talked himself out of a Christmas bonus, we've definitely been talked into putting 22 seconds on the clock so heath names for the lgbtq themed zombie movie go oh we're doing that pun puns

aren't funny man come on all right whatever you go first all right i'll take the easy one 28 gays later okay uh why's it got to be black friday world war lgbt so it's black friday is also a zombie it's not very famous god damn it uh okay um log cabin republicans sure sure uh train to bussy um what busan train to busan bussy i'll explain later all All right. Well, now I'm going to have to have Eli explain what a bussy is off the air. You got pictures, maybe? I do have pictures. Great. Okay.

Well, Eli, thanks as always. Looking forward to it. You too, Monji. And when we come back, we have some very important work from the oeuvre of cinematic auteur, Eric Hovind. But first, a quick word from our sponsor, HelloFresh. I gotta say, Heath, your idea for taking a vacation ourselves for this last ad was pretty sweet. This is an adorable little beach town we're in for the purpose of this sketch.

Right? So, uh, what do you want to do for dinner? Oh, uh, yeah, let me see what's around. Um, checking my phone here. Whoa. Uh, no bars. Oh. All right, well, I thought I saw a place called Tony's Crab Shack back in town. You want to go there?

I checked there. It turns out that's just a gas station run by a crabby guy named Tony. Oh, huh. All right, well, why don't we try HelloFresh? America's number one meal kit? Impossible, say I. Actually, HelloFresh is a great way to eat on a budget, even on vacation. You just update your delivery address and enjoy HelloFresh at your vacation destination

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tailored to you and your family. I was a HelloFresh customer even before the sponsorship, and I still am. I love how they have gourmet options as well as super simple 20-minute meals that I personally enjoy and I endorse. All right, Heath. I'm sold on making my summer extra delicious. Where do I sign up? Just go to HelloFresh.com slash Scathing16 and use the code SCATHING16 for 16 free meals across seven boxes and three free gifts. So I go to HelloFresh.com slash SCATHING16 and I can use code SCATHING16 for 16 free meals across seven boxes and three free

gifts that is correct all right so did you do that for this trip do we get hello fresh i did not do that no oh you want to go to the crab shack and buy all the chips yeah let's just buy all the chips nice dibs on sour cream and onion. What? You can't even eat those. I know. I just want dibs, though. Come on. It's not often that I'm allowed to do intros on this podcast, but Noah's gone this week and Heath took a bathroom break, so I stole his chair and I'm officially the host of the show until the D segment.

So, Heath, welcome back to the show. What's up? Shenanigans. No, no, no. Fight me for that chair right now. Absolutely not. What did Noah say? He said no fighting to the death for his chair in his absence.

In his absence, exactly. So now that my dreams have come true, what have we got for the folks at home to wrap up our show this week, Heath? Well, Eli, as regular listeners already know, over on our sister show, Godawful Movies, we review the worst that Christian cinema has to offer. we review the worst that Christian cinema has to offer. However, not all Christian propagandists have the attention span for the required 63 or so minutes to get an Amazon Prime release, and that's why we've got a very special segment we like to call God Awful Minis.

Ooh, you know how to do the echoey voice thing? Uh, do you not? Do you not know how to do that? I do not know how to do that. So what too short for... Minis, minis, minis. Minis! So what too short for Phil McStatcher video will we be breaking down today, Heath?

We watched the highly requested, long-awaited Night at the Creation Museum. long-awaited night at the creation museum it's the story of a staunch atheist security guard in kentucky who gets converted to young earth creationism while taking a nap and me how bad no no you don't have to do that you can just tell us how bad it is. I got it. I got it. How bad was this mini, me? Thank you, me. It was bad. Thank you. Smooth. Go.

Nailed it. Done. Cool. Yep. I really missed Noah. Yeah. He's a three-hander. So we're going to start this mini with a really long intro showing the inside of this creation museum but the music is pretty sure we're seeing the inside

of an like an old-timey widget factory yeah i went i went with in santa's workshop nobody wants a union also can i just say this museum has a lot of mobility scooters. Like, a lot. Don't get me wrong. Like, I love accessibility. But the sheer amount of mobility scooters we see in this opening shot is breathtaking. It's aggressive. It's like they give them out, like, bowling shoes. You know?

Like, every single person is getting one of those things. It's a giant line. There's a reasonable argument to be made that the Creation Museum is mostly mobility scooters. So, yeah, we see the front of this Creation Museum. We also see the main character. It's the new security guard at the Creation Museum. He pulls up to the place in a uh a late model camaro he's a security guard who is very well compensated at his other jobs i guess he's got seriously it's it's yellow and black it's it's

bumblebee he's driving bumblebee like that exact camaro we're really close to it yeah so that was confusing anyway he walks in past the giant line of rascal scooters and he meets Jim, his boss at the museum. OK, so I had to do some digging to figure this out. Apparently, in the Creation Museum, the fact that this guy, Jim, is relatively tall is like a big joke that they do in a bunch of their videos. I literally only learned this because other people who have reviewed Night at the Creation Museum were like, yeah, I've watched a bunch of their videos. I literally only learned this because other people who have reviewed Night at the Creation Museum were like, yeah, I've watched a bunch of their shit. They all talk about how tall Jim is. Jim is like 6'2".

Jim is not like 97 feet tall. But that's why none of this opening makes sense, is it's supposed to be about how tall Jim is, but we don't get the... They're introducing their Carl the Puckapagacorn. What? You know how they shoot it weird so that it looks like Derek's super short and Jim's super tall? Oh, that's classic.

From the weird angle. Okay. And so you're saying this guy Jim is not a really talented actor, but in fact, a real guy who works in the industry. Inside industry. Yeah. Believe it or not. Okay. Not an equity showcase, this particular point.

Okay. I also like that. so derrick is the name of the security guard this is played by eric hovind he needed a character name that rhymes with his real name to understand what was happening on set sure and um then jim the boss is like hey so um why don't you tell me about yourself as we walk in? And we get the saddest thing right away. He asks him, hey, you know, what's your life all about? And Derek is like, I'm separated from my wife. I barely see my son.

So I moved close enough that I get to see him once in a while. And also God is dead. I'm an atheist. And that's our introduction to Derek's character. I honestly wanted Jim to be like, I was just making small talk. Those are the exits. All right, I'm leaving. Also, can I just say,

they walk Derek around here and show him all the entrances and exits and what his job is. I feel like Night at the Creation Museum didn't know the risk they were putting themselves in by outlining their entire security detail for me, Eli Fossey. I'm going to throw that out there.

Legally legally not agree you want to do a little job on the creation oh I want to do a job on the creation I will drop in on a rope any time you want drop in on a rope of my own semen here's the thing if you

I think I can say this legally Andrew get a time machine and stop me if I can't. Interesting. If you **** on anything in the Creation Museum, they'll probably shut down the whole museum forever. Like, they don't have the emotional preparedness for that. I think that's accurate, and I don't think they're... You can't be breaking...

You said if. If. You're just saying if one... And I'm not saying you should. I'm not saying you should. If somebody, not us, if a person did that, they would have to shut down. I think you probably shouldn't. I think in most scenarios, and I'm not afraid to say this.

Did you say most? Most scenarios you shouldn't on the creation museum. Okay. Our official position is all, but that's just a true thing that if one did, I feel like they'd have to shut down. Exactly. I think that's accurate. That's fair.

Hypothetically. Okay. So. that if one did i feel like they'd have to shut down exactly that's fair hypothetically so they finished their weird conversation and they get to his desk this is the security desk where derek's gonna be working jim explains like okay so there's a list right here that describes your job it's be at this desk and don't sleep so that's like the entire job so jim finally leaves for the night and derrick starts looking at stuff my favorite part is not derrick eric hovind the real person very clearly got distracted by the the clicker thing in real life oh my god like keep track of the little people track of people coming like the umpire might have for balls and strikes but like you know for people coming to the museum yeah can we just say this is a 30 minute short movie i would say a solid five

is just eric hovind like playing with the loudspeaker at the creation museum as much as he always wanted one might argue that the reason for this movie is eric hovind wanted to mess with the loudspeaker in the creation museum okay well they probably should have just kept doing that because from there he walks through the creation museum and we see some of the stuff on the goddamn walls of this place here's a few of the things that we see just in one little clip all the sentences on the wall of the creation museum are a great way to get me to block you on Twitter. Yeah. Okay.

Well, here's four examples that I actually wrote down that I saw in one hallway right next to each other. Yeah. It said, are humans and apes related? Stupid question. But if you ask me that, yep, you have to go away. Yeah. Was there a global flood? Wow. Also stupid question.

Did dinosaurs and humans coexist? The stupidest question. No, coexist the stupidest question no it's not no it's not the very next thing on the wall literally exactly these words are human races equal question mark yikes okay ballpark heathton, look into your heart. How many people are disappointed by the answer at the Creation Museum? Knowing their audience, some, right? Yeah, we'll get to it. The Creation Museum will try to explain why they have an answer to that that's not racist. But yeah, definitely some people are like, oh, I was expecting a nice supremacist answer to that, which they don't get. It's a really bad answer still.

We'll get there. Yeah. We also passed something where this is their thing. This is Ken Ham's thing. There's something called observational science. Science is what that's called. And then his version of science called historical science, which is different because it's older so you can't have the same science rules now when you're talking about old stuff so he's not wrong when

he says the entire universe is 6 000 years old yeah if you're wondering where you've heard the term historical science before it was um as bill nye the Science Guy was pile driving Ken Ham into the floor of that creation auditorium. Oh, yeah. There's a great video. The very next video when I watched this was Bill Nye going through the art park with Ken Ham. It was kind of fun. He shouldn't have debated him, though. That was dumb.

No, it was a bad idea. Okay. So from there, from the are all races equal and can we do science differently now because the rules are different. What's your definition of science? What do you mean science? Yeah, after that little part, Eric, the security guard, sees Adam and Eve and he's just like two naked people.

Huh. So he's naming the stuff he sees out loud to himself as he walks through the museum. And he passes some more naked people huh so he's he's naming the stuff he sees out loud to himself as he walks through the museum and he passes some more naked people and he's like more naked people and that was adam and eve at like a water park in that that has a sex grotto like an adult themed water park i guess is that part of eden in the model that's certainly what he thinks it is he's like oh okay so it's like a kink museum. I thought this place was lame. Nice.

They got a fuck tub. I got to check that out later. Okay. Kind of piqued my interest. I got to be honest. Then we get to what we were talking about before. He comes back to the sign that says, are all the human races equal? And he stops and we watch him be like wait are are they equal

so here's the explanation from the creation museum as far as i understand it they're saying that like in evolution theory different races evolved but in creationism theory we're all white you're a bigot is that their answer? To be clear, what they haven't written on the plaque is the racist evolutionist wants you to believe that all the races are different. But one race just got died because a guy misbehaved on the ark, everybody. Relax. Okay.

But that's what they're saying. We all started as Adam and Eve, who were of course caucasian people and that's less racist because it's not different races that are better or worse than their head exactly yeah wow okay so he walks past that finally he gets back to his desk and he plays with the pa system some more yep we get some more bits and okay i I was never more angry during this stupid fucking movie than right now. Even more so than just a moment ago when they were like maybe ranking races unironically. I would say this is a best worst if we were going to do best worst. Sure.

Best worst letting Eric Hovind do some improv because he gets on the pa system and he does the opposite of improv he does movie quotes but he does the opposite of improv wrong he gets he says you killed my father prepare to die luke i am your father so he conflated the princess bride and empire strikes back and he got Empire wrong. Mm hmm. Yeah. I'm guessing that either he hasn't seen those movies. Right.

Because he's a crazy Christian and hasn't been allowed to see anything mainstream. Or he thinks those lines are from the same movie. I was really mad. I stopped it here. And I was as angry as I've been. Yes. And then he decides, all right, I'm going to take a nap because, you know, I'm here for the whole night. Whatever.

Nobody's here. And he says to himself, napping doesn't count as sleeping. And Jim told me not to sleep. Napping doesn't count. That's crazy. That's insane. Crazy. He has a head injury.

This character now has like a grievous head injury. The backstory is filling in. So he does take a nap for a second here. And then there's a loud noise and he wakes up from the nap. Or does he? Okay. Good question. You want to just go ahead and spoil it?

He's in a dream now. You know what? I do feel comfortable spoiling night of the creation museum okay for anyone holding out i'm sorry i ruined your experience of eric coven's 30 minute youtube video apologies all around yeah he's in a dream now so he gets up from his desk and there's a washing machine sound that he follows yeah but. But it turns out that's just, that's just what the movie decided was good music to describe musically fake evolution, I guess,

because that's what he's going to look at now, some exhibits and he's going to become a believer in Christianity eventually and no longer an atheist, but he starts atheist. To be clear, the rest of this movie will be him stumbling around the creation museum being scared by the exhibits at the museum they want you to come visit. Yeah. He actually pop scares himself several times here with the bug displays.

He does. Yeah. But that's not how pop scares work. So he's just like a bug display in front of him and he runs all the way up to it even closer and puts his face next to it we watch him pop scare himself it's so stupid okay well from there we have to talk about the holocaust section do we not the problem of evil section of the creation museum yeah and they slow roll it which kind of makes it worse yeah, it is the problem of evil section, which is dumb enough. But all we see at first is that they have a Holocaust section in their creation museum. In their creation museum.

But yeah, he wanders up to that and this is where Jim reappears. And Jim is like, hey, you checking out our super problematic problem of evil section of our children's creation museum? And he's like, yeah, yeah man why the fuck would you christians bring up things like 9-11 and the holocaust and he's like oh um we blame all these things on evolution and then eric's like okay but you also have a picture of a lady doing heroin and he's like yeah we just kind of took the pictures we could find okay but just to be clear evolution happened on god's watch if jim the christian guy at the creation museum is saying evolution is at fault so they have a section about the intelligent design master plan that includes the holocaust and 9-11 and heroin use

yeah okay and then literally because like they both pause for a minute like, well, those weren't very good answers. So Jim snaps and they teleport to a different argument. Yeah, so Jim snaps and they teleport from there to the monkey display with Lucy, the, I don't know,

what, like 3.2 million year old fossil that we found in 1974 of an early hominin. The not missing link yeah right so let's be clear what the point he's trying to make with this moment is he's like you know lucy was actually just a monkey not uh whatever they think she is and she doesn't they didn't find any foot bones with her but they put human feet on her as though the fucking scientists at wherever they keep lucy were just like i I don't know. I think it fits us better if she's like half fish and half man.

You know, you know what? Let's do human feet. I did Donkey Kong feet. Oh, no. Our narrative. It's better if we do human feet. Just plain old, normal, modern human feet. Obviously not what they actually did.

Also, I think it's just that we didn't have the whole skeleton fossilized. We had like 40% of it. So we like made a ballpark estimate and we were correct because we found other ones since 1974 of that approximate thing. He acts as though it was an aesthetic choice. Like we just tossed monkeys on there. And to prove that, by the way, right next to the monkey, he's got an exhibit where he's like, I mean, if you take a monkey skull, you can make pretty much anything you want if you think about it. That's an exhibit at their museum. An exhibit at their museum is you can make a monkey skull look

like whatever you want it to look like. Ape, person, Decepticon, it's all just art. But seriously, they have the same skull dressed up in different types of fur, but then one like a person with human eyes. It's so dumb.

So from there, to bolster his point, Jim takes Derek to an exhibit about racist old timey zoos from way back in the day where they put people in cages because they thought those people looked like early hominins. And that's true, but just super duper irrelevant also yeah not science and for some reason they point that out in the movie right eric hovine is like yeah no that's that was bad but that that has no reflection on the truth of evolution does it and jim's like fuck let's go to the planetarium you know what i have i have a question about stars uh you got me on that one but what about stars shit i lost an argument in my own movie that i made for some reason yeah so from there they teleport to the planetarium section of the creation museum and can i say look it is hard to feel empathetic for anybody in this movie but you know who i do feel empathetic for who's that

planetarium guy oh you like planetarium guy because planetarium guy has the the most obvious lies to try this oh okay okay look the whole like we don't know about monkeys and like we they just do god of the gap shit right fucking they're like yeah you can make a monkey skull look like anything this guy's like now you might be wondering aren't the basic mathematical principles of the universe true let me tell you maybe the speed of light is wrong or or that's not exaggeration there's two options the speed of light is wrong or the speed of light is changing imagine that being your job imagine that being your job okay alex joins us alex joins his lawyers got nothing on the guy who's like maybe the speed of light is wrong this guy

has a cell phone with texts being like i have to try to fucking explain that the speed of light is moving around sometimes that's my job today so but he literally says that he's like so eric the atheist for now you're probably wondering how light could go billions of light years in 6 000 years and i was like sure am yeah i would like to know that too i am And he actually says the speed of light used to be probably super fast. Faster. So it makes sense now. Please don't do any math.

Please. He also points out that light years, those aren't units of time. They're units of distance. And Eric, the security guard, is like, oh, right. But, like, what do they think a speed is made of speed is distance over time so like that's it's those things you know han shot first in the first star wars movie if i say enough true things after the thing i believe will you believe that they're related and let me go okay just to be clear yes some science theoretical physicists

have proposed the idea. There's this thing called the horizon problem, and they've proposed the idea that maybe at the very beginning of the universe, light was faster. None of those theoretical physicists are saying that the universe happened 6,000 years ago

and the fast light from then explains everything. None of them are saying that. One of the only things i think we could get all of those scientists to agree on is that it wasn't god the wizard right their narrative the creationist narrative is god thought to himself okay they're probably gonna ask about stars like six thousand years from now some like atheist guy and oh fuck i already decided on a really big size for the universe i gotta speed this light up and then i'll slow it back down when it gets too close to that it's like a tower defense game where you can speed up the bad guys coming you can't do that with light all right so yeah he wipes all the sweat off of his

face from saying that the speed of light is wrong a thing that has been mathematically proven and then he's like okay well it's a big universe and a big universe would take a very powerful god and i think we can all agree that my god is very powerful i said big twice you should shut your fucking mouth i said. We all agree big makes your thing impossible. Yeah, horrible. And then Eric, the atheist security guard, is like, I don't know. That's crazy. Everything you just said is crazy. You don't have shoes, though.

Literally. They distract us with the fact. He's like, why aren't you wearing shoes? And then he's like, I hit you with a teddy bear. And he hits him with a teddy bear for a super long time. Again, it sounds like we're just making shit up. No, we you don't have shoes i don't like shoes i hit you with a teddy bear that is the exact sequence of events that happens in the movie yeah also can i throw out there that the arguments are the speed of light is wrong uh the big bang was as much of a miracle as creation is my universe

is big and big and thick therefore my god is big and thick hit you with a teddy bear hit you with a teddy bear is the best argument that this man presents to us okay it seemed crazy at the time but you're right that was a solid close to the science argument given what happened earlier in that science argument from the creationism planetarium guy yeah that's rough okay i do feel bad for that guy now you're right he had the hardest job for sure so we watch seriously this guy pulls out a teddy bear and starts kind of hitting eric hoven with teddy bear for a while kind of kind of hits back and then he gets hit again and he gets mad in real life eric hoven yeah we watch eric hoven fight a teddy bear for a while kind of kind of hits back and then he gets hit again and he gets mad in real life eric hovind yeah we watch eric hovind fight a teddy bear and he fights teddy bear for a good a while minute minute and a half solid minute solid christian minute absolutely

so after getting mad in real life about kind of losing that fight with a teddy bear eric hoven runs out of the planetarium and then a dinosaur furry sneaks up on him right yeah so we watch him you watch him get chased by a dinosaur for a second right because night at the museum they're ripping off that movie so that's what happens like they're trying to do their homework last minute shit getting chased by a dinosaur that was in that movie fuck yeah we spent a lot of time with the shoeless planetarium guy so he runs away from the dinosaur furry and then he comes into a room and then jim pops back and he's going to show derrick some dinosaur stuff now and he shows him ebenezer that's the name of one of the dinosaur fossil recreations they have and the whole point of this section is okay what, what about fossils?

Fossils are millions of years old. They're incredibly demonstrably old. And he was like, nope. Fossils, tell me if I'm wrong here, Heath. Fossils are what happens when the whole world floods. Okay. Yeah. No, you're correct. That's the narrative from creationism jim the creationist guy he's like oh you think fossils are millions of years old describe fossils right now or else the bible is true and you watch derrick the atheist security guard be like fuck that you're right if i can't do that the bible is true and he says because he doesn't really know he's like fossils are old leaves mud mud and leaves right and jim's like they're not old leaves christ rose from the dead that's sure yeah and that that's that's also how he describes the great flood that's how we know the great flood happened

he says yeah so well you said fossils are from mud. You actually are kind of right about that. Mud, think about it. Mud's made of, what, water? And fossils are where? Everywhere. No, they're not. So, Great Flood.

The world is one big fossil, therefore. Right. This is also the first time he calls the bible the history book of the universe also i feel like we have mud now without a great flood i'm just saying like mud we could have mud with it it's fine so at this point jim is like all right well we all agree that i'm clearly winning this argument just by a lot so let's go ahead to the biblical archaeology section. We'll just chalk that up as one point for me. I'm not going to take two points.

Now let's see how you do it at the biblical archaeology section. And I feel like this section was created to make the planetarium guy feel better because this section is made up of two known forgeries. Wait, are they? Yeah. Wait, wait which one i didn't even know that the house of david pott and then the other fake rock that he mentions two fake forgery i googled them and the first results for both of them are like these are known forgeries and then the only real thing that's amazing okay yes and then the only real thing he finds is he's like okay so just in case anyone googled those two like fucking dead sea scroll like the junior varsity dead sea scrolls that i just mentioned

no matter how fast i said the fucking titles um geologists found gath and they found the word goliath on a pot okay wait you're saying that's a forgery not the pot that has the word goliath on it oh okay okay because they prove nothing with this and i was like oh man they made a forgery of something that proves nothing that's beautiful no the forgeries are too like fucking creation museum like what's that hobby lobby got sold to them by an isis guy like whose hands were still wet with the paint thing right which was like technically like a war crime involved in the process of getting it right exactly they're just two out of those iran iraq yeah yeah okay but now yeah they they show us a pot that had the

word goliath on it and they think they dated the pot to the time of the story of david goliath oh that proves something oh no it's not nearly as reliable as that he no no they just found a pot from a time that had the word goliath and that must be a reference to the one and only goliath of the bible because what else could there be two large people in history and or myth ever come on take it serious okay they didn't even have it dated to exactly the claim in the bible of the time of that story no he's like this geologist found gath which is a city yeah that is where that was supposed to have happened in the bible pause two three four also i feel like my brain inserted some science for them just to help them

out your brain inserted a reason for this to have anything to do with this museum i don't know what my brain thought they were like oh they used radiocarbon dating all of a sudden and they thought that was real for one minute and then they stopped again yeah so it's even worse than i thought amazing yeah and then he ends up by going, and I love this so much. He goes, yeah, every time someone disproves one of these stories, we come up with another one is an argument for our side. Wow.

Okay. Well sold on that argument there. They're done with that argument. That was the best they could do with biblical archeology. Jim snaps again and they're back at the front desk. And Derek, we see him in dream state talking to Jim, but he's napping on the chair. So now this is where it's revealed the spoiler that we did earlier. It's all a dream.

Yeah. And so he wakes himself up. There's this fucking great moment where he's like, slap yourself. And he slaps himself kind of half-assed. And Jim's like, harder. And you see Eric Oven be like, no. And he's like, all right. And he slaps himself kind of half-assed. And Jim's like, harder. And you see Eric Oven be like, no. And he's like, all right, we'll just keep going. I got beat up by a teddy bear earlier.

My face hurts. And now we watch them tour the gift shop. Yep. They go to the gift shop. He's like, hey, you had a kid, right? Well, how about a 3D movie? Huh? And hey, does your kid like to read?

And he's like, oh, he does like to read. Well, how about this book that we'll be very vague about because it's only 18 pages long, but we'll pretend it's a good novel to give your kid. And that's the end of the movie. That's the end of the movie. And then we get a credit thing. It says shot in 24 hours on a cell phone,

which you probably don't want to brag about. I believe you, Night at the Creation Museum. I definitely believe you. Don't want to i believe i believe you night at the creation museum i definitely believe you don't write that down though and then we meet some guy patrick marsh god this was so sad this is the post-credit thing eric hovind as himself comes on screen and he's like you probably don't know patrick marsh and i was like no i don't i don't. He's a real scientist. We learn with 20 years experience at Universal Studios. Yeah. But Patrick died. Yeah.

And Eric Ovid is like, he's very sad. Patrick's dying words were like and subscribe and donate at creation. Smash that like button, everybody. Smash it. Smash it for Patrick. Yep. And that's the end of the movie. They show us a how to get saved strategy guide

on their website. You can get saved on the website, and we also have a Night at the Ark Encounter movie. Oh, yeah, there's a sequel. Okay, I thought this creation museum was the one in Ken Ham's Ark Encounter. This is a different one? No, it's a different one.

Cool. Cool. Sequel, baby. Okay. Well, yeah, we've got something to look forward to then. Great. So what do you think? You got an outro there, Chair Stealer?

Yes. You got something to close us out there? I do. With that to look forward to and with one less museum to jerk off on, we're going to call things there for the night. Heath, thanks as always. Jumanji. And when we come back,

Heath will do the outro and then the podcast will be over. That's how it goes, I think. Give me the chair back. Squinting in the air. Stop it. Stop it. Squinting in the air.

Squinting in the air. No going limp. Squinting in the air. Stop it! Stop it! Squinting in the air! Squinting in the air! Stop it! No going limp! Squinting in the air! I'm shitting. And that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight. But we'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister show, The Skeptocrat, debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Monday.

An even newer episode of our sister show's hot friend, Godawful Movies, debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Tuesday. And an even newer episode of our half-'s hot friend, Godawful Movies, debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Tuesday, and an even newer episode of our half-sister show, Citation Needed, debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. And before we wrap it up, big thanks to all the new donors, who will get some delightful compliments next time around, possibly about their intellect, or their genitals, or their genital intellect, potentially.

And if you're feeling generous like those fine people, or their genitals or their genital intellect, potentially. And if you're feeling generous like those fine people, you can make a per-episode donation at patreon.com slash scathingatheist and that'll get you early access to an extended ad-free version of every episode. Or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage at scathingatheist.com. Legal services for this podcast are provided by the law offices of P. Andrew Torres, Tim Robertson handles our social media, and our audio engineer is Morgan Clark, who also wrote all the music used in this episode, which was used with permission.

If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at skatingatheist.com. filthy monkey man he's my favorite character he's the best he so manscape man is now a close second i think manscape man was my favorite will dasher mizzle is my favorite though big ups to our favorite agnostic i'm eli bosnick i'm eli bosnick wait sorry let me do that again big ups to our favorite agnostic i thought you're gonna oh again no to ooh-ooh again. No, it's gone. There's no episode this way. This is it.

I thought I would just put in my original ooh-ooh and you could go roll. We don't have that technology. We literally do. It's exactly the technology. It's exactly the technology. Okay.

Here we go this time with the proper pause. Big ups to our favorite agnostic. I'm Eli Bosnick. It was so long. I paused because I wanted you to. It was so long. It was too long.

It was a crazy pause. You can move it. You just move it. We don't have that technology. I'm going to kill myself on air. Speaking of Bud Dwyer. I don't know if we were on or off for that, but I'll do it. All right. Just say I'm Eli Bosnick and we'll figure it out. I'm Eli. No, but I didn't understand what you had. It's

part of the show. Where are your hands right now? They're all the way up in the air. Like I'm being robbed. I'm going to bring them down. Okay. I'm sitting on them. Shake it out. Shake it out. It's fine. I can do this. I'm Eli Bosnick. The preceding podcast is a production of Puzzle and Thunderstorm LLC. Copyright 2022. All rights reserved.