The Scathing Atheist - 497: Edyukated Addition

Episode Date: August 25, 2022

In this week’s episode, you can tweet whatever you want at Jason Rapert, Christianity accidentally bans itself from a school district, and David Icke don’t need no education. --- Find out more about (and maybe even sign up for) Heath’s QED trivia night here: https://qedcon.org/news/2022/announcing-friday-night-quiz-with-heath-enwright To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click there: https://www.amazon.com/Outbreak-Crisis-Religion-Ruined-Pandemic/dp/B08L2HSVS8/ To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/ To hear more from our intrepid audio engineer Morgan Clarke, click here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/ ------ Headlines: A Texas school district just banned the Bible: https://onlysky.media/hemant-mehta/a-texas-school-district-just-banned-the-bible-oops/ Atheists win $16,000 settlement against Arkansas State Sen. Jason Rapert https://onlysky.media/hemant-mehta/atheists-win-16000-settlement-against-arkansas-state-sen-jason-rapert/ The 'blasphemy' of Beth Moore crushing on Jesus because of grapes: https://onlysky.media/hemant-mehta/the-blasphemy-of-beth-moore-crushing-on-jesus-because-of-grapes/ Residents raise almost $100,000 for Michigan library defunded over LGBTQ books: https://www.nbcnews.com/nbc-out/out-news/residents-raise-almost-100000-michigan-library-defunded-lgbtq-books-rcna42035 Chaz Stevens sending Arabic “In God We Trust” signs to Texas schools: https://onlysky.media/hemant-mehta/a-texas-law-requires-schools-to-display-donated-in-god-we-trust-posters/ and https://onlysky.media/hemant-mehta/atheist-to-send-texas-schools-in-god-we-trust-signs-written-in-arabic/

Warning, it's impossible to have an honest discussion about now without plenty of explicit language. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by ExpressVPN, HelloFresh, and by the new anti-skepticism conference designed to take QED down once and for all, QEDPOC. QEDPOC, question, exploit, discomfort. And now, The Scathing Atheist. Hello, my name is Travis, and I work for my state, Regulating Air Pollution. I understand that as our culture exists today, certain types of industry is needed with results in air pollution. However, the fact that my job exists so industry doesn't improperly pollute the very air we breathe

means we did in fact evolve from filthy monkey men and women It's Thursday. It's August 25th. And it's kiss and make up day. Okay. I feel like you should make up first. The angry kissing is weird. You know, we're all into different shit, Heath. I'm no illusions.

I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heath Enright. And from Dr. Oz's New Jersey. How dare you, sir. And from Michigan and White Cross, Georgia, this is The Skating Atheist. On this week's episode, you can tweet whatever you want at Jason Raper. You can.

Christianity accidentally bans itself from a school district. And David Icke don't need no education. But first, the diribe. Now those of you who come out of the crazier versions of evangelical christianity probably already figured out where i'm going with this So i'm just gonna have to ask you to sit tight for a minute while I catch everybody else up Because wormwood In addition to being the plant that gives us all the happy parts of absinthe and vermouth is also the name that john gives to The first star that falls from heaven in the book of revelation Here's the relevant passage. So john has the seven angels

They're all blowing their various trumpets to herald the start of the apocalypse. And when he gets to the third one, he says this. This is Revelation 8, 10, and 11 from the King James Version. Quote, and the third angel sounded and there fell a great star from heaven burning as if it were a lamp. And it fell upon the third part of the rivers and upon the fountains of waters. And the name of that star is called Wormwood. And the third part of the waters became Wormwood. And many men died of the waters because they were made bitter. End quote. Now, we atheists have a lot of fun with dumbass biblical claims like stars falling from the earth. But if you imagine that you were a dude in the first century and you're trying to get your head around the concept of a nuclear disaster, a star falling to the earth is actually a pretty good analogy, right?

a star falling to the earth is actually a pretty good analogy, right? Even more so if you're like an angel who understands nuclear physics, but you have to explain nuclear disaster to said first century prophet. You know, likewise, a person who couldn't have understood the concept of radioactivity could be forgiven for saying that the fallen star just made the waters bitter. Now, you got to admit, that's a pretty wild coincidence, right? Like, we're all rationalists here, so we know how coincidences work but it's still pretty impressive it's the exact kind of thing that would have stopped 27 year old noah in his fucking tracks and it's the kind of thing that if taken in isolation would sound pretty convincing as evidence that there just might be something to biblical

prophecy now to be clear it is not evidence of right? And recall that this is the third angel. So the order of operations here was supposed to be, one, a global flaming storm of bloody hail. Yes, that's flaming and it's hail that was supposed to burn up a third of all the trees and all the green grass. Two, a flaming mountain falling into the ocean and turning one third of the water into blood. Three, a star named Wormwood falling from the heavens and turning the water spitter. three, a star named Wormwood falling from the heavens and turning the waters bitter. And even if you allow that God made a last minute change to the batting order, the prophecy says that Wormwood is going to turn one third of all water bitter. And Chernobyl was a terrible disaster, don't get me wrong, but it was a long way from that.

And on top of all that, this shit happened in 1980 fucking six, right? We're still waiting for that fourth angel to darken a third of the sun and the stars. But despite all of that, this little nugget is still being offered up as evidence of both biblical inerrancy and the impending apocalypse. I mean, I wasn't exactly taking a Russian language lesson when I learned about this. And I see why. I see why they use that. Even with all the holes that I just poked in it, I see why apologists and fear mongers want to use this one because when I first heard it, despite my commitment to logic and my long study of fallacious thinking, I was impressed. At first, my instinctual response was, this is too profound to be a fluke. Now, luckily, my brain kicked in pretty quick and chased that thought away.

It's not like we don't have other equally impressive examples that come from other sources. It's not like we don't have other equally impressive examples that come from other sources. There's a prophecy from Nostradamus that seems eerily prescient about the Second World War. If you ignore the very clear fact that he's talking about a river called Hyster not getting spellchecked on the word Hitler. But, you know, it's the same way that you have to ignore the fact that John the Elder is clearly referencing the bitterness of Wormwood to make this one work right and and muslim apologists love to trot out some quranic prophecy or another that seems to know way more about embryology than muhammad could have known at the time but but we don't even have to resort to mystics and holy scribblings to get there right we have countless examples just like this from the fucking simpsons

right but as much as the ubiquity of these coincidences should disarm them our pattern seeking gullibility is so ingrained that we instead try to argue that the fucking Simpsons is also prophetic. Ultimately, though, the whole Chernobyl means Wormwood thing is evidence against the accuracy of biblical prophecy, not for it. Because I can guarantee you that at some point in the future, those stars are going to line up even better. you that at some point in the future, those stars are going to line up even better. Yeah, some new event will come along that's even more instinctively profound in its accordance with biblical prophecy, not because the Bible is accurate, but because things are constantly happening, right, all over the goddamn place. It's the statistical certainty, especially given the leniency that religious people interpret their holy books with, and when it happens, somebody is going to present it to you, and they're going to say, see, just like it says here in the Bible.

Now, how do you explain that? Of course, in truth, it's just it's not in need of explanation. They've got way more than a thousand monkeys. They've had way more than a thousand years and biblical prophecies are no Shakespeare. But if you do feel like explaining it, what better evidence could you have than another time? The Bible just happened to line up with reality and then it didn't lead anywhere right because as you may have noticed the rapture didn't happen in 1986 nor did it happen in 1993 after seven years of tribulation biblical prophecies have failed to materialize in the past they will fail to materialize in the future and as much as it should go without saying apparently christians still need to be reminded that this is not a point in their win column they're talking about

joining me for headlines tonight are the arteries and veins to my capillaries heath enright and eli bosnick fellas are you ready to quicken some pulses? I was picturing something in that vein. There you go. Nice. And if you like puns, then you'll love this intro that we just did. Then you'll love... Okay, all right. Everybody needs a minute to process just how good that was.

Masterful. We're going to take a quick break for a word from this week's first sponsor, ExpressVPN. I thought I took the good one. Right? Heath's data, Get your data here. Dude, stop. Guys, guys.

You have to stop selling stuff in this Wendy's parking lot. After Cheryl introduced French toast sticks without telling us? Literally never. Okay, no, that's fair. What are you selling anyway? Heath's data. You know, what he buys, when he buys it, plus a ton of his demographic information. No, he's not.

I browse in incognito mode, by the way. Well, actually, it turns out that even in incognito mode, your online activity still gets tracked and data brokers still get to buy and sell your data. Wait, they do? Yeah, we sure do. Well, I don't like that. So what do I do about that?

Well, you could try ExpressVPN. What's ExpressVPN? Every time you connect to ExpressVPN, you get a random IP address shared by many other ExpressVPN? What's ExpressVPN? Every time you connect to ExpressVPN, you get a random IP address shared by many other ExpressVPN customers. That makes it harder for third parties to identify you or harvest your data. Best of all, ExpressVPN is super easy to use.

No matter what device you're on, phone, laptop, or smart TV, all you have to do is tap one button for instant protection. And Eli won't be able to sell my data in this parking lot? Well, not if he's using computer stuff no all right i'm in so if you really want to go incognito and protect your

privacy secure yourself with the number one rated vpn visit expressvpn.com scathing and get three extra months for free that's e-x-p-r-e-s-s-v-p-n.com scathing go to express ExpressVPN dot com slash scathing to learn more. And now back to the headlines. In our lead story tonight, in hoisted by its own petard catalog news, Christianity jumped up its own asshole this week and banned itself from a school library. The Christian idiots in Tarrant County,

Texas, were doing their latest book banning campaign and they're trying to get rid of anything that mentions sex or sexual orientation or gender identity or anything related to whatever it is they think critical race theory might be. It's a big list of things they think it might be. They're trying to ban all that and parents and community members were allowed to register a complaint about any book that might have that stuff and 33 books were officially challenged well thanks to a hero who infiltrated this bigot system they have one of those challenged books was the holy bible and they had to ban the bible yeah right, right. So basically they banned themselves.

And now they're turning to the rest of us and saying, see, we told you they'd come for the Bible. This is reverse. Stop hitting yourself. Okay. But now that we know that they're this stupid, we might actually be able to get them to hate crime themselves, too. This just opened a world of possibilities, guys. I feel like we should be able to br to rabbit them into a lot of stuff here. So, this all started last year when the Keller Independent School District

formed a special committee to review the entire list of books in the library and the curriculum. They looked at all the challenged books and kept some while banning others. But over the last year, a bunch of Christian bigots with the help of some Christian political action committees

or or hate groups whatever you want to call them they managed to stack the seven member board of trustees with three new members bigots and the new board decided to do another full review during which time all the challenged books are banned that includes the bluest eye by tony morrison yikes and an adaptation of anne frank's diary but jesus yeah they banned those two but they also banned the bible because they kind of had to because they're stupid right wait and the one that they're upset about is the one that endorses slavery and offering your daughters for rape as an olive branch yeah that's correct i think we all heard enough about Anne Frank. Am I right?

I mean, look, the girl wasn't even good at hiding. Okay. Can we get someone's story who was good? I like hiders who don't get found. Yeah. It should have been clear from the start that banning Toni Morrison and Anne Frank is fucking absurd. But apparently these Christian idiots couldn't see their own asshole coming as they twisted around

in a one-man human centipede formation and got hit in the face by their own ass. That being said, as fun as it is to watch the idiots fail for a second, this whole thing definitely ends with that school board reinstating the Bible while still banning anything about two moms or two dads

or whatever they want to ban. Intellectual honesty has no place on a school board in Texas. They wanted so badly to erase the idea of anti-black racism in American history and erase that whole kerfuffle in Germany that they also banned the Bible. In their heads, the divine word of God was worth sacrificing in order to hone the libs by whitewashing history. And, I don't know, if you listen closely, do you guys hear that?

You can hear all the tolerant liberal churches calling out the bigots. Do you hear it? Oh, just give it a second. Oh, no, it's fucking nothing. Oh, you know what? Perhaps they're being drowned out by the objections from all those free speech absolutists that always show up to defend the use of racial slurs and transphobia. Also worth noting, Texas is far from the only place this type of thing is happening.

For example, in Florida, the Stop Woke Act, also known as the Don't Say Gay Bill, bans anything from the curriculum for certain age groups that relates to sexual orientation. And it gives any parent the right to sue the school if there's a violation. Well, the Bible is definitely a violation. Obviously, you can't say gay is evil without saying gay. But these idiots forgot how, you know know wording works with the whole nature of words and how that opposite you have to say the word so maybe a lawsuit to ban the bible is the only way to get the point across they only speak dumb at this point also maybe some lawsuits to ban

every single other book in the library which are lousy with hetero couples and hetero propaganda as far as i know. They're grooming kids to be molested by pedophiles of the opposite sex and that is unacceptable. We need lawsuits. Yeah. I mean, don't get me wrong. That sounds fun, but I kind of wish we didn't have to go through a do you see how stupid you are

multi-year legal process to get common sense legislation in the country. That'd be great. I don't want to be a downer. But if we got to do absurd lawsuits, we got to do absurd lawsuits. I don't know. But there is one other solution

and it's much easier than a lawsuit. And it's actually kind of contained in the problem. These idiots just made a list of books that every kid should read. Well, except maybe the Bible, but a list of books every kid should read and told them you can't read this that alone should get plenty of kids interested right but if they're not get those books for your kids tell them about what happened and get them those books and give

them a nice reward for doing a report on each of those books and making sure they read them bring those reports to school and tell the administration do their fucking jobs that you just did for them fuck and in steady versus jason news we've got a follow-up to a good news story from a couple weeks ago that is even more good news here on the scathing atheist amazing weird yeah feels like i might have to start pinching myself if this headline segment gets any more positive. But here we go. Arkansas State Senator Jason Rayburn, who swore. I'm so happy about this.

Who swore he would, quote, never back down and never give in, end quote, to the lawsuit against him for blocking his atheist constituents on Twitter, gave up and backed down, awarding American atheists $16,000 of Arkansas's money this week after it was obvious that not backing down and not giving in was going to involve the courts seeing what he does with his social media. Yeah,

you're no Rick Ashley, buddy. He's the guy holding himself back in the TGI Friday's parking lot. Yes, right. Except instead of another drunk idiot who maybe he's afraid of, he's afraid of an atheist nerd with a law degree, which is amazing. I love this. Okay, I'm not saying Jeff Blackwell, lawyer for American atheists,

litigation counsel for them. I'm not saying Jeff couldn't beat the fuck out of Jason Ray in a TGI Friday's parking lot if he wanted to. I'm just saying he wouldn't. He's a gentleman. Okay, Heath, new plan. We get enough beers in Jeff in Phoenix in April. We get him in a fighting spirit, take a quick road trip, put a white beer on him. We can make this happen.

I believe in us. Yeah, I think like five beers he'll happily get disbarred. It's a stressful weekend. Exactly. Thank you. That's what I thought. Yeah. So for those of you who weren't here a couple of weeks ago,

Ray Burt blocked four of his constituents on Twitter and Facebook way back in 2018, which you're not allowed to do if you're using those platforms as part of your public office. American Atheist sued then last month. The judge in that case made Ray Burt turn over a giant trove of documents he's been trying to hide from the court. According to the Friendly Atheist blog, quote, they included details about all his social media accounts, including deactivated or deleted ones since 2014, all the times he's blocked people from interacting with those accounts, all the times he's reported complaints to state officials,

and all the times he's mentioned words slash phrases like atheist project blitz and christian nation in an official capacity end quote so rather than deal with the literal discoveries that that legal discovery would entail rapert settled which means that the state pays the american atheist court costs rapert will have to unblock certain atheist constituents on twitter and provide, quote, written documentation showing possible wrongdoing and quote, if he wants to block them in the future. And in response to this whole thing, Raper put up several Huffy snit videos over the

last. They're the best. Precious. But even more precious. This is my favorite part we got an escalating series of absolutely elated messages from jeff blackwell along the way do you guys see this one one was just a high-pitched squeaking noise for a good minute i don't even know how he said that as it was amazing my favorite part of those videos is where raper accuses american atheists of slander

and then goes on to slander them? Yep, he sure does. Now, this is where you come in, podcast listener. Listen closely. Jason Raypert isn't in office for much longer, but until he's gone, every time one of you, his constituents, keeps typing the

word cheese under all his Facebook posts until he blocks you, he has been ordered by a court to put in writing why he blocked you and not to toot our own horn but there are a lot of you right now i mean a lot feasibly enough of you to make jason rayburt do pretty much nothing but provide written explanations for why he's blocking our listeners for the rest of his term. Do with that information what you will. Seriously, Eli said just the word.

You could literally, he will lose his mind just seeing a little emoji of cheese after a bunch of stuff. After like the 10th one, he's going to lose his mind and he's going to have to write 10 notes. And on that note, we're going to pause for a word from our other sponsor this week, HelloFresh. Guys, what are you doing standing on the porch? We have to record the rest of the podcast. Ep, ep, ep, ep, ep. Noah, we are savoring.

You're savoring? We sure are. Summer's almost gone and so Eli and I are soaking in every last second while we still can. Right. Guys, look, if you really want to savor every last second of summer, why don't you try HelloFresh? What's HelloFresh?

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In a moment. We're still savoring. Okay, but do you have to do it naked? One savors with all parts, Noah. All? Exactly. Parts. Thank you.

Our neighbors are going to call the cops again. Let them. And we're back. Next up in headlines, you can learn a lot about people when you hear them have an argument. Is this about the patron bonus material, Heath? Yeah, it's a metaphor for everything. It's got poop in it. But yes, you can learn a lot from hearing people argue.

And that's why evangelical preachers should not have public arguments learning about them in pretty much any capacity goes very badly for them speaking of which evangelical preachers had a public argument last week that's right we have an idiot fight get excited and it's a grape themed idiot fight great yeah all right southern baptist preacher beth moore tweeted about how she has a crush on jesus christ after he provided the amazing grapes that she's growing in her garden and that's when a bunch of southern baptist patriarch dude bros had a meltdown because that tweet told us all about a graphic sexual relationship between beth moore and a ghost so they're mad where was she putting the grapes well i think it's as long as she wasn't pulling them out too

fast because that's where you get into trouble that's fair that's fair so beth moore was already a big source of problems for the southern Baptist establishment before this, mostly because she does lots of lady talking, which is highly frowned upon. And she only supports some but not all of their bigot stuff. So much. She's anti-choice and she's definitely homophobic, but she's also anti-Trump kind of. And she's a woman with a job who occasionally wears pants. So, you know, pros, cons, a lot of good, a lot of bad. Well, here's the tweet that started a very heated argument within the Southern Baptist ranks last week.

Quote, I'm growing grapes for reals. It's like a miracle. In 50 jillion degree weather. If Jesus is trying to get me to have a crush on him, it's like a miracle in 50 jillion degree weather if jesus is trying to get me to have a crush on him it's working end quote begin blood feud look beth we already done overlooked all your vagina halving but this is taking it a bit far all right it was that's okay now i kind of feel like the true cause of this you know invocation of god's will is some dude's particularly bad tomato season. Oh, these ladybugs are my fault now.

Is that what you're telling me? Absolutely. The grapes were better than tomatoes. One of them freaked out for sure. So here's a couple of the responses she got after that tweet. One guy said, Jesus Christ is not your boyfriend or your homeboy. She didn't say homeboy. That's weird to include that. Jesus is not your boyfriend or your homeboy.

He is your Lord and your savior. Read the book of Colossians. Goodness. Another said, crush. How about you love him by changing your evil ways and obeying his commandments john 14 15 exclamation well no i get it i get it because if i understand sin correctly this or this tweet means that jesus already committed mind adultery with her or something oh yeah a bunch of people are like take your relationship with the ghost of a 2 000 year old rabbi seriously i get to vote yep that's correct so beth moore she heard all that and she clapped back hard let

me hear it be ready okay let me hear it she responded some of y'all won't be getting any grape jelly for christmas no sir and don't whine to me if you're crushed about it either fucking zing right she didn't even do w-i-n-e for wine no no didn't trust her people to get it yeah no but crushed she said crush she did a bit of a word play so that was her clapback. Harsh. And that's when her nemesis just couldn't take it anymore. His name is Josh Boos. Right. Okay. It sounds like a lie, right?

Yeah, I know it does. Somebody named Bosh Juice was like, I'm not. That's not my name. What's my name? It sounds like his name. Here's what I'm going to go with. All right. And I'm sorry to derail you, Heath.

I think he is a sentient grape named Josh Juice. Put on some pink face. That makes so much sense. Started a Twitter account. If that's the case, I withdraw this whole story. It's very reasonable. But Josh Boos, allegedly, his name is Josh Boos. He went nuts. He's an extra bigot, like even for is Josh Boos, he went nuts.

He's an extra bigot, like even for a Southern Baptist preacher, which is impressive. He tweeted, when I pointed out that Beth Moore shouldn't be crushing on the Son of God, rather than clarifying, she tweeted out that some of us wouldn't be receiving any of her grape Christmas jelly. Well, someone in our church gifted me with an early christmas present last night and there's a picture of a jar of grape jelly that he got i already had jelly i don't need your joke she's come on beth come on there's a great pun about him getting marmalade just waiting for you. Yes, Beth.

Come on. We'll freelance this one for you. I know different sides, lovers to friends, all that. But we can do this. Okay. But seriously, let's take a moment to acknowledge that's the dumbest fucking response to a joke we've ever heard. Yes, right.

Right? Every year, people write to us. They write us emails to respond to their charity roasts like they were feedback on a doctoral thesis and that is still the dumbest response to a joke we've ever heard i have jelly so i win i had jelly and believe it or not this insane argument was not quite over beth moore came back by saying the jelly in the picture won't be as good as hers and she told josh boost to lighten up and that's when he said i'm actually rather light-hearted just ask my staff a lot of people a lot of light-hearted people end up saying that but when it comes to theology there's no room for ambiguity that appears to be blasphemy

and quote blasphemy right about grapes sorry wait i'm light-hearted just asked the people i could fire for disagreeing that's exactly what he said fuck i'm getting a job can't get a jar of peanut butter we are the spiritual leaders of hundreds of people. All of them also get to vote. Bring me peanut butter. I'm losing a Twitter fight. Yep. So that is what it sounds like when people have sincerely held beliefs about grapes and necrophilia and the relation of those two things to each other.

Religion is important. This is serious. They're allowed to drive and vote. And you two things to each other. Religion is important. This is serious. They're allowed to drive and vote. And you have to respect their beliefs. Yeah. Fuck. And in enough of your lies, Brary News,

throw away that rabbit's foot and spend your rent money on lotto tickets because we have even more good news from last week as the pat most library in jamestown michigan which regular listeners will remember had its funding cut entirely for its refusal to remove gay books from its shelves has raised over 150 000 for its continued existence in spite of bigots on gofundme yeah don Yeah, don't get me wrong. I'm really glad this happened, but every step our public libraries take towards being like our healthcare system

is a bad step. Yeah. Yeah. Fair. So, quick reminder, this all started because Patmos refused to remove a graphic novel about a gay person's experience

from the library. They were harassed at board meetings, they received abusive messages, and in-person visits from people calling them pedophiles and groomers and at long last last month the city voted to completely defund the library with and i didn't know this at the time of reporting last week i shit you not signs that said vote no to the library wow okay so good work to the library. Wow. Okay, so good work saving the library. That's good.

But you guys were like 10 minutes away from libertarians getting mauled by bears. I'm pretty sure that was about it. Yeah. Just weigh everything next time. Think about it. Think it all the way through. Yeah.

They wouldn't even have had access to the book that would have warned them about it. Yeah. Yeah. But like I said, this story has since gained traction and as of this recording the library had raised more than 150 000 which means it'll be able to keep its doors open with the gay books included for at least part of 2023 and i bring up this story

for an important reason last week when i talked about this story, I talked about the importance of local politics to keep this kind of shit from happening. But all too often, local politics fails us, right? Like, if you live below the Mason-Dixon line, there are probably more, you know, ignorance, Jesus love, and fuckos in your town than there are reasonable humans who deserve love and dignity.

Also in, like, fuckstick Michigan, for sure. Yeah, or anywhere outside of a large city, yeah, right. Yeah, right. Yeah, exactly. And since it's been assured to me by our legal counsel that why don't we try doing some mass shootings for a change isn't a solution to stuff like this. It isn't. Yeah. GoFundMe campaigns are.

Right. The Internet has connected our world. And unlike your town council meeting in real reality, the one that we can all see we outnumber these worthless ghouls by millions and we shouldn't be afraid to use those numbers and remind these dinosaurs that they're going extinct and that in the reasonable parts of the world by which i mean major cities they're already dead and finally tonight in mind over motto news we're going to finish the headlines right where we started them with a story about a christian nationalist effort to invade the public schools in texas going wrong yeah oh this this might be even better right it's just pretty fucking choice

it's a good week yeah it kind of is yeah so last year texas passed a law that required public schools to display in god we trust posters now they do require that the posters be donated by outside groups because forcing non-Christian parents to pay for their kids' unwanted religious indoctrination is a bridge too far for even them, apparently. But it's still bullshit. So atheist activist extraordinaire Chaz Christ-with-a-butt-plug Stevens, a.k.a. the hero Gotham needs, is answering the call by donating a bunch of posters that say, in God we trust, in Arabic. So good. And wow, just like a real sophist's choice over there. Right? I know it's sophist.

It fits sophist. Yeah, it does. It's perfect because to say no, they have to admit that they hate a language for being too muslim a whole alphabet no less yeah yeah now to their credit the texas legislature did try to chas prove this law impossible well yeah but they like they brought in like evil universe heath or whatever and asked him to plug up every possible crack where a loophole might shine through evil universe heath would have caught this, too. But the law is super specific

about what imagery goes where. They specify that the letters have to be, like, big enough to be readable by the naked eye. They specify that you have to put it in a prominent place and not in a basement behind the Beware of the Tiger sign. Hell, it even says you can't include other words, so you can't put up a sign that says, like, In case God exists, we

don't trust him, or whatever. Smart. It also, by the way, means that you can't't put up a sign that says like in case god exists we don't trust him or whatever it's like smart smart something that it also by the way means that you can't just put up a framed one dollar bill or a picture of a penny like a couple of the kids uh schools did in kentucky when they tried the same bullshit but they didn't think to specify that the words had to be in english or even in the roman alphabet so good and it turns out even that tiny crack was enough for chas to wedge himself into yeah great work also just checked there's nothing in the law that says you can't have an even bigger sign above it with an arrow pointing down and whatever you want on that bigger oh i'm just saying lots of possibilities there ideas welcomeas welcome. I was going to say, if ever there was a dream team of loopholes and fucking with Christians,

it's Heath Enright and Chaz, right? I mean, Chaz, hit us up, boo. He's not great at returning texts, but he is great in jam session. We'll get him there, buddy. We'll get him there for you. So yeah, kudos to Chaz for finding a tiny bit of wriggle room still left in this law and for recognizing that the fear of Arabic script might be a chink in the christian nationalist's armor it's also it's it's a good reminder of why atheism still needs its smart asses we might not be fun to travel with but we still have our uses i like

that they have to use his poster if they haven't got one already all right according to the technical wording of the law if he sent out a bunch of these and if they got that before something else, they have to use it technically. This is the best. With our existence as justified as it's ever going to be, I guess we can close the headlines for the night. Heath, Eli, thanks as always. Jumanji.

When we come back, David Icke will finally answer our burning questions about how we managed to grow up without knowing any of the things. I'd consider myself a lover of knowledge, and my friends can attest to the fact that my interests are quite diverse. But one of the things doing this show has taught me is that there are also wide swaths of knowledge I don't want. And rarely have I ever wanted to know something less than I wanted to know what David Icke thinks is wrong with the kids these days. But now I know it anyway for this installment of Everything You Need to Knope.

So in this chapter, we're going to learn how they, the archontic reptilian holographic Jews, cast their spell. And mostly we're going to focus on education. But again, it's by controlling perception. He calls the passing on of perception, perceptual motion. Get it?

Fuck you. Like the other impossible thing, but with a different middle phoneme. If Godawful Books has taught us anything, it's that just because you're making up confusing bullshit doesn't mean you can't give it a cutesy, somehow more confusing nickname. Right. Yeah. So this asshole starts off with two and a half pages of spelling out the very concept of the bigger picture. Yeah.

Right. Including a visual aid, which is literally a smaller picture. It is. Yeah. It's a closeup of a butterfly wing, but you know, it could have been Triscuits or a testicle. It's fascinating.

You know, we have to zoom out just to be clear though. When David Ike zooms out, he sees Jewish lizard aliens on Saturn looking all guilty. Yeah. He needs to zoom in a little more. Also got to admit, I had to look up scatter cushion. Apparently that's a British phrase.

I was a bit disappointed. It's throw pillow. It's okay. No, I use it in the way you were thinking. Okay, good. Wait, what is it actually? It's a throw pillow. Oh, boring.

And now we're talking about the deep state. It was only a matter of time, guys. God. Reading this thing, it's like I'm bartending again. He's the guy who sits down and he's like, top shelf Long Island iced tea, please, with the fancy gin. And just, you can start counting right away. Just three, two, one.

It's just like when the Jews did 9-11. That's exactly what's happening next. Yeah, yeah. Guaranteed. God, this subchapter ends with him trying to force all the uninformed Republican gripes into a single fucking list.

You might as well start blaming the Jews for the price of gas and music these days. I feel like DeSantis is just copying off David Icke for his platform at this point. It's so similar. Right. Gotta give him a cookie. Yeah. He's gonna be running against liberal Charlie Crist.

So that's exciting. And then he explains that the deep state gets you early, which is why even very young children tell David Icke he's full of shit. Yeah. And there's a visual aid for the concept of parents. You know parents? They're the like tall people

holding hands with the short people. Parents. You guys don't? Like dad? Have you heard of these? Yeah, so apparently the evil insidious program is really your fault for telling your kids the world exists. We learned that. Okay, real question. Is it just me

or did this section feel like he was soft pitching us David Icke's primary school for unfucked kids by lizards? For a long time. Yeah. So, okay. This, I love this moment so much. He literally references in his own goddamn book a fight that he got into with a ref and a children's soccer match. With a referee?

Yes. This is amazing. And a parent had to be the voice of reason and tell David Ike to shut the fuck up. If a sports dad is telling you to calm down, you just yelled a slur word at a referee. Yeah. You yelled a slur word that's worse than the slur word

from the sports dad who is telling you to calm down. Yeah. Okay, so in case your fear was insufficiently mongered, than the slur word from the sports dad who is telling you to calm down. Yeah. So, okay. So in case your fear was insufficiently monger, the next subheading is called child stealing state. He means school. Yeah, he comes after women's lib.

Yeah. Baffling. His point at the end of this paragraph is essentially, if y'all weren't so busy in the voting booth, you might notice the Jew hologram stealing your baby. Yes. Yeah.

He then argues that the state's effort to curb child abuse are going too far. Yeah. I mean, this is clearly just David Icke being mad about that one time or probably many times that a social worker saw him walking down the street. He's wearing the fucking bead curtain of turquoise for pants with two kids next to him he has kids and the social worker was like hey kids you okay over there you want to blink twice if you need help from turquoise right yeah i noticed your dad called himself the godhead do you want to have a private conversation he just yelled godhead he didn't know who i was and then yeah so then he bemoans the existence of publicly funded education in a subchapter called schools programming prisons for

kids okay he's like basically he's like if you think about it the dropouts are the ones that get the real education yeah david ike and guys wearing big dog t-shirts same educational philosophy he actually argues against education that prepares you for a job because that is a lizard alien conspiracy and a person whose job right now is writing books writing that sentence in this book so inside of his own ass. Perfect. It's amazing. And then he treats us to his back of the cereal box. Understanding of fucking neurology in a sub chapter about brain hemispheres called left, right,

left, left, left. No, no, B-A-B-A selects. He doesn't. Right.

Exactly. Right. Yeah. No, apparently the bad guy's biggest fear is people as articulate as David Icke and that's why they discourage us from doing artsy stuff.

Yeah, too much art and science and you could choke to death on a cookie dressed as a turtle shell disco ball. Okay, just to be clear, if lizard aliens who control the world could be defeated

by more like BFA degrees, the beginning of the sentence was wrong. Yes, right. No, just none of that. could be defeated by more like BFA degrees. The beginning of the sentence was wrong. Yes, right. No, just it's none of that. I'm just picturing like an Avengers Endgame lineup. All the bad aliens have landed. I step forward.

Alien ships just start exploding in the sky. Right. Oh my God, it's a fucking pigeon. I don't know. He really means it hey you can have his rings he goes the mystic osho explained it perfectly i'm like i already don't believe you before i read the quote man already don't believe you yeah quick reminder osho by the way is the wild wild country capitalism based guru yes so yeah david ike is now sourcing from the we got to poison all these homeless people

guy. Also, the whole some people are left brain, some people are right brain, that's a myth. It's not how it works. None of that is anything. It's so much more complex than that. He spends a lot of this chapter bitching about his homework, right? And we're going to have a free soda

machine in the cafeteria and ponies for like his whole thing this whole book is like he's running for middle school vice president it's so stupid he has this really long quote where somebody points out that if your kids watch eight hours of television a day homework really starts to eat and into their free time i don't know about you all but my kid is following three soaps right now and he needs to focus he needs to focus cat i i love how boomers are always all like oh well in my day kids played outside and they never realized that the reason it changes because there's just more interesting shit than drinking from a garden hose now right not to heath not to heath isn't

that right buddy i started nose for life buddy? I have garden hose for life. You have garden hose water and you have raspberries from the thing and you just play ball game. Sports. Very simple. So I feel like, look how dumb all those educated people are as a real key to his appeal

though. Right. Books are stupid. Well, okay. Except for this one, books are stupid. It except for this one books are stupid it's just like plato said in his allegory the cape no it's fuck fuck he's like he's talking about schools and he's like well if schools are so great why would kids not want to be in them i'm like yeah that's how we know the dentistry is bullshit too man yeah and kissing grandma wait what he's got a whole section on algebra bunch of bullshit am i right okay at this point he just completely forgot he was writing a book and he started playing out a fight that he had with his middle school math teacher at some yes he actually said this is

an exact quote he says like algebra what the fuck is that all about what does x equal couldn't care less mate that's an exact and then he's like fart noise boobies yeah five million three hundred eighteen thousand eight whatever it is flip it over it says boobies in the calculator well and also so he occasionally like accidentally broken clocks his way into a few actual problems with public education. So you always have to temper those moments with the fact that he's doing all of this in service of the point that lizard Jews from space are trying to take over the world. Right. Yeah. And his criticisms of public education are almost always those fucking minion meme like I ain't never done used algebra in my life. And it's like, yeah, man, you're a bar back at Outback Steakhouse. If education was directed

at your life path, school could have happened over Memorial Day weekend. That's not how we roll. Right. But if you had an extra semester of art class instead of math, you'd be crushing it at one of the, you know, at one of those art firms. You'd be doing great

we gotta change the school system at one point he starts talking about how being a teacher sucks and I'm like I'm sure it does but at least some of that's cause like kids parents are sometimes you right yeah he's basically spent an entire meal complaining about the food and now he's wondering

during dessert why the waiter seems unhappy yeah yeah he's arguing in dessert why the waiter seems unhappy yeah yeah he's arguing in favor of like more art programs in school but he fucks that up like of course i agree with that and you still got that wrong somehow yeah uh and then he pitches us on the idea of homeschooling in a chapter called another way he starts this one off going like hey you know who else wanted all the kids to learn stuff in public schools nazis that's right fucking nazis right but they were pretty clearly anti-globalist bankers i feel like david i was really torn there about the nazis in this particular way he starts talking about self-directed learning and i'm like look man i'm normally a real advocate of self-directed learning

but given that we're reading about it from the poster child of the dangers of self-directed learning, I'm going to hold off on my endorsement a bit. Hard saying. This subchapter might as well be called, uh-uh, Noah and Eli, sometimes idiots homeschool their kids too. Most people are idiots. They're worse than

the underpaid public school teacher. Well, and even the ones that generally don't have time to actually do it or yeah or can't do it yeah oh and if you didn't think it was boomer enough at this point by the way he literally starts bitching about participation yes yeah for a guy who was given the godhead on a mountain in peru by doing absolutely nothing on his own admission awful judging of other people right and you're gonna get something right once in a while yeah fine all right so with uh parenthood and primary school out of the way he goes i'm talking about the real evil college he's a college is unnecessary just look at me i'm like that's not the dunk you think it is davy stop yeah if a lot of your chapters

point depends on a deep and earnest admiration of david ike you're gonna lose me we're looking at you man he goes the poor kids i argue with on college campuses aren't always smarter than me gotcha okay does he actually do that does he go to universities and do that man on the street bullshit i'm sure he does oh god i hope so just kids running over to ray comfort hey i'm not a good person can you save me from turquoise do you have any answers about jesus i don't know could we pit them against right yeah yeah exactly i feel like we could oh they might explode or like i would rent the ark park or whatever the fuck they do those debates form a black hole of knowledge that's a three-man audience and worth every penny so of course this is where we learn that the real problem schools is that they don't teach David

Icke's version of reality. This is also where I wrote my notes. God, I wish I could read at 1.5x, you know? What the fuck is x? Some kind of like ivory tower algebra? He starts talking about brain resonance.

Okay, thank you. He's going, dribbling into a paragraph so hard that it feels like a heroin nod here. Right? He's like, that learning, by which, to which, you could also learn, if you knew.

Just going to rest on this fire hydrant for a second. You okay? Middle of New York City. And then he tackles the whole but what about steve problem right which is some of the people reading this will know some of the people that would have to be in on the globalist space lizard program and would know them well enough to know they're not this is a subchapter called programmed programming where he starts off by complaining that health journalists don't even ask reiki practitioners about the diseases and stuff.

Yeah, which, just for the record, he's actually wrong about. Yeah. Like, it's not a good point, even if he was. But Reiki is one of the most tested and disproven in the category of bullshit. Right? So the they haven't checked is wrong about wrong. Yeah. Yet, you can still get your insurance including medicare here in the united

states to cover reiki oh jesus you just have to get a real thing plus reiki and they cover it so fucked up that's how it works god i and also this is like i thought he was gonna actually make it we're more than halfway through the chapter he hadn't brought up the matrix yet i was really i had high hopes for him but no no he loses it here no he hits that almost every moment so just to be clear though in david ike's idea of the matrix neo went to the oracle and choked on one of her cookies then he went outside during a storm got struck by lightning and shat himself and then he wrote this book yeah he's the one yeah and then he dedicates the subchapter to like his don't think you're little think you're a good size message

he said he's like the key to life is not caring what other people think of you i'm like dude you have complained 144 times so far in this book including on the cover about how insane people say you are. He does. Just to review now. So algebra is a scam. Quantum resonance are two words he used. We're in the matrix. And that means, of course, three, two, one.

All the political parties are the same. He really makes that point here. He says, and it's the weirdest way to describe this. makes that point here he says and it's the weirdest way to describe this he's like so you know how there's a bunch of types of cheese but only two major political parties rothschild nazi matrix robots us and uk same thing democrats republicans labor tories all the same yeah at one point he says they sell us our dreams to keep us asleep and that line was like too good for him so i had to google it to find out what pop song he stole it from. I didn't find one.

So if you know, feel free to message me. Yeah, just David Icke hiding in the bushes behind stone teenagers taking notes. Just like the Matrix. Yeah.

Got it. This is where I distilled the thesis of the chapter into accomplishments equals sour grapes. Then he invokes a theoretical martian that agrees with him for two fucking pages right he's just he's like if you imagine a martian looking at this they would probably agree with me that work sucks but yeah man we all agree that work sucks

we just don't all agree that it's evidence of trans-dimensional spaceless exactly dentistry like you pointed out before. Yes. Imagine needing the explanation for not enjoying your job at Chipotle to be, I bet the Jews have simulated reality to drain my spiritual energy for their goddammit. That's when...

Otherwise, I would love scooping these beans. Feels like, yeah, it's a bunch of work stress for the space lizards too, now that I think about it. Maybe they're being simulated by, like, MetaJew lizard. Sorry, extra corn? Yeah, got it. This here, right here, corn?

Don't just ask for a tortilla with beans and cheese. That's not a hack, isn't it? You're just stealing from Chipotle. I don't fucking care, but it's not a hack. All right, and then we learn that money is how they get you in a sub chapter called money money money funny money what? no idea there's a video on his website that will explain

how money works if you're interested by the way yeah I checked it out because I have the ebook version and it's a broken link but then I googled it and I found a clone of it on fucking bootube.com and this video is scientifically designed, my friends, to raise Heath's blood pressure. Like if Heath were ever frozen in ice and I were called on to reanimate him, I'm going to play this video.

God. OK. In fairness to this video, though, it is how money works. If algebra is indeed a hoax. Right. Yeah, exactly. If you don't give a fuck what X equals. So yeah,

this is where he explains that being poor sucks, ergo Illuminati lizards. He also says being rich sucks because you know, being poor would suck, extra ergo Illuminati lizards. That's really one of the points he makes.

I bet you in my notes I've just written, please explain how the Fed is a Ponzi scheme. Please, oh, please, oh, please, oh, please. It gets really fucking close. It does. It gets really close. He tries to explain fractional reserve banking and it goes so good. So very badly. He's like, banks are allowed

to have 90% magical it's X times very badly. He's like, banks are allowed to have 90% magical. It's X times. Oh, no. Jew. You see him shaking in the book and then saying a slur word.

Oh, and again, I'm like, yes, banks suck. Still not proof of the Illuminati, dude. Nope. It's so close. He gets so fucking close.

He's like, okay, they charge you money just to hold your money and you should be doing that so close davy so close yeah also congrats to whatever lizard bank is giving david ike a negative interest rate on his deposits i'm really happy about that so here i actually almost wrote this down because here's the thing almost certainly what this means is that david ike is constantly going over his bank balance or not having like the thousand dollars required in his account to avoid those charges and he's just tattling on davy here ah and and then this list of pillars of society that suck finally rolls around to religion under

the subheading the god program and i'm like do not make me agree with you again motherfucker but luckily his this whole subject or is just like a list of weird shit that jews do okay it is though that's the whole thing yeah okay guys guys look we don't like to agree with David Icke at any of these moments, but I mean, the chicken swinging feels spaceless. No, that's right. It feels stupid fucking Jewish religion. Anyway, turquoise is magic and I'm a transcendental Godhead. Yeah. Yeah.

You know what really grinds my gears about the Jews? I'm going to do a whole section about that. No, right. Yeah. The opening sentence is religion is bad. And then everything else after that is like like judaism for example it is though but then he he like adds like all the non-jewish faiths into their own sub-chapter called madness madness masquerading as faith yeah so i guess that's a little bit better just just no spoiler he's gonna circle right the

fuck back to judaism after this absolutely well even within this right because he's like well the problem with christianity is that it's too satanic and i'm like dude i agree with almost every sentence that starts that way but you still manage to love it it's hard to do okay did you guys during this little section did you guys have a gross curiosity about what the good religion David keeps referencing looks like? Because I feel like it's standing in fields getting magic powers from the Godhead. I think you're right. It is that

and shitting yourself and then lying about it. And it's definitely talking too loud at a bar, but everyone somehow likes you and you're popular and you have a top shelf Long Island. So he also points out, by the way, that really liking a baseball team is also a religion. So that sucks, too, I guess.

Except for being a Yankees fan, which is delightful. And I think we can all agree the Yankees are the lizard alien demon Jews of baseball. Very clearly. I think a lot of people would agree with that. Yeah. To varying extents, people would agree with that. It's like being in the house at a casino. You got to love it.

There's a bit at the end here, too, where he's like, the Illuminati don't really care what you believe as long as you don't believe the thesis of this book. And I'm like, I'll take that deal, right? So you guys can have my monatomic gold or whatever it is. You're at my fear or whatever that you eat. And then we wrap up on this enigmatically titled subheading called pennies in parentheses, real ones are dropping.

What? Fuck it. What? Yeah. He tries to put a positive spin on this, but of course it has, it's David Icke. So it's like the good news is that people have never been more disconnected from reality.

Yes. You have to understand that everything terrible that's happened over the last however many years is all good for david ike right so he steps into bizarro world and spends a subchapter praising like unmonitored social internet and the inability to do lateral research i i thought he was going to praise bipolar disorder next working great for me guys also just peeked ahead a little bit to the rest of this book right in the next chapter we're gonna get cia magic global warming russia vaccines it's it's like a bunch of like a billy joel song yeah we're also gonna get 53 mentions of the

rothschild family coming up 61 61 mentions of the Clinton family coming up. I'm surprised. And 243 mentions of Zionism coming up. That doesn't count Judaism, Jewish, none of that. Just Zionism specifically. Wow. Lucky us. All right.

So with that to look forward to, we're going to close this book and give ourselves another month to work up the nerve to open it again. Until then, remember kids kids reading is overrated before we reel in the line tonight i want to give you yet another reason to come see us at qed in manchester england on october 29th and 30th just announced breaking news on the friday before the conference on the 28th our very own heath enright is going to be hosting a trivia quiz that's open to any QED ticket holder. Space is limited, though. They're already getting a bunch of sign-ups, so you are encouraged to register ahead if you want to attend. Look for more information on the show notes for this episode or at QEDCon.org.

Anyway, that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight. We'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait to look out for our brand-new episode of our sister show, The Skeptocrat, debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Monday, an even newer episode of our sister show's hot friend, Godawfulocrat, debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Monday, an even newer episode of our sister show's hot friend, Godawful Movies, debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Tuesday, and an even newer episode of our half-sister Solicitation Needed debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously, this episode wouldn't episode right if I

neglected to thank Ethan Wright for being the Rassin to my Frassin, Eli Bosnick for being the Rootin to my Tootin, and Lucinda Lusions for being the Dag to my Nabbit. I also want to thank Travis for providing this week's Farnsworth quote and, at least to some degree, this week's air. But most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's best pipeheads, Warhammer 300, Sean Benjamin, Yonan, Jason,

TheBrianD, WhenWillYouCleanUp, Alan Dershowitless, Drake, Ian, Brian, Lane, Sherry, Piare, Mike, and Evan. Warhammer, Sean, Benjamin, Yonan, and Jason, who are so badass they eat jawbreakers like jelly beans. BrianCleanUp, Drake, Ian, and Brian, who are so hot the sun worries about getting them burns. And Lane, Sherry, Pi Drake, Ian, and Brian, who are so hot the sun worries about getting them burns.

And Lane, Sherry, Piare, Mike, and Evan, who are so smart they're allowed to wear mortarboard hats just whenever they want. Together, these 15 delectable disbelievers deign to donate dollars to our desperate diatribes against deistic delusion this week by giving us money. If you, too, would like to give us money, you can make a per-episode donation at patreon.com slash scathingatheist, whereby you'll earn access to an extended ad-free version of every episode. Or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the Donate button on the right side of the homepage at scathingatheist.com. And if you'd like to help, a podcast you've donated to or burned you before, you can also help a ton by leaving us a five-star review, telling a friend about the show, and following at P-I-A-T-Pod on Twitter. Legal services to this podcast are provided by the Law Offices of P. Andrew Torres. Tim Robinson handles our social media, and our audio engineer is Martin Clark,ark who showed all the music that was used in this episode which was used with

permission if you have questions comments or death threats find all the contact info on the contact page at sc i mean it's for marsh it's really it's sometimes it's just for us yeah exactly and that's it the preceding podcast was a production of puzzle in a thunderstorm llc copyright 2022 all rights reserved