The Scathing Atheist - 505: Badge to the Bone Edition

Episode Date: October 20, 2022

In this week’s episode, JD vance is afraid his children will turn into chipmunks without his permission, Herschel Walker tries to win a debate with a Carrot Top gambit, and the kids these days just won’t stay off of David Icke’s lawn. --- To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click there: https://www.amazon.com/Outbreak-Crisis-Religion-Ruined-Pandemic/dp/B08L2HSVS8/ To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/ To hear more from our intrepid audio engineer Morgan Clarke, click here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/ --- Headlines: Herschel Walker denies abortion ban support and brandishes ‘police badge’ in Georgia debate: https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2022/oct/15/us-midterm-elections-herschel-walker-abortion-ban-police-badge-georgia-senate-debate-warnock https://www.nytimes.com/2022/10/14/us/politics/walker-warnock-georgia-senate-debate.html GOP Senate candidate demands schools notify parents if their kids identify as chipmunks: https://www.lgbtqnation.com/2022/10/gop-senate-candidate-demands-schools-notify-parents-kids-identify-chipmunks/ Ted Cruz mocked for sharing fake article about LGBTQ people and refusing to apologize: https://www.lgbtqnation.com/2022/10/ted-cruz-mocked-sharing-fake-article-lgbtq-people-refusing-apologize/ https://www.lgbtqnation.com/2022/10/school-board-meeting-descends-chaos-protestors-demand-book-bans/ Oklahoma bans gender-affirming care for minors at state-funded hospital: https://www.lgbtqnation.com/2022/10/oklahoma-bans-gender-affirming-care-minors-state-funded-hospital/ One million moms backtracks after prematurely dancing on uncancelled show’s grave: https://onlysky.media/hemant-mehta/one-million-moms-little-demon-cancellation/ --- This Week in Misogyny: Religious freedom group urges commission of inquiry into Iranian crackdown on hijab protests: https://religionnews.com/2022/10/14/religious-freedom-group-asks-for-un-commission-of-inquiry-into-irans-crackdown/ Indian Supreme Court liberalizes abortion laws: https://religionnews.com/2022/10/03/in-india-where-hindu-majority-has-complex-views-supreme-court-liberalizes-abortion-law/ SBC President endorses forcing 10 year old rape victims to have babies: https://onlysky.media/hemant-mehta/bart-barber-60-minutes-interview-showed-the-cruelty-of-southern-baptists/

Warning, this podcast contains more profanity than Noah playing Q-Bert. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by HelloFresh and by Herschel Walker's favorite law enforcement supply store, Spirit Halloween. Spirit Halloween, we can also make you a military veteran. And now, The Scathing Atheist. Hi, this is Tom from Ireland. For the last few years, we have been screaming and kicking away from the clutches of the Catholic Church. We're not there yet, my god we're getting there and I can assure you we

did in fact evolve from filthy monkey men and probably leprechauns. It's Thursday. It's October 20th. And it's the International Day of the Air Traffic Controller. Yeah, so to all the air traffic controllers, why are you listening to a podcast right now? Stay focused, man. You better be off the clock. I'm no illusions.

I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heath Enright. And from Albert Einstein's New Jersey and Auburn, Michigan and Waycross, Georgia, this is the Skating Atheist. On this week's episode, J.D. Vance is afraid his children will turn into chipmunks without his permission. Herschel Walker tries to win a debate with a carrot top gambit. And the kids these days just won't stay off of David Icke's lawn.

But first, the diatribe. So last Tuesday, the Supreme Court declined a case about fetal personhood, because, you know, fetuses aren't people. And admitting that really undercuts their whole argument against reproductive rights. Declaring a fetus a person who deserves constitutional protection, which is exactly what this case wanted to do, would wreak havoc not just on abortion rights, but on in vitro fertilization, child support laws, contraception acts, all kinds of shit. Havoc is, after all, the inevitable result when you declare a thing to be a thing that it isn't in a binding way, a legally binding way. Of course, the fact that it would be untenable,

illogical, and damaging isn't necessarily enough to keep this court from doing it, right? I mean, it didn't stop a far less ideological court in the Trinity Lutheran decision, so why the fuck would it stop these holy crusaders? It might just be that they're waiting for a case with more favorable facts or that they don't want to put this shit in the headlines right before the midterms. One way or the other, though, the nonsensical idea that a fetus, from the moment of fucking conception conception is a full-fledged human being with rights and protections under law is the next goal for the anti-abortion warriors. And it's something that this court is going to have to reckon with in light of the Dobbs decision.

And that got me to think of the other day, like how the fuck can religious people claim that they believe that fetuses are people when they're not even willing to go that far when it comes to children. They claim to think that fetuses are people, but then they treat children as property. They think they have an exclusive right to decide how their kid gets educated. That is, whether they learn real stuff or made-up bullshit,

or in extreme cases like Amish communities, they get to decide that their children don't get educated at all. They get to decide how their kids get treated medically. And they think this is a divine and inalienable fucking right. They get to withhold vaccinations from them, not because of the religious objection of the child themselves. Of course, because how the fuck would a kid know enough about vaccinations or religion to have an informed opinion on the intersection of those two things? No, it's based on the objections of the parents who, though their opinions are clearly no more informed than their fucking kids, hold it religiously and therefore

it matters. And that's a list that could just go on and on forever, right? When a new potential law comes along seeking to expand the minimum rights of children, you can bet your ass that the strongest opposition to that law will be coming from religious groups, right? That is assuming that the law is trying to protect them from actual harm. If you're trying to protect them from demonic rock music or knowing how sex works, religions will be all there for you, right? But if you're trying to protect them from abuse,

you can bet your ass that the chief opposition is quoting Proverbs 13.24 on the relationship between rod sparing and child spoiling. And this goes for psychological abuse as well as physical abuse. Religion is, after all, the last sanctuary of the so-called conversion therapy bullshit. Hell, it's gotten to the point where their fucking religious homophobia has them coming out against anti-bullying campaigns. They treat children as property. They think of children as property. It's right there in their favorite summary of their faith, right? John 3.16, for God so loved the world, he gave his only begotten son that whosoever believe that them

shall not perish, but have everlasting life. What the fuck does it mean to give your son? How the fuck is your kid a thing that you can give? If Jesus wasn't God's property, but rather an autonomous individual, that doesn't even make sense. Sacrificing your son is an act of cowardice, not kindness. Now, they try to rescue this shit with their belabored trinity bullshit god is jesus after all but even then they don't save the quote they don't summarize their faith by saying that god loved the world so much that he gave himself they say he loved it so much that he gave his son because to them that actually is a sacrifice a child is a piece of property that one can give and how could you honestly think you had some right to deprive a person of education

or medicine if you didn't believe that so yeah religious people shut the fuck up about fetal parenthood until you're at least willing to grant that to all the entities that we can all agree are people and then keep shutting the fuck up because all the other stuff you say is harmful bullshit too. They're talking about you, Jesus. I interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news bulletin. Joining me for headlines tonight are the triglycerides and phospholipids

to my sterols, Heath Enright and Eli Bosnick. Fellas, are you ready to chew the fat? Yeah, I guess that fits. Three fatty acids and some alcohol. That's the two turntables and a microphone of heathness right there. Yeah, and as much as I try not to disagree with your intros,

know what? My doctor assures me that I am, in fact, mostly triglycerides at this point. Oh, okay. Should have swapped them out. Swapped them around, yeah. Where's the fat? I don't like to give notes. Three fatty acids and some alcohol. Okay, I thought you Yeah. Where's the fat? I don't like to give notes. Three fatty acids and some alcohol. Okay. I thought you were setting up a call and response where you were going to say, where's the fat?

And I was supposed to go, I'm the fat. And I was like, hey, man, I need you to run this past me. No, you were supposed to say three fatty acids and some alcohol, like in the song. Fine. In our lead story tonight, the worst Christians we have in this country are Christians. Yeah. And the most obvious confirmation of that fact comes in the form of U.S. Senate

candidate Herschel Walker. His qualifications for that position include being good at football like 40 years ago and also nothing else. Done. End of list. And honestly, he wasn't even that good at football. He was good in college.

He had like two or three good seasons in the NFL. He was meh for a pro, but meh at football plus anti-choice means really fucking good Christian according to almost half the country. Even when you get caught paying for an abortion and then lying about it, as we learned recently about Herschel Walker.

Yeah, well, and as Raphael Warnock aptly demonstrates to those very same voters, good Christian means bad Christian. Yeah. The best part about this story is that at this point, Heath could still be going in one of 46 equally valid directions. I don't know what he's going to talk about. So many different lies in such a short time with this guy. It's amazing. So the latest development in Herschel's walk for office

was the debate last week between him and Democrat Raphael Warnock. And if I'm being honest, Herschel Walker performed way better than I expected. Yeah, he performed very badly, which is way better than I expected. The GOP clearly spent a bunch of time and effort getting Walker lots of debate coaching. And one of the main tactics was to suggest that Warnock isn't a proper Christian. Just a quick reminder, Senator Warnock is a pastor, has been for decades at Ebenezer Baptist Church in Atlanta, a position also held by Martin Luther King Jr. But all that didn't stop Herschel Walker from trying to establish himself as the real Christian, including at one point yelling at Raphael Warnock, do not bear false witness. Yes.

That was fun. Which is so, so rich. At that moment, Warnock almost had a laughing fit, understandably. He managed to catch himself and he responded calmly. Yeah, well, my children know I am with them and for them. Not adding. Yeah, just real quick. How many kids do you have? Yeah, too slow. Yeah, right. Now, I'm impressed he didn't say how many unaborted kids do you have? Yeah, yeah. I mean, there's no better way to clarify that you're an american christian than yelling an out of context bible quote about lying at the guy with

martin luther king jr's job while you're actively lying amazing so obviously it would be insane for herschel walker to bring up the abortion issue after the aforementioned revelation about his past but you know it would be insane for him to run for u.s senate yet here we are when he got a question about that recent news from the moderators he doubled down and completely denied once again that he paid for an abortion of the woman who showed a literal receipt and a check from herschel walker that week for the amount it cost and once he was done bearing false witness about that he actually kept going on the abortion issue he turned to senator warnock and said instead of aborting all those babies why aren't you baptizing those babies which i mean that raises a lot of questions about like what he thinks a pastor does

yeah and also how he thinks baptizing a fetus would work logistically yeah right meanwhile there's a mormon kid in the corner with the palms up why not both okay but not not to bring the mood down but the fact that these guys are even close in the polls justifies a nuclear first strike against Georgia. I'm sorry, Noah. Greater good, all that. He's just, oh, maybe you can drink

the holy water and then it'll get to the uterus, right? That's what happened with a GoPro and some holy water. Yeah. And there's just one other quick moment

I want to mention from the debate. Whatever could it be? Just a really small thing. Really small thing. So the topic was defunding the police. It was Warnock's turn to speak and he decided that a quick pivot was probably the move. I believe he was correct.

He said, approximate quote, now that we're on the subject of police, just a quick thing. Everyone on stage, raise your hand if you never threatened to shoot out with police or pretended to be a police officer. Hands down, Herschel. Hands down.

Thank you. Just me. Cool. And that's when Herschel Walker pulled a fake badge out of his pocket. Quite certain he wasn't literally proving himself wrong in the dumbest way possible as a response to that. I'm also a pilot as this pin clearly shows. It's the craziest, most obviously fake thing in the world. But more importantly, and this haunts me, the moderator of the debate basically responded to that by saying, what did we say about props?

basically responded to that by saying, what did we say about props? Which means Herschel Walker showed up with a fucking Mary Poppins bag full of visual aids and the moderator had to talk him down for an hour before the debate. And it didn't work. It didn't work. Okay, what about the slide whistle?

Just for fun. No, no. Put it down. Okay. Making whoopee cushions. You still have the slide whistle behind your back? No. Yes.

Don't pair false witness, asshole. So, just to be clear, Walker has an honorary badge from a local department for some volunteer work he did. Not a police officer. Nope. Definitely not that. Also, that police department department not the fbi no he has made claims yeah no he was not a an agent of the fbi either he might as well have reached into a cereal box and said as you can see my rank is captain of crunch so well captain but

still it's a rank in police sometimes but more, he's the opposite of a good Christian. Yet he'll be getting about 2 million votes from Christian people in Georgia. They'll be voting against a Baptist pastor who embodies all the virtues that a Christian person would describe as Christ. Like if you ask them what that means. Yep. And Warnock is only ahead in the polls by a few points. So fucking vote yeah

yeah and in more you have to fucking vote news you always this that before everything we say that too senate candidate and scathing atheist favorite tim ryan is only up three points in the polls and that should fucking terrify you because in spite of the fact that he released a campaign ad about how much his wife hates him and while acknowledging that tim ryan's last major political appearance was to ask liz warren why her hair smelled so nice and then walk into a nearby mall fountain with his pockets full of stones, his opponent is J.D. Vance, a legitimately dangerous Republican who, among his many terrible faults, reported anti-trans bullshit about kids identifying as animals this week. So yes, you have to vote for my best friend and hero, Tim Ryan.

Ryan, yes, you do. Now, in fairness to J.D. Vance, you might have heard that from the revered political scholars Joe Rogan and Tulsi Gabbard during a recent episode of Joe Rogan's podcast. They really talked about that. And don't worry, internationalists, you've only got two weeks to go

of us trying to prevent the midterm disaster. Then we move on to trying to mitigate it. Yeah, they're fine. Look, if J.D. Vance was in competition to last longer than a lettuce, I'd be way more relaxed

about this thing. Okay, relax. I'm just checking if Liz Truss is still... Okay, yeah, she is. Nope, still beating that lettuce. TikTok, though. So, yeah, Vance's desperation is tasteable at this point. He appeared on the Christian radio program The Bill Cunningham Show,

where the host, in what can only be described as a fugue state of American politics, asked the following question, quote, there are some students identifying as cats and they bring kitty litter with them to school. Some identify as dogs and they have to be called Fido

and little pussy cats instead of human beings okay not a question but more importantly that's just ridiculous that's absurd they shouldn't have to bring their own litter the school can find the budget to pay for the litter yeah no so jd vance is running on the eradicating the alligators from our sewers platform, except with bigotry. Right, exactly. The trans alligators from our sewers. Yes, right. Bill's question continued, one of the worst things is

if they do not use the proper preferred nouns and pronouns of other students, K through 12th grade. Okay, just real quick. The noun for student is student, I believe. The preferred noun. So you guys can go ahead and check that one off the list of problems you gotta deal with.

It's student. Schools will be required to socially transition using child-selected names and pronouns in school. Minor kids like yours, JD Vance, will not be notified if your child wants to socially transition to a different gender or

to an animal species. Here comes that question, Heath. Are you ready? Should you be entitled to know if your seven-year-old identifies as a chipmunk? Jesus Christ. Which is kind of awesome because you know that at least in that moment,

in that exact second, as he processed that series of words, J.D. Vance was fully aware of what he'd become. He really did. It's like that moment when Tim Ryan told him what a piece of shit, J.D. Vance was fully aware of what he'd become. He really did. It's like that moment when Tim Ryan told him what a piece of shit sellout he was and you could see him just be like, You don't have to be super fucking mean, man.

We're just trying to run for senator. I didn't think Tim Ryan was going to call me a cuck in the middle of the stage. God damn it. You guys saw him be super mean, right? I was just trying to be a senator. No one gave you $50 million. Now, to J.D. Vance's credit, he gave as noncommittal an answer as you can get

when someone asks you if the trans are going to steal your vital fluid, saying, quote, I think I'm very much entitled to know that. What a crazy point we've reached in this country. My thoughts exactly. Where schools are doing this stuff without the approval of parents and quote. But, you know, you don't actually sorry. Credit withdrawn because he does not say, hey, sorry, what you just said is fucking insane. And then he used this point

to transition into his support for Ron DeSantis' don't say gay law, saying that it was preventing pornography in school. So yeah, no, no, quit it with Ron. Just another quick thing.

This is all a lie. This has never happened. Nope. Name one school with a litter box for kids. Point it out. Nothing. Exactly.

Why? Nobody's ever pointed out. It's always like a friend of a friend told me that a school would. Never once. Also, who the fuck cares? Get a litter box then. Sure. The fictional cat people, again, they don't exist, but they aren't using the TP and the flush water, hypothetically.

They should get a voucher from the state for that amount of money, actually. And they can use that to pay for private cat school. That's what, what the fuck is that? What am I talking about? One last thing about this story. I just got to throw this out there. I find Bill Cunningham's example a little too convenient, if you know what I mean. Because I don't know if you, podcast listener, have Googled J.D. Vance or seen his face lately,

but if anyone's going to identify as a chipmunk, it's J.D. Vance. I guess what I'm saying is, and breaking news here on The Scathing Atheist, I think Bill's original question was, isn't it true that you're a giant chipmunk grown in a KFC lab that escaped and is now running for Senate? But, you know, the brass up top wouldn't let him run with the lead. Yeah, too hard hitting for them. And on that note, we're going to take a quick break for a word for this week's first sponsor. Hello, Fresh.

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This Week in Massage. I'm not usually a big fan of the U.S. Commission for International Religious Freedom. I know that sounds bad on its face, but this is a government department that sprang into existence in the late 90s and has mostly been used to promote Christian causes and pander to Christian voters. But sometimes it does good stuff too, which was the case this week when it urged for a commission of inquiry at the UN to look into Iran's brutal suppression of the current anti-Hajib protest, still ablaze in their country. Hell, the protest has gotten so big now the government is deeming it a rebellion. We've been talking about these protests for a while now, and as I mentioned last week, the government's tactics have grown

increasingly brutal. But it looks like they're not just targeting the protesters. It's looking more and more like they're using the widespread violence to their advantage against other dissonance and religious minorities. But regardless of who they're killing or why, the fact is that they're straight up massacring their citizens over a fucking sexist headscarf. But not all the international news is so dire. I was excited to see a story out of India this week that bodes well for that country's commitment to reproductive rights. See, the Supreme Court in India is a pretty liberal body, far more liberal than the rest of the government at least, and that's led to a situation where even as the nation's leaders are tipping towards more exclusion and conservatism, the laws are tipping more towards liberty. And that was the case again this week when

the Supreme Court ruled that abortion was protected up to 24 weeks into a pregnancy. Now, the laws about abortion in India are pretty complicated, and I don't have time to dive too deeply into them. Suffice it to say that something like a third of the abortions in the country leading up to this ruling were done illegally. And there were particularly onerous restrictions on abortion for single women. But abortion is considered to be among the gravest of sins, according to Hindu tradition. So every victory in this department is hard won and worth celebrating. But enough about good news.

Let's get back to domestic news. Specifically, I want to highlight the interview 60 Minutes aired on Sunday with the new president of the Southern Baptist Convention. See, the SBC is in a ton of hot water at the moment. We've been reporting on their ongoing sex abuse scandals for a while, but apparently the Justice Department aren't regular listeners, so they are only now hearing about it recently. And the organization's response was so bad that they're double-checking to make sure it wasn't criminal. Well, the SBC's new president is trying to get out ahead of that with a media blitz where his main goal is to demonstrate that however mad you are about this, he's madder. Those old leaders may have ignored and belittled the victims, but those guys are gone, or at least one of them is.

And he's on your side. He's appalled at the sexism that was allowed to go on at the organization that he now heads. And to his credit, he did a pretty good job with that early in the interview. But then Anderson Cooper started asking him about abortion, and he reminded us where that sexism comes from. him about abortion and he reminded us where that sexism comes from. How could someone with his organization possibly think it was okay to belittle women and treat them as a lesser life form? Well, maybe we start with the president who tells a national audience that 10-year-old rape victims should be forced to bear the rapist baby, which is an actual position that he actually staked out before the interview was over. And that's when he was trying to present his empathetic side. So yeah, with that stark reminder of what we're up against,

I'll hand things back over to Noah, Heath, and Eli. Thank you, Lucinda. Next up in headlines, American people are really bad at reading. And we talked about this on the last episode of our sister show, The Ske skeptocrat a guy in ohio got arrested and jailed for making a parody website about his shitty local police department he filed a lawsuit and it got dismissed by two different federal judges and now he's hoping to have the supreme court take a look and he got a bit of help in the form of an amicus brief filed by the onion that explained how satire is very obviously protected by the First Amendment and how that doesn't change, that amendment doesn't go away because

idiots who aren't legal scholars don't get the joke sometimes. Well, we have an idiot who didn't get the joke. His name is Ted Cruz, and it's a good thing he's not a legal scholar or else this would be super super embarrassing for him last week the harvard law school graduate and u.s senator shared a fake article with the headline the evolution of white supremacy in dearborn michigan muslim parents who oppose teaching pornography to children become the new face of the far right. Do they? So before we get into the details of the breathtaking stupidity from Ted Cruz here,

this is the actual story that the fake headline was referencing. There was a protest at a school board meeting in Dearborn, Michigan. The city happens to have a significant Muslim population and the protesters, some Muslim and some Christian, were having a meltdown about books that, of course, acknowledge the existence of gay people. And nothing I read in The Real Stories mentioned anything about the Muslim community of Dearborn being invited to join the white supremacy team in their movement. Also, nothing about a public school teaching pornography.

Right. Well, that's the thing. The entire Republican playbook at this point is to just change definitions until normal shit sounds outrageous and then be outraged about it. Yeah, yeah.

See, my favorite part about this story is that the only thinking about it that Ted Cruz had to do was whether or not it was safe to side with Muslims about anything given his face. I know we're both homophobic, but you know.

Yeah, this is a gamble, not because of the lie of the story. Right. Yeah, exactly. Because it was too empathetic. Is this the right amount of bigoted? Yeah, I'll try it. I'll try it. I won't check if it's a real story, though. So here's what happened with the fake story. Cruz was sharing a photoshopped image of a headline from the Atlantic that never happened with the absurd title that I mentioned. It contained a photograph of a large crowd at the school board meeting with a caption that said painting by. So that could have been a clue. And it had a fake byline that gave the name abby olheiser who has not worked for the atlantic in a decade but sniffing out all those really subtle clues was

clearly impossible you know unless of course cruz had read one single article about the actual story but that did not happen obviously instead he saw the fake image and shared it on twitter with the comment the left is beyond parody which is just beyond parody it's everything is beyond parody when you're stupid enough ted okay but like we have to acknowledge he tweeted it while sharing parody yes yeah that's like sharing a clip of me doing Melania Trump with the caption. Nobody sounds like the former first lady. And that brings us to my favorite part. In response to the post by Ted Cruz, professional journalist Abby Olheiser tweeted. Are you fucking serious, Ted Cruz?

Exactly. Eventually, he responded by not apologizing to Abby Ohlheiser. Instead, he whined about getting criticized for being a U.S. senator who can't read. In a follow-up tweet, Cruz wrote, Didn't know it was fake. You guys are so insane, it could easily have been real. Well, and that's just the thing. The reality of it is ted cruz's

parody of the left is beyond parody yeah right now partly that's because conservatives suck at comedy but partly it's because their entire worldview is based on made-up bullshit and i don't just mean the christianity part this time right and if you don't care what's right and wrong This is a fake article seems like a hard line to draw for yourself Also worth noting the confusion by ted cruz is ridiculous But it does give us a terrifying glimpse into the christian right mindset in their heads in terms of offensiveness the idea of Pornography being taught in schools is very similar they're equating pretty much that to children's books that happen to have non-heterosexual characters in them

yeah the christian right is conflating gay existence with nonsense like you know grooming and pornography and sexual indoctrination all the time yep it makes you wonder why ted cruz isn't retweeting my very hard-hitting think piece about the hetero-bestiality porn called Goldilocks

that they're teaching in schools. Right. Get on that, Ted. And in Okla, hold up a second, news.

You know, as ridiculous and laughable as the Christian panic about trans kids is, it's easy to forget that it also has consequences. Sure, we can laugh at the bullshit about trans cyborgs, kitty litter in high school bathrooms and drag queen story hours being stormed like they're Waco. But at the end of the day, the people promoting this panic are empowered. They're making laws to enforce their insanity.

And we got a super clear example of that this week from Oklahoma governor and man who looks like his eyebrow stylist was going for Ferengi, Kevin Stitt. Okay. Okay. I don't think we should be making fun of physical appearances on the show. We should go after the person's ideas, not their appearance. So Governor Stitt signed into law a new bill that bans the Children's Hospital at Oklahoma University Hospital from using funds from the American Rescue Plan for gender-affirming cares for minors. Right, because the Republican platform, to the extent that they have one,

includes denying medical care to children. Sure does. And their excuse for it is, yeah, but that's because they belong to a minority that we don't like. Right? Like, that's their justification. Just let that sink in for a second and then fucking vote. Yep. So, a couple of things to point out here.

First and foremost, trans kids aren't the only ones receiving gender-affirming care. Yeah. Also, that's irrelevant. Right. Thank you. Yeah. Cisgender children with hormonal imbalances and disorders receive hormone treatment and sometimes even surgeries all the time.

Right. Those kids are also fucked by this bill. But more importantly, the thing this bill is claiming to prevent the like right wing scare image of a nine year old undergoing a sex change doesn't exist. Right. I mean, it literally, it's right there with the kitty litter in the high school bathrooms. It literally doesn't exist. And you need to shout that from the rooftops until it's understood.

That's not what puberty blockers are doing, right? According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, I stole this from their website, as well as the American Medical Association, best practice medical care for transgender youth simply delays puberty until young people are old enough to make their own decisions about who they are. And statistically, research shows that transgender youths whose families support their gender identity have a 52% decrease in suicidal thoughts, a 48% decrease in suicide attempts and significant increases in self-esteem and general health. And if you don't understand all that, right, maybe you didn't grow up with this stuff the

way that like me and Heath and Noah did and you don't really get it. I encourage the cis male members of our audience like myself to imagine how it might have felt to start growing a pair of tits when you were 13 years old. Yeah, I don't think we should be making fun of physical appearances on the show. to imagine how it might have felt to start growing a pair of tits when you were 13 years old. I don't think we should be making fun of physical appearances on the show. And look, I have to say this. This is just the beginning, right? You know how I know that?

That's because Governor Piece of Stint tweeted that when he announced this bill, right? He's already passed bathroom bills against trans kids and bills against trans kids in sports and now he's coming for their medical care and he's calling it just the beginning i guess what i'm saying and i actually learned that it's entirely legal to say this this week i wish governor stitt a very merry rest in peace may he rest ever so peacefully when he rests, wherever he rests, may he do it oh so peacefully. Oh, Eli and his jokes. His jokes. Let me tell us. And finally tonight, in

So It Was The Culture You Were Against More Than The Cancel News, the four-tenths of a percent of the Intergalactic Federation of One Million Moms that are assigned to Earth. Sorry, it's the only way to make the numbers work without calling them out as fucking liars. They're a bit embarrassed as it turns out

that the grave they were dancing on was fake and IP Freely isn't even a real guy. Because after sending out a notice of self-congratulations about how their tireful efforts to get Disney's new animated series Little Demons canceled were successful, they had to send out a correction

admitting that they'd fallen for their own science misinformation. Ah, fuck. All right. Turns out Little Demon was not canceled. Also, yeah, apparently Joe Biden won that election. It's a rough day.

We found out a couple things today. Fuck. But, but, in good news, during sex with my husband last night, one of us had an orgasm. So we are still batting 500, which will get you into the Hall of Fame.

Yeah. So if you're not familiar, Little Demon is an animated show aimed towards adults about the daughter of Satan trying to live her best in suburbia. Now, I haven't seen the show, but I'm inclined to think it's good because Danny DeVito does the voice of Satan. And I don't think he's done anything bad since junior. But I don't know. I haven't seen the show, but I'm inclined to think it's good because Danny DeVito does the voice of Satan. And I don't think he's done anything bad since junior. But I don't know.

I haven't seen all the show. What I do know is that unexpectedly large number of people, Monica Cole, founder and seemingly only active participant in One Million Moms, is fucking pissed about it. She has been losing her shit since the show debuted in August. She's been circulating petitions, boycotting sponsors, riling up her supporters to protect America's youth from the show that, quote, makes light of hell and the dangers of the demonic realm, end quote. Okay, I have a theory. I think Monica

Cole might secretly be the Gooch, Jamie Gooch, from the Hocus Pocus 2 freakout. Oh, shit. I mean, that secret identity accomplishes exactly nothing, but that actually tracks with everything else about her life.

I think that might be her. Exactly. That would double her membership roles. Are you kidding me? Yeah. Make him show up in the same room.

Yeah, and for our port, like, if we could just condense every shrill bigot with a Supercuts reverse mullet into one Mega Karen, it would save us so much ink on this podcast like oh so last week cole thought she got her way when gateway pundit published an article declaring victory and saying the show was canceled because of christian backlash the only problem is that

no the fuck it wasn't gateway pundit is a republican misinformation site but to her credit there was no way she could have known short of looking at their homepage with even the slightest modicum of credulity or perhaps reading the first goddamn sentence of the Wikipedia article about him. Upon learning that it was bullshit, she had to send out this really sad, shame-faced email about how she's super sorry and knows

that her supporters count on her for information that is accurate and reliable when it comes to the dangers of cartoons luring children to the demonic realms yeah apparently gateway pundit is just writing stuff down that they're hoping for that's that's what they're doing vision board journalism they are oh sure but when i do it you beat me me out and Brett Kavanaugh gets a restraining order. I see how things are going to work around here.

May he rest in peace. Yeah, not a huge surprise that people who believe a group called One Million Moms that has fewer Twitter followers than me as a source of accurate and reliable information bought this uncritically. But the real takeaway here is that their protestations, once again, have absolutely no fucking effect. Sure, the show still might be canceled because that's what happens to most new shows. But if and when it is, it'll have nothing to do with the uptight Christians who think it's going to drag children to hell. And despite that, I guarantee Monica Cole will take credit anyway.

Cheers got canceled. That was me. Exactly. Yeah. Eventually, they did cancel Married with Children. And since Monica Cole being sad is a happy note to end on,

we're going to close out the headlines there. Heath, Eli, thanks as always. Jumanji. And when we come back, we'll invite David Icke to trample the fuck out of that brief glimpse

of joy. Despite our best efforts, we're still plucking our way through David Icke's Everything You Need to Know But Have Never Been Told for your listening enjoyment. And for this chapter, we're going to take a quick break from the Jewish alien lizards that imprison us in a hologram. Because you know how if you were in possession of knowledge that threatened to enslave the human race and devour its children in ritualistic sacrifice, if you were in possession of knowledge that threatened to enslave the human race and devour its children in ritualistic sacrifice, you'd want to take a pause from your book about it to bitch about kids these days with their transgendered participation trophies. Well, that's what we're going to do in this installment of Everything You Need to Know. And in this chapter, the fuck bubble who spent about two thirds of his book so far bitching about people being mean to his insanity would like to bitch about those whiny little snowflakes and their political correctness yep okay i gotta be honest i don't like how much my asshole white guy instinct is

ready to get back on board with david ike if he starts a rant about participation trophies and everyone winning and everything which therefore means everybody's losing it i'm not i'm just saying that instinct. It always kicks in. No, Heath, I understand. There are many doors into the Ikeverse, but only one door out. Yes. So, yeah.

So this is a chapter that's basically dedicated to like, why can't I say the N word anymore? There it is. You lost me. You lost me. But no, please proceed. Why can't you say the N word anymore anymore david ike i would like to know your answer a follow-up question when did you think you used to be able to say the n-word david right right he's like progressives more like regressives god i'll give you a minute to

recover yeah play nice this chapter is less of a set of ideas than it is a compilation of things people say to me on twitter right before I block them. It really is. Oh, he goes Godwin twice in the first two pages. He sure does. Right. Yeah. The anti-Nazi bigotry idea.

Yes. It's amazing that this argument can even exist in a person's head. They're describing a fascist holocaust of definitely not genociding people and dehumanizing people. Yes, a holocaust of getting along. Yes. Fuck, I feel like we want that, right? That's like really good fascism if we're going to have some. Also, if you're being denied a whole bunch of happiness by not saying the N-word quite so freely,

you know what? Let's go ahead and find you a nice train. You could use a shower. Okay, but Heath, now I'm thinking, what if saying the n-word makes me happier than me not saying the n-word makes you elise what what does the whiteboard say nozick happiness monsters are just regular monsters exactly yeah no he says he says that political correctness puts people in constant fear of saying the wrong thing and i'm like no man just you just racists like i i i talk into a microphone for several hours a week and i literally never worry that i'm accidentally gonna blurt out a slur yeah so easy

and you know me and eli have morgan for that like thank you. We're saying there's a solution for everyone, David. Is David working on his tight 10 for a comedy club below the Mason Dixon line in this chapter? MLK had it so easy. Any slur word he wanted.

It's so unfair. It's the death of oratory right here. Oh, he bitches about how many letters there are in LGBTQ plus

for like two fucking pages because you know he's so concerned with brevity plus characters now i'm pressing shift equal sign like a crazy person deleting god knows how many underscores which is the button next to it this man spent nine chapters nay a decades- long career telling us about the different kind of alien demons he made up. Yes. And now he's like, ah, five letters. Well, he's going through all the different types of sexuality. She's like, what are we just going to label everything?

I'm like, are you just now hearing about words, Dave? Jesus. He bitches about how PC is denuding our language of nuance by not letting him use slurs and then immediately bitches about how many different terms there are to describe the nuances of sexuality. Well, I don't even know how he wrote that paragraph without slur words. Like, I could barely understand that. There was no nuance to that. Exactly. Yeah.

And of course, it was only a matter of time before safe spaces came up. Oh, such a throwback. I feel like I should be a hundred pounds lighter. He's like, what about all the racism against the white people? Doing a great job helping out with that, Dave. Thanks. Yeah. But, you know, maybe stop being such an uppity white.

That would help. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. He goes on and he's like, you know, well, you know, colonialism is bad, but won't someone think about how bad all the colonists had it, too. Yeah, he goes on and he's like, you know, well, you know, colonialism is bad, but won't someone think about how bad all the colonists had it too? Yeah, I want to be clear that Noah's not exaggerating here. He spends some time of his chapter on political correctness

talking about how hard it was when people of color took their stuff back. Yeah, some of it. Yeah, uh-huh. God, he explains that white liberals are just jealous of all the awesome oppression that minorities get. Hey, Dave, if you want to trade, I'm sure we can find a cop to shoot you in the face for no reason. While you bask in those three extra slur words you got because of that.

It's like so much nuance, slur words, slur words. Blam. Yeah. Enjoy. Happy trade. Then he explains to us that victimhood is selfish. That's the premise of this next subchapter. Slur word, slur word. Blam. Yeah. Enjoy. Happy trade. Then he explains to us that victimhood is selfish. That's the premise of this next subchapter.

He says like victims of oppression are an awful lot like child eating Satanists. If you think about it, they're both so self-centered. Yeah. You have taken a break midway through every chapter to whine about how people tease you for being a lying con man but actual victims by your own definition are too self centered. Yeah. Right well he's not even allowed to make sexist jokes anymore. Okay just to be clear

he wrote a whole section about how victimhood is selfish and the big closing argument of that section was about the plight of the victims who face the impression of getting ratioed on Twitter. Right.

Then he bishes about microaggressions because how could he be racist if he didn't even mean to be racist? And he includes a note about how PC people are getting to be as bad as the Jews in his chapter about how racist he isn't.

All right, guys, I didn't want to have to say this, but you guys are being straight up Jewish about this. Okay. It hurts me to say more than it hurts you, but you need to drive this home. I know you might be thinking that we're exaggerating the level of bigotry,

but I shit you not during the PC pyramid sub chapter of this chapter, he starts literally ranking the minorities. He does. And he's still mad about all that language nuance they get to use on Twitter. So, David, if you're losing Twitter fights because you're hamstrung by slur word disparity. First of all, no, you're not. No, you're not. But even if you were

good, that's good. I'm very happy that he's mad about something that's not happening. Yeah. And he trots out the you never see liberals condemning Muslim sexism canard. Yeah. We actually get this one occasionally from someone who's never listened to our show

but knows that we're like liberal. And then we explain that we actually did the Koran in spite of death threats a couple years ago and we get lots of apology emails. They always do send those. He argues at one point that there can't be such a thing as positive discrimination, which I could

disprove with the uniform from his favorite lunch place in a turd sandwich, I think. I can't be racist. I like ebony porn. That that's the point that's not the flex you think it is dave sure that's a weird thing sure is it little buddy oh god he quotes this woman that's that argued in a newspaper about how white people white men shouldn't be allowed to vote as an example of how extreme pc was getting but like a she's obviously being hyperbolic but b that he has to quote her and it he can't help but highlight

how much better it would be if white guys couldn't vote yeah so as i was reading that part my first thought right away was like hold on what what if we did that what if white men couldn't vote and then david ike shows us the article and the author shelly garland explained that brexit never happens and donald trump never gets elected which just really solid points right there yeah i mean keep going for a couple millennia and we're tied at that point sure yeah exactly i'm on board with that yeah and i'll tell you what david i'll be right there with you when we don't have bathroom bills and instead this lady is bullshitting her tweets through the state legislature okay Okay, we'll do it.

Yeah, right. God. And then he makes this weird, like, how important can race be given how much of an Adam is empty space argument? Yes. What? Oh, I love this because it's very obviously him trying to do that bullshit Christian. Like, we're all children of God thing, but he's not a Christian. So he's got to go with that. we've all got space between our atoms you think i'm racist think about the octahedral void of an atom you fucking rude you're the racist yes yes no i know it's

wendy sorry yes exactly i want a frosty now so then he roasts this list of microaggression examples from some website. And I honestly, I cannot believe he didn't use less clearly racist and sexist examples. Like, I'm shocked he didn't find like over the top ones. Yes. And that's the best part, right? Because there are silly lists of microaggressions, right? There's silly lists of everything of every set of belief, but he didn't go with trigger warning milk.

He's like, and you can't say, Hymie the Jew Holocaust Death Camp Jew. How am I supposed to write a book? You can't write a book about that. Oh, God, he marvels at why them ladies wouldn't want a man to explain to them, begin with, we're doing

them a favor when we explain. I'm picturing that meme with the close talking drunk guy with the text of this entire 1200 page of the caption now. That's this book. That's what it feels like to read this book. Yep. He goes

off for like a page and a half about this college gym that removes scales because, you know, it can be easily demonstrated that no good can really come from specifically monitoring your weight. How dare they? Yeah. David, the only way this could be a problem for you is if you wanted the right to

weigh other people. Yes. Do you, do you want to go back to your list of silly microaggressions? Yes. His outrage at this fact is an example of how overly offended other people are. Yeah.

And then of course he explains that Antifa are the real fascists. Okay. Okay. Look, I'm not saying Antifa should punch David Icke in the face. Okay. I'm saying that if they did, I would somehow figure out how to wear out the tape of the internet,

watching it. Okay. But that would be fascist anti-fascism Eli so alright what about this what if the UK takes a vote about punching David Icke in the face I feel like we do that right

especially if we didn't let white guys vote a little referendum the only line longer than the one to see the queen instead buddy oh god and then white guy's vote? A little referendum. The only line longer than the one to see the queen's dead body. And then he's like, you ever notice how in places that are accepting of trans people there are more trans people? Coincidence? No, they're turning them trans.

Yeah, for a guy who has to give most of his talks on a legal exception boat, he seems to really miss why people might feel comfortable being their true selves yeah right in different places and then of course he gives us this whole like lament about like won't someone think of the 99.4 percent of people who aren't trans and thus are unoffended by trans slurs he actually complains about london's subway announcers being told to use

gender inclusive language he gets mad about good morning, everyone. Instead of, you know, good morning, ladies and gentlemen, because that's not as inclusive. Like he got mad about good morning, everyone. Fascism. Holocaust. That's insane. Including Hitler. You're saying also good morning to Hitler?

Yeah. And then he explains that the schools are trying to turn kids trans by highlighting how bullied trans people are so we're right it's a weird direction they're taking with it i think yeah or more insidiously you could read this part as well if you don't bully trans kids into suicide they'll turn out to be honestly yeah and this is where he says, okay, guys, yeah, no, you're probably wondering why the government is trying to create more trans kids like that. Don't worry, I will explain

how it's something Jewish later. Just stay with me while I do this section about the lawn thing, but I'll get there. There's a couple of times in this chapter where he does that, yeah. Of course, he labels hormone blockers sex change drugs at one point yeah you know how like tylenol transforms your brain into a totally different

person's brain who doesn't have a headache exactly it's like that yeah god is it no but david ike says look look i'm fine with trans people existing i just i just wish they didn't have to exist so damn visibly all the time oh i was so sure he was going to reference us to his favorite trans porn videos for his line of trans accessibility now she's good but the two videos ahead in the playlist yeah he explains how changing genders should have more red tape what but why though what is he picturing a bunch of college kids just going down to the DMV for fun in big mobs. Male, female, envy, male again. We want to end capitalism.

What? Oh, God. Then we get yet another list of PC culture run amok examples, this time themed around trans issues. Yeah. And I was so sad he didn't do the stupid kitty litter thing that a bunch of Republicans keep repeating. But then I remember that this book wasn't written

in time for that particular lie. His bigotry is so topical, you guys. It's so fresh. He explains that they're going to transplant wombs into trans women and make us pay for it. That statement is a fucking wrongness fractal. Also, we should be doing womb transplants.

Why not? And we should be making David Icke pay for it. Okay, just circling back. Recap. We need to vote on something with punching and something with taking all David Icke's money to pay for those transplants. UK should vote on both of those. Democracy.

He rails against cultural appropriation Then he rails against cultural appropriation or against being against cultural appropriation. And he does so by aggressively not understanding what cultural appropriation is. Right? Like in his opening definition, he's like, you know, for example, eating ethnic foods.

So stupid. And as a British person, David knows that eating ethnic foods is illegal there. Yeah. You know, they don't have any. Hey, Dave, that's not why they kick you out of the olive garden bud that's not that's not no oh guys i first they came for the mexican fundraiser protest that included moroccos in a sombrero and then they came for mexican week on the great british bake-off which was a compliment

damn it that's just how we talk then Then they came for Al Jolson. And he's Jewish, so I was conflicted. That's it. What was I talking about? I'm the Godhead. Yeah, that's right. I'm the Godhead. And then he goes after, and if you pause the podcast and write down your guesses, you will get it, listeners.

Trigger warnings. Oh, there it is. Yeah. He's like, you know who has every interest in promoting the idea of trigger warnings? People who implant triggers in your brain to control your... Fuck, that's the opposite. Wait, hold on. Come back to me. Come back to me. Hey, credit

where credit's due. That is an objection to trigger warnings I have not heard before. No, that's fair. Yeah. Prepping too many Manchurian candidates. A lot of nuance to that language. No slurs. Good job. So, and once again, he goes for a list of over-the-top examples,

but he misses, right? Like his trigger warning, his silly trigger warning examples are like, well, this course includes gruesome photos of dead people. Bunch of snowflakes. And then of course, as I was writing that in my notes, he used the word snowflakes. That was like the next sentence. He actually does, yeah.

Okay, maybe we can put a trigger warning for trigger warnings, huh used the word snowflakes. That was like the next sentence. He actually does, yeah. Okay, maybe we can put a trigger warning for trigger warnings, huh? Not bad, buddy. Kind of snowflake-y to need that, but if it makes you feel better, we can give you a trigger warning warning. And then he goes after psychological drugs, because if anything is a threat

to his financial future. Yeah, and there's the door out of the Ike verse I was talking about earlier. There it is. There it is. You gotta love a 1,200 page book made entirely

of nonsense tangential ranting having a section about how Ritalin is the problem with society. Yeah, he's like, you know who else

gave people drugs? Nazis. Yeah. It's really not clear if he's going for positive or negative there based on this whole book. I'd love for that to be more clear. That's true, yeah. Yeah. It's really not clear if he's going for positive or negative there based on this whole book. I'd love for that to be more clear. That's true, yeah. Yeah, but no, he

explains that the high percentage of people being treated for mental health conditions, that's terrifying. That is a jump scare in David Icke's mind. Look, I get it, David. If it turned out earbuds gave you cancer, I'd probably tell people not to sweat it while they listen to our podcast.

No, no, it's fine. So then as if going after Heath personally, he spends an entire subchapter talking about how much worse it would have been if Hillary had been elected. Fuck your face. Hey, Trump voters and Jill Stein voters, well, you're in a group together,

just so you know. And David Icke thanks you for your support, all of you. Sure does. Good job with that. Yeah, he he explains of course that hillary is a mass murderer yeah i bet by now she would have killed more than a million americans with a chinese head well i don't know man world net daily was on his side of this that's true yeah yeah world net daily gave us the theory about the clintons having the same hitman for 30 years and that one guy can't help but leave telltale signs of his signature murdering style.

Yes, uh-huh. Seems like an inefficient assassin. Get a new guy. Let's hire a second guy because Larry just keeps doing the weird thing with the Skittle. He's really slow now too. Yeah. So yeah, and of course he starts talking about how free speech is in danger.

And I'm like, dude, you are such proof that free speech is in no danger. If someone yelled fire in a crowded theater and then lit a fire and then burned this book just once, I'd say they break even. I'd say that's a wash. That's fair. Yeah. I'd say they break even. I'd say that's a wash. That's fair.

Yeah. And then he explains that the outrage over Trump's Muslim ban was artificial because people couldn't name which Muslim countries were on the list. No, David, that was Trump. Trump couldn't name the countries. Easy mistake to make. I understand. Someone forgot. Also, he talks about how a lot of people are like, well, eventually his stupid fucking generation will die off. and then he gets really upset about the way we're all pre-celebrating

his death and the vote that dies with it. We are, absolutely. I was going to say, he's got us there. Hey, 10 days until QED, buddy. We will rework the entire live show to be a funeral for you. You can have two funerals. That's legendary.

I would love to do a posthumous roast of David Icke And we'll have still the punch face line May he rest in peace People won't miss because he's in a box Or they will, I don't care And then on the final page, he seems to remember

that this book is about lizard Jew aliens and their hologram prison and he makes this feeble effort to try to tie it all back together. It's just so sad. Yeah. And just a reminder, we should do this every so often.

The guy writing a book about the dangers of lizard aliens looks like this. I've pasted his face into the notes for you. Thank you for that. Yeah, go ahead and Google

David Icke, my guest listener, along and over. You'll find the punchline on Google Images. If you move around like the Mona Lisa, the eyes don't follow you,

but a forked tongue pops out if you go left. Yeah. And on that note, we're going to close this damn thing, but don't worry, there's still plenty

of bigoted ranting left for the next installment of Everything You Need to Know. Before the straw of this episode starts making that slurpy sound, I want to remind you that Tim posts all the diatribes and songs and twim and everything on YouTube, along with full episodes. So if there's ever just a standalone segment that you want

to share, it's probably on our YouTube channel. And if not, tweet at Tim and he might be able to help you out there. Anyway, that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight. We'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister show, The Skeptocrat, debuting at 7 p.m. Eastern on Monday, and an even newer episode of our sister show's hot friend, Godawful Movies, debuting at 7 p.m. Eastern on Tuesday,

and an even newer episode of our half-sister show, Citation Data, debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously, this would just be a semi-sode if I neglected to thank Heath Enright for always taking us there, Eli Bosnick for always going there, and Lucid Illusions for always being there. I also want to thank Tom from Ireland for writing this week's Farnsworth quote. And congrats. It seems like my country's going the opposite direction, but we'll all keep fighting.

Incidentally, if you've got a podcast or a blog or a website or a business to promote, or you just don't have any of that and you want to be part of the show, feel free to send me a Farnsworth quote. Just check thescathingatheist.com for all the contact info. But most of all, of course,

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