The Scathing Atheist - 515: Omission Accomplished Edition

Episode Date: December 29, 2022

In this week’s episode, Sterling North Stonewall and Sterling West Pembina are schools for homophobic bigots, Dennis Prager sheds a single tear and blows out a menorah by himself in a dark room because his entire family hates him, and we’ll watch what happens when a story forgets to have a plot. Twice. --- To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click there: https://www.amazon.com/Outbreak-Crisis-Religion-Ruined-Pandemic/dp/B08L2HSVS8/ To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/ To hear more from our intrepid audio engineer Morgan Clarke, click here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/ --- Headlines: Jan 6 Committee leaves Christian nationalism out of their report (diatribe story) https://religionnews.com/2022/12/23/christian-nationalism-mostly-absent-from-final-jan-6-report/ Conservatives are upset their kids don’t want to spend Christmas with them: https://onlysky.media/hemant-mehta/dennis-prager-christmas-conservative-parents-kids/ A high school coach joked about preaching Satanism and then he got fired: https://onlysky.media/hemant-mehta/ethan-gabel-high-school-coach-satanism-fired/ NY Gov vetoes bill for secular addiction alternatives: https://onlysky.media/hemant-mehta/kathy-hochul-vetoes-bill-bolstering-secular-addiction-treatment-programs/ An evangelical cult leader assassinated Santa Claus in front of a bunch of kids: https://www.lgbtqnation.com/2022/12/evangelical-groomer-assassinated-santa-claus/ Schools lose fight for anonymity after censored tours at human rights museum: https://onlysky.media/hemant-mehta/canadian-museum-for-human-rights-lgbtq-secrecy-lawsuit-christian-schools/ Christians freak out over Amy Grant not hating her gay niece: https://onlysky.media/hemant-mehta/christian-bigots-condemn-singer-amy-grant-for-saying-jesus-is-all-about-love/ --- This Week in Misogyny: Afghanistan gets worse and worse for women: https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2022/12/28/afghan-women-on-ngo-work-ban-my-heart-will-burst-from-the-pain Indiana Judge sides with religious right to abort: https://religionnews.com/2022/12/07/indiana-judge-backs-a-religious-right-to-abort/

Warning, it turns out we were already on the naughty list, so we might as well use profanity. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by those increasingly awkward New Year's Eve novelty sunglasses that are still trying to get two circles to fit into the year, even though the decade where that made sense has been over for a dozen years now. Increasingly awkward New Year's Eve novelty sunglasses, because under capitalism, no idea that ever turned a buck is allowed to die. And now, The scathing atheist.

Hi, I'm the broad, and I am a filthy monkey person. And you are a filthy monkey person. And we came from filthy monkey people, and we make filthy monkey people, and we are surrounded by filthy monkey people. Now go share a banana with someone. It's the last Thursday in 2022. It's December 29th. And you made it through Christmas without punching your uncle.

Or they allow podcasts in prison, one or the other. Either way, we're proud of you. I'm no illusions. I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heath Enright. And from Whitney, Houston's New Jersey, Ann Arbor, Michigan, and Waycross, Georgia, this is The Scathing Atheist. On this week's episode, Sterling North Stonewall and Sterling West Pembina are schools for homophobic bigots.

Sure are. Dennis Prager sheds a single tear and blows out a menorah by himself in a dark room because his entire family hates him. And we'll watch what happens when a story forgets to have a plot. Twice. But first, The Diatribe. In the days leading up to the January 6th riot,

Trump supporters conducted a series of impromptu parades around the Capitol building that they called Jericho Marches. The name, of course, comes from the book of Joshua, where Joshua's army circles the city every day for seven days. And in the story, on the seventh day, they blow their trumpets, the walls of the city come crashing down, the army invades, and they murder everybody who isn't in Rahab's house. The symbolism could not have been clearer. They intended to breach the walls of Congress, invade, and kill their enemies.

And they were certain, absolutely positive, that God was on their side. And just in case that wasn't clear to everybody, they spent these marches singing hymns, waving explicitly Christian banners, and joining in prayer. And these Christian flags, Christian slogans, and Christian prayers followed the rioters all the way to the Capitol building and then into the Capitol building. They famously joined in prayer on the floor of the Senate with national media capturing every second of it. The riot was so Christian in nature that you could damn near name Jesus as an accomplice. That was unquestionably an act of Christian terrorism. And yet, in the behemoth 845-page report that the January 6th committee released last Thursday, those two words never show up next to each other,

Christian and terrorism. The term Christian nationalism only comes up once, and even then, it's not even being presented as a reason or a justification for the riot. It's just like mentioned tangentially as something connected to one of the terrorists. And to be clear, on January 6th of last year, Christian terrorists marched on the Capitol, beat up the police officers guarding it, breached the security and got people killed in an explicitly stated effort to overthrow our elected government and replace it with a theocratically installed one. That's what happened. But you could read through the entire fucking report and never know that. happened. But you could read through the entire fucking report and never know that. And that's a problem, not just for the historians of the future who are trying to understand this thing, but for the lawmakers and enforcers of the present who want to prevent it from happening again. Because if we can't name the fucking problem, we can't study the problem. And if

we can't study the problem, we sure as hell can't fucking solve it. And look, you know, I get accused unfairly, in my opinion, but still, I get accused sometimes of blaming everything on religion, even when there's no genuine fault or when there's only a tenuous connection. So let me be super clear that I'm far from the only person that's flabbergasted by the absence of Christian nationalism from this fucking report. A lot of people are making noise about this shit, including a few of the committee members and notably a bunch of Christian fucking leaders. Reverend Nathan Emsall, who has a group called Faithful America, released a statement on the report that read in part, quote,

The January 6th committee only giving passing mention to the pivotal role of Christian nationalism in its final report is a missed opportunity to fully understand what led to the violence at the Capitol and to prevent future political violence, end quote. Hell, even the experts cited in the report are surprised by this shit. There's a dude named Peter Manso, a historian and the director of the Smithsonian National Museum of American History's Center for the Understanding of Religion in American History. Jesus, I don't know, imagine his business card falls out or has a poll tab to get all of that. Anyway, the report cites heavily from an op-ed that he published in the Washington Post. Now,

that op-ed was all about the various religious motivations underpinning the riot, but those quotes are curiously absent from the final report. Mansell himself says the report, quote, may prove a disservice to history, end quote, in its failure to focus on the role of Christian nationalism. Now, we don't know exactly why the report sidesteps this important issue to such a blatant degree, but we have a pretty good idea, right? A WAPO article about the drafting of the document quotes a spokesperson for Liz Cheney saying that she wouldn't sign on to any narrative that, quote, suggests that every American who believes God has blessed America is a white supremacist, end quote. Mansell alluded to as

much in his tweet where he suggested that the committee was trying to avoid the January 6th committee is going after Christianity talking point. But what kind of admission of defeat is that? Right. We're so scared of how they'll react to the truth that we're afraid to say it out loud. But if that's the case, haven't and apologies for resurrecting this tired ass phrase. But if that's the case, haven't the terrorists already won? Look, we have no fucking problem as a nation labeling Islamic terrorism as such. And we managed to do it while simultaneously recognizing that that doesn't mean every Muslim is a terrorist. NYPD notwithstanding.

But the timidity with which the January 6th committee report treats the Christian roots of this insurrection is all the evidence you really need that the Christians were trying to to take over a government that they already control they're talking about you jesus interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news bulletin joining me for headlines tonight are the land and labor to my capital heath enright and eli bosnian fellas okay are you ready to produce i'm ready to rise up and steal myself and then eat some people yeah I don't want to fuck with your metaphor Noah but the only way labor applies to me is that I'm often the most

painful part of someone's life so alright rise up proletariat do it in our lead story tonight we have a very important issue to address within the atheist community. And we don't discuss these things often enough because, you know, it's hard to talk about your own flaws.

We, as atheists, we have a serious bigotry problem. We do, we do. And as usual, we're kind of blind to it. But thanks to the tireless work of Dennis Prager over at his, upon us, not a university, university, I got a reminder about this very insidious phenomenon. We've become bigot bigots. Yes, we have.

According to Prager, hundreds of thousands of religious bigot shitty old people who are ruining the country by not dying. They were not able to spend the holidays with their families because their families all hate them because of the bigotry and it's not fair and dennis brager's mad i love his public meltdowns right like dennis brager is like i think one problem that we all share is my kids not wanting to talk to me the whole essay he wrote yes because you know that old saying right if you go about your day and you meet a few assholes you've just met a few assholes

but if everyone you meet is an asshole you're probably super awesome and surrounded by no that's occam's razor right there so this bombshell revelation came from a think piece that prager published last week in several prominent, highly respected news outlets, including the Daily Signal and the Epoch Times. It's really difficult to be self-effacing about one's own hatred, but I'm going to do my best to read some of his commentary. It's hard. It's hard. I'm going to struggle through it. Quote, there are probably hundreds of thousands of men and women who, because of political differences, maintain minimal or no contact with their parents and even more cruelly, do not allow their parents to have any contact with their children, their parents, grandchildren. Thanks. Yeah, got it. I know how the fucking kid thing works.

I understand your audience. So I know why you have to explain it, Dennis. Jesus. Just here on the outside. We don't have to do it, Dennis. Jesus. Just here on the outside. We don't have to do that, Dennis, over here. All right, I'm going to continue. Eli, could you give us a little Sarah McLachlan, maybe? Probably an unprecedented number of Americans with grown children will be alone this Christmas

because their children will neither visit them nor invite them for the holiday dinner. In some rare instances of horrific parental behavior, this may be excusable. But when the reason is politics, it is inexcusable. I know this firsthand. I bet you do. There it is. You want to talk about it, Dennis? You want to talk about it?

If your first response, by the way, to your kids refusing to talk to you is to blame them for it, they're entirely justified, right? I don't know what their original reason was, but it was just. Yeah, and I also love that his argument seems to be, look, if you don't want to talk to me anymore, I understand, but at least give me access to your children

who can't defend themselves for my abuse. Right, yes. No need to be cruel that is the point of his think piece yes so from there he explained why this is all happening he identified three reasons reason number one accountability oh shit he got it everybody he didn't he didn't he knows that word but he doesn't really know what it means as it applies. According to Prager, he keeps doing that too. He'll say something, not hear it, explain something entirely different and wrong.

So according to Prager, everyone on the left is a godless heathen, obviously. So we have no fear of God and therefore no accountability. So yeah, you know how you're making holiday plans. You say to yourself, I feel like I should like honor my something. I can't remember. Anyway, neo-Nazis are banned from our holiday party. Done with my invites. Cool. So you know how like that happens to you a lot? Yeah. Well, that's because we as leftist atheists don't know about this thing called the Ten Commandments. It has a very specific honor clause regarding parents, and that's why we're evil. Also, it doesn't mention rape statutory or otherwise.

So, you have to invite your cousin and his 19-year-old girlfriend. That's also, that's biblical. Bring 50 shekels and you're all good, no matter what happens. Prager also explained the science behind all this. Turns out we're mean scientifically. Quote, the fact is that leftism often produces mean people. Leftism breeds ingratitude, victimhood, moral arrogance, and therefore cruelty. The Democrats' treatment of then-judge Brett Kavanaugh.

Oh, my God. I can't. i was baffled he decided to use this as an example wait brett kavanaugh to make his point i need an example of a victim of the viciousness of the left who who should i come which rapist harvey weinstein no jesus christ the concept of rape itself can rape be lit on fire no i'll go with brett kavanaugh the democrats treatment of then judge brett kavanaugh was one of the innumerable examples the screaming shutdowns of conservative speakers on campuses is another, and cruel treatment of parents is yet another.

Okay, so, but here's the thing, though. Leftism does breed victimhood, but that's because rightism breeds victims, and they have to go somewhere, Dennis. Thank you. You might as well be like, you ever notice how slave owners never complained about slavery? Exactly.

That's because they were made of tougher stuff. Yes. You know what's never happened? I never had a slave call up my show and explain their plight. So I don't think they have one. Yeah. And if they did. So that brings us to reason number two, that we are bigot bigots.

And it's the same as reason number one, but with a new title, because he thought this was like a rule of threes thing, I guess. Sure, yeah. So it's accountability from before and also the inadequacy of the conscience. Again, we're godless. So we have a clear conscience about hating neo-Nazis,

regardless of whether they're cum and ova are similar to ours. So we'll skip straight to reason number three, college. Spoiler. No, okay. He did not hear it. You're laughing already. He did not hear it.

He'll continue not hearing it. Quote, millions of young Americans who graduate from college are, morally speaking, worse people than they were when they entered college. Really? That's so sad. That's the dumbest sentence. And then vote. Okay, I wrote a good sentence. I should publish this in the epic time. Continuing, how many parents believe their child became a finer human at college? How many parents believe their child became a worse person? If? How many parents believe their child became a worse person?

If you had asked most of these college graduates before they enrolled in college, if they could imagine never talking to their parents because of political differences, most of them would probably have deemed the question absurd. After four years of college indoctrination, essentially consisting of hatred of non-leftists, the question is no longer absurd.

Number three on your list of reasons why your kids won't talk to you is they learned too many things, Dennis. Learn stuff. How do you not hear it, Dennis? All right, so before we move on, let's have a quick moment of silence for all the bigots whose entire families hate them. Starting.

No, go ahead. Forget it. Never mind. Urinating on their graves is pretty quiet. I'm just throwing that out there. No, that's true. That's true. A little trickle.

It's medium. And in AA minus news tonight, New York City Governor and Geppetto's former sex doll kathy hokal decided last week that we atheists have had it good enough already right and that we probably wouldn't even know what to do with equality even if we got some so she vetoed a bill that would have required state courts to offer non-religious options for substance abuse treatment programs that's right the state legislature decided to put an end to the discriminatory tradition by which non-theistic addicts could be court ordered to believe in God. And for reasons that she's elected to keep to her damn self, apparently, Governor Hochul

vetoed the goddamn bill. Yeah. If you take drugs and do a crime in New York, you have to pick at least one God and they lock it to your ankle. That's the law now. She was not willing to get rid of that. Ridiculous law. I mean, guys, what do you expect

from these backwards regressive governors of checks notes? New York? Yeah. Yikes. Now, this bill comes to us from the only openly non-religious member of New York's legislature, Harvey Epstein. Jewish.

Yeah, but non-religiously. That's a rough name, first and last right now. That really fuck it up. Poor Harvey. You think you had a bad 2020? Adolf Stalin, Harvey Epstein concept of rape. No kidding. So, look, I know we've talked about this on the show before, but I feel like I should reiterate just how religious these programs are.

This is not a simple case of people not wanting to meet in a church basement or something like that. Step two of AA's 12 steps is to accept the existence of a higher power. That's pretty religious. Yeah. Five of the 12 steps have an explicitly religious element such that you can't actually accomplish them without first believing in god and and this already presents a problem for atheists who are trying to overcome a substance abuse problem but it's way the fuck worse when that program is court ordered what's more the solution is simple as fuck since secular

alternatives already exist especially in places like New York. Already got them. Yep. Yeah. And nobody's saying this, but all this, it's obviously because Kathy Hochul is a devout Catholic. Yep. Like the new law would cost nothing.

It would save money actually by preventing lawsuits. Yep. It would not be a continuing violation of constitutional rights. And New York state would not be guilty of like weirdly propping up big god recovery as like an industry and kathy ogle was like still no hands down please i'm not taking any questions and walked off stage yeah yeah she's just like i was told all i had to do to keep my job was to ignore the bigotry in my heart and on staten island and And I am doing both.

Okay, but the need for the law, the overwhelming margins that have passed by in the state Senate and Assembly, endorsements from the American Atheist, the American Humanist Association, the Freedom for Religion Foundation, et al., and common fucking decency apparently weren't enough to merit Hochul's signature. And I should probably point out, too, that this is one of a series of inexplicable Trumpian-level vetoes that she'd issued in the past week. She also vetoed a bill

that would have prohibited putting elementary schools right next to major highways, one that would have created an office of racial equality and social justice, and one that would have protected freelancers who get stiffed by their employers. She vetoed all of those. Like, she's some kind of fucking were-Republican.

But Epstein has vowed to reintroduce the bill and add, like, you know, plus the governor gets a pony or whatever the fuck her holdup was. So here's hoping that we still eventually get this law change. Yeah, and that Staten Island breaks off and sinks into the sea. Yeah. And on that fervent hope,

we're going to take a quick break and hand things over to my lovely wife, Lucinda. A man wrote the Bible. A. And on that fervent hope, we're going to take a quick break and hand things over to my lovely wife, Lou Sin. A man wrote the Bible? A whore is what she was. If it's a legitimate rape. You're a slut, right?

Cooking can be fun. Hey! I'm proud of a man. This week in Misogyny. The plot, so to speak, of global feminism in 2022 has been watching things get ever more hopeful in Iran and ever more hopeless in Afghanistan.

Though they started late in the year, the relentless protests against Iran's morality police do seem to be bearing fruit. Though news blackouts and official misinformation is making it really hard to pin down the full extent of it. But whatever rights women stand to gain in Iran, they're dwarfed by the rights women have lost in Afghanistan. And their storyline got even worse last week when the Taliban barred women from attending university. Now, as you'll know, if you're a regular listener, they already barred girls from attending middle and high schools. So we all saw this coming. Despite the repeated reassurances of the Taliban that they weren't going to do this shit. But they did. They barred women from working at universities and a few days later from working

for non-governmental organizations with the excuse that there were too many female employees at those things that didn't wear proper hijabs. In the words of university lecturer and Afghan activist Homira Quadrary, quoteghanistan is not a country for women but instead a cage for women end quote of course all of this shit is in direct contradiction to what they promised to do when the u.s withdrew from the nation but it's the fucking taliban not really known for their trustworthiness still the recent moves are disturbingly regressive, and not just from the perspective of a liberal feminist in America. Majority Muslim nations like Turkey and Saudi Arabia have condemned these moves as well.

And when Saudi Arabia is like, y'all are being sexist, you know you've got a serious fucking problem. But lest I end the year on bad news, I do want to return really quick to the good old U.S. of A. and highlight a small success in Indiana of all places. So as you recall, when the SCOTUS chucked Roe to the curb like yesterday's Christmas tree, several Jewish groups sued their states to protect the access to abortion, arguing that restricting abortion was a religious imperative and their religion didn't have that imperative. Now, a lot of people dismiss these suits by pointing out that they're not legally sound. But, as the SCOTUS proved with Dobbs, legally sound no longer matters in terms of abortion arguments. And apparently Heather Welch agrees with me.

Which matters, because she's a county superior judge in Indiana, and her opinion was enough to block the state's new anti-abortion law from going into effect. Now, to be clear, all she's done is delayed the thing for a month. She issued a temporary injunction that'll only last until Indiana Supreme Court hears this case next month. And it's Indiana Supreme Court, so we kind of know how this is going to go. But the decision itself is brilliant. First of all, the plaintiffs used the referral law that was signed by none other than Mike fucking Pence as the basis for their suit. And in her opinion, Welch points out that the question of when life begins is purely theological and not scientific. Then adds that even if you could argue that it is scientific, that doesn't matter because, as Sam Alito insisted in the Hoppy Lobby decision,

what science says is irrelevant if religious people sincerely believe otherwise. So sure, Indiana's high court will overrule her, and this law will eventually go into effect. But in the meantime, the draconian law languishes a little longer. And with a little luck, Indiana's high court has to tie themselves into such legal knots to justify their action that they strangle themselves. And now that I've earned a stern email from Andrew, I suppose my work here is done. So I'll hand things back over to Noah, Heath, and Eli.

Thank you, Lucinda. Next up in headlines, as the holiday season comes to an end and we revel in the spoils of the war on Christmas, I thought we could take a look back at one of the most important people in the history of that war. His name is Paul Schaefer, not the band leader from Letterman. The evangelical Christian cult leader and convicted Nazi pedophile who shot Santa Claus in the face in front of a bunch of kids to make a point about keeping the Christ in Christmas.

That's all real. Noah's 30s were a weird time. Okay, that would have been funny if it hadn't been for convicted Nazi pedophile. Yeah, yeah. So here's a little background on Paul Schaeffer. He grew up in a Christian family in Nazi Germany and he idolized Adolf Hitler. So here's a little background on Paul Schaeffer. He grew up in a Christian family in Nazi Germany, and he idolized Adolf Hitler. As a young adult, he wanted to join the SS, but he was blind in one eye because he stabbed himself with a dinner fork whilst tying his own shoes.

What? Yeah, I don't know. The history books just say because he was clumsy, which is bananas. I need more of because. Yeah, thank you. If the history books don't say what happened, we get to make it up as more of a motto on our sister podcast

Citation Needed. But I like the cut of your jib, Heathen, right? I like the cut of your jib. So far, I think we have the perfect foil for Mr. Bean, I guess. So go on. So eventually, Schaefer got a job as a medic with the Nazi Air Force. And then he became a youth pastor.

Classic story. And then he fucked a bunch of kids. Classic story. After getting caught for all the kid fucking, he moved into the woods on the outskirts of his village. And that's where he personally met Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. And JC gave him a message from God. God wanted Schaefer to start a cult and find true believers.

So Schaefer met up with the American so-called prophet William Branham, who is known for basically inventing televangelism and also for being a mentor to Jim Jones. And Branham taught Schaeffer all about Christian con man stuff. And Schaeffer's cult in Germany started rolling. But the pedophile thing, it was like a bunch of red tape. So he had to flee from Germany to Chile, and he started a cult colony there. His version of Christian philosophy at the cult colony was that loving your family would distract you from loving God correctly. So husbands and wives were separated, as were the kids.

He had like a barracks just for kids and him. He was like the dad of all the fucking kids also one other rule loving santa claus would fuck it up too because you know you wouldn't love god correctly right yeah because you know he's sitting there going okay i took away their parents and the spouses who's left that they all still love more than me yeah okay so you know this had to have happened though but given the pedophilia thing when he got to chile the other nazis that fled to south america were probably like okay but this motherfucker's making us look bad right yeah that that clearly happened and that's terrifying yes so the santa claus rule it became a big problem And Schaefer flew into a jealous rage about it.

All the kids loved Santa. Oh, I smell violent night sequel. Call me, David. Call me. Prequel, maybe? Prequel? There you go. So he came up with a plan to stage the murder of Santa Claus in front of all the kids.

The fuck he did? This is real. I swear to God. kids. The fuck he did. This is real, I swear to God. He had one of his cult members dress up like Santa Claus and ride down a river on a raft to come meet all the kids

on the riverbank. And when the raft got close, Schaefer pulled out a gun and shot Santa Claus in the face. What? All the kids watched in absolute horror as Santa Claus fell into the water and drifted away one naughty kid is just like fuck yeah i said tonka truck motherfucker

hot wheels i said tonka so the kids are all screaming in terror except for the one kid who was mad about the tonka thing but all the other ones are screaming in terror. And Schaefer was like, okay, this is a teachable moment. False idols are banned in the Bible, everyone. What did we learn? False idols are banned. And then he made his own birthday, December 4th, into the only official holiday that was legal for the cult to celebrate

right after complaining about idols being banned. And then he went on to work for Augusto Pinochet, obviously. Okay, but all the parents in that cult were allowed to see their grandkids, right? I'm just worried this story might have an unhappy ending. Oh, God. As fucked up as the story is,

they could still win me back if they burned Santa on a pyre of coal, though. Right? All right. Well, that concludes our fun story time about the history of the war on Christmas. And now we have Jewish coffee cups at Starbucks in December, and we say happy holidays. It's a weird war. It's weird if you think of all the stuff involved.

But we're winning now. So keep stealing Christmas from Christ and keep making your bigot relatives cry by not inviting them to stuff. Great job in 2022, everyone. Great job. And in Holocaust of doing business. Holocaust of doing business is fantastic. You know, it's not so much that Christians are bigots. It's that there's such fucking cowards about it, right?

Trans women make their tummies tickle. Why not stop a six-year-old from playing soccer? Abortion means your wife never would have married you. Make a raped 11-year-old cross some state lines. Yeah. And we got yet another example of Christian chicken shittery this week as two Christian schools in Canada lost their lawsuit to be anonymous in their bigotry.

Buckle your seatbelts, everybody. This one's a doozy. The last story was about a one-eyed Nazi pedophile murdering Santa in front of children. If they're not already buckled, they're never going to be fucking buckled. Heath cheated.

He went into the past. He's cheated. He went past cheating. So the schools in question are the Sterling North Stonewall in Stonewall, Manitoba, and the Sterling West Pembina in St. Vincent, Minnesota. Okay. Well, I feel like the second one is not in Canada

because it's in Minnesota. Everything but their health care, though. I also thought that too, but I think it's... Is there a Canadian? I think it's on the border and is not in Canada because it's in Minnesota. I also thought that too, but I think it's... I think it's on the border and they went to Canada for the museum. I was so confused. I needed Dennis Prager to write the article about this story to be like, oh, Eli,

I can see where you're confused. Grandchildren are the children of the children. But Minnesota is like a grandchild for the country, which is the grandpa. So once again, sorry, that's Sterling North Stonewall and Sterling West Pembina visited the Canadian Museum for Human Rights last year, which sounds like a good idea. Except they requested that the museum not show certain students any content that might offend their religious sensibilities. What? Including the section on same-sex marriage.

Fuck your face. And here's the fucking insane part. The higher-ups at the Museum for Human Rights said yes. Jesus, there is such a thing as too polite, Canada. I keep telling you this. Okay, but what did they see? Was the entire museum covered with like a blur filter somehow? What could possibly exist in a museum of human rights

that does not conflict with the Bible somehow? Right. That's nothing. Good point. Right. So what this meant was that tour guides, some of whom were gay showed up for work one day and their bosses were like hey great greg glad you're here school tour today

could you not tell them that gay people exist right yeah yeah no problem oh hey they're here hey kids so uh just now i was i was fucking a lady vagina with my man penis just now uh check out this uh blur right right here that's that's all we have what what is the follow-up to that right he turns to the other guy she's like oh also could the rest of you dress as native americans and pretend to be patrons so they're not reminded of the genocide they're publicly funded residential schools did make it easier blur filter guide dives in front yeah right so those tour guides obviously went to the press and they were like hey this is happening just so you know at which point the ceo of the museum stepped down and the christian bigot schools immediately sued to remain anonymous so that nobody would know they were the bigots who requested, you know,

skippable sections of a human rights museum. That's terrifying. Welcome to the Holocaust museum. Check out these amazing publicly funded railways. Oh, Jesus Christ. Marvel of social. We're done. We're done with the tour.

Get out. Quick one. Who wants some astronaut ice cream from the gift shop? Now, like I said, they lost. So now everyone knows that the schools in question were Sterling North Stonewall and Sterling West Pembina. As of this recording, being a bigot coward was the second result when you Google Sterling North Stonewall. But it's only the eighth or ninth result when you Google Sterling North Stonewall, but it's only the eighth or ninth result when you Google Sterling West Pembina. So

I guess as long as a podcast with thousands of people downloading it doesn't put something like Sterling North Stonewall and Sterling West Pembina or homophobic bigots in their show notes, they'll be just fine. I mean, otherwise... Or encourage their listeners to Google Sterling West Pembina

homophobic bigots just to check and make sure. Yeah. Don't do that. And finally tonight in the call is coming from inside the house news. Fantastic. Washington Post profile of Amy Grant. The Christian singer and songwriter failed to sufficiently condemn her niece for being a lesbian. Anna.

What are the guys talking about? It's the newest, the greatest Christian freak out. That's right. In the interview, she talks about how she and her husband planned to host her niece's wedding at the farm, which would feature the family's first bride and bride nuptials. Nice. She even cited her

faith in explaining her support. She said, quote, Boo. Honestly, from a faith perspective, I do always say, Jesus, you just narrowed it down to two things. Love God and love each other, end quote. To which prominent Christians the country over responded, quote, the fuck he did, end quote. I did not spend my whole life not having delightful gay sex to watch Amy Grant not hate her niece for not not having delightful gay sex okay that's fair that's fair but hey i mean amy while we're making up things jesus said yeah he also wants you to give me a

check for 250 000 it's right there next to the part where he was cool about gay people you will find both of those things equally in the bible yes right in your bible so okay so let's start with prominent evangelist and nepo baby franklin graham who agrees that jesus is all about love but explain that true love includes hating gay people stay with me quote if we love god we will seek to obey his word. God defines what is sin, not us. And his word is clear that homosexuality is sin. For me, loving others also means caring about their souls and where they will spend eternity, end quote. Yeah, unless they're raping children.

Then I am both on and off the record not giving a shit about what they do, which is weird, priority-wise. But of course, no homophobic Christian tirade in America is complete until hate pastor and evil universe Stephen Colbert Tony Perkins chimes in. He posted about the disturbing show

of familial support by first sharing Graham's condemnation and divine threat to burn Grant's niece in hell for eternity, and then added whatever it is Christian pundits have in place of thoughts. Quote, too many christians have conflated love with affirmation we love everyone but we cannot affirm all choices god so loved the world he sent his son to save us for our sin he did not send him to affirm us in our sin end quote

okay god sent his son who then walked around the desert fucking a bunch of dudes like all the time and washing their feet, penises and shit like that. And then saying right after that, do as I have done to you. Literally, that's in the Bible, which is very confusing. Like what exactly was Amy Grant supposed to do given all that in the Bible? Yeah. What I love about these moments is that neither side is talking about the bible right now yeah right like amy grant's got flower power jesus holding a trans rights flag and tony percocet has macho man jesus bear hugging the queer out of you and meanwhile

the bible is like oh whoa to you who wipes with the wrong hand and eats without thanking the sun like yes exactly well and and and like our friend hemet meta points out over on only sky Wipes with the wrong hand and eats without thanking the sun. Right. Yes, exactly. And like our friend Hemet Mehta points out over on Only Sky, neither Graham nor Perkins found the time to condemn Grant for like getting divorced back in the day. And the Bible is way more clear

on the sinfulness of that than any of the gay shit. This isn't about the word of the Bible or they'd be too busy picketing at a fucking red lobster to even tweet this shit out. It's about affirming their bigotry and giving it legal cover by wrapping it up in their religion. And on that reminder, they give their bigotry legal cover by wrapping it in religion is

basically the theme of the show at this point. We're going to wrap up the headlines right there. Heath Eli, thanks as always. Shoot Santa Claus in the face. And when we come back that has to be legal. It's not real. At your local mall. And when we come back, we'll watch a video so dumb and pointless that we'll have to do a second one

just to wash our eyes out. We were fortunate on GAM this year in the sense that despite Eli's well-known addiction to taculars, he limited this year's Christmas tacular to just two films, only one of which came out before Christmas. But he's bound to make up for it at least a little with a god awful mini so tell us heath what will we be breaking down today but first we'll be breaking down the gift and i'm not going to be able to explain what it's the story nope because it's nothing and and then what come home and ibid again i think like it's they're trying to do metaphor i don't do metaphor it's not i don't neither do they just liars metaphors are for liars no they don't do it either they did they tried i think yep and eli how bad were these minis well if you love the

christian worldview but you'd like it reduced to an even more obvious metaphor about how evil God is, you will love these minis. Okay, so it's a metaphor for God. That's what they were trying to do? Yeah. Yep. Yep. Both times. Two of them.

Okay. All right. So is there anything you still want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at? Yeah. Okay. In the first one, best best, guy who likes food and whiskey way too much.

They're trying to make their point. We'll get to the details of this. They're trying to make their point about their metaphor, God or whatever. And one guy is just like, what? This is a really good croissant. Yeah. If I could have wished a curse upon that short film, it would be heath loudly

eating croissants and drinking scotch in the background my christmas wish came true everybody right similarly i was going to stick to the first movie and go best worst excuse to buy child-sized shackles yeah that'll make sense actually in a second sort of it is a christian short film, so you feel like they had a guy already, but I get it. I get it. And I'm going to take the easy one.

I'm going to go with best worst. I'm your father. So you went with the second film. All right. Yeah. So we're going to start off with a gift, and we're going to open on a lovely piano in an upscale home.

And also, I don't offer up furniture notes very often, but this is the most ostentatious living room furniture I have ever seen. It looks like they went to a furniture store

and asked for the exiled duke or something. Yeah. If there was a section of the IKEA catalog called, ooh,

that's every chair in this room. Yeah. Just all provided by goop i would imagine yeah right sure so yeah so we see this room for a minute and then a little boy in shackles runs into the room and wakes up a teenage girl in shackles and i'm like i don't i don't like where any of this is going no yeah and i wrote oh it's andy wilson's at Christmas. Okay. I did enjoy the kid though, because he wakes up his aunt or whatever.

And she's like, oh, hey buddy, Chris, are we locked in shackles? And then she's like, maybe we just ignore this. And he's like, the chains, these chains, we're locked in chains. That, yes. Okay. So let me blow this open so that we can discuss it.

The metaphor of this is that not loving jesus is like living in a super nice house but you're in chains yes all the time right okay so is the opening gambit no i'm not in chains well yeah right right exactly because everybody's just gonna ignore the chains the entire fucking time. So the kid comes in. He's like, hey, look, there's Christmas presents. And this is where we meet shackled mom and shackled dad. Mm hmm.

Right. And they come and they open the note that's sitting by the president. And they're like, these are the chains for all of your shackles and for the front door. These are the keys. Oh, the keys, right. Yeah, sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So consider your incident incited.

I guess. But then some of the families are like, these are accessories. I kind of like these. They're nice. They're jingly. And one guy, and this is my best best, one guy's like, guys, we have whiskey here. Just everybody relax. Yeah.

Can we just unlock the shackles and drink here and then figure it out? I don't know. I'm just saying. Also, they have a weird alcoholic friend who is only there to serve as an example. Yeah.

At one point, so snooty blonde couple is what I have them in their notes. I think that's mom and dad in your notes, Noah. At one point, snooty dad goes, I what I have them in their notes. I think that's mom and dad in your notes, Noah. At one point, snooty dad goes, I mean, Paul's just here for the booze. And he like, might as well pull him up from off screen. Be like, huh?

Isn't that right, Paul? Yeah. And everyone else is like dressed in Christmas. Paul's just in like a stained t-shirt and jeans. Paul is homeless. Yeah. Yeah. He's in a hobo outfit.

Yes. Yeah. He's like, I got the whole world. And then he sinks out of frame, never to be seen again. Right, and you're thinking to yourself, well, this is a four-minute video. That's too many characters. And then some old

guy shows up and he's like, I'm also in the movie and in shackles. I let you guys use my house. You have to let me be in the movie. And my shackles. You have to let me be in the movie. And my shackles. You have to let me be in the movie. So, yes, we now have more characters than minutes of run time in this stupid fucking movie. Yeah. And this is where, like, the daughter or the aunt or whoever the hell the chick on the couch was starts saying, like, hey, maybe we should open those presents and unshackle ourselves.

Because, you know, it'll never be enough. All the money that we accumulate by living in these shackles. which was start saying like, Hey, maybe we should open those presents and unshackle ourselves because, you know, it'll never be enough. All the money that we accumulate by living in these shackles. And dad's like, Oh, sir, pretty fucking good croissants. You know,

this is the greatest moment. Like, she's like, we're literally in chains. This is crazy. And they actually pan over to this guy eating a croissant in chains. And I was so fucking happy he's just like yeah we'll just we finish the food and drinks and then leave i don't know you gotta move one hand while

you eat the croissant and i admit that that's slightly inconvenient it's harder to butter it is harder to butter yeah but eventually the conversation morphs into you know when is enough enough right will you ever be satisfied with all of the things that you're gathering in your life or will you always feel empty inside as long as there's no Jesus in your heart, right? Right. And Blonde Snooty Dad is like, I mean, maybe

let me try a few more croissants. I don't know. I'm getting there. And he literally, as he's saying that, he pours more whiskey. Yeah. Again, I cannot emphasize to you enough podcast listener that there is no change of heart moment for this character. No. He will just, this guy was like,

you want me to be in your shitty Christian film? Do I get free croissants? Okay, but I'm actively eating them the whole time. The entire fucking time. I'm not reacting to anything anyone else in the movie says. Pan over again. He's playing chubby bunny. He's got like 12 croissants in there.

So, and then the answer, whenever she goes, well, do you remember Steve and Mike and Shirley? You know, these are characters who our listeners are expected now to also emotionally connect with somehow in this four minute video.

There was never enough money for them. And he's like, well, you make a pretty good point. We're like, does she though? What point did anyone make? I do not remember them.

So I don't know any of the context of what the fuck you're trying to tell me about these brand new names that you just introduced, but this is a good croissant. So fuck you. You have literally all possible characters available to you for your short film. And you had to be like, but what about the other characters that I didn't write that prove my point better? Oh, no.

Right. I don't know. You guys ever have a cronut? They're pretty fucking good. So, but while they're having this argument, the little boy is like, fuck all that noise. So he opens up his gift, takes out the key, unshackles himself and leaves. Just walks the fuck out that noise so he opens up his gift takes out the key unshackles himself and leaves just walks the fuck out the door door opens there's a great big white heavenly light the end okay like i get all right the heavenly light was supposed to cue me in but i'm watching

this and i was like okay so that five-year-old is just walking around by himself now outside on like christmas day just wandering and it's very bright out really wanted the kid to get shot in the head and the movie's like ha this was a different kind of sci-fi with a different kind of metaphor so moral of the story for me was you do need money and shelter and parents and croissants and whiskey, but like all that except whiskey. When you're five, yes, you definitely need all those things. Yep. Yeah. Right. You can't just go wandering

the fuck off. And of course, this was the part in the film where Eli emailed us and said, hey, you guys want to do two videos this week? I don't think there's enough. So in case that wasn't satisfying enough for you, and let's face it it wasn't we also watched come home featuring television's own kirk cameron which is it's going

to start with a few panning shots of a town that scream like you know we sprung for the two-foot glide track pro what the fuck more do you want a full-on dolly fuck you yeah little background as we enjoy this film together kirk cameron let's just say fundraised hard for this movie and when you see the results you uh have to wonder where that money went yeah right yeah it's shot in this like weird like spider-man stealth level area of i I think, Ventura, California. It's all weird and sad. Next to his house, I'm sure, in California is where this is shot.

Yeah, right. Who would want to live in LA? So much nicer out here. So eventually we settle on an African-American dude running down the middle of the street and Kirk Cameron walking through a neighborhood looking a bit put out by this whole ordeal.

Okay. Oh, please let this be a sequel to Little Piece of Heaven where Jussie Smollett's character finally escapes the heaven farm. I literally saw this and I was like, is that Jussie Smollett?

What's happening right now? It's not. I love they show him running and then they do a close-up and he's running way too hard to match the far shot of him running. And he's, yeah. But it's not Jussie Smollett, sadly.

Yeah, so we cut back to him. This character's name is Ty and he stops in a brightly lit crosswalk to figure out what to do. We hear sirens in the background like the cops are coming for him. We're going to forget about those from now on. Yeah, don't worry about it.

It's not a big deal. This feels like a bad version of Get Out with like Jussie Smollett trying to like flee Kirk Cameron's shitty short film. Yeah, don't worry about it. It's not a big deal. This feels like a bad version of Get Out with like Jussie Smollett trying to like flee Kirk Cameron's shitty short film. Yeah, right. Sure.

So, okay. So now we flash back to Ty doing some kind of shady drug deal or something, but with a white guy. So it's not racist. He's selling it

to a white man. Not racist. Okay. It was supposed to be a drug deal, I guess, but they don't make it clear at all. So it was like, you got the thing, you got Racist. Okay. It was supposed to be a drug deal, I guess, but they don't make it clear at all. So it was like, you got the thing, you got the stuff.

Yeah. And he hands him like a brown paper bag. And then the guy grabs the bag, smells it like it's a hot sandwich that he's excited to get. And I was like, okay, was that an illicit sandwich deal? I'm intrigued by this world building where sandwiches. He runs an underground. He's the last underground Quiznos manager. Yeah, there you go. Now that they've closed up in the US and he's providing the hot Angus to the people still

jonesing. Yeah, like post-apocalyptic and sandwiches are banned something. Yeah. Sure. Also, if I could just blow up the metaphor for a second, right? Because the metaphor of this is, God will forgive you no matter what you do. So this middle scene,

it doesn't really fit into the metaphor. It kind of makes the metaphor, God will forgive you no matter what you do. And fucking Steve will never remember that time you brought him an underground quiz no yeah right so we back out because like he's like oh man ty that was great if you ever need anything i mike will help you out and then we cut back out of the flashback and we have ty calling mike trying to cash in on that favor. So they felt the need to establish owed him a favor.

Okay. With a full fucking flashback. Yeah, so what he says at this point is like, he's like, hey man, I messed up. I did something really stupid and I'm like,

is it a short film with Kirk Cameron? Because I feel like it was a short film with Kirk Cameron. See, what I wrote in my notes was, well, keep in mind

that Kirk Cameron's worldview, this could be like smoking a cigarette or jerking off to internet porn. Right, yeah, honestly. Maybe that paper bag was filled with cum. He was like, view this could be like smoking a cigarette or jerking off to internet porn right yeah honestly maybe that paper bag was filled with cum he was like here here so mike hangs up on him right and he's like i'm not gonna help you and he hangs up ty gets a call and he throws his phone

but somehow it answers anyway right because we hear kirk cameron talking through the phone about his particular set of skills or whatever and about how he's gonna find ty no matter what damn it i did not follow any of that i just saw kirk cameron making a call to separately i didn't know that they were connected in any way but it's kirk cameron being like i will find you and i will kill you and it's in a voicemail as as far as i know which is an aggressive yeah fucking voicemail i wanted him to like press cancel and try another recording of like the tone of i will find you and kill you if you if you're happy with your recording no no i'm gonna press three hey nope stupid why did i start with hey hello today so now important correction here

though he does not say and i will kill you right that's implied like his tone of voice but he's like i'll find you wherever you go etc you know it's gonna matter when they got a big reveal yeah exactly wow spoilers yeah that's what i'm saying god will right yeah no he but he doesn't say that yeah it's implied so still refusing to take no for an answer ty goes to mike's house which is is luckily in jogging distance. And Mike answers the door and he's like, all right, man, what happened? He's like, oh, I fucked up, but we really didn't flesh out this metaphor, so I don't have a straight answer. I'm going to have to be real vague about it. I made a big mistake. Who's Mike in the metaphor? I don't. That's what I think. They

ruined their own metaphor with Mike. Yeah, right. Well, yeah, because Mike's like, you got to go. And he's like, no, man, you said in the flashback that you'd help me no matter what. And so Mike punches him in the head and closes the door. That's the best. Starts banging trash can lids together at him. Come on.

Get out of here. Get out of here. Okay. End of movie right here would have been funny. Come on. Get out of here. Get out of here. Okay. End of movie right here would have been funny. Like I would have laughed a lot. It was just like punch, door, go away. There you go. End.

Yeah. Come home. So then we cut to him in a parking garage when who should show up but the shackled croissant dad from the last video. That's right. See? It's a Christian Kirk Cameron burger verse. He's just got a giant Quiznos sub in his mouth for the rest of the

movie. Yeah, right. That'd be great. Okay, here's what I love about this. This is very clearly supposed to be Satan in the metaphor, right? But they were like, okay, none of us can look Al Pacino scary or even close to Satan-y scary. Kirk just tried to do a threatening monologue into a telephone message and we had to do six

cuts so everyone wouldn't laugh at him. Let's just get our friend who's a waiter at an Italian restaurant to wear his uniform. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's just like a Mormon missionary with like a little bit of an evil mustache that they taped onto him for this scene. Right. Yeah, exactly. So it's actually very tricky to capture audio in something as echoey as a parking garage. So what they did to get around this was point a microphone at the person who was talking and not give a shit about anything else. At first, I thought they were doing like a boomy Satan voice effect.

But then Mike has it too or whatever the guy has it too. And I was like, oh, they're just bad in sound. So all of us will be speaking like this in this tone. This is, yes, we will. Shut up.

Who is Mike in this metaphor? Are you going to finish that sandwich? And so Satan's like I knew you would come back to me sooner or later because I'm the only one who accepts you for what you are a disappointment and I'm like ooh sick burn Satan

I'm going to have to remember that one, that's good At this point I was like okay, I know this is a metaphor for God or whatever but I want to enjoy this movie so I'm pretending, okay, I know this is a metaphor for God or whatever, but I want to enjoy this movie. So I'm pretending it's about a gay love rectangle between Mike, Satan, Kirk Cameron, and this other guy. Oh, yeah. Okay. All right.

It's not a religion. It's a four-way relationship. All right. But just then, Kirk shows up to say, no, I also accept you, Ty, and in a nice way. And then they have to be vague back and forth about what Ty did. Yes. But can we just take a second, just the three of us here?

This is Kirk writing about Kirk Cameron's gay feelings, right? It almost has to be, right? I don't want to feed into the stereotype of like, oh, everyone who's homophobic is gay but like sometimes they are yeah because because the lines of this movie is like i know what you did and it makes you sick and it's like okay well that is the that guilt is definitely

not about stealing yeah right right yeah exactly and satan like, don't regret it, Ty. You don't have to regret it. And Kirk Cameron's like, now you kind of have to regret it. At least that's the bare minimum. Right? Cum sandwich. So Ty starts walking off with Satan, but just then Kirk goes, I forgive

you, Ty. And that changes everything. Yeah. He says, I'll forgive you every single time. Over and over. Forever. And even Ty, who's being forgiven by God here is like, well, that's fucking dumb.

Seriously. I'm just going to fuck so many dudes. It's really bad. What I do meaninglessly is just make sense. Makes no sense. Do you want some of this cum sandwich? I'll forgive you too. We can do whatever we want, right?

And then it's fine. And then, oh, they were the cum sandwich the whole time. That's the thing. The cum sandwich is coming from inside the house. But then we get Eli's best worst, right? Because Ty says, but Kirk, why will you always forgive me? And then Kirk Cameron says to the African-American gentleman, because I'm your dad.

Seriously. Okay. Star Wars. Here's the thing. Look, I don't like to give actors in Christian films a lot of credit, but I would like to encourage anyone who wants to watch along with us to watch Satan's performance after that line, because Satan very much does a...

No, he's not. I don't think that's the right phrase. That's not a line in the movie. I mean, honestly, and this only makes sense to people who listen to Gam as well, I was just impressed that he didn't go, you're black! You know? You're dead and in heaven!

Sorry, this is... I've got one play yes yeah but so ty cries on kirk's shoulder and satan wanders off all disappointed and and that was it right that was the whole movie that's that's the movie sorry i've got to leave. That was my 15. I'm Satan. Right. So moral of the story, God's your dad and parent love is insane and illogical, just like religion. That's what I got from this. Okay. All right. More than I got from it. And with that quick reminder that if you wanted to be a Christian filmmaker, you'd automatically be the third best that ever lived at least. We'll wrap up yet another God Awful Many. Before we start the countdown tonight,

I want to remind you that I'm going to be giving a talk at Free Flow in Orlando, Florida on March 10th, 11th, and 12th. They still have early bird pricing for the next couple of weeks, so be sure to check the show notes and get your tickets soon. Anyway, that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight. We'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister show, The Skeptocrat, debuting at 7 p.m. Eastern on Monday. An even newer episode of our sister show's hot friend, God Awful Movies, debuting at 7 p.m. Eastern on Tuesday.

And an even newer episode of our half-sister show, Citation Needed, debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously, this show wouldn't earn its number if I neglected to thank Ethan Wright for another year of brilliance, Eli Bosnick for another year of hilarity, Lucinda Lusions for another year of insight. I also want to thank everybody else who made the show happen over this last year, including but not limited to Anna Bosnick, Don Ford, Michael Marshall, Tom and Cecil,

Andrew Torres, Tim Robertson, Morgan Clark, all the guests that we've had on, all the Patreon supporters, all the advertisers that stuck with us despite Eli's best efforts, everybody who listens to the show, and everybody who downloads but doesn't listen since that counts towards our stats. Any. Doesn't matter. Oh, and on a less general note, I want to thank the Broad for providing this week's Farnsworth quote. And quick reminder, that is how she identified herself, not just like me making a generalization. But most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's

best people, who I'll thank and compliment by name next week. Sorry, I'm sick as all hell and I'm trying to recover from Christmas shit this week. I just really didn't have time. But I'll suffice to say, you have very impressive genitalia. And of course, if you'd like to be mentioned in the same sentence with your genitalia, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash scathingatheist, whereby

you'll have an early access to an extended ad-free version of every episode. Or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage at scathingatheist.com. And earn early access to an extended app-free version of every episode, or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the Donate button on the right side of the homepage at scathingatheist.com. And if you'd like to help, but you have indebted yourself to the third generation to pay for Christmas gifts, you can also help a ton by leaving a five-star review, telling a friend about the show, and following us on social media. Legal services for this podcast are provided by the Law Offices of P. Andrew Torres,

Tim Robertson handles social media, and our audio engineer is Martin Karkos, who also wrote the music that was used in this episode, which was used with permission. If you have questions, comments, or doubt, search upon all the contact info on the contact page episode, which was used with permission. If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at skatingatheist.com.

Ah, man. I'm saying thank you, Lucinda, after that. Just put it somewhere else that it's not. It's not going to show up there. Yeah. Okay.

Heath, what would you say if Lucinda saw you peeing down your balls? See, this is why I didn't want to get into this. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a Thunderstorm LLC. Copyright 2022. All rights reserved.