The Scathing Atheist - 525: Lord Only Knowles Edition

Episode Date: March 9, 2023

In this week’s episode, Florida challenges the rest of the country to a “Taken-off”, Texas gets mad about all the outside data that's misceginating THEIR internet, and we’ll learn the differen...ce between ignoring you and paying attention to you in mysterious ways. --- Come see us live in Seattle: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/god-awful-movies-live-in-seattle-tickets-477540836497 To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click there: https://www.amazon.com/Outbreak-Crisis-Religion-Ruined-Pandemic/dp/B08L2HSVS8/ To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/ To hear more from our intrepid audio engineer Morgan Clarke, click here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/ --- Guest Links: Come see Noah at Freeflo: https://www.freeflo.org/ --- Headlines: CPAC Speaker calls for the eradication of trans people: https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/cpac-speaker-calls-transgender-people-213112725.html Florida courts could allow 'emergency' custody of kids with trans parents or siblings: https://www.businessinsider.com/florida-anti-trans-bill-court-custody-kids-gender-affirming-care-2023-3 Texas is trying to scrub the concept of abortion from its internet: https://gizmodo.com/texas-abortion-websites-bill-internet-service-providers-1850178991 SCOTUS won’t hear city-sponsored prayer vigil case: https://friendlyatheist.substack.com/p/breaking-the-supreme-court-wont-weigh A pastor compared honeymoon sex to how "Christ penetrates his church": https://friendlyatheist.substack.com/p/a-christian-pastor-compared-honeymoon TX lawmaker proposes bill to lower property taxes for people with a fuckton of kids: https://friendlyatheist.substack.com/p/be-fruitful-and-multiply-tx-bill

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 Warning, even our profanity warning has profanity in the motherfucker. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by MySheetsRock, Honey, and by the fact that the new Legend of Zelda isn't out yet. The new Legend of Zelda game. You'll know it's out when I start randomly yelling, fuck you, Bokoblin, in the middle of very distracted diatribes. And now, The Scathing Atheist. Hello, this is Quinn from the unofficial Discord NA Thunderstorm fan server. Just to say that we did in fact evolve from filthy, superstitious monkey people, as exemplified by the current spate of laws that are being passed across this country,
Starting point is 00:00:39 attacking transgender individuals and LGBT folk. We need your help. Please stand up against these, whether you're cis, and LGBT folk. We need your help. Please stand up against these, whether you're cis, straight, whatever. We need help to fight this. We can't do it alone. It's Thursday. It's March 9th. And it's Amerigo Vespucci Day.
Starting point is 00:01:20 Cool, yeah, because sometimes a white guy can discover a place without genociding everyone who lives there. For a few years, so that's... A little bit, yes. Mergo. I have no illusions. I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Ethan Wright. And from somewhere in New Jersey, Ann Arbor, Michigan, and Waycross, Georgia, this is The Skating Atheist.
Starting point is 00:01:38 On this week's episode, Florida challenges the rest of the country to a take-off. Texas gets mad about all the outside data that's miscegenating their internet. And we'll learn the difference between ignoring you and paying attention to you in mysterious ways. But first, the diatribe. So I'm working on this talk for FreeFlow this weekend, this talk about the history of the Christian video game industry. Incidentally, I think tickets are still available. Check the show notes for a link. Anyway, so I'm prepping this talk. And the way I go about it at first is I start off by writing out a list of all the games that I want to highlight, all the historical
Starting point is 00:02:18 anecdotes I wanted to mention, and all the various points that I want to make. Then I strung them together in a more or less chronological order. And I talked my way through a rough draft of the speech. And it was almost twice as long as the speech I'm supposed to give. The talk at the conference is 45 minutes. The talk I had was like an hour and 20 something. Now, that's a good problem to have, right? It means only the very best stuff makes it into the final version of the talk. But inevitably, when you're trying to carve that much stuff out, something you really like ends up on the cutting room floor. And in this instance, it was actually the conclusion that I wanted to build the whole thing towards.
Starting point is 00:02:52 See, throughout the talk, I'm pointing out the ridiculous animosity that Christians have and have had towards video games since their very inception. And the goal was eventually to build all of that towards the question of why. Why do Christians have it out for video games in the first place? Ultimately, though, that took me on this huge long diversion, and I had to opt for a different conclusion. But luckily, I have another venue to address that question, namely this diatribe. So here we go.
Starting point is 00:03:18 Why do Christians have it out for video games? Well, now, obviously, part of the answer is just the obvious shit, right? Christians hate video games because Christians hate everything. They even use the universally applicable phrase of the world to describe the things that they hate. So to some degree, they hate video games for the same reason that they hate movies and televisions and songs and every other form of popular entertainment. Popular entertainment is a mirror. It's reflecting back a culture, and that's a culture where they're less and less significant. They don't want to gaze into that, and they sure as hell don't want their kids to gaze into it. But I would argue that with video games, it's more because video games represent
Starting point is 00:03:53 direct competition to religion in a way that no other form of mass entertainment does. Because to a greater degree than any other form of storytelling, video games are told in the second person. Not I, not she, but you. Sure, you might be playing as Mario or as Link or as Master Chief, but you're them in a way that isn't true when you're relating to a movie's hero or a novel's protagonist. You're making the decisions. You're succeeding or failing. You're figuring out the solutions to the puzzle, and increasingly, you're making the moral choices like for example you might find yourself in a spot in a game where you're leading a party and two members of it
Starting point is 00:04:29 are in danger but the game only gives you a chance to save one of them one of them's going to die now now one of them is a person with impeccable morals that hasn't actually contributed a whole hell of a lot to the dungeon storming and the other one is a piece of fucking shit that steals from innocent people but is really handy in a fight. Who do you save? Do you make the moral decision or do you make the expedient one and decide quick, damn it, or both of them are going to die? Now, to be fair, most video games that try to do this kind of shit fail miserably. Video game narrative is an art form that still in many ways is in its infancy, but it's getting better. It's more and more common to have video games where your moral decisions affect the way the game unfolds in real and meaningful ways. And it's more and more common to have video games where your moral decisions affect the way the game unfolds in real and meaningful ways.
Starting point is 00:05:06 And it's more and more common for talented writers to coax an emotional connection out of you to an NPC. And as everybody who's getting emotionally devastated by every new episode of HBO's Last of Us series is slowly learning, at its highest level, video game narrative is getting really fucking good. But it doesn't matter, right? Video games didn't have to reach some kind of lofty plateau to get better at this shit than religion is religions largely justify their existence by claiming that they help people be moral or learn a good ethical framework now given how moral they aren't that claim shouldn't have much weight but for some reason
Starting point is 00:05:41 it does for some reason most people are willing to accept that just because religion failed to produce a moral person for the 80 trillionth time in a row doesn't mean it's a problem with the religion, right? Those 80 trillion were just doing it wrong. But how the hell long can that hold up when there's a genuine measurable alternative sitting in the living room of every home? How good did the morality engines of games have to get before it's obvious even to the average churchgo, that the games are doing a better job teaching their kids right from wrong than the youth pastor? Now, I don't know the answer to that question, of course, but I know that the youth pastor doesn't want anyone to find out. They're talking about you, Jesus. I interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news bulletin.
Starting point is 00:06:23 Joining me for headlines tonight are the Triforce of Wisdom and Triforce of Courage to my Triforce of Power, Heath Enright and Eli Bostic. Fellas, are you ready to link up? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, uh, wisdom. Wisdom. I thought we were going to do a chord thing. Yeah, you did. And you went for it.
Starting point is 00:06:41 And that's why you are obviously courage, Heath. And I am wisdom for leaving you hanging. All right. Well, obviously, we need a minute to work on our acapella assignment. So we're going to pause for a word from our first sponsor this week. My sheets rock. Hey, everybody. So a little behind the curtains speak for you.
Starting point is 00:07:00 As he mentions, every time either of us take a breath, Eli usually writes the ads here on The Scathing Atheist, but this week he forgot. And it's 2.01pm here on Wednesday, which is when we usually start recording. So what have you suggested we do? Improvise the ad. Exactly. You have suggested that we improvise. So for your listening
Starting point is 00:07:20 pleasure, here is an improvised ad for My Sheets Rock. Heath, stop doing what you're doing. Wait, no. You didn't let me do a thing. What are you talking about? Then do a thing. Do a thing. Don't rush me. I'll do it. Improv is rushing. It's literally nature. I feel like improv is not rushing, okay?
Starting point is 00:07:36 I got it. Lululu, filling my sheets with ice cubes. Lululu, that's my favorite thing. Heath, why are you filling your sheets with ice cubes? Because I am a warm sleeper. I often wake up hot and sweaty, so ice cubes. But Heath, why don't you try My Sheets Rock?
Starting point is 00:07:56 What? My Sheets Rock? Noah, what are you doing here? I, I don't? I don't know. My Sheets Rock created the regulator sheets, which are designed specifically to keep hot sleepers cool and cold sleepers comfortable. They regulate temperature, wick moisture, stay breathable,
Starting point is 00:08:16 and are so soft, you'll sleep comfortably every night. It's a really smooth improv. That's because these sheets are made from best-in-class bamboo rayon, the holy grail of sheeting. This miracle material transfers body heat two times more effectively than regular sheets and reduces humidity by 50% so you can experience your best night's sleep yet. Testimonial. I love sleep.
Starting point is 00:08:40 About the sheets. Let me finish. I love sleep on my sheets from from my sheets rock i actually do they're really great and i bought a second set after they sent us one heath is a liar dude what look look at the must read it makes sense you look at the must read you lie just read the must read there are five star customer reviews speak for themselves. Plus, they offer a 90 day risk free trial and free shipping and returns. Check out my sheets rocket my sheets rock dot com slash scathing and enter our code scathing for 10 percent off and free shipping.
Starting point is 00:09:17 That's my sheets rock dot com slash scathing code scathing. Please don't cancel your ads. And now back to the headlines. In our lead story tonight, after getting their asses handed to them in the cultural war against LG and B, conservative Christians have shifted all their forces to T and they're digging the fuck in. And that was on full ass Nazi tastic display at last week's conservative political action conference or CPAC.
Starting point is 00:09:44 This is, of course the 49 year old annual conference that started off with an inaugural address by ronald reagan in 1974 and has somehow only got more terrifyingly conservative since then the latest iteration took place last week and featured among other things daily wire host michael knolls just straight up calling for the eradication of transgender people. Oh, man. Remember when conservatives were reasonable people like checks notes, Ronald Reagan? Right.
Starting point is 00:10:13 Yeah. Being quiet about their genocide stuff. Good times when they did that. OK, OK. Plus side, sunny side, silver lining. Legally, anything a trans person does to michael knowles is now self-defense so you know ways and means people google it yeah i don't think they'll find what you want them to find so let me clarify a quick point because since this speech knowles has been desperately
Starting point is 00:10:34 insisting that his words are being misconstrued but he's a fucking liar what he said was quote for the good of society transgenderism must be eradicated from public life entirely. The whole preposterous ideology at every level. End quote. And the distinction he's trying to draw now is the imaginary line between eradicating transgenderism and transgender people. What? You know how in the Crusades they would let Muslims live if they converted to Christianity and therefore the Crusades were morally justified? Oh, right.
Starting point is 00:11:09 It's like that. Yeah. Yeah, you remember when conservatives were honest, like, in the Crusades? That was good times. crazy about saying, I didn't say I wanted you to die. I just said your child predator whose essential being should be extinguished is what they just used
Starting point is 00:11:29 on gay people. Yes. Right? And they lost. They literally just swapped a word out and an entire generation is like,
Starting point is 00:11:36 now let's hear this guy out. Here, I know no. Yeah, no shit. They've moved a whole letter down the acronym. So let's check it out. Initialism. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:45 And look, to be clear, Knowles' clarification is at least as terrifying as his statement, because he starts off by explaining that terminating trans people wouldn't count as genocide, since genocide refers to genetics and there's no transgenderism gene. So, you know, right or wrong, never a great sign when your defense starts with a semantic parsing of the word genocide okay so genocide stay with me no no not staying with you well but somehow he even gets worse from there because he goes on to say quote nobody is calling to exterminate anyone because transgender people is not a real ontological category it's not a legitimate category of being end quote all right welcome to cpac lots of trucker hats out there cool cool cool so i want to start talking
Starting point is 00:12:33 about martin heidegger and jacques derrida exactly oh oh no you used the scrabble words so now it's impossible for me to see you calling for the deaths of trans people curse you for syllable words yeah it's a five five in this case but yeah but so the but that's the other thing is that like saying that they don't legitimately exist not helping your fucking case here and here's the thing even if we accepted the nonsensical distinction that he's trying to draw here the fiction that you can eliminate transgenderism without eliminating transgender people the fact that so many people on the left heard it as a call for genocide is a damn good indication that a lot of people on the right also heard a call for genocide. obligated reactionary pieces of shit that your party has to offer they can afford to get there anyway and you were telling them to go out and eliminate transgenderism asterisk and you knew what you were doing before i told you that too and in florida fuck you will news a bill proposed
Starting point is 00:13:43 in the florida state senate might be the most evil thing I've ever read. And I read evil, stupid, theocratic shit for a living. Like the first headline Noah just did. And with the reminder that this has the same chance in court as legally declaring Florida its own kingdom made entirely out of the bones of their enemies. So pretty good chance. Yeah, not a terrible. What do you mean by that we're gonna talk about bill 254 which would allow florida courts to take quote emergency custody of trans kids
Starting point is 00:14:14 or just kids with trans parents or trans siblings even if they live in another fucking state jesus christ yes yikes sorry eli to to parse your analogy here so but like kingdom made of even if they live in another fucking state. Jesus Christ. Yes. Sorry, Eli, to parse your analogy here. So, but like kingdom made of the bones of his enemies is like, that's DeSantis is stated goal with Orlando's economy right now.
Starting point is 00:14:36 Okay. So like, I feel like you should use a different comparison. Going to replace the AP test with the bones of his. Yeah. So the bill was introduced by state senator Clay Yarborough, who looks like he got bit by
Starting point is 00:14:50 a Ron DeSantis but won't tell anyone. And it allows the state to take temporary custody of children if, real quote from the bill's text, again, it is necessary in an emergency to protect the child because the child or a sibling or parent of the child is, again, real quote from the bill, word for word, at risk of or being subjected to the provision of sex reassignment prescriptions or procedures, end quote.
Starting point is 00:15:21 Fucking terrifying. end quote fucking terrifying so this obviously got reported everywhere and yarborough's office sent out a statement to clarify what they meant by all this and they basically said like okay everybody i know what you're thinking can i still surgically change the size of my kids boobies legally don't worry that's still fine yeah as long as the kid isn't trans. And seriously, that's what they're doing. And that's what he said in clarification. But there's actually more. Perhaps you're thinking to yourself, wait a second. What about sane states? Does this bill call backseas on other state laws? Why, yes, it does. Podcast listener. The bill would give a Florida court, quote, jurisdiction to vacate, stay or modify a child custody determination of a court
Starting point is 00:16:08 of another state to protect the child from the risk of being subjected to the provision of sex reassignment prescriptions or procedures end quote which as many have pointed out is literally fucking kidnapping yeah and that's not just hyperbole from random people for example alejandra carballo a clinical instructor at harvard law school and a former staff attorney at the transgender legal defense and education fund said yeah they're doing a kidnapping bill but in like lawyer words but yes that's absolutely what's happening here yeah well and look if you feel the need to add no matter what no judge says to your bill, you're the bad guy. Yep.
Starting point is 00:16:48 And also you're incompetent as shit. Those two things. Sorry, does the bill say no backsies at the end? Are you serious? You got to know the password to change this one. So, yeah, hard to know how to wrap up this kind of story with legal words. I have lots of illegal words. So many.
Starting point is 00:17:08 Dates, times, angles. No, Eli. Florida is bad. And everyone should vote and get out. Get out of Florida and then vote absentee if you live in Florida. Gunshow loophole. Pusher in the rye. Yeah. And in the rye. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:29 And in IP freely news. Okay. That might be the funniest joke ever written. You'll find you'll figure out why eventually that's incredible. So Texas wants to make its own internet just for them with no strippers and no cocaine and no information about abortion of any kind. and no cocaine and no information about abortion of any kind. So it turns out that people in Texas were firing up the AOL free hours and learning that war is actually war rather than peace and ignorance is actually weakness and freedom is the opposite of slavery. And that was all really bad news for the GOP minotaur that runs the state.
Starting point is 00:18:03 So they introduced a new bill that would make it illegal for internet service providers to let people see anything related to reproductive freedom. It would also criminalize the creation, editing, or hosting of any website that helps people find abortion providers
Starting point is 00:18:19 of any kind. Yeah, no, yeah, the problem with the internet is all the inter... It's nice to know that our enemies in this are ultimately going to be defeated because they're all in an office going, what the hell is an ISP? But it's terrifying nonetheless.
Starting point is 00:18:31 Right? Yeah. And big thanks to Hannah for the link. Scathingnews at gmail.com. Good stuff. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Heath, you're saying
Starting point is 00:18:38 people can send us stories at scathingnews at gmail.com and in addition to getting to hear the theocratic bullshit they care about torn down on our show, I, without telling you, will secretly respond with your cell phone number so they can text you whenever they want.
Starting point is 00:18:53 No, please do not do that. Just whenever they want. One time we just, you know, move through this and just say the email and then move on. Okay, so the bill in question is the Women and Child Safety Act or HB 1984, as I like to call it. It's actually HB 2690 and it's terrifying.
Starting point is 00:19:13 It's 41 pages long, 38 of which are underlined. Okay. So I don't know. Maybe it's time to flip that around in the formatting. Okay. Sorry. I'm getting off track. That's a weird little note.
Starting point is 00:19:24 They're doing 1984. If the bill passes, every internet provider would have to build a special Texas propaganda filter. And by filter, I mean only lets in propaganda, but no true things on the subject.
Starting point is 00:19:39 They'd have to block any website that's operated by or on behalf of an abortion provider or abortion fund and also block anything tangentially related, including personal fundraisers. Of course, that would include, for example, a GoFundMe to help save the life of a pregnant person. Well, you know, if it's good enough for Iran, Myanmar, North Korea, Cuba, Russia, China, and literally no other country. I guess it's good enough for Texas, right? Right in their wheelhouse. Also, no telling people about the giant
Starting point is 00:20:11 parasitic worms everyone has. We don't have those yet, but we're getting ahead on it. Yeah. You know, one follows the other. Also worth noting, this bill is not a brand new idea or something like that gop lawmakers in texas have been trying for years to replace the super highway with their own slow ass information back road with stop signs everywhere and like fucking tortoise crossings and of course they did so fucking well with their very own power grid in te that a Texan intranet just made perfect sense. So bottom line, Republicans are garbage and Texas Republicans are hot garbage. Vote these people out. Honestly, with enough turnout by sane people in Texas in major cities, even Texas
Starting point is 00:20:59 doesn't have enough ignorant people to keep doing shit like this forever. Yeah. doesn't have enough ignorant people to keep doing shit like this forever. Yeah. Well, now I think we owe our Texas listeners a break before we do yet another story about how much their state sucks. So we're going to take a quick break for a word from our other sponsor this week, Honey. Hey, podcast listener. Today's episode is sponsored by Honey, the easy way to save when shopping on your iPhone or computer.
Starting point is 00:21:22 And since Eli forgot the ads this week, we're going to be advertising Honey by reading his Amazon search history. I don't feel like that will behoove anyone. Two votes. Yes. All right. Now, this set of Apple tags, they are for... The stuff I constantly lose.
Starting point is 00:21:38 Right. And Honey managed to save you six bucks on those. Yes. Yes, they did. They did do that. But tell me, Noah, what's Honey? Well, Eli,
Starting point is 00:21:48 unlike the 33 board games I see on your wish list here, thanks to Honey, manually searching for coupon codes is a thing of the past. Honey is the free shopping tool that scours the internet for promo codes
Starting point is 00:21:59 and applies the best one it finds to your cart. So you could play Roads and Boats for less money. Is that a real game? That can't be a real game. Roads and Boats? No, it's a real game. But Heath, how does it work?
Starting point is 00:22:13 So imagine you're shopping on one of your favorite sites, which checking here would be like Grubhub. Cooking is hard. So when you check out, the Honey button appears and all you have to do is click Apply Coupons. Wait a few seconds as Honey searches for coupons it can find for that site. If Honey finds a working coupon, you'll watch the prices drop. Personal endorsement.
Starting point is 00:22:32 Yes. Honey saves me, Eli Bosnick, money on food delivery and my hobbies, which are normal and cool, and also my fears. Fears. Yep. Glad you mentioned that. You do buy a lot of survival stuff. I do. I do. And honey doesn't just work on desktops. It works on your iPhone too.
Starting point is 00:22:51 Just activate it on Safari and your phone and save on the go. If you don't already have honey, you could be straight up missing out. And by getting it, you'll be doing yourself a solid and supporting this show. Get PayPal honey for free at joinhoney.com slash scathing as joinhoney.com slash scathing. Salt pills? It's for if the water goes out. You'll die, man. You'll die.
Starting point is 00:23:16 Yeah, well, apparently he'll die salty. Yeah, thank you. Not a compliment. Next up in headlines, and that which does not cert you knows. The Supreme Court temporarily passed up on a chance to further erode the wall of separation is the kind of shit that passes for good news these days. So, good news, everyone. The Supreme Pontifical Court of the United States had a chance to make it virtually impossible for anyone to sue any government entity for any church state violation short of forcing you to go to church at gunpoint and didn't take it but at the risk of shitting on even that tiny sliver of good
Starting point is 00:23:50 news i feel the need to add as did neil gorsuch dot dot dot yet yeah yeah and they're also not deciding about the gunpoint christianity thing either yeah really dot dot dot yet it's all about timing they're gonna they're gonna time it just right at this point the supreme court talks about theocratic test cases like they're on their first week on bumble just oh five nine i'm gonna swipe left but i'll swipe right if you're still here after a breakup next summer so yeah so so this one comes to us from astute listener stan via scathing news at gmail.com his cell phone number what and it's nope and it's the story of a textbook church state separation violation bouncing around in the course for nine goddamn years and counting this all started in 2014 when ocala florida police chief greg graham
Starting point is 00:24:36 posted an image on facebook of a letter on official police department letterhead urging citizens to attend a prayer vigil to help with an ongoing crime spree you know because what other means would a police chief possibly have to intervene in an ongoing crime spree with right anyway so the american humanist association asked him to take it down he refused so they sued him dear chief please stop doing crimes and start stopping them no okay yeah isn't that just the american humanization's job right so now initially the aha1 the judge found that graham had violated not one not two but all goddamn three prongs of the lemon test right that this didn't serve a secular purpose it advanced or prohibited a religion and it excessively entangled the government with religion filling any one of those makes it illegal or rather i'm sorry made it illegal before the supreme court discarded the
Starting point is 00:25:31 lemon test in the kennedy decision last year and replaced it the but we always done done it this way test yep so an appellate court handed the decision back to the original judge with a note basically saying yeah i love what you're doing now do it again but don't use the lemon test to get there but the conservative zealots appealing the decision asked the supreme court to intervene and say that the aha suit didn't have standing because the person who is suing wasn't forced to go to the prayer vigil really you know like in chains yeah and it was that request that the court turned down listen nobody's forcing you to live inside of a crime spree while the cops are lighting candles in a wishing circle. You have so many things you can do. You can elect other cops. They're elected. Or you can help with the fucking wishing circle. You're not helping.
Starting point is 00:26:18 Or you could fight the crime yourself with superpowers and banter. There's plenty of fucking options. Batman didn't have superpowers. You don't need superpowers. Gadgets, there you go. Yeah, because what is a direct letter from an armed enforcer of state laws, but an optional invitation? Am I right, everybody? Of course.
Starting point is 00:26:36 But look, at the heart of this is the very real danger, as I already mentioned, that Neil Gorsuch was quick to point out to any activist lawyer who wanted to help cement American theocracy. See, the question of standing can be really tricky in a lot of church state violation situations. That is, who has standing to sue when a police chief endorses a prayer vigil? Who was specifically harmed? Now, at the moment, this shit relies on what's called the offended
Starting point is 00:26:59 observer standard. I live in this town. I see the Ten Commandments display every day. I feel offended, belittled, whatever. I'm harmed. And after this see the Ten Commandments display every day. I feel offended, belittled, whatever. I'm harmed. And after this appeal was denied, both Gorsuch and Thomas released statements questioning the legitimacy of that form of standing and basically asking lawyers to bring them a better test case to do away with it. And to be clear, there's no indication of what it's going to be replaced with. And really, there's no indication that they have any desire to replace it at all. Listen, I'm equally allowed to vote as these people. I'm harmed.
Starting point is 00:27:31 I feel offended and I'm harmed. That's insane. And in the meek shall inherit the girth news, Pastor Josh Butler wrote an article for the Gospel Coalition last week about how God is just like an erect penis. Stay with me. Penetrating his flock of faithful adherence, but not in a sexual way, in a Christian way.
Starting point is 00:27:55 Oh, yeah. We learned it's not a religion. It's a relationship. It's a married relationship. And you only do P in the V missionary. And only one person has a climax christian and that one person is just a uh a simple carpenter named jesus christ man i feel like if we could find a long-haired guy into cosplay willing to plow the asses of a couple
Starting point is 00:28:20 dozen theocrats we could transform this country's politics overnight. It's not how I want to save the world, but I'm not saying I'm not willing. Okay. All right. We go. All right. And a big thanks to Hannah for the link.
Starting point is 00:28:34 Scathing news at gmail.com. Cell phone. There it is. Okay. By the way, Hannah, two links in the show. Good job.
Starting point is 00:28:41 Fuck yeah. Props to Hannah. So the article from Pastor Josh starts by condemning casual sex because it's too much like a Taylor Swift song. What? He listens to a lot of Tay-Tay, but he also hates Tay-Tay. I don't know. Didn't really make sense. And then he explains that the whole purpose of sex is to be the path to Christ. The key is to have married sex only so that you don't get distracted by the sex part. And of course, it's all about the generosity of gifting sperm. What?
Starting point is 00:29:17 Actual quote. Generosity and hospitality are both embodied in the sexual act. Think about it. Generosity involves giving extravagantly to someone. You give the best you've got to give, lavishly pouring out your time, your energy, or your money. At a deeper level, generosity is giving not just your resources, but your very self. And what deeper form of self-giving is there than sexual union where the husband pours out his very presence not only upon but within his wife end quote okay first of all worst erotica
Starting point is 00:29:56 ever zero stars yeah thank you cannot jerk off to this second of all if you're getting it on and in, you're pulling back too far when you thrust, my guy. Too far. So also, if time or money comes out, you should see a doctor, okay? Oh, you never come a nickel. Look at me. I'm no reason. So yeah, you're welcome, Christian women, for all that come your husband's gifted you in the spirit of godly generosity. You're welcome for that. But it's not just about the man in a Christian marriage. The woman is also very important. She's actually in charge of the hospitality part of her vagina, to be clear.
Starting point is 00:30:40 End quote. What deeper form of hospitality is there than sexual union where the wife welcomes her husband into the sanctuary of her very self? Is there a tiny mug of hot cocoa and a heated blanket in here? You are too kind. Too kind. And that brings us to the big metaphor that ties it all together. You're probably wondering if this gets all tied together. It does.
Starting point is 00:31:11 Quote, this is a picture of the gospel. Christ arrives in salvation to be not only with his church, but within his church. Christ gives himself to his beloved with extravagant generosity, showering his love upon us and imparting his very presence within us. It's like a golden shower, really. Yeah. It's like a bukkake with the Trinity type situation is what I've got in mind.
Starting point is 00:31:40 Sure the fuck is. It's about to get a little bit worse. You're going to want to put some plastic down at your church. Yeah. It's probably best. He continues. Christ penetrates his church. There it is.
Starting point is 00:31:55 Caliente. With the generative seed of his word and the life-giving presence of his spirit, which takes root within her and grows to bring new life into the world. End quote. Right. Which is why it's so important to pee after church, everybody. You do not want a UTI. I just want somebody standing up in this guy's church going, hold on, are you saying we're
Starting point is 00:32:17 the vag? I don't think I like this. So you're probably wondering, how'd that all go for him how'd that go over yeah he got fired he got fired right the fuck away and all his blurbs and endorsements got retracted violently and all his publishers pulled his material uh just like the dilbert guy he's the dilbert guy of christian sex journalism or whatever the fuck that was. And keep in mind, he got fired by the Gospel Coalition. Just for context, they're a hate group. Yeah, just ask the Gilbert guy.
Starting point is 00:32:54 The Gospel Coalition spends most of their time spreading Christianity, but really just the important bigotry parts of Christianity. That's what they're focused on. They publish important think pieces about why you should misgender your trans colleagues and about the existence of bisexuality being the result of a quote, social contagion and about how conversion therapy works because you stop being gay when your identity is in jesus and that group the gospel coalition was like dude you're making religion look bad we need a much more nuanced analysis about the dry clunky sex of christianity that we're all having you're doing a bad job of that maybe an analogy where we're not
Starting point is 00:33:40 the vag next time and finally tonight in duggar i hardly knew her news texas state representative and spinning image of glenn beck a third of the way into morphing into jay leno brian slayton has introduced a bill designed to improve the national supply of america's least useful resource white christians from texas cool the bill would reduce property taxes based on family size up to and including eliminating property taxes altogether for families with 10 or more children fuck all of you because you know if anybody should be kicking in less for the public schools it's people with irresponsibly large families am i right okay listen every time i bring up the idea
Starting point is 00:34:22 of a federal breeding license everybody's like don't do eugenics, blah, blah, blah, blah. But maybe this one time we could do a little bit. Oh, on a state-by-state basis? Heath, I'm being won over. We said no eugenics is the third thing on the whiteboard, damn it. That's fair. I don't know. Why does it got to be the whiteboard right now?
Starting point is 00:34:41 I feel like maybe. Ooh. Switch it on. Just Texas and Florida. We start with Texas and Florida. Just feel like maybe... Ooh. Switch it on. Just Texas and Florida. We start with Texas and Florida. Just a tip of the iceberg. Yeah, the two states with the largest
Starting point is 00:34:50 Hispanic populations. That becomes... See how quick it becomes problematic? I feel like they'd take one for the team there. Why? Yikes.
Starting point is 00:35:00 No, no, what? Don't interrupt him. I want to hear... No, I'm just saying... Hispanic people. I feel like a lot of liberal-minded people in texas and florida regardless of their ethnicity would take a bullet to get rid of all the other people in texas so you want us to shoot them now metaphorically it was the wrong metaphorically they take a breeding license scenario that they would be able to get because they're good people.
Starting point is 00:35:26 Some of your best friends, actually, even. Some of your best friends. I could listen right now. Dave. Moving on. The Latino. Ryan Floglica. Señor Bob. What's his last name?
Starting point is 00:35:41 Latino. Brewery. What's his last name? Latino. Brewery. Now, as bad as this sounds, it's actually way worse because the bill goes on to very specifically define what kinds of families count for the tax breaks. And obviously, it excludes same-sex couples. That's just garden variety bigotry among modern Republicans.
Starting point is 00:36:01 But Slayton ain't garden variety. Nobody would grow him on purpose, not even the Texas GOP. So he goes on to specifically say that the couples have to be married and can have never been divorced. What the fuck? It has to be both spouses' first marriage.
Starting point is 00:36:18 And yes, the tax break would pass to a widow, but only if they never remarried. Yeah. By the way, the official announcement from the Texas House actually has the biblical phrase, be fruitful and multiply in it. Yep. They're doing a government subsidy for a fucking cordyceps invasion. Jesus Christ.
Starting point is 00:36:37 Right. But like only for the fucking mother in Metroid, not those whores who will infect just anybody at the bread factory. in Metroid, not those whores who will infect just anybody at the bread factory. Right. And we should also be clear that it's no coincidence that the tax break he offers is specifically
Starting point is 00:36:52 a property tax break, right? That means that only people wealthy enough to own their own homes would qualify, which means that the break would go overwhelmingly to white families, especially in Texas. And since very few other people are going to have fucking five or more kids, they'd overwhelmingly go to Christian families. And since very few other people are going to have fucking five or more kids, they'd overwhelmingly go to Christian families.
Starting point is 00:37:09 And it also means that areas with a lot of quiverful families would have a head start on defunding public schools since that's generally where property taxes go. And it's worth pointing out here, as Hemant Mehta did over on his sub stack, that this is damn reminiscent of an early Nazi policy that offered government loans that you could pay back by having more Aryan kids.
Starting point is 00:37:27 So see, opposite of eugenics. Right. Yeah. So yeah, it looks like we're going to start and end this segment with direct parallels to the rise of Nazism
Starting point is 00:37:36 in contemporary America. Fun. We have fun here. Yeah. And on that grim reminder of the state of affairs and the depressing realization that this could actually be my generic sign-off,
Starting point is 00:37:46 the grim reminder one, we're going to close the headlines for the night. Heath, Eli, thanks as always. Gentile manji. And when we come back, the J-dubs will explain why God leaves your prayers on read. If doing God-awful movies has taught us anything, it's that Christians can cram a lot of stupid into a small package, which is why we're pleased to bring you another bite-sized portion of Christian cinema
Starting point is 00:38:14 in this installment of God-Awful Minnings. So tell us, Heath, what will we be breaking down today? We watched Does Jehovah Answer Prayers? It's the story of... No. Could have been so much shorter. And Eli, how bad was this mini? Well, if you love the animation of Jimmy Neutron,
Starting point is 00:38:40 but wish it reflected the morality of your craziest neighbor's Bible study, you will love this movie. All right. So, okay. So is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at? Yeah. I'm going to go with best, best little kid refusing to hear mysterious ways bullshit. Right.
Starting point is 00:38:59 We'll get to like the details of it. But a few times this little girl's like, that's fucking stupid. You're just doing a weird lie thing to paste over the thing doesn't make any sense yeah fuck you so this seems like a weird one out of context if you've seen the video it's a little better but I'm gonna go with best worst bully
Starting point is 00:39:15 yeah so like this whole video centers around this little girl being bullied but her bully like I don't I don't want a side with the bully you know but like the bully is so fucking cool. And she's a JW. Angela's pretty cool. This one time she's got lollipops.
Starting point is 00:39:33 Yeah, right, right. No, she rocks that lollipop. And I'm going to go with best worst answered prayer. Yeah. The answered prayer in this little mini film is so nothing. Answered prayer in this little mini film is so nothing. I thought that it was a two-part film and went looking on the JW website for the second half where the prayer was answered.
Starting point is 00:39:52 You remember the Simpsons episode where Bart takes Susanna's little helper to the dog trainer and he has to start pretending that he's telling the dog to do all the shit he's doing. So he starts giving it commands, like go over there and sniff that other dog's butt. You know, it's like the that of prayers. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:10 And then it ends with like the Free Willsy Act thing, basically. Yeah. So, okay. We're going to start off by checking back in on our favorite animated J-dub, Sophia. This time we're going to meet up with her hiding from bullies in a janitor's closet at school. Yeah. Come out of there. We heard your only
Starting point is 00:40:28 friend is a full-grown adult. Right. To be clear, a little kid has locked herself in a closet at school to avoid horrible bullies, and Jehovah is cool with it at the moment. Yeah. That's what's happening. Also, this isn't a metaphor for her being gay or anything like that.
Starting point is 00:40:44 She was, you know, the J-dubs would bully her for that. Yeah, I was good. I literally wrote in my notes, knowing what I know about J-Ws, I was afraid this was going to be some kind of punishment closet. I hadn't heard about yet, but no. Right. Yeah, exactly. So, yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:58 But Sophia is in the closet. She prays that Jehovah will help, but he doesn't because he's not real. And she might as well have just asked Barney the dinosaur to rip her bully's limb from limb. Right? Yeah, I just wrote in my notes, no, just pray for dice to roll a certain number. This is
Starting point is 00:41:16 such a testable fucking claim. Right, yeah, exactly. So, okay, but then we get, so the bullies wonder if we get the title, Lesson 43, Does Jehovah Answer Prayers? And then below that, it says Psalm 4-3. I checked, by the way, according to Psalm 4-3,
Starting point is 00:41:31 the answer is nobody does hear them. Oh, that's nice. When somebody's like, no, I hear you. I hear you. But, opposite. Okay, so then we get Sophia. She sneaks out of the closet
Starting point is 00:41:44 and she shows up in class. She's late because of all the bully hiding. She slinks her way to the desk and the teacher tells us that today they're going to learn the difference between division and long division. This is so fucking stupid. The difference is nothing.
Starting point is 00:42:00 I had to Google it. I was like, what is the fucking thing? You can long divide two into nine. It's to Google it. What is the fucking thing? You can long divide two into nine. It's just longer numbers, so they call it something. It's the same. It's division. Yes. Maybe it's new math. Maybe there's something with squares. I don't know. Who knows
Starting point is 00:42:15 what the kids are learning these days. Am I right? They change that shit all the time nowadays. Boomer listeners, remember when we did math and it was just hard and it reflected personal failure rather than your own pace of learning am i right get her done so then we cut this is so stupid we cut to the kids getting their results from yesterday's test why the fuck did the class have to start with long division why couldn't we just start the class on the kids getting these test results and it's just one stupid fucking scene were they afraid
Starting point is 00:42:44 that that would fuck up our suspension of disbelief? We'd be like, well, what kind of fucking lesson plan is this? Okay, but what did fuck up my suspension of disbelief was seeing the 94 that she got on a math test
Starting point is 00:42:57 and seeing the test, she got nine out of 10 questions correct. That's not a fucking 94. The math teacher should know that that's not a fucking 94. If the teacher should know that that's not a fucking 94. The point system for each question would need to be insane for that to be a 94. Yeah, and I wrote in my notes, oh, her parents are not going to be happy
Starting point is 00:43:15 when they find out that she's doing so well in the devil's numbers. Yeah, right. So yeah, but she gets an A. She gets an A. She gets an A+. Not like an A+, but she gets an A. And then Angela gets her paperback. She's got a D-plus on her math assignment. Angela is the bully, of course. Apparently, it's letter grades if you do badly enough, but you get numbers above a certain point.
Starting point is 00:43:35 Clearly. So, okay. So, now it's after class. Sophia's being stalked to school by the bullies. Or not, right? Somebody just says, Sophia, and then she goes running. So, it could have just been somebody who, like, wondered what the bullies or not right she's somebody just says sofia and then she goes running so it could have just been somebody who like wondered what the homework was or whatever we don't know sure sofia i have the love of god to give you oh so yeah so but she so she runs out
Starting point is 00:43:56 of the school and then the bully comes out right after her and pushes her over like a bully. Okay. Just giant hip check though. Like so many objects go flying in every direction. Like a ski accident. It's just everywhere. Yeah, right. Socks are flying in the air. And then as if that's not enough, Angela stomps on her butterfly pencil decoration.
Starting point is 00:44:23 Okay. On the one hand, I understand this is children's Okay. On the one hand, I understand this is children's entertainment. On the other hand, if anyone ever steps on my son's pencil, I will catfish their dad and cause their divorce. Like that is,
Starting point is 00:44:33 I was straight. You don't need to pray in my house. Well, I wanted, so I wanted Sophia to be in the basement, you know, with a sledgehammer after this. This could have been good still, but no. Oh, the
Starting point is 00:44:47 doom music starts to play. I know we got some editors in our audience. So yeah, but so her little friend, Sophia's little friend comes out to help her up. She's like, you know, she's like, I get picked on too sometimes so we're friends, right? So that evening, Sophia's having dinner with
Starting point is 00:45:04 the fam. Little brother's telling his little story about a bunny or something. After a while, they noticed that Sophia is rather dejected. It's so weird. This little kid, little kid is like, oh man, I have the best day.
Starting point is 00:45:17 The camera pans over and Sophia is in the fetal position just sweeping, carving the bully's name into her chest. Somehow there's a shower on over her head and she's just rocking back and forth exactly but little brother's like my life as a child's the fucking best sophia what about you and then we see it's terrifying yeah so at first she she doesn't tell him what's wrong but then we cut to bible study after dinner right
Starting point is 00:45:42 they're going to talk about prayer for a minute here. So they start with a little brother. They're like, you know, what are some of the things that you can pray for? And I just wrote like that. We pray that we were watching the fucking Mandalorian right now instead of this dumb shit.
Starting point is 00:45:54 Pray that my parents weren't part of a fucking weird cult. Pray that I could celebrate my goddamn birthday for a change. Sure, sure. But his answer is the best. This was almost my best best also. He's like, I pray for units of happiness, motherfuckers.
Starting point is 00:46:09 Yeah. I pray for utils because that's the only thing that makes sense, idiots. And he names a few too, which is fun. Yeah. Well, he's a child and he has a reasonable reaction to being told he has magic powers. He's like, ice cream and candy and money and power. And they're like, no, what's the, just say the dumb rhyme we say to you at bedtime.
Starting point is 00:46:28 Yes, right, right. And the kid's like, oh, okay, that's a prayer. Sorry, I thought you guys described it like it was magic. Sorry. Also, we thank Jehovah for God's kingdom and all the bullshit that you told me that too. That's right, Caleb, all the bullshit. Yes, that's right.
Starting point is 00:46:43 We always pray for things that we already have or are unmeasurable well done yeah hey just question why does the dad in every one of these
Starting point is 00:46:53 always sound like he's about to start swashbuckling in terms of just voice oh sure yeah this is a weird pick
Starting point is 00:47:00 just a little bit of a puss in boots crossover get the same Croatian accent we had for the last one yeah he's never left-handed it's weird so dad's like you know we
Starting point is 00:47:08 know that when we pray for the right things Jehovah's hears us the implication being when Jehovah doesn't answer their prayers it's because they were praying for the wrong thing it's like it's
Starting point is 00:47:17 amazing that they can even make this cartoon without stopping and going oh fuck guys our religion is bullshit I just Sophia basically does that this is part of my best best she's like jehovah's a fucking dick what are you guys talking about right you see me weeping over here and she explains like yeah i prayed to jehovah to stop
Starting point is 00:47:37 letting me get bullied and fucking nothing no help and then she said it's so sad she says maybe jehovah can't see me i don't know yeah well she says she says specifically is jehovah mad at me yeah right which is another line that should tip them off that their religion isn't just bullshit but evil have you guys considered you worship a blind god who doesn't care about the problem of evil and a child who's being bullied? And dad's words of comfort for her are, no, no, he's just ignoring you. Right. Jehovah's not mad at you. He just doesn't care.
Starting point is 00:48:14 Doesn't exactly, perfectly. He's knowledgeable in a perfect sense of every inch of your pain. And it moves him not at all. Now get up there and brush your teeth yes right right i love that mom didn't know what to do when sofia first said that so he was like that's fucking stupid jehovah's dick and mom's like what no and he go say something yeah right dad has to be like um we're gonna read a bible story yeah right. Dad knows just the apropos Bible story
Starting point is 00:48:45 for a situation like this. So we doodly do our way into the story of Hannah. Now, I love the introduction to this because Hannah was one of the two wives of Elkanah or whatever. And he's like, Hannah loved Jehovah,
Starting point is 00:48:58 but someone named Panino was very mad to her. I'm like, we're not going to mention that that was her husband's other wife at all. No, never at any point. okay but he does and we learned that the husband likes hannah more even though she doesn't have any kids and panina does yeah right and we see that because all the food in this movie is fucking insane hannah got more shapes than Benina. Yeah, like a better plate of
Starting point is 00:49:25 wood is what I was looking at. Triangles. That's what I saw. Although, I will say, Benina has this great moment here where she's like, oh, if God loves you so much, how come he hasn't given you any kids? And the baby she is nursing does like a, ah! It totally does, yeah. Roasted.
Starting point is 00:49:41 It's like, if you were special, God would give you... My mom's uterus works. What about you? Yeah. Right. Oh. Yeah. And then so the, but the dad who's telling the story is like, but her husband couldn't understand why she was so upset because the pain was in her heart.
Starting point is 00:49:55 And I'm like, I don't think that's why. Right. It's because, it's because she didn't tell him what was going on or because she didn't, he didn't care. It's not because of where in her fucking anatomy the pain was certainly right yeah but she did tell jehovah all about her pain she goes to the giant wall with golden stripes like you do and she tells god give me a child and i'll immediately give him up which is a very weird promise for someone who wants a child to make right yeah well and then what is the story that you're telling sophia right like okay when you A very weird promise for someone who wants a child to make. Right? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:27 Well, and then what is the story that you're telling Sophia? Right? Like, okay, when you prayed to God to stop your bullies, did you try bartering away the future of your firstborn son? Because maybe that's why God's ignoring you. Right. Up your bid, Sophia. Fuck.
Starting point is 00:50:40 Right. So the golden wall area, by the way, is really her just going to talk to like wise elder guy in the village about her sadness. But she has to do some like performative praying first so that this guy will talk to her because he's kind of slow on the uptake of his role as wise elder. So she starts like weeping and being like, Jehovah, please give me a child. She's doing Les les mis waiting for this guy to say something finally he comes over he's like are you drunk what what did that mean he thinks weepy praying is this that's what drunk means well so okay so first of all this character has a name this character is eli oh and yes that's how the story so in the story she's
Starting point is 00:51:26 like mouthing her prayer and he comes up and he's like what have you been drinking you're you're too drunk lay off the wine or whatever and they decide to keep that for the purposes of the cartoon but they don't keep her like muttering or whatever so she just walks up to the fire she says i'm so sad because god won't give me a child and i'm a woman and that's really the only function that we serve and eli the priest walks up and goes, are you fucking drunk or what? You are wasted. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:49 I was hoping you would finish singing and walk away. Okay, I guess I'll bite. Yeah. What? It didn't occur to me when we did this as Bible Peace Theater, but I think if you don't know the difference between crying and drunk, someone should ask you if you're okay.
Starting point is 00:52:02 Where was Eli's chicken in that moment? No shit. But Eli's chicken in that moment? No shit. But Eli's like, don't worry. God will answer whatever prayer you just made. Now, please leave and stop crying all over the place. And then the dad who's telling the story, he says to Sophia, he's like, and Hannah felt good,
Starting point is 00:52:17 not because her prayer had been answered, but because she knew it had been heard. And I'm like, no, that's not the fucking story. Eli, the priest just said it would come true, and she believed he had the power to make that happen, and that's the story the Bible tells. Yeah, and Sophia has the same objection. She's like, that's dumb.
Starting point is 00:52:35 You're just making up a weird lie, or whoever wrote that made up a weird lie. Yeah. And Dad's like, well, no, it's, Jehovah heard the prayer, but then it's like 10 days, business days it's Jehovah heard the prayer. That's, but then it's like 10 days or business days and the holidays. So it's 10 business. You have to wait for Jehovah to hear you and then do something.
Starting point is 00:52:54 Well, but, and then the mom backs it away a little bit more. And she's like, and when God doesn't answer your prayers, it's because he knows what you need more than you do. Right. There's that, that they? They add in that whole, but maybe you're praying for the wrong thing and God's actually bullying you on purpose because he knows that's going to toughen you up
Starting point is 00:53:11 or some dumb shit. Right. Again, it's a monstrous statement when you're talking about a cartoon where children get bullied, but it's even more monstrous when you consider that this policy also applies to things like child rape victims.
Starting point is 00:53:24 Yes. Right. Hey, Dad, what would you say Jehovah does here? Yeah. Jesus, I thought the apologetics they used on grownups were bad. So, okay, so the next day at school, we see Sophia. She's now telling her new friend about Hannah and how cool a biblical character she is. But damn it if the bully doesn't show up again.
Starting point is 00:53:45 And this time we get the bully like, you know, her entry music like she was in a WWE or something. She gets a Shaq theme song. I'm just talking about Angela or whatever the fuck it is. Damn right. Yeah, so she gets out her sucker. She throws the wrapper towards the trash can. It just lands on the ground.
Starting point is 00:54:07 She doesn't care. Angela's just like that. So, but yeah, so Angela comes up to Sophia to bully her some more. And a big crowd gathers around to witness the bullying. Little brother tries to get in there to help, but he can't. He can't push past everybody. What, was he going to punch Angela? I just, I don't know what he was planning. Stab her in the ankle.
Starting point is 00:54:28 Bring a gun to school. Come on, little brother. Jesus Christ. What? It's America. But just then he prays that his sister can kick a little ass and we cut to prayer universe where all the little prayer bubbles live. Yeah, this
Starting point is 00:54:43 was weird. So yeah, Caleb's like, hey, Jehovah, I got an idea. It's male person here, by the way. So can you expedite the like whiny prayer from my little sister from last night? Yeah, right, right. Or whatever. So we pan over all these different bubbles and we see that like a bunch of different people
Starting point is 00:54:58 are praying for Sophia, right? Like we see her parents praying for her. We see her church members praying for her, whatever. And then we pan up and you can actually see like the outline of Jehovah sitting on a throne. And I swear to you, it is the outline of the Lincoln Memorial. Seriously? It absolutely is. Thank you. I'm pretty sure it's spot on the outline. Republican Party. That's right. Yeah, right. so but jehovah grants her powers to stand up to that bully once and for all so we cut back to the confrontation with the bully and she goes stop angela you're being mean and everyone freezes and gasps the fucking record needle scratches yeah you're being mean and i'm gonna
Starting point is 00:55:47 tell right and if you keep being mean i'm gonna tell and i'm like yeah that ought to do it yeah yeah the bully whisper thing fucking works here which is just nonsense so the actual moral of the story here according to this dumb video is be a narc right away and then bullies definitely won't escalate it's going to be great for you well wait for god to give you the power to narc well yeah right no i wonder how many total jehovah's witnesses kids teeth were lost to this dumb ass cartoon but in the cartoon the bully's just flabbergasted she doesn't know what to do with nuh-uh so they all walk away the friend turns to sophia and she goes you're so brave how did you do that and i wanted her to say well i just pushed air past my mouth while making different the english language
Starting point is 00:56:35 but instead she says i prayed for courage because that's not a measurable thing. So God can do that. So meanwhile, in the Bible, Hannah gave birth to Samuel in case we were worried about that aspect of the story. Yeah, and the moment this cartoon chooses to show us is the moment where she gives her son away, right? We don't see her like giving birth and holding him and being like, I love you. We see her being like, all right, guy
Starting point is 00:57:04 who thought I was drunk at first glance, here you go. Yeah. One child as promised. And Sophia thanks Jehovah. The end. Alright. Thanks, Geritol. Done.
Starting point is 00:57:21 Well, the good news is that was lesson 43 and we've only done one other one so far so that'll do it for this week but there's always plenty of material for the next god awful mini before we loop back around to the start today i want to remind everybody that we've got a live god awful movies in seattle next next weekend on Saturday the 18th. General admission tickets are still available, so be sure to check out GodAwfulMoviesLive.com or check the show notes for a link. Anyway,
Starting point is 00:57:51 that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight, but we'll be back in 10,000 22 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister show, The Skeptocrat, debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Monday, and an even newer episode of our sister show's hot friend, God Awful Movies, debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Tuesday, and an even newer episode of our half-sister show, Citation D, debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously, even newer episode of our Half-Sister Societation needed debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously, I'd be a worse host than
Starting point is 00:58:07 that Jesus Cracker if I neglected to thank Heath Enright for all he brings to the table, Eli Bosnick for all he brings to the party, and Lucinda Lusions for all she brings to mind. I also want to thank Quinn for providing this week's Farnsworth quote slash call to action. Just another reminder that we're all in this together, and trans people might be at the top of the list, but it's a long list, and you're on there somewhere.
Starting point is 00:58:24 But most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's best bipeds, JT Moore and Joel Alex, Stephanie Caldwell, Yas Queen, Irish Riff Swatched, V. Brian D., Y. and Auea, Nunya Bidness, Lobster Michael, Leslie, the moderately attractive atheist, Josh, other Leslie, Dylan, Corey, Imagine Hilarious, Display Name here, and Tanya, whose genitals almost can't help but be accompanied by excerpts from Handel's Messiah. And Leslie with an E, I'm not trying to say that you're not an attractive atheist, it's just that Leslie with Y already had that on their Patreon name, and
Starting point is 00:58:51 it was their fault. They made it weird. Anyway, together, these 20 people, crustaceans, exclamations, exhortations, and potent potables help demonstrate their bravery and wisdom to the masses this week by giving us money. Not everybody has the fine and enviable qualities it takes to give us money, but if you do, you can make a per-episode donation at patreon.com slash scathingatheist,
Starting point is 00:59:08 whereby you'll earn away access to an extended ad-free version of every episode, or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage at scathingatheist.com. And if you'd like to help, but we probably already have too much money anyway, damn it, you can also help a ton by leaving a five-star review, sharing the show on all your various social media platforms, and telling a friend. And speaking of social media, Tim Robertson takes
Starting point is 00:59:23 care of that for us, and our audio engineer is Morgan Clark, who also wrote all the music he uses in this episode, which was used with permission. If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you can find all the contact info on the contact page at scathingadeist.com. That's true. When the first one came out, there was a lot of Zelda deep cuts in our shows for... Yeah, it was...
Starting point is 00:59:46 Yep, yep. For quite a while. I liked it. Wait, wait. Morgan fucking loved it. Morgan was like throwing sound effects in there and shit. The preceding podcast was a production
Starting point is 00:59:56 of Puzzle and a Thunderstorm, LLC. Copyright 2023. All rights reserved.

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