The Scathing Atheist - 544: Sissified Edition

Episode Date: July 20, 2023

This week, we give you gently aged headlines we recorded in advance of the Detroit show, as well as one of the most jaw droppingly silly God Awful Minis we've ever encountered. --- To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click here: https://www.amazon.com/Outbreak-Crisis-Religion-Ruined-Pandemic/dp/B08L2HSVS8/ If you see a news story you think we might be interested in, you can send it here: [e-mail] To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/ To hear more from our intrepid audio engineer Morgan Clarke, click here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

Warning, this podcast contains all the offensive language we could think up on the spot. This week's episode of The Skating Atheist is brought to you by 12,000 homo sapien generations of voracious fucking. 12,000 generations of voracious fucking. Because how the hell could a product of sex demonize sex? And now, The Skating Atheist. Hi, this is Lengar from the unofficial Discord in a thunderstorm. Emphysema is proof that we did in fact evolve from filthy monkey people.

Fuck emphysema! It's Thursday. It's July 20th. And Motor City, we are inside you. Paris of the Midwest. Yes, well, for the riots, I guess. I'm no illusions. I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heath Enright.

And from Dean Cain's New Jersey and over Michigan and way across Georgia, this is The Scathing Atheist. On this week's episode, we'll catch you up on the headlines that got sidelined. Uh, God doesn't exist. True.

And we'll see what happens when the worst of apologetics meets the worst of computer animation. But first, the diatribe. We've talked about this a little bit before, but when I first met Eli, we were both vendors at the same toy store in New York City. Now, we worked for different companies, but we had the same

middle management job, essentially, so there's kind of an instant camaraderie there. And then I realized that he was a vocal atheist with a dark sense of humor, and that grew into a friendship pretty quick. But back then, Eli wasn't exactly a skeptic. In fact, he was a full-blown 9-11 truther. I did not know that at the time. I just knew that he was an atheist and he seemed pretty rational when we talked about all the logical failings of religious doctrine. So I kind of assumed he was a rationalist across the board. Anyway, at some point, one of those brief pass-by conversations that you have in a work environment, the subject of 9-11 conspiracy theories come up. Specifically specifically one of the conspiracy theory documentaries about loose change or something like that. Well, Eli's a guy I often dunked on dumb ideas with,

so I immediately started dunking on 9-11 conspiracy theories. I assumed that's why he'd brought it up. So I start pointing out how dumb the jet fuel doesn't burn that hot argument is. I joke about how many people would have had to been involved. I make a few thermite jokes. And the whole while, Eli's just nodding along, laughing as though he wasn't exactly the person I was making fun of at the moment. And then he gets back to work. I get back to work. And that night, after he's clocked out and gone home, he jumps online. He starts looking up some of the refutations that I mentioned, started looking up some of the truth or responses to it, and slowly started changing his mind. Not just about 9-11, mind you. Those of you who come out of the conspiracy fold know the kind of damn you break open when the first major conspiracy falls,

right? Now, in the intervening years, I've heard Eli talk about this quite a bit, actually. He credits that conversation with being one of the really formative moments for him on his journey towards a rational worldview. And every time I hear him bring it up, I puff up with a little bit of pride. But here's my dirty little secret. I don't remember that conversation at all. I'm just recounting it based on what Eli's told me. See, since then, Eli's become one of my closest friends, right? He's my business partner. We take vacations together. I gave a speech at his wedding. I've had plenty of occasions to revisit all the interactions that led up to our friendship. And I have absolutely no recollection of this moment that he said was so potent in his intellectual growth. For me, it was just some

conversation about how silly 9-11 conspiracy theories are, no different than a thousand others. conversation about how silly 9-11 conspiracy theories are no different than a thousand others i think about that a lot specifically i wonder about the other 999 right like is there somebody else out there with a story like eli's is there some other passing interaction that i had that sowed the seeds of skepticism or helped somebody see the error of the religious faith that i don't even know about? I mean, you know, I podcast now. I'm sure there are plenty of people I've helped along that particular road without knowing about it by now. But what about before that? What about outside of that? And I just, I think this is exactly the kind of thing we should spend more time reflecting on as atheist and skeptical activists. Because look, you rarely get to see the fruits of your labor.

There's this inherent tendency within people to immediately react to a challenge with a defense, right? Such that when you first give somebody reason to doubt their sincerely held bullshit, you're far more likely to get a fuck you than a thank you. In the moment, people spring to the defense of their worldview. They reject what you're saying. They dig in their heels.

They deflect, et cetera. Or at best, they do what Eli did, you know, and they sort of just awkwardly nod along and change the subject. The point is, they very rarely go on to become your friend and business partner and later tell you that that time you challenged 9-11, trutherism was really formative and important to them. Every conversation matters. Every interaction matters, even when it feels like it doesn't. Few things feel more futile than trying to sell rationality to Americans, and few things are more thankless, right? But that doesn't mean it isn't important. So whenever you start feeling like you're banging your head against

a wall, by all means, take a break, step away, take care of your mental health, but don't give up. Just remind yourself that someone out there could be your Eli, which means, among other things, that you should probably just erase the search history if they ever ask to borrow your phone. They're talking about you, Jesus. I interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news bulletin. Joining me for headlines tonight is nobody. As you may have gathered from the intro,

this episode was prerecorded to free us up for the live show in Detroit, but no worries. We've been saving up headlines for a few months now. Though they're no longer topical, they're still new, and that's what makes them news. So without further ado, we're happy to present previously unreleased headlines from the past already in progress. Next up in headlines in Hege Hymn News, we have a story about trans hypnosis porn. Do we? Yep. According to a very panicky rant from Michael Knowles of The Daily Wire,

there's a new form of trans inception porn that's hypnotizing cis men and making them become trans women because that is how it works. Is it? So quick reminder, Christians, if you're worried about the fact that you might be tempted

to become L or G or B or T, you already are. Right? Like, being tempted to and being are the same in this instance. If you think you're on the fence, you're already on the other side. Yeah. And that fence post up your ass, that's

not the best way for you to stay up there. I don't care what you say. I'm cool with it. So just in case anyone's not familiar, The Daily Wire is an alt-right media company founded by Ben Shapiro. And big thanks to Craig for the link on this one. Always fun learning about Ben Shapiro's dusty journey of sexual discovery. And most recently, that journey apparently included a very specific journalism assignment

from Michael Knowles to do some fact-finding for Ben Shapiro. And if that name Michael Knowles sounds familiar, you might be remembering Knowles from the Christian right hate speech he gave at CPAC last month, during which he said,

transgenderism must be eradicated. Which sounds like literal genocide, but you're done i'm done i'm done yep well end of thought to be fair just silence is at least as convincing as all the but i didn't mean eradicate them in a genocide-y way excuses that knolls kept desperately shouting for in response to the backlash. Terrifying. No, that's fair. That is fair. Yeah. So here's what Knowles had to say in his big report.

Quote, I don't even want to look into it because I've been told and then I've read on different fora that he's read the articles about this. There's a kind of pornography that's a driver of the transgender identity that is so perverse that it it it constitutes a kind of hypnosis where men will say i was a normal guy i lived to be 41 42 but then i fell into this kind of pornography and it essentially melted my brain what i had a nervous breakdown now i think i'm a woman. End exact quote. Okay, so you were a straight, hardcore, truck-loving, heterosexual man, and you clicked on sissy hypnosis for what? A challenge?

Science. I'll defeat you, video lady. No, no, but. Yeah, I mean, as melty as their brains tend to be i'm still not buying it bro yeah well obviously you can't have a big discussion about trans porn with nothing but a cishet christian guy and michael knowles is fully aware of that so in the interest of diversity he brought his co-host genevieve gluck into the conversation a c cishet Christian woman. Oh, woo. Yeah, diverse.

Also worth noting, she's a professional TERF who runs a fucking TERF magazine. She's garbage. And she had more insight about the trans hypnoporn for this report. According to Gluck, quote, typically when we think of pornography, we think of it as something passive.

Nope, you're fucking doing it wrong. Absolutely not. But this type, it asks you to as something passive. Nope, you're fucking doing it wrong. Absolutely not. But this type, it asks you to sort of change your behavior, change the way you dress, even start taking hormones. It's sometimes called sissy hypno. That's short for sissification hypnosis pornography. Yeah, we fucking got it. It contains repeated mantras counting down and probably some of the worst most regressive stereotypes about women that you can possibly imagine yeah if you think that's bad mrs gluck just wait till you find out what the rest of the porn says about women yeah no shit oh wow porn that degrades women what no also just have to point this out there miss gluck looks like a recessive gene doing a

makeup tutorial for lewis capaldi themed drag queen in case anyone's wondering it's very specific all i'm saying is that if the person that convinced michael knolls that this exists ever needs a fucking ride or a kidney you call me i. Such good work. Yeah. Every night's a battle. So congrats to Genevieve and Michael on watching your first JOI porn and fucking becoming winter soldiers for the trans mafia. No, that is what happened. Be afraid. Yes, exactly. And in shouldn't they have to walk around church and state seven times and blow a trumpet news tonight?

It's hard to believe that there even is a category of blatant beyond send videos of yourself breaking the tax law to the IRS and dare them to do something about it. But there is. And we got to see it, along with a preview of what we can expect from all of our elections nationwide. along with a preview of what we can expect from all of our elections nationwide. Once SCOTUS co LLC has a few more years to chip away at the wall of separation during a race for city council in Abilene, Texas, where three churches just straight up donated money to one of the fucking candidates. Yeah.

It's more like a glory hole of separation at this point. It's fun. Yeah. Yeah. And like a glory hole involving money somehow does make it worse and less comfortable. Right. So a quick thanks to Debra for sending us this story. It's not like we're keeping score on which listener has sent the most stories we end

up talking about on the show. But if we were, Debra would be tied for first. Scathingnews at gmail.com. No prize except wiping that victorious smirk off of Debra's face. Get her. Relax. Hi, Debra. But yeah, apparently Fountain Gate Miracle Church, Remnant Church, and Hope Chapel Four Square Church in West Texas

donated a combined $800 to the campaign of Scott Beard, a senior pastor at a different church. And while the amount is obviously small, the violation is as big as it fucking gets. It is literally impossible to be more brazen in one's disregard for the law against nonprofits being active in political campaigns than just handing the money to the fucking campaign and reporting it. Wow. Right. They didn't even have the decency to try to lie about this shit. Yeah. And the IRS is like the doctor trying to write a marijuana prescription for religion and they aren't doing it.

Are you sure you don't have headaches? Because I just asked you very leading. Just say the word headache right now and you're fucking fine yeah and meanwhile there's a non-profit serving inner city kids that has to explain that everyone has to chip in for mike's birthday cake so they don't break the seal now for his part beer did return the money once propublica and the tex Texas Tribune published a story about this shit he insisted that neither his campaign nor the churches knew that they couldn't make donations to political campaigns adding quote look we've made mistakes every campaign makes them I'm just kind of under the microscope because of me being a pastor honestly end quote because we all know

how hard it is for a vocal Christian to get elected in Texas. Regardless, though, if you don't know the laws as well as like that is some fucking podcaster in bumfuck Georgia. Maybe you shouldn't be running for a job where you help to make them. Yeah. I hadn't heard about this separation of church and state thing. Not an awesome campaign poster. Well, in Texas, that might just fucking work. Don't give them ideas. The GOP of Texas,

we plead ignorance. That kind of is their campaign. Yeah, isn't it though? I should add though that this story has a happy ending. The IRS has declined to say whether it's received any complaints or otherwise is investigating

the incident and the Texas Ethics Commission, which is the body tasked with enforcing this on the state level, has been similarly noncommittal. But regardless, Beard lost. And so did all his enforcing this on the state level, has been similarly noncommittal. But regardless, Beard lost.

And so did all his fellow candidates running on the banned books for being insufficiently Christian in their worldview platform. And that's in motherfucking Abilene, Texas. So maybe, just maybe, there's still a reason to hope. Good job, Abilene. Right? Yeah, weird to say that. And in dumb and number news. Fantastic.

We have a story about the magical properties of the number 666. No, we don't. To be clear, numbers aren't magical, but we do have a story about that from the Christian Post. Oh, nice. As a way to amuse myself, I signed up for their emails, and I got a very important story this week called Six Things You Should Know About the Number 666. Apparently, it's a very important magical number right now, what with the book of Revelation coming true before our very eyes.

But fortunately, you only need to know six key points to keep you and your family safe. It's nice that they could boil it down. I wish they had the guts to do 666 things that you needed to know. I also, I love being on the Christian Post's mailing list, right? Because every three or four days, they'll send us one of these like, here's an even dumber thing to be terrified of emails. And they're always just gold.

They're the best. And they always try to sneak in like, look at this dog who can play soccer in the same fucking email which kind of gives away the game if i can just say that kind of okay thing number one that you need to know about 666 the number involves satanic worship that's's right. Whoa, don't be too specific there, Christian Post. Yeah. So according to the Christian Post, quote,

most scholars believe that Revelation, nope, I'm going to stop you right there. Already wrong. Nope. But they continue. Revelation 13, which contains all the Bible says about the number, tells us that at some point in the future,

a person or system or perhaps a combination of the two will require all of the human race to receive a mark on their right hand or their forehead in order to participate in the global economy, end quote. And they mention an expert in the field named Pastor Greg Laurie, who explained that the Antichrist is going to set up a cashless society with the end game being we would all have to worship Satan at that point. And that's because Revelation 13 says, let the person who has insight calculate the number of the beast for it is the number of a man that number is 666 i just i bet that cashless society thing was really confusing to all the biblical scholars like before they invented cash in the 17th century right like it's after 1690 they were like oh

you know what that means yeah somebody's gonna that actually, but it's so dumb the way they do it. Yeah. Even weirder is that according to this guy's like biblical timeline, the words boop your phone is a precursor to the Antichrist. Right, right. Yep. All right. Thing number two, scholars believe 666 corresponds to a historical figure.

And this one has two schools of thought that they tell us about. According to Hank Hanegraaff, also known as Bible Answer Man. Okay, now Hawkeye is the second worst Avenger for those who can track that. According to that guy, the words of Apostle John from Revelation were actually talking to a modern audience. He explained, quote, Remember that Revelation is communicating the words of John to people in the first century and saying overtly that with wisdom and understanding, they could discern the number of the beast. Obviously, only a first century audience could understand the number, but he continues. Obviously, no amount of wisdom and insight would have enabled a first century audience to calculate the number of a 21st century beast. And therefore, it would have been cruel

and dangerously misleading for John to suggest that first century Christians would be able to identify the beast if, in fact, the beast was a 21st century individual or institution, which he's assuming it is because there hasn't been the Antichrist yet. Because that's a now. Yeah. So apparently, Hanegraaff did the 21st century math, and the number is actually 660 now here in the 21st century math and the number is actually 6 6 0 now here in the 21st century not clear what that's helpful but that's the new number for you inflation which i don't yeah i also

love that according to his weird weight we need to move this forward a bit theology that at most the antichrist is 22 right now just fucking meeting with his academic advisor about which classes line up with fighting sword mouth jesus and the risen undead righteous so the other school of thought on that comes from todd hampson of the Prophecy Prose Podcast, like prose professional. And it's based on Gematria. That's the Kabbalistic method of figuring out the number value of a word by giving values to each letter and adding them up. So in order to identify the Antichrist,

we just have to find somebody whose name adds up to 666. Apparently, Todd Hampson doesn't know about the 21st century math. So you might find someone who's actually the Antichrist plus six, and then you need to adjust your calculation down if you do that way. There's also a version where you just find someone with six letters, their first, middle, and last names, and then they would be the Antichrist. So lots of people back in the day were pretty sure Ronald Reagan was the Antichrist because Ronald Wilson Reagan, six letters, six letters. Yeah.

Six letters. Yeah. And to be clear, by the way, most actual scholars agree that 666 is a reference to Nero and that it would have been super duper fucking obvious at the time because the Hebrew numerals when you did the math he was talking about basically spelled Nero Caesar

right it would be like a Roman writer taking issue with a guy named the Kulks V or whatever and hiding his name in the math problem alright that brings us to thing number three that you need to know about 666 the covid19 pandemic proved that implementing a global system is not far-fetched what again i'm giving you the exact words at the beginning of each section they have what yeah they said i'm

not even no i'm not even gonna try to decipher what they're claiming here what is the correct end of that segment and it actually has nothing about the number it's not even going to try to decipher what they're claiming here. What is the correct end of that segment? And it actually has nothing about the number. It's not even useful. Moving right along to thing number four. And I love this one. Thing number four says 666 could be the wrong number. Yeah, we heard that. But yeah, but not because of the new common core math thing.

It's because the earliest copies of the Bible actually just say a different number. In 2011, a research team from Oxford found super old copies of Revelation 13 on papyrus that said 616 or maybe 665. So everyone adjust accordingly again more. All right, y'all. Best thing we can do is just be scared of every number between six and 700 until further notice. Yeah, that's the safe bet. And I know that you podcast listener might be wondering, like, why do people care so much about which number it is?

But to be fair to Christians, getting a new Satan number every now and then is the equivalent of when we here at the Scathing Atheist get to find a new asshole, right? 665 is their Matt Powell, everybody. They're fucking psyched. Get him that race car bed. Where did Matt Powell go? All right. Thing number five. Several Bible characters can be linked to the number. That includes King Solomon, who collected 666 talents of gold one year, according to 2 Chronicles. And in 1 Samuel, we learn that Goliath of David and Goliath was six cubits tall, and he had a spearhead that weighed 600 shekels of iron. And those both have sixes in them. Also, in Daniel,

we learn about the statue of Nebuchadnezzar, which was 60 cubits tall, six cubits wide, and it had six musical instruments for worshipers. I love it. And this always happens. I love it when the conspiracy

theory descends into a children's counting book, right? Yeah. Also, doesn't it kind of disprove your this number is the prophecy of the Antichrist if you have to add and also some other stuff to your listicle? Yeah. Also, it being a listicle, not great. last of all we have thing number six there's actually a clinical name for the fear of the number 666 and they tell us it's called hexakosiohexakontahexaphobia which is fun i guess great way to close your article honestly you ended your think piece about number demons with a clinical diagnosis for everyone reading it unironically which is pretty much your entire audience at the christian post yep and in plate them for a fool news we have a small victory to celebrate

thanks to the fine folks and american atheists because of a lawsuit that they filed on behalf of the mississippi humanist association and three non-religious Mississippi residents. That state has removed the phrase in God we trust from its license plates, which means that a non-believers in the state aren't forced to endorse an explicitly religious statement on their own property anymore. And B, without this constant reminder, Mississippians will grow ever more confused about whom to put their national trust in, thus priming the path for our satanic overthrow of all that is good and holy. Yeah, no, it's good stuff. I saw some video from Mississippi. It's just pickup trucks driving around aimlessly yelling at each other. Who the fuck are we trusting now? I don't know what to do. It's pretty great. It's a pandemonium. I don't know what to do. It's pretty great.

It's a pandemonium. Okay. You guys laugh, but the last time Mississippi questioned who they put their trust in, there was a civil war, guys. No, you're right. Actually, there was. A civil one.

So from a legal standpoint, I actually find this kind of interesting, right? Because of the angle that American atheists took, right? So the standard plate had, in God we trust on it. But like in most states, there were a bunch of other types of plates that you can get where some of your money would go to this or that charity or you'd be promoting this or that cause. But that cost extra.

So what Mississippi was effectively doing was charging its non-theistic citizens if they didn't want to promote that religious message. Like I said, that's interesting legally, but I guess we're not going to find out how sound that legal theory is because the state decided to save the taxpayers the wasted money altogether by just taking the damn phrase off of the license plates. Getting rid of their logic tax. They were taxing logic there for a minute. I feel like the new plate should have to say God is dead for like, I don't know, 100 years unless you pay extra. And then we're tied. And then we can go to nothing. Exactly.

Okay. Well, New Jersey already uses that one. Mississippi has to get their own. And then we're tied. And then we can go to nothing. Exactly. Okay. Well, New Jersey already uses that one. Mississippi has to get their own. No, that's fair. So, and look, nobody's more surprised to hear this coming out of my mouth than me. But kudos to Mississippi. As friend of the show and litigation counsel for American atheists, Jeff Blackwell put it. Pause for oohs.

Yeah. Quote, Mississippi officials did exactly what we wanted and more. We had simply asked that they make a free alternative license plate available for non-religious Mississippians, but they were the extra mile and completely removed in God we trust from the upcoming design. Adding, quote, Mississippians will no longer be forced to act as billboards for the state's preferred Christian message. This is a victory for free speech and religious freedom. End quote.

Yeah, this is great. Blackwell did the pump fake punching thing and Mississippi was like, sorry, no, sorry, we'll stop, we'll stop. We will, we will. And then he gave him two for flinching and he dropped the mic and he left. It's a good time.

And then he lit a cigarette and threw the match into some gasoline behind him and walked away in slow motion. Exactly. Mississippi burning. No, that is how Jeff rolls. I saw him strangle a ghost once.

And look, I know this might not seem like a huge victory in the grand scheme of our judicial descent into Gilead-hood, but every acre of real estate matters in a war and when you're trying to rebuild a wall, you kind of have to do it one brick at a time. That's right, no illusions.

Build the wall. That's not a different wall. Next up in headlines, in false profiteering news, we have a story about Dave Ramsey, the Christian finance guru and radio host. That's right. There's a thing called Christian finance guru.

Yeah. And people listen to this guy and sometimes give him their money. Well, turns out that just about everyone who has the word Christian at the front of their job title is a fraud and a liar. And Dave Ramsey is no exception. And that's why a group of Ramsey's former listeners and followers have filed a $150 million class action lawsuit against him for endorsing a fraudulent company that stole millions from its customers. And also, Dave continued to recommend that company to his listeners for six

years, despite the very obvious fraud that was happening that he should have known about and stopped. Okay, so I'm not trying to downplay whatever it is that he did, but it is kind of fucked up that the bit where he takes money by promising a magical super ghost built them a post-death spirit mansion isn't the fraud they're allowed to sue over, right? I don't know what the other thing he did was yet, but it was less than that. Yeah, yeah. was yet, but like, it was less than that.

Yeah, yeah. Also, not to spoil the story, but the fraudulent company was about getting out of fraudulent deals. The world supporting turtles of Hinduism are getting dizzy with this particular tale. Yeah. No, he had a chance to be on the good side of a thing, but then it was fraud to like get rid

of fraud. We'll get to it. So big thanks to Jax, Alex and Shaza for sending the links, scathingnews at gmail.com. So before we get into the details of all the fraud, I'll give you a quick background on Dave Ramsey. He started his investing career by purchasing real estate during the mid 80s using extremely over leveraged lines of credit from Ronald Reagan banks. They were like, hello, Christian white guy, stop selling loan approved. Here are millions of dollars for you. But then we made like half a law about banking in this country and his lender banks got new owners and they made him actually pay back the loans, which he couldn't.

So he went bankrupt. And that's how he became an expert on debt finance that's what he does now he's a guru of that not surprisingly he advises people to pay off their loans completely wrong it's so stupid he's known for something called the debt snowball method in which he tells people to pay off their debts in order of lowest balance first. And that's fucking stupid. You should pay your highest interest rate first, obviously, because that's how numbers work in the universe.

Yeah, why not just pay them alphabetically, Dave? Jesus. Autobiographically, whatever. Yeah, and I should point out, as someone who's been in catastrophic amounts of debt in their life, And I should point out, as someone who's been in catastrophic amounts of debt in their life, Dave Ramsey's advice comes up all the time when you search for help for this kind of stuff. And no, you do not find out he's Christian right away. It's mostly just this guy has good ideas.

Cool. Yeah. Also worth mentioning, he's a piece of shit for like all the other reasons, too. Yep. For example, as the boss of Ramsey Solutions, a company with over a thousand staff members, he insisted on spreading the plague and pretending COVID isn't real. According to a lawsuit from 2021 by a former employee, anyone at the company who did anything responsible, like wearing a mask, for example, would be castigated for having, quote, weakness of spirit and told to pray instead. And of course, hate crimes is the next thing I'm going to talk about because of everything you've heard so far. That's next. Ramsey has an employee conduct policy that forbids anyone from having same sex relationships and forbids having children outside of marriage. And there's multiple lawsuits about that code of conduct as well, of course. Hey, question, Dave Ramsey, does it count

as a same-sex relationship if you go fuck yourself? So here's the basic complaint in the lawsuit. The company that Ramsey endorsed was called Timeshare Exit Team, which claimed it could help people get out of the stupid fucking timeshare they bought. All you had to do was pay Timeshare Exit Team $5,000 up front and they'd somehow fix it for you. And that came with a money back guarantee. Well, nope, none of that. None of that was true. Yet for some reason, Dave Ramsey was constantly recommending timeshare exit team on all his platforms for six straight years. Well, we also learned that he was secretly getting paid

about $30 million by timeshare exit team over those same six years. So there it is well but sure but how could dave possibly know a company whose sales pitch was do you make terrible decisions with large sums of money well then give us five thousand dollars wasn't on the up and up heath yeah come on fun fact i once fell for a timeshare i don't think anyone's surprised by that seriously but i was too poor to afford it at the end. I was like, I'm in. And the guy was like, nice.

And I was like, I can't afford this. And he was like, that's okay. We can take out a credit card. And I was like, I have 11 credit cards and they're all maxed out. And he was like, okay, you can go. You can go. You've solved my timeshare puzzle. And by the way, the lawsuit also points out that during those six years,

the timeshare exit company got sued and investigated for fraud multiple times. And yet Dave, the professional finance expert, who's connected to the omniscient God of the universe, never stopped endorsing that company. Also, timeshare exit team was founded by Brandon Reed. And he's just some random guy. This is the best. He had no experience and no expertise in timeshares or finance or legal stuff. He was a rain gutter salesman, and he went to a trade show, and he saw a long line at the booth for a Timeshare exit company and he just started taking

people's money to vaguely also be doing that for his new company. And then he got Dave Ramsey somehow to endorse him and he started making millions of dollars. Oh no, no. The mentions of gutters in my brochure is a metaphor about financial...

Give me $5,000. Give me $5,000. But do you want gutters? have those too yeah in case so good luck to all the class action people although i will say you're all stupid and kind of deserve it these are people who listen to dave ramsey first of all and think christian finance guru is a good thing and probably think God is real. So naturally, they also buy things like timeshares and timeshares of timeshare removal services paid up front, like tithing for that timeshare in heaven. So stupid. So really hard for me to have sympathy. But thanks to Dave Ramsey, I actually do. He makes me a better person. So thanks to Dave Ramsey for that.

And for being a fraud. Christians can't afford not to buy timeshares. Thanks to you, Dave Ramsey. Congrats. Wow. And in Diablo-me news, Blizzard Entertainment released the fourth game in their popular action RPG franchise Diablo last week.

And though I haven't checked it out yet, because I still have six more Gleeocks to kill in Tears of the Kingdom, from all accounts, I had seven when I wrote that, but I knew I was going to take one of them out tonight. For all accounts, it's pretty fucking good. The reviews are solid, and it's become the fastest-selling game in Blizzard's history with, and

chef's kiss to the marketing genius who released this detail, $666 million in revenue within the first five days of its launch. And in a tradition that goes back as far as the release of the first game in 1997, Christians are once again providing a bit of free advertising for the title in the form of losing their goddamn minds over it. Okay, if religion had a tiny bit of self-awareness, they'd be selling a service called

We Lose Our Goddamn Minds Over Your Thing On Purpose and you get paid more. Yes, right. If religion had a tiny bit of self-awareness, they'd be selling a service called we lose our goddamn minds over your thing on purpose. And yes, right. But they don't. The Vatican could sell that as like a subscription service on Patreon. Got a jingle for them already and everything. So so we've received several tips about different Christian pastors and influencers losing their shit over this game. But the hands down leader came from james lasher of charisma news you see the main story of this game revolves around lilith who is in lasher's words a

quote very real demonic spirit end quote very real very yeah not just moderately real and he fears that gametes are inviting her into their hearts by fucking i don't know upgrading to the cyclone armor or whatever sure yeah in the article lasher explains that quote in mythology she was supposed to be adam's first wife yet she refused to allow him on top of her during intercourse and fled the garden of eden because of her rebellion end quote somebody named lilith vaguely has that story but okay whatever yeah no but ran away from a rapist is her original sin though. And I guess she's been demonically embodying

that rebellious spirit ever since. Okay, you know what? Now it makes sense that Adam removed a rib at that point. Really? Now I think I get what he was doing there. And as fun as it is to think about this guy losing his shit over the demonic outcomes of playing a video game,

it's also important that we emphasize the very real danger of this kind of thinking. Because when they say demonic attack, what they often mean is mental illness. Right. And he's delivering this to parents, many of whom have kids that will play Diablo 4 and have mental illness. Now, Lasher admits that, quote, not all mental health issues are caused by a demon, end quote. What? But hastily adds that, quote, demons absolutely manifest themselves through mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, multiple personality disorder, not a thing, gender identities, and in the worst cases, suicide and homicide, end quote.

Not all mental health issues are caused by a demon however nope no you were done you were done talking forever unless you were about to say i'm done talking forever after however you were fucking done talking forever right now of course to his credit lasher urges restraint when it comes to correcting this demonic behavior in the gaming community. After all, quote, our war is not against flesh and blood, end quote. Instead, he urges his readers to simply warn Diablo 4 players of the very real danger of gender identity demons that this game possesses via, you know, gamer communities. And in a rare moment of concurrence between myself and Mr. Lasher, I also think charisma readers should do that.

I'm sure that they will be warmly received. Yeah. Also, charisma readers, you should definitely check out our live show on July 22nd at the Garden Theater in Detroit. Lots of gender demons going to be flying around. We really need your help with it you will be

warmly received about Jesus and on that note we're going to close the headlines for the night pre-recorded Heath pre-recorded Eli thanks as always

Jumanji and when we come back we'll realize we bought the wrong kind of chick magnet you are the trios of men who have been reminded more often than us that size doesn't matter. So we're excited to offer some more full-sized entertainment in a fun-sized package with this installment of God Awful Minis. So tell us, Heath, what will we be breaking down today?

We watched The Sissy. It's the story of how Jesus Christ would totally win the Kumite. He just doesn't want to because it wouldn't be fair to everyone else. Right, no, it wouldn't be fair to everyone else. It is though. Yeah, it totally is. And Eli. It's Eucharist control.

Fantastic. Oh, well done, sir. And Eli, how bad was this mini? Well, if your biggest problem with Christianity is that Jesus didn't go, And also, you've never looked up the other uses for the term sissy. You will love this mini. All right. So is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best at being the term sissy, you will love this mini. All right. So is there anything you guys want to nominate this one

for being the best at being the worst at? Yeah, I'm going to go with best worst mustache. There's a character that they decide, this is an animated thing, and they chose to give one guy a Hitler mustache for no reason. They did. Just threw him right in there at the end

while they're trying to make their point about Christianity. And they're like, oh, here's a Hitler-looking guy who agrees with this. It's so weird. I feel like the animation guys were just like, hey, I'll tell you what, we've got this Hitler model we can't get rid of. If you'll take it, we'll give it to you cheap. Yeah. So I was going to go with best worst pectoral muscles.

Sure. I don't think I can explain it without you actually going and watching the video and everything, but everybody's boobs are a weird size and not in the right place. Yeah. But not in like a safe, fun way like mine, like in a not like it's not cool way. Right. Yeah. This is

a movie that really made you go like, huh? I bet computer animation is really hard. Yeah. This is a movie that really made you go like, huh? I bet computer animation is really hard. Yeah. I can see how that would be really hard. And of course I hinted at it just now, but I have to talk about it again. Best words, not knowing what sissy means in other contexts,

because here's the thing. They must at some point before they animated a six minute film about it have had someone who'd been like just so you guys know um sissy is also used to describe a sector of the king community where straight men are turned into women by hypnotists okay so now i can enjoy the rest of your movie just if you wanted to not call, just if you title it that, just know that a bunch of other stuff is going to come up first.

Okay, I'm going. I'm going on a coffee run. Does anybody want anything? Please don't ask me how I know that. Goodbye. Our whole thing is pseudoscience. That fits fine. We're good.

Yeah, yeah, there you go. All right, so we start off with this just that glorious realization that not only are we going to get a Jack Chick story animated, but we're going to get it animated in the style of bad CGI by the standards of 2009. Yeah, the only way that I can explain it is I remember very clearly the first video game that didn't work on our home computer. It was called Black and White, and it was because of the startling graphics that didn't work on our home computer. It was called Black and White and it was because of the startling graphics that were on the way. And then we got a

new computer and it did work on it and I remember thinking, this is not worth it. They have the same animators. So yeah, so we get this terrible CGI. We start off on two truckers riding down the highway, talking about manly stuff, winning fights. We start off on two truckers riding down the highway talking about manly stuff.

Winning fights. Nothing straighter than two men who are apparently long haul truckers together. Together, yes. One of them just being like, yes, and then I threw that cop through a window with my dick.

That's like the cold open to this. And he's like, it's a man's world, man's world, Billy Joe. and billy joe is his trucking partner yeah is that a thing do they have truck hype man i've literally i have only heard of one couple and they are a married couple that yeah all trucks together to me billy joe was clearly like he's hiking right like he was doing oh okay he's like a pickup there you go so yeah so now i have the other characters billy joe and they never give the other character a name i have him as big

red so big red and billy joe stop at a truck stop to get some food and on their way out they see a truck another semi that has jesus saves stickers on the back so big red looks up at that and he goes like i hate those things they annoy me so much now i'm literally the most offended person in all of atheism and that doesn't bother me no one has ever been bothered by a fucking jesus save sticker on somebody else's fucking car and definitely not this trucker from like west texas the big atheist who's like fuck you jesus absolutely not yeah right and we should be clear it's not that big red is offended by the creep of theocracy or the destructive science or how medicine has been held back he is mad because as he explains explains to Billy Joel, Jesus was a sissy. Yes. Yes.

He goes, I hate Jesus. He was a sissy. And I guess he likes saviors that don't get crucified. And then an even bigger, manlier trucker shows up. Turns out that's his truck.

And he's like, what'd you say about Jesus? He's like, nothing. And then a literal giant shows up. Thank you. Like a 30 foot tall man. The people in this cartoon range in size by orders of magnitude, like a hundred times bigger.

It's so insane. Yeah, no, this guy might as well be trying to sell these people peas. Yeah, it's fucked up. The muscles on this man could only be drawn by someone who had to draw muscles without ever seeing them on the human body and only having them described by an English as a second language speaker, right? It's just like muscles are blobs

that come from you at angles. They have to be sharp and squished. Yeah, it's insane. Very high pecs on this guy. But then like Billy Joe is like made of sticks he's it's like smiegel is this other guy like like tim burton drew smiegel is one of the guys and then there's the atheist guy who has like crotch and ass armor under his pants it looks like yeah i had him down as having a action figure ass but yes yeah it's pretty disturbing so but the big the the

giant wants to take these guys to dinner and explain how jesus wasn't a sissy right so they sit down in this diner there are no other customers because this animation was doing its best to come up with these three guys in a waitress right like they're not adding extra superfluous people. Yeah. They get sat down and handed food on plates while they're being sat down. So like they just just a guess on the order. I don't know. I also like to point out that a big red sits down to chicken, but then it's a burger like one frame later. Yes. It's not really well. You just have to wonder what happened in this horrifying animation process that the chicken turned into a burger like i do a chicken over and over again burgers is round

that's easy well there's also this great moment where the waitress like backs away from them so they won't have to animate an extra face in this scene so So, they say grace and then fucking Paul Bunyan asks why they think Jesus is a sissy. Right? And Big Red says, well,

because turning another cheek, he says, anyone who turns another cheek is a chump. But turning another cheek is dumb, though.

It is. It is. You usually shouldn't do that. Well, right? But here's the thing. Right? The closest thing is dumb though. It is. It is. You usually shouldn't do that. Well, right. But here's the thing, right?

The closest thing that Christianity contains to good morality is turn the other cheek. I, I disagree with turn the other cheek, but like of the universal concepts that they take on in Christianity, they're least wrong about that. Right. They're the least wrong about turn the other cheek. But somebody hit that's, that's literally when somebody hits you in the face and you're like, do the other side now. And if that's not like a positive sexual thing, that's fucking dumb.

Yep. Right? It is absolutely fucking dumb. But here's what this, this videos has the worst possible take on turn the other cheek, which is jesus only turned the other cheek because of how good he could kick the other guy's ass because his karate is too good yes exactly yes no this is the i didn't fight back because my body is registered as a lethal weapon of apologetics it's literally what this video is yeah right the giant guy says like okay well if god got in a fight with just like a random dude who would win and then like atheist trucker guy has to answer and he's like

hey fuck you for that hypothetical first of all which it was like really weird that he got mad and then he's like yeah god would god would kill him and then we learn that like okay so god turned the other cheek so as not to murder the other but like my karate is bad so like i get to like how is that how does that apply to me well right yes exactly exactly their argument is that turn the other cheek only counts if you're a god man yes i'll grant that you know what like if you're omnipotent you should turn the other cheek sure yeah yeah and then the the apologist immediately shifts to a hypothetical in which big red's family is burning to death in a house fire it's so long and they show us that yes like we needed a visual aid of kids dying in a house fire yeah he says if your house was on fire and you're burning

up inside of it but i wasn't gonna wake you up because you'd and this is the real quote be uptight about it how would you feel thank you so he says no you'd be a murderer and he's like okay well then in that case i should tell you that you're and again, quote, going to hell on a greased pole and Satan is laughing his head off. Right. Right. Which they show by Billy Joel turns into Satan for a second, does like a thumbs up and then vanishes. OK, Eli keeps saying Billy Joel. It's Billy Joe. I don't want Billy Joel involved. It is the singer Billy Joel. It's not Green Day either. No. It's neither. It is the piano man himself. So now, and I should point out that this and several other shots in here, this is classic Jack Chick, right?

The idea is that this is going to be shown to children. So occasionally there are terrifying images that are designed to keep the kids up at night, right? That are supposed to scare them straight. And that's what this Satan image is all about. That's what the house fire image was all about, right? That are supposed to scare them straight. And that's what this Satan image is all about. That's what the house fire image was all about, right? Why do we have to watch kids burned to death in a thing? Because

that's going to burn it into the minds of the children who are supposed to watch the damn thing. Yeah, exactly. So, oh, we should also point out that, like, as he's giving them this lecture, the waitress keeps showing up and thinking, like, wow, this is some pretty good preaching he's doing here right i almost went with best worst subplot because she will just loom into frame like if you press down and b you get to fight her throughout this

it's weird too because atheist trucker guy is okay, so you're saying I'm going to hell for a very detailed list of sins that I will now recite. And he gives us like a graphic list. He's like, yeah, I found somebody with a scab. I pulled off his, put my finger into his leg area scab.

I found it very sexual. And then the waitress is like, I have the exact same list as this guy. This is really working out. And this is my favorite part of the entire short film. He's like, yeah, you're going to hell. So he goes, you mean I should stop boozing and cheating on my wife and podcast listener?

For a million dollars, I could not have predicted the answer. No matter how many Christian films we watch, I was still surprised when giant muscle horror goes nope no actually you just gotta say magic words I know it would seem like the end

you can actually continue to booze and swear and cheat on your old woman yeah well yeah he says even if you did all of that you went to church every day it wouldn't be enough and that's when the waitress gasps she's like wait that's what I'm doing I am not boozing or cheating on my wife and i go to the church all the time but i do the scab thing too well the scab thing also yeah he wasn't specific about that so so but big red he demands to know how to get to heaven right fucking now right and then this gives fucking paul budgen an opportunity to explain

just how much of a sissy jesus wasn't he was brave enough to go into a town where he knew that the people would kill him god kill asterisk him right so dumb that's a dumb safe yeah no i guess not a sissy congratulations. That's the point they're making. Who is this tract for? This is a 1978 tract that they hope some weird power dynamics, MMA, early guy,

like Frank Dukes would pick this up and be like, I'm still going to fucking cheat on my wife and be an abusive alcoholic, but I'm going to say the words, and Jesus was not a sissy. Nice. Well, that's the beauty of Jack Chick, right? And Jack Chick's incredible body of work is that most of Christianity is constantly trying to cram itself into culture and be like, look, kids, I'm culture too. Not Jack fucking Chick. Jack Chick sat in his basement and he was

like line drawings of Jews. And that's what this is. One of the arguments he was having with himself in his head as the words poured out of his body. And we got this miracle. And Billy Joe is the Jewish person. And Billy Joe. Yeah, exactly. The famous singer.

Well, and also and not to be too like but not to answer your joke too honestly, but this is for 10 year old boys, right? The idea is that like, well, boys won't like Jesus because Jesus is a sissy from all the other cheek turning. So we have to explain that he also can kick a little ass, right? He can get crucified right in their faces like a non-sisny. Right. Okay.

Well, yeah, that's what they did. Because the very next scene is like they whipped him with a whip that was, you know, had flecks of metal and bone all in it. And we see this. Yeah. Right? Yeah. I mean, luckily, we have the bad animation to thank that we really just see like red

stripes appearing on a polygon. But yeah, they're doing their best to make us see this. Yeah, right. Right. But then he's like, but God's going to come back and he he's gonna kick everybody's ass in the battle of armageddon and if you think listener that we don't get to see god coming back at the head of an army to kick everyone's ass in armageddon you are mistaken you have underestimated if you don't think he's going to be wearing chaps on top of a horse exactly and the chaps will not say king of kings lord of lords on the side of those chaps

you would also be mistaken and if you don't think that his entire cavalry will be on pegasuses because jack chick was all the way fucking in podcast listener that's why because he was in it to fucking win it that was the weirdest fucking thing I've ever seen in my goddamn life. I like that they showed us God and Jesus in like side-by-side like a Viagra commercial thrones next to each other.

Yes, yes. Like bath tubs holding hands. Yeah, yeah. If that is the seating arrangement and you're a devout Christian, is there a weird moment where you're like,

hey, I thought you guys were the same person. No, I know. Yeah. Nic same person? No, I know. Yeah. Nicene Convention. No, it's hard. There's a third one, too, that we don't have a chair for, apparently. He doesn't.

I don't know why. He's just floating there behind them. We don't have a third chair. I'm actually normal. I said we should have a third chair. And now you're asking about it. It's a ghost chair. Stupid.

I'm the Boo-Berry of this. It's a ghost chair. Stupid. I'm the Boo-Berry of this. So we also see this image of all the sinners facing judgment and all the people walking into Mordor. Yes. And not only do we see all the sinners being pushed into the lake of fire, we learn that God's going to do it one at a time.

Yeah. Which, can I just say, really heartens me because I probably won't die until at least the year 2023. So I'm going to spend most of eternity standing in line being like, okay. I feel like at a certain point you just make the most of your time in line. Everybody's screaming and I think

at a certain point you'd be just like, hey, you guys mind quieting down? We're playing a game over here. Is he still doing naked people up at the front? Oh, they don't even have clothes yet? Yeah, no, we know. I'll start screaming when people are in like bell bottoms, okay? I'm going to start screaming.

And of course, we should also point out that these screams are again, these are the haunt the nightmares of children type screams. Everything else is so silly in this that we get to the screams and they're as realistic as they can get, right? So then they all, of course, want to be Christian now.

So Paul Bunyan leads him in prayer. The waitress comes up and she's like, also, I'm a character. Can I pray with you guys and also be Christian? Which I assume is so that this movie will have the message

that if you share the love of Jesus with people, waitresses will want to fuck you. Maybe. Yeah. I guess. Hard to say. At truck stops.

Also, small detail. They keep showing a clock in this truck stop restaurant and it never moves. And I was like, it was all a dream. Are they going to do a big reveal about this? Bad animation. That's awesome no no they just forgot to move the clock

yeah another small detail too in addition to showing the clock they also show the chef several times wondering where the waitress is and he's Hitler he is Hitler yes we should defend that Heath did have a Hitler

character it would have been funny if you guys just gaslighted me right now We should defend that Heath did have a Hitler character. It would have been funny if you guys just gaslighted me right now. We're like, what are you talking about? We don't see any Hitler. He sees Hitlers everywhere. Are you hallucinating Hitler characters, man? Again? What did we say?

So yeah, but everybody becomes Christian. We see we get one last shot of a big red and billy joe going on their way now has saved christians right the last line is is big red going uh jesus has more guts than any man who ever lived and i love him for that weird the end weird to be clear uh okay not a sissy but yes super dumb and a genocider that too and that was the argument yeah exactly okay all right well with one fewer hellbound gay trucker couple in the world i guess our work here is done but we'll be back soon with yet another God Awful Minute. Kia! Before we turn our devices to airplane mode, I want to remind you that this is your last chance to pick up tickets to our live show in Detroit.

That's GodAwfulMoviesLive.com or check the show notes if you're going to be in the area on Saturday night. Anyway, that's all the blessing we've got for you tonight. We'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout on Saturday night. Anyway, that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight, but we'll be back in 10,000, 22 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be able to look out for a brand new episode of our sister show's hot friend, Godawful Movies, day being at 7 Eastern on Tuesday, and an even newer episode of our half-sister show, Citation Needed,

day being at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously, I need to thank pre-recorded Heath Enright for pre-kicking ass, I need to thank pre-recorded Eli Bosnick for kicking pre-ass, and I need to thank pre-recorded Lucinda for pre-kicking pre-ass. She gets both. I also want to thank Lengau for providing this week's Farnsworth quote. He said that back in February, and it was aimed at one particular case of emphysema at the time, but I feel like emphysema can go fuck itself pretty much universally, so it still works, right?

But most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's best people, but I can't do it by name because we're recording this early due to the upcoming live show, and I won't be able to thank them next week either because I'm going to be on vacation, but I will thank them by name soon, and by then I'll have come up with a compliment that is worthy of such fine patrons. And of course, if you'd like to share that eventual compliment, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash scathingatheist, whereby you'll earn early access to an extended ad-free version of every episode. Or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage at scathingatheist.com. And if you'd like to help,

but not in a money kind of way, you can also help by giving us a five-star review, telling a friend about the show and following us on social media. And speaking of social media, Tim Robertson handles that for us. Our audio engineer is Morgan Clark, who also wrote all the music that was used in this episode, which was used with permission. If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at ScalingAtheist.com. Joining me for headlines tonight oh no i have misspoken and now have a humorous outtake for the end of the show sorry it's pre-recorded and it just sounds weird if there's not an outtake the preceding podcast was a production of puzzle in a thunderstorm llc copyright 2023 all rights reserved